Bonus Bill (Originally aired 07/01/16)

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Now it's time for Real Time 2.0.

Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Thank you very much.

Oh, please.

Please.

Thank you.

Well, it was a sad week, but there's some very good news.

Donald Trump's poll numbers are tanking.

That's right.

The pundits are analyzing this.

They say a lot of it is the primary limelight is over.

That has died down.

Hillary Clinton has seemed to have found her voice now.

And also, most important, he's Donald Trump.

He's got...

He's got 70% of the country finds him unfavorable.

Unfavorable to 56% strongly unfavorable.

He comes in somewhere between the Zika virus and getting your dick caught in your fly.

But yeah, before Democrats get too smug, realize 75% of white men do not like Hillary Clinton.

But you know who likes Hillary Clinton?

Black men.

89%.

Almost nine out of ten black men like Hillary Clinton.

Well, she's a rich white lady with a big ass

who will let you get some on the side.

So I mean it's

but

the other main reason I think why Trump is tanking is because we had a tragedy and the response from everybody on the political spectrum was completely predictable.

Republicans talked about the need to use the words radical Islam more.

Democrats talked about gun control.

Trump talked about himself.

Yeah, he tweeted after the tragedy in Orlando: appreciate the congrats for being right on radical Islamic terrorism.

And that's what you want to hear at a moment of national tragedy.

Nailed it!

He also called for vigilance.

He said his face will remain on alert-level orange.

But Republicans, the other people in the party, they are starting to really back away slowly.

They are refusing to comment on him.

He's gone from, well, Donald Trump, he's a loose cannon, to, cannon, I don't see a cannon.

What cannon?

They wouldn't even talk about him until after the election.

Trump told Republicans, if you don't back me, I'll just do it myself.

It's like on one of those drug intervention shows

where the meth head goes, piss off, I don't need any of you.

But the Washington Post now has been banned from Donald Trump from his whole orbit.

He will not talk to them.

Now, I know it's a dangerous world where we need a president who can stand up to newspapers, but

let me get this straight.

The Washington Post, their punishment is they don't get to talk to Donald Trump.

Donald Trump is also, by the way, if you're keeping a list, besides the Washington Post, has banned Gawker, BuzzFeed, Politico, Fusion, Univision, Mother Jones, The Daily Beast, and the Huffington Post.

I know that sounds short-sighted, but just remember his fans don't read.

Now,

some big event happened in Washington this week.

Chris Murphy is a senator from Connecticut.

He did a 15-hour filibuster calling for a vote for responsible gun legislation.

Republicans were outraged.

They called it disgraceful, bordering on problem solving.

Now the legislation would want to expand background checks at gun shows to help weed out unstable people, you know, like everyone who goes to a gun show.

And also

make it so that we wouldn't be selling guns to people on the terrorist watch list.

Now the NRA says, yeah, but those watch lists, once you're on that list, list, it's impossible to get off.

And they have a point.

You know, I once bought a sex toy, I still get the catalogs 15 years later.

But I tell you, that shooting really puts things in perspective.

Maybe we should be less worried about someone in the ladies' room with a penis and more worried about someone in the ladies' room with a gun.

All right, what's that?

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