Chris Long On UVA's Title + Blake Bortles Wikipedia Club Is Back, EMERGENCY UPDATE - Magic Johnson

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have two very good friends. We have Blake Bortles, a little Blake Bortles Wikipedia club.
But before that, we have Chris Long, two-time Super Bowl champion and also a graduate from Virginia. He was at the national title.
His who's are no longer a national joke. So we talked to him about the national title game.
Why are they called the who's? The who's? Wahoo's. Who, who, who, who cares? That's what they say every time they have a football game.
That was a mean shot. They won the national title.
We're going to recap the national title. Hot seat, cool thrown, and because it is Wednesday, guys on chicks.
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No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't leave all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to to electric avenue It's Pardon My Take presented by Fox School Sports Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by our new presenting sponsor, Cash App Thank you, Cash App for being the presenting sponsor of Pardon My Take Today is Wednesday, April 10th, and the Cavaliers are champions again. Yes, it's been a while.
It has. It's been a while since Deli took them there.
People forget the 3-1 lead. Yeah, that's true.
Warriors blew it. But yeah, shout out to UVA.
I think, you know what, this was a big you got owned game for me personally. Yeah.
Because hand up, I got owned. I've been saying for the last week, like I'm rooting for Texas Tech UVA in the championship because it's going to be so boring.
Turns out I was wrong. Yeah.
Now, I'm not wrong a lot. No.
Listen, you thought exactly what everyone... I'm actually wrong about that, too.
Yeah. You thought what everyone else thought, and then everyone went on Twitter and being like, what happened to all these people who said it was going to be a bad game? Like, yeah, you know what? It turned out to be a great game.
It was awesome. It was a fantastic national championship.
It had the perfect first two minutes where they were kicking the ball around. It was like 3-2 and Texas Tech started 0-8 from the field.
But then it became great. There was big shots, good defense, compelling moments, instant replays that lasted forever.
The biggest thing though for me is UVA now becomes one of the coolest stories in all of sports. Going from the loss to UMBC last year as a 1 seed to a 16 seed, never happened before, to then get all the way back and go to the national title and win the national championship.
It's all like one story, and it all kind of erases. I feel like if they don't have that low, they don't get to this high.
And if you look at how they got on this run, the three games, the Purdue game where they're down three with five seconds left, the Auburn game they're down four with 17 seconds left, and the national title they're down three with 12 seconds left. If you don't get to the rock bottom of losing to UMBC, I don't think you win those games

because they had nothing to lose.

But yeah, they couldn't be killed this year.

And you know what? It's a classic case of

yeah, they were lucky. They got lucky a lot.

But you know what? To me, it seems like

the best teams are always the ones

that get the luckiest. You can make the case

like, oh, Tom Brady shouldn't have as many Super Bowls

because the interception

bailed him out at the end of the Seattle game.

Vinatieri bailed him out in the playoffs

at that first one. But you know what? It turns out

Thank you. Like, oh, Tom Brady shouldn't have as many Super Bowls because the interception bailed him out at the end of the Seattle game.
Vinatieri bailed him out in the playoffs at that first one. But you know what? It turns out that if you have luck that adds up a lot, you're probably just good.
If you point to any championship team ever, there was a moment where they had the ball bounce their way. That's just how it works.
And yeah, of course, people will talk about the double dribble against Auburn. They'll talk about the review, you know, the Kyle Guy trip,

the instant replay ball out of bounds review.

I throw all that out.

Virginia was the best team this year.

Their story is unbelievable.

They were like robotic in the fashion that they just never panicked.

They were always in it.

They'd go five minutes without scoring.

And they'd be like, you know what?

We're still in it. Because their defense was suffocating.
Their defense was suffocating and they really did, I feel like, at the end of games when you have the embarrassment of losing to a 16 seed, the first ever to have that happen, I feel like you probably sit in the huddle and you're like, hey guys, it can't get worse than that. That's true.
So let's go play this last minute. Let's go see if we can make a shot.
Let's go see if we can get a big three. That's true.
I'm just going to throw this out there. If anybody at UVA listens to this show, if anybody that works for the team, maybe give some rings to UMBC's team last year.
Yes. Some championship rings.
It's true. How bad do you feel if you are a senior that graduated last year? Are you happy at all? Are you psyched that your teammates, your former teammates, got to win a big one? Or are you like, fuck, was it me? Was I the big difference? No, I think you're a little happy just because people won't talk about the 16-seed upset as much.
I think they will, though, because that, like you said, it's always going to be tight. It's all one story.
But that story ends well. Like, the story ends at the top of the mountain, so you don't look at it the same way.
You don't look at it as an embarrassing moment. You look at it as a moment that got them to the finish line.
You're like an ancillary character that gets killed off early in a movie, and then your death is avenged later on. But enough years pass, and no one will even know which team you were on.
You get yourself a ring, and no one will know. That's still got to be tough.
Yeah, it definitely has to be tough. The other note I made from watching the first half last night, Hank, you okay? You still sick? No sneezes today.
Yeah, I was actually dead on about my hotel. And I don't know, I ran the tape back, PFT.
I don't know if you listened back, but after you ruthlessly making fun of me for sneezing, which wasn't my fault, on Thursday, which was recorded before Sunday. Wait, say his quote, though.
On Monday's show, PFT said, a sickness always starts somewhere. On Thursday's show, when we were recording the Monday reading, you sneezed.
I blessed you and said, I'm not going to make fun of you for sneezing. So thank you for getting me sick.
Oh, wait. So you blessed me for sneezing.
You said, congratulations on sneezing. I approve of that.
No, I just blessed you. So you gave me a space.
You gave me a safe space. No, you blessed you so that your soul didn't leave your body.
Hank declared the studio to be a safe place for sneezing. And now he's blaming me for everybody getting sick after they come in here.
No, it was

proven it was a hotel room. I'm fine now.

I stayed in the same hotel room. I'm totally healthy,

but it was the hotel room. The other thing I wrote down,

back to the game real quick, in the first half,

it seems to me like all the first half unders

were hitting on any game that's ever

been played on an elevated floor,

like in a football. But the overhit.
Yeah, but

in the first half. Oh.
It takes time to figure it out, is what I'm saying. Wait, but the overhead.
The first half overhead. But it started slow is what I'm getting at.
But the first half overhead, like, big time. I'm just saying, I've noticed that teams, when they're on that raised floor.
So you're saying, like, the first five minutes of the game. Yeah, big time.
Got it. I'm just saying, be on the lookout for that.
I'm sorry for trying to open your eyes to a trend that trend that I see developing. I don't know how you'd profit off that trend.
We'll figure out a way. More basketball games should have the camera that they have on the baseline that rolls with the action.
Yes. I only see that during the Final Four National Championship.
You mean when they bring the ball up? That's cool. Yes.
I don't like it when they keep it on it because you get very confused. Yeah, the producer gets a little too excited and they want to play with their new Boogermobile toy too much and they're like, yeah, we're going to keep this going.
I hate it when that happens. But you're right, when it's coming up the line like it's like the 100-yard dash when they use that in the Olympics, that is a real treat of a camera angle.
So yeah, UVA, we're going to talk to Chris Long. He was at the game.
It is though an incredible story because we made fun of Mark Titus who is a friend of ours, but we made fun of him because he was always a UVA guy. It was always fun to make the jokes about how UVA would dominate in the regular season.
They were a one seed four out of the last six years. For them to dominate every regular season and never get to the final four, let alone win it.
Like I said, it's a very cool sports story. I think it's one of those things where you step back and you're like, man, this is actually why you watch sports for these kind of you're almost watching a 30 for 30 in real life.
You're watching it all happen where they go have that embarrassing loss and get all the way to finish it. Kyle Guy, shout out to him for having his Twitter avatar be the loss to UMBC for this past year.
Motivation to finally get there. And Texas Tech, I'll say this.

Texas Tech, I would love to be a Texas Tech fan because their fans are fucking awesome. When we were in Minnesota, every Texas Tech fan was doing the guns up.
Yep. They had a cowboy hat.
They had a huge dip in. And they looked like they were just ready to party.
And it was like, those are the fans I want to be friends with. And that was a hell of a run by them.
I wish they had just played a little close, like not tried to help in the lane with 12 seconds left and let DeAndre Hunter wide open. That's someone who bet on Texas Tech, but still an unbelievable run for them.
I also bet on Texas Tech. I felt that sting.
And you're right. People from every Texas Tech fan that I know or alumni that I know is just a very, very fun person.
Right. Because if you can have fun for four years in Lubbock, you can have fun anywhere.
It might as well be on the surface of the moon. That's how far away it is from everything.
You learn to make your own party with you. Yeah, they also have a monopoly on cool sayings and slogans.
They have guns up, where they can basically walk around going guns up. They yell raider, and everyone yells back power.
And they also have recum. Yeah.
It's like the coolest fucking place ever. Pretty solid.
So good come up for Texas Tech. I now officially consider you a basketball school as long as Chris Beard stays there.
Do they also have – is that where the bell ringing guy is from that gift? Maybe, yes. Where he looks like he's cranking off? Yes, maybe.
I think he is from Texas Tech, so we're going to run with that. So, yeah, they got truly everything there.
I got a question for you, PFT. The other big story coming out of the national championship, people are very mad.
This is finally the revolt against robots. People are very mad about instant replay in all sports.
But especially in college basketball, obviously we had the Saints and Rams. We didn't have Jay Billis to tell us how bad it is over and over and over.
But I think we're at that breaking point where it's very bizarre that people are they're upset now that replay gets it right but it takes too long which i get the taking too long but now i'm seeing the argument that people say well if it was called in a pickup game or if they just used like their gut it would have gone one way but after the 47th replay they got it right well this is why are we mad about them getting it right? Because it's the rise of the machines. The machines, they're too good at their job.
Yeah. So what we've realized is a lot of times when the ball is being hit out of bounds out of somebody's hand, it turns out it touches the finger or the hand of the person who was holding the ball before it got hit out.
And that's like we know too much now. Right.
If you get close enough to anything, you're going to not like what you see. It's like those impressionist paintings.
Pointillism. Pointillism, yeah.
If you get too close to any painting, it doesn't matter if it's the Mona Lisa or any other painting. That's really the only one that I know.
It's just a swath of fucking oil. If you get super close to it, all you see is Da Vinci's jizz that he accidentally wiped off on there one time, and then a little bit of brown, and you're like, oh, this sucks.
You need distance from something. So now that we've let the toothpaste out of the tube, I don't know if there's a way to walk it back, because you can't just look at a replay, and we're seeing the same thing in baseball over the last couple years, when somebody's sliding into second base, and there's a pop-up, or there's that moment where the shoulder comes off the ground, the foot touches the bag, that sort of thing.
The tag comes off. Exactly.
So we're finding out too much from these machines. So I don't know if there's a solution to it.
There is. Besides, just accept the fact that your eyes aren't as good as a robot sometimes.
Okay, here's my solution. We should just have a shot clock on the replays because that would be thrilling.
If the ref only has a certain amount of time and you get Jay Billis to shut up and you basically if they can't find the replay fast enough guess what? Tough shit and get the home crowd involved if it's an away, if they're reviewing a call that might go for the away team the home crowd starts like 5, 4, 3, 2 yeah that would be great and maybe he has one flag in one hand in the other, and he raises it up, and everyone's like, oh my god, that's going that way, or booze everywhere. I like that idea.
Also, the replay should be done in standard definition. So that's a very easy way to rewind the clock on that.
Because it's the whole Roger Goodell thing. What would 20 drunk guys in a bar call this, a catch or not? Going back to standard definition makes you feel like you're intoxicated already it's blurry as shit that would be actually a great way to tell or the other way you could do it is just don't listen to twitter ever because no matter what someone's going to complain about something now and to prove your point the other thing that's come under fire recently is the one thing that i thought was the most universally loved part of college basketball and that is our one shining moment so jimmy Kimmel is squatting on the take.
I think he's squatting. I don't think he actually means it yet.
This seems like a premature take squat on his point, in which case I will take off my hat and say, do your thing, sir. But he said that one shining moment lived out its one shining moment 15 years ago.
Whoa. That it's not cool anymore.
That's when Jimmy's when Jimmy stopped being a guy's guy. Wait, you know, good point.
That's when he left the man show. That's when Damoshek left him, yeah.
Hold on. People are saying that the song we listened to once in an entire year is bad now? Yeah.
Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, they're burned out on it.
Dude, we listened to it once, but Christmas carols can't be played? Jimmy's going to be like, let's replace it with Old Town Road. That fucking Mariah Carey song? The stupid Paul McCartney song? The globe living heaven.
Christmas time. Wonderful Christmas time.
Mariah, yeah. That song sucks, but you know what? When it's December, you listen to it.
You know what song I'm sick of is Auld Lang Syne. Yeah.
On New Year's. Come on.
This is a terrible take by Jimmy Kimmel. This is a true not-sports fan take, except for the fact that Darren Revelle ruined it.
Yeah. Well, there's the other part of this, which is other journalists were getting upset that during this year's One Shining Moment, they left in some of the announcers talking over it instead of just showing it.
So it was kind of like, respect the biz. One Shining Moment should strictly be instrumental at all times.

Everything sucks now.

And people were mad that there was too much Zion in it.

Yeah, the remix of One Shining Moment this year was trash.

To quote my friend Ice-T, did you guys see his tweet yesterday?

Yeah.

That's the way to do it.

Get on Twitter, talk a little shit, get off, back to life.

That's what you got to do.

Because One Shining Moment is great, minus the Darren Revelle being like the thirst. Darren Revelle is the thirstiest man on Twitter.
Can I make a recommendation? Because he's gotten so so thirsty and he literally stands by a water cooler. This turned out as perfect for Darren as it possibly could have.
Ever. He played us all like little marionettes.
That's why I refused to tweet about it. I think I didn't.
No, I don't think I tweeted about it either. Okay, good.
We're not using his name anymore on the show. Okay.
We're not giving him the attention he so very deeply craves. He can still come on the show if he gets on his knees, makes a video, and sends it to Hank.
But other than that... Wait, is that the rule? Yeah.
He's going to do that yesterday. No, he won't.
He's going to do that on Hong Kong. No, he won't.
He's too shook. He's too shook.
He won't. He won't.
He thinks he's going to wait it out. Right.
We put him in a corner because we've given him what he wants, but he has to degrade himself. And he won't do it.
But he really thinks that he will just wait and eventually we'll be like, oh yeah, come on the show, dude. I think he'll be totally fine.
He hasn't done anything. He knows this is out there.

You know what's going to be weird

also is the orange vanilla Coke commercials.

Those are gone now,

I have to assume.

But you know what?

We're going to be wrong.

We're probably going to see him again

in the NBA playoffs or the NHL.

They'll figure out a way.

They should have just made this

a limited time deal.

Buy your orange vanilla Coke

during March

and then let's all forget

this nightmare ever happened.

You're drinking it,

which is disgusting.

I'm drinking orange vanilla zero sugar.

Why would you do that?

Because I had it in my reservoirs

I'm going to go, zero sugar. Why would you do that? Because I had it in my reservoirs.
I got to deplete my stash for March until I can totally move on. It's April.
We sleep in May. Okay, emergency, late breaking, this league, bonus part of this podcast.
We're going to slip it in right in the middle of the show. We're going to slip it right in.
Yeah, you won't even know it's there. PFT, this league.
Holy shit. Let's just say this league for 10 minutes back and forth.
This league. This league.
Oh, my God. This league, the NBA.
This league, man. Nothing like it.
It actually was an insane night. So Magic Johnson, before Dwayne Wade and Dirk Nowitzki play their last game in the NBA and have an unbelievable send-off, both scoring 30 points, Magic Johnson steals the whole night and announces that he is stepping down as president of basketball operations for the Lakers, not telling Jeannie Buss directly, just doing a press conference and saying, oh yeah, I'm not going to be here anymore.
And it's the weirdest, most magic, most, I don't even know. It's this league.
We all thought when he did it, we're like, oh, he is upset because he can't tamper as president. And so he wants to retire to spend more time with his tampering.
And then he literally said that. Yes.
He was like, I want to be a free bird. Right now I'm a caged bird and I'm not allowed to hit up Russell Westbrook and say, hey, congrats on the 2020-20.
I can't contact other stars in the league until I'm proud of him. I can't work out with Ben Simmons and hang out with Embiid and do all this new cool stuff.
This is rock bottom for his tampering addiction. It really is.
It's like you're in a meeting. Tell me about your rock bottom.
I got so addicted to tampering that I quit my job as president of the Los Angeles Lakers. He's been sitting there with the phone open and the Twitter app open being like, I just want to say congratulations, Dwayne, on a great career.
But I can't because I've been tampering. And that's the best part is that he could do that.
He just tampered so hard. Remember the Jimmy Kimmel stuff? Now he's scared and he has to quit his job so that he can go back to tampering but he actually quit because this is very magic like it's the it's the most absurd move to quit not tell your boss be in meetings the day before and that was the famous like i'm not going to be here next year quote right he's talking about a meeting he was in yesterday where they were talking about the future of the team and he was just going like yep yep good plan good plan in the back just checked out not gonna be here by the way that's an awesome feeling if you've ever known that you're gonna leave a job and you're in those meetings holy shit and you're just totally checked out and you feel great about it someone's like hey can you uh make sure that we take care of this big project it's like yep sure yeah i'll take the lead on that but this is also like so so it's it's crazy but at the same time completely magic johnson because this is his move he is uh a rich famous person who can get any job in the world and i think every now and then he's like hey that would be fun it'd be fun to be you know on tv it'd be fun to be president of the lakers and then after i don't know six months year two years he's like wait why do i have a job yeah i don't need a job i'm like billy i just own a bunch of starbucks and movie he's like a billionaire literally a billionaire right yeah so uh i think what happened with magic was he got to the part of his job where he has to do it all over again and you can love doing, right? You can absolutely love certain parts and tasks in your job, but once you're done with a certain part of it and you have to start over and do it all over again, if you are like, oh, shit, this sucks, eventually that's going to wear you down and you're going to want to leave that job.
So he gets to the end of a season. He probably likes it during the season when he's making calls trying to get Anthony Davis.
I don't even think he's doing that. Yeah, but whatever he does during the season, going to games.
Going to Michigan State games and pretending it's scouting. Yeah, so he likes going to Michigan State games.
He likes going to games at the Staples Center when they're good. Those are the fun parts of his job.
Then the season's over and it's like, oh shit, it just dawns on him. I have to do all the draft stuff again.
I have to get LeBron a star. I go to summer league games which he wouldn't do any of this but like there are certain things about a job where you can really enjoy part of the process but then when it's time to repeat it you're just like shit this is not for me it's like you can anyone can sell a Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving it takes a man to sell a Christmas tree onth.
That's true. And he probably wasn't going to do any of that stuff anyway, but he probably was like, I have to come up with an excuse why I don't want to go to Summer League and why I can't get LeBron another star and why I screwed up.
So his legacy, it also was perfect timing because he was just starting to get the hot seat. The Paul George thing was kind of a debacle.
The Anthony anthony davis thing was kind of a debacle like he obviously gets lebron but he can't get him another star he does the um the the the uh zubach for mescala trade everyone hated the d'angelo russell thing was was has become a debacle because d'angelo russell is a true star now so it's like just as the seat gets a little warm and he knows that LeBron will probably fire him in the next few months, he's like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. I'm going on my yacht.
I'm going on vacation with Cookie, and it's going to be great. Do you actually think that LeBron James is going to fire Magic? I think LeBron is going to fire everyone if they don't get another star.
I don't think he would have fired Magic. I think LeBron's scared of Magic.
I think he... Magic is one of the guys that he sees as

untouchable. Because Magic can finance

Space Jam 3, 4, and 5

all on his own. He can just cut a check.
I think

LeBron is at the point, if they

don't get another star, every head is rolling

there. He is going to...

He'll go all the way up the ladder.

He'll probably tell Jeannie Buss she's fired.

My theory... Yeah, I'll try.

You're fired. She shows up again.

My theory is that Magic quit the way

I don't want Jeannie Buss to say, hey, Magic, we really need you. This is a good thing we're doing here.
Yeah, yeah, because I think Magic likes Jeannie enough. You said that to Rachel Nichols.
Oh, really? I didn't see the interview yet. Sorry, Rachel.
That was a good call. Also, PFT, good call.
Yeah, first reported. I'm still on Hong Kong time.
My body's jet lagged, so I actually reported that 12 hours ago. From Magic Johnson's mouth to PFT's ears via Rachel Nichols.
Yes. First reported by you.
Got it. Yeah, so insane that Magic Johnson does all this stuff.
Walks away. Dumpster fire.
Through Luke Walton under the bus. It's throw Luke Walton under the bus season.
Basically, if you want to take a shot at anyone, just take it at Luke Walton. But he actually got a longer stay now because of it.
Yes. He thought he was going to be fired today.
He would have been fired today. Well, by longer stay, you mean, like, probably, like, by four days.
It also... You know what it's like.
I mean, or you don't know what it's like, but if you're, like, think you're going to get fired, it's always good when you don't get fired. Right.
That's true. We should bring up, though, the fact that it is completely hilarious that Magic Johnson did that.
He could have done this at any point. He does it an hour before, before the Lakers game, and also during Dirk and Dwayne Wade's retirement last game, completely stealing the scene from them.
And it was an all-time this league night. Dwayne Wade and Dirk, that was actually really nice.
They both had good nights, good send-offs. Jamal Crawford scored 50 points, a first player to do it with four different teams which is awesome and then the other this league moment Anthony Davis wearing a that's all folks shirt and also Steph Curry getting his yearly sprained ankle so that now when the playoffs start we can say is Steph really 100% if he starts sucking that was actually the perfect timing for him to roll his ankle.
KD is very excited about this new update. KD is so pumped.
Who rolled

harder, Steph's ankle

or my eyes when I saw that Steph

rolled his ankle and everyone's going to be like,

well, Steph, when he goes

two for

12 in the first round, well, he's not

100%, guys. I'm just saying, Steph, maybe

it's time that you consider

having your signature shoe be a high top.

Or ankle braces. Or just ankle braces.

They look pretty sweet. I'm just saying, Steph, maybe it's time that you consider having your signature shoe be a high top.

Yeah.

Or ankle braces.

Or just ankle braces.

Ankle braces.

They look pretty sweet.

I just want to do it kind of to a hand-up segment.

Yeah, hand-up.

I got home.

I turned on ESPN.

I was watching.

It wasn't a Budweiser commercial, but it was like a Dwayne Wade tribute video.

Uh-oh.

We knew you.

Wait.

This is going to go in before this.

Oh, so this is even crazier.

So you're pre-apologized.

Yeah, I'm pre-apologized. But then I watched the highlights, and when I realized that Dwayne Wade has every Heat record, I realized that ruins LeBron legacy even more.
So I kind of came down off my Dwayne Wade hate. Okay, so what's happening is...
He wasn't even the best Heat player of all time. He's not going to be the best Laker of all time.
And the Cavs, who cares about the Cavs? Oh, wow. Okay, so what Hank's doing right now, he's pre-apologizing for a take that he'll have later on in the show where he says essentially that the Dwayne Wade commercial sucked and that he doesn't like Dwayne Wade and that Dwayne Wade should die on a fire.
It's actually a really good take, though, Hank, because when you think about it, when someone says, oh, all-time Cav record books, you're like, who cares? But he actually won a bunch of years. Of course it's LeBron James.
Right, of course, yeah. He's the only player that's played in Cleveland for that many years.
Yes, yes. That's actually...
It's like Mark Price and LeBron James. So yeah, tune in for a minute now.
Hank is going to bash Dwayne Wade, the commercial he did... And his son.
And his son. And his son, yeah.
And all that stuff. But yeah, all-time this league moment.

Stay woke. Magic Johnson

retiring like 12 hours before the Masters

Par 3 tournament. Oh, he'll be at the Masters.

He's going to Augusta. Oh, he'll be at the Masters.

This was all sped up by the

approaching arrival of the Masters. And how about the NBA

playoffs? He wants to go to games. Yeah.

If the Lakers had made the playoffs, Magic

probably would have kept the job because he'd been like,

you know what? I get to go to a few games.

Now he wants to go to some games.

Does Magic go to any Clippers games?

Yes.

Remember the classic...

What's the old racist guy's name?

Donald Sterling.

Remember the classic interview?

You could have gone any number of ways for that one.

When he's like, big Magic Johnson, what has has he done he's got aids remember that that was like his last interview ever so yeah i do think there was a rumors at the time that magic johnson wanted to buy the clip it's such a it's such a fucking preposterous clip but uh magic johnson definitely because this was what's gonna happen in the next year or two

magic's gonna be like wait i want another job so maybe i'll just buy a team yeah and then he'll

someday just sell the team uh in the middle of the night well no we'll wait till maybe lebron

retires and then he'll announce right before he retires that he's selling whatever team he does

buy and steals that spotlight yep so good job magic okay that was emergency update i think we

got to the bottom of everything yeah now back to the regular scheduled show if you listen to this

Thank you. and steals that spotlight.
Yep. Good job, Magic.
Okay. That was an emergency update.
I think we got to the bottom of everything. Yeah.
Now back to the regular scheduled show. If you listen to this, you have the updated one.
If you aren't listening to this right now, you're trapped in a time portal. Attention to everyone who's not listening to this right now.
Redownload. Yes, redownload.
But you can't hear this. Hot seat, cool thrown.
Want to do it? Sure. All right, let's do it.
Hank. Okay, thanks.
My hot seat is Space Jam 2. Oh, no.
The movie, which I don't know if you guys knew, it's being executive produced and starring LeBron James. He's having a very hard time recruiting co-stars to join the movie.
He's scared he'll alienate them and subtweet them on Space Jam Instagram or whatever? He just thought that he was going to sign up for the movie, and since all the players, you know, they probably watch it growing up, they idolize MJ, that everyone would want to do it because, you know, he's LeBron. But apparently that's not the case.
Giannis, Giannis, people get mad at me when I say Giannis, but I like saying it, Giannis. Best player in the world, probably.
He denied him. Said he doesn't like being in Hollywood, he doesn't want to do it, and I there's there's been a ton of other players because you know they don't they're worried about if they go to the movie then they're going to have to potentially play with him on his team like oh and he might alienate them and not pass them so he's having trouble recruiting for his movie and for his basketball so which one takes precedent that's the question that is a question what would the most hilarious team of space jam to be well i car? Yeah, Carmelo because it's not coming out until 2021, so by the time it comes out, it'll be like, who's that guy? Kyle Korver? Yeah, Carmelo, Kyle Korver, probably Dirk and Dwayne Wade both are going to be on the team.
Don has him. Dirk would never do it.
Has him definitely will be there. Not Chris Bosh anymore.
Nope. Not after what happened last week.
Oh, what about, what's his name? Ty Lue. Ty Lue will probably be on the team.
What was his brother for life, Damon, from like way back in the Cavs? Was it Damon Jones? Damon Jones, yeah. Delonte? His real brother for life.
Yeah, Damon Jones. Well, no, his uncle for life.
True, true. Yeah, but actually, if LeBron wants a little tip for you, LeBron, if you want to fill your Space Jam 2 roster with guys you want to watch, just get every coach that you've gotten fired, and we'll watch it.
I'd watch Space Jam 2 with starting center David Blatt, point guard Ty Lue, power forward Mike, Luke Walton, not even there because he got so fired. Eric Spolstra with Pat Riley's hand up his butt making him talk.
I'll watch that. It is kind of a rock and a hard place because Blake Griffin, he would be good in the movie.
He's a good actor and he'd probably be good in that role, but I hope he turns him down. If we took your suggestion, Big Cat, except didn't even have it on a basketball court And just had those guys in a room

Boardroom

Barbershop

Space Jam 2 they give sick haircuts

And it's just those coaches in a room talking shit about LeBron James

I would watch the hell out of it

Space Jam 2

Best seller of all time

And then just remind everyone

That R. Kelly was part of Space Jam 1

So you can get that cancelled

Again

And then Space Jam 2 will be great

Thank you. And then just remind everyone that R.
Kelly was part of Space Jam 1, so you can get that canceled again, and then Space Jam 2 will be great. I hope cartoon characters start to disavow his team, too.
I hope Bugs Bunny's like, I can't make it. I got a lot of prior commitments.
There's also, they're filming it over the course of two summers, so if they get a shitty cast, that's going to weigh on them for the entire course of the next year. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. My cool throne is just hype, entertainment, people.
There's so much shit going on that I feel like every single day, like everyone's excited, but there's like 10 different things that they're the most excited for. No, it's not a bad thing.
Like there's just a lot of good shit coming down the pipeline. We might be too hype.
The Masters people. Old Town Road has been awesome.
Old Town Road, although I'm... Whoa.
You're getting burned out on it? We were at Cowboy Jacks. They played it literally on repeat.
And it's only a minute long. This was fucking weird.
I didn't even mention this. At the rugby tournament in Hong Kong, they're obsessed with David Hasselhoff.
That makes sense. They played that one David Hasselhoff song.
This is no joke. Over the course of two days, they played it literally 70 times.
He's like the biggest pop star in German history, right? Yeah, but this is Hong Kong. Yeah, I know, but Germans are everywhere.
It was fun to sing along with. I'll give him that.
But then the Masters, I feel like that's the thing that people, you know, it's a great tournament, but people get overhyped for it, whereas they don't really care about golf. Ooh, I disagree.
I disagree. But they don't care.
People don't care about golf. You can't overhype the Masters.
Take your microphone off Hank. That's a bad take.
The Masters deserve all the hype. No, no, no.
My cool throne is hype, so you're a bad take. I'm saying The Masters is on the hype list.

Damn.

Game of Thrones, obviously everyone's freaking out about it.

We're only a week away.

Yeah.

Can't wait.

And then Avengers Endgame.

I feel like they release clips from that movie every day.

Don't care. They're just putting out the movie.

Okay.

So, wait.

I want to make sure that we're on the same page here.

Hype is good, but you're saying that the things that are getting overhyped right now are in

danger of being bad.

Hype is on the Cool Throne.

There's a lot of hype out there.

Yeah.

But – page here hype is good but you're saying that the things that are getting over hyped right now are in danger of being bad hype is on the cool throne there's a lot of hype out there yeah but some hype is too much hype i would say that the masters hype that people are like oh i can't that's a bad take i can't wait to like people don't watch them they watch on sunday you know what hey listen yeah bad we watch all... Oh, Hank.
Listen, Hank. Bad tickets.
Yeah. Bad tickets.
We watch all weekend. It's great.
It's the perfect... The Masters app.
The color green on the greens in the fairways... Green and yellow.
...in Augusta, that is the perfect Pantone for putting dads to sleep. Oh, Hank.
So you guys are hyped. I'm very hyped about relaxing and watching the menus.
Very hyped. Very hyped.
And actually, we should mention... Do you have Patrick Reed's menu anywhere on your hot seat? Okay, go ahead.

Go.

All right.

My hot seat is carbs, fats, and sodium for me personally.

Okay.

Because I'm on a diet.

It's time for a diet.

This is, I think, the first time I've actually ever been on a diet in my adult life.

That's not true.

Well, we were keto for a while.

You've done it like four times in the show.

Yeah, but we didn't really follow through. And this time, I'm going to follow through.
Okay. Besides the keto.
What day is it? The keto one. You've definitely been on diets.
Yes. No, but day one of your diet.
This is day one. Okay.
Alright. It's day one of my diet.
Checking in a week. Yeah, checking in a week.
Well, listen, Hank, I caught a very bad. You don't need to diet.
Visual. I caught the worst visual of myself I've ever seen on a Jumbotron.
And you think the camera adds 20 pounds. Like being on a Jumbotron with your shirt off, with your belly hanging over your shorts, the camera adds like 1.5 Kelvin Benjamins when you're on a Jumbotron.
I don't like when you do the diet thing because you're not in bad shape. You're actually in good shape.
This, again. No, I'm not.
Listen,. Listen.
People who struggle with their weight, you don't appropriate the culture. You want me to show you a picture? I've seen the picture.
You look just like you've looked for the last year. I don't think that you've seen the new picture.
Oh, I saw it. It was taken from far away.
No, I saw it. Yeah, I saw it.
Well, it was one of those moments where I saw it. I didn't see it.
Okay, anyways. No more sodas after I'm done with this one.
No more beers. That's such a, like, this isn't even a segment.
This isn't even a real segment. So this is just your week.
Yeah, you're not going to stop drinking beer. I am.
I'm going Claws Up for the Caps this year. I was talking to Liam about this earlier.
We're drinking White Claws only. That's like sugary as shit, isn't it? Claws Up.
No, it's not. Low sugar.
Okay. I'm going the seltzer flavor.

Claws up.

That's what I'm doing.

Got it.

Capsure.

That looks like the TCU horned frog.

This is claw.

Claws up.

Claws up.

So that, okay.

I would like some support because I am serious about this.

You don't need to diet.

I'll let you know when you need to diet.

You are not that.

You're fine.

Yes, you're fine.

You're fine.

You got a little bit of a belly that you're sticking out right now. You don't need to die.
I'm not sticking it out. That's a problem.
You're fine. You need a new belt is what you need.
Yeah, I just found this. It looks like a middle school belt.
Yeah, it is. All right.
I'd just like a little bit more support because I am serious about this diet. When you get fat, I'll give you support.
If you go on a diet for more than 10 days, I'll take you seriously. Yeah.
Okay. Thanks, guys.
My cool throne is all the former Masters champions because Patrick Reed put together a hell of a menu for them. He basically – this is the type of menu that you would plan if you're like 19 years old and you had a graduation dinner and you just know that you like steak and then you like every single vegetable with cream.
How how many cream things did he have he's got two cream things he's got so he's got caesar salad wedge salad which they made him do yeah and he's probably had a caesar before and he's like okay yeah that's fine that's good good sauce yeah i like the croutons yeah uh he's got prime bone-in cowboy ribeye and he's got mac and mac and cheese, cream spinach, corn creme belay, and then steamed broccoli, which someone held a gun to his head to get that steamed broccoli on there. No, his mom was just like, hey, Patrick, I like broccoli.
He was like, fine, mom. We'll order one side of broccoli.
He doesn't speak to his mom. Oh, really? Yeah, remember? Oh, that's right.
But his mom still came to his defense. Correct.
He kicked his parents out of a fucking tournament one time. That probably got her back in his good graces just so that she could ask for the broccoli on the menu.
Oh, my God. He's going to hide the broccoli under a napkin.
Yeah. No way does he want that broccoli.
No, he's a guy that takes one bite and then spits it into the napkin and then throws it on the floor. I'm surprised.
If I were to plan Patrick Reed's master's menu from what I know about Patrick Reed, I would think it would just be all these catering trays, and then they're just filled with smear enough ices. And he just ices everybody that's at the dinner with him.
Maybe some pigs in a blanket. For himself.
For himself. Yeah.
Yeah. It is hilarious.
This menu really is like what a 14-year-old would think an adult's menu looks like. Yes.
He basically was forced to be like, well, I like steak and I don't really like anything else. I like macaroni and cheese.
I'm surprised chicken fingers weren't on here. Chicken, grilled cheese? They're like, no, you can't do that, Patrick, please.
Yeah. It doesn't say anything about drinks, does it? Yes, it has a couple bottles of wine.
Okay. So it's got a Chardonnay and a Cab option.
And then the dessert is weird. It's tiramisu.
Tiramisu is overrated, by the way. Depends on where you're going.
Depends on where you're going. Vanilla bean, creme brulee, chocolate crunch, and praline cheesecake.
See, I would have thought Patrick would just go straight cereal for dessert. Yeah.
Or various types of Count Chocula.

Or just pass out bottles of chocolate syrup and glasses of milk.

Like make your own chocolate milk.

Yeah.

And that's a little life factor.

If you're having a wedding or any sort of formal occasion, just call it a bar.

And the trick is you make everybody actually make their own food for themselves, but you call it a bar.

So it seems fun.

It's like, hey, we got a chocolate milk bar.

We got a cheesecake bar. Cheesecake bar, guys.
This is crazy. You even have an oven that you have to put it in and wait for four hours.
Yes. All right, you got anything else? No, that's it.
All right. I had some more, but you know what? Go ahead.
No, I'm fine. No, go ahead.
I'm fine. I just don't feel supported right now.
Go ahead, PFT. We hope you do well on your diet.
No, you don't. Yeah, I do.
I don't think you believe that. I want you to do well.
You're not in bad shape, so good luck on your diet no you don't yeah i don't think you believe that i i want you to do well you're not you're not in bad shape so um good luck on your i'm like 30 pounds heavier than i've been in my life that's i don't believe that you haven't changed your you look the exact same thank you i appreciate that okay so you're good all right there you go that compliment should propel you so what else you gonna grow a playoff beard uh yeah i am i'm growing a right now. Nice.
Claws up for the caps in the playoffs. Nice.
What else you got? My other cool throne is bees. So I don't know if you guys saw the story today.
They found a colony of bees living inside a woman's face. And she thought that it was like a sinus infection.
What? And they were feeding on her tears. PFT, you're fat, and you're going to get in good shape.
That's not real. That's not real.
It is real. Nope.
Nope. Nope.
Nope. You want to bet? Fuck that.
Nope. All right.
Buy a hot seat. I can't do that.
Yes, I do want to bet. No, I don't.
There's no way there's living bees flying inside of someone's face. I'm telling you.
Yeah, I was right calling that single hornet thing out because these fuckers are resourceful. Okay.
In Taiwan, what was originally... Ow.
Ow. Come on.
What? I was just over next to Taiwan. It could have been me.
Yeah, it could have. What was originally thought to be an eye infection turned out to be something far worse.
Instead of treating an infection, doctors at the university Hospital in Taiwan were shocked to find four bees embedded in the eye

of a 29-year-old Taiwanese woman.

This is not real. This is clickbait.

They love to do this. It's smart.

We should be doing it to them.

Anywhere else, they can just clickbait us

with fake stories that make us go, ugh.

I'm pretty sure it's real. If I'm wrong, I'm going to

blame the time difference. My body's very confused

right now. Again, just got back yesterday.
I feel like Andy Reid is managing my body clock right now. It's a struggle.
That's how confused I am. What was worse, a flight there or a flight back? Flight back, by far.
I would imagine. Because flight back, I was sitting in straight up coach for 16 hours.
Yeah, that was very... Fuck.
I watched a bunch of movies. If anybody out there has seen The Lobster, what the fuck? That was the worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

Who was in it?

Colin Farrell.

What the fuck?

It was tough.

No, it was bad.

I like him, too.

All right, my hot seat is, I got two.

Chris Davis on the Orioles, 0 for 49.

MLB record, 0 for 49.

He's due.

That's insane.

I actually feel bad for him.

Those are Bryce Harper-like stats for the month of late May, early June. 0, 49 in a row.
I thought the record might be a little bit bigger than that. I did too, but I guess not because that's a lot of plate appearances.
That's what, like 12, 13 games? That's a lot of games to not get one hit. Does he have any walks or a fielder's choices? I don't know about that.
I think he has a couple RBIs. Because maybe he's over 28 this season.
So it dates back to last year. Over 28 this season with 15 strikeouts.
Okay. That's insane.
But he does have some RBIs. So these are productive outs that he's getting.
It's a productive over 49. All right, that's fair.
My other hot seat is us because we said that we were sick of the Dwayne Wade retirement party, and then he dropped an absolute awesome video that just grabbed at all of our heartstrings. Hank, you have not watched the video? No.
So give us your hottest take about the video that you're going to really regret when you do watch the video. I don't really have a hot take about the video.
I just think Dwayne Wade's overrated. But the video.
Couldn't even make the playoffs in his last year. Some things are bigger than sports.
Yeah, that's Budweiser. Budweiser paid a lot of money.
They're really good at making heartstring commercials. They're very good at that.
Shut up, Budweiser. The Clydesdale.
No, I'm saying Budweiser is great. They made someone like Dwayne Wade seem really likable.
They made people like... Yeah, but it was the things that he did.
Wait, but someone like Dwayne Wade... Do you think that Dwayne Wade's a very unlikable person? Yeah, kind of.
Why? I don't think so. He gets his butt eaten, he smiles, he's very fast and good.
He kind of alphas LeBron. Yeah.
You should like Dwayne Wade out of anyone. Yeah.
I'm ready for him to be done. I don't like the whole retirement tour thing.
Again, you have not seen the video and I think when you see the video you realize you're being an asshole right now. You just don't like anyone that's come in contact with LeBron.
Yeah. I mean, after his son was talking shit about Paul Pierce, his son's in high school.
Who is he to talk shit about a future first round, first ballot Hall of Famer? I'm excited to be rooting against Dwayne Wade's son when he comes to the NBA. Zaire? Zaire.
Zaire Wade. I'm already ready.
I got my hate fired up.

Yeah.

Okay.

My cool throne is the New York Knicks.

So the New York Knicks have signed Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving.

It's a done deal, some people are saying.

All that is left is for them to decide who signs first, because apparently the person

who signs second looks like a follower.

Ooh.

That is an actual report that was written about. Frank Isola wrote it.
So he said, so sure are some executives and player agents of a Durant-Irving pairing in New York that one agent told The Athletic that Durant and Irving are debating on who will sign first. Why is that important? The player that is signed second is viewed as the follower, not the leader.
Oh, my God. This league, you guys.
Yeah, they got to – they should just – here's what they should do. You can add somebody on an Instagram Live.
Yes. And so they should just do a simultaneous – Who started this? Who starts the Instagram Live.
That's another trick. That's tough.
How many people can you add on Instagram Live? I don't know. I think there's one.
Just one? So you can't have James Dolan start it and then add... Well, KD definitely doesn't follow James Dolan on Instagram.
No. But I love that this is now a thing.
Where the super teams, we're so deep into super teams that we're just debating who signs first. Now, are the Knicks a super team if they get those two guys? And Zion.
Just those two guys, though. And Zion? Just those two, yeah.
I don't know. Super team, you need three.
I think you need a big three. They'll get someone else.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Is Ron Baker still on the Knicks? Ron Baker the moneymaker? I think so.
All right, so there's your super team. Okay.
Boom. Done.
You need that hair. You need that one guy with the hair.
Charles Oakley should come back. I truly believe that.
If you get Kyrie and KD on the Knicks and then bring back Charles Oakley for no reason, but you just kick anybody's ass that talks trash to him. Just stare at people.
Yeah, he doesn't even have to do anything. I'm all in on the Knicks if that happens.
Yeah, I'd agree with that. Let's get to our interviews.
First up, we got Chris Long, who was at the National Championship game last night.

He is a Virginia grad.

He's very, very excited for his Who's, who have won the national title.

And then we're going to do Blake Bortles.

Before we do that...

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OnePeloton.com and use that promo code PMT. Okay, here he is, Chris Long.
Okay, we now welcome on our good friend, national champion, Chris Long.

He played at Virginia.

Virginia is his home.

He's a two-time Super Bowl champion.

Chris, you were at the game.

I want to go a two-part question to start.

Explain the scene, your feelings, the entire emotion,

and then also tell us which botch call by the refs helped Virginia win the title the most. Well, my emotions were more like relief than anything.
I mean, being a Virginia fan, I mean, it's like a lot of people that are just tuning in to being a Virginia sports fan are realizing that we got some lucky breaks this year, which is totally counter to the entire history of our athletic program. So we're not generally a lucky team.
We've gotten some lucky breaks. But it was more like a relief for me.
I mean, no national championships in football or basketball. You know, waiting my entire life as a, as a UVA fan to see that.
So I know a lot of my buddies who were there were, were ecstatic. They were also relieved, but here's the thing.
I mean, like people are jumping on, you know, you're, you've been texting me like, stop arguing, dude, like you won the national championship, but I'm reading articles, bro, that, that are like, like people are mad last night that they went to the replay and got the call right when the ball went off that cat's pinky like like there are tweets where people are like why would they do that it was just his pinky i'm like all right we get it they missed the double dribble which no one saw uh over the weekend no one saw until territory got on and talked about it um but they also missed auburn traveling on the inbound with 19 seconds to go um i think people did you see that yeah well now i will go back and look because we got to make sure we got it we got to protect uh virginia's title we're gonna get it right. Well, I mean, you know, I just like to argue, but, like, generally, you know, my point was, listen, they missed the double dribble, but let's not act like we all saw that.
I mean, if you saw it, great, more power to you, but most people weren't tweeting or talking about it until after the game. True.
And then the bad foul. I mean, it's a foul, and it should be called nine out of ten times in that situation on the three-pointer.
Yeah, it was a foul. And that pissed people off.
So I think last night they were really looking for stuff. And that play that went to the review, you know, everybody that just two days ago was saying, we need to get every call inside two minutes right, is all of a sudden anti-replay.
So I just, listen, I know people have a lot of resentment for the pace of play, the low scoring. And they might not like us because we've been pretty good and we've had a history of some tournament mishaps and obviously UMBC.
But, I mean, whatever. I mean, like, you know, we're hated now.
We're blue blood. Let's watch out with that.
Slow it down there, buddy. Maybe from all the inbreeding, but not yet.
Slow it down. Also, Chris, I mean, I just want to say, first of all, I hope you can get past all those articles

and start to enjoy the national championship.

But at the same time, let me ask you,

if I'm playing devil's advocate,

if you were a Texas Tech fan

and you saw that ball just barely graze your dude's pinky,

would you be pissed off?

Would you take the side of maybe we're seeing too much

with these replays?

Because that's the way I'm starting to lean right now. The robots have become too advanced.
Yes. I thought you were going to make a just-the-tip joke.
No. Listen, I made an Italian joke last night when the Italian guy was very demonstrative with his hands, and that's what hit the ball.
But seriously, like in baseball, we're starting to see it. In basketball, we're seeing it a little bit.
Like there are some things that we didn't know happened during these replays that now that we have the technology and the nice cameras and the super slow replays, we can see. Is that a good thing all the time? I think inside of two minutes, it's a really good thing.
I think it would slow the game down a lot if you were able to do it throughout the game. You know, I think replay has been good for football.
I mean, you know, shifting gears to football. I mean, I remember as a sports fan and as a football fan growing up, hearing people say when they were transitioning to replay that the game will never be the same.
It's going to ruin the game, this, that, and the third. And honestly, I know how we'd we'd get through games nowadays without it and um I think people mostly don't even notice that it's slowing the game down at all I think we're we're mostly glad we have it um but yeah I mean like listen if the ball goes off the cat's pinky um the ball went off the guy's pinky I mean yeah no it's kind of it's not it's not even it's not subjective um you know and and obviously everybody does this dance where they want to make their team you know do the mental gymnastics to make their team as deserving as possible you know when it comes to calls um and and teams they don't like they want to twist it the other way, I telling you they missed the double dribble i mean that that's clear um but i had people like well i guess then you know tough luck for the saints then i'm like dude everybody watching in every continent knew that was pi right when it happened right when it happened and i didn't see anybody i was in I was in a bar I didn't see anybody say a word about a double dribble um you know in real time so I think what happened is is they missed one call um and I think people you know then they were looking for whatever they could to kind of you know take apart the title run that just occurred yeah I listen I listen, I was, like, UVA was the clear champion to me.
They had an unbelievable season. The story is awesome.
So I wanted to ask you that. Are UMBC jokes, do they still play? Do they hurt at all? Or is this all, because I'm of the mindset that this is all one story, and it starts with the UMBC loss and ends last night, and it basically erases that because you can't, I don't think they win the championship without the 16 seed upset.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not sure they do. I've joked that, you know, the toughest opponent in the tournament was that first half of Garner Webb.
Yes. I mean, that was nerve-wracking, man.
I mean, I think they went down 12 or 14 points in the first half, and I'm pacing around my kitchen, hyperventilating, and my wife's asked me if I'm okay. I'm a total mental basket case when it comes to being a sports fan.
You are a liberal, yeah. But, I mean, they get through that first half, and I thought once they got over that hump, and I'm sure Tony was walking a fine line.
I don't want to put words in his mouth, but if you're a coach, what do you do? Do you downplay it going into that matchup? Do you say, just another game, or we've got to lean into this thing, and we've got to go out there and press and dominate? You know, and I'm not sure which one they did, but it was a tough start, and they got over the hump. And I thought, you know, the Oregon game, there were some lulls, and they got over it.
And Purdue, they played lights out. Auburn, they played real well.
I mean, it was really uncharacteristic of them to allow a double-digit lead to disappear in the last five minutes. And then, you know, last night, everybody was bracing themselves for the most, you know, ugly game of basketball they've ever seen.
And I thought it was beautiful. I thought it was a great game.
Yeah, UVA came – yeah threes. Great defense on both sides of the court.
You got two probable lottery picks. And Dre Hunter stepped up big time.
Kyle Guy again, a star. And Ty Jerome was crucial for us.
I thought it was a great game. Did you have any words with Patrick Mahomes either before, during, or after the game last night? Good question.
I did not. I did not.
I had words with Danny Amendola. Danny made a tattoo bet.
I just want to put that out there. He's supposed to get a Virginia tattoo, I think.
Whoa. I like it.

Okay.

The Family V tattoo on his chest.

He's always seemed to me like a big chest tattoo guy.

That's not fair, though.

You have a million tattoos.

That was the point.

Yeah.

No, but I said, Danny, let's bet.

And he's like, I don't know about doing anything financial, but I think we could do a tattoo bet. And I'm like, what? Are you serious? Like, you're going to get, you know, cross sabers on your tattoo-less body, and everybody's going to know what it is.
I can hide a little six-shooter somewhere. I can hide a cowboy hat somewhere.
I'm not going to like it, but I can do it i already got a tattoo of my um linebacker coach's face on my rib cage and i never i never released that picture oh we need it yeah exclusive maybe i'll do it through y'all um but but yeah i've done the the tattoo bet thing before for danny this this is a uncharted territory i think i think he really just wanted to get a tattoo. Danny has always struck me as a guy.
He's like Kevin Federline with just clean skin. Yes.
Without the ink on it yet. So, like, he was like...
Yeah. I think he was, like, trying to, like, talk himself into an excuse to get that first tattoo.
Yes. Well, you know, that's a great intro is the cross sabers just floating somewhere in your body.
Yeah. Did you offer to give the team a pregame speech like Kirk Cousins did? Ooh.
Did he do that? Yeah. That's why Michigan State sucked.
Well, listen, I love being a fan. And, you know, I don't even, when I see a lot of those guys out, I don't even bug them.
And I've met Tony like one time. And can we talk about how awesome Tony Bennett is? And now, to me, he can't go anywhere.
Oh, actually, that's actually a good segue. How much of this title do you think Wisconsin should deserve? Wisconsin? Well, Dick Bennett, you know.
Indirectly a little bit. I mean, you guys, you know, kind of revolutionized our style of play, right? Yeah.
So, like, the game itself, you're in Minneapolis. You've won a Super Bowl in that building.
Like, what were the emotions like? emotions like are you still I always wonder like you you've been the highest in sports can you still be a regular fan was it still overwhelming as a fan it's it's it's it's totally different as a fan like it's it's almost more nerve-wracking and um you just feel so hopeless and like I said like as a player I'd like to think I'm pretty mentally tough and as a fan I am just man I uh I'm a basket case and you know everything like we'll go down three points and I'll start thinking about like well I'm not going out tonight yep you know like like you know you just have those thoughts and you're like, are you fucking kidding me, dude?

Like, what if you were out there with a jersey on?

Like, you would, and you had that mentality, you would crumble.

And, you know, that just goes to show you, I mean, being a fan is way different than being a player.

The negative energy and thoughts that I bring to watching a game on TV or at a stadium, it can be a lot.

It's harder to be a fan, is what you're saying.

It's way harder.

Thank you. Way harder.

Thank you. watching a game on TV or at a stadium.
It can be a lot.

It's harder to be a fan is what you're saying.

It's way harder.

Thank you.

Way harder.

Thank you.

Appreciate that.

I have one more question.

It's a SeatGeek question.

Promo code TAKE.

You get $10 off your SeatGeek purchase.

You have won two Super Bowls.

You've won a national title in college basketball.

You've reached the highest of highs. Do you think now is the time that you want to announce your retirement from the NFL? I'm not going to do that on 30 minutes sleep, dude.
So you're thinking about it. You know what? We've all been there when we're so hungover that we just want to quit whatever we're doing at the time.
That's where you're at. it chris you were the first guest on this show ever you've been on the on the show like 10 times do you not realize that every time we're going to try to get you to retire on the show no i understand i mean i'm figuring this thing out um little by little but uh but right now man i'm just not in a great place i mean like we won the national championship last night but this is what being your is what being in your 30s is, like, the gremlins are, like, strong right now.
It's, like, 6 p.m., the sun's going down or whatever the hell it is. And I had to, like, buy five pounds of Chick-fil-A, you know, and just hammer it and hope for the best.
It's problematic. Is there baseball on tonight? Yeah, there's some baseball.
There's some NBA. Yeah, you can get into it.
Also, you've got those pending investigations from Goodell based on your gambling and doing your office bracket and gambling against a fellow NFL player. So you've got those two specters looming.
Did I say dollars? Did I say dollars? Well, a tattoo. I didn't mean dollars.
You didn't say dollars. You said dollars.
Also, you took a picture. Dollars is like a code word.
You took a picture.

For love.

Yeah.

50 loves.

50 lashes.

You took a picture at a sports book and posted on Twitter.

Goodell's probably going to be checking you out for that one, too.

So you might as well just get out.

He should also, and all the Duke fans should check out my winning ticket.

Who?

The Michigan State game.

So it was like a perfect tournament. I mean michigan state won me like a large amount of money um duke goes down we win the title i mean you couldn't have scripted it any better i did hey i told you this this is pretty cool and this is not a name drop because name drops are like casual and they're like yeah i was hanging out with someone so i got to to take a shot with Charles Barkley and I thought that was fucking awesome.
Fuck yes. That is nice.
Dude, coolest guy ever. Yeah.
I don't think we're boys necessarily, but like we talked a while and it was cool. And he was real classy about the Auburn thing.
I showed him the travel 19 seconds left in the game. He didn't agree.
You're not mad. You're just walking around to random people at bars and showing them highlights.
Well, he got on me about the double dribble. That's awesome, though.
But it was cool. And even cooler, Stanford Steve was there.
The best. Stanford Steve is the best.
It was a great night. Win a title, take a shot with Chuck, and make it home the next day and get some Chick-fil-A to close out the weekend.
And I could have been there, but you refused to get a suite, so whatever. Yeah.
Yeah. How did that thing ever work out with McVay? Did he ever get you a suite? We didn't really want one.
Yeah, we didn't want one. We were just blowing smoke.
We were just joshing. We were seeing if he would actually go through with it, and then if he did, we were kidding.

You idiots.

Yeah.

Put money.

But he... Oh.

Sorry, Roger Goodell is beeping through.

You can take it.

You want a conference?

No, I'm good.

Okay.

Wahoo wah.

Is that what you say?

Wahoo wah.

Who, who, who, who cares?

That's what I say. You can't say it now.
Well, I just did. It's my show.
Stephen A. Smith was big mad this morning.
Oh, he's been big mad. He's been big mad.
Oh. All right.
Thanks, bro. Appreciate it.
All right, guys. Yeah, talk to you.
Have a good one. Congrats again.
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GetRoman.com slash take. And now, Blake Bortles.
Okay, we now welcome on our very, very good friend. It's been a while.
So long that he's now on a different team. It is Blake Bortles, now quarterback for your Los Angeles Rams.
So we thought it would be a good idea to have a Wikipedia club. Before we do that, though, Blake, let's catch up real quick.
The Rams, huh? Yeah. What's going on? Thanks for having me on again.
Yeah, excited about it, man. Kind of going coast to coast.
Got to be by some water. So I'm looking forward to the good spot, though.
McVay's a man. Know Jared really well.
Obviously an unbelievable team in a pretty pretty sweet city so i'm excited about it did you take any other meetings with other teams or was it just the rams no the rams was uh well we kind of had a schedule and the rams was the first one um and uh after kind of spending the day there knew that was where i wanted to be so kind of just shut it down and got it done who was uh who next on your list? If you weren't going to go to the Rams, who was the backup? I had a meeting with Denver and then Baltimore were the next two. Would have been closer to us.
Did any team reach out and say, hey Blake, you want to be a tight end? No, I was actually the only one. I was hinting at trying to just to just give myself more options, and nobody really was fighting.
Yeah. You're just throwing out some Instagrams.
You're catching some balls, being like, hey, you never know. Yeah, I threw a couple highlight videos out there with running some stick routes and then even did some long snapping and some holding just to add some versatility.
What happened with the Welcome to L.A. video that you put out there? So I go to the hotel.
We were supposed to go to dinner that night. They wanted me to go to dinner with, I guess, McVay and a couple other coaches and do all that.
I kind of just told them, like, look, we don't really need to do that anymore. Like, I'm good.
You guys got me. You don't need to sell me anymore.
So they said, all right, well, we'll drive you back drive you back to i was staying down in orange county this so we'll get your car back down to orange county for you you know come to the facility and then you'll head out from there so i changed i actually had a nice like a nice polo and jeans on i didn't i wouldn't even wear a hat i was presentable and uh and then they told me i was going home so i put on sweat pants and uh and that shirt and then. And they said, wait in this room, and walked in, and there was just a bunch of cameras sitting there.
And they just said, like, go freestyle something for us? Yeah. Yeah, you know, they said throw something together, and, you know, that video was what I came up with.
Yeah, it was a hostage video where Blake was like, hey, Rams fans, get excited. I'm going to be a Ram.
Yeah, I brought a lot of tips for that one. I just want to make sure that there was no misunderstanding that you didn't actually stand up Sean McVay for your first dinner as a part of the team, right? No, no.
It was more so like you don't need to waste any more time with me. Like go enjoy your life and go to dinner with somebody else that you probably want to go to dinner with.
That's actually great employee you already were making sure that they were cutting some costs like hey we don't have to go swipe the the business card at this nice steakhouse let's let's just uh sign sign on the dotted line and go our ways yeah exactly so and i mean really i kind of go to in and out too yeah there you go stan cranky didn't get all that money by taking everybody out to dinner all the time. Yes.
So he'll definitely be a fan of yours. My last question about the signing is, now I'm not mad.
I just want to say, first of all, I'm not mad that part of my take didn't break the news that you signed with the Rams. Not mad about it.
Again, Blake of the Year is coming up soon. No big deal.
Is Leroy mad? Not holding that against you. We're not mad.
Blake of the Year is coming up, though. I just want to know if we need to go bro-to-bro with Jeff Darlington, if there's some words that we need to have.
Oh, was that who broke it? Yeah. Do we need to go bro-to-bro with him, Blake? Yeah, I think we might need to.
Wow. Did you text? Now, how'd that work? Did you text Jeff Darlington? Did you forget that you have my phone number? What was the process there? No.
He texted me later in the process, kind of I think after it was already done. He had talked to my agent, and then he kind of just asked.
I said, yeah, it's done. I signed.
So, again, I apologize to you guys for not giving you that info, and it won't happen again. Okay, my last question before we get to the Wikipedia.
It has been a recent story has come out in the last couple weeks that LeBron James has very, very bad breath. Channing Frye came out and said that it's the number one thing he thinks of with LeBron is bad breath.
As someone who has been accused of having bad breath yourself, where does LeBron go from here? Well, I can't believe Leonard did that to me. Yeah.
Because it's always, like, that's been a huge pet peeve of mine, like, my whole life. Like, I've always, like, tried to make sure I have good breath because it really bothers me when people don't.
But as being accused of it, I mean, really, it was just an Amazon Prime quick order of, you know, some of the breath mints and Lesterine. Yeah, yeah, that's actually, that's a good way to get rid of it right away.
Make sure you always got one around. All right, let's do the Wikipedia.
So we picked two Wikipedias that I think are perfect for your move. So the first one we have is a list of people from Florida because you are, for the first time in your life, going to be moving out of the state of Florida.
And we want to make sure that you remember where you're coming from, who the company you keep as a Floridian, ex-Floridian, that is now going out in the world and trying to make it big for the state of Florida. Let's start there, though.
Are you nervous about living somewhere other than Florida? um yeah well i mean especially in california with the whole the whole difference in taxes thing um so that'll be a little different but uh i mean i'm looking forward to i've spent some time in orange county in the off season um so this is obviously a little north of that but i think it'll be all right got some friends out there so uh hopefully that'll help make the movie okay all right so let's start list of uh people from florida pft i'll let you start with some notables that you want to throw out there that you saw you're like oh this is interesting uh eva mendez jumped off the list to me whoa big fan of eva you know ever acting um so eva was a big one bob ross the painter really don't know that bob r Ross is from the state of Florida. Blake, I was curious, actually, what the most famous celebrity encounter you've had inside of Florida has been, though.
Probably Kelly Slater. Kelly Slater was a big one for me.
I was a big fan of his, so to meet him was kind of cool. And he's from Coco, so not far away from where I grew up.
Yeah, professional surfer, Kelly Slater. Oh yeah, he is.
He's from Coco Beach. That's actually pretty cool.
Right underneath him is Emmitt Smith. And then Geno Smith.
Then Kevin Smith, Mike Smith. A lot of Smiths.
Rusty Smith. I noted a couple things.
One was Janet Reno has passed tough. I didn't know that.
Yeah, I didn't either.

RIP.

So I saw that.

She's from Florida or was from Florida.

How do you do that when someone dies?

She's a former Floridian.

She's like Blake, former Floridian.

So she was the first woman to serve as Attorney General.

Well, if she's buried in Florida, then I think she still is a Floridian.

Final resting place in Florida.

I also noticed Johnny Depp. I didn't realize Johnny Depp was from Florida.
Did you know that, Blake? No. I had no idea.
Well, some of these, it's kind of bullshit because some of them, it just says they've lived in Florida. Well, they become Floridians.
Yeah. But I think it should be just, I think it's born.
Well, some people are born and then they move and then some people move and then they, they like, who was there was a notable one.'s just once you spend let's say over five years in florida it gets in your blood once you do meth in florida you're a floridian yeah yeah if you breathe in the bath what did you say i think you said once you breathe in the bath salts yeah that actually sorry i'm looking at this list yeah it's just that you absorb bath salts and eventually you just become floridian after like six months yeah. Yeah, enough Harley fumes and drugs that you can buy at a gas station counter and you're part of the team.
Are you on speakerphone looking at it on your phone? Yeah, yeah, this is how I do Wikipedia Club. I mean, we should actually, at some point in the next couple years, we should have a live camera on Blake, how he does the Wikipedia Club.
Because we all Wikipedia differently. I also wrote down Jason Derulo.
That's the name that you just know, because Jason Derulo, he just says it in every song, which is genius. People don't give him enough credit for just saying his name over and over so you remember him.
How does he say it? Jason Derulo! That's pretty good. Ooh, whatcha say? Carrot Top.
Also from Coco. Whoa.
So, Blake, is Coco Beach different from Coco? Yeah, two totally different places. Oh, okay.
Don't want to mix that up. Coco's high school football team is way better than Coco Beach's.
Okay, that's good to know. Good to know.
I also noticed that the science and technology section of the famous Floridians was very small.

Not a whole lot of science going on.

Yeah, not a lot of science.

Not a big tech state.

Not a huge tech state.

That's actually a very, very important thing we should throw out there.

Isn't that where the spaceships go off from?

Good point, Hank.

Yeah, Hank.

Yeah, the Apollo, well, no, Apollo was Houston, right?

Because Houston, we have a problem.

Houston's the control center.

The launches are from Florida. They're a launch from Cape Canaveral.
Yes. I have a fun fact about that.
Do you know why? Go. Because it's the southernmost point in the United States, and you use less rocket fuel to get out of the atmosphere because of the rate that the Earth spins at closer to the equator.
Wouldn't Key West be the southernmost? Yeah, but they don't want to build a big NASA thing. Once you put NASA inside Key West, they just all become drunks and nudists.
Isn't it also one of those things, too? Hawaii is actually... Wouldn't Hawaii be the most southernmost? I don't know how that works.
You know how they always... Like, Hawaii is actually way farther south than we think.
Yeah. Maybe? I don't know.
I'm not exactly sure about that. We're getting too far into the weeds here.
We're not doing a Hawaii Wikipedia club. Tom Petty.
Tom Petty. Gainesville.
Yes, Gainesville. Big time Gainesville guy.
R.I.P. Yeah.
A lot of good music people, too. You had Steve Aoki, Iggy Azalea.
I think... She's from Australia, isn't she? Yeah, but she lives in Miami, so that counts.
See, that's... No, that counts.
That counts. No, because...
Australia is the Florida of the British Empire. Correct.
Correct. Correct.
Oh, Fred Durst. Fred Durst.
That's a big one. Who could forget? Yeah.
Ariana Grande. She actually was a huge Carolina Panthers fan.
You remember that article that someone dug up that she got hit by a puck like three times in one year? Yep. I just noticed that a lot of these people on this list are dead.
Very high concentration of dead people that are from Florida. So maybe it's for the best that you're getting out.
Brooke Hogan. Classic.
Hogan Knows Best. Was that the name of the show? So that would imply Hulk Hogan as well, maybe? I think Hogan Knows Best, yeah.
Well, every wrestler is actually from the Tampa area. Yep.
That actually is how it works. He was born in Tampa.
Yeah, absolutely. Exactly.
Any other ones that we should note as we basically take, we're going to figuratively move from Florida to California with our next Wikipedia. Any other last words for Florida or memories, Blake? No.
I was just trying to figure, do you think they took me off because I'm no longer a resident of Florida? I'm not in California, so I didn't make the list? I don't know. I couldn't find him.
You're not on here? No, he's not on there. We can go back and check the history.
Yeah, that is stupid. It's very stupid.
That's how quickly they turn their back on you in Florida, right? It's so quick, dude. It's on there.
I mean, there's a guy named Booth Bonser on here. Oh, Booth Bonser is a fucking great pitcher, dude.
From St. Pete.
Booth Bonser. Dude, click on Booth Bonser and tell me you don't love Boof Bonser.

He's like 300 pounds.

Yeah.

It's like David Wells.

He's the greatest name ever for a reliever to be Boof Bonser and be a fat ass.

Come on.

That's awesome.

Boof Bonser.

Oh, also A-Rod.

A-Rod, yes, that is true.

All right, let's move on. So you are moving to L.A.
When are you moving, officially? I'm headed out there Friday, and then got to try and find a place this weekend, and then we report Monday. What are we thinking, Manhattan Beach? Yeah, I think my options are like, because their facility is in Thousand Oaks, so it'll be like Thousand Oaks Calabasas, Hidden Hills.
That's a lot of trees, Thousand Oaks. Yeah, actually.
A lot of wood. Jared Goff, your teammate now, our friend saved the forest fire.
He stopped the forest fire. Remember that story? When he got out and just started pouring water on a bunch of burning trees? It was like a leaf that was on fire.
Yeah, but still. That was a big part of why I decided to sign with him, just to be around somebody with that much of heroism.
Yes, so because you're moving to LA, we thought it would be appropriate for the Wikipedia of the San Andreas fault, the big one. Are you ready for the big one? Let's start there.
I think as ready as ready as i'll ever be actually that was the first question i asked there was a guy that took me up from the hotel in the morning to take me over to facility and one of the first uh things i brought up was the old earthquakes and how often those come and if you can actually feel them and uh he let me know that uh it's just small shakes you know nothing to be too concerned about until the big one hits okay so, so have you, like, practiced what to do in an earthquake? Like, do you know you're supposed to, I think, stand in doorways? Is that right? Yeah, I think so. And stay away from windows.
Or that's a tornado. What do you think? Yeah, I was just going to do, like, in elementary school, we, obviously, being from Florida, all we did all elementary school was just practice for hurricanes.
So you have to always get under the desk.

So I figured I would just do that same thing.

It does say get under the desk. Would you think

about maybe putting a desk in every single room

in your new house? Yeah. I mean, that would

definitely be something I look into and try and make sure

I'm earthquake

proof if anything goes wrong. Just put on

your uniform with your pads and everything.

Put a helmet on. Nothing could happen.

Non-football

related meetings,

How many hours of your life do you think you've sat at a desk outside of football yeah just what are the school count yeah maybe uh let's say post school so after you graduated college oh man um well i mean i have an office in my house and there's a computer up there but i don't think it's plugged in uh i don't spend a whole lot of time sitting at that was that was that the room i stayed in yeah yeah that was your room yeah yeah so blake yeah i confirmed the computer was unplugged you had like two trophies on a case in there um but those weren't like your most important troph, so I could tell that you didn't spend a lot of time in that room. Right, no.
It was just third grade spelling bee and then ninth grade select football. When you're buying a place in L.A., how much of, hey, the part of my take guys might come and want to stay over gets like, you know, do you tell that to your realtor or do you just say like, i got some really good friends who may be staying a lot like what do you how does that conversation go yeah i mean it's definitely part of it like i need at least two extra beds and then a cop you know for hank you know so we need at least three we need three extra places for three people to sleep that could show up at any moment yeah yeah.
Yeah. That's perfect.
All right. So the San Andreas Fault.
I just pulled up the Wikipedia page. And let's just say you're fucked, dude.
Yeah. This definitely doesn't look good.
No. It does not.
It says the next big one. In 2006, there was a published article that there would be an earthquake of 7.0 or higher coming in the next 30 years, and that is yet to occur.
And I guess the North Fault line hasn't had anything in a long time, so that's the one we've got to be worried about. Where is that at? Is that in L.A.? Does it run through L.A.? Yes, pretty much.
I'm pretty sure it's it's directly through LA. So there's a 7% chance that there's an 8.0 or greater coming in the next 30 years in LA.
Yikes. Maybe you can get them to move back to St.
Louis. Yeah, 8.0 is very, very bad.
Yeah, 8.0, like anything above a 7.0 is really bad.

8.0, the other fun fact that I learned about earthquakes is that the grades of them, they expand exponentially.

Oh, yeah. So like a 6 to a 7, the difference between those two is not nearly as much as the difference between a 7 and an 8.

So, yeah, you want to – I'm looking at the map right now. Yeah, LA is like right on that Pacific plate right there.
Not good. Not great.
You want to think – again, spend a lot of time outdoors. Yeah, maybe you want to rethink this whole thing? Yeah, I mean, I think I'm kind of – I think I'm committed a year at least, and then maybe reconsider after that.
Would it be an all-time headline of Blake Bortles moving on, scared of the big one? Scared of Earthquakes. Scared of the big one.
Have you watched the movie San Andreas? With The Rock? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I've seen that.
Yeah. Amazing film.
So that's like watching an entire Wikipedia page in only like two and a half hours. So you basically know all the information already going into this.
You go study it. Yeah, you should study that movie again.
Yeah, instead of reading the book, you just watch the movie. Yeah, so to figure out how to escape the earthquake, I guess, what did The Rock do in that? He just flew away in a helicopter?

He flew away in a helicopter. He got a boat.
I think he was flying into the storm. Okay.
Pretty much everything you can do. So we need to get you a helicopter and lessons.
I hope he's got one. We know that you have a boat.
A thousand boats, yeah. You are a boat.
Yes. So I'd say you're halfway there.
Well, pretty much. Are you nervous at all about Jared being a California resident his whole entire life and knowing, like, the lingo and all the cool shit and, like, having Cali bro friends? Yeah.
I mean, it would be like him coming to Florida, you know? Like, I'm an outsider stepping into his world. And don't know the lingo.

Obviously don't know what to do if an earthquake hits.

Don't know any good restaurants, you know, things like that.

Yeah.

Oh, here's an idea.

Sean McVay, didn't he just recently get his house robbed?

I think that was Gronk.

And that was two years ago.

No, that was Sean McVay.

Was it not?

Yeah, I saw something about the USA.

Yeah, he got his house robbed. You just uh offer to be his dog his guard dog yeah i just i mean when i told him whatever you need me to do man i i'll sit i'll sit in the driveway all night long and uh i can take you work in the morning yeah you should give him a tip you should be like hey sean from experience lock your door yeah i've been down this path um you actually should should go hunt that person down like Liam Neeson.
You should be his taken guy and find who burglarizes home and just beat the crap out of him and give him stuff back. Boom.
Now you're starting quarterback. I mean, that's what it takes.
I think we definitely look into it. Anything else that we got to talk about with this big move coming up? I'm a little nervous for you.
I'm not going to lie. This is a big life change.
You're going off to California. We're empty nesters now.
Right. It's going to be scary for us, scary for you.
You're going to be three hours behind at all times. That's the worst part about it.
There's nothing on TV at 8 o'clock at night. Yep.
No sports on.

Twitter is just a dead zone at like 11.

Yeah.

Well, you're not on Twitter anymore.

No.

I think I'm going to revamp social media, though,

see if I get back on there.

Really?

Actually, yeah, that's not a bad idea.

I'll bring it back.

Yeah, because I feel like when you're,

now, is it bad to say when you're a backup? How are we at with that? No, yeah, no, I'm okay with the B word. Okay, the B word.
All right, so we'll just say the B word. When you're a B word, I think you kind of open yourself up to being – you can be the funny B word on Twitter.
Right. And, yeah, it's tough to be like the funny starter on Twitter, especially when you're winning like four or five games a year five games a year.
It doesn't go well. You don't want to be too funny, though, because you don't want to reach distraction status.
I feel like Sean McVay is pretty good about that, though, about letting his players be players, be their own individuals. Absolutely.
But that's just a heads up. Don't be too funny.
Don't outshine Jared because Jared's pretty good on Twitter too.

So just be like slightly less funny than Jared at all times.

Yeah.

I told him like all the cool stuff that he gets to do like when he goes undercover and does like all these sweet things.

Like just give me – like let me be like some sort of a role in it.

Like I'll be the ball boy.

Like let me be the center when you go undercover to a Juco.

Like let me just go play center.

That would be so good.

Be a stunt double. That would be so good.
What should we do we we're gonna make a split jersey should it be boff or should it be gordles oh i like gordles gordles has a nice ring to it right that has a nice ring to it we're good yeah be jared gordles no right jake jake jake jordles Jake Gordles. No, wait.
Jake Gordles.

Jake Gordles.

Jake Gordles is our number one quarterback.

I like that.

That's perfect.

Okay.

Perfect.

Being a B word, you can now just keep your hat on all the time.

I know.

I didn't know if you were ever going to bring that up.

That's the winner of this whole thing.

I mean, outside of the National Anthem boys, we're in the clear here. Yeah.
All right, I think that's it. We'll see you in a month, in a month and a half, we have Blake of the Year coming up, which I can already tell Blake is very, very nervous about Blake of the Year.
Which one? Blake Bortles. Well, actually both.

But when I texted this Blake,

he responded faster than I've ever had him respond to a text.

And he said, just getting ready for Blake of the Year.

I've actually just been wearing my AirPods 24-7,

so I can never miss a call.

Sleeping with your AirPods.

I sleep with my AirPods and just ready to go without a duck clack as my ringtone. So at any time I can.
Oh, man. All right, Blake.
Thank you, man. Appreciate it.
We'll see you in a couple weeks. Good luck with the move.
Yeah. Oh, I did have one last question for you, Blake.
Have you ever watched the show Entourage or the movie? Yes, both. Okay, dumb question.
Follow-up. Who's the turtle? Who's the E, and who's Baby Bro in this group, in the part of my take group? Oh, who, you? Y'all three? Yeah.
Blake is Vince? Yeah, Blake is Vince. We'll start off.
Who's Baby Bro? I think Baby Bro's got to be Hank. PFT is...
Don't say turtle don't say turtle pft is e oh i'm turtle what the fuck nice that's fuck i'm making moves i do love driving all the time i do love driving my name is also i do love driving i love driving you're right okay um yeah well he was banging Sloan. Okay.
Turtles the coolest. Can't wait to meet Sloan.
Yeah, and then he cried about it. Yeah, so what? Yeah.
All right, we'll see you in a couple weeks, man. Good luck with the move.
Make sure you get that extra room for us, please. No, I definitely will.
I appreciate it, guys. Peace, though.
All right. See ya.
Love you, Blake. All right.
Bye, Blake. Love you.
Love you. Oh, there we go.
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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on Amazon.com. Okay, let's get to some segments.
First up, we have a King Stay King, Skip Bayless, during the national championship game last night or after it. He said, the Cavaliers won a championship without the benefit of a Draymond Green suspension.
I fucking love it. I love it.
I love it. Keep fucking that chicken.
And on Friday night during the Virginia game, or Saturday night during the Virginia game, when Kyle Giles was going to the free throw line, he said this is LeBron's worst nightmare. Yes, that's right.
That's right. And it was.
I love it. He straight up has LeBron James' name tattooed on the inside of his eyelid.
So whenever he loses focus, he stops thinking about how everything should be related to LeBron James, he's like, oh yeah, I've got to snap back to it and get after it. Ernestine wears a shirt around the house that just says, make sure you tweet about LeBron James.
Yeah, she's got a tramp stamp tattoo of just LeBron's face. Have you tweeted about LeBron James in the last 20 minutes? If not, do it.
Also, Kings say Kings for Stephen A. Smith because Ty Jerome said after the game, I just feel so bad for ESPN's Stephen A.
Smith. He said he hated watching us and he had to watch us every single round of the tournament.
I feel so bad for him. It must have been so hard for him.
That is a win for Stephen A. Smith.
Anytime a championship team talks about an analyst, a troll analyst, they won. Mission accomplished matter who it is no matter what it is that's giving Stephen A.
Smith attention Stephen A. is basking in it he loves it the best fucking day of his week was when that turkey vulture flew through the window and tried to kill him Stephen A.
Smith he's like you know you're doing something right when even the birds want to kill you. Yes.
By the way, we got a little inside source about the turkey vulture situation. Let's just say it doesn't really add up because those birds don't really fly.
So we heard some sourcing. Was that from InfoScores? InfoScores.
Did you say that? I did say. They don't fly at all? I did say that it couldn't be a turkey vulture because if you look at the crash site into the building, there should be feathers, there should be blood and entrails on the way in.
Yeah, and I'm agreeing with you that it is not a bird that hit that building. Look at the wreckage.
There should be pieces of the wreckage outside. Someone's trying to take out the $10 million man.
Who could it be? Who could it be? Will Kane? Max Kellerman for getting defeated in too many debates. Shannon Sharp.
Lil Wayne. Because Skip always keeps calling him Stephen A.
Yeah. Being like, I miss you, Stephen A.
He's got to eliminate it. Could have just been the bosses.
They knew that. 10 million bucks is a lot.
They want to pay him. Yeah.
Yeah. Interesting.
That was right before that news got broke, right? Yeah.

Yeah, it was.

Maybe it was his producer.

There's been a lot of that about producers trying to murder their talent on debate shows recently, either by getting them sick or by throwing something through the window and

trying to kill them.

So just be a little bit woke on that too, Hank.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Agreed.

Interesting.

All right.

Next up, we have a Trouble in Paradise.

It's still going on.

Well, there's a lot of people who are going to be here. too, Hank.
Interesting. Interesting.
Agreed. Interesting.

Alright, next up we have a Trouble

in Paradise. It's still going on.

Well, there's two things that are still going on. Trouble in Paradise

and a Petty Wars. You could actually put

either or on these stories,

but Trouble in Paradise, Green Bay,

Aaron Rodgers has responded

to the Bleacher Report article, basically calling

him out for being a terrible teammate.

And he said it was a smear attack.

He said it's mostly irrelevant, bitter

players. He called out

Thank you. to the Bleacher Report article, basically calling him out for being a terrible teammate.
And he said it was a smear attack. He said it's mostly irrelevant, bitter players.
He called out Jermichael Finley and Greg Jennings because he said, if it's not an article about me, do you ever hear their names anywhere else? You talk about me being sensitive and petty. At what point do you move on or stop telling the same stories? Now, I do actually agree with Aaron Rodgers that those two guys, Jermichael Finley is always the one who talks about it.
Well, there's also just a long line of tight ends that have come through Green Bay that are just pissed off that they were never used correctly. Greg Jennings is on FS1, I think, so he at least has made a career for himself other than just this.
But this is still one of those stories where I think Aaron Rodgers,

I actually sort of believe Aaron Rodgers,

which is amazing that I'm going to go this far to defend him a little bit,

that he isn't a

maliciously bad teammate.

I think he is

very passive-aggressive

and will cut

someone off probably pretty quickly.

But it seems like normal behavior because that's just

how he always is operating.

He is passive-aggressive. Other quarterbacks like Brady are just aggressive-aggressive.
So they'll at least let you know when they're about to be a dick to you. Aaron Rodgers, this whole thing just screams to me, like, an argument that should be happening between two of your high school friends on Facebook.
Right. Right.
And Mike McCarthy and Aaron Rodgers, I guarantee you their relationship. They both came out and were like, oh no, we have a great relationship.
He's a great man and blah, blah, blah. There's no way they got along.
That's the truth. I don't think that Aaron Rodgers is as bad as the article might have made him out to be.
But if even 50% of it's right, clearly he's tough to deal with on a day-to-day basis. My favorite part of this article was about 30 minutes after the new part.
I guess Aaron Rodgers quotes about Finley and all that came out. About 30 minutes afterwards, someone leaked to the press, no idea who, that Rodgers actually played all last year on a small tibial fracture.
Oh, yeah. Love that.
On his knees as well as a torn MCL. Yeah, that was bullshit.
He hands up the injuries so much. I remember that time when he was stretching the tunnel nonstop.
Hank, why'd you give me that little look? That was a very rational take from you. It was.
I mean, I think Aaron Rodgers is a very difficult person to be a teammate with, but I don't think he's as bad. Our family member with, yeah.
Because here's the thing. He's been bashed before.
This is the first time he's come out and been like, yo, this is uncalled for. And anyone who defends themselves, I don't know.
I feel like if you go out and defend yourself and try to tell your side, I'm at least going to listen. You know what would be great? What's his brother's name? He called himself an alpha male.
I mean, calling yourself an alpha male and then calling your team irrelevant. No, he's a hard person to deal with.
I guarantee you. is.
Alpha is fucked to call yourself an alpha male. He's a hard person to deal with.
I'm just saying it probably was overstated a little bit and Mike McCarthy also had a piece. The whole thing is dysfunctional and everyone gets blamed.
It's one of those things where everyone should probably look in the mirror and be like, oh yeah, I probably was a really bad teammate or I I wasn't great with a young guy, or I wasn't great with my coaches. And Aaron Rodgers does have that feel like if he thinks he's smarter than you, he'll just shut you out.
The funniest move of all time is anytime a relationship or a friendship doesn't work out, and then you say out loud, you know, it's just a couple alpha males butting heads with each other. It's like 99% of the time, that's not it at all not even close it's just like Mike McCarthy was getting massages yeah and Aaron Rodgers hated some of his teammates they're both kind of dicks two alphas just being office you know right couldn't see eye to eye after all that success it's it will be interesting because I do I mean Aaron Rodgers there's no way he's easy to deal with it just he has such great talent one-time Super Bowl winner Aaron Rodgers like That it washes away everything else.
If he had middling talent, he would have been cast off a long time ago as a huge dickhead. And do you remember the interview that he gave with Michelle Tafoya after that week one? Wait, remember when they played the Bears? Remember that game? Yeah, I remember who won the NFC North.
Okay, so after that game, that's when he adopted that Southern accent when he was in so much pain on painkillers and stuff. Go back and watch that video it's so hilarious.
My knee hurt, my knee's aching like all the dickens. It was funny that they came out with that being like, oh actually he was hurt all year long.
The only thing I'll say again in Aaron Rodgers defense I think Jermichael Finley's kind of a dick. That's really what it is.
I think everything else is probably true, but I think anything Jermichael Finley says, because it is true that he is the one who continuously talks about it. It's like, dude, you haven't been in the league in forever.
Now what if Martellus Bennett confirmed? Martellus Bennett's got his own things. Yeah, a lot of his own things.
Yeah, he's his own guy. The bottom line is both Aaron Rodgers and Antonio Brown are a couple messy bitches who love drama.
Yes, pretty much. They're fake friends.
Yeah, so Antonio Brown's the other part of this petty war slash trouble in paradise. Antonio Brown will not stop talking about the Steelers and then say that they keep talking about him.
He got in a fight with Juju Smith-Schuster again. For all I know, no one from the Steelers has said anything.
Even Le'Veon Bell is taking subtle shots at Antonio Brown now. So, like we said on Monday's show, I think this is going to be the Steelers are going to get an addition by subtraction because Antonio Brown has become...
It's come out that he's basically insane. Yeah, he is insane.
I think we called that on the show. He's actually nuts.
I think, yeah, I could see an addition by subtraction, but the problem is he is so fucking good when he's actually playing that it's tough to be. It's kind of like Aaron Rodgers.
He's so good that you can be a dick when you're good. You have to be a pretty huge asshole to make it addition by subtraction when you're that very, very good.
But he might be.

I mean, he's going nuts. I saw a

screenshot of a text between James Conner

and Le'Veon Bell.

So yeah, James Conner

was even the one that was kind of taking shots

at him. And then Le'Veon Bell tweeted

it. Yeah, then he tweeted it out, so it's like both

of them doing it at the same time.

All I can say is go listen to

Antonio Brown's podcast. It explains a lot.
Raiders should trade him. They actually should trade him.
Because it's going to blow up. It's already happening.
Like, just trade him before. He's got the highest amount of...
You can get the most for him right now. Imagine if the Raiders traded him for like a second round pick.
To the Bills. Yeah.
And they got like a first rounder. It's like the Steelers just couldn't get anything for him.
Yeah. No, I kind of hope that does happen.
He'll be traded a couple more times in his career, I'm pretty sure. Yes.
But the very worst thing, I can't imagine, because they're going to be going for probably a rookie quarterback in the draft this year, right? Likely. Kyler Murray.
Although, yeah, John Gruen does love old-ass, tall, white quarterbacks. So is Jeff Garcia available? available? But I could absolutely see

Antonio Brown just ruining

a rookie's confidence before they

even get on the field, before week one.

Yes, absolutely.

Hank, last up. We got guys on

chicks? Sure do.

Hey, big boy. I mean, PFT.

What? Hank just added that.

No, I'm not even

joking, Liam. You're fine.
That's fine. Two things.
One, my boyfriend has been asking me to watch porn with him. Dot, dot, dot.
Why? Two, he also asked to watch me masturbate and my response is, why don't you just fuck me? And he says, it's sexy. Is this normal? Why doesn't he want to have sex, but he wants to watch other people get off? That's a good question.
It's like, why don't you go out in the backyard and tackle somebody instead of turning on NFL football all day on Sunday? Sometimes it's better to watch the pros do it. Yeah.
You learn from it, right? Take film. Do a little film study.
Yeah. Sup fam, especially Big Cat in this situation.
I know the NFL season is months away, but it's always on my mind. I didn't have a football alliance growing up, and I became a Bears fan when I met my boyfriend four years ago.
By now it feels like it's been my entire life. I lived through the lows of Jake Cutler's last seasons and then the John Fox era and through highs that were the Khalil Mack trading club dubbed this season.
Somehow it's not enough and he doesn't consider me a true fan. What will it take to prove my loyalty? Get a face tattoo.
Or just buy him tickets to a game. Yeah, or get a Bears face tattoo.
Getting a face tattoo, I say, would do it. Get him season tickets.
Get him season tickets. Mm-hmm.
Yes. Get him season tickets and maybe bid on a charity event where you get to hang out with Khalil Mack for like $50,000.
Yeah, take him to meet the Bears cheerleaders one day. Pay him the NFL salary.
Get him signed by the Bears. That works.
I ran into a dude like this in the stands. He was from Australia.
He was right behind me, and I was cheering when the USA scored a try. He's like, Mike, you don't know anything about rugby.
And I was like, excuse me? And he became – well, he was saying this to the big group of people around him he was just policing their fandom saying like uh he started like asking questions name free super rugby teams and then what i did he's like you just got some of the last one and i was like hey do you know the abl wait so is this just a scene from goodwill hunting yeah basically he was the how do you like apples and so i was like hey do you like apples and he was like yeah and was like, I own a team in the Australian National Basketball League. How do you like them apples? Then he shot a stupid face up.
Hell yes. Did any of that happen? Yeah.
Then they didn't even finish in third place like a winner. Sup, Bubba.
Sup. Sup.
One of my best guy friends wants to pretend to be a couple for his new Swingers app so we can do full swaps. Would this make our friendship weird or bring it to a new level? Wait, so his person...
Shouldn't he ask the deaf girl he's currently sleeping with? Wait, what? That's a shot. That's a plot twist.
M. Night Shyamalan.
Sounds like she's jealous of this deaf girl. Wait, so...
Because that's just not necessary. They're doing a swap? What? This guy wants to do a swingers app.
Okay. He's recruiting his friend that's a girl to pretend to be his partner.

Got it.

Even though he's dating a deaf girl.

So they can do a swinging switch.

Wait, but...

But that's not even swinging.

That's just having sex with your friend with another girl that you met on an app.

It's just having sex with another girl while also being your friend's pimp.

Yeah.

Don't do it. Don't do it.

Don't do it.

I say you should do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Just do it.

Not really a chick-specific question,

but I am a chick.

I've always wondered if PFT's vision is fucked up

because whenever I go inside to outside

or vice versa in sunglasses,

I feel like I can't see properly for hours. Just curious how it is living so mysteriously always.
Yeah, it is kind of fucked up. Also, are your sunglasses prescription? No, they're not.
Oh, yeah. They're not prescription.
Big time prescription. He doesn't like to talk about it.
They're not prescription. He has the worst sight ever.
I've got great sight, but it has, my eyesight has definitely been affected by them. That's just getting older, too.
Yeah.

It's like if I'm indoors at nighttime and I have to wear these things, I might as well just be in a black pit.

I can't see shit.

By the way, we should do – someone threw out that once a month we should do guys on guys.

Well, that's weird.

All right.

Never mind.

No, once a month.

Every 28 days we should just go check out guys because girls aren't available.

Right.

And also give advice to guys on how to be better guys. Okay.
Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay, Hank.
Hank's not into it. Damn.
Well, I mean, no. Hank's that friend who's like, yo, if we're not going out for pussy, I'm not going out.
No, Big Cat's- Sometimes it's just dude time, you know? Listen, I think Big Cat brings a good point, which is we need to expand our guy demographic.

We don't have enough guy listeners to this show.

So let's do, you know what?

Let's do once a month Wednesdays.

Guys on guys.

Just for guys.

Finally, a part of my take for dudes.

Right.

Hey, boys, especially Cranky Hanky.

That's good.

You are cranky. My boyfriend is going to be...
You've been really cranky recently. No, not at all.
You guys have been very mean to me, but that's all right. My boyfriend is going to a bachelor party in Nashville this weekend.
How do I make sure he misses me? Go. Yeah.
Just show up. Here's what you do.
Get a hotel room directly across the hallway from him. Hang out.
You'll be like Doug Christie's wife that follow the NBA team around all the time. Actually, no.
In a weird way, that would work because he'll probably break up with you and then in a month, he'll miss you. So there you go.
He'll miss you. Oh, actually, here's the best way.
Truth be told, recommend a super hot, hot chicken place to him in Nashville. And then before they go out at night, he's just going to be on the toilet the whole time.
And he'll be like, man, I really, I wish I was home and I wish she was taking care of me. She's so sweet.
She'd understand when my stomach hurts. All right.
Last one. Let's see.
Hey, big cat and PFT. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three and a half years, but we never get to have drunk sex anymore after going out because he gets too fucked up every time.
Does he not care about having drunk sex when we get home and just settles for sober morning sex? Yeah, honestly, like that is way better anyways. Yeah, drunk sex is dangerous.
The cool thing is like drunk sex when you're younger, you're like, this is awesome. I'm doing something very cool.
I'm lasting as long as I would have if I had a Roman sweat. Exactly.
When you get older, you're like, this sucks. I'm lasting as long as I would if I had a Roman swipe.
I just want to fart. Go to bed.
Yeah. And deal with this hangover.
When you get older, it's like the drinking is basically just thinking about the hangover that's coming. The second half of every night.
When we were out on Saturday night, I was like, this is going to suck. By about like 11 o'clock.
I was like, gosh, this is bad. I've gone too far.
That's our show. See everyone Friday.
We've got some big guests coming up. I'm going to be thin as shit by then.
Hall of Famers. We've got some big...
Oh. Hall of Famers.
Yes, actually. Many Hall of Famers.
And future Hall of Famers. And we have a new episode of Gold coming out on Thursday.

So if you want to buy gold, is that true?

Yeah.

Okay.

With a big announcement inside that episode.

Yes.

Okay.

Huge announcement.

Damn, everything's coming up.

Whatever.

Everything's coming up, listeners.

Everything's coming up.

PFT's going to start puking, so.

No.

I think it's, what does the diarrhea do you do?

Just diarrhea or also puke? Oh, have you guys seen the you guys seen the new, um. Let me get, you know what? This is totally off topic.
Fitspo. Have you seen the new energy drink that every Instagram model's using? No.
That's, stay woke on that one. I need to get on it ASAP.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Also, if you're a dietician out there, like an actual dietician, not Billy, give me some tips.
And I want

a diet where I can still eat wings,

drink claws. Drink beer.
No, not

beer. Claws up for the caps.

Eat wings,

drink beer, drink claws.

And

you know what? No

vegetables. So that's my requirements.

Hit me. I'm good.
Don't even

eat it. Love you guys.
You're going to be an uncle soon, dude. You can eat

whatever you want. Love you guys.

I'm talking away

I don't know what

I'm to say upstairs

anyway

Today is another day to

find you shying away

I'm coming for

your love of fruit

Take on me

Take me

I'm sorry. I'll be coming for your love of you Take on me Take me on I'll be gone And after I do Take on me Take me on I'll be gone In a day of time I need what to say I'm always saying it But I'm feeling so little way Oh, oh.
I love you Take on me. Take me on.

I'll be gone.

In a day.