Episode #357 (Originally aired 6/19/15)

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, No, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late night series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Good afternoon.

Afternoon.

Time will be

real time.

Thank you, Lucinson now.

Thank you so much.

You're very clever.

Oh, look at this.

What a crowd.

What a crowd.

Oh, thank you.

Wow.

I am.

Thank you for that.

That's great.

That's right.

Because that was not an easy news week, so let's start with something positive.

How about the Pope?

I love him again.

The Pope opened a can of whoop ass

on greedy, polluting, industrialist assholes.

He said climate change is real.

He said, we are living in a structurally perverse economic system where the rich exploit the poor, and it's turning the earth into an immense pile of filth.

And the Republican response was swift and immediate.

They said, and?

What's your point, Poppy?

Go back to washing feet.

Also, second big, good piece of news: the Treasury announced that by the end of the decade, there's going to be a woman on the $10 bill.

We've never had a woman on a

paper currency.

And

they thought it was going to be Harriet Tubman, the abolitionist from the Civil War era, but they found out just yesterday she's actually a white girl from Still Can.

So

it's not going to happen.

Oh, how about that Rachel Dolezal?

She dominated the news for a while, didn't she?

Boy, she was on Today.

Is she on the Today show with Matt Lauer?

It's sticking to her story.

She said she identifies as black.

And Matt Lauer said, yeah, I identify as someone with hair.

Oh,

speaking of people who dress up as black women,

Obama was at Tyler Perry's house today, or was it yesterday?

He doesn't, okay.

By the way, president for the president, another tough week for him because this was the 14th time he had to address the nation on a mass shooting.

This one, of course, you heard in South Carolina.

This one, an unapologetic white supremacist.

It is amazing how these white men who believe they're a member of the master race always look like the half-wit who sprays fungicide in the shoes at the bowling alley.

And

on Fox News, they could not decide if this was absolutely not the right time to talk about guns or absolutely not the right time to talk about racism.

And yet, you know, the shooter purposefully went to a black church.

He told the victims that he had to do it because they were taking over.

He wore pro-apartheid stickers on his jacket.

His friends said he was big into segregation.

He talked about starting a race race war.

So naturally, when it comes to what motivated him, Republicans are stumped.

They are.

They cannot figure it out.

The governor of South Carolina, Nikki Haley, said, we'll never understand.

Jeb Bush, we can't know.

Jindal, Lindsey Graham, Trump, all of them said it's some version of it's incomprehensible.

There is just no way to know what motivated a racist to kill black people.

Fellas, you know what?

When a guy like this talks about the South will rise again, he's not talking about IQ levels.

This guy openly said he was trying to start a race war, which is delusional.

Because if Donald Trump's speech didn't do it the day before, nothing will.

Did you see that?

Oh my God.

This is Donald Trump.

After three years,

since the last election, of every single conservative in this country saying if the Republicans ever hope to win the White House back, they have to reach out to Latinos,

Donald Trump opens his campaign saying Mexicans, they bring drugs, they bring crime, and they're rapists.

Oh wait, I meant to say fraternities.

They're the ones who.

Trump said when Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best.

I love this idea that Mexico is sending its people.

Hey, you, Rodriguez, Alvarez, Cabrera, get up here.

You're next.

Come on, end the pipeline.

I mean,

between the white woman who thinks she's black and Trump thinking he could be president.

It was a very good week for

narcissistic personality disorder.

It's like your abnormal abnormal psych textbook came to life.

And

Donald Trump's speech was so perfectly, impeccably, beautifully unhinged

and unfact-checked.

Like he said, economic growth has never been below zero until the last quarter.

It's been below zero 42 times since World War II.

He said there are no jobs to be had.

There are 5.4 million openings the most in 15 years.

He said we've never beaten Japan at anything.

He was talking out of his ass so much.

At one point a roadie went on stage and put a mic behind him.

And I love this.

He just rambled on like Castro, you know, going on and on for hours.

And then finally went, I swear, this is his quote.

He said, to sum up, I would do various things very quickly.

Who is not going to want to vote for that, ladies and gentlemen?

There you go.

Various things very quickly.

And there was a little scandal, you know, with his announcement because it turned out some of the supporters who came out to watch him were actually movie extras who were paid $50.

I am guessing this is not the first time Donald Trump has paid someone $50 to pretend he excites them.

But

he has one real fan, Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin took to her Facebook page to say he's courageous, tenacious, and he will fire up the economy.

She may not convince a lot of voters, but she sure earned her $50.

All right, we got a great show.

Congressman Lise Gutierrez, Joy Reed, and Matt Lewis are here.

And a little later, Ann Coulter will be out here to entertain you.

But first, he is the longest-serving independent in the United States Senate who is running for president as a Democrat.

Bernie Sanders is here.

Bernie.

Look at that.

Bernie.

Good to see you smile.

You know, you're always so serious, which is great because we want a serious guy, but you deserve a smile.

You're a rock star now.

And, you know, you got into this.

Everybody said it was just a boutique campaign.

You're in New Hampshire.

You're within 10 points of Hillary.

You're drawing such big crowds, they have to change the venues.

You've already got Hillary Clinton talking like Elizabeth Warren.

I'm guessing you're going to say it's because you have the right message.

Yeah, actually we do have the right message.

Look,

what the campaign is about is a very radical idea.

We're going to tell the truth.

And the truth is that for 40 years, the middle class of this country has been disappearing, and there has been a huge transfer of trillions of dollars in wealth from working families to the top one-tenth of one percent.

And what the people of this country are saying, enough is enough.

Our government, our country belong to all of us, and not just a few billionaires.

Right.

All right, so let's dig down a little deeper into the campaign.

I mean, you are closing the gap on Hillary, but obviously, she's still way ahead with women.

You do very well with men and the older, older men, especially.

Now, some women you will just never get.

I don't mean you personally.

Although that, too.

But because, yeah, obviously there's a lot of enthusiasm for the first woman candidate.

But you know, I think where you could do really well is with younger voters.

They liked Ron Paul.

He was not a young, but he had that same sort of authenticity thing going.

Is your campaign savvy about how to reach the younger people?

Because are you on Tinder?

Well, I will tell you that we have a very active social media effort.

Good.

In the Senate, we have more people on our Facebook page than any other member of the United States Senate.

We're being very...

And by the way, that's sanders.senate.gov.

And we are being very aggressive in reaching out to young people.

Look, I think what we want to do is tap Bill the idealism of the kids.

And what the kids are saying, for example, is that this country should lead the world in transforming our energy system and dealing with climate change.

And that's an issue we're going to talk about a whole lot.

And you are right about what the Pope did.

I mean, this Pope has,

dare I say, been a miracle for humanity.

He makes me very conservative on economic issues.

and that he spoke out on climate change in as forceful a manner as he did is just extraordinary.

One of the embarrassments that...

Atheists and Jews who love the Pope.

I mean, one of the embarrassments that goes on in this country today is we have a major political party called the Republican Party that is rejecting what the overwhelming majority of scientists are saying, and that is, of course, climate change is real and caused by human activity.

And

I think the fact that the Pope has spoken out will, in fact, have a profound influence all over this world.

I mean, he's got religion, science, and economic morality on his side.

Yeah, he does.

That's very rare.

Okay, so

I saw this little cartoon on the internet.

It was you riding a unicorn.

And it says, you know, Bernie Sanders, he wants you to have free college, free health care, free daycare, free, free, free.

Obviously, this.

So do they.

Exactly.

Obviously, the point of it was, you know, you can't have all this free stuff.

And I thought, you know, what about war?

Is that free?

I read somewhere that that kind of costs a lot.

Well, so.

Actually, Bill, our Republican friends who took us into the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, they forgot to pay for those wars.

They just put it on the credit cards.

But to answer your question.

And they want new ones.

Absolutely, in the same way, without paying for it again.

But to answer your question, what I do want to see is the United States join the rest of the industrialized world, in fact, in guaranteeing health care to all people as a right.

In Germany and in many other countries, college education is virtually free, which is why I have introduced legislation to make all public colleges and universities in this country tuition-free.

And my point is, we are the wealthiest country in the history of the world.

But you know what?

It is not American, it is not sustainable, when so much of that wealth rests in the hands of a few.

So yes, I do want to redistribute that wealth to the middle class and working families and provide them the opportunities which they are entitled to.

But if I could just return to war for one second, I've heard you say something, I think it was on Charlie Rose, that I've been saying for a long time.

I don't hear anybody else say it, which is everybody talks about we got to go get ISIS, and you said Saudi Arabia, they got the third richest army in the world, right?

Third biggest defense budget.

Why can't they do it themselves?

I mean, Republicans love to talk about the culture of dependency.

What about all the countries who are depending on Uncle Sugar for their military aid?

Bill, you're not suggesting.

that the multi-billionaire family in Saudi Arabia, which has the third largest defense budget in the world, actually send their troops into combat against black people.

You're not suggesting that.

We're both suggesting that.

As opposed to sending American kids and our taxpayers paying for perpetual war in the Middle East?

Yeah.

Well, maybe the Saudis might want to step up to the plate along with other countries in the region.

We should be supportive, but not losing it.

Okay.

So,

my last question, the trade pact.

Obama was very for it, you're very against it.

I mean, the White House says that if we had this trade pact, and it's with 11 Asian countries, almost a

500 million population we'd be trading with,

some things that don't exist right now, like child labor laws would be in effect, environmental laws, there's nothing for that now.

If they signed the pact, that would be a part of it.

They'd have to be a segment to the International Labor Organization.

Why is it such a bad thing, do you think?

Because we have heard that argument, those same exact arguments, for every disastrous trade agreement that's come down the pike.

And the fact of the matter is, after NAFTA, after CAFTA, after permanent normal trade relations with China, we have lost millions of decent-paying jobs because American workers are seeing their plants shut down and those plants going to China and other low-wage countries and the products coming back into America.

In my view, the time is long overdue for these major corporations to start reinvesting in America and creating decent paying jobs right here.

All right, Bernie Sanders, everybody.

Keep it going, Bernie.

Keep smiling.

All right.

Let's meet our panel.

Hey,

talk star Bernie Sanders, huh?

Wow.

Some facts to follow, panel.

All right, here they are.

No pressure.

He's a senior contributor for the Daily Caller and contributing editor for theweek.com.

Please welcome Matt Lewis.

Hey, Matt, welcome back.

Thank you.

She is the MSNBC National Card D, I would say my favorite one.

Joy Reed is over here.

Hey, Joy.

And he represents Illinois' 4th District in the United States House of Representative Congressman Louis Gutierrez.

Did I say that right?

Yes, he did.

I'm working on my accent.

All right.

Remember to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and send us your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them after the show on YouTube.

All right, I'm going to give something away I've never done before, the end of the show.

I'm going to be talking about political correctness.

Now, mostly political correctness is from the left, and it drives me crazy because that's my tribe.

And it's about the words we can't say.

But I want to balance that out tonight by saying there's some political correctness on the right, too.

There are words you can't say on the right.

One of them is taxes, as in we're going to raise them.

And another one is racism.

And this was proved this week.

I mentioned it in the monologue, and let me just kind of flesh out some of the quotes I was alluding to.

This is of course about the shooting in South Carolina.

Jeb Bush, I don't know what was on his mind.

Trump, the tragedy is incomprehensible.

Nikki Haley, we will never understand what motivates anyone to enter one of our places of worship and take the lives of another.

Mark Sanford, remember him from South Carolina?

It's clearly the work of the devil.

The same asshole who made me fuck that chick from Argentine.

No, no.

You know, I added that.

But

they hate, they hate being called racist, conservative.

But isn't denying racism itself a form of racism?

I think

I think when

you look at what happened, the tragedy in South Carolina, and they say, well, let's have a conversation, let's have a healing moment, I think the greatest tribute, immediate tribute and honor to those that died is to take the Confederate flag that flies over the capital of South Carolina, take that flag down.

The Civil War has been over for 150 years.

It's over.

The good side won.

The side in America that says no to apartheid here in America and to slavery and to bigotry.

It's a flag of treason.

It's a flag of treason.

It's a treasonous action.

But when you get people to say that they want healing, then they should take specific acts to begin that healing.

And I think the problem, I think you're absolutely right, because the healing always has to come, at least when it comes to the right, from African Americans saying no foul.

No matter what happens, no foul.

Slavery, no foul.

Jim Crow, no worries.

They're still flying the Confederate flag over the Capitol where the pastor of this church had to pass right in front of it every day to go to work in the Senate in that state in South Carolina.

No worries, guys.

We never have to discuss this, even when the perpetrator says I'm here to kill black people, wore the Rhodesia and South Africa, white South Africa flags on his person,

and announced what his intentions were, which were clearly racist.

But we must have discussed this.

I think it was, I could be wrong, I think it was a Democratic governor of South Carolina who decided to keep that flag up.

And I think Jeb Bush took it down in Florida.

So maybe it's a bipartisan problem with that flag.

But I would take the flag down.

What year was that that the Democratic governor kept it up?

There hasn't been a Democratic governor in the South.

I mean, I think the last one went like in 2010.

Look, the issue is not to turn this back into a demonizing of the old Democratic Party that were the Klansman.

That's like audio.

But here's the problem.

Nikki Haley talked about the flag.

She said, no one, when she took over as governor, she said she reached out to CEOs across the state to drum up some jobs.

She said,

none of the CEOs, not one of them asked me about the flag.

She said, we really kind of fixed all that when you elected the first Indian American female governor.

See, this is the point I'm making.

They think they fixed all that.

But do you think that the flag, I mean, I agree, they should take that flag down.

But do you think that's why this young man shot up that church?

I think it's really...

Well, we can never know why someone snaps, but I bet you I know where he got his news.

Yeah.

I mean,

I looked at, because we're coming on the show, I looked at your website the last week.

It was a lot of stories about black people.

A lot of stories.

Same with Matt Drudge.

I mean, I think they present a really twisted view.

I'm not surprised this guy thought they're taking over the country.

Obviously, he's a warped mind.

That goes into it.

But I don't think it was video games.

And I do think the media is responsible to a degree.

Well, I think it was.

I think there is.

You know, I wouldn't say we should be droning Fox News, but we did drone Anwar al-Awlaki because he inspired people.

He didn't do any terrorist acts, he just inspired people.

Let me just challenge you on this real quick.

You have talked on shows in the past a lot.

I think you did a documentary that was anti-religion.

Right.

This guy goes into a church and shoots up a church.

I would not accuse you of inspiring people to

act violently because of your anti-religious rhetoric.

That would be wrong of me to do.

I think it's inappropriate to go.

That's a non-sequitur in this case.

Because religion was not the point.

The point is that he was a little bit of a bad thing.

He didn't go to a bowling alley.

He didn't go to a rock conference.

He went to a storied black church, probably the most famous black church in South Carolina, if not in the country, the birthplace of the African American.

But wait, but wait.

And said, I'm here to do you.

And he sat and worshiped with

Christian, African-American Christians at an AME church for an hour, and then he killed them.

I think it's safe to say religion had something to do with it.

Seriously?

You know.

Well, you're not the only one to say that.

Let me just quote a few people.

That guy, E.W.

Jackson, that they have on Fox News all the time, the black preacher.

He said, there does seem to be rising hostility against Christians in this country because of our biblical views.

And then Steve Ducey agreed with him.

He said, I love this quote, extraordinarily, they called it a hate crime.

And some look at it as, well, because it was a white guy in a black church, some would look at that way.

But you

made a great point earlier about the hostility towards Christians.

Yes, it was about the war on Christmas.

I don't know why we're bringing race into this.

There's a group called the Family Research Council

in Washington, D.C., a very conservative, socially conservative group.

Somebody showed up there and tried to shoot up that place.

But the

white supremacist walked in there.

He stated it because he believed that

black people were taking over his country.

Now, it sounds to me like...

I agree that rape was the primary motivation.

It sounds to me just like what the Tea Party said when Barack Obama became president of the United States.

There was this fear that somebody took away their country.

But moreover, he said, because,

because

you're raping my women.

Now, when you think Donald Trump and that young man had one thing in common this week, Donald Trump said that Mexicans come to this country not to work, but to rape women, and he repeated it.

There is a correlation between what you say and what people do.

I would not accuse Bill Maher of having any culpability

if someone goes into a church and shoots that up.

Non-sequitur,

The bottom line is: if you look even at the three flags that this young man adhered to, the Confederate flag emblem on his car, the Rhodesian flag, and the South African flag from apartheid South Africa, all three of those purported to be Christian governments.

The white Christian government in South Africa, which ruled over the majority black population there in Rhodesia, the violent white government that ruled over that population considered themselves quite Christian.

He could have been completely embracing what those governments stood for.

Well, this was not about Christianity.

That's a distortion.

It was about rape and hate.

It's also, before we run out of time, it's also about guns.

Can I ask one gun question?

Okay.

A couple of weeks ago in Texas, the legislator backed up what they've been trying to do for a long time, which is make it so that it's very hard to get an abortion in Texas.

There are only going to be eight clinics where you can do so because they kind of went around the law and they said, well, if you want to keep your abortion clinic open, you have be able to have admitting privileges like you would at a hospital.

It had to meet the standards of ambulatory surgical centers.

So, okay, they're very clever and they got it done.

Except if you need an abortion in Texas, like if you're in West Texas, El Paso is 545 miles.

From the nearest place where you can get one, San Antonio.

Now, aside from the fact that this is awfully cruel to a woman going through this very difficult time, to make her take a long car ride, Abortion is legal.

What if a progressive state made a law about guns where it was very hard to get a gun

and

it wound up closing all but eight gun shops and you had to drive 545 miles to buy a gun?

So would that be fair game?

Is there a Second Amendment for abortion?

On 14 occasions, he's had to address the nation because of terrific, horrific gun violence.

And they say he's playing politics.

That was the Republican response.

The President of the United States was playing politics.

You know what playing politics is?

That the NRA owns and controls the GOP, the legislative process.

And unfortunately, just so that we give this a bipartisan approach, Democrats are too afraid to take them on on the gun issue.

That's what I'm saying.

And we need to take them on on the gun issue.

You know what, though?

This guy who, this horrible person, we all can see that, who shot up this church, it could have been a bomb.

And by the way, all of the,

you know, the post-Newtown,

it could have been a bomb, but the post-Newtown policies wouldn't have changed anything.

He used a pistol.

He didn't use an assault rifle.

The background check thing wouldn't have stopped him.

So yes,

all of the gun control policies that President Obama has proposed would not have stopped this incident.

Except that he had a criminal record.

And in this country, that doesn't stop you.

Having been arrested for beating your wife doesn't stop you.

You can go on a college campus and a hundred thousand.

I agree with you.

The Democrats are bullshit on gun control also.

I agree.

The Democrats are

to go after the Second Amendment directly.

But the fact that he broke the law to get a gun also proves the point that passing more laws probably wouldn't have stopped him.

I must interrupt the show here to.

This is going to seem like a weird segue, but Sunday is Father's Day.

And being a dad is a hard job.

You're a dad, right?

You're a dad.

It's a hard job.

Not that I would have any fucking.

But dads did get some good news this year, which is the dad bod is now hot.

Have you heard?

I'm taking this up.

I see guys applauding.

No women.

Like, look, look at this.

This is Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio, and apparently that's hot now.

I think maybe it's only hot if you're a rich movie star.

Okay.

But they're crying to say the dad bot is hot.

So I noticed that all these magazines that we used to have with the guys on the covers with the six-pack abs, well, no, that's out.

What's in?

Dad, bad.

And

it's trying to make all things dad hip again.

I mean, look at some of these articles.

Paul Giamonti, the sexiest man.

That is real.

12 TV shows you should be falling asleep in front of.

What happens in the garage stays in the garage.

Help, my balls are touching the toilet.

Seven STDs you wish you had a chance of contracting.

Plaid bathrobes, black socks with sandals, and 17 other great looks for watering your lawn.

These are for dads.

50 facts about World War II that will drive her wild.

Oof versus ARG.

Which picking up things grunt is right for you?

Nine tips for eating right during a heart attack.

Finally, jeans that flatter your front butt.

How to know when the babysitter wants you.

Hint, it's never.

And gay sex, at this point, why not?

That was not very professional of me.

Her latest book is Adios America, The Left's Plan to Turn Our Country Into a Third World Hellhole.

Ah, she's on to us.

And Coulter's over here.

And Coulter.

That's not bad applause,

considering.

That's right.

Okay, well, thank you as always for coming into the lion's den.

I know you know they're predisposed not to like what you're going to say.

And tonight they're really not going to like it.

You wrote a book about immigration.

Yes.

And you know,

we're going to get to you very soon.

Because I asked if you would mind if we booked the congressman with you, and you're okay with that.

I said fantastic.

Fantastic.

Okay, you have an honest disagreement.

So it's good publicity that Donald Trump was sort of saying what you were saying.

Yes.

Mexicans, rapists, beheading.

But what I find odd is that you say in the book over and over that it's very hard to get facts, to get actual stats, and yet you come to conclusions like they're rapists.

Well, I described that in the chapter.

This wasn't going to be the original book.

This was, immigration was just going to be a couple of chapters.

And then, when the information wasn't there,

it drove me crazy.

For one thing, I go through how the information is being hidden, both by the government and by the media.

But there are ancillary facts.

For example, as you can see in that chapter, New York State keeps a list of prisoners by nationality, and there it is.

You have a thousand Dominicans, you have one Dane, and he's probably a Muslim.

We have the most wanted.

But we're not on the border with Denmark.

There are less Danes here.

Well, but

we don't need to take people just because they're on our border.

We didn't used to take people just because they live within walking distance.

We used to have an immigration policy where we would choose the best in the world and that was changed.

This is a fairly recent policy.

We would choose the whitest in the world.

That's...

That's...

That's your audience.

No, we wouldn't, but we look, the pre-1970 immigrants were more educated, made more money, were more likely to buy houses, and 30% of them went home.

Now no one goes home.

They go on welfare, and they are far more likely to be on welfare than the native population.

I think a nation's policies should be concerned with the people already here, and that includes the immigrants who came last year and the year before.

It should be people

who live here benefit, not to become the

battered woman's shelter of the world where we're bringing in the hardest cases and you know the the wife beaters and the single mother with eight kids and

where but where it

how do we

but again I

don't feel these assertions are borne out by stats because they have stats from different governmental departments.

Like you say, there are actually 30 million illegals, whereas every other department I can find.

Well, they're all using the same number, though.

They're going by the census figures.

So if you take the census figures, it doesn't matter who looks at the census figures.

They're going to give you the same number.

It's been 11 million for a decade.

And I explain in the book where that number comes from, and I think it comes from a more reliable source.

But where do you get from 12 to 30?

I'll be happy to explain it.

I think it's easier to read.

It was a couple of Bear Stearns analysts, and they said this is...

Bear Stearns.

That's a financial group, isn't it?

Why, yes, it is, is, and advising something about something more important than some dumb census report, their money.

So they said,

look, this is crazy.

People who have trekked thousands of miles, left their families behind, broken laws, stolen social security cards, are not going to be filling out government surveys.

And in fact, California did a survey of in-Hispanic communities asking out here,

are you illegal?

Did you fill out the survey?

There was a backup survey, and only 40%

answered that survey.

So it's silly to think that we're getting honest answers here.

So what the the Bear Stearns analysts looked at was remittances to Mexico.

They looked at school enrollments, they looked at housing permits, and they came to the conclusion that it was 20 million.

That was back in 2005.

Then, the two famous Pulitzer Prize-winning journalists, Barlett and Steele, very famous for Time magazine, and for you can look up, they have their own Wikipedia page just themselves, they spent a year investigating it, and they said we're getting $3 million a year.

So, my 30 million estimate, that was in 2006, my 30 million estimate is a very low estimate.

Let's say it was only $1 million a year since 2005.

The minimum...

Surprised, I'm not Hispanic.

Well, okay.

So

I mean, I've read everywhere that actually the net immigration from Mexico in the last seven years has been zero because our economy got worse, theirs got better.

Mexican women used to have seven children and now they have two.

I think that would make a big difference.

So let's say everything you say is true, which it isn't.

Well, let's say in Asia.

That's not...

Okay.

The point at issue is: should America's immigration policy be used to benefit the people already here, or should it be benefiting Pakistani pushcart operators, illiterate in their own language, never mind ours, who come here, go on welfare, commit terrorism, engage in crimes?

Why wouldn't you look out across the world like a sports team does and try to get the creme de la crème?

Not like this audience.

We don't want these people.

We want the creme de la creme.

We want to up the average.

Up the average.

You got to give it to her.

She ain't afraid.

You got to give her that.

But she's also wrong.

Okay.

She's also wrong.

Watch the rebuttal.

Look.

30 million, 12 million,

big difference.

I would just say one thing.

Worry about the 50 million Latinos in the United States of America that are here legally.

Worry about that 50 million who care and who care deeply because many of the people that you refer to as murderers and rapists and criminals and people that are on welfare are their aunts, their uncles, their classmates,

they work with them.

These are people they care about.

So what I think that Ant Coulter is actually doing along with Donald Trump is that they're just revving up, you know, it's like a Latino registration machine.

Because every time they say these things,

I say this quite seriously, a million Latinos turn 18 every year in the United States of America, and they're all American citizens of the United States.

Unfortunately,

and here's what happens.

They become the basis of the new American coalition, the new American political coalition, that is young people, that is Latinos, that is immigrants, that's African Americans, that's Asians, it's gay people, it's people that care about the economy, and it's people that care about the environment.

And look, you're never going to take the White House with this kind of politics ever again, because there's a new American politics, a new American politician.

All right.

But that didn't exactly answer her question.

Can I attempt to answer your question, Ms.

Coulter?

Because I think one of the things that we have to do in this country is to stop lying.

We were earlier talking and touched on the issue of slavery.

Ever since the forcible removal of millions of African Americans from chattel slavery, this country has been importing new slave labor.

That's right.

Because this country wants and runs and is fueled by cheap labor, whether it was Puerto Ricans, whether it was people we drew from Mexico to come here and continue to do so because the people who are on your side,

big agriculture,

big agriculture, the big corporate interests who want people to come.

She does say this.

I agree.

Okay, well, once we bring people here, people's family members, people whose families are born here are American.

Both my parents are immigrants.

So I take great exception to any kind of negative characterization of them.

I had one come from Africa, my mother came from the Caribbean.

When they came here, they came for the same reason that everyone does, for opportunity, for education.

And when they're contributing to our society and they have a child here, like me, I'm a first-generation American and I'm fully American, despite the fact that both my parents were born outside of the country.

Okay.

That

also doesn't answer my point, though it buttresses one of the main points I am making.

Yeah, this is cheap labor and particularly...

But then why isn't the book called Thugs

How Corporate Republicans Are Decimating the Middle Class?

A long block the right.

Okay, stupid.

Okay.

In fact, as I told Scott, that's the one error in the book, the title.

I didn't argue, you haven't read the book.

I've read it three times.

But I'll tell you what's in it.

On the plane, in the hot tub,

once high, once straight.

It is far more of an attack on Republicans, on big business, on the Chamber of Commerce than it is on the Republican.

I agree.

I didn't want a subject at all, but if I listed all the people who are trying to turn the country into a third world hellhole,

it would go on to the back page.

Let me ask you something clearly.

Look, the question is still,

I'm glad you're here, but

why should America care that other people of the world are happy?

They should care about the ones who are here now, including you.

And all the fruits you eat, all the vegetables you eat, they are all picked by foreign labor.

They can be picked by foreign people.

This is, no, these are all people going to be on welfare soon.

Yes, there are machines that can now pick strawberries.

You cannot pick up strawberries, tomatoes.

And you don't have to

buy machines.

That's because

they're corporate country with their families.

All right, you know, enjoy their pleasures.

But you won't

recognize that justice.

The answer is you can recognize

this.

We're not going to, you know what?

This is the first time.

You've always talked over and I couldn't answer.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

We're not going to talk over each other.

That's all we do on this show.

Sorry.

Okay, I'll take.

So I will take over,

and I'll just ask you two more questions, and then we'll get on to the Pope.

One.

Geraldo's your great friend.

Is he okay with this book?

Yes, I said something very nice about the Puerto Ricans.

They made our country more vibrant.

Okay, all right.

I pointed it out to him.

All right.

And also.

So we didn't, in other words, we didn't need 30 million Mexicans.

We already had

African Americans, and I mean African Americans, not immigrants,

and we already had the Puerto Ricans.

And what about...

I'm just stating we didn't need the 1965 Act for all this vibrance that we're getting because we're getting a lot of crowdsourcing.

And what about

your imaginary friend, Jesus Christ?

I mean, would he be okay with this attitude about the...

Yes, of course.

You don't have to take homeless people to sleep in your bed to prove you're a Christian.

This is our home.

Seems like he would like that.

Okay.

All right.

Speaking of Christians, let's get on to the Pope.

I mean, this blew my mind.

I mean,

I could give you all these quotes.

He said, it is not enough to balance the protection of nature with financial gain.

Halfway measures simply will delay the inevitable disaster.

I wish a politician would talk like this.

The earth, our home, is beginning to more and more look like an immense pile of filth.

And this is an encyclical, which means it becomes part of Catholic teaching.

You're Catholic?

Yes.

You're Catholic.

No, I'm not.

Good heavens, no.

I'm a Presbyterian.

Oh, right.

Sorry.

Well, I am, though.

And I'm very, very, very proud of the Pope, of the Holy Father.

A couple of things.

I really look forward to his visit in September when he comes.

Boehner is a Catholic.

I am a Catholic.

Nancy Pelosi is a Catholic.

He's going to stand there, and he's going to talk about justice.

He's going to talk about equality.

He's going to talk about

the matter of fact.

He's going to talk about unfairness.

You know,

I have been asked asked by a cardinal not to go to Mass

because I don't follow the teachings of my church.

I have gone to Mass where it says, this is the position of Luis Gutierrez on a woman's right to choose.

Of course, they call it abortion.

And here's the church's position.

I hope now that my church puts the position of the Catholic Church against poverty, against injustice, and against global warming or the destruction of our environment.

You said something interesting.

You wish politicians would talk like this.

And there's a reason why politicians don't talk like this because,

look, I believe, I think anybody, any people of faith believe we should be good stewards of the earth.

That conspicuous consumption that doesn't care about.

No, they don't.

Yes, we do.

Are you kidding me?

Conspicuous consumption that doesn't care about the people.

The Republican

came at the Pope hard.

I mean,

Inhoff, wait a second.

He said, everyone's going to ride the Pope now.

Isn't that wonderful?

The Pope ought to stay with his job, and we'll stay with ours, filleting the Koch brothers.

No, I said that.

He didn't.

But up until then,

I mean,

it's going to sound odd for me, but has that anybody talk to the Pope?

Stick with his job, which is so, it's so rich.

Keep, keep, Jeb Bush said the same thing.

Let's keep faith out of politics from the people who brought faith into politics.

Look, I agree, but I'll say this.

I agree with the Pope.

We need to be good stewards of this earth.

I think that all Christians ought to believe that if they don't.

But guess what?

Politics is a lot harder and a lot messier.

And what if I told you that over the next hundred years we could decrease the temperature by a fraction of 1% at the cost of trillions of dollars and displacing millions of workers.

Now that's a public policy question.

I would say the second part of that statement is fallacious.

This is the type of thing that politicians have to debate.

It's easy to sit up on your high horse and talk about, let's do something about the environment.

People who are engaged in public policy have to, do we want to put people out of work?

I don't know.

Is it worth it?

I don't know.

But we put people to work.

And what is such a dumb old

argument?

What about capitalism?

That argument is so 19.

Capitalism has done more to raise more people out of poverty and to bring freedom than any other force.

Matt, but it is also a public policy question if people can't drink their water because coal ash is being

a policy issue.

I'm profitable.

We're plundering the earth and having our water be able to be lit on fire because the Koch brothers want a few more chests.

Well, I think that was also voting.

All right.

And it's just a second.

Yes.

As long as you're all so concerned about the environment, you ought to read the environmental chapter.

They're litter.

Like mad, they're dumping pesticides in the redwood forest.

Look, when we're bringing in.

You said Latinos litter.

Who have, it's pesticides.

Because they're at the slash and burn stage of capitalism.

They have no concept of litter.

The amount of trash being done.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez won the Nobel Prize.

He bowled it up and threw it in front of the F-train.

You might be the only person who doesn't know that they litter.

I will say this, though.

If Pope Francis is the final arbiter of all this, you guys agree, defend the right to life.

I will become a radical

environmentalist today.

You know, you will also learn from my book, in colonial America, Jews were made citizens before Catholics were because they didn't like the idea of Americans being beholden to some foreigner.

It was when Catholics became more American Catholics and less Roman Catholics that they were really accepted into American society.

And I agree, who cares what the Pope says?

Plus, which I don't think it was an encyclical.

I think it was just bullshit.

Well,

I have to stop here.

Thank you, panel.

It was certainly entertaining.

Time for new rules, everybody.

New rules.

Earned my pay this week.

New Row of Cops in New York hunting for those two prison escapees have to admit that this is pretty much how they'd spend their weekend if nobody had escaped from prison.

You gear up and you go four-wheeling, then maybe some duck hunting, you take the boat out, and next it'll be like, hey, Jimmy, you know where we forgot to look?

The titty bar.

New rule, Jessica Chastain and Bryce Dallas Howard must star in a movie that answers a question I've had for a long time.

What happened to those two little girls in the shining?

New Rule, current events buffs reading about how the avian flu has caused an egg shortage in Texas have to admit at least part of the reason you clicked on the story was because this photo made you vaguely horny.

I said vaguely.

New rule, stop interpreting this viral photo of the raccoon hitching a ride on an alligator as an example of animal kingdom friendship.

As much as you'd like to think it's some sort of marshland Uber driver,

it's actually just a gator taking his lunch to work.

New rule, as soon as she's feeling up to it,

Rachel Dolezal must go on a date with Caitlin Jenner,

and they both must wear this dress.

Do you see a black woman in a gold and white dress?

Or do you see a white man in a black and blue dress?

It's the perfect modern mind bender.

And you know what?

Stop attacking Rachel for wanting to be black.

Sometimes we white people can pull it off.

And sometimes we can't.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

One more thing.

Now that Rachel Dalazal claims there is no biological proof that she is the daughter of her white parents, Donald Trump must insist that she produce her birth certificate.

And

Don, speaking of producing your birth certificate, I know things got kind of crazy when you filed that lawsuit against me, but we never really did clear up that issue of who your biological parents are.

And

finally, new rule, we can give up teaching geography, grammar, and math.

Those are pretty hard, but Americans have got to learn how to take a joke.

A few months ago, we introduced a segment called Explaining Jokes to Idiots.

And I'd like to bring it back tonight for the benefit of the Spike TV network, which last night aired its Guy's Choice Awards and censored a joke delivered by Clint Eastwood.

But we were able to obtain the footage of the joke that was too intense for America to hear.

Watch your monitors.

Dwayne the Rock Johnson isn't the first athlete who's gone into acting.

There's also Jim Brown and Caitlin somebody.

All right, so we didn't get the footage, but that is exactly the line that they cut.

Why?

Is Caitlin the new C word?

We can't even say it in a joke.

And this was on a male network that thinks of itself as macho.

But you know, guys, just because you have balls doesn't mean you have balls.

So,

you know, what is so worrisome about this new brand of censorship is it doesn't care if something is actually offensive.

That joke was not an insult.

Not in any way was it a remark that demeans Caitlin's journey or would make her Adam's apple grow back.

It's just certain words that set people off.

This is what Jerry Seinfeld was complaining about last week when he said college audiences just want to use these words.

That's racist.

that's sexist, that's prejudice.

They don't even know what they're talking about.

An opinion echoed by Chris Rock, who said he stopped playing colleges because of their unwillingness to offend anybody.

And Larry the Cable Guy concurs.

He said, it really is a shame that nobody can handle comedy anymore.

You know, when Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, and Larry the Cable Guy

say you have a stick up your ass,

you don't have to wait for the X-rays to come back.

That's right, a black, a Jew, and a redneck walk onto a college campus,

and they all can't wait to leave.

One undergrad from San Diego actually wrote Jerry an open letter on the Huffington Post to help him, Jerry Seinfeld, better understand how comedy works.

Now, I sure wouldn't want to be judged by what I wrote at 20, but stupid though I was in 1976, I wouldn't have presumed to lecture George Carlin on comedy.

Though I sure wish George was around today to write a letter back to this kid,

as only he could.

But since he can't, allow me.

Dear you little shit.

I'm sure you're busy with your new letter explaining astrophysics to Stephen Hawking

and giving jump shot pointers to Steph Curry, but

try to get a clue.

In the same letter, this kid cited Amy Schumer as a comic who's edgy, but without indulging in harmful stereotypes.

Okay, but what about her line?

I used to date Hispanic guys, but now I prefer consensual.

Now, I love that joke because no matter what Trump says, I don't think of Latino men as rapists.

It's just funny because it's exaggerating the fact that Latinos, like almost all men except white guys,

are more aggressive when they hit on women, which lots of

chicks like.

So pre-fuck you on that one.

See, the PC police aren't saying you can't make jokes.

You just can't make them about a protected species.

Jokes about men, yes.

Gay men?

No.

Kim Kardashian's ass?

Yes.

Her stepfather's tits?

No.

If someone on the internet expresses the wrong views about gays, women, or Jews, they're subject to endless shaming, unless they're Muslim, in which case all that intolerance is a cultural difference, which we just have to tolerate.

Because, of course, it's a religion of peace.

There's a piece of you there, there's a piece of you there.

And now let me explain why that joke is perfectly okay.

Because everyone gets made fun of for something, and it's never 100% fair.

If I make a, and the French surrendered joke, everyone laughs.

Even though the French haven't surrendered in every war, in fact, mostly in just the one, but it was kind of an important one, so they have to own it.

If I make a supermodel threw up her food joke, everyone laughs.

And certainly not all supermodels are bulimics, but more than plumbers.

If I make a joke about how all Asians are bad drivers, well, that one's true.

No.

It's not, but a little bit.

So we laugh, as we should when someone makes a Muslims blow shit up joke, which they have to own because they do it more than anybody else, with the possible exception of the U.S.

military.

All right, that's our show.

I'll be at the Bushnell Center in Hartford, Connecticut, July 24th, at the North Charleston Center, August 8th, and at the Durham and Durham, August 9th.

I want to thank Matt Lewis, Joy Reed, Luis Gutierrez, and Anne Coulter, and Bernie Sanders.

Join us now on Overtime.

Thank you, folks.

All new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 11, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more info, log on to HBO.com.