Episode #362 (Originally aired 8/28/15)

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO

series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Dark the Clock.

Good afternoon.

Afternoon, time will be

real time.

Thank you very much.

Appreciate it.

thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much, folks.

Thank you for coming here.

Wow,

what a show we had for you.

Oh, you will.

Okay, all right, all right, all right, thank you.

You will

not be disappointed you do have plotted like that.

It's going to be a fantastic show.

And I have important news for people who live in this city a reason why you should be happy starting Monday the LAPD will be wearing body cameras for the first time

very good news

of course being Hollywood the cops will be like did you get my good side on that could I can we take that again because I could I get a pin light in back of me and

I'm not a teenager anymore I could use a little backlighting

so no that's good news and I would just say to all my black friends before leaving the house from now on, look in the mirror

and

say to yourself, is this really the outfit I want to go viral in?

That's important.

Now, today is a very important day, the 10th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.

And George W.

Bush went down there today to New Orleans.

See, I told you he'd make it eventually.

Also, this is important, Kraft Heinz, the food company, recalling two million pounds of turkey bacon.

Yeah, no, nothing wrong with that.

They just realized turkey bacon sucks.

So,

now, have you detected what's going on here tonight?

I am trying to avoid talking about Donald Trump.

That's really what this is all about so far.

And yet it's impossible.

I mean, he's everywhere.

I mean, the media, media, are the fucking people.

CNN could not be any more obsessed with Donald Trump if that missing plane turned up in his hair.

Which it could.

Oh his hair.

His hair they cover.

Yesterday Donald Trump brought a woman on stage to pull his hair to prove that it was real.

We had to cover this.

And by the way, it is real.

It is his real hair.

I mean it's his

asshir

brought up

over his head, but it is his real hair.

So,

no,

I really feel like Donald Trump is such a perfect example of how people who are rich and famous can get away with doing and saying things that other people would never be able to get away with.

It's kind of like the way Michael Jackson was able to get kids to sleep over in his bed.

You know, he's rich and famous.

Choosy mothers say, well, why not?

You know.

Whereas, you know,

if Michael and his monkey were living in a van, I don't think that would be happening.

Okay, but

Donald Trump, what can I tell you?

He's pulling away like crazy from the field.

Of course, if you ever met Ted Cruz, you would pull away too.

But he seems to be expanding his appeal from hardcore racists to the casual weekend racist.

It got ugly this week.

Did you see in Iowa with Jorge Ramos?

I mean,

oh my God.

Now, Jorge Ramos, the lead anchor on Univision, and he was at this press conference Donald Trump was giving, and he started to talk.

And Trump says to him, go back to Univision.

He had him physically thrown out of the room.

And of course, Trump's audience is like, see, he doesn't know how to get rid of Mexicans.

So now, of course, all the Republicans are scrambling to out-Trump Trump with hating foreigners.

Listen to this.

We're expecting a state visit from the Chinese president.

Marco Rubio said today we should downgrade the upcoming Chinese state

visit.

Don't treat them, he says, to a state dinner.

Yes, what a great, mature way to get the Chinese.

Have them come here, and then they have to order takeout.

takeout.

How about that?

Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, I must say, Hillary Clinton's email problems are only getting worse.

Now, I happen to think this is the biggest nothing burger scandal, non-scandal ever.

But you know what?

I got to give it to the Fox News propaganda machine.

They do know how to change opinion.

The Quinnipiac poll came out.

Listen to this.

They asked voters the first word that came to their mind when they heard Hillary Clinton, overwhelmingly that word was liar.

Second was dishonest, third was untrustworthy.

Other words that came up: crooked, criminal, deceitful, phony, bitch, murder.

And then the pollster said, Mr.

Biden, I really have to make some of this.

And

my favorite story of the week, Ashley Madison, you're familiar.

That was the big story last week, the online dating site for spouses who want to cheat.

Of course, it got hacked.

They released all the data.

Now they've crunched the numbers.

Listen to this, Ashley Madison site, the active users, 37 million men, 12,000 women.

I love this.

12, there were 12,000 women for 37 million men.

So when you see an exhausted-looking housewife in the grocery store,

it turns out horny housewives looking for anonymous stranger sex are like moderate Republicans.

They exist only in theory.

All right, you're a great crowd.

We've got a great show.

We have Dana Raurbacher.

Wendy Davis, Robert Costa, and a little later be speaking with the Daily Beast, Michael Weiss, about ISIS.

But first, he is a former U.S.

Senator, I must say, a two-term senator who is very conservative and won in a blue state, also came in second.

People forget that last time, and he's running again.

Please welcome.

I can't believe he's here.

Senator Rick Santorum.

Senator Rick, thank you for coming.

I appreciate it.

Thank you.

Yeah, let's start with that because people have short memories.

They forget, you know, the last time, 2012, with the clown car.

There were so many different people.

They forget you are the guy who actually came in second in Mitt Romney.

Yeah, and four years ago I was sitting pretty much where I am today, at the robust 1% level, and

at the 2% level two weeks before I won the Iowa caucuses.

So

if you look at everybody else in the field, no one else has been able to do what I've done, which is start at the back of the pack and finish first.

Well, let me ask you.

That commends me.

I commend your spirit.

Thank you.

But if you were not at 1%,

honestly, would you be here?

Would you be on this show?

I have been on your show before, as you recall.

I was on Politically Incorrect many years ago.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Right there.

Look, we well smoked a lot of pot.

Let's not, let's not.

It's a long, long, long,

long time.

Long time.

I'm tired of it.

Let's not bust each other on memory.

Okay.

Well, I appreciate you coming here, but you know, I saw something you said.

You were at a town hall and I, where they asked you about coming on here, and you said, oh, Bill Maher, he's going to drag me through the mud.

First of all, you're in California.

It hasn't rained in four years.

There's no mud.

And you said, but you wanted to come here because, you know, the people who watch this show never see people like you.

That's what you said.

Mike Huckabee has been here just a season.

So has Ann Coulter, Carly Fiorina.

Haven't heard many people like me.

Dana Rohrbacher is right there.

He's not like me.

He's got 100% approval rating from the National Right to Life Congress.

So we do have people like you.

Good.

Well, I'm glad.

Thank you.

I hope you'll have me back.

Right.

You don't watch the show.

Is what I'm getting from you.

That's okay.

Because, you know,

you should not watch the show.

It would upset you.

No.

It would upset you.

I enjoyed your model.

You came out.

It was fun.

Yes, because I made fun of your rivals.

And I know, look, you're a guy who...

known for social issues, but you know, you have a range of issues.

You're a real politician.

You served served in the Senate.

I want to get to some of those.

But let's start with that only because I'll tell you where you crossed the line for me because I do have a lot of, and Coulter is my friend, and I get shit about it from, oops, sorry.

I get guff about it from liberals.

Darn.

Darn.

But here's where you crossed the line.

You said it, but you were talking about contraception last time.

You said one of the things I will talk about that no president has, and it said it's not okay because it's a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.

And that's what bothers me.

Yeah.

A politician shouldn't say what sex should supposed to be.

It should be everybody decides that for themselves.

Here's what I'd say.

I gave one interview one time on that, and I wish I had not given that interview.

Obviously, it's been quoted to me a million times.

But look, Bill, I mean, if you look at my political career, it's got a pretty good body of work that has talked about providing people freedom and opportunity on a variety of fronts.

Never once did I say that we should ban contraception or stop contraception.

I was talking about it with a blogger at a restaurant and talking about my Catholic faith.

There was a lot of that before that conference.

So if you became president, you would not impose your views on my lifestyle.

Look,

there's a lot of things.

You're making me nervous now.

There's a lot of things

that are immoral, like, for example, Ashley Madison, that shouldn't be illegal.

And there's a role for the government.

But you think premarital sex is immoral.

I do.

But I don't believe it should be illegal.

I mean,

we're allowed to disagree with immorality, and

I agree that it should not be illegal.

That's not illegal.

And that's in the past.

All right.

So

let's look at now.

Let's look a little bit issues.

I think that the two most important issues, the two questions, if I had just two questions for any politician, what are you going to do about climate change and how are you going to get money out of politics?

And we're going to run into problems there because I don't think you think climate change is a real problem.

And I'm not alone.

I mean, the most recent survey of...

You're not alone.

The most recent survey of climate

scientists said about 57%

don't agree with the idea that 95% of the change in the climate is being caused by CO2.

There was a survey done of 1,800 scientists, and 57% said they don't buy off on the idea that CO2 is the knob that's turning the climate.

There's hundreds of reasons.

I don't know what ass you're pulling that on.

I'm not.

I'll

tell you how they do the survey.

Okay.

It's 1,800 climate scientists.

That's number one.

Number two, the 97% figure that's thrown around, the head of the UN IPC said that number was pulled out of thin air.

It was based on a survey of 77 scientists.

Not even 97 scientists responded to that survey.

So let's just get, let's talk about facts.

And the fact is, lots of things cause climate change.

And then let's talk about another point.

What are you going to do about it?

And how do we,

let's assume.

What are you going to do about it?

The answer is, if you look at what the president has proposed, an 80% reduction, an 80% reduction in emissions, and the consequence of that to folks that I am running my campaign on, which are folks that are blue-collar Americans who are losing jobs to China, losing jobs to Mexico because we have to go to the US.

There are twice as many jobs in solar as there are in coal now.

You're living in the past.

I know that's your country, Pennsylvania coal country.

But it's not just coal, it's manufacturing.

And

the president's about to propose a regulation on ozone that, according to the National Association of Manufacturing

will destroy the manufacturing economy in this country.

Well, it's already sort of destroyed.

Well, it is because we have regulations destroyed.

Because rich people send jobs overseas.

They send jobs overseas because it's going to be expensive to manufacture.

Wait a second.

Because of climate, of other types of policies, including climate.

The Pope made a very strong statement, very strong statement, in support of my position on climate change, not yours.

And your position, when you heard that, was: hey, let's leave the science to the scientists.

Okay, first of all, you're not doing that.

But second of all,

I am.

You're not, because 97% of all scientists believe.

It's a bogus number.

It's so not a bogus number.

It's so a bogus.

Okay, yours is mine.

Yours is mine.

But what I want to ask you is, I mean,

I'm not a Catholic.

I'm an atheist.

But I like the Pope better than you do.

And I wouldn't, but wait a second.

You're saying the Pope should stick to what he knows.

And

I find that so ridiculous because this is what I always say.

So much of religion is arrogance, masquerading is humility.

He's the vicar of Christ, your

Shouldn't you have the humility to say, well, if the Pope thinks climate change is a problem, maybe I should?

He's not just another guy.

If you look at all the things the Pope said, which I hope you do, he put it in the context of trying to reach out to people who may not agree with him on a whole lot of other issues in order to try to open up some doors and open up a conversation, which he's obviously done.

I mean, Al Gore is now saying he's going to become a Catholic because of this president.

I mean, because of this pope.

I mean, this is, but he did.

He said, you know, I'm considering becoming Catholic because of Pope Francis.

So I think he's trying to do something to break down some barriers because if you look at

the previous popes, they've been pretty much consistent on all these things and what would be seen in the world as conservative positions.

And he's trying to reach out and bring some other people in to look at those things.

I know that a pope, every time he speaks, he's not infallible.

It's very rare.

What if he said this thing about climate change change that he said

in the context where it is infallible?

What if he did?

But he wouldn't.

What if he did?

He would not, because

the Pope speaks about infallible things.

Frankly.

Yeah.

He wouldn't.

The Pope doesn't speak.

But if he did.

This is what

I'm doing.

He would speak more about the infallibility of protecting human life and abortion

and the sanctity of marriage before he would dare walk into this other mind.

I hope when you rise in the polls, you will come.

When?

You will come back.

When?

When?

You will come back.

We're giving.

I bet you after this appearance,

I hope you will come back.

Senator, thank you so much for coming.

It was a real pleasure.

Rick Santurm, everybody.

Let's meet our friend.

Look how good I get along with conservatives, huh?

Hey, Polly, how you doing?

All right.

He is a national political reporter for the Washington Post, our friend Robert Costa.

How you doing, Robert?

Great.

Great to be here.

She's a former Texas gubernatorial candidate and state senator, famous for her 11-hour filibuster defending women's rights.

Wendy Davis.

Hey, Wendy.

And he is a 14-term U.S.

Congressman from California's 48th District and self-described surfer Republican, one of our oldest friends on the show, Republican Dana Rohrbacher.

How you doing, Dana?

Okay.

So we have some heavy topics to talk about.

Let's get right to it.

First of all, there was another horrific shooting this week, and it happened on camera, which of course is why the media covered it, because it's not actually weird to have a mass shooting, which is four people or more, that's including the killer himself.

Apparently, one a day in America, mass shooting.

And whenever we have a shooting, it seems like each side goes to their corner, repeats the same things we've heard over and over again.

I guess one question is: why is it it news if nothing is going to ever change?

But I would say one thing that does change is at least on the right they do change their talking points.

Like with global warming, I was just talking about with Rick.

You know, it used to be, hey, I'm not a scientist.

Now it's, oh, it's not settled science.

You know, you've got to come up with new bullshit.

So for the gun issue, I noticed the new bullshit is, well, it's a mental health issue.

So if it's a mental health issue, why isn't the NRA like marching on Congress to get some laws passed about mental health and getting guns?

Well, they always go there, Bill.

They always go to the mental health issue as being the problem, as opposed to the person who has a mental problem with a gun.

That's the real problem.

And I haven't seen any Republican congressperson or senator introducing any kind of a bill to try to strengthen the connection between mental health issues and the inability to buy a gun.

This person clearly had demonstrated disabilities.

But how could you?

I mean, until someone actually commits the act,

all of us are a little crazy.

Well, no.

I mean, every disgruntled worker and jealous husband, I mean, nobody.

This disgruntled worker threatened in a very severe way the people that he was working with.

They had to call the police to remove him from the workplace.

And the fact of the matter is, if there were stronger reporting requirements between people that show that kind of behavior and into the background check system so that it would show up, that would help.

But the further problem is that even if it were in the background check system, without universal background checks, that very same person could walk into a gun show anywhere in America and buy a gun.

But do you really think the Democrats have any balls on this issue either?

Well,

unfortunately, there are some who certainly did not in the vote that took place about this not very long ago.

That's the political reality.

You know, what's really interesting about it is that...

What's the political reality?

Well, I cover Congress and campaigns.

There's a Republican Congress.

There's not going to be any movement against the NRA in the GOP House or the GOP Senate.

And I check in with these presidential campaigns.

When a crisis like this happens, a tragedy happens, they talk about mental health.

Because they know background checks have no chance.

You don't see the leadership in either chamber pushing for it.

So is this the political reality that there's no movement and no political capital to try to make this happen?

Because both sides love guns.

The Democrats just love them slightly less.

Well, there's a lot of people who are very honest, hardworking Americans who would deeply resent if you would deny them the right to keep and bear arms, which is a constitutional privilege.

Now, there are people who are unstable.

We just talk about that.

Well, they would say it's a right.

Okay, well, I would say.

I'm trying to save you from getting into trouble.

No, no, it is a right.

Dana Roebecker says it's a privilege.

Well,

it's a constitutional privilege, which is a right.

And the bottom line is this, that if you want to take people who have committed violent felonies and say, here's the list of the people in this country committed violent felonies they can't buy guns here are people who are maybe on certain meds or all psychographic meds what do they call them from

indicating that you have mental instability you can make a list like that and say you can't sell to those people the honest people of America wouldn't be upset with that but if you structure something so that an honest person loses his rights to defend himself and his family then you have encroached on their rights okay well, another issue that came up this week that's also kind of hard to talk about.

Well, let's go to what Hillary Clinton said, because she riled up the usual suspects when she said, extreme views about women, we expect that from some of the terrorist groups.

We expect that from people who don't want to live in the modern world, but it's a little hard to take coming from Republicans who want to be the President of the United States.

Now, obviously, this upset a lot of people because they said she was comparing Republicans to terrorists.

Not really, but considering that Republicans.

Well, I mean, considering that, well,

she said we expect this from people who don't want to live in the modern world and terrorist groups.

Considering that there are now three, and by the way, the Republicans are threatening to shut down the government over Planned Parenthood clinics.

There are three Republicans now, Walker, Huckabee, and Rubio, who have taken the abortion debate to a place from, I think,

extremism to absolutism, where they are saying, even in the case of the life of the mother, we do not commit it, we do not perform an abortion.

That is a little,

I'm sorry, but terroristy.

Well, I don't think it's, I may not say that.

I don't think that's as unnerving as when we see pictures pictures that are coming out about Planned Parenthood and people talking about selling body parts and how to get a fetus out of a woman's body

so it would be a whole body

so they can sell the parts.

That's a little unnerving, too.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

First of all, it's legal.

No, it's not.

It's not legal to sell body parts.

Those fetuses or anything else.

They're not selling the parts.

First of all, we're talking about hundreds of dollars.

They're covering the cost of shipping and handling because, yes, fetal tissue has been very valuable in solving a lot of medical problems.

The 1954 Nobel Prize went to someone who worked in fetal tissue.

They work with AIDS.

They work with Parkinson's disease.

They work with muscular dystrophy.

That's this is not, they're not, you know, you.

You make it sound like they're killing babies and selling them to carrying them.

You're trying to tell me that that's what these body parts are being sold for?

Of course that's what they're being sold for.

And they're not body parts.

They're fetal tissue.

Body parts.

Make it sound like Frankenstein.

They are body parts.

They're not body parts.

Listen,

if you can identify an organ of the body,

then that is a body part.

And

people who are going to planned parents are going to be a part of the body.

The reason we're having this conversation at all is because it has become the popular way of trying to attract a certain base of voters.

to a Republican candidate's election.

And it is truly political demagoguery of the very worst kind.

because

caught in the crossfires of that demagoguer are real women who are losing their access to vital and important reproductive health care in this country.

It happened in the state of Texas.

Texas has defunded Planned Parenthood.

And we saw the outfall of that.

Approximately 180,000 women lost the only health care that they had in our state.

And we're not talking about abortion clinics.

We're talking about family planning, reproductive health care, cancer screenings, women who will now have cancer.

There are 9,000 clinics in the United States that provide those services for women.

Well, and by the way,

they will shut down.

This is the summer of the city.

Let me make one point, and that is, when you say that all of us who believe we're against abortion are doing it

for only political reasons, that listen people cannot be.

People can honestly disagree with each other.

Okay, and that, okay, let's get to the honest disagreement.

First of all, to your point about you mentioned all the things they do, Jeb Bush said yesterday, I for one don't think Planned Parenthood ought to get a penny because they're not actually doing women's health issues.

This is the fight that's not.

It sounds like they might be doing that.

97% of what they do, 97% is in the arena of reproductive, contraceptive, and well-women health care.

Only 3% of their work is in the abortion area.

And he's the smart Bush.

I just think we've been experiencing the summer of Trump.

If you think that's the big story, just wait till Capitol Hill this fall.

Ted Cruz, all of his allies in Congress, they're angling to have a shutdown.

You nailed it because these social issues, they want them at the fore of the 2016 race.

This is a party that's been trying to avoid the social issues for a year to move toward the center in a general election.

Now, Huckabee struggling in Iowa, Carson, Cruz, all these conservatives who feel suffocated by Trump's rise, they want to have a shutdown, according to their associates, because they think this fight could help revive their campaign.

And just to be clear, the three I mentioned say that if a woman is raped, she has to carry the baby to terms.

So a woman is raped, that's something that was obviously not her consent.

Then she gets pregnant, something else she didn't ask for.

Now the government is going to step in and force one more thing she doesn't want upon her?

You know,

that seems

outrageous, even for the pro-life people.

Do you agree with that?

Look, if someone believes that what we're talking about is a little baby,

if someone believes that, that is what their moral position is going to be, that whatever reason, you don't kill a baby.

If a baby is born because there's been a rape, you don't kill the baby even if it's two days old.

Well, if it's three weeks before that, you don't kill it either.

And the people honestly can disagree.

I don't question anybody's morals on the other side of this issue.

Yeah, but we're just talking about forcing a woman to do something she doesn't want to do.

There's no connection between that and removing the funding from Planned Parenthood that does 97% of the other work that they do.

They get no funding for abortion.

None.

Especially since, yeah,

that's federally prohibited.

Especially since most of what Planned Parenthood does is contraception, which prevents abortion

more than anything else.

Shouldn't you be for that?

There are 9,000 community clinics that provide that same service, but don't provide the 500,000 abortions that Planned Parenthood has provided in the last two years.

So

the question is whether it's abortion, because these other things can be taken care of.

Let's see what Dr.

Let's get a doctor's opinion.

Dr.

Ben Carson, second now in the polls to Donald Trump, he says, there is no war on women.

There may be a war on what's inside of women.

I could not and did not make that up.

He's number two in Iowa right now, behind Trump.

He just got back from Iowa, South Carolina, Alabama.

This issue is animating the Republican base.

But I don't understand the overall strategy because Obama won women by a comfortable margin.

He won single woman 67 to 31.

And they seem to be in a battle with each other to write off that that vote in the hope of winning Kirk Cameron.

I don't think the polls will indicate that the majority, a vast majority of people agree with what you're saying.

I don't know right now.

I know the polls in the last two decades have gone from being very much in favor of permitting

vaccines.

And now maybe the majority of people do believe

single women.

They've got to win

Latina.

They're not going to be killed by Obama.

Especially young single women.

The Republican Party, look at the map, it's so difficult for them to put together the coalition to get the White House again.

If they start losing women, I went to a Trump focus group this past week.

Even Trump supporters worry about his commentary on women.

They worry about the party on women.

Well, if you're going to get the Latino vote, which everybody keeps talking about, the Latino vote abortion is a very important issue.

True.

And

these are issues that are important to those people.

And they are good people.

Good people can disagree on this issue.

And we have to take into consideration and treat each other with respect rather than saying it's a bunch of political shenanigans.

Okay.

So as long as Hillary Clinton brought this up about people who live in the modern world and terrorists, I say to her, you Islamophobe Hillary.

That's what stupid people say to me.

But ISIS is in the news again.

I don't know if they inspired the attack on the French train that I think we can all agree provided us with three true American heroes, USA, USA.

But there's always a story in the news, it seems, about somebody trying to join ISIS.

Here last week or two weeks ago, it was a couple, a young couple in Mississippi.

Did you see this?

These two, I think they were about 20 years old.

They were getting married and pretending to go on their honeymoon, but really they were going to join ISIS.

And people are very concerned.

Why does ISIS have this hold over young people all around the world going to join them?

They're great at propaganda.

This started with Al-Qaeda.

Al-Qaeda has a magazine.

I'm not kidding about this.

It's called Inspire.

There it is.

That's a real magazine.

And then ISIS came out with Dabik.

I hope I'm pronouncing that right so they don't kill me.

Dabik.

And these have done so well now.

You can tell here's where the joke part's coming in.

Now ISIS is coming out with a woman's magazine.

It's called Uncosmopolitan.

Would you like to know some of the articles in it?

Of course you would.

They're articles like how to drive your man wild.

That is, if you were allowed to drive.

I was mistaken for a voting booth.

Five signs: Your Burqa is too boxy.

The day I felt the sun on my face, one woman's amazing story.

Oh, I'm glad they're laughing.

Seven sexy outfits guaranteed to get you beaten with a stick.

Five moves that will make him forget those 72 virgins.

And of course, what women's magazine wouldn't have who wore it best?

Getting the trust back when you've caught him raping someone else.

And your most secret confessions.

I parked the car, and I liked it.

All right, he is the senior editor for the Daily Beast, the author of ISIS inside the Army of Terror.

Please welcome Michael Weiss.

Michael,

how are you, sir?

Michael Weiss is over here, everybody.

Hello, our panel.

Okay.

All right.

Now, Michael, what a perfect introduction for you, our little bit about ISIS.

And you wrote the book about ISIS.

First of all, I have to ask you, does ISIS like it when you write books about them?

It's funny you should mention that

one guy actually kind of blurbed us on Twitter.

He said, you know, this isn't a bad narrative.

I'm not sure if we should put that on the next issue, to be honest with you.

Well, the mafia loved The Godfather.

That's true.

They also stole our book and published it in pirated form.

So I think they're learning a thing or two about themselves.

So

was the train

thing in France, was that inspired by ISIS?

It's, I think, too soon to tell.

I mean, look, the problem we have with these acts of terror in Europe, Al-Qaeda is now competing with ISIS, right?

ISIS used to be part of Al-Qaeda and they split two years ago.

The way they compete is

by doing these spectacular assaults, right?

This is the way they drum up recruitment.

This is the way that they show we are the vanguard jihadi party in the world.

And this is how they improved upon al-Qaeda, right?

Al-Qaeda wasn't good at media like that.

Right.

No, well,

Bin Laden in a cave.

Yeah, no ISIS.

No production value.

Exactly.

Totally.

Totally.

Well, actually, the guy who founded ISIS, Abu Musaf al-Zarqawi, they're Jordani, you remember him because we all watch these videos.

They dress their hostages in the Guantanamo-based style orange jumpers.

He's the guy who specialized in this.

Nicholas Berg, the American contractor, beheaded on camera.

But

it was very amateur film compared to what's now high production value.

It's like a twisted Michael Mann film that they're putting out.

So this guy on the train, I mean, he's, first he said he was robbing it.

Right.

And I knew he wasn't robbing it.

I mean, he had with him cans of gasoline.

He had huge arsenal.

It's not a robbery.

First of all, why would you need that to rob it?

Why would you rob a train that's moving?

And with an AK-47.

Right.

But I knew that if I said something, if or I tweeted something about, you know, he's not robbing it, it'd be like, oh, Bill Maher, you bigot.

You know, Muslims can just rob.

They don't have to always be on terrorism.

It's like, do we always have to play this game?

But the other thing I want to ask you is that so many times we see these attacks,

terrorists are so bad at terrorism.

I mean, obviously all it takes is one, so we're not being cavalier about it.

But we had the car bomber locked himself out, the Times Square bomber locked himself out of his car bomb.

The underwear bomber couldn't light his underus on fire.

Why are they so bad at it?

Well, a lot of these guys, I mean, look, Al-Qaeda.

First time.

First time, and they're cannon fodder.

They don't go, they don't say, come over here, we'll put you through jihadi training camp, we'll teach you how to shoot a rifle or a machine gun or how to build a bomb.

You showed an image of INSPIRE, the Al-Qaeda Propaganda Rec.

The most famous article they ever published was called, How to Build a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom.

Now, if you're a guy living like

that, I'm not making this up.

If you're a guy living in Minnesota and you try to build a bomb in the kitchen of your mom, you're going to blow your goddamn face off more likely than actually construct a viable bomb.

That's right, yeah.

So, yeah, there's sort of a Keystone cops aspect to a lot of this.

But look, as you mentioned, it only takes one, right?

The Zernaya brothers, they got lucky in Boston, didn't they?

We've been incredibly lucky.

A lot of this is to do with, frankly, very good police work.

FBI Counterterrorism Task Force, you mentioned these two, this couple from Mississippi.

The girl, they were caught because they were talking to undercover FBI agents, thinking they were ISIS jihadis.

And one of the girls actually, the female of the pair, said, oh, gee, I think the FBI will probably stop us before we board the plane to Turkey, saying this to an FBI agent.

so she was right actually

now the people when they caught that couple in Mississippi everybody around them said I can't believe it they seem like such nice people they didn't betray their ideas at all right the Sarnaev brothers saying most of the terrorists this is the reaction this is what is so scary to me is that

Muslims in our society, they live in the society, they seem to enjoy Western society, and there must be something in their brain that is saying, oh, but you really should feel kind of guilty about that.

And we were talking before, but how do you know when the person is going to snap?

How do you know?

The Sarnaev kid was popular.

He was good looking.

He had girlfriends.

He had money.

And the most interesting thing is it's usually it's not people who come over from foreign countries, right?

Their parents come over.

They want to make a good living.

They want to live the American dream or the British dream if such a thing exists.

And their children become radicalized and then set things off.

So Jihadi John, Mohamed Mwazi, his dad was a black taxi driver in London, you know, middle-middle kind of background.

How did this happen?

He got a degree in engineering.

You mentioned the underpants bomber, Abdul Muttalib.

His father was a minister in the Nigerian government who actually blew the whistle.

He said, I think my son's becoming a terrorist.

This guy actually was president of the Islamic Society at his university in London and putting out videos that were celebrating the 9-11 attacks and actually propagating the sermons of Anur al-Laki, an al-Qaeda cleric.

He may have actually gone to a mosque in London where

al-Aqi's sermons were being broadcast.

So this is all happening.

We all say, how did this happen?

We didn't see it coming.

Actually, we do see it coming in a lot of instances.

You can tell when your children are kind of going down this wayward path.

In a lot of cases, everybody rebels when they're young, when they're an adolescent.

But if you start watching the YouTube videos, praising jihad, start making excuses for what ISIS is doing, the moral equivalency argument, these are all telltale signs, you know?

How do we encourage the moderate Muslims to step forward?

I mean, Nina Burley, the excellent writer, wrote an article called, Why Don't Don't More Muslims Denounce Their Co-Religionists Barbarism, subtitled, Talking to You, Reza Aslan.

And then I read about the four bloggers in Bangladesh who have been killed just this year, just because they were writing things that were somewhat critical.

Well, that's why it's hard for moderate Muslims to step forward.

I get it.

What can we do to change that dynamic?

You know, it's amazing.

A lot of moderate Muslims do step forward.

You mentioned the Bangladeshi.

Yes, there are brains.

One of the brave ones.

One of them was from a Muslim background.

He was an atheist.

There have been petitions sent to the Bangladeshi government accusing them of being accomplices to these crimes by not investigating them, not going after the perpetrators.

Of the signatories of those petitions, a lot of them are practicing Muslims, scientists, writers.

Some of them even live in Bangladesh.

So imagine the kind of balls it takes to do that.

You know, Charlie Hebdo, you talked a lot about this on the show.

In Beirut, Lebanon, the day after the attack, nobody, this wasn't on the front page of the New York Times.

There was a rally, over 500 people in attendance, Christians, Sunni, Shia, standing in solidarity with the slain journalists in Paris, while Western intellectuals were making excuses for the terrorism and saying, well, the cartoonists brought it on themselves.

They offended Islam.

These were Muslims doing this and risking their life in a country that's largely controlled by a terrorist organization, no less.

Well said.

Let me bring this back to

our

immigration problem because you know the the right-wing parties in Europe are getting stronger and it's a lot of it is because the liberals had their eyes shut about this issue for a long time.

It's not my fault.

But it's so interesting that Europe has a really nasty immigration problem that can be violent.

We have just friendly people south of our border who want to come here and exploit us by picking our fruit.

And

the racism out of the Trump camp is getting really kind of nasty.

Get out of my country, is what his bodyguard said to Jorge Ramos.

Trump said, go back to Univision.

He said the man was very emotional.

These are not that coded code words.

Those two guys in Boston last week who kicked the shit out of an immigrant and then said Trump was right.

Donald Trump was in Alabama.

last week.

Here's what one of his supporters said after the rally.

He said, hopefully if Trump's elected president, he'll make the border a vacation spot.

It's going to cost you $25 for a permit, permit, and then you get $50 for every confirmed kill.

I was there.

You were there for that rally.

I was there covering Trump in Alabama.

The most fascinating thing about that crowd, a lot of white working-class people, a lot of white-collar people from all around Alabama, the Florida panhandle, insurance salesmen, teachers.

They're clicking with Trump.

Can you get away with talking about black people like this in America at this point?

I don't think so.

You can kick Mexicans still, but this is about,

this is pretty out there.

And you know,

if I would, if that was my party,

you know, I'd be a little ashamed.

I think you're absolutely right.

But remember,

you're absolutely right.

Trump is bombastic, and he's arrogant, and he's doing this in a very personal way,

especially with Mexicans and Mexican-Americans.

But

why he is catching on, which, by the way, I disagree with him half the time on this issue, is he is addressing the illegal immigration issue, which is affecting middle-class American working people in a very detrimental way.

No,

no, no.

Yeah, I will tell you, the reason why everybody else says no,

I don't know if you live in a gated community or if you have guards or whatever.

I have guards.

But you have guards.

I have guards in the gates.

Okay, well,

the bombs.

And dogs and bombs.

There you go.

Well, and you're

ordinary Americans.

And drones.

A significant number of...

So just try it, Isis.

But is this drum phenomenon to be even a significant number of Americans have had a very negative impact on their life of out-of-control illegal immigration into our country?

Now, he's wrong.

Well, now you do sound like a wrong.

He's wrong in several of his solutions.

He's wrong in several of his solutions, but he is right in addressing an issue

that people.

He's racebaiting, he's race baiting, and he knows that's what he's doing.

He knows that's what he's doing.

It's a book out of the George Wallace playbook, essentially a page out of the George Wallace playbook.

I think this guy is a European-style demagogic politician in the American context.

This is our Berlusconi.

Totally.

You know, almost ideology doesn't even matter, far left, far right.

It's whatever appeals to the chief people.

Illegal immigration was not an issue that the American people were concerned about on a very personal level.

They'd never put up with this negative attitude that he's got.

They may be concerned about it.

It doesn't mean that it's real.

The Republican side, especially, is great at fantasy issues.

The truth is that net immigration from Mexico has been zero for the last seven or eight years.

Well, that's what your experts can tell you.

The bottom line is it's not just Mexico that we're talking about.

This isn't a Mexican issue.

This is an issue about a massive flow of illegals that just bid down the wages of our people, consume education and health care, but

get rid of all that.

They belong to the American people.

They actually have a lot of people.

Somebody's got a champion of the people.

Can I just vent for one second about the media on Donald Trump?

Because they keep complaining that, well, he's at the top of the polls.

We have to cover him.

Maybe he's at the top of the polls because you cover him endlessly.

Exactly.

And I was watching, CNN was going to do a special on Katrina.

They blew it off for this 55-minute bragathon Donald Trump speech.

Just let me summarize what Donald Trump said.

First, he brags about how he didn't do the apprentice, give up a lot of money.

Then he brags about in Business Week, they named me a while ago the best in a people's poll of negotiators.

Then he says, most people don't know.

I own the Bank of America building in San Francisco.

I got it from the Chinese.

I did great.

Then he goes to China.

They've taken our money and our jobs.

It's one of the greatest thefts in the history of the world.

That's the way Hitler used to talk about the Jews.

Okay, they didn't steal anything.

We gave them our jobs.

Rich people like that fuck sent them overseas on purpose.

You keep saying, you know, everyone says the media should cover less Trump.

I entirely disagree.

Trump needs more coverage.

He's the frontrunner in the Republican Party.

Look into his business dealings.

How did he make the real estate money?

What's his political position?

I don't hear any of that.

Well, we're looking into at the post.

I know other newspapers are, I mean, the level of coverage is maybe saturated.

But Trump, he's the frontrunner in the Republican Party.

And if if he wins those deep South primaries in early March, he could well be the nominee.

Deserves more coverage.

As a Democrat, I say, keep it up.

Keep it up.

Keep it up.

All right.

But

that's...

But because Trump has all of these

drawbacks, which they do, and I agree with your criticisms, what you're saying about him, that doesn't mean the issue that is driving this is something, by the way, it is China.

You said that.

Yes.

And I disagree.

Let me go back to his...

Well, you live behind a guarded gate, and I don't.

What's

to do with the fact that

if we didn't do these jobs, they wouldn't get done.

Illegal immigration.

John McCain said this years ago.

He said,

Americans have...

Old school Richard.

What is the phrase Trump always uses, silent majority.

This is Richard Nixon-style politics.

Run against the elites.

A person who says he's worth $10 billion is running against the political system of the elites, using language like guarded gates.

That's why Trump's connecting, right, Congressman?

That is exactly why Trump is connecting, because people who live behind guarded gates don't see the security of their neighborhood going down because of a massive

reform.

How many people in this audience don't live behind a guarded gate?

How many are having this problem with immigrants?

No, no, no.

Crime.

Crime that's committed by illegal immigrants.

Oh, but this is massive.

Let me tell you something.

I've lived in California for 32 years.

I think the Latinos are the only people who work hard out here.

The studies

said.

Oh, it's all right.

The Latinos, it's always making it a racial issue.

This isn't the Mexicans.

This is what are we talking about?

Look, if you take a look right now, what she's got in this.

This is coming from Mexico, the sweets.

Hey, I've always got to say that.

Immigration makes cities safer.

They have done studies.

This is the biggest myth going: that illegal immigrants, you know, like Trump comes out and says, who's doing the raping, who's committing all the crime?

It's actually not the immigrants coming to this country, lawfully or unlawful.

But that's the scary thing about the Republicans.

They don't care about facts.

Jorge Ramos said to him,

Sir, the wall won't help because over 40% of illegals come by plane and just stay.

And Trump says, I don't believe it.

It's as big as a plane.

But it's not true.

They're not coming from Mexico.

So they made up this figure that Ann Coulter just took out of her ass: that it's not 11 million illegals, it's 30 million.

It is, at least.

It is.

Okay.

All right.

Well, thank you, panel.

We have to put it aside for another day, but it was lively.

We have to go to New Rules.

Hi, everybody.

New rules.

Neuroll, stop sending me this photo of a Trump rally with the sign, thank you, Lord Jesus, for President Trump.

It's not the sign that worries me, it's the baby.

That look on his face says, I have seen the future and I want back in the womb.

New roll, don't judge how poorly the stock market is doing based on the reaction of the traders on the floor.

They flip flip out over everything.

These guys pictured here are just ordering coffee.

That's so true.

Neuro Fox News must capitalize on the current mood of their viewers and create their very first children's show, Anchor Babies.

Laugh and learn along with Jesus, Wang, and Muhammad as they steal your hearts the way they stole their citizenship.

They're adorable and they're deportable.

They're adorptable.

New rules, someone must explain to the Missouri woman who saw an image of Donald Trump in it

in a tub of margarine that that's not an image, that's actually Donald Trump.

Yes.

It's true.

Every night at midnight, he must return to his plastic tub

and assume his natural state, a viscous, oily goo,

because Donald Trump is actually a vampire made of vegetable oil,

condemned to an eternity of anger tweeting until somebody spreads him over corn.

Hero, you can get mad at this fat kid for tripping at the museum and punching a hole in a 350-year-old painting worth a million and a half dollars, but you've got to give him credit.

He doesn't drop his soda.

USA, USA.

And finally, Neurule, someone has to break it to the world's religions that they have something in common with Addi, the new female sex pill.

Yes, that's right, there's now a pill that makes women want more sex,

but can also lower blood pressure and put you to sleep.

It was invented by Bill Cosby.

Now,

I know what you're asking.

Bill, what could a female sex pill possibly have in common with religion?

Well, both try to tell you that your sexual urges, as you feel them, are just not right and need adjustment.

People have been calling Addy the female Viagra, but no, Addy is a mood drug, whereas Viagra is for men who still have the desire for sex but physically can't.

Their penis used to go up like a lightsaber and

now it goes on like hanging Christmas lights.

Viagra simply addresses blood flow, which is why so many first-time Viagra users never refill the prescription.

They think it's going to make them horny for their wives again, but they end up watching Sports Center, same as always.

Except with a raging heart on, which

sounds bad, but it actually creates the perfect place to stack your onion rings.

But Addy isn't a drug for making women able to have sex.

It's to make them want to.

And that's why it's so wrong.

It's medicalizing a woman's natural mental state.

You're not just not in the mood.

The drug company says you have sexual desire disorder.

Except it's not a disorder.

It's the perfectly normal result of having to wash your husband's dirty drawers every day for the last 10 years.

But wait, now that we have this pill for women who don't want to have sex but want to want it, maybe we need a pill

Maybe we need a pill for people who don't want to take the pill but need to be made to take it

Introducing pilify

Pilify the pill that makes you take the pill that makes you want to want what you don't really want

Ask your doctor if Pilify is right for you.

Ask him to ask us, and we'll tell you.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, we checked, and he said, fuck yeah, it's right for you.

But look, why should people who aren't that into sex be made to feel like they need medication?

And conversely, why should people who want a lot of sex be made to feel like they need a cold shower?

Which brings me to religion.

And Josh Duggar.

Josh, of course, is one of the 19 Duggar children from that horrific reality show.

And as a professional Christian, he'd been getting paid to preach about only using his penis to procreate with his God-sanctioned spousal vessel.

And yet, Josh, it turns out, had not one but two accounts on Ashley Madison.

And on his profile, under turn-ons,

he basically listed all of the above.

He was seeking tall women, short women, long hair, short hair, girl-next-door type, naughty girl type, basically anyone who wasn't breastfeeding in a prairie dress.

And he blamed his

infidelity on a porn addiction.

Oh, Josh, dude, you're just horny.

I'd say the genie is out of the bottle, but I'm afraid you'd bang the genie.

Or the bottle.

But, look.

Josh Dunger, like lots of people, just wasn't cut out to be married.

Isn't it a bit weird that in a country which now celebrates every alternative gender and sexual choice, we're still judging and micromanaging straight sex?

Caitlin Jenner gets up at the Espys in a dress with tits and a dick under it, and

there's not a dry eye in the house.

Somehow, with gay and transgender people, we celebrate, as we should, the concept of I am who I am, I was born this way, this is my truth.

Well, great, but could we get the same deal for the other 95% percent of us

if you don't want to fuck your husband fine and if you want to fuck a lot of people fine too whatever you want should be fine because when it comes to sexual freedom I'll have what she's having

All right, that's our show.

We'll be off next week back on September 11th.

I'll be at the Century in Wichita, September 12th, at the Washington Pavilion in Sioux Falls, September 13th, and at the Embassy in Fort Wayne, September 19th, I want to thank Robert Costa, Wendy Davis, Tana Robertbacher, Michael Weiss, and Rick Santorum.

Join us now for overtime on YouTube.

Thank you, folks.

All new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 11, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more info, log on to HBO.com.