Ep. #601: Mark Esper, Donna Brazile, Adam Corolla

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Moss.

Thank you, Pape Moss.

How are you?

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Appreciate that.

Okay.

Thank you very much.

I appreciate you being here.

There's

so many things going on, right?

But what everyone is concerned with is baby formula.

I don't know what this shit is.

I assume it's what babies eat.

They need a formula for this?

It's like making acid.

It has to be just right.

Whatever.

I mean, LSD acid, not regular acid.

Anyway, there is not enough of it, so the Democrats voted $128 million to help this problem.

Republicans in the House voted against it.

Wow.

Nourishing babies, they said, is a slippery slope to kids watching Disney movies.

No, they said babies need to wean themselves off the government tit if they think

they need to pull themselves up by their booty straps.

That's how it works in this country.

And then there's something new.

Monkey Pox.

Have you seen?

I can't, I can't.

I can't do monkeypox.

I can't.

With all this shit going on, I can't do it.

I can't do monkeypox.

I'm not worried about it.

The World Health Organization is meeting to stop transmission.

And the Twitter is meeting to stop discussion.

And

one reason I can't do monkeypox is because Congress is

literally meeting now and having hearings about UFOs.

They're so, it's right.

They said there's a huge uptick in UFOs in the San Francisco area.

Apparently, the aliens heard that you can go into Walgreens, you don't have to pay.

So they're having these

hearings.

The Democrats want to know if there's a cover-up, and the Republicans want to know if you can get pregnant from an anal probe.

Oh, that's, yeah.

It's another thing that's going on that I can't do monkeypox because it's too crazy.

This race that the Waffle States keep having to make laws more restrictive about abortion.

Did you see what Oklahoma did this week?

The moment of fertilization.

That's where it...

Moment of fertilization?

I mean,

like before she could even say, what are you thinking?

A third person in that room?

We're very close to getting to life begins when you share an appetizer.

Really.

But the Republicans lost one of their big stalwarts this week.

You know, we had primary elections this week to see who's going to run in November for each party.

Madison Cawthorne, who we've had some fun with here on the show.

I think he was the youngest member of Congress.

Very hard right, very hard.

He was caught in women's lingerie.

He was caught grabbing another man's penis.

Having a man's head in his crotch.

His opponent had a great slogan, Google Madison Cawthorne.

But

Madison, for its credit, conceded the election.

Of course, against another Republican.

He probably wouldn't have was a a Democrat, but okay, conceded the election, and he put out his statement today.

He said,

it's time for the rise of the new right.

It's time for dark MAGA

to take command.

Yes, take command of me, dark MAGA.

Rub my nose in it.

Completely guys being guys horsing around way, not a gay thing at all.

So listen, President Biden, oh, this is not good.

His approval rating now is dipped into the 30s.

30s is never a good thing for a president, 39%.

But Biden, he's being strong.

I don't think he said the greatest thing for the Democratic Party, however.

He said, look, I didn't get into this to be popular.

I got into this to eat babies and groom children to have

sex in Florida.

How come?

But I'm telling you, between

the monkey puck and the abortion and democracy hanging by a thread, it is enough to drive a man to drink.

And that man is Johnny Depp.

Because

America, with all that's going on, America is so obsessed with this trial, right?

People who a month ago were posting the Ukrainian flag, now it's the poop emoji.

And I love.

You gotta love America.

America is about eight hours a day with the Johnny Tapp Ember Hurt trial.

It's all you shit in the bed.

You hit me with a bottle.

You cut off my finger.

You're a cokehead.

You're a lying bitch.

I want to fuck your corpse.

And then they turn over to Tucker Carlson for hooray for white people.

All right, we've got a great show.

We have Adam Tarola and Don of Brazil.

But first up, he is the former Secretary of Defense under President Trump and author of The Sacred Oath Memoirs of the Secretary of Defense during extraordinary times Mark Esper is here

Mark Esper.

Wow, how are you?

Hey, good to see you.

Thank you for being here.

Thanks for being here.

All right.

So how's your book doing?

It's going well.

Hit number three on the New York Times.

Wow.

So there's been a lot of books from people who left the Trump administration.

Right.

You know, you have the honor of being fired by tweet, which,

you know, anyone who pisses off Trump, I'm saying, oh, okay, this is a normal Republican.

I was actually terminated.

So.

And pissed on.

And okay, all right.

So

I would say your book is probably different because there have been a lot of books.

People left and said he is not fit for office, which yours does.

But it's different than the military.

Because the military, there there is a component to authoritarianism, and that is

the military.

You can't do a,

you know, a takeover fully without the cooperation of the military.

That's why I think the position you were in was so very important, because Trump did want to use troops domestically.

Is that not true?

He did, certainly on June 1st in Washington, D.C.

to suppress the protesters.

Right.

But also, I mean, didn't he say something about shoot protesters in the leg?

He did.

He said to, in the room with all of us, the Oval Office, looking directly at General Mark Milley, he said, can't you just shoot them, just shoot them in the legs or something, about American citizens in the streets of the Capitol by active duty troops.

It was shocking.

Wouldn't this upset Republicans?

I mean, the part about just being in the leg?

No, I don't care.

As if it made a difference.

But

so,

but I've asked this question before of military people who I have great respect for because we certainly do need to protect this country from enemies foreign and domestic.

But

if there was, if the shit hit the fan, and I've said from the beginning, I think it will.

I think

January 2025 is going to be a very interesting time, because I think Trump will run.

If he loses, he will not concede.

We know that.

And this time he's putting people in place who were not there last time when he tried to pull off his coup.

It might come down to the military.

Tell me your expertise.

I mean, you were Secretary of the Army, right?

Secretary of Defense, West Point.

What percentage

are with him and what percentage are with

the way America has always been?

The United States military is with the American people, and they, we know, our oath is to be able to.

Not all of them.

It can't be.

I'm sure it's not all.

It's nearly all.

Really?

We may find a few, right?

But look, Bill, the minute you come in the military, I arrived at age 18.

I swore my first oath to the Constitution.

I was ingrained with duty, honor, and country.

And these young men and women who are joining today, fantastic, they are ingrained by that same sense of duty, that same commitment to the oath of office

or the oath to the Constitution.

And that brings me to this, which is,

I don't get, why did he pick you?

Trump?

Because I believe you are that guy.

And that's not his type of guy.

His type of guy is an ass-licking loyalist, right?

And that's what he wants.

He doesn't...

No, seriously.

You're not...

You weren't in his camp.

He didn't know you.

Why put you

in this most important position?

You know, I was number three in a chain of command at DOD.

The number two guy didn't look he was going to make it into.

He doesn't give a shit about that.

That's right.

You know who's in the chain of command.

You don't know what Chana Command is.

I think I had good internal support support by the likes of John Bolton and Mike

Pompeo, and I was well known on Capitol Hill.

So I imagine that

the president reached out to Republicans on Capitol Hill and said, tell me about this guy, Esper.

And look, at the end of the day, I got 90 votes out of the Senate, which would have been remarkable in year one, but I got him in year three.

I mean, I don't know what would have happened if Julio, I don't know why Giuliani wasn't the Secretary of Defense.

And then what would have happened if he was when Trump wanted to do some of this stuff?

Well, Well, that was my concern.

That's why I decided to stay

after the events of June 1st in office, because there are only two people in the United States that can deploy U.S.

military troops, the Secretary of Defense and the President.

It is a singularly unique position of power, and it was important to control that, to be in that position as both a political appointee, but as somebody who also knew the military, who grew up in the military, who had a good relationship among the leadership at the Pentagon, to be there to make sure that those things didn't happen.

But it's just odd to me that he would put somebody in that position who he must have known would have stopped him or would have been a troublemaker.

It's almost like he knows he's crazy and he has to put a few people there to stop him from being himself.

Well, I'll tell you this much.

My experience is Donald Trump doesn't do entry interviews.

By the way, he doesn't do exit interviews either.

No.

And

he doesn't do anything.

So he does care.

He asks others about people.

I was in those positions, you know, later.

He would ask, what do do you think about this guy?

What do you think about that person?

That's kind of how he does it.

So who were his worst enablers?

Well, I talk about in my book, right?

Stephen Miller.

Mark Meadows is another one.

There's some people on the NSC staff.

I don't think the National Security Advisor

did a great job either.

And he kept surrounding himself with more and more of them.

He comes after beating impeachment in January 2020.

I talk about him feeling less hinged to the Republican Party, more free to do what he wants.

So he brings in the fresh troops, more loyalists.

Johnny McIntye, the 2090 head of presidential personnel with no background in personnel matters, comes in and begins installing his people through all the departments and agencies.

And this kind of loyalty tests begin, and

all this craziness really picks up at that point.

Yeah, I guess within the bad luck of him getting to be president, there was the good luck of there were some people there.

And I always say, I feel like I went through this with the Colin Powell issue when people were saying, why didn't he quit?

What a wretch.

No, it's the same thing you went through.

It would be worse if I did quit.

And, you know, compared to Bush, this was way worse.

Yeah, I reached out to Colin Powell.

It's unfortunate to see have him pass, but he became a mentor of mine.

He would tell me, You got to stay, stay in the fight, make him fire you.

Right.

You do more good from the inside.

There has to be somebody on the inside of the asylum.

So

I haven't heard a lot of people make a connection between the impeachment, which happened because of the Ukraine scandal, that he refused to give them the weapons they needed to fight the Russians, and the war that's going on now.

Do you think there is such a connection between those two events?

Well, first let me say I try to be very fair in writing the book.

I try to be accurate and complete and fair to everybody.

So I talk about that I think it was right.

He did the right thing by providing them lethal weapons in the first place, the javelin anti-tank missiles in 2017.

And he continued American training there.

I went to Lviv in western Ukraine and watched us train the Ukrainians.

But it was a mistake to hold up a security assistance.

And neither John Bolton nor Mike Pompeo nor I could figure out why until it breaks the news.

But you know, three years later, I don't think it made a material difference, frankly.

If anything, it just signaled at the time that maybe we weren't, he wasn't as committed to the Ukrainians' sovereignty as we should have been.

So we sent them now 50, they passed yesterday the 40 million new 40 billion, so that's 54 billion dollars we sent to Ukraine.

The Russian whole the total Russian defense budget is 61 billion.

Ours is 801.

I've heard you say that's inadequate.

You know that's ridiculous, right?

First of all, the Russian business.

It's overadequate.

The Russian budget is actually more than that.

And with ours, look, ours is inadequate for the tasks we're being signed to do by the White House and by Congress.

We have global responsibilities bill.

We have alliance commitments, which is a great advantage that we have as compared to the Russians and Chinese.

We pay our troops well.

That's at least a quarter of the budget.

But that said, look.

And we also buy tanks that even the Pentagon says they don't want.

And that comes from Congress.

So there's this kind of right.

Okay, so it is a bloated budget.

It is a bloated budget.

And we could, I did, I scoured my budget in what was called the night court to find $50 billion because I do think there's a lot we can trim out of that budget and do a lot better for what we're doing.

But isn't that part of it that there's this revolving door?

I mean, you worked for Raytheon, right?

I worked for, yeah.

Okay, so one day you're in the Pentagon buying weapons from Raytheon, and then you're working for Raytheon, or the other way around.

Isn't that a recipe for corruption?

No, I actually found that my time in industry was a recipe for me being successful as Secretary of the Army and Secretary of Defense.

I knew what motivated industry.

I knew the problems of DDP.

No money.

Well, yeah, no money, but it's.

Buying things we don't need was very big motivation.

But it's not just money,

it's predictability, right, and budgets.

It's understanding what DOD is thinking, because there isn't always a good relationship between the two.

And then, of course, you have to understand what's happening with the media on Capitol Hill.

All right.

So

last question.

Who are you going to vote for?

If it's Trump against, I don't know, any Democrat, any Democrat.

Now, last time I know you said you didn't vote, you didn't vote for Trump, but you didn't vote for the Democrat.

You're such a serious guy, and I mean that as a compliment.

And we need serious people in this country.

That's such an unserious thing to do, don't you think?

I mean, there's only two choices.

If you write in your mom, it's not help.

It's helping Donald Trump.

Maybe I'll write you in.

Get right in.

I certainly won't vote for Trump, right?

What I'm hoping I'll be able to do is vote for a Reagan Republican, which is what I am voting for.

Well, you can't.

I hate it.

That's not where the party is.

It's either the Democrat or Trump.

Who do you vote for?

I'm not reflexively opposed to voting.

Non-serious guy.

No, serious guy.

It's a serious question to a serious man.

Don't give me an unserious answer.

I'm going to see who the candidates are.

But look, at the end of the day, I'm going to.

You sound like you are one of the candidates.

Now you sound like a politician.

I am going to vote my conscience.

I'm not going to vote for Donald Trump.

And if Joe Biden continues to be fooled left by the progressives, I can't vote for him either.

Thank you for your service.

I mean that sincerely.

Thank you for your service.

Mark Esper.

All right, let's meet our panel.

How do you get him down on that?

I'm sure.

I'm sure.

No, all right.

Let me introduce you.

He's a comedian and host of the podcast, The Adam Carolla Show, and the New York Times best-selling author of Everything Reminds Me of Something.

Advice, Answers, but No Apologies.

Out in July, Adam Carolla's over here.

Very popular Adam Carolla.

All right, she's a contributor for ABC News and op-ed columnist for USA Today.

Donna Brazil is over here.

You're chomping at the bit, I feel like.

I'm always ready to see.

I know.

You know what, David?

I prepare all week, half the night, couldn't sleep.

Is that right?

Because, come on.

Preparing what?

For your bullshit.

I've never been full of bullshit.

I'm the least full of bullshit.

That guy was full of bullshit at the end.

He said he wouldn't vote.

I, by the way, got drunk and went out whoring last night.

That was my preparation.

I didn't say I was successful.

I just say I'm wearing it.

No offense, but you went out whoring?

It's a Thursday.

What the hell?

Right.

That's the whoring night.

Everyone knows that.

that.

Okay, so I was going to start this

by saying it was a troubling week in America.

And it was a troubling week in America.

I mean, there was not just one, but three racist shootings in this country.

And we also had these

primary, as I mentioned in the monologue, this is primary season where if you don't follow politics closely, this is when the parties, within themselves, it's like the playoffs.

This is the Eastern Conference finals against the Western Conference finals.

And then we have the big finals in November.

But this is when they pick their people, and the Republicans picked election deniers.

That's where this party is.

That's why I was so

kidding, Mr.

Esper.

There, about,

you know, these are the two choices.

This is where the Republican Party is now.

And

you don't need tanks in the street to have a coup.

There's this guy in Pennsylvania.

Show this picture, Doug Mastriano.

Look at the guy.

He's a new face.

Republicans, I'm always saying the Republicans, they will always go lower.

He's QAnon,

was there at January 6th in the Capitol.

Full election denier, wants to reinstate Trump, the batshit trifecta,

wants to,

he's their candidate for governor.

If he wins, he wants to deregister the entire state

and appoint a Secretary of State who will then decide who gets to vote in the state.

Like I said, you do not need Mr.

Esper's tanks in the street to have a coup, correct?

You're absolutely right.

Look, look what happened in Ohio.

J.D.

Vance, a Yale graduate who once upon a time could speak truth about Donald Trump and anyone else, all of a sudden he's in that same

little

small room of election deniers.

I don't know what's happening in our country, Bill, because I wake up every day and I look around this country.

I see all the good that the Democrats are trying to do.

And I'm not just here to spout what the Democrats are doing, because, you know, I just want to say, well, a little.

That's your bullshit.

No, that's my secret sauce.

Okay.

Okay, I love them.

But, Bill, something is going on.

When you elect people who are denying

the election.

Look, you mentioned J.D.

Vance.

Yeah.

He says last week, if you want to kill, kill, if you wanted to kill a bunch of MAGA voters,

how better to target them and their kids than with deadly fentanyl?

It does look intentional.

So he's saying the Democrats are intentionally

poisoning people with fentanyl.

Elise Stefanik, she's number three Republican, former normal person.

She had a statement on Twitter that started, the White House, House Demos, and usual pedo grifters.

Pedo.

So, like, it's routine to call the demo.

I'm sorry, but the Republicans are talking like Nazis.

I know we're not supposed to make the Nazi comparison, but when you're pedophiles and when you're scum, when you're the enemies of the America, when people are trying to replace you, this is Nazi kind of talk.

Adam, your thoughts?

Well,

pedo grifter was the name of my youth soccer team.

That's

something more to me than maybe others.

It's overwhelming what's going on.

I feel like I would like, I have a couple thoughts.

I'd like to shake us like an etch of sketch and just start new.

I just feel like we've been drunk and scribbling for the last, you know, 10 years or so, and I feel like we need to take an etch of sketch, put it in a paint can shaker at Home Depot, and just start new.

I can't.

I have a Trump joke because I did Celebrity Apprentice.

Oh, Lord.

Go ahead.

People would say to me, What's he like in real life?

And I would say, What's Trump like in real life?

Picture Don King,

but with crazier hair and a broken moral compass.

That's all I got.

What?

That's a wild picture, baby.

But now you do Tucker Carlson's show quite a bit.

Yeah.

Okay.

And he's done mine, my podcast.

So

he's under fire a lot this week because the guy who committed the racist massacre in Buffalo seemed to be a Tucker Carlson fan.

Some of the...

Well, according to the news, anyone who does anything wrong is a Tucker Carlson fan.

I mean, all roads sort of get channeled to Tucker Carlson.

Because this guy in his manifesto denounced Fox.

Yes.

And he's just crazy.

Yes, he's crazy.

I can't just, I mean, crazy is crazy.

Well, no, Bill, I have to stop you on that.

He planned this.

You talking about the 18-year-old kid?

Yes.

That man planned this.

He planned it.

He received a diary.

He planned a hohambu.

He wrote a diary.

He did a reconnaissance mission.

He was methodical in everything he did down to the owl that he would target.

This is not just a lone wolf who is mentally unstable.

It's a racist ideology that needs to be exposed, which you're doing.

It needs to be exposed because unless we educate ourselves and tell the rest of the world what's going on, meaning our country, we still have this fabric of racism in our country.

My question is,

how much?

Like,

it's certainly not the majority of the Republican Party Party who would secretly applaud what he did, right?

Of course not.

Okay.

It's not the majority of the Democratic Party, but it's

not that.

It's a kind of individual.

No, it's a kind of individual who's been radicalized.

The FBI director last year, Director Ray, said that this was the most important threat facing our homeland.

Are we going to deal with it?

I think it's full of shit.

Who?

Ray.

Well, but do you think the students are not going to be able to do that?

Well,

the numbers are there.

The studies point it out.

The largest percentage of extremist violence is definitely from the right.

I mean, they have the numbers on this.

You have to believe the FBI there.

It's something like 75%,

and I think 20% Islamic, and only 4% from the left.

25% of Republican lawmakers today, people who are running for office, are holding office, including state legislative races.

They are either Kunan or MAGA.

Now,

look,

I've dealt with Reaganism, okay?

I've dealt with Bushism.

But Trumpism, that's some shit that is funky.

And if we don't call it out for what it is, if you don't call it out to what it is,

now first of all, he's not the person, Bill.

He's not going to be the last.

And by the way, we got some shit on our side.

I ain't saying we some clean people, because I clean up a lot of donkey shit, too.

Good, that's what we need.

Honesty about.

But

you got to expose it to clean it up.

And you also have to see the perspective of which is worse.

And I'm sorry, but you know, I keep saying, I said it in my special, I've said it on this show, I'll say it again.

One side doesn't believe in the emergency of climate change or democracy.

You're not going to get me onto that side.

I mean, Elon Musk this week,

I'm a big fan in many ways.

But when he said, now I'm going to vote Republican, I got to part company there.

Come on, Elon.

This is a different...

Oh, there it is.

In the past, I voted Democrat because they were mostly the kindness party, but they have become the party of a division and hate, so I can no longer support them and will vote Republican.

I can't go there with them because of what I just said, because of where the big issues are.

But it's troubling to me that a guy like that who said, I voted mostly Democrat for the longest time, and now I'm switching.

I mean, we weren't not going to say he's a stupid man.

No.

Okay.

So the fact that he can be taken over by the Republicans,

what does that tell you about the Democrats?

What do they have to do to stop that from happening?

Because

he runs a lot of businesses, and anyone who's ran businesses and/or tried to put a solar panel shack on their property

realizes the sort of Democratic over-regulation, and he's moved to Texas.

So I think some of it is business, regulation, taxes, kind of nuts and bolts.

Also, I mean, he is the smartest man in the world, so he may be on to something.

Yes.

Yes, that's why.

Well, I mean, how do you equate that he's the smartest man in the world?

Because I don't think so.

He's bright and fun, and I have solar panels.

So I give him a little bit of my income.

His cousins, whoever owns solar.

No, no, he doesn't own, he owns the car.

I have a bigger question about Elon.

And if you guys notice that Bezos and Richard Branson and Elon Musk are all in a race to try to get off of this planet.

They're the smartest guys in the world

and they seem to know something that we don't know.

Well, the richest doesn't make you the smartest.

Being rich is like wearing glasses.

People do it and they think you're smart.

That's why I started.

But he is a genius.

Look, this is why I always defend him, because

people could blabber like we do all the time about this and that and social things and politics.

You know what really changes people in society?

Technology.

The iPhone changed more than anything.

The internet, electricity had a big effect on my life.

You know, toilets, fantastic.

So you should cherish your geniuses.

Right.

But I think he's lacking some perspective here on what party is the most dangerous now.

I saw one of my colleagues try to reason with him in terms of why is he going to a party that denies climate, the climate crisis.

Why is he going, you know, toward a party that is anti-democracy, in many ways, anti-choice, anti-freedom.

But that's his choice.

And Bill, you know what?

If we lose one person,

I will not complain.

But if there was a movement to leave the Democratic Party, I would be worried.

There's no movement to leave the Democratic Party.

There's a movement really to be able to do that.

Well, there may not be a movement, but there is a bit of an exodus.

I mean, people leave this state and move to Texas.

That happens.

People are...

Look at the polls for what's going to happen in November.

People are voting more Republican in November.

The Democrats are going to get their ass kicked.

Oh, well, Bill, that's conventional wisdom.

I can say the same thing.

You want to bet?

No, I'm not.

You want to make a bet right now?

You want to throw some shit on the table?

I do.

Come on.

Throw it out.

How much?

Try me.

You judge me for whoring your gambling on television.

Well, one is still

hypocritical.

No, but I don't look.

I think Democrats have to go race by race, candidate by candidate.

We cannot throw in the towel simply because

the president and vice president and members, we hold the White House in the Congress and people automatically point the fingers at the party in power Democrats got to fight if you want to win you got to fight you cannot throw in the towel that's what I give Republicans and I know you're not a republic what are you by the way

I grew up in SoCal come from a very

progressive family.

I was always very progressive and left-wing.

And I still am always on social issues, you know, gay marriage, legalization, decriminalization, drugs, all of it.

But taxes and regulation.

So, I build a lot of stuff.

And when you build a lot of stuff, you learn to hate big government and California and over-regulation because it is goddamn stifling.

And that's why people are moving out.

So, I would like a Democratic Party that was a little deregulated, reeled it in a little bit, but was still progressive with all the gay marriage, marijuana legalization, and all that stuff.

Absolutely.

And that Democratic Party exists.

It's a party that still wants to raise the minimum wage, a party that want to lower prescription drug prices, a party that would like to give everybody a fair shot.

I'm not saying that every Democrat is perfect, but I'll tell you one damn thing.

It beats the alternative as Joe Biden.

Well, okay, so there's a, speaking of Joe Biden, I'm going to...

Show you a little piece of tape of him in a second because there's a new word in the language.

I found out last week, just a week ago, ultra MAGA.

You're laughing, but I mean, I guess the Democrats think that this is their ticket to electoral success, that this is a big slam on, because MAGA, of course, means make America great again.

You associate with that with Trump.

If you hate Trump, most of the country hates Trump.

Okay, this is going to be a big winner.

So look at this tape.

Joe Biden said it like eight times last week.

Ultra MAGA Republicans is the ultra-maga plan, the ultra-my MAGA agenda.

The ultra-mAGA agenda.

Let me tell you about this ultra-maga agenda, this tax plan, the ultra-maga agenda, and their ultra-maga agenda.

They are really selling ultra-maga.

So I heard about this last week on Overtime.

I'd never heard it before.

I said it to me, it sounded like a condom: ultra-maga.

And

well,

they must have heard me because I got a call from the people at Mar-a-Lago saying

we think it's a great idea that Trump fuckers have their own condom

Ultra Maga.

And they

were already making them apparently and they asked me if I would do the first ad for it.

So

I said, sure, if the money's right, I'll do it.

Would you like to hear the ad that I prepared?

Okay.

I get you to be on our podcast for the good of it.

Hi, I'm Bill Maher, here with a message for MAGA Nation.

Attention, MAGA Nation.

You've got the MAGA flag, the bumper sticker, and the hat.

Now introducing Ultra MAGA condoms.

The major America condoms that will rig your erection.

And have you polling well?

Ultra MAGA condoms are made of something terrific.

And people are saying they provide a big, beautiful wall of protection.

Other condoms don't work because they're lazy.

and they think the government should do everything for them.

But ultra-maga condoms are treated with a petroleum-based lubricant, so you'll be supporting big oil while you drill baby drill.

And they're thin-skinned, just like you.

Ultra-maga condoms a rib to grab her by the pussy and

leave her screaming in English only.

Ultra MAGA condoms come in four sizes: extra large, large, medium, and dawn junior.

Try ultra MAGA condoms and make your dick great again.

So that's

I don't want you to have, please do not use that.

I'm not going to use it in the garbage can, baby.

Go get a real pack, okay?

Don't use that.

It's a comedy bit.

Okay.

So I thought you were serious.

No, no.

Do you guys think it's kind of interesting, though, that Trump started the whole labeling thing with like Sleepy Joe, Little Marco, and he started, and it was effective because it would pop in your head, like Lying Hillary, whatever he would do.

That's it.

Whatever he would do, Ted, like he would do all his labeling, and I feel like it took the Democratic Party a few years to figure it out, but doing the labeling, you know, don't say gay bill or ultra mega or think there's a Putin's price hikes like they've, they're taking a page out of Trump's playbook here, right, by doing the labeling.

Well, I guess so, but I mean, I feel like that's been going on in politics for a longer time than just recently.

I mean, yeah, it's always existed, but I think he brought it back hard.

And I'm not...

I'm not condemning the Democrats.

It's a good idea.

Give it a good label that people remember, and it's effective.

Don't say gay bill,

if you're against it, is a good, effective labeling of it, and Putin's price hikes and all that stuff.

Well, remember the election of 1892?

Like it was yesterday.

What was the slogan there?

Ma, Ma, where's my pa?

Gone to the White House, ha ha ha.

Because they were accusing Benjamin Harrison, the candidate, of having an illegitimate baby.

Yeah, porn.

Can't believe you people don't remember that.

But, yep.

Anyway.

Yep.

No, I don't think the Democrats need sound bites.

I think we need sound fiscal, sound economic.

I agree, but we're to get ultra mega.

It's not about policy.

It's about hate.

It doesn't matter what the policies are if you hate somebody.

This is the problem.

I keep telling people.

I'm not saying anything good about Trump.

I'm just saying why the labeling now?

Why ultra MAGA?

Where's it?

Because, again, because the Democrats are so terrible at actually running elections, which is why they're usually bad at winning them, because they think this is some big winner of a saying, ultra-mAGA, Trump card.

Right.

Glove down.

Ultra MAGA.

Now they'll vote for us.

We got them.

A lot of people are going, ultra MAGA, great.

No, I don't think they understand it.

But I think the president is trying to point out that Senator Rick Scott, Scott, who's heading up the Democratic, the Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee, has put out a platform that you will probably disagree with.

It raises taxes on everybody, eliminates all federal programs.

So, you want to etch a sketch?

Go get Senator Scott's plan.

I think the President is struggling to find his voice that would resonate with the millions of Americans that he has helped.

And he has helped.

This reminds me of the election of 1872.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay.

Y'all are, y'all, you know what?

Y'all some OGs.

I'm not associating myself with the 1800s because, you know, I didn't get the right to vote.

Oh, no, yeah.

So I ain't about the legitimator.

Yeah, you had two strikes back then.

Two?

Hell yeah.

And who won the election of 1872?

I don't know.

Here we go.

Wilford Brimley.

I'm not a historian.

Ulysses S.

Grant.

Anyway,

I mean, this is not,

it's never about policy anymore.

It's about,

right?

Absolutely.

America right now is the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial.

I really, like, people are so obsessed with this, and I feel like there's two reasons.

And one is because it absolutely mirrors this country.

Two parties who absolutely hate each other.

I mean,

if you said the things that

Johnny Depp said to Amber Heard, and you asked Doug Mastriano in Pennsylvania, what about this, would you like to fuck the Democrats' corpse?

Absolutely, he'd say.

That is exactly what I'd like to do with it.

Yeah, it sounds like it's about ending careers.

Her career, his career.

I think they both will have a career afterwards, but it might not be in TMA.

He will.

My take on.

She will not.

Yeah, he.

She will always, she will be shit in the bed, Ember.

That's not.

Well, a couple things.

He has what I call F me money.

F you money is good, but F me money, meaning he can spend a ton of money destroying himself and still come out the other side.

I could say fuck Adam.

It's HBO.

Oh, sorry.

He doesn't have fuck you money spent.

Fuck me money.

But

I'm not interested in those two.

I'm interested in the throngs of people who are outside the courthouse every day.

First off, I want those people rounded up.

I do.

You know they're all on disability, getting money from the government.

I'll call them partner boss.

I can't come in and do my computer data entry job because of my back.

I'll be out for a few more months.

And they're up there with a bedazzled cardboard sign hopping up and down.

Who are these people?

There's welfare dads in there.

There's cheater moms.

There's welfare frauds.

Round those people up.

They're gainfully, they should be gainfully employed.

They're evidently employable.

They're mobile.

They're on the meet.

They're enthusiastic.

I mean, they might be paid extra.

No, they're not paid extras.

They're actually paying money to scalp.

Scalpers selling tickets on that line because it's such a hot ticket.

But I must admit, you do have one little point here.

Because I go out in the day sometimes.

I go to a week off or something.

I know why I'm out in the day.

But I'm like, there's a lot of people out in the day.

Yes.

It's just a lot.

Like, where are you all going?

Isn't you going to have a fucking job in this?

You're at the mall at Tuesday at 2 o'clock at the same time.

Every time I go into a Starbucks at 1 in the afternoon, the guy's got his spreadsheets out there and his three computers.

Well, at least he's working.

But I'm just saying, look,

this didn't used to exist.

People had a place to go in this country.

I don't know who...

What are you guys doing here tonight?

I'm working.

That's a weekday.

Bill, what's no further?

Okay, so at least we're getting down here.

But why don't you

work?

Can I just give you my other theory about why they're so fascinated with the Johnny Depp trial?

Obviously, they're movie stars and all that.

But it's like, I feel like he's riding the crest of a backlash to excessive wokeism.

You know, finally somebody stood up and said, I am not just going to put my tail between my legs and

crawl away because you accuse me.

I'm not going to be put down like a horse with a bad leg and a cocaine problem.

And I don't know who did what.

But I feel like people like this.

That, you know, I said, I did an editorial here in 2018 about Al Franken, and there was a line in it.

Women did not lose the ability to lie in 2017.

And there was a gasp in the audience, like, what?

They did lose the ability to lie last year?

Yeah.

It was insane.

And I think that this is like coming back to the idea that yes, people are people.

All women should be taken seriously, of course, for any accusation.

But they have not lost the ability to lie.

And most people think, and some of her stuff is a little sketchy.

Well, you know, we call it lying, but if you really think about it, a lot of people are really damaged.

And I don't even know if they're, you know, they're survivors of abuse.

They have serious issues, lots of damage.

I don't even know if it's technically lying.

They believe it, but did it happen to the extent that they said it happened?

This is a more important point, I think.

We just go liar, truth-teller, but there's this whole murky gray world in the middle of people that are fucked up, who have recollections of things that were much different.

We've all been there.

Even sane people remember that.

Well, first of all, Dylan, you know, we would need a whole show on wokeism and excessive wokeism.

You know, I had a chance to go and see a Tupac show, which I detested in my youth.

But I said, let me go and check this out.

And you know what?

One of his lines and one of his poems was, wake me up when I'm free.

Wake me up when I'm free.

You're asking a woman, any woman, and I don't know anything about Ms.

Amber.

If she showed up in the beauty parlour with me, I would say, who are you?

Okay, because I don't know her.

But here's the point.

women have not always had the freedom to even open up their mouth and tell their story.

And just because we just got this moment to tell our story, the violence against women, and I know I keep texting you, baby, it's a good thing.

You don't have to horrify this.

No, I don't.

I gave you some watch.

I was at a ram concert,

and they said, Wake me up before you go-go.

Okay.

All right.

I got to go, go.

It's time for new rules, everybody.

New rules.

Okay.

Nero, for all the talk of the Mile High Club, let's admit that no one has ever enjoyed fucking in this box.

Plus, it's not even risque anymore.

So, from now on, to join the Mile High Club, you'll have to fuck on top of the drink cart during meal service.

I'm just kidding.

It's 2022.

There is no meal service.

New rules, someone must explain the popularity of iPhone covers that look like cassette and VHS tapes.

Dressing up high-tech gadgets as low-tech gadgets, why?

I don't get it.

You wouldn't dress up your vibrator as a cucumber.

New Roll, someone has to remind this Indian couple who were suing their son for not giving them grandchildren that he also didn't become a doctor or a lawyer.

I mean, what a disappointment, am I right?

Who raped this kid?

Oh, yeah.

New Roll, everybody has to congratulate Ramon Sullivan, the the Florida woman who celebrated her 100th birthday a couple of weeks ago by skydiving.

Asked what it felt like to float in the sky like she had wings, she said, foreshadowing.

Neural, now that scientists have finally completed the 32-year-long Human Genome Project and finished mapping the human DNA in its entirety.

We must admit the most impressive thing about the whole thing is they did it using a single Motel 6 comforter.

And finally, new rule, if something about the human race is changing at a previously unprecedented rate, we have to at least discuss it.

Broken down over time, the LGBT population of America seems to be roughly doubling every generation.

According to a recent Gallup poll, less than 1% of Americans born before 1946, that's Joe Biden's generation, identify that way.

2.6% of boomers do, 4.2% of Gen X, 10.5% of millennials, and 20.8% of Gen Z, which means if we follow this trajectory, we will all be gay in 2054.

And then who's going to buy this chair?

I'm just saying that when things change this much, this fast, people are allowed to ask, what's up with that?

All the babies are in the wrong bodies?

Was there a mix-up at the plant, like with Captain Crunch's oops, all berries?

It wasn't that long ago when adults asked a kid, what do you want to be when you grow up?

They meant what profession?

In the wake of America about to lose abortion rights, the ACLU recently tweeted a list of those who would be disproportionately harmed by this.

You would think women might top that list?

No, it wasn't even on the list.

Second on the list was LGBT.

Really?

Abortion rights affects gay and trans people more than, you know, breeders?

I'm happy for LGBT folks that we now live in an age where they can live their authentic lives openly, and we should always be mindful of respecting and protecting.

But someone needs to say it.

Not everything's about you.

And it's okay to ask questions about something that's very new and involves children.

The answer can't always be that anyone from a marginalized community is automatically right.

Trump card might drop.

End of discussion.

Because we're literally experimenting on children.

Maybe that's why Sweden and Finland have stopped giving puberty blockers to kids.

Because we just don't know much about the long-term effects.

Although common sense should tell you that when you reverse the course of raging hormones, there's going to be problems.

We do know it hinders the development of bone density, which is kind of important if you like having a skeleton.

Fertility and the ability to have an orgasm seem also to be affected.

This isn't just a lifestyle decision.

It's medical.

Weighing trade-offs is not bigotry.

Yet when a book questioning the sudden uptick in transitioning children was released, a trans lawyer with the ACLU named Chase Strangio tweeted, stopping the circulation of this book and these ideas is 100% a hill I will die on.

How very civil liberties of him.

Chase, by the way, has just been named one of the Grand Marshals of this year's New York City Pride March, along with three other trans people and a lesbian.

Huh, what's missing here?

Oh, right, a gay man.

That's where we are now.

Gay men aren't hip enough for the gay pride parade.

Compared to trans, gay is practically cis, and cis is practically Mormon.

And this is a phenomenon we need to take into account when we look at this issue.

Yes, part of the rise in LGBT numbers is from people feeling free enough to tell it to a pollster, and that's all to the good.

But some of it is

it's trendy.

Penis equals man, okay, boomer.

Remember, the prime directive of every team is anything to shock and challenge the squares who brought you up.

It's why nobody gets a nose ring at 56.

And if you haven't noticed that with kids, doing something for the likes is more important than their own genitals, you haven't been paying attention.

Dr.

Erica Anderson is a prominent 71-year-old clinical psychologist who is herself transgender.

and who now says, I think it's gone too far.

The LA Times summarizes, she's come to believe that some children identifying as trans are falling under the influence of their peers and social media.

If you attend a small dinner party of typically very liberal upper-income Angelinos, it is not uncommon to hear parents who each have a trans kid having a conversation about that.

What are the odds of that happening in Youngstown, Ohio?

If this spike in trans children is all natural, why is it regional?

Either Ohio is shaming them or California is creating them.

It's like that day we suddenly all needed bottled water all the time.

If we can't admit that in certain enclaves there is some level of trendiness to the idea of being anything other than straight, then this is not a serious science-based discussion.

It's a blow being struck in the culture wars using children as cannon fodder.

I don't understand parents who won't let their nine-year-old walk to the corner without a helmet, an EpiPen, and a GPS tracker.

And God forbid their lips touch dairy.

But

hormone blockers and genital surgery, fine.

Talk about a nut allergy.

I guess penises are gross now, but one might come in handy later on.

And if you're a man who wants to experience life without a pair of balls, you do not have to get surgery.

You can get married.

A kid, holy joke.

And never forget: children are impressionable and very, very stupid.

Kids don't know why mom drinks every day or

why dad has two cell phones.

Maybe the boy who thinks he's a girl is just gay

or whatever Frasier was.

Maybe the girl who hates girly stuff just needs to learn that being female doesn't mean you have to act like a Kardashian.

Maybe childhood makes you sad sometimes, and there are other solutions besides hand-me-the-dick saw.

And look,

I'm sure the vast majority of parents do not take this lightly, and that it's very hard to know when something is real or just a phase.

And I understand being trans is different.

It's innate.

But kids do also have phases.

They're kids.

It's all phases.

The dinosaur phase, the hello kitty phase.

One day they want to be an astronaut.

The next day you can't get them to leave their room.

Gender fluid.

Kids are fluid about everything.

If kids knew what they wanted to be at age eight, the world would be filled with cowboys and princesses.

I wanted to be a pirate.

Thank God nobody took me seriously and scheduled me for eye removal and peg leg surgery.

All right, that's our show.

We're off next week.

Back June 3rd.

I'll be at the Mirage tonight and tomorrow.

Yes, at the Mirage Theater in Indianapolis, June 5th at the Soaring Eagle in Mount Pleasant, Michigan, June 18th.

I want to thank Adam Carolla, Don of Brazil, Mark Esper.

Now go to YouTube to join us on Overtime.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.