Episode #403 (Originally aired 09/16/16)

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Moll.

Good afternoon.

Afternoon.

Time will be

real time.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Okay, all right.

That's that's right.

Oh my gosh.

Thank you very much.

Yes, we've we've been off for five weeks.

This is what I missed, the love of the good people of America here in the heartland.

But I tell you, when I left, Hillary had a big lead.

What the fuck happened there?

Which has completely evaporated.

The convention bounce is gone.

They say the race is tightening.

My asshole is tightening.

That's what's tightening.

I'm like this until the

Noah.

I said this from the beginning.

Don't be complacent.

Be very afraid.

I'm very worried.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day on somebody's car.

It said, I'm deplorable and I vote.

I mean,

Jesus Christ, I thought Hillary had this in the bag.

All she had to do was not fall off the sidewalk on 9-11.

I don't need Trump to build a wall.

I need Hillary to build a ramp.

But she was back on the campaign.

Can't keep that old girl down, I tell you.

She was back on the campaign trail yesterday.

She came out in North Carolina at a rally to James Brown's I Feel Good.

The song she really should use is that one from Dream Girls, and I am telling you I'm not going.

And you and you and you are going to love me.

That's silly.

But you know now that health is the big issue of the campaign, Trump, you saw this, went on Dr.

Oz

this week.

Remember when Trump, like six months ago, everybody made fun of him because he released a one-page letter from a quack doctor?

Okay, well now he got serious.

He went on Dr.

Oz and

had a one-page letter from the same quack doctor.

The art of the deal, baby, I tell you.

I mean, is that not the most ridiculous thing you ever?

It's like, my doctor says I'm great.

I'd like a second opinion.

Well, he says my dick is big, too.

What the hell?

And

I love this, right-wing conspiracy nuts, and there are plenty of those out there, think that Hillary never really recovered from the pneumonia.

That's a body double, they say.

It's out there.

That's a double.

You know what?

Even if that were true, I'm fine with it.

I

would happily vote for the body double over the tangerine nightmare any day of the week.

My slogan is, ready for body double.

You know, ready for Hillary.

Anyway, the point doesn't matter.

We're on to the next one already.

But it's so funny in the thing, a body double, as if you could keep that a secret in America.

You cannot keep anything a secret in America anymore.

You can't even keep what you want to be secret.

Did you see Colin Powell had his emails hacked this week?

Oh my God, and boy, did he go after Trump.

I mean, we shouldn't be reading it, but we did.

Said Trump was a national disgrace, that he was an international pariah, that he was a racist.

And of course, Trump fired back.

He said, I am not a racist, and you, sir, are no longer one of the good ones.

I kid the Trumps.

What a lovely family.

Did you see?

Did you see what Don Jr.

said yesterday?

Fuckface Trump,

as I call him, Douchebag, von Fuckface, Trump.

Whiny little bitch.

Now that's the father, Dushbrev.

Von Fuckface is the son.

And the other son is Thurston Schitbag III.

And Ivanka is Marilyn Munster.

That's the family.

Okay, we got the family now.

But Don Jr.

says the media is so in the tank for the Democrats that whatever they do is okay.

But if the Republicans did the same thing, they would be, quote, warming up the gas chambers.

Now, look, the liberals were all like, he's talking holiday.

No, he's not.

He was just an idiot.

But warming up the gas chamber, is this an expression?

People use this routine.

You know, fellas, I got to get home.

You know, the wife, if I'm 10 minutes late, she's warming up the gas chamber.

Okay.

But the big news today, I'm burying the lead here, is that Trump officially announced that Obama was born in America.

Like...

Like, that's up to him to pronounce.

Your papers seem to be in order, Mr.

Obama.

Your family may stay inside the wall.

So if you are keeping score, Obama born in America, Trump supporters born yesterday.

And it's funny,

you know, he's been fanning the flames of this birtherism for five years.

Yesterday, he calls this, today, called the press conference in his new hotel in Washington.

All the press, of course, go there to see.

He's got a big announcement about birtherism.

Gives a...

30-minute infomercial about his stupid new hotel.

At the very end, he says, President Barack Obama was born in the United States, period.

Mic drop.

And then he followed that with a heartfelt apology and a thoughtful meditation on American racism.

I'm kidding, he blamed it on Hillary.

Of course, he blamed it

because

even when he admits he lies, he has to tell another giant lie.

He says Hillary, in her campaign, started birtherism in 2008, which is something contradicted only by newspapers, television, Twitter, eyes, ears, and smell.

Hillary started birtherism?

Oh, yes, I think we all remember that.

I think it was right after Hillary's casinos went bankrupt.

I think she was still married to Ivana at the time,

but screwing around with Marlon Maples.

Anyway,

I guess now that he has done that, I have to be the bigger man and also admit that Trump's father

wasn't really.

Oh, look at the picture.

Who the fuck am I killing?

I'm hearing.

I'm not saying I'm hearing a lot of people are saying it.

All right, we got a great show.

Margaret Hoover, Ralph Reid, and Adam Gopnik are here and a little baby speaking with.

Carrie Washington is back with us finally.

And first up, she is president and CEO of the polling company and campaign manager for you know who mr.

Donald Trump we thank her for being here Kellyanne Conway is joining us my satellite

hey

hey Bill

Kellyanne first of all I have to thank you you have been doing our show for over 20 years you were one of our original blonde conservatives along with Ann Coulter who's still a friend of mine to the consternation of many

but you did not give up on us now that you have become Donald Trump's campaign manager.

You stuck it out and I thank you for being here.

I'm happy to go into.

And I must have, I say I have mixed emotions.

First of all, you are enabling pure evil.

But

come on, Bill.

On the other hand, I'm like so proud of you.

I mean, you started here.

You were just a child star on our show.

And

now you're perhaps the most important person in the world because you seem to be the only person who's been able to tame Donald Trump.

Many have tried, but only you were able to pull that sword out of the stone.

How did you do it?

Well, I don't see it that way.

I think, look, I walk in the Trump Tower every day to the campaign and I'm quickly reminded that Donald Trump did very well for himself long before I arrived.

I just feel like every leader needs the right environment, the right players around them for for them to be them.

And he's out there showcasing his generosity, his, I think, his great sense of humor, his love of the country and of people.

And you know, Bill, hold on.

You're so good at what you do.

As are you.

You're so good.

I'm so verclemt that you.

But the Catholic girl from Jersey knows what that means.

But look, I just want to tell you one thing, that you and I have been talking for over two decades now, which is a real pleasure and a privilege.

Thank you for calling me your friend and for giving me a platform with all those swing voters in your audience tonight.

There are.

I wanted to go and say.

No, no.

I mean, there are.

There are.

There are.

Okay, good.

Well, we're persuading them.

We have a much bigger audience than all the other stupid shows that the other politicians do.

And speaking of politicians, Bill, that's what I wanted to say here.

And I know.

I know Donald Trump, because of you, is trying to reach those suburban people.

That's our audience, and some of them are on the fence.

And that's why I heard today Donald Trump encouraged you to do this show.

He did.

I wanted to tell you that.

He said to say hello.

When he heard I was invited, he said, you have to go on that show.

That is true.

He did.

And many politicians are afraid to go on your show because you're not a politician.

I actually didn't hear that.

You know, he sued me once.

He did.

How'd that go?

Well, as soon as a judge saw it, of course, he laughed and threw it out of court.

Hey, Bill.

I'll tell you who's not laughing, though.

I got to tell you who's not laughing.

I've been to these rallies, I've been to these fairs.

This guy has really created the movement, and people feel like they're part of it.

And I want to tell you, you and I have been talking for two decades about the problem with politicians.

This guy's an outsider, a disruptor, a change maker, and he's not running for the reason many people run in politics, which is it's my turn, I'm next in line, I want money, fame, status, power.

He already had all of that, and he and his family are making tremendous sacrifices just to do this.

And when I travel around with him, people don't stop him, Bill, and say, I liked you on the apprentice, or I want your autograph.

They say, We need jobs in this state, or please save our country.

I know you don't like that, but that's what the people are saying.

We have to respect people.

So they're watching tonight.

Well, I don't have to respect all the people.

I don't.

And I don't.

No, I don't have to respect all the people.

I mean, Hillary was right when she's called a lot of his supporters deplorable, because a lot of what they believe is deplorable.

But we won't even get into that.

But I mean,

but I'm glad we saw her true feelings for once.

She doesn't really give it.

And by the way, she said deplorable just about 12 hours after her campaign said she's going to become more uplifting and aspirational so the voters can see what's in her heart amidst all the cacophony and noise.

And what has she done ever since she's been negative negative negative the democratic party i grew up in was always very uplifting and aspirational they elevated and elected people like jfk and barack obama and bill clinton her message is anti-trump she doesn't have a positive message

if you were running against donald trump your message would be anti-trump too

um

and by the way

you say

At least she sticks to the facts in her anti-message.

Donald Trump has said Hillary will repeal the Second Amendment.

Is that your understanding of what she has said in the past?

He said she wants to release all violent criminals from jail.

She wants to release all of them.

Is that what you've heard her say she wants to repeal the Second Amendment and release violent criminals?

She has actually said that she doesn't like the Heller decision, which was the Supreme Court decision that held that individuals have a private right to bear arms under the Second Amendment.

She's pretty hostile to that.

She actually has been very critical of President Obama because she thinks he hasn't gone far enough on open borders and he's been deported many people in this country.

So look, Bill, you in one hour show, you cover more issues and more substance than she covers in a month.

She doesn't talk about issues.

When's the last time she gave a speech on taxes, on the middle class, on education, on health care?

She just doesn't do it.

All right.

I don't have time to go through all of his lies.

We only have an hour.

But let's.

I can bat them all down.

Oh, let's do it.

Come on.

Come on, Bill.

But let's just divide it for the moment between the scary and the false.

Now let's start with the scary.

Hillary said at the end of her convention speech,

you can't trust a guy who can be baited with a tweet.

with nuclear weapons.

Okay, just in the last couple of weeks, what he has said is Iranian sailors have made obscene gestures at our boats so we should blow them out of the water.

And that when the Chinese didn't provide the proper red carpet when Obama landed there he would turn the plane around.

Isn't she right?

Is he really a man who has the temperament honestly Kellyanne 20 years of friendship?

Is she really

the person, is he the person to be in the Oval Office?

Yes, and by the way, speaking of Baben, he is occupying serious real estate in her head.

I mean, who's been losing in the polls?

Who seems very rattled and not very nimble off of her script these days?

As you said in your monologue, what the heck happened?

You said it a little bit differently, but I'll clean it up.

What the heck happened?

I mean,

she had this in the bag.

Every story was, look at the polls, the race is over, look at the polls, the race is over.

So let's do look at the polls now four or five weeks later.

We're winning in some of these swing states that Mitt Romney lost where she was way ahead because she thought

it would just be a complete blowout, that she just had to bide her time, sit on her lead, wait out the clock.

She tried to do that against Bernie Sanders.

He won 22 states.

She tried to do it against Barack Obama in 2008, and he whooped her, and he won.

And so I actually think we're going to win, Bill.

You know it.

You feel it.

I think you're getting nervous.

Oh, I am getting nervous.

But it's not because Trump is good.

It's because people are stupid.

That's why I'm getting nervous.

That's something you always say.

I think that's something you hold over.

I'll tell you why I'm getting nervous, and I'll do it with a Donald Trump quote from The Art of the Deal.

He said, I play to people's fantasies.

People want to believe that something is the biggest and the greatest and the most spectacular.

I call it truthful hyperbole.

I call it lying.

Here are some lies.

I never, I don't know anything about David Duke.

Utter lie.

Vladimir Putin and I are best friends.

He never met him.

He got a letter from the NFL, which was proved never happened.

He gave gave money to the veterans when he didn't.

I was against the Iraq war when he plainly, it's on tape, said he was not.

How do you answer to the fact that this man just says whatever he wants at the moment, in the moment, to get whatever point he wants across, regardless of the facts?

That's not true.

You're cherry-picking certain things he said.

And on the Iraq war, the timeline is very clear.

Well, hold on.

He was on Howard Stern's radio show as a private citizen, and Stern asked him, so, hey, should we invade Iraq?

What do you think?

And he said, well, I guess so.

Hillary Clinton proudly went down into the well of the United States Senate and cast her vote in favor of the Iraq war.

And by the way, she's been a hawk for many years.

The Wall Street Journal wrote about it just this week that she's always been an interventionist.

So the Democrats may not like that.

I know you're stuck with a lemon here with 53 days to go and we're surging.

And I'm sorry for that because she has never been somebody who recaptures the momentum.

We saw her fall apart in 2008.

We saw Bernie Sanders win 22 states and millions of voters just a couple of months ago, Bill.

We see Gary Johnson and in fact Jill Stein taking votes away from her.

She's just been, she's floundering at 42, 44 percent.

The question is why, and the answer is very simple.

A majority of Americans think that she doesn't tell the truth.

She's not honest or trustworthy and a majority don't quite like her.

If she does win, she will make history, but not because of her gender only.

Okay, but you're not her.

She never elected a president that a majority of Americans felt was dishonest and untrustworthy.

Okay, but you're you're her campaign.

I mean you're not her campaign manager.

You're Donald Trump's campaign manager.

I'm all for a female president, but not that one.

I understand that.

It's hypothetical.

It's Hillary.

But also, I mean, you know, in the past, you've worked for people like Newt Gingrich,

Fred Thompson, Jack Kemp.

I don't agree with a lot of what they say, but they're all serious people.

Mike Pence.

I was trying to keep that out of it.

Great vice president.

But, you know, these are all serious people.

You don't see a difference between them and Donald Trump.

I mean, you have many children.

I mean,

are you okay with what your children are going to be asking you about supporting a man, enabling a man who did things like make fun of the handicapped and said John McCain wasn't a war hero?

John McCain has endorsed him, and he's endorsed him.

What's that?

John McCain and Donald Trump have endorsed each other in the race.

They support each other in the races this year.

But look, I have no problem saying to my children that I want the future to be better for them, and I already know what Hillary Clinton's going to do.

She says it, well, you have to look at her website to know it, for God's sake.

She doesn't even talk about the issues.

And that I don't like, I don't, I can't support somebody who lies for a living.

I'm not going to be able to lies for a living.

Yes, he does.

You just said you can't support somebody who lies for a living when I read a list of provable lies.

Bill, then why isn't she way ahead?

Let's be honest.

I'm sorry.

She's way ahead.

Where's the Democratic blue wall?

Where's the electoral map?

Wait a second.

She's the one who has 66% of Americans saying she's not honest and she's not trustworthy.

She has earned that.

That's actually what I'm saying.

I don't believe.

That's not what is an actual lie or not.

They know she deleted the emails.

They know she doesn't tell the truth about her health condition.

They know that she doesn't tell the truth.

Where are the 33,000 deleted emails?

Where are the 17,000 deleted?

All right, I'll let you talk to the inspector general.

My last question.

If Trump, if you guys win, look me in the eye through that camera

and tell me you will not actually be more nervous than if Hillary won.

I will not be more nervous if Hillary won.

I think, no,

I'm with tens of millions of people in this country, Bill, who have joined the Trump movement and have said, you are our last hope because she will tax and regulate.

She called ISIS our, quote, determined enemies in her convention speech.

Our determined enemies, like we're playing a soccer game against them, they're savage murderers who have killed 33,000 people, them and their predecessors, just in the last 13 years, 80% in the last three years.

But I will tell you this.

Your viewers probably don't know that you and I share a birthday, January 20th, Inauguration Day.

Inauguration Day.

Come as my guest, Bill Maher.

We'll see you there.

Please keep me out of Guantanamo Bay.

That's all I'm asking.

Thank you, Kellyanne Conway.

Thank you.

I gotta give it to you.

You did it.

All right.

Let's meet our panel.

Can't get her down.

It's like a raging bull.

Can't get her down.

All right.

Can't get her down.

He's the staff writer for the New Yorker magazine.

Adam Gopnik is back with us.

Hey, Adam.

He's president of the American Unity Fund and a CNN political contributor.

Our friend Margaret Hoover back with us.

Hey, Margaret.

And he is the chairman of the Faith and Freedom Coalition, my old job.

Ralph Green.

Thank you for being here, Ralph.

We appreciate that.

Don't forget to send us your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them after the show on YouTube.

Okay, so I think we have a fairly diverse panel.

We have two Republicans, one who is a Trump person, one who is a Republican but will not go for Trump, right?

Correct.

Right.

And two sane people.

No, I'm kidding.

But, you know,

I want to ask you first.

Let me ask you, the people who are Republicans but won't vote for Trump, but won't vote for Hillary, right?

Well, I haven't decided whether I'm not going to vote for Hillary or not.

But I mean, there's only two people who could possibly win.

Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

But by not voting for Trump, it is I recognize that Hillary would be president, and I can live with that.

I can live with that.

Okay.

But then

what is the other choice?

If you proudly carry a Republican name over.

I do.

You are the granddaughter.

Great granddaughter of a Republican president.

So if you find Donald Trump so odious, so dangerous, that you can't vote for him, it seems like you would have to vote for the.

I live in New York.

I might on principle vote for Gary Johnson.

I might on, you know,

a lot of people.

I know, there's this actually, yeah.

Why is that a vote for Trump?

In New York?

Because, well, I don't know.

I don't think so.

I feel pretty good about that.

Objectively, it's a vote for Trump.

In other words,

either when you have a moment of absolute national emergency and you refuse to take the reasonable side and you insist instead that your tribal loyalties are such that instead

you're not going to line up with the only reasonable alternative.

If I live in Virginia or Colorado or Iowa, I actually would vote for that.

You would vote for Hillary.

Let me ask another question because I see this Kentucky governor, Matt Bevan.

You know him, Ralph?

He seems like your type.

No, he ran against Mitch McConnell to his right.

Okay.

And I'm reading this quote from him because it just blows my mind how divided this country is and how we just can't even see the same reality.

This is governor, and he's a governor of Kentucky.

That's a state.

He said, somebody asked me yesterday, do you think it's possible if Hillary Clinton were to win the election that we'll be able to survive?

That we ever be able to recover as a nation.

And it's so funny because I think that, but not quite about Hillary Clinton.

This is exactly what I and millions of people are saying about Donald Trump.

Could we ever survive this?

So,

and then

he goes on to say, yes, we could survive Hillary Clinton.

It would be possible, but the price, blood will be shed.

It may be those in this room.

I have nine children.

It breaks my heart to think it might be their blood needed to redeem and reclaim America.

Walk me through how Hillary Clinton, centrist Hillary Hillary Clinton, is this much of a threat and how people get their mind to this place.

Bill, only in Hollywood is Hillary a centrist.

Let's start with that.

Yeah, really.

Tell me why she's existential.

She's called for transitioning from Obamacare to single-payer.

She's called...

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

Not single-payer, public option.

Okay, same difference.

Not the same difference at all.

Public option.

Oh, this so epitomizes.

She's also said that she will take Obama's amnesty, which was an executive unconstitutional amnesty, and double down on it.

So she's not in the mainstream.

So this would make America

a place where we have to shed blood to regain it.

She's the first candidate of either political party since Roe v.

Wade to call for repealing the Hyde Amendment.

which was a bipartisan compromise after Roe v.

Wade to say, look, abortion may be the law of the land, but taxpayers should not be required to rationalize it.

She's the first candidate of either party.

Even her husband, even Barack Obama.

Okay, okay, but

I'm not sure issue.

Out of the mainstream is different than we have to die.

And that's not clear in the bill.

That's not fair either.

That's what he said.

That's not fair either.

He was contacted by a reporter after he made that comment.

He was referring to military sacrifice, and I am the son of a.

For fuck's sake, I just read it.

But this is what he said.

Read the article where he was called by a Louisville Courier Journal reporter and he said, I was referring to military sacrifice.

But this is Ralph.

Excuse me.

This is what goes on all the time.

Somebody says, and this is what Trump has inserted into the American body politic in an incredibly pathological way.

Somebody says something that is clearly violent, and it's clearly a threat of violence.

It's clearly directed that way.

And then when it gets out there, then suddenly it's denied.

And it's turned around.

And we all know what the content is.

We all know what the content is.

That is absolutely true.

Let me finish my point here.

In his speech, he quoted Jefferson, who talked about the Tree of Liberty being watered with the blood of the Lord.

The secessionists quoted Jefferson.

The secessionists quoted Jefferson in 1860.

Jefferson was a very good person.

And they did call that for violence.

Was he as bad as Trump?

If you can compare Thomas Jefferson and Donald Trump, then you have something fundamentally wrong in your understanding of American history.

I'm not comparing them at all.

You just did.

You just did.

I'm saying what cited Jefferson in the remarks, and that was context.

We're arguing about a guy who Mitch McConnell calls a pathological liar.

Okay?

So this is just to like set where we're going.

Mitch McConnell, the senior majority leader, calls Matt Bevin, the Kentucky, from his home state, a pathological liar.

So we're already campaign for him for a while.

Already is on the fringes.

Okay, but so here's the thing.

The argument that Republicans have

or Democrats have that, I know I just talked to actually a family member.

My family's all voting for Trump.

I'm from flyover country.

They literally family just said to me the same thing.

The country is going to be unrecognizable.

We won't be able to get it back if Donald Trump wins.

And that's how really Republicans believe.

And I know you're not going to believe that.

I mean, if Hillary Clinton wins.

Both sides think it.

My family happens to think it if Hillary Clinton wins.

Yeah, get us out of the way.

But let's be honest.

I mean, the same people, at least on the right who say this, are people who believe in constitutional conservatism.

They believe in checks and balances.

They believe in the wisdom of the founders.

And they believe that the government was set up in order to prevent anybody who has two radical impulses to be able to take over.

And I believe in our country and I believe in our founders and I do not believe that our country won't be able to sustain any individual who is in the executive branch for four years.

And that goes against Donald Trump as well.

I think we can say, does it mean that either of them won't have awful policies?

No, but we can sustain it as a country.

He did say he would start a war if Iran gave us the finger.

Right.

So I do think it is a little different than the power.

I'm more concerned about him.

It's a little different than the public option, which is not the same thing as single payer.

I don't agree.

I agree.

By the way,

it ultimately becomes the same thing.

I agree with Margaret 100% that the system that our framers put together was resilient enough to endure two world wars, the Great Depression, the Civil War.

We have never before had

Canada.

And I believe,

let me just finish, Adam.

I believe that that system of checks and balances and of separation of powers, of Congress checking the power of presidency, of a free press, of an enlightened and engaged citizenry, can overcome

a single individual.

We have never before, Ralph, had a candidate of a major political party who is an avowed enemy of all those things, who is on the record as opposing all of the things you say.

So you're saying American democracy won't survive if Donald Trump is not aware of the city?

My knowledge of history tells me, Ralph, that when a radical authoritarian takes power in a country, the result is never nevertheless.

So your answer is yes.

America won't survive.

I think that American democracy will be in greater danger than it's been since 1860 if Donald Trump were elected president.

You didn't answer my question.

I think that America.

I will fight.

I am answering your question, Ralph, give me a chance.

I think that American democracy, all of us who believe in American democracy and in constitutional conservatism, will struggle.

will struggle to save America from Donald Trump.

But I believe that no one can deny that Donald Trump is a classic example of someone who has contempt for all of the tripod that keeps our Constitution and our country together.

He has contempt for the truth, he has contempt for the legitimacy of the elected government, and he has contempt for anyone who he regards as an outsider.

And those are all things that are essential.

And just contempt for anyone who doesn't kiss his ass.

Yes.

That puts it more simply, which is why he loves Putin.

Yes.

It's why he loves Valerie Putin, because Putin said he liked Donald Trump.

So anybody who likes Donald Trump is a great guy.

Well, I mean, I would just say that for somebody who lived through Watergate and saw an abuse of power and destruction of evidence and suborning of perjury and a true constitutional crisis, we survived that.

And if we survive that, we can survive Hillary Crumbling.

But you know, Ralph, that's a good point, Ralph.

But that was because Richard Nixon, with all of his laws, didn't have enough faith in

the constitutional.

Richard Nixon, with all of his laws, was surrounded by people who were deeply committed to the American system of constitutional government, and Donald Trump is not.

No, what Nixon did was he fired everybody in the Justice Department but wouldn't fire a special prosecutor.

He didn't show any respect for the Constitution or the rule of law.

It made me almost as bad as the worst president in American history.

I don't find that a consoling thought.

Nixon wasn't the worst.

Andrew Johnson was the worst.

Okay.

Let's save that for overtime.

Ever since, yeah, we can.

Ever since Hillary's collapse, health has been on the forefront of the voters' minds of the candidates.

And you saw Dr.

Oz had Trump on.

I think that was the wrong Oz, because Trump doesn't need a doctor.

He needs a brain.

But, okay.

But

anyway, Trump, as I mentioned in the mall, I gave him a one-pager.

McCain released

1,200 pages.

So there is way, way more in Donald Trump's medical history.

Luckily, Russia is not the only place that has hackers.

We have them right here at real time.

We got a hold of the medical history of Donald Trump.

Would you like to hear some of the...

These are just some of the highlights, but for example, as a newborn, Donald Trump battled metal poisoning from a silver spoon left in his mouth.

Isn't that interesting?

In 2000, he injured his back lifting Melania's shipping crate.

As a patient, he reports hearing things and then repeating them as fact.

Oh, here, in 1998, doctors surgically removed a baby bird from his hair.

Trump's medical records, we have.

It says, patient lists his blood pressure as best ever over unbelievable.

He suffers from a rare condition, hemorrhoids of the face.

Oh, interesting.

He's never experienced a seizure, unless you count the ones ordered by bankruptcy court.

That's the...

That's right, that's right.

It says patient is overweight but not obese and possesses the only known case of of hate handles.

Oh,

stool sample

presents as unremarkable,

although you can't believe the shit that comes out of his mouth.

All right.

Let's bring on Carrie.

She's an activist.

A great actress, the star of ABC Scandal.

Emmy nominated as both actress and producer of the HBO movie Confirmation.

Carrie Washington is here.

Carrie Washington.

Oh my.

Look at her.

Look at her.

Oh, my God.

Carrie Washington.

Now,

you are with child.

I am.

Knocked up again.

Yeah, knocked up again.

How far along is that?

Because I noticed that bump.

I don't know if you think you're hiding that thing.

You've got another thing coming up.

No, we try to hide it on the show, but in real life, there's no hope for that.

Right, so that's exciting.

Yeah, it is.

It's very exciting.

So does it focus the mind, you think, on what's going on with the nation when you know that a little child of yours will be dealing with the repercussions of whoever becomes president?

Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, I've always been a fairly political person,

and mostly not because I'm in the public eye, but because I'm an American, and I think we have a right and a responsibility to participate in our democracy.

So having a child might open up my mind to the issues like this ridiculous maternity leave that Trump talked about just recently.

Oh, yes, now if you didn't catch this this week, probably because of Kellyanne.

I mean, she's good.

Or his daughter, who's also great.

And I think it's important that we not be distracted by these very smart, very articulate, beautiful women who work on the Trump campaign, who are a lot smarter than the candidate, I think.

We need to be not swayed by them because they will not have their finger on the button, he will.

But you're right, Kellyanne and his daughter got him this week to reach out to women with a maternity and child care plan, which I guess will be necessary.

He's going to deport all the nannies.

But

why do you say it's ridiculous?

Well, I mean, I think there's been a lot of talk about it being insulting to women, but I think it's actually insulting to families and to workers because there's no paternity leave.

There's no family leave.

Like for Hillary Clinton, these issues, these policies are not about women's policy.

This is about economic policy because we understand in this country that if families are able to take care of each other, we do better as a nation.

I choose that candidate over the guy who bragged about having never changed a diaper.

He literally bragged about having never changed a diaper.

Right.

That's crazy.

But also, there's no way to pay for it in his plan.

No, it's logistically

about fraud, which they all say when they don't want to pay for something.

Well, you know, a year ago, he talked about these child care plans that his company had, Trumpeteers and Trump Kids.

There were supposed to to be these great plans for people who worked for him.

They did a little digging because he talked about the cocktails, the kiddie cocktails and coloring books and the slides.

They did research.

That wasn't for his workers.

That was for people who were guests at his fancy hotels.

And he didn't apparently understand the distinction.

Well, he doesn't give money.

His workers were like, if we have childcare, we don't know about it.

He doesn't give money to his own charity.

It's the Trump Foundation.

He hasn't put a dime in since 2008.

And then he gives money to other charities from his charity.

And asks people to give him money to give to charities.

Right.

They think it's from him and it's not.

Okay.

I certainly don't want to be shitting on Donald Trump all day.

Why not?

Oh, I'm just kidding.

Believe me, there's plenty more shitting to come.

But let's talk about our girl because there is a real enthusiasm gap.

I read it today.

It was at very scary numbers.

I don't know where I have them, but something like millennials.

Are you still a millennial?

You're on the edge of the millennial, aren't you?

Sure.

My agent wants me to say yes.

I think you are.

I think you are.

I think it's the upper age.

It is, you are.

And she dipped something like...

I've seen pregnancy on the rise.

No.

Go ahead.

But she's way down with the millennials.

They have fallen off the wagon.

There's a big enthusiasm gap, they say, with black and Hispanics.

But I don't count?

Well, I'm black.

I'm enthusiastic.

I think you count.

I understand what you're saying.

I think there's a bigger problem, which is that right now we are in a political climate where we are being led by the media, no offense, to vote for the loudest candidate and the meanest, the bulliest candidate in the playground.

And that we are voting based on a cult of personality or a cult of celebrity rather than voting in our best interest.

I think if we really look at policy,

voting for Trump is voting against our best interests as Americans as workers as people of color as women voting not voting is voting against ourselves so voting for Trump is voting against ourselves not voting is voting against ourselves and I think in this election voting for a third-party candidate is voting against ourselves

no I agree with you I

And a lot of people say like, well, she doesn't have policy.

She doesn't address the issues that are important to us.

But I think that's because the noise, again, is coming from the bully in the playground.

If you do the research, the policy is there.

With Kellyanne, again, Kellyanne's really good at what she does, playing Olivia Pope.

I know spin when I see it.

She's great at what she's doing.

But

internally, but really?

I mean, the very first speech she gave after announcing her candidacy was about criminal justice reform.

So when people of color, when young people are out there saying she's not doing enough for us, like we have to do the work to dig because the media is not spoon feeding us the information we need to vote in our best interest.

That's right.

I mean,

here's why I have no faith in the outcome.

I saw Trump was in Flint, Michigan this week.

Okay.

And I saw this woman that they interviewed.

And,

you know, the reporter said, Donald Trump came here.

Do you think he means it?

He's going to help?

I don't know.

They said, well, but Hillary came here months ago.

And the woman said, yeah, but that's when all the media was here.

Maybe she was just trying to glom on to that.

So, you know, I feel bad for these people in Flint, but on the other hand, if you don't want your kids poisoned,

maybe do a little research.

Because on one hand, you have a guy who's never been to Flint, never showed the least bit of concern, care, empathy for anything about poor people, their communities, only cares about the rich and the yachts.

And his own self-interest.

And his own self-interest.

And then this other person who has

dedicated her life to issues just like this versus the guy from the party who did the problem to begin with, who wants to eliminate the EPA, who wants to gut regulations and cut taxes on the rich, and you can't figure out who to vote for.

And now let let me say, there's a lot of people.

I feel bad for you, but not 100%.

And when people talk about her long history, there may be things that you don't particularly agree with at some point.

Like I know a lot of people of color and millennials talk about her position on criminal justice reform and the super predator stuff and I hear that and I understand it.

I would rather vote for the candidate who is willing to address mistakes, address issues, take responsibility, be accountable, be a part of a change solution, rather than the candidate who chooses to continue to perpetuate fear and hate in the present.

And this is the, yeah, and

this is a big problem I have with liberals cleaning up a little spot over here when there's a giant pile of shit on the other side of the room.

But let me ask you about this, because we got onto the subject a little bit.

Colin Kaepernick, you're married to an ex-NFL player.

I am.

Responsible for this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And this has been a big controversy in America.

He is the backup quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers.

He will not stand for the national anthem as a protest against police brutality.

Now it is spreading.

You see, there, somebody else is doing it.

I think about a dozen guys in America.

A lot of guys are doing it now in the NFL.

And even in other sports, in soccer and other

sports people are doing it.

Trump people think this is horrible because he

is somehow offending America, and people have died.

Well, actually, what people died and fought for was for his right to do that.

That's exactly right.

That's exactly right.

I, you know, obviously, as a Hillary supporter, I obviously don't agree completely 100% with everything that Kaepernick is saying.

But I think it's really important that because, I'll speak in first person, that because I'm in the public eye, I do not give up my rights as an American.

I am an American citizen, and just because I may work for the studio system or work for a sports league doesn't mean I'm a slave on a plantation.

I still get to have my rights.

Although you express my rights.

Yes, exactly.

And then I put that away.

So I get to express my rights and I get to speak my mind.

I also think it's really important that we remember that a lot of these athletes or people, like civil rights activists that we now canonize and call heroes, MLK, Muhammad Ali, who supposedly transcended race.

These are people that at the time,

at the time, there was very different language being used to describe their beliefs and their actions.

Colin Kaepernick may be one of those future heroes.

And if we don't give him the room to talk about these issues that need to be addressed, we are not fulfilling our obligations as the democracy that is we the people.

Let's ask our Republican friends what they think of

not standing for the national anthem.

Well, I stand for the national anthem and I put my hand over my heart because I think...

And you were never the victim of police brutality.

No, I was not.

But I believe that this is ⁇ I think this is the greatest nation on earth.

And I think that while this has been an imperfect nation that has committed grievous national sins,

including slavery and racism, by the way,

I still think that people from all over the world, throughout history and now, come here to be free and to make these kinds of things.

But that's not really addressing the question.

No, it does address the question.

It says what I would do.

Obviously, if...

But do you support his right to do it?

Well, he has the right under the First Amendment.

I don't agree with him, but obviously he has the right to make it

for you.

I don't know if all your friends are going to be happy with you after that, but I think that's great.

Okay.

Because we have a right to disagree here at that table because we live in this great nation.

That's what makes America great.

And it doesn't need to be great again, it's already great.

Bill, that's right.

Bill,

I don't agree with virtually anything you say, but I defend your right to have a show.

And right now,

of course.

But it also bothers me that, you know, it seems like the right wing defines what patriotism is, and then if you do something different, you're not patriotic.

You know what I don't like about sport events?

I don't like the big celebration of militarism, the flyovers of the Jets and all that bullshit.

I'm trying to just watch a game.

I don't want to be reminded of all that.

And by the way, those Jets, most of them are not needed.

That's not about defense.

That's about defense contractors.

It actually makes us weaker, not stronger.

So why don't we leave it out of sports altogether?

I think you need to lighten up.

Honestly, I've been to those events, and I'll never forget being at the 2001 World Series, Game 7, between the Arizona Diamondbacks and the New York Yankees.

This was not long after September 11th.

Right.

And the B-1 bomber flew right over the stadium.

We were celebrating America.

We were honoring, Bill, the military men and women who defend us and put their lives on the line.

I will always cherish a single day

so that we can be free.

I've always cherished the moment when Ralph Reed told me to lighten up.

But here's another thing.

The police union in Santa Clara, which is where the 49ers practice, threatened to walk off the job.

They said what he did was creating a hostile work environment.

Now, they did show up for work.

The only people who didn't were the Rams.

But is that really where we are in America, where the police are threatening to not show up?

They do realize they work for us, don't they?

Do we have to all agree that all of them do their jobs perfectly before they show up?

What a bunch of oversensitive babies.

I don't think I characterizes most the police.

I just noticed the Wall Street or the New York Times had an editorial today by Bill Bratton, who is a very well-known and very well-respected leader in community policing and police reforms across the country.

He was here in Los Angeles.

He was in New York twice.

He's retiring today after a very long time, starting in Boston.

I mean,

these are

horrible exceptions, I think, to, for the most part, which is

the police unit.

There's a police unit.

And by the way, the national union.

And they're like, we're doing, like, we get better and better every generation, right?

And, like, let's not forget that, right?

Like, better at what?

Better at closer to fulfilling the ideal of the declaration.

Mostly, yeah.

We do.

And that's what's so extraordinary about the police.

The police union, by the way, the national one endorsed Trump today.

So if you want to really mend fences with the minority community,

one of the most moving things we've seen all year were the pictures of the Dallas police with the Black Lives Matters protesters before those horrible killings.

They were lined up with them, protecting them,

knowing that we have a right to protest.

Supporting their right to protest.

Healing is in truth-telling and coming together, not in shutting it down and saying, I won't protect them.

And the most salient point is, as offended as they were, they showed up and they did their job.

And I, for one, will say there are hundreds of thousands of men and women who make up the thin blue line that separate us

from those who would kill or

otherwise

pillage our families

and when lots of other people are are not doing their jobs they get up every day and they put their okay Ralph here's the last word to you Ralph I have to now go to New Rule everybody our austerity

okay New Rule now that Wells Fargo has been caught secretly creating fake accounts to defraud customers out of millions they may want to make their logo look less like a couple of bandits skipping town with everybody's money.

New rules, now that we know that the protesters at Dancing with the Stars who attacked Brian Lockheed did it because he embarrassed Americans, they have to tell me why they ran right by Rick Perry.

Rick Perry once had the same job as George W.

Bush and stood out as the dumb one.

He once led a stadium rally to pray for rain.

Ryan Lochte might be an idiot, but at least he can swim.

Rick Perry puts a speedo on over his head.

Neural, you have to admit that Florida's Ed and Fran Gargulia, who have been married for 52 years and coordinating their outfits every day, are just adorable.

The only thing that doesn't match is that Ed carries a wallet and Fran carries a purse where she keeps Ed's balls.

New rule, anyone sending around that viral water birth video and going on about how beautiful it is also has to watch the video taken the next morning when the pool guy arrives.

New Roll, someone must tell Donald Trump he met with the wrong oz.

Oh, I already did this joke.

Oh no, I didn't.

Oh no, go back.

Sorry.

He doesn't need a doctor.

He needs a brain.

Oh yeah, we did that.

He did that joke.

Yeah, fuck that.

It's good, though.

Next joke.

Still taking it.

Sorry, we're a little rusty.

New Rule,

whoever cropped this photo deserves the Congressional Medal of Honor.

because my eyes have seen a lot of things.

But if this is Donald Trump lovingly cupping Bill Clinton scrotum

while Bill pats him on the back, the libertarians are right.

We need a third party.

And finally, new rule: both candidates must sign a pledge that whoever loses the election in November, whether it's Hillary or whether it's Orange Hitler,

I play it fair and balanced,

the loser has to congratulate the winner and concede graciously.

Why?

Because civility is nearly dead in this country, and we need to return to some basic level of bipartisan decency and respect for our opponents.

Otherwise, we're going to wind up being governed by those good-for-nothing assholes on the other side.

You see, because I just...

As long as one person is there with me.

All right.

Now, you may not think that something as simple as congratulating your opponent should rise to the level of a campaign issue, but if you want to know why our country is so tense and our government doesn't work, it's because society functions on some basic rules of conduct and they're all going away.

It's why filibustering.

has become not a rare principled protest, but the everyday automatic cock blocking that defines government now.

Ted Cruz filibustered Obamacare for nearly a day by reading Green Eggs and Ham,

a book about how you might like something if you give it a chance.

It's why Republicans who claim to worship the Constitution can now just ignore their duty in filling a Supreme Court vacancy.

And speaking of the Supreme Court, which used to stay supremely out of partisan bickering, it's why Ruth Bader Ginsburg, yes, even sweet, scholarly, grandmotherly Ruth Bader Ginsburg, talked trash about Trump this year like she was in a rap battle.

Oh,

that man can bring out the worst in anyone.

But I have to tell you, Donald Trump didn't create this swamp.

He just rose from it.

He and Hillary, Hillary,

he and Hillary are the first two candidates in memory not to call and congratulate each other after they won their respective races.

Forever, that is what people did.

Even Al Gore called George W.

Bush after he lost, and he didn't even lose.

In the Senate, members used to refer to each other as my friend from the other side of the aisle.

They didn't mean it literally, of course.

No one actually thinks of Ted Cruz as a friend.

But you say it anyway.

It's like in a marriage.

Occasionally, to keep things functional, you have to tell little lies like, you're more handsome bald, or

I'm dying to hear about your day, or I love it that you only blow me on my birthday.

It makes it special.

But in politics, we've forgotten how to do that.

Lie, not blow each other.

We've still not ever done that.

Did it break down when we decided it was okay to say that the president was a Kenyan spy baby?

It didn't help.

Neither did when someone shouted out, you lie, at the State of the Union, and it's only gotten worse.

A Republican senator this year called Obama a drug dealer.

The governor of Maine left a voice message for one of his political opponents, calling him a socialist cocksucker.

Even within the party, they do it.

Alan Grayson lost a Democratic primary in Florida last month, refused to endorse the guy who beat him, and then called him a Republican.

Now, come on, call a guy a traitor or a cocksocker.

Not Republican.

I keep saying that this election is a referendum on decency.

It's a chance to reject the gutter and punish people who want to live there.

But right now, we are rewarding them.

The guy who said, you lie, The next day, donations poured into his coffers because now in America, when you act like an asshole, asshole you're a hero.

This is what parliament looks like on a bad day in the Ukraine.

And here's the Turkish parliament

and the one in South Korea

and the one in Nepal.

Yeah, we laugh at it, but that is where we're headed.

Because the real infectious disease that's threatening our election isn't pneumonia, it's a total lack of class.

This is supposed to be a democracy, not a bum fight.

Let's leave the eye gouging to the pageant moms and the hair-pulling to the Italians.

Just a little decency for old time's sake, so the neighbors don't think we're trash.

Because we haven't built that wall yet, and the Mexicans can hear everything.

All right, thank you.

That's our show.

I'll be at the Mirage

back in Vegas, September 30th and October 1st, and Foxwoods in Connecticut, October 22nd, and Madison Square Garden, November 5th.

I want to thank Adam Gopnik, Margaret Hoover, Ralph Reed, Kerry Washington, and Kellyanne Conway.

Join us now for overtime on YouTube.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.