Life. With Ryen Russillo and Mark Titus

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have something a little different for you. We have life advice to our former self with Ryan Rossillo and Mark Titus.
I think you guys are going to really enjoy this.

Speaker 1 We talk about a lot of different things, and then we also added a little mount rush more

Speaker 2 of

Speaker 1 things we think that we are elite at.

Speaker 1 So, like I said, a little different of a Monday episode because I had the kid and I'm trying to be a dad for at least the first week, attentive.

Speaker 1 So we threw this together during Grit Week and it's a lot of fun. Because it's one long episode.
I'm going to power through a few ads right now and then we'll get to the episode.

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Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 2 And the cat's in the cradle and the students move Little boy blue and the man on the moon When you're coming home dad I don't know man But we will get together then

Speaker 2 You know we'll have a good time then

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take presented by Cash App. No idea what date this is.
Well It is June 21st. I'll tell you what May 21st.

Speaker 1 It is your son's birthday. Yeah, so hopefully, knock on wood, my son has been born.

Speaker 9 A healthy

Speaker 2 child.

Speaker 2 This is the future. Thanks.
Looks just like you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I haven't figured out a name. I'm LeBron.

Speaker 1 Sniff and look at him.

Speaker 2 LeBron Cats. I always wanted to name a kid Reggie.

Speaker 1 Well, I've actually been, yeah, Reggie's a good name.

Speaker 2 I like that. What's wrong with that? No.

Speaker 2 What if you named your kid Hank Hates Cats? Ooh.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good. All right, so we should

Speaker 2 set up. I don't know how that one, huh? No, top of the head.

Speaker 1 How long has that one been in my draft? So this is the emergency. This is the emergency podcast that we're taping in May.
It's Rossillo, Titus, PFT, myself. We're in L.A.
It's the end of Grit Week.

Speaker 2 Could Tate not make it?

Speaker 1 Tate is in the backyard smoking trees. Is that bad that I say that?

Speaker 5 We're at L.A.,

Speaker 2 it's LA.

Speaker 1 So we are doing like an evergreen episode that we can run the day that my child is born so that you still have part of my take.

Speaker 1 And we thought, what better way to do that than have a life advice to your former self? And what better way to do that than have Ryan Rosillo on, who is going through a midlife crisis? Yeah,

Speaker 2 both accurate.

Speaker 2 Did you like my joggers?

Speaker 2 Those are pretty nice. You are wearing joggers.

Speaker 1 Do you not wear socks? Are you in the CrossFit now?

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, personal bests are sort of my thing now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's actually one of my life advice to my former self. Don't forget to.

Speaker 2 I like the CrossFit. You'll hurt.
When you see a PR on Instagram, that's a personal record.

Speaker 1 Gotcha. First question for you, Ryan.
Have Have you ever worked out with Jake Lazer?

Speaker 2 No, but I did go to a house party at his place not that long ago. Then got another invite.
I got a follow-up invite. Sing house, so you were a hit.
So it went well. Yeah.
You did good.

Speaker 2 A lot of the NFL coaches are like, we like you. Oh, name your names.

Speaker 2 Well, Dom Capers.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, real party guy.

Speaker 1 How old is Dom? Marv Levy? Dom's going to be pushing 80 by now, right?

Speaker 2 Levy was hitting on the girl I was with. Levy, dude, Marv Levy is like 95 and still got it.

Speaker 1 Gil Brandt.

Speaker 2 He just goes, hey, I know I lost four, but at least I made it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, those are the glory days. All right, so we're going to do life advice to our former self, not the Players' Tribune that we were just clowning on, which we can clown on again.
J.J. Watt doing his.

Speaker 1 And then I saw a kid in a J.J. Watt jersey under the stands at my high school.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I remembered.

Speaker 1 What do you guys think that Terric Jeters like as an editor?

Speaker 5 Yeah, he's very hands-on. He sends a lot of notes back.

Speaker 1 He probably just trades away. His best writers.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Exactly. I thought of that joke, and I was like, I'm not going to stay.

Speaker 2 I'm glad I said it.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 9 Wait a minute. You guys don't like JJ Watt again now?

Speaker 2 I think that's what I've done. No, we do.

Speaker 1 That was old JJ that wrote that. That was before he was cool.
Right. He wrote an article saying why I almost retired.
So he basically did the retirement without retiring.

Speaker 2 I love your narrator voice. You got to develop that a little bit more.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he wrote a whole article that he was walking in his hometown.

Speaker 2 And by the way, the answer to your question is no, I didn't read it. Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to tell it to you. He barely could walk in his hometown.

Speaker 2 He had a serious leg injury. He did.

Speaker 1 And he was thinking about retiring, and then he went to his old high school, and underneath the stands were kids playing touch football, and one was wearing a J.J. Watt.

Speaker 2 Watt of the stands? Yeah, like a shadow of the stands. Yeah, the stands.
A kid was wearing a J.J. Watts.
He was a

Speaker 2 J.J.

Speaker 1 Watt Texans jersey. And he's like, yes, I remember what my mission in life is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a great reason to come back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So if that kid wasn't there, if that kid was wearing a fucking Aaron Donald jersey, JJ Watt would have retired.

Speaker 5 That's my only reference is I can make are college basketball. So that reminds me of when Coach K took the Lakers job in 2004.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then some kid in a wheelchair wrote him a letter and he's like, Coach, stay a Duke.

Speaker 2 And he was like, hmm, didn't think about that until you brought it up.

Speaker 1 That kid in the wheelchair was actually Coach K when he was eight years old when his team wasn't playing well and he had to fake an injury for a second of the season.

Speaker 2 It was a serious back injury.

Speaker 1 You want to start? Like, you want to go in order? No, well, if you're a kid, like, you want to start at the age of eight? Okay, yeah. What advice would you give eight-year-olds? We'll go general ages.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like mid-elementary school. Don't be the kid

Speaker 1 who shits himself at school. Okay.
That is a good advice, right?

Speaker 2 That can won't do that. That can be with you for a decade.

Speaker 1 No, but you could, yes.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's. If you live in the same town, small town, not a lot of size.

Speaker 1 It's a slippery slope. You're the kid who shit is painted.
Yeah. Yeah.
I would say...

Speaker 1 Learn to do everything left-handed.

Speaker 1 Tie your right hand behind your back for a while.

Speaker 2 That's a good one.

Speaker 1 Cursive is overrated.

Speaker 2 Yeah. All of our eight-year-old listeners, cursive is fucking, you'll never need it again.

Speaker 1 Here's a really good one. If you type 80085 into a calculator and flip it upside down, it says boobs.
That's a little precocious for eight. Oh, you weren't doing that when you were eight?

Speaker 2 No, no chance. You're a pussy.

Speaker 1 I don't think you remember what eight was. Eight was.
I was looking at boobs.

Speaker 2 So don't shoot yourself. Use your left hand more boobs upside down.
Yep. This actually is a pretty good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's pretty good.

Speaker 2 So, yeah.

Speaker 2 I think eight's taken care of. Eight's taken care of.

Speaker 5 Yeah, there's nothing else to do.

Speaker 2 How good were you at hoops at eight, Tys?

Speaker 5 I was very good.

Speaker 2 Like, you were taking an NBA.

Speaker 5 This is the story of my life. Was like up until eighth grade, I was destined for

Speaker 2 you the tallest kid?

Speaker 5 I was 6'4 in 8th grade.

Speaker 2 Fuck off.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 5 I dunked in a basketball game in 8th grade.

Speaker 1 You're Magic Choice.

Speaker 2 You're playing all five positions.

Speaker 5 I was like, dude, this is the greatest thing ever. I'm going to the league.

Speaker 5 And then I just kept getting older, and everyone started getting taller. And I was like, what is happening? And here we are, and I'm 6'4 now.
All right.

Speaker 1 In eighth grade, I was huge. Yeah, there's a life lesson.

Speaker 2 That's huge.

Speaker 2 I wore. Carpet hair?

Speaker 5 Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah.
I shaved in sixth grade.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 5 I was shaving in sixth grade.

Speaker 2 You want to ever shave?

Speaker 1 So, going up to like 12, 13, you don't want to be the first kid with the armpit hair.

Speaker 2 No, you feel like that's a weird thing.

Speaker 5 See, the whole reason I have a beard right now is because in sixth grade, I had to, I was the first kid to shave, and I wore it like a badge of honor.

Speaker 5 Where like in school, everyone knew me as like the guy who could. So, like, in seventh grade, then I had to grow out like a little goatee, and everyone's like, that's so tight.

Speaker 5 But the guy, we have a kid on our basketball team who's a fucking goatee.

Speaker 2 Were you like a stay-back weird kid, though?

Speaker 5 No, I just like hit puberty at like five years old.

Speaker 2 So you were a normal age. I was like, yeah, like a normal age.
You might be like, I'm surprised you became a guard. No offense.
I didn't want to.

Speaker 2 Like normally, you guys are like just the worst centers who are great in picking up. Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Well, I grew up in Indiana so I could shoot a little bit, but that was

Speaker 2 gravel. Yeah.
That's true.

Speaker 5 But yeah, so like all through high school, like in high school football, I grow my beard out and like that was part of it.

Speaker 5 And like all my friends were like, this is so awesome that we have a guy on our football team that comes out to shake hands at like the coin toss. He's got a fucking full beard.
Yep.

Speaker 5 That's pretty cool. And then that's just like became my identity.
I was a beard guy. You might still have a beard because of that.

Speaker 2 You might be like Vlad Guerrero and your parents just like never told you that you're two years older than you really.

Speaker 5 That would make a lot of sense.

Speaker 5 When I was in eighth grade, I was actually like 26 and that's why I was so good.

Speaker 2 Were high school girls hitting you up and stuff?

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 5 I remember in eighth grade I dunked in a game and my brother was in high school at the time and my brother's like riding the bench in high school and I'm in eighth grade dunking and like we would I would go to my brother would have a party at his house and like all his friends would come over and like girls were hitting on me as an eighth grader because they're like, we heard about the thing and they dunked.

Speaker 2 We heard you dropped like 35 last night.

Speaker 5 I was like, man, life's going to be so tight for me.

Speaker 2 That was the pinnacle right there.

Speaker 1 So don't peek then.

Speaker 2 Don't peek early.

Speaker 1 And don't be the first one to grow facial hair. Yeah, you just suck at a lot of stuff when you're in eighth grade.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Or if you're 6'4 and you play basketball and you're in eighth grade, don't forget the guard skills.

Speaker 1 Yes, do not forget to forget the guard skills. If you gave advice to a 13-year-old right now, like if I gave advice to my own 13-sell, I'd be like, make sure you stash all the Playboy.

Speaker 5 I was going gonna say, 13-year-old, 13-year-old guys is just all about boner management, right?

Speaker 2 But now it's like they have porn. I assume.
What do you mean, you assume? Okay, well, I don't know the child locks and shit on computers or so.

Speaker 1 It gets fucking crazy. You're naive right now.
Kids will always find a way.

Speaker 2 No, I know they will.

Speaker 1 It's chaos theory. But yeah, it's very different.

Speaker 1 I don't even know how you could give advice to someone who has a 13-year-old who has full access to porn versus like every 13-year-old in the history of the world prior.

Speaker 1 They're completely different beings. Could you imagine? Yeah.
If you're 13 and you had a computer, the world's at your fingertips.

Speaker 1 It is kind of scary, actually.

Speaker 2 It is.

Speaker 2 Michelle's ready to say something, and I don't know what the fuck. I just didn't know if other guys get high on this podcast before it started now.
No, no, we haven't.

Speaker 1 We've actually, yeah, actually, the last two nights we've been taping, and we're just like at the end of a rope by the time this time goes over.

Speaker 2 This is like my career started. So

Speaker 2 we feel like we're high.

Speaker 1 It's a natural. You know how runners get high if they just run constantly?

Speaker 2 I'm high on friendship.

Speaker 1 If we run our mouths constantly all day long, we get high at the end of it. And we just say the stupidest shit.
But it's a good point. Like, if you're raising a kid in, you know, 2027,

Speaker 1 how the fuck are you going to keep porn away from that kid?

Speaker 1 I feel like PFT and I are locked in. Yeah, Titus is half with us.
You're lost.

Speaker 5 Well, my question is,

Speaker 5 do you, you have to draw a line somewhere because you can't give in to if you're 13 years old and every time you get a boner, you're watching porno. That's like...
Yeah. That's all I remember about.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm with Josh McCown on this one. Yeah.
Sometimes you get on a flight to Omaha and you end up in Detroit.

Speaker 1 That's what happens when you masturbate online.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would honestly tell 13-year-old PFT, go no fat. Just like store all that testosterone, hit the gym.

Speaker 1 Hit the gym.

Speaker 2 Yeah. All right.
Let's, let's, we'll, let's progress.

Speaker 1 We'll go to the, let's just go straight to the 20s.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's time vault the fact that we just did

Speaker 1 like 10 minutes on 13-year-olds.

Speaker 2 I don't even finish that sentence. I know.

Speaker 1 All right, 20 years old.

Speaker 2 20. Here we go.
Now we're cooking.

Speaker 2 Now we're cooking.

Speaker 1 20 years old.

Speaker 2 You're half a brain. Yep.

Speaker 1 Third of a brain.

Speaker 5 No matter how smart you think you are, you're an idiot.

Speaker 1 Well, that's the problem with being at 20. Yeah.
Is that you think you're smart, but you actually only have having a third of a brain,

Speaker 1 you can't realize that you only have a third of a brain. You think you got a full brain.

Speaker 2 No, when you're 20 and you've only been 20, I know this sounds simple, but this is why everyone older than you hates you you because they all went through the exact same thing where it's like, I got everything figured out, and then you just realize you don't.

Speaker 2 And it doesn't mean you're not smart. It doesn't mean you're not creative.
Like, when I think about creative people, usually those peak years are in those 20s.

Speaker 2 You know, you're seeing things for the first time, you're experiencing them in new ways, and you're reacting. And then it's like, you know, I think most creative people...

Speaker 2 There's special ones, but there's some that's like, hey, you just kind of had like one or two really good ideas when you were young, and then it just, you got to hang on for a while.

Speaker 2 that's most of this stuff music i mean how many bands do you go you know what i liked was their seventh album yes like it just doesn't really happen so that's where if i'm young i kind of want to be like fuck you to everybody older who's telling me what's up but we're talking like the general population here just the normalcy of going through it you can't you can't have any of this perspective that you're going to need and you're definitely going to have a little bit later so nobody really wants to like they may respect you and be cordial and talk to you but they still think you're an idiot when you leave the the room.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And you need to know that when you're 20 because you don't want to believe it.
You're listening to this. You're like, that's not true.
Screw you guys.

Speaker 2 But the safest bet in the world is that when you turn 30, you're going to go, I can't believe I thought the way I did about everything.

Speaker 2 It's not like your political beliefs change or your morals change.

Speaker 2 It's just, it's hard to explain, but another third of life experience makes you realize like all the shit that I thought was so important.

Speaker 2 And I just, I would say I'd finished it this way, is all the stuff you think is so important almost isn't.

Speaker 5 Here's my question, though, as the old man in the room, does that ever end?

Speaker 5 Does this cycle of like, you know, because like the whole reason I got off Facebook was because when Facebook started doing the, hey, you posted this three years ago, thought you would like to see this.

Speaker 5 That was it. I didn't give a shit about the privacy.
I didn't give a shit about the memes or the fake news or anything else.

Speaker 5 It was, I would log into Facebook and be like, remember when you posted this three years ago? And then I would cringe and I'd be like, God, I was the worst three years ago.

Speaker 5 Thank God I have it figured out now. And then three years pass and then I do it again.
I'd be like, wait, I was an asshole.

Speaker 5 Does that ever end? Like, when you get in your 40s, are you looking back at when you were 36 and you're like, man, bad posts never end, I don't think.

Speaker 2 No. Because I could go back and see a tweet that somebody replied to that I wrote three years later and I thought it was hilarious.
Yeah. And they go, that wasn't even funny.

Speaker 2 So I don't think that ever stops. I hate that.

Speaker 1 I harassed you for like a full year and a half on Twitter.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because you harassed me so much, I wasn't ever going to give you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that wasn't very funny. That was

Speaker 2 a 20s-year-old.

Speaker 5 Like, how far back can you go in your tweet history to find something that's genuinely funny one week

Speaker 1 one it's all outdated i think a day old i'm still sometimes like oh what was that to answer your question i think that it's about the age of 60 i would assume would be the point where you you don't when you're 60 you don't look at a picture of yourself when you're 50 and you're like oh i was such a shithead yeah you're basically the same person at that point right okay you even probably look back at that at that point and you're like that was pretty cool i wish i could go do that again yeah the other the other thing to your point roussella is like just as simple when you're 20 and this sounds very simple because everyone always says it, but it really is the truth.

Speaker 1 You actually do think that you are 100% invincible. I think of dumb shit.

Speaker 1 Like, I remember I once dove off a dock in Madison in the summer and hit my fucking shoulder on the ground, on the bottom of the fucking.

Speaker 2 Badass, bro.

Speaker 1 Easily could have paralyzed myself. Like, shit like that, where you're like,

Speaker 1 I'm fine. I'll be fine.

Speaker 5 And even when you hit your shoulder, you probably got up and you're like, whoa.

Speaker 2 No, that was crazy. You were like, holy shit, I almost died.
Yeah, you're like, wait, what?

Speaker 1 I almost fucking was in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. Like, stupid shit that you do when you're 20, you honestly think you will survive everything and anything that happens.

Speaker 1 And it's crazy because it's not. Ryan, what were you thinking of when you were like, when you're 20 years old, you've got it all figured out and you know the answer to everything, but guess what?

Speaker 1 You don't know shit. Is there like something specifically that you thought when you were 20?

Speaker 2 I had like two different stages in my 20s where I was like, okay, this isn't going according to plan. Like, I never thought I was an idiot.

Speaker 2 You know, I actually did think I was smart, but I knew enough to think I was like, okay, there's stuff that I don't know.

Speaker 2 But I needed to get my act together in school, and it was really tenuous of like, wait a minute, maybe I'm just going to be like a guy who works construction.

Speaker 2 Not that there's anything wrong with that, but that was kind of what I was always banking on. I'm like, if this doesn't work out, I'm just going to go home and work construction for my father.

Speaker 2 And then eventually I have my own contractor business, and that's what I'm going to end up doing.

Speaker 2 And it was funny because when that happened, and then it happened again when I was 27, I was just like, wow, like, did you think you were going to, like, when you think around, like, this is kind of weird, but if you look around your group group of friends, and you'd probably nail it, but you'd go around the room and go, who's going to be the loser and who's going to be the winner out of this group?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. And, you know, sometimes the guy that you think is the winner is the guy that thinks he has it more figured out.
He presents himself as having it more figured out.

Speaker 2 That's another thing I'd give advice to the younger us at 20.

Speaker 2 Is your buddy who like interned at Merrill Lynch in college and then immediately get a job and he's telling you he's going to be an investment banker and he's wearing a suit to happy hour on Thursday and he's at like PJ Clark's.

Speaker 2 He's like 70k. Right, right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and he's like, we go to Vegas on the weekends, and you're trying to scrap together rent money. That guy's more full of shit than anybody because nobody at his bank respects him.

Speaker 2 He's not doing anything cool, and even though he's making like 70, it's not like to live in New York City, it's not like you're killing it.

Speaker 2 So you'll do this thing where you start to compare yourself to the guy that looks like he's winning the most out of your group of friends. And

Speaker 2 there's a really good chance like his life is going to be reset three or four different times. So, don't do that.
Don't compare yourself to that guy.

Speaker 2 But you also have to look around the room, go, Am I maybe the loser of this group, too?

Speaker 2 Because that's like a really nasty conversation. And I had that conversation with myself right now.
Like, I never looked around the room and thought I'd be the loser out of this group.

Speaker 2 And then, two different times, I'm like, I bet every one of my friends is like, Rasillo's the loser out of our group.

Speaker 1 See, I feel like everyone's had, maybe not everyone, but most people have had that internal dialogue with themselves.

Speaker 1 I remember vividly two years out of college, my friend group, group, everyone had the Merrill Lynch job or Deloitte or something like that. And I was not.
And the real estate market crashed.

Speaker 1 And I was like, wait, I am the loser. Like, this is me.
I'm the loser.

Speaker 2 Why, were you doing real estate?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was doing real estate and it fucking crashed.

Speaker 2 Were you telling everybody before it crashed that you were killing it?

Speaker 2 Because that's the guy I lived in.

Speaker 1 No, I was building houses, but it literally was like, you fired half the staff like six months in, and they were like, hey, this guy makes $30,000 a year. Let's keep him.

Speaker 1 And I looked around and I was like, wait, everyone else is killing it and I suck. And I feel like that happens.

Speaker 2 But everyone, they have that moment.

Speaker 2 To give yourself credit on this is that the fact that you even have, and I guess I'm giving myself some credit too, that you even have that self-awareness to go, I think I might be the loser of the group.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Means you probably won't end up being a loser.
But that was just the thing. Like, you know, people mature at different ages.
I matured.

Speaker 2 later than my friends in a weird way, but then some of my friends are like, you matured way ahead of us because you knew like, no matter what, I am fucking doing this, and this is all I'm doing.

Speaker 2 And everybody get out of my way. And I don't care about any of that other stuff.
So if I were to sum up that whole thing, it's

Speaker 2 don't get so caught up in like comparing yourself to the other dudes because you're going to have some real Alex P. Keaton types.
Anybody get that reference? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're going to have some guys that are just getting after it, and you're going to think, oh, man, I suck. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 The dude that is looking like they have their shit

Speaker 1 put together when they're 23, 24 years old, that's the guy that hits the midlife crisis first. That's the guy that wants to get away from it because he grew up too fast.

Speaker 2 Right. You're going to lap them.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.
Eventually you will. You're going to catch up.

Speaker 1 On the other hand, I would actually tell my younger self, like age 21, 22, to spend more money. Because I was afraid

Speaker 1 when I got out of college, I was like, I don't know. you know okay i do the math every month okay i'd have this month for rent and then i don't have that much left over i'll try to save some.

Speaker 1 And I was like afraid of doing cool stuff sometimes because I didn't know if I was going to have enough money to make rent the next month. Like take some risks with your money.

Speaker 2 That's a great call because I've had friends that actually have said, and

Speaker 2 there's different lanes for all this stuff. But a couple of my friends that are really successful, their whole thing was, I'm not going to worry about saving money in my 20s.

Speaker 2 And I know that sounds ridiculous. And, you know, look, put a little aside.

Speaker 2 But if you're sitting there being like, okay, I'm going to live this cramped lifestyle when I have a decent job and I have prospects, and your whole career has to be like, Is this growing?

Speaker 2 Am I going to be going? Because if it is going to go in the right direction, then you're going to end up making that money back in your 30s anyway.

Speaker 2 And I think there's a real thing within your 20s to just go experience life as much as you possibly can. I think people should go to college in their 30s.

Speaker 1 Agreed. I totally agree with that.
I think if I went to college right now, I would love it.

Speaker 2 I would enjoy it because I'm so good at it. I like learning.
Right. Right when I went,

Speaker 2 I was like eight.

Speaker 1 No, I suck at taking notes. I'm super disorganized.
But I would like to go to college right now and learn stuff.

Speaker 1 When I went, I was 18, and I just wanted the piece of paper when I was 21, 22, saying, okay, you have a degree. Good job.

Speaker 1 I was an English lit major, and I think I read maybe two books my entire four years because I would just like go online last second, look at the Spark notes.

Speaker 5 What about a college for adults? Why don't we start?

Speaker 2 No, it should.

Speaker 1 You should have to go get a job for five years, then go to college at like 24.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't think I learned that much in college.

Speaker 1 I really don't. I think I learned how to fake tests

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 just skate by using, you know, show up to class and figure out what everybody else is talking about and then kind of listen to them, figure out what's going to be on the test.

Speaker 1 I learned how to skate my ass through college, but I didn't really learn anything. If I went right now, I feel like I would really learn stuff.

Speaker 2 And you're a student alive. Well, this is a problem.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Hard Knox University.

Speaker 5 This is a problem I had my whole life where I was

Speaker 5 shooting for my armpit here and I could dunk, and I was really popular. And women wanted me, and I was like, God damn,

Speaker 2 I have a rehearsal.

Speaker 5 so early we're gonna get to what's your number later yeah you're you're you're you're pursuing you're pursuing the uh end result and not the process of like you like I never really learned how to like study or how to to uh work hard I learned that like I'm in school I'm trying to get an A on this test by any means necessary I didn't cheat but it was like I don't I'm not gonna retain any of this shit yeah I'm just trying to get the A on the piece of paper so then I can get the cool GPA so then I can get into the college and then and then i can have a great life and at no point did anyone like did i really think about you know like it was better for me to like get an a plus and not learn anything than to be the guy that got like a b minus but like learned a ton and had a lot of growth in that class like wow that was very enriching yeah um and i feel like that's a mistake a lot of us make it sucks because all after the yeah all the faith all like those quotes they're actually real like when you're like oh you learn more from failure than success like fuck yeah it's so lame but it actually is real and it feels like a douchebag for saying the way message got me, it's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, if I had to do it over again, I think I'd probably not, I wouldn't go to college until I was 25 years old.
That would be really weird.

Speaker 2 And well, no, I think a lot of it would be.

Speaker 1 It would be weird. At the time,

Speaker 1 I had friends that did that same thing and didn't go to college until they were like 22, 23. I was like, that guy's a fucking weird thing.

Speaker 5 Yeah, don't you look back on it? I don't know if you guys had this when you were in college, but like

Speaker 5 I did have guys that were like in their 30s in some of my classes. And we would.

Speaker 2 I remember

Speaker 2 that was that JC transfer.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I remember laughing at that bottle of this fucking guy that's 30 years old in class.

Speaker 5 That's hilarious. And now

Speaker 5 it's one of those things. You look back, you're like, man, I really was an asshole.

Speaker 2 We had a lunch lady in high school go for a high school degree. That was awkward.
Oh, okay. Because, you know, when you're in high school, you're not really matured.
Yeah, no, no one can.

Speaker 2 No one can be cool about that. No, she, well, I mean, it was

Speaker 2 Martha's Vineyard, so she didn't have a lot of other high school options. So she was one high school.

Speaker 2 So the lady that took our lunch money started trying to go back to get her high school diploma, and we were all really supportive. And we were hacked.
No, like

Speaker 2 guys were totally freaked out about it because we're all shithead 16 years.

Speaker 1 How come you haven't turned that into like a romantic comedy?

Speaker 2 Limited series? What would season three be? Plot like Madison 2. No, let's just run through it, right? Because your first season, she's your lunch lady.

Speaker 2 Second season, she's your classmate and your lunch lady. Third season, she's back to being your lunch lady.

Speaker 1 No, third season is just to build up the prom. Fourth season, she's selling meth out of the lunch lady cafeteria.

Speaker 2 Right. Okay, and then fifth season, she gets her degree and she marries one of the chefs, and everybody's happy.
Boom, there's a show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, put that, print that show.

Speaker 2 Actually, delete that. Somebody will steal it.
Yeah, no, that's true.

Speaker 1 We will definitely steal it.

Speaker 1 So moving forward, the quarterlife crisis, which we've all talked about before, but that shit is real.

Speaker 1 You turn 26, 27, and you're like, wait, I'm just going to be doing this job forever? Like, for the rest of time? And you have to stop and be like,

Speaker 1 I think I want to do something different here.

Speaker 5 I think for me, it was when I was 20, I thought I had it all figured out, but I just had half a brain or a third of a brain.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you weren't playing, so at that point, you had to figure like. If you had a book, you were viral before viral was yours.
Yeah, you were like the first school.

Speaker 5 That is a good point. Wow.
Like, social media.

Speaker 2 Maybe I should leave. You were way ahead of us.
That is funny. Like, you were

Speaker 5 very far.

Speaker 2 Yeah, now you're on the Marlins.

Speaker 1 The guy who's always had a lot of people.

Speaker 2 Who was the guy on the Marlins that everybody, Logan Morrison that everybody loved because he was like a funny tweeter every now and then?

Speaker 2 You were him before he was him. Yeah.
And you still

Speaker 2 have stain camps.

Speaker 5 I had a very easy. Yeah, like looking back, it was very, very easy because, again, none of the tweets that I tweeted were any good whatsoever.

Speaker 2 It was just like, holy shit, this guy is on a basketball team and is like not.

Speaker 1 It was just you and Shaq on Twitter anyway.

Speaker 2 2009.

Speaker 2 It was different, man.

Speaker 5 When I was 20, I thought I had it all figured out, and I obviously did it. And then when I was 25, it was like, oh, shit, I don't have this figured out.
And that's when like the panic sets in.

Speaker 5 I think that's what it is.

Speaker 5 And then you take those next for me, it was like I took those next five years, and it's not like I have it figured out now, but like, I kind of, I kind of do when you hit 30.

Speaker 5 So I feel like that's a progression of 20 to 25, you know, nothing, but you're not phased by it. You're half a brand.

Speaker 2 You're like, you don't understand.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Your half a brain doesn't let you understand that you only have half a brain.

Speaker 2 Then 2029,

Speaker 1 you become aware that you've only had half a brain for all this life. And you're like, shit, I got to grow a full brain here.
And you spend 25 through 29 being like, uh-oh, what's going on?

Speaker 5 What are taxes?

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.
Should I

Speaker 2 literally hate just his taxes for the first time? 26. 25? What are you talking about? 25? 25.

Speaker 1 Also, when you get your first place, the bills that come in the mail, you actually have to pay those.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a big one. I was like,

Speaker 1 some asshole is telling me I owe him money.

Speaker 2 Fuck you.

Speaker 5 I've never met this guy in my life.

Speaker 1 We used to have Dominion Resources.

Speaker 2 It was one of the apartments I lived in. I think when I was 22, it was Burlington.
And we didn't pay our electricity bill until they came to shut it off.

Speaker 2 And the guy would show up every month and be like, I'm here to turn it off. Be like, hold on.

Speaker 2 And that's how we paid it.

Speaker 2 So it was like he just, that was their process. And

Speaker 2 we thought, like, yeah, we kill it. We pay it every month.
We're like, no, no, he's like, you guys got to stop doing it. Send in a check like the rest of society here.

Speaker 2 But the 27 thing, it happened for me at 27, too, but I never know if that's just... nature or if that's just where you're at.
27. There are people that are, I don't know if it's being more simple.

Speaker 2 I don't know if it's having expectations that are lower sometimes in a weird way.

Speaker 2 Like, I think having lower expectations could be a way more fun way to go about it because you'd just be at peace and you'd be content.

Speaker 2 And I think there's a lot of people out there, and part of me admires them for that. And if you're able to achieve that at an earlier age, then you shouldn't listen to anything we're saying.
But

Speaker 2 there's a real part of it, too, where I knew very early on I was going to have to do something different.

Speaker 2 And when I'm hanging out and I'm bartending and I'm sleeping in until noon and I'm golfing or playing pickup hoops and then I'd fish on the lake and then I'd go in for a 10 o'clock shift and then I'd stay up until 4 again and then do it over and guys are like, you're killing it.

Speaker 2 That sounds awesome. That sounds pretty cool.

Speaker 2 And you're like, I'm killing it at 25.

Speaker 2 But I don't, I don't, you know what I mean? Like, I don't want to do this when I'm 30 and guys kept coming up to visit because I was still in the same town where I went to college.

Speaker 2 And guys are coming back up to visit and a couple guys are engaged. And I'm like pouring them a couple beers, and they're looking at me, and I'm going, they're not looking at me with admiration.

Speaker 2 They're going, holy shit, Brasillo's stay.

Speaker 1 But you were also kind of their vacation a little bit. It's like, I'm going to go party with Brasillo this weekend because it's like, that's that's the old days.

Speaker 2 Well, that was, yeah, it was, it was cool for them, but like on Sunday when they back went back to reality and then I was like, yeah, I have the day off.

Speaker 1 It is the first time you go back to like the college you went to and you are like, okay,

Speaker 2 I'm a little old here.

Speaker 1 That's like when it starts to set in. This isn't what it used to be.
Like 26, 27, you're like, oh, this is, we're not, this isn't what we were doing like five years ago.

Speaker 2 Okay, but let me just ask all you, because you're right, but if I ask you guys this stuff, and here's kind of the part of it that's the game, is

Speaker 2 if you didn't have those inner things, those freak outs,

Speaker 2 would you have achieved any of this stuff? No, absolutely not.

Speaker 2 So I've driven myself crazy, but I also knew deep down that if I was the guy that was like, hey, I met somebody who was great at 25 and I could have married her, I could have had kids, and I could have sold insurance, but I knew, I knew, and no one told me, hey, you're going to be miserable, but I just knew I was going to be miserable if I did that that way.

Speaker 2 So I had to do it. And then, you know, I think the overall thing is like, all that shit, none of it matters.
Like, some girl's going to dump you, and it doesn't matter. You're 20.

Speaker 2 You know, if you get dumped at 60, that's a different conversation. You know, if you lose a job, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 Like, all the things, because you haven't had that life advice, all these things that you think matter so much, at the end of the day, they don't really matter.

Speaker 2 Like, I remember I went home, I went away to like take some gig, and it was like an on-air thing, and everybody wrote it up in the local paper, and it was a big deal.

Speaker 2 I flamed out in like six months, and I was home shingling, and guys from home were like, give me the like, oh, fuck Mr. Big Shot.
And I'm like, fuck you, you're still here.

Speaker 2 Like, you didn't even leave. Right.
And you're making fun of me?

Speaker 1 So. And that was the rest of the look who had hopes and dreams over here.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was the aggro uh phase of your life, right?

Speaker 2 Who's too good for the oyster back? Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 1 It's funny. So, when I was 27,

Speaker 1 what you're describing, like, that was my life. I, but it was a little bit different because I had a job, it was a pretty good job for a 27-year-old.

Speaker 2 Um, to guess,

Speaker 1 no, that was after that. Oh, okay.
So, I was selling software, custom software in Austin, Texas.

Speaker 2 That must have been the best software ever, man.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what the fuck software is, right?

Speaker 2 But I was

Speaker 2 how did you even get into that?

Speaker 1 I took a job selling

Speaker 1 used dogs and parlayed that into selling portable appliances over the phone, like an inbound sales rep. That sucked.
Parlayed that into selling software testing.

Speaker 1 I was so bad at that that the company folded. And then I parlayed that into selling custom software, which I didn't understand, but I was good at it, I think.

Speaker 1 And I got to the age of about 27. And every single day, I was like, my paychecks were good.
They were really good for a 27-year-old. How much?

Speaker 1 Um, I think when I was 27, I made $125,000.

Speaker 2 Whoa,

Speaker 1 I still had

Speaker 2 back. I was making like $40,000.

Speaker 1 But, but here's the deal: what's the job again?

Speaker 2 I mean, I made 12 grand. Did you have contacts? Yeah,

Speaker 1 here's the thing: like, I was not happy. I was miserable because I didn't give a shit about my job day in the day.

Speaker 2 Music scene was good there, though.

Speaker 1 Music scene was really great, and I hated going to work.

Speaker 2 You were fucking bank, bro. Yeah, I was.
I was 25. Why'd you quit?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, it's like, I literally just, I don't know if you heard me, but I was like, the real estate market still hadn't bounced back. I was making 40K.

Speaker 1 Here's what happened, okay? I realized I was addicted to the paycheck. And if I kept going down this path,

Speaker 1 I was going to base my entire identity around how much money was in my bank account at the end of the month. And that's like, that's not a good reason to have a job, I don't think.

Speaker 1 I was not happy with things.

Speaker 2 But you wanted to be creative, though. I wanted to be creative.

Speaker 2 So you started dabbling a little bit. Didn't you tell me once you spent like way too much time at work just writing stuff on message boards?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, not on message boards, but

Speaker 2 I guess you could consider Twitter. Twitter is such an own to

Speaker 1 consider Twitter to be a message board. And I auditioned, like, as a joke for Bleacher Report, wrote the worst column on purpose of all time.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 That's how the character started. Was you

Speaker 2 wrote like a... Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 You wrote a column in earnest, and then someone wrote back and was like, this is so shitty. And we're like, yeah, that's the joke.

Speaker 2 I wrote it the whole time. I wrote a column.

Speaker 2 And then he was stuck for life. He was stuck.

Speaker 2 And that's how we got here.

Speaker 1 I wrote a column, and it was that they should fire Chuck Pagano and have Bruce Arians stay the head coach of the Colts when Pagano was coming back from his illness.

Speaker 1 Just because Bruce Arians had won a bunch of games and Pagano had it.

Speaker 1 Anyways, he kept the light on.

Speaker 2 Anyways, honestly, I could see somebody on TV doing that. Yes.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yo, it was an homage to Rob Parker, I think, on FS1 now. But at that point, I remember being like, I'm not happy.

Speaker 1 If I keep going down this path, I'm just going to build a lifestyle around what I'm getting paid right now. And so I'll end up buying a house that's too expensive for me.

Speaker 1 I'll end up buying cars that are too expensive for me.

Speaker 2 That's horrible. No, no, like

Speaker 1 I wasn't on the path to be a millionaire.

Speaker 2 I feel like you're kind of shitting on me now.

Speaker 5 No, no, I'm not.

Speaker 1 I wasn't going to be a millionaire.

Speaker 1 But a ton of people out there, I think, especially in sales jobs, they get addicted to the paycheck. And they're miserable.

Speaker 1 And by the the time they turn 40, if they're still going down that path, they've got a shitload of other problems because they're not happy with the rest of their life.

Speaker 1 And for me, I was like, you know what? I want to quit and I would be so happy making $50,000 a year as a writer. That was like my dream.
That was my moonshot.

Speaker 1 Like $50,000 as a writer for the rest of my life, I will be so happy. I know you were talking about this earlier, Titus.
Your parents were teachers, right? My parents were teachers.

Speaker 5 I was the same way.

Speaker 5 If I thought if I made $70,000 at any point in my life, like in my mid-40s, if I peaked at 70 grand a year, and I could buy some tiny-ass house in bum fuck Indiana and just have a yard.

Speaker 5 I would have been like, Yes, I made it.

Speaker 2 That's it.

Speaker 1 My mom was a teacher, and so that was our income growing up. And so it was like, I know that I can be happy with not a lot of money.
I just want to be happy, and I wasn't happy.

Speaker 1 And it was at that exact age of 27. It's like, you better get off this ride now, because if you're 35, 36, 37, still doing the same thing, you're fucked.
You're just dug yourself a hole.

Speaker 5 This goes back to like the things that people tell you when you're growing up and you don't believe, where it's like, uh, your happiness has to come from within.

Speaker 5 Because, um, if you do start comparing your success and your happiness to paychecks, and you're like, I'm making less than my friend, he must be happier than me.

Speaker 5 Um, that's you know, that's that's not accurate. You could be happier making less.

Speaker 2 Yeah, possibly.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I also know what it was like to be fucking broke. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 it was, it was the worst.

Speaker 5 The Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right?

Speaker 1 Like, Like, you reach a certain level of.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Bust that out.
Like, you got a roof over your head.

Speaker 2 Where's Dan Bulzerian on that? Yeah.

Speaker 5 You get a certain. I mean, once you get to a certain level, then you start seeking the enlightenment or whatever.

Speaker 2 Is this from that new Jared Diamond?

Speaker 5 No, but I think that's something that it's very easy to

Speaker 5 try to convince yourself of that.

Speaker 5 Again, for me, I have a lot of friends, not to brag, that were in the NBA at a very young age.

Speaker 2 Congratulations. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 I don't know if you've heard of them.

Speaker 5 But no, so it's easy for me. Like when I was 19 years old, I had friends making millions and millions and millions of dollars.
And I was like, fuck. I will never do that.

Speaker 5 And you have to, like, and then part of you is like, am I saying that I can be just as happy as they are because I am just trying to internalize this and lie to myself and convince myself?

Speaker 5 And then you get older and you're like, no, I can be happy as happy as they are because money is not everything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like, yeah, I mean, Midwest values, right?

Speaker 1 The 27 to to 30 is, I feel, like, the sweet spot of everyone has that free. I mean, I guess Rasila was right, though.
There are people who have figured it out earlier.

Speaker 1 But I think for a lot of people, male, female, whatever, wherever you may be, you hit that like 27 and you're like, fuck, like, 30s coming.

Speaker 2 But think about it, too. Think about it this way.
Like, if you're close to that age, you're having that freak out now, and you know, whatever, you're listening to this podcast.

Speaker 2 I'd rather have it then. Yeah.
That at 40. Well, that's a midlife screen.

Speaker 1 I should also, that's like a, I moved to Manhattan Beach.

Speaker 5 And it's really bad. Then everyone's like, shit, it's restricted to me.
I should also make clear that you can make a ton of money and be happy. So

Speaker 2 I'm not saying I feel like I'm a happy job.

Speaker 5 And you're one of these people and you're listening to this and you're like, I'm 26 and I make 200K.

Speaker 5 I'm not telling you the noble and righteous thing to do is quit your job and go slum it on Pro Football Talk comment section.

Speaker 5 To try to get bleacher report to publish your shit for $25K a year. I'm not saying that's like the path you should take.

Speaker 5 Like if you're if you're well adjusted and and but as long as the happiness is coming from within and as you said and you're not chasing the paycheck.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't think I knew a lot of guys that I worked with that were extremely happy. Just a lot of dudes.
I'm you know, just dude magnet.

Speaker 1 They were mostly happy and good for them. You're absolutely right, Mark.

Speaker 1 It's like you don't necessarily, I'm not saying if you have a good paycheck at that age that you're fucking up because you're probably doing great.

Speaker 1 But for me, I just knew at that point, it's like you dig any deeper and you're in a hole hole you can't get out of were you the mysterious rich guy in austin i wasn't no i this was this is one year did you not hear the part where i was a used dog salesman making 515 an hour that was that was before that and then 515 where were you

Speaker 1 where were you kenya no i was i was in delle valley i was in southwest austin driving eight dogs a day from a shelter that was infested with ticks to the local pet smart and hoping to god that i i got a puppy that day day because if I had a puppy, I could bring people over and they'd donate more money and then I would get a cut of that at the end of the day if I got enough.

Speaker 1 And if you adopted enough dogs out, they would give you a little like $20 spiff, send you on your way, be like, go get some five guys on your way home. Good job.
So that's where I was at.

Speaker 1 But then you have to go to the next one.

Speaker 1 Where did you grow up? Originally in Northern Virginia.

Speaker 5 Where does the Michael Vick dog thing?

Speaker 1 No, that was in middle Virginia.

Speaker 2 Long ways away.

Speaker 2 I'm just trying to connect some of the homeless. I found homeless dogs hard.
I don't know. I mean, I just tried to.

Speaker 1 I still remember there.

Speaker 2 You didn't go to high school in Newport News?

Speaker 5 I did not.

Speaker 5 I was trying to just connect some.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm not too in the dark on anyone. All right, I'm going to bring it back on track here.

Speaker 1 I wrote down two things for

Speaker 2 30.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go for it. Oh, another piece of advice.
Don't jewel. Don't jewel.
I'm serious. Don't jewel.
Well, when you hit 30, don't be afraid of it because it just happens.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, shit, I'm young again.

Speaker 2 It's the best thing ever. Are we still talking about jeweling? Yeah, yeah.
Jeweling.

Speaker 5 You want to vape?

Speaker 2 I don't think it's a good time to to start.

Speaker 9 Not even once.

Speaker 2 42.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 when you hit 30, you're like, oh, that's not that bad. Because I remember being like, fuck, 30 is going to suck.

Speaker 5 30 was, this is

Speaker 2 fine.

Speaker 5 It's going to sound like a lie, but it's the honest to God truth. The very first time I ever got heartburn in my life was on my 30th birthday.

Speaker 1 Yes. I swear to God.

Speaker 5 I had wings on my, and

Speaker 5 it was not an unusual meal for me. And the night of my 30th birthday, I just had some wings.

Speaker 2 And then it started burping up.

Speaker 5 And I was like, what what is. And I called my brother in a panic.
I was like, what the fuck is heartburn? I think I might have it. And he's like, describe what's going on.

Speaker 9 And I described it.

Speaker 2 And he's like, that's heartburn. Heartburn starts.

Speaker 1 Also, yeah,

Speaker 1 get in good shape before 30 because once you hit 30, you're in that same shape forever. I'm like a fucking walking poster child.
I haven't been able to get back in shape in five years.

Speaker 1 Briscillo's been ripped for like.

Speaker 2 No, I had a little skinny fat phase after college. Oh.
Yeah. But before 30, you cleaned it up.
Yeah, before 30, I think. I don't know.

Speaker 5 I think this is dangerous. I think you can fluctuate.
I think you can get it back, Biquette.

Speaker 2 Don't have to do that. I wrote it to myself.
No, when I do CrossFit, you'll get hurt.

Speaker 2 I still keep thinking, I just like, there's certain times you have to be honest. Don't be afraid to lie to yourself, too.

Speaker 2 Don't be afraid to say, like, I'll walk around and be like, I haven't hit my peak yet. That's probably not even close to drinking.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I will walk around. Like, I bought the new Durants, and I go, I've got, I might be the best player I've ever been, and it's not even close.

Speaker 2 I can't dribble.

Speaker 2 I get tired really quick. I'm always hurt.

Speaker 2 If you're good at pickup hoops, don't take off five years in your 30s from flying and try to pick it back up. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Why'd you take off five years?

Speaker 2 Because I had a crack in my leg, and I didn't have insurance, and I couldn't run. So I had the only thing I could do for cardio was the elliptical.
And so I couldn't find a good run.

Speaker 2 I was living in downtown Hartford. I went to a place on Albany Avenue to play pickup, and the cop came over and was like,

Speaker 2 What are you doing over here? Like, why are you playing pickup basketball? Like, do you know where you're at right now? Right. And I was like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I just saw some kids outside and figured I'd shoot around. Right.
They were like, no, no. So,

Speaker 2 yeah, that's that's one point. But don't be afraid to build yourself up with a couple of lies.
Yes. Like, yeah.
I don't like

Speaker 2 it.

Speaker 9 If you're not lying to anybody else,

Speaker 2 what's the harm in lying to yourself about how great you could be?

Speaker 1 Yeah, look in the mirror and be like, I could hit this.

Speaker 1 The other thing that sucks is when you document everything, it's very not relatable, but when you work in this line of business and you can basically see

Speaker 1 how fucking fat you are compared to.

Speaker 2 Do you go playback old podcast where you're like, I'm going to start diving?

Speaker 1 How many times a day did I get a tweet being like, yo, dude, you used to be fucking, you used to be in good shape.

Speaker 2 What happened? I thought you used to be fatter, so I never understand why you get this upset about yourself.

Speaker 1 No, I used to be a lot skinnier.

Speaker 2 Really? Is this the worst you've ever looked?

Speaker 2 No. Well, you know what? Any decision? No.
Everybody was like, no, yeah, that was quick.

Speaker 1 That was way too quick. You know what the good thing is?

Speaker 2 I'm thinking of one specific specific visual.

Speaker 2 Guys that have trouble staying in shape once they have a kid, it gets way better.

Speaker 1 It's that time you wore that red softball shirt.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 In the Alabama, Wisconsin game at Jerry's World,

Speaker 1 I accidentally wore red on red on red. And I walked into a motorhome place, and Hank was filming me, and I looked like the Kool-Aid man.
It was that and Big Cat Saves Detroit.

Speaker 2 It was like a Kool-Aid. Oh, the Detroit one is the one I'm thinking about.
There's just some bad ones. Yeah, the button.
The one?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, the Mac one. But hold on.
There's like five nominees. No, there's so many more than that.

Speaker 1 I'm also thinking of like that when Larry died, when Larry the Goldfish died.

Speaker 1 I was fucking

Speaker 5 huge. I think this might be some life advice, though, is maybe be fat in your 20s.

Speaker 2 Because then,

Speaker 2 whoa,

Speaker 2 hopefully everyone can.

Speaker 5 Because listen, I got really fat. I weighed 70 pounds more than I weigh right now.
70?

Speaker 2 70.

Speaker 5 There was a period in my life, this was like four or five years ago, I weighed 70 pounds more than I weigh right now.

Speaker 2 What did you weigh?

Speaker 5 255.

Speaker 2 I got up to 255. I do have pictures.

Speaker 2 I was thick. No, I remember you being thick, but 255.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What were you at when you left Ohio State?

Speaker 5 I fluctuated at Ohio State because they had me playing. One year they had me play in the four in practice because we didn't have any big guys.

Speaker 5 So like I spent the whole year just like eating and lifting weights and I got up to like 225, but it actually I wasn't that out of shape. I was like, I don't know.
I was

Speaker 2 thick. I was like the Zion.

Speaker 5 I was a 6'4, 225, 4-man.

Speaker 2 You were like Zion, you said?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I was basically Zion.

Speaker 5 What is Zion?

Speaker 2 Zion-like.

Speaker 2 Yes, I think that's a good thing. A better shot, though.

Speaker 5 I think I went like 210 when I was playing. Yeah, whatever.
Something down to...

Speaker 1 What were you doing when you were 255?

Speaker 5 Eating a lot and

Speaker 5 not exercising and like just chilling in the suburbs of Ohio.

Speaker 1 He grew a sick-ass beard. I had a thick beard.

Speaker 2 The beard hit it really well.

Speaker 1 I didn't know you were that.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's advice forever. If you're going to be fat, make sure you're

Speaker 1 bald.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well bald.

Speaker 5 And then now I see these pictures and I show the pictures to people and I'm like, people are not inspired, but they're just like, damn, dude, you lost a lot of weight. Good for you, whatever.

Speaker 5 And it's because I set the bar so low that I,

Speaker 5 you know?

Speaker 5 So some like old man gave me advice on that, too.

Speaker 5 He said, whenever you get married, make sure you're really fat because then that's the one picture that everyone compares you to the rest of your life it's like if that's the one picture you put in your house it's like you and you on your wedding day with your wife and so when you're walking by they're like damn you that guy actually was just you don't want any sins he wanted to fuck your wife you don't you don't want to be the guy that's like you know if someone comes over and they look and they're like oh what happened dude like where's this guy but there's something else here like girls do this where like the one that's kind of cute has the ugliest friends Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I can tell right away.

Speaker 2 I mean, like, you kind of work at the mall and you know, you're from the area, but you know, you went, you went to New York City for like eight months, it didn't work out, and now you hang out, but you're always you always look better than everybody else.

Speaker 2 Don't be afraid to be a guy to do that, don't be afraid to recruit your friends. Like, I have

Speaker 2 like we all know guys, okay, that like there's some guys that stop looking at me. No, but I was gonna say,

Speaker 2 like, when I went out with Chris Long and Matt Bushman, I was like, No, that's not fair. It's just no, but like,

Speaker 2 it some people met us out, and like one of the girls was like, You've never been uglier.

Speaker 2 So, you know, it's just, it's worth

Speaker 2 just looking around at your peers. And if you're still single and you're hanging out with guys that are all better options than you that are also still single.

Speaker 2 Now, granted, those guys are happily married. But my point is that, you know, sometimes

Speaker 2 it's better for you to go to that. that Sunbelt school.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe go to Purdue instead of Arizona State.

Speaker 1 That was an oddly specific type of girl you were talking about. Like, never left town, works at the mall.

Speaker 2 Is there somebody?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Vrisilla. What's your name? I have all sorts of scattering reports.

Speaker 2 I could tell right away. I was like, oh, I get it.
Like, you think

Speaker 2 you're pretty hot, but like, if you went to New York City, like, you left New York City because no one paid attention to you. Jacqueline, right?

Speaker 1 Christina or the QY. Sarah.

Speaker 2 Are we close?

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 Should we go to the mouth?

Speaker 1 Let's wrap it up with the life advice. I don't know what else we got.

Speaker 2 If somebody offers you some sort of new HGH creatine thing that says that it's totally not going to fuck up your hair, don't

Speaker 2 do it. Yeah, let's go rapid fire.
Quick ones. Rapid fire, quick ones.

Speaker 5 Handwritten notes.

Speaker 5 Right? Like,

Speaker 5 you don't have to get in the habit of doing it.

Speaker 2 So cursive, not overrated.

Speaker 5 You don't have to be cursive. Every so often, if you just send one person a handwritten note

Speaker 5 for any reason, just to thank you, happy birthday, it'll blow their mind. No one sends anybody handwritten notes.
So if you're the one, just the one time, all you have to do is one time.

Speaker 9 That's actually true.

Speaker 2 Send one person one handwritten note.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And they'll remember that for the rest of the day.
They'll be like, that guy sent me the note one time.

Speaker 1 The follow-up is actually something that gets lost on a lot of people. The follow-up email text after every guest,

Speaker 1 if I can even DM them. It's just a, hey, man, that was awesome.
Even if it wasn't awesome, because they're just like,

Speaker 5 you do that to me. We'll get stuck in a loop.

Speaker 5 We'll cut the combo. We'll cut the interview, and they'll be like, thanks, man, for having me on.
You're like, yeah, that was awesome. They're like, yeah, it it was awesome.
That was awesome.

Speaker 5 And then we hang up, and then you text me, thanks, dude.

Speaker 2 That was awesome. I'm like, Yeah,

Speaker 2 I don't have to do that to Rasil. That's easy.

Speaker 1 Rasil is deep in his own brain right now. I'm going to have to text him on his way home being like, Hey, man, thanks.
That was great.

Speaker 1 Like, that is going to be a text on the bottom. Good group chat going.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That was just all. All four is like, hey, great job, guys.
I thought you killed him. No, don't you think the follow-up?

Speaker 1 The follow-up is huge.

Speaker 2 Follow-up is huge. Follow-up is huge.

Speaker 1 It's lost on people.

Speaker 2 Van Pelt used to send a handwritten note to every guest we had for the radio show. Damn.
And then you got the Sports Center gig. He was like,

Speaker 5 but you don't have to continue to do it because I'm sure the people that got the handwritten notes in the first place probably remember that shit forever. You just have to do it.

Speaker 5 You don't have to be that guy your whole life. Just be it for one

Speaker 2 once, and that's all it takes.

Speaker 1 It's like the random getting the flowers randomly.

Speaker 2 You're a hero.

Speaker 1 You know, drop it once.

Speaker 2 That's my advice.

Speaker 1 I wrote down at some point in your life, you got to have stadium seating in your living room.

Speaker 1 That's big.

Speaker 2 You wrote down stadium seating. Cheers? Yo.

Speaker 1 400 blocks on the couch. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, we built a whole platform in college. I'd like to do that now if I had room.
Yeah, we fit 14 people. Who grows out of lofts? Not this guy.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 exactly.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, do stadium seating once just to feel it. I would say,

Speaker 1 like a real nerdy one, just always wear a seatbelt.

Speaker 2 Ooh. How far are you going?

Speaker 1 Damn. Yeah, seriously.

Speaker 2 What about a bike helmet?

Speaker 1 Have to say, I don't give a shit.

Speaker 9 No,

Speaker 2 let's go drive off a cliff.

Speaker 1 No, like, I was, I got T-boned one time, and I was maybe two blocks from my house, and I was wearing a seatbelt. And if I wasn't wearing a seatbelt, head, boom, side windshield, boom.

Speaker 5 How do we know this, by the way? You know, we always hear these stories of the, if I wasn't wearing the seatbelt, this would have happened.

Speaker 5 Do we have a forensic, like, is there a model, like a computer grab?

Speaker 2 Do you get John Brinkas from your minds on there?

Speaker 5 That's like, how do we know what would have happened?

Speaker 2 Analytics to be bad. No, seatbelts are good.

Speaker 2 You're talking me into seatbelts being bad now.

Speaker 5 I'm saying, how do we know where your head would have bounced off of had you not had this?

Speaker 2 That's your point.

Speaker 1 I was told it, and I just accepted it as a fact.

Speaker 2 Whenever I read that stuff, it's like 98% of accidents happen within five blocks of your house.

Speaker 2 But that's really good. But then I immediately go, okay, but did some analytics nerd come up with this?

Speaker 2 Because if you really think about it, every time you drive away from your house, it's always within five blocks, no matter what. So

Speaker 2 here's my question.

Speaker 1 That's how Danny's second dragon got caught. If they happened...
By the way. That was right by Dragonstone, dude.
She was like, we're cruising home.

Speaker 5 Hey, if all the accidents happen by your house, why don't you just move? That's what I said. Great point.

Speaker 2 Fuck. Wow.
Just move. I just never got to see that.

Speaker 2 I just got high again. Yeah, you're paying out on the car and you'll never get safe.
Rehigh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that rehigh. Yeah, fuck.

Speaker 2 That was good. Yeah.
That was really good.

Speaker 5 I have another piece of advice. Take care of your back.
You'll appreciate this, Ryan. That

Speaker 5 when you're lifted, a lot of guys want to focus on the chest and the arms and everything. But your back, not even just with lifting, just in general.
Like, you get some back pain.

Speaker 5 Take that shit seriously. You might be 24 and be like, I'm 24.

Speaker 1 I'll be fine. Yep.

Speaker 5 Don't let your bitch pay.

Speaker 2 Every injury I've ignored is now part of my daily life. Correct.

Speaker 1 The back is the worst. Like, I would break every bone in my body to not have any back pain.

Speaker 5 If you're a guy who lifts weights, throw in some reverse hyperextensions in there. Throw in some

Speaker 2 business advice, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Dude, the back sucks. Take care of your back.

Speaker 1 I would say work in the service industry, at least for you.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a good one. Gives you a whole new appreciation for shit when you're older.

Speaker 1 And there's no bigger turnoff to a woman, or I would assume, a woman to a guy if you're on a date and the person treats the server like a piece of shit. Yes.

Speaker 2 I was a caterer. I could see that.
It sucks. I bet you were good at it, though.
I bet you there were some prides.

Speaker 1 It sucked. It sucked.
I was a bus boy in a crab shack for a summer.

Speaker 2 This is probably an obvious one.

Speaker 1 You do not get that under the

Speaker 1 move out from underneath your fingernails. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like two weeks. Crabbing.
Real crabbing. Yeah.
I think this is an obvious one, but I'd say kill one person. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 it's just going to prepare you for a ton of stuff.

Speaker 1 You learn a lot about yourself. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 If you have some guilt after the fact, that means you're actually like you are a good person. That's a test.

Speaker 2 It's a morality test.

Speaker 2 I feel bad about this. If you do it, and then you're like, that's a rush.
Yeah. I kind of get it now.
Then maybe don't start a family. Yeah.
Turn yourself in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then we can clean up everyone right there.

Speaker 1 Where would you hide a dead body?

Speaker 2 I can't tell you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He doesn't want to give away his good spots. Where, if, if.

Speaker 2 Oh, come on, dude. There's a million ways to do it.

Speaker 1 He would eat it to gain. A lake?

Speaker 1 A lake? Yeah. Come on.
A lake up north.

Speaker 2 What are you.

Speaker 2 Reading.

Speaker 2 Michael Critten.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. No, it's Michael Crichton, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, you said it right. You're the right man.

Speaker 1 Reading Jurassic Park?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't even know what I thought of him.

Speaker 2 Fancy?

Speaker 2 When did you watch Patriot Games this week?

Speaker 2 Gary Paulson, The Hatchet. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I love that book. Oh, we just.

Speaker 2 He's too old. Oh, there's that that shit? Do you guys read?

Speaker 1 Damn. Do you guys read? I read when I was in Scott.
Harry Paulson.

Speaker 2 Not a huge non-fiction guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 George Washington. You know what those guys used to do? When they ran out of food, they'd boil moccasins and chew on them.

Speaker 2 If you can join a revolutionary war, sign up tomorrow.

Speaker 1 No, those guys, they ran out of sight.

Speaker 1 You're literally telling kids to go sign up for ISIS right now.

Speaker 2 You said murder people and start a revolution.

Speaker 1 You got a lot on your mind, dude.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, the way the Economic times are headed, we're headed for another big one. Eat the rich.

Speaker 2 This is going to be the big correction. It's not just going to be your second home in Scottsdale.
All right. I see the signs.

Speaker 1 Eat the rich. Eat the rich.
Are you antifud?

Speaker 1 Are you? You're talking about overthrowing the government. Are you anti-FA?

Speaker 2 No, no. I'm just saying

Speaker 2 there's things you can do to prepare yourself. Seeds are going to be the currency, guys.
Yes.

Speaker 1 The rich people are going to be living in a biodome.

Speaker 1 That's a fact.

Speaker 2 They're already working on it, dude. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 It's going to suck for everyone else. Any other quick ones? And then they'll do Mount Rushmore.

Speaker 2 Just because you go travel somewhere doesn't mean you have to buy a fucking shirt there.

Speaker 2 That's a good one. I'm going to disagree.
No, and I'm telling you right now.

Speaker 1 That's a really good one.

Speaker 2 Every time you move, you're going to go through your place and guess, why did I buy a War Damn Eagle shirt just because I was at Auburn? Yes. I didn't need this.
I wore it zero times.

Speaker 5 As you're talking to PFT, who's wearing a Dodgers hat just because we were at Army.

Speaker 2 I bought him a hundred people.

Speaker 5 hats. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 So, Ryan buys hats for people every time. I tried to buy a hat.

Speaker 2 He bought me a hat.

Speaker 1 It was the fucking weirdest move ever.

Speaker 1 We went to a hat store in Manhattan Beach, and he was like, I need to pick out a hat for my brother, and it's my younger brother for Christmas. And he was like, Will you help me?

Speaker 1 And I was like, Oh, this one's sick. And then he buys like three hats, and we walk out of the store, and he's like, Hey,

Speaker 2 I bought you this hat.

Speaker 2 I was like, shit, that's the same one I picked out.

Speaker 1 I noticed you looking at this one.

Speaker 2 I saw you kind of liked it. Do you ever wear it? Never.
Never.

Speaker 2 But see, that's the thing.

Speaker 2 You know what? That whole don't save any money in your 20s. Just don't buy stuff when you go visit anywhere because you're never going to wear any of it.
Ever. And

Speaker 2 that could be a down payment in a small one-bedroom condo.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Also, if you spend a semester abroad, you don't have to sign every email.
Cheers.

Speaker 9 That's very true.

Speaker 1 And when you come back with that little faint accent, people are going to think you're a douchebag. Don't be offended.

Speaker 2 Speaking of the

Speaker 2 service industry, when you do bartend, if you ever get the chance to do it, you then don't have to, by law, tell every other bar that you go to that, oh, hey, I used to bartend.

Speaker 1 Service night.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You probably crushed service night. Service industry night, whatever it's called.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Industry night.

Speaker 2 Mondays. Sundays, you see.

Speaker 5 I also subscribe to the theory of like not skimping on things. What is it, like, that keep that

Speaker 5 between you and the ground? So like tires and shoes and mattresses.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's a really good one.

Speaker 5 And anything that separates you from the ground, don't be afraid to spot a little more on.

Speaker 2 I like that.

Speaker 5 Think about that one.

Speaker 1 That's like the if it fucks, flies, or floats, sees it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, love that. Pitbull said that one time.

Speaker 2 Mr. 305.

Speaker 1 You like that? That's actually a good point.

Speaker 2 Don't ever buy a boat.

Speaker 1 That's a classic rich douchebag.

Speaker 2 I'm looking at the boats right now. No, don't buy boats.

Speaker 1 Just be friends with somebody.

Speaker 2 No, I already know it's a terrible investment.

Speaker 2 Let him buy the boat. Yeah, so we can buy for him.
Get a fucking boat.

Speaker 2 He could be doing this for the rest of the day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we could get on the boat. I'm already worried about how the resale of it's going to go.
And I haven't even bought it yet.

Speaker 1 If you're going to buy a boat, buy a pontoon.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Motion? Come on, late guy.

Speaker 2 What are you looking to buy? Well, I wanted to get a cigarette boat and just put mass appeal on the back of it. You really are going to a midlife crisis.
Shout out, DJ Premier, guru.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we've always made this joke. We wanted to roll up in a cigarette boat in a Nantucket with just

Speaker 2 tight airbrush mass appeal on the back

Speaker 2 and just blare through that harbor Nantucket

Speaker 2 and see what people said. I'm going to shout out Hal right now because this was always Hal's idea.

Speaker 2 But you are going to buy a boat? Well, I'm the one that

Speaker 2 can afford it.

Speaker 2 Even that, I don't even think. I'm looking at some of this stuff, and then you go, like, well, how much? And I know the joke is like, a boat is a hole in the water that you throw money into.
But

Speaker 5 bust out another thousand.

Speaker 2 Every kid I don't have is another toy.

Speaker 2 That mid-zero points. There you go.

Speaker 1 That's a good point. You got it all.
You're going to get a bunch of pull-out game while you're young kids. Yeah, you're going through midlife crisis, aren't you?

Speaker 2 No, I just

Speaker 2 need to near the water. I'm near the water.
Why wouldn't I have a boat?

Speaker 1 A Harley? You should go.

Speaker 2 No, I don't want a Harley because everybody. You want a chopper.
No, but I see the motorcycle guys out here in L.A., and I see the videos on Instagram where you think it's everybody else's fault.

Speaker 2 You know what? It's actually your fault.

Speaker 5 They do the lane splitting. I don't know.

Speaker 2 No one can see you ever.

Speaker 2 It's horrifying. It just scares the hell out of you out there.
And I know the law says they can do it. And so, all right, shout out all the guys that ride bikes.

Speaker 2 But every one of my friends that's had a motorcycle has got in an accident.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to do that, even though I kind of want one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll have one within the year. Tip, tip extra on the first drink.
That's my last tip.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Or

Speaker 1 if you're at a wedding and it's an open bar, give them a 10 or a 20 the first time you're up there. It'll pay for itself.

Speaker 2 Take care of me. Done.
That's a great one. If you're out with a girl first date,

Speaker 2 throw a homeless guy at five. Ooh, that's right.
Right in front of her. And then kill him.
Unless she's like crazy conservative. And then kill him to start.
And then kill him to start a revolution.

Speaker 2 She's really right-wing. She's going to be like, oh, free ride, huh? Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 If it's Britt McHenry, you better steal money from the homeless guy. Yes.
You better tell that homeless guy to get a job. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Instantly.

Speaker 1 What have you done to yourself to land in this place? That's what you should say.

Speaker 2 You should be like, I love America.

Speaker 1 Me too. What's the fuck?

Speaker 2 Oh my God, it's so hot. Gun girl.

Speaker 1 Yo, Gun Girl, she's been posting

Speaker 1 a lot of bikini shots recently.

Speaker 1 She's got some cannons.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true. Gun girl.
I don't know. She pooped her bands.
The girl from Kent State. Legend State? Yeah, Kent State.

Speaker 2 You don't know what Gun Girl did? Oh, wait a minute. The Kent State Girl? Yeah, Kent State Girl, yeah.

Speaker 2 She's PM a little bit. She's transitioning to uh just straight-up bikini shots now.

Speaker 1 I was like, Is that the good pivot?

Speaker 2 Yeah, like, which sig is that?

Speaker 2 Gun girl is a wild time. All right, do Mount Rushmore?

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Speaker 1 Okay, so we're going to do the Mount Rushmore, and it's Mount Rushmore of things that you are are elite at.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 it could be as obscure, specific as you want, but it's things that you think that you are elite at that 99% of the world can't do as well as you can.

Speaker 2 I love this conversation because I spend time thinking, like, what am I closest to the number one world ranking in? Yes.

Speaker 1 I can tell you do that all the time. You wake up and do that.
Are we going snake style? Yeah, why don't Titus start?

Speaker 2 I don't want to start.

Speaker 1 Titus, you start.

Speaker 5 I don't want to start because I have some weird ones, and

Speaker 5 I need to read the room on how weird we're going to go.

Speaker 2 Your Your content's always good. I wouldn't worry about it.

Speaker 9 I'll start.

Speaker 1 Which way are we going?

Speaker 1 We'll go over still with me, then Titus because he doesn't want to go back around. All right.

Speaker 1 I am elite at changing the channel from CBS to Fox on NFL Sunday, going back to the game that I really want to be watching right as the first play starts after a commercial break. Like immediately.

Speaker 1 Yes. As the ball is being snapped.
That's good. Amazing at it.
All my other friends suck at it. I nail it.
So you only have one TV? No. Well, I used to only have one TV.

Speaker 9 Now I watch Red Zone.

Speaker 2 You're sure don't save any money. Yeah, you're mean of me.

Speaker 5 If you would have kept the $125,000 year job, you'd have more TVs. That's a good point.

Speaker 1 It is a good skill to be able to go back and forth at the exact right moment.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because you've sat in a room with a guy who just has no feel. No feel.
No feel. That's what you're like, hey, just hand it over.

Speaker 1 Is there anything worse than sitting in a room when you're over the age of maybe 17 and not having the remote?

Speaker 2 Well, it's painful. We had a roommate who used to, when he went up to the bathroom, he'd keep it in his pocket

Speaker 2 So that when he came back, he was still in control.

Speaker 2 And nobody wanted to touch it because that remote had to be a little bit more difficult. That's the other part of it, too, because he wasn't the cleanest guy.

Speaker 1 We used to lose it so much that we taped the remote to a big 2x4. Same.

Speaker 2 And that was exactly what I was doing.

Speaker 2 The first time I saw a guy do that, I went out and bought a 2x4.

Speaker 1 We literally just had it.

Speaker 2 We just passed around the 2x4.

Speaker 2 But the other part, the downside of that, is when you're that young and you just have nights where you just flop down on the couch and all of a sudden you're like, ah, you just get to the bottom.

Speaker 2 Oh, the fucking 2x4. Like, what is that? Like, oh, it's my remote.

Speaker 2 It's a foundation. It's a deck post.

Speaker 1 That was a good one, though, PFT. Rousseau, why don't you start?

Speaker 2 If I really want to lock in, nobody's better at me than stopping the gas pump at just a straight

Speaker 2 line. I'm so good at it.

Speaker 2 But hold up.

Speaker 5 Do we need that skill anymore, though?

Speaker 2 You don't, but I don't want to lose it.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 5 That is a bygone era where you had like $20 in your pocket and you can pump before you pay, right? And so you've got to stop it on $20 because if you you go over 20, you're like, fuck.

Speaker 5 Now I got to go have a conversation with the guy. My bad, whatever.

Speaker 2 But now you have that.

Speaker 5 Now you have to prepay, or you just use your card, and like, what's the point of stopping it even?

Speaker 2 I just like to see if I still have it. I look at it, and I just start going 90s,

Speaker 2 and then I just go, wow.

Speaker 1 What was your number? Were you a 20 guy or something?

Speaker 2 Yeah, 20. 20 on the card.

Speaker 2 20 was a lot back in the day. If I had 20.

Speaker 5 But I think you're fine, though, because that's what I mean.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I get it, man. Credit cards.

Speaker 5 No, the kids growing up, they're not going to be as good.

Speaker 2 You can

Speaker 2 be the guy forever.

Speaker 2 You're going to be be an all-time great. You're like, yeah.
Oh, yeah. I'm like Bill Russell rebounding number four.
Yeah, no one's ever going to touch you on that.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, Titus. I went at you pretty hard there.
All right.

Speaker 1 I am, I think I've told a couple of you guys this, but I am,

Speaker 1 I think I'm like number one in the world at finding open tables at pack bars or seats in general.

Speaker 1 Because of my figure and I don't like to stand very much, and I'd rather be home than be at a bar if I can't sit.

Speaker 1 I will always be able to, I'll fucking be able to like go out in like the back and like pull in tables they don't use anymore and set myself up in the back i also if you do the stare it will get anyone uncomfortable i do the stare at people like if they're like pretty close to being done and do the stare and they'll get up so much faster i will always find an open table at a bar i i i the few times that we've been out together i've i've proven by this yes and now that you bragged about it you have to deliver so there's extra pressure on you no but my friends like we'll go to a bar and i'll just be like hold on one sec like it's packed You stare?

Speaker 2 Doesn't that kind of suck, though?

Speaker 1 Well, no, I don't stare at like random people. It's when the check is there.
If the check's there and they're like, like, dilly-dalling.

Speaker 2 Look, it's going really well, and they haven't finished the conversation. Wow.

Speaker 1 I mean, look, I feel out the situation, but I'm just telling you, if you come out with me, I will get us a seat.

Speaker 2 I will not stand up.

Speaker 1 You ever gone to a table that maybe the check's on the table and it's a super crowded bar, and you sit down at the table before they even get up? Oh, I clean the table myself.

Speaker 2 Oh, I will.

Speaker 1 I will bust my own table so I can have the table.

Speaker 2 While the people are still sitting there?

Speaker 1 No, they'll get up and I'll bust it, and then I'll be like, and I also get

Speaker 1 the best move to do is to talk to the people that are already sitting there. Be like, hey, you guys leaving soon? Okay, cool.
Can I have this table when you go? Okay, cool.

Speaker 1 So if anyone comes here, just say that I got rights to it. And then you maybe just kind of give them a little look, like, there'll be violence if this doesn't go down the right way.

Speaker 2 Well, it's a good thing you're not in better shape because you're so big.

Speaker 1 I'll sit on you. Look at this shit.
If this doesn't go the right way.

Speaker 2 That's a huge Midwest guy. He's friends with J.J.
Watt, I heard.

Speaker 5 Huge Midwest. All right.
My first pick is something that I'm worried that one of you guys is going to take it, so I'm going to say this one first. The Irish Goodbye.

Speaker 2 I'm a king of that.

Speaker 5 I'm very, very good at it. To the point that my friends have picked up on it

Speaker 5 and

Speaker 5 they know it's coming. So anytime I go to the restroom, they'll call me out on it.

Speaker 5 So I even have evolved to the point where I do the boy cries wolf thing where I will go to the restroom, then I'll come back, then I'll kind of disappear, and then come back.

Speaker 5 And then as soon as their guard's down I'll slip out the back door and then they won't see it coming and they're like fuck where did Titus go there's no better feeling it's like when you get away from the Irish goodbye and you're like 15 feet past the bar and you're like oh made it done you know what sucks is uh tate is tate is like the the of all the people i know in my life tate is the closest to competing with me at the irish goodbye and we go a lot of places together and um he'll pull just the two of us will do it to each other you guys he'll do it to the child and then he'll and then it fucks me up because, like, we'll be together or something, he'll go to the restroom and then leave, and then someone will say, Where did Tate go?

Speaker 5 And then at that point, like, everyone's on high alert that I'm going to do it next.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm fucked.

Speaker 5 So that's become like a game of calendar.

Speaker 2 We're fun to hang out with.

Speaker 2 We try to give everybody, hey,

Speaker 2 should we go out again? And then you guys text each other the next day? Like, that was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 Why did we stop doing it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You should go out. You should make plans with him and

Speaker 1 call his bluff and not show.

Speaker 2 So you do the pre-IR script.

Speaker 5 But that's my key: is that I always,

Speaker 5 with the group of people that know that I do this, I always, like, every so often I'll sprinkle in a time where I'll shut the bar down.

Speaker 2 And then they'd be like, whoa. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Whoa, okay, that was weird. That's smart.
He stayed till the close. That's smart.
Next time, they don't have their guard up, and then I'm in bed by 10.30.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's really smart.

Speaker 1 All right, you got two. So you got another one.

Speaker 2 Oh, I got to do another one. Thank you, Josh.
Thank you.

Speaker 5 The other one I had written down, and I certainly hope you don't call me on it, but you're just going to have to take my word for it. I'm really good in social settings of doing the callback joke.

Speaker 5 You're meeting for a drink. You have a big dinner, and like the first drink, someone says something, someone says a joke about somebody at the table, whatever.
We're all laughing.

Speaker 5 Four hours later, as the night has worn on, I do a callback to that original joke, and everyone's like, you motherfucker. Yes.
You're a comedic genius. I'm really, really good at that one.

Speaker 5 That's good. That's

Speaker 5 the elite skill of me.

Speaker 2 Be funny. No, no, no.
Something we said a couple hours ago.

Speaker 5 No, I just did it with the PFT. He had the one TV, and I said, if you would have kept the

Speaker 2 You are good at that. I said, wow, that's funny.

Speaker 1 You killed it. Like, Russell killed the person.

Speaker 2 Is that good? So that's the.

Speaker 2 Wow, was that? That was really good. That was good.
Quick.

Speaker 5 Well, and then

Speaker 2 I pair the two together.

Speaker 5 You do the, you do the, and then you turn it into the Costanza where you go out on top.

Speaker 5 You do, you do the callback, everyone's laughing, and then I slide out the back door, Irish goodbye, leave them happy,

Speaker 2 and scene. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 All right. That's good.

Speaker 1 I'm really good at

Speaker 1 shaming bachelor parties out of poor planning. So I'm good at being the guy who's like, hey, I've shut down like t-shirt ideas.

Speaker 2 Those get shut down. Peanut straws.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Saturday night dinner that kills everything, all the flow.

Speaker 9 I'm very good at.

Speaker 2 Early tea times.

Speaker 1 The early tea times. I'm good.
I once actually

Speaker 1 stayed up all through the night at a buddy's bachelor party, and we had an 8.30 a.m. boat reservation.
And I literally stayed up. You can make that whatever you want.

Speaker 1 But I stayed up, didn't go to sleep. At 7.45, I texted the whole group and I said, hey, guys, just got a call from the captain.
There's inclement weather, so we're not going to go on the boat today.

Speaker 2 Bought me an extra hour.

Speaker 1 Literally, everyone's scrambling, like, is this real? Is this fucking real? Bought me a whole extra hour. Didn't have to leave till 9.30.

Speaker 2 So I'm really good at that shit.

Speaker 2 I have a friend like that, though, where he just,

Speaker 2 it's really important to have in the group. Right.
Because

Speaker 2 maybe not the fake boat cancellation, but

Speaker 2 he will say, okay, it's going to be New Year's. We're all together.
And not that we do this anymore, but this is years ago. We all rented out a house in Colorado and we were doing this thing.

Speaker 2 And he just knew, he goes, look, it's going to be the third night. We're all going to be sick of each other.
There's too many dudes here. Yes.
There's like 20 guys. There's three girls.

Speaker 2 It was just really weird setup. And no one really even knew each other that well.
And there was a huge storm. So other guys couldn't even make it.
We rented out this massive, massive spread.

Speaker 2 And he just goes, I we're going downtown, we're finding a table service, we're doing a bottle, and it's like the only way.

Speaker 2 And everybody, I'm going around the room, everybody put in a hundred bucks right now. Yes, and everybody was annoyed with him.
Everybody, and he just sucked it up. And he's like, Yep, you hate me.

Speaker 2 I'm annoying. And it ended up saving the weekend.
Yes. Because if we had done a third straight night of not doing anything and leaving the house, everyone goes crazy.
Guys who have fought each other.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you get five guys who are like, I thought we were going to party this weekend. And then the rest of the group.

Speaker 1 But seriously, it's, and I feel like i have uh i have like uh four different pitches for it i can use a sarcasm i can use a subtlety i can outright say this is a terrible yeah but they need you they need you for that you just you need a good concept yeah you're a concept guy shutting down the t-shirts in the uh email phase that's a must don't even let the e-t-shirts get past the email phase as soon as guys are texting about like hey we should do a t-shirt or maybe a hat that's you've got too far i would even piggyback on that and say say like i'm very good at not replying all when it's not necessary to reply all yeah what am i the Vikings?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. You got skipped.

Speaker 1 But the Ravens? That was directly tied. No, it was the Vikings.

Speaker 1 That's tied into Big Cat's whole thing. Like the bachelor party thread that you're on.
Yes. You do not need to reply all to every single email.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 There's no worse than like you, you have eight hours at work, you check your email for the first time all day, and there are 32 emails, most of which are just people saying, ha ha, it's so true.

Speaker 2 Do you really ever need to reply all for no reason? No, really?

Speaker 1 He just checked his watch, by the way. He's got to go.
Okay, you got to go.

Speaker 2 You got to bone. I just wanted to check.
By the way, worst dude ever. Hank didn't like that watch check.

Speaker 2 He's having fun. I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1 Worst dude ever that you used to do. Worst dude ever.

Speaker 1 The guy who emails the bachelor party thread on the Monday after saying, hey, guys, I know it's said, but everything we did this weekend, we're not going to say out loud.

Speaker 2 Worst dude ever. But dude, I don't want to say it.

Speaker 1 I'm like, fuck you, dude. The fact that you would assume that I would, now I'm going to tell everyone.

Speaker 2 After that billionaire donated $40 million and paying student loans, all I could think of was worst dude ever responses where it's like, what if I took out my own personal loans and paid my way?

Speaker 2 What does that mean for me? Or actually, it's a tax write-off. Or then the Atlantic.
What if I went to Scali? The Atlantic is my favorite follow because it never fails. Yes.

Speaker 2 That within a day, somebody from The Atlantic wrote, this is great, but

Speaker 2 today's youth can't expect a college loan bailout. Right.
And of course.

Speaker 2 All right. Okay.
Okay, we got it. Like one guy did it.

Speaker 2 What about the kids that didn't go to college that are struggling to get by? What about them?

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right, Rascilla, you're up.

Speaker 2 This is a big one. Oh.
And I may get called out for this, but I don't care.

Speaker 2 I think I'm great at being able to tell if someone hates me, if someone's full of shit.

Speaker 2 I want to say like FBI-level lie detections, but there may be something someone says that I'll remember, and then they'll slip up, and then I'll know they were lying.

Speaker 2 So, like, I'm very good at the personal interaction of going, I can leave a room and go, that guy doesn't like me, or I'm not going to call her,

Speaker 2 Or that went pretty well. Or I don't trust this guy at all.
And he will let the group down. And I'll set, I'll even, you could even call me negative that.
I'll set a tone.

Speaker 2 Like somebody will come in and talk about some project or something. And I'll go, yeah, this guy's full of shit.
We're never going to do anything with him. And they'd be like, why would you say that?

Speaker 2 We just met him. And be like, because he's going to be full of shit.
And he's not going to come through in anything he said.

Speaker 2 And I've just been around long enough. I've interacted with society long enough in different ways that I just think I've honed that skill.
That's good. Have you ever been wrong about that?

Speaker 2 You can't, yeah, I'm not, I'm not a thousand percent on it. Um, because there was a guy at ESPN I thought hated me forever, and then I realized he had some social anxiety or disorder.
Skip Payless?

Speaker 2 No, he didn't like me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 5 can't this become like a self-fulfilling prophecy where you're like, I think that guy looking for confirmation, and then I start doing stuff.

Speaker 5 You're being an asshole to him, and then now, of course, the guy doesn't like you because you're an asshole to him because you think he hates you.

Speaker 2 Very possible, more likely when I was younger, but now I kind of do the other thing. We're like, let me prove to this guy.
Or I'll go. Fuck this guy.
I'll make him look. Or I'll go.
I don't care.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know, like, I'll still have that gear too.
Right. Like, whenever there's an athlete or a coach, too, who comes through the car wash, like, I'll never forget

Speaker 2 how many people, when we'd have an athlete, come through the car wash. And we'd get him for seven minutes.
And if he did a great job, the guys would be like,

Speaker 2 what a real straight shooter that guy is, huh? Like, we know him. We've known him for seven minutes.

Speaker 2 We don't know him, we don't know what his deal is. Right.
So, I like my track record. Okay, all right.
That's a good one.

Speaker 1 Um, I think I'm elite at suggesting the perfect time to go to karaoke on a night out.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 1 and you have to read the room on it because, yeah, you don't want to be the guy that suggests karaoke every weekend, right? Because that guy's weird.

Speaker 1 It's usually like a former a cappella person that just wants to show off their pipes and sing Africa by Toto.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and do duets.

Speaker 5 Is this the cousin of the guy who does the same thing with strip clubs?

Speaker 2 Yes,

Speaker 2 it is. It is.
But that guy.

Speaker 1 Mormon cousin. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That guy sucks because everyone's got the one strip club friend who's like always obsessed with going to a strip club. And you got to be like, listen, man, we're not going to a strip club.

Speaker 1 It's fucking Wednesday.

Speaker 2 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you have to read the room a little bit and know I'm really good at suggesting it at the right time where everybody gets energized by that comment.

Speaker 1 And they're like, fuck yeah, that's a great idea. And then I feel good about myself.

Speaker 2 So people are still saying you had a karaoke? Yeah. But I think there's some

Speaker 1 on the right occasion.

Speaker 5 Right, because I feel like I can't even remember the last time I did karaoke. So if someone brought up a strip club, I'd be like, dude, I did that last week.
You know,

Speaker 2 I do that all the time.

Speaker 5 Karaoke is like, it is kind of exotic because it's like, who does karaoke?

Speaker 2 Exotic? Yeah.

Speaker 5 When was the last time you did karaoke?

Speaker 1 I think he means Asian.

Speaker 2 That's why I thought it sounded a little offensive. Yeah, it was.
It's problematic, Titus.

Speaker 5 I got you there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, who does karaoke?

Speaker 2 So you bring it up, you're like, yeah, good point. Yeah, that is.
Do you have a karaoke karaoke song, PFT?

Speaker 1 It depends on what kind of mood I'm in.

Speaker 2 Or a house over here who you are or aren't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that also has something to do with it. But if I like I Want You to Want Me, that's a good one.
Cheap trick. People sing along to it.
Mine's Sister Christian Night Right.

Speaker 5 Dude, oh my god. Sister Christian.
I was about to say Sister Christian.

Speaker 1 It fucking keeps.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, Sister Christian. Every time.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And it's slow to build up. And then when you hit it, because people are like, do I know this song?

Speaker 2 What is this song?

Speaker 2 Motor Ring. And everyone's like, wow, that was good.
We should do this tonight. That was a good song, yeah.

Speaker 2 That right there,

Speaker 5 that was a bad karaoke suggestion, Ryan.

Speaker 2 Terrible. That's bad timing.
I saw it's my smile.

Speaker 1 I'm better than you at that. It is, though.

Speaker 1 Also, Tequila is always fun. Tequila is always playing.
For sure. Don't be the guy that does American Pie.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, when I've been to karaoke things where people take it way too seriously and they put in for like three or four songs,

Speaker 2 you're like.

Speaker 1 Let somebody else have a turn, man.

Speaker 1 This is not your concert.

Speaker 2 Electro Records isn't here tonight.

Speaker 2 You never know.

Speaker 1 You do never know.

Speaker 2 I just saw the

Speaker 2 dirt monthly crew thing on Netflix. That was Electra they signed with.

Speaker 1 Oh, you got another one?

Speaker 2 No, no. No, no.

Speaker 2 Wait, no.

Speaker 2 Snake. We're lost to the snake.

Speaker 2 This is how snake draft works.

Speaker 1 It goes back to you.

Speaker 2 I've never understood why this is a snake draft. You started.
To me, and then a snake draft. Oh, I did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you have another one.

Speaker 2 Back to me. That's fine.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, that's right.

Speaker 1 Fuck, I got lost to the snake.

Speaker 2 I said, Spider, you're.

Speaker 5 It's my fault. I should have started.
the way we're sitting.

Speaker 1 And the worst is Russell keeps whispering snake draft.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've always hated snake drafts.

Speaker 2 Like, they make sense in fantasy. Who cares?

Speaker 2 That's the one. The Mount Rush more bad ideas is this being a snake draft.

Speaker 5 You say that now. Wait till they put the graphic up.
Yeah. And we're voting on it.
And there's a snake.

Speaker 2 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 I'm really good at

Speaker 1 making a cocktail using very obscure leftover leftover liquors that are found in somebody's house.

Speaker 1 So I'll combine, you know,

Speaker 1 if there's a ginger beer in the house, I will make you, it doesn't matter what else you have. It could be tequila, vodka, gin, you name it.
I'm going to make you cocktail using that ginger beer.

Speaker 1 I'm a good scavenger when it comes to bartending.

Speaker 2 Homeless people.

Speaker 5 You're just good at that, too.

Speaker 2 You're like that.

Speaker 5 You just make it suicide. You're like the nine-year-old at the Burger King, just hitting everybody.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. That's good.
That's good.

Speaker 1 There's some stuff that doesn't go with each other.

Speaker 5 For example, tequila and milk.

Speaker 2 Not a winner.

Speaker 1 I've tried.

Speaker 2 It's not good.

Speaker 1 I struck up big time on that.

Speaker 1 But it's trial and error. So you learn from your mistakes and move on.
But at this point, I think I've almost perfected it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. Go ahead.
Prank calls.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 You used to be great at it.

Speaker 1 Holy, but you aren't anymore.

Speaker 2 Who do you want to prank calls?

Speaker 1 Yeah, prank call someone right now on your phone.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It has to be somebody we know.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I want to do that. We used to to just look at like classifieds.
We used to look at classifieds. And we would,

Speaker 2 I mean, this is horrible, but we were on Martha's Vineyard in the winter. And we'd tell people we found stuff they lost.

Speaker 2 And we'd be like, hey,

Speaker 2 I saw you guys lost an ore, gray ore, robot, off of Lucy Vincent. Like, oh, my God, you found it? Yeah.
Yeah, I got it.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It's incredible.
Where are you? Oh, we're over in Tisbury. This is before Caller ID and all this stuff, too.

Speaker 2 And I'd be like, okay, well, how do we go about doing this?

Speaker 2 Well, doing what?

Speaker 2 Well, you found the ore. You called.
I go, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm just telling you I have it. It's not lost anymore.
And you can stop worrying about it. I'd be like,

Speaker 2 what do you say? Like, I'm not giving you the ore back. I'm just telling you that I found it.

Speaker 2 Yes. And that you can take your ad out and

Speaker 2 you're good. Mystery solved.
Right. Mystery solved.
Somebody may or may not have done it about a cat. It was really easy.

Speaker 5 And then you hang up the phone and you say, I have an intuition that that person doesn't like me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's another one. Yeah, see, there we go.

Speaker 2 Call back. Call back.
Yeah, call back.

Speaker 1 There's the vibe about that guy's cat.

Speaker 2 He probably doesn't like it. He probably doesn't like it.

Speaker 2 One of our friends. Oh, shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're like, man, we read that well. Yeah, I just always we'd call and be like, hey, I'm calling about that.
You get a little, you get a thing of wire.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah, I have the wire.
All right. So

Speaker 2 it's 30 bucks for your spool of wire. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Would you take 28?

Speaker 2 And then you just ride it out. And you'd be like, I think I'd probably take 28.
And be like, how used is it? It's brand new. Oh, really?

Speaker 2 So we don't even know if it works. Would you take 25?

Speaker 2 And just go on and on and on. You got to understand the winter vineyard, Cumberland Farms is the only place open after 7 o'clock.

Speaker 5 I feel like you're resting on your laurels, Rascilla, with the pumping of the gas and the crank calls.

Speaker 2 It has been.

Speaker 5 You said you're in your peak now. It feels like your peak was, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 5 I'm just observing. That's all.

Speaker 2 Maybe I'm not peaking. Yeah, maybe, I mean, you already peaked.
I was writing across there.

Speaker 1 All right. I am exceptional at moving well through crowds.
So I'm able to get from point A to point B in a big crowd very fast.

Speaker 2 Don't lose anyone.

Speaker 5 What? Especially when a table's open.

Speaker 1 When a table's open, but also dealing with big crowds. I don't like them, but I can manage them very well.
And I also like,

Speaker 1 I'm the guy, I was at the Bucs. Well, this is going to be way later, but I was at the Bucs

Speaker 1 Raptors game, number two, Eastern Conference Final. Get there, the whole section's standing up for like the first four minutes.
I was like, Are we doing this? Are we really doing this?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I hear the

Speaker 2 real, real loud, down in front, and everyone fucking sat down.

Speaker 1 So I can manipulate crowds very well.

Speaker 2 And that's not even your team. No,

Speaker 2 I don't give a fuck about this person. I just turned around and told you to shoot.

Speaker 1 No, I just gave a nice... If you do a loud, down in front, everyone would be like, fuck shit.

Speaker 2 Oh, damn it.

Speaker 1 My bad.

Speaker 2 They should have seen, but that's actually more of indictment on Bucks fans. Like, why would they sit down? Well, because it was like...

Speaker 1 No, but

Speaker 1 it was like, I didn't pick it when it was like after a Giannis dunk. I picked it like four minutes in, and it was like, maybe there's a TV timeout or something.
I just went down like dumb.

Speaker 1 And I just fucking gave the perfect one and just, boom, everyone was down. So So, yeah, I move well and manipulate through crowds very well.
Also, do the hot soup

Speaker 1 on a packed subway train in New York. If you're trying to get to the exit, just give a quick hot soup coming through and everyone will move out of the way.
Swear to God.

Speaker 2 It's so stupid, but it works every time.

Speaker 2 Every time. Who taught you that? I fucking say it every time.

Speaker 2 If I can't get through,

Speaker 2 if I can't get through, you just scream.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've said that.

Speaker 2 That's only a merger.

Speaker 1 Is that a skill? Yeah, that's the most Midwestern thing I've ever heard.

Speaker 2 That is a skill.

Speaker 2 I don't even know. Does that count as being

Speaker 2 something?

Speaker 1 Yes, manipulating crowds.

Speaker 5 So you just behave like a lunatic and crowd.

Speaker 2 That also is another way to say it. I've got a gun.
Yeah, what is that?

Speaker 1 I mean, that actually would probably work, dude.

Speaker 2 A bowl on it.

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 1 You want to share that with me on Mount Rushbrook?

Speaker 1 I'm pretty good at it.

Speaker 2 Hey, listen, it's a skill.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I think I'm a leader.

Speaker 2 It's yelling hot soup.

Speaker 2 I love the thing. I love the idea of looking at you yelling hot soup.

Speaker 2 And it was really your face is so humble. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's earnings. In your mind, you think that it's working and everyone thinks you have soup, but really, there's no soup fucking lunatic.
It doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 Point A to point B. It doesn't matter how I got there.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 5 Is it my turn? Yes. Okay,

Speaker 5 this is a little specific, but

Speaker 5 I know Indiana high school mascots very well. And also, what I do for a living, I know college mascots well.
And so the skill is that I can meet people.

Speaker 5 It's better if you're from Indiana and you went to high school in Indiana, but it works for like anyone who went to college.

Speaker 5 I can convince you that I know a lot about your school just by saying the mascot. And then that's like all I know.
But it works. And that's my skill because I know the mascots.

Speaker 5 If someone's like, I'm like, where would you go to school? And they're like, William and Mary. And I'm like.
Nice, the tribe. And they're like, holy shit, you know William and Mary?

Speaker 5 And I'm like, that's literally all I know about William and Mary. They think that.
They're the tribe, But they feel the connection. That's good.
And that's my skill. That's really good.

Speaker 1 What's your go-to guess if you don't remember?

Speaker 2 Tigers. Wildcats?

Speaker 5 Yeah, Tigers or Wildcats.

Speaker 5 I guess it doesn't always have to be mascots. I can always find some nugget of,

Speaker 5 I don't know. You can even.
Something that happened in, remember in 97, you guys went to Lead Eight, right? Right. No shit.
You really know our school.

Speaker 1 Or if you just say the city name, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 Like if it's a random, if you're like Wake Forest, you're like, oh, wow.

Speaker 5 I love Winston-Salem.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right. Yeah, I had a great time there one time.
That's school? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's all you know. And then that's it.
That's like, all right, see you. Like, damn, that guy knows a lot about.
That guy knows a lot. Where was that guy earlier that knew we were the tribe?

Speaker 2 I didn't bought him a beer, I guess.

Speaker 5 What made me think of that is I did that to

Speaker 5 someone, and when we were at the Final Force, someone was from Indiana. They're like, you probably, they're like, I'm from Indiana too, so I've always liked you, whatever.

Speaker 5 And then I was like, what high school did you go to? And they said the high school. And then they're like, it's a tiny school.
You've probably never heard of it. And I was like, no, I've heard of it.

Speaker 5 You guys are the, and I, and I said the nickname. And the girl's face was like, holy fucking shit.
You know our. And I was like, I've never been there.
I don't know anything about it.

Speaker 5 I just know that your nickname isn't it. And she felt the connection, and she's probably listening to this now.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah. So there you go.
She's like, that guy was full of shit.

Speaker 2 If I hadn't seen a skill, I would have known. That's my skill.

Speaker 2 Oh, I got to do another one. Everybody's listening.
All right, let's try to do this.

Speaker 9 This is the super weird one.

Speaker 5 This one's the super weird one, but

Speaker 2 everyone's doing the callbacks.

Speaker 1 It sucks.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. You've ruined it for the whole thing.

Speaker 5 This is the super weird one, but you're proud of it.

Speaker 5 I'm proud of it, so fuck it.

Speaker 5 I am good at, I'm elite at spitting ice cubes into my dog's mouth across the room.

Speaker 2 So stick with me.

Speaker 5 I go out to eat.

Speaker 5 You get a to-go cup, you fill it up with ice, you get a little soda or whatever, you take it home, and you're watching TV, and you got your little cup.

Speaker 5 You finish drinking your drink, there's ice, you start chewing on the ice, and then my dog loves ice, and he's sitting across the room, and I can spit ice.

Speaker 5 It doesn't matter how far away he is, and my dog is elite at catching it.

Speaker 2 And I just teamwork.

Speaker 5 It used to be like I'd spit it out of my hand and kind of toss it to him. And then I was like, let's just cut out the middle, man.
And I would just start fucking launching him across the room.

Speaker 2 And I never missed.

Speaker 1 Does your dog know when you're like pursing your lips? Yeah, he's coming.

Speaker 5 Here's the ice shaking.

Speaker 5 He knows it's coming. Like, if David Letterman still had his show, we would be on stupid pet tricks.
And we would probably.

Speaker 2 Why don't you just do a ringer video of that?

Speaker 1 Why don't I just do it with you?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can be the dog. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Thanks for finishing my joke.

Speaker 2 I like to be more slow with my humor. It's getting late.

Speaker 1 You're starting to just fucking ram it in there.

Speaker 2 Run the fucking

Speaker 2 eye again. Yeah, big eye goes.

Speaker 1 Before Ryan just iris goodbys us and leaves. Yeah, yeah, okay, all right, all right.
Here we go. Uh,

Speaker 2 fuck. Uh.

Speaker 2 You're just you're afraid to leave one on the table and not take it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got a couple. Well, I mean, I'm a great short-distance swimmer, but I'm not going to bring that one up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I mean, I am.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute, Hank, you beat him?

Speaker 1 No, he didn't. He did not.
We don't

Speaker 1 contentious because it's not on camera.

Speaker 2 No, it's not. How long the ocean is? That didn't count.
Back? We're talking about

Speaker 1 10 yards in the pool. You beat me? No, that's not.
10 yards. Produced it.

Speaker 2 Just move the goalpost and say

Speaker 2 10 yards is actually long distance.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 15 yards, 5 yards.

Speaker 2 You guys are not using the metric system? Most swimmers do.

Speaker 2 I'm really good at 15 meters.

Speaker 1 Okay, here it is. I'm really good at being.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about adult intramural sports.

Speaker 1 I'm really good at being the second banana, which I know is kind of an indictment on myself, but I'm really good at not being the guy who everyone's like, we are looking to him for planning, for like, you know, like, hey, everyone, here's a lineup.

Speaker 1 Here's like, come on, we got to, we need to run.

Speaker 1 I'm really good at the subtle, like, hey, like, we're going to get him this inning, you know, like keeping the morale up and being that guy that everyone looks to.

Speaker 1 Maybe you're Steph Curry to Kevin Durant kind of steal.

Speaker 5 The alternate captain.

Speaker 1 The alternate captain. Yeah.
Well, you can be an alternate captain from the bench. You can't be a captain from the bench.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you have injury history. Right.

Speaker 1 But that's a skill, though. Being the second banana when you need to.

Speaker 2 I've always kind of hated that guy on softball teams I've been on. Like, you're not that good.
It's like, hey, let's turn it off.

Speaker 1 No, I was good.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, if you're good, you're turning to that.

Speaker 2 You know, those guys you play in leagues with and you go, just like you.

Speaker 1 You're talking about a different guy. You're talking about a different guy.
You're talking about the guy who wears batting gloves and fucking baseball pitches.

Speaker 5 You're talking about the player coach.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're talking about the guy who's who sucks, but because he set up the email and sent in the Venmo, he's the captain.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he is.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about the guy who's the captain.

Speaker 2 What's wrong with batting gloves in softball?

Speaker 1 That's kind of weird. Are you playing slow pitch or fast pitch?

Speaker 2 Well, I'm not a, I don't play.

Speaker 1 Is there such a thing as men's fast pitches? Yeah. Yeah.
In New York City, they have fast pitch.

Speaker 2 That's weird.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. It It is weird, but it's fun.
It's kind of fun to watch. I would say yes, batting gloves for fast pitch, then.
I love, by the way.

Speaker 1 Because if you're playing fast-pitched softball as an adult male, then you're naturally a hardo.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Everyone has batting gloves. I love just watching random softball or little league games.
If you just go by a field.

Speaker 2 Just by yourself in the stands? Yeah, you don't do that? You don't stop? No. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right, so I'm great at that, too. Go ahead.
Your last one.

Speaker 2 I left a lot on the table.

Speaker 2 What else did you leave? Go ahead. Go ahead.
Throw a couple of things.

Speaker 1 I'm really good at

Speaker 1 when I go to a wedding,

Speaker 1 leaving early, but making a memorable moment.

Speaker 5 Oh, so Irish good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's good. No, no, no, but no, no, no.

Speaker 1 It's different.

Speaker 1 So at a wedding, you have to make a memorable moment so that they're like, yeah, that person was there. So I'm very good at getting in front of the bride and groom's face.

Speaker 1 So they're like, oh, yeah, he was there. But I'm gone by 8.45.
So I guess it's kind of Irish goodbye.

Speaker 2 It's an Irish goodbye. Yeah, it is.
Just describe it in Irish goodbye.

Speaker 9 All right, you go.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to think of something more current now. Oh, yeah, we're all kind of reeling.
We're all kind of released. Yeah, because the other one was like, I used to be great at making half-shirts.

Speaker 2 It's really good.

Speaker 2 I always had like, I just hit the line the right way, so there was just enough midrift, but not too much. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not Miami Hurricanes midriff, but then if it's too low, then you've got to do it again, and the elasticity of the shirt shot.

Speaker 5 I used to be good at picking out face masks for football players that they should wear to make them look coolest.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 5 Which face mask style fifth witch player?

Speaker 5 Should they have a visor or a neck roll?

Speaker 1 Did you ever do the Sultan on the

Speaker 1 deep armpits? Cut the

Speaker 2 cutscene. That was such a loser movie.
Did you? He still does it. Yeah.
Did I? Your nipples are like the best of the guys.

Speaker 2 Have like all the backne from all the juice, and you go, this isn't actually a good look for you. It's just...
Your whole lat looks like a hemorrhoid right now.

Speaker 2 And so that's not good. All right.

Speaker 2 I feel like

Speaker 2 I don't know where I want to go here.

Speaker 1 The half shirt was good. The half-shirt.

Speaker 2 The half-shirt was good.

Speaker 1 We were good at tearing off the sleeves

Speaker 2 now.

Speaker 1 In the one tear?

Speaker 2 You know, what I used to love is

Speaker 2 cutting the sleeve in half, like that late 90s basketball thing that took over.

Speaker 2 That was just once you got out there and you were D1, and if you didn't have one of those underneath the tank, then it was like, what's wrong with you?

Speaker 2 And then that's just amazing how quickly that goes away.

Speaker 2 I think I'm good on some trends going. Like right now, I think in two years, everybody's looking at their closet going, why do I have seven different blue suits?

Speaker 2 So I would get out of the blue suit game right now. Okay,

Speaker 1 so this is not only a thing you're elite at, but you're going to give us a title.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm going to give you the tips. Like when I walk around New York City and I see every single guy in Jordans now, and some that shouldn't be in Jordans.

Speaker 1 God damn it.

Speaker 2 Oh, all right. We're talking about me.

Speaker 2 Quite literally. I bought like first

Speaker 2 thing wrong, and and he's doach.

Speaker 1 Dude, he wears Supreme.

Speaker 2 Supreme, Supreme? Supreme. Yeah, Supreme.
Do you have like a pre-Jane? He's got it all. I'm not saying Jordan.

Speaker 1 Look at he's wearing a fucking Astral World t-shirt. Travis Scott.

Speaker 2 He's white three.

Speaker 1 Dad knows better than you.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, I'm just telling you, like, there's certain guys that I've seen wearing Jordans now where I go, I don't know.

Speaker 1 What about flannels? When Darren Ravell got in the Jordan game,

Speaker 1 that was a big, big red flag for me.

Speaker 2 What about flannels? I wore a flannel out on the wrongest night ever wear a flannel. And it was bad.

Speaker 2 It went horribly.

Speaker 1 There is nothing worse.

Speaker 2 There's a picture of it, too. There's nothing worse.
You know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 2 No. All right.
Oh, I do. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 1 You know.

Speaker 2 Oh, that night. Yeah, that night.
Oh, no, no, not that night. I know.
I'm talking.

Speaker 2 I figured what would you get arrested, dude? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 This night, actually, arguably, like

Speaker 2 it was, it was in a weird way less successful than that night.

Speaker 1 It was, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I think flannel in L.A., I think the L.A. thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Flannel in L.A., I don't think, is working.

Speaker 1 I got a question.

Speaker 1 You got your finger on the pulse.

Speaker 1 How do we feel about Odell Beckham here? Is that going to be around two years?

Speaker 2 No way. That's over.
Yeah, that's over. That's over.
Zach Efron has it now.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, watch it.

Speaker 2 He's very cool. We just.
I like this night. He's cool.
I like him. I'm freaked out about it.
Careful. Watch this night.
I like Zach Efron. No,

Speaker 1 we like Zach Fron. Careful.
Sounds like you're judging him. What about toupees? Are they in?

Speaker 2 I'm bad. You know what? If we're doing stuff I'm bad at, I can never tell who has a toupee.
Yeah, I'm horrible. You know what I am?

Speaker 1 Fake tits.

Speaker 2 I don't know why. Me too.
Figure it out.

Speaker 1 I'm always like, oh, look at those big tits. They must be real.
And they're like, yo, that's a porn star, dude.

Speaker 2 It's like, what? Oh,

Speaker 1 I guess, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm surprised you're not bad at that. I'm really bad at it.
I don't know why.

Speaker 2 I'm talking to some guy or something, and somebody comes after me and be like, oh my God, how bad was that guy's toupee? And I'd be like, what? I thought he. Bill Seller.

Speaker 2 I thought he had nice brown hair.

Speaker 5 Yeah, where'd you stand on the Bill Sell?

Speaker 1 Yeah, where'd you stand on Bill Sell?

Speaker 2 He looks great.

Speaker 1 Does he have a Toupe?

Speaker 2 No, I don't think so. Oh, I heard different.

Speaker 1 Carl Ravich.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Carl Ravich.

Speaker 1 Now, Carl Ravich actually has.

Speaker 2 I was like, all right, I got to fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 Ravich is anonymous because his hair, like, it looks good on TV.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you meet him, you're like, holy shit.

Speaker 1 Carl Ravage.

Speaker 2 But see, I don't know if that's true because, again, I can't tell.

Speaker 2 That way to put yourself.

Speaker 1 Oh, that was a very good out. Really good job.

Speaker 5 You done?

Speaker 1 Is that it? Yeah, I'm done. I can't decide.
Last one. I can't decide.
So I'm going to empty the chamber with my last two.

Speaker 1 One, I'm very good at telling when somebody on social media is about to get into a pyramid scheme.

Speaker 2 Like the warning signs.

Speaker 1 Identifying the warning signs.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 1 When they do, like, when they pick up a weight and they're wearing like a really nice sports bra or something for the first time, I'm like, this is about to be body. What is it?

Speaker 2 Beach body.

Speaker 1 How about this new this new one, Bang Energy? Have you seen that? No. That one, it's basically every Instagram model.
You don't, you don't follow.

Speaker 2 Oh, you only follow two people.

Speaker 1 You follow a little kid and that's it on Instagram.

Speaker 2 His content is set.

Speaker 1 But yeah, there's a new one, Bang Energy.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That everyone, every Instagram model

Speaker 2 is like, got it. Yeah.
By the way, the kid, that 11-year-old that I follow, he was like, hey, can you have that Bill Simmons guy give me a shout out on his podcast? So we get his followers up.

Speaker 1 All right, so Toby Miller.

Speaker 2 No, Toby Miller, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Sully Miller. Hey, Sully Miller, we're giving you a shout out on the number one squad.
Even though you won't be allowed to listen to any of this.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it's so, like, I see somebody from high school that I used to know, haven't talked to in 20 years, and the second they upload like a Facebook story, who the fuck does Facebook stories?

Speaker 1 That's number one. And if you haven't haven't been on social media a long time, that's the first thing you do in a while.
It's like, okay, you're selling our bond now.

Speaker 1 Like I'm very good at knowing when they're about to get into that.

Speaker 1 The other thing I'm really elite at, I think, is remembering the names of dogs.

Speaker 1 So I know every dog's named

Speaker 1 in my building. I don't know any of their owner's names.
And so it's really nice, you know, you see them outside. You're like, hey, Parker, what's up? And then their owner will be like, oh, what's up?

Speaker 5 And then you have the conversation with the owner through the dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. But I remember every dog's name.

Speaker 5 And And you never make eye contact with the owner.

Speaker 2 You're always looking at the dog, but like talking to the owner.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm like, tell your owner that you're not getting fed enough.

Speaker 1 I can go back to when I was a used dog salesman, rattle off some names. Wizard, biscuits,

Speaker 1 Sky, Macy. We'll fact-check these after.
No, they're real. These are all the jobs.

Speaker 2 I could just make. You think I made up biscuits? I mean, I'm great for cats.
Yeah. Yeah, we.
Sarah.

Speaker 2 Steve.

Speaker 2 Dave, the cat. Ethan.
Dougie.

Speaker 1 Ethan,

Speaker 1 Dougie.

Speaker 2 And if And you know what?

Speaker 1 Here's a little trick. If you can't remember the dog's name, just guess Bella.

Speaker 2 Yeah, nine times out of ten. Bella, Stella, Lola.

Speaker 1 Those are girl dog names.

Speaker 2 Those three. Did you ever experiment with your dog adoption company? What was it? That was a tough first sentence.

Speaker 1 Did I ever experiment? Go on. Did you ever

Speaker 1 experiment with your dog

Speaker 2 adoption company? Yeah, yeah, it's go on.

Speaker 2 No, I just, would you ever be like, okay, because I could see you doing this, like, printing out some sort of spreadsheet where if you change the dogs' names, would they be more adoptable?

Speaker 2 So, like, you go, if I just name this dog Firecracker, but yeah,

Speaker 2 that's a bad name, like

Speaker 2 Captain Captain Steve.

Speaker 2 Captain Steve,

Speaker 2 definitely. That day.
Like, how could you not adopt

Speaker 2 a dog named Captain Steve?

Speaker 1 They just make it up. Like, when I was

Speaker 2 today, you're

Speaker 1 tiger. When I was adopting Stella, it was clear that what they would do is just every day, they would just, like, one person was just feeling one thing.

Speaker 1 So I walked in one day and it was like Pepsi Sprite like Coke.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 2 And it was like, but what is going on right here?

Speaker 1 Because they know when you adopt the dog, you're not going to fucking keep that name. You think we're doing like sample testing on the dog?

Speaker 1 I didn't think that far, but I did know on my very first day there, the guy that was training me, he was like, this dog is Macy. And she was...
found in a lake. She was rescued.
She swam to shore.

Speaker 1 Her owner threw her overboard, if you can believe that. And the dog got adopted.
He replaces with another dog. And he's like, so I'm going to tell the same boat story about this dog.

Speaker 1 He just had a boat story that he would use over and over again. He's like, if people think this dog was thrown into water, they'll take it home.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So be careful. I was ready to adopt it.
So I found out that it was back-to-back dogs. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Macy was a good dog, though. Spot twist.
It was thrown into the water off of it.

Speaker 2 Fighter. Real fighter.

Speaker 1 Oh, Macy? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Swimmer. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Probably beat both you and Hank in that contest.

Speaker 2 I fucking beat Hank. I beat Hank.
All right. Hank is just.

Speaker 1 Thank you guys. I think what we learned today is we're all really good at some awesome shit.

Speaker 2 We are.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We are like the X-Men of very particular skills. I'm really good at turning off the video game right before I'm about to lose, so it doesn't fuck up my system.

Speaker 1 I can get it right, you know what I mean? Because they do the auto-save now.

Speaker 2 You know how that works? I don't play video games anymore.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, you emotionally can't handle it.

Speaker 1 One of my favorite Rasilo podcasts, we'll end with this podcast lines ever, was no joke, just goes, yeah, I had to give my Xbox to my sister.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 1 I was playing too many video games.

Speaker 2 He wasn't joking, though. You did.

Speaker 2 That's not 100%.

Speaker 2 What was it?

Speaker 2 No, I just figured if there was other stuff I was going to be doing, I knew what would happen: I would go, okay,

Speaker 2 let's take a little break from writing here. I'm going to go down and save Panama again from these drug wars.

Speaker 2 And I was just obsessed with this one Tom Clancy game where I was just cleaning out territories left and right. And then I was like, okay, I've liberated this entire country.

Speaker 2 And now I think I'm going to go and talk to all the villages so my approval rating goes up. And now I'm going to find every hidden gem.

Speaker 2 And then I just, I was like, okay, and then I reset it so I could just take it. I'd be like, I'm going to clear this whole side, but only using this

Speaker 2 artillery. And then I'm like, okay, now give this thing away.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And this was like a year ago.

Speaker 2 Year and a half.

Speaker 1 All right. Thank you guys.
I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Appreciate you guys.

Speaker 1 I remember me when I had my kids. We did.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 This has been fun.

Speaker 5 I got to go use the restroom real quick, guys.

Speaker 2 Thank you for having me. Should we wait for you to come back?

Speaker 2 Why don't you take a piss and move that? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 I'll be right back.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 I missed you. I can tell you don't like me.

Speaker 2 Oh, I

Speaker 2 know that my life is pretty free.

Speaker 2 I like watching the road corner.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's not saying,

Speaker 2 it's not safe.

Speaker 2 I just want someone to send me

Speaker 2 your profit.

Speaker 2 I'll always be there with you and pain.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 you know, I like to keep my feet dry today.

Speaker 2 So pray with me, and I'll have it made.

Speaker 2 And I don't understand

Speaker 2 why I sleep away.

Speaker 2 And I stop to complain, there's no ahead.

Speaker 2 No, I can do it free of the same way.

Speaker 2 And it rips my life away. But it's a great escape.

Speaker 2 This game,

Speaker 2 escape,

Speaker 2 destroyed.

Speaker 2 All I could say is that my life is pretty plain.

Speaker 2 You don't like my voice, you can come down to me.

Speaker 2 It's good

Speaker 2 I just won't tell what they say.

Speaker 2 I'll always be there with you and me.

Speaker 2 You know, I like to skip my cheating shot to stay.

Speaker 2 So stay with me and I'll have it made me hope and I'll have it say.

Speaker 2 You know, I'll let it make you

Speaker 2 love.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm really, only, really, only hallelujah.

Speaker 2 You know, I'll have it made.