Bonus Bill (Originally aired 6/19/15)

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, No, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Now it's time for Real Time 2.0, your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

That's better than Friday.

We should take the show right now.

Well, I think I know why these people are happy because the Pope opened a can of whoop-ass today.

Did you see that?

On greedy, polluting industrialist assholes.

He said climate change is real.

I love this.

The guy who does a magic show every Sunday telling the Republicans to get real about science.

Oh, that's the people what apes it over this Rachel Dolezal story.

Have you been following this this week?

The woman who's pretending to be black when she was really white, what

conditioned doctors called

Justin Bieber syndrome.

That's what that

is.

Yeah, she had to step down now as the head of the Spokane and NAACP, and the post will now be filled by Spokane's other black person.

So that's.

Now exciting political news this week.

Jeb Bush has announced, who gives a fuck?

Trump is in.

Trump!

Thank you, Jesus.

That's right.

Donald Trump announced yesterday he's running for president.

He said he had to because so many people were begging him to do it.

They were all comedians, but we were begging him to do it.

Trump, I mean Hillary, of course, would be the first woman president, but Trump would be the first president with his own line of cufflinks.

His slogan is, I still believe in a place called me.

He looks, talks, and speaks like the asshole character in a 70s sitcom.

I always expect the washing machine behind him to explode, and the soap bubbles go all everywhere, and the waiter's going to drop a bowl of spaghetti on his head, and the pants go, and there's

the boxer shorts with the hearts on them.

And there was a little scandal involved because it came out that some of his supporters who were at the rally yesterday were movie extras that he paid $50 an hour to be there.

In his own defense, Donald Trump said today they were the finest top-quality fake supporters in the world.

World-class fake supporters.

Much better than that jerk, Kim Jong-un.

Thank you very much.

You're a great.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.