NFL Week 1, Fastest 2 Minutes, Dolphins Are Terrible, Bills/Ravens Game Of The Year (Through 1 Week) And Packers Look Unstoppable + Who's Back Of The Week

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From producer Jordan Peele, the movie Hymn asks the question: Would you sell your soul for greatness?

What are you willing to sacrifice?

Activate my hymn on September 19th.

Do you want what I have?

What if I say no?

I ain't the killer, but don't push me.

Experience fear like never before.

It's time for me to show you exactly who I am.

Directed by Justin Tipping.

Only in theater, September 19th.

Read it R.

On today's part in my take, football is all the way back.

Week one,

we're going to start with Boomers.

Then we're going to recap every single game from Sunday.

Also Friday night, Chargers beat the Chiefs.

Incredible to have football all the way way back.

Some questionable games, some games that weren't pretty to watch, but it doesn't matter because we still had some good witching hour action.

We had a Sam Darnold late game fumble.

They might not have been pretty, but they all had great personalities.

Yes, great personalities.

We had the Jets, Steelers, which was the highest scoring game on Sunday afternoon, which was crazy.

And then we're going to do who's back of the week.

Probably talk some tennis maybe because we had the U.S.

Open.

I still don't know who won, but someone will tell me.

We got a great show.

It's a Monday.

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Martin might take.

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Today is Monday, September 8th, week one.

Football.

It's good to be back, Teach.

Not gonna get them.

Some spread.

We start in Brazil, where Justin Sherbert had ice cream in his veins as he and Sam Quentin Johnston broke out of Kansas City jail and finally beat the Chiefs.

Travis Kelsey gave Xavier Worthy a last kiss with his shoulder as the recently engaged tight end knocked his teammate out for at least a fortnight.

Andy Reed got the red card flipped on him at Fogo de Chow as he ran out of seconds and is now 0-in-1 lifetime in countries he can't order a cheeseburger.

The Chargers, the San Diego Super Chargers, 27, the Chiefs, 21.

What?

What?

What?

We go back to stateside to Cleveland as the Browns very racistly started Joe Flacco over Shador Sanders.

It's a nice day for a Brown wedding as two Cleveland fans said their nuptials before the game.

But there will be no wedding vowels for Andre Schmidt, who missed two kicks and doesn't have an IOU to pay them back.

Kevin Stefanski didn't get his offense offense into the sexy red zone enough and Bengals fans are no longer calling for Zach Taylor to be earthwind and fired because now they remember he got his second win in September in the first two weeks or he did yeah.

Bengals 17 the Browns 16.

In Indianapolis where the roof stayed open for our good friend Jim Ursay so he could look down and watch his favorite quarterback, Daniel Jones.

Huh?

Daniel Jones dice up the Dolphins.

Tyler Warren Zivon said,

Send your lawyers, guns, and money.

AKA the three Desert Island picks that Tyreek Hill would have as a rookie flash for the Colts.

Tua turned the ball over, was in mid-season form, making sure the Colts' defense got loved too.

And Miami had injuries to Storm Duck and Jalen Waddell, making sure this game was as foul as it gets for Mike McDaniels' squad.

The Colts 33, the Dolphins 8.

Whoop!

Whoop!

We head to Meadowlands where Memes

was on the scene.

In MetLife, Mr.

Rogers returned to the neighborhood with his new friend, Ben Scrawneck.

Scraw back, Smoke Ayahuasca, Don't Smoke Crack, as he drugged himself into the end zone.

Justin Field of Dreams built himself a good day that had Jets fans coming for more.

On defense, Will McDonald said, I'll have the Zach special.

Two sacks, three tackles, and two passes deflected.

Brandon Lance Stevens' son blew the opportunity to seal the game and set up the wizard of Boz, Chris Boswell, who turned into the Unibomber with a 60-yard nuke spoiling Aaron Glinda's debut.

Garrett Wilson was left on an island with Jalen Ramsey Bolton, who, despite giving up a touchdown, got violent and wreaked havoc with a big hit on the receiver to end the game.

Steelers 34, Jets 32.

Great job, memes.

Hold on, man.

Way to go.

In Foxborough, Hank is on the seat.

Yes, over to a wet and stormy New England.

Dre Chris Tucker asked the Pats D.

Do you know the words coming out of my mouth?

Touchdown.

Good, Hank.

After connecting with Geno Smith in the first quarter, Drake, Iceman, May, and Demario Buster Douglas connected a 1-2 scoring punch of their own to knock things up at seven.

Ashton Earl Genti tick-tocked and used blocks.

to get in the end zone in the third quarter.

And a missed field goal from Andre Aurora Borough Galalis stalled the Patriots' momentum.

Peter DeMar Carroll said bangerang Ruffio after once again defeating Mikey V.

Patriots 13.

The

Aidas 20.

Great job, Hank.

We go down to the Big Easy, New Orleans, as it's back to school time for all the youngsters out there.

And Kyler Murray showed up looking like your teacher, Miss Frizzle.

Some say Alvin Kamara Harris won't make it through November, but he's shown flashes on Sunday as he's been ordered to stay out of battleground states like Nevada.

You heard about this one, Tege?

Tege, did you hear this one?

The Cardinals and the Saints.

Hey, I've seen this movie before, but it was called Conclave.

Bad ending, boom.

I liked this ending the first time I saw it, Tege, when it was called The Crying Game.

Someone should tell Spencer Tattler Kellen Moore that they may need a different QB.

The Cardinals, 20.

The Saints don't go marching, 13.

We're going to stick in the NFC South and we have Zach making his debut.

To Atlanta, we go for an absolute scorcher between the Tampa Bay Bucks and the Atlanta Falcons domed up at Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

Michael Pennix Jr.

bacon cheese fries one out to Bijan Red Robinson for an early six points.

Baker Mayfield absolutely yoked one to Amika Eggbuka for a 30-yard touchdown, taken all the way to the coupe.

And with the game on his shoulder, Young Way Kuz Kool-Aid gets absolutely iced before juicing the kick for far right and attempt to push the game to overtime.

Tampa 23, Atlanta 20.

Great job, Zach.

Great job, Zach.

To the not-so-frozen tundra where Micah Allen Parsons project is serious about trying to win a Lombardi.

Tucker Bob Kraft started the scoring on what would be a very happy ending for Packers fans as Jaden Creed added to the total, taking Green Bay higher to a place where fat men scream.

The Lions made the game look closer at the end as Isaac Tesla went hands-free mode, needing only one to score before the Lions' battery exploded.

Packers 27, Lions 13.

Whip!

Whoop!

Whip!

Out Western Seattle, where Christian McCaffrey Hurts was in the starting lineup, but run CMC wasn't the hit single from today.

It's Ricky 2, Brock out, Dime 2, Brock, out, Dime.

That's right, on time.

It's Ricky.

It's Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky.

As Pearsall had four catches for 108 yards, propelling the Niners' defense.

Sam Darney Hammer cannibalized the Seahawks' chances of winning.

Bosa got there just in the nick of time to see all the Niners win.

The Niners, 17.

The Seahawks, 13.

Standing on a corner, Jameis Winson down the shore.

Such a fine sight to see.

He's back, my lord, down the Jersey shore and he's backing up little russie come on dayball your head looks great

bald

it's time to start jackson dart and run the table

commanders 21 giants six the demon demon and that Was the fastest two minutes for week one

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Okay, week one in the books.

We're watching the end of Sunday Night Football.

We'll get to it at the end of it, but we're going to recap every game from Sunday and Chargers, Chiefs, and boys.

Football is back.

Feels good.

We had a full day of Sunday,

full slate.

Let's start.

With Steelers 34, Jets 32.

The game that everyone thought was going to be a slugfest ended up being the highest scoring game, at least for the afternoon, or early slate and late slate.

Every other game went under.

This one was a shootout between Justin Fields and Aaron Rodgers, and Aaron Rodgers afterwards said, I'm just happy to beat everyone associated with the Jets.

So what I took from that was Aaron Rodgers was happy to beat memes.

Yes.

You are associated with the Jets.

How does it feel knowing that Aaron Rodgers was happy to beat you?

I didn't take it as that, but

people were tagging me in in the tweet as that.

You are responsible.

You're associated.

But Aaron Rodgers, to his credit, and this is what I was talking about when I said that I think the Steelers can win a playoff game this year.

He looked better than any Steelers quarterback that I can remember since Big Ben could move.

Well, there's stats to back that up.

He was the first Steelers quarterback to throw four touchdown passes since November 15th, 2020.

And that was Big Ben.

And yeah,

listen, we're going to overreact all show because that's what you had to do after week one.

I overreacted to one play.

When Aaron Rodgers got sacked on his first play, I was like, he's cooked.

It's over.

And then he threw four touchdowns and looked like he's still, his mobility is limited, but he still can make every single throw.

And he does the thing better than anyone else where he can always put the ball where a guy can get extra yards.

He places the ball so that the guy can run with the ball.

And that's obviously,

it's not super subtle, but it is kind of a subtle thing that not every quarterback has.

And Aaron Rodgers still has that.

The thing about Aaron Rodgers is he can still drift backwards and at a diagonal, and I think that's his full speed.

Like, I think he drifts just as fast as he would run forward if he was going to be sprinting.

But yeah, he had a passer rating of 136.7.

That is the highest since 2020 at least.

That's when Big Ben had his highest, I believe.

But this is

a different-looking Steelers offense because they have a guy that can throw the ball downfield.

The running game still doesn't look great.

They didn't really try to run the ball that much.

No,

they can't run the ball.

Yeah, they can't.

It's weird because it's Steelers football, but they don't really, at least today, didn't really try to run the ball, and they played terrible defense.

But it is the Steelers.

And I actually think this is just Steelers football now is not being able to run the ball.

Yeah.

That's just what happens now.

We've seen it for a few years now where their offensive line's not great and their running backs don't have like a ton of explosion, although Jalen Warren does at times.

But yeah, it was all in Aaron Rodgers.

Obviously,

was it a punt muff or no?

Kickoff fumble, right?

Kickoff.

It was a touchdown kickoff mumble.

Yeah, that was a really bad moment.

And then Chris Boswell with a 60-yarder to win the game, essentially.

Obviously, there were some more plays after, but Chris Boswell is the best kicker in football right now.

Oh, you think he is?

Who else?

I like this Tyler Loop guy.

You're already a Tyler Loop guy?

I'm kind of smitten on Tyler Loop, yeah.

I understand that, but Chris Boswell's been doing this for a long time now.

Yeah, the Steelers do a good job of they find a kicker that's really good in their stadium and they just hang on to him.

And usually those kickers end up being pretty good outside their stadium too.

But yeah, drilled a 60-yarder.

Jerry said it would have been good from 75.

I trust his metrics on that.

Yep, Mike Tomlinson said he's a serial killer afterwards, which actually, like,

if you had to have a serial killer play any position on your football team, I'd take him.

Yeah, good answer.

You really would tide?

Running back.

But those guys have chances to get.

That's true.

Yeah.

I guess guess two is.

We've got some proof.

You don't know if any killers, if any kickers have actually murdered anybody, right?

Serial killers, though,

like, would get a lot of extracurricular penalties.

Kicker never really is in a spot to have that happen.

And you do want someone who's completely unflappable in those big moments and isn't affected by, like, I have to hit a 60-yarder in.

you know, MetLife to win this game.

I would rather have my kicker be either a serial killer or really extremely dumb.

Yes.

So that they won't overthink anything.

If you want to go reverse on the Wonderlick score, draft a kicker that's dumb as shit.

Boswell the kicker, BTK.

Think about it.

It's right there.

It's right in the forest.

It's been hiding in plain sight.

It has been.

Also, my favorite part of this game might have been before the game started.

Yes.

There was a man that got stuck on the American flag at MetLife Stadium.

I don't know how you get stuck on it.

Was it intentional?

Really bad sign for the Jets.

Entire season.

The vibes could not be more off when you got a guy crawling on the American flag before the season even starts.

Have the Jets ever had a season that started off with a meme of somebody with an American flag that led to bad things?

Not that I can recall.

Is it very respectful to crawl across the American flag or very disrespectful?

I think once you're stuck, you're stuck.

Like, what are you going to do?

Do we know how he got there?

Memes.

What happened here?

Did he parachute onto the flag?

Because that would have kicked ass.

I don't know.

He looks ridiculous.

I think they just eat.

Okay, all right.

Let me defend him real quick.

Actually, kind of a respectable move, didn't stand up and walk.

I think that would have been worse.

If he got his shoes on the flag,

I think crawling like a baby keeps it somewhat like, hey, he's trying his best here.

This is like, remember in like gym class when you would do the big parachute and then you'd all sit underneath it and then you had to do the popcorn?

Like, it looks like it'd be pretty fun.

I feel like the best move would be to turn over on your back and just say, wrap me up in it.

Like, bury me in this flag now.

Yeah.

But either way, that was a very bad vibe start start for the Jets.

Memes.

Great game for Justin Fields.

Great game.

What else you got?

Because that was a disappointing loss.

You guys felt like you had that game many times.

And

Hank's shaking his head.

I don't know if you saw him do that.

I did not.

Okay, he is shaking his head.

I want it on the record.

He's just shook his head to you.

He knows that.

We talked about it.

Yeah, we talked about it.

Yeah.

So how are you feeling vibes-wise after that game?

So this is probably the happiest I've been after a season opening loss.

Whoa.

I mean, the expectations

were so low going in.

Based on what Bears fans have said,

I honestly didn't think he could throw.

Yeah.

And he wasn't throwing tight windows.

Yeah.

Brees Hall was unbelievable.

Offense pretty much played almost perfect game.

Obviously, if you get the game-winning drive, it is a perfect day.

But

offense played perfect.

Wasn't happy with the secondary, but is what it is.

Yeah.

I thought that there was a lot to be okay with if you're a Jets fan.

We don't know how good either team is going to be, actually.

Like, we could get to the end of the season and be like, wow, the Jets, I was disappointed they lost in week one.

If they'd won that, they might be a playoff team.

We could also get to the end of the season and be like, yeah, both teams were ass, or maybe both teams are good.

Yeah.

Because I'm a little gun shy right now, just thinking back to last year.

About what?

The Saints.

Yeah, I'm going to take my shots.

I don't care.

I'm going to take my shots.

The Saints, Saints, they fucked me up.

They fucked up my entire perception of how to judge teams in week one and two.

This game didn't change my perception really of either team in the fact that I think the Jets will be a little.

Well, yeah, but I guess Justin Fields, like, their offense looked better, but it also, the sum of the parts,

they aren't.

Yeah, you know what?

Niemes, you're right.

The offense looked better.

I thought their defense would be better.

That's the point.

I thought the defense would be better, too.

Because it was weird.

They would get some stops, and then all of a sudden it would just be a long drive.

Then they wouldn't cover anyone or a penalty.

But I was ready to fire off some takes if they want.

It was also Motivated Rogers, which is a dangerous, dangerous thing.

Justin Fields even said afterwards he didn't expect, or he thought a lot of people didn't expect the Jets to come out like that today.

So he's got a little swagger.

And when he said come out like that, he said, I'm just calling it what it is.

They acquired all these guys in the offseason, future Hall of Famers on that side of the ball, and we put up 32.

Kind of like that.

Yeah, they were the number one ranked defense going into this on Madden.

And they did.

Oh, okay.

Yep.

That's very Jets of you.

Yep.

Where do you expect them to fall after one game?

After one game, the Jets?

We'll be fair.

You've got to be fair.

What if they're first in the division?

They could be first in the division based on point differential.

That's true.

That's what Memes is rooting for, for the Bills to lose by more than two points, because that way he could get the screenshot of the Jets winning the AFC East with them at the very top of it.

Yeah.

That would be huge for you.

I'd say we're a top 17.

Okay.

It's 17

defense.

Top seven AFC.

Top seven AFC.

Playoff team.

A playoff team.

Playoff team after week one.

Today, week one.

How do you argue that?

In a vacuum, if you only watch today's game.

Yeah, no, I agree.

The Jets looked better than a lot of the other teams in the AFC today.

Yeah.

Although today doesn't count Friday, Chargers-Chiefs.

But still, the point stands.

The Jets only lost by two.

Only lost by two.

They had the third worst Super Bowl odds.

I really thought they were going to be so bad.

Also, the Jets didn't punt in the first half, which was the first time that happened since 1991.

That's pretty cool.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, things are changing.

Yeah.

You have a kicker?

You happy with Folk?

I like Nick Folk.

He did miss that extra point, but I like Nick Folk.

Over-reliable.

Well, he missed the extra point, but they called it for like illegal formation on the defense, right?

So then you guys tried for two points.

Tried for two points, didn't get it, then you're chasing that the whole game.

Then you had to do two at the end.

Rookie mistakes for Aaron Glenn, too, but he's trying to build an identity for the team.

He tried doing that.

I'll never hate on somebody for trying to go for too early.

Yeah.

I'm also calling bullshit on my own stat.

I wrote that down.

That doesn't sound right.

There's no way that's right.

The Jets didn't punt in the first half for the first time since 1991.

Maybe it's just against the Steelers?

There's no way that's right.

They've had halves where they haven't punted.

Right?

No, I think it.

Oh, yeah.

No, that's what it says.

Yeah.

That's actually an insane stat.

That's insane.

Yeah, they've had good teams since.

A lot of bad.

Zero punts in the first half for the first time since 1991.

That's a crazy stat.

That is nuts.

Yeah.

You'd think that there would be a game mixed in that they just had, you know, everything was clicking.

And there was, you know, one of those games where it's like they had a 10-minute drive or something.

So they only had four possessions.

They never punted.

That's crazy.

So that's good, memes.

That's good.

We're building.

But I think the most important, like, not to get ahead of ourselves, but like, they're still a bad team in the sense that they lost that game, like, the kick return.

Like, good.

There was one turnover in the game.

Steelers capitalized off it.

Like, bad teams figure out a way to lose.

Jets lost that game.

Yeah.

But

I actually am kind of buying everything you're saying right now in that in terms of a loss, there was a lot of positives to take from it.

A lot of positives.

A lot of positives.

There's no moral victories, obviously.

Like, the next two weeks are gauntlets.

Who do you have?

So we go Buffalo at home,

then at Tampa Bay.

Ooh.

Okay.

Okay.

Memes,

did you make the insult graphic about

there?

It was very funny.

They showed I and Eagle and J.J.

Watt in the booth.

It was a new Al Tuve.

Aaron Judge.

Memes photoshopped our faces and said on today's post.

He did, yeah, I saw that.

That was very cute, memes.

I would imagine you, noted fame of calling PFT Little Guy,

made this.

I did make it.

You did make it.

I also

tweet at the screenshot before memes put that out there saying this is an alternate universe part of my take.

So

I did.

I stole from you.

No, no, no, no.

But

I thought about tweeting it in the drafts.

Like, originally.

Yeah.

And then you tweeted that, so I was like, I gotta put their face.

So I mentally stole it from you.

You mentally stole it from me, but that gave me permission to post it from the correct day.

Yeah, usually that's like a fat guy and a guy with long hair.

This was just a tall guy and a short guy.

My thought was like, this is a short guy.

I'm going to put this out before memes does.

Memes, when you see, by the way, mission accomplished.

Memes, when you see big thing, little thing in like nature, do you immediately,

do you say to yourself, on today's part of my take?

Yeah.

And sometimes you'll have a third friend.

Yeah.

With a beard.

Okay.

But like, yeah, you see like a big tree next to a little tree.

You're like, huh, that's part of my take.

Yeah.

I like that.

Part of my take to everywhere i like that and also like that's this is a great visual for big cat too it's like big cat you're yeah basically jj watt oh i look awesome jj watts hair by the way did he do something different with that he just grew it out it's it's a good look for jj i think it's probably one of those things like he he stopped living life with stress of of you know being in the nfl and coming back from injuries and everything and then his hair just grew i should quit playing in the nfl yeah be awesome yeah uh okay so overall positive steelers i feel like the steelers have to be very excited about aaron rodgers That was the best quarterback play they've seen before Big Ben got hurt.

Which time?

The elbow.

The last hurt.

The last hurt.

It was before Big Ben died.

Yeah, and they kept playing football.

Yeah, then Big Ben decided to play a couple more years.

But yeah, if you're a Steelers fan, you've got to be like, hey, we actually have an offense now.

It's kind of fun.

And DK looked fast.

He looked very fast.

And you have enough names on defense where you can convince yourself, like,

we can button things up.

Yeah.

We're the Steelers.

Once it gets cold out, you'll expect good things from that defense.

Their first-round draft pick is still hurt from Oregon.

He's going to be a run-stopper.

Cam Hayward, obviously, the contract stuff that got figured out in the last second.

I still don't really understand it.

They basically were like, hey, if you win a playoff game, we'll give you a lot of money.

Yeah, I think so.

Which

that seems like not a great bet for Cam Hayward.

I think he wanted to play football.

He did.

He's like, okay, you got me.

Yeah, all right.

But yeah, overall, pretty good.

And then let's start the debate.

Chris Boswell, best kicker in the NFL.

I think he is.

He's money.

I'm going through the list.

McLaughlin down in Tampa is not bad.

He had a bad day today.

He had a bad day today.

Bucker, still very good.

Oh, what's his name?

Cowboys.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Brandon Aubrey.

But Boswell's made the big kicks in like big moments.

Yeah.

And he's also been on teams where it's like, you can't fuck this up, dude.

We don't have an offense to sustain you missing any kicks.

Yeah, Brandon Aubrey hasn't killed anybody that we know of.

Brandon Aubrey just makes every kick look so easy.

He's really good, but is he a serial killer?

I don't know.

I don't know.

You want to throw Jake Elliott in there?

Max is locked in on something else.

Okay.

Now, Jake Elliott needs more than one game.

Okay, okay.

Next game.

He just won the Super Bowl.

Yeah, but he had a bad year last year.

Yeah, he did.

He missed a lot of big kicks.

Extra points.

Yeah.

Next game.

Bucks 23, Falcons 20.

This was an awesome Witching Hour game.

This was probably the best game in terms of competitiveness in the early window.

And we saw basically a theme for the day.

All the offenses struggled.

The Bucs offense struggled until it was time for Baker to be Baker.

And in the two-minute drive he ran, 63 yards and five plays.

Abuka scores a second touchdown of the game.

He's the real deal.

And then they're able to hold off because Youngwei Ku misses a kick to send it to overtime.

Yeah, this is kind of my theory theory about Baker, and it's always been my theory.

He plays so good in the two-minute offense.

Yeah.

Just especially in weeks like one and two.

Let him just run the two-minute offense the entire game.

Let him risk.

It looked so much different when he was just going out there, his hair on fire, like getting up to the line of scrimmage quickly.

It was a different offense entirely.

On the Falcons side, I do think Michael Pennix has discovered Kyle Pitts.

Yes.

I think confirmed, he realizes that Kyle Pitts is on the team, and Kyle Pitts has been somewhat unlocked.

And Michael Pennis is also the greatest, what?

You just love calling him Pennis.

Yeah, I know, because he doesn't want to be called penis, and I'm not calling him penis.

Michael Pennis,

the greatest reacher at the goal line of all time.

For sure.

Yeah.

And you had the Indiana one.

This one.

Heineke was pretty good.

Heineke was good, but Michael Pennix, like, we were watching it with our good friend Steven Shea, and he said out loud, he's like, how is his knee knocked down?

It's like, dude, that's what he does.

He reaches at the goal line.

He scores touchdowns in improbable ways, and that's what he did.

He actually had two on that drive where it was the one to get to the one-yard line or to get the first down, and then the one to score the touchdown.

So positives for the Falcons.

I feel like their defense was at least better for most of the game than it has been in the past.

They got a lot more pressure.

Their run game still couldn't get going, so I don't know what's going on there.

And Michael Penix, he made some good plays.

He had some good shots.

He missed some guys, but overall, like, he's still a young quarterback.

And he also, again, this is like the commanders' game last year.

Michael Penix, again, basically drove the Falcons to victory.

That pass he made to Cadero Hodge with like 20 seconds left, and Hodge just didn't turn around and see it.

That was an absolute dime.

That could have been, if he turns around and sees that, that's a touchdown pass.

And the whole week one narrative is completely different because Michael Penix went down in a minute and took them and won the game in regulation.

Yeah, Michael Penix had a great game today.

I thought he showed enough for a Falcons fan to be like, I'm excited about this year.

That was an awesome pass.

He made a throw out Hodge.

He made a game-winning throw.

Yeah.

It still looks weird when a lefty throws it in the NFL.

Of course.

In college, it looks awesome, but in the NFL, it's like, that guy's a witch.

What's going on?

But if you're a Falcons fan, what you want out of the quarterback is just to be like, okay, we made a good decision drafting that guy when everyone called us crazy.

Yeah.

Because you're fighting against that narrative, too.

Well, I think they, I mean, listen, Kirk Cousins had a very good career, and who knows if he'll play again.

But, like, in terms of pushing the ball down the field, Michael Pennix is doing it more.

I also, if we're overreacting to like one or two plays, I thought the Falcons' offense was going to be the greatest offense ever when Bijan took it to the house, like three plays into the game.

Yeah, well, they didn't.

He wasn't great in the running game, but he caught a lot of great passes today.

Yeah.

And then if you just get him in space with a swing pass, then good night.

And Drake London got hurt, which sucks.

But overall, like the Falcons, they worked a lot on their defense.

Their defense looked better.

They were getting after Baker.

It obviously didn't work at the end when Baker carved him up.

But it's kind of a,

I'm not going to say this for every game, but like both teams looked pretty good.

They looked bad, but I think they will end up being good.

They were sloppy, but there was enough to like about them where you're like,

I can watch another game of that.

That will get excited to see this.

Yeah, and like the things that you wanted to see, if you're a Falcons fan, you want to see better defense.

If you're a Bucs fan, you want to see Abuka step into that role right away, which he did.

So there's the positives there.

Also, I like Abuka just, and I hope Abuka plays a really long time in the NFL just to see how many times Gronk can mispronounce his name.

It was so he did it like four times four different pronunciations of his name in the same segment.

It was so great before the game started.

He was, he was frazzled because they all said, Hey, Gronk, are you going to pass out?

Because he had to talk for like 20 seconds non-stop.

And so then he started hyperventilating, and then he said, Obukbu.

Yeah.

And then he went like Egbuka, and then Ibuka.

The silent G's got him fucked.

Yeah, and every time he said it, though, I wasn't bothered by it because

that's just Gronk's brain.

I want to hear Gronk have all the hard pronunciation.

I want to hear him try Jackson Smith and Jigba.

Yeah.

That would be a good one.

I just have never heard someone pronounce the name three different ways in the course of like 25 seconds.

Yeah.

He did it.

He pulled it off.

Zach, how are you feeling as a Bucs fan?

I don't want to get overly optimistic because it was week one, but for a divisional win in Atlanta, defense made me a little nervous in the first quarter, but

Baker's moving shaken.

He was trusting his guys up front, which was nice.

Good pocket time.

I feel good about the win.

Yeah.

And Tristan Wurfs is going to come back.

Tristan Wurfs is going to be huge for protecting Baker.

That's the other thing.

You guys were banged up today.

Yeah, and Godwin.

And you'll get your receivers back.

Yeah, that'll be good.

Hassan Reddick, good to see him out there, still alive.

Got a sack.

Yep.

Yeah, I'm very hopeful for the season.

I don't want to misspeak by getting too excited too soon, but we're on to week two.

No, be a prisoner of the moment.

It's fine.

It's gone.

Are we just being reasonable about everything right now when we're not overreacting?

I do have some overreact games and overreact teams, but this one was not one of them.

This was just a hard-fought divisional game.

You're right.

Like the Bucs.

It doesn't matter how you get there because they could have easily lost this game in regulation.

They could have gone to overtime.

Doesn't matter.

You win the game.

You just walk out and say, hey week one is week one we won a game i feel like young hoku misses big kicks young way young way yeah uh yeah he has he's missed but also you have to take into account he is he is in fact the falcons kicker yes so that might be more of a uniform thing than it is a him thing yeah he i just i i i when he was lining up for that kick i was like there's It doesn't feel good.

I told Shay, I was like, hey, I know it feels bad right now, but just know that this is the Falcons.

And so if they have to kick a field goal, I think we know what's going to happen.

Yeah, they'll either beat you.

They could beat you with a touchdown right now, or they'll miss a field goal.

Yeah, exactly.

It's pretty self-explanatory.

Okay, next game.

Bengals 17, Browns 16.

If you had

a bet for the Browns to be the first Green Dildo of the season, well, unfortunately, we didn't have odds for that because that was the odds on favorite because the Bills played at night.

But yeah, the Browns had a dildo on the field.

Yeah, it was minus 250.

Pretty easy.

It was the Green Dildo, right?

It was the Green Dildo.

Might have been a wedding present for for the happy couple that got married when the game started.

You're talking about First Lady and Brown Spider.

I did talk about them, yes.

Yes, First Lady and Brown Spider got married.

Beautiful ceremony in the muni lot.

It was just so perfect.

NFL Super fans are the best breed.

And

everyone doing the chanting and saying, here we go, Brownies after.

It was great.

It was awesome.

It was great.

They'll always remember that.

Yeah.

What a special moment.

I actually think I'm going to buy something on their registry because I saw that Brown Spider follows me and I was like, you know what?

And he's got it pinned.

Is it on there?

Yeah, I think he said he was like, for everyone asking.

You know, I'm sure there are a lot of people asking.

I want to know what the registry is.

What they have on there is.

I'm pulling up.

We promise we'll get to the actual football game, but when there's a wedding at the Muni Lot for week one, you have to

talk about it.

All right, wait.

People keep asking if we have a registry.

It's on our wedding website.

Where's their wedding website?

Oh, Muni Lot Wedding 2025.

Love that.

And it was Brown Spider?

Brown Spider.

Okay.

And they also, the Browns, I think, gifted them like 50-yard line tickets.

All right, here we go.

I used to have one of those.

All right, here we go.

What do they got?

Home Improvement Moving Fund.

Okay.

Okay.

Interesting.

NFL Stadium Travel Fund.

So that's the first listed thing.

Then you have

honeymoon in London, England, hey?

Yeah.

Okay, for bare feet NFL sweater gnome holiday socks.

I like that.

We got the.

We got storage.

It's all browns.

And a bunch of brown stuff.

I don't know why I'm surprised, but it's literally just all brown stuff.

I thought it was going to be, you know, a nice mixer or some good

china set.

No, it's Browns ornaments, a Browns flag for their table, their tailgating table, some Browns hats.

We got to buy him something.

I'm going to get him something for sure.

We got to get him something.

Look at this.

What is that?

Power adapter?

Sports NFL microfiber microfiber furniture protector.

That's beautiful.

It's a blanket, yeah.

You need that.

You need the Browns.

Oh, some coolers?

Yep.

Some Browns coolers.

This is great.

Can you sort by most expensive?

I think these guys are going to make it a long time.

I do, too.

Because look at this registry.

Our timeline apart and together.

Like, if you can find two people who want to be married in the muni lot before Browns games,

they are definitely 100% completely aligned.

Yes.

Yes.

Those people don't grow on trees.

This is.

Oh, $50.

Weighted vest.

Oh, I like that.

Oh, I'm looking at their timeline right now.

Brown Spider had the breast cancer month fit on.

He's just wearing a pink hat.

Love that.

I love when they get into

the seasons.

Crucial catch?

Yeah.

Brown spider bathroom selfie on the way to Indy from Cleveland.

Okay.

Oh.

A salute to service-themed wedding if neither one of them was in the military would be the funniest thing ever.

Yeah.

Oh, January 12th, 2024, the night a romance was born.

That's beautiful.

It's them in their Browns gear at a bar.

The time was head.

Houston, we have a solution.

That's funny.

Okay, so yeah, beautiful, beautiful wedding.

Beautiful couple.

Beautiful green dildo.

Beautiful green dildo.

We have to buy something for them on their registry.

How far do you think Joe Flacco could throw a dildo?

I mean, over this mountain for sure.

I think he could hit a G spot from 65 yards.

Easily.

Joe Flacco, by the way, didn't play bad.

The Browns kind of let him down.

Yeah, there were two pass

deflections by his own wide receivers that ended up in interceptions.

Listen, if Joe Flacco is 60 years old, the arm is still going to be there.

Yeah, so that's not the problem.

So this game is, if you're a Bengals fan, you're saying to yourself, we won week one.

That's huge.

Yeah.

We finally won a week one game.

This is the best-looking Bengals team in week one that we've seen in years.

And they did it in an ugly, ugly fashion, so much so.

So they had 141 141 total yards.

Jamar Chase was basically not there.

They had an opening drive of 68 yards, which was methodical.

You're like, oh, this Bengals offense is going to be incredible again.

The Bengals had seven net yards in the second half.

They had eight drives outside of their two touchdown drives.

They had eight drives with 30 net yards.

The Browns defense bottled them up.

And the fact that...

The Browns didn't win this game is more because they're the Browns and Andre Schmidt, their kicker, missed a chip shot, 36-yarder, and an extra point, and that was the difference in this game.

Yeah, so Andre Schmidt, by the way, his name is not spelled like you think it would be spelled.

It's S-Z-M-Y-T.

Absolutely zero vowels in that man's last name.

I guess you could make the case for Y.

That was definitely the difference in the game.

Neither team played great, but the Bengals, if you were to tell them, we got a...

We're 1-0.

Yeah.

If you had said we won the game 3-0, they would have been like, fine.

You just want to flip the calendar past September as quickly as possible.

Also, I don't know if you saw the clip of Miles Garrett hitting Joe Burrow.

Yes.

Dear God.

Holy shit.

It was, it was a car wreck.

Yes.

And if Miles is driving, he's probably going pretty fast.

It was, he just completely steamrolled him.

And then Joe just like popped back up.

I would be dead.

Yep.

I would be dead.

I would just, and even if it didn't kill me, I'd just hold my breath until I died after I got hit.

I'd be like, I don't want to, if this is my life, I don't want to do this anymore.

No, I would be 100% dead.

Yeah, Joe Burrow said it after the game.

He said, they didn't win any of these games last year, which is the truth.

So that's the positive.

And the Bengals offense will figure it out.

It was more the Browns just pissed away a very winnable game on Brown Spider and First Lady wedding day, which is killer.

Because you can't, like, you got to win that game.

And they, you don't know how many chances, you don't know how many games the Browns are going to win this year.

The Browns kicker situations.

Obviously, Dustin Hopkins gets cut last year at the end of the year.

And then they bring in Andre Schmidt, who was a really good kicker at Syracuse, and

it's just the same old Browns.

Here's someone.

Given who's already on the Browns roster, should the Browns take a look at Justin Tucker?

Culture fit.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, if there's anywhere that Justin Tucker can go right now, and people aren't going to be like, whoa, what are you doing here?

Just make Stabler the special teams coach.

I'm just saying.

He's already at your practice.

I'm just saying,

is that a possibility?

But it was like, that was the kicker.

And I don't know who this guy, Zach Jackson, is.

I think he's a Browns reporter from the Athletic.

And I'm not a big, like,

whole, cold takes exposed guy, but he's a reporter for the Browns.

He covers the Browns.

He knows the Browns.

He tweeted before the game from the looks of Andre Schmidt, Schmidt's warm-ups,

he'll probably have a Mr.

Hero commercial by Thursday.

Okay.

Yeah, well.

That's brutal.

No, that's good.

No, he's saying he was watching him warm up and he was like, this guy's going to be incredible.

Right.

And then he went out and he cost them the game.

Right.

So, like, how do you not know that if you're a Browns beat reporter to not tweet something like that about the kicker?

Yeah, you should know better than to actually predict anything good is going to happen to the team.

Especially the Browns kicker.

You could say that if he beats out Dustin Hopkins, you're probably pretty confident in him.

No.

Definitely not.

I don't know.

Absolutely not.

Hopkins hasn't been a bad kicker.

He's had some bad games for the Browns, but he hasn't been the shittiest kicker in the NFL.

I don't think Hopkins beating out Hopkins is like, man, this guy.

I mean, he is a good kicker, Andre Schmidt.

Like I said, I think he won the Lou Groza Award at Syracuse.

He was a battle hawk

last year.

But still.

It's just the Browns.

This is what the Browns do.

They had a very winnable game.

Seven net yards of offense for the Bengals in the second half.

That's a game you should win.

Yeah, it was tough to watch.

And it seemed like the Bengals were going to figure out a way to lose it the entire time, but they just ran into a team that was going to lose it more than they did.

You lose it harder.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Joe Flacco

looks good, though.

He looked fine.

Yeah, I mean, his two interceptions were like fluke.

There were four drop passes, and two of them were guys basically catching the ball and then throwing it up to the Bengals.

He had some wheels, too.

He did.

Did you see his scrambles today?

Joe Flacco also is now at his later

age.

He is now the number one guy that I'm screaming at the TV to get out of the way because it feels like he's so good at still staying in the pocket, but it feels like there's four or five plays a game where he is like an absolute millisecond away from getting destroyed.

Do you remember that one scramble you had when everybody was like, oh, holy shit, look at Joe Go.

Go, Joe, go.

Yeah.

It was a four-yard run.

Yeah.

It felt like it was a 20-yard run.

It took about 20 seconds.

It took 20 seconds, but yeah.

He went.

He was elusive.

Yeah.

He was elusive.

And they just didn't have the deep shot that you were like.

Usually Joe Flock was good for one of those.

It felt like the Browns couldn't unlock that.

Well, you got to say, if you're the Bengals, you just got to say, we need to get the ball to Jamar.

Yeah.

And our offense will be better.

And you know what?

You'd be right.

Yeah.

But credit to the Browns defense.

Yeah.

All right.

PFD, you're up.

Commanders 21, Giants 6.

Okay.

Thoughts?

My thoughts are mostly about the defense.

Yeah.

The Commanders' defense played played really well today.

I don't know how much of it is on the defense and how much is on the Giants' offensive line.

So I have to weigh that, but I'll just say that our defensive tackles, Payne and Kinlaw, the offseason edition, they wrecked this entire game on the defensive side.

Russell Wilson looked bad.

He looked very, very bad.

I don't know if he looked bad.

He is bad.

Yeah.

He is bad.

He both appeared to be bad, and I know it to be true, but he is also bad, and he looked it.

Because looking bad would imply that he could look good.

I was hoping that at halftime they would send Russell Wilson back out there as a Commanders fan.

Yeah.

Because I did not want any part of any sort of rookie fuck shit with Jackson Dart.

I did not want Jameis Winston in that game.

Nope.

I didn't want any good vibes on the field.

I wanted Russ to go because if you saw after like a quarter and a half, Malik Neighbors checked out on the Russell Wilson experience.

Yep.

He's out.

He made that pretty clear if you look at his body language.

But the defense looked really good.

That was the first time that our defense in Washington has held a team to no touchdowns since week seven of 2020.

It also was the first time that a team has scored six points or fewer in three consecutive season openers since 1942.

That's sad.

So the Giants have not scored more than six points in three consecutive season openers.

That's tough.

Really tough.

Now for some of the okay stuff.

That was the good.

The defense was the good.

Good.

But also, I don't know if it's because the Giants' offensive line isn't very good or not.

The Giants' offensive line is very bad, but I agree with you.

The defense did look good.

Defense looked good.

Cornerbacks looked good.

Trey Amos looked good in coverage.

Lattimore suplexed a guy.

That was kind of cool.

And then the okay stuff,

or I thought Jaden looked pretty good.

I thought he played pretty well.

He had some drops.

He looked great with his feet.

He missed a wide open Terry McLaurin.

Missed a couple other passes, but overall, good start for Jaden.

Bill, Bill Krosky-Merritt.

We told you about him back in, I think that was the last week of July.

Bill looks awesome.

I'm in love with Bill.

Billy football.

He's so good.

I love his jump cuts.

He's fun to watch, and he's fun to listen to after the games, too.

So I'm so happy for him that he got out there.

Seventh-round pick, and then immediately kind of shot his way to the top of the depth chart.

It's very cool to see for him.

And then also the bad, I would put Dan Quinn, clock management, and the bad.

Threw away a possession at the end of the first half when we should have had at least three points, probably seven points.

Was that Dan Quinn or Jaden?

It's Dan Quinn.

Because I thought Jaden.

Maybe we didn't have timeouts left.

Got it.

He burned timeouts super early in the game.

What was the runoff for?

The runoff was because Jaden threw the ball away intentionally, and so he got intentional grounding through the back of the end zone.

Got it.

And so then they had a runoff at the end.

So we should have had at least three points there and probably more if Dan had managed the timeouts a little bit better.

And also, he kind of, he's already said, like, we're always going to act like we're the hunter.

We're not going to be the hunted.

In this game, he acted like he was the hunted because there were a few times around midfield where it was like fourth and two, fourth and three.

He would have gone for it last year, every time.

And he didn't go for it this year.

Well, that could be because the defense looks better.

It could be, yes, but also,

also like Dan was...

Yeah.

It worked last year.

Yeah, but the defense was bad last year, and you needed to basically steal every possession you could get.

And Debo looked great out there.

Also, I'm going to be honest.

He looked a little bit fat, but he was still fast and awesome, which is the best of both worlds for me.

Yeah.

But he looked great.

He touched the ball, got involved in the running game, got involved in the short passing game, long passing game.

Debo looked great.

I was pumped to see that.

And then the question mark I had about today.

I got one question mark.

Okay.

Jaden Daniels was wearing a Japanese flag on his helmet.

Yes.

And I was looking at that like, I feel like I'm the number one Jaden Daniels knower of things.

Turns out you're not.

I had to look it up.

And he's a quarter Japanese.

Oh,

didn't know that.

That's crazy.

His grandmother's Japanese, so Jaden Danielson.

Okay.

That's what we're going to go with.

And it's good for him.

I just didn't know why.

I didn't know that.

I blame myself.

Yeah.

I should have known that.

But yeah, overall,

I'd say pretty good game for the Commanders.

We handled business.

I'm not going to read too much into it because there's a lot of question marks with

the Giants.

And if they have a different quarterback, that game might go a completely different way.

Yeah, so for the Giants,

Russ was bad.

Their offensive line is bad.

So

two things could be like, it's not all on Russ, but I just don't understand why, like, Russell Wilson, he's had a great career.

It's just over.

He's got moon balls, and that's about it at this point.

And he doesn't, I don't know why, I get it.

Jackson Dart is a rookie.

You don't want to, you know, throw him in the fire if he's not ready.

I actually think he's going to be starting soon, very soon.

Yeah, I do too.

Because

Dable said he has full confidence in Russell Wilson, which always, we've taught people many times, if you have to say that out loud, that means you don't.

Also,

Jackson Dart was not allowed to talk to the media.

He wanted to talk to the media.

They didn't let him talk to the media.

They're trying to basically keep this away.

And I don't understand why if your offensive line is bad, you would put a

smaller quarterback who doesn't have the mobility he once had behind it.

To spin to nowhere.

Correct.

He did a few of those spins to nowhere.

Correct.

Like, it doesn't feel...

He's got the moonball.

He can hit somebody downfield if he has to.

And he did that once or twice where he had, like, Malik neighbors, and he was just out in single coverage.

Fuck it.

I'll throw it up there.

He'll catch it.

But then, besides that, the only thing he did that was different was he tried to throw like a Pat Mahomes arm angle where he threw it sideways.

That was just kind of sad to watch.

Yep.

But yeah, if they have Jackson Dart out there, this game might go different.

I think the Giants could be a lot better if they had Jackson Dart playing.

I think most Giants fans...

probably agree with me.

So I'm not going to overreact on the commanders side to this one game.

But I will say that Thursday night, commanders are going to Lambeau Field, Green Bay.

If we manage to win that game, I will say some extremely reckless things.

Okay.

I'm at that point in my brain right now.

Why did you say reckless shit?

No, I'm not going to say it.

It's the NFC Championship.

I'm not going to say it yet.

I've already said it.

Is this the NFC Championship game preview on Thursday?

Whose line is it anyway on the DraftKings Sportsbook?

I already know.

I would say that it's Packers.

Wait, don't show me.

Don't show me.

I'm guessing.

Yeah, no,

I'm going to guess too.

Packers minus three and a a half.

That's what I was going to guess.

I'll guess Packers minus three.

What is it?

It was minus three.

Hank is correct.

It was minus three, but it moved to three and a half.

Max, are you nervous about how the Commanders looked defensive-wise?

That's Giants.

Oh, okay.

It's Russell Wilson.

Yeah.

He's bad.

Hey, Max, why don't you do me a favor?

Pull up the NFCE standings.

Okay.

I just want to look at the graphic before Thursday.

Just one time.

He's pulling them up.

Yeah, if you're a Giants fan.

Pretty cool.

Oh, that's Commanders first.

If you're a Giants fan,

this is just the same old shit, and you've got to be so sick of it.

Because, again,

three years, there's only been three teams in the history of the NFL who have started a season three consecutive years with six points or less, and the other two were 1940s and 1920s.

We're in an age of offensive football, and you are three consecutive years started the the season like this.

It's just got to be so tiresome and just like sick of this shit.

And then now you have Jackson Dart standing in the wings.

See what he's got.

Russell Wilson is just not a fun, enjoyable watch whatsoever anymore.

Or my guess is probably not a fun, enjoyable teammate to catch balls from.

He's just a bummer.

Like, it's a bummer to watch him play at this point.

And again, he had a great career, but it's just, it's over.

It's over last year.

Lil Bro ass.

Lil bro ass.

I think Russell Wilson might be my little bro ass of the week.

Yeah, I think there's I think it's going to happen.

What would you guys say?

What week is Jackson Dart starting for the Giants?

Three.

Yeah, three.

Who do they have next week?

It feels like there's a lot of people.

No, they have Chiefs week three.

There's no way.

No.

Okay, where is it, though?

I think it's at home.

I think they.

But that.

Yeah, let's look at the schedule.

That's the school.

Let's look at the

where the Giants are going to win their first game.

So they have next week they have

Cowboys at the Cowboys.

Chiefs at home.

Chargers at home.

Oh, Saints on the road.

I could see them doing Saints, maybe.

Kind of almost homecoming.

He's close.

This is close to Mississippi.

This is a really tough schedule, by the way.

Eagles, Broncos, Eagles.

That's tough.

Yeah, they have the number one harder schedule.

Yeah.

Maybe it is that Chiefs game, though, because that's a Sunday night football game.

That feels like maybe Mr.

Mara might get involved and be like, hey, let's see what the young Bucks got.

You know what I think it is?

In front of the nation.

All right, if I'm doing the mental exercise, we watch a lot of football in our lives, right, Big Cat?

Yeah.

We've seen a lot of these movies before.

Sunday night football happens.

Giants get embarrassed at home by the Chiefs, use it as a get-right game.

And then all the pressure in the world is on Brian Dable.

And he's like, we're making the switch to Jackson Dart next week against the Chargers.

Maybe we're making the switch to Jameis, so then he still has the Jackson Dart Trump card.

That would be important, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because he's like, I want to hold on to this just in case.

I still need one more.

Yeah, there's no good time.

You can't time this.

It could be next week.

Yeah, it could be next week.

I would not be shocked if it was next week.

That actually would be the best time.

Yeah.

Because the Cowboys do not have a defense that scares you.

So, yeah, that's when they should do it.

And he looked bad enough where you want, you should change the quarterbacks right now.

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Let's do a quick ad.

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Okay,

next up, Colts 33 Dolphins 8.

Now this is one I can feel like we can make a strong proclamation proclamation because this was also something I thought going into this season.

The Dolphins have maybe the chance of being the worst team in the NFL, and they're definitely the worst vibes in the NFL because, holy shit, did they get absolutely smashed by the Colts and Daniel Jones, who was awesome.

He had three total touchdowns, 272 yards.

And they just demolished him.

They got anything they wanted the entire game.

The Colts' defense looks improved.

We don't know what the Dolphins are offensively.

Maybe just an absolute mess.

But the Colts took it to the Dolphins.

It was never even in doubt.

They made the Dolphins look like they don't even want to be there.

And it looks like some guys are going to get traded or fired quickly.

On Jim Ursay day,

I didn't really expect anything less from the Colts.

Actually, I did.

I expected less from the Colts because what they ended up getting was almost perfection from Daniel Jones.

Every single drive.

Crazy.

And we had talked about Daniel Jones hanging out with Kevin O'Connell and then becoming good at playing quarterback all of a sudden.

We didn't know how true that was going to be.

And who knows how long it's going to last when they go up against a team that hasn't already pre-quit on the season.

But Daniel Jones is the only quarterback since 1991 to lead his team on seven drives that all led to scores.

Not only that, PFT, Peyton Manning played 208 games with the Colts.

The amount of times that he had the Colts with points on every drive, zero.

Andrew Luck, 86.

Amount of times he had points on every drive with the Colts, zero.

Daniel Jones played one game with the Colts, and he has one game where they scored points on every single drive.

Were the Giants right to pay Daniel Jones?

Yes.

They might have been.

This was a great game.

Daniel Jones played awesome today.

He was great with his legs.

He was good passing the ball.

The Dolphins do look like complete and total ass, just like big, big fat brown hole.

It doesn't look good if you're, if you're a Dolphins fan, you're probably more bummed out than the team is.

Like, every Dolphins fan I know hated the team before the season started.

Yeah, no, this was, I don't know if this was shocking.

I guess you always week one, you're like, maybe it's going to be different than everything I've been reading and hearing.

And I said it on Friday.

I was like, if Tyreek Hill doesn't score, are they going to still talk about how Tyreek Hill is mad and wants to be traded?

Well, he didn't score, and I think they're going to still talk about that.

It's also never good week one to have the number $79.2 million thrown around.

And if you ask what that is, that's to his dead cap number if he gets cut after this year.

And that is where the Dolphins are at.

One week into the season, he was really bad.

He had

two interceptions that were so bad.

One he airmailed.

The other he just didn't see the linebacker drop into or the defensive lineman drop into coverage.

He had a fumble as well.

They were just so, so bad.

The whole thing was just a bummer to watch for the Dolphins.

And I mean, the Colts deserve all the credit for taking it to them, but yeah, it feels like they are without a doubt the bad vibes team of the year.

Yeah, I think Mike McDaniel might be a good offensive coordinator again.

I don't know if this wrecked him, though.

We're reaching

the point where it's like

this experience might have wrecked Mike McDaniel entirely.

Their eight points were all garbage time.

That was a garbage time drive.

It was Zach Wilson versus Anthony Richardson for a second there.

They couldn't do anything.

Their defense has been bad, even like if you read the training camp reports where they've had to change people's positions halfway through training camp and form into a defense in an alignment that they were not prepared to go in the season with.

It's just nothing has been...

What was the last bit of good news that happened to the Miami Dolphins?

Can we think about that?

Tua didn't get hurt.

Tua didn't get hurt.

But

I'm not going to say it.

Alec Ingold,

captain.

Is that definitely good news?

That Tua didn't get hurt?

Yeah.

I'm going to say, yeah, I don't want to do.

I don't want to get concussed, but I don't think.

There's probably some Dolphins fans that are

thinking the opposite.

Like, I hope you fake it.

Yeah, just fake like you're hurt, so we don't have to watch you anyway.

And then you get paid millions of dollars.

He just looks like one thing Tua was able to do for a while there when he was having good seasons was like get the ball out quick, make quick reads.

And he just

looked totally lost, and their offense looks like it's been figured out.

I don't know if we're going to, if we tag Mike McDaniels and say, hey, it's got been figured out, but it's just as bad as bad could be.

Yeah,

it was a bummer.

It was a bummer to watch, but also cool to watch for Colts fans.

And Daniel Jones looks like he's been an Indianapolis Colts his entire life.

He's perfect.

He fits in the uniform.

The helmet looks right on him.

Kind of reminds me a little bit of the Duke uniform from back in the day.

So, yeah, I'm excited to see what else he can do with this team.

The Colts are going to be live in the AFC South because it's not like the, I mean, the Jags won convincingly, but it wasn't like they lit the world on fire.

The Texans lost.

Their offense looks like it's got some problems.

The Titans will get to them.

Like, this could be a season the Colts could very much Booger told us first, and it might be the truth.

I also love that

Jim Ursay's daughter, Carly Ursay Gordon, is wearing the headset and has a call sheet during the game and stands on the sideline.

It was awesome.

That's awesome.

And she said afterwards, she's like, yeah,

I have to make big-time decisions.

I want to know whose fault it is,

probably isn't the best for the people making the calls, being like the bosses on the line.

But still, I kind of like that she's like, I want to, she's like, it's a complicated, I think she said it was a complicated organism, and you don't know how everything works.

And being able to have that insight is very helpful.

That's true.

Since Deikin's the powerhouse of the cell, yeah.

And I saw a picture of her, and I was like, that's got to be Jim Mercy's daughter.

Yes.

And it was.

We are doing the Colts giveaway, by the way.

Oh, nice.

Every week.

So I found out on Friday that I did get auto-renewed for it, got the tickets, tickets, gave them away to somebody that made fun of Brandon Walker gently on Friday because he's a Dolphins fan.

Okay.

So we'll figure out some sort of way to give away the next two tickets, but we do have those.

We're going to continue to do it.

But yeah, it was cool.

They opened up the roof for Jim Ursay.

It was nice.

Nice touch for it.

So yeah, congrats to the Colts.

Yeah.

Congrats to the Colts and the Dolphins.

Oh boy.

Where does Tyreek get traded?

He already was upset on the sideline.

Chiefs.

Chiefs?

I don't know.

I don't understand the cap, but Chiefs.

I don't either.

I think

you need a lot of cap space for Tyreek.

Well, could the Dolphins keep paying him and just trade and get a pick?

Probably.

I don't understand the cap.

Tyreek on the Chiefs.

I don't know if I can see it.

He'd look weird in red.

Yeah.

He's got to get traded, right?

Yeah.

Has to.

All right, what would be the most unfair team?

The one where it's like this makes now that this makes too much sense.

Ravens.

Ravens would be unfair.

Yeah.

Ravens would be.

Bills would be nice.

Niners.

Niners would be.

Ravens would be more unfair.

Yeah.

Ravens would be more unfair.

But if Tyreek goes to the Ravens, they're going to lose to the Chiefs.

Yes.

I think this iteration of the Ravens we saw tonight, that team could beat the Chiefs in the playoffs.

But somehow,

if they add.

What?

Chiefs are not making the playoffs.

Oh.

Okay, Hank.

I'm glad we got somebody to say it.

All right, I mean, you were up there, but I heard him say that under his breath.

No, I like it.

I like it.

I'm just saying.

You said it last week, too.

It makes no sense at all, but you know what I'm talking about with the Ravens, where if they were to make a move like this, it would end in heartbreak for him.

Yeah, it would end in Tyreek Hill dropping a big pass and losing by a field goal to the Chiefs.

Yeah.

In a game where the Chiefs had one good offensive drive-all game, but they figured out a way to do it.

Yep.

Yeah.

Okay.

Hank, Raiders, 20 Patriots, 13.

Yeah, I mean, I'm ready to overreact.

You guys are playing a long season.

I feel like I might have, you know, got a little too ahead of myself, and this Patriots team is just not going to be...

It's not going to be there this year.

Best team on part of my take?

Probably not.

Okay.

Where would you put yourself?

Probably

three or four.

Three or four?

So what happened?

Did the roster change?

So wait, you're better than.

Oh, so four or five?

It's really between us two, Big Cat.

Yeah, we haven't

yet.

Jets, I think it was better than.

Okay.

And then the Bears.

Because the Bucs, Eagles, and Commanders are better than.

And the Jets look better today, I'll say that.

Yeah.

Did you see who was the Keeper of the Light today?

I did not.

Who was?

You definitely saw BFT.

Oh, yeah.

I looked it up.

Donnie Wahlberg.

Oh, hell yeah.

Huge Keeper of the Light today.

Hell yeah.

Also, if you go to the Keeper of the Light website, Hank's face is just like front and center.

Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah.

I mean, the greatest part about the Keeper of the Light is just the book, and then everyone that fills out that book is seeing me in there.

That is really like

a bond that will bring us people together forever.

Like, I hope I meet Donnie Wahlberg and we can dap up and just be like

fellow keeper.

Both kept the light.

Oh, yeah, there you are, Hank.

See?

Hank Louis.

Right there.

That's awesome.

Next to you, Malcolm Bond.

I'm so awkward in this picture.

Yeah, you do.

I mean, it's tough to look cool like ringing a bell.

Although, Malcolm Bucks, it looks so cool.

Malcolm Bucks.

We got power stance, Malcolm Box.

That looks like it's a Marvel movie.

Yeah.

Stefan Diggs was nowhere to be found.

He looks short.

Oh, like he

looks really short out there.

I was looking for him.

I mean, where is he?

You physically couldn't see him?

He just looks so small.

He does not look like a wide receiver one.

I don't know if it's the number change.

I don't know if it's the uniforms.

He looks short and he was nowhere to be be found.

It was not a good first game for Stefan.

So who's wide receiver one?

Booty?

Booty, but it should be Diggs.

Diggs is Booty.

Yeah, Diggs is Booty.

Booty.

His wide receiver 2C.

Yeah.

Did you see the punt, the sad punt that they had?

We love Mike Rabel.

We do.

But Mike.

That one was not a great punt.

That was like a rage punt.

Mike, if you hear us talk about you in this way, you're going to want to kick our ass, but you should want to kick your own ass.

Yeah.

Because you're a better coach.

You punted fourth,

what was it?

Fourth and

ten.

They got a penalty.

They were down two scores five minutes left in the game.

At like the 50.

At the 50.

You should kick your own ass, Mike.

Yeah.

It was fourth and five.

They got a penalty pre-snap.

And he's like, fuck this.

I'm kicking.

It was a rage punt.

Yeah.

Yep.

As for the Raiders, though.

This was what we were talking about, consistency, like a level of professionalism that Pete Carroll and Geno Smith bring.

This was 100% a game the Raiders would have lost last year.

Like, it wasn't an offensive

explosion, although Geno had, like, Geno was moving the ball.

And

they, they just, the Raiders have a little professionalism they didn't have.

They have, like, Brock Bowers got hurt.

Uh, he had like 100 yards in less than three quarters.

Uh, and Pete Carroll now is the oldest coach to win a game in the NFL.

73 years, 357 days.

Oldest coach to coach a game in the NFL.

Coach a game, but now win a game.

And also win a game.

Yeah.

And people don't talk about how Pete Carroll was the Patriots coach, too.

This was a reformation.

For USC.

For Pete Carroll.

I think the formula for them is going to be,

Gino can sling it.

So let him throw the ball.

And then they're not going to abandon the run just because it's not working.

So that's like you can go back to Pete's days with the Seahawks.

They're going to try to run the football no matter what.

And it didn't work today, but

Aster Jenny had a little, like, he had a, that touchdown run was nice, little wiggle there.

Yeah.

But this was, this is kind of like the steelers where for the first time in three four years the end of derek carr the raiders have a quarterback who you you can feel confident like hey he's gonna actually move the ball here uh raiders fans should be pumped about that the arm looked good from gino today yeah so hank when are you

what are you giving up

Never give up.

That's a keeper of the late house.

But you will give up.

No, never give up.

You gave up last year.

I don't give up the ship.

Wait, are you on a ship?

Are you on a thing that's supposed to keep ships away from me?

Both.

Well, that's what it's like, whatever.

You know what I'm talking about.

Pull up the schedule.

I know.

You're yelling at the people on the ship from the Lighthouse, being like,

stay away.

Stay away.

And if I try to take, don't give it up.

Pull up the schedule.

Let's see when Hank's going to give up.

Are you going to win?

You're going to beat the Dolphins.

We're going to beat the Dolphins.

If you lose the Dolphins, though, you will give up.

No, I will never give up.

I've never given up.

Yes, that's a give up.

In my life, and I never will.

Okay, so let's say you beat the Dolphins.

We have to be

if you beat the Dolphins.

I mean, these are winnable games.

Panthers, we can win.

A lot of winnable games.

Bills' defense is horrible.

Saints, we can win.

Titans, we can win.

Browns, we can win.

Falcons, we can win.

Hawks, we could win.

Jets, we could win.

Bengals, we could win.

Giants, we could win.

Bills, we already won.

We could win again.

Ravens will be tough.

Jets win.

Dolphins win.

All right, so yeah.

You might be a playoff

team.

Hank, I got it.

But next week is a give-up game.

No.

Because if you lose to the Dolphins, you're going to give up.

I will never give up.

That's not true.

One thing about me.

If you lose to the Dolphins, you're going to give up Ryan this season.

Hank, when's the Ryder Cup?

I'm so excited for this cut that we're going to do right now for like three weeks from now.

When is the Ryder Cup?

When does that start?

If you lose to the Dolphins, you're going to give up.

Just be honest.

No, never.

I'll never give up on this team.

Ryder Cup's like the last week of September.

Oh, yeah, 24th, 25th.

So if you lose to the Dolphins, you're completely focused on golf.

No.

That next weekend.

I have a question.

I'm focused on this team.

It's football season.

Football's back.

As a football guy, Hank.

Yes.

A guy that watches football is a football guy's guys guy.

You're a football holiday.

Wait, guys.

You're a football guy's guy.

You guys are football guys.

You guys aren't football guys.

You're a football guy, guys.

No, we're football guys, guys.

And I'm a football guy's guys

guy.

That's true.

Yeah, you're our guy.

Yeah.

As a football guy's, guys, guy.

Is Drake May the guy?

Yes, absolutely.

He looked good.

He had some good throws.

Still the guy.

Absolutely.

He needs a wide receiver one.

Stevon Diggs.

Grow.

Too small.

Too small.

He's baby Diggs.

Too short.

Too short.

I mean, Booty played like a wide receiver one today.

Yeah, Booty played.

Or Henry was there.

Kind of.

I just saw that one time he made a catch.

And then they went right back to him, and then he didn't make it.

But again, two new coaches.

You know, I'm sure McDaniels has a lot of complicated systems and stuff.

They're going to have to learn throughout the season.

I think I'm not like the McDaniels

Drake May thing, I'm very excited for.

I think it's going to take a little bit of time, but that I have full faith and confidence in that.

That's a reasonable thing.

Yeah.

So it just really,

you kind of, you did like the thing I did last year where in the summer you were like, yeah, it's on.

And now it might not be.

Yet.

Right.

But we're not giving up.

One thing I'm rooting for is ever.

I am going to be rooting for Drake May because I think the funniest thing to happen would be for Josh McDaniels to get more hype as a head coach again and then for him to get another head coaching job this year.

Yeah.

I think as NFL fans, we should be rooting for that.

Dolphins 30, Patriots 3.

Got to recoup and get back to it.

Okay.

Okay.

Hank loves the process.

Whose line is it anyway for that one?

Patriots.

That's at the Dolphins.

Patriots.

No, Dolphins.

I think it's Dolphins.

Dolphins minus

Patriots minus two.

Dolphins minus one and a half.

On the DraftKings Sportsbook, it is Dolphins minus one and a half.

There we go.

Hungry Dog.

Patriots.

How'll the Hungry Dog do today?

Good question.

As a parlay, it didn't win.

You became a we

individually, none of the bets won either.

As a complex parlay, it fell short.

Hank, did you pick the Giants because it would make me the angriest?

No.

I had to pick

up.

We talked about it.

We talked about

there's always a week one.

This makes no sense game.

High favorite.

There wasn't a lot of high favorites.

And the Commanders are one of them.

They had the whole off-season drama with Terry like that.

I was thinking, my process was like the

Dables coaching for his job,

Russie.

Obviously, that was just dead wrong.

And Washington's going to be a little bit off-kilt or out of sorts.

As long as you had good process.

How did the IMSARLA go?

The IMSARLA

also

didn't win over three.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Over two, and we have the Bears tomorrow.

Okay, okay.

So we got to get a first win.

But you picked the Falcons Falcons on that.

I did pick them.

Yep.

Okay.

Next up, Cardinals 20 Saints 13.

Burn those Saints uniforms.

Let's just start there.

Those are the worst uniforms I think I've ever seen.

I don't know who asked for them, who wanted them.

They look like a fake team.

They look like

the NFL folded in New Orleans and then they brought them back as like a USFL team or something.

Yeah, it looked kind of like Jaguars Adjacent with a mustard color.

Not great.

The black black helmets, that's a Thursday night uniform.

It's a perfect Thursday night uniform.

I bury Spain.

It's gross no matter what.

We bury it sometime in mid-October.

That's color rush.

We get over it.

Yeah, it's puke beige.

The Saints have great uniforms.

They do.

But maybe they're like, the Saints team shouldn't wear the Saints' uniforms.

Well, they almost won this game.

They were in this game.

Spencer Rattler.

Let's just start there.

Spencer Rattler, I'm going to say, and listen, Kellen Moore is a football lifer,

very good college football player, has a great career in the NFL as a coordinator, all these things.

I feel like Spencer Rattler throwing the ball 46 times has to, that can't be the plan.

Yeah, you could look at that score in the box score and just be like,

that's not a winning game plan.

That's too many rattlers.

That means that you were probably losing 17 to 10 at halftime, and then you said, we're just going to fuck it and air it out for the second half.

It wasn't pretty.

They did almost almost win, though.

It should be said, like,

it wasn't spanky.

Buda Baker made an unbelievable play at the end to knock the ball out

and seal the win for the Cardinals.

Spencer Rattler, I don't think, is the guy.

I don't think that's crazy to say.

I do think he should change his name, though.

I was thinking about it more.

He's got one of the coolest last names ever, and he's got one of the dorkiest first names ever.

Imagine if he was

Johnny Rattler.

What if he was Bo Rattler?

Bo Rattler would be a quarterback I would be like, yeah, throw it 46 times.

Bo Rattler, yep.

Ronnie.

Ronnie Rattler.

His middle name's Mike.

I think it's even better.

Like, it's better than Spencer.

It's not great, but it's not perfect, but Mike Rattler would work.

Mike Rattler.

Yeah.

Michael Rattler.

What about Tim?

Tim Rattler?

Tim Rattler.

Yeah.

Tim Rattler is a good name, too.

Joe Rattler.

Oh,

Joey Ratz.

I don't think you do Joey.

I think you do Joe Rattler.

Yeah, but I call him Joey Ratz.

Yeah, you do call him that.

that's what i would if it was now it's spencer is yeah it just doesn't work doesn't work with it rattler is a badass name spencer is like okay you're a good center for a decent amount of your career that in the nba right um but yeah you're an awesome awl and great friend yeah and and your house is sick at washington and seattle yes and we love you right um kyler Let's talk about Kyler a little bit.

Yeah, let's talk about Kyler.

He had a sick underhanded pass for a touchdown today.

The spiral.

The underhanded spiral shovel pass.

Hardly ever seen.

That thing was like kissing the tops of the turf because he's, you know,

as I am, vertically challenged guy.

So when you throw underhanded, it's really a riser.

It's coming from like ankle level.

He had a great pregame outfit.

Everybody was saying it.

Big, baggy, jinko, jean shorts are back in.

Everyone knows it.

And I thought he looked serviceable today because he remembered who Marvin Harrison Jr.

was.

Yeah.

And Marvin Harrison Jr.

looked really, really good, which is, if you're a Cardinals fan, you want to see the thought crept into your brain last season: like, is Marvin Harrison Jr.

somehow just going to be not a good football player?

Yeah.

And no, he is.

He's very good.

You've got to get him the ball.

Yeah,

Kyler was efficient.

Like, the offense stalled in the second half, but he was efficient.

He played winning football.

And that was, I mean, that's kind of what you want to get him back to.

And he had a couple of moments where it's like,

that dude is the only dude maybe outside of Lamar Jackson who can get out of that.

Like those type of scrambles.

The other big thing for the Cardinals, I think, is their defense looked good and they invested in their defense.

And Will Johnson,

remember the cornerback from Michigan who fell in the draft of the second round because people were like, oh, he's got degenerative knee.

He missed time last year with, I think he only played six games last year with a toe injury.

That guy can play, and he also delivered one of the hardest hits.

I don't know if you could pull up the Will Johnson now.

I did.

I got it right here.

Spencer Rattler is a hospital

pass guy.

He put his receivers into some really bad spots.

You can't do that with Chris Olave either.

No.

Chris Olave.

What was the stat that I saw?

It's like

he's had something bad happen to him week one of

many seasons.

He got banged up a few times today.

You can't put Chris Olave in harm's way.

No, but he threw a ball.

Yeah, Will Johnson absolutely demolished.

I don't know who he demolished.

It might have been Kamara.

I can't remember.

But it was that guy's a dude, and they got him in the second round.

And the Cardinals, yeah, I mean, that was a good win for the Cardinals.

Yeah.

That was Olave.

Oh, that was a Lave?

Yeah, you can't do that to a Cardinal.

Oh.

Will Johnson just fucking unloaded on him.

Yeah, that was cool.

Yeah.

And those uniforms are terrible.

But yeah, the Cardinals, efficient Kyler.

Defense looks like it's improved.

And you won week one.

Also, winning week one is all that matters.

Anytime I see a big hit like that in the Superdome, I just think Reggie Bush.

Yeah.

I think Reggie Bush, and who was that on the birds, Max?

Sheldon Brown.

Yeah, that was great, great, great hit.

Also, we should say Kyler did play with a tummy ache.

Yep, that's true.

He had a tummy ache before the game, so pretty good game with the tummy ache.

This Bills Ravens game is nuts.

He went to go see the trainer before the game because he was shitting.

And apparently, you have to be put on the injury report if you talk to a trainer about anything before the game.

So he went, he was like, hey, I got the shits.

Do you have anything to stop me up?

They gave him something.

They're like, hey, Kyler, we have to say that you've got the shits now, and the world has to know.

Yeah.

Which is kind of a bummer for him wearing those long shorts.

You don't know what's leaking out.

But it was, yeah,

he looked fine today.

Yeah.

Also, shout out Cam Jordan.

He had one and a half sacks today, 123 sacks in his career, and he now is 20th all time.

Very cool.

Pretty crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's in pretty much everyone on that list is a Hall of Famer.

So that's a lot of sacks.

A lot of sacks.

All right.

Last game of the early slate, which finished halfway through the afternoon slate because it was a lightning delay.

Jaguars, 26, Panthers, 10.

The Bryce Young momentum has stalled again.

Yeah, all the card-carrying members of Brysis might want to head for the hills for just a little bit.

At least

they should maybe start Andy Dalton for a week and then bring Bryce back.

That's when he plays well.

Yeah, that was bad.

He did not look good.

It did not feel like the momentum the Bills are about to.

Holy shit.

This game is insane.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah, Bryce Young did not look good.

Did not look like he has.

You were hoping,

what are you saying, Max?

Talk out loud.

We're doing a podcast.

Say something out loud.

We have a Matt.

Oh, my God.

Me hanking memes have Josh Allen two-plus touchdowns.

Derrick Henry, two-plus touchdowns.

Okay, so you need Josh Allen to score here.

What is it?

What's the hit?

It's 18-1.

Wow.

What?

You okay?

This TV is ahead, Max.

This TV is ahead.

So he didn't get in.

Yet.

All right, well, we'll start again.

No, no, no, no.

This is, I mean, this is.

Listen, the Jaguars Panthers wasn't that exciting.

Oh, no.

That just runs in.

It looks like they're going to run it with Cook.

It looks like they're going to run it.

Do the running with Naked Boot.

Yeah.

And that's a Cook run.

Cook, stop, touchdown.

Maybe.

Touchdown.

Stop.

Oh, stop.

This is where you do it.

We got to do it.

We got to do it.

Tush-push it.

Sline.

Come on.

It's crazy that the Bills

could potentially potentially tie this game up.

I don't know how that's.

How did this happen?

Derrick Henry fumble, I believe.

Tush, push.

Gone back and forth a million times.

It feels like the Ravens had.

I have to run this with Josh Allen.

It feels like the Ravens have had the dagger touchdown like four times.

Yeah.

And none of them have stuck.

All right, two-minute warning.

Let's talk Jags.

Okay.

Okay.

What did you think about the Jags game?

No, I was asking Hank.

Okay.

I honestly didn't watch a second of it after the

ending the delay.

That's why I was asked.

Panthers were in the hungry dog.

By the time the lightning delay happened, that game was over, and I didn't pay attention.

I've got a stat from Uncle Chaps.

So Trevor Lawrence completed his 1,300th career pass today.

It was his 61st game.

He joins Blake Bortles as the fastest players in franchise history to complete 1,300 passes.

Both did it in game 61.

Wow.

So how about that?

He's in the company greatness.

And that season that Blake did it, they went to the AFC Championship game.

That's pretty cool.

Also, Liam Cohn is only the second

Jags head coach to have an over 500 record.

That's pretty impressive in their franchise history.

All right, here we go.

Josh Allen, they're on that zero-inch line.

Come on, Hank.

He's doing it.

Got it.

Yes.

There you go.

Good job.

Wow.

Good job.

Wow.

Wow.

What a way to

hit Sunday.

Holy fuck.

Now they go for two.

Good job, boys.

And now they go for two.

I go for two here.

I'm going to say two.

Yep.

Yeah, the lightning delay kind of ruined the vibes in this game.

We've had a lot of lightning recently.

Yep.

What's going on with that?

Makes you think.

Big notes.

I had Travis Hunter's wide receiver.

He had six snaps on defense, 39 snaps on offense.

Trevor Lawrence feels like he's got to get on the same page as Brian Thomas because

that was a little weird.

They didn't really, and Brian Thomas is really good.

Bad practicer, though.

Bad practicer.

He told us that.

And two-point conversion, no good.

Did they throw a flag?

No.

No flag.

This was like a playoff game.

What a game.

And it's still not over because the Bills have all three timeouts.

The Jags had 200 yards rushing.

They averaged 6.3 yards per carry.

That was really the story of this game.

Etienne had that big, like 70-yard rush.

He looks like he's the feature back because I know there was a back and forth of Tank bank or etienne uh it looks like etienne is the guy uh and yeah liam cohen 1-0 and jordan lewis had a interception and a fumble recovered and three passes defensed yeah did you say defended or defensed defensed defensed yeah is that the only time you use that word ever in english

defense would you ever say like the marines defensed their held territory you could the marines defenced the persian gulf i'm not not good at the English language.

I might start saying it.

I might start saying defensed more often.

There's a lot of shit I don't know and know how to say and write.

Oh,

I take notes for these shows on Mondays.

I don't think I've written since Super Bowl because my hand, you know, when you write for the first time?

Mm-hmm.

My hand, like, couldn't write.

I was screwing up all the letters and everything was jumbled together.

I got to relearn how to write.

That's a football guy.

You only write in football season.

It's, But it's a pathetic feeling to be like, you have to teach yourself how to write again because it was so, so bad.

If you guys had to write in cursive right now, could you?

I thought I could, and I tried, and it wasn't even close.

I don't know if you guys have tried.

I haven't tried.

I tried, and it basically was I was just connecting all the letters, but writing them like you write letters.

I never could.

So you never learned?

I learned.

You failed.

You learned, but you couldn't do it.

You failed.

I think I learned.

They kind of let me get, what was it, third grade?

Like, and I never really used it after the fact.

Yeah.

You can write my name in cursive.

I think I could.

No, I guarantee you.

You can do my curses in cursive.

The uppercases are impossible.

I guarantee you can't.

I can write Abdul Carter's signature and cursive.

Yeah.

Ask me to write something.

Write your name.

Actually, that should be easy.

Yeah, that's my signature.

How do you write an X and like an uppercase X and cursive?

Uppercase doesn't count.

I said that.

Write Bills versus Ravens.

There's no way way you can do this.

This is true, PFT.

I can pay you back now.

For what?

Oh.

The Sarlaye.

Oh, so you don't even need to...

Oh, for the Sarlaye.

I kind of want the Sarlaye to keep it.

I know.

I tweeted it and everyone's like, that's going straight to PFT.

V is tough.

V is very tough.

That's the thing, is there's a bunch of...

You can write a couple letters.

You know what letters fucked up in cursive?

Uppercase Q.

Wouldn't even know where to start.

Yeah, it's impossible.

Wouldn't even know where to start.

Memes doesn't know.

That's I got everything but the V, I think.

People are going to look at the timestamps and be like, man, they talked a lot about the Jags and Panthers.

I'm happy for Jags fans.

Yeah.

That's a new coach.

Start the seat.

The offense looked better.

Start the season with some good vibes.

The defense looked better.

If you can get the offense going in the running game, then things should be very easy for Trevor.

Correct.

Correct.

And your defense looked good.

And so, and I don't know if that's Bryce Young.

Bryce Young had like not only his interceptions, but that fourth and one where he threw the ball into the stands.

What the fuck are you doing, dude?

Again, like he plays really well after he gets benched.

Yeah.

You might need to do that.

Yeah.

Okay.

We'll see.

We'll see what happens here if the Ravens can hold on.

Next up.

You know what?

Let me do a couple ads and then we can talk.

We could even

sneak in the Ravens-Bills if we get a conclusion here.

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Okay.

Bills-Ravens is an incredible game.

Let's talk about this game and then we can, because that way

we can

discuss what we've seen and then also recap when we see what's going to happen.

The Bills have the ball with a minute and 26 left on their own 20.

It's gone back and forth.

It feels like a million times.

Derrick Henry is ageless.

Derrick Henry has 167 yards, two touchdowns.

He ran all over the Bills defense, but Josh Allen also had something to say for it because he's been awesome.

And it's just been back and forth incredible football.

We deserve Sunday night football like this.

Both these teams are so good.

Although both their defenses have not had the best nights.

Yeah, I mean, especially the Bills' run defense had a bad night.

Yeah.

No two ways about it.

Like, nobody was touching Henry when he was hitting the hole.

And if that happens, then you're completely fucked because that means that Derrick Henry's been running for 20 yards by the time he gets to your secondary, and you're not going to tackle him.

Yeah.

You're going to look foolish.

Yeah, but the Bills can still win this game, which is pretty crazy with Derrick Henry running all over him the way he has.

It does feel like that's something that, because remember, this happened last year where they

played, did they play Sunday night football and Derrick Henry ran all over him?

Remember that game?

I'm trying to remember.

Yeah, that sounds familiar.

Like they kicked the shit out of him.

Yeah, they kicked the shit out of him.

Like, just destroyed him.

And then, but Derrick Henry did fumble, and that's been the difference in this game because the game was essentially over in the fact that the Ravens could run out the clock.

They were up.

Well, that also, at the very end of the first half, the Bills getting one second added back to the clock as the Ravens are running to the locker room.

What a throw by Josh Allen.

Great throw.

Turns out his foot did hit out of bounds with one second left.

I appreciate what Jim Harbaugh tried to do, or John Harbaugh tried to do, which was just get your team into the locker room.

Yep.

Be like, they can't call us out if we're all in the locker room, but they got stopped halfway there.

All right.

Also, Lamar Jackson has been running all over the place as well and been very efficient as a passer.

Just high-level football, which is after a day where we just didn't see high-level football for the majority of the day.

Yeah.

All right.

You want to do another game while we wait for the end of this game?

Speaking of not high-level football, Rams 14, Texans 9.

Defensive football.

Defensive football.

Offense is not caught up yet.

This is D'Amico Ryan's.

This is what he does because he was the defensive coordinator for the Niners for a long time.

And so when they would play against the Rams, he would always shut down McVay.

So he was 4-0 against the Rams as a D coordinator.

They averaged 14 points a game in his time in San Francisco.

So

this is kind of by the book exactly what they've done, but they just couldn't do anything on offense.

Oh, man, the Bills are going to win.

The Rams, the Texans' defense is very, very good.

The problem is the Texans' offense looked like they were stuck in mud.

They don't really have a running back.

They don't have a running back.

They don't get the ball to Nico Collins.

They don't really have a great offensive line.

They changed a bunch of stuff going into the year.

It should have been different.

Obviously, tough test because the Rams are very good.

But still,

it looked painful for the Texans to move the ball effectively.

And the Texans, I mean, it's not like Nick Chubb played poorly today, but I don't think that they want him to be their Bell Cow running back for the entire season.

No, I would agree.

I would agree.

And he was the bell cow.

The Rams had 41% pressure rate, which you can't.

C.J.

Stroud didn't look good, but that's a very tall task.

I mean, the Bills.

The Bills.

Oh, my God.

They should have let him score.

The Bills might win this game.

They should have let him score.

Yeah.

He absolutely should have let him score there.

Yep.

I'm right, right?

Yep.

That was very stupid to trip him up there.

You know what's crazy is if the Bills win this game somehow, LeBron's parlay hits.

Wow.

For all of us Bronsexuals.

LeBron Leigh.

I went hard on LeBron Leigh today.

Good for him.

Good for Braun.

So the Rams' offense was not great, although I think the big thing was that Matthew Stafford looked healthy.

Puka Nakua, you know, what's going to happen with Devontae Adams there?

Puka Nakua is still going to be incredible.

He had 10 catches on 11 targets for 130 yards.

I thought Devontae looked good, too.

Yeah, he did.

But I'm just saying, like, you know, you're like, oh, is he going to get into Puka's targets and his share?

No, that was not a problem at all.

And then Matthew Stafford also reached 60,000 yards.

He is now 10th all-time in yards.

This just goes more to his Hall of Fame case.

If he has 3,600 yards this year, he's going to end the season sixth all-time.

So he's the second fastest to get to 60,000 yards, Breeze being number one.

He's pretty fucking good.

And he is, I mean, as long as he stays healthy, the Rams are going to be a really good team.

Yeah, I didn't know this rule, but in the NFL, if you're bleeding from your head,

you have to get evaluated for a concussion.

So Puka Nakua got taken out of the game because he was bleeding from his eyeball.

Like, remember when Biden was doing that debate and it looked like his eye was exploding and he's leaking?

Puka Nakua got poked in the eye or something happened.

They held a towel up there, and then you have to get evaluated for a concussion.

Did not know that rule, but if it's a good way to knock a quarterback out for a limit, just like scratch him a tiny bit, be like, you have to go to the tent now.

Yeah.

You're not allowed to play.

But Puka Nakua looked awesome when he was on the field today.

Yeah, he did.

And the Rams are 1-0, and the Texans have a lot of questions about their offense.

They're going to have to win some ugly games.

Their strategy of getting rid of their offensive line that wasn't that good last year and replacing them with new guys that weren't on the bad offensive line

might not be the best.

We'll see.

Too early to tell.

It's too early.

Too early to tell.

Based on the one game.

And yeah, the Rams have a pretty good defense, but I think that might not have been the best case.

Yeah, too early to tell.

But still, doesn't.

And

they got a new offensive coordinator.

Obviously, C.J.

Stroud took a step back in his second year.

You're hoping that it's back to what he was his first year.

It's,

yeah, it did not look good.

One game in offensively for the Texans.

I can't believe the Bills.

This is actually a playoff loss for the Ravens.

This is how they lose playoff games.

No,

this is a playoff game, essentially.

Yeah, but this is how Ravens have lost playoff game.

I guess Bills have lost playoff games this way way as well.

But yeah, this is a crazy.

I thought for sure the Ravens were going to win.

They were up.

It felt like they were up 14 or 15 for the entire second half.

And then Josh Allen went on one drive, and then Derrick Henry fumbled, and then boom.

I mean, the Bills still have to kick a field goal, though.

They do.

They do.

Matt Prater.

They do.

Matt Prater out there.

Prater seven.

And I guess there is still 33 seconds left, but no, they're.

They're going to run a play, and then

it's crazy that Harbaugh punted there.

I agree, especially because he's like the no punt guy and you have lamar jackson and derrick henry why would you punt you had a fourth and two

i yeah no i agree because you why wouldn't you

why wouldn't you go for it and then if you don't get it you'll most likely get the ball back because josh allen's been moving the ball at will like this whole quarter yeah why would you and lamar has been awesome why wouldn't you trust lamar to win the game yeah fourth and two at the baltimore 39 just win the game right there just run the ball win the game instead.

Yeah, because, yeah, look at

the last two drives for the Bills have been perfect, and they've moved the ball down the field in like lightning fast.

The field goal is good.

Game over.

Bills.

Wow.

Wow, almost blowing up.

Also, what a game.

Scoregami.

Is it

for Jake Marsh, yeah?

Let's go.

Week one.

Was he updating you as it went along?

He just tweeted.

I saw his tweet.

It was just

41.40 with a bunch of eyeball emojis.

Wow.

Which I'm assuming can only mean

a gami.

Yep, that's a gammi.

That's a devastating loss to the Ravens.

I know it's just week one.

Do you think that the Ravens will be, like, they'll have a little bit of solace taken from it, knowing that it was a scoreigami that they lost?

Oh, definitely.

Someone's got to tell them in the locker room when they get in, be like, hey, guys, listen, game ball goes to scoreigami.

Because that was sick that there was a scoregami.

Yeah.

Okay.

Next on Moreno's going to be like, that's very cool.

Yeah, very cool.

Oh, yeah, Max, I'm looking at your.

That doesn't look good.

The cursive that you tried to do.

It doesn't look that bad.

Yeah, but it's not cursive.

You're just connecting stuff.

Memes, I'm sorry for the loss.

Some of it's cursive.

It's okay.

Memes, what'd you have?

No, we're just going to be in first place.

Oh, yeah.

And congratulations to LeBron.

Harbaugh really should have gone for it.

I don't get it.

I don't get it at all.

That was.

That was very stupid.

Like, you're built to get fourth and twos.

And even if you don't get it,

you're going to most likely, like, the Bills are going to, you'll probably get the ball back a little bit with a little bit of time.

It's crazy.

Good for Josh.

All right.

Packers 27, Lions, 13.

The Packers are very good.

But I was also the first to say it.

Packers.

The Packers looked awesome today.

Packers looked awesome.

And Big Cat, I was watching this game in here with Max, and it was the start of the fourth quarter.

And I said,

this is good for the Bears.

Because of Ben Johnson.

Because the offense didn't look as good without Ben Johnson, meaning that you guys have whatever made that offense look good last year.

Yeah, well, Ben Johnson, as offensive coordinator for the Lions, was 5-1 against the Packers.

The Lions without Ben Johnson, 0-1 against the Packers.

It's a pretty good sample size.

Yeah,

there was a couple things I was not shocked at.

Jordan Love had, like, it felt like a ton of time, especially at the beginning of the game.

He hit his first eight passes completions went to eight different guys.

He ended up hitting 10 different guys, so they were spreading the ball everywhere.

Micah Parsons had a sack at the end of the game.

The Lions' offense looked so bad.

They were just 246 total yards.

Everything felt like it was rushed.

Everything was short.

It's early.

They got new offensive and defensive coordinators.

I was more like, I thought the Lions' pass rush would be back a little bit with Aiden Hutchinson, and it didn't feel like it was all the way there.

For me, it was about the pressure that they were getting on Jared Goff.

That, too.

Like Ragnow gotten retired.

Yeah.

He looked super uncomfortable because he had dudes coming in his face all day.

Yeah, he did.

A lot of dudes coming in his face.

A lot of dudes.

And also, I don't know.

I watched the whole game.

I heard the announcers talking about how great Micah Parsons looked, how disruptive he was.

Was he really that disruptive, or were they just talking about Micah Parsons because he's the big storyline in the NFL and he played like a pretty okay game I think he had like three or four pressures he only he didn't get a sack till there was about four minutes left but he was making his presence felt okay I mean it's it's one of those things that like a

supreme edge rusher doesn't have to get sacks always to have a you know

have

his impact on the game because other guys are he's getting double teamed other guys are not and and speeding up Jared Goff and speeding up that lions offense Jameer Gibbs didn't have a great game the Packers are a problem.

They're very, very good.

But again, I can't, I'm not surprised because I told you they're going to win the Super Bowl, almost guaranteed.

It's crazy to watch a Packers team that has this many offensive weapons.

Like, guys that would be very good players on every other team.

Right.

Like, and Jordan Love, it's kind of funny that they didn't do that ever for Aaron Rodgers.

And now they're like, yeah, we're going to invest in Jordan Love and we're going to make him the best he gets.

And he looked really, really good today.

Yeah, he did.

He did.

Big week.

Big Thursday for you.

I don't want to say what I'm going to say if we happened to beat beat the Packers.

I don't know why you're...

If we beat the Packers, we're going to win the Super Bowl.

You went to the NFC Championships.

If we beat the Packers, we're going to win the Super Bowl.

You're a good team.

If we lose to the Packers, I'll reevaluate, recalibrate.

But if we beat the Packers,

I'm balls deep in this season.

You're already balls deep in this season.

Yeah, but I'm going to be hitting the back.

But I feel like you're playing the game you played last year where it was kind of like this came out of nowhere.

You already went to the NFC Championship game.

You're already a good team.

I wasn't playing a game last year, but you weren't a very good team last year.

No, I understood it, but last year it came out of nowhere.

So it made sense to be like,

I feel like we could do this, but I don't know.

But you did it last year.

You're there.

If we lose to the Packers, I'm going to say this is the season before the season.

If we beat the Packers,

I'm thinking Soupy.

You're already thinking Soupy.

Can I get a backup here?

You know he's thinking Soupy.

I'm not.

I've said, I think that if you look at this.

Are you talking about this right now?

You are thinking Soupy.

Yeah, no, I'm thinking.

If this scenario that you are now saying

is Soupy.

If I lose a game like this game, this Sunday Night Football game, you're still going to be stinking Soupy.

Yeah, but I also am saying you should.

Win or lose.

If it's close, you're thinking Soupy.

I'm not saying it's crazy for you to think Supy.

You should be thinking Soupy.

I don't have to end it.

He is thinking Snoopy.

Snoopy.

Snoopy.

Listen, Max, you know me.

At the end of the day, I'm a football analyst, okay?

I take into account everything about the team.

We don't have a Super Bowl roster right now.

We just don't.

What does that mean?

It means that we're not good enough to win the Super Bowl right right now.

But you're going to have the same roster right now that you have on Friday.

Battle-tested, though.

But you were battle-tested last year.

This makes no sense.

Yeah, you last year win the NFC championship game.

My expectations are that we're a better team this year, but we don't have 12 wins like we did last year.

I'm thinking like 10, 11 wins.

That's my prediction for the Commanders this year.

You just got to get in the dance.

Yeah, if you're a better team, you'll go to the Super Bowl.

But if we win against the Packers, I'm thinking soupy.

Soupy.

You want me to do that?

By making this scenario, you are thinking Soupy.

I'm pre-soupie.

But

you're already allowing Soupy.

Which is fair.

Yes, that's fine.

You went to the NFC Championship game.

You got your ass kicked, and you went to the NFC Championship game.

Wait, wait, how are you guys going to tell me what I feel if you give me, like, truthfully, I don't.

I'm listening to what you're saying.

I am.

Yeah.

Truthfully, I watched the Commanders play football.

I don't think that they're the best team in the NFL.

That's not a crazy thing to say.

No, but I think.

But if we beat a team like the Packers, then I'm like, maybe we are the best team in the NFL.

That's not, nothing about this is crazy.

I think you're thinking Soupy before the season, which you should be because you went to the NFC championship game and you got better.

And you're also thinking about beating the Packers.

Like, you're thinking about beating the Packers, which would make you think about the Soupy, which is making you think about the Soupy.

Hank's right.

You guys gaslight people all the time.

No, I'm

saying you should let yourself think Soupy, which I think you already are, because you went to the NFC Championship game and you're a really good team and you got better.

We went to the NFC Championship game last year.

I don't think we were a really, really good team last year.

Right, but you got better and you went to the NFC Championship game and Jaden Daniels is the guy.

So why wouldn't you think Soupy?

Because I think there's still some holes.

Okay.

I think it's totally fair, though, for you to just be like, hey, I think they're a team that could go to the Super Bowl.

If we beat the Packers, win the Super Bowl.

If we beat the Packers, anything less than a Super Bowl championship this year will be a massive, crushing disappointment to me.

Okay.

How about that?

No, I don't.

That's fair.

That's fair.

Thank you.

Yeah.

That's fair.

Thank you.

Super Bowl expectations.

Super Bowl or bust.

But that's different than saying thinking.

Because thinking Soupy is just like the possibility of a Soupy.

I've considered the Soupie.

Right, yes.

Which you should.

But if they beat the Packers, you're expecting something.

Yeah.

I thought, like, what I've closed my eyes and be like, I can picture it now.

The Supie would be sick.

Which is not a crazy thought to have for the Commanders because they're a good team.

But then, if we win this game, then I'm like, we got to win the Soupie.

You have to win the Supi.

You got to win the Supi.

Must, must-soup.

Before you pay Jaden.

It's a must-soup.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

But yeah, the Packers are really, really good.

They are.

They are.

I don't see.

Hold their defense is so much better than it was two years ago.

Like, the turnaround they've had has been pretty incredible.

And yeah, Jordan Love, I mean,

I guess we'll see how good this Lions defense was, but he looked awesome today.

He did.

I mean, he was spreading the ball everywhere.

He's taking those deep shots.

And I don't know.

I'm not going to write off the Lions fully,

but I do think it's going to take some time for them to

kind of write it here because

they just didn't look anything like the offense that we've gotten to know for the last two years.

And Romeo Dobbs, he's wearing the Guardian hat.

I know he's had some concussions.

That's why he wears it.

But when he's

burning your guys deep and he's wearing the giant Guardian cap, it looks very emasculated.

It does.

Against your own defensive player because it's like this we character just torched us down the center of the field.

Yeah.

All right.

Finishing up, Broncos 20, Titans 12.

The Titans were in this game.

The Broncos wanted to give this game away.

They had four turnovers.

It felt like the Broncos, like Bonix, did not look great.

Cam Ward, if you look at his stats, you think he sucked.

If you watch the game, you'd be like, there's something there because his receivers were dropping balls.

His coach,

the coaching was confusing at times.

The offensive line was getting absolutely smashed by the Broncos defense, and he looked like calm in the pocket.

So if you're Titans in, I'd be pumped that Cam Ward looks like through one game, the eye test, it's there.

I don't know what the Titans were doing at the end of the first half.

That was one of the most confusing things.

Did you see that sequence?

Yes, I did.

So, for people who didn't see it, the Titans had the ball.

They were up.

They're in this game.

They're winning this game.

They're up six to three.

They're playing tough.

Their defense is kind of got Bo Nicks figured out.

And they had the ball, I think it was first and 10 on like the seven-yard line, their own seven-yard line with 45-ish seconds left.

And they went pass, pass, pass.

And then they punted it.

And then the Broncos scored a touchdown.

Now, the Titans then got an awesome kick return and ended up getting a field goal.

But still, you played, like, you're an eight and a half point underdog.

You're in the shadow of your own end zone.

Get out of the half.

I don't know what you're doing.

And then they had a situation, too, where Cam Ward took a couple sacks, got out of field goal range.

This was a very, I think if you're a Titans fan, it's like this was a game that you didn't expect to win.

But then when you got in the game, it was very winnable, and you just couldn't make the big plays.

Yeah, it looked like you were to pull off the upset for a little bit.

Yeah.

It did.

And it goes to penalties more than anything else.

Oh, yeah.

So the Titans had 133 yards of offense, I believe.

Yeah, 133 yards of offense.

They had 131 yards of penalties today.

You're not going to win any games.

No.

That's not going to happen.

But yeah, I saw enough out of Cam Ward where I was like, I can see it.

I can see what they're going for.

He also had maybe the coolest pass of the day where he just threw the ball like 40 rows up into the stands.

Yeah.

Memes, I know that you clipped that.

What was the reason for that pass?

Was that just like was that false start?

Or was that off sides?

He just chucked it up to the upper deck.

You're just blown dead.

Blown dead?

It's blown dead.

It was a sick throw they'd had.

His dad freaking out in the stands was funny, too.

Yeah, he was every Titans fan watching those play calls.

Yeah, because they were in this game.

This was the game that the surprising games.

The Broncos offense did not look good.

Bonics did not look good.

And

you had the game and you just blew it on penalties and bad clock management and wide receivers dropping the ball.

What do you think about where is everyone at their bow nicks believing?

I'm still a believer.

Yeah, I'm a believer.

Not that he's on trial here,

but this is a big year because I think Sean Payton kind of promised some new things.

And we're going to bring out some new things.

And the Broncos' offense is going to take us another step forward.

Yeah.

Only one game.

Titans' defense was lively.

I think I'm still a believer, 100%,

but he needs to be allowed to run more.

Yeah.

Like when once Bo starts getting a little frisky with it, he starts taking liberties with running the ball when maybe Sean Payton is like, hey, I want you to stay in the pocket and be Drew Brees.

But once Bo Nicks is not Drew Brees.

No.

He's got a little bit of shit to him.

Yeah.

So let Bo run a little bit.

Got athleticism.

Let him get physical and keep the defense on their toes and he'll be fine.

Yeah.

Okay, last up.

R.J.

Harvey's, he's going going to be a problem.

Yeah.

I think he's a very, very good running backfield.

The J.K.

Dobbins' R.J.

Harvey backfield tandem is good.

And that was kind of what was promised: this is going to be a good running game.

And so

I just, I like the Broncos had a lot of hype coming into the season, and then they played a game against what a lot of people think might be one of the worst teams in the NFL, and they were in a dogfight, which speaks more to the NFL in general, because there's always these games.

Who do they play next?

Oh, they have the Colts at the Colts, Danny Dimes.

Who's lying?

Colts.

DraftKings Sportsbook, I'm going to say Colts minus one.

Broncos minus two.

Colts minus one.

It's Colts minus one.

Got it.

Broncos minus

three.

Bro.

All right, so it's close.

I'm going to

hammer Danny.

Danny Dimes.

Let's do it.

49ers, 17.

Jim Mersey night again.

Yeah.

Seahawks 13.

Christian McCaffrey back.

Everyone was freaking out.

Thought he was going to be

not playing.

He ended up having 142 total yards.

That was kind of a funny thing that Cal Shea hand did on Thursday, just like dropping out the fire.

Everyone was freaking out.

Yeah, his calf feels bad again now.

Yeah.

This was,

like,

the 49ers,

how they won this game, that Brock Purdy throw up to the end zone.

I mean, Kittle got hurt.

Trent Williams, I think, got hurt.

Jennings got hurt.

So this is just happening again to the Niners.

But they found a way to win.

But that touchdown passed the end where it was just such a dangerous throw.

And then the Seahawks were right there.

Sam Darnold didn't do anything all day, drove him all the way down the field with a minute left.

And then gets...

Nick Bosa bull rush and fumbles on the back of his right tackle.

Yeah, that would have been a perfect time for Mike McDonald to go to the Jalen Millro package, right?

Yes.

The one that he had talked about earlier this week.

Yep.

I don't think we got any Millro in the game at all.

We did not.

People wanted some Millrow.

Yeah.

Yeah, I thought the Niners were clearly the better team today,

but they actually have the Lil Bro ass of the week.

You're calling him the Little Bro ass of the week.

Jake Moody.

Yes.

Jake Moody has been a problem for the Niners for, what, three seasons now?

It's especially been the last

like eight weeks.

So I looked it up.

Since week 10 last year,

he's attempted 23 field goals.

How many has he made?

15.

12.

How has he not been cut?

I don't know.

He's got to be cut this week because Kyle.

12 of 23 is insane.

Kyle looked like he wanted to kill him on the sidelines several times.

I mean, he's been, he got drafted, what, 2023, I think?

Yeah.

And it was that season, the game against the Browns.

I said, put a pin in Lil Moody because I know he's a great college kicker, probably a Lou Groza guy, too.

Yeah.

Because they drafted him in, like, what, the third round?

It was high.

Let's look it up.

Yeah, when did they draft him?

It might not have been that high.

I think it was.

That would be crazy.

Was it?

Yeah, third round, 99th over.

Third round.

And he sucked.

He showed that he was not going to be consistent.

And you could tell that Kyle kind of lost faith in him.

And then last year, he was ass again.

And then to start out this year the way that he did, I'd be shocked if he was on the team next week.

12 for 23.

That's so bad.

Bad day.

Moody Blues.

That's like 12 for 23 is a good, is good numbers for 55 plus.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I thought you're like the age rate.

No, no, no.

Yeah.

Like if you were 55 plus, you're like, hey, our kickers, 12 for 23, 55 plus.

Like, okay, we could live with that.

That's just every kick.

You'll see hitters go 12 for 23 in a stretch.

Like, that's not crazy.

Yeah.

12 for 23.

12 for 23 is like a really good night for Luca.

Seahawks' defense is good.

I don't know what their offense is going to be.

I still don't know.

Like, Seahawks,

do the Seahawks have a good running back, or is it just going to be...

I think whoever is better that week.

Kenneth Walker and Zach Charbonnet.

The idea of them is great.

Yeah.

But it never works.

The problem is, one of them is always good, and then the other is not great, but then they flip-flop who's having a good week.

So you really have to do trial and error during the game and figure out who's got the hot hand.

And then whoever gets good is hurt.

Then, yeah, then you'll get a hammy.

But yeah, the Seahawks' offensive numbers were not

great.

JSN played pretty well.

Yeah, and he had that big catch at the end to get them into the red zone or to the five-yard line.

But what a way for Sam Darnold.

It's like if you win that game,

it doesn't wash away last year.

You're like, okay, this is a new era.

I'm the starting quarterback.

I'm the franchise quarterback.

And then to have that fumble happen.

Brutal.

Shout out to Ricky Pearsall, though.

Yes.

Great game from him.

He's got to step up with Doubt Ayuk.

Yep.

Yeah.

And he did.

Until they get Tyreek.

Yeah, until they get Tyreek.

Until they get Tyreek.

Okay.

Last game, should we talk about

Chargers 27, Chiefs 21?

Hank, how much did you love the pomp and circumstance before the game?

It lasted forever.

Mr.

Beast was hosting.

There was all types of Brazilian culture and everything.

You just loved this.

Yeah, it was beautiful.

It was great to see the sport in a different culture and see the culture embrace it.

It was, you know, I felt like I was watching the NFL grow in front of my eyes.

Did you watch the game?

I was driving.

I was driving to a wedding in the Jersey Shore, so I was...

I had YouTube TV on my phone.

I was listening to the broadcast.

And then I got there for like the end, probably the fourth quarter.

Did you listen to the halftime show?

I did not listen to the halftime show.

I did not listen to the halftime show either.

I watched the halftime show.

I was in a bar with Max, and it was on mute.

Max, do you remember what we were talking about during the halftime show?

Yeah, they shouldn't do halftime shows outside of the Super Bowl.

Agreed.

I think that that's a Super Bowl thing.

What about Christmas?

Thanksgiving.

No, Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving gifts.

Kid Rock.

Kid Rock.

Acreed.

Creed's fine.

And Creed.

And they had the Beyonce thing last year, did they?

Too much.

Yeah, that was a ticket.

That's That's trying to be

a Super Bowl halftime performance when the magnitude of the game isn't.

It was Satanic, and it was also pro-Cowboys, which

respected the Maximum.

It was pro-Cowboys.

I thought it was Shakira the entire time because it was on mute.

Turns out that was not Shakira that was on the screen.

But we got a new Shakira.

I was about to talk about Shakira.

It's like the second coming of Avril Levine.

That was Shakira 2.0 that they had.

New Shakira dropped?

New Shakira just dropped.

Who was it?

Shakira 2.0.

Yeah.

Justin Herbert was awesome.

Awesome.

That was the game that everyone who has been talking about Justin Herbert, it's like, that's it.

And it was a combo of Justin Herbert being awesome and also Jim Harbaugh and the Chargers being like, let's unleash Justin Herbert.

Let's let him be Justin Herbert.

Yeah.

The goal was not just like run the ball down the throat.

It was just like, Justin Herbert's going to throw some sick out routes and he's going to put the ball over the top of the linebacker and somehow make the ball come down into his receiver's hand.

And he was great, and he's still really, really fast and mobile.

This was a big step for him because I don't think, let's see, it was the first time that the Chargers beat the Chiefs in five years.

Yeah.

Pretty crazy.

Seven games.

I guess it was seven game total.

And it was a statement.

Did you guys think Mahomes looked good?

No.

I didn't think so either.

Like, if this was the only sample that we had, he did have a couple incredible throws where it's like, what the fuck?

How is that possible?

The end when

that deep bomb and the YouTube TV cameraman got so excited, we like missed the end of it.

The deep bomb and then the other one where he's like horizontal throwing a pass.

Yeah.

That was pretty crazy.

And Xavier Worthy getting hurt is a pretty big blow.

Like that was, again,

you know, friendly fire.

Travis Kelsey fucked him up.

Also, did Travis Kelsey do a bull celebration?

Does he know Brazil's not Spain?

No, he doesn't.

Okay.

He does not know that.

Okay.

Guaranteed.

I know we're going to talk about it.

He got slapped.

He did get slapped.

He got the shit slapped out of him.

Was that Power Rank slaps?

That, and then Will Smith.

How can you slap?

How can you?

Will Smith won

this one, too.

Yeah, that's fair.

I think

that's where we land.

Quentin Johnson, comeback player of the year.

Awesome.

He's got hands.

Great.

Looks great.

I mean, it was, if you're a Charger, we'll talk to Shane at the end, but like, that was as, you've got to be as pumped as you could ever be if you're a Chargers fan to beat the Chiefs, have Justin Herbert.

Is it the Madison Beer effect?

Yeah, I think it is.

I'd say that's the next step in becoming an elite quarterback, right?

Yeah.

Dating.

Who do you think loves beer more?

Justin Herbert or Pat Mahomes' dad?

Pat Mahomes' dad.

He's got more years

by far.

I know we're going to talk college football on Wednesday, but did you guys see that

Dylan Rayola's tight end?

That's my who's back of the week.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Wait, are you serious?

That was your who's back of the week?

That's crazy that that would be your who's back of the week.

Why?

What?

I just never thought you would have seen that.

You're not a college football guy.

I'm locked in.

You guys, this is, you're gaslighting me, but I was locked out.

That was your who's back of the week.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

My gym teacher and my English teacher are getting married?

I apologize.

Sorry, that.

Yeah, it was a very public engagement.

What did you have for it?

I think it's just a funny coincidence.

It is.

Yeah.

It's a crazy coincidence.

That might not be a coincidence at all.

I kind of like the idea of Dylan Ryella just being like an absolute OCD freak.

He's like, you got to do it.

You have to do that.

Do you think you have to get engaged?

Do you think he's using the voice now?

Probably, yeah.

Come on, man.

Just ask her to marry you.

She's a cheerleader.

Come on, watch that.

I want you guys to fall in love.

You two are going to to make it.

Dylan, why are you talking like that, bro?

It's always been my voice.

Yeah, I'm pumped for the Chargers.

Slap hands.

Everyone give a high five.

I love watching Harbaugh in the locker room after the game.

It was...

Justin Herbert.

Maybe a Justin Herbert MVP.

Maybe don't play games outside of the United States.

Especially week one.

What do you mean?

I don't like this

opening up on a a Friday night in Brazil.

No, I agree.

More football.

I want more football.

No, it's actually the exact same amount of football.

No, but we got extra night of football.

He's right about that.

There is an extra night of football, but you can watch it anytime.

But it does feel like more football.

Who watches football in their free time?

It does feel like extra football.

You have to admit that.

It feels a little bit like extra football.

It's 100% extra.

But you also have to admit that starting the season

in Brazil sucks.

Yeah.

They didn't start the season in Brazil.

For two teams.

Two teams started the season in Brazil.

Who cares?

I do.

We do.

We just said we do.

You love Mr.

Beast.

Yeah.

Duh.

Do you love Mr.

Beast?

No.

No.

Okay.

Before we do

who's back of the week,

I got a Roback question for everyone.

Roback.com.

R-O-B-R-O-B-A-C-K-R.com.

R-8,

cut that.

Don't leave it in.

I don't care.

R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com promo code take.

I think it's just because I'm doing it out of order.

Usually it's to someone, but I'll ask myself the roback.com promo code take question.

QSIS, Polas, Hoodies, Joggers, Shorts, 20% off.

Roback.com promo code take.

Should we talk about the Caleb article at all?

Probably.

Yeah, we can talk.

You guys read it?

I didn't read it, so I'd love to get your, you know,

I read the first page of it until you had to, like, subscribe to something.

Yeah.

And then I said, I'm not going to subscribe, and I'm sure that you'll just tell me what was going on.

So Tyler Dunn wrote an article.

It's a three-part article about the Bears just cluster fuck of a season last year.

And the first part was about Caleb Williams.

Convenient timing.

Well, okay, so I understand the timing.

It is convenient timing, but here's what...

Here's my take on the article.

People could disagree, whatever.

It was a lot of the fired guys from the coaching staff last year.

I actually don't think Matt Eberflus was on the record.

I think he reached out and Matt Eberflush was like, no, I'm not going to talk about it.

I think it was, I'm guessing it was Chris Morgan, the offensive line coach, and Shane Waldron were some of the anonymous sources.

So he talked to anonymous sources, which is a little weird because

it's not like they're breaking state secrets here.

You know, it's not a

uncovering something the CIA did.

There's really no reason to have anonymous sourcing here.

but

basically the guys who got fired wanted to get their version of it out and be like, Caleb Williams sucks.

And they allege that he could possibly have dyslexia, which that one felt wild.

There's also some weird, like, adjectives used, sacheting around.

The whole article is weird.

That's what I saw in the first page that was free to read.

Yeah.

There were, I'm just going to say what I think.

There were several adjectives that were inserted in there that were like, this guy's gay.

Yeah, it was weird.

Like, they used the gayest adjectives possible that weren't even quotes about Caleb.

It was like the article alluded to it.

And I actually, like, so everyone's going after the

guy who wrote it, Tyler Dunn.

I don't know.

Like,

he's just reporting what people are telling him.

You could make the argument that, hey, dude, the people you're talking to are very biased and are going to spin it one way, but he's not.

He is just reporting it.

Whatever.

I think the timing, though, Hank, back to what you're saying, is

these guys basically have to get their narrative out there

before Ben Johnson starts coaching, because if Ben Johnson does a really good job with Caleb Williams, they're going to look even worse.

Like, it's going to look like even worse, more of a cluster fuck.

And that's what they're doing is they're covering their own ass.

The beauty of this is if Caleb Williams is good, none of this matters.

Like all of these, holy shit, I can't believe it's happened.

Like he's so bad and all this stuff.

None of it matters.

And also, it's, I don't know if you guys noticed, but like, this article didn't really make national news.

You know what I mean?

I didn't see anyone reporting about it on ESPN or anything.

So, I think it's a lot of pissed-off coaches trying to get their narrative set so they can cover their ass.

Essentially, guys who can go into an interview next year, and when they're like, hey, what happened with the 2024 Bears?

And be like, look at this article.

Oh, yeah.

It wasn't us.

I remember Taylor.

I read something about the fact that you guys had to do ready, set, go as your snap count.

That was a weird part, too.

Yeah.

Where it said that they didn't do like green 40 or a combination of colors and numbers.

They reverted to saying ready, set, go.

If you can't teach a guy to do anything but ready, set, go, that's on you.

Like, you can teach kindergartners to learn things besides ready, set, go.

I like green light.

And that's what I think that they're doing is because if Ben Johnson makes Caleb Williams look good, they will look even worse.

I think it was.

Because it won't be Caleb Williams.

And Caleb Williams could suck.

And then they could be like, hey, look, we were right.

The great thing is it all can get decided on the field.

Here's what happened.

Last year sucked.

Last year was bad.

And so after you move on from last year, there's a lot of people that were involved in that.

And they all need to try to make it seem like they weren't the reason that it sucked.

Correct.

And we've had some quotes from like Caleb's family that came out talking about how bad last year was.

No one watched film with him.

No one taught him how to watch film.

Correct.

Now you've got coaches that read that and they're like, well, we need to get our side of the story out there.

Let's try to get out.

Just say that

he didn't understand how to count to 10.

Yeah.

And so, yeah, we're going to find out tomorrow.

It's, yeah, that's exactly right.

It was the story was told about how bad the coaching staff was for the last six months.

It was no doubt they were going to get a way to get their side of it out there.

It just, there were parts of it that felt really like personal and mean.

And again, it was not, I don't think Tyler Dunn was right in that.

He was just saying what these guys are saying.

And I think these guys were just trying to get their shots in.

And we'll see what happens.

And we'll see.

And I just, listen, Ben Johnson.

That's it.

Do you think Ben Johnson gives a fuck about this article?

No.

He doesn't care.

That's last year's coaching stuff.

He cares about whether he can make Caleb Williams good or not.

So it doesn't matter.

But it was a lot of,

there was a lot of fire on

Bears, Twitter, and just everything.

It was

the dyslexia stuff was weird.

That part was weird.

Where it's like, you guys are getting really personal.

That's HIPAA.

That is HIPAA.

Can't do that.

That's HIPAA.

All right.

Should we do Who's Back of the Week and wrap up?

Yep.

Week one.

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Who's back of the week, Hank?

My who's back of the week, it was love.

It was Dylan Riola.

You love love.

I love love.

I like Dylan Riola.

Um, but I will go with uh Carlos Alcaraz.

US Open champion and Sabalenka

from the women's side.

Yeah.

Dominating performances.

Alcaraz and center.

I don't know if I mean, obviously it was just'cause Thursday I was I was locked in, but I did uh I did watch the the women's final a little bit yesterday.

I watched you know some of the men's final today.

High level tennis is is fun to watch.

So, pretty much for the next 15 years, we're just going to have Alcaraz and Center in the finals of every major.

Yeah.

Tennis is the craziest sport.

If you're the fourth best tennis player in the world, you're basically dog shit.

Yeah.

Like, you're not going to win anything.

There might be an injury one year, and you'll get into the finals.

Yeah.

And then you'll get your ass kicked by whoever of the other two was not injured.

That's essentially all it is.

Yeah.

Djokovic gave Alcaraz a better shot than Sinner did, too.

Well, Djokovic is like ancient and he's still the goat.

Yeah.

What about the American kid?

The guy that you're going to be a quarterback.

Yeah, Ben Shelton.

Yeah, he's like...

He's good.

He's like the fifth best player and he's just, he's never going to win anything.

But wait, don't.

Those guys usually sneak one in when it's like a dynamic.

Ben Shelton will make some noise.

You remember

when it was like Agassiz and Sampras that were winning everything?

Yeah.

Jim Currier also snuck in there for a little bit.

I'm going to look it up right now.

Ben Shelton is 22.

Ugh.

Uh,

who's Ben Shelton's mom?

All right.

Who's Ben Shelton's mom?

I don't know if that's the top Google result.

What?

Who is she?

Lisa Witzkin Shelton was also a highly ranked junior tennis player, and his uncle, Todd Witzkin, was a professional tennis player.

All right.

Turns out, runs in the family.

Okay, let's look at this.

All right, so for the last two years, Sinner Alcaraz have won every single one.

Yep.

And then then the year before that, it was when Djokovic was still winning it.

So from 2023

all the way.

Oh, there was one guy.

Yeah, there's like one guy every three years that can maybe sneak in.

Okay.

Daniel Medvedev.

Yep.

Or Danny Medvedev.

Dominic Deem.

That was a COVID year.

But yeah, like it's just, it was Djokovic Nadal Federer every single year.

Yeah.

Then there's like one year, Andy Murray won.

But yeah, if you're the fifth best tennis player, you're just not going to win.

Yeah, this is what we're going to have for the next, yeah, 15 years.

Ah.

So did you bet it?

Yeah, I bet Center lost.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry, Josh Allen, Derrick Henry.

Shout out to Memes.

Yeah, 18 to 1.

Good job.

28 to 1.

28 to 1.

Yeah, me and Hank did, so I was putting it in my phone, and then Hank said it out loud, and then I just made eye contact with him.

Booster's fate.

That's so sick.

So sick.

I got a boosted 42 at it with you guys.

That's so sick.

But this is where PFD I can pay.

I can now pay back.

It's public.

I want eight grand.

Do you want to pay that back?

I would rather have the sarlay.

All right, so we're over one.

That should be your money.

You got seven.

Well, but my money is your money.

No, because if I lose all the sarlays, then the debts, it's wiped clean anyways.

With the exception of the half that was for the golf tournament.

All right, so you got seven sarlays left.

You want to do a Monday night sarlay?

You can sarlay me up the asshole as many as you want.

I want you to pick them.

You're ruining this.

No, I don't.

If I gave pick out, if I gave you

eight $500 parlays, would you bet them yourselves or just be like, you do it?

I want, you dug yourself in this mess.

You're going to dig yourself out.

All right.

I would just give me all the cash and I'll just bet it myself.

On one bet.

Yeah.

all right i'll do a monday night sorley all right for the people uh pft uh my who's back of the week is chivalry yeah chivalry's back because i don't know if you guys saw this but in the phillies game yes last weekend um there's a home run ball that was hit and this man got the ball and he saw a woman that really wanted the ball and he goes you know what she's a woman that came to the game It'd be a gentlemanly thing for me to do to give her this ball.

So he gave her the ball, made her very happy, and then then him and his kid got some autographed bats, I think, after the game, some signed merchandise from Harrison Bader.

So it was a truly touching story where it's like, there are good people in this world that will go out of their way to make people feel better.

So it was a win-win-win.

It was a win-win-win.

Actually, what happened was the ball landed in the stands.

The guy got the ball, and then the woman came over to him, berated him in front of his son for stealing the ball from her when it landed in the row in front of her, and nobody had the ball.

And then the guy, credit to the guy, by the way.

I saw some people saying, like, you got to stand up for yourself in front of your kid.

Fuck that.

This woman was not going to go down quietly.

Just get her to stop yelling in front of your kid.

Give her the ball.

She was a perfect combination.

She was a

Rachel Maddow, Keith Oberman hybrid.

It was a crazy.

So scary coming at you and yelling at you.

It was

almost like a crisis actor level Karen.

Yeah.

Because she had the haircut and everything.

Max, this happened to the Phillies.

Yep.

Hank?

Hank?

I have a dad question first.

Okay.

Because that guy was pretty aggressive going for that ball.

Yeah.

Too aggressive, you think?

No.

Let me watch it again.

Like,

he went sprinting for it.

No, I think that plays.

It's a ball.

It's a home run.

It's on the ground.

It's not in anybody's lap.

Was it a home run or a foul ball?

Home run.

Then you got to go for it.

A foul ball, I think.

His reaction is so funny.

His reaction is great.

I think there's a big difference.

I think a foul ball,

you can't run like

20 feet for a foul ball and try to grab it from someone.

A home run ball, you got to go for it.

It's a home run.

It was also a Philly.

You're a Phillies fan.

It was a Phillies home run as well.

You got to get that ball.

You get it for your kid.

Yeah.

I wish that she was mic'd up.

I want to hear what she was, her, her explanation of why that ball belonged to her.

But then now the kid has a, he got a signed bat.

He's going to the World Series.

I think he's living.

He's got an RV now.

Yeah, no, there was some rich guy that was tweeting.

I saw this too.

Everyone just started piling on this lady.

And that's the only part that's like, we don't have to totally ruin her life.

I saw that she got fired.

What?

Yeah.

There's been a lot of fake stuff going out.

Was that fake people?

I don't know.

I looked into it.

I think that she might have gotten fired.

This lady sucks.

Yeah.

Don't get me wrong.

But also, she can just suck, and we can just let it be after the kid got a fucking RV.

Listen, shitty people should have jobs.

You don't want all these shitty people just wandering the streets unemployed.

Fired.

That's going to be a lot of people.

Oh, no, she has not.

She says no.

She has not been fired.

Okay.

There's been a lot of fake stuff.

But I actually, I'm going to back up PFT.

If you see a picture and it just says fired on it, I saw several pictures that were stamped fired.

Fired, yeah.

But you don't want these people roaming around.

They need to have a job.

I thought this was a real thing.

Oh, my God.

What are you.

Crying filter.

Max, so what do you say?

Phillies fan?

No, that woman was the.

It was insane what she did.

But everyone...

I think she got what she deserved, and it's fine.

I agree with what you said.

She's probably walking around Philly right now.

Actually not walking around Philly because people are probably saying it.

You got to change everything.

You grow out your hair.

You got to dye it.

That's it.

Yeah, that's it.

That's it.

I wouldn't know who.

No, I think that the reaction from everyone was warranted, and

I think it's fine.

I think she shouldn't be allowed to go to any Phillies games for the rest of her life, though.

I think she should be banned from the best of the best.

Oh, the rest of the game.

Yeah, she should be.

This wasn't even at Citizens Bank Park.

She should be banned from Citizens Bank Park.

But you want her.

But I don't want to ruin her life.

I just want to ruin her life.

It's ruining her life.

No, it's not.

Yeah.

She's a die-hard fan.

You don't know that?

She almost fought somebody over a home run ball.

It could have been anything.

What if she has to take one of those classes?

Oh, yeah, the max class.

Yep.

I had to take that

for something.

I didn't take it.

I also thought it was weird when people were like, as a man, you have to stand up for your kid and like.

Oh, I'm for sure giving that ball back.

That's a bad, like, the masculine.

Like, dude, if a woman's yelling in my face, I'm whatever.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, You don't take it.

Yeah, just okay.

All right, lady.

Sorry that the crazy lady came up and yelled at us.

And I just turned to my kid and be like, don't worry, we're going to get an RV in like two hours.

Yeah.

The RV is a wild thing to throw.

Was it an RV?

It was literally like everyone, because you know how these things work on the internet.

Thing happens.

Person who did the bad thing gets their life ruined.

Person who did the good thing, everyone comes out of the woodwork being like, let's give him this.

Let's give him that.

It's like, now it might be too much.

I think this lady was on a date, too, because there was a a guy, I think maybe her husband was there, and

her husband had the look on his face like, I've seen this happen so many times before.

I'm not going to try to get in between this.

Yeah.

This is not the first time that she's made a scene.

Well, no, yeah.

The way she yelled, like, she is, she's a mean person to people.

Like, that's, that was, that was the vibe I got.

But yeah, he got a free, he got, uh, his family's going to the World Series, and he got an RV.

All right.

I'd say fair trade.

What is this?

The price is right.

Why did you get an RV?

That's crazy.

Just getting an RV?

I don't know where the RV is coming from, but there's just

people saying that.

I think I saw a guy being like,

I'm giving him an RV.

And the Jetskis.

Yeah.

All you have to do, if you're this lady, by the way, because guys are stupid, you just have to not wear that shirt and change your glasses.

And we'll have no idea who you are.

And grow your hair a little bit.

Maybe a little bit.

Just a little bit.

Maybe if you dyed it brown, you wouldn't have to grow it at all.

He got to meet Harrison Bader, Who's

not done anything great social media?

This is a tweet.

He's never done anything wrong.

Nope.

I'll send this young man and his family to the MLB World Series on me.

Oh, and you just want an RV as well.

What?

Where does the RV come at?

Now I'm mad at the.

Now I'm mad at them, I think.

The crazy thing is also, if that lady did get fired, she would probably start her own GoFundMe if she got fired, and then she'd make money off of it.

Yeah, that's true.

Okay.

It's it's the best way to get money these days.

Max, when that first happened, we were like, of course it's the Phillies.

Fuck.

No, because

for some reason, this was

at the Marlins Stadium, and for some reason, the entire section was Phillies fans.

It's good it was Philly on Philly crime.

Yes.

Because if it was Phillies, Marlins cry, you would have been bad.

That would have been bad.

That would have been bad.

But everyone else was Phillies fans and also shaming this woman.

She got what she deserved.

There was another video that she was yelling at some other person who, I guess, was yelling at her for taking the ball.

So she was getting it from all angles and she was fighting back.

Got it.

How are the Phillies doing?

National Sports Podcast.

They took two or three from the Brewers last week, took two or three from the Marlins this weekend.

Now we got four games with the Mets, but we're up seven games.

Now, if this lady...

Up four games on the Dodgers.

Would you want this lady going to other people's ballparks?

Let's say it's the World Series.

I don't want her wearing Phillies' gear.

What would Foul Ball Guy have done in this situation?

If that woman has

Twitter chance, he gets that ball to her.

Zero.

Zero, zero.

Zero.

He would have gotten more mad at her.

Because that's a man.

Yeah.

She would have ended up with an RV.

Yes.

It would have been like, look at what Foul Ball Guy did to this woman.

Yep.

Free Foul Ball Guy.

The RV is fucking bad.

The RV is insane.

Like, could I just have some cash, please?

I don't.

This guy's Twitter bio just says unconditional lover of business.

I love that.

Hell yeah.

Marcus Lemonus.

He's a fixer.

He's the fixer.

But yeah,

I think if I was like a 12-year-old kid, I'd be like, yeah, I'd...

Should we give him Vanny?

Yeah, you know what?

Yeah.

Yeah.

This kid, you get Vanny.

You got to come here.

You got to get it.

You got to ship it.

But it's yours.

Look at us.

That was very nice.

Yeah.

New Vanny.

We should make a graphic.

New Vanny, by the way.

But put all of the conditions at the bottom and small lights.

Yeah.

Yeah, we should.

Yeah, so I bought a new van that looks exactly like Vanny, that is just can actually drive and is the same year as Vanny.

Green, inside the exact same.

It gets here on Tuesday.

I'm so excited for this.

It's going to be nice.

I saw a PFT with Zell Camino.

I was like, I want to get something for myself, too.

And I might, and I'll say this.

I don't think I've told you guys this part.

My lease on my current car is up in a couple months, and

I might just.

Sick car?

I might just drive it around for a while.

Putting the

children's seats,

that might be a problem.

The captain's seats, though.

Yeah.

They should strap it around.

My wife might be like, you're not driving our children in this van.

Well, the issue.

1992.

The issue is I don't think it's got airbags.

They don't sit in the front.

Side curtains.

I think

it does have side curtains.

I'm not going to run well either.

What?

Why would you say that?

Is this in 1992?

Yes.

Hair's not a lot of people.

Why are you laughing?

Why are you smiling?

I wasn't going to say it.

It was significantly more expensive than the original Vanny.

Which we spent a good amount of money fixing.

But still, you did a great job on that, Hank.

The engine is just in the middle of the.

It's a work in progress.

It is.

You wanted to jump to the finish line.

I think it actually is life-threatening to sit in that van right now.

It's a work in progress.

I think carbon monoxide.

That'll kill you.

We got Vanny running again.

That was all we wanted to do.

We're not going to get rid of Vanny unless this kid claims it.

We'll just have two vans.

That's where I'm like, that's pointless.

Why?

Because we don't use the one of them.

Yeah, but we'll use the second one.

Yeah.

So let's just get whatever.

What if the first one?

We don't have.

What if the one we use breaks?

We have a backup van.

I guess.

That's actually a really smart.

We have a backup quarterback.

Like, might might not be the best backup quarterback.

We all have cars also.

Well, I might not.

Okay.

Don't drive.

Driving my kids to school in that thing would fucking rock.

I'm just picturing it breaking down on the highway again.

We're just going to have Groundhog's Day with this car.

This one's definitely going to run better.

Yeah, I know.

This sounds like Caleb Williams.

Oh, what?

Oh, what?

What?

What was that?

PFT just keeps telling you Caleb Williams is going to be be good.

Caleb Williams is going to be good.

Yeah.

Vanny is going to be good.

How'd you connect that with him?

Yeah.

I don't know.

What does that have to do with it?

Man, that hurts.

I can't have opinions that Caleb Williams is going to be better this year than he was last year.

So now, not only does my quarterback suck, but my van doesn't run?

How do I know?

No, I'm just saying there's

a possibility.

Both of those things are possibilities.

Oh, shit, dude.

Someone's got to acknowledge the possibilities.

That was bad.

All right, my who's back of the week is our guy, Peter Schraeger, because he's the man.

And

I didn't tweet anything, but I do have his back.

Ryan Clark's a piece of shit.

I'll just say that.

He didn't play the game, big cat.

Ryan Clark.

Ryan Clark was bad.

Yeah, and he just like berated Peter Schrager for having a take on a take show

because he didn't play the game.

Schraeger fucking lives, breathes, eats, drinks football.

He knows so much about football.

He's so plugged in.

Give me a break.

I also think that.

Ryan Clark is, I think, the weirdest guy on television right now.

Dude.

Because he also was live tweeting the Chargers Chiefs game, and then he inserted an apology into the middle of his string of live tweets.

I like that a lot.

Out of nowhere.

That's actually a smart movie.

Buried it in the middle of there.

But in his tweet, he also talked about an off-the-air thing.

Yeah, that was interesting.

That nobody knew about.

And now it's like, wait, Ryan, this is so weird.

What the fuck is going on, man?

The last two years for Ryan Clark, he's put up crazy numbers in terms of all weird points.

Yeah.

Like

back and forth he had with RG3,

where he's like, your wife's white.

And then everyone's like, that's weird, Ryan.

And then it turns out that he had a kid that he had not acknowledged publicly that came out.

It's just been

very strange with Ryan.

Very strange.

And all the podcast clips that I ever see of the guy are him on the verge of tears interviewing somebody.

Yeah.

Schraeger, you don't need us to say this, but I'll say this.

I'm pretty confident that this entire show, if it was just us versus versus ryan clark we could beat his ass if you need us to do it we will but also peter if you say anything about football i disagree with i'm going to remind you you didn't play football correct that's a fact yeah not like me

the the it was just crazy ryan clark come on man

you know what ryan clark i want someone to give you an rv and then take it away so you can feel the pain

Dickhead.

You know what?

I'd be like, you didn't watch football.

Yeah.

You didn't watch football for a lot of years.

For the most formative years of your take-producing life.

You were playing it.

Like your brain was in, your brain, my brain was learning how to make takes about football as you were nowhere to be found.

Correct.

You were on the field.

Mm-hmm.

Touching grass while I was on the couch.

Weirdo.

Grinding tape.

Zach, finish this off.

My who's back of the week is dedicated fans.

Did any of you guys see the Missouri fan halftime with the kick attempt?

I did, yeah.

We can talk more college on Wednesday, but yes, this was awesome.

I just,

Are you guys given the chance?

Are you just shoving it to the other team, showing the shirt, or are you going for $25,000?

It's a good question, Zach, because at one point in my life, I was offered, I believe, $250,000 to a food bank to make a 33-yard field goal.

I did the same thing.

I turned to the side.

I missed it wide right on purpose.

I remember that.

Because I was just like, I don't, this is ESPN.

They fired me.

I'm not going to acknowledge them by trying to make a field goal here.

So I respect what that guy did.

Yeah.

Big time respect.

Also, he has one leg.

Also, the guy had, yeah, he had a prosthetic leg, and the dude's a legend.

Yeah.

Forever.

And I'm glad that rivalry's back, too, because you should not go that long without playing that game, the Board of War.

Yeah.

Glad it's back.

That was a good move.

I wish he had lightly hit somebody in the butt on the sideline.

That would have been cool.

That would have been really cool.

I think he goes down in fan history there.

Yeah, he does.

Yeah, he does.

Okay.

Good show, boys.

Week one in the books.

Feels good.

Feels great.

Feels awesome to talk football.

We don't know a lot of things.

What did we learn?

Dolphins think.

Dolphins do stink.

Memes was upset because if the Jets had won, that would make Hank the only team on this podcast that lost this weekend.

Yeah, that'd be good.

Yeah.

I hate that.

Game is still coming up.

Yeah.

But no, but the Jets look better.

I mean, the Bills.

PFT is thinking Soupy.

Hank's going to give up.

Thinking about the concept

of a Soupy.

Never going to give it.

We could have.

Think about week two.

What's at stake?

PFT could be thinking Soupy, and Hank could be giving up.

I was saying if he's the Eagles could kill the Chiefs, and the Jets could

infer.

Is Jalen Carter going to play?

Yeah.

Not suspended.

Rappapor said that it's unlikely that he faces anymore.

I heard Herm Edwards talk about that on my driving to work this morning.

I like to listen to Herm and our good friend Matt Jones chop it up sometimes on Sunday mornings.

Herm said.

What a combo.

Yeah.

Herm said he would have benched Jalen Carter for the the next week.

He would have said, you got to stand on the sidelines with me.

Yeah, fucking right.

No.

I actually do think that Herm Edwards would have done that.

And there's a reason why Herm Edwards is not an NFL coach.

Where's that coming?

It was very funny to hear him say it.

It's like, I know you believe this, Herm.

Yeah.

But it also tells me a lot.

I know that.

That's like a great, like, when we match each other's, you know, hypothetical things.

Like, yeah, you know what?

I'd cut Jalen Carter.

I'd send a message.

I would.

If I were the coach, I would.

I'd arrest him.

Yep.

I would.

I'd never let him play football again.

Actually, you know what?

I'd beat his ass.

Yeah, I would.

That was his coach.

I'd kick the shit out of him.

Yep.

Yeah.

That's what we would do to Jalen Carter.

Whose line is in it?

I already know the line.

I'm interested.

Oh, I like the

new segment.

I already know the line.

But you guess it.

All right.

On the DraftKings sports book, the Chiefs at home against the

Eagles.

What?

Eagles minus four.

Is it played?

When is it played?

Chiefs.

What time?

Game of the week, 3.30.

I think I'm going to say pick them.

I'm going to say Chiefs minus 1.5.

Eagles minus 1.5.

Wow.

I was surprised by that.

I thought it was going to be Chiefs minus 1, maybe even Chiefs minus 2.

So I've got to bet the Chiefs

system.

Because I have them as a favorite and they're an underdog.

Right.

Maybe that's what Vegas wants you to think.

Yeah.

Well, I...

Can't figure out.

You know, I'm not smart enough.

I lost everything.

It would be so funny if

we recorded early on Thursday and then I went to Green Bay and then I recorded the rest of the show remotely on Thursday night.

It'd be so funny.

Somebody said that to me earlier.

I was like, no, I can't do that.

You can do it.

It was a good idea, but I won't do it.

Numbers.

Three.

There you go, memes.

Back.

22.

Throughout the show, by the way, now,

every time you say the word number, he just says three to a muted mic.

I got to say, I got to confess something.

I was watching Advisors on Friday, and Big Hat said numbers numbers and pause.

I yelled through it.

Oh, no.

It was like,

it was legit.

I was like three.

The word numbers is broken down.

Yeah,

you can't say number one.

85.

I'm going to go 32 for Justin Fields' offense.

I'm going to go 33.

14.

99.

Put.

19.

8.

I think.

22.

56.

We've been living in the 50s.

56.

Shane, real quick, Chargers, pretty awesome, huh?

Chargers.

Pretty awesome.

Justin Herbert.

Holy shit.

I missed what you said.

What did you say?

Justin Herbert, holy shit.

He was awesome.

That was an awesome game.

Best game of his career?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you feel awesome?

That was...

That was probably the best Chargers win in the last,

since 2018, probably.

Last time we beat the Chiefs, the Mike Williams williams two-point conversion hell yes that was shit was insane i was very happy for you i have a question for you it's awesome are you thinking soupy

one step at a time i'm feeling happy in the moment right now

they've got to win a playoff game

we have to win many regular seasons games before the player but i'm saying like that's the yes

one justin herbert playoff win would be

feed families

honestly with a bunch of chicken fingers and macaroni Shirley Temples.

Shirley Temples.

No onions.

No onions.

No pickles.

It would feed a lot of family.

Shane.

Would you eat an onion like an apple for a Chargers playoff win?

I would eat many.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He would sleep with an onion.

I would.

I would sleep in a bed just of onion.

No mattress, just onion.

In an onion bed?

Yeah.

If the Chargers go to the ASC championship game, you have to sleep in an onion bed the night before.

I heard you say sleep with an onion.

I thought you were asking the fuck an onion.

No.

Wait, would you fuck an onion for a Super Bowl?

Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

That would probably burn.

Worth it.

Right?

I'd be crying.

Yeah.

I just love you so much.

All right.

Good show, boys.

Week one.

Love you guys.

Shamefully.