Bonus Bill (Originally aired 8/28/15)

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0.

Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, folks.

Thank you.

You're very kind.

Wait, wait, what a crowd for a Thursday.

Oh, and I have, unfortunately, bad news and bad news.

The bad, first bad news, Tobias Strable, he is the man who had plastic surgery to look exactly like Justin Bieber.

He has passed away.

And the other bad news, the real Justin Bieber is just fine.

Now,

I don't know if you've detected what's going on here yet, but I am struggling to avoid talking about Donald Trump.

But try as I might, no one can.

I mean, he's 24-7 all over the media, everywhere.

The press keeps asking him questions about his opinion means something on everything.

He's this wise elder statesman.

They asked him yesterday about mental illness.

He said, it's a massive problem.

We need to do a better job

treating it.

But then he said, but not till after the election, because that's my base.

Whatever this guy says, whatever brain fart he has, is giant news now.

Yesterday he said, I'm never eating Oreos again.

Oh, breaking news.

Trump never.

Because the Oreo people are moving their plant to Mexico.

This guy does not like.

Trump.

That's why he's never going to eat an Oreo again.

This guy does not like Mexicans.

He said he wouldn't even dunk any cookie in milk that came from a brown cow.

This guy really doesn't like it.

But of course, all the other candidates have to fall in line behind it.

I want, at the next debate, I want the moderator to ask all the other Republican candidates if they would sign a pledge also not to eat Oreos.

Just to watch Chris Christie squirm.

But in the latest poll, Donald Trump is pulling away from all the other Republican candidates.

Yet Trump now has 28% of Republican voters far away from the number two is neurosurgeon Dr.

Ben Carson.

How ironic, a life spent curing diseased minds and now he's losing to one.

And have you seen the people who are turning up at the Trump rallies?

They look like they've been waitlisted for a lynch mob.

They wanted to go to a tractor pull, but they didn't have the grades.

But see, Trump has been expanding his appeal from hardcore racists to casual weekend racists

while locking in the true believers.

Like David Duke, the former KKK grain wizard, endorsed Trump.

White supremacist, neo-Nazi groups are coming out of the woodwork to endorse Donald Trump.

And he's embracing it.

He's got a hat now that says, make America hate again.

And you saw the dust-up he had with Jorge Romos?

Did you see that of Univision?

Right.

He was giving a

press conference in Iowa, and Jorge Romas showed up and started talking to him, and Trump was like, go back to Univision, and had him thrown out of the room.

Well, now they're calling Jorge Ramos the Walter Krunkite of Latino broadcasting.

And, of course, Trump is the Ron Burgundy of American politics.

But Trump, of course, when it was all over, was like, oh, I handled it beautifully.

Everybody said I won.

Of course, everybody said.

And he said about Jorge Romas, he said, look, you just can't stand up at a news conference and start babbling confrontational nonsense.

That's my job.

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton's problems just get...

And, you know, it's not her fault.

It's all this email bullshit that is nothing, in my opinion, anyway.

But she always has to come out and make new statements.

Today she said she should have used two email accounts.

She takes responsibility for not doing that.

She said her use of just one email account was out of convenience, like her marriage.

Well, yeah, looks like Joe Biden might jump in.

The big news this week was that President Obama gave him his blessing to run.

Or as it was reported on Fox News, scary black man tells lovable old white guy, you better run.

And how many have their money in the stock market?

Because that was a wild ride this week, right?

It's back to normal now, but it dropped a thousand points in one day, and then it went back and down and back again.

It's okay now.

Well, it's okay until President Trump is going to put a huge tariff on everything from around the world, causing a giant financial crash.

But it'll be worth it because he can eat Oreos again.

Thank you very much.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

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