Episode #354 (Originally aired 5/15/15)

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late month series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Starts o'clock. Good afternoon.
Afternoon. Time will be

real time.

Thank you very much. Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.

Okay, you're very kind. Thank you.
Oh, wow. What a cool.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You can.

Thank you.

That's an

excitable group of people.

Excited, I know.

I usually say I know why you're excited. This week I'm going to tell you why I'm excited.

Mitt Romney tonight is fighting Evandra Hollyfield.

I'm not making this up. You've heard this, right?

Yes, that Mitt Romney is fighting a boxing match. Well, it's a charity boxing match with Evander Hollyfield.
It's just a friendly exhibition to raise money. Just like the Mayweather fight last week.

Friendly.

Wow, Mitt Romney, I'm telling you, they asked him, why is he doing this? He said, I don't know. I guess I just like getting beaten by black guys.

Very strange.

But no, everybody this week is talking about one of the worst train wrecks ever, but enough about the Jeb Bush campaign.

Oh,

Sophie.

We learned something this week. There's actually no such thing as a smart Bush.
They kept saying he was the smart. No, no.

Oh, I think only a Bush could answer a yes or no question two different ways and be wrong both times.

I mean

it wasn't that hard. He was asked knowing what we know now, would you have invaded Iraq? And he had a different answer every day.

First it was damn right I would. Absolutely.
Fucking great idea.

And the next day it was, sorry, what? I'm sorry.

I misheard or I misinterpreted. And then the next day it was, well, that's hypothetical.
I can't answer it.

When did a politician ever answer a hypothetical question? And then finally, it was, okay, my brother's a giant fuck up. You happy?

Every day, a different answer, which is how he got his nickname, the Undecider.

And all this was on Fox News, where the anchors are ordered to pre-like you.

I tell you, I think the Bush family has actually been in decline since the

patriarch Prescott Bush. He was Jeb and George's grandfather, the first President Bush's father.
He was a good guy.

He was a senator from Connecticut, a moderate, one of the first big advocates for planned parenthood. If only he had practiced what he preached.

And

Jeb Bush stuck his foot in his mouth again today.

He said, get this, that it would be okay okay if we repealed Obamacare because soon people will be able to manage their health using the new Apple eye watch.

And I have one. Let's see if it works.

Surrey,

I think there's something wrong with my heart.

Okay, I've found three theaters playing Paul Blart.

No, no, not Paul Blart. Okay.

Now, as for the Amtrak derailment, we still don't know what caused the train crash or why Mitch McConnell always looks like he's just seen one.

But how's this for sensitivity? Hours, hours after the crash, House Republicans voted to cut Amtrak's budget.

Why do Republicans hate trains? This is my... Seriously, they love everything else from the good old days, swing music and Route 66 and segregation.
But somehow...

Somehow, if you get to work in anything other than a Buick, you're not a real American.

I don't get that. I love trains.
It's the only way to travel anymore where it doesn't involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh.

Why do Republicans hate trains? Well, of course we know, because they're subsidized by taxes,

as opposed to the interstate highway system, which is a naturally occurring geological formation.

I hope they get to the bottom of why this train crashed, but I don't know if that's going to happen because the engineer involved says he has absolutely no recollection of what happened.

So I don't think he's going to be driving trains in the future.

But he has a very bright future as Tom Brady's ball handler.

Oh, I kid. All right, we got

Charles Murray, Heather McGee, and a little later to be speaking with the rapper's rapper, Killer Mike, is backstage.

But first up, she is a beacon for freedom of expression. His latest book is Heretic: Why Islam Needs a Reformation Now, my friend, and one of my heroes, Ayan Hersi Ali.

There you are.

How are you?

Good to see you.

Good to see you. Thank you.

I always say to guests when they're here, I'm glad to see you, but it's especially with you. I'm glad to see you, because I know a lot of people don't want you to live.
Thank you.

Thank you, Brian. I'm glad to see you.
Yes, absolutely.

So, you know, for people who are not familiar with your story, you were born in Somalia.

Tell us a little bit about your upbringing and what it's like for a woman to grow up in Somalia. Let me tell you the Disney version, which is: I was born.

I didn't know there was one. Yeah,

I was born in Somalia to a Muslim household, and at the age of five years, I was subjected to genital mutilation, like

about 130 million women are.

And fast forward,

my father

arranges a marriage or forces me to marry, and then, fast forward, I'm able to escape that by taking a train from Germany to the Netherlands and asking for asylum.

And fast forward, I learn the language and I assimilate, and I

run for office and I become a Dutch member of parliament. And at some point, three years into my tenure.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Now, why can't everyone do this?

I told you, this was the Disney version.

But three years into my tenure, one of my colleagues decides that I had not told the truth, which is absolutely true, but everybody knew about it in 2002. And

she takes away my citizenship. I'm also at that point under so much security.
And I decide to come to the United States of America and I live happily ever after.

That's the Disney part. Right.

And

you're a critic of Islam, and for that, so many.

Well, your book's called Heretic. So, you know, I don't think I'm talking out of school here.

And the other one was called Infidel. So, you know, I think you're doing it to yourself.
And we're glad you are.

But why is it that so many liberals, I mean, liberals who absolutely hate blaming the victim when it comes, as they should, as we all should when it comes to rape cases and so forth.

How dare you blame the the victim so many blame you

they turn the finger on you you're the bad guy how is that happening I think some of them are scared I think some of them are protective of the people who present to them as I am the victim you know so many of the so-called spokespeople for Muslims emphasize the victimhood of all Muslims people they don't really speak for and they say look at her she's the awful one she's the one who's asking questions she's the heretic she's the infidel And I don't know why it works with

liberals.

Yeah. I mean, when I see a woman in the head-to-toe burke,

I call it the beekeeper suit,

I see someone who is oppressed, because I don't think anyone really wants to live that way, especially in the hot sun.

But I've heard many liberals say, well, that's their custom,

that's their culture, that they want it like that. They like it.
And I say, they like it. That's what pimps say.

That's what pimps say. It is.

They like it. Yeah.

And you know. They blow guys in an alley and give me the money.
They like it.

Assume. You're right, too far.
No.

I don't know how too far that is because even in every industry, in the industry of Islamic extremism, there are women who like to cover themselves from head to toe and who like to cotton to this ideology of extremism.

But it's

not rushing, would they really? Well, if they like it, they like it. My point is there are millions who don't like it.
Please don't impose it on them. Those are the women I'm talking about.

Right, okay.

And now in your book, of course, you say what I think lots of people have said, Islam needs a reformation.

But you propose a specific plan for this reformation. Can you give us the thumbnail version?

Okay, number one, I think it's extremely important for Muslims to change their attitude toward the Quran and Muhammad. Toward the book, it's not a driver's manual, please.

Toward the man, give me a break. He can't be the most perfect moral guide for all humanity at all times.
Give that or part of that up.

Number two, stop investing in life after death instead of life before death.

Right.

Thank you. Number three, give up Sharia.

Do you know what Sharia law is? Give it up.

No, no, tell us, we hear that word a lot, and there are people in this country, especially now in Texas, who think...

who think they're in

a danger of Sharia law taking over.

Alan West in Florida tweeted the other day, he was in a Walmart, and he was trying to buy liquor and they wouldn't let him because it turned out the sales guy was underage so he couldn't sell it to him and he said Sharia law has come to Walmart.

They're crazy. But what is actually what is involved in Sharia law?

Well Sharia law is the system of law that Saudi Arabia has, that Iran has, that the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria is trying to implement.

Sharia law basically decides absolutely everything about yourself. It decides how women and men should interact interact with one another.

Adulterers are flogged or stoned. People who drink are subjected to various harsh punishments, death.
I am somebody who left the religion of Islam.

The punishment under Sharia law for me would be to be killed. If you're gay, you are to be taken to the tallest building in town and thrown down.

And if you're still alive, there's a mob waiting there to lynch you. We're seeing all of this carried out in many places, formally and informally.

When I say formally, I mean by a government, informally, by people doing it themselves.

And that takes me to the fourth point, which is the commanding right and forbidding wrong, where individual citizens feel that they can tell you what is right.

And if you don't, you're not behaving the right way, they can punish you. And then finally, of course, jihad, holy war, should be replaced with holy peace.

So I've had,

and we know Sharia law is popular in many more countries than you even named. I mean when I have liberals on this show, one of the big arguments is, well, you're painting with a broad brush.

Of course, Saudi Arabia is backward, but what about Indonesia and Turkey and Jordan? Well, I looked up Indonesia and Turkey and Jordan. And well, here are some of the statistics here.

In Sharia law, 72% of Indonesians favorite. Jordan, 71%.
Stoning of adulterers, Indonesia, 48% popular. Jordan, 67%,

death for leaving Islam, Jordan 82%.

These are their bastions of freedom and democracy.

How do we get liberals, and some of them are people I really used to respect,

how do we get them to understand that we're the liberals in this debate? Yes.

The people who are facing shining a light on oppression and demanding that it will end, how can that not be the liberal cause? What do you say to liberals?

I say to them that the cancer of Islamic extremism is

an assault on liberalism, on liberal ideas.

On the idea of the human being as, you know, protect the life of the human being, the freedom of the human being, the equality of human beings. That's what it is, an assault on.

Islamic extremists divide the world into us and them.

And the ones they deem to be them, even if they are pious Muslims, they kill them, they subjugate them, they sell them into slavery, they rape the women, and they destroy arts and civilization.

And we see it on a daily basis. If you are a liberal and you really truly believe in the principles of liberalism, you've got to stand up to the challenge of the day, and that is Islamic extremism.

Thank you, Ayan Hersi Ali. You're my hero.
You know that.

All right, stay safe. Ayan Hirsi Ali.

Let's meet our panel.

Okay.

All right. He is the iconic indie filmmaker of hairspray and serial mom, whose latest book, Carsic, is now in paperback.
John Waters is over here.

We're always undergrassed, understated, John Waters. She is the president of the progressive public policy organization, Demos.
Heather McGee. Hey, Heather, great to have you here.

And he's a conservative intellectual. His latest book is By the People.
Our friend Charles Murray back with us. Hey, Charles.
Nice to see you.

Okay.

Remember to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Send us your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them after the show on YouTube.
All right, I want to talk about Jeb Bush first.

It's interesting the way the Republicans seem to be imploding week by week.

I had a little fun with him there in the monologue, but I want to go after some of the things that he said earlier in the week that I think were not challenged by the media, because the first thing he said was, I would have invaded Iraq given the intelligence we had, as he said, by the way, so would Hillary Clinton.

Can I just point out that I don't think Hillary Clinton or any other Democrat or even any other Republican might not have invaded Iraq because Bush was the only one who even thought to link 9-11 to Iraq.

Richard Clark in his book talks about the day after 9-11, Bush going around saying,

is there a link, any reason we can invade in Iraq? And they're like, no, no.

And he's like, well, we'll look harder.

There you go. That's my point.

I

had to get that off my chest.

I hate it when he makes a mistake because I want him to be the nominee because I think we can win.

And the real reason I want to win is so Bill can be first lady.

I want Bill to be an old-fashioned first lady, like Mamie Eisenhower. You know, like, yeah, like make bacon pies and arranging flowers with an apron.
I think it'll be great.

You know, it is a little bit like Jeb Bush never really thought of what he actually would say when this question came to him. Right.
And, you know, this is George W. Bush we're talking about.

We're talking about someone who did a lot to this country that his brother's going to have to answer for, whether it's the $2 trillion war or the $2 trillion tax cuts or the $14 trillion

housing bubble wealth loss. That's a big credit card bill that this guy's going to have to answer for.

Yeah, I think it might be a moment that defines the Bush campaign. I think Ted Kennedy, we're both old enough to remember when Ted Kennedy was asked back in 1979, why do you want to be president?

And he couldn't answer the question.

And not being able to answer this question,

this is the first one he was going to be asked. I mean,

he had to have that down pat. Well, I mean, that's something you hear in every campaign, that the campaign is a great indication of how the guy would be as president.

I've heard this going back as far as I can remember politics. They either say, I remember, I can't remember what Republicans said, maybe it was,

no, Romney or McCain before him said, well, you know, if he's as good as he was in the campaign, we're going to be okay.

And I've heard others say, well, if he can't run his campaign, how can he run the White House? So that is a good question. But I noticed also that the Republicans this week all jumped on Bush.

They smelled blood, the wounded animal. So they all jumped in their haste to say, actually, the Iraq war was a mistake.
And

I'd never heard them say that before.

Unanimity. Unanimity.
Absolutely.

Yeah, they wanted to attack Bush, so they said, because before that, the answer was always, no, the world was better without Saddam, and it was President Black Neville Chamberlain who fucked things up.

Well,

I don't follow day-to-day politics close enough to

be defended. No, I hate day-to-day politics.
But generally speaking,

by the week, that's this show.

Every couple of years, I have to follow the day's politics before I come on the show. How flattening the money.
But in fact,

on the Republican side, there's been an awful lot of agonizing and rethinking about Iraq for a long time.

Really? Yeah. I've not heard that.
Marco Rubio, I heard him just the other day say, no, the world is better off without Saddam, which is a talking point from 2004.

Plainly, the world would be better if Saddam was still in power. Not for the soccer team.

Right, but that doesn't mean. The world would be better off.
Yeah, and that doesn't mean it should have cost 4,000 American lives and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians to get there. Right.

Yeah, I think that's it.

All right, so let's talk about the train wreck. First of all, it wouldn't be that big a story.

It is a big story, but if this happened in Chattanooga, believe me, it just happened on the Eastern Court.

It's like when there's a snowstorm, anywhere between New York and Washington, it's the biggest thing in the world. Okay, let's talk about it.

I'm on that train always, right? Because I've driven back and forth in Baltimore and I'm on that train always. And you know the thing that I fear? I never thought you had to worry about them speeding.

You know, that's the last thing.

I worry about pilots committing suicide, buses going, ah!

But not like, you know, but there is one point on the Acela train that the suicide community knows about, and they can't stop a curve, and they jump out.

And I've been on the train where it's happened a couple times. They know this.
They can't stop. And so, and it's a pain.
You know, they have the coroner has to come. It takes hours.
But

it's a common problem on that suicide. I'm shocked.
I'm shocked you haven't written a movie about it.

You know.

There we go.

I've been in the Acela a whole lot. He has guys jumping off the train.
It's never going to be a problem. They're jumping in front of him.
It's not a call for help.

But why are the patriots the ones who don't want to spend money on trains? It drives me insane. I know.

This is just no way to run a country.

We are literally squabbling about whether or not we should repair our crumbling roads and bridges from 100 years ago or put in these safeguards that we know that we had that were available, whether we can afford them.

And it's like, meanwhile, across the pond, our competitors are just handing us our lunch, right?

They're creating broadband that that is incredibly fast and wind farms, and they're doing actually exactly what we taught them to do in the post-war period, which was a mixed economy, which is, you know, it's going to take some government.

It is actually going to take some government because there are some things that we can't do ourselves and that no individual company can afford to do. Heather, I'm actually with you.

I think government should build roads. I think that's a good thing.
Here's the problem. There's a bridge in Bayonne that is being rehabbed, okay? They wanted to start rehabbing about seven years ago.

It's not even a new bridge. It's an existing bridge they're going to fix.

So far, they've gone through 47 permits from 19 environmental agencies. It still isn't approved.

The average amount of time it takes to approve a new road project, I mean, roads are simple, is eight years. I mean, we have a sclerotic system at this point whereby we can't do anything.

There are no shovel-ready jobs. Presidential issues.
President Obama talked about getting rid of regulations like that. Not all regulations, but just a common sense approach.

I can't help but feel that the reason why this train crashed is because while Obama is president, any victory for him is a

yeah, we can't have a victory for America because Obama is the president. Bill, and that

no, come on.

Bill,

I'm saying something. This is

a statement of fact. If we appropriated a trillion dollars tomorrow for infrastructure reform, nothing would happen for a matter of years.
And when I say nothing,

I mean basically nothing. That's not true, because we had the stimulus package, and

they were driving around the projects here at work, here in L.A., that these people were out working, and they did something.

Absolutely.

They did a lot.

They made roads and bridges

sewers to help handle the rainfall.

Brought our country back from the brink.

I think, you know, I know that your new book is about regulations and all of that, and I think that there is something to be said for that. But you cannot say that the real reason that Republicans are

doing these reckless cuts is because they're afraid that if they actually did something and be held up by regulations, that just doesn't make any sense.

Okay. So

I actually heard in Baltimore somebody say they were against the wind farms, you know, because they were Satanist.

So every time I see one of them,

they're following me. They're very spooky.
Have you ever got out of the car and stand in a wind farm? Yeah, spooky. Why would you do that?

Put your finger in.

You can also watch the birds getting killed. Right.

Yeah, I don't like that. Okay, so Bill de Blasio put out a contract for America.
Remember Newt Gingrich's contract for America? Well, this is the liberals' version of it.

And I'm sure someone like you, when you hear about some of the things that are in it, raising the minimum wage to 15 bucks,

pathway to citizenship, but then national paid sick leave, national paid family leave, universal pre-K,

student loan debt relief. These are all things that cost a lot of money.
And I'm sure that conservatives say we don't have that kind of money. And then I look at things like the F-22.

Cost $67 billion.

We barely ever used it. It did not factor in Iraq or Afghanistan.
It's now scrapped. Then we went to the F-35.
The F-35 costs, it was going to cost

$237 billion. It's now up to $1.5 trillion.

Also doesn't seem to work.

Cannot take a lightning hit. So they have to stay 25 miles away from lightning.
So we can get into a war unless it rains.

That's $1.5 trillion

from the people who

want to cut the Amtrak funding by how many millions? A few millions. Exactly.

It would be funny if it weren't so sad. So I actually were...

I was there to sign the contract that the progressive agenda, Bill de Blasio called me a couple of months ago and said, I'm going to organize some progressive leaders to try to make income inequality the defining issue of the 2016 presidential campaign.

And I said, absolutely, I think that has to happen. But if you look at that agenda,

it's not actually such a left agenda. We're at sort of like this jump ball moment for what is progressive, where the center is on economic issues.

And if you run basically down all of those, they get majority support from Republican voters, obviously not from Republican members of Congress.

but you've got this strange thing where it's not really a left and right issue, but more of like a donor class and everybody else issue. Where actually

the political science research shows that because the donor class is this sort of gatekeeper right now for who gets to run, whose phone calls are answered, that comes out in public policy decisions that skew towards the wealthy.

Well, I'll tell you, all I can say is.

Heather,

the Republicans I know think that having a candidate who has pledged to the de Blasia program is a wet dream.

I mean, it is such an attractive ⁇ it's as if the Democrats could run against Mike Huckabee's social agenda. They'd wipe him out.
There is going to be... For national paid family leave?

We got a whole bunch of independents.

and moderate Democrats who usually vote Democratic because they really don't like the Republican social agenda at all, and that just completely turns them off from it.

On the other hand, these are the people who go to the polls in high numbers.

That means whites vote in greater numbers than most minorities. The more money you have, the more likely you are to vote.

So the electorate, the Lex people, is much different from the profile of the country.

Can I give you the numbers on this stuff? Because they have polling, and I know what you're going to say, and you may be right.

Yes, when you give people goodies, when the government does that, it's popular. But the minimum wage, 63% support going up to $15 an hour.
Pathway to citizenship, 62% support it. Paid six leave, 88%.

Family leave, 86%.

Pre-K, 70%. Student loan debt relief, 73%.

They keep saying Hillary's gone left. Hillary's where she always has been in the center.
She's for gay marriage, 58% approve of that. Overturning Citizens United, 61% approving that.

Body cameras on cops, 91% approve of that. Sentencing reform for nonviolent drug offenders, 63 percent.

So

this idea

that this is far-left stuff, this sounds like Bill, okay. Well, we can have the show a couple of years from now.
I'm saying

if the Democratic candidate embraces universal pre-K and paid family leave and the sick leave and all of that, all of which are expensive programs, leave the fighter planes out of it, you have a whole lot of votes.

Why are we leaving the fighter planes out of it? That's the whole point, is that we should leave the fighter planes. We're talking about who's voting and why they're going to vote.

Wait, so Charles, you're saying that the only way to get to your program is to distort our democracy to keep most of Americans out of the ballot box. That's exactly what you're saying.

You're saying that

the people who vote, the people who vote want X. The people who donate want X.
And so we can't have a X. We're trying to forecast what happens.

If the Democrats adopt this agenda, they will get wiped out next year.

If the right gets to define the electorate, that is absolutely right. I'm talking about who actually votes.

You're right.

And that is on the liberals because,

as these prove, we have the numbers, we just don't turn up. You're right.
We let old white people run the country.

All right. I got to move on.
There's another issue that. So, what's your point?

Dear to my heart, I'm conceding. Take yes for an answer.

Is religion was in the news this week. Pew Poll does a big survey every seven years.
So what? The Pew. The Pew Poll? You've heard of the Pew Poll.
It sounds like Spartan and Church. The Pew Poll.

You never heard of the P-E-W?

Okay. I guess

we got a whole panel tonight who never reads the news.

I didn't hear of the Pew Pole. Anyway,

they do a big survey of religion every seven years, and the results are in, and they're pretty amazing.

The number of Christians has gone down from 2007 to 2014, from 78% to 70%.

The number of nuns, well, that's people who none, none of the above.

These are atheists, agnostics, people who just want to sleep in on Sunday.

We're now second.

It's evangelicals, 25%, nuns, 23%.

And mostly this is because millennials. Of your show.

Because of me, absolutely.

You're welcome.

I'll be it again.

But

the millennials are mostly, 35% of the millennials are nuns, and they are leaving in droves. So they're trying to get them back.
They're the key to stopping this bleeding. So they have put out this

Bible to try to get the millennials back. It's the King James Franco Franco version.

It's slightly different. Would you like to hear?

It's very similar. Like, here's from the Old Testament.
Adam and Eve saw that they were naked, and they were ashamed because they were not toned.

So they sewed fig leaves together to cover their problem areas. That's slightly different.

The Lord's anger burned against Israel, and he made them wander in the wilderness 40 years, where they had no signal.

You can see how this upset the millennials.

And the commandments are slightly different. Honor thy father and thy mother so that you may live long in their basement.

Thou shalt not steal except thine music online.

All right, now let's go to the

New Testament. There are also some different versions.

Again, slightly different.

Oh, Jesus says, take this and eat of it, for it is gluten-free. See, this is...

Blessed be thy fruit of thy womb. It is locally grown.

Jesus, oh, I remember this one, said to Peter this very night before the cock crows, you will deny me three times, because the hater's going to hate, hate, hate.

So verily, just shake it off.

And

we know not on what hour thy lord will return, but thy Uber will be there in four minutes.

All right. Let's bring out Mike.
He is an activist and hip-hop artist. His latest album is Run the Jewels 2.
Michael Render, a.k. Killer Mike.
Come over here. Killer, Mike.

Come here, Runner. Great to see you.

This is our panel. How you doing? How often? How are you doing? All right.
How are you doing?

Charles, there's not enough people against you. We wanted to bring out one more.

I want to thank them.

That book you wrote back in 94 made a lot of my teachers kick our ass. So you ain't going to prove this white man right.
So what's wrong? Oh, yes.

Yeah, when he was like, genetically, black people weren't as smart. And I was like, if the motherfuckers run in this country are that brilliant, it's over for us for real.

Those Bush genetics got us far.

All right. So Mike, I wanted to have you here because there's certainly been a lot of news lately about things that are of interest to you because I know that

your father was a cop. And I've wanted to ask somebody about this who would know the issue of black policemen because they must be caught in a terrible vice.

Well, they are, and a lot of them are on the wrong side right now. I just want to

I want to acknowledge that policing is difficult and it's hard and there's a brave few that'll do it.

And if I didn't have them, it would be tough. It would.

I do not believe in humanity. I think I really don't.

They may be bad, but you take away that. It's the purge.
Yeah.

It's the purge everywhere. I'm pro-Second Amendment, so I wouldn't be against that even.

But my wife actually taught me that if you get too drunk, you can call the police and they'll have to take you home. So that was a new one I didn't even know.

She's a lot sexier than I am, so I'll imagine the cops wouldn't arrest her. But I think, I live in Atlanta, Georgia.
Atlanta is a black city, top to bottom, has been for the last 40, 50 years or so.

For the last 100 years, black population. But for the first 70, 80 years, there was no black police force.
Black policing came along in the 50s after a long, hard fight for them.

Black cops weren't even allowed to change clothes with the regular cops. They had to do it at a Y.

But the community fought for these black cops to be here because they wanted to be policed fair and they wanted to be policed by people who looked like them, who understood the community, who were from the community.

And the fact that we have black cops today that are black cops like the people they're policing, but they don't live near the community. They don't live in the community.

They aren't active in the community. That's the cancer in policing.
There's a a policeman in North Little Rock named Tommy Norman, white guy. Talks kind of black, though.
But

he polices the black community. And I started following him secretly because every day he was posting him and kids and poor white kids, black kids.
Just he was actually out of his squad car.

And I believe that that's where proper policing happens. When you're out of a car,

when it's you and another cop engaging the community. So for kids who are out there who may be in military or maybe coming out, who may be graduating high school or college, we need black policemen.

We need you you policing. But we need you policing and living in the community you police in and knowing the people you're policing.

And I mean, we hear a lot of people say, you know, most cops are good cops. And I would agree with that.
I don't know if I always agree with that.

You know what, Mike? I don't know.

It's easy to be a good cop, though. I'm not saying that because I'm scared.
Exactly.

But here's my question. Now, I've said a lot of bad shit about cops, and I think they know it.

They'll shoot me if they do need to deal, though. Okay, but here's my thing about good cops.
We know what a bad cop is.

A good cop is one who isn't racist,

who doesn't

abuse people, kill people for no reason, just get his jollies,

doing that kind of shit. But it seems like we do not have any cops who rat on the ones who do that.

And to me,

Can you be a good cop

if you see a bad cop doing bad shit and you and you still back back him up because you know remember that movie Serpico it was like one guy one cop said you know what I'm not even gonna fuck with you guys I just don't want to take the money and they tried to kill him exactly can you be a good cop exactly I don't I think that the nature of good like when we say good cop we just mean he hasn't killed anyone this week but I think

I think that good cop means

I think that good cop means I have to uphold the letter of the law beyond the fraternity of brotherhood policing I have to hold up to uphold the law for the community.

And that may involve telling on bad cops. And

it needs to be something that we as a public celebrate. I'm glad that a lot of police are getting body cameras, but I think what's really needed, God bless the dead, my mentor was appointed.

Her name was Alice Johnson. She died a few months ago.
Great woman from Chicago. Taught me how to organize.

George Turner, who's our police chief in Atlanta, appointed her to be the community liaison between the community. and between the police force.
Now, she actually was an organizer. So what did she do?

She organized the community to speak to the police force directly, and it dramatically, for a year or so, changed the way Atlanta policing happened. Now, we have body cameras, so I don't know if

that office is going to stay, but I pray it does because I saw the difference. And I thank our mayor, Kassim Reed, for it.
I thank George Turner for it.

And I pray that we find another Alice Johnson to be the community liaison in Atlanta so we won't have another murder of like a 92-year-old grandmother who was killed by an elite drug squad.

Right.

So

we're having in cameras now. All the black kids are wearing their own cameras on their hats.
That's the new fashion. I think it's great.
It's great. Well, you knew that, but not the pew study.

No, I never heard the pew study.

No, would you wear that jacket, Michael? I'd look for it in my size. They want to patch us all four together.

I'm such an admirer of you. Thank you.
Thank you, girl.

Thank you all. Thank you.
Because this kind of matches that. Yeah, this, I've got to get you one of these.
My band, run the jewels. Can I get you to do that one? You've never heard the pew study.

I've never seen that color, and now I've seen it twice. So we got to do this.

You got to throw it up. That's my band.
Oh, I can't do the black handshakes, Mike.

There's a white guy in my group.

I'm with you intellectually, but don't make it a good handshake. That is.

So,

Bill O'Reilly,

what?

You don't like Bill O'Reilly? Man, I like Bill O'Reilly. Always going to be.
He's a character. I hate all white people take him so seriously.
Right. He's just the character.
He's the character.

But he is always going after rap as the reason for every L.

Full of shit than an outhouse.

I'm going to go in a black club and see Bill O'Reilly with a stripper in his lap. I guarantee you that.
No, no, I don't know. So that's those books he writes.
That's what Padden would have done.

And we know it's an act.

And I think the bill. No, you're wrong.
I know, Bill. That is not an act.
Bill is full of shit. He may be full of shit, but it is sincere shit.
Really? Of course. People really think that way.

What are you, Grace?

You can't.

Mike, Mike, Mike.

You're the one living up there. That means I'm going to fight him one day.
No, you know.

But

this thing I was just talking about,

the religion, like the Christians losing Christians, he blames that on rap music.

And I, yeah, right, because like the least, the people who are least likely to leave Christianity are black folks. Oh, no, yeah, no, well, particularly black women, they're not leaving.

My mama and sisters and grandma

was Jesus to the end. Yeah, I know.
Jesus was like the original rapper, though.

He was

arguably a black guy, or at least dark, hung with a posse of homies. One of them was strapped with a knife, went to war with the government, lost, like a lot of black guys do.

And everybody loved him more after he died, like Tupac.

And

he may not have existed at all. I agree.

Oh, you agree?

Oh, yeah.

Deny me three times.

Thrice.

All right. So Michelle Obama, let me ask the panel this question, was speaking this week and she did invoke racism.

She said, among other things, that she was followed in stores. I imagine you remember that, right? You've had that experience.
Yep.

She said, we all know the experience of going to a party and people assume you're the help.

Okay. This got the usual suspects very angry.
Rush Limbaugh said she was playing the race card. Laura Ingram said a litany of victimization.

They act like her very existence is kind of a deliberate provocation. But.

I think they wanted her to go down to this, to Tuskegee, right? To this, where these working-class Alabaman kids and actually just like give them the okie-doke, right?

To say, okay, because Barack and I are in the White House, like ding-dong, racism's dead. That's what they wanted her to say.

And the fact is, we don't do that with each other. We don't

tell that lie, right?

We actually tell the true American story of black people in this country, which is one of resilience. And resilience has two parts: it has struggle and it has overcoming.

And so often, the right wing just doesn't want, wants to deny either one of those parts, right? Either black people never struggle or they never overcome. But you have to see, sometimes

I'm so naive because on racism, because it used to be, I grew up with like George Wallace and dumb racist that was easy to make fun of, right?

But now they're like censors, you know, like stupid censors are easy to work with. But real racists today, they don't say it out loud.
They're the scariest ones, you know?

And they're like liberal censors. They're the scariest.

Were you in Baltimore when the riot happened? Oh, yeah, but I feel, you know, the night Baltimore was burning, I was filming a cameo in the new Album the Chipmunk movie in Atlanta. So

I may not be that qualified to talk about it, but I

but he's your family. But I was.
Look, I was arrested in Baltimore in my life, and I was in a paddy wagon. They didn't break my back.

So I guess, you know, but at the same time, there's a cop bar I hang out in, and they're very nice to me. So it just depends.
But I know, here's how you solve it.

Two ways you want to solve it, what I think in Baltimore.

Is one, like jury duty. Once a year, every family has to move to the exact economic opposite neighborhood and live there.
They have to get their hair done there.

They have to send their kids to school there. They got to go to the store there.
And then you move back, right?

The other one is, don't make it a race thing, make it a class thing. There's just as many poor white people in Baltimore.
Poor white people don't riot. Rich white people do.

So get, yeah,

college kids.

I mean, who was, if there were any rioters in Baltimore that were white, they were upscale.

When rich white kids riot, they call it celebrating. Okay, yeah, well, well, did Che Guevara take toilet paper? You know, I mean, really,

I'm for that. Toilet paper is expensive.

It's a fortune when you go in and buy a toilet paper. Why did they burn down the CVS? Why about you? Why do I just say, go burn down a country people?

People always say that. Well,

they burned down a CVS. They stole stuff they needed.
You know, you need medicine. You need socks.
You might need a blood pressure regulator.

But when people say, why do you burn down a CVS?

Why are you burning down your own community?

Well, because of black people being denied loans, because of black people being snookered out of their homes and gentrifiers coming in or not coming in, because that's happened, you live in a community you don't own.

You're a renter. You're just occupying a space.
The police are there. They're occupying you.
So when you say, burn down my community, what did I burn?

Most CVSs do not hire people who work within 10 miles of there because they're afraid of theft or them letting their friends take something.

So what what did I destroy besides an economic or economic eyesore that won't hire me anyway, overcharges me for drugs and I got to wait till the next morning for my paying

are we saying no small store owners got burned out?

That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is there were a litany of black men who had t-shirts on standing in front of stores protecting stores.
And that's not what the media showed you.

The media went out and found children

and found children and said, hey, let's show these kids wild and out and make that the representation of Baltimore. And that was a lie.

But they need to get the poor white people to hook up with them, too. Because they're Sandtown.
Have you ever been to Pigtown? Yes, sir. You know, they team up together.

And they did that in First Commission. You know.
Yeah. They did that in First Commission.
I have just a couple of minutes to ask the lightning run question, which is it came over the wire today,

the news that Jokar Sarnaev is going to get the death penalty. I was actually surprised, you know, because.
I wasn't. No.
No.

Well, you root for the death penalty. No, I am against the death penalty very much, and I campaigned in Maryland against it, and it is extreme.

I get why the people in that jury who said they were not against the death penalty would give it to him. I understand that.
He's the poster boy for it, as the Wall Street Journal cried.

But we have to put up, I'm against it for him because, like freedom of speech, we have to pick up with the worst. We have to put up with gangbang porn.
We have to put up about Nazis marching.

We have to put up with the extremes of it to have the basic freedom of it for everybody. So you don't kill people and tell them that's how you do it.
And he was 21.

I get why they gave it to him. And also didn't they sentence the people to have to live through this for years and years because the appeals are going to be...

Well, they got rid of DC Palmer pretty quickly.

You know, if you're interested in punishment, it's

a little different. Well, I mean, he was equally hideous.
You know, I mean,

you know,

yeah, they got rid of him in a month, it seemed like. But they're also giving him what he wants.
He wants to be a martyr. Well, he does.
It would have been a worse fate.

But I think people can do things that forfeit their right to live. I think that there are acts that forfeit.

On the other hand, if you're asking about punishment,

solitary confinement 23 hours a day apart from Supermax is

40 or 50 hours. Now that is cruel, unusual.

But you know what I think? That is cruel.

Judy Clark, the lawyer, she's the only person I want to meet in the whole country, actually. Why? Well, because she did Susan Smith, the Unibomber.
She does all. She's never talked to the press.

She has never let her clients talk to the press. And this is the first time she's lost.
And if she wins, she gets them life without parole, not the death penalty. She's Clarence Darrow, isn't she?

Right. All right.
Thank you, panel. It's time to go to Neurolog.

Neural, don't fall asleep in front of Kim Jong-un.

He had his defense chief executed for the crime of nodding off.

at some event, possibly a performance of the children's orchestra.

Yeah, so if you're in Kim's inner circle, just to be on the safe side, you might want to pick up a pair of these.

New roll, when Courtney Love is accused of not paying her bills, you can't report it as news.

Courtney's psychiatrist says she owes him 48 grand, and that's just for steam cleaning the couch.

New rules, someone has to explain to this Kentucky man who accidentally shot his own mother during a church wedding

that when the minister says forever hold your peace, he doesn't mean you're done.

Oh America.

New Rule, if someone catches you having sex with the tailpipe of a car,

Stop it.

Sir, when they said you needed an emissions check, they meant the car.

Man, I thought I was getting screwed at the pump. Anyway.

I can't, I can't unsee that. I can't unsee that.

New roll, don't be like Luis Lang, the South Carolina Republican, who refused to buy Obamacare until he started going blind, and now he wants Obamacare.

Don't worry, Mr. Lang.
President Obama is aware of your situation, and he has something for you.

And finally, New Rule, someone has to tell me.

Oh.

We sure jumped that.

Someone has to tell me why why Americans won't take anything seriously unless it's delivered with a British accent.

Why in movies, even ones where the actors are Americans playing people who are not British, they still put on a British accent. Here's Brad Pitt as Achilles.
Mohammedans,

my brothers of the sword.

He's from the Midwest, and we know the ancient Greeks were not.

But neither were they from Notting Hill. So why does he have to say sword?

Why is sword more serious than sword?

Here's Marlon Brando as Superman's dad. All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel.

Brando, the greatest actor ever. You mean even he can't talk American?

Did biblical people have British accents like Jennifer Connolly here in Noah?

I can't bear to think of them dying.

Her 600-year-old husband is putting 3 million animals on a houseboat.

But she's using a British accent because she doesn't want to sound silly.

In World War II movies, even the Nazis have British accents.

Game of Thrones takes place in a world completely made up by a dude from Bayonne, New Jersey, and they all have British accents.

Last season ended with the king dying on the toilet.

Done with an English accent? Classy. When Elvis did it, just gross.

Obi-Wan Kenobi lived in another millennium in a galaxy far, far away. So naturally, he had a British accent.

As did the bad guy in the movie, and even the fucking robot.

And I bet if you cracked open the other robot that only made beeping noises, there'd be a guy in there with a British accent.

All right, I'll stop. But before I do, did you know that among the many items that are sold as part of the merchandising for 50 Shades of Gray,

there is a butt plug

advertised online.

The 50 Shades of Grey, Something Forbidden, Silicon Butt Plug. Using something Forbidden is deliciously taboo.
This is for real? That's right.

If you have an English accent, you can literally tell us to stick it up our ass.

Yes, that's for real.

Or that our dick doesn't work. You've seen the Viagra ads.

You know what? Plenty of guys have this issue, not just getting an erection, but keeping it.

She's like a sexy Mary Poppins.

Just a spoonful of sugar makes the dingling pop off.

You were a flaccid loser. Now you're the dick of Windsor.

So what is going on here? Oh, I think we know what's going on. Americans, we talk a big game about we're the greatest country in the world and American exceptionalism in the indispensable nation.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, whenever I hear someone bragging on themselves like that, I always think they're covering up a massive insecurity.

And our reliance on the British accent to convey gravitas is kind of our way of admitting that we know we're not really a serious people.

I mean, come on.

We drink wine out of a box.

We invented Mormonism.

Our best-selling author is Bill O'Reilly.

Most Americans don't know that the Big Bang theory is also a theory.

I mean, look at...

Look at all the childish stuff that defines America. Superhero movies, climate change denial, Palins,

Pharrell's hat,

pajama jeans. For people who want to wear pants but don't want to feel overdressed at Walmart.

Come on, we know us. We know we're the folks who gave the world Kim Kardashian's giant ass.

And when I say Kim Kardashian's giant ass, of course I mean Kanye West.

And therein lies our special relationship with England. They have the gravitas, we have the swag.
It's how we act,

it's what we do,

it's who we are.

We have the aircraft carriers, but they have the guy who knows a sentence needs a subject and an object.

Oh yeah, that war sounded a whole lot better coming out of Tony Blair's mouth, which is why the British accent is dangerous and it should always come with a warning that this movie isn't really that profound.

This reality show judge isn't really that smart. This war isn't really that good an idea.

And this product still goes in your butt.

All right, coincidentally, I will be playing the Hammersmith in London on May 23rd. We're taking the next two weeks off so I can do my European tour.
We'll We'll be back June 5th.

I want to thank John Waters, Heather McGee, Charles Murray, Killer Mike, and Ayat Hercial Lee. Join us now on Overtime on YouTube.
Thank you, folks.

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