Ep. #676: Megyn Kelly, Van Jones, Gov. Jared Polis

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series, Real Time with Bill Maher. Hello.

How you doing?

How you doing there? Hello. Hello.
How you doing? How you doing there?

Hello.

Thank you so much.

Thank you very much.

I know. What a time of year.

Thank you. I love that.

I love you. Okay.
All right.

Thank you, please. You've got such a big show.
No, I think... All right.
Thank you. Please.
All right. Okay.
Thank you. Thank you.
I love... Thank you so much.
I know. It's the excitement in the air.
It's not even me. It's just the time of year.

We're going to get to all the politics. Before that, it's Halloween weekend.
And, you know, people in this town love Halloween. Not the kids.
They're over it. But the adults.
I've already seen so many people out wearing crazy makeup and trying to scare people. What Trump calls campaigning.
Oh! Oh.

I'm like, you know. makeup and trying to scare people, what Trump calls campaigning.
Kamala also in the Halloween mood. She loves it when the little kids come up on her porch and say those three little words.
Please don't shoot. But, look, I'm sticking with my prediction that Kamala's going to win this one, but, you know, it's going to...
Don't get excited, because... We don't know, okay? And people are getting, her support is getting very nervous.
They can just, you know, can't put their finger on it. They just feel something is wrong.
Like when Doug Emhoff drives the babysitter home. There you go.
See? We laugh at all sides here.

And that's good.

But, yeah, there's a time of the year when they give their closing arguments.

Kamala's is basically, we are not going backward.

Trump's closing argument seems to be,

I work at McDonald's and Arnold Palmer has a big dick.

I don't really get that argument.

But, you know, here's the thing.

Don't go crazy about this.

I mean, all on the left, they're just crazy about it.

He's talking about Arnold Palmer's dick.

So fucking what?

This is what his people like about him.

They just get a kick out of him.

But everywhere else, it was MSNBC.

This is terrible. CNN, it's awful! Lindsey Graham said, how big? Uh...
Uh... That Trump...
Trump seems to be obsessed with one idea in the closing weeks, that Kamala Harris must prove beyond a shadow of a doubt

that she worked at McDonald's in 1983.

He says it's very suspicious.

If she worked there, how come no one saw her and nobody remembers her?

Which makes me think, maybe she wasn't vice president.

Yes.

Thank you. Which makes me think, maybe she wasn't vice president.
But to troll her, he is a troll.

I mean, come on, that's just who he is.

He went and worked at McDonald's this past weekend.

Did you see this? There's the picture.

The caption I would put with this one is,

Want lies with that?

But, you know, you just have to, don't get crazy about all this side street stuff. Go down the Maid Avenue.
The people who like him, they just get a kick out of him. They think he's more fun.
I mean, I don't get it, but it also explains why so many of our movies are about homicidal clowns. What's not funny at all is that so many people in his past administration who know him the best say he's a fascist.

He talks like a fascist. He acts like a fascist.
He wants to do fascist

things. The problem with pointing this

out is that's what his

fans like about him.

That's the real problem, especially

men. He is killing it with men,

even minority men.

I mean, the big, the hot new

soccer mom this year is Latino men.

I'm not kidding.

Both sides are trying to...

Apparently, they're up for grabs,

and both sides are trying to get them really bad.

In fact, Trump, ooh, he pulled out all the stops.

Yesterday, he did 10 minutes on Lee Trevino's dick. Oh, and did you see this? The Menendez brothers may be getting out.
The Menendez brothers, the Democratic DA here in L.A. said he's thinking about resentencing them.
The charges are going to be reduced back from capital murder to extreme backtalk. But, you know, this is kind of what I mean about how Democrats are really not good at politics.
Who in the DA's office was like, you know, this would be a good time to release Hispanic murderers. Don't you think this is? Okay, so this is our last show before the last show, before the election.
So just know that if Trump does win, he will be the oldest president ever, passing even Joe Biden. And remember what a bunch of laughs that was.
Yeah, let's do that again. But with a sex criminal, that's what we're going to be.
It would be like rebooting the Cosby show with Bill Cosby. All right.
We've got a great show. We have Governor Jared Polis of Colorado and Van Jones.
But first up, she is a journalist and host of the Megyn Kelly Show. Megyn Kelly's over here.
Megyn Kelly. Hey, how are you? Good to see you, Belton.
Good to see you. Okay.

First of all, you've got to admit something.

We have a great crowd here.

Because they're not voting for the person most of them, you are.

But they give you a nice hand. They laugh at jokes that are about the Democrats.

Yeah.

That's not often you see that in television or anywhere.

That's what I think most of America is.

You think most of America?

Yeah, a lot of it. Most of us are still rooting for each other and still laughing at each other's dumb jokes, irrespective of partisan stripes.
Right, and the reason I think we can be friends is we both think the other one is not stupid. So we want to know how the other one can possibly think the way they do.
Right? Fair enough. That's true.
You don't think I'm stupid? No.

But you know this.

I mean, you've even said it, that if Trump wins, there will definitely be denialism.

I mean, he's only going to say

one of two things about... If he loses.

If he loses.

Healy would say it was rigged

or it was the most

perfect, beautiful election ever.

Yeah. That's true.

That's true. You're admitting that.
And yet, you're going to vote for him. Yeah.
We want to know why. Well, don't think there won't be denialism if Kamala Harris loses, too.
There won't be the same. Okay.
But there's going to be. I mean, they're already laying the foundation for lawfare.
We're going to be stuck in this election one way or the other, no matter who wins, for weeks. Well, there's no evidence of that.
Democrats have never done that.

They've conceded.

We already had this fight on my show.

Hillary Clinton is the original election denier.

She's not an election denier.

Yes, she is.

It's different.

Come on, man.

It's different between grumbling.

Yes, they grumble and they shouldn't, and maybe it goes over the... It's different between grumbling about something and actually trying to overturn it like he did.

I mean, you know this. Why do we have to go through this? That's why.
You're allowed to file legal challenges in response to an election, which is what Trump did, and he lost and he did wind up leaving office. I'm not going to defend his behavior on January 6th.
I never have, and I'm not going to start tonight. But if you don't think there's going to be denialism on the Dem side, you haven't been paying attention to what's been happening on that side for these years.
Look, you want to know why I'm going to vote for him, notwithstanding what you said. And I'll give you a couple good reasons off the top of my head.
Number one, what's happened with illegal immigration? I'm voting for him because I don't want any more Lake and Rileys. I don't want any more Jocelyn Nungaros, the 12-year-old girl who was killed in Houston by two Venezuelan illegal immigrants who took her to a bridge and murdered her and threw her over the bridge.
And Americans have ever done that? That's not the point. We have to take the Americans.
We don't have to take it from Venezuelan illegals. Okay, I agree with you.
We took on too many immigrants. But the idea that you take in immigrants, I would assume you concede we should do that to a degree.
We should take in people from other countries. We take in like a million legal every year.

Legal is one thing.

Any time you take in a million people,

some of them are going to commit crimes, like of any group.

Do you have any idea how many illegals we let in under Biden-Harris?

Okay, so that's your issue?

That's one of them.

10.4 million at least.

That's what Customs and Border Patrol says.

It's probably more.

That doesn't count the gotaways. 10.4.
You know how many it was under Trump? 2.3. But that's more important than democracy.
That is democracy. What is America? If we let in another 20 million illegals who come into your community, who overrun your town, who endanger you, who take up social service money so that your community center closes, so that you can't pay for basic services for your townspeople.
We're talking about size of things, like Arnold Palmer. I mean, I'm not saying...
I'm not saying you don't have a point. I'm just saying it's hard for people to understand why that, which is not democracy, that's the border issue.
And you're right. They fucked it up.
That, with, like, the things he's been saying and all the people in his administration who said he's a fascist, he wants to be a fascist, he talks like a fascist, his friends are all dictators. I don't care about that at all.
Not at all. Because? January 6th was not good.
Wait, why don't you care about that at all? Because they've been saying that about Trump for years. They've been saying that about Republican candidates for years.
It goes, it has like a long storied history. If you are at all center or center right, you are used to having your candidate of choice completely demonized, whether it's the F word, the R word, the misogynist word.
They tried to tell us Mitt Romney was a raging sexist because of binders full of women. They tried to tell us John McCain was a raging racist, notwithstanding the fact that he had adopted a daughter from Bangladesh.
They've been doing this for every Republican. They get to Trump, and we no longer are listening to them.
Trump has incendiary rhetoric, there's no question. But we have four years to judge him by, and the country was going pretty well when Trump was in there, unlike the four years we've had under these two.
Well, I mean, I could argue with that, too. Actually, if Trump had this economy, and I could go through all the stats, the stock market is through the roof, wages are up.

Not as high as it was under Trump.

Well, first of all, Trump inherited somebody else's economy.

That's what Barack Obama would like us to do. Well, it's true.

Okay.

It's really on day one, everything changed.

So just walk me through it.

So Trump has Obama to thank for his economy,

but Biden can't thank Trump for anything.

Okay.

Let's get off this. Because it's not what I really want to get to.
Again, I just feel like you see these issues that are like the kind of everyday issues that we go through and have always gone through. You never let 20 million illegals in the country, and it's probably more like 20.
We don't have a country anymore if we don't have a border. And she's not for a secure border, no matter what she's saying right now.
That's number one. But can I get to my number two? Almost equally important, maybe as important, is what we're doing to our children with this trans insanity.
I mean, this is almost my single issue. We are chopping off the healthy body parts of young children without, oh, 100% we are doing that.
Well, we are definitely doing that. Without any inquisition.
That's what it is. So I don't know what the oohing is about.
I don't either. Pay attention.
I'm about to give you a truth bomb. Kids who are suffering from bullying or who have been sexually assaulted or who are going through normal puberty and feel uncomfortable in their bodies will say to their parents, I'm not sure, maybe I'm gender confused.
They will send them into a psychiatrist or psychologist who are told by our organizations, the American Psychiatry Association and all the others that run their licensing, you must affirm. Affirm is the only standard.
And so the child gets told, you're right, you are secretly a boy or vice versa. And the child gets put on puberty blockers into cross-sex hormones, which sterilize a child and deprive the child of any chance of sexual pleasure for the rest of his or her life.
We're talking about 9, 10, 11-year-olds who cannot give informed consent. Then they have body parts chopped off by a medical establishment and by parents who mean well but believe in these doctors and they shouldn't.
And when they inevitably get past the awkwardness of puberty or what have you and they want to turn around and detransition, those who love bomb them on Reddit saying, come on in, the water's fine, abandon them. They are depressed.
They have changed their bodies forever in a way that is irreversible. And we are all sitting back saying, it's a remote issue, as Kamala Harris said.
It's not remote. It's the issue of our time, both with respect to children and women's rights.
Well, let's back up a little on that, just so people have some perspective on this. Yes, I mean, there's, I think, 500,000 people in high school who identify as trans right now.
I think it's something like 3.3% who say it. It's a social contagion.
Okay. I would agree with a lot of what you're saying, because I think your bodily health comes first.
And also, there have been two recent reports. There was the Cass report in England.
And just so people, again, have perspective on this, we're the only country that still does it this way. Right, we've stopped giving those drugs.
All the other countries that, you know, liberals always look to for the liberal guidance, England, the Scandinavian countries, they're not like what we do. That's right.
They were. They were.
And then they realized there's no evidence that it helps, and actually there's a lot of evidence that it hurts, and they stopped. And there was a report just in the New York Times yesterday and, you know, for the New York Times to put this out, says something because they're pretty woke on these kind of issues.
And there was this woman, Dr. Olson Kennedy, who is for doing puberty blockers.
And she basically buried a report for 10 years because she said, you know, it could be used in court. Well, isn't that why we do studies? Right.
Because we want to find out what the answer is. And, but you do concede, or I'm asking if you concede, that there are people who are trans or who are...
Yeah. Okay, so you understand.
I mean, I have some in my family. I have nothing against people who actually have gender dysphoria and are sincerely wrestling with that, and I would respect them and be kind to them, as I have been.
This is a different issue. This is about children, and then it's about women's spaces and sports.
And there is so much fluidity in childhood. And, I mean, I was insane when I was a child.
I remember it. I hated everything about my life going to high school.

I was depressed all the time.

I was beaten up and worried about ostracism and a million other things.

I don't know what would have happened if someone said,

the answer to your problem is that you're really not a boy or whatever it is.

Right, that you need to have body parts. It just seemed to do something so permanent at a time when things are in such flux

that we are letting the ideology and the politics get ahead of good science,

which is ironic

because these are the follow-the-science people.

So I understand that.

But again, this is more important to you than fascism.

I mean, it was in the news this week.

What?

Wait a second.

Go ahead.

Let me ask the question.

In the news this week, I mean,

we thought when the Ukraine war started, Putin would be isolated. He's not isolated.
He had the BRICS nation. That's Brazil, Russia, India, China, South Africa, and now four or five other countries.
It's about half the world's population, about 35% of the GDP. He's got North Korean troops in his war in Ukraine now.
He's very chummy with China. China and Russia always hated each other, not anymore, and Iran.
These are the dictator countries. There's a very World War II feeling here.
When the dictator countries are getting together, I mean, in World War II, what did Hitler and the Japanese have in common? Nothing, except they saw the world one way, fascism. They all have to do it in their different way.
Iran is a fascist country in their own way. So is China, so is Russia.
Saudi Arabia, you could say, also. Somehow, the world seems to be dividing between the good guy countries, the democratic countries, and these autocracies.
And if your guy gets in, we're going to be on the wrong side of this one. Okay.
If my guy gets in, I think we'll go back to the time that we had when he was president, which is the only time we didn't start a war and get involved in a war. That's not true.
Jimmy Carter never fired a shot. Putin did not invade Ukraine until Biden took over.
We had the disastrous withdrawal from Afghanistan, which projected weakness through the world. People understood that we were enfeeble.
And that is what was provocative. Weakness is provocative.
Trump destabilized these people. They didn't know what to expect of him.
Next thing you know, he's bombing Soleimani. Trump did strategic strikes that had people on their heels.
They didn't know what he might do to them. And we did not have Putin invade Ukraine.
It's what he might do to us that I'm a little more worried about. I feel like you...
What if we've had four years of Trump? We've had four years of Trump. Trump did not go after his political enemies with the Department of Justice.
That was Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Well, we had Hitler in the 30s and things were okay.
And then we had Hitler in the 40s and they got way worse. Just because we had him.
He hid his Hitlerism the first four years and is going to come out in full force. He tried to do things like that.
He tried to do dictatorial fascist things and he was stopped. Joe Biden has flouted the law when it comes to these student loan giveaway programs.

He's flouted the law.

Supreme Court opinions that told him he didn't have the right to do it.

And he openly said, I will get around the Supreme Court.

He did it with respect to rent abatement programs.

The same exact thing.

And then he and Kamala Harris unleashed this Department of Justice against their political enemy, Donald Trump.

Their number one chief rival for the presidency.

Okay.

Well, we'll see.

Is it funny?

Because they did it.

Well, we'll see.

You want to talk fascism?

That's fascist.

I think history is not going to be kind to your point of view, but I appreciate you coming on and saying thank you, Megan.

All right.

Megan Kelly.

Time for our panel.

I did what I could, guys.

All right.

He is the 43rd governor of Colorado and chair of the National Governors Association,

Jared Polis.

Jared.

He is a CNN host and author of The Van Jones sub-sack, Van the Man Jones. All right.
I'm going to get back to this fascist stuff at the second half of our show. But right now, since I have two Democratic surrogates, are you both official surrogates? I would say, if not official...
Here in our personal capacity, Bill. I see.
All right. So this is the time of year when we look at where it's going to break in the race, who's going to break which way.
And what I'm reading is young Latino men, black men, these are the ones they're both going after that they worry about.

And, of course, all three of those groups are going to vote

pretty much heavily for Harris,

but not as much as in other years for the Democrat,

is what they're saying, and elections are won on the margins.

My question for you two Democrat non-surrogates is...

LAUGHTER

These are the groups that are supposed to be in the bag for the Democrats. Why so much trouble with the in-the-bag groups? Do you want to go? Look, first of all, as you said, she has strong majorities of those groups.
People of color, men of color, she has strong majorities. I mean, you're talking about whether she has 90% or 83% or 75%.

But I think what people want to hear...

Not men.

What's that?

Not men.

Men of color?

I see numbers in the 70s, 80s, yeah.

Well, both, no.

For black and for Latinos, it's still a majority.

One in four, which, Amel, I'll give you the number.

She's got a 54-point lead, which is awesome.

Yeah, Biden had a 69-point lead, and Hillary had a 71-point lead, and Obama had an 85-point lead. Why is Hillary doing 17 points better than Kamala? Well, again, I think she's winning voters every day by talking about what matters to every American.
Costs have gone up. How do we save families' money? Her $6,000 tax credit for kids, helping small businesses get off the ground and increasing deductibility, the opportunity agenda.

I mean, these are things that excite people.

I don't think people just want to be talked to in their silo like I'm a, you know, a Latino man between 25 and 30.

They care about the same issues, the cost of groceries growing up that everybody else cares about.

The Donald Trump's agenda with a 20 percent tariff will only make worse and more costly.

Yeah, I think I think I think black men are hurting. I think black men are really hurting.
And I don't think anybody talks about it. I don't think anybody really cares.
You know, wages aren't where they're supposed to be. We have a big health crisis, prostate cancer, sickle cell.
Nobody talked about that. And you're not allowed to cry.
I get teased because I cry on TV, but we're hurting. And I think I'm proud that black men have stood up and said, hey, I know what you're going to do for immigrants.
You've got to make sure they get comprehensive immigration reform, and that's beautiful. I know what you're going to do for women.
You've got to make sure they can get safe abortions. That's beautiful.
I know what you're going to do for trans folks. You're going to try to make sure they at least have some dignity.
What are you going to do for black men? What are you going to do for us? And I'm very proud that Kamala Harris listened. And she did come forward with the three things we care about, which is work, wealth and health.
She came forward. She's going to make sure we're able to get houses with the affordable loans.
She's got to make sure that we're able to get apprenticeship and training programs. She's doing things now to give us a sense that she cares about us.

And that had to happen. It has not happened.
It didn't happen under Hillary Clinton. We

held our nose. Didn't happen when Biden was running.
People get tired. And now I think people are getting inspired.
applause

applause

applause

applause

Well, let's get into what you

were talking about, because this is what she unveiled

applause Well, let's get into what you were talking about,

because this is what she unveiled about a week ago.

Opportunity agenda for black men.

Provide one million loans that are fully forgivable,

up to $20,000 for black entrepreneurs and others to start a business.

You know why that's good?

Because black men want to own stuff.

We want to be entrepreneurs.

We want to be heads of household.

We want to own stuff.

We don't want handouts.

We want the opportunity to get in this game.

We'll see want handouts. We want the opportunity to get in this game.
Well, some people would see this as a handout to a special interest group. No, no, but the thing is, those loans are available to everyone.
She's just making sure that we know that they are also available to us. There's good stuff out there that if it doesn't get marketed to a community, they don't even know it exists.
Well, it's just black entrepreneurs. That's not everybody.
But if you look at the actual program, it's available to everyone, but there's a special marketing push to black entrepreneurs, because otherwise we don't know it's there. Yeah, this is about the opportunity agenda for everybody.
I think what you're saying, this is relevant to your lives, and that's whether you're black, whether you're Asian, whether you're white, this can help you start a business, increasing deductions, removing barriers to new business formation. This is the kind of thing, and I wish she leaned into it more when she talks about how you're different than Joe Biden.
I never heard Joe Biden talk about this stuff, but I'm excited to hear Kamala Harris, as an entrepreneur myself, talk about entrepreneurship, business formation, removing barriers to wealth creation. I mean, this is what people want.
And certainly this is not just for a black man. I know this personally.
She wants to legalize weed. Which...
That was a winner. That was a winner.
I've been saying it's a winning issue for 30 years. No one was listening to it.
I ran on it, as you know. I ran on it for Congress, ran on it for Governor.
Yeah, you're Colorado. You were the first in the nation.
And how's it going in Colorado? It's great, and I am real excited. I'm excited.
I have everybody in Colorado. The businesses and the consumers have lived under this cloud with the federal illegality.
I mean, I applaud the pioneers that have started businesses, invested their time and effort into this, but that could be seized by the federal government at any point. Kamala Harris is the first major party candidate for president who's running on decriminalization and allowing the states to...
Right, and by the way, she mean, I remember when she was out here she was bad on that issue, I thought she was I remember I contributed to I think her first campaign as DA and then I was like, oh, I'm sorry I did that because you're bad on an issue that's important to me But you know what? She got better She got better, it It's okay. She evolved.
There's nothing wrong with that. I like that.
I think that's allowed. But here's the thing that nobody's talking about.
And then Donald Trump got worse. Everybody talks about this project 2025.
He says that that's not his project. You know what? Donald Trump never lies.
So I believe him. I believe him.
I believe him. I believe him.
So, but, um, what he's actually on record for is something called Agenda 47. That's his agenda that he signed off to.
It's on his website. What does it say about these issues? Uh, agenda, uh, point number two, President Trump will require local law enforcement agencies.
This is Project 2025? No, this is Agenda 47. This is literally what Donald Trump has signed on to.
Oh, I see. So, you know, he never lies.
He says he's not for that. So this is what's on his website.
He's going to, he says he's going to have, require local law enforcement to do stop and frisk, which is basically 80 percent goes against black people.

He says he's going to instruct the DOJ to dismantle every street gang.

In other words, the feds are going to be in your neighborhood trying to figure out which one of your kids should go to federal prison.

He says he's going to indemnify all cops so he can't sue cops.

Basically, black men are about to get conned.

Those who are going to do this vote, the best con artist in the world is going to tell black men, I'm going to lift you up. In fact, he's going to lock you up.
He's going to lock you up for the stuff that Kamala Harris is trying to decriminalize. He's going to actually recriminalize Donald Trump.
No, I get it. And this is my problem with her campaign is every time they ask her, you know, why are you good? Because Donald Trump is bad.
That's why I'm good. And like, you know, if you Democrats seem to have this idea is that if you just get the people who already hate Donald Trump to hate him a little more, we're going to win this thing.
And, you know, you can't get me to not like Donald Trump already. I've been on this train early on from 2015, from 2013 when he sued me.
Okay, I've been on this. I don't like Donald Trump.
So I'm not really the voter you're talking about. I just think that for those African-American men who might be watching who think I'm going to vote for Donald Trump, I just want to make sure that he literally is the best con man in the world to get you to vote for him, and he's going to turn around and put you in prison.
But, you know, we do a lot of fun events. I did a Crypto for Kamala event.
Yesterday, I did a Cannabis for Kamala virtual event with Willie Nelson. And look, we've got to get this Cannabis legalization done while we still have Willie Nelson going strong and able to celebrate.
And Kamala Harris will get that done. OK.
That's good. But just one more thing about this, because in this polling that we were talking about, where they're asking why such a larger, not the majority, but number of minority voters, young black men were in this poll like like Trump.
A lot of them said more than white people, he's fun. And that people take him too seriously.
And I certainly would have arguments with that. But, you know, this thing this week with Arnold Palmer's dick.
I just, no, I just got to say, I watched the, I mean, everybody, first, of course, I heard about it on the liberal media. Right.
And they were going nuts. You know, he's talking about Donald Palmer's dick.
And then I watched the video, okay? And the people behind him at the rally loved it. Because that's what Grandpa does.
Really. Not my grandpa! But, you know, as a stand-up comedian,

I can see when something's working with the audience.

And I just feel like people go too nuts about the silly stuff he does.

I agree.

But it has nothing to do with anything.

I agree. I agree.

It bothers me a lot more that his former chief of staff said that he is a fascist. That bothers me a lot, or that he admired Hitler's generals.
Can I say, you are right. When Kamala was rising, she was fun.
Remember the politics of joy? It was fun, it was this, it was weird, blah, blah, blah. And then we went from brat to flat, and it's just not as much fun.
Well, perfect segue you gave me, Ben, John. Because it's Halloween time.
It is Halloween time, so by law, every comedy show must do a Halloween bit. But this one is actually very apropos, because every you know, every year, Halloween comes right before the election,

and, of course, if it's an election year, people wear, you know, these kind of costumes.

We've seen them in the past.

The Nixon one, and there's a couple of them this year.

But we thought, because we wanted to spice it up a little,

and because everyone's going to have the election on their mind anyway,

we would suggest a few other political costumes

that we're going to be maybe selling on our website.

Not really, but we'll just pretend.

Would you like to see the...

Okay, I know you.

All right.

You could go as the fact-checker assigned to fact-check Trump.

That's, uh...

You could go as the guy who says he'll move to another country

if the Republican wins, but never does.

You'd go as the McDonald's employee

who had to fix everything Trump fucked up.

You'd go as slutty Steve Kornacki.

Oh, slutty Steve Kornacki.

You go as the QAnon nutcase with the sign no one understands.

Oh, of course, here's an obvious one.

You go as the sexy cat being eaten by a Haitian.

Right.

Or you go as the sexy Haitian eating the cat.

Either one works. Either one.

Either one.

Oh, I like this one.

You go as Trump's ear. Oh, here's a good one.
You can go as the two guys Donald Trump jerks off when he's dancing. And, of course, you can go as Arnold Palmer's balls.
All right. All right.
So let's get to the fascist part of this, because Megyn Kelly and many others in this country, you know, that's what they say. Come on, he talks a lot.
He's a riffer, you know. We didn't become a Nazi country the first term.
You know, what's to worry about? But, you know, my question is to you. You're a governor.
Say Trump wins. He's president.
He does some of the stuff that he said, he's just said he's going to do. He said this week he's going to throw Jack Smith, who was the prosecutor in his trial, out of the country.
He talks about yanking CBS's license because he didn't like what they did on 60 Minutes. I mean, along with talking about military tribunals, he's threatened to imprison Obama, Biden, Hillary, Kamala, Fauci, Jack Smith, Bill Gates, the January 6th committee.
Pelosi. Pelosi, Adam Schiff.
Say this stuff is going on. What do you do as the Democratic governor of a state within this country? First of all, that should be disqualifying being being for any of that.
But look, I truly feel like, and I don't want to think about the day after, because I'm excited that Kamala Harris is going to win, but again, look, I want to protect freedom of speech in Colorado, I want to protect people's ability to articulate, make sure that they're not punished for opposing or supporting any particular political agenda. What's so worrisome about this bill is that these aren't just random people saying he's a fascist.
These are people that worked with him and around him, that are people of character and integrity. Right.
His former chief, the staff, four star general, his own vice president isn't supporting him. Members of his cabinet aren't supporting him.
These aren't just man or woman on the street. These are the people who know him best, who are saying, watch out for this guy, America, and we should heed that.
Republican. I don't know what the answer should be, but I'm not sure that one gave me a lot of confidence.
Because, you know, who's going to do something about that? I don't know, but I do, you know, when I listen to Megyn Kelly, what she's saying makes common sense to people. Well, he was there before, and he didn't do those things then.
And I think that what people don't understand is that when he was there before, he was restrained. Exactly.
Because there were three things. First of all, the Supreme Court had not said the president could be lawless.
We now have a Supreme Court that says the president can be lawless. He didn't have that.
He had people around him who were actually normal Republicans who just went to work in the White House and discovered that they were working for somebody who was very dangerous. And these are the people like Milley and John Kelly who are now saying that he's a fascist.
But they're saying they were restraining him. They were holding him back.
They were pushing back on him. And then also you have the civil servants who were also all in place.
In other words, you had a grizzly bear in your kid's bedroom, but he was chained up. Now you're sitting the same grizzly bear back with no chains.
You will have a different outcome When you have the Supreme Court that says you're lawless, that's a different outcome. When you have nobody there telling him no.
Look, I got a chance to kind of watch some of this stuff. Like, Trump was somebody that staffers would deliberately redirect, misdirect.
They wouldn't take his orders seriously. They would make sure things...
Those people won't be there. And so this is not the same.

It's not the same.

It's much, much more dangerous.

Two of them.

I think it was Milley and...

I think General Milley and General Archea said they made a deal that they would never both be out of the country at the same time.

The level of hard work that military people and Republicans put in to keep him from doing stuff is not going to be there. So you can't say, well, he didn't do it.
No, no, no, that's not right. There were people there who kept him from doing it.
That's different. There are people who kept him from doing it.
That's different. This time, both people won't be there.
I've been saying that for years, and I hope people listen, but OK. So the other really scary thing that's going on now is apparently you can bribe people to vote.
Elon. I gotta say, for Elon, as good as he is for everything tech, he's just as bad for everything political.
I mean, he really has... So, here's what's going on.
He's giving out million-dollar checks.

Now, people are saying, isn't it illegal to do this?

Yes, it is absolutely illegal to pay people to register to vote.

Here's what he's doing.

He's paying people to sign a petition, okay,

and then you can only win this lottery if you are a registered voter.

So you have to then register to vote because he's holding out the cheese of a million dollar payday. But again, you have to register first.
Now, you could say, well, anybody can register a Republican, Democrat and vote for anybody. But obviously him putting out this message, it's going to be probably overwhelmingly for his side.
They're probably going to go after him for this. I think they've said they might, which, you know.
It seems like the ultimate slippery slope. I mean, if we allow this, it's going to be bobblehead night at the voting booth in two years.
It's kind of like, you know, when you're trying to sell like a timeshare in Myrtle Beach, you say you have a chance to win a million dollars if you come to my seminar. I think it speaks to the lack of enthusiasm that they're trying to generate enthusiasm.
They have to say we're giving away a million dollars. I mean, to even get people to come to those rallies or we're giving you, I think, $47 to sign it.
He just said he's giving people $100 in Pennsylvania to sign it. Sign it means, by the way, you support the First and Second Amendment.
Every Democrat I know supports the U.S. Constitution, including the First and Second Amendment.
So I would encourage my fellow Democrats in Pennsylvania to take $100 of Elon Musk's money, go ahead and sign up. Right.
Well, but then aren't we encouraging the activity itself? We are encouraging the bribery in elections that we are trying to avoid? Afford his money or soon parted. It's not an original quote for me either.
First of all, if you and I did it, we would be in prison immediately. So the fact that there's no motion about it is sad.
But what's really sad is... Well, it's a democratic government right now.
What do you mean we would be in prison? I mean, they're not arresting him. Well, that's why I think him being the richest guy in the world might help him a little bit in terms of the stay out of jail card.
But my only point is this. You know, it's sad that we've lost Elon Musk.
And I want to point out, four years ago, Elon Musk was an Andrew Yang Democrat. Don't forget that.
Oh, hell, I know. I mean, he's done great stuff when it comes to climate,

when it comes to space, et cetera.

So was Trump, a Democrat.

He was.

Yeah, he was.

He was.

But I just wonder if we look back on this period,

there's no excuse for the stuff that Elon Musk is doing,

the stuff he says, he's irresponsible.

But if progressives have a politics that says

all white people are racist, all men are toxic, and all billionaires are evil, it's kind of hard to keep them on your side. And so we might want to think about if you're chasing people out of the party, you can't be mad when they leave.
And maybe if we had a different politics, we actually said dignity for everybody, everybody's respected and we need you, more people might stay. You know, in all my issues that Elon Musk talks about, he's, you know, a free market capitalist.
I'm a free market capitalist. He supports free speech.
I support free speech. So do Democrats.
I think he is a sadly, Bill, bought into this perception of what far-right people think Democrats believe rather than what Democrats actually believe and do when we have the opportunity to govern. I agree with that.
So I read in paper today that the Washington Post and the L.A. Times, for the first-time member, not endorsing a candidate in this race yet.
I mean, this is something newspapers have always done. Now, they're both owned by billionaires.
And I've read two different theories. I don't know which is true.
I'm going to ask you. Part of it says that the Gen Zers in the office, they're not feeling the Cam vibe because she's not good enough on Israel.
They hate Israelrael they're all for hamas they think of genocide is going on there which it absolutely is not um fracking things like this gender issues she doesn't go far enough so that could be why she loses or is it billionaires who own these newspapers talking about billion billionaires, who are saying, well, yeah. First of all, it's charming.
They think it matters to anybody. It's hysterical to me.
They think a newspaper editorial is going to change one mind. But in the past, it's what we've done.
But is that what's going on here? These billionaires don't want people reading a positive Kamala endorsement? Well, these 23-year-old, you know, gumshoe reporters, they're not the ones calling the shots at the newspapers. Another thing that's happened, Bill, on top of those causes is that our newspapers have generally been stripped by their hedge fund owners of much of their editorial capacity.
And we've seen this happen with some of our Colorado papers, other papers, where they don't have the capacity to even sit down with candidates across the board, do the interviews, write it up. They've been stripped to the bone, and they just don't have the resources to be able to do the kind of reporting that they used to.
I don't know what's going on with it, but it's probably not the election to sit out. And what I would say is, what I would say is, if this thing goes as badly as it might in terms of a Trump victory, and then a year from now, two years from now, we're living in a situation where all the things you just described are happening, I don't think anybody's going to be proud of the fact that they ducked, had nothing to say, no opinion.
And I actually disagree with you a little bit. There are a lot of people who, when they get their ballot, it looks like an SAT test.
They don't know what to do with it. And they do look to their local newspaper for guidance.
It does matter. On the local, yeah, right.
On the local. Oh, have you ever seen the ones in California? I mean, yeah.
Vote no if you think yes on voting no. It's like, just like I don't know right I'm sorry but I don't want to make up my mind on a ballot by what the newspaper is telling me to do because I don't trust the newspapers I don't trust anybody fair enough maybe I'mfashioned.
I think that our institutions are less powerful than they used to be, but I still think that they matter. And I think that this is not the time to duck and be on the side.
People have got to raise their hand. And by the way, if military four-star generals willing to raise their hand, which is unprecedented, and say this is an unacceptable outcome, that Trump is a danger to America.

If generals can do that, if the former chief of staff can do that,

never happened before, our newspapers can do it, too.

All right. Thank you, guys.
Time for New Rule.

Thank you. All right.

Okay, New Rule.

Now that McDonald's is suffering from a multi-state E. coli outbreak,

they have to tell us, did one of your employees not wash hands?

And speaking of your hands, Don,

next year when you're planning your McDonald's worker Halloween costume

and you put a pound of bronzer on your face,

remember to put some on your ghostly

white hands.

Or

go in the other direction.

Take off your makeup and comb over and go out

as Fat Dracula.

Gentle good humor. That's what we do.
New Rule, if you get a MAGA tattoo and you put it on the back of your head, just know people aren't thinking he's a Trump supporter and proud to be one. They're thinking he's a Harris voter who loves to troll his boyfriend during sex.
New rule.

The makers of Dior Sauvage Cologne have to tell me,

who looks at Johnny Depp and thinks,

that's what I want to smell like.

Sauvage. They're French.

Never mind, I get it.

Now that it's been reported that a male dolphin on a Japanese beach has repeatedly attacked swimmers

because it's sexually frustrated,

someone must volunteer to swim out there and

jerk it off.

You'll have the satisfaction of knowing not only that you're relieved of fish, but also that you finally have a vacation video your friends want to see. Neural, if I'm always having to pretend I live here, I get to come inside and make a sandwich.
And, hey, since we're all pretending, how was your day, honey? Oh, I know, Steve from work can be such a dick. Well, I'm off to the garage to work on my project, and by that I mean check my fantasy football team and masturbate to stepdaughter porn.
And, finally, new rule with only a couple of weeks to go, It's not too late for Kamala Harris to do what many have been calling for her to do since she became the candidate. Have a sister soldier moment.
And if you weren't around in 1992, let me tell you what a sister soldier moment means. It's when you earn cred with the middle-of-the-road voters by standing up to an extremist in your own coalition.
For Bill Clinton in 1992, that was a notorious rapper. No, not him.

No, Sister Soulja, whose music is not much remembered, but her words are. After the LA

riots in 92, she said, if there are any good white people, I haven't met them. Now, in fairness, you just come out of William Sonoma.
But she also said, if black people kill black people every day, why not have a week and kill white people? And Bill Clinton, looking for an easy target and also well aware that killing white people would decimate our Olympic snowboard team, rebuked Solja and came out against taking a week to kill Whitey. And yes, that was seen as courageous.
It was an easy win. Clinton won over

independent whites, and it didn't hurt him with black voters who went for him overwhelmingly,

and even used to refer to him as the first black president, which so went to his head

that he later dated a white girl with a fat ass.

But that's a different history lesson. The lesson for today is that the last two successful two-term Democratic presidents both had sister soldier moments.
Oh, yes, Obama had one, too. in 2008, Republicans thought they had him beat when the man who was Obama's reverend in Chicago claimed

the government purposefully engineered AIDS to kill minorities and spoke the words, God damn America. And that is the kind of this place sucks rhetoric you're only allowed to use if you're a Republican.
But Obama reasoned then, as Kamala should now, that, yeah, there are some Americans who are not going to vote for me just because I'm black. And while I can still win without them, I can't win if I lose the person who will vote for a black president, but is kind of looking for a reason not to.
So he made an amazing speech about race and called Reverend Wright's words a bunch of rants that aren't grounded in truth. He said Wright...
...expressed a profoundly distorted view of this country, a view that sees white racism as endemic and that elevates what is wrong with America above all that we know is right with America.

And he won big.

Now, Kamala could make her own Reverend Wright speech

and ask all white Americans to please understand, as much as you can,

how much in 2020 the sight of a black man being slowly murdered with a white cop's knee on his neck

would affect you if that was the history

of your race. I think most

Americans would be sympathetic.

And then admit that in

2020, the left got

a little carried away.

Carried away, like most

of the merch at this shoe store.

Get it?

Carried away? Once in a while, they need a leak. Looting was rebranded as justice shopping.
We stopped arresting shoplifters. Anti-racist baby was a bestseller.
Corporations took DEI to ludicrous lengths. We opened our hearts to all who wanted to come here and then also our borders.
Portland decriminalized all drugs, and Seattle set up a no-cop zone until they had to reverse course on both. Standardized testing was dropped until schools saw how dumb that was.

And yet, the head of the teachers' union in Chicago still maintains that testing is, quote,

junk science rooted in white supremacy.

And her union tweeted during COVID, when many Americans felt we could have gotten back to normal sooner, that the push to reopen schools is rooted in sexism, racism, and misogyny.

No, it was rooted in reading, writing, and arithmetic.

The teaching of which is apparently job none in Chicago because only about one in four students

in the city are proficient in either math

or English. And absenteeism

is off the charts.

The teachers there want a raise now.

And look, I'm always,

all four, all teachers, always

getting a raise everywhere. I hate

kids. I can't imagine being around them all day.

But I also think Kamala

I'm sorry. day.
But I also think Kamala Harris could have a moment if she trotted out her favorite phrase and said, let me be very clear. Our schools need to do better.
Our kids need to be in school, and when they're there, they need to have the phones off and the brains on, learning the basic things we used to teach. And the idea that testing is rooted in white supremacy is in itself

a racist belief that says black children can't compete with white children on tests, which they

surely can. That line will get you an applause break from all sides.

When Kamala says, we're not going back,

the undecided voter thinks,

no, I don't want to get on the short bus back to Trump town.

But I also don't want to go back to 2020.

Please, God, don't make me sit through

another one of those corporate mandated sensitivity training sessions. When the Harris campaign launched, they got great traction by calling Trump and Vance weird.
That was good. Weird was working.

People are tired of weird.

And ever since Donald Trump decided to dominate our fucking lives,

the Democrats' argument has been, we'll restore normal.

Well, if what you're selling is let's be normal again, here's an idea.

Be normal. America doesn't need a revolution.
It needs fixing. All right, that's our show.
I'll be at the David Copperfield at the MGM Grand in Vegas November 1st and 2nd. The MGM National Harbor in D.C.
on November 17th.

And watch Club Random.

Oh, it's fantastic.

On YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.

I want to thank Governor Jared Polis, Dan Jones and Megyn Kelly.

Now go watch Overtime on YouTube.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10.

Or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.