Episode #375 (Originally aired 1/29/16)

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Today for more.

Speaker 3 Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Maher. Start the clock.

Speaker 4 Good afternoon. Afternoon, time will be

Speaker 5 real

Speaker 5 Thank you, Bob. How are you?

Speaker 5 Please, please, thank you. You're so kind.

Speaker 6 Mike, look at this crowd. What a crowd.

Speaker 6 That's right.

Speaker 7 You're here. I'm here.

Speaker 7 You're happy.

Speaker 9 I love it that they're always happy. I think I know why you're happy tonight.
I say that every week, but

Speaker 9 23 years, you'd think they'd catch on by now.

Speaker 9 But I know why, because the Republicans had a debate last night, and at their usual sausage party,

Speaker 9 they were missing the biggest sausage.

Speaker 10 That's right.

Speaker 11 Donald Trump, oh,

Speaker 9 Donald Trump skipped skipped the debate. It was like a Seinfeld episode without Kramer.

Speaker 6 It just didn't work.

Speaker 9 Before the debate, they had a PA announcement. The guy said, the role of asshole tonight will be

Speaker 9 played by Chris Christie. And,

Speaker 9 you know, Chris Christie loved this. They all did, I guess, but Christie actually said it out loud.
He said, good, more time for me.

Speaker 9 And more food in the green room. He's a large man.

Speaker 9 But no, actually, Donald Trump is across town. He held an event to compete with the debate, a charity for wounded warriors.

Speaker 9 Because who better to celebrate our soldiers who have faced bombs and bullets than the guy who ran away in terror from Megan Kelly?

Speaker 9 So,

Speaker 13 no, that's...

Speaker 9 That's why Trump boycotted the debate, you know that, because Megan Kelly was mean to him. And you know what?

Speaker 9 I think we can all sympathize here, that it is almost impossible for a Republican to get a fair hearing on Fox.

Speaker 9 What is going on with Trump and Megan Kelly? Did she borrow one of his wigs and not return it?

Speaker 9 I mean, this is a full-on feud now with Trump and Fox.

Speaker 9 They were trying to embarrass him. They considered going with an empty podium.
And then they remembered they have Jeb Bush.

Speaker 9 And you know what, Jeb Bush, exactly.

Speaker 16 It was boring, that debate.

Speaker 18 I wish Trump hadn't pulled out.

Speaker 9 And his father had.

Speaker 8 Oh, I kidded Trump.

Speaker 8 But

Speaker 9 it doesn't matter what Trump does. His supporters love him to the end.
He is in a magical place with the people who follow him. He could lock himself in a port-a-potty,

Speaker 9 knock it over trying to get out,

Speaker 9 crawl out covered in piss and toilet paper, and they'd go, see,

Speaker 9 Romney never did that.

Speaker 6 That's awesome.

Speaker 9 No, he's taking over the party.

Speaker 18 He is.

Speaker 9 He probably already has. He's beaten the establishment.
He's beating Fox News. Watch out, Jesus.
You could be next.

Speaker 8 Well,

Speaker 9 speaking of right-wingers, it looks like that rebellion in Oregon, the militia guys who took over the federal building is over, the rebels

Speaker 9 were arrested at a traffic stop. You know,

Speaker 9 how serious can your movement be if it can fit in one car

Speaker 9 and you get caught on a beer run? This just...

Speaker 9 Okay, now,

Speaker 9 we signed that deal with Iran this year.

Speaker 10 Great.

Speaker 9 They're selling shit now to the world. They're buying shit.
This is good.

Speaker 6 We're going to talk to people who used to be enemies.

Speaker 9 When people sell each other shit, they usually don't go to war. But, okay, there are limits.
The Iranian president was in Italy this week, first time in 17 years. Again, good news.
But listen to this.

Speaker 9 At a press conference at Rome's Capitol Line Museum, they covered all the statues that showed bare breasts. You know what? When in Rome, you really should remember the phrase, when in Rome.

Speaker 10 Thank you.

Speaker 12 True.

Speaker 9 And not only that, at the museum in the Asian wing,

Speaker 9 they covered up the whole Wang dynasty.

Speaker 8 I mean, this is out of hand.

Speaker 9 And then

Speaker 9 the next day, President Rouhani of Iran was in France and canceled a lunch because the Iranians insisted no wine be served.

Speaker 9 I don't know what is a bigger insult, telling the French you don't like their wine or the Italians that you're not into tits. That is a.

Speaker 9 And finally,

Speaker 9 oh boy, talk about tone death.

Speaker 9 In the year when we're all talking about how the Oscars are too white, they have cast Joseph Fiennes, a white actor to play Michael Jackson in a movie.

Speaker 9 How dare they change Michael Jackson's skin color? Who do they think they are?

Speaker 6 Michael Jackson?

Speaker 9 All right, we got a great show. Kristen Saltis Anderson is here.

Speaker 9 Tom Hartman, Trey Rittell. Thank you, sir.
And a little later, we'll be speaking with filmmaker Adam McKay.

Speaker 9 But first up, my first guest is a doctor and researcher who recently treated Charlie Sheen with his alternative AIDS treatment. Here is a little bit of Charlie and Dr.

Speaker 9 Oz discussing the results of that treatment two weeks ago.

Speaker 9 Explain what you saw that was encouraging. That

Speaker 18 off of

Speaker 19 the med cocktail,

Speaker 19 that the eye was

Speaker 19 undetectable.

Speaker 9 HIV titers were not detectable.

Speaker 19 And it stayed that way.

Speaker 9 Please welcome Dr. Sam Chichua.

Speaker 15 Doctor, how you doing?

Speaker 17 Do you do, Dr.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 15 All right. So,

Speaker 9 Chichu, I said that right? Okay, all right. I'm going to call you Dr.
Sam because that's a tough name.

Speaker 9 But

Speaker 9 I watched that

Speaker 9 Dr. Oz episode a few times, and they just kind of leave it hanging there.
If you brought Chart, now you were in Mexico with him, right? Yes. For how long?

Speaker 20 A better part of a couple of months.

Speaker 9 A couple of months he was down there. Okay.
On and off. Okay, so

Speaker 9 if he says, as he did, it was undetectable and it stayed, then why did he go back on the

Speaker 9 traditional cocktail? And what was his condition when you met him?

Speaker 20 Quite frankly, he was dying when I met him. Charlie had severe encephalitis.
He couldn't stand in the daylight.

Speaker 20 His house was like the bat cave, all the shades drawn in, dark glasses.

Speaker 12 That's because of the hookers.

Speaker 20 He had severe liver failure from the medication and the alcohol, probably.

Speaker 20 And he was incontinent. He was just in a horrible depressed way.

Speaker 20 And as soon as I saw him, I had to fix the liver failure. I had to

Speaker 20 try and clear the encephalitis which was killing him. And I managed to do that.
In fact, within a few hours of the first treatment, Charlie was running, throwing ball. He was out in the daylight.

Speaker 20 He felt fantastic. He felt like a fog had lifted off him.
And it wasn't just Charlie's words. All the tests from Cedar Sinai came back showing that even though, you know...

Speaker 9 Right, I've seen those, you know, I've seen footage of him. He showed a lot of stuff when you were in Mexico together.

Speaker 20 When he was on the incredibly powerful medical cocktails, he still showed virus.

Speaker 20 As soon as he started my treatment, he became non-communicated.

Speaker 9 Okay, so what is in your magic potion?

Speaker 9 And how did you discover it?

Speaker 20 As a researcher, the easiest way to find a cure for something or a treatment is to look for where the disease should be but isn't. And I found a place in Mexico.

Speaker 9 Should be but isn't.

Speaker 20 So I found a place in Mexico with all the IV drug users,

Speaker 20 prostitutes, all the high-profile things that are necessary for AIDS, but I didn't find AIDS.

Speaker 9 But you found Charlie.

Speaker 9 Last Charlie Sheen, Joe. Okay.

Speaker 20 What I found was that people there were drinking

Speaker 20 milk from goats which had arthritis.

Speaker 20 These goats have a virus called CAEV, and this virus destroys HIV and protects people who drink it for life.

Speaker 21 Wow.

Speaker 9 So, okay, so why do only you know this?

Speaker 20 I don't. And the good thing about the internet now, you can look and see a lot of researchers did follow on my work, but they never carried it through.
In fact, Cedars and UCLA came courting me.

Speaker 20 They asked me to help them bring this out to the world. They tested my work.
They described it in the mid-90s. They tested my work.
They found it exciting, profound, more than 99% effective.

Speaker 20 Then they published it as their own and buried it.

Speaker 21 Right. I saw an

Speaker 9 KNBC news report on this. It's the equality is a little bad because it is 20 years ago, but look at it and this explains it.

Speaker 22 Imagine being near death from cancer or AIDS. Suddenly, a miracle appears, a vaccine that all but cures your disease.
Then you learn the very thing that's saving you has somehow disappeared.

Speaker 22 That's like somebody coming in and ripping out part of your life. Unthinkable, especially if it was done intentionally.
A federal jury says Cedar Sinai Medical Center did just that.

Speaker 22 They've awarded a $10 million judgment against the facility. The man at the center of it all is Australian Dr.
Sam Chichoa. His treatment of cancer and AIDS is revolutionary.

Speaker 22 He uses infections like the flu.

Speaker 9 Okay, I want to ask about this because there's a great show on HBO called Vice,

Speaker 9 which I'm a part of, and they had a big episode on how they are now treating cancer by shooting viruses into it.

Speaker 9 Is this the same thing you're talking about here, to treat cancer by shooting a virus like AIDS or measles into it?

Speaker 20 No, I make vaccines from organisms that have isolated. See, I made my life's work to study a phenomenon called spontaneous remission.

Speaker 20 Happens one in a million cases of cancer or AIDS or heart disease or MS, you name it. All of a sudden the guy wakes up and he's fine.
The disease completely gone.

Speaker 20 It turns out that there are infections that selectively infect disease and leave healthy cells alone. I collected these for years

Speaker 20 and I was able to make vaccines from them. See, imagine a measles or a mumps goes into your body.
It doesn't like leukemia cells. It can't grow well in them.

Speaker 20 So it goes into the cell and uses its DNA correction mechanisms to turn the cancer cell back to a normal cell. This actually happens with certain strains of measles and mumps.

Speaker 20 I'd isolated these organisms and made extracts out of them which can correct the genetic blueprint. So cancer isn't a war you fight with radiation and poison.
It's a key you put in, you turn.

Speaker 20 You don't kill the patient, you cure them.

Speaker 9 Well, I.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 9 So, you know,

Speaker 9 one of my big issues with Western medicine, which also does amazingly great things, is that there is groupthink there. That usually the people who discover something great are individuals.

Speaker 9 Louis Pasteur, Wright, Jenner, aren't these people who are always thinking out of the box and not working for an institution?

Speaker 20 You see, all these institutes, they want you to believe that they have a cure, they'll have the answer, they're working so hard on it. Nothing great has ever happened in medicine from an institute.

Speaker 20 Like you said, Pasteur, the anthrax vaccine, Jenner, the smallpox vaccine, Jonah Sulk, polio, one person, one cure, eradicates smallpox.

Speaker 9 And I must say, when I was watching the Dr. Oz thing,

Speaker 9 his doctor says at one point,

Speaker 9 and it's like an intervention, they're trying to get him back on the traditional AIDS cocktails. And he says, Charlie knows he has been incredibly successful with the antiviral cocktail.

Speaker 9 It's basically put you, Charlie, in a position to live an entirely normal life. Normal life expectancy, normal quality of life.

Speaker 9 Let me show you what was also on the show, Charlie talking about his normal quality of life.

Speaker 19 I mean, we'll talk in depth at some point about, you know, what these meds actually are. It's awesome what they do but it's also terrible what they do you know

Speaker 19 and you can feel it you feel it you know from

Speaker 19 migraines to poo-poo pants

Speaker 9 okay poo-poo pants I don't think is a normal life and I'm guessing that your treatment does not include poo-poo pants as a result

Speaker 20 it's a horrible way to live all these side effects disappeared the minute he started my therapy and the minute he started my therapy his liver went to normal levels even the charts they held up on the OS show all the great tests they showed, they were during my treatment, not theirs.

Speaker 9 Okay, so just tell me what your critics would say. I mean, people are going to watch this and say, I know you've been called a quack a million times.
They're going to attack me just for having you on.

Speaker 9 And one of the criticisms you always hear about alternative is, well, it lasts for some time, but then it regresses. Does this last? I mean, Charlie did say it stayed in the beginning.

Speaker 20 Yeah, of course it lasts. These vaccines, I mean, I love America, but, and it's the greatest country in the world.
It's not the only country in the world, though.

Speaker 9 So you're a Republican.

Speaker 12 Ha.

Speaker 20 When the doors began to close because of UCLA and Cedars, when I couldn't have applied to your FDA because they denied my work, I had my vaccines registered in other countries.

Speaker 20 And these countries have experienced amazing results. In Comoros, for example,

Speaker 20 Comoros, small island nation, 750,000 people, great beaches. You go there and

Speaker 20 you'll find that as of 2006 they sent me a letter because they used my vaccines, eradicated a disease called chikungunia, which is kind of like the Zika.

Speaker 21 Oh yeah.

Speaker 20 And what they also eradicated HIV. As of 2006 they sent me a letter thanking them for getting rid of HIV.
This isn't a vaccine made in my garage.

Speaker 9 No, I mean look I saw some of the footage of you and Charlie in Mexico and he talked about this on Dr. Oz.
You took Charlie's blood when he was HIV positive and injected injected it into yourself.

Speaker 9 And Dr. Oz says that is very inappropriate.
What I thought was that's confident.

Speaker 9 So you don't have,

Speaker 9 you injected Charlie Seen's

Speaker 9 tiger blood into you and you are neither HIV positive nor a tiger now? No,

Speaker 20 I saw a very sad

Speaker 20 person in a very sad place and I really wanted to give him a boost that there was real hope out there, there was a way of curing him. And I did that.
It was spontaneous. But you know, Oz is right.

Speaker 20 It would be crazy for him to do that because Oz doesn't have a real AIDS treatment. I do.

Speaker 9 It would be crazy for Oz.

Speaker 16 He's not vaccinated. I am.

Speaker 9 And I don't want to get into this too deeply, but I know there have been attempts on your life. Is that true? Yes.

Speaker 9 Car bomb? Yes. Okay, so this has hurt your health a bit.

Speaker 9 What is your wish for when when you're gone?

Speaker 20 Jesus, it's a bit morbid. It would have to have something to do with J-Lo.

Speaker 15 But

Speaker 20 this really is my wish to be here telling what, how is your audience, four million? Three million, four million intelligent people.

Speaker 9 Over four. Don't fucking.

Speaker 14 Sell me.

Speaker 12 The 10 million people who are watching the show right now

Speaker 20 are going to know the truth, the reality. There is a cure out there, there's a therapy that is so much better than conventional without side effects.

Speaker 20 It was tested and published by your biggest institutes. Why isn't it available? Yeah, I've used it in countries, I've cured countries, and the only thing is now it's out there.

Speaker 20 That was my wish, Bill, and thank God for giving it to me.

Speaker 9 Thank you, Sam. I appreciate you coming on.
Dr.

Speaker 11 Sam

Speaker 8 Chichiwa.

Speaker 15 All right, let's meet our pal.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 9 There they are. He is America's number one progressive radio host and New York Times best-selling author of The Crash of 2016, The Plot to Destroy America and What We Can Do to Stop It.

Speaker 9 Tom Hartman, great to have you back, Tom.

Speaker 10 Thank you.

Speaker 9 She is a columnist for the Washington Examiner and Republican pollster, and one of our favorite guests, Kristen Soltis Anderson, back here with us.

Speaker 13 How you doing?

Speaker 9 And the new one, a newcomer for our show, he's the former U.S. Representative from Florida who is currently writing a book about the inner workings of Congress to be released next year.
Trey Riddell.

Speaker 9 Trey, great to have you here.

Speaker 9 All right, remember, send us your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them after the show on YouTube.

Speaker 9 I also want to say two weeks ago, I was celebrating my birthday here on the show, and I asked the people out there if they would sign our petition to get Obama to come on our show.

Speaker 9 You guys really came through.

Speaker 15 I appreciate it. I thank you so much.

Speaker 9 We went over the 100,000 mark, which is when they have to respond in like 38 hours. So

Speaker 9 that saved me so much time standing in front of Whole Foods with that petition.

Speaker 9 So, okay. Now, I'm sure people are expecting us to talk about the debate.
I'm not going to. It was last night.

Speaker 9 I think Trump was a genius for skipping it because it's gotten to that place that TV series get. where we've seen it all before, and it's boring.
My only takeaway was, you Republicans are so dumb.

Speaker 9 Megan Kelly should be your candidate. She's so much better than the stiffs on the stage.

Speaker 17 So

Speaker 9 let me ask another question.

Speaker 12 Iowa.

Speaker 9 Iowa should really take one for the team and stop being the first primary because they are not representative of the country. The people are not even really voting.
And they never would pick a winner.

Speaker 9 And they're too religious.

Speaker 19 Well, certainly.

Speaker 18 Do you agree with that?

Speaker 23 There's some sort of a joke to be made about going to the most vanilla white area of the country and having the Republican Party of all parties go and have their first primary there.

Speaker 23 I certainly would like to see it.

Speaker 23 I might be partial, but in my home state of Florida, where we represent a huge, huge diversity of Republicans on the southeast coast, Miami, Fort Lauderdale, you have fiscal conservative, socially liberal.

Speaker 23 The further north you go in Florida, the further south you get. You do have the social conservatives.

Speaker 9 The redneck Riviera.

Speaker 12 There you go.

Speaker 23 And in our area, fiscal conservative, social conservatives, a lot with a libertarian streak like me. I think that it would be better representative of the Republicans.

Speaker 18 Or California.

Speaker 25 Or California.

Speaker 12 Or a great state. For all four Republicans that are there.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 24 California would be the great state because there's so much diversity in California.

Speaker 12 It's essentially four different states. Yes.

Speaker 9 Okay. So let me read what Marco Rubio said.
He said, we are clearly called in the Bible to adhere to our civil authorities, but that conflicts with our requirements to adhere to God's rules.

Speaker 9 So when those two come into conflict, God's rules always win.

Speaker 6 No, that's what ISIS believes.

Speaker 9 God's rules don't win in America. Am I right?

Speaker 14 Oh, that was.

Speaker 5 This was what happened with the whole Kim Davis drama in Kentucky, where he's working for the government.

Speaker 5 And I think, particularly, if you are in a position where you are working for the government, then you absolutely need to put your responsibility to uphold the law first.

Speaker 5 I think what you see right now, and why you've got, you know, if you watched the debate last night, you saw there were lots of folks kind of talking about their religion is because, as you noted, Iowa is a very evangelical state.

Speaker 5 But I would note that the last two times Iowa has chosen a Republican candidate, they have not gone on to either become the Republican nominee nor the president. So incentives matter.

Speaker 5 Iowa used to have a straw poll, the AIMS straw poll, where everybody would come and they'd have all this barbecue and put on all this food and they shouted.

Speaker 5 And Michelle Bachman won and they said, we're not doing this anymore. And so

Speaker 5 I think if Iowa picks somebody for a third time around on the Republican side who does not ultimately wind up becoming the nominee, I can see folks at the GOP establishment, if they still exist after the Trump tornado comes through, saying maybe we need to refigure out our whole primary process.

Speaker 24 On the other hand, you got Bernie Sanders, who is doing very well in Iowa right now. Who, as the New York Times today came out and said, I don't practice a religion.

Speaker 9 I've been waiting my whole life for a politician to say that. Yeah.

Speaker 24 Thomas Jefferson was the last one, I think.

Speaker 12 Right.

Speaker 9 He said, I'm not into organized religion.

Speaker 9 And it just shows whether Bernie wins or not, he really has changed this country. And not change it, the country had been changed.

Speaker 9 And he's showing that, yeah, there's a large part of America that kind of wants to be a Western European democracy. Socialist, not a bad word.
Saying you're not into religion, not a deal breaker.

Speaker 15 They're out there.

Speaker 9 And it doesn't even need to be Western European.

Speaker 24 In the 1950s, Eisenhower never talked like this, and he was a good Republican, and he loved that 91% tax rate. And, you know, he built the country.
I mean,

Speaker 24 he, well.

Speaker 5 But people are still, Gallup does this poll where they ask people, if somebody was well-qualified to be president, but they were fill-in-the-blank, would you be comfortable voting for them?

Speaker 5 Jewish, evangelical, Christian, Catholic, female, those all wind up polling pretty well. It's Muslim, atheists, and socialists that always wind up at the bottom of the list.

Speaker 5 Now, the trend lines have been moving. People are more comfortable than they used to be, but those are still the most sort of politically challenging lists.

Speaker 9 But it's down to 51% wouldn't vote for an atheist. And 10 years ago, it was 61%.
So it's moving fast. Right.

Speaker 9 And still Ted Cruz said, I'm a Christian first, American second, conservative third, and Republican fourth.

Speaker 9 I would number that differently.

Speaker 14 I think you're a creep first, a practice liar second.

Speaker 9 And, you know, Bernie Sanders could just not say, I'm a Jew first. That just wouldn't fly.
And imagine saying I'm a Muslim first.

Speaker 23 Keith Ellison out of Minnesota. Could you even imagine if he did that the Republican Republican reaction to that?

Speaker 9 However, I mentioned this in the monologue, the covering up of the statues in Rome. Can we show what the statues actually look like? This is the horribleness of what's going on in Rome.

Speaker 9 Oh my god, naked titties and tiny penises. This is what they did.

Speaker 9 This is what they did. Okay.

Speaker 9 I think people are mixing up two things, tolerance and capitulation.

Speaker 26 Thank you.

Speaker 16 This is.

Speaker 9 It's one thing to be tolerant of another culture, but this is our culture. You know, Christianity did have a problem with titties, like in 1300, but we got over it.

Speaker 9 So we shouldn't change our culture to a more backward culture, should we?

Speaker 5 Well, and in the French, in this situation, actually, you mentioned in the monologue how there was a dispute over wine at the lunch. They canceled the lunch.

Speaker 5 They said, if you're in France, we're going to have wine at this lunch, or we're not going to have lunch.

Speaker 24 Well, with regard to breasts, ask John Ashcroft about that.

Speaker 12 This is not a Muslim problem.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 17 This is a fundamentalist problem.

Speaker 9 You know what?

Speaker 24 John Ashcroft is a fundamentalist problem.

Speaker 9 Except for when it happened in this country, the liberals laughed at him and they opposed him.

Speaker 9 I wish they would have the same enthusiasm for intolerance elsewhere in the world as they do for Christians here at home who really aren't a problem because they don't really get their way.

Speaker 17 It's laughable.

Speaker 24 Except that he covered that for four years.

Speaker 9 But nobody thought it was realistic.

Speaker 18 I think a lot of Republicans were like,

Speaker 25 well, what do you think?

Speaker 14 Titty's gone.

Speaker 9 What do you think about the fact? We mentioned this a couple of weeks ago, but we didn't really get into it in too much depth.

Speaker 9 In Cologne, Germany, where there are now many immigrants from Syria, they had a big problem on New Year's Eve because a lot of the women were being raped and groped.

Speaker 9 And the reaction of the Cologne mayor, who I think now was made to resign over this, said, well, maybe women should just stay three feet away.

Speaker 16 Or cover themselves.

Speaker 23 This is ridiculous.

Speaker 23 I lived in Rome, Italy, for a year, many years ago when I was a student. I've seen the statue of David, all of his glory, including his package.

Speaker 18 Not that impressive, by the way.

Speaker 25 What about if we go,

Speaker 23 the next time we show up an entourage to Iran, are they going to be, I want them decked out in muscle t-shirts with those 80 shorts with the American flag all over them.

Speaker 23 Are they going to do that for us?

Speaker 7 No.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I mean, I think liberals have to stop insisting that the world is a way they want it to be instead of the way it is. There's a folk singer and an idiot named James Twyman.

Speaker 9 He is going to give a concert in ISIS-held Syria. There it is.
Oregon musician claims he'll stop Ithis with peace songs at Syrian

Speaker 9 concert.

Speaker 9 calls himself a peace troubadour. He's going over there with a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim to sing, cut to him in a fire pit.

Speaker 9 Alligators gnawing at his nuts. And I relate this for two reasons.
One, to say, James, don't go.

Speaker 14 And two, to say, you know,

Speaker 9 again, you cannot just insist that the reality that you think about in your head is the reality that exists in the world.

Speaker 9 After the San Bernardino attacks, we were off the next week, but I heard all over TV,

Speaker 9 everybody was saying, you know, if only Americans knew more about Islam, they wouldn't be so afraid. Actually, it's the reverse.

Speaker 9 I'm sorry to say it, but the more you know, the more you would be afraid.

Speaker 24 Well, and this is where, I mean, he's trying to do this, I'm going to do a show and it's going to change everything.

Speaker 24 But there are groups on the ground, like Muslims for Progressive Values, that have chapters all over the world that are...

Speaker 24 that are working for LGBT rights, who are working for women's equality.

Speaker 12 I mean, this is hard hard work and we have to stand with them.

Speaker 9 Absolutely. We have to be on their side.

Speaker 13 Absolutely.

Speaker 9 Not on the people who say Islamophobia who just helped the enablers.

Speaker 23 We would certainly like to see mainstream media cover this more often, though, too, because all we see is on the left, it's, you know, your crazy hippie uncle all about peace and love, and that's what we.

Speaker 23 But on the right, all we see is we're going to go over there and we're going to bomb the shit out of them. We're going to separate them from society.
We want nothing to do with them.

Speaker 23 There's got to be a happy medium.

Speaker 9 Well, that's your party.

Speaker 5 well it is this is going to cause a real political challenge over in europe so in in the u.s we are better at assimilation than europe is europe does not have the same kind of tradition we're not perfect at it here but they're they're not as good in europe and so when folks come there and they bring their culture when they come from places where real war on women stuff is happening it there's there's less of the influence of the overall society that's there saying no you're going to be more like us and you're seeing that tension break out and so you've got these far far right leaders who now have the ability in these European elections where it's not just two parties, where they're one of the most liberal places in the world, announced this week they're sending 80,000 refugees back.

Speaker 9 They have a little buyer's remorse.

Speaker 14 They are.

Speaker 18 One way to put it.

Speaker 24 They're also doing something in Sweden, and I believe in Norway as well, that is actually, I think, quite useful. And that is when new people come in, number one, they're taught the language.

Speaker 24 Number two, they're taught the culture. And I think back to all the years that I've been debating right-wingers who've been like,

Speaker 6 immigrants have to learn English first.

Speaker 24 And it actually makes a certain amount of sense. You want to be able to function in a society.
You want to be able to buy bread at the store.

Speaker 24 It seems like the first step

Speaker 24 in any country, including in the United States, and we're starting to do this now in our public schools, but we need to do it more extensively, is to bring, when people come in from another culture to say, you know, your culture is fine, but here's our culture.

Speaker 9 Well, it isn't fine. And I just hope that the civics guidebook in Sweden is more persuasive than the Koran, but I doubt it is.
And if you've ever read the Koran, it has one central message.

Speaker 9 The Koran is the greatest book in the world. This book you're reading right now is fucking awesome.
Same as the Bible.

Speaker 23 Better than the Art of the Deal by Trump.

Speaker 16 Let me just take... No way.

Speaker 9 Let me just take one more crack at saving James Twyman's life. Here's his quote.

Speaker 9 When people come together. This poor guy.
This poor guy is going to be dead

Speaker 6 if he doesn't listen to me.

Speaker 9 He said, when people come together and focus on something in a positive way,

Speaker 9 there's scientific evidence that it can change things for the better. Okay, this moron thinks he's going to sing Puff the Magic Dragon in front of ISIS and live to tell the story.

Speaker 18 The knife to his story.

Speaker 9 Please, James, get out of there now.

Speaker 12 All right, so

Speaker 9 speaking of religion, I just...

Speaker 9 I wanted to mention that

Speaker 9 how many have seen Bernie Sanders' ad that he put on with Simon and Garfunkel singing America?

Speaker 12 It's pretty powerful stuff.

Speaker 9 I couldn't help thinking maybe he did that because Simon and Garfunkel are pretty famously Jewish.

Speaker 9 And, you know, he's got a problem, perhaps, in a state like Iowa, and he's in it to win it with the fact that, as we were saying, not very diverse, not many Jewish people there.

Speaker 9 So, Bernie, we got a hold of the ad that he made just for the people of Iowa.

Speaker 9 Skinner, to try to help with this problem. run that if you would.

Speaker 4 Let us be lovers, we are real.

Speaker 14 Hello, Iowa.

Speaker 18 I am Bernie Sanders.

Speaker 26 Everywhere I go across this great state, I'm asked the same questions over and over. Can a Jew really be president? Have you come to take my baby? And are you Rumpelstiltskin?

Speaker 26 To these people, I say, you might be surprised at the number of Jews you're already comfortable with. Rachel Ray is a Jew, and so are Jake Gyllenhal, Kate Hudson, Jack Black, and Ralph Loren.

Speaker 26 Joaquin Phoenix and Lenny Kravitz are Jews, as is Gwyneth Paltrow and sexy but accessible Paul Rudd. The Harry Potter kid is a Jew.
Both Iron Man and the Piano Man are Jews.

Speaker 26 And Shia LaBeouf, a mess, but still a Jew.

Speaker 26 Did you enjoy Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman having sex in the movie Black Swan? Let's call that what it is.

Speaker 27 Hot Jew on Jew action.

Speaker 12 Chelsea Handler, Elizabeth Banks, Banks, Gene Simmons, Jennifer Connolly, Scarlett Johansson, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew.

Speaker 26 And I haven't even mentioned OJ.

Speaker 26 No, not that OJ. OJ, obvious Jews.

Speaker 27 So please, consider voting for me.

Speaker 26 I'm Bernie Sanders, and you could do worse.

Speaker 9 He's the writer-director of the Anchor Man movies and Talladega Nights and everything else in comedy. This new Oscar-nominated film is The Big Short.

Speaker 18 Adam McCang is over here.

Speaker 15 Adam!

Speaker 15 Thank you for having me back.

Speaker 9 You are always welcome here.

Speaker 17 And you are not Jewish, right, Adam?

Speaker 26 I am not Jewish.

Speaker 14 Look at that.

Speaker 19 My wife is Jewish and my daughters are Jewish.

Speaker 12 See,

Speaker 12 all right, all right.

Speaker 9 So Adam, sit, first of all. Thank you.
Second of all, congratulations. Your movie, The Big Short, up for five Oscars, including Best Director, Best Picture.

Speaker 13 You, yes.

Speaker 9 I mean, you're known for lots of like just super funny stuff, and now it seems like you're having having your annie hall moments.

Speaker 9 You are moving into that place where you're doing movies that are seriously good, and you're close to not being funny at all.

Speaker 7 Oh, okay.

Speaker 12 Oh, no. No, this is terrible.

Speaker 9 It's a great entertainment, this movie.

Speaker 17 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 9 Yes, no, it is. And you make something that is very hard to understand, very accessible.
That is your gift. Thank you.

Speaker 19 Thank you.

Speaker 9 All right, moving on.

Speaker 12 That was the praise part of the movie.

Speaker 9 There are so many hatable people in the movie because it is about Wall Street. Yes.
But you know who I hated the most? The ratings agencies.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Because, you know, when the ump is corrupt, that's almost worse. Don't you think?

Speaker 19 Yeah, I think the ratings agencies were like really flagrantly out of bounds. I thought it was like crazy that they were just taking money from these banks, AAA's stamp.

Speaker 19 all fine and it really like the Europeans especially really believed our ratings agencies. I mean they

Speaker 9 would be the first people I would put into jail would be the ratings agency people.

Speaker 19 The CDO companies were pretty bad too.

Speaker 12 Everybody's bad.

Speaker 19 Yeah, there's a lot of them.

Speaker 9 It's lucky you had a very charismatic cast to play all these assholes.

Speaker 12 Yeah

Speaker 9 But it also struck me watching it that it was kind of amazing that that only this one or two guys saw this coming. Because when you look at it in retrospect, it's kind of like what Dr.

Speaker 9 Sam was saying about, you know why didn't anybody else see this really nobody else except a couple of smart guys could see that this was a sham that we were building this on a house of cards it's crazy I mean you look at the housing numbers they are flat for like 90 years like they are like this and then all of a sudden they go wham

Speaker 19 and like we were all like hey this is a great tune like I love that movie like Vines have come out. Like it was incredible.

Speaker 19 And yeah, no one else saw it. And like, you you know, a Christian Bales character in the movie is really amazing.

Speaker 19 He's a guy who's on the spectrum, loved heavy metal, and sat in his office all day long just reading numbers. And he saw it four or five years before anyone else.

Speaker 19 And it really raises the question about American culture and our 24-hour sort of information cycle.

Speaker 19 How broken is it? You know, what are we really being told about climate change, about banking, about income inequality. And that's why I love the movie.

Speaker 19 It wasn't just about banking, but it's about what are we being told? What do we need to know?

Speaker 19 Don't get me wrong, I love hearing about how Kwali Leonard for the Spurs has been playing great defense.

Speaker 19 God bless him.

Speaker 19 But there needs to be a shift that needs to happen in our culture, and that's why I love the movie.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 9 The character you are referencing there, Christian Bell, the real one in life, is now only focused on investing in water. What does that tell us?

Speaker 9 What does that tell Flint, Michigan?

Speaker 19 We should be terrified.

Speaker 18 Right.

Speaker 19 Yeah, when water comes into question. I mean, you think about like 1890.
If people said like water, they'd be like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 17 That's like sweat.

Speaker 9 That's like... Falls from the sky.

Speaker 12 Yeah, we reflect it.

Speaker 9 But I mean, Flint, Michigan is not the only place with water problems. I mean, rusty pipes, because America, because of the Republicans,

Speaker 9 won't spend on improving infrastructure. I'm sure those are not the only lead-laden pipes in this country.
Ohio's having a lot of people.

Speaker 19 Oh, Ohio's now on board. I saw that.
Yeah. I mean, the Flint, Michigan thing is really like typical.
And if you look at Kansas, what's going on with like Brownback

Speaker 19 just cutting taxes and losing their highway system.

Speaker 19 Their educational system is dipping. You look at Walker in Wisconsin, cutting all these taxes.
They have this beautiful state

Speaker 19 university system that is just dipping. I mean, this is the Republican sort of recipe:

Speaker 19 the hell with everything. We want one billionaire on top of a mountain who's like playing with Army men in his room, and everything's great, you know.

Speaker 8 And,

Speaker 10 well,

Speaker 9 far be it for me to bash the Republicans out. Excuse me, I'm going to

Speaker 19 Bank reform is a right-left issue. It really is.
That's true.

Speaker 12 Absolutely.

Speaker 9 But, you know, we kind of have our own Flint, Michigan going on right here because there is methane gas.

Speaker 9 I'm sure our audience knows about this, that is leaking into the sky and has been for a month and will be for another couple of months. Tons of it every day.
There's a leak from this methane well.

Speaker 9 And here's what the California Environmental Health Hazard Assessment says, word for word. Overall, the available air sample data does not indicate that an acute health hazard exists.

Speaker 9 That's not good enough for me.

Speaker 14 An acute health hazard.

Speaker 9 And I really wonder if they would even tell us. Because if they told us it was bad for us, what are they going to do? How are they going to evacuate a city of 15 million?

Speaker 19 Well, I also think like they can't really assess macro health threats. Like, do you find it disturbing that that may destroy mankind? Or is it just like the next week I won't cough?

Speaker 9 I find it disturbing, it may destroy my gallbladder.

Speaker 9 I mean, I love mankind, but me some more.

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 9 So you brought up Republicans. I'm going to now question a Republican, and I appreciate you being here, as I do any Republican.
But you're from Florida. You mentioned Florida.
And Florida

Speaker 9 just basically not lets black people vote.

Speaker 9 In Florida, and I said, and you're out of Congress, I mean, I'm not trying to insult you, but you got caught with some of the booger sugar.

Speaker 23 I mean, that's one way to put it.

Speaker 12 Right, yeah.

Speaker 9 And look, I'm certainly a libertarian on drugs. You know, I think whatever you like.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 19 So, you know, yes, I

Speaker 23 made a really terrible, terrible, terrible decision to point life.

Speaker 7 I did it. All right.
Now, move on.

Speaker 12 All right.

Speaker 9 You don't have to do that for me.

Speaker 9 Our audience is okay with the Booger Sugar.

Speaker 7 All right,

Speaker 17 but you really

Speaker 9 objected to

Speaker 25 Fight Club.

Speaker 12 Don't buy cocaine from a federal agent.

Speaker 15 I just said, and

Speaker 9 who's kidding who? Drugs are popular for a reason. They're fun.
Okay.

Speaker 16 But

Speaker 9 vote for drug testing

Speaker 17 food stamp recipient.

Speaker 23 Tell me what I voted for.

Speaker 9 Food stamp recipient. Did I? Oh, boy.
Well, that's what I read in every newspaper.

Speaker 23 That's what the headline said. So, a real quick explanation on that.

Speaker 23 I would have never, ever, ever taken a vote, a standalone vote, to drug test food stamp recipients.

Speaker 18 What I voted on was a massive farm bill.

Speaker 23 And within it was a provision that was put in by both Democrats and Republicans.

Speaker 18 I would have never voted on it.

Speaker 23 I was vocal against the war on drugs. But Florida

Speaker 9 don't like black people. I mean,

Speaker 7 come on.

Speaker 12 Wait, felons there

Speaker 9 can vote. In Florida, 31%

Speaker 9 of otherwise eligible black men are permanently disenfranchised. Jesse Jackson calls it taxation without representation.
I think that's accurate. That's a third almost.

Speaker 13 He's absolutely right.

Speaker 24 And by the way, with regard to black people voting in Florida, talk to Catherine Harris. I mean, we had an election stolen here.

Speaker 24 Catherine Harris and Jeb Bush knocked 90,000 African Americans off.

Speaker 9 Jeb Bush, who was a pot dealer in college, his daughter did cocaine. I don't know if he does cocaine, but he certainly served Florida to his brother on a silver platter.

Speaker 24 From the way he's debating, I think he's on lewds.

Speaker 13 Now, that's Ben Carson.

Speaker 24 But I'm in favor of the Vermont solution, the Bernie Sanders, Vermont solution. In Vermont, you can vote from your jail cell.
Right.

Speaker 14 Fellas,

Speaker 26 you are a citizen of the United States.

Speaker 18 Right.

Speaker 5 I think another thing that's important to point out is that you have a lot of things that are considered felonies that maybe shouldn't be.

Speaker 5 In California, last election, you had folks from both sides of the aisle, Newt Gingrich, and Jay-Z, agreeing on a bill, agreeing on a proposition that passed with 60% of the vote, I think, to change a lot of nonviolent felonies into misdemeanors.

Speaker 5 It wound up letting a lot of people out of jail, and it means that for the rest of your life, you don't have to check that box that says that you're a felon.

Speaker 5 You don't have that label attached to you for committing a crime where you didn't hurt anyone else.

Speaker 9 I mean, but shouldn't that change in Florida?

Speaker 23 Yes, look, this is all part of the decades ago, the bipartisan war on drugs, where we're locking up nonviolent offenders and disproportionately affecting minority communities throughout the country.

Speaker 23 There has to be criminal justice reform, and that's where the libertarians are.

Speaker 5 And look, and you said the Republicans are all evil on this, but you watched that debate. You said it was boring.

Speaker 5 The one thing that was new in that episode was Rand Paul had a really great moment where when he was asked about what happened in Ferguson. Sure.
And he came out.

Speaker 5 I mean, he's one of those candidates that the Trump tornado has sort of pushed aside. He had an opportunity to shine last night with this answer that I think.

Speaker 9 I love that we're actually referring to it as an episode.

Speaker 4 I was going along with what you said.

Speaker 14 Don't tell me how it ends.

Speaker 25 I taped it.

Speaker 14 There is one giant caveat in this whole review.

Speaker 19 Can I say one thing about the voter restriction thing? Like, to me, this is one of the craziest issues in America.

Speaker 19 Like, the idea that we don't let people vote, the idea that like you have to show ID even though you were born in our country. Like my grandfathers fought in World War II to not let this happen.

Speaker 19 And that one party, the Republicans, would be behind this is like amazing.

Speaker 9 But the Roberts Court has ruled that racism is an urban myth.

Speaker 12 That's true. Problems solved anymore.
That's true.

Speaker 9 Problem solved. But it's crazy to me, like that we're even talking about this is like insane.
All right, let's talk about something else then.

Speaker 9 Well, we have, yes, sir.

Speaker 24 If I could, just with regard to criminal justice reform, before we're

Speaker 24 beware of Republicans talking about criminal justice reform, because it's now coming out that there's a couple of very large, very wealthy billionaire industrialists who are pushing a criminal justice reform proposition that includes drug reform, but it also includes making it much, much harder to prosecute white-collar criminals.

Speaker 9 Okay. So here's my idea of a feel-good story this week.
If you've been following what's been going on recently with Planned Parenthood, there were some sting videos made some months back.

Speaker 9 Right-wingers who don't like abortion went into Planned Parenthood and were basically saying, and we've heard it repeated by all Republican politicians to this day, all over TV, that they were selling body parts because they're Igor and Dr.

Speaker 9 Frankenstein. They're selling body parts.
So in 12 states, this was investigated. Not only was this bullshit that that's what was happening, but listen to this.

Speaker 9 In Texas, the judge is going to put the other people in jail. Not Planned Parenthood, the people who made the videos.

Speaker 11 Because they were fraudulent, they were faked, and they were butchered.

Speaker 9 This is like in dodgeball.

Speaker 12 Remember, you throw the ball and the guy catches it and then throws it and hits you in the nuts.

Speaker 9 So how about a hand for Texas getting one from Texas?

Speaker 15 Of all places.

Speaker 12 Texas.

Speaker 19 I just love that you just said, how about a hand for Texas?

Speaker 12 Well, right.

Speaker 13 I think that should be frozen.

Speaker 17 That's a meme.

Speaker 9 But maybe things are changing in America. This was a conservative judge, pro-life judge, and he did the right thing.

Speaker 16 He does this.

Speaker 5 In this case, the indictment wasn't for making videos. The indictment was actually for purchasing human body parts.

Speaker 5 So you have some folks on the right in the pro-life movement who are saying, how do you purchase body parts if no one's selling them? And so the thought is that, look, this is an indictment.

Speaker 5 It's not a conviction. Let's let this play out.

Speaker 24 It was for trying to purchase them. If you walk up to a federal agent and offer to commit a crime, that's a crime.
And these guys were offering to commit crimes. I mean, this.

Speaker 9 You're a pollster. What is your theory why Donald Trump is liked by a majority of Republican women? Because you'd think he blew it with women.

Speaker 9 The Megan Kelly thing and all the statements he's made and, you know, three women.

Speaker 5 I come to this question with a lot of humility because last time I was on the show, I was a Trump denier and you had it right and he was only at 4% in the polls.

Speaker 5 The moment that I was my wake-up call that this was real and this is happening is when he fought Fox and won the first time. He has an appeal that is just different.

Speaker 5 He plays by a completely different set of blows

Speaker 5 than most politicians, than any politician.

Speaker 12 It's a reality.

Speaker 5 So there are lots of people that say, I don't care that he's offensive. I don't care that he says these things about women.
I don't care that he says these things about minorities.

Speaker 5 He's a winner and he's strong. And until somebody attacks that part of his persona, other people have been saying, oh, he's not conservative or he's kind of a jerk.
Nobody cares about that.

Speaker 5 Trump supporters don't care about that. They care about the fact that he's a winner.
And a lot of these women, particularly older Republican women who really like him, they think he's a winner.

Speaker 5 He's going to finally make America start winning again.

Speaker 9 And confidence. Don't women like confidence above all?

Speaker 19 I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 18 I'm a man. No, whatever.

Speaker 9 We're all groaning at that. Like, I just made that up.
Oh,

Speaker 5 no, I'm thinking, but Donald Trump doesn't, well, Donald Trump doesn't have confidence.

Speaker 19 I'll be honest, I find him very sexy.

Speaker 17 He's out there. He doesn't care.

Speaker 12 He's like a sort of beefy ox heart to him.

Speaker 17 I mean, the hair is insane.

Speaker 19 He's just like, he doesn't say anything.

Speaker 27 I'm drawn to him.

Speaker 6 I'm totally heterosexual.

Speaker 19 I would spend a night with him.

Speaker 12 I really would.

Speaker 11 That is quite an endorsement, Adam.

Speaker 25 Aren't we slow, though, whether it's Bernie or Donald Trump?

Speaker 23 I think that today's society, what we're going from, it's not what you say, it's how they feel.

Speaker 12 And people are pissed.

Speaker 25 People are angry.

Speaker 23 And I think that we're getting a lot of it from the rise of Bernie on the left and Donald Trump on the right.

Speaker 12 I'm not talking policy.

Speaker 9 I just want to say that for years people have been asking the question, why do women like assholes?

Speaker 12 Why are they attracted to the asshole?

Speaker 9 Because the asshole has confidence. That's That's why

Speaker 9 they'd rather have an asshole with confidence than a shy guy who doesn't tell them they're beautiful, I think.

Speaker 19 Well, can we also say the oldest game in the book is that when there's economic trouble and people don't

Speaker 19 understand the economic dynamics behind it, guys like this rise. So, I mean, that's really what's going on is people are pissed.

Speaker 9 Thank you, panel. Time for new rules, everybody.

Speaker 12 Oh, a new uphill go.

Speaker 15 Great to see you. Great movie.
Good luck at the oscillator.

Speaker 11 It's a pleasure to be.

Speaker 13 Thank you, guys. Bye.

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 14 New rules, everybody. New rule.

Speaker 9 Ted Cruz has to stop doing the Pledge of Allegiance with his hand in his jacket.

Speaker 9 It's an oath, not a breast exam.

Speaker 9 It's like he loves America so much, he's going to second base.

Speaker 9 New rule, now that the city of Whitesboro, New York is finally getting rid of its culturally insensitive logo.

Speaker 9 of a white settler choking a Native American, my gosh. Is there anything you would like to say, Aisle 7 at the grocery store?

Speaker 9 New Rule Woodford Reserve has to stop bragging that their bourbon has 200 distinct flavors. People don't drink bourbon to taste subtle hints of marzipan, pear, and nutmeg.

Speaker 9 They drink it to forget that their life peaked in high school.

Speaker 9 New Rule, cauliflower must admit, it is really broccoli just trying to get an Oscar nomination.

Speaker 9 New Rule, now that McDonald's all-day breakfast menu has boosted their sales by almost 6%,

Speaker 9 they must start calling it what it really is, the all-day stoners menu.

Speaker 9 You can always tell the stoners at the drive-thru. When they're told to drive around, they spend the next few hours driving around.

Speaker 8 They did so.

Speaker 9 And finally, new rule, we can all stop asking the question, why isn't our government functioning?

Speaker 12 Why?

Speaker 9 Because truth is dead and the internet killed it.

Speaker 14 Now,

Speaker 9 remember back in the early 90s when we read about this new thing called the internet that could put the totality of world knowledge right at our fingertips?

Speaker 9 And then someone discovered it could deliver free porn.

Speaker 9 And we quickly had something else at our fingertips.

Speaker 9 But bare breasts on the net are not the problem. At least some of those are real.

Speaker 9 The problem is that somewhere along the line, the information superhighway became bullshit boulevard and truth was roadkill.

Speaker 9 Now, of course, the world has always had a lot of gullible people who will buy anything. Have you been to Salt Lake City?

Speaker 9 But at least Americans used to get their news from actual news organizations. Now they get it from chain emails and chat rooms and Facebook posts written by lunatics and sadists.

Speaker 9 Before the internet, you only had to put up with your right-wing uncle on Thanksgiving.

Speaker 9 Now he's forwarding you proof 24-7 that Hillary led the Benghazi attacks and Obama was Bill Cosby's pharmacist.

Speaker 9 The street corner nut with the sandwich board used to be laughed at. Now he's linked to.

Speaker 9 And that's what's so great about Facebook. You're not telling lies, you're just sharing them.

Speaker 9 And anyway, lies are the new truth.

Speaker 9 Yes, more than ever, people today are living an entirely fact-free lifestyle, which is great news for the Republican candidates, because when they are confronted on their lies now, they just say, oh, I see what you're doing by fact-checking me.

Speaker 9 I just don't care because my fans don't care.

Speaker 9 A couple of years ago, we did a piece here where I introduced the term zombie lies, which are Republican talking that cannot be killed, despite being disproven time and time again.

Speaker 9 Things like voter fraud being rampant or tax cuts paying for themselves or Lindsey Graham just hasn't met the right girl.

Speaker 13 But in a very short time,

Speaker 9 Republicans have gone beyond even the zombie lie to

Speaker 9 just making shit up.

Speaker 9 Ted Cruz says the federal government is going after school districts, trying to force them to let boys shower with little girls.

Speaker 9 Carly Fiorina is one of a new breed of politicians who claim to see things that aren't there.

Speaker 9 She said she watched a planned parenthood video of, quote, a fully formed fetus on the table, its heart beating, its leg kicking, while someone says we have to keep it alive to harvest its brain.

Speaker 9 But that video doesn't exist unless you subscribe to Nutflix.

Speaker 9 And of course, Donald Trump said he saw thousands of American Muslims cheering after the 9-11 attacks.

Speaker 18 It never happened.

Speaker 9 But Trump doesn't deny it.

Speaker 16 He owns it. He doubles down.

Speaker 9 He's like Pinocchio, except when he tells a lie, his balls grow bigger.

Speaker 7 So,

Speaker 14 folks.

Speaker 14 This is new.

Speaker 9 Really, listen to... Hear me now and believe me later.

Speaker 9 This is new, that liars have stopped caring if they get caught. Bill Clinton had to get all weasel-y when he got caught, but in today's world, he'd just say, nope, I've never even heard of a blowjob.

Speaker 9 That woman sucking my penis right now, I was bitten by a snake.

Speaker 12 She's getting the venom.

Speaker 9 I got to admit, this tactic never even occurred to me. I kind of wish it had.

Speaker 9 It might have been useful, like in 1989, I did a movie called Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death.

Speaker 9 Hey.

Speaker 4 What's up, Doc?

Speaker 4 What's those.

Speaker 12 Hey, what?

Speaker 12 Oh, my God, you're marinating me!

Speaker 16 It's on film.

Speaker 9 I can't deny it.

Speaker 9 But if I was a Republican, you could show it on a loop, and I would just say, I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 9 I played Maverick in Top Gun.

Speaker 14 Hashtag all lives matter.

Speaker 9 All right, that's our show. I'll be at the Schnitzer in Portland, February 13th, the Paramount in Seattle, March 27th, and the Camerica in Phoenix, April 10th.

Speaker 9 I want to thank Trey Riddell, Kristen Soltis-Anderson, Tom Hartman, Adam McKay, and Dr. Sam Tuchua.

Speaker 15 Trying to stop for overtime on YouTube. Thank you, folks.

Speaker 3 Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Ma every Friday night at 10. Or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.
For more information, log on to HBO.com.