Andrew Santino In Studio, Week 2 Picks And Preview, Packers Dominate The Commanders + Fyre Fest Of The Week

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On today's part of my take, we have our good, good friend Andrew Santino in studio.

He's got a new special out.

He's one of our favorite comedians.

He came and hung out with us for like an hour.

We talked about everything with him.

Check out his new special.

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Today is Friday, September 12th, and the Green Bay Packers are a problem.

Generational team.

Listen, credit to us.

Yep.

We said if they don't win the Super Bowl, it would be the greatest upset in the history of sports.

And they are so good, they're guaranteed to win this Super Bowl and probably next year's Super Bowl.

And if we're wrong, we'll be the first to put our hands up and say we were wrong.

I do have one thing, and PFD, I want to hear all your thoughts on the game.

I do have one thing I should probably say I was wrong about.

In the moment, I did do Barcelona Sports Advisors before this game tonight, and I said that Jaden Daniels is the better quarterback than Jordan Love.

It was not true tonight.

I still would take Jaden Daniels overall, although tonight made me nervous because Jordan Love looked pretty dialed in.

If you go by the Packers' history, this is the year that Jordan Love will win a Super Bowl, and he'll be an insanely talented quarterback, and then that'll be the one that he wins.

And that's just what they do.

They just crank out, they get a never-ending supply of 27-year-olds.

And then he'll have like a really messy divorce with them where the new one comes, and then he wins the Super Bowl.

Yes, that will probably happen.

The Packers are a great team.

The Packers are the best team I've seen all season, like all around.

Generational.

I think I'll stick with what I said earlier.

Generation.

Generational.

A once in a lifetime team.

Once in several lifetime things.

Yes.

You should consider yourself to be lucky to be on the planet Earth at the same time as the Screen Bay Packers team.

And then, oh, yeah, they also added Micah Parsons to that team.

Now it's like once every millennium.

It's a one in a thousand year team.

I would like to announce something.

Okay.

Congratulations to Max on winning the NFC East again.

Oh, no.

Congrats, Max.

Don't let him do this to you, Max.

Because I learned a few things tonight, Max.

Let's talk about Jaden Day.

I learned a few things.

Oh, I learned it.

Max, Max, we can talk about Jaden.

Learned a few things tonight.

This is why I wasn't thinking Soupy.

You guys were telling me I was crazy for not thinking Soupy.

I was like, well, if we beat the Packers, then I will be thinking Soupy.

We're just not a very good team.

We might be an average team.

We might be slightly above average.

But if we play against good teams, that's what we're going to look like.

The final score, even though it was just, it was a nine-point win, they covered the spread and then some,

it wasn't that close.

It felt like a three-four score win for the Packers.

Pretty much all night.

It was never, never in jeopardy at all.

The closest I got to thinking maybe we could do it when Debo had that nice kickoff return to start the second half.

By the way, Debo looks awesome.

He did.

He looked awesome tonight.

He's been the best player that we've had offensively throughout the first two weeks.

We're just not a team that's going to be able to beat.

very, very good teams as it currently is right now.

Jaden was running for his life tonight.

The Packers' defensive front was getting pressure on him.

And then he didn't really have anything downfield.

He was only taking shots to Ertz, Debo underneath, Eckler a little bit, who looked like he tores Achilles at the end of the game, which absolutely sucks.

Dr.

Dan told me that that was what it was.

Yeah, well, my friend, who just torsed Achilles, texted me.

He's like, Yeah, that's an Achilles.

I could spy.

More do you need?

Yeah, Jaden didn't look great tonight.

He didn't look comfortable running.

His scrambling ability wasn't there.

He got banged up.

He needs to chill out some.

He needs to chill out with getting hit because it's not going to last if he keeps doing this.

And every time someone touches him, I'm like, oh my God, please be okay.

Yeah, I'll be the first to say it.

Commanders might be, I think we're like an above-average team right now.

I think we're like a 10-win team.

But that's like our, we're not going to beat the good teams, the very good teams.

It was just, it was ugly.

And I'm not like second-guessing or anything.

If you want to talk about Jaden Daniels, I will trade you.

anybody for Jaden is mine.

I will refuse any trade for Jaden is what I'm saying.

I'm not wavering on that, but he did look - this was the worst that I've seen him play fully healthy.

Okay.

Throughout the first one.

That's fair.

That's throughout the first year and two games.

Can I say credit to Jaden Daniels?

He was not smiling tonight.

Not smiling.

Like, that was the first time that I didn't see him smile, and he matched the mood because it was kind of a shit-kicking.

I would say Jaden Daniels is going to be fine.

I would be nervous a little bit about the defense because it felt like Bobby Wagner might be getting to the end of it because Tucker Kraft was just eating you guys alive in the middle of the field.

You're going to wait for the all-22 on that one.

Okay.

There was one play where they found the seams did look wide open tonight.

Wide open.

Tucker Kraft was an absolute monster tonight.

The seams were so exposed it looked like Max bending over in front of a camera.

But I don't know.

After that first one, where it looked like Bobby Wagner missed the handoff and he thought the safety was going to cover.

I don't know who was supposed to be going to the tight ends if it was a safety that was an issue all night or if it was Bobby Wagner, who's not the fastest guy anymore.

And we are.

He's like 36.

It was the youngest team in the NFL against the oldest team in the NFL tonight, and it looked that way.

Short rest.

Yeah, it looked that way.

So credit to the Packers.

The Packers are a great football team, generational.

Yeah, Jordan Love looked pretty dialed in.

Matt LaFleur called a great game.

The shot plays the Packers do, I know they didn't all connect, but I just, it's

watching a team take those shots.

You don't see it.

Every team doesn't do stuff like that where it's like, hey, every like six, seven plays, we're going to try to take a shot.

We're going to try to extend the field.

And Jordan Love does this thing where he kind of floats in the pocket, like goes off his back foot and delivers a strike.

Yeah, they're a really good team.

And they've held, we don't know what the Lions are going to be right now,

but so

it's still early in the NFL season.

But

through two weeks, the Packers have held the Lions and Commanders two of the best offenses last year to

essentially 18 points total.

Actually, no, sorry, 16 points total because it was a garbage time touchdown for the Lions, garbage time touchdown for the Commanders, 16 points

in the real football and game flow.

So their defense looks really good.

I don't know that you could call that 100% garbage time because if the Commanders, if

there was still a possibility that they win that game, they'd have to put together a Josh Allen performance in the fourth quarter.

I do judge.

And a Derrick Henry fumble.

Yeah, I judge.

I wouldn't judge the defense.

Like, the defense is definitely different when you're up 17 with four minutes left.

Yes.

So

if you don't want to call it garbage time, it's not.

In quarters that have been like the first three quarters are games that are close, the Packers have absolutely suffocated their offensive opponent.

It was like compost time.

Technically, yes, it's rotten, but it could also give you life.

What was with the commander's urgency?

Yeah, so that's the other thing.

That's bizarre.

That's the other thing.

Dan Quinn, it was his birthday tonight, so let's get out in front of that one.

His mind might have been somewhere else.

He had three timeouts that he just.

He didn't have me.

I'm just saying, like, maybe he was happy.

Maybe he was just thinking about what he's going to do for presence later.

Dan Quinn does not strike me as a birthday guy.

No, he's not.

He's not.

But,

yeah, his first half clock management, the three timeouts in the half with no urgency, very puzzling

in the fourth quarter, calling a timeout like right out of the fourth quarter chain, like right when they switched from third to fourth.

He called timeout after the first play, and they called timeout with like five minutes.

I don't know what, what the fuck Dan Quinn was doing there.

Uh, sometimes you get, he just gets like all worked up.

Yeah.

He doesn't know what to do with his timeouts.

Um, that was very bad.

There were actually a lot of bad things, but the run defense, I thought, was good tonight for the Commanders, which is good because last year that was by far the worst part of our defense.

Yeah.

Run defense.

So that was a little bright spot.

Debo, a little bright spot.

The offensive line didn't play well.

They had their hands full.

Micah Parsons is just a fucking monster.

At least I don't have to see him again this year

unless we play him in the playoffs.

There was that one drive where you guys went up tempo and just kept him off the field.

That was kind of cool.

That was the best move that we made all night.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cliff didn't call a good game.

Jaden didn't play well.

The offensive line didn't block particularly well.

The only bright spots would be like, yeah, that rush defense, Debo, and then Ertz.

Again, Ertz, it doesn't matter how old he is.

Ertz is going to find the end zone.

What did you say to Max in privacy in between at halftime?

I said, congrats on the Eagles winning the NFC East.

That was what it was.

Because, Max, let's get real.

I like to think I'm not delusional as a Commanders fan.

Fact or fiction.

Fact?

We're not a good enough team to win that division.

The Eagles are a much better team right now than we are.

I don't know.

We didn't look great last week.

I don't think that it's close.

I think that you guys are a much better team than I am.

I don't know.

The Cowboys were, like,

I'm not just going to say that.

Like, we, I didn't watch that game against the Cowboys last week and be like, oh, this is the same team that I saw last year.

Like, maybe we'll get back to that point, well, like, as the season goes on.

But, like, I have to see what happens against the Chiefs this week.

And I'm not going to be like, oh, yeah,

this is ours.

Like, our defense did not look good against the Cowboys, who may not even be a good team.

It's early in the season, and I realize that teams can change over the course of the year.

The Commanders might get better.

But as it stands right now, I can't see this team beating the Big Dogs.

Yeah, no, the Packers looked like they were on a different level tonight.

Did you guys play the Packers?

Yes.

Monday Night Football, November 10th.

Whoa.

Got it circled.

Yeah.

Why do I want to go to that game?

I stand.

I feel like I was right in my take.

The Packers, those helmets suck.

Yeah.

Well, it's better at night.

They wore them in the daytime last time, and the all-whites in the daytime didn't work.

But yeah, the Green Bay Packers, they're better than that.

That's what I said.

That was my original point packers fans are getting mad me they're a traditional like uh franchise they're they're they're a charter member of the nfl they have classic colors wear those colors they have like i don't like the packers but their colors are you when you see them you're like that's the packers and they're wearing all whites like that it's like are those the bengals i don't know or the dolphins just don't mix it up Shout out to the people.

Be traditional.

Shout out to the people at Lambeau that were wearing the white-out cheese heads that they got specifically for this game or for their wedding.

If you're abroad, you can wear that.

That's a nice formal piece of headgear that you can get.

Oh, that definitely is getting worn at weddings in Wisconsin.

Also, shout out the big strong guy who hit the vape.

Amazon, though, fucked up.

You got to let us see the fat cloud.

There was a Packers fan in the third quarter where he's got his shirt off.

He's muscle-bound.

He must have hit his vape for a solid like seven seconds, and they cut away right before he gave us the cloud.

Yeah, it was a big rip.

Huge taste.

He needed to see that fat cloud.

And I've seen a lot of this discourse online tonight that the commanders are fraudulent.

I don't think that they're frauds.

Because to be a fraud, you have to act like you're the best team in the league.

You have to be

acting that way that you can beat anybody and then get embarrassed, get exposed.

Well, they could be frauds in the fact that last year could have been a fluke.

I don't think that they're frauds.

I don't think that, but that's what I think people are trying to argue.

If you think they're frauds, you think that the people that were saying that they're going to win the Super, those are the ones that are committing fraud.

Like in the housing bubble, you didn't get mad at the foreclosed apartments, right?

But you got mad at the people that were that were buying and selling them.

Right, but you get what I'm saying.

Like, last year they had an incredible year.

If they don't, if they miss the playoffs this year, there will be the discourse that last year was an anomaly and of a fluke.

I'm not saying that.

There's a fun anomaly.

I would be, of course.

Hank would be.

Hank would definitely be.

But that's where I think the angle, I don't think it's about this year.

I think it's about last year into this year.

I'm also just deep in my feelings right now.

Yeah, of of course.

This is the beauty of recording, right?

Hank, do you still ⁇ are you flipping back on your take that you think the Patriots will be better than the Commanders this year?

Did I ever un-reverse that?

No, you reverse it.

Yeah, you did reverse it.

You reversed it.

Literally after week one.

On Sunday night.

On Sunday night,

we did the haves and have-nots thing.

Hank's gaslighting.

I'm not giving up on the Patriots.

It's a long season.

They could definitely be better than the Commanders.

You guys did the have-have-nots things.

I didn't rank the teams that I thought the Patriots would be.

You said,

right.

You literally said.

Yeah, you did.

I think you did.

You said you're going to be better than me.

Big cat.

Big cat.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I might be taking that back.

I think the commanders would be fine.

I think the Packers are really good.

It's hard to go on Thursday night football early in the season.

And

they played as bad as you could play.

That was not a competitive game.

That game, America should not have been exposed to that game.

Yeah.

It was bad.

I was juiced up for this matchup.

I was pumped up, and it just didn't happen.

Yep.

Also, uh,

shout out Matt Gay.

I've always said, like, if you're a kicker and your name is gay, you have to be super mentally tough.

Boy named Sue situation, boy named Sue, yeah.

Imagine all the shit you had to go through to be this successful at life.

I think he'll be okay.

Uh, but like, having two, he had one doink, but having two doinks back to back was crazy.

Yeah, because like if your name is Matt Gay, you could just, you could just not play sports.

Instead, you're like, I'm going to go play the toughest sport and be the kicker.

You'd be the wimpiest position.

You could go stand for the fucking locker room.

You got to have a beast diesel of a mind to pull that off.

In conclusion, stop saying Jane Daniels is a little bro ass.

Who said that?

People saying little bro ass.

Lil Bro ass?

Yeah, I got several little bro asses.

Is he little bro ass of the week?

No.

I mean, he is right now of week two.

Monday Night Football.

I think Caleb.

No, week two.

Of week two.

I said of week two.

No, we have to wait until week two.

No, but as of right now,

Lil Bro ass of week two.

If the week ended right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Jaden would be little bro ass.

You almost said Caleb again.

I just searched Twitter, Lil Bro ass, and the first person that the first thing that comes up is PFT Commenter.

Lil Bro ass.

I don't know.

That might be.

Yeah, that's my brand.

It might be a coincidence, but but like, there's, I don't know why you would come up when it's a little bro ass.

People are tweeting little bro ass at me.

Oh, so that's the algorithm.

The algorithm got you.

People are saying at PFT comments or little bro ass.

Yes, yes.

So it, okay, so that's, that's, that's a tough phrase to just be connected to your handle, though.

I guess.

A lot of little bro asses.

Yeah.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, unfortunately, it's like when memes gave us the Aaron Rodgers stat after a Thursday night football game.

If you only have one game, if you had to do the Little Bro ass of the week, there's going to be more Lil Bro ass.

He played Lil Bro As-ish tonight.

Yeah, he was a Lil Bro ass adjacent.

Tonight.

Lil Bro Ass Curious.

But

there's going to be more Lil Bro ass performances.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

But that's the.

He doesn't have the biggest Lil Bro ass of week two.

I'll say that.

Well, right now he does.

Well, yeah, that's it.

Right now he does.

There's going to be more.

Yeah.

There will be a bigger Lil Bro ass.

Mac Jones plays this weekend.

That's a good point.

Yeah.

Mac Jones versus Spencer Rattler.

Yeah, no, listen.

I did, that's the price that I pay for being the Lil Bro ass guy.

Is you live by the Lil Bro ass and you die by the Lil Bro and playing on Thursday Night Football and playing on Thursday.

That's the hard part.

Yeah, man in the arena, little bro ass in the arena.

Yeah, uh, okay, uh, yeah, a lot of little bro asses.

Yeah, a lot of little bro.

It's okay.

What was the meanest thing they were saying about Jaden Daniels?

Lil Bro ass.

That was the meanest thing.

Can you get worse than that?

I saw a couple comments saying, like, bust.

How can you say bust?

That's fine.

Again, I wouldn't trade.

I don't think that there's a player in the NFL that I would trade for Jaden right now.

Yeah, he played 18 games that were phenomenal, and then he had a bad game.

If you do the 18 games first, you get a couple bad games.

Yeah, he had a bad game.

That's fair.

But he wasn't the main problem tonight.

There were a lot of problems.

Who ranked the problems?

The offensive line

was a bad problem.

The past defense was a worse problem.

Okay.

What's your panic meter at of sophomore slump?

Not.

So one to ten.

Not.

Zero?

I already answered not.

Zero?

My answer is not.

You could just say zero.

I'm not worried.

You should say zero.

Zero.

Not.

I'm not.

That sounds like.

But the fact that you're not putting a number.

It sounds like it might not be zero.

I am not worried.

Zero.

So

that'd be zero.

I'm not even acknowledging the

So zero.

I'm not saying.

I gave you a range.

It's not like I was like.

I'm not.

I'm just not.

I'm not going to.

How about that?

Okay.

That makes me more worried.

No.

That you won't.

Because I explicitly said that I wasn't worried.

But I gave you an option to say you're not worried.

And you're still not taking my option.

I already said that I wasn't worried.

By saying zero.

Max is inventing a new form of measurement, a new system of measurement, then asking me to jump into his brain and figure out what

to ten.

Yeah.

No, you said zero to.

Wait, is it one?

No, I said one to ten, and I even gave you zero as yeah, zero is zero.

I said not.

Yeah, that would be zero, so you got to just say zero.

You could say zero.

I'm not playing the game.

Three.

Heck,

what is your meter of thinking that it could be a sophomore salon?

Seven?

Whoa, seven's too high.

I wasn't even going to say seven.

How would you define where does uh whoa, where how do we know if he's in a sophomore slump?

No playoffs,

seven wins?

Yeah.

But you're a seven out of ten that it's going to be a sophomore slum?

I'm a game-by-game guy, and he looked horrible tonight.

You are a game-by-game guy.

That's what we say.

Your schedule is not that hard, PFT, too.

Just looking at it.

It's not easy.

Last year was easy.

We got to get back to playing against first overall picks.

That's where Jaden truly shines.

Oh, yeah.

The rankings.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So we got.

Is that hard?

The good news is we've got a mini-buy and then the Raiders.

Raiders who are on short rest.

On a short rest.

Yeah.

You're going to dominate them.

That's a must-win.

If we don't beat the Raiders at home,

then I will acknowledge Max's scale and I will give a truthful answer as opposed to default.

It can still be zero, but you'll acknowledge it.

I'll acknowledge it, and I'll give a truthful answer as opposed to deflecting, which I would never do.

Never.

But I also won't do that next week, which I'm also not doing now.

Correct.

It's pretty easy stuff to follow me.

That's fair.

No, that's fair.

I'm very much on the same page.

I'm happy we had this discussion.

By the way, Dan Quinn, rack.

Yeah.

Big time.

He had a rack.

Heavies.

He had a rack.

Heavies.

Cannons.

He might be on cannons on the power rankings next week.

All right, we got an awesome show.

We got picks in preview.

We got Andrew Santino in studio.

We got Firefest.

It's a Football Friday.

Let's kick it to ourselves and get going.

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Okay, boys, week two in the NFL.

And I know we've given this speech many times before, but I'll just say it again.

It's bullshit that we only have three games in the afternoon.

And two of those games start at 3.05 Central, 405 Eastern.

And then there is one single game at that 325, 425 spot.

NFL, you you sons of bitches, I love you so much, but stop doing this to us.

At least we get two Monday night games, right?

Yes, we do.

That's good.

We do, but it's just

give us.

There's so many early games.

Are there nine?

Yeah.

Nine early games.

All right, so which one are we relegating?

Which one?

We are going to relegate.

Ooh.

There's some good games.

I know there are.

There's a lot of good games.

I don't know which one we would relegate.

49ers, Saints?

Yeah, maybe.

All right, well, let's talk about it.

We'll pick one to relegate, or maybe we'll do a quad box.

We can do one of the TVs in a quad box.

But yeah, this is NFL.

Just give us

seven and five.

That's all I ask.

Seven and five.

Make it perfect.

Make everybody's day a little bit better.

Because this is the problem is that in the afternoon slate,

if two of those games are bad, it's like, all right, now you got to...

Now you're stuck with the game.

Yeah, it's not that hard.

I don't know why they don't do it because the Sundays where it's evenly split, everybody enjoys it better, right?

Yeah.

So why don't they just do that all the time?

Just do what we like, please.

But they don't like doing that.

Adam Silver would do it.

They don't like doing what we like.

Yeah.

Which I respect the NFL for.

Yeah.

So they treat me like,

yeah, they treat me like

dirt.

I stick to them like mud.

Yeah, I don't respect the NBA.

Yeah.

Just for because Adam Silver will do whatever we say.

I get whatever I want.

Yeah.

The NBA is my hoe.

Yeah.

Big time.

But I could tell my, I could tell the NBA to like, I could just walk up to the NBA, like, stop punching yourself, NBA.

Yeah.

I am the NFL's bitch.

Yeah.

All right.

I have a theme for this week, Hank.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Dogs.

Too many.

There's too many.

There's too many dogs.

My big,

and obviously we're not the best gamblers here,

but week two always feels like the get-even week, where it's teams that you're never as bad as you look and you're never as good as you look.

So figure out the teams that, hey, this team.

And one or two teams are.

One or two teams teams are but for example here's a here's a a little uh historical angle for you week two road dogs off a double-digit loss are hitting at 65 since 2005 that's the giants and the panthers that's gross the giants and panthers looked gross very nice hold your nose take those teams that kind of game also every single game on sunday last week week one went under

everyone's going to be like oh maybe it's just an under year

it might be go over Just got to reverse whatever you got.

I got a question for you, Hank.

It's one of those teams that maybe look bad, but are bad?

Are they the Dolphins?

I think it's the look bad, are they bad, bowl?

Yeah.

I think the Dolphins Patriots are that game.

Yeah, I didn't know if that was one of the ones you were.

Would you ever put the Dolphins in your Hungry Dog parlay?

Not this week, no.

In the future, possibly, but.

I mean, obviously they're playing the Patriots.

I also think they are one of those teams that are that bad.

Yeah.

We're going to find out.

It's also a big revenge week.

Huge couple.

We have two matchups with national championship revenges.

So let's actually just hop into it.

Let's start with one of them.

Jaguars at Bengals.

Bengals minus three and a half over under 48.5.

We were at this national championship game.

I remember parts of it.

Yep.

Travis Hunter is going to play more defensive snaps this week.

The Bengals won finally in week one, but they didn't look good.

Now, when it comes to Travis Hunter's workload, like, how much more time does he have to spend that he has to do both offense and defense?

Is he working like a job and a half now?

I think so.

Like, what's on Hunter's laptop is what I'm asking.

Yeah, he's just going as hard as he can.

Show us.

Yeah.

Fun fact: the Bengals have not been 2-0 since 2018.

Wow.

Other fun fact: the Jaguars haven't been 200-0 since 2018.

Wow.

Something's got to give.

Something's got to give.

Do we think, I think the Jaguars are going to be in this game.

I do.

I think that the Bengals looked really, really bad against the Browns.

Offensively, especially.

Offensively, really, really bad against the balls.

Defensively, okay.

They looked okay.

They got a couple interceptions that were pretty lucky that bounced off Browns players.

But I think what they only had seven yards of offense in the second half.

Yeah.

That's tough to do with that Bengals offense.

It is week two.

It's early.

We don't really know what any of these teams fully are.

So I just looked at AI, and a Bengal would kill a Jaguar like 100 out of 100 times.

Really?

Yeah, a tiger.

Tigers are

the real kings.

So a jaguar does have one of the fiercest bites in the animal kingdom.

The problem is the Bengal outweighs the Jaguar by like 200 pounds.

Yeah, it's a pretty significant weight.

I actually think that the Bengal could beat up any cat.

Probably.

Including a lion.

So a Jaguar has a skull-crushing bite, exceptionally strong for its size, but not strong enough to overcome the tiger or for the larger, thicker skull of a tiger.

A Jaguar's best chance would be to land a decisive bite to the Jaguar's neck or skull in an ambush.

Also, so basically, that's trick plays.

Nim Cohen's got to go with trick plays.

Jaguars have to come from behind.

They have to come from behind and they have to trick them.

Have you ever heard a cat fight?

Yeah.

The sound it makes?

Yeah.

This might be a really ugly game to watch or listen to.

Anika and Ela.

This is going to be.

I feel like whoever walks away 2-0,

I'm going to be like, ooh, man, now watch out.

Yeah.

Because we overreact.

Yeah, we do overreact.

Again, all the Bengals have to do is just, they can play bad again if they just somehow figure out a way to win.

That's all they need to do in September.

Because I'm convinced that their offense is going to be great like it was last year eventually.

So if they just, they need to use like all their luck now is what I'm saying.

I don't know.

Their offensive line is not good.

That's the only thing that would make me nervous.

I mean, Joe Burrow got his ass kicked.

Druden was here today, and he was just ranting about how someone on the Bengals' offensive line,

he was like, I was doing TikToks with him a month ago in an airport.

He wasn't on a roster.

So

they're kind of putting it together.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm excited for this game.

This game will get a main TV.

This is also a big uniform weekend for the NFL.

So the Bengals are doing their open and orange uniform thing, and it's a combination they've only worn once before.

Let me see these.

Let me see these Bengals.

What is it called?

Open and orange.

Open and orange?

Open in orange.

In orange.

Yeah.

That's not what it is.

That's it.

It's orange.

It's orange, and I think it's the white pants.

I like those a lot.

And the orange socks.

Those are clean.

But those are kind of prime time uniforms.

They are, but I think you can use a primetime uniform against the Jaguars.

Yeah.

I think that's always fine.

Yeah.

Okay.

Next up, Giants at Cowboys.

Cowboys minus four and a half, over-under, 44.5.

Here's how the Russell Wilson situation is going.

The New York Times had a New York Times athletic had an article titled, Russell Wilson Deserves Everyone's Respect on His Way Out the Giants Door.

Okay, so like applaud him when he leaves the field.

It was basically an entire article being like,

he was an underdog.

He's an undersized quarterback.

He won a Super Bowl.

He had an incredible career.

We need to give him the grace when he gets benched, which is going to happen because he sucks now.

This is exactly my thought process when I had to put Leroy down.

That's what I'm going for.

Brester Wilson.

Yeah, that's what we're going for right here.

It's like, treat him kindly, walk him to the sideline, give him a little treat,

let him have his favorite meal.

Maybe whisper in his ear saying, let's ride.

Yeah, and maybe go to Jameis, put a little buffer in there before you get the new puppy.

Yep.

Before you get somebody to replace him that's going to go out and be your long-term guy in Dart.

Although Dart, at some point, they're going to put Dart in the game.

I don't think that it's going to be a clean benching for Russ Wilson.

I've thought more about it because my prediction was that Dart gets in against the Chargers.

That would be his first start.

I don't know if it's going to be a clean benching.

I think they might do the Dart packages.

They might slowly incorporate Dart into the games.

Is it crazy to think that maybe they just wait till Andrew Thomas is back?

No, that's not crazy.

Because that feels like it's almost like if Andrew Thomas could play this week, maybe Dart would play.

They just want their left tackle back, and then they would potentially put in it.

Because we looked at the schedule.

They don't have easy games.

No, they don't.

The only easy game they have is at New Orleans, and that might not be an easy game because they might both be bad.

It's on the road, yeah.

I do think that they're...

I'm going to ride the Giants one more time, one more week of just being like, this defense can keep them in games, and maybe Russell Wilson can do enough.

And if they burn me here, I'm out till Dart plays.

I actually think that Dak is going to have another big game.

He didn't have that big of a game.

Well, he did not have statistically a big game, but he looked good.

He did look good.

And there were a few drops in there that would have added to his yardage total.

I think Dak's going to play real.

He always plays good against the Giants.

Yeah.

Always.

Yeah, he does.

I actually think, like, Dak, what's the streak?

I think he's won a million in a row again.

2016.

That's a lot.

That's a lot in a row.

I know he's been injured a little, but that's a lot.

That's a lot.

He beats the Giants.

He does.

That's what he does.

I'm going to go with Dak again.

I actually think.

13-game winning streak against the New York Giants.

We might be wrong about Dak this year.

Would we rank him 17th best?

Yeah.

No, I think he's lower.

I think we ended up with like 24.

I think Dak could sniff around the top 10.

Sniff.

He could sniff.

And now he does need to get Pickens involved because if he doesn't, that's going to blow up.

George Pickens, though.

Maybe taking a more mature route, said

he's focused on just staying open for Dak.

I'm not really worried about the touches, catches, all that stuff.

I'm just trying to stay open for the team.

I'm trying to focus on the first win.

That's good.

He rehearsed that in the mirror like nine times before he said it to the press.

He's like, you could do this.

Is the Giants one of your hungry dogs?

No.

Oh.

I think the Cowboys are solid.

Stop us when we get to a Hungry Dog.

We're about to dive in.

We're about to get to the Hungry Dogs?

Yeah.

Bears at Lions?

Yep.

Yeah, I think so too.

I've come.

So Bears at Lions, Lions minus six over, under a 46.5.

I've gone through the whole process.

Is this a revenge game?

For which side?

Ben Johnson.

I think it would be more revenge for Dan Campbell.

Yeah, because he took some coaches.

And Ben Johnson left.

This feels like a revenge game.

This feels like a game where it means a little more.

I think it does mean a lot to Ben Johnson.

Oh, for sure.

Well, you got to win.

Like, you got to start winning.

So

I've gone through the whole process of the week, and I obviously was down on Tuesday after the game.

I still stand by the fact that I think Caleb needs to start playing better, showing improvements.

Kurt Warner did a whole thing where he was actually great.

Maybe I'm just so dumb, but I talked to Prisco.

I talked to Gruden.

I saw Kurt Warner.

They all have just differing opinions on the tape, which I don't really understand.

What did Groom say?

Gruden said that it's not, it doesn't look great.

I feel like you got to trust Gruden.

I know, and Prisco said that Prisco was like, which is something that I thought with my eyes, it's not like he's playing bad, it's that the feel of the game is not there, like the hitting open receivers before they're open kind of stuff.

And he's doing the thing where he's talking about how good he was at those throws in practice, right?

He's like, I made those all week.

I uh, I have a little bit of inside information, it's probably better than actually talking to John Gruden or to Pete Prisco or Kurt Warner.

Ran into a guy at the bank who is a big Bears fan, And I was wearing my commander's hat, and he said, fuck you.

And then he said, I was like, that's a weird thing for a teller at the bank to be telling me.

But then he goes, actually, I'm not mad at you.

I'm just upset with how Monday Night Football went.

I said, I hear that.

And he told me his problem with Caleb Williams.

Okay.

His problem is that Caleb Williams is now processing things too fast.

Oh.

So last year.

Too fast.

Last year, he wasn't processing fast enough.

He was taking a lot of sacks.

This year, Ben Johnson's drilled it into him so much.

You got to get through your reads, and then you got to decide to check down or get out of the pocket.

He's like skipping reads two, three just to get to the decision of whether or not to scramble or throw.

So that's not processing too fast.

That's just not processing.

Well, it's better than taking a sack.

It is.

That still is a processing.

He's like, so

he's going too fast through his reads.

So we need to just slow down on reads two and three now.

And by the way, Caleb Williams did say he kind of agreed with the assessment that he needs to like have a better feel for the game because he said

the overthrows or the missed throws are his decisiveness.

Like when his decisiveness loses, he said this.

He said, decisiveness always wins when you start being hesitant and things like that.

You start missing passes, easy passes that you feel that you don't typically miss.

That's what he said.

So he's kind of holding.

And

I like Ben Johnson a lot because he takes accountability.

He literally on Tuesday morning did a press conference.

He's like, yeah, I fucked up.

I shouldn't have.

I don't know why Cairo told me that he could get out of the end zone.

Yeah.

I likened it to like

when I was on vacation last year and my three-year-old said that she could swim and I knew she couldn't swim.

And I was just like, all right, jump in.

And she jumped in.

She went right to the bottom.

I picked her up.

Ben Johnson needs to know, like, hey, Cairo's going to tell you he can swim.

He can't swim.

He can't kick it out of the end zone.

When Zach tells Travis Pastrana I can do a backflip.

Yes.

Travis has to watch him ride and be like, I don't think the backflip's for you today.

We're canceling the backflip.

Let's go barrel roll instead.

But I am, so I'm all the the way through the roller coaster of emotions this week.

I do think the Bears can win this game.

I think they definitely can cover.

I think the Lions' problems are less about the, I think the coordinator stuff is overrated.

I think the interior offensive line is underrated when it comes to the Lions' issues.

Yeah, because Jared Goff, he likes to play action.

He likes having his back to the line of scrimmage.

And when he turns around, if there's like three dudes that are coming in his face, that's hard to do.

That's a lot of dudes.

That's too many dudes to wipe off.

And that's what the Lions have done the last two years.

They've beaten teams with just absolute maulers up front.

Yeah.

Are you concerned at all that this is a Dan Campbell, we're going to win this game game?

Of course.

He says, How would I not be?

He says, we're going to win this game.

That's what Dan Campbell said.

And then he said, we have to.

Oh.

It's a half to win for the Lions.

Yeah, that makes me very nervous.

Yeah, I'd be a little concerned about that.

This is why the NFL is the best, though, because every other sport, there's too many games.

In the NFL, are you overreacting in week two?

If you're 0-1 and you say you have to win, maybe a little, but also not.

You know what I mean?

Like, the loser of this game is going to feel really bad about their season come Monday morning.

And that's the best part about the NFL is every week,

this intensity ramps up.

We're like, yeah, you got to win this game.

There's a must-win in week two.

You think they're going to give Ben Johnson the Matt Stafford treatment?

I don't know.

There was a reporter who asked him about it.

It was like,

do you feel bad about leaving Detroit?

No, you shouldn't.

What?

You shouldn't.

He got a head coaching.

He actually put it off for some would say too long.

Yeah.

Like, he stuck around.

He was very, very loyal for a long time.

But we all remember what happened with Matt Stafford and his daughters.

Yes.

They booed his daughters.

They were just definitely 100% booing Matt Stafford.

And yeah,

they were definitely right next to each other.

Yeah.

As they booed Matt Stafford.

Do you think the Bears can win this game?

I do think the Bears can win this game.

Handily.

What?

Handily.

Handily?

What about handily?

What is handily?

Like never sweating the money line?

Not never sweating the money line, but two scores in the fourth quarter.

So the thing that Big Cat was talking about with the offensive line being out, if you watch Jameer Gibbs try to run the ball last week, it was very apparent.

It was super apparent.

Dudes were getting to him in the backfield every time he got the ball.

It was like he hardly ever got to the line of scrimmage untouched.

I do think.

Don't you think Ben Johnson can help game plan plan the defense, too?

Yeah, well, and here's what.

Well, Dennis Allen did a pretty good job against the Vikings.

But I'm saying against his former team.

These are his guys.

I am.

Part of what is making me feel better about

coming out the other end and being like, hey, have patience.

I do think I freaked out a little bit in the fact that the Vikings are a really good team and Brian Fullers is a really good coach.

I think the Vikings are going to end up being a playoff team, high seed team.

So that part is like, it's not like you lost to a shitty team.

It might feel a little easier going up against the Lions than it is going up against a Brian Flores defense because he confuses the fuck out of everyone.

Do you think that Ben Johnson is going to have one fuck you play?

I hope so.

Like a trick play that maybe he tried to install and Dan Campbell was like, that's a little bit insane even for you, Ben.

And he's now there's no training wheels on him anymore.

I take it back.

I actually don't hope so.

Because I want to do the regular plays first.

Okay.

You got to walk before you can run.

But you can still watch that happen and be like, I love Ben Johnson.

He's the best.

What if a fuck you play is just like a really well-timed 20-yard out to DJ Moore?

That'd be a good play.

That would be fine.

I don't know if that's start with smaller fuck you play.

I don't know if that's a fuck you play.

No, no, that could be.

Like the play that Jared didn't want to write.

What was the one where they pretended to fumble?

Yeah, against the Bears.

They actually let Caleb fumble it.

Yeah.

And everyone would believe it.

They're just like, hey, here it is.

Like it gets caught in his giant gray undershirt.

I'm going to say something, too, and this is probably going to look really stupid when we do the show on Sunday night.

I wouldn't mind if Caleb had a couple more interceptions.

We're getting to a point now where he doesn't throw interceptions, and it feels like I'd like him to take some more shots.

Okay.

All right.

Listen, do you not agree in theory?

I think it's a little bit early for that kind of talk.

Well, no, I'm going off of last year, too.

Like, I saw a stat.

He's like 11 touchdowns, one interception in his last, I think, 12 games in 1 and 11 or whatever it is.

Just take a couple shots.

Like that hesitancy he talked about himself.

Let it rip.

Let it rip there.

Let it rip.

He gets to the checkdowns too early.

Teams, you got me?

Do you agree?

Let it rip.

Let it rip.

Let it rip.

Who gives a fuck?

Yeah, like a deep interception, if you're letting it rip,

I don't want to have it be like, you know, 120 yards, but he didn't throw an interception and it looked like it looked Monday night.

Let it rip.

Do we know if Caleb's going to go to Angel Reese's nail tech before this game?

All right, listen.

That was a one-time.

Listen, Angel Reese got a fucking good nail tech.

Yeah.

Why wouldn't you use the best nail tech when offered to you?

Yeah.

I mean, she's elite at Mebounds.

It's really, that did not help.

That did not help.

Yeah.

Do you think he's

for suicide prevention before you say anything?

Which is great.

Thank you.

It has not worked well on you.

Thank you.

But yeah, Big Hat has dropped like four.

I'm going to off myself some last week.

Going back to like when his ear was plugged up.

This actually came out.

This came at a great time for

myself.

I said it on the news.

My ear was killing me.

It just seemed like when it came out that it was Angel Reese's nail tech, that seemed like twisting the knife a little bit.

It was.

It was like, hey, how could we make this even funnier?

Yeah.

How could we make it funny?

They were great nails.

How can we make sure that people get thousands of retweets?

I got to say, the nails, judging off of just pure nail artistry, they were well done.

Dude, I loved it.

That fucking lime green one, oof.

It's awesome.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, we'll see what the the Lions are.

I mean, the Lions could easily just kill the Bears and look like the Lions last year, and they're off and running.

But it does feel especially cruel.

I hate the back-to-back

division games to start the season.

I do, too.

One of these teams is going to be 0-2 in the division to start the season.

Didn't matter for the Packers last year.

That feels like a big, big hole.

I don't know if they started against, but they went 1-7 or 1-5?

Yeah, they didn't start that way.

Yeah, they did.

They went 1-5 in the division.

But that was also, they also then finished third in the division.

So, okay.

Next up, Hank, can I interest you in

Tennessee Titans plus five and a half?

Yep.

Over under 41 and a half.

Sold.

Rams at the Titans.

I agree.

I think the Titans are frisky.

Frisky teams cover spreads.

They don't win games.

They cover spreads, though.

The Titans' defense is good.

The Rams offense is going to take a little time to really get going with Matthew Stafford missing training camp.

If the Titans could just not have a million penalties and also coaching blunders, including when to challenge plays and when not to,

knowing the rules.

We have an update on that, by the way.

Okay.

So after the game, Callahan said he didn't.

Well, the way he explained his decision about the challenge was he said, if you have an elbow, then you also need two feet, which is not the rule.

Not the rule.

And then later on this week, he was asked about that.

And he said that he actually misspoke.

So good news for Titans fans, even when he said the rule incorrectly,

he was just speaking wrong.

It was just a prank.

It was just a prank he was pulling.

He said, my interpretation of the rule was wrong.

I'll own it.

We should have challenged the play.

That's pretty much all I can say about it.

I misspoke.

I'm well aware of the rule.

I understand how it works.

And the way I articulated afterwards was incorrect.

And I understand the rules of this game pretty well.

So he interpreted the rule.

incorrectly and also misspoke about the rule at the same time.

But he definitely, he's been reading the rule book this week.

Yeah.

He's ready to go.

Titans just got to clean a little bit up and they could maybe cover the spread.

Their defense was awesome.

Their defensive line is good.

Their defense is awesome.

The Rams offense did not look great.

I'm a little worried about the Titans' offensive line because that's not great.

Cam Ward, though, eyeball test.

His numbers were bad.

I thought if his guys can just catch the ball, Calvin Ridley.

Yeah, just catch the ball when it's thrown to you.

Yeah.

Do the Titans have the saddest history of free agent wide receivers ever?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Calvin Ridley, in theory, should be good, right?

In theory.

In theory, he's a good player.

Yes.

If you go back and you look at the other guys that they've had, I'm sure we can, like, Randy Moss.

Yeah.

Julio Jones.

Forgot they had Randy Moss.

Yeah.

They like to get guys that are

way late.

Yeah.

Way, way late.

Okay.

Hank.

What about Patriots at Dolphins?

Dolphins minus one and a half, over under 43.5.

Love the Patriots in this game.

New uniforms, another week in the system.

McDaniels had a press conference talking about Drake May.

He said he's not worried about overloading him with information.

Got to remember, it's the first week in a new system.

Wait, McDaniels did?

Josh McDaniels.

Oh, Josh McDaniels.

This is confusing.

Yeah, that was.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, McDaniels.

I said.

Yeah, no, but I always screw up the McDaniel McDaniels thing.

They're the same.

And he said he's going to be a really good player, and he's the guy.

I think he said verbatim, he is the guy.

Okay, that's uh i mean he said that verbatim we can find that quote his his offensive coordinator said he's the guy

that actually this is huge if if that's actually what he said yeah uh he's the right guy oh right guy um right guy but is it the right time the right guy sounds like like when you

like a girl yeah yeah breaks up with like a hot body like bad boy and then finds a nice guy like well he's the right guy for me right now yeah a guy that's like 20 years older, has like a much more established 401k.

He's the right guy for me.

He's the right guy, drives a Subaru.

Yeah, you know, we'll make it work.

Yeah, have some kids.

The right guy.

It's the right thing to do.

Yeah.

I'm ready for that time in my life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She wants to get back with her ex.

He's the right guy.

All it takes is one text.

Can I have a Tim Tebow being like, you up?

And McDaniels is like,

I'm so up.

I got my, I'm so horny right now.

I'm upper than I've ever been.

I got my pants off.

The Patriots never beaten Tua.

Is that not crazy?

Always bad against

the offense, especially in Miami.

But they've never beaten Tua.

Yeah, that's crazy.

That is crazy.

Mm-hmm.

But, counterpoint, Tua has never beaten Mike Frabel.

Yeah.

Yeah, because they, what, played twice against each other?

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I also, this game to me is as simple simple as

Rex Ryan opened the floodgates and called Mike McDaniel McGenius and a dork and a nerd.

And now I have that in my head.

Like I always knew that obviously Mike McDaniel is a smarter guy, analytical guy.

But the minute a fat guy walks in and says that's a dork, I listen to fat guy, it sticks in my head.

And now in my head, it's Mike Rabel versus dork.

I'm going to take Mike Rabel.

This exact scenario has played out in high school cafeterias across the country since the dawn of time.

The dork doesn't win.

Unless the dork can figure out a way to tie Mike Rabel's shoes together before.

Yeah, it can be a prank.

Yeah.

Frank can be involved.

But it just feels like Mike Rabel versus Dork is a mismatch.

Well, it's tough about it.

If it was head coach Rex Ryan against Mike McDaniel and he called him a dork and a brainiac and a nerd, I would almost think that the nerd would win that game.

Yeah, because he's trying too hard.

But the fact that it's somebody that's just in the media being like, you dork, Mike McNann, he's thinking about that all week.

Like, it's even when he's not thinking about it, he's walking more like a nerd.

He's probably polishing his glasses.

I guarantee you, his glasses got knocked off at some point this week.

Yep.

And then he felt around on the ground for them.

God damn it, he's right.

He maybe, like, walked into a glass door.

Ah, and then Mike Vrabel on the other side is like, yeah, I guess, I guess I never saw it, but he is a fucking dork.

Oh, yeah.

Now I'm going to stuff him in a locker.

You know, Vrabel laughed at that for sure.

This is some high-level analysis right here, folks.

But

I'm not going to lie, this is how I gamble, where it's like Mike Vrabel versus Dork.

All right, so Tua, he's also had three turnovers in each of his past three games that he started.

How many is that total?

Not a good trend.

At least three turnovers.

I don't know if it was three.

Oh, it might be more than that.

It's nine plus.

Shit.

That ain't good.

Nope.

Also, Tyreek Hill is being investigated for sexual assault again.

Also, Tyreek Hill doesn't want to be on the dog.

Or domestic assault, excuse me.

Okay.

Wow, that was really fucked up what you said about Tyreek Hill there for a second.

Yeah.

Well, also, it's in a divorce proceeding, but it's in the news now, so it's probably not.

He's probably not happy.

No, he's not happy anyway.

He's never happy.

Yeah, he is not happy whatsoever.

It's been, I saw a stat.

It's been over a year since Tyreek Hill has had a completion, a reception over 30 yards.

That's not.

Is that not insane?

Because that's like the thing that he does.

That's what he does.

Yeah.

He just stopped doing what he does.

I might be low-key on Tyreek's side in this.

In

the assault?

Not the domestic assault.

Oh, okay.

In the 30-yard reception?

In the 30-yard reception.

Should we bet him longest reception on Sunday?

No, because I think that he's...

It's a trend.

I don't think that they're going to cater to him.

They would have catered to him a long time ago.

I think they're trying to cater to him.

I don't think that they.

I think they're going out there and the appetizer plates are empty.

You think so?

Well, they got the guy, the wait staff, maybe can't get him the stuffed mushrooms and the bacon-wrapped scallops.

That's true.

They would want to cater to him, but they don't have the ability to cater to him.

This is also another revenge game this week.

Yes.

Matthew Judon.

Yes.

Is he going to wear the sleeves?

He wore orange sleeves last week.

He looked awesome.

That's big.

That's huge.

I don't know what uniforms the Dolphins are wearing, but...

His ability to make sleeves look so cool and stand out is impressive.

Wait, is this the Rivalry Week uniforms?

Yeah, the Patriots are wearing the gray.

Oh, really?

The shipwreck jerseys or whatever.

Yeah.

They're cool.

Wow.

There was a shipwreck?

Should have had a lighthouse.

Something like that.

Walked into that one, dude.

Well, it's in Miami makes sense.

It's in Miami.

Come on, Hank.

I don't know if they're in the shipwreck.

Whatever.

I'll find you.

Is it shipwreck?

I also don't think that's true.

It's not the shipwreck uniform.

They're also not wearing.

Yeah, they just tweeted two hours ago packing the blue and silver.

It's their normal uniforms.

That's the next game.

When they play each other again at home.

Hank just swung so hard at a pitch that his pants fell down.

Yeah, Hank.

You said that to start to start this preview, and I looked it up, and I realized it was wrong.

I thought you were just going to gloss over it.

Hank, you have to.

Well,

they put the jerseys on sale today.

That's why I thought that.

Oh, okay.

You have to

reevaluate the metrics.

Yeah, just do a Callahan.

You misspoke.

I misspoke, yeah.

You misspoke.

Yeah.

Kind of like when I said

USF and you guys gaslit me.

I want to see, I think that was AI.

Yeah, that's what Hank said, too.

It was AI.

It was so funny because I forgot it happened.

It was an edited podcast.

I forgot it happened and then I woke up on Wednesday morning and I just had like 15 tweets being like, you said USF.

I was like, oh, okay, awesome.

I was checked out while you were saying that.

I was looking something up and then Hank said, you said USF or you said USC.

And then I was like, oh, yeah, he did.

I just went along with what Hank said.

For some reason, I didn't say anything at the time.

I thought you said USA.

Wait, Hank was the one who started it?

I said US

and then you just said, did you say USC?

So that's actually not true.

Oh, really?

Oh, so it's a triple gaslight.

This is all AI.

I didn't say anything, though, but I did think that you said it wrong because I remember when I was editing it, I was like, oh, he was right.

I don't know what we were, what was going on in our heads.

We got a triple gaslight off.

All right.

Next up, 49ers at Saints.

Saints plus three over under 40 and a half.

I love the 49ers in this game simply because it's a revenge game, another revenge game.

It's Kyle Shanahan saying, I should have picked Mac Jones.

I told you we should have picked Mac Jones.

I now get to show off Mac Jones because Mac Jones is playing for Kyle Shanahan, the Mac Jones revenge game.

Yeah,

it's, again, a little bit early in the season for Mac Jones.

It's too early in the calendar.

It's too early for the 49ers to have this many injuries.

We don't need it to happen right now.

It's a toe.

It's a turf toe.

That's the significant one for him, right?

He's got a shoulder too, but it's the turf toe that's concerned and that could keep him out for a while.

I think it's time for the Niners to start considering a long-term backup plan besides Mac Jones.

I disagree.

I think Mac Jones is going to be good because Kyle Shanahan's going to coach extra hard to show that he should have, he wanted to pick.

The story goes that he wanted to pick Mac Jones.

And then John Lynch got involved and it was Trey Lance.

If that story is correct, and it may not be, but if it is correct, don't you think Kyle Shanahan's going to put a little extra mustard on it to be like, I'm not sleeping at all this week.

I need to prove that Mac Jones was the guy, and I should have picked Mac Jones, and Mac Jones can be a really good starter in the NFL.

I don't know if that's true, but I think Kyle Shannon's going to try as hard as he can to make that true.

I do think that there's some truth to like last year when Matt LaFleur had to start Malik Willis.

Yeah.

He just coached his dick off.

Right.

It was a great game plan that they had.

They basically show off.

Like, I can coach anyone.

Like, except for Trey Lance.

Except for Trey Lance.

You cannot put that on me.

Yeah, that was mean what you did to me.

That's what he's saying to John Lynch.

I do think that Mac Jones, Spencer Rattler, we were talking about different names for Spencer Rattler.

Mac Rattler

would be the best quarterback name of all time.

Yeah.

And Spencer Jones would be perfect to run the PR department for the Niners.

Or just backup.

That's a backup quarterback right there.

Mac Rattler backed up by Spencer Jones.

Yeah, Spencer Jones.

Did they cut their kicker?

They did.

Jake Moody's gone.

So

he was 74% on field goals.

The only other kicker that was drafted in the top 100 in the last 20 years, you know who that was?

Hmm.

Roberto Aguayo.

Oh.

Who was also cut.

He called a turtle.

Turntle.

R.I.P.

Turntle.

R.I.P.

Turntle.

What a great turtle it was.

He was present for the killing of a turtle.

Yeah, he was materially involved.

He was an accessory to the murder of a turtle.

And he was cut after one season, too.

So you should never draft a kicker in the first hundred picks.

Yeah.

Eddie Piñero.

Sebastian Jinnikowski.

Yeah.

Eddie Pinero's there.

Yep.

Good kicker.

Good kicker.

Never

witnessed a turtle murder.

That we know of.

That we know of.

So

this is also

the first time that the Saints have a drafted quarterback to start a game after his rookie season for the Saints since Danny Werfel.

Yeah, 19.

99?

99.

Danny Werfel, I think it was 99 that he started.

Yeah, that sounds right, actually.

Yeah, that was late 90s.

But, yeah, the Saints just don't start their own drafted quarterbacks.

Correct.

They had Drew Brees there for forever.

That's a big reason why.

Yep.

Chris Olave,

let's rate if this was a shot at Spencer Rattler or not.

He was talking about the hit that he took, and he said, they see me take a big hit.

They take me to the tent automatically.

I feel like it will be more than usual this year.

He's getting profiled.

But I also think he might be saying,

Spencer Rattler's going to throw me some hospital passes.

Here, play it.

Play the audio so we can hear if he's like laughing about it.

Every time they see me take a big hit or something like that, I feel like they take me to the tent automatically.

I feel like it's going to be a lot or more than usual this year.

But

I try to tell them I'm good, but they just try to check on me and make sure.

Maybe that's the more than usual.

It's just like them being extra precautious, or is it more than usual hospital passes?

No, I I think it's just like if they see me get hit, they think, my God, this guy's gotten hit a lot.

I hope he's okay.

But could it also be that Chris Olave is or sorry, Spencer Rattler throws a lot of hospital passes?

I think

I think if Spencer Rattler watches this video, he might think to himself, maybe I won't try to get him killed.

Yeah.

But I don't think that's what his intention was.

Also, just don't have Spencer Rattler throw it 46 times.

What are you going to say, Max?

I was going to say, who do you think gets traded first, Chris Olave or Tyreek Hill?

Tyree Kill.

I Tyree Hose.

Chris Olave needs to get traded too, though.

He'll be a Jet.

You're staking claims?

Everyone who Ohio State Jets.

You got to

let's just build a crowd.

All right.

All right.

Ohio State Jets.

I mean, Chris Olave, he's a great player

when he's playing.

Yeah.

Memes.

Let's talk about the Jets.

Bills of Jets.

Jets plus six and a half.

Hanks shaking his head.

Yeah.

Hungry dog over under 46.5.

Memes, culture change.

Love this move from Aaron Glenn.

Xavier Gibson, cut.

I do love this move.

There's a counterpoint to that.

Shouldn't have been on the roster to begin with.

Okay, but maybe he kept him on the roster being like, he's going to fuck up.

Then I can cut him and show everyone that I mean.

You already do.

Xavier Gibson had the fumble that cost him the game on kickoff return.

Aaron Glenn, out of here.

Yep, cut him.

I like that move.

I I do think it kind of sets it up.

Like, hey,

we're going to hold on to the rock in this building.

And if there was other real

accountability, Brandon Stevens wouldn't play this week.

Okay.

Okay.

That is the big worry.

After watching the all-22, the breakdowns of it.

Wait, you watched the all-22?

Just other people breaking down the all-time.

I watched other people watch the all-22.

Yeah.

We are film guys, guys,

in that respect.

Yeah, if he wasn't the cornerback, the Jets probably win the game.

Yeah, he had a very, very bad week.

So he had seven targets.

There were five catches, 60 yards,

two scores.

He also got DPI.

He had 136.9 passer rating when targeted, and he fell down and dropped the game-winning interception.

Easiest interception.

Aaron Rodgers threw him the ball.

That's a bad game.

But I also, I like the move by Aaron Glenn, just to be like, hey, I'm about accountability here.

I need to fire somebody after one week.

Who's the easiest guy that I can fire that might not come back to bite me in the ass?

Yeah, and Aaron Glenn still believes in Brandon Stevens.

So if he believes in him, I guess I will too.

It sounds like you believe in him.

Yeah, I'm believing.

Besides the fact that you said he should have been cut.

Yeah, he should have been cut.

But since he's never played again.

Since he's not cut, you believe in him.

Yeah, I believe in him.

I respect that.

I get that.

Okay.

The Bills now lead the league in Bill Burrs on their team.

They got a second Bill Burr.

So obviously the coach looks a little bit like Bill Burr.

And then they they signed punter Cameron Johnston, who looks identical to Bill Burr.

So now they've got double, they've got

two Bill Burrs on the team.

I like that.

So that's some saber metrics for you.

Also, this was kind of an interesting thing because I went back,

like we said, when we were trying to avoid talking about the Bears or JMU on Wednesday.

Yeah.

We went back, we watched the fourth quarter of the Ravens-Bills.

Correct.

And even still,

I can't describe how great Josh Allen was in that fourth quarter.

It's insane.

It was just unreal how easy the game was for him.

And he's just making incredible throws, doing it with his feet, scrambling around.

It was awesome to watch.

And then I looked at the stats for that game.

Josh only had a 74 QBR

in that game.

And I thought to myself, he played like perfectly, especially the second

251 yards.

But still, I would expect his QBR to be much higher than that.

I did a deep dive into it.

Some of his stats in that fourth quarter actually didn't help his QBR because they came in garbage time because

they were down by what 15 points?

14 points.

And so even though the game is marked as unwinnable in ESPN's own metrics,

they came back and won.

That's straight up.

And

it still didn't help his QBR.

That's how good he was.

That's how good he was.

He was not even rating on QBR.

Yeah, you got to redefine the metrics, ESPN.

Did we ever get an answer to what happened to Skorigami?

Thankfully,

Jake would have

maybe cried in front of us if we had, because Skorigami, like.

The rumors are it's a Ravens fan.

Oh.

So Scorigami didn't tweet the Scorigami.

Yeah.

On Sunday night.

Jake was trying to wake him up.

He was.

But imagine if Jake, like, we would have,

we would have said some mean shit about Skorigami guy.

So have they just been dark since then?

No, they did the

Monday Night Football game.

And they just never addressed.

Are we sure that it was a Skorigami?

I think it was.

This is the biggest scandal to happen to the NFL in years.

You kind of respect that, though.

The scoregami guy has to be a Ravens fan.

Is the Scorigami just straight up a computer program, though?

Yeah, but he's the one that would be posting it.

He couldn't bring himself to post the fact that they lost.

I think it's a bot.

I just texted Jake for comment on the scoregami guy not being it's not John Boyce.

He doesn't run it.

He came up with the concept of the scoregami,

and then this account put in their metrics or like the tracking.

That's crazy, you can't just not tweet it.

I don't even like scoreigamis, and I was mad.

This is like when blooper went dark, yeah.

Well, that was because Max and Philly ran blooper off the internet.

That is true.

I still have blooper notifications on since that note for whenever blooper's going to tweet next.

So, like, three times a week, I just get a notification from Blooper Braves being like, Isn't Big Cat fat?

2023 MMB Playoffs.

Phillies fans bullied the Braves mascot into an online meltdown at NLTS.

It's my favorite headline ever.

It's the best headline of it.

It's a serious headline that is CBS Sports had that headline about a fictional mascot getting bullied off the internet.

I love it.

So, memes, you think that you guys can win this game?

I think it's possible.

Josh Allen's just so good.

He's so good.

He's playing on an easy mode.

I do think it's possible for the Jeffs.

I do think it's possible.

You just have to, you really have to stick to the run.

Well, it's also almost like run the clock out.

Yeah, the the Bills' defense looked bad against the Ravens.

And Ed Oliver is in a walking boot

as of today, so that'll free up the interior.

So he's not going to play?

He's in a walking boot.

He just didn't practice there, so I don't know.

Was he listed on the injury report?

Yes, as a DNP.

DNP for two.

Yeah, I mean, if there's one guy that you would like to be out on that defensive line, it's definitely Ed Oliver.

Yeah, it frees up the middle.

And then Brees Hall also posts like a wide receiver on social media, which I think is good

for the offense.

What do you mean he posts like a wide receiver?

He was posting on his IG story comments of being like, I heard what everybody said all offseason, like, trade me.

You guys don't want me anymore.

So now he's just going to go off.

So I like that the running back is doing that.

Yeah.

Okay.

You need one guy.

I'm still that dude.

I had a crazy thought earlier.

The Bills have the easiest schedule now.

Undefeated?

Wouldn't it be funny if the Bills went undefeated and then they didn't didn't lose in the playoffs and they won the Super Bowl?

And then that would just ruin Hank's world.

Undefeated?

It's week one.

I'm not going to overreact, but I think that the Buffalo Bills are going to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl.

That would be an overreaction.

Yeah,

I just think their defense will, like, they'll have a lot of these games.

I actually think this game,

like, Josh Allen has not been great at MetLife, right?

Past five of the six games have been one-score games.

So, six and a half here.

Have you won any of those?

Two out Two out of three.

Two out of five.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Opening night.

Okay.

Seahawks at Steelers.

Steelers minus three over under 39.5.

Revenge game.

DK.

DK revenge game.

DK revenge game.

Big time.

I think the Steelers' defense is not as bad as it showed in week one.

I think that actually memes was more about the Jets' offensive line.

I think the Steelers are going to win this game because I think the Seahawks might be in trouble.

They didn't.

They did nothing exciting.

No.

Their defense was good.

Seahawks' defense was very good.

Yes.

Sam Darnold did not look like the good Sam that we saw last year.

He looked like bad Sam.

They also kind of didn't let him try to be the good Sam.

Except when he was throwing the ball to JSN.

Yes.

So it's like they have one weapon right now, and it looks like, hey, the Seahawks might could use another wide receiver to take some of the pressure off JSN.

It'd be nice if they had a guy like that.

Like a big, tall, strong guy?

Yeah, he doesn't even need to be able to turn.

Just a guy, a big, tall, strong guy that can run straight, that wears a very big mouthpiece and will beat the fuck out of you.

Yeah.

That's the kind of guy that the Seahawks are missing right now.

Yeah,

I think the Steelers, we'll see.

I think they're going to win this game.

I think their defense is a little overrated how bad they work.

This happens like...

Even to the good defenses, this will happen over the course of the year where it's like, you just get into one of those games.

You get into one of those shootout games that you don't know what's going to happen, and it's just kind of like the game flow gets

out of control for both sides, and you end up with a 34-32 game.

Yeah, this is one of those games, too, where the visiting team, I think it's very hard to find a direct flight from Seattle to Pittsburgh.

Yeah.

That just doesn't seem like

a money maker for Air Alaska or whatever.

No, except for this weekend.

Except for this weekend.

Also, point of fact, favoring the Steelers, the national anthem is going to be performed by Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden.

Love that.

Pretty cool.

He's the guy that Christopher Walken played in the Moore Cowbell sketch.

Yep.

That's the guy.

Yep.

I hope he brings a cowbell.

I hope he brings Christopher Walken.

Yeah, actually, that would probably annoy the fuck out of DK if he ring a cowbell.

Yeah, he did.

Yeah.

All right.

Browns at Ravens.

Ravens minus 11.5, over under 45.5.

What do we think about

the Ravens holding their 30th anniversary of the time they stole the franchise from Cleveland on this weekend?

They are are claiming that it was all predetermined before the schedule.

It's kind of like the Ohio State barstool thing.

I would like the Ravens to just come out and say, yeah, we're petty.

I stole your fucking team.

Listen, the Ravens 100% did this on purpose.

Right.

Just admit it.

And if they didn't do it on purpose and you see that this is the game on the schedule and you don't want to do it on a week like this, you change the week.

Right.

They want to do this.

Yes.

They want to be like, hey, we got your team.

They stunk for you.

Got your team, bitch.

They're great for us.

We won Super Bowls, we love them.

We're making you insanely jealous in your face.

It's a divisional rivalry, yeah, and as they should, like, it's their right to do that.

This is a team that you're supposed to hate, and we're gonna make you start the quarterback that won our last Super Bowl like 12 years after he did it.

Joe Flacco revenge game, yeah, yeah.

Uh, Joe Flacco, by the way, is going for he and Matthew Stafford this week, both have a chance to beat their 31st team.

I like that.

So, there's only four guys who've beaten 32 teams in NFL history.

You guys want to take guesses?

Tom Brady?

Yep.

Brett Favre?

Yep.

Breeze?

Yep.

Peyton Manning?

Yep.

Got him.

Got all four.

You know, football.

Absolutely hard.

There's also two guys currently who have beaten 31 teams that are waiting to beat their 32nd as well.

Is it Matt Safford and Joe Flacco?

No.

No.

They have 30.

Oh.

They're both 31.

Yeah, this one.

Two guys with 31.

Two guys stuck on 31.

Right now.

She's fart.

No, that was my foot.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.

Russell Wilson.

Yes.

Russell Wilson's, yes.

And Patrick Mahomes.

Oh, that son of a bitch.

Yeah.

Just a kind of fun fact.

I don't know.

That was a fun fact.

But yeah, they're definitely doing this on purpose.

Yeah.

100%.

They're going to have like a bunch of old or yeah, old Colts there to honor the Colts, even though the Baltimore Ravens moved to, or the Baltimore Colts moved to Indianapolis, and then the Browns moved to Baltimore.

They're honoring the Colts in the big anniversary celebration about the Browns moving.

Yes.

So try to follow that one.

Yes.

I like Jerry Judy's press conference.

He did a shirtless press conference saying the Ravens have no challenges for him.

And also said that the line is disrespectful.

You need a little bit of crazy in your wide receiver.

This was it.

So what do you think about the third string quarterback situation in Cleveland?

I can't say I'm very much up to date with it.

Okay, well, let me put you on game.

It's not Shador.

Is it Deshaun?

Bailey Zappi.

Oh.

Bailey Zappi is the third string quarterback now.

So Shador is not getting any.

He's not even really practicing with the team.

I think Deshaun might play this year.

No.

I think Deshaun might play this year.

No.

Maybe in Pittsburgh.

No, I think Deshaun's going to play this year.

That's a terrible towel.

I wish I could bet it on DraftKings.

I wonder if we can bet it.

Maybe they can find a line.

Will Deshaun Watson play a snap this year?

If he wanted to, do you think they'd play him?

I think he wants to.

I think it's the other way around.

Will they play him?

Like,

I think he might just show up to the facility one day being like, ready.

I'm ready to go.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

But even if he did that, I don't think they'd play him.

I think they might.

Kevin Hasm's not a smart guy.

Kevin, he's a rich guy.

He's a rich guy.

So he thinks he's smart, but he's not smart.

Stefansky's got enough on his hands right now.

But it's not.

I don't know if Stefansky

is the one who gets to decide.

I think if Deshaun comes in and is like, hey, I'm ready to go.

Yeah.

Jimmy Hausman might be like, hey, we're paying this money.

I want to see what I got.

He might.

I don't know.

Is there an insurance policy on him?

Like, is it 100,

like, rocks?

I guess it would have to be rock solid guaranteed for injury.

Yeah.

Otherwise, they would have tried to claim it by now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, Stefanski's never been 0-2.

Oh, wow.

He's been 1-1, I think, every season that he's coached.

Okay, so the Browns are going to win.

I don't know if the Browns are going to win.

Do you like the Browns, Hank?

Plus 11.5?

Yeah.

Now, this was, reminder,

this happened last year.

Exact same thing, basically, for the Ravens.

They lose week one in a heartbreaking fashion.

Isaiah likely's foot too big for the end zone against Kansas City opening night.

Week two, Raiders.

Yep.

No way they can lose this.

Minshew.

They were killing him in the first half, and then they lost it.

Yep.

Not saying it's going to happen again.

Maybe that actually speaks to the opposite of John Harbaugh basically being able to say to the guys, like, hey, we've been here before, and you fucked this up before, like, everyone be ready.

I do think the Browns' defense, though, can keep him in this game a little bit.

But Lamar Jackson will not be suspended for this game.

He was going to be suspended?

No, the NFL said,

we're not going to discipline him for this game for shoving the fan that shoved him.

I think all parties involved handled it well.

I think that the the Bills, they got the guy out of the stadium.

I think he's banned from attending Bills games for the rest of the year.

All NFL games.

If you live in Buffalo and you're a Bills fan and they say you can't go to the games, that is like death penalty is better.

That's like exiling you.

Yeah, yeah.

So Lamar, I think he's like, yeah, he didn't

make it a soapbox issue where he's like, fans and players have a real problem on our hands.

We need to address it.

He was just like...

He didn't LeBron it?

No, he didn't LeBron it at all.

He was just like, yeah, things got heated.

Yeah.

And it's fine.

And we moved on.

And he's been addressed internally.

Lamar Jackson, addressed internally by the Ravens.

We should make that a meme.

Lamar Jackson's cool with little physical contact with the fan.

LeBron James gets told he stinks, gets the fan kicked out.

Sick league.

Sick league.

Did you see what Stefansky said about Joel Bettonio?

No.

Their returning offensive lineman.

They asked Bettonio why he came back to play this year.

And he's like, you know, I want to play another season for Kevin Stefanski, great coach, blah, blah, blah.

Stefansky said,

actually, Joel came back because we put a golf simulator in upstairs.

Yeah.

I think we have a few people that just show up at the office because we have a golf simulator.

Yeah, if you took away golf simulator and ice cream machine, what do you say?

Like five to ten people wouldn't show up every day?

I think Stefanski, if he's a smart guy, he put in the golf simulator so he can take away the golf simulator.

Oh, yeah.

And then he'll put it back in as a reward later.

Oh, yeah.

All right, late games.

We got three.

Reminder, there's two that are earlier kicks, so be ready for that.

Broncos at Colts.

Colts plus one and a half, over under 42.5.

This is my do you believe

game of the week because you got to basically say, hey, listen, if you could play the Dolphins every week, you'd probably go undefeated.

Now the Colts have to play a real defense.

Do you believe in Daniel Jones?

And do you kind of believe in Bo Nicks?

Because he looked bad.

Bad.

I'm a Bow Leaver,

but I also believe in Indiana Jones.

Shout out, Boomer.

I think the Colts are going to make the playoffs this year.

I'll tell you that much.

I don't.

I can see it.

Looking at their schedule, maybe I'm jumping the gun on this one, too, but they don't have a hard schedule, and Daniel Jones looked awesome.

I don't think he's going to play that good in every game, but I think he's going to be good enough to win a majority of their games if he stays healthy.

By the way, don't apologize for jumping the gun.

Okay.

Everyone should jump the gun.

That's the whole reason we watch these games.

We like to overreact.

We like to just have doom is, you know, like one loss feels like the world's falling.

One win means you're going to win the Super Bowl.

This is how you do it.

Let the actual players and coaching staffs stay level and do the whole, like, you're only good is this week, 1-0 this week.

Let all the fans, if you win a game, you're the best team in the world.

If you lose a game, you're sucking.

You'll never win again.

So, yeah, it's going to be interesting playing at home again.

They get to run it back.

I don't know if they're going to go with the roof open for Ursa again.

I would do it again if I were the Colts.

You only get so many of these games each season.

I would do.

If I were the Colts, I would have.

Obviously, week one, you have to have it all the way open.

Maybe each home game, you close it a little bit more.

That's beautiful.

And then, like, the last home game of the season, it's like there's a little slit, and he can watch through it.

And it's

I like that.

Isn't that

who would win?

So you were talking about the Jaguars and the Bengals earlier.

Who would win, a Bronco or a Colt?

I tried to look it up.

I think a Colt's faster.

Is it Colt's young?

Is it neutered, though, or is it intact?

I think a Colt's a young horse and then a.

A Bronco's wild?

Yeah, a Bronco like kicks.

So I think a Bronco, right?

Well, no, in terms of speed, because you'd obviously race him.

You wouldn't fight him.

A young male horse under the age of four.

Yes.

So a Colt would win in a race.

But a Bronco would beat up a Colt.

Yeah.

Yes.

Okay.

And also,

a Colt

Versus a Bronco.

Is a Colt and a Mustang the same thing?

I think a Mustang might be wild, too.

Okay.

Because a Mustang would obviously beat a Bronco in a race.

And OJ had a Colt at 45 inside his Bronco.

Correct.

Got it.

Correct.

Correct.

Mustang is a free-roaming horse.

Okay.

So not the same thing.

That was horse talk.

That was horse talk.

We do have tickets for the Colts game.

Got two free tickets to a Colts fan.

I had two ideas for who we should give it to.

One, just the listener who looks the most like Daniel Jones that lives in the Indianapolis area that can make it to the game.

I bet there's probably hundreds of them.

Yep.

And then also just

the funniest picture of your shit.

I don't want to do that.

Yeah, Daniel Jones one for sure.

Okay, all right, all right.

Good decision.

Good producing, Max.

So if you look like Daniel Jones,

if you're just a white guy and a button-up, we'll make the call.

Okay.

Tag memes.

You can also just do anyone who owns a horse.

That's true.

Yeah.

If you own a horse, just take a picture of you on your horse.

Yeah.

With a Colts jersey.

Yeah.

No shit.

Yeah.

No shit.

And do not send pictures of your shit to memes.

Do not send your shit.

Please don't.

Don't do that.

All right, Panthers or Cardinals.

Cardinals minus six and a half over under 43.5.

I want to take the Panthers, but I don't think I can do it.

I don't think I'm man enough to take the Panthers.

Oh, I am.

You are?

I am.

You, Hank?

Big time.

It's week two.

You got to take some shots.

Yep.

I already have enough shots on the board.

I have the Giants.

I have the Jets.

I have the Bears.

The Titans.

I think I have to stop at some point.

I'm going to take a shot on the Panthers.

I think the Panthers stay.

This is a huge game for my people.

Bryce Young versus Kyler Murray.

Yes.

This is the shortest matchup that we've ever had in the history of the NFL.

Damn.

Actually?

It's got to be.

Did Doug Fluti ever play like.

Max, why are you shaking your head like obviously?

Because people are taller now than they used to be.

You think that we had like 5'8 and 5'9 quarterbacks facing off against each other back in the 80s?

Probably.

No.

It's always been a tall position.

But like tall now,

like it's less relative.

It's not like it was the 1800s or the 1700s, Max.

It's not like people couldn't get nutrients.

Football.

Football's been played for a while.

Okay, if you can show me that there's been a shorter matchup of two quarterbacks, I'll consider getting the

limb lengthening surgery.

I do think PFT might be right here.

I don't know what other.

No, Zach found one.

Oh.

I don't think that's NFL.

Already?

Oh, wait, is this not NFL, Zach?

Yeah, I mean, college doesn't count.

College doesn't count.

And Rice, I know Rice.

No, this says NFL history.

Rice used to have a running back that was 4-9.

They played last year, and it was.

Eddie LeBaron and Davey O'Brien both listed at 5-7.

Oh, shit.

Oh, wait, I don't know if they ever played against each other, though.

Yeah.

They never played against each other.

They already played last year.

Yeah.

It's going to be the most adorable post-game jersey swap.

Can't wait for it.

P.J.

Walker's 5-11.

Russell Wilson's 5'11.

Ian Book is 6 feet.

I didn't realize Chase Stanley was only 6 feet.

I don't know why I didn't think that.

Yeah, I'm going to probably take the Cardinals.

You guys are probably going to be right.

All right, last game.

To me, this is the prime example.

I know it's not a home game for the Panthers, but it's the prime example of the Panthers look really bad.

Yeah.

Cardinals, they looked okay.

They didn't beat the shit out of the Saints, but also, like, Kyler looked, he looked pretty good.

My only concern is I don't know where the Panthers' pass rush is and are going to come from.

And if Kyler has time, that's like when Kyler just

bounces around

in the pocket and just can do everything.

Could be a Kyler mega day.

Mega Day.

Mega Day for Kyler.

That might be how I bet it.

Like double XP?

Kyler having a mega day.

Okay.

All right.

Last afternoon game.

Eagles at Chiefs.

Max, where are we at?

Chiefs plus one and a half.

Over-under is 46.5.

How are you feeling?

I feel good.

Must win?

No.

Can't lose?

Can't lose.

Can't lose.

Can't lose.

Why is he can't lose?

Because

you can't lose any of your games.

But you can definitely lose some of your games.

Yeah, but

you don't know what's going to happen after you lose.

Well, yeah, you get back on the flight and you go home and you're like, damn, shouldn't I lost?

Yeah, you can't lose it, though.

Yeah.

Have the Chiefs become like a division rival for you guys?

You guys play him all the time.

We do.

Nick Siriani, this is fifth year, right?

Yeah, and

there's the Andy Reid aspect of it as well.

I think Siriani has coached against the Chiefs every single year that he's been a head coach.

I still don't hate the Chiefs like I hate the other teams in the NFC East, so no.

For some reason,

I still hate the Patriots more than I.

That could just

be because of Hank.

No, I think it's the Boston aspect of it.

I still hate the Patriots more than I hate the Chiefs, but we just play the Chiefs a lot now.

That's also because you just beat them in a Super Bowl.

That's true.

I was more angry with them after that.

We lost two more.

Yeah.

We also lost to the Patriots.

If you had lost to the Chiefs this last Super Bowl, you would fucking hate the Chiefs.

If you'd lost two Chiefs,

we just beat the absolute fuck out of them.

You did.

You had a hard time even putting yourself in that mind space right there.

Yeah.

You were like, if we had lost to the Chiefs.

What do you mean if we had lost to the Chiefs?

We beat them so badly that.

You beat the fuck out of them we did we did it was awesome i think the chiefs are gonna win this game so i'm i'm worried about the chiefs i've thought about it more this week

who do they have to throw the ball to downfield xavier worthy is was a limited participant in practice so he might play he might play but i've heard that the shoulder like he popped it out right is it separated or dislocated i don't know those details i just know that he was on the field today

he's going to need surgery at some point and if he's if he's putting the surgery off, his shoulder is going to get worse and worse and worse, which is not good for the Chiefs' offense.

Hollywood Brown?

Yeah,

I think it's a lot on if Xavier Worthy plays, because that'll help our secondary immensely if

there's one less guy that a Dory Jackson can get burned by because Adori Jackson is still starting a corner.

I am just simply taking it because the Chiefs are 21-4 straight up off of a loss with Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes.

And I agree, like, it's going to be ugly.

The under might actually be the play in this game.

It's going to be ugly because I don't think the Eagles, the Eagles' past game did not look that good.

Would you agree, Max?

I mean, the second half, it was nothing.

Well, the second half.

A.J.

Brown.

I don't know.

They moved the ball at will in the first half

whenever they wanted to.

So they didn't need to pass it downfield because they were just.

There was no stopping what they were doing.

Yeah.

I'm just taking, it's like no disrespect to the Eagles.

I'm just taking the Chiefs because I just can't imagine them starting 0-2.

It's a visualization game.

Like, close your eyes.

Chiefs start 0-2.

I can't see it.

And

you're not going to call for Sirianni to be fired if you lose.

I will not call for Siriani to be fired if we lose.

A.J.

Brown said maybe.

If the Chiefs lose this game, I'm going to, I'm definitely going to be like, the Chiefs are in trouble.

Yeah.

Because this is kind of the, and they don't have an easy schedule.

Pinky team?

No, because I'm going to be the best one.

No way.

Come on.

I have to do one after this week.

But here's the problem.

Remember last year?

I didn't know because I can't make the argument they

lions I could do.

Yep.

Last year, remember, I got to decide between the Rams and the Ravens.

And I was honest with it.

I was like, I think the Ravens could win the Super Bowl.

I can't confidently say they can't can't win the Super Bowl.

I think I'd be in the same spot with the Chiefs.

Yeah.

Like, the Chiefs, I'm not going to be like, the Chiefs can't win the Super Bowl if they start 0-2.

That would be crazy.

Yeah, the Lions would be a good one.

Let's look at pinky teams real quick.

Because if the Bears beat them.

So we're looking at the Browns, the Lions.

Browns can't count.

The

Seahawks.

Ravens.

Seahawks can count.

The Texans.

Ravens, I think, can win the Super Bowl.

Texans, maybe.

It was Falcons-Rams last year, by the way.

Not Rams.

Ravens.

Were the Ravens 0-2?

They were, right?

Yeah, you just said they lost to the Ravens.

Yeah, and I said, I thought it was Kirk Cousins and the Rams.

No, the Ravens were 0-2 last year, did they not?

But it was Falcons.

Right, but I said because the Ravens can't even be in the conversation because I think they can win the Super Bowl.

Like, I'm not going to get crazy.

It could be the Jets.

Jets can't count.

Come on.

Yeah, yeah.

Falcons can count.

Texans can count.

Texans for sure can count.

It's going to be between the Falcons, Texans, Seahawks, I think.

I think those are the realistic teams that,

like, you could have made the argument someone was betting them to win the Super Bowl.

And I think the Texans would be probably the best pick of those because they had the most Super Bowl aspirations before the season.

And I've done the Texans before.

And they actually gave me my biggest scare when they won 90 in a row.

So, Max, prediction on this game?

I think we're going to win.

I think it's going to be a dogfed.

I like the under i think that that you're right with that yeah i think it's gonna be

not what everyone is hope hoping for sort of game but i think

jalen hurts gets it done well these also are both both these teams are the quintessential if they have a lead at halftime they're just going to try to run the clock out also cleanup from last week we recorded early tuesday morning about tank bigsby will ship the eagles backup running back injury details came out after we recorded so he's out for ah so howie wasn't getting crazy Yeah, so that it made job, it made more sense.

Great job, Howie.

Great job, Howie.

Yeah, under 46 and a half.

I hate betting unders.

Okay, last game, Falcons, Vikings, also a national championship rematch.

Yes.

Michael Pennix versus J.J.

McCarthy.

I like the Falcons here.

I don't know how.

I just do.

So

the stat on McCarthy, he has not lost a regular season game as a starter since October 26, 2019.

Who'd he he lose to?

That's a long time.

That's in high school.

The Rams?

Oh.

No, it was in high school.

That must have been a bad game.

It was a bad game for me.

Really bad game.

Yeah,

I love how J.J.

McCarthy is making people angry

because he looked so bad, and then he wins, and he looks so good when he wins.

And the team loves him, and he's maybe going to have a baby.

Yeah.

That's going to be a big X factor for me.

I'm going to wait until I see confirmation.

How fast do you think you could get the senior added to the name plate like if he names overnight if he names his baby jj mccarthy jr

and then he's now senior and that happens on like friday you think on saturday they'll get the s and the r shipped in yeah i think i think they do it i would agree uh quarterback i really want

i don't know if this person exists but tweet us if it does uh the nfl guy who doesn't watch any college football.

And you have to this has to happen naturally.

You are getting upset about JJ McCarthy naturally.

So maybe this is something for you know next week or the week after.

You're getting upset about J.J.

McCarthy naturally.

And then you go and you look up his college stats and you're like, what the fuck?

He's been doing this for a long time.

I want to see, I want to talk to that guy.

Like, you look up the Penn State game from 2023 when he threw like eight passes total.

Not one pass in the second half.

I was at that game.

Worst sporting event I've ever been to in my entire life.

Because you know that there are these people that exist that don't watch any college football Hank

and like they aren't familiar with J.J.

McCarthy's game they're gonna get mad about J.J.

McCarthy not even realizing like we've been doing this for a while there's been the discourse I've always thought J.J.

McCarthy's good and I haven't really understood the

I understand the handoff merchant stuff but I think he's good But there's a whole group of people that hate him and have hated him for a long time and thought that he sucks and just basically was on a super team.

He's been really good at what he's been asked to do.

Yeah.

He just has never been asked to do that much.

We do have an update from Jake Marsh regarding score Gami.

Oh, please.

He said, could very well be a Ravens fan.

We don't root for teams as Gami fans.

We root for numbers.

Either that or he fell asleep, which is a tough look as well.

That one doesn't hold water for me because he should have then updated the Gami the next morning.

Right.

And if

they didn't post the final score.

Right.

If he's a Ravens fan, I think Gami's over.

Yeah, the integrity.

You can't root.

You have to root for the Gami.

We root for numbers.

We root for numbers.

In the Gami community, the game is irrelevant.

Yep.

All right.

Should we do our touchdown parlay and then we will get to our picks?

And we also have a fantasy minute from Jerry O'Connell.

By the way, I heard some people saying they wanted fantasy fuckboys.

We will mix in fantasy lads, maybe one fuckboys here and there.

It's not fully, fully dead.

We're just trying new things.

It's going to be like,

yeah,

if you need to write it down, I'd say like

four to five lads are fuckboys this year.

And they're going to be special.

And they will be special.

They'll make it even better.

So

we're going to do it.

All right.

Let's do our TD parlay.

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Okay, boys, we gotta win this.

Did we hit any of them?

I did.

Good for you.

Come back to the well.

What did you hit?

J.K.

Dobbins.

What was mine?

I bet it.

I just don't remember it.

Jameer Gibbs.

Oh, Oh, I bet you Golden.

Golden.

Yeah.

That was probably stupid for a rookie.

Okay, go ahead.

J.K.

Dobbins again.

J.K.

Dobbins.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm going to leave us one.

Can I leave us one?

What do you mean?

I'm going to do

Jordan Mason.

I'm going to leave us one on Sunday night.

Okay.

So we maybe hit the first two, and then we just have a Sunday night that we're going to do.

That actually works perfectly because mine is pretty chalky.

Okay.

Jalen Hurts.

Okay.

Can we put those together, Max, and and tell us what it is in the DraftKings Sportsbook?

Getting your first win is important in this.

Yes.

Yes.

And like having one that we just have left over that we can just root for really hard is kind of fun.

Yep.

It's like leaving yourself a last bite, last taste.

All right.

We're looking right now plus 310.

We're going to add Jalen Hurts.

Looks like six to one.

I love that.

Okay.

So go to the DraftKings Sportsbook reminder.

We're doing these in the afternoon.

So once the early game's finished, we'll be right there.

Ride with us.

We're all betting it.

And let's win this one.

All right.

Picks.

Who's up first?

What are the scores?

Remember, we do like, if you win, it's one point.

If you tie, if you push, it's a half a point.

Half a point.

Let me pull it up.

I believe Hank went 2-0.

So Hank has two points.

Did I scroll past it?

You might have.

Max is 2-0.

Max is 2-0.

Nope, my one point.

Max is 1-1.

Everyone is 1-1 except PFT is 0-2.

Hank's 2-0.

Okay.

So two points for Hank.

No points for PFT.

Max, memes, Zach, and I have one point.

Who's up first?

I believe I am.

I'm going to go with the Chargers minus three.

Okay.

Chargers minus three.

Remember, this is for a nipple piercing and a Prince Albert.

Cool.

Zach's face.

Zach just looked up.

Wait, you don't want to get what?

I just don't remember us.

We could have fully cemented that.

I just might have missed it.

The Prince Albert?

Yeah, the Prince Albert part.

Yeah.

And you got to get the chain connecting the two.

Listen, I'm fine with the Prince Albert.

The nipple piercing.

If you're in, I'm in.

The nipple piercing, I'm also.

But the Prince Albert, you're cool.

Because I got four of them.

I honestly, that's a cock ring?

It's a cock piercing.

Oh,

I didn't that was the thing either.

We're not doing a Prince Albert.

All right.

We're on board for the Prince Albert.

Yeah.

Way too on board for the Prince Albert.

I would maybe like ears pierced for a month.

Oh, that would be funny.

That actually would be good.

But then the holes don't fill up, right?

No, they will.

Oh.

I will go Jaguars plus three and a half

against the Bengals.

Zach.

I would like to take the Commanders plus three.

No, I can't.

Can't do it.

Thursday night.

Thursday night.

Thank you, me.

No worries.

Then I would like to take the Jets plus six and a half.

Okay.

My man.

PFT.

One of mine got picked.

So I'm going to take the under and Rams Titans.

That's a good pick.

41.5.

That's a really good pick.

Thank you.

I'm going to take...

You know what?

I'm going to take the Texans minus two and a half.

Monday night football.

I was laughed and scoffed at last week when I took my over-under.

It was the ugliest one on the board.

I'm going to go back to the well and take over 40.5 and 49ers Saints.

That's just you not being able to quit Mac Jones.

We're scoffed at.

Mac Jones.

That's a Mac Jones Spencer Rattler shootout.

And then I'm going to take the Bears plus six.

Okay.

All right, so I have my.

I have to take a...

I

oh, has anyone taken the Jags

Bengals over?

No, I just took the Jags.

Give it to me.

There you go.

Jags Bengals over.

I like that pick.

I believe it is 48.5.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Has anybody taken the Cowboys minus five and a half?

Nope, all you.

I will take the Cowboys minus five and a half.

I would like to take the Giants Cowboys game for under 44.5.

Okay.

It's old.

Have it.

I'm going to take the Jets Bills over 46.5.

It'll be fun.

That's a fun one.

Yep.

It's awesome.

It's a fun one.

Jets' offense looks good.

Bills' defense looks terrible.

Bills are the Bills, you know.

I'm going to go Browns, Ravens over 45.5.

Ravens are going to put 46 by themselves.

Wow.

I like that one, too.

You don't think Joe Flacco is going to come out like shot out of a cannon?

He will put three touchdowns.

Okay.

So that's three touchdowns, 300 yards.

That's going to hit the over by

like 20 points.

Yeah, take it at 60.

Okay, easy.

Okay, boys, let's.

We got Jerry's fantasy minute.

Now we have a problem.

We told Jerry to give us his fantasy minute.

It's a minute and 42 seconds.

I think

we got off in a minute.

Well, here's the thing, though.

You're enabling him.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Let me finish.

Knowing Jerry O'Connell, like we do, he's always so good at the end of the video.

I think we watched the first 17 seconds and then the last 43 seconds.

So we skipped the middle?

Yeah.

Are you okay with that?

I'm okay with it.

I don't know if he's going to get us a copyright strike, though.

Listen, we just won't know what happened in the middle, too.

So, okay.

Okay, yeah.

All right.

I'm down.

So at 17 seconds, let's skip to the last 43 seconds.

Here's Jerry.

I think he doesn't start.

Let's save as many seconds as we can, right?

So let's.

His car is sick.

Beautiful.

Let's start four seconds in.

So we save four seconds.

All right.

Yeah.

Are you talking shit about the car?

All right, so wait.

Oh, that's like a

21 seconds.

$300,000 car.

Get to 21 seconds

and then skip to a minute.

Why can't he fix his driveway?

All right, you ready?

Somebody stole his purse.

You ready?

Yeah, someone did steal Jerry's purse.

Please give it back.

Hey, what's up?

Welcome to Fantasy Fuck Boys.

I want to apologize to all the AWLs.

I wasn't trying to replace Fantasy Fuck Boys.

I got a message from Big Cat saying send me a one-minute video about our fantasy team.

Stop, sir.

Stop.

Also, in his strike for the music playing.

I don't

know.

I have no idea what kind of music is.

All right, here we go.

Here's the last 42 seconds.

He's moving up in the ranks, and he's going to be a a great wide receiver.

Also, let's pick up JJ as a backup QB.

He's also moving up.

Hope everybody got Chris Boswell.

He's a sick kicker.

Sick kicker.

What else?

Let's stream the Arizona Cardinals and let's stream the San Francisco 49ers because Carolina and

New Orleans sucks.

Let's stream their defenses.

Also, let's try and pick up Ollie Gordon because things are falling apart in Miami, and I think he's going to be the RB1.

All right, that's it.

Again, sorry about the change, AWLs.

Oh, I lost my song here.

All right, wait, so now we owe him, what, four seconds from the middle?

We owe four seconds in the middle because he tried to copyright us there.

So just

random, four seconds.

Random four seconds.

Yeah.

Let's go from 30 to 34.

Does that sound good?

Yeah, perfect.

Sometimes things change, okay?

Sometimes your mommy forgets.

And yes, Fantasy Fuck Boys will return several times this year.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But this is, I mean, Jerry's, this was great.

The Jerry fantasy minute when we told him he has to do a minute, and then he says there's a minute 45, and we got to just choose.

Next week, he's going to send us like seven minutes.

We're just going to have to choose what to play.

Yeah, I learned a lot from it, though.

I did too.

Ollie Gordon?

Stream the Cardinals defense.

What does that mean?

Chris Boswell.

I don't know what's going on.

Is that a fantasy term?

I don't know what stream means in these in this context.

Also, how did he get glasses that like match the car perfectly?

Yeah, and the headphones.

The car is sick.

Yeah, the headphones and glasses in the car all match.

That's a sick car.

The glasses come with the car.

Memes is right.

How does he not fix his driveway?

Marvel money.

Marvel money.

Marvel money.

Camp Barcelona money.

Camp Barcelona.

That's exactly what it is.

That's a Camp Barcelona car right there.

Paid him $4 million.

That could have been Jeff D.

Lowe's.

$4 million to just drink a Mountain Dew with the dude.

Boom.

Okay.

We got an awesome interview.

Our good friend Andrew Santino in studio.

We talk everything with him.

Great, great time.

He's one of our favorite guests to have in person.

He's got a new special out now.

So go check it out.

And we get into all of it with him.

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And now here's

Andrew Santino.

Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest.

Third time?

Third time.

I think this is the third time to charm.

Third time, that's Andrew Santino's voice, one of our good friends.

He is in studio.

We want to talk about your new special that is out today as we're airing this, but you know, we have the most important question we have to ask.

What is it?

You can't think of what it could be?

I've got one.

It's the most important.

It's the question that we have to ask.

I don't know, dude.

Are you going to the wedding?

I doubt it.

Really?

You're not going to Taylor Swift and Killer Trav's wedding?

I highly doubt it, dude.

I I don't think I got that invite.

You know, she's controlling that guest list for me.

Yeah, but I'm not on that list.

You don't think so?

Oh, dude.

I'm not on that.

You want Killer Trav?

Dude, Travs is my boy.

I love him to death.

I highly doubt.

Look, I will say this.

I played golf with my old man two days ago, and we FaceTimed him

to say congrats.

And,

you know, look,

maybe I'll catch a bachelor party invite.

Wait, you face?

Maybe.

Well, I mean, if you catch it, I guess they could do like a bed.

You could do bachelor and not the wedding.

I know.

It's actually a great place to to be.

Preferred if I'm

agreed.

I'd rather do batch and no wedding.

I don't want to do the weddings.

I don't want to do weddings in general anymore.

So if you can give me the bachelor party without the wedding.

I've always said the best place to be as a friend is to be like the eighth best friend.

So your bachelor party, but nothing to do with the wedding.

It's great, dude.

You don't have to be an usher.

The usher is always so pathetic when they throw you usher.

Yeah, dude.

They're like, oh, yeah, why don't you be the usher?

Like, dude.

I don't want to do that.

I don't want.

It's work.

I have to go to work.

Yeah.

I thought I was going to party.

Yeah, you stand up for like an hour and you pass out pamphlets and then you sit down and you're like, okay, I did my job.

But yeah, I'd rather go to a wedding where I can just get drunk as early as possible

before the ceremony.

Especially growing up with so many Catholics in our life, like Catholic weddings, dude, the churches are always hot, ever nine hours long.

You got to meet a thousand people.

And then by the time you black out, you are going to say something foul to somebody's aunt.

Right.

It's just going to happen.

Right.

And being the usher, it's such a slap in the face.

You didn't make the cut.

Yeah, you didn't.

You're on the practice squad.

I don't want to do that.

Yeah, just

pop me, dude.

Put me back in the locker room.

Put me on waivers.

Let's see.

So maybe

Bachelor Party.

We'll see.

So, wait, if you FaceTimed him on the day it was announced.

Well, it happened much earlier, but.

Oh, did you know it happened?

I think so.

You're getting invited, dude.

No, no, no, no.

You're just like five people that knew.

No, we spoke.

Him and I spoke when I had last saw him, and he said he was wanting to do it when we had golf together in like April or May.

And

yeah, he said he was doing it, but he didn't say when.

I mean, you know, it wasn't.

Yeah, yeah.

But I don't over, I don't pry.

It's like that thing about, you know, the memes online where women are like, you golfed with your buddy.

Like, what happened with his divorce?

It's like, we didn't talk about it.

No.

It's like, you were there for four.

I was like, yeah, we don't.

So like he's brought something up about it.

And then

I never asked again.

I mean, I don't know, dude.

I don't, not saying I don't care, but I don't, it's not what I'm, I'm stoked.

I hope it's

it's awesome.

I, but I'm not going to be like, what day?

What are you doing it?

What's going on?

No, but we just FaceTimed him to say congrats, and he said, what's up to my pops, which I, you know.

Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, my dad was like, when am I going?

Do I get an invite?

I was like, actually, it'd be funnier if he went.

Yeah, I think she's going to have like maybe a handful of his rowdy friends that she'll allow him to invite.

Like you get six of the rowdy boys.

Well, he's got a lot of dogs from.

from Ohio that he's loyal to the foil on that will be there for sure, but they grew up with him and everything.

You know, I'm an adult friend.

That's a different.

Yeah, adult friends, yeah.

Adult friends are different.

We met later in life, and I'm sure when they're going down the list, she'll get to Santino and be like, I don't know, dude.

How funny was his new special?

Yeah, was he good?

Yeah.

Is he funny?

We'll watch it.

Yeah.

So turn on Hulu now, watch it and judge.

Maybe we'll see.

But that is going back real fast to this whole like the Catholic thing.

It reminded me, my dad went to a funeral.

Sorry, a wake yesterday and went to the funeral today.

And I'm like, we got to double down.

Can't we just do one or the other?

Yeah.

Can we just pick one of these things?

We don't have to do both.

That's actually showing too much respect.

It's way too much, man.

Yeah.

Like, you go to show your respects.

You don't really, you're kind of showboating at the end.

Yeah, but there is free food.

He is excited about that.

Yeah, and some drinks.

He knows what's coming.

Yeah.

By the way, we did a Mount Rushmore a couple weeks ago about things that girls hate about guys.

And we talked about the whole like going on a trip and coming back with nothing.

And I mentioned that I've been doing, because my wife always hates that.

Like, I'll just be like, I don't know how his job is.

I don't know what his kids' names are.

At the end of a trip, because you go on a lot of golf trips, I literally sit my friends down.

I'm like, give me two facts.

Just give me two facts I can bring back.

Like, we don't have to have a conversation about it.

Just give me two facts.

Just hand me two facts.

My wife finds out about stuff when we get together with groups of people and I talk about it.

Yes.

She'll be like, when did that happen?

I'm like, that was I told you when I was out there.

Nope.

And when I was down at Big Cedar.

And she's like, you did not say that, but I'm glad I'm hearing it now as you speak to other people because that's your partner.

By the time you get home, you're like, I don't want to talk about what happened.

And I thought I did.

Yeah.

I thought I met.

I thought I did.

Yeah, that counts.

Yeah, that counts.

Yeah.

No, I don't.

The boys' golf trips, I've done a bunch, and almost nothing constructive gets done.

Yeah.

Almost nothing.

When you do the golf trips, do you split up into teams?

Because I've got some friends that do that every year, and they make it like a Ryder Cup where they have polos that they've made for their own teams, and they take it really, really seriously.

And this is like an annual event that they they do or you just go and play.

No, we don't do the shirts.

We talked about that, the shirts thing.

We don't do the shirts with the boys trip.

We do divide the teams up though, but the teams are, because there's handicaps, the teams are chosen at random.

If there wasn't handicaps, you'd have to choose A player, B player, C player.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

But we just do handicaps, so

it works out to be fair almost every single time.

But the problem is,

if someone's getting smushed all week,

the house at night gets a little weak.

Oh, yeah.

Then the fights break out.

You know, the arguments.

And then, you know, like we went to Bandon, and I'm not going to mention any of the friends' names.

I mean, no one would know anyway, but we went to Bandon.

A couple of guys wanted to go to.

Have you guys been to Bandon Dunes?

No, no.

All right.

And there's a little town there called Coos Bay.

And Coos Bay has a strip club.

Shout out to the Bachelor's Inn.

God bless you guys.

It's about as big as this room.

And this is the F squad, dog.

This is the toughest of tough.

You look at this place online, it's really sad.

Yeah.

It'll break your soul.

There was one girl there with wooden teeth.

A girl had on what I think was a pacemaker or something, something exposed on the outside of her skin.

Lovely people.

Lovely drinks.

Wooden teeth.

Big drinks.

What year is this?

Yeah, this is

1748.

Yeah, where can you find a guy to make

some whiskey in her peg leg?

Her teeth looked like they could be made of a different material.

Yeah, okay.

Can we guess who was on the trip?

No, no, you'll never know.

This is just, but this is just boys that I...

Jason Bateman?

No, no, no.

Todd McElhaney?

No, no.

These are just boys that I grew up.

These are college boys.

These are college boys.

But you did tell us you went to Bandon with them a different day.

I did go with those guys.

That was very fun.

Different trip.

See, that's like they're all good boys.

You know what I mean?

Like, we're having a couple of sodas.

Half of the guys didn't drink.

And then you go to bed.

But the golf, the college boys.

Yeah, then you got to let loose.

My buddy Miller didn't wake up like six minutes before the tea time, still went out, shot like 79.

That's

those guys that do that and blow my mouth.

Oh, it's the best.

I need to stretch a little.

No, he'll wake up, go, still play great golf.

Just hit it straight off the first box.

What are your takes about the matching shirts?

You said that you and Big Cat had a conversation?

We chatted about the matching shirts thing.

Now, here's the deal.

My dad does a tournament every year, and this will be his 19th year.

Tomorrow, we're doing it.

And

it's him.

So for pops, he wants me.

I'll do that.

That's tradition.

It's for pops.

Yeah.

But for the boys, when when you're going on a boys trip, absolutely not.

Unequivocally, absolutely not.

For dad, it's dad.

It's his rules.

He wants it his way.

So I'll do whatever he wants.

But with the boys, I think it's so cornball shit.

I can't do that.

Yeah.

And it also, like, tradition does, like, if it's 19 years.

He's been doing it since the jump.

You get grandfathered in.

And then what I did was, because I stole this idea from Charlie Day, Charlie and his boys have a jacket.

They play for a jacket every year, him and his Rhode Island boys.

And I was like, I want to do a jacket for us.

So I went and got four identical, nice jackets, and I pressed on my dad's crest on the chest.

And I won the last two years.

I'm hoping everyone.

So you bought the jacket for yourself.

Yeah, 100%.

There's one that fits me literally perfectly.

And the others are triple X.

Tailor-made?

Yeah, they are.

Have you gotten better at golf?

I'm better than I've ever been, but I slide.

You know what I mean?

There's weeks where I slide into absolute shit.

And it's remarkable how I'm like, can't believe I can't play.

But I think I, when I really started playing golf in my late 20s, early 30s, I think I started at like a, I mean, I think I was averaging probably like a 12 or 14 handicap, and now I'm down to like a five or a six or something like that.

Yes, that's pretty good.

Yeah, I got much better.

Yeah, but I mean, there's days where I shoot 80, and there's days where I shoot 74.

I'm not going to tell if you said 80 like it was a good thing or a bad thing right there.

I was like, wait, is that.

Well, 80 is good, but I mean, there's days when I'm not breaking 80, and there's most, and then there's days where I'm just, I'll have a week where, a week or two where I'm just smooth 74, 75s, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, so your new special, White Noise.

White Noise.

Out on Hulu.

Out on Hulu right now.

So what I've seen a lot of comedians just do the direct YouTube thing.

Yeah.

Not sell it.

Was this a process that like...

Because I assume when you go to Hulu and Disney, they might have notes.

How did that work out?

Yeah, they had a couple of notes for sure.

They definitely...

You know what's so funny is like Netflix doesn't say a word.

Netflix doesn't care care what you do.

I mean, after Chappelle and the trans stuff, they were like, well, everything has to be able to be, we're good now.

Yeah.

Like, if he does that, you're not, they're not going to tell somebody else.

But, yeah,

Disney is still Disney at the end of the day.

And they, you know, yeah, they came to me.

There was actually a couple of jokes in the special

about Disney adults, and they did not like those at all.

Did you take them out?

We had to peel off a little bit of something on one side of one joke, and then another piece of a joke that wouldn't have fit, we had to move.

But they didn't like the Disney attack on the adults.

You want to do it now?

Yeah, you want me to?

I mean, it is crazy.

Disney adults are crazy.

I mean, can we all not agree that this is insane?

Like, even Disney, it's like, you don't think

you don't think what I'm saying is valid?

Basically, the joke is, and you'll see it in the special, but the full joke is

I say that my buddy EP, my buddy EP is a grown adult black male, and he came over to my house in a Disney jacket, but nobody cares.

Like when a grown adult black man wears a Disney jacket, you know, I was like, what is that?

He's like, no, I fuck with Goofy.

Like, I'll be fucking with Goofy.

And everyone's like, no, he do be fucking with Goofy.

Like, everyone will agree.

But when a white adult wears a Disney jacket, everybody's like,

what's going on here?

Is he retarded?

Yeah, yeah.

What's happening?

Yeah.

And then I peel off into the joke of saying, I...

I just have never,

in Chicago, we didn't grow up with Disney.

I moved to California.

There's Disney adults.

Yeah.

I never saw that when we were a kid here.

It didn't exist.

But it's in my backyard now.

So you see Disney adults.

And I said, I just think there should be two lines at Disney, one for people with kids and one for people without.

And the people with kids get to go in the park,

and the people without get to go to jail.

You have to go to jail.

There should be a line right into a jail cell.

So they got bummed.

They got scared about it.

But it's like, at the end of the day, it's a joke.

By the way, in the special, White Noise, which people hopefully will watch, there is so much more offensive shit.

Right.

The title White Noise is playing on the idea of me being, you know, crispy see-through.

And I do a joke, a white noise joke in the special about a white noise machine.

And that joke is way more offensive to so many groups of people.

And it's funny, but they're like, that's great.

And I'm like, but you don't like the one that's

the other one that's harmless?

It's such an easy observation.

But look,

we went back and forth about it, and we felt like maybe it was better that we put it out the way we did.

But the finished product is out there, so I hope people.

And you've obviously watched it, you did it, but you feel good about it.

I like it too, but specials are impossible to, you know, everyone has a judgment about specials that they're like, you know, everyone always will say something like, oh, yeah, I saw him live, and I don't, this isn't as good as I've seen him, or whatever.

My buddy Dan Soder, have you ever had Sodi at this?

Sodi's one of the greatest men alive.

But Soder said it best.

He He was like, Yeah, you know why they like a podcast or like seeing you live better than an organized special?

It's because they're getting it straight from the tap, dude.

Right.

He's like, From this, this is right out of the hose, dude.

This is childhood, sweating, running with your friend.

It's right out of the hose, delicious.

And

then a packaged show, like a special or a television show or a film, it's got to go through a million things like we just talked about before it gets to you.

So it's harder.

It's just, it's naturally not going to taste as good as when it's raw and unfiltered and kind of,

you know, kind of sketchy.

And

you don't know what you're getting.

You might get E.

coli from the garden host.

Maybe not, dude.

And you know what?

That's delicious.

We know that one kid that got a brain eating amoeba and whatever.

Yeah, that's a price.

I think some kid at my high school got,

what's the thing they had to amputate something?

He got

leprosy?

No.

It came from water fountains.

They got scared from water fountains.

Botulism?

No, but that is.

That sounds right.

No, botulism.

They got a water fountain disease?

Botulism is Botox.

Do you know that?

You know when women get Botox?

You're shooting botulism in your face.

Are you going to get Botox ever?

Nah, dude.

L.A.?

Nah.

Look, I got a fade this morning on my beard.

I went to a black barber shop this morning, and he lined me up.

This is the most lined up I think.

I love being lined up.

Did he lined me up like crazy?

You ever feel like any pressure to talk to the barber when you're there?

Because there's some barbers that you hit it off with.

This guy did not want to talk to me.

Did not see you pass.

Yeah.

No, he was not interested.

I think he didn't like that I walked in there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think he saw saw me and he's like, I'm not cutting this dude's shit.

And I was like, I just want a beard trim.

That's all I need because I got bushy.

Yeah.

And he just, and he, I'm not kidding.

He was like, sit down.

He like rolled his eyes, looked away.

I didn't say a word, dude.

I just sat there quietly.

When you go into a barbershop that is mostly for not whites, you just say hi, do the thing, tip well, and leave.

Speak when spoken to.

Speak when spoken to.

I once got a haircut at a Puerto Rican barber shop.

I was at a wedding in Minneapolis, and it was he took out the straight razor like halfway through, and I was like, oh, God, I'm screwed.

So it was like, it was a tight fade.

And I was like,

this isn't me.

And then I had a wedding the next day.

No, but you look good though.

My wife was so mad.

She was like, what is she doing?

They cut a little fade out of there.

But you know, like, you know, that moment.

Everyone's had like a bad haircut or a haircut that doesn't fit them.

And you know that moment when the straight razor comes out or something comes out, you're like, I'm too deep.

Like, we're already doing this.

You can't say anything.

I can't turn back.

We're just doing this.

No, I kind of let him fly.

And if it's bad, then you have something to talk about.

Yeah.

It's not going to not grow.

You're fine.

It's going to fix itself eventually.

Like my wife was like,

you're going to let this guy cut your beard?

Because I don't let...

I have my barber do my hair and my beard.

And even I won't even.

Sometimes I'll get it out of my mouth, maybe.

I let him do all of it all the time.

She's like, you're going to let this dude you've never met at this place that you don't know cut your beard?

I was like, yeah, let's roll the dice, dude.

He is a professional.

He's a well, he probably went to school.

I don't know, dude.

I don't know, dude.

Maybe online.

I think he went to barber school online.

Yeah, he's used the razor a lot.

His hands look steady.

He doesn't look like he's drunk right now.

Yeah, he's used the razor for extracurricular activity.

So why would he not?

When they do get to the neck, though, every time I'm like,

this could be it.

I get a little nervous.

Yeah, this could be.

If he has an intrusive thought that he acts on right now, I'm fucked.

What if he had a tough morning?

Yeah.

He's woke up, his wife was bitching at him.

Your business is failing.

We're spending all of our money on this piece of shit operation.

There's no one going in.

And I'm the only guy that goes in first thing in the morning.

I'm number one in the chair.

Who knows?

He's not like,

I'm going to make something out of this ginger.

Are you going to get jacked up at some point?

How far into your Hollywood evolution do we have to reach out?

TRT?

TRT.

Absolutely out.

You're never going to get jacked.

Look, I'm as like middleweight as I've ever been right now.

You look good.

I'm fine, dude.

You know what Dave said that made me laugh?

Dave said,

I go, damn, dude, you're so tan right now.

And he goes, if you can't tone it, tan it.

Yeah.

And I was like, that's a fantastic.

I mean, I can't tan, so it was kind of a shot at me, but I was like, good on you, dude.

Every summer, people are like, damn, you look good.

You lost like five, ten pounds.

Like, nope, I'm tan.

Nah, tan.

I'm tan.

Yeah, you can.

You tan, yeah.

You don't get tan, do you?

I don't really get tan.

No, I mean, I get, I get like slightly burned.

Yeah.

And then the burn sticks around for a couple weeks.

That's what happens to me.

Yeah, it just peels off.

Thankfully, I have like half Italian, so I will get a little color, more than a normal ginge, but no, no, dude, getting jacked.

I'm out.

Look, I'm at a stage in my career.

I'd like to say, I don't know who said this, but it made me laugh so hard because they said this is the evolution arc for people in Hollywood, right?

Is it starts off with, in reference to like me, you'd go, who the fuck is Andrew Santino?

Who is that?

And then the second one is, ooh, I like that guy, Andrew Santino.

Get me Andrew Santino.

And then the third one is, get me someone just like Andrew Santino.

Get me an Andrew Santino type, okay?

A The younger Santino.

Yeah.

And then the fourth one is, who the fuck is Andrew Santino?

This is the arc that we take.

And

I'm on the cusp of get me an Andrew Santino and who the fuck is.

I'm like falling off that other side.

So I'm out, dude.

I'm good.

This is it.

I'm going to do comedy and podcasting until I'm dead.

Yeah.

Do you, do you really think like, because you and Bobby obviously have a great podcast, like you have so much fun.

Do you think that you can just do it forever?

Because we talk about this.

We're going into year 10 coming up.

It's huge.

And we always always joke, and

it's a joke, but it's really not a joke.

Like when I think about what I would do if I stopped doing this, it would probably be watch football with PFT and Hank in my basement.

So why not just sit in front of a mic?

Yeah, this is it.

No, I think we're going to do it.

Dude, we started it.

You know, we started Bad Friends before COVID.

We were blessed with COVID, as crazy as that sounds, because it kept everyone at home.

And then our first couple of episodes got over a million views.

And it was like people had been asking for it.

And like fans were like, you guys should do one together.

So it was kind of this beautiful marriage, and we started it five years ago.

It'll be six years in January.

And so I don't see us stopping.

It's the most fun job I've ever had, dude.

Yeah.

Like it's the, and this is the thing.

And going back fast to the Disney stuff is like, you know, they were restrictive and protective of their brand.

I was a little hurt by the fact that we wanted to like shape stuff up because they were afraid of some of the language.

You know,

I get it.

I get their thing.

I was mad about it.

We fought about it.

We're here.

It is what it is.

But with Bob, I don't have to do that.

I don't ever have to sacrifice or I don't even have to think about it.

We just say what we say.

We'll figure it out.

Also, it's fine.

They're words.

Most of the time, it's fantasy town.

So when people are like, can you believe that this and this?

It's like, dude, it's all fake.

It's all for fun.

Almost none of it's real.

And it's also the thing that I

still can't understand is like people who, you know, everyone has haters or people who don't like them.

And it's like,

why would you keep listening?

Just stop listening.

They hate you.

They love you.

Yeah, but like, there's people listening to the show right now that literally can't stand you guys.

That love you so much.

Right, but like also, if it bothers you, just just stop.

You can opt in or opt out.

No, they have to consume it.

You listen harder.

Yeah,

those people are probably bigger fans than your average fan who's like, oh, I love those guys.

Yeah.

It's like, do you listen last week?

And they're like, no, I think I missed.

I don't know.

My kids had practice.

But the guy that's like, I fucking hate those guys.

That guy listens to every single second of your show?

Absolutely.

He probably listens to it twice.

I don't think it's possible to hate somebody unless you love them.

You love them first, yeah.

You love them first, and then you hate them.

And then you hate them.

Well, isn't that what happens in our business?

Is people like you get successful or you grow and the show gets bigger?

And it's naturally, like, it gets to a point when people are like, oh, fuck those guys.

Yeah, like, oh, I liked it when it was just, you know,

I liked it better when it suck.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Which I kind of understand.

I get it.

Yeah, I get it too.

Well, it's natural.

We're trying to grow the show and make more people get involved.

Like, we have a great lineup coming up on Bad Friends.

Like, we're expanding our universe because we do great when it's just us.

But when we bring in, like, I should, this is fun.

Guy Fieri's coming on the show.

Oh, hell yeah.

And I'm so fucking excited.

But it's like, even he was like, are your fans going to like?

It's like, dude, who cares?

Right.

This is for us, dude.

Like, he's going to cook for us and shit.

I was like, nah, dude, you're coming on the show.

No,

I completely agree with that because even this interview, it's going to be, we're running it on the day of your special.

It's going to be football season.

There will be a sect of our fans who'll be like a comedian during football season.

Football season.

And it's like, dude, we're friends with Santino.

Like, I like having friends on the show.

I think having friends on the show is better than doing a random interview with someone we've never met.

Like, it just is.

We're boys.

And also, we can talk football.

Although, I'm, you know, last time we talked, I was a little scared about the Bears, and now I'm even more, I'm just more nervous about the Bears than ever.

Yeah,

I feel like, you know, people are very down on Caleb right now, but it's the perfect time to buy buy stock.

But see, this I agree with because I think what happened last season, being on like hard knocks, which I think we talked about, I hated it so much.

It's a worse.

It made me angry inside, especially when they showed his stupid lake house and all that.

Oh, they were trying to do like the Hollywood wash of Eberflues.

Dude, it killed me.

I was like, this is bad luck.

This is absolutely bad luck.

You know this.

And then what we saw what happened last season and the first coach to get fired midseason, which was incredible for us,

I thought, let's just be quiet, just chill out, lay low, and let's cruise into the season anew.

We don't need any more lights.

And then, of course, preseason talk, which everyone's picking apart the kid.

I still am on his side, but I just, I'm a little nervous.

So, what I've been doing and preaching this offseason is I'm staying 6 out of 10 excited because last year I was 11 out of 10.

Me too.

I was way too hyped.

And 6 out of 10 is a good spot, and it's like, hey, I'm going to wait till I see it, and then I'll get excited.

And guess what?

It's like we do this all the time, especially with the Bears.

Like, why would we expect them to all of a sudden be like an 11-win team?

They haven't been over 500 since 2018.

Like, just put that into perspective.

But it could happen.

Right, right.

But put it into perspective.

It's like, I know.

It's more likely than not going to happen.

I think I went on Eisen and I told Rich, I think I said nine wins.

It was either nine or 10.

Yeah, I've been saying nine.

I think nine or 10 is kind of my, that's the sweet spot.

And I do believe that is very possible.

And you know what?

If we're sitting here honestly, when we say nine or 10, we're obviously saying in our heart of hearts 11 or 12, but we're saying nine or 10.

We're saying nine or 10.

You have to.

I'm not an idiot.

Like, we're already going to get ripped apart for saying 10.

Just 10.

People are like, double digits, you're sick in the head.

No, but I still believe in the kid.

I think it's good.

I love the coach.

Dude, I don't know.

I can't get too hyped up because I don't want to get beat down, especially because I'm a Cubs fan.

And I'm seeing what's happening now,

and I'm just getting bummed again of like, well, I knew this wasn't going to be a World Series.

Ty, same with me.

I mean, who cares?

I mean, let's, I think we said this too.

It's like, if you're talking NL, the Phillies would literally mop the floor with us.

The Dodgers.

I think even the Dodgers are all over the place.

But I mean, the Dodgers still would do well, but I think the Phillies would smoke us.

I think the Brewers are going to smush our face in.

I just think we don't have a chance.

I just, look.

I just want to watch playoff baseball.

I just want to watch good playoff baseball.

Yeah.

Me too.

And then maybe next year build something and re-sign Kyle Tucker.

And, you know, this is the launch.

You think they're going to give him $400 million?

There's no chance.

There's no way.

As long as if you make it into the playoffs in baseball, you have a chance.

Crazy things happen.

I don't know, dude.

It becomes such a smaller sample size.

We would need a much deeper bullpen.

But the pitching is the concern.

The pitching is crazy, and Council's not warming anybody up half of the time.

Also, I saw, I felt bad for that kid last night for Ray.

He's got, they're zooming into his hometown in Iowa.

And what's it called?

Cascade, Iowa, or something?

And, you know, when he, you know, they gave him mozzarella sticks, and then this one was they buy him a beer or something if he has back-to-back dragons.

And then, like, he just gets shoved.

Right after he gets.

I think Devers was like, oh, I'm going to ruin this.

Yeah, no mozzarella six reviews.

Oh, my God, dude.

It was unbelievable.

Also, this is, I know we're baseball talk.

We should be football talk, but I'm a, you know, I'm a big baseball guy.

But I was thinking about San Francisco, and I had my dad and I were talking about the splash because they had what's her name out there in the splash zone or whatever.

Yeah.

And I was.

What's her name?

Taylor.

Yeah, Taylor.

What can I think of her last name?

Yeah.

But I reminded me when I was a kid of how many times Barry Bonds.

Yep.

In fact, in 2000.

Taylor McGregor.

Taylor McGregor.

Shout out to Taylor McGregor.

You're the best.

And they had her out there just in a canoe.

But in 2000 and 2001, Bonds, Bonds in 2000 hit like five or six, and then in 2001, it was like seven or eight.

Yeah.

They haven't had one.

They had one this year in April was the last time it happened.

But I was like, bring back the juice, dog.

I know.

Bring back the juice.

It's disgusting that Barry Bonds is not in the Hall of Fame.

Yeah.

He's the best baseball player to ever work.

It's abhorrent, and he's also an Arizona State kid, so I love that about him as well.

We had Rob Manford on the show, and I pitched him like steroid month.

Give him the juice.

He didn't think it was funny.

See, but I don't understand.

They're using other enhancing drugs now that are legal and cleared.

Why don't we regulate this then?

Yeah.

Regulate it.

Give them all, and they can only top out a certain dose.

If you go over the line, you get suspended.

Or a month.

That's regulation.

You got one month.

One month.

Give them a month.

Let them hit the juice, dude.

But imagine.

Do whatever you want.

Imagine if baseball, like July, they're like, hey, guess what?

It's steroid month you don't tell me the ratings aren't gonna go crazy through the roof i mean how about this they just stop testing and don't tell anyone yeah yeah but if you get into stop testing then you get into like

then everything is fair game yeah i think yeah okay you want it wide open yeah you can tell everyone you're still testing but you're never gonna actually collect a piss i say drip it out slowly let them do a little slowly like i think slowly but surely let it come out it was like weed yeah the amount of times i get busted for weed in this state when i was a kid and like this sheer panic for smoking pot pot.

Now, I went took my parents out to dinner last night.

This guy's smoking a joint right outside the restaurant.

I was like, Isn't this so funny, mom, that used to yell?

I used to get deep shit for smoking a joint with my friends.

Now it's like every corner store.

There's one right here, there's one right down the block.

Yeah.

Look, I think drip it out slowly.

People get comfortable with it.

Be like a little bit of steroid here, a little bit of steroid there.

What about this?

On the roster, you get two designated steroid guys.

Totally.

That's cool.

Every team gets two, and you have to declare it before the season.

Be like, hey, here are our guys.

Sure.

And we're going to go.

What do you think about pitchers using Sturge?

I think you've got to go one.

I think you'd maybe go one pitcher, but you know, you'd probably go like...

You know who you want?

Your closer and Reids.

Closer on Reids.

You want John Rocker.

100%.

You wouldn't put your best player on Sturge.

You'd put like your fifth best player who's like, you know, a middle of the road.

You'd want a lunatic.

You do want a rocker.

You want a guy that's going to like huck 104 and say the N-word.

That's who you want out there.

You're like, let this guy go off.

Dude, baseball was great.

We had guys like that.

Yeah, I mean, maybe the most most intimidating pitcher didn't want to fight him.

His neck was like Tichio Spikes.

It would go like straight down to his shoulders.

He was the one that was talking about the reason I said the Edinburgh joke is because, wasn't he doing that about the train?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You said

the train is.

He wouldn't get on a train.

He hates New York, the seven train to Shea Stadium.

He gave you an all-time interview because it was a Sports Illustrated reporter that was like,

I'm going to do a feature on you.

And Rocker's like, okay, hop along.

All right, you're in my car.

All right, they're driving down the road.

See that car up there?

Guarantee that's a woman Asian driving that car.

And they're like, okay, I'm taking some notes right here.

Yeah.

But yeah, it's just the most unhinged interview ever.

And then he was like, why is everyone mad at me all of a sudden?

That's what I said.

Well, dude, if that's how he feels, that's how the kid feels.

I do think steroid month is a good idea for baseball.

I also think get rid of the umps.

Tired.

No.

Tired.

You're so wrong on that.

Tired, tired.

Okay, you're so wrong on that for a couple reasons.

Get him out.

One, did you see the ump who got hit in the nuts three times in a row in a little league game?

Oh, I'm not saying remove him from being there.

I'm saying remove him from making the decision, the call.

Okay, but I disagree with that, too.

Nah, you're getting to that.

Because I think if you remove, if you make robot, I've long-standing take on this, if you remove umps, refs from games, you're eliminating like 50% of the conversation guys can have with each other.

No, no, no.

I'm saying just baseball, my friend.

Okay, but still.

Because in the NBA, a referee calling a foul, right?

There is levels of fouls.

So this has to be judged by human, right?

But for the box behind home plate, that is a literal box for every person.

You can still have umps out in the field.

Also, we're going to overturn those calls when you're wrong.

So, what's the difference?

But behind home plate, it's a box.

We know what the box is, it's literal.

But have you thought about losing a game and not being able to blame the ump and having to come to the grips with your team is worse?

The amount of games that I've lost as a Chicago fan across the board.

I'm just saying.

It's never the ump.

Yeah, but it's never been the umpire.

It's a great excuse.

Like, we got fucked.

That guy, if you're going to call him wrong, be consistent.

You You can get mad at the any way you slice it.

You can figure out a way why the ump is the problem.

All right, well, how about this then?

We sacrifice it, replace umps with convicted criminals

who are on death row.

So then you have somebody to blame, somebody to hate.

Give them something to do.

I like that, but give them something to do.

We all try to fight them.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Make it more entertaining.

We always joke about

when your team loses in the playoffs in the NFL.

How do men cope?

They spend the next three days screen-grabbing every alleged hold and tweeting it at people and being like, What about this?

What about this?

Right.

You need that, otherwise, we can't deal with it.

Yeah, football, fine.

Baseball gone.

Did you see that?

Baseball gone.

Did you see the ump who got hit in the nuts three times?

The little league game?

I didn't see it.

Oh, here, here, here it is.

And I see this video.

It's unbelievable.

Start it from the beginning and get the sound.

That's one.

Good job, Ryan.

Time on me.

My time.

Oh my god.

Hold on.

Isn't that the best?

I love it when the little kid catcher is like checking on him after the first one.

Isn't it great?

You know that like you'll I always judge like if I could still laugh at like nut shots and puke videos,

I still got it.

To the day you're dead.

Yeah.

By the way, easy dad joke.

Black Black and blue now, not just blue.

Black and blue.

Black and blue.

My dad,

we were at a,

what game were we at?

We were at a game together.

I'll never forget,

I was in high school.

I think I want to say it was a Cubs game.

The only reason I'm going back and forth is because we would go to Sox games sometimes because my dad's good friend's father is a Hall of Fame white sock.

So it's kind of crazy.

It was like we would go to those because his dad has a statue.

And it's nuts.

But I think it was a Cubs game.

We were at, and we're at the the urinal, and I was in high school, and we walk in there, and there's a guy in the stall, and I can hear he's going like, oh, fuck him, God damn it, like he's struggling, you know.

And my dad's next to me, and we're pissing.

And then the guy, just the longest, loudest, just like,

just like a rumbling, like he was waiting for this.

And my dad started laughing.

And then I started laughing, and I thought, they don't ever get old.

Yeah.

Farts literally just never get old.

It made me feel like, oh, my dad is like me.

Yeah.

Like, because you see your dad as like this, this powerful figure.

I'm like, no, he's a guy still.

Yeah, you don't lose being an immature guy, even when you have to be dad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was what we shared a fart together.

It was beautiful.

Yeah, I remember when I was a kid, my dad is 6'3, and when we were walking up the stairs, he'd fart in my face.

Oh, that's like that's a fun.

That's just I do it to my kids now.

It's like, it's a fun.

Like, if you can get your kid, like going behind you in the stairs and their face is right there,

bang, easy fart.

Have this.

Or fart and keep the windows up in the car.

Love.

That's so funny.

Crap.

Dude, you child lock the windows?

The funniest thing in the world.

You know who doesn't like farts is dogs.

Yeah, they hate it.

My dog gets his statue.

They get mad at you.

I've farted on my dog.

One time I did it as a joke, and he, for the first time and only time, he looked like he was going to bite me.

Yeah, he might.

He like knew what it was.

Yeah, that's a sign of disrespect.

It is.

But when he does it, he also, like, it's, he gets confused by his own ass when he farts.

He's like, what was that?

But when I do it, he knows exactly what it is.

He's like, fuck you for doing that, buddy.

Yeah, he knows, yeah.

Because he knows that he knows that's not supposed to happen.

Yeah.

Like, that seems strange yeah dogs never fart on each other so he's like you did something this well because they smell ass a lot yeah and so they know what ass smells like so when that comes out they go that i don't like yeah i don't like you to push it at me i'll smell it if i'm interested he'll be a good stand-up specialist just just farting yeah how there's there's a few that are out there like that

they just hit me in my nuts every like five minutes got a clock on stage four minutes 59 seconds till that's next nut shot yeah a ball a ball to the nuts will literally never get old it's never will never get old it's such a funny moment in time.

Like with jackass, they did it so much that it looked painful and like sad at some point.

You're like, leave that guy's dick alone.

This is like bad.

Snake, yeah.

But it's like that when it's an accident.

Oh, it's great.

You need an ump to get hit in the nuts.

You're right.

Umps, no cup.

How about this?

If the umps are going to stay in the game, I want it more dangerous.

Yeah.

No mask behind the house.

No mask.

Oh, I like that.

Yeah.

Tie their hands behind their back.

We'll get back to Andrew Santino in a second.

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but yeah so I'll be touring again.

I'm doing like

Halloween weekend, San Francisco.

I'm doing Tempe.

I'm going back to Arizona State, which is great.

I've never played the Tempe Improv, and that's like a homecoming.

I played the theater downtown, but yeah, I'm doing casino gigs all over.

I'll be in Atlantic City and everywhere, so people can come see me.

I'm working out the new hours.

Do you like the travel, or does it get like...

No, dude, it's out of sight, out of mind at this point.

Like, I don't like.

I don't like,

I don't like the jump around travel.

Like, when we're on tour tour, this is easy because I do a weekend, I get to go home, I do a weekend.

But when we stay on the bus, like when Bobby and I were on a bus, oh my God, dude.

Yeah, you like the Bill Burr tour.

I remember talking to him about it, and he was like, yeah, I just go for two nights and

I'm right back home.

Yeah, that's the best.

But when you stay on the bus with somebody, even your best of friend,

you guys will slit each other's throat.

Oh, we do a bunch of trips during the year, and it's always funny because we joke that like the somewhere around the fourth day, there'll be a moment where we're all in a car together and we're just not speaking.

Yeah, okay.

And we're just silent.

And it's like, it's not intentional, but it's like, yeah, we kind of need our own space right now.

Let's all just take a week two.

Week two for us is dangerous week.

Yeah.

It's a dangerous week.

When you get to the first week, it is still ho-hummy.

We go out to great dinners every night, so you're and we're taking care of the crew, and it's just kind of very chummy.

Everyone is like stoked still.

Week two, good night.

That is, that is, that is the break era.

Yeah.

Do you plan your dates around like good good golf courses?

Yeah, I usually do.

When I used to tour doing clubs, I used to plan them around baseball season.

Love that.

So I'd find out where because I always wanted to go to as many games as I could.

I'll still do that, dude.

I go to games alone.

I was out in Virginia for this live thing, and I went to D.C.

I was like, I want to go see the natty, so I just went and poked down there, and I'll do that as much as I can.

I'll go to so many games by myself.

Oh, it's the best.

I love self-baseballing.

Baseball by yourself is awesome.

It's unbelievable.

And also, you don't even have to worry about tickets.

There's always a single ticket.

There's always a single ticket.

I would tell more people to go to baseball games alone.

Agreed.

You lock into the game and you're watching the game.

Yeah, I'm not on my phone.

I don't have anybody to talk to.

I don't have to go worry about going to get another.

It's like, just sit there, have a few.

And honestly, I've made more friends in my, like around me, just talking shit than I would have ever done if I went with other people that I knew.

Yeah, yeah, it's a great idea.

I like to do that with movies every now and again.

I just, dude, I just went to go see Honey Don't.

What's wrong with me?

All right, I'm going to get you.

Why can't I think of her name, dude?

Margaret Qually?

That's her name?

We're not really big celebrity guys.

No, no, but I mean, it's a good.

I went to go see the movie because

it's a Cohen Brothers movie.

Well, it's only one of them.

Oh, it's just a Cohen brother?

Cohen Brother.

I think it's Ethan Cohen, maybe.

Honey Don't.

Is he the better Cohen?

I don't even know which one's which.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Why'd they split up?

Is this the first time they split up?

I don't know if it's the first time they've split up, but this is kind of one of those, this was a foray into his own thing.

But, honey, please, honey, don't, honey, don't.

I can't remember the name because it wasn't, it was one of those, you know.

Do you want to be in some movies coming up?

I'm out, dude.

I'm out.

Seriously?

I have no business in the business.

I'm out.

What if they call you up?

Stand up and podcast.

What if Happy Gilmore calls you up?

We did Happy Gilmore as podcasters.

Yeah.

Podcasters.

Like I said, dude, I'm on the

I'm literally on the Get Me Someone like Andrew Santino.

Who the fuck is Andrew Santino?

I'm on that side of the hill.

It's a young man's game.

I'm 42 in a month, and I've had a great, I love doing Dave.

I love doing I'm dying up here.

I had a great fun time, but like

the business has changed, and I have more fun doing stand-up and podcasting by far than I ever did doing that other stuff.

So it would be cool maybe, but, dude, I don't think so.

So what if your agent calls you up and like, hey, I got a lead role for you?

You're just like, nah.

If it's Rad, is it Rad?

Yeah, you're the new Superman.

No, I'm not doing that shit.

Why not?

Superman?

Representation matters.

Think about all the ginger kids.

It would be like, holy shit, Superman's a ginger.

That's a lie.

I'm feeding them a lie.

Every little redhead.

I was like, you can't be Super Red, dude.

You can't even be out in the sun for more than an hour.

What are you talking about, dude?

Does Krypton have a son?

I don't think the planet has a son.

I don't think so.

Oh, it could be a ginger.

That could be the break.

Yeah, that could be the break.

Also, he's mostly covered.

Yeah, he is mostly covered.

No, dude, I...

He's wearing a sun shirt.

You'd have to give me...

Yeah, you'd have to be something really cool.

Something like, we've gone to the ringer.

I've pitched a bunch of shows.

We sold a show a couple years ago.

It never got made, as everything does in Hollywood.

You sell stuff, it never gets made.

Bobby and I are doing an animated show with Hulu.

Okay.

Hopefully, we'll come out, and that's fun because we get to do voices and then have our friends be voices.

Like, that's the best thing.

Yeah.

Like, I can call you guys up and be like, hey, will you

go into the studio and do a voice?

That, to me, is what I'm looking forward to is like working with my friends.

And that's the best way to do it is podcasting and creating our little nookie things.

Bob and I did a, we created a game show

that we can't put out.

Why?

It was a little much.

Oh, I want to see it.

Dude, it was in.

I'll send you the copy.

It's insane.

I mean, it's literally insane.

Like, the first episode was John Stamos and Megan Traynor.

Like, such a funny combo.

And the games were insane.

I mean, dude, we did one where it was like,

guess the race by smell.

We had the interns come in.

We had the interns come in.

You had to smell the interns and tell me what race they were.

Did they get it right?

Megan got a few right.

John bombed.

I mean, he got like a bunch of people.

And we we won't put it out on Barcelona?

We can't put it out.

Their lawyers will sue us.

Oh, guys.

Oh, they will sue us into oblivion.

I mean, dude, we had

the first game we played was Where Am I?

And it's an iconic moment in time, right?

And it's a picture that's mostly covered except for one person.

And we slowly zoom out.

And you have to guess it before it zoomed all the way out.

And the first one was a UPS driver at 9-11, like delivering a

second one was a guy on Epstein's Island.

But these are like random pictures we took from the internet.

and the where am I bled into this other game.

And it got, it was funny, but you could tell that their people were like, absolutely not.

So you got to do it with comedians.

That's what we're going to do.

Yeah.

That was the pitch.

We thought it was funny doing it with people that were, that was fish out of water, where it's like,

you know, you're watching like pop stars and old TV dash

be this thing.

That was funny and naughty to me because it was like, oh, this is not supposed to be.

But with comics, yeah, you'd see that.

I mean, it's okay.

Let's pitch on a major upgrade for that.

Instead of Stamos,

Jerry O'Connell.

That's a major upgrade.

You know the guy?

Give him a ring.

Major upgrades.

Give him a ring.

He's done it before.

He's replaced Stamos before.

Let's do it again.

Kind of his thing.

Let's do it again.

We know Stamos now tours with the Beach Boys.

Yeah.

Do you know this?

Yeah.

I did not know this.

This is insane.

Yeah.

He has been for like a decade.

People kind of don't know about it.

It was a joke on Full House.

Yeah, dude.

And then it became a reality.

Yeah.

And he, and he can play.

And he like goes on tour.

Like he called us when he was going to shoot with Bobby and I and was like, I can't make it, dude.

And I was like, wow.

He's like, I have a gig.

I was like,

are you shooting?

I'm thinking a TV show or a movie.

I'm like, what are you doing?

He's like, no, I'm doing it with the Beach Boys.

I'm down in San Diego.

And I was like, what, dude?

Like, it still doesn't feel right.

Yeah.

No, no, you're not.

But yeah.

How does that economy work when you sell like a TV show to somebody and then they

then they pay you for it and then they don't do anything with it?

This is what they do.

This is Hollywood in a nutshell is like buy stuff to shelf it.

That's like an old phrase.

They used to shelf scripts so other studios couldn't get it.

Right.

And then now

they buy shows because they want the property and they give you a little bit of money to get your beak wet.

And then they end up going through a stupid executive process and it either gets noted to death or the executive that bought it from you got fired and they brought in the woman that ran Lysol or something.

Like the way they operate is credit.

She was at Nabisco and you're like, she's running a studio now?

It doesn't make any sense.

So then you have a new executive you have to appeal to and they're like, I don't like that show.

And then it doesn't happen.

And this is kind of the development process in Hollywood.

Unless you are Seth Rogan and you can call up literally everyone and go, make my show.

And they're like, you got it.

But at our level, it's like, you know, you're, we're just trying to get a nibble.

You know, we're like, hey, we have this fun show.

Do you want to make it?

They're like, maybe.

And then we write it and they're like, we love it.

And then they note it.

And then a network is like, I don't think, I don't know.

And then someone else is like, I think this sucks.

And then you start going, this sucks.

Yeah.

And then you're like, I'm not going to make this.

This sucks.

I mean, that happens constantly to everybody.

You pitch a show, you actually hate the show.

You're like, they're never going to make this anyways.

They buy it.

And then they're like, we actually want to make the show.

Then you have to work on a show that you hate.

Yeah, that happens a lot.

People do that like a lot, a lot.

You end up being a part of something that wasn't the original idea.

And then people get frustrated and they're like, well, I don't want to make this show.

And then they tank the show on purpose.

This happens all the time.

I mean, dude, this is the business.

You're dealing with these machines.

Did you think they weren't going to screw you over?

They're machines.

What did we think was going to happen?

So we just try to make our own stuff, do our best that we can, given the parameters, and then keep, you know, keep having fun.

I mean, dude,

we're going to die.

Buy the car, take the ride.

Good point.

Kiss the girl.

We're going to die, dude.

Have fun.

That's good.

It's over.

Watch White Noise.

Please watch White Noise out on Hulu.

I would appreciate it.

And then come see me live.

I do always say

specials are fun, but live is always better.

I don't care what comic you are.

There's maybe been four comics in our history who have made as good of live specials or good of specials as they were live, and you can name them.

And like most people,

they like your special, maybe, but live is always going to be better.

You cannot be live entertainment.

You're in it.

You're inside of this magic moment, this private little room with just us.

You know what I mean?

There's something about it that's

powerful and fun.

Yeah.

So come see the kid.

All right.

I got one last question.

Roback question.

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Can you ask?

I don't know if, I think you have enough of a relationship with him.

Going back to the first question, can you ask Travis if there was a little part of him was like, maybe I should have changed my Instagram handle before I got engaged to

Killa Trav.

Kill a Trav is pretty great, though.

But it was very funny to be like, Taylor Swift got engaged to Killa Trav.

Yeah.

Like, it sounds like a rapper from Chicago.

That Killa Trav from Back of the Yard.

Yeah, we said it was an AIM screen name.

Yeah.

Make it when you're 10 years old being like, this is sick.

What was your AOL screen name?

Because wait, how old are you?

How old are you again?

40.

How old are you?

40.

Yeah, we're all close to the same.

I'm 42.

I think mine was

because my last name's Santino.

Yeah.

And so then it became Tino, and someone said Tisno.

And so I think it was like Tisno 420 or something like that.

Yep.

Uh-huh.

Something else.

Something else, too.

Mine was

Dan Katz, Dan K.

Mine was Dank Nugs.

Dank Nugs, dude.

Oh, fuck, dude.

Fucking lights.

Let's go.

That's so good.

I'm always getting stoned, dude.

Dank nugs.

Mine, actually, the first one I had was Billabong.

Oh, dude.

I had like a Billabong shirt, and I was like, this shirt's pretty fucking cool.

It is pretty cool.

It was cool.

And then my mom was like, why is that your screen?

I was like, I like the shirt you got me, mom.

Yeah, you bought it.

Yeah, it has nothing to do with it.

It's not going to be weird with me.

I'll text him and ask him about it.

It's actually a good question.

I'm going to see him.

I'm going down to week two to go see them and the Eagles.

Yeah.

Just be like, hey, I'll ask him.

Just think, baby.

You know, Travis Kelsey is a pretty well-known name now.

Could have changed his name.

We don't know this when we set up.

Yeah.

Like, my handle's Cheeto Santino because of a story or a true story about it, turned into a joke when I was a young stand-up.

I was playing basketball with these Mexican dudes on the east side of L.A.

And they saw my leg hair.

And this is an old bit, but he was like, oh, damn, dude, you got orange leg hair, dog.

And I was like, yeah, he looks like if you ate a bag of Cheetos and you wiped a finger dust all over your skin, dog.

And they kept joking about it.

He's like, Cheeto legs, dog.

And Cheeto, I just took it because I hated it.

It bothered me.

And I was like, I'll just use it.

And then now I'm like, I'm a grown man.

Yeah.

But whatever.

You can't flip it.

You got to save it.

You got to keep it.

Also, and I'm going to say this.

I love you guys.

I appreciate you guys.

Every time I come here, you treat me well.

This place is very nice and warm and beautiful.

The people you have walking around here, some of the goons you have

slugged around the halls.

Oh, yeah.

Who are you talking about?

Who in particular?

Honestly, I'd have to point, I'd have to, not him.

He's rad.

Zach, yeah.

He's rad.

Yeah.

No, there's just as I sit in the lobby, you see people come and they go, and you got some real gooners, dude.

Yeah, we do.

Scary looking gooners, dude, it's good, though.

It's like good vibes.

You have its natural security.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's no one's going to walk in when they see some of this.

And then I got to meet a young man here, a young red-headed kid who's a newer to stand-up.

He was saying, oh, Mook?

Yeah, Mook.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Nice kid.

He came up and said hi, and then he was like, he's from

Philly.

Philly, that's exactly right.

And just moved here.

But he wanted to introduce himself.

And I said, this is a nice young man.

He looked pulled enough together.

But you do have some slugs.

He might be the answer to get me someone like Andrew Santino in a couple of years.

He doesn't have it, dude.

No, no, he's probably, he's a great guy, man.

He seemed like a super nice guy.

Yeah, he can take my spot.

Take all the bullshit that comes along with it.

Yeah.

All right, Santino.

Thanks, man.

Thank you, boys.

Love having you on.

Appreciate you.

Thanks.

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All right, let's wrap up Fire Fest, boys.

Hank.

Nothing crazy.

Good week.

Better than last.

A little getting in the rhythm of football season.

It's been nice weather.

Fall is a fun, fun time of year in Chicago.

How many rounds?

Just one.

You didn't play this week?

Just one.

Damn.

Oh, man.

Because we got a big match coming up.

Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, just simulator.

Simulator work.

It is, that's when it's nice, when it's nice weather.

And it's like, I feel for the people, people in the cubes when it's like, you just look outside.

Like, damn.

Yeah.

I guess the only really Firefest is I filled in for big cat and softball.

I was not on the summer pugs.

Filled in.

I think I filled in twice this year.

We lost both games, filled in last night, pitcher, playoffs.

We had a big lead.

This team in the

7-7 inning game in the bottom of the sixth, they just did the thing where they just wouldn't swing the bat.

Just get guys guys on.

You got to pitch strikes.

I was, I felt like I was pitching strikes.

I was not pitching strikes.

How many walks in a row?

I think three.

I think I had three,

four total in the inning.

I would not walk three guys in a row.

Yeah, I mean, you should have been there.

I should have been there.

We started the thing where you do the dance off the mound, like the sidesteps.

I was doing the sidestep.

I did strike a kid out looking.

Backwards K and softball.

Whatever.

They were chirping.

We blew a 13-7 lead.

Yikes.

But no one had a cartoon fall.

No one had a cartoon fall.

It's a meltdown.

Listen, I'm a sub, so I don't get involved with the roster and the placing of players and stuff.

So

I was just there to

put the ball and play.

I couldn't do that.

I had too many walks.

So hand up, I lost the Pugs this season.

Damn.

Sorry to hear that.

Yeah.

Sorry to hear that.

You're not even on the team.

No.

Does that sting more or less?

It stings more because we were up.

We were playing really well.

Like, I've played in the spring.

It was probably the best game I felt like we had played up until the sixth inning.

Some good defensive plays, great hitting.

Max had, it wasn't a cartoon slide, but Max.

did like a

major league slide for no reason last year.

It was in the last inning.

I scored from from second on a ground ball to short oh hell yes max max

so i so i slid i slid home i did a little

i did like a wraparound slide to trying to avoid a tag and the catcher never never caught the ball

but that's but i i i mean my my entire the entire side of my body is now scraped like all hell i was wearing shorts playoffs but it was playoffs the last inning

we were up two and it and it brought us up three and then

playoffs yeah playoffs memes almost killed a guy with a soccer ball.

That was also a highlight.

That's pretty funny.

Like a soccer ball came into the field.

Memes was kicking it back, and it was

inches away from my dismay.

The guy had his headphones in, so we were like, oh, and he didn't hear it, and it landed like directly behind him.

Oh, that's hilarious.

That's amazing.

All right, PFT.

I had a firefest happen to me.

It was like gradually developing over the course of the week, but I didn't realize the extent that it had developed until this morning.

So

I was out for a run, not to brag, a couple days ago.

That is a brag.

And I was jogging my neighborhood, and I saw my car was parked out on the street because I had the El Camino in the garage.

And the other car was on the street.

I noticed the boot was put on my car, right?

The parking boot.

Yeah.

So I saw that and I was like, okay, mental note.

I need to call this number when I get back from my jog.

See about getting this boot off.

I get back from my jog, forget to call the boot number.

Next morning, I go out to go to work.

My car's gone.

They towed it.

They towed it.

They towed it.

So then I had to track down my car.

You don't have street parking?

I do have street parking, but I never bought.

Here's the thing about Chicago.

They make you buy, you have to register your car, you got to pay like the tax and all that stuff.

And then you got to, you just have to go to your local warlord and be like, here's $250 for a sticker I can put on it.

You can do it online.

I did not know that.

Yeah.

Yeah, so you don't have street party.

So I

don't know, but I don't have

the perk, you don't have your zone.

There's, there's no, nobody ever gave me anything to put on my car from the neighborhood.

That sucks.

And then I find out online, yeah, it had been towed to a tow pound that's actually close by the office.

So at lunchtime today, I get into an Uber, drive to the tow pound.

They let me out.

The people that work at towpounds, I understand that, like, it's a, I don't want to go Britt McHenry on you right now.

It's not.

I forgot about that.

Yeah, you remember that?

I'm on TV.

Okay.

It's not a great job.

It's a bad job.

You're dealing with people who are very pissed off, but it takes a certain type of person to work at a place where everyone's mad at them all day.

And then it makes them mad.

And then they become assholes, too.

Yeah,

the starting place for every interaction is bad.

It's bad.

No one's happy to see you.

Correct.

All day.

So I go in, and

I always take the mindset in these types of situations.

Like, I'm going to be like maybe the nicest person that they've seen all day.

You're going to get a stripper to fall in love with you.

It's not their like it's not their fault my car was towed.

Yeah.

We'll get to whose fault it was later.

So I go up to the person and they're like, yeah, okay,

we can get you

over to our cashier, but first you need to give me your registration.

And I was like, well, I don't have my registration.

It's in my car.

And then that was a big deal.

They're like, what are you?

You're registration.

You don't have your registration.

I was like, no, it's in your car.

That's in your lot.

So I have to get to that.

Wait about 30 minutes, get finally driven out to my car.

i go in i grab my registration turns out it's the registration from a year ago oh and my registration is up to date but i don't have that registration so i bring that up inside and i'm like okay hopefully they won't notice the date on this i hand them the registration within half a second he's like this is expired sends right back so i'm like okay so what can i do to get my car back he's like well uh i need you to have a sticker looks like you don't have a parking sticker

and so to get the parking sticker he's like you have to walk to the currency exchange, which is 10 minutes away.

So I walk to the currency exchange, buy the sticker 250 bucks for the sticker, which by the way, expires in six months, walk all the way back, then I show that to the person.

Then they're like, okay, now you have to wait in line for the cashier.

And I wait in line.

I'm at the cashier.

And the lady tells, she stiff arms me.

She goes, You have to wait until I call you.

And I was like, oh, I thought I just had to wait in line here.

I get sat down.

I wait probably two minutes.

And then she says my name.

She's proving a point.

She put you in timeout.

She put me in timeout.

She's proving a point.

And I'm trying my best to hold everything together.

And she was like, Yeah, did you get your sticker?

I was like, Yeah, that's a stupid rule.

And she's like, Excuse me, but that's the law.

I was like, I know you don't make the law.

I'm sorry.

I slipped real quick.

So then she hands me my bill, and my bill is $1,000 to get my car back.

Because it turns out I had like five unpaid parking

tickets.

Yeah, which I did not realize.

I thought I had like one or two.

So then now now I'm $1,200 lighter.

Then I pick my car up and it's got a sticker on it that will not come off.

Oh, yeah.

The sticker that they put on there is like attached to your car with super gold.

You need a razor blade.

I asked.

And by the way, the guys that were in charge of like driving you back and forth to your car, the nicest guys in the world.

They checked in with me like five times being like, hey, is there anything else I can help you with?

One guy was like, beat the fuck out of the Packers tonight for me.

I was like, okay, these guys are cool.

Everyone inside is just...

And it's not their fault because their job sucks.

And they hate talking to people that are pissed off.

So that was about three hours out of my day that I spent going back and forth doing paperwork and then getting my debit card charged like four times in order to make it.

But finally I got my car back.

Okay.

So that's good.

So whose fault was it got towed?

It was my fault that it got towed.

Number one, I probably should have called the second I saw the boot on there.

Number two, I probably should have paid for my parking tickets, which I didn't.

But in my defense, I'm very lazy.

Yeah, number three, you can get the sticker online and you should have auto-renew.

But now I got a sticker.

Yeah.

I got too many stickers on my car right now.

You got a sticker.

And also, I don't know what they build the ground in the tow pound out of, but my car looks like it got driven through dune.

Oh, yeah.

It's just covered in sand.

Yeah.

There's one on Lower Whacker

that I've been towed to before, and that one is like...

It's Gotham City.

Yeah.

So at least you have to go to that one.

Well, the walk to the currency exchange was pretty dicey today.

Yeah.

And it put me in some places where I stood out a little bit in my awesome NFL shirt.

No.

Maybe just a little bit.

But yeah,

that was a whole trip.

And then the guy at the currency exchange was like, yeah, so normally I could sell you

a street parking permit thing for like 60 bucks, but it's not letting me.

So I have to charge you the 250 for it.

Shit.

I was like, that sounds okay.

Sounds reasonable.

He shouldn't have told you that.

That's

temporary stickers, too.

Like, if people come and visit your house, you can give them a sticker so they can park on the street.

Yeah.

So that was bad.

And there were several instances today where I thought I was not getting my car back.

Like I had to go to the DMV, make another appointment, and then go back to the car place.

So I'm all in all, I'm glad I got there.

Can I say something?

I'm proud of you because I think I would have given up at some point there.

I thought about it.

And just been like, all right, new car.

I thought about it.

I was going to drive the van now.

I was like, I've got another car.

Yeah.

I will do that.

All right.

My firefest.

My ear popped finally on Friday.

I got on another flight.

So it was three days, four days with my ear.

I didn't kill myself.

That was good.

So So

that's a positive.

I also...

Better hope.

I think this is like sleep deprivation, but I've woken up three times this week and not known what day it is.

I got to figure that out if that's like a brain thing that's going on.

Do you know if it's a football day or a non-football day?

I thought on Tuesday I woke up and I thought it was Thursday.

On Wednesday.

That's a bad, that's a bad feeling.

Wednesday, I woke up and I also thought it was Thursday.

Today I woke up and I thought it was Friday.

Okay.

That's not good.

No.

Because there are distinct feelings I have when I wake up.

If there's football on later on that day, I know the second I open my eyes.

Yes.

I got like a bright-eyed bushy-tailed.

I'll blame the Bears on that one.

Got me all out.

And then the last one is not really a Fire Fest, but

listen,

there's no regret.

I don't really know what I'm going to do with this new van, and it was expensive, but not regret.

Not regretting anything.

Not regretting at all.

It'll happen.

It's sick.

I just need to get a license on it so that I can drive it around.

Then I'll be like, this is sick.

Right now, it's just sitting in our loading dock and I can't drive it because I don't have a license yet.

A license plate.

We got to get a custom license plate.

Yeah.

Vanny.

I don't know.

What if it just said Zach?

That'd be sick.

That would be sick.

Zach, what's your Firefest?

My Fire Fest of the week is so earlier in the week, we had a group shoot around, me, Hank, Memes, and Max with the automatic rebounding machine.

And I'm curious if this has happened to you guys before.

Have you ever thought back to like the last time you did something and you performed okay at it and you're like, oh, this will be fun.

This will go all right.

Like I can do this.

Yeah.

Softball.

I had that exact same thought going into

shootaround day with the boys.

Yeah.

I was like, oh, I'm going to make some shots here today.

This is going to be great.

Nice workout, good sweat.

Bricks the entire time.

You didn't make any shots?

No,

you weren't that bad.

You guys are great teammates, and I appreciate you saying that.

A little bit of a shot.

There would be like an eight, nine shot run, and then you know it's going back.

It's like then you hear that one goes in, it's like, great shot.

It's like, I'm not going to be able to reproduce that.

Yeah.

It was the only one.

Yeah.

Came short of the net a couple times.

That wasn't the best.

But

you hit multiple times.

You hit two in a row.

But you just described golf for me.

Like where I'll have one good shot on 18, and then I'll come back and be like, I think I'm good now.

And then I'm like, no, I'm not.

I'm really, really bad.

What's your game normally like?

It's the worst feeling in the world.

Historically, not the worst.

I thought going into the shoot around may be better, all-time low as of right now.

Zach was looking up YouTube videos on how to shoot a basketball before we went out.

That's good.

Some refreshers?

Yeah, I'm prepared.

You're a sponge.

You're coachable.

Yes, sir.

Refreshing.

Monday, Gonday, though.

We're doing it every Monday.

All right, what time?

I don't know.

Afternoon.

Afternoon.

All right, I'm in.

After the act, yeah.

Yeah.

I need to get my shot back.

We start doing runs again, too.

Yeah.

Tomorrow.

I'm going to be.

I can't do tomorrow.

I got a cough.

For big noon kickoff.

You're coughing tomorrow.

You should play basketball, though.

Tune into big noon kickoff, by the way.

I'll be on the show on Saturday from Evanston.

So I got a bunch of different things.

Also, Firefest,

we did like the meeting for Big Noon Kickoff, and they were like, what do you have for this matchup?

And I was like, I've said this before, but I have a long-standing theory that Evanston at 11 a.m.

is the toughest place to play in the country.

And then Fox has a stats person who looked it up to try to give me some juice for it.

It was like 9 out of 12 were just Wisconsin losses.

It was just like, this is probably why.

I was like, yeah, that is why.

My Firefox PFT didn't invite me to golf.

Oh, that is actually really tough.

Damn.

Ooh, Friendship on the Rocks.

I also can't catch an Infantry.

They didn't invite me to softball.

You can't catch an infield gobble?

I wasn't.

So I might take Barcelona after dark.

Oh, yeah, the Barcelona after dark was bad.

You tortured yourself.

My body will never recover.

Good news is you'll get to run that mile while drinking milk.

No, I never agreed to to that.

Yeah, you won't.

No, I never agreed to that.

All right, numbers.

Good job, memes.

Bang.

Way to go.

22.

33.

I'm going 5'9.

What was your backup, memes?

Bryce and Kyler.

89.

89.

Why did you tell him that?

26.

99.

19.

76.

23!

23!

Can I tell you guys something real quick?

I'm very proud of Zach for.

What?

So you alluded to the Milk Mile thing that he might have to do.

Yeah.

That Max might have to do.

Max is doing.

I overheard one unnamed Barstall employee who's in charge of rounding people up and making them sign waivers to do this Milkmile thing.

And they approached Zach.

and laid the sales pitch on thick, like tried to bully Zach into signing this thing.

Pretty much put the pin in his hand and moved his hand for him, thinking that they could steamroll Zach.

Zach recognized immediately what was happening, and he stopped him.

He goes, I just want to say, it feels like you are very prepared for this conversation, and I'm not prepared at all to have this conversation that you're asking me to do.

So I need to regroup and I need to take a beat, and I can circle back and get to you tomorrow.

And I will let you know if I want to sign.

If I do not want to sign, just absolutely stiff-armed.

Good job, Zach.

It was awesome, Zach.

Did you sign?

Still sign.

But what I heard was very impressed about Zach.

He defined his boundaries and said, you're crossing it.

I'm not going to say the guy's name, but it's Tate.

I'm not going to dance for you, Tate.

And then he was like, okay.

Yeah, man.

And then he came over the top.

Good job, Zach.

I'm proud of you.

Yeah.

Free to run.

Yeah.

All right.

Love you guys.