Ep. #514: Judge Judy Sheindlin, Judd Apatow

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Ma.

Start the clock.

Thank you, Bob.

Appreciate it.

I know.

I know.

It's exciting.

It's exciting to see me, I know.

But there's other reasons to be happy.

I know why Democrats are happy that we had a few off-year elections on Tuesday, and Trump's guys.

Yeah.

All the people Trump supported got their asses kicked like a dog.

Like a dog.

Never anything like what a dog does when he says that.

But what killed Republicans was the suburbs.

Anybody live in the suburbs?

Suburbs are coming to our rescue here.

The suburbs are turning on Trump.

Remember when Trump said, you have to vote for me, you have no choice?

And soccer moms said, hold my juice box.

So

it's interesting.

Trump has never had the cities, right?

Now he's lost the burbs.

He still polls well in hamlets, whistle-stops,

one-horse towns, bum fucks,

and wide areas of the road.

But look, you know, I'm the guy who keeps saying if he loses, he's not going to leave.

Well, we had a little dry run to that.

Kentucky, Kentucky elected a Democratic governor, but the previous Republican governor is saying he's not accepting it.

Losing now is just fake news.

Get ready for this, people.

This is what we have.

We have one year to the election.

Get ready for this.

Losing is now fake news.

This guy is fighting it.

He said there were irregularities.

Yes, there were reports of black people who had been screwed out of their voting rights voting anyway.

If you have Trump-loving relatives for Thanksgiving this year,

it's going to be fun

because

the impeachment hearings, where we actually see it, they start next week, just in time for the holidays.

So

if you get asked, you know, what should I bring, say Kevlar.

In other news, the president of the United States steals from charity.

Did I really say that?

That's the premise.

What fucking world is this?

Yes.

I mean, we knew this, the Trump Foundation, they've had to close it down a couple of years ago.

Now, this week would happen a $2 million fine.

And get this, I love this, Ivanka, Eric, and Don Jr., they have court-ordered mandatory charity training.

First lesson, when the teacher says take a seat, they don't mean steal it.

I mean, I

the impeachables that we don't even mention because they're so far down the list.

Trump said, I can't believe this is real.

He said he might go with Putin to the May Day parade.

The May Day parade?

It's the parade they celebrate communism with.

He said, I was invited.

I'm thinking about it.

He said, but it's right in the middle of our campaign season.

And we know that's the busy time of year for the Russians.

The May Day parade?

It's so...

What is so mind-boggling is that on the heels of the colluding with Russia that we just went through for two years in 2016, they immediately turned around and called Ukraine to see if they could help with 2020?

I mean, this impeachment thing keeps going.

People just keep testifying every week that Trump demanded a Quiddo Crow from Ukraine, like they said from the beginning.

I mean, we've heard from the deputy secretary of state, the envoy, the ambassador, the diplomat, the other diplomat.

It's like a game of clue where every single person is saying it was the fat guy in the Oval Office

with the phone.

And

Trump wanted Attorney General Barr

wanted,

I guess this qualifies as kind of a bright spot if you have to look for one.

But yeah, he wanted Attorney General Barr to publicly declare what he has been saying, that it was a perfect call.

And Barr said no.

Wow, Barr said no.

Finally, Barr had his meatloaf moment.

And he said, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.

So that's something.

Yeah, the Republicans, it's so interesting.

They've been too much even demanding that the Democrats release the transcripts.

So this week they released the transcript of the impeachment hearings, and they say the Republicans were refusing to read them.

Right?

I didn't make that up.

It's kind of like that time Trump mail-ordered Melania from Slovenia.

When she came, he just played with the box.

You know, it was.

So amidst all this, this new book is coming out called A Warning by the same guy who wrote that op-ed called Anonymous a couple of years ago.

This supposed insider in the White House is at the Trump, all these examples that he's a senile, racist ding-dong who can't string two thoughts together, like that was a closely guarded secret.

Anonymous.

I want to say to this guy, whoever he is, shh, don't spoil the beginning.

But the other reason why I could tell there was extra excitement here tonight, on the Democratic side, Bloomberg is in.

Well,

sort of in.

At a man his age, it's hard to tell.

But I say, good, it's about time billionaires got a voice and a place at the table in this country.

He's got a great slogan, sharper than Biden, richer than Trump, less Jewish than Bernie.

And this is

going to be by far now, he's 77, by far the oldest Democratic field we ever have.

It could come down to Bloomberg, Biden, Bernie, and Tom Steyer.

I don't know what the debates are going to be like.

But it won't be a pissing contest.

All right.

We got a great show.

Ron Emmanuel's here.

And Steve Schmidt.

And Governor Steve Bullock.

And a little later, Judd Appetow is here.

Wow.

What a show.

But first up, oh, and what a coup.

I never see Judge Judy on TV.

She is a former supervising judge.

I mean, on other shows, she kills it.

Judge of Manhattan Family Court, and for the last 24 years, has presided over the number one show in daytime television.

Judge Judy Scheinland.

Wow.

We love you.

How are you?

I'm so glad you're here.

Let's do it.

I am so happy you're here.

You never do television outside of your own kingdom, and I am very flattered.

I think it's because

you and I kind of see eye to eye, like on a lot of issues.

I know I do when I watch you.

I love you.

So you better.

Well, it's interesting.

I know you're here because you are a big Bloomberg supporter.

You called me a couple of weeks ago.

I didn't know what it was about.

I never met you.

And I got on the phone.

The first thing I said was, I don't know what this is about,

but if you want to do my show, the answer is yes.

Yes.

Well?

Because you love Bloomberg.

And now he's in.

He wasn't then.

Did you plan that?

Let me tell you, and I'll tell your audience for the first time, that Michael Bloomberg and I have met only once in our life, and that was over 20 years ago.

And he probably doesn't remember that meeting.

I remember that meeting.

He was the mayor, the city of New York, and we were doing a CBS news program, and he was overrunning his time.

And I was a brat.

And during the commercial, I went in and I said to him, you're done.

And he looked at me as if I was insane.

Who are you?

You weren't on TV then?

I was on TV, but I don't think Mike Bloomberg is a big afternoon TV watcher.

You never know who is.

You never know.

Everybody sees that show.

Sometimes I get to a hotel on the road.

It's the perfect thing to watch at four in the afternoon.

And

I know you want to talk about Bloomberg mostly, but I just want to ask about a few other things.

And one of them is this.

I mean, your success is like, I don't think people realize it because the media, you know, they don't talk about the people who aren't anointed by the media.

So the fact that you always beat Oprah,

you have like three times what Ellen has.

10 million people, I mean 10 million people a day, prime time shows get half that and they get a spin-off.

I wish you had been my agent.

What do you attribute this enormous success for so long?

Now I'm going to get back to Bloomberg.

And I'm going to tell you why.

I really believe that the world likes order.

Children for nine months spend spend nine months in the womb and then they come out and then as parents you're taught how to swaddle them to keep them close so that they feel secure.

And what's happened in the world of late, I know that that's some part of your thoughts.

Literally news to me.

I have avoided babies my whole life.

I know but that's great to keep you understand what I'm saying.

They swaddle the baby, keep the baby close.

I thought it was to absorb the piss.

No.

I literally did, but and then what then what happens is the rules start to get blurred.

You know, you let the children out and their wings start to spread a little bit.

But what's happened, sadly, in my life has been the rules have become so blurred that

rules of rules of civility.

Civility.

Rules of

civil discourse, boundaries.

With parents.

Kids do things with parents that I would understand.

Well, you parents want to be your friends.

I mean, you either are a parent or you're a friend.

And kids can have a lot of friends to be afraid of.

But they say, fuck you, mom.

Yes, I don't think that anybody should say that.

But especially to your mother.

To any, yeah.

Right.

It's not, it's just not nice.

So let's get back to Mike Bloomberg.

You're the one who went down this side pass.

So

I think we have a fractured American family.

To say the least.

And you do your monologue every night and

it's clearly every Friday night and every most Friday nights, at least for the last three years, I've seen and heard, so I know your position on the president.

And that's on one side.

And on the other side, there are those people who absolutely adore him.

And then the parties have become so angry with each other that nothing is happening.

The American public is paying for a very expensive system.

An executive, a judicial branch of government, and Congress.

And we're not getting anything done.

Bridges aren't getting built, roads aren't getting fixed.

Infrastructure isn't getting done because everybody's so busy hating each other.

Correct.

Michael Bloomberg.

And you think Michael Bloomberg's the answer.

No, he's the only answer, and I'm going to tell you why.

He's the only answer, and I'm going to ask you.

The saga has risen.

Yeah, no, he's the only answer.

First of all, if you think about it, Michael Bloomberg is the only person running who has over a decade of executive experience running the largest city in the United States.

Who cares?

This is not what people care about.

Well, let me ask you this question.

This is really

in my court.

No,

no, then I will ask you this question.

That's experience.

Let's say your doctor told you tomorrow, listen, kid, I hate to tell you this, you need a valve, a new valve in your heart.

Would you go looking for the best podiatrist in town?

That's not how people think about politics.

That's an analogy.

Look who won last time.

I'm going to try to make it the analogy.

If you want a president.

People have made that analogy before.

People vote on their gut.

I mean,

well, see.

He's not a gut.

Look, I like Mike Bloomberg, but I

have a long way.

He's steady.

He better be.

He's steady.

Because Biden's the same age and he's not steady.

Well, but Michael is.

Right.

And he runs, and he ran New York City.

The schools were better.

You felt better about the city.

There was a calmness in the city.

You know, like he, today, the reason they said he's getting in is because he registered in Alabama.

I guess they have an early system where you got to

Alabama.

You have something against Alabama?

No, I'm

but like I'm guessing they have a lot against him.

I don't see a big city Jew

exciting the vote in Alabama or a lot of the country.

I mean

it doesn't end west of Fort Lee.

No, I understand

or

in South Bend, Indiana.

I mean if we're if we're really talking seriously,

and if we're talking seriously and looking at a person who has both the experience, the only one who has the executive experience, who has had the capacity over 12 years to run one of the most diverse places in the world.

Okay.

Most of the time,

people don't care about that.

Well, then they should care about that.

I know, but should doesn't win elections.

The election is going to be decided in six states, and they are not named New York.

New York's in the bag.

California's California's in the bag.

We're talking about Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Arizona, Michigan, Florida.

Listen, I just got four votes out in your hallway.

I just did this routine out in your hallway and got four votes out there.

Well, he's got quite an advocate in him.

But you know, they're going to say that Elizabeth Warren is doing great in the Democratic primary because she is talking about the wealth gap.

He's a very rich guy.

He's got a lot of buddies on Wall Street.

I mean, they're going to say that he is not the answer and not the fundamental change we need.

He doesn't exactly wreak fundamental change, and people who don't like Trump are pissed and they want it.

Well, those,

you're always going to have naysayers.

There's nothing wrong with a man that came from nothing realizing the American dream.

Yeah.

I realized the American dream.

They put a 52-year-old woman on television that nobody knew from

under a rock.

And you could buy them all now.

And said,

and to go ahead and be a star.

And my husband said to me, Are you crazy?

Are you giving up a pension?

You're a sitting family court judge.

That's like winning a lottery.

And what I'm telling you is, nothing is impossible.

To define Mike Bloomberg as a billionaire is an injustice.

Mike Bloomberg was the mayor of the city of New York for 12 years and a self-made.

But I just, okay, but I.

If he's anything like you, he has a chance.

Because again, to get back to what I was going to say before about your show, I think the reason why it is so popular, why I like it, is because it is a world where order has broken down and there are no boundaries.

And here is someone who's going, you know what, I don't take any shit.

And I know what's bullshit.

It's you and not you.

Case closed.

And in a world where even the justice system,

you know, justice, we see it with the impeachment thing.

It's all full of delays and bullshit.

And, you know, they talk about quid quid pro-quo.

Half the country goes quid pro-quo, I guess.

If you look up,

you can find a law against anything.

Quasi, quaffi, quim.

Right.

And I think that, so if Bloomberg has that quality, I think you're okay.

But again,

he's 77.

I mean, it's interesting.

You, Joe Biden, and Michael Bloomberg, all born in the same year.

They call it the silent generation.

You know, it's in between the boomers and the greatest generation.

They're kind of, I see why they're called silent.

I forgot about them too.

But you know, people were fucking for 20 years.

What is it about that generation?

What are the characteristics?

I know what the boomers are.

They ruined the world.

We got that.

And the millennials are fixing it by staring at their phones.

And the greatest generation saved the world.

What's the silent generation?

I don't know.

I've never heard me refer to silent at any point.

All right.

Well, I thank you so much for doing this.

We know who you're for.

And if he's the one to beat Trump, you're going to be our savior.

Thank you so much.

Judge Judy, everybody.

All right.

Thank you.

Let's meet our panel.

All right.

Wow, look at this panel, oh, guys.

A little bit of a sausage party here tonight on real time.

All right.

He is an NBC and MS NBC political analyst and a former senior advisor to John McCain's 2008 campaign.

Steve Schmidt is over here.

He is the former White House chief of staff to President Obama and former Democratic Mayor of Chicago.

Wow, Rahm Emanuel is over here.

This guy's running for president.

He's the Democratic governor of Montana and a 2020 candidate.

Please welcome Steve Bullock.

Good to see you.

Good friends.

All right.

So let's pick up where I left off with Judge Judy.

A little bit of a rebuttal here.

85%

of voters, 85% under 30, want a nominee who promises fundamental change.

I think we know who those candidates are.

70% over 65 want a return to normalcy.

It seems like this is the whole election.

Return to normalcy, fundamental change.

Do we throw all the dice on this one election and try to go for a revolution and beating Trump at the same time?

You'd be more the centrist, you'd be more the second type, right?

Normalcy, you're not for a revolution.

Which is the right strategy?

Everybody, please answer.

You can go first because you're running for president.

No, I think the right strategy is actually this is a single issue election.

And that single issue...

issue Trump beating Donald Trump.

I know what we know.

That's the part we know.

But then beyond that.

We know that.

We're arguing now about what's the right way to do it.

Yeah, and look, he's the only person in this field that actually wanted a Trump state.

You know, I got re-elected by four at the same time he won Montana by 20.

I think we got to be able to connect to people's everyday lives.

It can't be something about the thought that, okay, we don't need a revolution.

The farmer that at the end of the day is getting hit by Trump's trade war, that teacher working a second job, their problems aren't the here and now, and they want to see things happening in their lives.

Okay, we're not answering because, of course we want to improve people's lives.

The answer is do we do that with a revolution like Medicare for all, right?

Or do we do it by just incrementally improving Obamacare?

Growing up in a Jewish home, you now see why we're all screwed up.

That's all I'm going to say.

That explains a lot of history right there.

I guess you're not one of the four votes she got in the hallway.

No, not one of the four votes.

So here's what I would say.

Look, I am, as a Democrat, I am sick and tired of winning the popular vote and losing the Electoral College.

Right.

Okay, that's that.

Done that, been there.

Okay?

We have a model.

It worked in 2018.

It just worked last Tuesday in Kentucky and Virginia.

And the fact is, you've got to go meet voters where they live their lives and how they live their lives.

They're not looking for pie in the sky.

They want a pie in the sky, they want anger.

They got that at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

We have to give them actual real solutions to real problems.

Again, you're also talking in vague.

Let's talk.

So pie in the sky equals Medicare for all?

I I just think that, listen, here's what you're saying.

You just said someone needs to say it.

Medicare for all is a pipe dream.

Yeah, it is.

You said it.

Why won't you say it now?

Because you can read, and I don't need to say it, okay?

I'm only reading because you're making me read.

Medicare for all is a pipe dream.

Dave, you step back and watch these debates.

Medicare for all, free college,

it's going to go more Social Security.

We're going to give you guaranteed income.

That's not what people want a government that works for them.

And my view is I want to win Pennsylvania.

No, it's very similar.

I'm a reformer.

Trump represents I don't want a revolution.

I want a reform.

Trump represents an emergency.

His presidency is an emergency for this country.

So this election is about the defining issue of our time, and it is repudiating Trump and Trumpism.

Because if it's institutionalized, the country is a different country than the one we all grew up in.

So Elizabeth Warren, Medicare for All, takes away everyone's private insurance, a $52 trillion price tag.

But the real cost of it.

But the real cost of it

is is that it will re-elect Donald Trump.

Because in America, he will be able to caricature her as a socialist, and the sociopath beats the socialist in an election for president seven days a week and twice on Sunday.

Bill, you don't, I mean, you don't need to.

Don't yell at me.

Yeah, I don't think you need to up in the lives of 156 million people on the promise of social

investment.

Let's try and get you guys to say it specifically.

I think it's a loser.

I think where we have to win.

That Medicare for all, look, it may sound great.

If we run up another million votes in California, it's not going to make a difference.

If we can't win Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, this is more than just about being a mom.

We're not a revolution.

And right now, people want calm.

And they want

to.

Not the people under 45.

They want fundamental change.

They want Donald Trump out of the office.

But they do that.

They want that too.

When it becomes a binary.

The number one ideological goal, the second ideological, third year, beating Donald Trump.

Right.

And everybody will, that is, but again, we don't know what's going to inspire people.

That's not true.

We've actually had a petri dish called 2018 and 2019.

We see what's working in Pennsylvania.

We see what's working in Michigan.

We see what's working in battleground states and battleground districts.

And it is actually candidates who have the tone, center, and temperature.

The reason why that works.

I mean, you might be the answer, but being honestly a white guy in this age is not the best thing.

The reason why I think Mayor Pete and Amy Klomichar are like dark horses, I think, who could make it is because they are centrists, but they have woke cred just because of who they are, just as Obama was a centrist, but he had woke cred because he wore it, and they wear it.

Sorry.

You've never been to Montana enough then, Bill, because there's cred all over there.

Right, and it's 89% white.

I think you're underestimating, come the general election.

I mean,

take

Kentucky.

Governor Bevin got 200,000 more votes this cycle than he did last time and still lost.

There's going to be a massive turnout because Donald Trump is going to electrify and you're going to have a massive turnout.

And I actually think younger voters will vote for our nominee,

regardless if it's a moderate or a progressive or big peep progressive, because winning is everything.

Our voters are Vince Villain Party voters.

The winning is everything.

You were in the White House in 2010.

You were still there, right, when the midterm election came?

I left right beforehand.

Okay, well, okay.

Well, you guys, you know, Republicans control the entire legislature in 25 states after that, the midterms,

as we saw in 2018.

Good for the party that's not in the White House.

But now the Democrats have flipped that around.

Virginia.

Virginia now is a state where they control the entire legislature.

So they can do the gerrymandering.

The question is, all these people who say, you know, when they go low, no, we shouldn't go higher, we should kick them in the balls.

I say that too.

Let's put some meat on that.

What does that really mean?

Does that mean we cheat now, now that we have the state houses, do we cheat with gerrymandering?

The answer is yes.

I mean, from the perspective of...

If you look over...

Two different things.

If you look over the last decade, and it's more than just gerrymandering.

We have 22 states right now that were completely controlled, both houses of the legislature and the governors, by Republicans.

And that's where you're seeing all these bills that are attacking women's health and the like.

And it's more than gerrymandering.

It's voter ID laws.

It's getting rid of same-day registration.

So I think that what you do is actually try to get back to normalcy, but then recognize, you know, there's 35 states in this country where the legislative districts are set by the legislature.

That makes no sense long term.

When they get it, they steal.

So unless we steal back,

it's only working one way.

I think as somebody who's practiced the dark arts of redistricting,

which is why I only have nine and a half digits left there, okay?

Is that what that's right?

So yeah, so let me look.

The system is about voters picking their representatives, not representatives picking their voters, and that's what we've gotten to.

So you can change the system dramatically by letting more people and guaranteeing that they have the right to vote, which is what the Republicans have worked against.

That's number one.

Number two, I actually think we should take redistricting out of the legislative body.

But that's the nature.

No, no, no, no, no.

But no,

it's actually establishing about a trust that people don't have anymore in the political system.

And that's a valuable thing if you're going to make change.

Number three, because you've got to take dark money out of politics.

And that's what they're saying.

I mean, these are all things that might happen in the future.

I'm saying right now we have the state legislature in Virginia.

These things you're talking about have not happened yet.

So as the rules are now,

I say we cheat.

Let me ask you another question.

Trump, as I mentioned in the monologue, steals from the character.

That's what we need to export around the world.

Cheating.

We haven't done enough of that yet.

I don't think that's a good idea.

We haven't.

Trump steals from charities.

I mentioned this.

Trump steals from charities.

This didn't even make the front page.

I mean, this is official.

This was, they got fined.

Why can't the Democrats do what...

Can you imagine the Republic?

No, no.

If the Republicans had that on a Democrat, they would all be saying, Obama steals from charities, all of them.

At the same day.

Why can't Democrats

win Obama didn't steal from charities?

But why can't Democrats get on the same page and get a talking point?

Steve, have you ever read it?

I mean, all of this, I'm amazed this is a revelation.

This is a guy who had a fake university.

I mean, who sets up a fake university?

Him, right?

Donald Trump, right?

So, I mean, this book that's coming out with all these revelations in it,

why is anyone surprised about any of this?

I mean, the evidence is clearly in front of us every day.

And so this is the most dishonest,

prolific liar

that we've ever seen in that office.

And that's a lot of competition for us.

That's a lot of competition.

And I'm telling you,

he has a lot of help.

I have to tell you, Lindsey Graham is just completely out of control.

I think people use this phrase on steroids way too much, but he's like hypocrisy on steroids.

He really is.

I mean, if he will say one thing one day, you know, I think Trump's making a big mistake with the Kurds.

He's great.

He's thinking outside the box.

I want to see the transcripts.

I'm not going to read the transcript.

It's amazing.

So we thought this would be a good time to honor Lindsey Graham.

Now, we've done this before: the 25 Things You Don't Know About Me, which

people love it.

Now,

we got the idea from Us Magazine.

I've mentioned that many times.

They've never thanked me or sent me a

case of fruit or anything.

So fuck them.

I'm not going to mention them anymore.

We're going to do our own bit.

It's nothing like theirs.

It's real time.

24 things

you don't know about me.

24 things you don't know about Lindsey Graham.

My spirit animal is the jellyfish.

When I was in school, the kids would tease me by calling me Lindsay.

If you saw just five seconds of the videotape Trump has on me, everything would suddenly make sense.

For Halloween, I went as the Lindsey Graham from the Clinton impeachment.

For three weeks in 1992, I was married to Liza Minelli.

John McCain's last words to me were, let go of my hands.

President Trump once told me I was like the son he never had because he paid the woman to have an abortion.

My favorite James Bond movie is Octo Yuckies.

You have to think about that one.

I once kissed Trump's ass so hard I could taste Hannity.

All right.

He writes and directs everything.

The 40-year-old Virgin and Knocked Up, and I'm going to read the whole list.

He's now the editor of It's Gary Shandling's book.

Please welcome Judd Appetow is over here.

One of the icons.

Judd, how are you?

All right.

I couldn't tell what you were insinuating there.

About Lindy Grant?

Yes, it was hard to read into it.

Well,

so Judd,

you're not going to be all about Bloomberg, are you?

Because one guest I couldn't get off that topic.

That's all I'm going to talk about the entire time.

That's qualities.

I wanted to talk to Judy more about her silent generation because I feel, first of all, I'm fascinated by generations, and also it's obviously so important in this election.

The generations don't agree on who should be the candidate.

So you're the Generation X, right?

I am the Generation X.

I'm the generation X.

So what

you don't hear about them.

You know, the boomers and the millennials yell at each other, hey, boomer, you millennials.

But like, you guys are like, what is it with you?

What is your characteristic?

What makes a Gen X person?

We did nothing.

What do you mean?

I think we like.

What's that mean?

It means like we bought the single for We Are the World and thought We Were Helping.

We did Hands Across America.

You know, we watched Phil Collins play London and New York at Live Aid or Philly.

Well,

I mean, that sort of only got worse.

Or maybe it better.

I mean, your kids are, what, Gen Z?

My kids are, well, 21 and 17.

Isn't that Gen Z?

That's not millennial anymore, right?

And what are they like?

Are you hopeful for them?

No, not at all.

I think the world is on fire.

We were evacuated all week.

I didn't have a lot of hope as I ran.

Right.

No.

You weren't in harm's way with the fire.

No, I was very close to the fire.

Oh, well, we all are.

You can.

But I do think that

I do think that that generation cares a lot, and I do.

I think that they're engaged in a way my generation wasn't.

Okay.

So I saw you a couple of weeks ago.

You were, it's so good.

You do a lot of charity.

And you were doing stand-up.

Yes.

And you're really, I forgot you were good at stand-up.

You only went back to it a few years ago.

You know,

you did this bit that I've been thinking about, and I never did it.

I was like, God, fuck, that always is the thing with comedians.

He got to that bit about pictures.

Like, people send their pictures to each other.

Yes, like, why do people...

Like, if there was a,

like in the 70s, if you send someone a photo

from your life, they'd be like, why are you sending me a photo?

And they'd open it up and be like,

you sent me a photo of Freducini Alfredo.

I don't...

Kind of thought you might like it.

I don't know.

It seems so insane, doesn't it?

Yes, no, I think it's all gone too far.

But I know

I watched the Shandling special again, and now you have a book about it.

And

I mean, I hope there are people here who don't know Gary Shandling, because it's amazing how quickly.

Yeah, people don't remember MASH.

My kids have not seen an episode of MASH on the family, the odd couple, but they've seen every episode of 90-Day Fiancé.

And I'm not saying that's worse or better because I've watched with them.

But, you know,

he was a great guy.

I mean, we all loved him.

He was sort of a mentor to so many comics.

I feel like, is that why you have sort of taken on that role?

I mean, a lot of people look up to you in the same way that they did at a time with Gary, like this elder statesman who knows everything about comedy and is kind about passing it along.

Yes, well, you know, the strange thing, you know, about this whole experience is when Gary died, someone had to go through all of his stuff, and I was the person who had to do that.

And he had all these journals, and there's like this moment where you go, do you read the journals?

Do you burn the journals?

And so I kind of very.

And you publish them.

Well, yes.

You were like, let's fuck the middle step.

Let's get this out to everybody.

That's Gary's nightmare.

But as I read the journals, I realized he was an even better guy than I thought he was.

And, you know, I'd open to any page and it would just say, you know, maybe

comedy is a gift that you give to people to help them through this impossible life, expecting nothing in return.

And he would write things like that every day.

And I thought, you know, he struggled a lot.

He was a very neurotic man, but he was really trying to evolve and be a good person.

And you think that's why he did comedy?

I mean, because...

Yeah, I think he took...

incredible pain and he turned it to joy for other people and that's what he was trying to do.

I mean, I always, you you know, it's like when athletes go, I did it for the game.

No, you didn't.

Yeah.

The game benefited because you were fun to watch, but you did it for you.

I'm not saying he was a selfish guy.

I love Gary, but you know, he was...

Well, you got to pay the rent, Bill.

Everybody was doing it for the rent at some point.

But it's just funny that he's such a spiritual seeker, but he's also wanted to always be in show business.

I feel like they don't go together.

Well, that was his conflict, which is he's constantly trying to get rid of his ego.

And I think the Larry Sanders show was mocking the part of himself that wanted to be a star.

Kind of like Prince, you you know?

Yes.

Half of it was like, Jesus is great, and then I'm going to fuck you.

I mean, it was like sexuality and spirituality.

So Gary's like Prince.

That's what we can take away from the.

Exactly.

I always say he's like Prince, but with a bigger cock.

So

I'm just going to read a few of your movies just because I was reading the whole thing thing today.

Super Bad, Walkhard, Trainwreck, Sarah Marshall, 40-year virgin, Talladega Knights.

This is 40, Anchorman, Bridesmaids, Cable Guy.

That's

a lot of laughs.

And I was thinking, because having done a few movies a million years ago, I know one thing about movies.

So many things can go wrong.

Absolutely.

There's a million things that can rat fuck a movie.

Yeah, you could be in a movie with Mr.

T.

When they've offered it to you, they go, it's you and Mr.

Peak.

You're like, no, I don't want to.

You were like, I'm in.

I'm like Rocky.

I'm in.

All right.

So

I want to talk about wokeness now and show a little clip.

But, you know, I know you've talked about you.

You and I, I think, are a little different on political correctness.

You've welcomed it a little more.

You think it makes you better in some ways.

Well, I don't think it makes you better.

I just think that we have to acknowledge people's feelings.

And that doesn't mean that you should be picketing outside.

But I do think people are more tuned into

how it affects people.

Like a lot of people are saying, when you kind of mock me my entire life, I actually feel bad about myself.

And I think that's something that a lot of people never even thought about.

Well, President Obama spoke.

truth about 10 days ago.

I want to show you a little cut-down clip of it, but to me, he was singing from the hymnal I've been trying to preach from for

these many years.

Please show that clip.

This idea of purity, and you're never compromised, and you're always politically woke and all that stuff.

You should get over that quickly.

The world is messy,

there are ambiguities.

People who

do really good stuff

have flaws.

Like if I tweet or hashtag about how you didn't do something right or used the word wrong verb or

then I can sit back and feel pretty good about myself because man, you see how awoke I was.

I called you out.

I not a not a big winner here in LA, but I have a feeling that that would play well if the Democratic candidates got on that page and my campaign to stand up to Twitter.

Do we have the stand up to Twitter logo?

I think we...

So

my wife, Leslie, always says I'm on Twitter too much and whining and complaining and doing that.

You are on Twitter too.

And she may be correct because she doesn't do anything like that.

And she's getting younger by the day, and I look like a wartime president.

It is killing.

No, you don't.

Can I say something here?

Please, you're on the panel.

No, but I didn't know if you were about to read some, and those are big experiences for us when you do that right there.

Here's what I would say.

As somebody with three college kids and spent a lot of time around the city of Chicago, I see a lot of kids who are now leaving school and going into city year volunteering in our schools.

I see a lot of kids doing Teach for America.

A lot of kids, actually, the one thing I will compliment Trump is he's re-engaged our sense of civic engagement.

That's the only positive thing he has done.

And there are a group, and it's a sliver, and we we were talking about this earlier.

You know, sometimes in politics, sound is not fury.

There's a sliver of people that all they do is judge other people, and they think they've done something.

There is another generation, and a whole group of kids who are getting involved in their community, who are fighting for gun control, climate change, and those are the people that we should actually hold up, not just the people that scream.

And I actually think this generation is

a lot more involved, and the best thing we can do to all these people who just pass judgment on other people is ignore them.

Virginia, okay.

Six months ago, they wanted to drum out the governor.

A lot of Democrats were calling for this at the time because there was pictures of him in his earbook in the 80s wearing blackface.

Now, white voters in Virginia wanted about more of it than black voters, because black voters don't have that kind of luxury.

They want the person who's going to actually do things that will help them.

Now that there's a completely Democratic legislature in Virginia, he's going to, he signed the ERA, the Equal Rights Amendment.

There's going to be gun control legislation, abortion rights legislation, climate change legislation,

expansion of Medicaid.

This was worth it.

This was worth a little blackface, right?

It's like President Obama said, it's a messy world.

No, I can't.

No, no, here.

Moving on to the next question.

I actually think that part goes to your first part of the question.

He's not talking about seizing people's weapons from their homes.

He's talking about actually good background checks.

He's talking about what he's going to do on renewable energy, not some

hospital.

Yeah, but in part what I got out of President Obama's statement, right, Mo Udall once said when Democrats organize a firing squad, we do it in a circle.

So we're in this big fight right now about health care.

We're not talking about the fact that 70 times now Republicans have tried to strip away coverage for pre-existing conditions.

We're not talking about a tax bill that whoever cleans up this place at the end of the night paid more in taxes than 60 Fortune 500 companies.

So in part, I think what he's talking about is at the end of the day, Democrats might have differences, but we don't have to draw these lines so we're attacking one another when we really should be focusing on what this guy is doing.

Especially because now the other election that really scared me, and I said this in the monologue, I think we just saw a dry run for what's going to happen about a year from now, because I think the election is about exactly a year away.

Kentucky, now Tuesday, it's interesting, Trump, he's like a comic.

When he finds a hunk that works in front of his rally,

he keeps doing it.

And he had this hunk about me, this nut job, who says, I'm not leaving.

And now he does it every time.

This is what he said Monday in Louisville.

You have one nut job on television.

He says, you know, he's never leaving office, don't you?

He's never going to leave.

I don't, first, I didn't say that.

I said he's not going to leave when he loses this election.

And this thing in Kentucky now,

I'm right.

Look at this.

This is the playbook.

This governor in Kentucky has no reason to contest this.

He's just saying, I'm not leaving.

Make me.

And if you think this is going to get better in 2020, do you really think that if Trump loses, he's going to, because he's known for magnanimity, he's just going to leave a scented letter for Mayor Pete?

No.

He's not leaving.

No.

Well.

No, I don't know.

I mean, We've seen it for four years now, right?

The delegitimization of all the norms and democracies function on norms.

So it goes back that during the campaign, constantly questioning the legitimacy of the election when it appeared that he was going to lose.

You have this governor in Kentucky says, hey, the election isn't legitimate.

In this country, beginning with the concession call, we recognize the legitimacy of the election.

We understand that sometimes your side wins and sometimes the other one does.

That's gone.

You get next time.

That's gone.

That's dangerous.

Losing is just fake news.

I think even that we're having this conversation underscores that this election demands more than squeaking out a narrow victory.

I don't think it matters to these people.

It's not something you can do.

If we sullenly win Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and have the popular vote.

It was fake news, man.

It was rigged.

No, here's a thing.

There were irregularities.

Are you kidding?

You're whistling past the market.

This is a high-price problem.

Number one, all our energy, first win.

Number two,

remember what the leader of the Republicans in Kentucky said in the state house because of the way the governor treated him?

He said, no, he lost.

And the fact is, the Republicans in the House and Senate, even though they've made a Faustian bargain right now, they're going to be really happy to get rid of this guy.

And I don't buy what you're going to say.

I don't buy it.

I think that people simply are not mad enough.

You know, like Trump, he goes and plays golf.

every weekend, right?

So that costs like $100 million for him to play golf.

Like, is that the new?

Is that the new norm like is like you know Elizabeth Warren if she won and she's like I love to water ski in Maine every single weekend

and we're gonna be like yeah that's how you go wherever you want

all right thank you panel it is time for new rules

people who claim Jesus helped them stop being gay have to tell me why Jesus made them gay in the first place

was he being ironic

This is the group who call themselves changed because they went from gay to now reformed ex-gay, and they came to Washington to lobby against LGBT rights.

But since they're traveling together, sharing hotel rooms, I have a feeling this problem is going to solve itself.

New ruler, now that Buckingham Palace announced that Queen Elizabeth will no longer be wearing fur, hey, Queen Elizabeth no longer wearing fur, good for you.

She must also get rid of the leather.

Neural, the man who stabbed someone who cut in line for the new Popeyes chicken sandwich must be hired as their new spokesman.

Not that I'm advocating violence, but this story tells people one thing.

This sandwich is really good.

Just run with that, Popeyes.

The sandwich that's so good, you'd kill a motherfucker for it.

New rules, stop making Terminator movies.

We can watch Grandma fight the machines at home.

This week she had to change the clock on the stove.

New rule, just because your Tesla is on autopilot doesn't mean you can ignore the road.

I'm talking to you, guys, sleeping,

and you, couple, playing cards,

and you, too, adult film stars, filming porn.

The speed limit is 75.

You know how annoying it is to get stuck behind someone doing 69?

I'm sorry.

And finally, new rule, the people of planet Earth have to ask

Have to ask themselves one question.

Why did we put this guy in charge?

Is he even one of us a human?

He looks like a first attempt at whittling a puppet.

And why is the world's most socially awkward person in charge of social media?

You can't watch the news these days without seeing some story about Facebook hosting Russian bots, selling user data, and getting into cryptocurrency, refusing to fact-check political ads.

And it keeps growing.

You know, after we found out last year that Facebook had wrongly given out the personal information of 50 million people, there was a big backlash in a movement called hashtag delete Facebook.

Well, it hashtag didn't fucking work.

Facebook has only gotten bigger, and let's face it, social media is where the world increasingly gets its news.

So maybe now would be a good time to remember how the whole thing got started, and it wasn't because Mark Zuckerberg had a calling to birth a world with a more informed populace.

It's because he started a website that gave college dudes the chance to rape women whose pictures he hacked from Harvard's data bank.

Yes, the most powerful man in the news business got there by inventing a hot or not site.

And when you look at the world of likes that Facebook has spawned, look at this post from Quora.

My Facebook photos don't get as many likes as other people's.

Does that mean I'm ugly?

You have to ask, Has it changed that much?

Of course, on the bright side, Facebook has solved many crimes, like the ones where the genius thieves post pictures of the heist.

Because that's what Facebook does too.

It makes you stupider.

Because there are only so many hours in a day, and you can get only so much accomplished if you are constantly checking to see what everybody you ever met had for lunch.

People are dumber because they read less.

Facebook should be called time suck.

And now Zuckerberg has decided Facebook will not be policing political speech on their site or fact-checking any political ads.

And this only applies to politics.

Other stuff still has rules.

On Facebook, you cannot say Pizza Hut murders puppies and puts it in the sauce.

But you can say Pizza Hut murders puppies and puts it in the sauce on orders from Bernie Sanders.

And I hate to tell you, but that's the way it should be.

Do you want political speech policed by the accuracy regulation departments at Facebook and Twitter?

Not me.

I'm always going to come down on the side of free speech, the parameters of which have been debated for centuries by our finest legal minds, and also Clarence Thomas.

And figuring out when politicians are full of shit is the responsibility of the voters and no one else.

People have to build up an immunity to falsehoods.

We can't pass the buck to a referee because a referee is still human.

And even if we used a computer to do it, Trump would say the computer was an angry Democrat.

There is another solution.

Don't use Facebook at all.

I never got the whole point of staying in touch with so many people I don't really care about.

Maybe because I grew up on classic rock where the songs were always about moving on.

Papa was a rolling stone, free bird, rambling man, go your own way.

Now no one moves on.

Why?

You don't need to follow Gary from high school, who was your lab partner in chem class.

You forgot Chem, you can forget him.

You don't need his status update.

His status is he never left town.

And guess what?

Because of Facebook, you haven't either.

Just remember, not everyone you've ever crossed paths with is meant to be in your consciousness forever.

Some people come into your life, touch you, and then leave.

They're called scout masters.

All right.

That's our show I want to thank Steve Smith, Ronald Manuel, Steve Mullock, Judd Appetower, and Judge Judy.

Stay tuned for Overtime on YouTube.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.