Bonus Bill – Ep. #447

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Ma.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

How you doing?

Oh, my God.

Why are they so happy?

It's because the government didn't shut down, didn't it?

No, remember we were going to have a government shut down and then we didn't.

It shut down for a day.

And then it came back on.

If only our government could work like like computers, right?

You turn it off, you turn it on, and it works better.

But, you know, this shutdown, of course, the Republicans controlled the presidency, they controlled the House of Representatives, they controlled the Senate.

So it was known as the Schumer Shutdown.

Democratic leader, Chuck Schumer.

The Schumer shutdown.

Sounds like a sex position I once tried.

Boy, this.

it looked easy in the magazine,

but when you get into it, it's

but no, it's so hard to you know negotiate with Donald Trump because he changes every day.

That's why they say you know it depends on the last person he talks to.

That's why they said they had to get rid of Amarosa because

he

at one point she almost talked into him, talked him into having Medicare cover weaves.

Yeah, the president is on an overseas trip, and Melania was supposed to go, and she did not go on the trip.

She decided to stay home and catch up on some crying.

And

I think the love is gone there.

I do.

With him and Melania, yeah.

I mean, at its best, it was about as warm as a Christmas card

from your insurance agent.

But you heard what happened.

I mean, it's their 13th anniversary this week.

And, you know, Melania was sentimental.

She was thinking about the wedding day, and when she said those two words that changed their life forever, Ka-Ching.

The president is in Davos, Switzerland.

Anybody been there?

Yeah, me neither.

It's the World Economic Forum.

They have this every year.

It's kind of like Comic-Con for oligarchs.

Trump loves Switzerland, loves the Swiss.

He says it's his favorite cheesehole country.

No, he loves everything about Switzerland.

He loves the mountains, the whiteness of the people.

The numbered bank accounts, not to mention that they practically invented looking at a bunch of Nazis and seeing very fine people on both sides.

Interesting fact, Switzerland, you know this has four official languages to Trump's none.

Now here's the Republican insanity of the week.

They are all up on this idea that the FBI has within it a secret society that is working to overthrow Donald Trump.

Now there was a secret society, but it worked to put Trump in the White House.

Yeah, it's called the Kremlin.

But these Republicans, they are sure there is a secret society in the FBI, and they're going to get to the bottom of it as soon as they get the secret decoder ring in the specially marked boxes of Captain Crunch.

That's where the secret is kept.

Right, they planted a microchip in Trump's brain that makes him tweet crazy shit at four in the morning.

He's the Manchurian knucklehead.

But listen to this.

We found out today they're basing this conspiracy on a single text about

two FBI agents.

We found out we're joking.

It was a joke about having a secret society.

Oh my God, Republicans, you know what?

Well, you can't even pick up the jokes between two square FBI agents,

ask your doctor if marijuana is right for you.

All right, you sound like a great crowd.

I'm gonna sit down and take the load off.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

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