Dwight Howard, NBA Free Agency + The Mt Rushmore Of Pickup Basketball Guys

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have future Hall of Famer Dwight Howard on the show. Interesting interview with Dwight.
We also have all the NBA free agency talk. Kevin Durant is a Brooklyn Net.
Kyrie Irving is a Brooklyn Net. net kemba walker is a celtic j butt is going to the heat all the craziness recapped here for you right now we also have mount rushmore of pickup basketball players so the guys you see at your pickup basketball game and i guess we talked a little bit about christian yelich and the fact that we are all fucked.
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Today is Monday, July 1st and Kevin Durant is a New York parentheses Brooklyn net. We did it.
We got we got him to the Big Apple. Got our guy.
Got our guy. Well, he's going to he's technically going to be here for the next year.
Five. Well, he's going to be here, but he's not going to be playing next year probably.
So it's him, Kyrie, and then DeAndre Jordan, whose name got tossed in at the end. Awesome move by him.
New big three. I like that.
Throw in DeAndre Jordan to everything. Like, man, big time move for the Brooklyn Nets.
They got their guys. They got their guys.
DeAndre Jordan. He's so old he can't jump anymore.
I saw an article. I think it was on 538 Nate Silver, Nate Bronze's website that said the Brooklyn Nets just completed their rebuilding process.
It's like yeah this is the fruits of a long rebuild for the Nets they reloaded. They just fucking signed superstars.
Yes. And DeAndre Jordan Well no, three superstars.
Three superstars DeAndre Jordan to his credit is always good for like a 10 and 10 for the rest of time. He's a good player.
Yeah. He's a big guy.
He's just old. He's just old.
That's fine. But yeah, so free agency happened.
It was very weird because it's essentially what we all thought was going to happen when like during the All-Star game in the tunnel when Kyrie was doing the two max spots, two max spots with Kevin Durant. And then everyone asked Kyrie what's going on.
And he was like, you like you guys make a big deal out of everything well it turns out that's exactly what they were talking about and kairi and kevin durant team up in brooklyn for the nets like you said kevin not playing next year but this team is going to be one of the best teams in the east and also one of the most combustible teams in these because i do not think these guys will get along oh you kidding me you kidding me? You kidding me for the long term? Having Kyrie and KD together, those are the two personalities I think are least likely to get along. Well, what's going to happen is at first, they're going to move to Brooklyn together, and they're both very well suited for Brooklyn.
As you all know, everyone who's listening to the podcast knows, Brooklyn has the best things in the world just across the board. Correct.
Barbecue, racehorses.

Big Cat.

I live there.

They have the best Big Cat in the world right now.

I hate this city.

Hey, KD and Kyrie, you shouldn't have done it because this city sucks.

It sounds like, you know what?

I would not be surprised if they started their own podcast.

Oh, yeah.

That's what you have to do when you move out there.

Well, I mean, KD did his, he announced it on his boardroom Instagram, was essentially just to get followers no shame in that game boardroom gets paid he got 160 000 new followers just to put up a uh static image with biggie playing behind it and woge cucked him ultimately for all of that because he announced at like 5 30 that kevin durant with the Nets. Woj, by the way, I had alerts on for Woj at 6 o'clock.
He just went. Yeah, loaded.
Insane. Do they still have that option where you can just send all your drafts at once? I think that's what happened.
That's probably what he did. But for the record, Leroy had this last Thursday.
That he was moving to New York. Last Friday.
No, and hashtag Nets. Oh, okay.
There you go. Yeah.
He's moving into the building that Leroy puked in front of one time. Got it.
So he's not moving into Brooklyn. No, he's not.
He's moving to Manhattan. I'm not going to say where he's going to live.
Got it. All I'm saying is that Leroy is already the alpha of that building because he puked on it when he ate too much grass.
So Woj was all over the place. We have.
So should we talk a little more Nets? Well, all right. The big loser in the Nets thing is the Knicks.
James Dolan. Well, no.
No, because they purposely didn't offer Kevin Durant a max contract because of the Achilles. Can you imagine – listen, if you're a Knicks fan, I would imagine a lot of Knicks fans are opting out of listening to any podcast today because they don't – this is one of – this is essentially like losing a championship when you do the thing where you say i'm not going to watch sports center for the next two weeks just in the off chance that i see an image that brings back these memories the knicks fans they can't pay attention to any sports things for the next two weeks at least because in your backyard the brooklyn nets which everyone makes the about, they got fleeced in the trade by the Celtics.
They were rebuilding forever. They're the off-brand Knicks, Barclays, Brooklyn, all this stuff.
They just took away your two guys that you were supposed to get. And on top of all of that, James Dolan said he was worried about Kevin Durant's Achilles and didn't want to offer him a max.
That is the only team if every team in the NBA had the ability to offer a max contract to Kevin Durant every single team would give him a max contract and the Knicks. They're the last team.
You bring in a guy like that, your insurance premiums go up across the board. This is not just about the team.
This is the guys in the front office, the ticket sales guys. They're going to have to pay more if they've got a guy with injury history like that.
True. But, yeah, the Nets have to be feeling pretty good about themselves.
They don't really have that much of a fan base in Brooklyn, but now I guess they're going to. Oh, no, they will.
Jay-Z. No, they're definitely.
Yeah, they've got Jay-Z and a Russian oligarch, which is two out of three of the keystones right there. There's one guy.
I went to a couple Nets games, and there's a guy who's had season tickets forever and he's like nets guy so that guy yeah you need you need a super fan that i'm aware of yes nicks fans are already looking on to like yannis and 2021 except this situation is similar to the fact that every team went to recruit and like scout yannis except the next right your best hope right now if you're the knicks is that there's a superstar coming along that grew up in Manhattan. But even still.
Rooting for the Knicks. Even still.
That is the Knicks. Right.
Your best hope right now, if you're the Knicks, is that there's a superstar coming along that grew up in Manhattan

rooting for the Knicks.

Even still.

That is the best case scenario

that you can hope for.

Dude,

if you're a Knicks fan,

you gotta,

I mean,

as a Bulls fan,

I just,

I don't assume any free agent

will ever come.

Ever.

I mean,

Anthony Davis is a Chicago guy

and he was like,

no,

I want to go to the Lakers.

Just forget it.

Forget it.

It's easier to just move on.

They did that thing. I've been there many times where you get your hopes up for these big free agents.
If you're a Knicks fan, I don't know what – I mean, you have to – just don't go to games next year. You have to do something.
Like this is at a point where you have every right to say James Dolan needs to be – and this was at that point a while ago. But tonight felt like the real true tipping point.
The that they didn't get kevin durant the fact that kevin durant went to brooklyn and then on top of all of that they're like oh yeah we were worried about his achilles we didn't want to give him max deal but guess what guys julius randall pretty cool very cool awesome i like in the woge bomb about julius randall It was the only one that mentioned his agents by name.

Usually if we're just tweeting these things out, he's just like per sources.

Yeah.

But the agents were like, please tell it.

Please tell everybody how we got Julius Randle paid.

I feel so fucking bad for Knicks fans.

I really do.

And I shouldn't because they're kind of Knicks fans have that little bit of cockiness where they still think people want to come to New York.

But now it's like, again, it just just move on from that.

It's not going to happen. Like there's every single year.
it feels like the Knicks have an ability to sign a free agent, a big free agent, and it doesn't happen. I think it's time.
We might have to take the Mecca nickname away from MSG. Give it to Barclays.
With Mecca, at least people go there once a year. And this place, it's going to be a ghost town next year.
Now watch Kawhi sign there while we're on break. That would be the ultimate.
I would respect the shit out of that if Kawhi Leonard did that. I would.
Now, the Lakers, they said that they're having a secret meeting with a unicorn. Ooh.
So there's only one unicorn out there. Magic's doing acid again.
And that's magic. Well, Rob Palenka doesn't know what the hell is going on, and so he's just inventing people.
But obviously Kawhi is going to be meeting with the Lakers. If Kawhi goes to the Lakers, I am – I mean, I said this earlier, but if Kawhi goes to the Lakers, there's nothing I'm going to do because I'm going to still watch the NBA, but I'm going to passive-aggressively tweet some mean things.
You know what, though? Watch out. If Kawhi goes to the Lakers, he would not put up with LeBron's bullshiton's bullshit well that's the thing this is the whole pitch that they're giving them you know clutch is doing the whole come to the lakers lebron's 35 you're the alpha now you're the number one option we're gonna let you be we're gonna let it be your team don't fall for it kawaii no it's real fall for it it's real if kawaii goes there automatically he's alpha and you got AD number two, and he's LeBron's.
He's third place. LeBron will throw you under the bus, Kawhi.
Don't do it. Stay in Toronto.
Have the ace be the balance. That's the one thing that's happened tonight.
So let's go through some other moves. Jay Butt in Miami, which I think it's kind of solid.
It's almost the perfect Jay Butt move. It solidifies his place in the NBA world as a very good player who doesn't like, he just wants to be himself.
He just wants to be J-Butt and be with Mark Wahlberg, put up good numbers. Mark Wahlberg's daughter.
Yeah, make the bench on an all-star team. Have everyone say, oh, don't forget about Jimmy Butler.
Every now and then he'll go off and everyone will say, wow, Jimmy Butler, he's the guy. But now he's on a team that's not really going to compete, but he's going to have a good time.
And it's him. It's Jay Butt.
This was Hassan Whiteside's world that he just took over. Because Whiteside used to be a guy that's like, in theory, he's a really good player, but nobody ever watches him play.
But Miami loves him. They don't want him to leave.
But he's not not going to get you over the top this is the perfect place for Jimmy to stay perpetually in the is he a top 20 player conversation he could have gone he could have stayed in Philly he could have there was rumors about him going to Houston there were rumors about him going to the Clippers wherever it may have been yeah Jay Butt could have gone to a place where it was the relevancy was there maybe a deep playoffoff run. He was the best guy.
Like, he was their go-to guy in the fourth quarter for the Sixers. Not the best guy.
Embiid's their best player. But he was the guy they needed to be like, that's the guy you can go to for big possessions, big defensive possessions.
And he said, you know what? I'm just going to go to Miami, hang out, make a shitload of money, probably win 38 to 42 games. Jay, but you could have done that in Chicago, man.
You could have. Could have just kept on doing that.
We could have kept on making the seventh seed together. We could have, but, I mean, you want to go someplace hot.
This is like riding off into the sunset that Jimmy Butler is doing right now. It's perfect.
And it's a great time to do it. It's the Manny Machado retiring while not retiring.
So he said that the reason that he wanted to go to Miami, what drew him to the place, was he saw how they treated Dwayne Wade. So they gave Dwayne Wade a nice send-off when the team was garbage.
And he was like, this is a town that will suck a loser's dick. And that is where I want to be.
Well, Dwayne Wade is not a loser, but yeah. Well, no, no, no.
Like during that year. Right, right.
Dwayne Wade, what Jay Butt doesn't realize in that whole calculation is Dwayne Wade is the Miami Heat organization. Yeah.
He is. Like he is their guy.
He is the number one guy. When you think of the Heat, you think of Dwayne Wade and you think of all his years there.
So Jay Butt, nice, nice job putting together that math because it's not going to be the same way. You're going to get a send-off in front of 7,000 people and remember the time that you went to the second round and got seven games.
Big winner in this is Rachel Nichols, who now gets to fly in last minute to J-Butt's practices in South Beach. It's his team.
Hang out on the beach. Pat Riley, his team.
All right, so J-But, to Miami. Kemba to the Celtics.
Hank, you are fully, Kemba's better than Kyrie? Yes. Okay.
Now as a player? No. I agree with Hank on this take.
I think that he's a better fit up there. Correct.
Well, that's just because Kyrie is just, I mean, he could have been a worse teammate. Kemba is a very nice fit.
And, I mean, if you're thinking about Kemba in, like, his UConn days, it's going to be fun to be able to watch Kemba again. Kemba has not been on a nationally televised game in God knows how long.
What else are you thinking about this whole free agency? Kemba's a good grab. The Al Horford thing just got announced.
It's tough because it's like, you know, Al Horford, he left. You hope he he does well and then it's like he goes and signs with big move philly it's kind of tough it's basically like anywhere but the sixers yeah it's like uh philly getting tobias harris which they had to do one of tobias harris or jimmy beltner i think they wanted both but tobias harris and al horford that's a nice team like al horford is kind of he kind of adds something that they needed in terms of maybe spelling Embiid a little bit maybe giving Embiid like a hey man don't eat like shit all year or hey don't go all out in the first quarter because you're probably going to need to play more than 33 minutes like those he he owned Embiid yeah but now he's gonna be able to help him right again sucks he's also like the consummate like pro right when you think Right.
But that playoff series two years ago when they played, he dominated every single game. The East is good.
And if Kawhi stays in Toronto, which I fucking hope he does, the East will be very good. And I should mention the Bulls' big move, Thad Young, no big deal.
That's massive, yeah. Can I throw out something, a little stat for you? Players with 800 games to average 13.5 points,.9 rebounds 1.4 steals 49 percent field goals and 30 percent from three point magic johnson larry bird michael jordan lebron james thad young that's incredible this is the funniest someone i guess this was something that the pacers put up in uh in game look at this stat it's the dumbest stat ever they basically found what what could fit all these legends and thad young 5.9 rebounds per game 1.4 exactly 5.9 no yeah or i mean it might it might actually be it might be exactly 5.9 that's what i would start doing if i was some of these stats yeah can we actually not get that young can we that guy's awesome.
No, I like Thad Young. He's underrated, but that's...
I mean, I actually... I envision the Bulls because there was nothing...
no talk about them until 6pm. I think Gar Foreman and John Paxson actually think that you can't talk to anyone until 6pm.
No, they're playing it by the rules. A lot of teams out there are playing fast and loose with it, using Woj as their go-between as a de facto agent.
Not the Bulls. The Bulls observe a little something called bylaws.
Kevin Wright was like, you know, I actually was thinking Chicago, but they just never reached out because they just thought that they had to wait until 6 p.m. And they're like, nope, we can't tamper, guys.
We cannot tamper. Let's also not forget that the Knicks did sign Taj Gibson, too.
Yeah, Taj Woo. So maybe instead of Mecca, the Taj Mahal.
Taj Gibson is the classic guy where you can basically watch him play and just, if you envision that he is 24 years old, think that someday he's going to be an all-star. And then you realize his game is exactly what it's been for his entire career.
And he's nice, but he just never went further than nice. Jameer Nelson was that guy.
I was like, this guy's going to be a Hall of Famer if he puts it all together. I just liked watching him.
He had a nice crossover, and I was like, that's going to translate eventually. So what do we have left? So it's basically Kawhi and Boogie Cousins.
I'm very excited to see just what Kevin Durant does in this entire year where he's not going to play. Come on, part of my take.
Come on, part of my take. He's going to get really into Williamsburg culture.
I'm sure of that. Wearing cool clothes, buying mirrored flat sunglasses, walking around, listening to bands that nobody's heard of.
I'm very excited for Kevin to spend a year just alone with his thoughts. He's going to have a, he's going to have a good time.
Come be best friends with us. I mean, we, he's got to come on the podcast, right? Eventually.
You're sounding kind of thirsty right now. No, I mean, he's got, I'm banning, I'm banning Kevin from the podcast for a week.
No, no, no if he if he says i'm uninviting him tomorrow we're doing the podcast i'm gonna be overseas yeah i know we'll skype no yes i know officially banned unbanned banned unshunned banned uh also shout out my guy chris broussard great reporting as always he always nails it during these uh times so he tweeted back-to-back tweets hearing strong rumblings that KD headed to Brooklyn. And then the next one, conflicting info, one team that was heavily in hunt for KD says he's going back to Golden State.
And then when Kevin Durant signed with Brooklyn, he was like, heard it here first. Credit to me.
So shout out to the Brew crew, always on top of the game, always just shooting his shot, getting something right, not really, ever.

Still the famous time when LeBron went back to Cleveland,

and it was announced by a Sports Illustrated article

that LeBron did the whole thing,

and then they went live to SportsCenter,

and Chris Broussard had his phone in his hand,

and he's just confirming, yep, yep, LeBron James back to Cleveland.

He was talking to a source, not just reading the Sports Illustrated article.

The whole internet was reading.

It's a power move to do that.

and it's a

power move to do that if i was a reporter on tv i would always take out my phone and act like i

was getting the bubbles from somebody be like okay i'm texting with a source right now yeah and

they're saying pft uh yeah i've got lebron james run with it lebron james to the cavaliers uh okay

so winners losers anything else that we got to talk about i I mean, I do. Hank, the Celtics definitely won by getting Kemba.
The Sixers. Addition by subtraction.
The Sixers. I mean, the East is good now.
The East is good. Are you happy for your man, Scary Terry? Yeah, what did he get? He had a lot of money.
He had a lot of money. JJ Reddick, by the way.
Shout out going to the Pelicans, which I was cool with. Pelicans will be fun to watch.
Pelicans will be fun to watch. I was cool with until I remembered that he probably went to the Pelicans for like the whole Zion, Duke, Coach K.
Come on. Terry is like I feel like a classic guy that in like three years people are going to be like, wow, three years ago Terry Rozier got this much money.
That's crazy. Tony Snell, $44 million.
I would like to see... You know, Adam Silver, you want a dumb fucking idea for you to do in the middle of the year, like one of your tournaments? Get teams together that are just based on the colleges that they went to.
So you've got your J.J. Redick, Grayson Allen, Zion, Barrett...
I think that's the basketball tournament. No, butters.
Yes, yes. Do that as a midseason tournament.
I like that. I like that a lot.
Now Adam Silver has to discuss it because you brought it up. Please discuss.
Oh, Malcolm Brogdon got so much money. Nice.
So much fucking money. Congratulations.
Oh, no, sorry. Chris Middleton.
Malcolm Brogdon got traded. Chris Middleton got so much money.
He got like $180 million. He got like $30 million more than Kyrie.
And the Jazz are doing some good things. The league is finally, as long as Kawhi doesn't go to the Lakers, it's going to be good.
I hate that you just said that. If that happens, it's basically like we took all these steps forward to getting everyone even, all the Warriors died, and now we're just going to have the Lakers be the super team.
Based off of you just saying that, Kawhi is going to sign with the Lakers on Tuesday. So people are going to listen and be like, you idiots.
All right. I'm actually rooting for it.
I want to. No, no.
I want it. I want it.
It's so bad. Don't do that.
I want it so bad. It's going to ruin everything.
You're going to have to stay up late to watch the Lakers. No, don't do it.
I'm not staying up late. Okay.
Promise? I promise I'm not going to stay up late. Okay.
if you want don't do it i'm not staying up late okay promise i promise i'm not gonna stay okay um if you want to watch our dwight howard interview which is coming up you can do it at barstoolgold.com slash pmt barstoolgold.com slash pmt let's do who's back and then we're gonna do our mount rushmore on the other side of dwight howard uh hank want to start with who's back um my who's back of the week i have have a few. Okay, go ahead.
Vacations, koozies, red solo cups, and shorts. All those things? All those things are back.
Well, shorts have been back. It's just a big week for all those things.
You know what? I'm excited about it. I hope you guys are too.
This might be a controversial take, but I think I'm anti-koozie. Go on.
Because maybe I'm just a guy that likes to drink his beer fast enough where you don't need a koozie maybe maybe koozie is a crutch for the week it's a participation trophy for drinking a beer like aaron rogers all right but counterpoint what if your koozie says something cool like then i'm all in then i'm all in right part of my take yeah then i'm all in okay where could you buy those yeah i think so Store.barsalsports.com. You love koozies.

I love koozies.

Koozies, you know what's great about them is they keep your drink so cold, even if it's

super hot outside, and it looks cool.

And it shows people what podcasts you like.

That's right.

Yeah.

So you just listed all the things that we're doing this summer?

This week.

This week.

Who's back in the week?

Yeah.

Vacation.

Now he's back in the summer.

Where are you going?

I'm going out of the country.

Nice. Where? Nice.
Down under. A little a little international travel oh you're going to chile yeah pretty much cool nice mexico is that bahamas mexico yeah the same thing yeah okay nice um my who's back of the week is united states soccer so not only did we shit pump those losers, the French, but also the men's team is banging and slanging in the quarterfinals.
Right now we're defeating a team whose country is named after an ingredient that John Taffer pours into ice when you get glass in there. Curacao.
What's the name of, what's the score of the game? It's 1-0. Fuck yeah.
1 halftime the safest lead in soccer hopefully it doesn't get up to dos a zero but yeah so the u.s is back josie altador actually had a very nice bicycle kick of course he did over the weekend that's what we do in the united states we dominate soccer we dominate and that was talking soccer yeah that was talking soccer uh the u.s women's team that was our toughest game right france yeah we it wasn't even tough it We kicked the shit out of them. We beat the shit out of them.
They whined a lot. They had the tall woman who was very tall.
Yes. Who had that header where it's like, hey, you should probably guard the tall one.
Uh-huh. But that was talking stuff.
You can't really guard a tall person, though, if they're that much taller. Just take them out of the knees.
Yeah, you can either cut them down to your size or you can do it to, like, two kids in a trench coat thing. Who's back? My who's back is future us having big-time problems.
So Christian Jelic has announced that he is officially going to do the Home Run Derby. This is his first time in the Derby, right? Yep.
Pete Alonso is going to be in it. He's our hope.
Vlad Guerrero Jr. Yep.
Luke Voigt got hurt. I hope he can come back because I like – I'm going to say it.
I like Luke Voigt's steez. I want one person to really step up in the next week and let it be known that you are doing this for us.
Somebody that's going to compete. I want one person to root for.
Yankees fans can tell me if he does this all the time, but they cut to him like a zoom in when he's on the bases in London. And no joke in a 10 to 15 second clip, not even seeds or chew or anything, just spit, like small spit.
I like his teeth. A thousand times.
I like his teeth. That's my favorite thing to do when I'm watching a baseball game is to just see how long it takes.
Because basically a live baseball televised event is just clips between one guy spitting and then they cut to another guy who's also spitting. You usually can't get longer than eight seconds in an MLB broadcast without somebody spitting up a weird loogie.
We're going to talk about the London series in segments. But yeah, we're screwed because Christian Yelich is in the Home Run Derby.
We said we'd eat each other's asses if he wins the Home Run Derby. We're going to hopefully get Christian Yelich on the show next Sunday.
It's a little preview.

We're going to do a live stream.

I'm going to get a wax.

Can you get a wax if I get a wax?

Yeah, I'll get a wax if you get a wax.

Otherwise, it's going to feel like I'm flossing.

I don't know what we're going to do.

Shame on people who want to see this.

There are a lot of people out there.

You are gross. Hank was smiling real wide.
Hank wanted to. He started to unbutton his pants.
That's nasty, Hank. Put him back on.
I'm just worried about the integrity of this podcast. We don't have the board yet.
All right, so future us is a problem. We'll figure something out between now and then.
Yeah, we'll figure something out. All right, let's do our Dwight Howard interview.
Before we get to Dwight Howard, we are brought to you by Mountain Dew. At Mountain Dew, we say, say here's the doers who do it big then do it bigger grab yourself an ice cold Mountain Dew today do the do quick story here when we found out that we were presented by Mountain Dew I've never seen Hank happier in his life he is literally sitting on a throne of Mountain Dew as we speak and I've just been drinking off of it too.
We are doers now. Mountain Dew hooked us up with all these cases of Mountain Dew.
It's Hank's favorite drink. It has now become my favorite drink.
And our guy Caleb was out at the Dew Tour last week. I think that stuff has already come out, but check it out.
Caleb at the Dew Tour, there's nothing better than that. And we are big Mountain Dew guys.
So go. It's the summer of the Dew.
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Okay, we now welcome on Dwight Howard. He is an eight-time All-Star, future Hall of Famer, Washington Wizard.
Let's start this. Dwight, welcome to the van.
Yeah, this van is pretty nice. Yeah, it is pretty nice, right? You like it? You can stand up in it when we pop the top.
I can stand up. I like this.
Let's start with how the injury's going because you obviously were out for basically the majority of 2019, so we need an update on that. Man, feels amazing uh i've been in the gym you know for the last couple of months you know really you know trying to get my body right uh and i feel good man my legs are back up under me now it's just about you know uh getting the strength that i need to be able to to play an 82 game uh season next year i like i'm a from the D.C.
area originally, so I'm hoping for good things for you next year health-wise. Thank you.
Can you just say that you feel like you're in the best shape of your life because that's a good headline for us? I would definitely say by the end of the summer, I'll be a totally different person than I am today. Okay.
Okay. You getting a three-point shot? Listen, it's just overall.
So I would say basketball, mental, just everything. My diet is also changing.
So everything about me would be different. I might even look different because I got different hairstyle.
I like the hair. I was going to say the hair is real nice.
Real nice. All right.
So we usually want to start like kind of at the beginning of your career, go back in time.

I actually want to start before your professional career started.

I read a little fact that when you were in seventh grade, you put a list above your bed of your goals.

Yeah.

And one of the goals was to go 1-1 in the draft.

Yes.

Accomplished.

So what other goals were on that list and do you still have it? I do still have that list, but that was my list for high school. And, you know, I usually make a list every season or every year of what, you know, I would love to accomplish.
And it started back then in the seventh grade, you know, you know, we were always taught to, you know, write our vision down, you know, and look at it and meditate on it and study it and make it happen.

And that's why I continue to do that to this day.

It allowed me to become the player and the person that I am today. So I think it's also good for everybody to, you know, if you have a vision or something that you want to accomplish in life, to write it down, you know, and, you know, meditate and, you know, try to get to that place where you feel like you're going to accomplish it.
I wrote down this morning on my list of goals, interview Dwight Howard in the back of a van. Boom.
Checked on. It happened just like that.
What's on it right now? That's really good. What's on it right now? Do you have stuff on it right now? Well, my biggest goal that I've always wanted to do is change the world.
Okay.

That's a pretty big goal. That's a pretty

big goal. That's a pretty big goal.
And, you know,

the more, you know, I guess

having that time of being out, you know,

from the injury, you know, it's like, man,

in order to change the world, I got to change my

world. I got to change my surroundings.

You know, just anything that

would keep me from, you know,

being able to be who I, you know,

my purpose for, you know, being on

this earth. I like it.
That was

Thank you. you know just anything that would keep me from you know being able to be who i you know my purpose for you know being on this earth i like it that was that's something for me i like it so going back to high school you were uh you were inspired by kevin garnett right he was like the guy you looked up to a lot and he went straight from high school to the nba was there ever any doubt in the back of your mind were you like hey maybe you know i I'll go spend a year in college, see what that life's like, maybe get paid more money at Duke? Never wanted to go to college.
Never? Not even a thought. My whole life, I never wanted to go to college.
Is there any thought in the back of your head right now, like maybe I'll go back to school one day? I don't think so. You don't need to.
Do you think maybe you would have made more money if you had gone to college and entered the business world? Probably not. Well, that's a good possibility, but I don't think nothing is like being able to do something that you love for your life.
But there's a lot of benefits to going to college. I think if you're trying to make money as a basketball player, why not just go straight to the league or do whatever your profession is? But I don't know.
I wouldn't have went to college. No, I think you made the right decision.
Yeah, I think I did too. Yeah, yeah.
So, Orlando, I always am curious with this. When you go to the finals and you guys had that kind of miracle run, but it kind of came out of nowhere where the magic popped up because it was a lot of LeBron and the Celtics at that point in time.
Oh, yeah, LeBron, the Celtics, the Lakers.

Yeah, so when you get to the finals, do you think at that point in your career,

oh, I'll be back here a ton, and then now look back and say, shit.

I did, man.

I was like, man, this is what it feels like.

I was like, man, I want to play here all the time.

It's kind of like it was weird because once you played, you don't think about the regular season the same. It's just like, ah, that's the regular season because when I get here, this is it right here.
This is what I want to feel. The atmosphere, man, in Orlando during the playoff series, playing against LeBron in the Eastern Conference Finals, and then playing against the Lakers, it was like, man, it was like something that I want everybody to be able to experience.
It's like an overwhelming feeling of, you know, like, man, I really accomplished something for this city. Yeah, you guys had a really good team then, too.
You had Turkoglu on the outside, right? Turkoglu. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Rashad.
Rashad. Jameer was Jameer.
Jameer was hurt. Redick.
And the guys who played a lot was Anthony Johnson and Skip Tamalu. Yeah, that's right.
Yep. Rafer.
Those guys made it happen. You guys had quite a squad then.
I remember watching you handle LeBron and the Cavaliers at that point. I was like, this is a really good team.
And you guys kind of changed the way a lot of teams approach basketball. Oh, yeah.
Stocked outside shooters everywhere. Oh, man.
So they dissed the ball to you, collapsed the defense, kick it out, nail a three. It was a pretty simple formula, but it worked.
It also seemed at that time that you had kind of a real rivalry with LeBron. Oh, yeah.
Based out of that series. So was that all friendly on the court, or was there actually like some underlying animosity, like I want to show the world? Well, I mean, obviously when you're playing, you know, you always want to be the best player on the court or was there actually like some underlying animosity like I want to show the world well I mean obviously when you're playing you know you always want to be the best player on the floor and uh you know I love LeBron I think everything he's done as a basketball player and a man and father and all that stuff has been amazing so you know I'm very happy to see the success uh that LeBron has um but on the court it's like I hate him you know I want I want to kill him.
I want to beat him every time. You know what I'm saying? It's like I'd be so angry because I'm like, I want to be there.
I want to beat him tonight. And, you know, it's a feeling that you're supposed to have as a competitor.
Like nobody's better than you when you step on that floor. Right.
So the ending in Orlando got a little awkward. do you still talk to stan van gundy have you talked to him when i see him we do communicate okay um what was going that was one of the most awkward press conferences it was but you know i really think a lot of people got it mixed up as though like you know me and stan had some type of beef um well he said that yeah he did say i wanted him fired and it just it caught me off guard because I was like you know that's something that you know I never said you know um I think Stan's a great coach and I think he uh he did an amazing job with the team that we had in Orlando and uh I was never upset at the uh at that you know but you know I just felt like my time was up in Orlando and I wanted to go somewhere else.

You know, it had nothing to do with the fans or the city or the team.

You know, I just was too comfortable.

Yeah.

And, you know, sometimes in life when you're too comfortable, you got to get out of your own comfort zone to grow.

And, you know, that was all I wanted, you know. And, you know, I made a lot of mistakes as a player mistakes as a player person or whatever but you know I don't regret any decision that I made uh because it's got me to a great point in my life right now what about the Sports Illustrated uh cover with Steve Nash that's regrettable I mean that was one of obviously there was a lot of hype when you come to LA they get Steve Nash it's Kobe Dwight Howard Steve Nash not so much well you know I just think uh injury stopped our team from being as successful as we could have been um and it was rough you know me coming off back surgery uh Powell getting injured Metta World Peace getting injured uh Steve Nash being out half the season you know it was it was kind of like, man, nobody was healthy that year.
And then at the end of the year, Kobe got hurt. And it just kind of went down here from there.
I want to jump back real quick to you and Stan. Who had better handles, Stan or Skip to Malou? Ooh, a Stan chunky.
Yeah. You have to dribble that ball.
Yeah, you can. He has that little spin move.
Yeah, that spin move. Yeah, and they got wide shoulders, too.
Stan got some handles, bro. He's crazy.
He's smooth. Yeah.
He's smooth. He's like, I'm going to get you with the hands and step back.
I'm like, yo. He's nice.
He's nice. You got some wide shoulders.
Can you touch both sides of the van at the same time? Easily. Yeah, probably.
Yeah, easily. Easily.
So also while you were in Orlando, the dunk contest. I have a real problem with you that I've been wanting to get off my chest for years.
What is it, 11 years? 10 years? That's a long time. That wasn't really a dunk.
It is a dunk. You can touch the rim.
You don't have to touch the rim to dunk. You just threw it in there.
So I can dunk. If you can get up there over the rim and throw it in, that's considered a dunk.

So the ball has to be traveling downward.

If you throw it in, it's something that only people who can actually dunk.

I've dunked before, Dwight.

Okay, so you haven't seen those people who do the stuff on the trampoline, throw the ball in?

Yeah, but they're not playing a game.

That's a travel.

Okay, we wasn't playing a game.

It's not a travel in the air.

No, you have to take two steps and then jump off the trampoline.

I feel like I'm going to be a little bit Yeah, but they're not playing a game. That's a travel.
Okay, we wasn't playing a game. It's not a travel in the air.
No, you have to take two steps and then jump off the trampoline. That's a walk.
That's not a walk. It's also up and down.
It's a gather step. It doesn't matter.
We're talking about dunking the ball. They're throwing the ball in.
You're talking about slam ball. So you think that was a real dunk? It is a real dunk.
You think you should have won that? I did win. Yeah, I don't know.
I think the problem, too, is that you're too tall. It's actually the reverse with Nate Robinson.
Nate Robinson, everyone voted him for the same dunk contest because he's short. I jumped on the free throw line.
I know, but you're too tall. Dunk the ball.
It doesn't matter. I like my dunk contest winners between 6'3 and 6'3.
You ain't even dunked before. No, I know.
Golf King. Yeah.
So you have to be short to dunk the ball? No, you have to be medium height. Too short is also bad because everyone's like, Nate Robinson, oh, my God, what a dunk.
It's like, no, he was just short. Okay, so what would be the difference? You need to be 6'3 to 6'8.
To dunk the basketball? No, to win the slam dunk contest. I'm 6'9, 6'10 for real.
No, you're 7'5. I'm not 7 feet at all Really? Have you ever been listed at 7'0"? Never.
Look it up. Okay.
People say that, but the TV says 6'11". I'm not even 6'11".
The thing is, if you're listed as a center, they automatically put 6'11". Yeah, if you're listed as a center, you're automatically 7'1".
Yeah, yeah. 7'0".
Yeah. So, also, after that dunk contest, that kind of rejuvenated the game a little bit.
Everybody was like, oh, the dunk contest is back. Yeah, it was.
LeBron was like, I'm for sure competing next year. See, I don't think LeBron's a dunk contest dunker.
You know what I'm saying? He's right high. Well, no, it's just, well, I think he's better off when he does like what he does in the warm-ups and stuff like, because it's a whole different atmosphere.
Right. And, you know, he's a great dunker, but it's a difference.
Like, Vince Carter, you know, he has that type of, like.

Isaiah Ryder.

Spring.

Isaiah Ryder. Okay, Blake Griffin.

Like that.

He was actually in this van two days ago.

Yeah, yesterday.

Man, I like Blake.

You know who Blake looked like?

Who?

Canelo Alvarez.

Yes, yes, he does.

Every time I watch him fight, I'm like, man, he look just like Blake.

All right, so is it weird being bad?

Do you have any ill will towards L.A. with how everything ended?

Man, I don't hate nobody.

Okay.

I have no worries.

What about Kobe?

I love Kobe.

I think he's.

You said he was better than Michael Jordan, which is stupid.

I know it's not stupid.

That was stupid of you. That was really dumb.
How was it dumb? Of course you didn't go to college. You don't know that Michael Jordan's better than Kobe.
I can have my own opinion. I think Wilt Chamberlain's the best player.
Oh, that's big man bias. There you go.
I like that. No, I like that.
I like any new player getting introduced. Wilt Chamberlain has 68 – Yeah, that's big man bias.
Wilt Chamberlain has 68 of the 72 NBA records. Okay.
Big man bias. But for a while.
Who's better than that? He got all the records. Yeah, they didn't keep track of a lot of stuff back then.
They didn't keep track of what? Not enough rings. The assist.
Rebounds. What does he got? One ring? Two rings? He got 23,000 rebounds.
Yeah, but he was playing against a bunch of short white dudes. All right, well, go outside and do like this 23,000 times.
Will Chamberlain was playing against a bunch of me's back then. It doesn't matter.
He should have averaged 100 a game. He still did it.
Okay, he's up there. All right, so we're going to go.
MJ. MJ or Kobe.
This is what I was saying about that. Yeah.
When I say Kobe is better than Michael Jordan, I'm talking about as far as skilled in the overall game. Kobe can shoot threes.
Mike wasn't a three-point shooter. Yeah, but he didn't have to be.
What do you mean he didn't have to be? We're talking about who's better. He won three points.
Kobe won two. Yeah, but Kobe's a ball hog.
Okay, Michael Jordan took a lot of shots. Yeah, he did, but he won.
We're talking about skills. Kobe can do everything Michael Jordan can do, but he learned how to do it better offensively.
This is what I'm talking about. Oh, defense matters.
You know that. You played on a lot.
How many defense players in the university have? Three. Ooh.
But this is what I'm saying. Kobe is better.
I think he took what Jordan did, and then he added more to it. Okay, he copied him.
I would agree with you there. You're supposed to copy somebody that's better than you.
And it's wrong. But you're supposed to copy what you learn, what you see.
You take something from everybody's game. Okay.
Was it tough to play with Kobe? It was. Yep.
Duh. What? Oh, you think? He said it was tough to play with him.
Yeah, for sure. I mean, he just expects a lot out of everyone.
That's not it. So what is it? We expect a lot out of ourselves.
Yeah. When you play basketball, like, I always go out there and say I want to get 20-20 every night.
That's my goal. So I expect nothing but the best of myself.
That wasn't – I don't think that was a problem. I think it was – he shot the ball a lot.
Yeah. So, you know, it took away from Steve Nash being the point guard because Steve Nash really wasn't the point guard because Kobe had the ball a lot.
And, you know, if you look at the guys that have played with Kobe it's no offense to Kobe like I said I think he's better than Jordan but I don't think Andrew Bynum got a chance to really develop because as a big man in order to develop you need those touches you need a chance to get a rhythm of the game a rhythm how teams play you you look at a guy like MB lot of touches. And that's why he looks so – well, he's good, but he gets a lot of touches so he has a rhythm.
You know what I'm saying? If you're getting eight, nine shots a game, then it's, like, kind of hard to get into a rhythm of what you want to do and how you can read guys on the block. So I think that's where it was kind of hard for me to play with kobe and um because i wanted to get into a rhythm a little bit too but in order to win you know you got to give a little bit more of yourself than what you would want to give so yeah it's a real giving yeah i mean you see right now with stephan when kd's out and steph you know clearly has does more offensively when he's out, and he takes a step back a little.

We've been talking about Steph.

All right.

I'm going to ask y'all this.

Okay.

We're sports experts.

No, he's not better than Kobe and Michael Jordan.

If Steph wins this year, is he top five all time?

No.

No.

He got four championships in five years.

That's pretty good.

So does Clay Thompson. Okay, but it's still.
So does Draymond. It's Draymond.
So does Ziggy. We talked about Steph.
So does Ziggy. This Steph team, he's been there.
He started it. No, he's definitely, I think he's the, I think he's probably the second best point guard of all time, like getting into that conversation.
Who's the best point guard? For sure. Best point guard? Magic.
Allen Iverson. No.
All right. All right.
We've just been talking about this. Ball-dominant guard again.
Allen Iverson was more skilled than Magic Johnson. Hold on, hold on.
Steph is better than AI. Yeah, I'd agree.
I'd agree. He better than AI.
Yeah, yeah, I'd agree. It's just AI was just what he meant.
I'd agree. Off the court, what he meant for everybody was a little bit different than it is with Steph.
Yeah. He was more.
Yeah, that's what. So when people say that they think Steph is, I mean, AI is better, I think that's where they're coming from.
Like, I'm just looking at pure basketball. Like, not saying, like, I love AI.
You know what I'm saying? There's no hate.

But I like Steph, man.

I guess it's because I've seen him more than Allen Iverson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you want to be in Space Jam 2?

We're trying to find someone.

I will be.

I can see myself in a monster.

There we go. White Howard agrees to be in Space Jam 2.

I want to be a monster.

You want to play against the run? Yeah, I want to play against the run. I like it.
But it's Space Jam, so he going to win. Yeah, that's true.
That is true. But what they could do is they could have another movie after that.
Or maybe that gets injured as a monster halfway through. No, it could be like the Marvel version of what just ended? Avengers.
Avengers. Yep.
The Rocky. The Rocky, yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
It could be like he loses this time and then win the next one. The important thing is we finally have another cast member for Space Jam 2.
Who else is in it? Nobody. Oh, dang.
Yeah, you literally were the first to agree with it. Yeah, Katie said thanks, but no thanks.
That's kind of a lot of things. I'm going to say it's lame of you, but yeah, you were the first to agree with it.
Nobody want to do it? No. Well, LeBron do.
Hey, man, sign me up. Hey, hey, bro.
Ryan Howard is in. LeBron, I'm in.
In. 100% in on Space Jam 2.
Why do you own snakes? That's weird. I love snakes, man.
That makes you weird. I have about 21, 22 snakes.
That is weird. You can't trust a snake guy.
That is really strange. That's not true.
Yeah, it is. Because those are pets.
They'll kill you, man. I got a lot of them that have names.
Well, some of them. But they won't kill you.
Wait. You have some that are just snake? You got to earn it.
Yeah. All right.
So a snake don't know their names. He's going to come if I say, hey, come here.
So why would I name him? Yeah. Do you have a favorite snake? I do.
His name is George. George? That's a very funny name for a fucking snake.
No, I'm going to tell you what. Curious George.
Okay. I've had him since he was like real tiny.
And now he's like 18 feet. Fuck, man.
That's crazy. Yeah, he's big.
He's like 18 feet. He's probably about 100 pounds right now.
He's humongous. What are you doing? He's big.
He eats lamb. Have you lost any of them? Wait, wait.
He eats a lamb? Have you lost any of them? I have. Yeah, you have.
That's what snake people do. They get the snakes and they lose the snakes.
No, but I got them back. There was a moment in time where you're like, somewhere in my house, there's a snake.
It was like for 10 minutes. Anyway, George, he got out one time.
Yeah, of course they all do. But he just came and laid on me.
He was like, I was missing you. But he's like crazy right now.
He's big, but he's a good snake. He laid on you because he was trying to figure out if he could eat you or not.
No, he was a baby. He's a good snake.
He's a good baby. He's curious.
Okay. You know.
Okay. I mean, the snake stuff is weird.
Did you ever get sick of all the Shaq comparisons going from Orlando to L.A. playing with Kobe? I did.
Only because, you know, Shaq is his own man and I'm my own man. You know, the Superman came from a Soulja Boy dance.
Yeah. It had nothing to do with Shaq or anything like that.
like well it was a comic book but yeah it was yeah it was coming i'm saying like that's why people start calling me that because i always did the dance yeah and then uh my teammates was like yo you should wear a cape and put on a superman outfit for the dunk contest i was like okay yeah and that's where everybody's like superman Yeah. And what about, so you did an interview with Charles Barkley, I think it was last year.
It was the last year where you said you've basically become like the guy who everyone hates. And where are you at with that? Do you care about the haters? Nah, man.
I did. but I don't think it's, you know, you you can be aware but i don't think that you have to put energy into worrying about you know all that stuff you know it's hard because you know for me i like i love people you know i like to be around people i can tell that yeah you know get out and stuff like that but i just don't think that it's necessary for people to You know hate on anybody because uh we we all special we can all do things that other you know people can't do on this earth so instead of hating just do what you do appreciate what they have appreciate everybody's talent because it's all different and you know life is too short to be worried about what somebody else is doing but it is interesting because you have had a uh interesting career arc that you went from maybe like one of the guys who everyone's like man this is dwight howard future the nba like the smile the cape all that stuff to a guy who people yeah villain who be like bad teammate all that stuff i mean in that process has it been tough to kind of like deal with that change that's happened and like you said some of them are mistakes or some of them are you know well yeah you know it's crazy you know i hate hearing that you know kind of stuff you know i didn't know how i could ever be a bad teammate like i i like having fun you know i'm the person that's gonna bring jokes and you know stuff like that i've never been somebody to be messy or anything like that.
So, you know, I don't understand that part. But it's okay.
You know, everything happens for a reason. You know, I'm in a better place now than I've ever been.
So all that stuff really bothers me. You know, I don't regret any decision that I've ever made.
You know, it was something that was a lesson for me to learn. I don't, you know, really look at it as a mistake.

A lot of things I could have done better

that I see now, but everybody in the world

says that about themselves. Yeah, that's true.

That's a fair point. So, for me

now, man, it's just living every day

in the moment and just

enjoying it, man. Life is

pretty good. It is pretty good.

Yeah, I mean, you got into this shady-ass van

next to the Four Seasons or the Ritz

or whatever that is. And none of your snakes

have eaten. Yeah, so life is pretty good.
It is pretty good. Yeah, I mean, you got into this shady-ass van next to the Four Seasons

or the Ritz or whatever that is.

And none of your snakes have eaten.

Yeah, so life is good when none of your snakes have gone for you.

I would take this around the United States.

You're going to be a van guy maybe?

Yeah.

A van guy is a snake guy.

A van guy is a snake guy.

I would drive, you know, just go out and, you know, have a good time.

Yeah.

So do you still love basketball?

I love basketball.

Good question.

Great question. Was there any point that you started to question, like maybe going through some of the injuries? I don't know back injuries in particular.
Those are tough to recover. I have one.
They deal with, you know, you injure your back. It's psychological.
Your hamstring, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It all affects. The back is connected to everything else in the body, I think.
At any point during the recovery or, you know, you get injured again, do you start to question, do I really love this? Do I want to keep doing this? Always. I think, you know, just being human.
You know, we all, you know, question when we have issues and stuff like that. And when I was hurt, it's like, man, what am I going to do? Like, do I want to continue to play? But I started thinking like, man, I'm not going to give up on myself, you know, just because, you know, I had an injury.
I know I'm better and I can be better than what I've ever been if I just, you know, lock in and focus on what I need to focus on. So, you know, that was what was driving me, you know, just to stay mentally, you know, focused because it's hard, man.
I had to sit at home all year I wasn't able to be around the team uh because I couldn't travel um so I felt like I was disconnected from the whole sport itself because I couldn't I couldn't go nowhere right um so I missed all the games it's like man I just missed the atmosphere right um so it was very tough one of One of the things that I was really happy for you during your career, when you went back to Orlando, I think you were on the Lakers, and they fouled you a shit ton. They just hacked the fuck out of you.
And I think you shot 16 for 20 from the line against them. That must have felt pretty good.
It was cool. It was pretty cool.
It was cool. It was – I just hated going back to hearing all the people that, you know, was cheering my name, you know, coming to the game just to, you know, say, you know, crazy things.
Like I have relationships with a lot of these people, you know, and, you know, a lot of people were just upset because I decided to do something for myself. Right.
You know. Yeah, we're fans so i don't know you know i i understand love booing that's cool you know that's like snake like i said it don't bother me it don't bother me now but it's just you know it's just people that it's just like if you saw him you know you like hey fuck you fuck you yeah he's a cat all Yeah, he's a cat all the time.
Fuck you, Big Cat. Yeah, fuck you, man.
Piece of shit. That's our producer, Hank.
Say it to Hank. Fuck you, Hank.
Fuck you, Hank. Say it to Hank.
Yeah, fuck you, Hank. Well, then fuck you, Hank.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Doesn't that feel good? Yeah, it feels really good. That felt really good.
Y'all look crazy. What I'm saying, like, what I like more than anything is when a team does the hack-a-shack for, you know, it could be against anybody, if they make those shots.
I love it because the look on the coach's face is like, I spent all my game plan time. Yeah, that's a game plan.
They're like, shit, hey, no more fouling. Leave him alone.
Then you always have one team who didn't hear coach say that, and they come foul again. So it's like, yeah, I got you back.
I have a suggestion. If you ever fall into another free throw slump what's your are you shooting good recently from the line i forget how the last how's the free throws going i think it'll be way different next year okay oh you're going underhand yeah that's my suggestion so i won't have to go underhand i can shoot free throws it's all in my head here's the bad thing so a lot of people they're afraid to try the granny shot because i won't do it come on dude what you're open-minded guy right come on very open your mind but i won't do that shit the problem is it's called the granny shot i know what no one wants to do that yeah we call it we switch it up we call it the pimp grip yeah it's the same shot but it's underhand is the pimp grip pretty cool now man that shit sounds stupid yeah what if we do what if it's uh what do we do something with the snake the snake spin that works the snake spin i would just shoot the ball it's all mental okay so oh it is so are you were you one of those guys who made them all in practice i never missed in practice really so what happens when you get out there i mean no i don't want to miss yeah be thinking too much like, I don't want to miss, don't want to miss.

And then you're uptight and I miss.

Okay.

One other tip.

Big Cat actually came up with this one.

It worked pretty well.

Me.

That's Big Cat.

Big Cat.

I thought you were talking about, you look like somebody.

Big Cat.

Pablo Escobar.

Matt Liner.

If Matt Liner drank way too much, ate way too much. He said Pablo Escobar.
Yeah, Pablo Escobar. Oh, man.
Yeah, so he had a good idea. Freddie Mercury.
Back in March Madness, he said, he was talking to the center on Wisconsin, and said every time you shoot it, just say wet. Wet.
Before you shoot it. Wet.
Just say wet. Wet.
Just mouth it. Just mouth it.
Wet. So just shoot and say wet? Wet.
Man, I ain't doing that. No, it's mental.
It's mental. That's not mental.
That's stupid. Instead of thinking, oh, I hope I don't mess.
I tried it before. It didn't work.
Every time I said something, that shit was hit the back of the backboard hard as shit. Or just stick your tongue out like a snake.
You know what I used to hate? what? I used to hate when teams put the microphone on. Oh, yeah.
And they only do it for the big men. Yeah.
Then it'd be like, boom. Clang.
And the crowd would be like, oh. It's pretty satisfying, though.
The crowd would be getting nervous. That's true.
A good clang is very, very nice. Did you hear that? Yes.
Dwight, because you have joined us in this van and you've been a lot of fun, I felt like I had to be honest with you. I've had some tweets about you.
Go ahead. Tell me.
You sure? Yeah. All right.
Some of them are bad. Go ahead.
All right. Dwight Howard to his agent.
This was on July 1st, 2016, when you signed with the Hawks. Dwight Howard to his agent.
Find me a team where the fan base doesn't really care, sort of like me. That was pretty mean.
That was pretty mean. That was pretty mean.
No, that was, that was, that was, all right. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Let's see, I had the, Dwight Howard is such a dickhead. I don't even know what that's about.
That was on 2013. What'd you do then? 7-5-2013.
I don't know. You did something you did something so I yeah I don't know either but I felt like I had to be honest with you okay um I don't think that you're a dickhead anymore yeah we like you yeah I like you now um let's see uh is Dwight Howard the goat uh coach killer that was pretty that was pretty mean that was mean I'm gonna say it right now that was mean you can hit him.
Yeah. But here we go.
Dwight, here's the good news. I also, you were the creation of one of my favorite ideas I've ever had.
When you got into it with a fan in, I think it was Atlanta in 2015, I had the idea every player should get to fight one fan a year. No, that them out and no legal recourse.
You don't get arrested. Nothing happens.
You get to just be like, hey you, you've been fucking riding me all game. Come on out here and fight me at center court.
I thought about that. You created that.
In my mind. I know what you're saying.
But that ain't good, man. No, once a year because then you know what the best part about it is somebody gonna get hurt real bad but dwight here's the thing yeah once you use it you lose it so if you go to a game in like march and you're like hey who on who on the roster right now still has their fight a fan like eligible and so yeah it's like and then if you sit close you have to be like all right all right, if I'm going to yell at these guys, they could pick me out.

So it adds a whole element of like, you know, the NBA would get huge ratings like, ooh, last game of the season, Dwight Howard hasn't used his fight a fan. And now we get to see what happens.
I'm glad you're in the producer. Okay, I'm going to say, that's a good idea.
You got to keep that in your mind. You created that shit, man.
You created that shit, man. Not that I created it.
Because when you were yelling at a fan or got into it with a fan, that's where I was like, boom. Light bulb went off.
Everyone should be able to fight a fan. Yeah, but no.
They say some crazy shit. I know.
What was that one? I can't remember. I can't remember.
I don't know. Somebody called my mom a whore one time.
You should fight him. No.
Come on, dude. You got to fight him.
I would have hurt that man real bad. Yeah, I know.
That's the good part. That's not good, man.
He's strong as hell, bro. Yeah, I know.
It's part of the ticket when it says, you know, when you go to a baseball game, could get hit by a foul ball. Boom.
That's different. Yeah.
Could get hit by Dwight Howard's fist. You don't want to, man.
I did want to hit him, though. Yes, I know.
I know you did. But then I thought about how he said it, and I was like, no And I was like Nah he's not gonna fight Yeah Like your mom's a whore Man nah he ain't What'd you do in 2013 That called you addicted Man that's 2013 I don't even know That was the Lakers So that was July So that was over That was by I don't know Free agency Free agency yeah Did you and Kobe fight? Hell nah we ain't fight There was a rumor that you fought we ain't never fight he said that you worried too much was that true i worried too much about the snakes eating you no you know what he said something and i finally understood what he was saying you know i think at first i took it the wrong way and i think a lot of people saying oh he's soft you know i think i don't think he was ever talking about something physical right i think he was talking about talking about more like mental stability where I allow things to get in my head that I shouldn't have.
Kobe also thinks everybody worries too much. Kobe Bryant, he thinks the volcano worries too much.
I mean, I can see why he doesn't have to worry. He's going to get 40 shots a game.
Right. But is that a worry? But is that something he told you? I wouldn't worry too.
I wouldn't worry. Is that something he told you though in the moment that obviously you're like what the fuck? That's what I heard people say on TV or something like Kobe said you saw and I think oh we're supposedly about to fight on the court everybody thought we was going to fight and he was like you saw and everybody oh, Kobe said he's soft.
I guess he's real soft because Kobe Bryant said it. I just realized, now I know why you want to be in Space Jam 2 so bad.
Why? Because you were supposed to be in the Equalizer. I was supposed to be in the Equalizer.
I had played. Boba was just in the movie.
Did you see him? I haven't seen it, but I saw the commercial. Yo, so I was in the in a theater right was not expecting to see Boba and he's the first scene and I see this big giant walk past you haven't seen the movie.
I haven't seen it yet. He walks in and when I see it I say oh and I say it loud and everybody's like I was like yo Boba and I couldn't help myself I'm like man I like Boba.
He can't fit in here. No.
No, no, no, no. He can't fit in here.
No, absolutely not. But you were supposed to be in the Equalizer.
I love that movie. I wasn't really supposed to be in it.
Oh, you just thought you should be in it. Yeah, I just wanted to be in it.
Okay, well, there's going to be an Equalizer 3. So if LeBron passes on you for Space Jam 2, we'll get you an Equalizer 3.
You watch Game of Thrones? Yeah. You look like a character.
Thank you. Don't say Tyrion.
Don't say Tyrion. Who do I look like? No, you don't look like Tyrion.
No, I wouldn't call you Reek. I felt bad for Reek.
Yeah, Reek had it bad. Man, Jon Snow wanted to fight Jon Snow.
Yeah, Reek had it real bad. Why did Jon Snow do that? Why? Because Danny was a war criminal.
No, he needed to do it. He was supposed to be the king.
No, but he was saving the realm. What realm? The whole realm.
How was that saving the whole realm? Because she was going to kill everyone. And she did.
Yeah, and she was going to keep killing people. Well, no, he killed her, but I'm saying, like, why didn't he just...
Why couldn't they make him king? Why couldn't they talk it out? Why couldn't he just throw her off the thing? Dude, because Grey Worm had no fucking dick, so all he had to live for was – Did he have a kid? No. Who was the girl he was talking to? He was just eating her – Oh, I feel bad for him.
They cut his thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He ate that box. So y'all watch Game of Thrones?

Y'all remember when Hold the Door?

When Hold the Door died?

I was like, Hold the Door, Hold the Door.

I was by the elevator and I actually saw it said HD.

And I kept thinking, Hold the Door, Hold the Door, Hold the Door.

All right, I got one last question.

Seeky question.

Put in promo code TAKE. You get $10 off.
Dwight Howard, how much longer are you going to play? I don't know. The way my body's been feeling, I could probably play until I'm 40.
Okay, how old are you? Do you want to play until I'm 40? I'm 33. Okay.
I do want to play until I'm 40. You intimidated now? Am I older? I'm older than you.
By one year? You intimidated? No. Okay, you should be.
Why? You look like somebody. Respect your elders, bro.
I respect both of y'all. Pablo.
If you think he looks like Pablo, I look like a warrior. No, you look like he was in Bill and Ted's Excellency.
That's also true. That's also true.
Yeah, so 40. 40.
Yeah. Okay.
I like that. I like that.
I like to talk to y talk to y'all all day yeah no I'm happy you came in because now I won't tweet mean things at you because like if you were in Space Jam I would have been like pray for the Monstars coach Dwight Howard's on your team now but I wouldn't I'm not gonna tweet that I'm not gonna tweet that now I wanna be a Monstar bro Yeah, hopefully. I can have a little dreads like I got in my hair now.

And that team.

Like, yeah, LeBron.

Wasn't it fucked up that the Monstars stole talent from Sean Bradley?

It's like you couldn't find a better player than Sean Bradley.

No, actually, Sean Bradley wasn't that bad.

He just got dunked on a lot.

He was bad.

Yeah, he got dunked on a lot.

He got dunked on a lot.

Not only did he get dunked on a lot, but he was also hilarious when he got dunked on. He was bad.
He was like a trip, fall over, and peep on himself. But he had the same face.
His face never changed. Like, bro, make another face.
Yes. Yes.
Are you ever afraid of getting dunked on and put on a poster? Hell yeah. I think everybody don't want to be put on the – you either block the shot or get out the way.
Yeah. But you're a very very good defensive player.
You're right, but if somebody's coming out of the lane and they're already in the air, why would you jump? No free buckets. Yeah, I'd break their ribs.
Yeah, that's right. You should jump on me.
I'd break your ribs. Man.
I would. You probably could jump over a quarter.
You can't even jump over a quarter. I don't have to jump over a quarter to break your ribs.
How are you going to break my ribs? You're going to be on the ground I'd spear you Goldberg spear you Goldberg spear you Did you watch? Did you watch? Oh fuck yeah I did I love Goldberg Hell yeah Why y'all was looking so mad? Because he was He was not that mean He was mad He was mad Who's your favorite wrestler? Stone Cold probably If I had to like actually Be like This is my favorite of all time It it's probably Stone Cold. I like X-Pac.
X-Pac. X-Pac and Kane is my favorite.
Did you know that? Yeah. X-Pac and Kane is my favorite tag team.
I used to do that in the game. DX? You used to DX people? I used to do this in the game.
Did David Stern? Go on YouTube. Yeah? You got it on there? Did David Stern ever be like, Dwight, stop DXing people? They sent me a video that said stop.
Really? Somebody had to explain to David Stern what suck it meant. No, he probably already knew.
Wait, do you like when people say Dwight like Charles? I'm ready to say that. Dwight.
Yeah, Dwight. Yeah, Dwight.
Yeah, that actually is kind of weird. Dwight Shrew kind of ruined your name.
How? Dwight. Dwight.
Oh, that's what they call him? I didn't even know what it was. What about his name? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
At first. Dwight.
You kind of ruined it for everyone. All the Dwights out there.
Dwight. You don't even know a lot of Dwights.
I know Dwight Schrute. You know, too.
Yeah. Dwight.
Howard Dwight Schrute. Dwight Green.
Dwight Eisenhower. Yeah.
And then. Ike.
Dwight from Empire. I don't watch that show.
Oh, man. Wait, Empire? Is that Billions? Oh, okay.
Wow, I told on myself there. My bad.
I watch Empire. It's pretty good.
You're lying. Did you guys see Black Panther? I like that, too.
You ain't even see it. This interview is over.
I saw it. It was good.
I got one last point.

What do y'all name this van?

This is Stan Van Gundy.

You're lying.

Or Nick Van Axel.

Yeah, it's got to have the word van in there somewhere.

Yeah, you really look.

Jeannie Buss.

Yes.

You look like Jon Snow, too.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah, you know, you look like.

No, I'll take those two.

Last one.

Last one.

I don't want to hear the last one.

Last one.

Get him.

Get him, Dwight.

What's the movie where the guys like this?

Night at Bernie's.

Weekend at Bernie's.

Weekend at Bernie's.

I look like a dead guy.

Hold up.

No, you look.

Night at the Roxbury.

You, me, you, me.

You really look like Jon Snow right now.

At least you didn't say Kid Rock.

Most people say Kid Rock.

I can see that, too.

Or Post Malone before he got famous.

I can see that, too.

Yeah.

You look like. Pre-Malone.
Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard.
Dwight Howard. Can we have some money? Yeah.
You have like $250 million. Is that not cool of me to ask you for money? Just a little bit.
Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it. Oh, fuck.
You are a bad teammate. Did you get manicures? Come on, give us some money.
Yeah, I get manicured. We're a team now.
What? If you want to be a good teammate, give us some money. Man, y'all better work.
You're on our team. No, I know.
We're a good team. All right, let's role play because people are like, oh, Dwight Howard, not a good teammate.
We're your team. Hey, Dwight, can we have some money? I'm going to pass you the ball.
Hell no. Ask the coach.
Where's the media? Dwight Howard's a bad teammate. Y'all better ask y'all.
Hold up. Wait, you're going to tell the coach on us? Hell, no.
I ain't going to tell the coach. Locked in the problems.
I ain't going to say nothing. I'm going to just tell y'all to go work.
Breaking news. Dwight Howard won't share the wealth with his new best friends.
Y'all my teammates. Dwight Howard would rather give his money to his snakes than to his best friends.
I would, too. I know they ain't going to spend it.
Yeah. How big is Curious George actually going to get? He might get like 25 feet.
Jesus Christ. Yeah.
That's weird. I got an anaconda too.
That's weird. A real anaconda.
That's weird. How big? See a baby right now.
But she going to be like 25. Her name is She-Hulk.
She-Hulk? Yeah. Okay.attle off the last snake uh cleopatra okay i got blade okay i got um cleopatra's a good name i got mickey and minnie that's good no that's weird george is still the best way far um mickey the snake that's weird the fact that you have snakes and don't have names is the scariest thing in the world you just have snakes It's It's like snake one, snake two, snake three.
Oh, wait. Where'd snake four go? Snakes don't know their name.
They can't even hear. Guys, you can never trust that, guys.
At what point do you think, like, I should give this snake a name? He's earned a name. Never.
When I first get it, I'd be like, okay, that look like George. But then once I'm going to have 40 snakes.
I'm not going to name all 40 snakes. I had them.
You have too many snakes. How much money do you spend on snake food? Not a lot.
Really? So they're starving? No, they only eat once a week. It's not like they eat dogs.
You can't trust snake. Why not? Because the snakes, anyone who has animals that can just like all of a sudden just get loose kill you.
Oh, yeah, they can. Yeah, they got personalities.
What are the different personalities of your snake? All right, so I got one snake. One's bad.
The other's angry. No, I got one that's really mean.
They're all mean. They're snakes.
No, it's just him. Anytime anybody comes to the cage, he's like, stand up.
You're like, what's up, bro? You know what I'm saying? I got another one. He cool.

I got a Burmese python.

And you know, he cool.

He'll hiss at you, let you know, like, what's up?

That's not what he's doing.

I promise you, when you open the cage.

He's not like, hey, what's up, boy?

You ain't got no snakes.

Yeah, no, I never will.

That's what I'm saying.

The Bible tells you snakes are evil.

That jewelry is pretty fucking cool. I'll give you that.
I like snakes, man. That's a snake.
That's cool. That's cool.
All right. That's cool.
All right, Dwight. I'm going to get off my snakes, too.
Thank you very much for coming in the van. This has been fun.
Appreciate it, man. I like this van.
I can tell y'all. Anytime you're in New York, come by the studio.
Just look up Jon Snow and Pablo Escobar. Yeah, we got a real studio.
Pablo. Yeah.
I know his family. Yeah.
Yeah. You know his family You do? What the guys who did Fyre Fest? No He said he knows Pablo's family I thought you said it's family I thought you were saying that we were like Pablo Pablo's family No yo family Oh I am family Yeah go it's family yeah i was like damn you know fuck hank fuck hank no oh man say say teammate way to learn you're cool bubba you cool yeah there you go yeah all right thank you dwight appreciate it it was a lot of fun that was fun all right yeah i'm gonna let you go're going to get right back to the show.
There are some things in life that just shouldn't be forgotten, like bringing your keys when you leave the house, setting your fantasy lineup, and most importantly, having Hidden Valley Ranch to watch the game. Especially if you're having pizza.
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The interview is also brought to you by Bud Light. It's summertime.
It's hot out. We're going to get right back to the show.
There are some things in life that just shouldn't be forgotten,

like bringing your keys when you leave the house,

setting your fantasy lineup,

and most importantly, having Hidden Valley Ranch to watch the game.

Especially if you're having pizza.

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take each cheesy, melty bite to an unforgettable level.

Hidden Valley Ranch, only serious about flavor. All right, back to part of my take.
Okay, let's get to some segments. Before we do that, we have to do our Mount Rushmore, and today's Mount Rushmore is brought to you by Kingsford Charcoal's The Taste of the Game, featuring 30 regional dishes inspired by the teams, cities, and flavors of Major League Baseball.
Go check out Kingsford right now and use it for your grilling on July 4th. And they are our sponsor for today's Mount Rushmore.
So thank you to Kingsford and make sure you grill on July 4th and all summer long using Kingsford. First of all, we're going to do our Mount Rushmore.
But we had the argument after in the car would people like dwight howard after that or would they think like i think that he just does his now you're poisoning the well again well i mean can i say what would you want me to say what i think or not yeah i can say what i think after i think dwight howard is uh very good at interviews and playing the ha ha ha i'm the funniest guy superman thing yeah and he then poisons teams and is a bad teammate okay yeah it was interesting to talk yeah I thought he was a great I don't think people are gonna be like I walked away from being like he was hilarious yeah that was a hilarious but you guys like turned your whole you're like no no no I didn't say that I'd like signed Dwight Howard to a max contract for my team if I had a free agency like if I was looking at him but I I do think that people will come away from that interview liking him more than they did before. I think they'll think.
It was Joe Buck-esque. A lot of people, the same way when we had Joe Buck on, people were like, I thought I hated him, now I love him.
I expect a lot of that. I think people will say that was classic.
That was vintage Dwight to put on the laugh and the whole thing that he does. Because he does that with every interview.
I don't think enough people know that. So that was our, that do people know Dwight Howard has this gear? It's a Stan Van Gundy gear when he came in.
It was like, ha, ha, ha, Stan, love you, man. You saying this now is probably new for a lot of people.
I don't think so. Okay, I guess that will be our embrace debate.
Either way, it was a good interview. I just don't think I walked away being like, okay, he's good at what he does when it comes to doing the voices and stuff i thought he was good i thought he was a good interview all right great also he's in the best shape of his life so the wizards are the east is really back now that's true okay let's do it so we're gonna do our mount rushmore this was a uh listener threw this out there if you have mount rushmore you want to hear please we're open for uh suggestions Who was it that actually – who sent it to us, PFT? Shout out Harris Silverstein.
He said, let's do a Mount Rushmore of pickup basketball guys. So we're going to do the Mount Rushmore pickup basketball guys.
Am I first? Yes, I'm first. So then PFT is second, then you're third, Hank? Yeah.
you okay Hank you just said uh oh my computer's died and I realized that my notes were on my phone oh no I got them now I got them you have to freestyle it I might have to okay this is like black thought pick up basketball guys here we go my number one pick I'm going with the old veteran this This guy probably played, he was probably all-state in like 1968.

He does great on defense.

He always knows where he needs to be.

He's good at passing.

He always moves without the ball.

And then he will make one or two shots off the backboard,

whether it be a hook shot or like a fadeaway backboard shot,

that you'll be like, how the fuck did that guy do it? Not athletic whatsoever. Old guy, wily veteran.
He's great to play. He's great to have on your team.
Always knows where to be. Yep.
Usually is wearing like champion gym shorts. Yeah, knee braces.
He's got that. He's just got that old guy feel to him.
Nice bounce pass. Again, he'll move like he will.
There will be a moment where he'll be moving so well without the ball that you'll run into him he'd be like you got to go over there set maybe like a back pick for you without the ball yeah off screen off screen pick off ball picks the wily veteran old guy yeah great to have a call plays from like lefty drizel he's great he's great my first one is going to be kind of the opposite of the guy that you just said. The really good dribbler who can't shoot.
So the guy that's like breaking ankles. Yeah.
Dribbling between his legs frequently when he absolutely doesn't need to. All handle, no shot.
Yeah, walking up the court, just going like behind his back, doing all sorts of things. He does the actual like figure eight ball drill in the middle of a live play, but he can't make a single shot.
And his shot isn't bad looking. It just doesn't go in.
It never goes in. It's like actually a good looking shot, but it just always hits back iron.
Yep. All right, Hank.
My number one, I will go with the back down back sweat guy. This guy is usually also a big boy.
He's just absolutely loaded up with sweat, completely like shoulder to ass crack, fully drenched in sweat, and then he'll get the ball and he'll just back you down. So it's like you don't even want to guard him because you don't want to touch him because he's disgusting.
And then I'll go with the three-point line, the three-point line hero. Yeah.
Some say this is me when I'm a little out of shape. But it's like, you know, you don't want to commit to defense, your confidence in your jumper.
You know that if you just hang around the three-point line, you'll get a couple passes.

It's great when you have that guy who actually can make the threes because you say to yourself, okay, that's fine.

You don't have to do anything else.

Just make these threes.

It's really bad when you have that guy and he sucks at shooting threes.

What are you trying to say?

Not saying you, per se.

I mean, sometimes you suck at shooting threes.

When you hit the top of the backboard, that's when I know you're not on. Fair.
Yeah. I mean, you know, and then you get hot.
Then you get hot. Okay, PFT.
Okay, my next one. I'm going to go with the calls too many fouls guy.
He's very overactive on the whistle. And you know what he'll do is he'll call a shitload of late fouls too.
Even after you've warned him a few times. And what I found about about the calls too many fouls guy he's usually the guy that will commit at least one or two fouls just out of sheer rage and frustration yes so he calls him because he hates him he just like hates himself yeah he'll he'll call too many fouls he also does he'll call like an out of bounds he'll say oh you stepped out of bounds 40 feet from from from the play he'll be on the other side of the court and just be like yeah no that was out of bounds yeah calls ups and downs on a pump fake yeah no the call too many foul guy you can't call unless it's egregious you can't call fouls and pick up basketball it's the worst all right i have um i'm gonna go with the next guy i'm gonna go with the floor talker so there's always one floor talker when you're out there.
It's usually a, he'll either say like one stop swing it. He'll call out every pick as loud as possible.
I have a little floor talker in me because a way to make people think you're playing defense is to just call out every pick as loud as possible and be like, well, we're talking well, like we're doing good. Help defense, help, help, help step up up um slow it down that's usually me as well when i say slow it down that's i just need to catch my breath someone get ball yeah so but the guy who's always talking on the floor and you know at the end of games hey one stop let's move it hey come on you know just pumping everyone up and making sure everyone's talking no one else is talking it's just the floor talker yep and so the floor talker is a big one um then my third pick i'm gonna go with accessories guy so accessories guy has a shooting sleeve he's got a mouth guard he's got the knee braces he usually has whatever the newest shoe is so he's got like the kairi fives and he lets everyone know it's every single time he comes out he's got the freshest new shoes you're like okay dude like we're no one's getting above three inches here we're not playing above the rim you don't need like bounce in these shoes i also like the knee pad guy yeah he's a knee pad guy uh sweat sweat uh sweat band guy armband guy everything copper sleeve when he puts it all, the accessory guy.
If you have a good attitude accessory guy, he's actually fun to play with. It can go south quickly.
If accessory guy thinks he's actually out there with the Allen Iverson shooting sleeve, it's a problem. Oh, and also the leggings, too.
The leggings for accessory guy when it's like, hey, man, no one's moving fast enough to tear a hammy here. I don't know why you're wearing full leggings.
Yep, that's a good one. I like accessories, guy.
My next one is going to be the guy that is on the court. He's waiting for the next game, right? So he's got next, and he's taking shots while the ball is at the other end of the court, but he stays on that end, taking shots way too late and messes up the play.
Oh, yeah. So he's like bricking shots.
The ball is like bouncing into people that are just trying to bring it off the court. Yep.
He doesn't know that your job is just maybe go out there and do a layup. Yep.
Maybe just a bank shot. That's it.
But he's out there winging it, taking shots. Gets in everyone's way.
Ruining the game that's currently going on, waiting for his. Yes.
Yeah, that guy sucks. I will go with the, like, it's kind of what PFT was saying, but let's call him the hockey player slash CrossFit guy.
That's in amazing shape. They can get up and down the court quickly.
They'll play defense the whole time, but they can't shoot, pass, or really dribble. It's the football player who's playing basketball, who never learned how to play.
I feel like hockey players are the ones where it's like they're in great shape, and they can move up and down, especially latterly, like defensively. They'll get all up in your face.
Beast on the board. Beast on the boards.
Yeah. First man back on defense.
No touch. Give him an open shot.
Can almost dunk. They'll just throw it off the backboard, not even hit the rim.
That was my fourth one. Yeah, they can almost dunk.
All those guys can almost dunk, but they can't. They'll have one possession.
You'll see him out there where he'll get his own rebound and miss the layup like three times in a row in one possession. The former college football player that is now playing pickup basketball all the time, that guy is the worst to play against because he's physical as shit.
He'll elbow you. Sometimes he can dunk, so he can actually embarrass you if he wants to.
He's got a terrible shot. He doesn't know how to pass, doesn't like to pass.
He just knows that

you're not going to back him down on defense,

and he's got two very sharp pairs of elbows.

Yeah. And then my last one,

I will go with, let's call

it the heat jet guy, but not like, he's not

a great player, necessarily, but

if he scores two baskets in a

row, you know he's going to shoot no matter what.

Oh yeah. No matter what.
Yes. Like, he scores

once, and he's like, okay, heat check time. Let's go.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
I like that pick. Okay.
PFT. My last guy, this is the gym version of Matthew Delevadova, the charge taker.
The charge taker, he's also the full court presser. I don't think that exists in pickup basketball.
It does sometimes. Okay.
The try hard. Yeah.
The get yelled at if you do that. You get the try hard.
The charge taker, he'll only try it once because he gets yelled at. There's like a natural selection out there that if you do try to take a charge and pick up basketball, everybody on the court will be like, no, dude, shut the fuck up.
But he'll try to do it once. He'll try to full court press you.
And he he's big on doing you remember like an nba jam when you bring down the rebound and you do that like elbow thing that never really happens in sports he is a big elbow user after he brings down a board okay uh all right my last one is going to be the guy who's just a and i i will put my hand up i probably am guilty of this at times when i really slow down and I'm out of breath. The guy who is just a little bit too physical for a pickup basketball game.
So you'll see it in elbows down low. You'll see it in – he'll set a screen, like a blindside screen at half court and just demolish someone.
Maybe a little bit, a little extra mustard on a rebound. Maybe a little light tap in the back.
The too physical guy who's like, he fouls, but you just can't. It's not like such a blatant foul, and it's usually off the ball.
Yeah. That you just know.
If you're going to run through the lane, this guy's going to give you some business. He's going to throw an elbow at you.
He's going to make you feel it. The just too physical guy.
Got it. My honorable mention was going to go to the guy that tries to do things that are just like a little bit outside of his skill set.
Like tries to toss a ball against a backboard and catch it in the air to make a layup as like a self-pass type thing. Yes, yes.
That sort of thing. The guy that's like he thinks he's a little bit better than he really is.
My honorable mention, I had the push it guy. The guy who thinks he's playing for the seven seconds or less Suns, where he's just, the key to everything is let's push it.
Let's push it. Man, we can't push it.
We're like, first of all, the gym we're playing in is a middle school gym. And second of all, none of us can run, but he wants to get out and run.
What about the guy that brings way too many intricate refueling and hydration things? Yeah, well. So he's got like two different flavors of Gatorade.
He mixes them with some water, dilutes the Gatorade a little bit, puts that in his third bottle, and then has a bison bar. I play with a guy outdoors who mixes Pepsi and Gatorade.
That's insane. He says he wants a little bit of caffeine, a little hydration.
I like that. I am the warm-up guy.

This is what I've become where I have my heating pad, the foam roller.

I have to be there.

I'm usually there with another guy who's like 50 years old,

and we're there 45 minutes early warming up to play three games of basketball.

What about the guy who's way too picky about which ball you use?

Yeah. He demands to check every single of basketball.
What about the guy who's way too picky about which ball you use? Yeah.

He demands,

he demands to like check every single one out.

Not this one pumps.

It tries to see how soft it is.

This guy,

not this one.

This guy's dead,

but he was,

he's a relic of the past.

The guy who says,

uh,

we're going shirts and skins.

I feel like shirts and skins don't happen anymore.

That used to be a guaranteed,

like,

fuck,

I'm going to have to go skins here. This um i also wrote down uh oh the the check it up guy so that's another trick that i also use when i'm getting a little tired just always checking it up and like or there'll be maybe the game will like stop for a second and everyone will not know what's going on like all right we'll check it up we'll check it up check ball like check ball check ball do the score check ball just slow it down so we can basically everyone catch their breath uh any others hank that you missed or that we that you had on there no okay um and zone defense guy i mean i'm also yeah i mean that's like that's a joke but i also 30 minutes yeah if someone said i always throw it out as a joke, but I mean, if someone said, yeah, let's actually run a box in one, I'd be like, great.
Let's do it. I'll get one of the wing positions.
I'm good. Okay.
Should we do some segments and we'll wrap up the show? Let's see. You had a drunk idea, PFT.
I did. Yeah, I have a really good drunk idea.
You ready for this one? Yes. It's shorts that have an iPhone charger built into the pocket.
Okay. So you put your iPhone.
How do you wash them? Listen, Hank. That was quick, Hank.
You didn't even let them get to the second part of the vision. This is for the scientists.
The mathematicians will figure this out, Hank. Talk about not fucking with the vision.
Jesus Christ. So it's got a charger.
This is the vision. It's trying to help you.
It's got a charger inside the pocket. You're ruining my dream before it's even like a fetus.
If a simple question ruins your dream, then you can't do this in Alabama. You got to check our Georgia.
This is kind of like when you said we should have a, what is it? Ice cream. That's slightly melted.
Yeah. Frozen yogurt.
That's different than frozen yogurt. Okay.
Keep going. But no, I'm here.
I got your dreams. I mean, that's basically it.
It's just pants that instead, like, in the pocket, it's got a little charging plug that are, like, right in the bottom. So how's that different than a Mophie? Don't kill his dreams, big cat.
I'm asking. No, I'm asking questions.
It's not different from a Mophie, but you don't have to worry about charging your Mophie and having, like, another item. How do the pants get charged? You plug your pants into the wall.

So how's that different than a Mophie?

Because it's a Mophie that you can wear.

So your phone, you ran out of juice this weekend.

I was teetering. Which you are wont to do.

I was teetering on the edge.

And so I was like, man, I really wish that I could just put my phone in my pocket.

It would charge up.

Okay.

I mean.

Tell me that's not a good. If you had pants that would charge an iPhone.
The problem is. You'd wear them.
I would probably just charge my iPhone with a Mophie. But.
Not if the Mophie was your pants. Because then I can wear different pants.
I don't have to just wear my charging pants. What are you being stylish? Like, oh.
No. I mean.
I don't feel like wearing these pants tonight. Well, I mean.
So, I guess. How expensive would these pants would these pants be 79.99 but then you have to buy every single pair of these so every single if you become used to charging your pants or charging your phone with your pants you have to buy only phone charging pants well you can collect all or how about this or it's just a belt it's a belt that has a plug that can run through the pocket i just think's a...
That is a much better... Yeah, the belt.
The belt works because then you can wear it with different things. Yeah, and it's perfect for dads, too, that have the clip, the cell phone holster on the belt.
Like, you change your pants. I mean, not everyone changes.
Not everyone. I don't really change my pants.
All right. Wow, it's very fancy.
No, I actually don't. I said that, but I very much don't change my pants ever.
I mean, if you had charging pants, you'd probably just wear the charging pants hank to answer your question to be self-cleaning okay oh okay any other brain busters slash you don't have to clean them because we're guys yeah okay um we have a way to stay relevant baseball baseball went to london and they juiced the baseballs and basically created uh football for baseball They built a wiffle ball stadium in London.

It was so fucking awesome.

It was because of the wind, the way the wind velocity came in.

Red Sox pitchers were actually trying to say that.

They said it was because of the way the structure of the stadium was built

that it created wind tunnels.

Not the fact that it was 385 to center?

Well, no, and the fucked up part was the way that they built the structure was the wind tunnels were only working when the yankees were up to bat yeah i that was so much fun if they do that if they bring like baseball games to different countries just keep doing exactly like that saturday hitting the over in with five outs it took five outs to hit the over of 11 and a half was awesome and then sund it looked like the under was going to hit, and the Yankees just put up a nine spot out of nowhere. I made the dumbass bet on Sunday trying to chase those points that I missed the night before.
I was like, I've got to take the over on Sunday. Oh, I live bet the over on Saturday like five times.
Yeah, I did too, but I actually got in at the very last minute, and I lost my live bet of the over on that. Oh, no.
It fucking sucks. That's the word.
On Sunday, I was chasing those runs, and it looked like it was fucked, but then it ended up coming back and hitting. This was a great way to introduce baseball to England, who's used to having – like, they're cricket matches.
That's their equivalent for baseball. Yes.
And the cricket matches last about three days. Yep.
And so having a sport like baseball that's often criticized for being slow-paced, well, when you compare it to cricket, it's pretty fucking fast-paced. It's like an electric toothbrush versus Sibian.
It is some real heart-pounding adrenaline shit if you're an English fan. Those games, and they lasted forever, but you're right.
Forever is still quicker than cricket.

Yes.

And it was just ridiculous.

I would love to watch games where the dimensions are so distorted

that we keep having exactly this, just runs, runs, runs.

Also, they were talking about every place they've played,

and they were talking about how they play in Williamsport every year.

For some reason, even though I know this isn't the case, I always just think that they're going to play on the little league field which would be great that would be the best and using aluminum bats yes just everyone dies holy shit imagine a pitcher in that Hank you didn't you sounds like you didn't like the London series no I did it was I enjoyed watching it too as long as shit obviously the Red Sox got smoked but it was fun when you it. It was like a game in Colorado where it's just like a pop fly off the bat.
That's gone. Right.
It's got to be weird too for the Yankees to be playing over there because the term Yankee is like a derogatory term for somebody from the United States over in England. Right.
And then you have the weird – whatever it is, whenever we bring our sports to London, you just have the weirdest fans pop up, the guy who was wearing the Red Sox and Yankees half shirt. And I think there were some Jaguars fans there.
Yeah, I was hoping the weird cartoon Jaguar guy would show up. Yeah.
So in England, they should actually call them the Y-Words. Ooh.
Not when they're over there, you know. Yes.
The Jaguars. No, no, the Y-Word.
The Yankees. Oh, the Yankees.
I was thinking of Jaguar.

Yeah, Jaguar.

Yeah, who did? Sean Connery?

We're doing a Sean Connery voice of a Jaguar.

Was that? Oh, no.

You're thinking Matthew McConaughey and Lincoln.

I think it was SNL.

I've been driving this car since I was old enough to ejaculate.

I have a Monday reading real quick.

Go for it.

Okay.

Kyrie is disgusting in a good way um let's see what else do i have uh lebron is way better than kairi you idiot with crying emojis then it's lebron missing a layup so i'm assuming the person was intentionally saying kairi's better then the person actually said kairi greater sign le, LeBron. Kyrie is ridiculous.
Kyrie looking like Larry Bird 30 years ago tonight. That's all from our friend Henisi.
Oh, interesting. That's our Monday reading.
I mean, those are all facts. Welcome, Kemba.
Kyrie is disgusting. He disgusted me.

Welcome to Hank, the biggest Brooklyn Nets fan in the world.

They should actually let the Brooklyn Nets play a few games out in the Nassau Coliseum.

They should let the Brooklyn Nets play at the Mecca.

Yeah, they should.

Just cuck them out of it.

James Dolan, you can actually get some tickets.

God damn it, the Knicks.

The Knicks are clowns.

Hank, though, congratulations, Kemba Walker.

I actually, who doesn't like Kemba Walker?

Is there a single person out there who's like,

Thank you. God damn it.
The Knicks. You're so, yeah, the Knicks are clowns.
Hank, though, congratulations.

Kemba Walker.

I actually, who doesn't like Kemba Walker?

Is there a single person out there who's like, I don't like Kemba Walker.

Michael Jordan?

Well, yeah, I guess.

Well, he didn't like him at that price.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I don't like him at that price either.

But, yeah, Kemba Walker, I think, is universally loved.

So, all right, that's our show.

We're going to see everyone on Wednesday for a three-hour best of with two new mount rushmore's huge three new interviews huge blake of the year huge review

football in july have a great fourth of july we'll see you on wednesday and happy birthday

george washington yeah we love you buddy happy birthday all the pirates out there

love you guys you'll get that joke later. Love you guys.

We'll be right back. Thank you.
Coming for your lover. It's Pardon My Take presented by Farmstool Sports.