Bonus Bill (Originally aired 06/10/16)

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Now it's time for Real Time 2.0.

Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

How you doing?

Thank you very much.

Hot Crowdville.

What a week.

We have made history, ladies and gentlemen.

Made history.

That's right.

To be the first female presidential nominee of a major political party.

That's right.

America is fully ready to enter the 19th century, isn't it?

How about a hand for us?

Pat ourselves on the back.

Trump said it's not fair.

Just not fair.

He said, if you think a Mexican judge hates me, imagine women.

Now, I think it would have been great if Bernie Sanders was the nominee.

And then the president.

For one thing, we'd have a president who would come on this show, so that would be great.

But Bernie fans, I want to try to help you a little bit, take you down.

Think of it this way.

You want a soy latte,

but Starbucks is closed.

So you can either go to the coffee bean or drink your own urine.

That's your choice.

But no, actually, you know, it's scary because there has never been a Democratic nominee with higher negatives.

It's kind of like the slasher movie where Donald Trump has chased us into the kitchen.

and we reach into the knife drawer and pull out a napkin.

I mean,

that is my concern with Hillary Clinton.

But what a matchup.

The wife of a former president will face a man who had inherited a family fortune.

Take that, work.

Now,

Bernie Sanders taking a lot of flack today because he lost pretty pretty badly here on Tuesday night in California.

You know, no love there for Hillary and her historic accomplishment.

He barely acknowledged her, and she gets enough of that at home from Bill.

No, but I mean Trump has had a bad couple of weeks.

There's such a backlash about his stuff with this Mexican-American judge that he says he's not been able to stay on message.

So in the last couple of days

So in the last couple of days, you know, he's been very quiet.

I don't think he's actually been quiet.

I don't think he can do that.

I think he's yelling racial slurs into a paper bag

and insulting Mexicans on MySpace.

But no, it's so funny of all the crazy, horrible shit he said, this thing with the Mexican-American judge, this is proving his Waterloo.

You know, he's trying to defend his Trump University.

He says, Trump University, it was totally in keeping with the Trump brand.

Yes, a complete fraud that went bankrupt.

Exactly.

Totally in keeping.

He says he's trying to make sense, you know, as we all are, of his position here.

I don't get it because he says, you know, Hispanics love me and they're going to vote for me, but somehow a Mexican judge is not fit to judge me because they hate my guts.

And

he was on Jake Tapper, and he was trying to, you know, explain himself.

And Jake, a nice guy, he's trying to give Trump an out he says to him well Don it sounds a little racist and Trump says only a little let me try again

yeah

Trump said yesterday he said you know Republicans who are upset about me over this they need to get over it

says the guy who took me all the way to court for making a joke about his father being an orangutan

Just get over it

And you know, you almost feel sorry, not really, for the rest of the Republicans because they have to work with this guy now.

And like Paul Ryan, the head of the party, he said what Trump said about the Mexican judge.

He said, was textbook definition of a racist comment.

He said, it's absolutely unacceptable and absolutely disavowed, and I'm voting for him.

Where is the logic there?

It's like, waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

Leave it.

So,

not to pile on the Republicans, but this was

kind of interesting.

There was a bill introduced, a resolution in the House yesterday to recognize Muhammad Ali for his extraordinary life and contributions.

And

only one Republican wanted to sign on to that, yeah, because he refused to fight in Vietnam.

So you can't get a House resolution if you've done that.

You can be the nominee of the party, but you can't be.

And finally, congratulations to Bristol Palin.

She married the father of her second baby.

A hastily arranged marriage during an election year.

A Palin family tradition.

All right, thank you very much.

It sounds like a great crowd.

And

we got more.

New episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to hbo.com.