NL MVP Christian Yelich, NBA Playoffs, S8E3 Game Of Thrones Recap

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On today's Pardon My Take, NLMVP Christian Yelich friend for right now.

There's some history there.

With benefits.

With benefits.

We talked to him about not only our stupid bet that we just made with ourselves that we're regretting, not regretting yet, but if he wins the home run derby, we will regret it. Uh, we talked about how hot he's gotten since we last talked to him.
All-star game. He's basically become a hall of famer overnight.
Uh, and we have draft cleanup, NBA playoff, who's back Monday reading. And we have the battle of Winterf of Winterfell, which we will get into at the end of the show.

No spoilers until the end of the show.

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Okay, let's go. Bye.
Bye. Now in the street Boy! Boy! And then I can't live all on the sun, oh no.
We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. And then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. And then we'll take it higher.
Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by the Cash App. Today is Monday, April 29th.
PFT, should we give some grades for the draft? Let's do it. This never goes wrong.
I like giving my grades for the draft before the draft happens. And you can pencil in the Raiders for an F every year.
You can pencil in the Giants for an F every year. You can pencil in the Redskins usually for an A every year.
And that usually works out pretty well for them. Jaguars A every year.
I do my entire draft post draft analysis based on where you were supposed to pick be picked in the mock draft versus the real draft. So if you reached because a bunch of guys nerds online made a mock draft then I'm going to give you an F.
Yeah. Nothing based football not you know like i love i love overreacting to draft grades because and that's the best part too is you not only have the draft grades of people like the person writing it is overreacting then the overreacting to the draft grades gets people mad too that's the nfl draft also patriots always get an a because you just assume that no matter what belichick's doing, he's got some proprietary formula that he's worked out.
Right. And that's why he traded up 20 spots to get a right-footed punter.
He can see the future. He's a warg.
He is. Just keeping it on brand right now.
I don't know what that means. Nope.
Nope, that's actually the back. Yep, the back.
All right, so big news for things that were notable. DK Metcalf got drafted by the Seahawks.
Pete Carroll is just going to keep his shirt off forever he should coach shirtless yes that would be great that was such a funny scene where dk walks in the room shirtless and that's just guys being dudes like pete carroll sees him come in the room and he's like oh this guy's got his shirt off i gotta get my shirt off too that's how it works when you're a guy by the way credit to the entire nfl and the draft process for not picking dk metcalf top 10 being like hey this guy's really good at running in a straight line. He's really jacked.
But he can't do anything else that makes you a good receiver. And when I say credit to the NFL, I mean Al Davis is just dead.
Right. Yeah.
He lucked out on that one. He is like Mike Wallace with pecs.
That's how I can best describe DK Metcalf. I would have taken him top 10 just based on that one picture that was obviously taken at a very flattering angle that made him look...
He's like a 3D muscle.

Yeah, made him look like five times as wide.

The girth on that guy's shoulders was just unreal.

So yeah, credit to Al Davis for still

being dead. Or maybe he's a White Walker.

He probably is. He absolutely is.

He was a White Walker

the last 10 years of his life.

Also, they got Tony Brown

this offseason in addition to Antonio Brown.

Antonio Brown was going at

Ryan Clark on Twitter on Friday and said, it's on site when I see you. I love that.
But guess what? That wasn't Antonio Brown saying it. That was Tony.
Tony Brown. I don't know which one's Mr.
Big Chest. Well, that's DK Metcalf.
And it might be Mr. Big Check, too.
You don't know. We don't know.
DK Metcalf should squat on the Mr. Big Chest.
Fade on site is such a badass thing to say to someone on Twitter when you're probably never going to see them. And the other big news of the weekend, I would say, was Josh Rosen.
Josh Rosen. Got traded to the Dolphins for, I don't know, like, what, the 60th pick, something like that? It was a second and a fifth rounder.
It was a kid from UMass, right? The really fast kid? Andy Isabella. Yeah.
Yes. So the guy that was shockingly not drafted by the patriots uh is going to the desert and josh rosen is going to florida my question for you big cat yes did josh rosen handle the trade too well is that a red flag well mature well so what happened after the trade first of all the whole josh rosen is a terrible teammate terrible human being is like the biggest runaway narrative of all time.
Just just to refresh everyone. It started with two things.
One, Josh Rosen had a hot tub in his dorm room, which just a little just a little heads up. The QB at a big time college football program probably has sex.
Building code violation. Probably has sex.
Yes. Building code violation.
That's not in the in the student handbook uh number two jim moore jr who's a shitty coach time and time again got fired mid-season and then uh in the draft process was like hey this josh rosen guy he thinks i'm dumb yeah like well yeah no shit you are dumb yeah jim moore the big red flag on josh rosen was he didn't listen to jim moore jr's coaching enough that should be like let's draft this guy because he's smart enough to know the dumb people in the room. Exactly.
So yeah, it's become a runaway narrative. People are, it's so funny to me because what happens with runaway narratives is all the things that...
Don't explain to me what happened. No, no, no.
I'm explaining to the people. I am a runaway narrative.
All the things that we love in like the accomplished quarterbacks are now negatives. Like Josh Rosen is a little abrasive.
He's a little arrogant. He thinks he's smart.
He wants to be mentally challenged. It's like all these things like, hey, Aaron Rodgers, kind of the same guy.
Tom Brady, he seems like a pretty good teammate, but he had the whole Jimmy G thing where it's like he locked him out of the TB12 method. Big Ben, huge dickhead.
He's won two won two super bowls so it's like you're a dick and it's good when you win and then if you are behind the worst offensive line of all time and you're a dick you are a real big character but the thing is i don't know when has he been a dick i haven't seen nobody from the arizona cardinals said anything bad about him right like his teammates seemed to really like him the one time he said that football is not everything that's not everything. That's right.
That was it. Yeah, doesn't love football.
That was it. Good point.
He doesn't love football so much, he was the MVP of Larry Fitzgerald's softball. And home run derby champion.
Can you imagine, can you just imagine if Kyler Murray had shown up to Fitzgerald's softball tournament and gone five for five with five grand slams and like seven outfield assists? And the A's were like, sucks but yeah the josh rosen like and with all that said you know we've obviously had a very good uh funny running bit this fall about the josh rosen stat line the his character i like the whole narrative is bullshit he could very well suck like he had a we don't know there are a lot of guys though who have had really bad rookie years years, and then they ended up being good. And I've been standing on this pedestal being like, why would no one take a shot at Josh Rosen? The Dolphins did something smart.
Okay, if he's bad, you got a guy who was drafted 10th overall last year for a fucking third-round pick or second-round pick. It's worth a risk.
I agree. I agree.
And we don't know what Josh Rosen is. He didn't look good for the most part.
But I don't know how you can be Stephen Smith. That was a Freudian slip there.
Steve Smith put on his Stephen A. Smith hat and gave some takes about Josh Rosen saying like, what was the crux of his general argument? Because I was trying to find a point because he was saying it so assertively that I was like, I want to buy into whatever take this is, but I don't understand the words that are being put together.
It was a mix of Josh Rosen unfollowing the Cardinals on Instagram and him not competing for a job that was, like they drafted another quarterback and they wanted to trade him. Number one overall.
He literally had no chance to compete for the job. In open competition.
He showed up to OTAs last week when he knew he was going to get traded. Yeah.
So I don't know. I think Josh Rosen, probably not as bad of a guy as people want him out to be.
Might still suck as a quarterback, but I'm willing to give him a second shot. Yeah, it was kind of ridiculous.
And Steve Smith, he's an entertaining orator. I will give him that.
Yes. I like to listen to Stephen A.
Smith be pissed off at people. That's the Steve Smith that I want.

But in this case, I don't know that it

really made a lot of sense. Well, also him telling

everyone how to be a good teammate. Steve Smith,

I loved Steve Smith. He's one of the

all-time fun guys to watch,

but I'm pretty sure he tried to fight every single one of his

teammates at some point in his career. Yeah, and officials.

Yeah, right. Ice up, son.

That was actually awesome when he told him to ice up.

He actually, Steve Smith is actually the perfect example of how funny narratives get. He was a dick, and he was like an asshole to his teammates, but everyone was like, well, that's the competitor in him.
Yeah. That's just Steve Smith, man.
That's just what he does. Okay.
So Josh is on the move to South Florida. That'll be interesting to see you next year.
What else happened over the weekend? Like draft, no real surprises. Will Greer going to Carolina.
John Elway got his tall quarterback. Drew Locke goes to the Broncos.
Small hands, though. Might I remind you.
Nine inches. Also, you're forgetting though when he gave the double finger guns and the wink at the reporter at the Senior Bowl.
That is a John Elway. John Elway came himself when he was like, this guy double finger guns yep that's my kind of guy i just like the john elway yeah like he was like six four this is good and um i also the ryan pace is doing a big time future ryan pace thing and i love it he's basically just keeps trading more like putting every all the chips into right now we need our guys right now in three years future ryan pace is going to wake up if the bears don't have a super bowl there's going to be a big pile of shit on his doorstep and i'm okay with it well draft picks are are really just like a ponzi scheme yeah so if you just borrow from the future you can still fill it up now and it's just dawning on me this is how dumb i am personally and how dumb uh most of the the draft analysis that you see out there is um the r words got a's across board from everybody, but it's just because they picked twice in the first round.
Right. And they picked players.
Without a doubt. We know their names.
So it's like, oh, shit, the Redskins dominated the draft. They got two first-round picks.
A key to dominating the draft, two first-round picks, and then picking one guy who was a known winner. So if you pick two first-round picks, then Hunter Renfro, A.
And Bryce Love. Yeah, that's an A.
They got Bryce Love. He was really good.
I saw him in a bunch of those late night Pac-12 bailout games. Yeah, you know a guy.
You're like, oh, okay, well, that guy was good in college. Perfect.
A. But yeah, it was, I don't know, the NFL draft, like we said on Thursday's show, they make it too long.
By Saturday, it's like, come on come on guys we're still in Nashville. It's background noise.
Still doing this. But it's always fun.
It also means that football is going to be back soon enough. Let's talk about basketball.
Henry Lockwood Are you all the way in with the Celtics now? Oh yeah. Was I ever out? Was I ever not? I walked into the office this afternoon, Sunday afternoon, and Hank was actually raising a banner.
I was like, what are you doing, dude? He's like 18. And I was like, huh? I mean, they are a team of Dessie now with the whole Havlicek thing.
They did kick the shit out of the Bucs. Giannis, Al Horford.
Al Horford being like the guy who like the wily old veteran who can just shut down like young phenoms is fucking awesome. When did he learn how to jump again? He is awesome.
It's like every May he remembers how to jump. Here's the problem though with Al Horford because everyone is like an analyst now and the NBA is covered to such an extent on Twitter.
Al Horford is going to go in, like, I assume the Hall of Fame because everyone goes in the basketball Hall of Fame, as the most overrated, underrated guy. Because everyone's like, Al Horford's so underrated.
Eventually, we're like, guys, we get it. He's good.
He's good. He's just good.
He's really, really good. I can tell that Hank's worried.
You want to know how? Because he was rooting so hard for the Rockets because he does not want to play the Warriors. Yes.
You were afraid of the Warriors. My Warriors.
Yes. You were afraid of the Warriors.
Absolutely. My Warriors.
If the Rockets could beat the Warriors, it's wide open. I just want to get off a take before it's too late, before I can fully get absorbed into my own shitheadness.
Get it off. I was wrong about the Celtics-Bucs series.
I just want to say that. I said there was no chance in hell that the Celtics make it a series.
Well, let's game one. I believe I said the Bucs are head and shoulders above every other team.
I'm going to jump off that tick now. I'm in ankle-deep water.
Big of you. And before I get sucked down by the undercurrent of my own shitty ideas, I'd like to say, I think the Celtics can beat the Bucs.
Yeah, I think so too. Kyrie, still, when Kyrie is just on, it's insane.
I mean, he finishes anywhere. Well, that was a little...
No, no, no. I'm not gonna...
He's insane. And I think Giannis will...
This was a really bad game for Giannis, but I do think it will be a good series. I do not think the Celtics, like Hank, has them sweeping the Bucs now.
No, I never said any of these things. He has the 18th banner up.
I will say that these playoffs without LeBron have been much more enjoyable because, like, you get to see the other superstars. It seems like they're all trying to one-up each other where it was like, well, Kawhi is insane.
Tatum is 19, right? Yeah. 19-year-old kid.
Kawhi is going to keep. I mean, imagine how good they're going to be when he plays well.
When he turns 20. Kawhi is going.
Tatum is 19, right? 19-year-old kid. Kawhi is going to keep going off every single game so that people can just keep going, hey, remember Kawhi? That's like what these, if the Raptors get to the finals, it will just be the hey, remember Kawhi playoffs.
It's like, yeah, we actually do remember. He's really fucking good.
I don't think he hit the rim in that game. I think it was 45 all on swishes.
I want to know what the Sabre metrics on his shots to rim touches. I bet you it's like .3.
It's 30% of his shots touched rim. Yeah.
He's wet. Wet.
Do you want to know why I'm a Warriors fan? Sure. Hank? Sure.
You're mad at me. No, I mean.
My dubs. Dubs Nation.
Shout out Dubs Nation. I don't know who you are anymore you are anymore.
Okay, here's why. I'm losing sight of Dan Katz I once knew.
I've been brewing on this. Now, when I say I'm a Warriors fan, obviously.
You were cheering. You took your shirt off when they won.
Yeah, I did. And just ran around the office.
I put my belly button right in your face. It's like, suck that.
Stuff's to God. I am rooting for the Warriors in a very backwards way, but hear me out.
The Warriors every year, it's been like no one can beat the Warriors, no one can beat the Warriors. This year, there finally is a team that can beat the Warriors, and it's the Warriors.
So I'm excited to watch the Warriors try to beat the Warriors because this is what happens at the late dynasties. Like the most interesting part of sports to me is greatness.
The second most interesting part is when great teams start to fracture and fall apart. When they can't get out of their own way.
Kobe and Shaq, the 98 Bulls. Why everyone always brings up, like, you're always like, why are people talking about the Patriots? Because it's interesting to see teams at the possible end of runs, like, how it all comes apart.
And the Warriors, I truly think they all hate each other. Yeah.
And I think it's spread completely fair around. Kevin Durant, we've already talked about.
Triple B. I blame Klay.
All that stuff. Well, I'll get to Klay.
Draymond's got to be the most annoying guy in the world to be around every single day for three years. I mean, he's like the Steve Kerr thing was the perfect example.
I'm not turning down the music. Steph, no matter what Steph does, he always gets the credit.
He's always number one in everyone's heart. And then Clay, I think Clay is everyone's best friend, and Clay's like, like, if you're like, hey, Kevin, who's your best friend? He's like, Clay.
Draymond, who's your best friend? Clay. And then Clay's like, my best friend's this dude named Paul from Washington State.
Like, I don't even like these guys. Or would you say that Clay is a coward for not picking sides? Yeah.
So he tries to make everybody happy. He's just perma-high, even though I don't even know if he smokes, but he's perma-high.
He could smoke up that goatee of his and get a contact guy from it. Yeah, exactly.
So I think that watching the Warriors try to beat the Warriors is the most fascinating part of these playoffs, and I want to see, like, watching end of dynasties, I love, like, the it so i am rooting for the warriors to beat the warriors and if they lose then i also win because the warriors beat them so would you say that this today was a statement lost for the warriors or was it a moral victory it was a both that's the beauty of it yes they're playing both sides of it and but i forgot about boogie boogie is definitely the guy who shows up and everyone's like this guy's awesome awesome. And then he beats Chicken Beer Pong.
He's like, you suck. You fucking suck.
I'm like, bro, can you just chill out? You're kind of ruining this whole thing. Yeah, Hank is very triggered over there by all this Warriors stuff.
Yeah, so I'm rooting for the Warriors trying to beat the Warriors. There's no team that can beat the Warriors except the Warriors.
Dubs Nation, baby. Hank doesn't get it.
Hank is trying to process this. It might not make any sense.
Which Warriors do you want to win? He wants the Warriors to beat the Warriors. I want the Warriors to beat the Warriors.
Which means you want them to fall apart? Or you want them to come together? He wants them to fall apart because they beat themselves because they're so good at being dickheads that they're able to defeat each other. I kind of want the Warriors to win because I really don't like – this is the first time where it's interesting to me.
The last couple times they've won, it's like, who cares? They're going to win. This is the first time where it's like this is truly they have a huge test in whether they can beat themselves.
I'm rooting for a train wreck. I was also really high all weekend, so this could be part of it.
Yeah, that definitely is a major part of it, but you're not wrong. I think I'm right.
Yeah, you're not wrong. It is fine.
I like to think of what is the scenario that could possibly... LeBron is the year they're most likely to win? No, because the bad Warriors are the best they've ever been.
The Warriors playing themselves, they are the strongest. The bad chemistry Warriors are the strongest the bad chemistry Warriors have ever been.
Do you understand that part? You get it. It's going to break up.
I also think there's that element to be totally truthful here. I don't care if they win this year because they're going to break up no matter what.
So if Kevin Durant had a five-year deal, I'd be like, fuck these Warriors. Because it's just every year.
But I know this is the end. And I kind of want to watch the end.
What's the perfect storm for the Warriors to stick around and at least have Kevin Durant and Steph Curry on the team? I think Kevin Durant's gone. What could possibly happen that would make Kevin Durant stick around if they threw Draymond Green on Alcatraz?

If they locked him on Alcatraz for the next two years and said, KD, it's going to be you and Steph.

I think the only way it would happen is if the Warriors win and they beat the Bad Chemistry Warriors this year and Steph bends the knee.

Yeah.

Okay.

Kisses the ring.

Yes.

And says, this is your team.

KD, this is your team.

Knights him.

If he gets a tattoo across his back that says, this is KD's team. Yeah.
KD's Warriors. Or if KD finds some new app that he wants to invest in.
Because it is Silicon Valley. People forget the Warriors play there.
Yeah. And they probably circumvent the cap by paying their players in Bitcoin.
I think, no, I really do think it's done this year. So it doesn't feel the same as years past where it's like no one can ever beat the Warriors.
Yeah. Like this is the end of the run.
And rooting for a team that has won at the end of a run feels different. The only thing I'm hoping for is that KD, no matter where he goes next year, I want it to be the team that bounced Golden State from this playoff.
Yes. Just so we can get that narrative going.
I missed that train. Wait, so next year, you're saying?

Oh, no, you want him to join the team that bounced.

I want him to join the Rockets if the Rockets beat the Warriors this year.

Well, PFT, he could do that if the Warriors beat the Warriors

and then he re-signs with the Warriors.

That's true.

That's very – that's true.

He could be a full-blown pat at me.

Oh, my God.

Could you imagine KD and Chris Paul on the same team?

The amount of pettiness that would be going on.

Chris Paul, turns out Chris Paul might be the new baby back bitch.

Okay, you are 100% right.

I'm happy you brought that up.

This is the single worst series that the referees have ever had to deal with.

Like, I know people are going to complain about how the game ended and all that shit.

I will not complain about a single call these refs make, whatever ref crew is on there, because I can't think of a worse series. You have Chris Paul literally complaining about every play.
James Harden is trying to trick the refs on every play. Steph flops like a motherfucker.
Draymond is like, you don't know if he's going to punch a ref. KD, triple B.
It's basically nonstop. The refs, what they have to deal with, I'm not going to complain at all about what they say.
Mark D'Antoni with the place where his mustache should be that's just totally blank right now. Steve Kerr thinks he's better than everyone.
He does have a little bit of smugness right now. Yeah, I think he does.
He needs Jordan to step in and punch him in the face again. Humble him.
Yeah, and he's got that little bad back so he can every every now and then be like, oh, my back. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you that it is a tough series for the refs, but I also think that it's pretty hilarious to watch them blow obvious calls.
But they're not even, like, I don't, I can't trust James. James Harden literally tries to trick them on every, the landing zone thing that we're into now.
Yeah, the circle. James Harden jumps out of the landing zone into other people.
There's a no-fly zone. He's just violating...
He's like, he's jumping out of Kuwait the whole time. Yes, it just goes right into people.
It's so funny to watch him play. I used to hate James Harden because, yeah, he does try to trick everybody.
But now it's like, what new stunt is he going to pull now? And he flops so hard. So hard.
And I love it. And you know what it is? It's the beard, too.
When you see that beard swaying around out there as he's hitting the deck, it looks more violent. Yes.
It absolutely does. It's like RG3 when his limbs go flailing and his braids go in every single direction after he gets hit one time.
It looks like a more severe penalty when it's happening to somebody with big hair. That's how Steven Jackson became a great running back.
He just looked more violent running. Yeah.
Oh, you see a running back get face masked, and their hair comes to the front where their face should be? You know that's a penalty. Marion Barber.
Yep. There you go.
Fuck him. But yeah, this is like the playoffs.
The NBA playoffs have now officially started. They are fun.
They're must-watch. It did.
I know this was a tweet that was probably sent 500,000 times this afternoon, but it did feel like a finals game. It did.
This is the finals. They're playing the finals right now, guys.
This is the real finals right now. This is the real finals.
Just end it right after this. Of course, what we're talking about is the Bucs-Celtics because Hank's ready to...
Crown them. Crown them.
Crown their asses. Crown their asses for one game, Hank.
If the Rockets beat the Warriors. Yeah, crown them, Hank.
We're talking 18. I'd be more afraid of the Rockets than I would be of the Warriors.
What if you just listen to? The Rockets can't beat the Warriors. Only the Warriors can beat the Warriors.
Got it, yeah. God dang it.
You learn nothing? That's going to suck when the Celtics end up winning the NBA title, but they have to split it with the Warriors. The bad chemistry Warriors who beat themselves.
All right, let's get to some who's back of the week. Hank, why don't you start? My who's back of the week is Vladimir Guerrero.
Okay. Junior.
Way to step on one of our segments. That's fine.
No, no, go ahead. No, go off, Hank.
Go off, yeah. Vlad Jr., let's hear it.
What's your take? He's an MLB. Everyone's going crazy.
He's good. He got his first hit.
He's a fucking beast. He's a beast.
So we had a win. MLB, I will say they're kind of overdoing.
Like every time he does anything, they're like, Vladimir Guerrero, Vladimir Guerrero, Vladimir Guerrero. I can't.
I think they're going to. It's going to get.
It's not. It's fine now.
It's good. Good to see nostalgia.
But I think like halfway through the season, it's going to get a little old. Are you complaining about Vlad Jr.
or Vlad Sr.? MLB is overexposing Vlad Sr. No, not his fault.
Vlad Jr. No, they have cameras on Vlad Sr., so every time Vlad Jr.
does anything, it's like, here's Vlad Sr.'s reaction to this. Are we canceling Vlad Sr.? No, Vlad Sr.
is great. This is not Vlad Sr.'s fault.
This is the MLB's fault. Vlad Sr.'s just watching.
You can't complain about the MLB not being able to market stars and then going over the top to market a young star. I agree with you.
Vlad Sr., move along, Vlad Sr. It's Vlad Jr.'s show.
He's electric. We actually had a way to stay relevant baseball because good job by baseball to have one of the most beloved hitters of all time have a kid and then 20 years later have that kid make baseball relevant again.
That's the one shot in their bag. Well, they have two shots.
They have hope that two podcasters eat each other's buttholes. Yeah, that's a run derby.
That's play number one. Play number two is just hope that a player that used to be very, very relevant back when you were relevant.
Yes. Has a child to make you relevant again.
It's like if Cal Ripken Jr. Jr.
went on a little street. Randy Johnson's son better get up here fast.
Yeah. I need him to explode a bird.
Is there a Ken Griffey Jr. Jr.? Jr.
Jr.? Ken Griffey III? I think he might have played football actually. In Arizona? That's awesome.
Damn, football's king. Yeah.
First they lost Kyler Murray, now Ken Griffey Jr. Jr.
Jr. Hank, any others? No.
Oh, okay. PFT.
Okay. My Who's Back of the Week is Jeopardy.
Yep. So Jeopardy's back in a big way.
They've got a dominant player right now who I'm very woke on. His name's James.
First of all, he's a professional sports gambler. Trey Griffey is a great name for Ken Griffey.
Okay, I was in the middle of my Who's Back. Trey.
Trey Griffey is actually a great name. Yeah.
Oh, shit. That is good.
It's like John naming his son Deuce. Yeah, that's actually great.
He's a third. Fuck.
Good job, Ken Griffey Jr. I was going to get mad at you for interrupting my who's back, but that was a great fact.
Thank you, Hank. So, yeah.
Thank you for thinking, Hank. Yes.
You're welcome. James is the dude on Jeopardy right now.
He's got like $1.3 million worth of earnings. I'm very woke on him because he – well, first of all, he is a professional sports gambler.
So fuck you, dude, for being good enough at something that I'm so bad at that you can make a living. And then also being this smart.
So fuck you. Put one in your hold, Tim.
Are you a big Jeopardy guy? I love Jeopardy. See, here's my problem with Jeopardy.
I always think I'm watching a rerun. Well, so what?

Because I just never know.

These are old facts.

I need to watch it live.

You got to be in the moment?

Right.

I always think, like, did they play this?

Like, what time does it air normally?

That's the weird thing about Jeopardy is sometimes it airs before Wheel of Fortune.

Sometimes it airs after. Depending on what time zone you're in and what state you're in.

I always turn on Jeopardy.

I'm like, wait, this probably aired initially at 4.30, and now they're playing it at 7. And what's going on? If you don't watch every episode, you're lost catching up to it.
Exactly. I've lost the plot line of Jeopardy.
But I love this dude, James. I think that he's cheating, number one.
But I liked, anytime Jeopardy has a dominant player like that, it's good for the game. I think Jeopardy is probably goosing his buzzer speed because you know he's really really quick on the thumb you can see if you watch him he's going to go up against other good competitors who are trying to buzz in the whole time but they don't have the timing of the buzzer down right i think the buzzer on the left is faster than the other ones because it's in the best interest of jeopardy to have a dominant star king they need a king because now people are tuning in even though they've paid him like 1.3 million dollars it's worth it for the ratings for Jeopardy to have a dominant star.
They need a king. They need a king because now people are tuning in.
Even though they've paid him like $1.3 million, it's worth it for the ratings for Jeopardy. Ken Jennings versus this guy? Well, Ken said, Ken bent the knee already to him.
Fuck. Ken said that, he said that James would kick his ass.
Oh, man, Ken. We need Ken versus him.
Special Jeopardy. Yeah.
Throw in Arthur Chu there too. Just for the ratings.
Isn't he problematic? Was he? I'm pretty sure he changed some problematic shit. Hank, you've got to stay up to date on your cancellations, bro.
Don't bring up a canceled guy. I feel like everyone gets canceled.
Well, that's the point. We're going to all cancel each other until we're the army of the dead.
Maybe that's the plot. And I'm okay with that.
I'm on the record being fine with being a zombie army. You don't have a lot to worry about when you're literally dead.
How sick would that be if they just raised all the canceled people and they wore their super problematic tweets on their chest? Their shame? Just a bunch of people walking around with racial slurs and they're just walking around like, ugh, we're back. Yeah, Night King Michael Richards.
No, Night King Justine. Has she landed yet? Yeah.
She raises them all up. She's flying around on the dead dragon.
Never landing, so never getting cancelled. Oh man.
We should write that little play. Write that down.
Okay. Alright, that's my who's back of the week.
Okay, my who's back is Coachella. Back again.
They're doing it again. They did it.
It was so good last week, they did it again this week. Do they go home for work during the week or do they just stay out there? I don't know.
What are you looking at me like that, Hank? It's back. It's going on again.
I saw the Ferris wheel. People took pictures in front of the Ferris wheel.
I think I had a little thought here. We should go next year.
Yeah, well, here's – no. That's how you know it's not good.
I got a better thought for you. Hank's into that big time.
We will cancel Coachella by our presence. High thought, we should create our own festival, because there's a million festivals now.
This is like, festivals have come back. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, Woodstock 50, I think, is this year. I'm into creating my own very luxurious music festival.
Right. Maybe a remote island.
No, here's the thing is, we don't even- I got the black card. We don't even- Just interview coaches and call it Coachella.
Ooh. Now, that was a good idea, Hank.
That's really good. Fuck.
But we should do it and not even pretend that we're going to do it. It's just a poster.
Because that's all it really is at this point. It's like the poster comes out.
Everyone says that's a good festival or a bad festival. And then they move on.
And then you'll see a couple people on Instagram. But let's just create festival posters and get the buzz.
Okay. So we need to have a poster.
I feel like we need to release a bunch of... People go to these festivals for the Instagram pictures.
I just searched Coachella on Twitter, and the first article says, Report, Coachella attendees suffer massive herpes outbreak. Fuck yes.
That's awesome. We need a name.
I wrote down some names. But here's the thing.
We need... Do people still buy, like, T-shirts from festivals? We need wristbands.
T wrote down some names that I thought of. But here's the thing.
We need, do people still buy like t-shirts from festivals? We need wristbands. We'll sell the t-shirts, wristbands, and release like a bunch of backdrops so people can take their own picture in front of a green screen or whatever and then that's where they are.
Be like it was an awesome time. Yeah.
And so here are a couple names I'm going to throw out there. Happy Life.
Okay. Happy Life Festival.
Broken Wheel.

That sounds like maybe Southwest.

Broken Spoke.

Daenerys.

This is a nice bar.

Daenerys Festival or what?

Time Warp.

Time Warp.

Okay.

Time Warp sounds good.

Like Time Warp into the future or into the past?

Or both?

You decide.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sound Zoo.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sound Zoo.

That's got to exist already.

Sound Zoo?

I think there's an Electric Zoo.

Yep.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah.
Sound Zoo. Okay, yeah, Sound Zoo.
That's got to exist already. Sound Zoo? I think there's an electric zoo? Yep.
So Sound Zoo is something totally different. Life happens.
All right. You just show up and life happens.
It's as literal as you can get. That is very zen.
I like that. Life happens.
And then my other one was just loud noises. Okay.
And it could actually just be a festival about Anchorman and Trey Wing goes to MC. He's just getting up on stage and making references? Yeah.
Was that Anchorman? Yeah, loud noises. Loud noises was definitely.
That was Brooke Tamlin. Okay.
I like that. I think we could get this though.
I feel like it's not, we're not doing the fire. We're not trying to make money.
We're not trying to defraud anyone. We're literally just trying to get viral buzz.
Yeah. I'm all in yeah how about uh influenza i like that it's like flu it'll go viral for influencers yes i like that i like that i also just wrote one down the epic okay all right epic kind of is out though i feel like that was a few years ago what about you know the more i think about the nfl draft is just coachella for divorced dads we should go go to the NFL draft next year and treat it like Coachella.
Just take a shitload of drugs and dress in somewhat problematic Native American garb. Okay.
And be like, we're here. And we can actually call it Coachella.
Yeah, right. We're here.
It's fucking sick. That's a good idea.
Yeah. This is great.
All right. I knew we'd get through it.
See you guys at Coachella next year. Yeah, I knew we'd get through it.
Where is the draft next year?

Nashville again?

They like to do these things in two-year spurts, I think. That's true.

I don't know.

Two-year contracts.

They do the KD.

Las Vegas.

Yeah, that would be great.

Mystery Alaska.

Where is it, Hank?

Give it to us.

Stats department.

Give it to me raw.

And Hank's stats department is broken.

Hank's stats department is broken. Hank's stats department is still broken.
I'm going to dominate Hank's stats department. Get him.
Get him, PFT. Take him down.
Take him down. Hank's getting crushed.
Las Vegas. Oh, wow.
That was easy. This is going to be the sickest festival of all time.
That was easy, yeah. Fuck yeah.
Coachella in Las Vegas. And it's just us getting obnoxiously fucked up on weird drugs at the NFL draft.
Can't relate. All right.
Let's get to our interview with Christian Yelich, NL MVP. Now, we did this interview on Thursday.
Seems like he tweaked his back today, PFT. Yeah.
Listen. Las Vegas.
Go for it. Thank you.
Confirmed. I am not happy about it, but I'm not not happy about it.
We don't root for injuries, especially for our friends. Nope.
Christian's a friend. He's an act.
You'll hear it in the interview. It sucks ass what a nice person he is.
It sucks. I really wish he was a dickhead.
Yeah. Because I would feel a lot better about really going after him.
Right. But he's a very, very nice human being.
Great guy. I'm not happy that he tweaked his back.
It was his lower back, right? Yeah. So it could have been his ass.
Yeah. Your ass is just as low as you can go on your back.
We also had Travis Shaw in the room. I'm pretty sure Christian just brought Travis Shaw to make sure that Christian didn't drink any of our drinks.
And a chew gum. Yeah, he came here to do two things.
Did we get that out of the audio? Chew gum. Okay, good.
There we go. So, you won't even hear it, but he was chewing gum.
Chew gum and hit dingers, and I'm all out of Travis Shaw's gum. Yeah, all right.
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Okay, here he is, NL MVP, Christian Yellich. Okay, we now welcome on Milwaukee Brewers superstar, Travis Shaw, and the runner-up to the 2018 NL MVP race, Christian Yelich.
What was it like when he lost? Because Javi Byers was- It was a great feeling. Honestly, one of the best days of my life.
All right. I don't even know how to start this.
I'll start. Yeah.
Fuck you. Yeah, there we go.
So Christian Yelich is back on the show. Travis, we need you to help be like, I don't know, like an unbiased party.
Mediator. Basically just be a mediator to decide this.
Travis on my side. First I wanted to see if you wanted anything to drink, Christian.
I'm good. Yeah, I'm properly hydrated.
Make sure there's a diet for you. Get some caffeine.
There's nothing in it. You saw me undo the cap.
So you're fine.

No. So Christian is here and Travis.
They're playing the Mets this

weekend. We're probably going to run this on Monday.

Where do we want to start? Wherever you

want. About your friendship, how close

you guys have gotten over the last week

or so, two weeks. Let's start with this.

Last time we had you on was

the All-Star game. You hit a home run

in the All-Star game. Since then, you've hit a billion home runs.
What the fuck? Yeah, I don't know, man. Are you in the zone? No, honestly, I just went to the cage after the first day back from the All-Star break, and I'm just like, I'm going to stand a little bit taller, and we'll just see what happens.
That's what I used to. Are you being serious? Yeah, no, I'm telling you exactly what happened.
So in high school, I used to stand pretty tall in my stance, and then I kind of got away from that pro ball or whatever. And then I was not feeling the greatest at the plate going into the All-Star break.
I didn't hit or anything at the All-Star break. I didn't hit BP either day, home run derby day or All-Star game day.
And then I took like 15 flips in the cage before I went in the game just to not blow out, just to get a little bit loose. And then that's all I did.
Hit a homer in the game, went back to Milwaukee, first day back, second half. I'm going to stay a little tall in the cage.
Let's see what happens. Cool things after that.
38 home runs since then. It's like I was looking at the numbers.
Travis will tell you. You'd hit

like 60 home runs if it was on pace

for a full season. You hit,

you have 13 this year so far?

Yeah. All at home.
Gotta mention

that. Travis, has he become a diva

ever since he won the MVP?

Not too bad.

See? Travis, my

friend. Yeah, okay.

They say you start to see the ball a little bit bigger. I've started to seeing like Big Cat's ass Has looked a little bit bigger to me When you've been on this streak is that true that you see like the ball Looks like a beach ball coming in No I mean You know beauty's in the eye of the beholder Man so is it wild though To have like people are actually talking about The Barry Bonds treatment with you now.
Yeah. Is that crazy? A little bit, yeah.
A little. But it hasn't gotten – I mean, no one's ever going to do what Barry did in this game.
Right. That was unbelievable things he was doing.
I haven't – You've got to start, like, wrapping up with all sorts of armor around your shoulder. Like, get basically shoulder pads, like a full football uniform.
Like, Barry only had the little arm guard thing. Yeah, that was awesome.
I read an article that someone wrote an article that basically was like,

Christian Yelich was a fringe Hall of Famer,

and then in the last 400 plate appearances,

he's become a sure, no-doubter Hall of Famer.

No, we got a long...

I read that article.

You read that article.

No, I haven't seen that article.

You saw that article?

He probably printed it out and passed it out to the whole fucking club.

We've got a long way to go before we even start talking about it. I haven't done anything.
Travis, I got a question for you. Last year, obviously, you guys win game 163 against the Cubs at Wrigley Field.
Do you think it was kind of cheap because the Cubs had played so much playoff baseball and they were really tired? No. Okay.
Was that a good day for you, too? That was a bad day. I think it was a good day.
I had a great time that day. That was a really fun day.
Did you win the title? Actually, you can go ahead. Gloat, because I talked shit at All-Star break last year.
You did. I liked a lot.
And was it awesome to be able to celebrate on Wrigley Field game 163? Yes. Does that count? On Wrigley Field, 163, in front of Cubs fans who don't really like us too much.
Nope. At all.
Like, not even a little bit. No, the rivalry is on.
I think I said the rivalry wasn't on in the All-Star break. Apparently it's not a rivalry.
No, it is now. Well, Cole Hamels kind of backed us into a rivalry, because when you say there is no rivalry, that's a rivalry.
I think it also depends on the fact that, like, you guys beat them. Was it technically the playoffs or not? Because we had a big argument about this.
Game 163, is that? It doesn't count as a playoff game, but it sure as hell felt like a playoff game. So technically it counts as a regular season game.
It's the next game. Right, but 163, it meant something, though.
Right. The argument we had, though, was it's just stupid with Karabas, who you guys obviously know, but he thinks that the wild card game is not the playoffs i don't think it is either what are you talking about it's one game you but you still are in the playoffs if you win all the games from that like a play-in game to get in the playoffs but that's the playoffs you're in the play you go home see the thing about that is though is like we both had the two best records in the national league two days before that.
And then a day after that, one team was gone and not even in the playoffs at all. That's kind of where you got a raw deal.
We would feel the same way if we lost 163, lost a wild card game. Like, man, this sucks.
We went into it when we played 163. We got two chances to get into the actual thing, like if we win this game or we win the next game.
I blacked out that entire postseason. Did you guys lose in seven? Seven, yeah.
What was game seven like? It was awesome before, and then afterwards it sucked. I mean, game seven is for real, man.
There is a lot of emotions going on before that game, during that game. You want to talk about feeling all kinds of, like living? Yeah.
Go play a game seven in front of 50,000 people that, you know, everybody's watching where if you do something to win this game, they're going to build a statue for you. If you do something to lose this game, you're not even going to be allowed back in the state ever again in your life.
Do you still get nervous before those games? Oh, yeah. Everybody does.
What was the energy? Was the energy higher for Game 7 in the NLCS or when the Cubs fans take over Miller Park in, like, Game 82 in July? We don't mind. I mean, honestly, we don't mind that because it's fun.
I mean, if we win, the Cubs fans made that whole trip up there just to watch them lose. It's an hour and 20 minutes.
They were going to go anyways. It's so easy.
I mean, I don't really blame them. It's a roof.
It's nicer. You know what I mean? That's what I want to come out.
You should actually say that. Do it Ozzy Guillen.
Be like, there's rats in Wrigley. No, actually, Wrigley got the visiting clubhouse.
Everything got a lot nicer. I was hoping they never would change it, and it would just be like the shitty old clubhouse for the visitors, and the home team gets a nice one.
Oh, it still was last year. Oh, it was? And they just changed it? This is the first year.
So we haven't been back there this year, so we haven't seen it. But last year was like, yeah.
Same one. It's like this.
Yeah. No, it's about this big.
Dan Heron said that you literally would just have to all shower. Like everyone would just shower like basically shoulder to shoulder.
It's like this. It really is like this wide.
Like just for real. I like that though.
They should definitely keep it that way. What's the motivation to make it nice for your opponent? I think you have to probably make it somewhat even.
Yeah. You have to make an improvement to your stadium one way every single year.
Yeah. You have to make sure the water doesn't have chemicals in it and shit.
Yeah, so two years ago, last year was the dugout. Yes.
Because they made the dugouts better. And then this year is the locker.
It just wasn't good. It wasn't just not good for the visiting team.
The visitinghouse staff, like everybody that had to be in there, it was just making life difficult on them. Yeah.
I mean, I know it's an advantage for the visiting team, but even like Cubs personnel that had to work there, like it's just – Yeah. I know.
I've been in the grounds crew like locker room, and that was a closet. Yeah.
It's a cool – I really like playing there though just because like, yeah, it is Wrigley Field. It's fun fun.
It's a good time. It's a good atmosphere when our two teams play each other

because the two fan bases hate each other.

Yeah.

The two teams, we really don't.

There's not really.

Who do you hate on the Cubs?

No, we don't really.

That's the thing.

We don't really hate each other.

Give me one name.

Let's get the rivalry going.

You don't like Rizzo, do you?

No, Rizzo's awesome.

Fuck.

I know he is.

He's fucking awesome.

Yeah, Rizzo's awesome.

Damn.

KB's cool, man.

No one could say anything bad. Schwarber's the best.
Schwarber's tight, yeah. You don't like Javi because he won that MVP over you.
Interesting. Uh-huh.
It's a unique way to look at it. Sprite? Yeah, yeah, drink up.
There's nothing in my office that says otherwise. You're all skin and bones.
Oh, look at that. Or you can just drink this water that we made for you.
Yeah, it's good. I made sure to.
Me and Travis got properly hydrated before we over here. Travis, the fact that you guys are 13 and 13 and he's got 13 home runs, is your record any indication of the fact that he's killing too many rallies? No, that's the only way we score.
If we don't home run, we don't score. Are you guys at the point now where you're expecting Christian to hit a home run basically every time? I mean, that stretch where you had a week where it was like, I feel like every time I went on Twitter you hit a home run.

What is it like for the teammates when a guy gets hot like that?

As soon as he starts to swing, you think it's going to be a home run.

Yeah.

Yeah, literally every time.

It was a fun week for sure.

Yeah, for everybody.

One week.

Anyone can have a hot week.

I like the fact that you're doing all this damage against the Cardinals

because it does play mind games with Big Cat because he hates the Cardinals. More.
But it's like the enema of my enema is my friend in this case. I know what you did there.
In your case. Yeah, in my case.
Both your cases. Exactly.
Absolutely. It's a tough situation for everybody involved.
Do you actually think we would slip steroids into your drink? I mean, you know, it's a high-stakes game right now for everybody involved. You know what I mean? Let, let's just pretend it's not even taping right now.
I would like to think no. No, I would.
Yeah, the answer is yes. I actually have a deal.
I got a deal for you. I've been thinking about this a lot.
How about I will take all the money that I have right now in my Cash App account, so it's like $250, and I will donate it to the ASPCA if you agree not to participate in the Home Run Derby.

You know, here's the thing is like –

You want to kill dogs?

No, it's what the people want at this point.

Like I don't even know if I wanted to do it at this time.

I feel like I don't even have like – I don't even know like –

Are you declaring that you're in it?

No, because I haven't been invited.

See, the thing is I'd have to make the all-star team.

I'd have to –

Probably not going to happen.

I'd have to go there and be a part of it. And then it just depends how you're feeling the time, like body wise, health wise.
And usually it would probably be something that I'm like, eh, I don't know if I want to do it, but I feel like if I get invited to do it, I almost have to at this point. You know what I mean? You saw what happened to Josh Hamilton.
The people want it. You got to, you know what the people want, you got to give them.
You can ruin your swing. And I feel like this is what the people want.
No, because I do it every day in BP, no matter what. You can ask Travis.
That's just a normal day for me. You only try to hit home runs? Yeah, it's a normal day for me.
His BP pitcher just throws him cutters, so he just hits homers every pitch. No, but it can ruin it.
First of all, if you keep going at this pace, you're going to ruin your swing anyways. You're going to just get too tired by the all-star break.
That's just what, that's like my regular, that's what I was trying to tell

you guys at the thing. It's just a

regular BP routine. You did warn us.

So that is not even, like some guys

say that ruins their swing because they're just trying to hit homers

but that's

a Tuesday afternoon at 3.30

for me every day. Once you get the juices going though,

there's going to be so much adrenaline if you make it to

the final round. You're going to pull

something. Yeah, it's a lot of swings, man.

I don't even think it's about if I win or lose.

I think you guys are just

Thank you. There's going to be so much adrenaline if you make it to the final round.
You're going to pull something. Yeah, it's a lot of swings, man.
I don't even think it's about if I win or lose. I think you guys are just – You just want to make a sweat? You're going to be having a tough night regardless until either I'm eliminated from that thing or – What can we do to maybe change – I don't think anyone wants to see me and PFT eat each other's asses, right? I mean, I told you not to do that.
I tried to tell you not to do that. There's ways out of it for sure.
I just don't sure yeah i just don't i haven't really what's your charity we can just give a shitload of money to your chick we buy our way out of this yeah like right now since you're not accepting my offer you're killing puppies yeah you you understand if you participate the puppies will be fine you're murdering dogs okay the fans would donate like in the opposite here's a question i'm sure we could find somebody out there who'd $250. As someone who's been on the internet eating ass yourself, Do you have any tips? Can I, if PFT and I cut a little piece of our ass off and put it in a stew.
See, that was a phenomenal, that's one of my all-time favorite texts I think I've ever gotten from anybody in my entire life was that you guys actually had a conversation about that. What did I say to you? It's you to make that bet i didn't bet you guys like you volunteered that and told me that i wouldn't like i didn't even want to do i didn't even want to do this yeah i don't think that your brain would have gone there it's just like when we start talking sometimes we don't stop talking fast enough and we get to these weird places and now you're in a where we make promises that really get ourselves literally in a hole.
So this is going to be very, very tough. Fairly deep one.
Not as deep as his belly button. I texted Chris.
I said, PFT and I had a real conversation about cutting skin off our asses and eating it to avoid the alternative. It was shockingly serious.
Yeah, we did. We literally sat there and were like, okay, what if we just become cannibals? I mean, I don't know if – that's the thing.
I was like, I don't know if anybody really wants to see that. I don't even want to see that happen.
I think people would watch. I think that nobody would enjoy it.
Orange vanilla Coke? But they would watch. Yeah, trick up.
How many studies you got over there, man? We had a lot of steroids, so we had to make sure that they all get into everything. I have a serious question.
If you were a free agent right now, how much money do you think you would fetch on the open market? I have no idea. Probably more than I'm making right now.
When are you a free agent? Three years. Do you regret signing the contract so early? No, because at the time it was the right decision.
If I obviously knew that I was going to go on and do what I did in my career, I wouldn't have done that. But at the time, yeah.
I mean, it was the right decision for sure, and I got to live with it. How much? You'd probably make like, what, $350, $375? Mike Trout? Mike Trout money? Depends how the rest of the year went.
No, not Mike Trout money, no. If you were in a mall, would people recognize your face? Because that's really the barometer of that.
Who was it that said that? Was that Buster Olney, something like that? Yeah, it depends go, but yeah. You have a more recognizable face because of that video.
Because of this stuff. If Mike Trout had been taped online, you know, taking a facial or something like that, everybody would know what he looked like.
Yeah, I mean, I've had some more interesting things happen to me, maybe. How much credit do you give us for motivating you? Because it literally is all-star break, we talk, we have a great say this stuff then 400 plate appearance after that you hit 38 home runs and go win the nl mvp go off on a tear this year i think things escalated fairly quickly for for all involved in this matter for you two for myself like you know life got crazy now that i'm thinking about it now that i'm thinking life comes at you fast it.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I think that we should legally be able to be out of this bet. And PFT, you're a lawyer.
He changed his stance. I'm not a minister.
He changed his stance. That's not fair.
You're right. You totally changed the bet.
It's kind of false advertising. Yeah.
No, no, no. That wasn't a bet.
We were talking about pre-All-Star Game stance. Yeah, I thought that you stood like 6-1, 6-2 in the box.
Now you're looking like you're standing 6-3. Bullshit.

Yeah, I always... This was all about BP.
This never

had anything to do with anything that ever happened

in the games. We were never even talking about

the games. Remember, we were talking about BP

and you're like, nah, bullshit.

Have you ever considered

batting right-handed? It's horrendous.

Really? Did you throw right-handed?

Yeah, I wish you could see what it looks like.

I wish I could too. You should probably do it.

It's terrible. I wouldn't even be able to make

Thank you. batting right-handed? It's horrendous.
Really? Did you throw right-handed? I wish you could see what it looks like. I wish I could too.
You should probably do it. It's terrible.
I wouldn't even be able to make contact with right-handed. Serious question.
What is going on with the splits? You've not hit a home run on the road. You've hit 13 at home.
I'm going to keep bringing this up. What is going on? Nine games into the season on the road or something.
That's what's going on. That's a pretty big sample size.
I've always actually been a pretty better road player than a home player in my career, actually, which is just baseball is a weird sport. Weird baseball stat.
It looks a little suspicious. Is it weird or is it the fact that you guys don't have the walkie-talkie system set up on the road where you can call in every pitch that you're seeing? Everyone thinks that we're – I mean, it's a little suspicious.
There are teams that think that we do. There's teams that do think we do that.
Very suspicious. Keeping the balls in a humidifier or something like that.
I thought it was just that you really enjoy the slide. I love – Bernie's slide is – they shoot fireworks off after homers at home too.
It's cool, man. That's pretty dangerous.
Which one do you like more, the slide or the old center field thing out in the Marlin Stadium with the fish that just like jump in the air? R.I.P. It's gone.
It's gone. But which one you took it out? Did you like that one better or do you like the slide? I like the slide.
Have you made amends with Derek Jeter? I have never spoken to him. Still? You never.
I mean, he has no reason. He just traded you without speaking to you? Yeah.
But we don't. Yeah.
He doesn't have to talk to me or anything like that. But we never had a conversation.
What's more motivation, us or Derek Jeter? Definitely you guys. Travis, I got a question for you.
You played in, obviously, the AL and the NL. Toughest pitcher that you've had to face? Chapman.
Ooh, okay. Throwing that 99 gas, 101.
Yeah. I believe that.
Left on left. Yes.
Yes. What about you? Actually, Clayton Richard.
Oh. Okay.
Did not expect that. You're right, exactly.
Yeah, did not expect that. Skeet skirt.
Yeah. How do you get Christian Yelich out? What's your biggest weakness, you would say? I mean, honestly, when I feel good up there, I don't know.
I feel like I can feel like i can there's gotta be something that you like for me i feel like it's always in my control where if i don't feel great that's when i tend to struggle but if i can get myself to where i'm supposed to feel like the feel that i want i feel like i like my chance what keeps you from feeling great like not enough sleep no it's just a baseball thing man it's hard to it's really really hard to explain like phone calls in the middle of the night like that would fuck you up do you have routines where you do the same thing every day not really no i'm just i'm pretty laid back go with the flow i mean i do certain things every day this is the bullshit about it okay you're too likable like you actually i like you and then we're friends stuff yeah yeah and it's like no, you need to become a villain. Get everyone to start hating you.
I might be here in July. No, just us.
You would actually be everybody's here. The tough part about this bet that we've talked ourselves into is that literally everybody's on your side, and nobody is rooting for me and Big Cat to nod each other's butts.
I know, but you guys aren't technically in the hot seat yet. Like, actually, I have to enter it first.
Things have to happen. Are you worried about an injury, possibly? No.
I'd be fine if I was there. What about a steroid? What about a piss test? Steroid scandal.
Just whispers. I kind of hope you get caught up in steroids.
Because everyone would blame us. That's so messed up.
It would be fucking hilarious. That would be hilarious.
You know, actually, the worst possible scenario for us would be if you won the Home Run Derby, we went through with a bet, and then you got busted. So I hope that that doesn't happen.
I would say you're probably in the clear. You are like a beanpole.
194 pounds. Yes.
So, yeah, you're good on that. I have a theory that the radar guns at these stadiums are skewed so that it looks like people are pitching faster these days.
Those things are dead on, man. They guys are throwing so hard these days.
Really? Yeah. Because I've seen when Chapman used to throw, it would be like every pitch, 102, 103 miles an hour.
I was like, there's no chance that's real. It's real.
Is that fast? Yeah, it's coming in hot. Can you tell the difference between a 101 mile an hour fastball and a 99 mile an hour fastball? Not really.
There's a point where it all becomes the same. What's harder to hit? 101 pretty straight or some nasty movement in the high 80s? Because I feel like that's the thing.
It depends. Chapman's a good thing when he's got the gas, but it's the movement that really does it to you.
That's the thing. I wish people in baseball, do it you're like see that yourself and then make the decision because it's just different for every pitcher is different like some guys see the guy that throws 102 really well and then the guy that throws 89 90 is deceptive and this ball moves really late and he's the tougher guy to hit but just all it's all relative and i might say one guy and you might say the other guy right it's just everybody sees people different clayton richard might be able to get you out.
Who's the most deceptive guy? Actually, let me ask it this way. Who's wind-up kind of screws you up timing-wise the most? Jansen gets me a lot.
Yeah, I was going to say a Kenley Jansen type guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's just so big, too. Even when he's coming forward, his legs are so long that he just takes – He lets the ball go so far out front.
He's letting that thing go in the grass. So it really just – it's a combination of all of the above.
Yeah. But it's just – yeah, it's weird how – it's hard to explain it until you've actually been in there because then you can be like, oh, I see where you're coming from or I relate.
I don't see this guy good. I'm like one for 20 off Quintana.
Really? Yeah. He's back.
I don't get to play against him. He pitches really well against us.
Yeah, he's back. If it's the eighth inning of a blowout, which one of you guys would step in to pitch first? Yeah, him.
Yeah. Yeah, he can't throw.
Do you ever practice that? They wouldn't put me out there, yeah. Do you ever practice just, like, fucking around if I have to step in? Oh, yeah, we do it all the time.

Everybody does that.

What can you hit on the gun?

Right now?

Yeah.

Probably, like, 85.

What about you?

Not even that.

Weak arm.

I knew that about you.

You throw any jumps?

I have a great arm.

See, look, the thing is, it's way harder to hit 90 miles an hour on the mound than people think.

Like, even position players that have really good arms, like, it's just hard to do it for some reason.

Right. Yeah.
I could probably hit 90, like, across the infield, but I don't think I could hit 90 off the mound than people think. Even position players that have really good arms, it's just hard to do it for some reason.
Right. I could probably hit 90 across the infield, but I don't think I could hit 90 off the mound.
That's crazy. That's got to be a mental thing, too.
If you did, you just wouldn't be able to lift your arm up either. Right.
When you guys face Hugh Darvish, are you just like, I'll just wait it out because he'll just throw balls? Honestly, we've only faced him one time since he's been a Cub. Okay.
Oh, yeah, because he just doesn't pitch. That's right.
Yeah. Fuck.
Do you guys have any weird shit in your contracts? Best walkout song in the big leagues, though. Yeah.
What is his walkout song right now? Soldier Boy. Oh.
That's pretty cool. It's pretty sick.
Tell him. That is sick.
The whole crowd sings it, too. That is sick.
I mean, he literally has only played like six games. It is cool, though.
The song that comes out to the pitch is like, yeah, it's definitely. Yeah, when the stars align like that and you've just got a song with your name in it you have to roll with it i feel like you do right yeah um would you guys ever have or do you have any weird shit in your contract that say that you're not allowed to play basketball or you're not allowed to do yeah i have all that stuff you do what aren't you allowed to do everything so why'd you play this last night basketball basketball see here's the thing it's not that you can't do it say if you get hurt doing it that's when it becomes like an issue so you can do whatever you want like you can go skydiving if you land everything's cool but if you die they're not gonna pull you out right basically addicted to skydiving no i've never been i'm just using that as an example got it yeah interesting interesting i have a question about this uh this stupid fucking story that went viral because you're such a nice guy uh the kids that came to the game and they said, if you hit a home run, Christian, our dad will get a puppy.

Yeah.

And then they got a puppy.

I did.

And you brought it to them.

Yeah.

What happens if you get traded?

What do you mean?

You're going to fucking break those little girls' hearts.

You named the puppy after you, you narcissistic asshole.

I didn't name it.

They named it.

They named it.

They named it.

They named it.

So what happens?

Yeah.

What happens if you get busted for steroids and they're like, hey, little Susie and Kim, just so you know, your dog's named after a steroid guy. That would be tough.
This guy wants to have it so bad. I don't understand.
It's a great dog. It is a cute dog.
Did you think it was kind of bullshit? You knew you were going to go viral with the home runs in dogs. You didn't want to add bacon to that mix and just pander to the entire internet? Well, actually, I saw the sign before the game, and then I completely forgot about it.
And then I hit a homer, and Moose was like, hey, man, that's really tight. I was like, what do you mean? He goes, you just want someone a puppy.
Oh, yeah, I remember that. And then I kind of like, oh, yeah, that's cool like i don't know if they're ever going to get the dog and then like the brewers came to me afterwards and they're like hey listen like they're really getting this dog and they would like you to give it to the the kids and they're going to bring the dog like four and the dog's actually going to be a service dog is one of the girls one of the one of the girls is diabetic so it's gonna be like tell her uh it's gonna be the six-year-old to be able to tell her her blood sugar.
Insulin's low. So the dog's going to save lives.
You're the worst. So you save the dog's life that's going to save other lives.
You save the girl's life by saving the dog's life. Yeah, you're paying it forward.
You're the worst. Have you ever made a promise about home runs that you haven't fulfilled? Like when Babe Ruth was like, I'll hit two for you.
No. You don't hear about the ones that don't come true.
True. That's true, yeah.'t think I've ever done that though where I've been like I'm going to hit a home run for you tonight and then I don't do it because I just usually don't ever say that.
I just happen to see the sign. Now there's a lot of signs like that in Miller Park.
Now there's going to be you know what? That's the spin zone. There's probably a bunch of strays out there now because people are getting puppies because he's hitting home runs and they're not ready for a dog.

And the dog barks and they're like, fuck it, let's leave it in a trash can.

That's on you, buddy.

That's not on me, man.

Stop hitting home runs.

I didn't leave it outside.

Stop hitting home runs and maybe these puppies won't get adopted by families that can't own

dogs.

Are you thirsty by any chance?

I'll have one of these.

I have no problem taking steroids.

Which one do you want?

Dr. Pepper?

Sprite lime?

I'm sorry.

I'm going to get that orange vanilla Coke.

Yeah, orange vanilla.

I'm a big fan of this one.

Yeah.

Come on.

Thank you. chance yeah i'll have one of these i have no problem i need some steroids which one do you want dr pepper sprite line oh you can get that orange vanilla coke yeah orange vanilla big fan of this one yeah come on so i'm gonna name a hypothetical dog that's in a shelter right now in an aspa shelter its name is now uh chrissy it's named after you it's a girl dog and i will personally pay to have somebody adopt chrissy if you bow out of the home run contest i'm not even in it yet though.
But you're going to be in it. I don't know if I'm going to be in it.
This fake humility stuff. How much do we have to pay you? It's really around my gears.
How much do we have to pay you to not be in it? For real. You know what? Turn off the mics, Hank.
Let's get down to brass tacks. We're not recording.
What do we have to pay you for you not to be in the home run contest? I can't be bought, man. I'm a man of the people.
I can't be bought be a billion dollars. I can't be bought.
I literally am offering you a billion dollars. I can't do it.
You're an idiot. Now you're just dumb.
I can't do it. A billion dollars and you won't do it? I can't do it.
The people never forgive me, man. Oh my God.
But I didn't say I'm going to do it either though. That's true.
I didn't say I was going to do it. I didn't say I'm not going to do it.
You want to make a sweat until the very last possible. We'll just see what happens, how it how it unfolds is this like a just a this year thing or just like for the rest of my career this year this year yeah we just clarified if we run the tape no i think it says if you ever if you know i think it's just this year you ever right ever this year no no like ever we gotta go with what the tape says it's not really right let me follow up on this i didn't do that i didn't say that you said that so we have to go with what you said.
I'm going to be a father, dude. It's the rules.
I'm going to be a father. I can't eat his ass.
What the fuck? You're going to have the Trump card. You're going to have the talk at some point.
I think that's a good intro. I've got a dog that looks up to me.
I'm running out of place if you can't tell. My dog thinks I shoot the moon.
I come home and he's so happy to see me. Everybody makes mistakes, man.
He'll understand. That dog is going to be so ashamed.
Your dog will understand. My kid's going to listen to me anymore.
He eats ass. Dude, my kid's going to be like two weeks old and the first thing his dad does is eat ass.
Dogs do that all the time. He'll understand.
That's true. He licks his own butt.
And he's got a friend dog that licks his for him. I'm panicking.
You've got to start doing diapers. You've got to get used to ass in general.
It was to offer you a billion dollars then trying to guilt trip you. We could do something out.
You could do something out. I don't think that's an option.
Everyone's shaking their head like, nah. Once you see my butt, Big Cat, a baby's butt is going to look like a clean dinner plate.
Do you guys love Wisconsin? I do, yeah. Cheese curds? Not really.
Ooh, why not? I just haven't really had it. They're all right.
Yeah? You've been to Cruising Chubby's in the Wisconsin Dells? No. It's a great strip club.
Yeah, it is. It's a great strip club.
It's Cruising Chubby's. What's your order at Culver's? What's Culver's? What's Culver's? Come on, man.
Come on. Fast food.
All right, fine. Fast food.
You live in Wisconsin. Do you not? I don't really go anywhere.
I told you, I don't really go anywhere. Where do you guys live? Third Ward? Yeah.
You do? Yeah. Damn, nailed that.
You're so fucking basic. Just convenient, man.
I mean, I nailed it. I nailed that.
It actually is a nice neighborhood. You spent some time around Third Ward? I mean, I love Milwaukee.
It's a great city. It really is.
People are nice. When are we going to see you up there at some point? I'm up there.
I want to take a tour of the Miller factory. Yeah, Cubs-Ruers game will come.
Absolutely. Some point in the summer summer or something? In that soulless stadium that you have that's like walking the halls of a fucking Walmart.
Maybe you guys can eat the ass going down the slide. Maybe we can arrange for that to happen.
Have you guys met Giannis? I haven't yet. I was actually supposed to.
I was going to in spring training after the Suns game. But I thought they were going to beat the suns and they didn't beat the suns so i was like it'll happen at some point it was we were at the playoff game the other day and then um we ended up leaving early but it'll happen aaron rogers uh once yeah what he's big time he's done with you now he's cool he probably doesn't even remember because a few years Oh.
I haven't been since I've been a brewer, no. What do you think about people who are like, you know, the heyday – I think I actually said it, the heyday of Milwaukee sports with Giannis and you.
I guess you'd throw Aaron Rodgers in, but he's over the hill. Is that kind of crazy? Yeah, it's a little weird sometimes, yeah.
I feel like you haven't – It happened fast. It happened fast.
It happened fast. It happened fast.
It happened fast. It happened very, very, very, very quickly.
Because the nl mvp did i mean when we sat at the all-star game that wasn't really on the table it wasn't even a thought right yeah right and then you guys just got all right here's a real question the end of last year obviously the brewers become like the hottest team what's it like when you're playing for a team that's just rolling do you guys just feel like everything's just going to go your way every single time you play? Yeah, we thought we were going to win every single game. And it's just every bounce.
That's got to be such a good feeling. You're just playing really well.
Everything's just rolling. It's just hard to explain.
It's just like a feeling that you have that, hey, listen, we're just going to win. Even if you get behind early, it's fine.
When we went to go play 163, we were like, we're going to win. It's cool, man.
It'll be fine. We're just going to go play this nine innings, and it's going to be fine.
It's going to work out, which is not probably a really normal thing. It's just a confidence that ends up building over time, and the whole team just carries it in.
Right. And our formula for winning last year was just be winning by the sixth, and then if we get to the sixth with our bullpen, it's a wrap most days's it's so weird how like confidence kind of feeds into itself so if you feel confident you're going to do all the little things better just because like you know that's how the human brain works it's like if you expect things to go your way trick your mind you don't yeah you don't stop like you don't outthink yourself if you're feeling confident do you guys see like is there a sports psychologist on the brewers or anything like that that helps you guys deal with visualization and all that shit?

We have a guy, but he didn't like. It was just like we got on a roll.

I think we ended up winning like end of the playoffs.

It was like a 13 or 14-game win streak.

We had to win all nine games at the end of the season to even get the 163.

And then once we did that, we were just rolling.

Everything was just going.

Everybody was playing well. We were pitching well.
We were hitting well. Bullpen was pitching well.
Once that happens, you're good. This is a real maybe awkward question.
Probably not. But the Josh Hader thing obviously made a huge storyline all-star game.
I'm always curious. We see the reaction right away.
The Brewers, your teammates, everyone gets kind of behind him a little bit. And like, look, he was young, he makes mistakes.
What's it like two or three days after when the cameras are not on him, when it's not a national storyline? Is it like awkward, like, hey, someone breaks the ice, makes a joke, or is it like, all right, this is kind of weird? No, I mean, it happened. It had a lot of attention at the time.
He had addressed the team. That wasn't guy that any of us knew in the clubhouse like that if you knew him like if you've ever met or spent time around him like you would never like you didn't even that wouldn't even cross your mind like that thought when this guy is like this is easygoing like hippie just chilling like super laid back super nice guy and yeah that it happened.
It's happened to a lot of people, like, recently. But, yeah, it was definitely an interesting couple of days.
It was an interesting flight back from D.C. You felt for him in a way.
Were you with him? Yeah, I was at the All-Star game. Yeah, right.
So it was the two of you? It was all of us who were there. We had a couple planes back, actually, from the All-Star game.
So, yeah, it was me, him, and I forgot who else was on ours. Yeah, there was not a whole lot of talking going on.
I felt for him just because it's a tough situation to go through. It was bad, and he felt really bad about it.
It's something that he had to answer for and explain. We understood that.
We were just like, hey, man. He talked to the team after the first day back.
We had a team meeting about it and then after that it was like hey man like we don't know that guy we're gonna we're only gonna judge you for the person that we know you to be that since we've been around and it's been it's been fine ever since it's kind of a cautionary tale like don't do too well in the all-star game otherwise people will start digging up that old video of you well it was just like yeah they did they did it to him like he didn't even it was like as soon as he came in from the bullpen like somebody was just holding on to that right which is kind of it's like it's bad that he did that and it's bad also for the person that dug that up and held on to this and then held on it's like how it doesn't progress anything right it doesn't make it right it doesn't make what he did right or anything like that. But I love the guy.
He's an awesome guy. I consider him a really good friend.
But yeah, he had to answer for what he did. But also at the same time, the person that's holding on to something like that that happened nine years ago or whatever, however long ago it was, to wait until someone's biggest moment in their life to try and destroy it.
Like if they're at the Home Run Derby. Yeah.
Right. Why would you do that? Did they who it was that's that started that whole thing i'm not really sure just gets passed around and lost either yeah um so there was a there's like a team meeting scheduled for that because i mean it had something that you like have to address or have to talk about you know what i mean like we we've got guys on our team that that's gonna really affect and you don't want to have it go down that road where it ruins team chemistry anything like that and it didn't like we got such a close knit clubhouse and our guys are like guys just didn't know him to be that guy maybe he was at some point when he was 16 or 17 years old but the guy that i know the guy that we knew like he wasn't like that like and you he was really like he was taking it pretty tough a way after that.
Cause like, that just sucks, man. Like, especially if you haven't acted like that or you don't really believe someone to be that way.
And then you have to wear that. Like some of them were, some of them were bad.
Some of them were movie quotes. Some of them were rap lyrics.
Like you can't, you can't do that. Like you can't ever say that or tweet that thing.
But it's just like, you kind of under, you kind of felt for him in a way of just like,

hey, man, that was a mistake.

You really messed up.

And he showed contrition.

You don't really believe you.

We don't really believe you to be like that.

It's something he's going to have to deal with still going forward and for the rest of his life.

But, yeah, it was a tough situation for sure.

Okay, a follow-up question.

Which is your favorite sausage that does the racing?

I couldn't even name all five of them, honestly.

Yeah, neither can I.

The only one I know is chorizo, so I've got to go with that. Chorizo, Zabrat, Kielbasa.
Yeah, there's Kielbasa, I think. And a hot dog, right? Yeah, a hot dog.
I'd probably pick the Kielbasa. Yeah.
Kielbasa's pretty good. Kielbasa is pretty good.
Sauerkraut on there? Yeah. You ever think about taking a bath to one of them? Nah.
What's his name? That's been done before. It turns out that's not the best idea.
For the pirates? That was awesome.

There's been better ideas. If anybody's

dressed up in one of those mascot uniforms,

it feels like it should be okay to tackle them.

But it turns out you can actually hurt somebody.

I'm glad that that person got

in trouble for it, not me, because I didn't know.

I didn't know it was real human in there. You gotta be thirsty.

Just making sure. I don't think you realize

yet that we're gonna do this interview

for the next six hours until you are like, I need to drink. I got it.
And then you have to drink one of my steroid sodas. That's just how you're going to get out of this? Can you, if you like shake someone's hand, can you pass steroids to them? I don't think so.
Interesting. Interesting.
Is that a spray bottle? Yeah. Like just have a little on my fingertip and then just stick it in your mouth.
That's how the North Koreans do it. Yeah.
You know, I think it's just one of those things where we just got to see how this plays out. All right.
It's only fair. I mean, we're just going to let fate decide at this point.
Either it happens or it doesn't. All right.
And, you know. All right.
I'm fine. Whatever.
Last question. All the injuries that are happening to the Yankees, is that because they work out too much? Because Babe Ruth didn't work out and he never got hurt.
Babe Ruth didn't work out. Allegedly, right? For all we know, he didn't really work out.
There's a video of him working out. Yeah, the guy jiggles his legs and throws a medicine ball off his stomach.
I've seen that one. Yeah, that's awesome.
We should try that one tomorrow. That would be a good one.
Yeah, try it. Go to the strength coach.
Hey, buddy. Do you, buddy.
Do you think there is no? Not doing that. Like, in a real, like, way, do you think that weightlifting – Probably.
I mean, you're a skinnier guy. Like, weightlifting gets too much? Probably.
I mean, I don't really know what the reason is. Yeah.
Like, I mean, I'm sure there's probably a lot of people that would love to know the reason and do a lot of research. A lot of these teams would like to know why guys keep getting hurt.
I don't know. It could be one of those just freak baseball things just because it's just like so much weird stuff happens in baseball.
It's true. A lot of weird things happen.
Tim Kirchner. Pieces every night.
Yeah, yeah. Exactly.
On this Wednesday 41 years ago when the count was 2-2 with two outs and there was a guy landing on the moon. This is only the second time in history that this guy took a called third strike with a guy on third and this umpire behind the plate.
Like, what? He's always got them. They're great.
You bring up a good point, which is that there's nothing – like, baseball is such a weird sport. There's nothing that happens during the game with your body that the human body was actually designed to do.
Yeah, it's all, like, unnatural. Yeah, maybe, like, maybe the swing is the closest.
Running, but, yeah. Running, but, like, you know, you watch but you watch a pitcher throw 99 miles an hour, and you're like, that is not really supposed to be able to do that.
That's not a real thing. That should not happen.
No. What do you bench? I haven't worked out since spring training started.
And what did you bench then? Nothing. We don't really do that.
Nice. You don't do bench? All right, so we bench more than him.
Yeah, nice. How much do you squat?

Not a lot either.

Yeah, exactly.

Thought so.

Interesting.

Chicken legs.

Yeah.

What do you bench, Travis?

He knows.

Come on, you know.

I mean, I haven't done anything but dumbbell bench in years.

What do you dumbbell bench?

The most?

Yeah.

Just like 100.

100?

You got me beat there. With each hand?

Damn it.

Or total?

I thought you were going to say 25. That's what I usually throw up 25.
So don't do deals. What about curls? You guys do curls for the girls? I haven't touched the weight since I showed up.
You just don't work out. I do like some ab stuff, some push-up stuff.
Yeah, it's not for me during the year. I just don't like how my body feels afterwards.
Same. I like when I feel like looser and whippier.
So there's really no difference between guys like me and you i guess you're going to work out yeah we just don't work out what's your diet like i do in the i do in the off season it's regular i got i try and be a little healthy but i don't have like this strict diet that i adhere to to where like i can't eat this or i want this yeah i really yeah it sucks because i really like you and i consider you a friend but i really hate you you. No, we're friends, man.
We're friends. All right, Christian Yelich, Travis Shaw.
We're about to be really good friends here too, hopefully. Worst of luck.
And, yeah, try to hit a home run on the road. Maybe then I'll be worried.
We'll see, man. It's crazy.
We'll see how it plays out. Maybe we'll go all year with the QS.
Yeah, all of a sudden when you don't know what pitchers are coming. Yeah, it's crazy.
And that fake batting eye that they have for you. The thing is that BP remains the same on the road at home.
Nope, nope, nope. I don't know.
Don't believe it. In Cleveland or something like that, I think it would be the same.
Did you play the Indians this year? No, we did last year. Pretty short right field in Cleveland, though.
It's a pretty favorable left-handed hitting ballpark. It's like ideal hitting conditions to right field in Cleveland.
I'm serious on that. One last question.
Who would throw your batting practice in the home run? Probably the guy that does it every day. What's his name? I don't know.
I forget. Yeah, it'd be a real shame if something happened to him.
We could find other people. There's other people that have done it in the past that I feel comfortable with.
It's just really like a good right field in Cleveland. It really is, especially for homers or, I don't know, BP homers or something like that.
This interview is over. Drink one of these.
Drink one of these. Yeah.
We've got to go work on some batting practice or something. All right.
Run. Goodbye.
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All right, let's get to some segments. By the way, the Life Happens Festival, we should actually create a city and then just put people to work.
What do you mean? Like a utopia? No, no. Like, hey.
Is it a cult thing for for the cold thing no no it's a little different so like for five thousand dollars you can be an accountant for a weekend oh it's like fantasy camp camp for jobs that suck right and it's just life happens okay so just your life happens and then we eventually just trick people to pay us to do work for us what you just described was a corporation right so i think that's where the employees pay you to work right life happens lc uh-huh yeah what about uh this is so us what do you think about that for music festival name it's just it's just so us us af yeah it's just so us uh-huh and it and that way it's as ambiguous as you want it to be you show up and it's like whatever you's so us. It's what you make of it.
So if you don't have a good time at This Is So Us Festival, then it's your fault for just being a shitty version of us. Yeah.
At the This Is So Us Festival, we'll have a tent that's the living my best life tent. Okay.
What goes on in there? You just whatever your best life is. We just hire some really good graphic designers and make a huge green screen.
And you can just come take pictures and they'll make whatever you want as the background. I like it.
And you get a purple blanket and a brand new pair of Nike running shoes. And we're going to have a booth set up, a Kool-Aid booth.
Yeah. So, again, not a cult.
Yes, not a cult. Okay, let's do some segments.
First up, we have not done this in a long time. Spoilers.
Now, we're not going to spoil anything recent, so don't you worry. We're not going to spoil Avengers.
We're not going to spoil anything that's come out in the last 10 years. But we're bringing this up because LaShawn McCoy did spoil Avengers.
Yes. And Twitter was more bad at him than, like, Tyreek Hill.
Yeah, it was bad. So he spoiled the movie about 12 hours after it came out in theaters.
Yeah. So it was in the middle of the day on a Friday, and most people haven't gotten the chance to just skip work and go see it in the morning.
And so people were furious with him, not only because he spoiled it, but also because he misspelled the name of the character that he was spoiling it about, meaning all these Avengers fans that had gone out of their way

to set up filters to mute certain words on Twitter were still exposed to it.

And so the best laid plans of Mice and Nerds got totally ruined by LeSean McCoy firing

off a tweet.

Two tweets, actually, after he got out of the meeting.

Verbal meme.

LeSean McCoy is Lenny of Mice's Men, and then everyone is the little mouse. What do you say? Rabbits.
Rabbits. Tell me about the rabbits.
So all you nerds are the rabbits. He just crushed you.
Are your hopes and dreams... That was a spoiler in itself.
There you go. Don't read that book now.
Your excitement for watching Avengers is George, and then LeSean McCoy is sitting down by the lake with you, and he's Lenny. Wait, which one was the dumb oaf? Lenny.
Okay, Lenny is your excitement for watching Avengers. George is LeSean McCoy sitting next to you at a river with a gun to the back of your head.
Yes, I do just love, I love the fact that LeSean McCoy, this is his most hated thing ever, and this is the guy who, remember, he had the parties where everyone had to- Females only. Females only, and they had to fill out super creepy consent forms.
Yeah. But this one, this is a bridge too far, LaShawn.
It certainly is. Usually it's Bill's kickers that end up ruining endings for things.
Most hated Bill of all time, LaShawn McCoy now. But yeah, it is fucked up to spoil the Avengers because I know that people have been wanting to see that movie for a very long time.
You were teasing someone in the office. I thought you were, I thought you, there was a chance on like Monday.
No. Because I don't know any of the characters.
I said to him, I was like, dude, I don't know the characters. And he was like, yeah, I know you don't.
It's one of those things where like, I missed the train on this one, but I see everybody is so excited about it and they're so invested in it that you'd have to be a real dickhead to intentionally spoil it. I am legit jealous of people, how much they love this movie and how much it means to them because it's cool to love something like that.
Like Robbie Fox, our guy, cried at the end of the movie. I was like, that's fucking awesome because guess what? New festival, you just emote.
Just everybody goes somewhere to cry. Yeah, you feel emotions.
All right, so with that said, we are going to spoil some movies over 10 years. Yeah.
This is a spoiler. We haven't done this in forever.
Hank, you want to go? Sure. Okay.
I'm going to spoil Star Wars Episode I. Fuck.
Episode, when did that come out? 1972. No, that's episode.
Remember they do the fucked up? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. that was episode four.
Can't keep track. Qui-Gon Jinn gets split in half by Darth Maul.
And then Anakin Skywalker starts training with Obi-Wan. That was like 99, I think.
Wait, Anakin trains with Obi-Wan? Fuck. And then he goes on to become Darth Vader? So Obi-Wan made Darth Vader.
So you have to ask, is he complicit? It's like buying drugs. If you buy weed, you're actually decapitating Mexican journalists because you're funding the cartel.
That's true. Fair question to ask.
Obi-Wan canceled. I'll do Inside Man.
Good movie. Great movie.
The guy was sleeping in the bank and it was all a ploy because the bank owner was a Nazi sympathizer. So that's how he got all his money.
This ain't no bank robbery. This is a great movie.
Come on, Jake. Come on.
This ain't no bank robber. I know you like to get wet.
I don't even think I saw the movie. I just remember seeing, this ain't no bank robbery.
And I was like, that's it. That's a good movie.
Such a good movie. My spoiler is Mission Impossible.
Oh, which one? I have not seen Mission Impossible. So this is actually, now I'm not going to.
Okay, everyone's wearing a mask. So that's just it.
Like John Voight, boom, he's wearing a mask. Tom Cruise is cool.
He's a faceless man? Wearing a mask. No, they have the technology where they can replicate people's faces, and they put these masks on.
And so they just, I think Tom Cruise just rolls around with a briefcase of like 10 masks at a time. So he can look like anybody.

And he's got a little voice modulation thing that he can sound like anybody too.

Is this real?

Yeah.

It sounds terrible.

There are like six masks reveals in Mission Impossible.

It blew my mind.

Why are there so many?

How do they make, why do they keep coming out with them? You're going to have to see it.

Yeah.

I'm not going to spoil the most recent one because Fallout was pretty cool.

Oh, man.

We have a talking soccer.

PFC, what was this again? So this this is i think it was leeds was playing okay as some other team sure um as they do and uh there was an injured player on the pitch and instead of kicking the ball out of bounds as would be sporting uh the team proceeded to score a goal take the ball down the entire length of the pitch scored a goal and then the coach I believe of Leeds got so mad at his players

for scoring

the goal, he told them to allow the other team to score a goal on the kickoff.

Sportsmanship.

Sportsmanship.

It was a real-life version of that commercial where that basketball player was like, coach,

I touched the ball last.

It went out on me.

And so his players were pissed off at him for telling them to do that, but they had to follow orders. Pussification of America.
Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific Pacific And I think the winner, if Leeds had won, they were going to guarantee that they would advance. That they would derelegate themselves.
Yeah, unrelegate.

Unrelegated.

Yes, exactly.

Okay, let's wrap up.

Before we get to Thrones talk, we're going to do a Monday reading real quick.

This one is the hotel room.

Hank is so sickly boy.

Save it for the Game of Thrones.

Hank is a sickly boy.

Save it for the Game of Thrones.

All right, so Monday reading.

Here we go.

NYC's sober bar scene is a hip oasis for booze free fun that sounds good this actually sounds like someone who's on our wavelength about these fucking festivals this sounds like the hangover crawl invention that i had a couple years ago you remember that yeah where you just where everyone's hung over yeah and then you just play like soft music and they feed you like soft snacks. And you jerk each other off.
You jerk each other off. You're not allowed to.
It's a great city jack. You're not allowed.
Yes. It is.
That would actually. Who knows? That might be the.
We may have invented the hangover cure right there. All right.
Here we go. Pour one out for the boozy bar scene.
Sober nightlife is taking off in New York City. From posh mocktail bars to buzz-free pop-up parties the objective to deliver a fun night out without alcohol which Americans are drinking less of these days according to a 2018 report by beverage market analyzer IWSR this also could be called why you should just buy an Xbox yeah but we'll go on I think this is just like people are getting high more so they're not drinking it.
Yeah, right. Liquor is a toxin.
Well, breaking news. Not a social lubricant.
Ashok Shockey Pie, a sober Williamsburg resident, tells The Post. On a recent Saturday night, the 40-something real estate agent settled in at Getaway, Greenpoint's new Mocktail Bar.

Pi, who used to be a club promoter, polished off two coconuts, pineapple and coconut milk, $13,

and a ginger spice, ginger, grapefruit juice, tonic, and club soda, also $13.

Wow.

He found the booze-free scene refreshing.

It's nice to be around sober people who got their wits about them, he says. This just sounds like's just everything you're going to work you're describing everything that's not a bar hey can we take the one thing that is a bar and turn it into everything else that's not a bar and put it in a bar and put it in a bar okay um also this sounds like a guy who probably is a really bad drunk he's like you know what's cool not puking on yourself and embarrassing yourself with a bunch of text messages and dick pics.
Sounds like a loser. Going a little too far here.
Maybe just mix in a water. Well, so I can understand why this would be valuable for maybe a recovering alcoholic.
Totally fair. Or a Muslim or somebody who, according to their religion, doesn't want to drink and they don't want to be around dumb, drunk animals all the time.
So good for for them but it sounds like charging 13 for like basically cutting a coconut in half and then pouring stale coke into it right and you're right there are definitely people like if you if you have a uh you know recovering addiction you're like i don't want to be around drunk people this sounds great this just sounds though like a 40 year old dude is like i invented a laid. Yes, which is...
We'll get everyone sober. Also, I'm not necessarily buying that alcohol can't be both a toxin and a social lubricant.
The world's best lubes are toxic. Yes, exactly.
That's just how it's going to be. The funnest things in life are bad for you.
Yeah, you just want to talk to somebody that has all their wits about them and isn't a good form of mind? No, not me. Again, it's like going to work.
You're going to work. All right.
So fellow getaway patron Wayne Hossing agrees. By the way, that's two dudes now.
We'll see if we'll get any females here. It might just be a dudes club.
Although the sober bar was filled with millennial patrons, it has a grown up feeling to it, says the Williamsburg based asset manager who's in his early 50s. Noticing a trend here.
40s and 50s. Okay, he's had a glass of wine at a dinner party before coming to get a...
What? Wait, he's showing up. Hold on.
He's pre-gaming for the Sober Bar. Hold on.
You know what? That's so fucked up. He's a drunk guy at the Sober Bar.
It's dawning on me that the entire place is probably filled with people who are drunk from what they did before they got to the Sober Bar. Dude, actually, it's just a place.
It's actually just a sober up bar. Yeah, and I like that.
Yeah, that's actually not a bad idea. Call it mix in the water.
That would actually be a great idea if a bar was like, hey, we have the stiffest drinks in the world, but at midnight, all we serve is water until 2 a.m. Mix in the water is a good bar name, especially if it's like an Irish bar.
Yeah. And it's just two guys with red hair, like swimming around in a tall glass of water.

It's a mix in the water.

Yeah. His friend Sohang Gandhi, who's 38 and sober, credits the good vibe to a sweeping sense

of relief.

Finally, a cool, dry place where he didn't have to feel weird about ordering a seltzer.

Does this guy live in a fucking basement?

A cool, dry place?

Okay.

People that don't drink also want a hip environment, says the engineer. they don't want to be stuck going to a restaurant or a movie fair i guess but those are like good things uh-huh going to a restaurant pretty cool yeah i mean that you eat three times a day i hate being entertained and having good food yeah so they they show up everybody else is drunk probably from pre-gaming and then they just orderpriced mocktails, which if anybody says the word mocktail to my face, it's on site.
And it's all big time on site. And it's also, as far as we've read, so like here, it's a bunch of 40 and 50 year old dudes hanging out with millennials that are most definitely on ecstasy.
Uh-huh. Okay.
That makes total sense to, these names are, like, these are made up names. Lore Lorelei Bandrovsky, founder of the sober-friendly pop-up party Listen Bar.
Right now, we live in a culture that claims drinking as a default, says Bandrovsky, who's 32 and an occasional drinker. Her company takes over otherwise boozy bars to sling mocktails such as the Ghost Me Maybe.
That's a great name. Grapefruit, rosemary, and tonic.
She thinks the rising interest in wellness is driving the trend of alcohol-free fun, although drinkers are free to join her events too. We're not necessarily a sober bar.
Now this is where it's like, alright, we're serving booze, but whatever, says Bandrovsky, who estimates that only a third of her clients identify as dry. She thinks of it more as an alternative night out, something she feels jaded by city dwellers' crave, whether they drink or not.
We're New Yorkers, we get bored, we don't want to have just one option. So this is actually genius by them, because they essentially have created a sober bar that's not really that sober, but if you don't want to drink, you can just be like, I went to a sober bar.
Yeah, You can do that. But the thing that keeps popping back into my head is I don't want to go out and socialize with people where everybody is just completely level-headed and thinking clear.
There should at least be a part of the bar you can go to and just get dizzy for a while. Right.
And just talk to other dizzy people. Right.
Or do the thing where you blow onto your thumb so hard that you get light-headed. Now you just described a carnival, which I'm not opposed to.
Yeah, carnival. Put it, yeah.
So are there games that you can play or you just sit around talking about how you're also not drunk? Here's a bad thing that I just read it. I read ahead there for a second.
On the Lower East Side upcoming karaoke lounge, Juicebox Heroes and Mini Wrecks will be split into sober and non-sober sections. Sober karaoke.
Who the fuck wants to do sober karaoke? I'll tell you who. Acapella people.
People who think they're going to make it. A lot of acapella people.
There's definitely like, I'm going to be found at, what was it called? Juice Box Heroes. The only sober record executive in America is walking into Juice Box Heroes tonight.
I can feel it. And he's sober because his parole officer making it.
Yeah, he's wearing an ankle monitoring. He's like, I'm going to find my next one.
People who don't use alcohol as a crush to begin with tend to be easier on the ears, says co-owner Eduardo Gave. I will.
It's probably true. Yeah, that might be true.
But what also is easier on the ears is getting drunk yourself. And then you don't care what anyone's singing.
Yeah, God bless people who work at karaoke bars, having to listen to everybody. It's fun when you're there and you're drunk.
They're hammered. They better be.
A whole new industry is springing up to meet consumer demand for more alcohol-free options. Sobriety is only going to get more cool, he says.
Sure. Yeah, I don't know.
We should go review one of these places. Buy low on sobriety.
I'm going to go, but I'm going to be on some sort of intoxicant. Actually, no, I quit drugs.
We should podcast from there. Okay.
The first ever Sober Bar podcast. That sounds just incredible.
Incredible. I fell asleep listening to that sentence.
Sober Bar podcast. Let's do it.
About sports. Nobody there is a sports fan, though.
No, that's the problem. There's no TVs.
No. Yeah, that's the other thing.
Can you put on the NBA playoffs? Excuse me, sir? Please leave. Why not just watch sports? Or play your Xbox? Or gamble? There are a lot of things you can do sober.
Yeah. Going to a bar seems pretty stupid.
You're taking... When you're trying to, like...
If you're trying to have fun, I don't care if it's sober bar, drunk bar, whatever. I don't want to go to a bar if I'm not drinking.
Where do people get their endorphin rushes from if they don't participate in any sort of illicit activity? I don't look to the right when I cross the street in the bike lane. That's fucking badass.
Yeah. Well, that one's almost killed me.
That'll get your blood going, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Big time.
What about you, Hank? What do you do to get your endorphins going? If it's Sober Night for Hank, what do you do? I don't watch Game of Thrones. I don't know.
Yeah. Okay, there you go.
All right, so that's a perfect segue. So we're going to do our Thrones.
We're going to do the recap. We're taping this beforehand, so we're going to predict who we think dies, and then we're going to do the recap after.
So if you haven't watched, don't just stop the podcast right now and finish it later. I also want to note that Hank,

his nervous energy

is off the charts before the show.

I likened it to like a dog

before a thunderstorm. He's just been

like whining around

the office like, are you okay? That's not true.

And he's very anxious,

but rightfully so. This is a big episode,

so quickly let's rattle off who we think

is going to die, and then we will watch the

show and be very wrong. Okay.

Grey Worm. I think you should pick each pick

Thank you. But rightfully so This is a big episode So quickly let's rattle off Who we think is going to die And then we will watch the show And be very wrong Okay Grey Worm I think you should pick Each pick five D-E-D dead Grey Worm Yes I'm going to also pick Grey Worm Theon's dead Which one's he again? The dickless guy Okay dickless guy Two dickless guys Dead Theon and Grey Worm Dead Grey Worm's Was it Ben Roethlisberger? That'd be a good nickname.
Yes. Tormund.

And Brianna Tarth.

Both dead.

That's the night lady.

They just got nighted.

Sir.

Sir Brianna of Tarth.

Yes.

What about, who's the guy that liked the breast milk?

Big red furry guy.

Tormund, that's Tormund.

He's dead.

So he's dead too.

So that's four.

So let's pick our fifth.

Tyrion.

Oh!

Which one's that?

It was the one that he was like, I want to be in the battle.

And Dany was like, stay in the crypts.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

All right.

So that's our five.

Oh, wait.

Tyrion is the famous guy, Peter Dinklage.

Yeah.

Okay.

Wow.

Hank, that would be rough.

There's our five.

And then we want to throw in just one extra.

I got a bonus.

Dragon.

Beric's going to die.

If a dragon dies, that'll be tough.

I'll say a dragon dies.

Okay.

That'd be a real shame, Hank. What about the guy that Arya fucked? Gendry? I think Gendry's dead.
He's a goner. I think he's dead.
All right. She's pregnant.
He's dead. Okay.
So there are predictions. We haven't watched yet.
We'll be back. We'll literally pick up in the next like 10 seconds, us instantly right after the show.
See you on the other side.

That's in the song.

That's it? Yeah.

You know you're doing the NBC... Yeah.

It's Game of Thrones.

It's Game of Thrones.

It's Sunday night.

Game on. Okay, we're back.
Battle of the Winterfell. The battle that no one could see.
Yeah. In my opinion, shows that take place in a visual medium, you should be able to watch them.
But wait, PFT, you don't understand. The Night King, the whole point of him is he acts in a way to make everything confusing except for the fact i still would like to be able to see a tv show while watching it it was a deeper meaning than that i all i took away from the night king he fucking loves cocaine dude the night king the night king well let's go that's the end we'll call we'll the beginning.
Night King, honestly, biggest showboater of all time.

Like, bro, you were walking so slow to try to win that game.

He, Deshaun Jackson, dropped it right before the end zone.

He's like the Mr. Miyagi of bad guys.

Insane.

All he does is he stands totally still, and then when you charge at him, he waits the last second and just goes,

Hey, hey.

Yeah, he's Steven Seagal.

Yep.

Fighting all those guys.

Akito.

Ching, ching, ching, ching. All right.
So the Battle of Winterfell starts Yep. Fighting all those guys.
Akito.

All right, so the Battle of Winterfell starts.

First of all, can't see anything.

Second of all. I still think it was good.

Yeah, no, it was good.

I'm not saying it was good.

I just wish I could see a little bit more.

Turns out everybody's TV sucks.

Yeah, like it would be awesome to be able to see the details of it.

But I get it.

I get the whole point of it.

It's distracting.

Like Night King brings winter and all this shit. Let's start from the top, though.
When you lead with your best guys, the Dothraki, and they get the shit kicked out of them, not a good morale thing. But for morale, the red woman, ultimate locker room coach.
She got the boys fired up. Sneaky red woman, like if she had been able to close the deal there, she would have been like Andre Iguodala winning the MVP.
Like, out of nowhere, like, what? Like, we remembered it as that. Like, that was Steph's team.
That was Jon Snow's team. And boom, she comes out of nowhere and starts fucking lighting shit on fire, lighting the trenches, telling everyone, I told you to be back.
She was also the one that put it in Ari's head. True.
Put what? True. She was like, you kill people with blue eyes, green eyes, or no, like brown eyes, green eyes, and blue.
But how could Arya see anybody's eyes through all that smog? Yeah, and the blood in her eyes. Her saying blue eyes made her think, oh, I got to go kill the night kid.
Oh, okay, gotcha. I was thinking that Melisandre, is that her name? Yeah.
Melisandre, I thought that she was like a mole. I thought that she was like fucking with people and was giving them bad fire.
So she should have been killed because she burned that 13-year-old at the stake. And then everyone was like, Sir Davos was like, get the fuck out of here.
I never want to see you again. Then she showed up for the biggest – She got put in the Super Bowl.
For the Super Bowl. And Sir Davos was like, you know what? Fine.
Come back on the team. It's fine.
Okay. So they sent the Thracchi your best when your best play doesn't work right out of the gate that's a tough for the morale like you could see in everyone's eyes they're like yo we're kind of fucked here two questions why didn't they start launching the catapults why didn't they do that before they were earlier yeah maybe give yourself some light exactly just yeah just hold them off send the dragons out too well okay so the dragons i got Dragons.
I got a big problem with the Dragons. That was the part I really couldn't see.
The Dragons really, like, dude, the Dragons were like a really good running back. They just kept on going out of bounds.
Like, get in the game. Run north-south.
There was Sean Alexander. Get the shit out of someone.
They just would come. They'd go.
They'd come. Oh, yeah, so there's a little bit of turbulence and it's bad visibility out there.
Just go light some shit on fire. At one point, they flew above the clouds and just hung out.
That was LaDainian Tomlinson jumping up and down on the sidelines while Phil Rivers was out there with a torn ACL. Okay, I got a question.
Jon Snow and Danny, how bad do their ears pop? They were at like 15,000 feet. Yeah, that's tough.
Hank would know. The whole time, I was, yo, grab your nose, pop your ears.
This is getting insane. It was giving me a little bit of anxiety.
Those dragons were my fire fest. Yeah, those dragons.
Oh, quick question about the blue dragon, the bad dragon. Yeah.
Does he breathe out? I know it's blue fire, but is that fire super cold or super hot? It's like super. Blue is the hottest fire.
Yeah. It's basically your stovetop.
He's just doing stovetop on everyone. Okay, that's tough.
Yeah. He's just getting the butane going.
So, the White Walkers. So, about their fighting style.
They're dumb as shit. They're like, they're super aggressive.
Right. But they're dumb as shit.
They're like the Cincinnati Bengals defense of whatever, Westeros or whatever. They basically are...
I mean, they're all just running, you know, it's like basically playing, they play, they fight like a bunch of like seven-year-olds play basketball. Like everyone runs to the ball.
Punch ball. And no one's spacing anything out.
And everyone's like running around, or like seven-year-olds playing soccer. It's like 22 kids all in one corner.
Like, yo, maybe space and one of you can score a goal instead of all going after the same people all at once thing about the white walkers is they're super easy to kill but there are just so many of them right they can't kill the whites the whites what whoa white walkers are the white you're saying the whites are white the whites are slow the whites are slow and them in America. The whites are the skeletons that come back to life.
The zombie. The people you guys are talking about are called whites.
The white walkers are the dudes. We don't see color.
Like the Night King. It's W-I-G-H-T-S.
Okay, got it. All right, so the battle rages on.
Everyone's shit's going crazy. Shout out Lady Mormon.
If we're giving stars out, she gets two stars. She fucking got squeezed to death by that giant butt.
She did kill him, so good job by you. That's the one thing.
If you're that giant, why do you even do that? Why do you take that chance? Your one weakness. You're going after a 10-year-old girl up to your eyeball.
Yeah. It's like, here we go.
The Hound. Poor performance from the Hound.
The Hound, he was basically the guy in Saving Private Ryan, the munitions guy. Yeah.
Who just let his bro get killed by the Nazi. Playoff Pete.
Dude, yeah, playoff Pete, big time Hound. He's ready to go.
He's all gassed up. All we've been hearing from him for seven seasons is he's the best fighter in the world.
The lights shine bright, and he's, oh, he scared a little fire. His brother burned his face once.
He's red. Wait, no, that's not the hound.

Which is the guy from the Citadel that stole those books?

Samwell.

That guy sucks.

Well, listen, he's not a fighter.

No, he's not.

He tried his best.

He stole books from the Citadel.

Yeah.

Although my favorite thing that happens in every movie or show ever is when the guy saves

another guy's life, and then he's like, whew, that was a close one, and then boom, he gets

killed.

Dead.

Yeah.

It's like, damn. Didn't see that one coming.
That was tough out to Aria though alright so let's let's go best worst performances so I wrote down my best performance is Theon what? dude Theon fought fought his ass off are you serious right now? what's your problem with Theon? He protected Bran. He fought his ass off.

That was the worst attempt at killing the Night King of all time.

Bran basically was like, Theon, you got no chance.

You know who's worse, Hank?

Here's a name that's worse.

Jon Snow thought he could just yell at a dragon and kill it.

What was that at the end?

He's like, I'm just going to stand up and just talk sternly to this dragon.

And Arya saved his ass.

But Jon Snow had no plan. He was just running.
He was doing doing classic john snow i can fight a million people and i'll be fine uh so theon gets big time props for me red lady we talked about also theon's not dead theon's theon's not dead oh all right here's how you can tell in a movie or a tv show if somebody gets shot or stabbed anywhere besides directly in the middle of their stomach or on the top left part of their body where the heart is, they're going to survive that world. I'm going to disagree.
I think he's very dead. No, if you see a dude get stabbed in the top right part of his chest.
I like that. That's a lot.
Have you ever seen a movie, man? Dude, he had blood all out of his mouth. I'm just saying how movies work.
That was an honorable way for him to go out. And I cannot believe, Hank, that you didn't think theon left it all out on the field did like you're insane dude you're insane he probably racked up what like 50 60 bodies easy oh without a dick how are you going to prepare for the battle of your life and only bring like 20 arrows dude he had a lot of tell me that tough tell me that tough to do it all right tell me that uh red lady huge props.
Showed up out of nowhere. Helped everyone out.
Literally got the boys fired up. Got the boys fired up.
Got Arya back on plan. It was like halftime.
It was like, hey, listen, remember the game plan here? You got to go kill the White Walker. What is it? Night King? Night King, yeah.
Arya, hand-eye coordination. Pretty good.
From the many-faced god. She, dude.
Pretty good.

And she's pregnant.

She's an 80 on the way for doing baseball on her hands.

On her five-tool player.

On her defense, yeah.

There's also a nice little Scooby-Doo scene when she was avoiding the White Walkers.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

It would just seem like everywhere she was.

She was running around the corners.

Like they took off the White Walkers mask.

In and out of the-

It was old man Hunterfield.

Something I noticed, very nice tiling in the hallways of Winterfell. Like, super nice.
It's well put together. Yeah, very well put together.
So are we going to run with the theory that she's pregnant? Because I like that theory a lot. Yeah, probably.
I think that she is. Is Gendry dead? No, no, he survived, I think.
I couldn't see shit. I think he survived.
So it's like Serena Williams at the Australian Open. She had that platelet-rich blood that she was playing with today.
So she was good. So worst or hound by far, although he came back a little bit.
The Dragons, I really thought they could have given some more points, rebounds, all of it. They left a lot out there.
They were scoreboard watched. It's cool that there's only one left and it's Danny's.
She's got the ultimate power. We don't know.
Did Jon Snow's dragon die? Yes. It's banged up.
We know that. That was the one that he was fighting at the end, I think.
What? I could be very wrong. I haven't looked online or anything.
You think he flipped it already? Yeah. No.
They would have showed two bad dragons flying simultaneously. Yes, because by the time they were both on the ground, the dragon was on the ground.
And when he raised everyone... But I don't think his dragon was dead.
All right. We need a better TV.
We need a lot better TV everyone in the crypt gets my worst because like that was the most obvious thing ever you know that you're fighting a guy who can raise dead people and you go to the place where all the dead people are so use your head and also Tyrion and Sansa I feel like they were about to fuck right there which would have been awesome wasn't expecting that I was going to fucking open up. Oh, Lord of Light.
You like that moment where he was Jesus Christ and he was hung up? And it's like, your God is dead? When he got hung up in the hallway and they were stabbing him a million times? Oh, yeah, yeah. He was hung up on the cross and it was like, your God is dead.
Let's see. What else? What else did I write down? Theon Redemption, which Hank totally disagrees with.
It was the worst take he's ever had in his entire life. I mean, Bran did say, you're a good man.
Bran was basically like, all right, Theon, you're done. See you later.
What is Bran's deal? I'm so sick of him. Where does Bran go from here? The Ravens? They never really told us what the Night King did.
I don't know. Like, what Bran was doing.
They built this whole thing up for eight seasons and never really explained it. Okay, so what's the aftermath of this episode? Well, there's still three episodes left.
Yeah, what's the upshot? They got to create a lot of stuff up. By the way, Jorah's dead.
He literally fought for the woman that has just been refusing to love him back. And, ultimate, he is the friend zone hall of fame.
Like, the way he died fighting for... Danny, by the way...
She really exposed herself as a non-fighter. She was...
Thank you still on her side? You still like her? You're a fucking loser. She's got the only dragon.
I hate you for that. Like Arya's a badass.
I'm Team Targ. Cersei's a badass.
You just love this chick. Cersei's the worst.
Dude. Team Targ.
Team Targ, Team Stark. It's that simple.
You love this chick that has been basically walking around saying, I'm the king, I'm the queen, and Jon Snow's the rightful heir. And she can't even fight for herself.
She just found that out? And her little dragons don't show up to the big event. She did fight a little bit.
Barely. Listen, you can say what you want about her as a dragon trainer and as a keeper of dragons, as a coach of dragons.
Mother. As a mother.
She's not their mom. Yes, she is.
She is. She's the mother of dragons.
The eggs didn't come out of her. No, she held them in a fire and she got burnt alive.
Right. And then the fire ended and she was just sitting there with three dragons.
But she didn't fuck a lizard and give birth to dragons. She is the mother of dragons.
She's not a mother. Just because they're imprinted on you.
She has a bunch of ducks follow you around. Her name is mother of dragons.
She's a surrogate of dragons. Yes.
A surrogate. A mother of dragons.
There you go. All right.
I don't know. I couldn't see shit.
So, wait. No, seriously.
I couldn't. I could not see shit.
I'm going to say that's... And I'm also mad at Hank for saying Theon, like, didn't die admirably.
The episode is only available to be played correctly on, like, five TVs in America, and they were all owned by the Game of Thrones editors, so they're insisting to their bosses this morning... 96 mil.
...that actually, it was great. It was perfectly done.
It's everybody else that has a bad TV.

No, honestly, the line of people, and look, I'm new to the Game of Thrones world.

This is the dumbest Game of Thrones recap in podcasting history.

But I know already what people are going to say.

They're going to say it was confusing on purpose because the Night King confuses people.

I will stand and die on the hill that I still want to be able to watch the television show. Agreed.
I think that's fair, right? Yeah, no, I think that's totally fair. I'd like to be able to see what's going on.
And Hank is sitting here thinking that he's going to go home and he's going to magically be able to see everything. I hope so.
No chance. No chance.
Do you think it's easier to watch it on a phone? I'm not going to sit here and be like, it was so bad because I couldn't see. If I go home...
It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad.
I'm not saying the episode was bad. I'm saying I would prefer to be able to see the television show I'm watching.
But do you think it's better to watch it on a phone than it is on a TV? I think it might be. Small screen.
Maybe a... What was the TV? Whose TV was it? Everyone we clowned on? R.
Kelly. R.
Kelly. Yeah, I know.
We can't make fun of that guy anymore. Just kidding.
All right, so that's the dumbest Game of Thrones recap ever. You got anything else? Who you got for the throne? I think Arya's like the, well, I don't know.
I just. They're going to give it to Jon.
Jon, I still don't understand. Like, Jon, what are you doing, man? You're just yelling at that dragon? Why not? Let's just get real nuts with it and give it to a dragon.
Just see how the dragon would rule. Yeah.
Probably be pretty cranky if they can't find enough food. Yeah.
New law. Everybody eats.
Very relatable, though. Can't find enough food? Get really upset and just blow people up.
Yeah. I don't know who's going to win the throne.
Do you? Sansa? Listen, here's all I'm going to say is I'm very happy that the White Walkers are dead because that was always my least favorite part of this show. I like the human versus human shit.
I like that stuff. I will say.
Houses and all that stuff. That's my jam.
The White Walkers, I could never fully get into their whole thing. Is there going to be infighting now? Oh, yeah.
In the last three episodes? There's going to be murder amongst them. They're all going to wake up and be like, wait, we forgot we hate each other.
Yeah. It's going to be like the Democratic primary that's coming up soon.
Yes, exactly. Yeah.
30 of them are going to be like, well, now who's the king? Yeah, they're going to do purity tests on everybody. And Cersei's Trump.
Yeah. I don't know.
I don't understand that correlation because I don't know who Cersei is. I don't either, but it's loose, yeah.
Okay. I will say, on Friday I said I was hoping that they didn't do, like,

end of one storyline and then end the other one.

I hope it was going to somehow mix.

That didn't happen, but, you know, what can you do?

All right, well, we'll see you next week.

Buy a better TV.

All right, see you guys on Wednesday.

Love you guys. Thank you.
It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.