Bonus Bill (Originally aired 4/10/15)

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Now it's time for Real Time 2.0.

Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Oh, please, thank you very much.

Wow, what a crowd.

Good crowd, huh?

Oh, man, I love the Thursday crowds.

I think I know why they're happy today.

I don't know why.

Now, the president did something very interesting today for the

gay community.

He came out against gay reparative therapy.

You know what that is?

It's known as praying away the gay.

Yes.

Now this is very important because it states once and for all that being gay is not a mental disorder that prayer can work to fix.

Now we just got to get rid of the mental disorder that says prayer can fix anything.

A mixed response on that.

President, you know where he is today?

Jamaica, man.

Fuck yeah, he's in Jamaica.

And he went to the Bob Marley Museum.

He did.

He told the tour guy that he still has all his old Bob Marley albums.

He said, as president, you know, I can't talk up anymore,

but I can still sniff the albums.

Oh, bad news on that front.

If you live here in LA, they closed down 500 medical marijuana shops.

Can you believe that?

I know, I know, isn't that wrong?

Meanwhile, you can get Botox injections from a fucking dog groomer.

In South Carolina, yet another unarmed black man shot by a cop.

And you saw this video where the guy's just

as he's running away.

And this time it's so blatant, even other cops came out against this guy.

They said, shooting an unarmed black guy, sure.

But in the back, come on, that's not who we are.

No, even Fox News said it was a tragedy, tragedy and they're not defending this guy.

They said, no, we want this guy in jail, this cop.

He said, it's a good thing we're locking up America's last remaining races.

And finally, today, anyone from the South?

All right, man.

Today.

Today is the 150th anniversary of the

South surrendering in the Civil War.

And boy, when they find out, they are going to be pissed.

All right.

Thank you very much.

Okay.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO on demand.

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