Bonus Bill – Ep. #418

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0.

Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

What a crowd.

What a crowd.

So, big news today, the budget came out from Donald Trump.

Isn't that exciting?

As far as passing it, he does not have the votes, but that didn't stop him in November.

If you want to see the budget, it is available in hard copy, PDF, and also through your microwave.

I don't know if you know the microwave.

Did you hear about that?

What the fuck?

It says at the beginning, Trump says this was going to free this budget, is going to free the dreams of every American, because who has not dreamt of getting rid of the EPA?

The State Department budget cut by 28%.

High-level foreign talks will now just be Rex Tillerson doing a flyby and giving you the finger.

And in the budget, it has $2.6 billion

to start building the border wall with Mexico.

Oh, wait, wait, that can't be right.

Somebody must have mixed up our budget with Mexico's budget because

they pay for the wall, right?

Yeah, cuts to every social program, but billions for the wall.

Where have I seen a budget like that before?

Oh, yeah, China, 200 BC.

Because you know, ladies and gentlemen, we're draining the swamp and we're refilling it with Mountain Dew.

That's the plan.

Well, that's the other big news this week.

Trump care, you know, his great plan for health care came out.

Good news, it does reduce the deficit.

Bad news by taking away everyone's health care.

It marginally reduces the deficit while massively increases death for the sick and the poor.

Or, as the Republicans call it, a win-win.

We're going to,

yeah, they say it's going to kick 24 million people off health insurance.

So what they say is if you like your doctor, you can keep a picture of your doctor.

And they did not have a good week, the Trump administration.

A federal judge yesterday blocked the Muslim Ban 2, the second Muslim ban.

Trump says, sure, I called it a Muslim ban ban every day during the campaign, but now it's not.

Now it's not a Muslim ban.

That was my evil twin, Ronald Gome.

And

when somebody pointed out to Trump that there were hours and hours of video calling it a Muslim ban, he said, see, I knew Obama was having me watched.

That's it.

I'm done.

All right, thank you.

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