Bonus Bill (Originally aired 1/20/17)

CRM was supposed to improve customer relationships.

Instead, it's shorthand for customer rage machine.

Your CRM can't explain why a customer's package took five detours?

Reboot your inner piece and scream into a pillow.

It's okay.

On the ServiceNow AI platform, CRM stands for something better.

AI agents don't just track issues, they resolve them, transforming the entire customer experience.

So breathe in and breathe out.

Bad CRM was then.

This is ServiceNow.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds.

Visit progressive.com to see if you could save.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations.

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0, your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Less than a day before Trump takes office.

I'm sorry, I'm a little late coming out here.

My head got stuck in the oven, but

because Trump is president now, and he's going to replace democracy with something terrific.

And then he's going to blow up the planet.

Yeah, this is the point in the movie where Superman's parents take the baby and put him in the rocket

because the planet's going to blow up.

But Trump supporters say the election is a reckoning.

Already some of them are having buyer's remorse because they know this is the moment where let's shake things up turns into, oh shit, what have we done?

Oh, we're going to look back at the Obama years and it's going to be like rap music before white people ruined it.

You know?

Now tomorrow at the inauguration, you know, Hillary is going to be there just in case we come to our senses at the last minute.

But

65 congressmen have boycotted the whole thing.

There's going to be demonstrations up and down the blocks in Washington, D.C.

There's one going off today.

There's the Woman's March this weekend.

There's a group called You Going?

There's a group called Disrupt J20, which plans to shut everything down and paralyze the city, or as we call it here in LA, rush hour.

And apparently,

there's not enough people who really want to go to this thing to fill the inauguration.

They're actually, they say, are hiring seat fillers.

And when Mike Pence heard they were having seat fillers, he said, no, no, gay people.

So

the funniest thing, though, I found about this whole brouhaha Donald Trump, who has been talking for over a year about what he's going to do on day one, day one.

Now he says, ah, it's going to start on Monday.

Fuck it, I'm taking the weekend.

He's like the guy who shows up at the work site.

When's lunch?

He also says, make America great.

Yeah, I just meant that relative to to Haiti.

But the entertainment, I tell you, at the inaugural, unbelievable.

It's not so much a who's who as a where are they now.

It's.

I don't want to say they're hurting for entertainment.

One of the acts is Melania tying a cherry

stem with her tongue, you know.

We're going to go over here now.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.