Ep. #464: George Will, Billy Eichner

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Start the clock.

Right here, with me.

I actually know why you're happy today.

For real, though, because finally, somebody

guy's way ahead of of me, but you know what I'm gonna say, who was treasonous to this country, he's actually in jail.

Paul Manafort.

It's the law.

A judge said they should lock him up, lock him up.

Even worse news, Kim Kardashian is not taking his calls.

So he,

how's he going to get a pardon?

It just.

Trump said about Manafort, he had nothing to do with the campaign.

Nothing to do with the campaign.

Yeah, exactly.

You personally brought him in.

You gave him the title campaign chairman.

Yeah, that's just something we told him.

It's like when they told Elvis he had a black belt.

It wasn't really true.

So much happened, so much legal stuff happened this week.

Finally, after 18 months of working on this, the Justice Department's Inspector General released his report on the FBI's actions in the 2016 election.

Trump said he wanted to read the whole thing before commenting.

I'm joking, of course.

It's 500 pages.

He gets bored halfway through a fortune cookie when he's going to read the report.

The upshot of it is that the FBI helped Trump, as we all knew.

And Trump made such a big deal out of Hillary's emails that Comey didn't want anyone to think that the FBI was helping Hillary and was on her side.

So they rat fucked her campaign.

You know, it's like when the ref needs to show that he's fair.

He shoots the hometown quarterback in the mouth.

And Michael Cohen, did you hear this?

Trump's fixer, lawyer, whatever you want to call him,

lapdog.

They're saying, I don't know if this is true, they're saying he's ready to cooperate with prosecutors.

I hope that makes Trump nervous.

I mean, Michael Cohen has given more money to porn stars than Charlie Sheen.

But I don't think it makes Trump nervous.

And I thought this, Michael Cohen took out a restraining order on Michael Avenetti.

Right, wanting to stop appearing on television.

The complaint, I love this, says

is creating a circus with his

unquenchable

thirst for publicity.

Michael, you do know you work for Donald Trump.

But, and also, listen to this: New York's Attorney General has filed a lawsuit trying to shut down Trump's family's phony charity for

what they say is persistent illegal conduct.

It was basically a slush fund, which they used as an arm of the campaign.

They were funneling money to some of the least deserving charities in the world.

Doctors Without Bordeaux?

That's not a real charity.

St.

Bart's Children's Hospital, that's ridiculous.

So with all these scandals, you know whose poll numbers are sinking like a rock?

Not Donald Trump's.

His are up.

People who are sinking are anyone in the Republican Party who crosses Donald Trump.

Remember Mark Sanford from South Carolina?

The guy who was hiking the Appalachian Trail

was really having an affair with an Argentinian woman.

He was hiking the Appalachian Trail, all right.

But, you know, he votes with Trump 73% of the time.

It said a few critical things.

Out.

He didn't win his primary because he had, he survived.

He was re-elected after having sex with the Argentinian woman.

But Trump bangs porn stars right here in the USA, ladies and gentlemen.

One reason Trump's numbers are up, of course, he has a new friend.

Kim Jong-un.

I know it seems like years ago, it was only the beginning of this week.

They had their big summit.

Trump cannot stop talking about what a great guy Kim is.

He's a great negotiator.

Yeah, we found that out.

He's got a great personality.

He says these, he's a funny guy.

He said,

he's a funny guy.

Kim is a funny guy.

You know, he does this one bit.

So funny.

Where he will throw three generations of your family in jail if you're listening to a radio that's not on the government station.

It's just, it's great stuff.

And then he segs right into his bit about how many North Koreans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, we have no electricity.

I mean, he is a funny, funny guy.

A very funny guy.

But

so Donald Trump is over there and trying to convince Kim to whatever they would try to do.

Come into the modern world.

So he shows him, I couldn't make this up, a fake movie trailer that that Trump put together.

It looks like Kim put it together.

Did you see this?

Show a few seconds of this.

You have to see it to believe it.

A new world can begin today.

One of friendship, respect, and goodwill.

Be part of that world.

It looks like something Scientology

would make if they were merging with Amway.

Trump comes up and he's got, there are great beaches there.

You know,

hotels.

Yes, because so many people in that country have money to burn, so they would

get a condo on the beach, of course.

And, you know, resort hotels in North Korea are a little different.

You call down to room service, they ask if you have any food.

So,

and of course, all the critics are saying, and they're right, that nothing really came of this.

It was two people who lie about everything who signed a deal that was specific about nothing.

I would say it was a feckless stunt.

But while he was in Singapore, the president passed a milestone.

He turned 72 years old.

Oh, well, there you go.

Trump people are welcome.

Insane, but welcome.

But they threw him a big party in the hotel suite and then the hookers Pete happy birthday on the bed.

So, all right, we got a great show.

We've got Margaret Huber and Michael Weiss and Representative Karen Bass.

And a little later, I'll be speaking with the very funny Billy Eichner.

But first up, oh man, this guy I've been reading for my whole life of all the pundits I have read on the conservative side.

This guy is the sharpest mind of all.

I want him to get in here for the longest time.

I'm sure he has a Pulitzer Priser, too.

George Will, ladies and gentlemen.

George,

thank you so much.

Do you have a Pullet Surprise or two?

I have one.

You have one.

I really do.

May I borrow it?

No.

But I wasn't kidding.

I wanted you here more than anybody else for 25 years.

There's a lesson, kids.

Be persistent.

25 years it took.

But, you know, back in the days when we used to clip things out of newspapers and magazines, don't tell anybody I still do,

I clipped you more than anybody.

You always kept my liberalism honest.

So.

It's an oxymoron, but go ahead.

So since you're a great wordsmith, I thought we'd start with some words I heard this week that I hadn't heard before.

Senator Bob Corker said the Republican Party is now a cult.

It's not a cult.

A cult implies misguided, if sincere, worship.

This is fear.

They're not worshipful.

They're invertebrate.

They're frightened.

But it seems to be a cult of.

I mean,

Donald Trump now has an 87% approval rating in the Republican Party that's higher than any Republican except George Bush right after 9-11, higher than Reagan at this point, higher than Eisenhower, Bush I.

Yeah, Donald Trump, that guy.

That seems like a cult of personality.

Well, it's a cult of personality among his supporters, and the supporters are nothing if not vengeful, if you differ from him.

And for that reason,

the vast majority of people in Congress are in Congress to be in Congress.

That is, they want to stay there.

Right.

And therefore, absent term limits.

This is the careerist motivation they have, and he's the biggest threat there is to that.

So how much responsibility do you think the Republican Party Party bears for producing Donald Trump?

You can't really picture him as a Democrat even though before this run that he made he really wasn't, he didn't have any fixed party.

He belonged to Democrats.

Republicans wanted to be an independent for a while.

Yes, but let me give the Democrats a warning.

In the spring of 2000, fall and summer 2015,

you had 18 Republican candidates on stage, and the most lurid stood out.

In the summer of 2019, there will be 18 18 Democrats on stage, and maybe the most lurid will stand out there.

The idea that only the Republican Party or only the right can produce something like Donald Trump is naive and cheerful.

Really?

Name somebody on the left who is in any way comparable to Donald Trump.

Who was lurid on the left?

I can't name them now, but just...

You mean someone lurid will arise in the next year?

They might, and they might become lurid as they compete to stand out in this crowd on the stage.

But how would they stand out in the way Donald Trump standing?

He stood out by being more xenophobic, more racist, more horrible in any way, more vulgar, more personally vulgar.

That wouldn't appeal to the Democratic base.

I don't pretend to understand the Democratic base, but.

Oh,

you've analyzed the Democratic base pretty well.

All I'm saying is that there's a dynamic in the nominating process that produces an opportunity for freebooting people like the buccaneer currently in the White House.

Okay.

Buccaneer.

Another great word.

Okay, so let me throw some other words at you.

I was saying in 2016, before he was elected, it was a slow-moving coup.

I don't know if you think that word is applicable.

Appeasement is a word that Republicans used to throw at Democrats anytime they even talk to someone overseas.

I think Trump has done a lot of that.

I don't feel like he's often acting in the interests of the United States of America purposefully, if they're at cross interests with his personal interest.

To me, that's treason.

Are any of these words applicable, or do you think they're all too strong?

I wouldn't use the word treason.

I don't think treason's a crime, and I think we ought to resist the impulse to criminalize political differences, even when they are shoddy differences and foolish differences, such as he has about his new best friend in North Korea.

I don't think it helps to ratchet up any more than we already have the volume of our rhetoric about this.

What if it's true?

I mean, everything he does, I can't think of any policy of his that doesn't help Vladimir Putin.

Fossil fuels helps Vladimir Putin.

Let's think about

the subject of a slow-motion coup.

Clearly the modern presidency now occupied by this man has swollen beyond reason and escaped the limits implied in the Constitution.

But I have to say that the progressives in this country brought that about.

It was Woodrow Wilson, the first progressive president and the first president to criticize the American founding, which he did, not peripherally, but about the essence of the Constitution.

He objected to the separation of powers because it inhibited the discretion of presidents to act without the fetters of Congress.

Well, today we've got an uninhibited president, and I don't think progressives are happy with what they helped to bring about.

Well, I can't agree with that, but as always, you speak it eloquently.

So are you optimistic?

Because I had another great historian here recently, John Meacham, and we kind of were arguing about that.

He's much more optimistic about where we're going.

I am not.

I think that we have crossed the Rubicon on this.

I'm not the historian you are, but I do remember what the Rubicon was.

It's when Caesar came with his armies from Gaul, and they said, if you cross that river with that army, we cease to be a republic anymore, and we will be a dictatorship.

I feel we're at a Caesar Rubicon moment.

There's much to be said for pessimism because pessimists are right.

Pessimists are right a good bit of the time, and they're delighted when they're wrong, which is why I subscribe to the Ohio in 1895 theory of history, so named by me, for the little-known fact that in Ohio in 1895, there were two automobiles and they collided.

Things go wrong.

On the other hand, this is not a flimsy country.

It was made by flimsy people.

And

the flinty realists about human nature and the temptations of power who went to Philadelphia in the summer of 1787 and devised a government full of blocking mechanisms.

Three branches of government, two branches of the legislative branch with different electoral constituencies and electoral rhythms, supermajorities, vetoes, veto overrides, judicial review, all kinds of ways to slow it down and make it difficult for an overbearing executive or Congress or judiciary to have its way.

But it's not working.

It is not working.

Really?

Yes.

So, all right, so take me through at how Donald Trump is going to see his demise, because I see what happens is Mueller, what, he issues his report, Trump says it's fake news, like he did with the IG report today, his base believes him.

He doesn't get impeached.

We can't do that because you need a majority in the Senate.

That's not going to happen.

If Mueller indicts him, subpoenas him, he says go fish, doesn't show up, what happens then?

I don't think he would even leave if he lost an election in 2020 because he would call it...

I don't.

I've said it before.

He already set this up in 2016.

It's rigged because he thought he was going to lose.

We've already seen the polling.

His base thinks it's perfectly okay to cancel an election if it's rigged and politicized.

I think he leaves when he wants to leave.

I think he leaves when the American people tell him to leave or when.

No, I don't.

He doesn't strike me as the kind of man who does a painful duty out of public spirit.

So if he's not having fun, which he is.

But he is having fun.

That's the worst thing that happened to us, is that at first he didn't like this job.

Remember, the White House was a dope.

Now he likes it.

He's not going until he wants to go.

Do you want me to really depress you?

Yeah.

Oh, would you, George Will?

There is a very serious argument, Mr.

Calabrezi, a professor at Northwestern University, makes it, among others, that the appointment of Robert Mueller was unconstitutional.

It's not Mueller's fault.

The fact is, under the appointments clause of the U.S.

Constitution, as developed by Supreme Court case law,

a principal officer of the government, and by the power he's wielding and the people he is subordinate to, Mueller qualifies as a principal officer.

All principal officers, according to the Supreme Court, must be nominated by the President and confirmed by the Senate, which he has not done.

Therefore, it is possible that a year or so from now, a case comes to the Supreme Court brought by Manafort or someone else that says, and these are the Supreme Court's words in cases like this, all the subpoenas, the indictments, and the convictions, and the sentences brought about by this man are a fruit of the poisonous tree.

Yeah.

They've been trying to sell on Fox News for over a year now.

But

these are Supreme Court decisions going back 40 years about the appointments claiming.

Okay.

Let me ask you one last thing.

It's always bugged me because, again, I do admire you so much and your thinking ability.

I don't know why you're not more with us on climate.

I'm accused of not believing in climate change.

And I'm not doing that.

It would be impossible to state with greater precision the opposite of my belief, which is this.

The one thing we can all agree on is that the climate is changing because it always is changing.

It was changing when the medieval warming period came about.

It was changing when that was followed by what's called the Little Ice Age.

None of that happened because of the internal combustion engine or the carbon-based economy that we now have.

What makes climate science so interesting, so complicated, and so inherently unsettled is that there are so many variables of which human activity is one, solar activity is another.

All I'm saying is that before we make enormous excitions from our freedom and trillions of dollars in investments or in wealth not created, we ought to be more certain.

But the wealth being created is in renewable energies.

The wealth being created always is by the technology that is coming.

We've seen that many times in this country.

So I think that's a specious argument that we are giving up something by becoming more green.

And it doesn't persuade you that scientists, I mean, I know you're a brilliant guy, but you're not exactly a scientist, that scientists, climate scientists, in overwhelming numbers, usually the number you see is 97%.

It doesn't get much more subtle than that.

It doesn't persuade you that they all have come to the same conclusion that we're in.

Yes, climate always changes, but this is also different.

Both things can be true.

There's nothing counterintuitive about the proposition that human activity, when there are seven or eight billion of us now, is affecting the climate.

But the proposition that goes beyond that, that says we know the trajectory of this, I think

understands the extreme of the maintenance.

That's quite a bet if you're wrong.

Right?

We're going to find out.

I'm not a climate denier.

I'm a climate defeatist in the sense that we're going to proceed pretty much as we have been for another 50 years, at which time, a lot of the predictions that have been made, hostages given to fortune are going to be, I think, shot by fortune, as fortune has a way of doing.

All right.

I'll try to convince you in years to come.

Thank you so much for coming on, George Well.

I really appreciate it.

Okay, let's meet our panel.

Okay, hi, everybody.

Here they are.

He is a Daily Beast contributor and co-author of Isis Inside the Army of Terror.

Michael Weiss is back with us.

Hey, Mike.

She is a CNN contributor and host of Firing Line with Margaret Hoover, premiering June 23rd on PBS.

Margaret Hoover.

Hey, Margaret.

And she's a four-term Democratic U.S.

Representative from right here in California, Congresswoman Karen Bass.

Great to have you here.

Okay, so George Will was just talking about maybe getting Trump out of there, probably not.

I think

he was talking about stopping the Mueller report.

This

Inspector General report that came out today, today.

I mean, it sounds like it's boring,

but when Trump lies about it, it's really not.

Can I read some of the things he said about it?

Because it came to the conclusion, the exact opposites that he said.

I think it's most instructive to hear Donald Trump talk and then

know that we live in an opposite world.

It totally exonerates me.

There was no collusion or obstruction.

It does not exonerate him because it wasn't about.

it shows they were plotting against my election.

No, it shows the exact opposite.

Exactly.

There was total bias.

No, it reaches the conclusion that there was no bias on the part, that they made mistakes, but there was no bias.

He also says, Comey was the ringleader of this whole den of thieves.

Now they're thieves.

You look what happened.

They were plotting against my election.

And it just shows he can just say anything.

Exactly.

In the post-truth world, it doesn't matter anymore.

It's a cult.

I don't care that George disagrees.

that's a cult when you can say anything and they drink the Kool-Aid

500 page report yeah basically seven words seven words is what he zeroed in on I'm on the judiciary committee and I know when I get back next week we're going to subpoena the guy that said the seven words in 2016

And he was on the investigation for three months and Mueller got rid of him.

So what is the relationship?

None.

Yeah, and by the way, I mean, this guy who said this is on record saying if I wanted to scuttle Donald Trump's nomination, I would have released or leaked information that he was being investigated for colluding with Russia.

That would have turned the tide, particularly at the end of the campaign.

But yet, you see here in black and white, this report is quite damning about the FBI's behavior, not just Comey, but the other FBI officers and attorneys and agents.

But it states in black and white, we found no documentary or testimonial evidence directly connecting the political views these employees expressed in their text messages and instant messages to the specific mid-year investigative decisions we've reviewed in Chapter 5.

In other words, okay, they did have bias, they did have a political tendency, they're human beings, they have thoughts, right?

An FBI agent who's investigating a serial killer or a rapist or a money launder, going out to the bar talking to his colleague about, well, we're going to get that son of a bitch, that's human interaction.

Their big mistake was they expressed those opinions on FBI-issued devices.

The irony of irony being this investigation was about the conflation of public and private correspondence.

And I think we we should demand that our Justice Department and our justice officials not participate.

I mean, we should demand a sort of higher level of integrity and that they not sort of get muddied in the political waters.

And I just, I think the contrast between Comey and that crowd is with the Mueller investigation, right?

Is that you see nothing of Mueller.

You see nothing of his people.

He is hermetically sealed.

Because the idea is it is all about following the law.

And it is not about trying to anticipate who's going to win an election and how if I do this, it's going to be seen this and my reputation.

Forget about it.

It's not about politics, it's about justice.

Can I say one thing about your point about opinions?

There's one place where it went what I think passed an opinion, and unfortunately, that's the text they got, showed this text.

This is between two FBI agents, Peter Strzzock and the woman that he was having an affair with.

Trump's not ever going to become president, right, right?

And he writes back, no, no, he won't.

We'll stop it.

Okay.

So nobody reads the 500 pages.

Right, exactly.

Our side never catches a break.

Exactly.

They got this one thing that is a smoking gun type thing.

Those were the same.

And

this is not just an opinion when it's the guy in the FBI in charge of investigation.

No, he wasn't doing that.

He was just trying to impress the girl he was fighting.

Exactly.

That's what you're like.

She's psyched.

She's.

Psych.

That's all it was.

She is saying, oh my God, is Trump going to be president?

He's saying, no, I'm Captain Save a Hoe, and I will.

And look at the time stamp on it.

That's like late at night, too.

Yeah, late at night.

And I will stop it, baby.

And your big bad daddy, who's the guy who's going to stop Donald Trump?

That's what...

It was to make the sex hotter.

And that's.

But that's all they need.

But they shouldn't be.

That is all the foot in the door they need.

They're already calling for the Mueller invasion to be shut down because of that.

But Justice Department officials shouldn't even be due.

I mean, you just don't do it.

Just don't go there.

Don't go to politics.

Yes, I am.

You know, know, during that time, what I was worried about, you remember when Giuliani went on a show on Sunday and he said the October surprise was coming?

And the concern then was the FBI agents in New York who were apparently mad

that they were sure.

They knew we were.

Trump Landia, they call it.

Exactly.

Okay, so let me ask you about the primaries.

We had elections on Tuesday.

We did.

Right.

The Congresswoman is

the result of those primaries.

What?

The Congresswoman is eagerly anticipating the results of those primaries come November.

Yes.

in anticipation of

blue waves we don't worry about you but the the narrative seems to hold that the Democrats keep fielding more and more stronger women candidates and the Republicans

and

the Republicans are more and more of a cult I mean the the the big takeaway is that if you cross Donald Trump, you're out.

Exactly.

And that's what happened to Mark Sanford.

I mean,

the woman who beat Sanford said this is the Trump Party now.

This is no longer people saying the Republican Party, the party of small government, the party of freedom, all that stuff I heard from people like you and old school normal Republican, Republican classic.

That's what I'm saying.

But also, he'll take it.

He explicitly endorsed her on Twitter.

You see, this is the thing, and people in the media have a hard time getting around how is this guy so insane and comical with using social media to express opinions that he has other ample avenues to express, including the White House press corps.

He does it because it does resonate.

And he has created, I do agree, there is a personality cult.

And I use that term very conservatively because I don't like moral equivalence between the United States and totalitarian regimes.

We'll get to that when we talk about North Korea.

But around himself,

it's not even you're with me or you're against me.

You're with me or you're professionally killed, right?

You're out of a job.

And that's frightening.

There is no space for dissent.

But it presents an opportunity for us.

Because I think when they elect candidates that are so far to the extreme, and we know what happened with Roy Moore in Alabama, number one, I believe that Republicans that are real Republicans, then it suppresses, potentially suppresses their vote.

And then for Democrats, it should energize them.

But in Alabama, though.

The pedophile lost by 1.5%.

That's the one they had a vote.

And the black vote was energized.

Sure.

And that was why he was.

What's happening is, and Bill, what you're pointing pointing to, and this is, you know, Bear's just sort of acknowledging, right, the party is trumpifying.

And in those deep red districts, in the districts that are, look, that Sanford seat was going to be a Republican district no matter what, it's going to be, a Republican was going to win it.

But in those kinds of seats, the Trump Republican wins now.

And so that's the trumpification of the Republican Party, certainly for now.

What we don't know is

if that is, like the Obama coalition that didn't continue after Obama, we don't know what the Republican Party is going to look like post-Trump.

There is no post-Trump.

Does the successor?

When are you going to get that?

There is no post-Trump.

Does Trump's successor continue in that mold, or are the people who are voting for Trump just Trump?

Well, maybe the Republicans can take their party back because it clearly has to be.

Bless you.

So I wanted to.

Look at that.

See, we can make America come together.

It's like

more hopeful.

See?

I'm not going to touch this.

This guy's not calling Bill.

This guy's not calling.

I agree.

I'm with you.

I'm not going to go near that, ladies and gentlemen.

Women!

The women!

Do you want me to move to the city?

Wait a second.

I want to give a shout out to Canada this week.

We got Canadians.

Yes.

I love Canada.

We all love Canada.

And, you know, I just want the people up there to know, because we've been on in Canada for a while now.

And, you know, it's not us.

You know that.

It's just the president.

We love you.

It's our Boris President.

He doesn't represent us.

And the contrast between him and Justin Trudeau could not be greater.

And I thought, this is the perfect time to do an update for something I enjoyed for my entire childhood.

Goofus and Gallant.

Do you remember Goofus and Gallant?

Goofus and Gallant.

You know, those kind of cartoons that they used to have.

You know, Goofus, I can't read that, but it's...

Oh boy, that looks like the eye chart, doesn't it?

It does.

Anyway,

Gallant does the good thing and Goopus does the shitty thing.

And we thought the young, dashing, polite Justin Drudeau is such a great contrast to the old, fat, stupid Donald Trump.

So we're updating Goopus and Gallant to be Justin and Donald.

Okay, so for example,

Justin waits politely for women to get on an elevator first.

Donald grabs their pussies.

Justin researches an issue and consults experts before reaching a decision.

Donald vomits brain farts and leaves his staff to clean up the mess.

Justin speaks the King's English.

Donald speaks Queen's douchebag.

Justin remains devoted to his wife, whom he met in high school.

Donald remains devoted to Kim Jong-un, who he met three days ago.

Justin separates paper and glass.

Donald separates parents and children.

Justin took an oath to protect his nation.

Donald doesn't wear protection.

Justin eats with a fork and knife off fine china.

Donald eats with his hands out of a bucket.

Justin tells his staff, if you have a problem, let me know.

Donald tells his staff, leave me alone, I'm poop-tweeting.

Justin knows the importance of balancing work and family.

Donald is pretty sure the name of one of his daughters starts with a T.

Justin looks sexy with his hair blowing in the breeze.

Donald looks like Mr.

Clean stapled a dead ferris.

Justin has a passion to box.

Donald's wife arrived in a box.

All right.

He's an Emmy-nominated TV host of Billy on the Street, an actor at FX's American Horror Story and the creator of the the campaign, Glam Up the Midterms.

Billy Eichner, Billy Eichner.

Hey, you,

what a pleasure.

Thanks for having me.

Thanks for being here.

I've watched you for years.

Thank you.

You are very funny, and I think it's great that you're turning your talents now to something a little more serious.

You want people to vote, and we can't get enough people out there getting people to vote.

So Glam Up the Midterms, it's like 20 years ago they called that Rock the Boat, right?

Yeah, I mean, Rock the Boat's still around actually.

Really?

Amazing work, yeah.

But I started this campaign with my friends at Funny or Die, which is the production company started by Will Farrell and Adam McKay, who've been producing Billy on the Street for many years.

Yeah, a little funny.

Funny stuff.

By the way, I was just making out with George Will backstage, and it was

fantastic.

He's good.

He's really good.

So I started.

It took me 25 years to get him here.

Well, it took me two minutes.

It took me two minutes to get him.

That's it.

All right.

Another 25 years, he'll come back.

So I'm going to talk about voting.

Yeah, right.

So I started this campaign with Funnier Die called Glam Up the Midterms, which is our fun way of trying to make the midterms, which sounds like a chore, sounds like homework to a lot of young people, sound fun and exciting and sexy.

The millennials, you want to be a little bit more.

Millennials, yes.

Are you a millennial?

I am not.

Are you a Billy?

You're a little past the.

I'm 39, but

I have a lot of young fans, you know.

Billy on the Street has a very eclectic young following and a big following online.

And so I thought, you know, I'm always tweeting angry things every day, as many of us are.

And there's a reason to do that I think that is productive but I wanted to do something

it kind of is though you know

I wanted to do something that felt productive and that was a tangible result and so we're doing this campaign to get young people to vote I saw a statistic which said in the last midterm in 2014 only depending on which report you read only 12 to 20 percent of millennials who could vote did vote Wow and that's a staggeringly low number and so we're trying to

figure aren't they I mean, they're very bright.

They're even like aware that they're very self-entitled, but they just can't stop it.

Yeah,

I did ask my Twitter following after the California primary, where the numbers are up.

The numbers in California were up on June 5th.

That's a good start, especially in CA49.

You know, we have this crazy jungle primary.

But when I asked my following why the ones who didn't vote in California didn't vote if they could, I got a lot of frustrating but honest responses.

And

it means that people are still really fucking lazy.

Right.

And apathetic, because in the midst of all of everybody.

But like, you're putting on shows, like, you've done this before, and like, you have to be registered to get in the show.

It's basically a bribe.

Exactly.

Is it wrong to bribe people to vote?

Why don't we just pay them?

Well, we can pay them, and so we're going to put on a show instead.

You make the costumes.

Exactly.

I'll get the barn.

No, but the shows that we're doing are actually, they're very locally curated.

Will Farrell and I did a show in District 49 in Oceanside here where Will played Ron Burgundy, who has a very direct connection to San Diego.

So funny.

And we weren't only entertaining the people that came who registered to vote, but we also brought up young local leaders, community leaders, kids working on DACA and LGBT equality and March for Our Lives in that district to come on stage with Will and I and talk about the work they're doing.

And it was very inspiring.

So can I

let's let's ask what would motivate people to vote because I keep hearing, this is very important to you too because you're running, keep hearing that the Democrats have to do more than just be anti-Trump.

Yes.

Okay, but wait, I even hear very often, don't even mention impeachment, because that just makes the other side crazy.

They're crazy already.

But here at the latest poll, NBC News Wall Street Journal poll: that people are coming around to the idea that Donald Trump is a dangerous criminal who needs to be checked.

By 48 to 23, voters indicate they're likely to support a candidate who promises to provide a check on Donald Trump.

I do think it is about Donald Trump.

And I don't think people are hearing about the other issues.

Yes, I do think you should run on repealing the tax cut and restoring your health care.

Okay.

But it's very hard to get a message like that out.

But you know what, though?

We have to get the message out door to door, and then youth do it in an entirely different way.

And so we're doing this project, SeaChange, where we're taking Democrats from Los Angeles, going into red districts, and we just kicked off a youth program with millennials this week.

They're coming together and they're going to come up with their own plan on how to reach those voters.

We're giving them the voter file.

They're going to figure out is it Twitter, is it text?

What is it?

But we'll have them all come to your show.

Your millennials should meet my millennials.

All right.

Yeah, that'll be really good.

Let's work that out.

For the groups that are motivated now, I mean, that's the thing that you're seeing in all of these primaries, though.

It's younger voters, right?

The millennials are motivated.

It's women voters, and it's minority voters.

And for that, like, Trump is on the ballot, and that's the energizing factor.

That's mobilizing.

And that's not good for Republicans.

I mean, that's, I mean, maybe that's stating the obvious.

That's not a good formula for Republicans coming into November.

But you do still have to pay for it.

Republicans, just because Trump's on the ballot doesn't mean Republicans are as invigorated.

Is it a good thing that on Tuesday we saw that the Republicans are primaring their more moderate candidates for these crazy, the Corey Stewart guy who is in Virginia?

Now, I guess the answer is it's good if we win.

Well, if it's good.

But if we don't,

then we've got a Nazi adjacent guy in Congress.

If it's a swing district, it's good.

If it's not, then they're going to

be aware of that.

Can Can Corey Stewart win in Virginia?

This guy?

No.

No, because he's running against Tim Kaine.

Hello.

Like, he's running against a very, it's a blue state that went for Didney and voted for Hillary Clinton and Tim Kaine.

And he's running against a guy who

could never happen.

It's just a little late for it.

It could never happen.

It's just so late.

People just keep underestimating Donald Trump.

They just keep it.

No, no, no.

At first, he was, he would never even run.

Oh, it's just for publicity.

But the party's not going to put any money behind it.

But what you just said, that there is this sort of coalescing faction of people who want to vote against him and see him thrown from office runs counter to the idea that, in fact, he has Trumpified the entire Republican Party.

And if you oppose him, you're out, right?

Here's what really scared.

Excuse me, one second, and then I'll give you your shot.

But Corey Stewart, this guy I'm talking about in Virginia, who Confederates,

Nazi adjacent, like I said, okay, he says when they start chanting lock her up, you know, because Hillary's so dangerous as president.

He also said, and Tim Kaine too.

So now we're calling for, what did Tim Kaine do to get locked up?

We're at a place, again, where it's so scary, where there are politicians running in regular primaries and elections who are calling for their opponent to be locked up.

Here's what Donald Trump said today about Comey.

I love the way he listen to the way he goes from, they ask, should James Comey be locked up?

I would never want to get involved in that.

That's the first thing he said.

Second sentence, just seemed to me like they were criminal acts.

Oh, third sentence, what he did was criminal.

See,

I would never want to get involved to, it seems like criminal acts, what he did was criminal.

And then what he did was horrible, bad in terms of constitution, terrible thing to our people.

Locked up?

Let somebody else make that determination.

Some people are saying.

but we're normalizing locking.

Exactly.

We're not normalizing it.

I mean, we're not normalizing right here.

We're calling out and saying what it is.

And a lot of people are.

And that's, you know, Democrats are going to probably have a heyday in November, which they should.

They deserve to.

Why do you look so upset about that?

You know what?

I'm sad for our country.

I'm actually sad for the country because this is a bad moment for the country what we're all discussing.

Not because of Democrats, but because, like, what you're saying is right, Bill.

Like, this is a new low, and we can't allow ourselves to normalize it.

And so, it does take us all saying that this is unacceptable.

Don't also

I would just add to that, don't underestimate the ability of these guys to reactivate seemingly settled questions of the culture war.

This is a guy who also said removing Confederate symbols and statues was tantamount to what ISIS was doing in Iraq, powdering Babylonian and Sumerian artifacts.

So, in other words, the Union is like ISIS, or anybody who opposes slavery and what it represented is similar to the Islamic State.

This is creepy.

It is scary.

I think we punished it after Charleston, and especially after these were things that

America had this debate already, did it?

We have to stop debating, too, whether there is a culture war or not.

There is a fucking culture war.

Right?

And on some level, when you're dealing with someone like Trump, who is ripping infants from their parents, from their mothers, this is a battle of good versus evil, and I don't think it's oversimplifying it.

And that's why young people have to vote for Trump, because that is the only way of having any control over him.

So, given that, let me ask you a question.

Okay, a lot of times in the past, when Republicans didn't like a candidate, like many who didn't like Donald Trump, they said, okay, but when I go into the voting booth, I'm casting a vote for Ronald Reagan, or I'm writing in Betsy Ross, or Mitt Romney said he's writing in his wife's name.

Isn't it past time to do that?

Don't you have to vote for the Democrat?

Yeah, um,

okay.

I mean, are you asking how I'm gonna vote?

Are you asking how

all Republicans who are not Trumpsters?

You can't do that bullshit anymore.

You have to actually vote for the Democrats.

You will not vote for it.

You can't, you have to vote your principles, right?

You have to vote your principles.

If you're a principal, if there's a Trump person in your district, but there's only two choices.

Right, then you have to vote for the Democrat in that case.

All right, thank you, panel.

Time for new rules.

I think that confession ended me alike with a rubber hose in the light.

All right.

New rules, the photographer who took this photo, has to get the Pulitzer Prize, but

only if he titles it Dinner with Schmark.

This doesn't look like a meeting of the G7.

It looks like concerned family members telling grandpa they're moving him to Shady Acres.

You rule, if you're a foreign-born Uber driver and you kick a gay couple out of your car because they kiss and you think that should be illegal, you're an American now.

You have to leave the gay hating thing behind.

And when the gay couple in question was these two,

you also have to tell me what the hell is the matter with you.

Phyllis Schlafly died two years ago and she thinks this is hot.

And kudos to the brave journalists at CNN who brought us this story, which was also picked up by the equally brave journalists at NBC, ABC, CBS, USA Today, Newsweek, BuzzFeed, the New York Post, the New York Daily News, and Sky News UK.

Which proves the media doesn't just cover hot white girls when they disappear, they also cover them when they make out.

New Roll party cups need to stop being identical.

Drinking out of someone else's cup is gross.

Now excuse me while I go put my lips on the same joint as 10 other strangers.

Neural, now that a proposal to split California into three states has qualified for the November election, Californians have to reject this ridiculous idea and approve my idea to split California into seven states:

Caucasiana,

Dushlandia,

and its satellite state, Porntopia,

the Kingdom of Oprah,

Siliconia,

Immigrantina,

and the United Cannabis Emirates.

Any left, Utah and Arizona can fight over it.

New rule, if we're talking on the phone and I say I've got a call coming in on the other line, there's only one proper proper response: okay, fine, talk later.

Anything else, and you're just being an asshole.

An asshole who's missing the bigger point.

I don't really have a call coming in on the other line.

And finally, new rule: someone has to explain to America's police that the purpose of the body cam isn't so you can upload your beatings onto YouTube.

When did punching someone in the head become a law enforcement technique?

The cops need to make up their minds.

They do a river dance on your skull, and then when they're putting you in the car, they say, watch your head.

We need to stop saying most cops are good like we know that to be true.

I hope it's true, but I need some evidence, unlike cops.

The bad ones, not the good ones.

Problem is again, we don't really know what that percentage is.

That's the question I'm asking tonight.

If most cops are good, why are there so many videos of them being bad?

Just in the last month, we've seen just a few bad ones beating the suntan lotion off a skinny girl in a bikini, completely atypical officers mercilessly wailing on a homeless guy in Oregon, and totally non-representative policemen beating a black man in Arizona.

That's a lot of videos of guys who barely exist doing shit that hardly ever happens.

Not to mention the Milwaukee Buck Sterling Brown getting tased for a crime white people can't even imagine existing while black.

This is why NFL players want to take a knee, not because they hate the anthem.

Now, in the cops' defense, the woman in New Jersey did have an open container of alcohol.

The homeless man was making loud noises.

And the man by the elevator looked like he was, quote, preparing for a physical altercation, which apparently means he was standing up.

It's like getting a speeding ticket in a parked car because your flame decals look fast.

Seems to me we need a Me Too movement for the police.

If Garrison Keillor had to go away for putting his hand on a woman's back, perhaps we should decide what should happen when two men pin a woman down in the sand and punch her in the face.

Because I'm sensing a power imbalance here.

There's obviously a lot of rage that police work brings out in a person, and I don't doubt for a moment that it's justified and that we need to do more to help officers find better ways to channel it.

But we also have to call men who wail on the defenseless while their buddies hold them down what they are, cowards.

84% of cops say they've directly witnessed a fellow officer using excessive force, and 61% say they don't always report serious abuse.

This thin blue line stuff has got to go away.

It can't be the duty of every American to say something if they see something, except the people whose job it is to do something.

When cops ask minorities why they don't snitch on their own, minorities have every right to say, you first.

And stop, just stop defending the indefensible.

They're always reviewing these videos as if they're ghost hunters looking for signs of a poltergeist.

The only thing you need to review is your hiring practices.

We need better psychological screening to weed out the people who become cops as payback for high school.

Because

that's always the real crime, isn't it?

Attitude, not being instantly deferential.

We need to ask the question: are the wrong type of people becoming cops?

It's a fair question.

The police attract bullies like the priesthood attracts pedophiles.

Like carnivals attract meth addicts.

Look, I know there are good cops.

I know some personally.

I used to buy drugs off one.

Great guy.

Great guy.

No,

I do know some cops.

I do know some who do their jobs like total pros.

And

it's true.

There are no viral videos of an officer putting his life on the line every day for years.

So

I get why cops are so often ready to explode.

America is a nation that current statistics show is 23.6% scumbag.

And that's who cops deal with every day.

Thieves, pimps, road ragers, gangbangers, people who lock their kids in cars, perverts jerking off in bookstores, Shia LaBeouf.

But if you expect nice, don't be a cop.

Be a Mountie.

Police work, it's like proctology.

Assholes come with the job.

It doesn't give you the right to abuse people.

Remember, you're a cop, not a flight attendant.

All right, that's our show.

I'll be at the Mirage tonight and tonight.

Yes, tonight and tomorrow in Vegas.

And at Heinz Hall in Pittsburgh, July 15th, I want to thank Michael Weiss, Margaret Hoover, Karen Bass, Billy Eichner, and George Will.

Good night, folks.

Thank you.

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