Episode #395 (Originally aired 07/15/16)

This podcast is supported by Progressive, a leader in RV Insurance.

RVs are for sharing adventures with family, friends, and even your pets.

So, if you bring your cats and dogs along for the ride, you'll want Progressive RV Insurance.

They protect your cats and dogs like family by offering up to $1,000 in optional coverage for vet bills in case of an RV accident, making it a great companion for the responsible pet owner who loves to travel.

See Progressive's other benefits and more when you quote RV Insurance at progressive.com today.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, pet injuries, and additional coverage and subject to policy terms.

CRM was supposed to improve customer relationships.

Instead, it's shorthand for can't resolve much.

Which means you may have sunk a fortune into software that just bounces customer issues around but never actually solves them.

On the ServiceNow AI platform, CRM stands for something better.

With AI built into one platform, customers aren't mired in endless loops of automated indifference.

They get what they need when they need it.

Bad CRM was then.

This is ServiceNow.

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Please, please, please sit your ass down.

Thank you.

Thank you, please.

I appreciate it.

All right, all right, all right.

What did I do?

Thank you.

I, my God,

Jesus Christ.

What did I do?

I know.

I appreciate that very much.

I love you too.

Thank you.

I would let this go on all night.

Except there is so much news, really.

Some weeks there's not a lot of, there is so much, almost too much news.

I mean, my gosh, what has happened?

Racial unrest in this country, another terror attack in France, a coup that's going on in Turkey as we speak.

I didn't think I would make it through this week if I hadn't captured Pikachu.

I tell you, it's...

What?

What the fuck is this?

Pokemon...

Really?

It's not just that I'm old.

It's stupid.

It's just plain stupid, no matter how old you are.

You know,

right?

I read that it has been downloaded more times in a week than Tinder.

has been in all its four years of existence, which means Americans would rather catch Pokemons than fuck.

How sick is that?

And you know it's dangerous.

Senator Al Franken is saying it is collecting by the app too much personal information.

It knows somebody's email address, it knows your Google account, it knows your location, it knows you have no life.

I think I know the appeal.

People are just happy to be catching something with with their cell phones that is not police brutality.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rough couple of weeks.

Yesterday, President Obama met with police for four hours at the White House to discuss racial bias.

It did not go well.

He left in cuffs.

I'm telling you this.

And of course, the man who could make anything worse, Donald Trump,

really makes every story worse.

He's

whiny little bitch, thank you, that's right.

Hashtag whiny little bitch.

Well,

this is what the whiny little bitch said about this.

He said he could relate to black people in America because

during the primaries he also faced a rig system.

Same thing.

Also, his hair is a weave.

That's, you know,

and then

he tweeted Orange Lives Matter, which I thought was

ridiculous and unnecessary, but hey,

shh, sir, there's a live show going on.

Thank you so much.

The white people are yelling at the screen.

But this is his week.

His convention is coming up today.

He unveiled his vice presidential nominee.

You're going to love this guy.

Mike Pence.

Mike Pence.

Exciting, huh?

Mike Pence?

Yeah.

And nobody knows who this guy is.

So right away he told everybody the top three things about him.

He's got a list.

Christian.

Conservative, Republican, in that order.

He went back in that order.

Christian, conservative, Republican.

And then he said, if he goes anywhere where alcohol even might be served, he brings his wife.

So I guess there's a fourth thing on that list, pussy.

Oh, my friends.

Now, the people who did not get picked for Trump's VP, oh, tough day for them.

Gary Busey is inconsolable.

Inconsolable.

And Chris Christie is crushed.

Today his chair said, now you know how I feel.

Crushed.

But the convention is Monday, which we are going to cover.

I am so excited.

Not every day.

Well, not every day.

We tried for every day, but you know, Game of Thrones only makes $12 trillion.

So we're going to cover Wednesday, Thursday, and then our regular show on Friday, but that's enough.

Okay, so the convention, listen to this.

Trump released yesterday his list of the celebrity speakers.

It's a veritable who's who,

because when you hear the list, you go, who?

Who?

It shows what a carnival Barker con man Donald Trump really is.

For months, he's been talking about what a showman he is.

It's going to be a great convention.

I'm going to have all sorts of celebrity, a night of winners.

You know who the celebrities are?

Antonio Sabato Jr.

Natalie Gulbis,

the 363rd ranked lady golfer in the world.

And as of yesterday, Tim Tebow, who's not even in football, and he pulled out.

Cleveland has more celebrities when a convention isn't going on there.

Mostly who is going to to speak at this convention?

Trump's kids.

That's the whole show, is his kid.

The theme of the convention is a celebration of Trump's ejaculate.

Really?

I kid the Trump children.

Don't you love them?

Perfect, Ivanka and little Tiffany and Eric and Don Jr.

They're like the Montrap family.

From the sound of music, remember, if instead of running away from the Nazis, they joined them.

Now

this convention is so lame, they could not even get Sarah Palin to speak at it.

She was going to, but Wednesday is her meth night.

So that was that.

But I thought Trump was rich.

Can he just bribe somebody to come?

Shit, for 200 grand, you could get Hillary.

All right, we got a great show.

Elliot Spitzer, ST Cup, and Jelani Cobb are here, and a little letter we're speaking with Vigo Mortensen is with us tonight.

But first up, he is a GOB pollster.

Well, not just a GOP pollster.

He's the czar of changing people's minds with evil words.

Political strategy.

You'll be seeing him on CBS this morning this coming Monday.

He's evil, but he's our evil.

Dr.

Frank Luntz is over here.

Doctor,

doctor.

Great to see you, doctor.

Four years.

Now, Frank, are you really a doctor?

Yes, I have a D.Phil from Oxford University.

Really?

And I actually have one.

Really?

You're not like Reverend Al Sharpman?

You're actually a doctor?

Okay.

All right.

It was, I.

And you're wearing high-top sneakers of different colors.

Yes.

Frank, you're too old for that.

That's just not a good look.

Could I do some polling on those shoes?

The difference.

They suck.

Okay, those shoes are really bad, Frank.

Would anyone like them?

Yeah, well, don't take them.

Anyone like them?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

So, Frank, let's...

I need these.

I need these.

These are...

These are tough times.

Are they not?

Yeah, what do you mean?

I don't get it.

I look down at these and I realize that it looks like I'm colorblind, basically.

But I need this.

I need this to get through the day.

I don't know what you're talking about, Frank.

Our politics.

And more importantly, I don't care.

Let's talk about.

Let's talk about what you're, you know, you're the expert.

You're the guy who knows what's going on.

I saw all week it is now tied, Trump and Hillary 40-40.

Explain this to me.

How an insane racist in orange grease paint

can be tied with the former first lady,

valedictorian at Wesleyan,

Secretary of State, New York Senator, 40-40.

What is going on here, and who's the other 20?

The challenge for her, quite frankly, is she's not authentic.

She's not straightforward.

Bernie Sanders said what he meant, meant what he said.

Bernie Sanders should have been the Democratic nominee, not Harry Kennedy.

Well, you know, and

Bill, frankly, Bernie Sanders should have run as a third-party candidate.

And the reason why is that he has a clearly defined set of principles, he has a clearly defined set of ideas, and that Hillary Clinton is a corporate Democrat, and you would have had three distinctly different philosophies.

Well, and why not?

Okay, because he would lose, for sure.

You know, no third-party candidate has a chance in this country.

You don't think Mike Bloomberg could have won?

No, of course not.

Why not?

He was a great mayor of New York.

He was not a great mayor.

He was a great mayor.

He was very successful in New York.

Okay.

But he, no, no,

come on, Frank.

You're telling me a third-party candidate.

Here's the point.

40% of the people, the Republicans, are voting for Donald Trump, which shows you they will vote for anyone, anything with an R by the name.

They would vote for Jared from Subway.

And 40%.

And 40% are voting for Hillary Clinton.

Who the FBI director said

had engaged in nearly criminal activity.

He went to the United States.

No, he didn't say that.

What he said, Frank, was that no prosecutor would bring charges.

No, no, no.

Yeah, that's what he said.

You have a responsibility, honestly.

And he's a Republican.

And this is, and he serves a Democratic president, and he's done it well.

And he presented his evidence.

He didn't serve a Democratic president.

What did he think the Attorney General is?

Who appointed him, though?

He's the head of the FBI.

Who appointed him?

Obama.

Right, so he serves a Democratic president.

He serves.

I realize that you got the humor.

You got the advantage.

No, no.

But the fact is,

why are so many Americans so angry?

Why are so many Americans so angry?

Why are they so frustrated?

Because people like you elect Republicans.

Why are they pissed off?

What do you call...

That's funny.

The last time I looked, Barack Obama wasn't a Republican.

Yeah, and you're not mad at him.

He's got a rather high approval rating.

His approval rating is 50%.

Well, that's higher than Bush's and Reagan's was at this point.

Actually, no, that's not true.

Ronald Reagan's at 61% at this point.

When he left office?

And Barack Obama's at 50%.

Reagan left office at 61%.

At least get the facts right.

I don't remember that at all.

Look, Louis David Stroke.

Why are we so divided?

Why are we so angry?

Why do so many people feel Democrats feel that their voice isn't heard, feel that Wall Street doesn't represent them, feel that Washington doesn't represent them?

I've been going through the last three or four years.

You and I agree on so much, even though you don't want to admit it, even though though it's because it's good for laughing.

Maybe.

We agree on ISIS.

We agree that what happened in Nice is disgusting.

We agree that we need to fuck up these people who are screwing with Americans right now.

We need to defend our military.

We should speak up for our men and women in uniform.

And that in the end, this threat against us

by the form.

You don't agree that ISIS is a threat.

You don't agree that we have a problem with national security.

I'm not sure if I agree ISIS is a threat.

So let's do something.

Let's not just sit back.

We cannot be diplomatic.

We actually have to do something.

To answer your question, why people are so angry?

Mostly it's because they're ignorant.

Now, obviously, there are things.

I can't do that.

I think that's wrong.

Yes, I'm not going to sit and insult this country.

Well, I will.

I always have.

Yes, I know.

It's called real time.

I understand that.

People don't know what's going on.

Just because they don't have a degree from Oxford University doesn't make them ignorant.

People who come and sweep up this audience, when they all leave, the people who come and clean up this place, have just as much of a right to vote as you and I.

Stop it.

You don't agree with that.

That's right, Frank.

I'm against the people who clean up this place.

No, but those are the people.

Let's bring the straw man out here, shall we?

Frank, would you like the people?

The people who work the camera right there, your camera person sitting right there.

Yes.

As soon as the show's over, I take a shit right on them.

Don't you?

Because that's who I am.

I shit on the little people.

But that's how they feel.

And that is how they feel.

No, they don't.

Yes, they do, Bill.

You know what people think about this?

No, we'll bring you a focus group right here.

Here's the audience feels.

Here's a polling.

Here's some polling.

55% of Republicans think Barack Obama is sympathetic to terrorist groups like us.

And 79% of statistics are made up on the spot.

That's not a statistic.

That's polling.

So you're a pollster.

You don't believe that?

I don't believe that.

No.

Really?

No.

So now

you're just saying what you don't want to believe is not true.

I polled.

Because so many of the polling we get about Obama from Republicans, it's the same thing.

They believe he's a Muslim.

They believe he's from Kenya.

He's not legitimate.

Why don't you think 55% of Republicans in the last poll think Obama is sympathetic to ISIS?

I mean, for Christ's sake, that's what Trump says all the time.

My whole life is spent out with the American people.

My whole life is spent focus grouping and polling and interacting with them and listening to them.

And I'm not a humorist.

You're getting it.

I don't tell the jokes, but what I do hear.

I'm not telling jokes either.

But don't you see that these divisions, how serious it is?

That we have divisions between 25-year-olds and 55-year-olds.

We have divisions in terms of income.

We have divisions in terms of education.

And that we should be seeking ways to bring people together.

I don't understand why everything about this election is about pulling people apart.

I find it amusing that someone who works for Fox News and is a lifelong Republican.

I worked for CBS News.

As talking about

CBS News.

I said you were on it on Monday.

You'd never worked for Fox News?

I worked for Fox and CBS.

I worked for College.

Okay.

Once again, you're trying to demonize.

I'm not trying to demonize.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

No, no, no, no.

You're trying to get a laugh.

No, I'm trying to demonize.

That's demonizing, to say everything I say is not valid because I'm a comedian.

So go ahead.

Do your attack.

How come every time I speak, it's an attack?

What I was going to say is you're talking about bringing the country together.

Do you really think the Republican Party are the ones who have been bringing the country together in the last 20 to 30 years?

Both sides.

You really think Donald Trump, who wants to build a wall and deport 11 million people and a ban on Muslims, you think that is bringing people together?

I mean

you're a messenger from an odd party to be making this case.

It's interesting to me that you have tens of millions of people who've never voted Republican in their life.

That these are people who always identify with the Democratic Party because

they're working class.

They don't have much savings.

They don't have much income.

And they've always voted for every Democrat.

This is the first time

that they are voting for Democrats.

But what about Reagan Democrats?

40%.

Reagan got 40%, 39 to be specific.

So what's this bullshit about the first time?

This is the first time that a majority of the working class are actually going to vote Republican.

Well, we don't know.

It's not happened before.

You know this for a fact.

A majority of the working class is going to vote.

This is the first time.

This is is why because Trump.

Because Trump is losing upper-middle-class.

You think Trump's going to win?

No, I don't.

You want him to win.

What I'm on.

He said mean things about you.

I know that.

And you know it?

So have you.

I'm still on your show.

I know, but

who's going to win?

You're the man.

If the election is held today, Hillary Clinton would win by three points.

And it's not held today.

Tell me what the rules are in the debate.

If you tell me what the rules are, I'll tell you who wins.

No flinging your poop.

You're right, Frank.

I make jokes sometimes.

Well, thank you very much.

I wish I had more time.

Break lunch, everybody.

All right, let's meet up.

Yay, yay, yay.

Boy.

No, I will.

It actually did.

All right, he's the former Democratic governor of New York.

He's on our show.

Elliot Spitzer's here.

Hey.

He is a New York staff writer and correspondent for Frontline's Policing the Police episode, now available online.

Jelani Cobb.

Hey, Jelani, how are you doing?

And she's a CNN political commentator and nationally syndicated columnist.

We saw her grow up on this show.

S.C.

Cup is back with us.

All right, don't forget, we'll be covering the convention starting next Wednesday, so join us for that.

All four of our special convention episodes will be streamed live to the official RealTourtime YouTube channel.

And remember to send your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them on YouTube.

I thought Frank came off a little pissed tonight.

I thought he was a little pissed from the get-go, but we'll get to that later.

All right, so we are live.

I think a lot of people don't understand.

This show is live, live.

It is whatever time it is.

Every show says we're live.

They mean they're live.

They mean they're alive when they do it.

This is actually live.

I'm saying this because there's a coup going on in Turkey as we speak.

We're not sure.

It looks like the government, Erdogan's government, which I'm not, wouldn't be like the worst thing in the world if they knock that shit over,

looks like that's going to survive, but we don't know.

It's about 7.15 here and 10.15 on the East Coast.

We will give you updates as we have them.

But let's talk about our country.

While we were off, we had a lot of racial unrest, the two shootings that were on tape,

police shooting unarmed black people, and then the horrible shootings in Dallas.

And I must say, the shootings of policemen in Dallas, I totally do not condone.

I hope everyone agrees with that.

But I do kind of understand why at some point somebody would start shooting back.

I mean, how many videos can you watch before someone goes nuts about it?

You know, I think the thing that's interesting about that is that, one, we saw kind of in quick succession in Baton Rouge with Alton Sterling.

And then before people could even recover from that, we saw in Minnesota with Mr.

Castile.

And then in what was supposed to be a peaceful march in Dallas, that all happened.

And

what happened out of that was people were talking about Black Lives Matter was responsible.

Black Lives Matter encouraged this.

Rudolph Giuliani said the same sort of thing.

And then we had the memorial

in which two presidents, a vice president, a senator, all came to talk about how great these police officers were and how meaningful they were to their community.

And that was exactly what Black Lives Matter has been trying to establish: that there are people who are in their communities who are valuable, and that if someone is shot by the police, it doesn't mean we go through this kind of routine where we talk about everything that's wrong with them, we comb through any mistake they've ever made.

We're saying, irrespective of who these people are, they actually have value in our communities.

And I think that was a thing that we didn't really see.

We didn't really understand that in the midst of everything that happened that week.

You know, I think you make such a critically important point.

And

what I'm hoping is that the Black Lives Matter movement becomes a bigger movement about mass incarceration.

Because really that is the issue where everybody can agree.

When you look at how many African American males are in our prison system, that is the crime.

We are destroying an entire demographic of our society.

And so we need to do something about that.

And the

Black Lives Matter has highlighted that.

The Brennan Center has done amazing reports.

Back in 1999, it's ancient history.

When I say G, we did the first study on stop and frisk.

It was sort of the leading edge of what's going on here.

Republicans even agree.

I mean, you can rarely find Republicans, Democrats agree.

I mean, listen to your kind of opening tonight.

That was kind of a little harsh, right?

You can finally

have fun.

We had fun too.

But Republicans agree, because they don't want to pay for the prisons.

We see it through the prism of humanity.

Too many people in prison, and we are wasting our kids.

We've got to stop it.

Well, and

just to agree

on policy with everything that you guys just said, but to just touch on the politics, I thought what the president said at that memorial when he said, I am here to insist we are not as divided as it seems.

What planet is he living on?

We are incredibly divided.

Frank was just saying to me.

Yeah, but his prescription's wrong.

But the problem is

that we really agree on everything.

No, and the problem.

The reason that Trump is now the nominee is because for so long, so many elite politicians on both sides pretended everything was fine, and these cultural clashes were just these rumblings at the bottom instead of a sonic boom.

But isn't that the president's job to do that?

No, the president's job is to acknowledge the pain that people are feeling.

We are incredibly divided.

And to pretend we're not, I think, doesn't ring true.

So if Reagan had said that, you'd be like criticizing it too?

Well, no, but there were different problems at the time.

Our problems were overseas.

Our problems were with the Cold War, not each other.

And he's already gave the Malays speech, and that didn't do very well for him.

And also Barack Obama being an African-American, he can't really stand up and say, I'm the first black guy here, and everything's gone to hell.

Nor should he.

But to acknowledge that the country is divided.

I just think his speeches on race have been among the most beautiful speeches I've ever heard.

And

he threads the natives.

They're beautiful.

Can I ask this other question?

Because I don't hear a lot about this in the media, and I keep trying to raise it.

The way they got the shooter, sending in a a robot with a C4 bomb.

C4 is a weapon of war.

And in the media, they were just like, wow, this is cool.

We got a new toy.

Look at this, a robot.

Is this the new normal?

Is this what we should be doing?

Anytime there's a problem, we just send in a robot with a giant bomb?

I mean, it went okay this time, but I could see problems from this.

So, I mean, the police were always, you know, we're the bravest, we're the bravest, and they are brave.

Look, it is a tough job.

It's not in the top 10 of the most dangerous jobs.

They have statistics on that.

But you do need courage courage to do it.

But

the chief of police said, well, we have no choice.

It would endanger our officers if we did anything else.

But it is a job where you volunteered for, and it is supposed to be a little dangerous.

Is the only option when there's any danger?

Because that's the problem we have right now.

Cops shooting you when they're the least bit scared, before they even see the gun.

Used to be they had to see the gun.

Now they just saw a guy move.

So now we're just going to be sending in a robot with the bomb every time.

I disagree with you on this one.

I mean, mean, look, I'm troubled by our overuse of drones, which is the same thing.

Technology is making use of force antiseptic.

But the good news here is this guy had said that he had planted bombs.

He may have had a suicide vest on him.

In that context, I have, and I'd say, look, I was prosecuted for a lot of years.

I have no trouble.

Yeah, but yeah, but I have no trouble sending in a bomb on a robot saying this is a dangerous situation.

We can watch it in real time on a camera.

That doesn't bother me.

But with a codifier, because there were people on the left and the right for years saying we needed to codify the rules of engagement around drones, to which Obama said for many years, what drones?

What drone program?

No, he didn't say that.

Yes, he did.

Yes, he did.

And so finally, when we got him to acknowledge the drone program, we wanted the rules of engagement.

That still hasn't happened.

And that has to happen with this kind of technology.

I am with you, though.

If you want to put a cop in front of a cop killer before a robot, we're not speaking the same way.

Right, right.

But here's the other thing.

This all happened in the context of a debate about police use of force.

These protests were happening because of police, the way police were using conventional weapons, weapons that we've had for centuries.

And in the midst of this, this conflict is resolved by using a new technology that has kind of no protocols around it.

And could it not have been that they use this robot to deliver tear gas?

Because you certainly can't say that this is like, well, we haven't figured out what to do with the guns, but now we're going to go on to say that they're going to be able to get away from the game.

can I tell you something?

Proportionate force.

Proportionate force is a principle in international law, domestic law.

This was a context where this guy was picking off people.

I'm sorry.

I'm as liberal as you come on a lot of law enforcement issues.

This one didn't bother me.

All right.

So let me move on.

We do not have an update on Turkey yet, but I wanted to mention the horrible event that happened yesterday in Nice, France.

We're still getting information on that.

But Newt Gingrich's response, I guess he was trying to get onto the the Republican ticket at the last minute.

He said what we need to do is take the three million Muslims here in America and give them a test.

And if they believe in Sharia law, then we deport them.

Now, I don't think the problem in America is Muslims believing in Sharia law.

But then Newt said Sharia law is not compatible with Western values.

That part is true, right?

Sharia law, death for leaving the religion, death for insulting the religion.

I mean, it's different in different countries.

It varies.

I'm not going to say it's different.

But these are the basics.

Stoning to death for adultery.

A lot of death.

It's a theme.

It's a theme.

Yeah.

You know,

we kill you is the answer to a lot of problems.

Yeah.

And I say that, and I'm an American.

You know.

Amputation for theft, whipping if you miss Friday prayers or use alcohol.

Yeah, I do think some of this stuff is incompatible with Western values, and I don't think we should be shy about saying that.

100%, we shouldn't.

But can I just tell you on how many levels what Newt wants to do is asinine?

Oh, of course.

It's a multitude of levels.

For one, you can lie about your religion.

For another, what if you're an American citizen who's a Muslim?

Where are we getting deported to?

Where are those people going?

Plus, you go online and you check out a website for ISIS and it's a felony.

What do we do?

The Muslims who are here in America are here because they wanted to get away from Sharia law.

But there's also another piece of it.

We don't have tests about what people think.

We prosecute people if they do something criminal.

What you think is protected by the Constitution, Newt Gingrich doesn't get it.

But he's like the entire Trump campaign, right?

He is.

Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump are visceral screams of anger.

That's all they are.

They're emotive, and they stand for nothing useful.

But let me just tell you,

this is not the conservatism I was taught or that I ascribe to.

I believe in limited government.

What Newt wants to propose is rapidly expanding the size and the cost of government to create a police state that goes door to door to find out what mythological character you pray to at night.

What Donald Trump wants to propose is bringing back Operation Webback, which is the largest government program in history when it comes to immigration, to round up 11 million people.

There is nothing limited about their government, and there's nothing conservative about it either.

Right.

It's amazing that they, you know, when you think about

what kind of government force it would take to deport 11 million people,

to build a giant wall and to give a test to 3 million people because they are the party of small government.

Right, that's right.

Wink wing.

Right, right, right.

All right.

So now, back in May, we showed you this us magazine, 25 things you don't know about.

You all read these.

You know,

I did one of these once.

All people in show business have been subject to this.

You do 25 things you don't know about me.

And we showed you that Hillary, oh, some of the things are fascinating.

Like she said, Bill Clinton proposed to me twice before I said yes.

And that wasn't even about marriage.

She said,

number 13, I am always and will be a Beatles fan.

I also really love Adele because, of course, I'm not pantering to millennials at all when I say that.

So then we did the Ted Cruz edition.

We said they should do Ted Cruz next.

And he had ones like, mirrors don't show my reflection.

And

my nickname at Princeton was Fuckface.

And then we did the Bernie Sanders edition, where he said things like, Shea Guerrero used to wear a t-shirt with me on it.

And I combed my hair with a balloon.

So we were waiting until the eve of the Republican Convention to finally do 25 Things You Don't Know About Me, Donald Trump.

Would you like to hear?

Of course you would.

All right.

When I masturbate, my tiny hands make my penis look bigger.

I don't drink alcohol.

I cause others to drink alcohol.

Not only do I read the Bible, the book of Revelations mentions me by name.

Mar-a-Lago is Spanish for house of douche.

I saved the box Melania arrived in so I can return her when she turns 50.

I never actually believed Obama was born in Kenya because I thought the name of the country was Kanye.

Sometimes late at night, I worry that my obsessive self-aggrandizement and self-promotion are symptoms of inner weakness and a transparent childish impulse that everyone can see.

I worry they're laughing at how obvious it is that I'm an abandoned, frightened child swirling in a black emptiness.

But then I tweet shit about my poll numbers and I feel better.

I cry at movies because they're integrated.

The original name for Trump Tower was my big shiny penis building.

I like things made of gold more than every Persian combined.

I can peel a banana with my feet.

When I get bored around the office, I make Chris Christie dance around in a diaper.

So

let's bring on Viggo.

He is the star of the new film, Captain Fantastic, now playing in select cities.

Always been one of my favorite actors.

Vigo Mortensen.

Hello, sir.

Great pleasure to meet you.

Oh, what do you got there?

I have a little centerpiece.

Oh, look at you.

Isn't that nice?

That's for France.

Oh, how about that?

Good for you.

Yeah.

Ala Patria.

But you're Danish, right?

Well, I'm American, born in Manhattan, but of

Danish descent.

I thought maybe you were actual Danish-Danish and moved here maybe when you were a child, but no, you're an American.

I speak it, and I've played one on TV.

And what about the reputation of the Danes for being morose?

I guess we get that from Hamlet.

You don't seem morose.

They call them the

Italians of the North.

They're a little more gregarious, I would say.

In general, if they get drunk, it's to laugh and have a good time and tell jokes, whereas the neighbors in Sweden and Norway are maybe a little more suicidal about it.

Just a little bit.

Suicidal about it.

Okay.

So listen, I saw this movie of yours and I really wanted to have you on to do this.

I know you don't do a lot of promotion, so I really appreciate you doing this show.

Thank you.

But I must tell you, I judge actors mostly, not by the acting, but by the scripts they pick.

And I've always been a fan of yours because I think you pick good material.

I agree.

Stuff like Eastern Promises and the history of violence and A Walk on the Moon.

I love that movie.

Well, I try to do movies that I'd like to go see.

I know that's subjective.

Right.

And it takes a while to try try to get them made, make them and then promote them.

And

I'd rather see something ten years from now that I did and not be embarrassed, not say, well I obviously didn't do that for any other reason than to make some money or

travel or something.

Yeah, stories.

I like to

make stories that I'd like to see.

This one you seemed especially comfortable in because I don't know if people know what the story is and I don't want to give most of it away, but it is about a guy who's raising six kids, to say the least, off the grid.

Yeah, very much.

He does not want them to be tainted, and I'm so sympathetic to this

by so many of the things in America that are unsavory.

Well, no subjects off the table with the kids.

Even the six-year-old, we talk about sex and death and everything.

And he doesn't shield them.

So it's sort of like the show.

There's a lot of quibbling, but people are at the same table and they're face-to-face.

This is a

pretty good quibble you guys are having tonight.

A A wee quibble.

Nice.

We quibble professionally.

No, but seriously, it is better.

You're not hiding in your blogs and speaking just to your faithful

converts.

That doesn't really get us anywhere.

I think that the whole, I mean, you guys have been talking about this in many ways, but the way the things are going with the presidential campaign, the endless campaigning, and how the media fans

that polarization in society, it's not just manufacturer.

I think it does reflect something that's going on in society right now.

People are not speaking.

We have more means at our disposable

to communicate, to find out what's going on, to listen to other points of view.

But I think listening is really important and there's not a lot of that going on anywhere right now.

Well

it's good to have ideas, but let's, you know, it's okay to take a minute and just hear what someone else says before you attack them.

But I think people

really kind of ruin all the fun.

But I think even before that, people have to have basic information.

I think that's a deeper problem.

I think they're willing to listen.

I just don't think they know anything.

Well, the kids in this movie, you know, I have six kids.

Right.

Whether the six-year-old or the 17-year-old, they can speak several languages.

They've made an effort to do that.

And they're homeschooled in the woods.

And they don't just talk about the Constitution being violated.

They can actually enumerate what it's about in their own words, as you see in the movie.

I mean, there's a lot of humor that's involved when they come up against

people that are maybe less,

make less of an effort to inform themselves.

And there's some humor in there, but it's organic.

Well, he doesn't want his kids to be bratty, materialistic, religious, eat crap.

And the only way I think you could do that is by living out in the woods.

But

why it's such an interesting movie is because at a certain point, you know, you're with this guy and then one of the older son is like, Dad, you made me a freak.

I don't know what Star Trek is.

I can't talk to a girl.

The only thing he knows is from books.

It's from books.

Yeah, that's true.

And you kind of feel sorry for the kid who's going to have to at some point go into the world.

Well, there's no such thing as a perfect dad.

No.

Or a perfect marriage or a perfect democracy.

And they're not static things.

Oh, we have a nice family.

We have a democratic system.

It's not a static thing.

It's something you've got to work at.

And that's kind of a pain in the ass sometimes because you wake up the next day and go, oh, it's not working now.

What do we do?

We have to talk.

We have to communicate.

And the movie, it's not political in any way, but it does address that issue.

Well, it is.

What happens when you don't communicate?

Well, I would argue that.

I think it is political.

I think it's very tricky to put politics in a movie in a way that isn't clumsy, but this one does.

It is not clumsy at all.

Because it comes out of who these characters are.

But to your point about how nothing is perfect and we can't find perfection, I think Hillary Clinton would be interested to hear that because

I hear this a lot from liberals, like it's, oh, well, you know, if a ship went down with Trump and Hillary on it, who would be saved?

The country.

And,

you know,

which I think is very lazy.

You know, she's not my favorite.

I've always said that, not my favorite.

But this idea that Hillary Clinton is the ultimate holding your nose candidate is just not what squares with my knowledge of Hillary Clinton.

Is she perfect?

No.

No.

And

that is the...

That is the kind of tepid golf course applause that is going to elect President Donald Lincoln aid Trump.

It's a very thoughtful statement, so they're thinking about it.

It's a thoughtful statement.

But I mean, I know you're a lefty.

I mean, you were for Bernie.

Yes, I was.

But you think even he is probably not quite left enough in certain areas.

Nobody's perfect.

Nobody's perfect.

Nobody's perfect.

And in this story, I play a dad.

It's called Captain Fantastic, which you could put a question mark at the end.

It's what does that mean?

It could be perfect dad.

There is no such thing.

But to make an effort, to have

a perfect family situation or family model, a perfect democracy, democracy.

There's nothing wrong with that.

You're going to make mistakes if you don't try as a parent, if you just farm your kids off to their

iPads and come and go as you please, eat what you want.

I don't care what you're doing in school.

I'm not going to ask you.

I don't want you to be mad.

I want to be your friend.

I want you to think I'm cool.

They're probably going to love it.

But then when they grow up and somebody says, What was your dad like?

They'll probably say, My dad, I guess he was all right.

I mean, I didn't see him much.

Whereas if you're the kind of,

let's put,

one thing I agree, as crazy as the character can be at times,

is

I feel I've been this kind of dad too, sometimes not, but I've tried to.

Not be a

no, because I said so dad, and this goes for politicians too, I think.

Be a, well, I don't think so, and let me tell you why, in an informed way.

And if you have a counterargument, I'd like to hear it.

There's not enough of that going on.

And, you know, things that just, people just throw out because they have to.

They have to just attack, attack.

Obama's speech in Dallas was one of the most remarkable speeches I've heard,

considering what's going on.

And

to pick it apart and say that he's unfair to cops in that speech, I think, is asinine.

And I'm not a big fan of his, especially about his foreign policy and other things.

I think he

made a lot of promises that he had a hard time keeping, but a lot of promises that he had no intention of keeping.

That being said, I think that

when I was watching him speak, I thought, I was imagining, could Trump do that?

Absolutely not.

Could Hillary do it in a way that I believed it was heartfelt and that it was really, the statements were profound and balanced, considering the audience he was speaking to and the national audience he was speaking to?

I don't think so.

That doesn't mean she's not fit for the job.

I just thought it was an extraordinary speech.

And I thought that everybody that spoke did an amazing job.

Even George W.

Bush, I thought.

Really?

I thought he did really well.

I did.

Wow.

I did.

You're a bigger man than I.

So I mentioned this on some shows on this week, that some Bernie supporters.

And the chief of police was amazing.

He's a poet.

I mean, he was like a

poet.

He quoted Stevie Wonder, and he's a poet.

He said,

a Bernie supporter, Bernie came on board, if you didn't find out, finally this week he decided to get on the bandwagon

with

Hillary.

And a Bernie supporter, a lot of them are upset about this.

The conspiracy against Bernie is so far-reaching, even Bernie's in on it, apparently.

And he said, convince me to vote without using Trump in the sentence.

And I said, but Trump is in the sentence.

And maybe I could convince you to vote, not that I really should have to convince you, it's your life, by just telling you what's in some of the platforms, because we're coming up to convention time.

Just, for one, Democrats want to decriminalize weed and Republicans.

I smoke weed, do you?

You do?

Yeah.

Good man.

Okay.

Don't trust anybody who doesn't.

And Republicans want to recriminalize porn.

Republicans said coal is clean energy, not clean energy in the future.

They were just living in Orwellian world where they're just saying coal is clean energy.

I don't need to hear anything more than that to cast my ballot for Hillary Clinton.

I don't.

Look, it used to be, if you went back to the platforms 15, 20 years ago, you would see actually a lot of overlap between them because there was a middle in the politics of this country.

The Venn diagram is kind of like this.

These days the Republican platform is here, the Democratic platform is here.

Look, Bill, I'm with you.

I'm in the Democratic corner,

you know, 100%.

The Republican platform is crazy.

Only Mike Pence could like it.

I mean, this is a completely insane socially, politically, economically, it's nuts.

It's like 30 years ago.

Do you think we'll ever have a system, ever have a system that's not all or nothing,

where there could legitimately be various parties, like a parliamentary kind of system.

Would we think that'll ever happen?

Well, no, because we would have to change the Constitution and half the country thinks the Constitution was personally delivered by Jesus.

Let's talk about Mike Pence.

I almost forgot about Mike Pence.

Trump announced on Twitter, Mike Pence is his vice presidential choice.

I first heard about this guy a couple of years ago when he came out for religious freedom laws.

These are the laws that allow restaurants not to feed gay people as Jesus would have wanted.

He hates all the right things.

He's a total climate denier, climate change denier, that's not happening, really bad on abortion, hates the poor, and super...

Super hates gay people.

He is for gay conversion therapy, you know, where you pray away the gay, because that works.

He says kids from

a heterosexual family with two heterosexual parents come out healthier and more stable, like the healthy, stable guy at the top of the ticket.

And against gay marriage, against don't ask, don't tell in the military.

He's gay, right?

I mean,

nobody who is this anti-gay is ever.

Oh.

And he's a former Catholic, and that wasn't repressive enough, so he became an evangelical Christian.

And he's owned and operated by the Koch brothers.

What do you think of him?

Well, with that said up,

he's, I know Mike Pence.

I've interviewed Mike Pence at length.

He's a very good person and, frankly,

surprisingly credible pick for Donald Trump.

I'm surprised Donald Trump was able to get

as credible and credibly conservative.

His kids

are running the show.

Well, that's right.

They're the only ones who will tell him, here's what you need.

They're his dick.

Cheney, this is scary.

This is so third world.

Talk about red flags.

This is such a red flag.

But this is so banana republic when your kids, Uday and Kusay, come.

Oh, Jesus.

I know the kids.

The kids are really great.

The kids are not really great.

They are really, really good people.

One of them is an asshole who shoots lions in Africa.

They're not really great.

He's not an asshole.

They're great.

Oh, they're not great.

Oh, stop.

They're great.

The problem with Mike Pence.

But we're electing him.

Let's not be kid ourselves.

We're electing the Trump kids.

Let me just say

the problem with Mike Pence

is that no one votes for the guy on the bottom of the ticket.

And no one could make Trump a stable candidate suddenly.

I mean, ask a woman if she's going to marry an asshole just because she likes his older brother.

I mean, that doesn't happen.

So it doesn't matter what you think of Mike Pence.

You're voting for Donald Donald Trump.

And no matter what, Jesus couldn't come in on this ticket and make him a stable candidate.

But it's still, I mean, it's still

Trump doing something that you hadn't anticipated him doing, which is that he's going in the direction of trying to court evangelical voters, or at least going to giving a nod to the Republican establishment after he attacked basically everyone in the Republican hierarchy.

This is him kind of trying to at least develop some sort of rapport with them.

But it's his kids, you know, pushing him in that way.

And then there's also the rumor that he was trying to unload pence, and that was why he didn't want to announce him and he postponed it.

He's so organized.

I think it comes back to something you said before, which is people don't know anything.

Donald Trump, Donald Trump,

Donald Trump doesn't know anything.

And I think there's nothing.

Not even about money.

One thing he said gross to know about.

I totally agree, and I think his net worth is grossly overstated.

That's a separate issue.

He doesn't know anything.

My dad had a meeting with him many years ago.

We're in the same business.

We would never deal with him, forget it, no way.

But my dad said about Trump after the meeting, he meeting Trump, has not read a book in 20 years.

This is a guy who doesn't have intellectual curiosity, doesn't know anything about foreign policy, economics, the basics of the policy arenas where the president makes decisions.

And that's why he gives his kids all the decisions.

Sounds like it's a good idea.

So the average American has not read a book in the last year either.

All right, thank you, panel.

It's time for a new rules, everybody.

New rules.

All right.

Near all, stop saying George Bush was drunk during this week's memorial service in Dallas.

So what?

He was laughing and dancing during what was supposed to be a somber event.

And he kept calling Michelle Obama Serena.

Maybe he was overcome by the Holy Spirit, or maybe he thought he was at a wedding.

It wouldn't be the first time he invaded the wrong place.

Neural, now that for the first time in 30 years a Spanish bullfighter has been gored to death in the ring,

instead of mourning the Torreador, how about congratulating the bull?

He's broken a 30-year losing streak.

The least he deserves is an endorsement deal with Red Bull.

New rules, if we want foreigners to stop hating us, we have to stop making movies where Jason Bourne runs through their cities and knocks them down.

You're not the spy who loved me, you're the asshole who made me pour curry down my pants.

Maybe even you don't know your identity, but I'm pretty sure you're from New York.

Neural, I don't know what Adobe Flash Player really is, but after all these years, if it still needs to be updated this often, it sucks.

Neural, the makers of Tiny House World, Tiny House Hunting, Tiny House Builders, and Tiny House Nation have to get together with the producers of the biggest loser and make a show called, Does This House Make Me Look Fat?

And finally, New Rule to make America great again, we must build a wall, but not a wall on the border.

No, the wall we need to build is between our work life and our home life.

And we better do it soon, because our choices for president are a guy whose catchphrase is, you're fired, and a woman whose husband made the interns blow them.

So I just got back from a week off, and I was amazed at the number of people I saw who couldn't leave their work at work.

They're on their laptops at the airport and on their iPads at the beach.

Some are even on their secretaries at the hotel.

But the beach shouldn't be a place to catch up on invoices.

There used to be some separation here.

You'd go to work and do what you'd do to make a living, and then you'd come home and and do the living part.

That's why when the horn sounded, Fred Flintstone yelled Yabba-dabba-doo.

But in the United States of always on the clock, there's no more disconnecting from the workplace because the workplace is in your pocket.

I see parents telling their kids, put the phone down, you're missing out on life.

But at least your kid is using the phone to have sex with strangers.

You're using it to go over sales figures.

81% of American workers say they conduct work outside of work hours, and 10%

say they've checked their email during sex.

Was it good for you, honey?

Yeah, I cleared out my inbox.

You know,

there used to be this concept called out-of-pocket.

Your time off was just that, off.

And if your boss needed something, he had to wait till the next day until he saw you.

Taking your work home with you meant you stole office supplies.

But now no one wants to unplug because they know that anytime you're not available, someone else will be probably that intern who's eyeballing your job and who's planning to get it by using a strategy called having no life.

I used to think tech firms were cool because all those workplace perks they offered, you know, Facebook has a gym and a dry cleaner's and a doctor's office and if you work at Google, you get free massages and they have a barbershop and a bank and rock climbing walls, everything but a stripper pole.

You can even bring your dog to work, but then if you didn't bring your dog to work, it would die because you're always at work.

That's why they provide meals and laundry service and bunk rooms.

These aren't perks, they're Google's way of saying you live here now.

Oh.

Oh, look, they gave us a ping-pong table.

Yeah, and I once gave my hamster a wheel.

And my turtle had a little plastic island with a palm tree on it, but it didn't make it a worker's paradise.

If you have this thing, which is called a schnapp, it's a hammock that fits under your desk,

it means your boss owns you.

The same goes for the wearable futon, air mat,

and the full head desk pillow.

Those are real.

The State Department prints on its website a list of ways to tell if you're a victim of human trafficking.

And the top three are living with an employer,

inability to speak alone, and answers appear scripted and rehearsed.

If that's you, you may be an intern in corporate America

or

worse, dating Taylor Swift.

But here is something hopeful about this.

France.

Hey, perfect.

France just passed a law this year that asserts that workers have a right to, quote, disconnect.

They actually wrote a law that makes companies...

They wrote a law that makes companies set aside hours when employers aren't allowed to email you because Europeans have lives first and then go to work.

Here, we can't enjoy our personal lives without the boss sticking his nose in.

And if you work at Fox News, it might be more than his nose he's sticking in.

But if the Democrats are serious about winning back the middle-class voter, here is your issue.

No email on the weekends.

I have a feeling even Hillary could get behind that one.

All right, that's our show.

I'll be at the Mirage in Vegas July 22nd and 23rd.

And don't forget, we'll be covering the conventions next week, so join us for that.

I want to thank Elliot Smither, Jalati Kob, SE Cobb, Vigo Mortensen, and Frank Luntz.

Join us for overtime on YouTube.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.