Episode 908 - Brittany Lyseng

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 908 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a man who I'm sure is just as excited as I am to learn that Guar is going to be in town in October, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Yeah, I'm in Gwar October.

Yep, it's going to be Gwar October.

Oh boy.

Yeah, we did a whole episode learning all about Guar and I still don't really know.

They splash around a lot of fake blood

that we know, I'm assuming is fake blood.

Oh, you don't know if it's real or fake?

Yeah, I mean, like I say, I assume.

But I bought my brother's tickets last year.

I couldn't go last year.

And they said it was the best.

Yeah.

And it's, what do they do?

Do they put down tarps?

They must.

I think it's probably the venue's like, you know what we're going to do.

Put down whatever precautions you feel are necessary.

And you're going to go.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to I'm going to d wear a white t-shirt so I can really show off the bod, you know, after it gets all blood.

Well, I don't think a red red blood on a white t-shirt shows off your bod as much.

Yeah.

That would be great if they did like wet t-shirt contests, which I assume are a thing at like

senior frogs.

Where do they do those?

Like it'd be good to do a Halloween one with slime onion.

Yeah.

Or yeah, slime blood.

Pooh.

Our guest today, returning guest of the podcast, very funny comedian.

You'll be able to see her in Seattle with Kay Trevor Wilson at a place called Elements.

It's Brittany Lacey.

Hello.

Hello.

What's the date on that?

Yeah, what's up?

Oh, my goodness.

It's the 22nd and the 23rd of August.

Oh, yeah.

That's a weekend.

Oh, sorry, 21st, 22nd.

Okay.

Okay, that's almost a weekend.

Yeah.

And we're, and you're telling 100% new jokes.

It's going to be all new jokes.

Here's the thing about: I go down to the States and I go, you're getting old, baby.

They don't know me.

I can do old jokes.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

First five I ever wrote, I can do it.

Yeah, yeah, you guys hear where we have a new pope.

That's actually Evergreen.

You get a new pope every once in a while.

Should we get to know us?

Yeah.

Get to know us.

I feel like

I was spoiled.

I had the same pope for the first 30 years of my life.

That's true.

We were really diehard John Paul II.

Paul II, yeah.

He was in.

No, I guess 24.

Maybe I was 24 when he died, maybe.

And I think like you could make a full living if you looked like him dressing up like the post and going to parties and being in movies and stuff like that.

Yeah, having a spinning image doll.

Those things are so scary.

Do you remember that from when you were a kid?

Spinning image?

Yeah, that's frightening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's

leave it to the Brits, you know what I mean?

They go like this.

Do you want a doll that looks just like you?

Yeah, but also scary and

a doll who knows how grotesque you are.

Yeah,

I wouldn't even know if somebody was dressed up like our current Pope.

Couldn't identify him.

He's also just from like Boston, isn't he?

Chicago.

Or Chicago.

Yeah.

Feels like just anyone can be the Pope, you know, now.

That's true.

Yeah, once they've broken that Chicago barrier.

Yeah, they're good.

They go, this guy's from

Boston.

You get people in from New Orleans.

He's just a guy from the cast of the bear.

I've never seen,

aside from two episodes,

never seen the bear.

Well, then you've seen the bear.

I've seen it, but I haven't lived it.

You know what I mean?

Have you seen it?

I've watched two seasons of it and i know it's out you were like that's it yeah i hated the second season it made me think oh maybe i hated the first season

it's just yelling yeah i mean i do like yelling that's why i watch gordon ramsey all the time yeah well then you should you should like yeah yeah yeah um yeah i just found out who won season 11 and uh was it the bear it was the bear

um

so brittany you are in town we're lucky to have you you while you're breezing through town.

You're going to a wedding.

I'm going to a wedding.

And you said you're going to wear all white.

Is that correct?

I'm going all white.

I've brought flowers.

Because of the sun and it's outside, I'm going to do a veil.

Hey, what's your veil section?

They go, Are you getting married?

Oh, no, my friend's getting married.

Why would you think I'm getting married?

You can take away my picture, though.

Yeah, yeah.

Where do you buy a veil?

Because people wear veils,

black hat with veil to a funeral.

Is it the same store that sells the wedding veil?

Is it.

I don't know.

Vicki's veil.

Yeah, Vicki's veils.

From Batman.

Yeah, from Batman.

I think those are the two bigs when it comes to veils.

Yeah.

I mean, you go to an unveiling, but they usually don't.

It's not usually a person's face.

That'd be awesome if they did that.

Yeah, maybe.

Speak for yourself.

Check this out.

So then the veil is...

Is it lifted off the face right away or is it down for most of the vowels?

I think when they give you your graduate,

your diploma,

you move to the veil to the other side.

Your wedding diploma.

No, isn't it?

They pull it back for the kiss?

They pull it back for the kiss.

So you got to deliver all your vows with a veil in your mouth.

You just keep doing that thing you're sucking in and it keeps going in your mouth.

Keeps getting all caught up.

um

uh have you are there any other weddings this summer is this the solo

venture this is the solo venture because now i'm at a phase of my life where all my friends have been married for like 10 years okay so we're now just hoping for nieces and nephews to get married so i can just show up to their wedding and wedding dresses and stuff you know i feel like i've done that once my uh

who was the last wedding i went to i'm i'm basically out until people's kids start i do feel also like a lot of people a lot of the couples i know of my generation are just like we're never getting married, but we're, we're together.

Yeah.

But you don't expect an invite.

Yeah.

I had a friend that did a surprise wedding, which I really appreciated because there was no stress of a wedding.

So how did it work?

She, her and her partner had been together for, uh, they had been together for 10 years.

They had, they already have three kids.

And they were like, you know what?

We are never going to do a wedding.

So we're just going to do an anniversary party on our 10th.

And then we showed up and they had gotten married that afternoon and it was a big wedding.

How fun!

So, like, all everybody that came was just like expecting it to be a party, and it was like an open bar and a full dance floor.

And, like, it was so exciting because we didn't have to participate in any of the preamp.

Like, right.

We didn't have to do a bachelorette party.

We didn't have to pay for anything.

We didn't have to get dressed.

That would be so great if there was a bachelorette party.

We're like, I've got three kids,

but I still want to go last night of freedom.

Yeah.

Just has penises drawn all over her face.

I'm like, you're a mom.

yeah my kids drew these

this one's an imprint

now uh we all know as uh comedians the worst uh crowds to handle are the bachelorette parties certainly have you been with a bachelorette party out on the town crazy bachelorette party yeah tell me okay um

i feel like i have to make up a story

it was nuts we were we were talking a couple weeks ago about party buses.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I went on a party bus once.

I was, I was on a lot of party buses, which is

seem, that seems gross to me now.

It feels like I would be, I don't drink anymore, but I feel like you're just going to get car sick.

You, you inevitably, you drink, you have to pee, you're stuck on a bus, and then you throw up somewhere along the line.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all like putting drunk people in a vehicle seems like a nightmare now to me.

Yeah.

At almost 40.

Yeah, the,

but like, tell me about where any of these baths were at parties on a party bus?

Yeah, party buses.

We did one on a boat.

Okay.

Here's the thing about a boat.

You can't leave a boat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So if you, there's just no getting away.

Yeah.

That'd be great if the groom jumped overboard just

had to like breaststroke to the show and also gets caught up in the motor.

What a tragic end.

But like you can't, you can leave a party bus, but you also can't.

It's like speed.

Not if it, it's like speed.

Yeah.

Yeah, the party bus can't slow down.

Yeah, can't slow down.

Where everybody sobers up.

I got a thing.

I get car sick

if I look at my phone and my wife's driving, which never happens.

I do all the driving.

So I can't look at my phone while I'm in the car.

But just in case, I just, I heard that there's a feature on the iPhone where like there's like,

something to help your

help you from getting car sick and it so I turned it on and when I drive now I have two like there's like dots on the side of the screen that like shift and move with the motion of the car does it work I don't know I don't look at my phone while I drive smart that's smart just reading a novel

instead of driving to the number one yeah I've uh

recently like I got glasses and like when I walk they feel all like I'm in a fishbowl but if I don't have them on at night I can't see any street signs or anything so it's a real lens up lens down lens up lens down are they the like are they the like bifocals no just regular focals just one focal i bought a one focal i bought a pair of like uh prescription sunglasses from

boy zenny optical it was like super cheap they were like 15 prescription sunglasses and i put them on and i uh when my kids were really small i went on the swing with them and like after going back and forth twice i was like i'm going to throw up

i never wore them again

you glasses at all glasses i have to wear glasses yeah i gotta wear uh I can't see without.

For years and years, I just did without.

And then people,

I just kind of walked around sort of blind.

Yeah.

Because you didn't know, right?

I did know.

I've always had to wear glasses.

I just was like, I don't know.

I can't stand anything on my face.

But now I cannot drive without them.

Like, if I'm driving and you don't see me, call the cops.

Call the cops?

Yeah.

Report me to the law.

If you're driving a party bus.

If I'm driving a party.

Also, this to backtrack to the party bus.

Also, there was a strip.

There's always a strip pole on a party bus.

This is what we were talking about.

Yeah, it's very like

it's just ripping down the highway, and then just some broad who has no business being at the top of a stripper pole

going eight.

What does this be doing up there?

You're like, my God, move's pretty good for a big gal.

But then,

are you talking about just another person

in the like bachelorette party?

Yeah, but I mean, you put a stripper pole somewhere, people are going to swing, people are drawn to it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like moths to a flame.

Do how often do these party buses hire a stripper?

Can't be,

it's got, I'm guessing it's less than 10% of the time.

Because then it's that same thing.

Like, then the stripper can't, the stripper's with you post-show.

Yeah, also, just the stripper.

Do you like just

like, okay, pull over.

The stripper's going to strip.

And the driver's like, no, I got to go over these speed bumps.

Put on your hazard.

She's going to strip.

He slams on his brakes.

She shoots through the front window.

God damn it, Kenny.

Tripping lane.

Yeah,

when you are working at a comedy club and you see the bachelor party coming.

Yeah.

What's the worst?

I just think panic.

Here's the thing.

There's a difference between a bachelor party and a bachelor party.

I love

dudes in groups are funny.

Like if you start ripping on one of the guys, all his buddies love it.

Right.

It's so fun.

You're just like, you're getting married?

You're such a loser.

And all his friends are like, hey, a loser.

He does.

He sucks.

But if you slight the bride in any way,

you've ruined their night.

Yeah.

They just can't take it.

They want to leave.

And then also,

it's like there's something about a bachelorette party that they go, like, this is my night.

Yeah.

And they wear crowns and they want to be seen and they want it to be about them.

So you can't

win.

You have to just toast them to the bride.

Oh my God.

What a lucky man.

Many happy returns.

I was walking

a few weekends ago, walking down Main Street, and there was a bachelorette party that you could tell had poorly, been poorly planned because the women were trying to find a bar that would have enough seats.

I'm like, you didn't think to make a really

good reservation in a place, but they're all wearing the sashes and the crazy outfits.

Just they couldn't, you know, the taco place didn't have enough seats.

Are there places like

the Gramble Strip is where I assume I would see them because that's where all the like dance clubs are.

Do you, if you're in a group of 10 women, do you, do bouncers like, oh, to the front of the line, lady?

I mean, probably.

It's you want women in the door.

Well,

I think, too, what you're expecting is like the movie version of a bachelorette party, which is just like 10 hot girls.

Yeah.

But what you're getting is like four old aunts, like

nobody that's moving to the front of the line at the, like, they're not like.

like, not even the bride herself.

Well, the bride, certainly the bride, but I mean, she's glowing.

She's glowing.

She got barfed down her dress.

And it's usually like

it's never

in movies, it's always like, oh, bachelorette party or bachelor party day before the wedding.

Yeah.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

Just

your one last night of freedom.

Then you show up just like

completely.

And you're expected to have a good day the next day, like stay up late as well.

I went on a golf bachelorette party one time.

Tell me more.

My friend had made like.

And by the way, for people listening in the UK, hen party.

Yes.

Yeah.

Oh, God, we got to start over again.

I went on this bachelorette party.

It was just like a golf thing.

We were going to go.

It was like my friend, she had invited like five of her aunts and five of her friends.

And it was like this really calm golf day, but I had brought weed cookies.

Okay.

But what had happened is they got all mushed up in the same bag.

So I couldn't tell what was one or what was seven because they were just crumbs.

Oh, sure.

But I knew how many were in there.

So I took like just a little bit of a little handful.

Yeah.

And I said, that's about a cookie's worth of crumbs.

Sure.

And I went, and then my friend said, Did you bring those cookies?

I said, they're in my glove box.

Go grab them.

I've been mushing them up.

And they're hot as hell.

They're melted, brother.

They're going to chase crust.

She goes, Okay.

And then she went back and she goes,

took half of them.

Oh, yikes.

Honey, no.

So she took quite a lot and then came back.

She said, I did my half.

I said, half of the bag?

I said, there was a lot of cookies in there.

And she goes, what did you take?

I said, I, what I felt would be a cookie's worth of crumbs.

Like a pinch.

Like a pinch of crumbs.

Yeah.

And she said, you go back there and you do the other half of the bag.

And I said, you got her.

So we were like, I mean, an hour into the golf game and could not golf because we were a mess.

We were hiding behind trees.

We were supposed to, and then, I don't know,

we couldn't drive everybody back, which we said we were going to.

So we had to get cabs back to the place.

And then we were supposed to have brought an appetizer to the party.

You did.

You brought the cookies.

You brought the cookies, which I thought was enough for sharing.

And one of the aunts came to get me and my friend.

And what we were doing was laying on a bed, flipping a sheet over top of one another.

She's like, I'm guessing you girls didn't bring an appetizer.

Just the sensation of the wind going on.

It felt so good.

I honestly think cookies or no cookies.

I don't know what you guys are up to lately or later, but it feels pretty cool.

It's like your parachute when you're a kid.

It's like parachute day.

Oh, yeah, parachute day.

That was a big day when they brought up.

My kids,

they're spoiled.

They do parachute all the time.

Really?

Used to be one day a year.

Yeah, one day a year.

Maybe it was one that was going around from school to school.

Yeah.

You know what?

I love doing I don't do it with my kids anymore because they're too big, but they wish I could,

but it would require me to be much bigger and stronger.

But

I don't know if this is a thing that I didn't know anyone doing this when I was a kid, but every kid's parents do it now.

But it's like, that's not true.

We call it a burrito.

And you just put them in a blanket and you roll it over and then you pull it super fast and they spin around.

Oh, like a a cartoon, kind of.

Yeah, and then they land on the bed and go, again.

That is super fun.

Yeah, it's so fun, but I'm just,

I'm not that, I'm not, they're too big.

Do you remember when was the exact moment where you're like, okay, you're too big for this stunt?

You can't do I do because I have two kids of different ages.

Yeah, that's right.

I just remember having to be like, you can't do it anymore.

She still can.

I love flinging babies.

Like a two-year-old that you can just chuck into a pool or onto a pile of pillows and stuff.

Yeah.

It's very fun.

And when they come out laughing, that's great.

And then there's that split second of like, are they going to come out laughing?

They land.

Oh, I landed pretty hard on their neck.

I'm going to go.

You're on your own.

Don't tell your mother.

Yeah, flinging a baby is fun.

Did you see the video, speaking of golf courses, of the big fight on the golf course?

I've just caught, I've caught a little bit of it the other day.

We've talked about it a few times.

I think it will now get replaced by the new video of the guy

at the Cold Plate concert.

Oh, cheating his wife?

Yeah, oh, yes, the name of the billionaire.

That's

when I was starting out.

Is he a billionaire?

Did you say?

He's a CEO.

I know.

Oh, maybe he's not a billionaire.

I don't know.

Maybe I don't know.

I never heard of a CEO before.

Yeah, I never, but boy, oh boy,

you're caught 100% redheaded.

Like, it's not like, oh, she's standing next to you.

Like, you got your hands around her waist.

Oh, yeah.

She's leaning back on him.

But they acted pretty natural.

They played it off pretty well.

I'm going to be honest with you, too, and this is going to sound misogynistic.

And it is.

Okay.

Make sure whoever you're cheating with isn't a six.

You know what I mean?

Make it worth it.

Don't lose the house on a six.

I'm glad you said it, not me.

That's why I said that.

That's crazy.

I like zoomed into her face and I was like, whoa.

She's got to be nuts at least.

I don't know.

This is, we're pre-taping.

This is

an episode from,

this is a thing that happened a month ago

for the listeners.

But, you know.

Remember?

But remember?

Yeah, it was fun.

Remember when?

Yeah.

Graham and I really like to rate women's appearance on the show.

Yeah, absolutely.

That's how I did it for you.

I didn't feel either one of you could say it, so I piped up.

Yeah, I guess

I don't know what goes on in the heads of somebody who's trying to pull one over on their spouse.

I don't, it just seems like so much work and so much, like,

where did his wife think he was?

Yeah, and if you're like,

if you had the time to like go to a hotel and the money, but like

where you like go to a hotel where you can't be seen.

It's private, but like to go to a place with 50,000 other people.

You'd assume you'd be fine, you know, like, but you're right.

That jumbo shrine, it's.

Dudes don't think like that.

Like you're, I'm, every time you find out someone cheated, you go like, yeah, I mean, you did it in the dumbest way possible.

Oh, sure.

Don't murder anybody.

You'll get caught.

You're not good at lying.

Rule number one.

Don't murder.

Don't murder anybody.

Yeah,

I walked in on somebody cheating on their spouse, I would imagine, because I was working on elevators.

And it was a nighttime job because I had to, it was some of the jobs they just didn't want to happen during the day because they were loud and dangerous.

So we kind of had full range of this like fancy building because we had to like access most floors.

Right.

And I would go up to the fancy bathrooms on like the CEO's floors because he wasn't there.

Sit in his chair and do a spin.

You know, all the stuff you couldn't do in the day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so I was going, I was like, I told my buddy that I was working with, I was like, I'm going to go up to the top floor.

I got to go to the bathroom.

And I walked in, and he was sleeping with what I assume was somebody in a lesser role than him.

Sure.

That's how she was positioned.

ceos have trouble finding people in more powerful roles

this yeah ceo and the cfo found each other

you know what i like about you

did they notice that you had entered or you were able to go no i was did she notice that he had entered

she kept just going put it go

hurry well then the elevator technician's going to be here soon

she goes don't just park it and set up camp.

Move around a little, for Christ's sakes.

No, I was, I just kept walking because I, you know, what's one to do.

First of all, I didn't want to get caught, you know, pooping on the floor that I shouldn't have been in.

Yeah, not literally on the floor.

That's what I was like,

that's not how you do it, Brittany.

Yeah, it is.

You're supposed to squat.

You're not supposed to sit on a toilet.

It's bad for your bowels.

Bowels or balls?

Bowels.

It's fine for your balls.

They're like,

we think we've located them

no they yeah i didn't notice i just kept watching yeah and then i just went

shocking yeah and then i sprinted down because i love hot gossip oh yeah

i said boys

i got a juicy little secret i'd like to spill do you have any good hot gossip you can spill here okay i get

to everybody it's just us it's just us and we're just hanging out

anything you want to know

are you good at keeping gossip to yourself or do you gotta?

It eats away at me.

Here's what I try to do.

I try to, if I gotta let it out, it's almost like when they bleed like a pressure valve.

It's like I tell people that it wouldn't affect.

Or I go like,

like if it's comedy gossip, maybe I just tell my mom.

Yeah, I go.

The cab driver is almost always somebody who's done tens.

It's not a safe space in an Uber.

You mentioned elevator work.

Yeah.

I think you were last on, you had just stopped.

Yeah.

Do you miss it?

No.

You know what?

I feel like since you were on, I've noticed like many buildings I've been in have elevators not working.

I feel like there's tons of, there's not enough elevator technicians anymore.

I think,

if I may, please.

You don't notice it when you don't, like, it's a, it's a form of transportation.

You don't consider transportation.

So you just sort of, you don't, you're not aware of it.

Yeah.

But then if you're thinking of elevators and you're like, oh, yeah, there's like somebody who works on elevators and you've thought about it a little bit, you do start to, it's like when you buy a car and you're like, hey, there's like 80 Subarus on my block.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's all women.

I'm not the only one with this car.

Yeah, I maybe that's it.

But I also believe that, like, in general, there's like fewer fewer

like service tradespeople.

I think in every place, like it seems to be a lot less people in the workforce.

Like anywhere I go.

I'm like, why is there two guys here?

Yeah.

And it costs more.

And it takes, like, takes a long time to become an elevator mechanic.

Yeah.

I mean, it's four years.

Right.

And is that four years on the job or is there

on the job and because you do your schooling at night?

Oh, okay.

So you, it's like on the

CEO's office.

I visited the CEO's office, so I only had to do two years of school.

I got fast-tracked.

That is not true.

No, don't worry.

I'll keep the gossip to myself.

Imagine you're like, the CEO is like,

you know, you're cheating with the CEO, and he's promising you all these things.

And you still have to do two years.

I'm not that successful of a CEO.

I got to start sleeping with better CEOs than guys who are supervisors at elevator companies.

Listen, sweetheart.

You want to go up or down?

Elevators, they do both.

They do that.

Corrects himself.

So

you're doing like during the day you're working, during the night you're doing school.

Yeah.

And that goes on for four years.

That goes on for four years, but you only have to do school like one or two nights a week.

It's just a certain amount of hours you have to get or whatever.

Right.

Usually it was like you went to school every Wednesday or something for four or five hours.

But that's that's a lot.

That's hard to don't accidentally install the wrong buttons.

Yeah.

In the wrong order.

I know.

Oh, wait a minute.

Oh, I forgot I can't count or read.

I should have started at the beginning.

And like,

how big was your cohort?

Your class was.

Well, here's maybe a better.

There's

like famous elevator mechanics in your class, yeah.

Who's the best in the biz?

Elijah Otis invented the elevator, and he was in my

house.

Is there a history class component?

Well, there's Elijah Otis and Oscar Schindler,

Oscar Schindler.

I did work for Schindler, and I wrote Schindler's Lifts on my

hard hat and was promptly asked to take that off.

But

I had it for a while.

You're too smart for the site, I think.

We were coming over with Schindler's Lifts.

Real highbrow stuff there.

Do you

like,

is there like a graduation day?

Or are you just all of a sudden you're

do you wear a veil?

Yeah, do you wear a veil?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, kiss all the boys

as the only girl.

We're doing something new this year.

I am Surprise, boys.

I'm running the ceremony.

There was a graduate.

I mean, sort of.

We went to the Legion, got hammered.

Nice.

Yeah.

It's four years, and then you have to take like the mechanics test.

And then.

So, like,

why did you go into it?

I had family that did it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Honestly, like, I did, it is a great trade.

Yeah.

It's like the highest paid trade.

Really?

Yeah.

And it's like, it is a bit prestigious.

Like, you have to have somebody, you usually have to be related to somebody to get into it.

It's like, yeah.

So the guys that do it are really like, it's such an honor because they're like grandfathers did it.

So they, it's this passed down thing.

I was just like, was working at Safeway and I was like, I need something with a little more dough.

Yeah.

And then I did have uncles that did it.

And then I didn't realize that there was no girls at the time either.

So I was just the first girl.

Yeah.

And they were like,

you want to do this?

And I was like, okay.

Yeah.

And I think they kind of just were like, all right.

Yeah.

They didn't think you'd say yes.

Okay.

Here was a trick question.

They told me when they called me to hire me and they were like, it's not for the faint of heart.

And I was like, okay, I don't know what that means.

Yeah.

I work at Safeway.

I go, I go, listen, pal, stocking produce ain't for the faint of heart.

But yeah, it's true, those misters.

Yeah, yeah.

But yeah.

Oh, tell us about the stocking produce.

Do you know, like, like, how do you pick a good peach?

People think it's the fuzz, but it's

like Seinfeld had a bit about feeling a melon and then, like, bowling it down an alley to see if it shifts one way or the other.

The best in the biz.

It's the best in the biz.

Here's my thing about the produce section.

I have really dry hands.

I can never get the bags open.

And what am I going to lick my fingers?

No, not in this COVID world.

In this economy.

So what I do is I go over to the produce that has been misted on.

Yeah.

And I try to find something that someone won't eat.

Rude bag is.

So, usually, like the

green part of carrot.

Yeah, you're not going to eat that.

I'll rub my finger on that, then I'll open my bag.

That's a good hack.

Or if I'm getting something wet

for the first time ever.

Then

I'll start with that.

Nice.

Oh, it's lettuce day?

Okay.

Yeah.

Would you have to?

Do you also work Till?

Because I feel like that's gone away now.

Well, they would call you up if it got busy.

They would go, you can come.

Oh, so you're stalking and then all of a sudden they're like,

and I'd hide.

Because I'd be like, I didn't like till.

Yeah.

Because I'd like anything where I can not really have to do it most of the time.

Right.

So if like you give me a task, I'll just do it super fast so that I can just slough off for the rest of the day.

Nice.

It was mostly any job I've ever had has mostly been me trying to find places where I can also sleep.

Yeah.

I have a friend at a job that I was at.

He was, he was like the fucking Einstein of finding places to sleep.

He was amazing.

He'd move pallets.

He'd make like a little kind of like castle of boxes and then hide in there for half an hour.

Did he get found out?

He did.

Did he get fired?

No.

Oh, okay.

He was still a good employee.

I knew no more sleeping on the dose.

I knew a guy working in an office who got fired for sleeping at his desk.

Really?

Yeah.

It must have been a repeat offense.

Yeah.

Surely people nod off now and again at a desk job.

I couldn't.

Yeah, I could not.

Looking at a computer all day long.

Oh, my goodness.

What was your go-to hiding spot when you were.

Here's what I did.

Tell me all about that.

Okay.

So there was a makeshift shelf that was hanging from threaded rod.

This is in the grocery store.

In the grocery store.

That was like where we would throw all the like seasonal decorations for, you know, like Christmas and Sunday.

And then also all the apple boxes that people would want for moving we'd throw up there too so when people asked for them right so it was a whole scam i had a whole racket i had going up there because i'd put the apple boxes which i had built a wall of yep and then i made a bed in the back kind of bubble wrap nice um behind the boxes so what i'd have to do is climb up onto the produce sink like the big industrial sink right and then i'd jump and i'd grab the threaded rod and then i'd shimmy up and then i'd get behind behind the boxes and i'd sleep back there and then if someone someone called my name, I'd go, Yeah, just grabbing boxes.

Ah, nice.

And then I'd go, Can you catch these?

And then I'd come down and shimmy down.

So it was foolproof.

Yes.

Wow.

So someone would have had to have climbed up there, which they weren't doing.

Yeah.

Right.

And by the time you climb up there, you're probably tired enough to take exhausted.

You ever see the CEO having sex with them?

Yes, the CEO of Safeway.

Having sex with a cantaloupe.

I was going to say, he was a lesser man

than the CEO of the oil company.

Yeah,

getting away with anything on the job is fun.

It's great.

You can take like an extra long bathroom break or score a couple like 20 minutes long on lunch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just like every time I took an extra long bathroom break, I would always think, getting laid while you're getting paid.

And then someone had to explain that's not what that means.

We were wondering why that was written all over the bathroom.

yeah.

It's uh, it depends too on the work situation.

If there's only one bathroom, no extra time in the bathroom, no, you got to get in, get out.

Yeah,

yeah, I'll sleep in a dumpster, like it's just all about the thrill of getting to sleep on the job.

Like, I'll crawl into somewhere I'm not supposed to be to just be like,

I would, uh, when I worked at Toys R Us, not sleeping, but I would climb up to the very, very top shelf in the storeroom.

Dave, Dave, wake up!

I just gave him grabbing boxes,

Just thinking of a joke to say in the podcast.

Can't really get away with it here, can I?

But there was at the very top shelf, it was all toys that had been kind of like were last year's toys, and they weren't going to junk them.

So I just went up there and played with them.

Yeah.

There was like some,

you know, battery-powered gorilla toys.

And yeah, I just did a blast up there.

This sounds like a great promise for a movie where the toys come alive.

Has anybody thought of this before?

Go on, tell me more.

Actually, have you ever seen it?

Can I kill you?

Have you seen the Robin Williams movie Toys?

Yes, when it first came out.

It's maybe one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen.

I love it.

Explain.

He works at a toy factory?

Toy Factory.

It's very like.

Like the visually not...

It doesn't look like a factory.

Yeah, it's like a Willy Wonka.

It is very Willy Wonka-ish, but like more, I don't know.

He's like, I don't know.

It's a similar premise.

I never saw.

I just remember it being disappointing because it was like, I'm a kid.

This guy's the greatest children's entertainer in the world.

Yeah.

This is a movie called Toys.

It was so dark.

Was it?

Yeah.

It was like, I can't, I'll have to rewatch it.

But it was like a weird, dark movie.

Yeah, I feel like, and I could be thinking of a totally different movie, but I remember there being a trailer where he, was he wearing like a red bowler or something?

And he like walked out in front of a hill.

It's just like a hill and blue sky.

And he walked out and then talked about the movie, and that was the trailer.

Yeah.

What?

What?

Why did they do that?

I don't know.

It was weird.

It was like, it was like labyrinth with Bowie, but toys and Robin Williams.

Like, it was a weird movie.

And did you see it as a youth?

Yeah.

And have you seen it since?

I don't think I've, I think I re-watched it maybe as a teen, and then I don't think I've seen it since.

What about Death the Smoochie?

Oh,

I have not watched it.

I feel like that's in the same league as the Dark Robin Williams, yeah.

Yeah.

And maybe Edward Norton, I want to say.

Yeah, and Jon Stewart.

and it was directed by Danny DeVito.

Oh, really?

Oh,

oh, was it?

Or was it Jonathan Demi or Ted Demi?

One of the Demi's

Ted Demi.

It was Blow.

Okay, it was Blow.

That's the Smoochie

directed by Danny DeVito.

Nice.

But it's one of those, it's one of those like dark

takes.

Danny DeVito did just did dark takes.

He did Throw Mama from the train.

That scared the hell out of me when I was.

That's the smoochie and Matilda.

Oh, I loved Matilda.

One of my faves.

Yeah?

Yeah.

From

you'd read the books when you were younger?

I just watched, I can't read, but I

keep forgetting.

Elevator.

Yeah, elevator.

Evelators or whatever.

Evelators.

Yeah.

I just love Matilda because anything with a magic kid is the best.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What are your other favorite magic kid movies?

Hold on.

Harry Potter.

If

I name all the Harry Potters.

I like every Magic Kid movie.

Harry Potter or what?

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

Harry Potter.

And

can you name them all?

No.

No, me neither.

I just watched them for the very first time.

What's that?

I just watched them for the very first time and during COVID.

I'd held out and then I got COVID and I was just stuck in the house.

So I thought.

I'm still holding out.

But I do kind of want to watch them because they're very much the fabric of pulp pulp culture.

We'll do it now because now that we know everything about J.K.

Rowell,

put a little money in her pocket.

Now's the time to go.

No, no, I'll buy it.

Yeah.

I'm not going to dream it.

Oh,

my kids love it.

And I have to do every, like,

find every way to like,

well,

like, maintain it?

To kind of just like not put any money in her pocket, but also my, like,

when it came out that she was a it was transphobic people were so surprised because those books were like

like the underdog wins and it's like uh all about kind of accepting people for you know their finding their real value and um

and uh

and that so like

my kids wanted to read the books and we did and but like finding the Lego the Lego is what drives me wild.

It's so expensive.

And I'm like, okay, Facebook Marketplace is where I'm finding the Lego.

It's also so funny to to me that like people are surprised.

You're like, an old British woman doesn't like somebody.

You mean

the country that invented not liking people?

I'm shocked.

Have you read the books?

No, you can't read.

I forget.

I can't read.

But I watched the movies and I did like them and I had held out for so long.

But it's a whole magical world.

Yeah.

It's a wizarding world.

And they're making a TV show?

Is it going to be the further adventures of young Indiana Jones?

Yeah, I think they're going to have.

Who was Young Indiana Jones?

I can't remember.

The CBC is doing a spin on it.

They're doing the newest Anne of Green Gables, but she's a wizard.

How cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a twist.

CBC is

always in a hurry to reboot Anne of Green Gables.

What was the

Little Wizard on the Prairie?

Because they did.

She's on the prairie now, she's not on the Maritimes.

Because Young Indiana Jones,

River Phoenix played him in the movie, in the third movie.

Oh, yeah.

In the flashback.

And then I'm just, remember, there was a cartoon called James Bond Jr.

Yep.

But I don't remember young Indiana Jones starring.

Is it the guy who played Powder?

Starring Powder.

John Patrick Flannery.

Yeah.

That's Powder's Powder.

Don't talk about the guy who did Powder.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Creep movie.

You always bring that guy up.

You know about

Powder.

I don't know about powder.

He's a creep.

Oh, gosh.

Yeah.

So no more powder for you.

But that's another magic kid.

Maybe that's the problem.

You know what I mean?

It attracts creeps.

It attracts, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, that's why there was always so many creeps at Harry Houdini shows.

He's the boy wonder.

He's a child prodigy

escapologist.

He was escaping.

I think he was escaping from when he was a youth.

He was good at getting out of tight spots.

The Matilda

musical has an escapologist

thread running through it.

Nice.

There's a story that we keep hearing parts of about these escapologists.

Matilda was an escape.

She was trying to escape domestic violence.

Yeah,

which was the whole thread of that movie.

Well, no actual physical violence, was there?

I don't know.

Miss Trenchbold hucked her across the schoolyard.

Well, no, she hucked the girl with the braids.

That's right.

And she forced fed the girl with the braids wasn't Anne of Green Gables.

She was Anne.

What she spelled it with an E.

She forced-fed Bruce Fox, the bog trotter,

Anne of Green Gables.

She just had an extra E.

Anyway, we love all magic kids here, don't we, folks?

Now,

you're from out west as I am.

did you ever watch heartland cbc's heartland you know i didn't no me neither i i appreciated that they were doing it yeah do you so and it was on forever for like a thousand years i hate to tell it tell you it's still on no it's not is it really word i because the only reason i know that is because i was on reddit and reddit just suggested this heartland post and it said

The title of the post was The Problem with Season 18.

season 18 it's like the grey's anatomy of the the prairies i would have guessed it had been on for eight years or something but it's been on since 2006 or something yeah and it's obviously it's popular with a demographic that's stuck with it and for listeners who aren't from canada and many listeners who are from canada like myself it's a cowboy soap opera yeah it's a cowboy it's about a rancher i feel like again haven't seen it just see the the ads yeah yeah i mean they got horses.

They got,

you know, they're on a farm.

They got jeans.

They got cowboy hats.

Yeah.

And they got business to take care of.

Yeah.

It's sort of like that Kevin Costner show, but

Yellowstone.

But I also haven't seen that.

There's also a show that's very popular in Canada that's also been

on probably for 16 years, Murdoch Mysteries.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Have either you guys seen an episode.

I have seen bits of that.

Yeah.

I have not.

I've seen one episode.

A well-known comic in this country plays a constable.

Oh, who's that?

I can't remember his name right now.

He's the guy who goes to help the small towns.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know who I'm talking about.

East Coast guy goes in the shows, still standing.

Oh, yeah.

Johnny

Steph.

Johnny Harris.

Johnny Harris.

Johnny Harris.

How many seasons are there of that?

18 as well.

Wow.

Of Still Standing.

No, of Murdoch Mastering.

Oh, of Murdoch Mastering.

Still Standing is a show where he goes around, he goes to a town that's like going to fold.

Like a downtrotten town.

Yeah, where like the mills left town and it's whoever's left over.

And he does research about the town.

He hangs out with

the locals.

And then

he does a stand-up show that night about the town, which is,

I find more often than not, when I talk about the town, I mean, they don't, they're not interested in me bringing my take.

No.

And, you know, the whole premise of the show is that the town sucks.

Really?

If we really unpack it,

it's like, we're going to make a whole show about how your town stinks.

You guys are really resilient.

And so you'll probably stand up to this

drubbing about to give your shitty city.

Yeah.

If the bald mild's been shut down, what's that smell?

You know, that's good.

You bring everybody up.

So Murdoch Mysteries and Heartland

debuted within four months of each other.

Wow.

And are still on.

And whoever was the

programming director back then, they must have a statue of the CBC building.

There was an episode.

This is going way, way back, where

ex-Prime Minister Stephen Harper played a chief.

He was a chief of the police.

It's weird.

It's weird that he did that.

And Murdoch Mysteries is like an old-timey, it's like a cross between

Sherlock Holmes and CSI.

Yeah.

Like he uses science, doesn't he?

Yeah, and it's,

I don't know, man.

He's just holding his science as just a magnifying glass.

Look at these fibers.

Explain this.

This color paint hasn't been invented yet.

Are you a time traveler?

Yeah.

Well, no, but the murderer was.

That would be great if in the last season they just go nuts and they make it about time travel.

I mean, honestly, it could be about time travel and I wouldn't know, but I assume it's not.

Yeah, same.

Yeah.

Did you ever

ignore a show for a long time and then realize it's completely different?

That it's completely different than what you thought it was.

There's one I'm thinking of, but I can't remember what it is.

Yeah, like I'm thinking, oh, you know, like a show like like jag

i think that's exactly what you think it is though if you hear jag is it it's about fighter pilots no see he's a judge something general

i literally i had no idea that's what it was i've heard of jag forever i thought it yeah i thought they were like uh maybe it's like a police thing it's not a police thing not a police thing it's he's in the navy or something okay um part way there

he's just in coverall he's a mechanic.

A judge advocate general.

Judge.

I thought it was because the planes were like called jaguars or something like that.

Yeah, I get that.

You know, like it's been on a long time.

I never knew what it was.

How long was it on for?

It feels like that was in 1810 seasons.

Ten seasons.

The littlest hobos, and it's 960 a season.

It's still running.

Oh, you wish.

I do wish.

That's due for a...

That is due for a reboot.

reboot yeah i mean in canada well would you have to have enjoyed the previous version to enjoy another show about a crime-solving dog i don't know a crime solving dog's right up there with a magical kid

good call it's just like it's you know who doesn't like a puppy dog that solves crime i enjoyed hammy the hamster surely i'll enjoy a reboot of And Hammy the Hamster was just sort of a hamster that they just followed around like it was an actual hamster.

They just got the camera reboot.

Was they?

You, the audience.

You, no.

Was this a cartoon?

It was not a cartoon.

It was like a live action shot of a hamster, and it just was a hamster running through a forest doing little things.

And then they sort of narrated, they like voiced over.

Oh, I kind of love that.

It was kind of weird.

What was it?

We talked about a few weeks ago, Being Erica.

Yeah.

Does that have like a time travel component?

I can't remember if it's that or another one, but there was one that she's able to go back and solve a problem.

Yeah, it was when Jane Stanton was on.

We were talking about.

Yeah.

Yeah, the actress in the Bailey's commercial.

That's right.

Yeah.

Sophie.

But yeah, did you ever watch

that show?

Seeing Erica?

No, I didn't.

No.

No.

It's a comedy drama.

I'm looking for something else.

You're looking for...

What is it called?

The other one.

It did have time travel.

What the the hell is it called?

Yesterday and today?

I don't know.

I just heard the funniest time travel joke I think I've ever heard from Pat Bircher on his Don't Tell set that just got released.

Okay.

I don't want to spoil it.

Just go.

Go listen to it.

It's maybe the funniest time travel joke I've ever heard.

Really?

Yeah, it's very long.

It's very funny.

It just tickled me.

Okay.

You know, like after doing comedy so many years,

it takes a lot to like really love a joke.

Yeah.

And this one got me.

Yeah.

Like, you know, I got to ask, is anybody celebrating anything here tonight?

Or

dating's really hard.

Dating's really hard.

Oh, man.

You know, guys, I can't figure it out.

But yeah,

I'm going to have to listen to this.

And you got to be on the Don't Tell

recording, which is a big, famous thing to do now.

What is that for the listener?

Don't Tell is

initially an indie comedy show that started down in California where they would do a comedy show in an undisclosed location, often like something

like a clothing store or the basement of a wine cellar or something like that.

A meat packing plant.

Meat packing plant.

And they wouldn't.

Sell it in a small town that's

falling apart.

It's just still standing.

That's a factory shutdown.

And that's how they would market the show was they would send it out to the, they'd be like, we're not going to tell you where it is and we're not going to tell you who's on it.

It's just on this date at this time.

Like a rave, yeah, it's like a secret rave, and a lot of the times it would just be a DJ

playing old comedy records, yeah.

But, like,

it's sideways.

It's a scratching between like Bob Newhart and Provision Prior for the future.

It's like, what's the deal with

what's the date?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Big, big early 2000 beat drops.

Big buildup and beat drops.

But anyway, go on.

So that's how the show started.

It was two guys started it down in California, and then it kind of blew up.

And then they started recording the sets that would happen at these shows.

So it's comedians you don't know.

It's in a location you don't know.

You show up.

It's all a surprise.

So then it, I guess, caught fire, kind of, you know, like

you know why?

No bachelorette parties.

That's true.

The bachelorette parties don't know where to show up.

They don't know what to do.

So then they started filming them, and then that went viral.

So just like their Instagram channel, which is just Don't Tell.

Yeah.

And then they have a YouTube channel as well.

And it's all gone very viral.

So now if you get a set on that

particular

program.

Program.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's it's said to be a big deal.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

So we filmed one in Toronto.

It was the first Canadian Don't Tell ever.

Yeah.

And it was in a castle in Toronto.

Cool.

Casaloma.

Casaloma.

There's only one.

Oh, yeah, in the castle district.

And has it gone up?

It's not gone up.

So that actually should be released in the, they've told me around August should be the release.

Okay.

And then to the moon, right?

So people get like hundreds of thousands of views from it.

That's the, yeah, that's the hope.

I mean, Malik Lassel.

Yep.

Past guest.

Past guest, beloved.

Calgarian.

Calgarian friend.

He had like 1.4 million views.

And now he's on a TV show.

And now he's, yeah, he's.

He's on Murdoch Mystery.

He's on Murdoch Mystery.

Or I've heard he is.

I don't know.

He's on the Erica show.

Georgia has two castles.

They have Castle Loma and Medieval Times.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You're right.

And they have the Elephant and Castle, so that's three castles.

We did it in medieval times.

That would be great.

That actually would be awesome.

Last minute, you get a time to show up.

It says we're going to medieval time.

Yeah, let's all get a turkey leg.

Just doing it in the round.

That's crazy.

Oh, man.

So,

congratulations on that.

That's awesome.

Thank you very much.

What's going on with you, Dave?

Oh, boy.

Oh, nuts.

Here's the thing that's going on with me is I went out for a drink with a friend.

Okay.

And

you got caught on a cold play video on the jumbo trunk.

It started as just a drink, and then suddenly I'm shtupping the HR, the head of HR.

Stupping.

It's not what you're saying, honey.

I'm just shtupping.

I'm stipping.

You're shtupping a six.

Good from far, far from good.

Anyway,

so I went for a drink with my friend, and we got a seat on a patio, and the waiter comes out and gives us menus and walks away, and we start whispering because the waiter had hickeys all down his neck.

Oh, nice.

Nice, nice, nice.

And then I saw a post.

Someone posted a thing unrelated to this about like

it was a text that the manager of their restaurant had sent out, please stop showing up to work with hickeys.

Stop necking.

If you are in a server, then you will, if you show up with hickeys, you will be sent home.

Wow.

So

I don't know.

Is there a hickey trend on the rise?

Yeah, Graham.

I haven't seen your neck in.

Let me tell you.

20 years.

This is covered in lipstick.

Is that what it was?

Hickey is hickey's where you suck on somebody

and break the blood vessels.

I remember when my aunt showed up with one to dinner one time, and I was like, ugh.

You're an aunt.

You can wear a scarf.

Yeah, I think maybe back in my necking in a car days, I probably got a hickey, but it's.

like a thing, yeah, it was like a thing you did on purpose.

Like, somebody gave you a hickey on purpose, a real mark of

ownership of like marking your territory.

I think so, but I also like

that.

You can pee on them.

Yeah, and then if you die, then Murdoch will be like, okay, ah, it was a teen girl who killed him.

I also,

who's getting in trouble for hickeys, you know what I mean?

Like, I think that should be celebrated.

Yeah.

You know, like, this guy's this guy.

Show up to work, we'll give you a bonus if you had a hickey.

Yeah, they're like, you know what?

If I got a, if I had a waiter that had a hickey, I go, hmm, nice work.

That guy's good at lots of stuff.

Yeah.

I would, you know.

And he was a terrible waiter.

Yeah, yeah.

Couldn't get my order right, but he's got a lot on his mind.

Yeah.

It,

geez, Louise, it just feels like a throwback.

It is, I think so.

It does not feel like a thing adults do.

No.

No.

No.

And this, this was sort of like like an adult.

This sort of teen restaurant.

Except for Graham's aunt.

Man, oh man, when she showed up with that, I was just like, oh man, this is.

How old were you?

You knew what it was?

Yeah, I knew what it was.

And I was like,

put some makeup on it or something.

Who's been sucking on you?

Uncle Frank.

Also, it just needs like...

Like, you need to really kind of hold it on there.

Not, you know, not for 30 seconds or anything.

I've given myself plenty of hickeys down my arm.

Yeah, I was just going to say, we used to do that as kids because we heard about what it was.

And then you you try to give yourself one on your arm to see if you could do it.

It takes a lot.

It does take a lot.

Oh, Dave's trying to do it now.

Yeah, I think it's sucking on his arm.

I think it'll take a while.

It feels like you can,

you feel it in your mouth.

Yeah.

Because you got to close the seal.

Yeah, and you're kind of like, you're not just breaking blood vessels in your partner.

You're doing it in your own mouth.

It's going to, like, it's going to hurt later when I

finish doing this.

When I suck, like, my mouth is going to hurt.

It's like putting a, it's like putting a jawbreaker in.

You're like, yeah.

It doesn't take too long.

I'm wondering about if you ever do one with a vacuum,

I did.

I thought about it.

I never did do it.

You did?

You got it?

That's good.

Give me one more.

There's a red mark on there.

You're never going to get a job at this restaurant, Dave.

You get fired from the podcast?

There you go.

Here you go.

That was pretty quick.

Well, I mean,

I tried to think about baseball.

Some sort of sports reference.

Yeah, but it's my

mouth is definitely more bothered than my arm.

Well, you're going to have to explain that to Abby when you go upstairs.

It was sucking on your arm.

She knows it's Graham right away.

Yeah.

Are you shtipping Graham?

Stupping Graham in the podcast.

We've been sniffing.

It just kind of happened.

Yeah, so like multiple hickeys, though?

Yeah, a couple down the down.

I say good for him, you know?

Yeah.

Oh, I certainly don't.

You know.

I love that it was such an epidemic that the boss had to be like, listen to me.

I know, I like that one.

But, you know, I don't say, I guess I say good for him.

I don't care, but I think it's a, like, is this a thing that's happening?

I don't care about him personally.

Yeah.

But is this like as a thing?

Is this picking up?

Is it a trend?

Or is it, is everybody making up with the same person?

Same gal.

Yeah.

Dracula.

Dracula.

Ivan.

We're in a vampire epidemic is what's happening.

That's what we're, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's.

I worked in a restaurant.

we were all kind of like in the age range of like, I was like 15, and I think the oldest person was like 25, maybe.

And everybody was so inappropriate all the time.

And we used to bite each other all the time.

We went through a biting epidemic.

I don't know how it started.

Yeah.

You know what I don't want to do if I'm 25?

Work with a 15-year-old.

No, with this, this biting, are we going upper torso or lower torso?

It was just anywhere you could get at.

It was, it like, and then we had to have like a district manager.

It was Pizza Hut.

I worked in the

90s.

Early 2000s.

And

she had to come in and we have a meeting.

Was it the Pizza Hut with the sit-down Pizza Hut?

Sit-down and the buffet.

And the salad bar and the dessert bar, too.

Darcy Michael also worked at one of those.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And

it was the best.

We were very inappropriate there.

It was very fun.

Did you watch?

Did you?

What did he talk about?

He said they watched the Cisco and Epert did a training video.

It was, I need, I, it was Dairy Queen, uh, Pizza Hut, and they owned, I think maybe like Taco

Bell or something.

They were all owned by the same company.

So all the training videos.

Dumb enterprise.

My brands owned Taco Bell,

Pizza Hut, and

Burger King?

Not Dairy Queen.

Yeah, Dairy Queen and Orange Julius are.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, yeah.

They're a

holy.

The access of each

two-person Trinity is.

Yeah,

I never had the.

Well, that's not true.

I did work at a pizza restaurant.

Not a chain.

Although it's a little chain.

There's more than one of them.

Tom's House of Pizza.

Oh, my God.

That's my favorite pizza in the whole world.

Tom's House of Pizza House.

Did you call it T-Hop?

Well, it's not bad, actually.

Nobody did, but it feels like a real missed opportunity.

Did you work at the one on McLeod Trail?

Yep.

The OG.

Well, actually, the OG is the fourth one, but the McLeod Trail one is the best one.

And it's still there.

It's still there.

What did you do there?

Everything.

Had to cook the pizza, had to bring it out to the customers, had to box it.

I didn't know this about you.

It didn't last very long.

I was not very good at it.

Not very lucrative.

But yeah, Tom's house of pizza right next to a very like divey bar.

How old were you when you were

18?

All right.

Yeah, 18 or 19.

And yeah, there was one guy.

Like, there was a lifer in there who had been there.

A pizza lifer?

Yeah, he was probably in his early 30s.

And I was like,

I don't know, man.

You should be the manager at this point, by the very least.

You should maybe go to elevator school

if your uncle could get you in.

There's been the same delivery driver at that Tom's House of Pizza for, I bet you, 35 years.

Yeah.

Well, he's got a steady gig.

He's got a steady gig.

That's my favorite pizza restaurant in the whole time.

Delivery has changed so much.

Yeah, it's true.

Like, they're in your door dash, they're coming on scooters.

they're yeah they're wearing those uh cold hand you know buffler things uh the um you can track them now and you're like what are they they're going through someone's backyard or they seem to have this one intersection for a long time oh they haven't fallen off with my pizza but i worry that there's no shame left in ordering because they just come they drop it off at your door yeah you used to have to face them yeah and then pay you'd pay cash and then it was a whole transaction i'd like to order five vibrators please Put them in a paper bag and don't say anything when you drop them off.

But it's buzzing and turn them on, yeah.

Turn them on so I know they're there.

Did you take one?

Yeah, wait a minute.

There's only three in here.

I don't know what you're talking about.

So the hickey is the red around it is faded.

The sucking.

That just looks like it could be a bruise.

I know.

It's a shame.

I better get sucking.

I really, I want there to be no doubt.

Keep on trucking.

Get sucking.

Anyway,

I'll keep you posted if I see any more around

hot for summer 2025.

Hickeys.

Hickeys.

Okay.

Yeah.

They're back.

Wired.

Absolutely.

Never, they're back for, well, they're back, but they were never here for grown-ups.

Yeah.

Except your aunt.

Yeah, except my aunt who showed up that one time.

Was she single?

Well, no.

Well, was she single at the time?

I just remember, yeah, I think she was single at the time.

And, but he knew exactly what it was because I was like, and I think my

little brother Patrick didn't know.

Maybe Dan knew.

Dan might have been on the cusp of understanding what that was.

Because I was like, dear sweet Patrick doesn't know what a hick he is.

He's so innocent.

Because I thought, I think I was nine or ten when this happened.

I knew it.

I knew it from movies that people would get.

Yeah, I remember the scene in

boy.

uh what am I thinking of there was a scene um in

who's the boss yeah and uh

Samantha uh

had was wearing a

like a scarf a scarf or she was holding her yes head one way but was there also a Cosby show thing where he's like leaning back

he got an earring a earring right

he got man Theo got into so much trouble I love it dang Theo

Boy, I wonder if Theo and Samantha ever hung out.

Well, let's pull up the Battle of the Network stars and find out.

Well,

that's all for me.

And what's going on with you?

Well, yesterday,

I've had luck with this twice before by buying a ticket to a music concert show the day of and just buying a single ticket because people are desperate to offload that one ticket.

A pair of tickets will go out the door, no problem.

But a single ticket trying to get rid of that.

This was a Cold Play show you were at Cold Play Show.

And I bought a single ticket.

She just happened to be there.

And I said, let's canoodle.

She was just falling forward over the railing.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

What was I supposed to do?

But yeah, I bought a ticket day of to a musical performance by the weekend.

Oh, man.

At BC Place.

A BC Play?

At the stadium.

What was it?

It was fantastic.

Do you like the weekend?

I do.

I love the weekend.

I didn't know that about you.

I love the weekend.

He's like, as far as I was concerned, I think there were two songs I didn't know, and the rest it was just like banger after banger after banger.

Everybody's singing along the whole time.

Hit after hit.

And it was, he's, he's not like, it's not like a Taylor Swift show where he's doing costume changes or anything like that.

Like it's, he's wearing this one great like robe, and he has a bunch of dancers that are like kind of eyes wide shut, kind of red veil.

Veil in the veil store.

And yeah, it was, he was really good, and he kept working the word Vancouver into things, which was very,

you know, if he said, like, if the lyric was, I love you, he'd say, I love Vancouver.

What do you get a buzz out of that?

Was it, I heard that people were complaining

about concerts last summer being too hot.

It was pretty hot.

And was the roof open or closed?

Open.

Okay.

Roof is open.

Better than closed, I think.

Yeah.

And he said a very funny thing because he's like,

you know, because it started, the light was still out.

So

he said, when it gets dark in here, that's when the party starts.

It was like another hour and a half before it would turn apart.

And then he's like, wow,

he's like, wow, the sun really stays up a long time here.

It's true.

And at one point,

he was chastising security because he thought security should be working outside of the gate instead of inside of the gate.

He's like, stop, get out of there.

Stop.

Go on the outside of the gate.

What's happening on the inside of the gate?

That's a good idea.

Girls screaming.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of girls screaming.

Shut them up.

Trying to remember the lyrics.

Stop it.

But yeah,

every song was great.

He's sing the one that goes.

He's saying that one?

Absolutely.

And

luckily, so I bought the ticket from somebody who is like an older person.

Because they were like an older old person.

I've seen some things out on the scene.

Covered in hickeys.

Neck skin jangling down.

Oh, gross.

Picturing somebody sucking on that.

Yeah, I give you a hickey from two feet away.

It's like sucking on a turkey's neck.

But luckily, the person that was sold me the ticket, there was a couple that was in the seats next to me, and they were also old, so it was great.

We were both were like standing, kind of stretching our feet at the same time.

At one point, they sat down.

I stayed up the whole time, but.

I am shocked that you like the weekend.

Not that, you know, it's.

I also find that surprising.

Yeah.

i love him more it's more than just that i didn't know that about you it's like when i found out you've seen every marvel movie i was like i didn't know you even cared

no i like the weekend i think he's like a once-in-a-generation voice he's got the beautiful beautiful voice um he is

well there was a thing like the song of the summer um going back for like the last 15 years And there hasn't specifically been a song of the summer, but like a Canadian has had a number one hit every summer

for the last 15 years, and it's either like Carly Ray Jepson or Drake.

But like

eight, yeah, Bieber, eight of those are, or something like that, are the weekend.

It's mostly the weekend.

And it's crazy.

Like, even if you don't think you know songs,

a couple of beats into every song, you're like, oh, yeah, I've heard this on the radio, or I've just heard this around.

And he

comes out, he's wearing a mask for the first couple songs.

I was like, oh, he's not wearing a mask for the whole time.

When he took out the mask, you better believe believe everybody went bananas, right?

Everyone went nuts.

Everybody went nuts.

Do you remember when he did the Super Bowl and he was in that like labyrinth?

He was like, a fun house?

Yeah.

But was that a COVID thing?

I think it was.

There was no audience.

And there was no audience and also like no backup dancers or anything like that.

It was just him.

They're like, let's get some mirrors in there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It would be like there's multiple games.

Yeah,

of many people.

And he did a funny, kind of a weird thing where where he was showing up everywhere with like bruises and like bandages all over his head.

And he showed up to like music award shows and concerts like that.

And then a while later, he showed up looking like he had crazy plastic surgery.

Yeah.

And he never mentioned it.

He never said anything in interesting.

It was a prank.

Yeah, just like an elaborate prank.

Where do you hear his music?

You don't listen because you don't listen to the radio.

I think I first probably heard him on the radio.

And then I was like, this guy's awesome.

And then you got your Spotify.

You got your, what is the owner?

Title.

Maybe you got title.

Did you watch the show he did on HBO?

No, I heard it was bad.

It was kind of bad.

It was him and Lily Rosedepp, and it was like, I don't know.

I wanted it to be good.

Was it called The Idol?

It was called The Idol.

We all wanted an HBO Sunday Night Show to be good.

It was gratuitous, but it was,

you know.

Yeah.

I mean, I think if they would have given it another season, it had room to get better.

But like, they just were like

a funny neighbor kid.

We need to Urkelize this show.

He had a very funny cameo in

Urkel did?

Urkel had some great cameo in Uncut Gems the weekend.

And he right away slept with the main character's girlfriend.

Oh, right.

So he was playing, he was playing maybe against type, maybe two type.

I don't know.

I don't know what he's like backstage, you know?

His new song came out like three or four months ago.

I remember hearing on the radio, like the weekend is back.

Like, they would do special promos on Z95.3.

The weekend is back.

Hey, everyone, it's the weekend.

Listen to my new song.

And they would play a bit of it.

And I was like, oh, maybe people don't care about the weekend, but I'm finding out.

Oh, there's two nights at BC Place.

Sold out.

Sold out.

Wow.

And they did a thing.

Where were your seats?

I was in row K, you know, KK.

I was in row 103.

Good, they were were good tickets.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And did he see you?

Did you wave?

And he went, Graham!

Yeah, they just did like a nod, like, yeah, yeah, he knows.

He goes, Debaters?

You go, you got that right?

Thumbs up.

And then, oh, they did this thing.

And I don't think I've ever seen somebody doing it at a concert.

I know that they do it sometimes.

He went in the little area where the stage was security, he was beating up screening real quick.

Where security was, and people had signs that like, sing, sing this song with me.

Oh, yeah.

So he went and say, and I was like, this could be this person's big break.

If they sing really well in front of this many people, she sucked.

She was bad.

She was terrible.

Her voice was terrible.

I love those videos of when, like, somebody, they call like a kid up on stage and hand him a guitar, and then he just shreds.

I'm like, always so punked.

Cause that's got to be, that's always like

everyone.

That was always my fantasy.

Well, and that's like, that's what people are expecting like he's picked he just magically picked the right person yeah I went to I saw Sloan

many times once at the Croatian Cultural Center here in Vancouver

and hmm who was the opener I want to say the flashing lights okay and there was a they played everything you done wrong you've done wrong which is a has a trumpet intro yeah and as they start the song you see a kid hold up a trumpet case

and they like get security to let him up and he gets up on the stage stage i think he kind of uh

overstepped yeah maybe his uh he couldn't get his embouchure right

it was too bad his embouchure and then the two things that stood out crowd-wise the guy next to me was filming himself most of the time singing to the song nice

and uh he kept filming his girlfriend too she's even less interested in this did you project offer to take sally no single ticket i know but did you say hey we should go?

Nope.

I was like, I'm going to see if there's a free ticket or a cheap ticket I can get the day of.

And I did it.

Because, man,

that shit's expensive.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Like, the ticket that I had was

originally $350.

And I got it for a cool $125.

Oh, wow.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

And I probably could have got one even cheaper as the day went on, but I didn't want to risk it.

But they all run out.

I sort of just picturing you getting up off the couch to make your own snack and not offering her anything.

And then she'd she'd be like, what are you doing up there?

It's taking me.

I'm getting myself a concert ticket.

Yeah, this is.

Why did you want to come?

You interested?

Eating a bowl of soup by yourself.

You were like, I couldn't get tickets the day they went on sale because I typed in the weekend, but I typed it wrong.

I didn't know he spelled it in a funny way.

I just, I wrote Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

He, uh, so there's also a thing I probably was, because you went to Olivia Rodrigo.

Yeah.

Did they have the thing with the wristbands?

Ooh, remind me.

So they, I don't know if they were selling them or just handing them out, but almost everybody in the, I mean, they weren't handing them out to me, so somebody must have bought them, but they were wristbands with light on them, and they were synced to the music.

So it looked like glitter.

And it was, and at first I was like, how do all these people know to have their phones out at the same time?

But it wasn't.

It was these little things.

Huh.

No,

that wasn't part of the Olivia Rodrigo experience.

Well, this was a big, big bargain of the weekend show.

It was very, it was like just, I didn't didn't know what was going on because it started so light that you didn't see it.

And then it got dark.

Did it sound good?

Sounded great.

Okay.

He had his own video screens, perfect, you know.

He didn't just use the house.

No, he brought his own.

And then the great thing about being next to the oldsters is they knew exactly when to leave.

And I followed them out because when I went to the train station, they had stanchions for the lineup to get on the train.

No.

Breezed right by and got on the train.

Got a seat, no less.

My word.

Yeah.

That was pretty good.

Pretty successful venture all together.

A lot of times people will go after like a hockey game.

They'll get on the

skytrain.

They'll get on the skytrain going the opposite direction so that they can get a seat on the way back.

Yeah, I thought about that.

I thought about going to the end of the line, but then I was like, nobody's out now.

I can just go to the train station near the stadium.

And I've only been in that stadium twice.

I went to soccer there once, and now this i went to in the invictus games is that what they're called the yeah yeah

there and that was pretty cool what'd you see uh well katie perry was there oh you saw the intro yeah and cold uh chris martin the cold play guy was there yeah and noah kahn was there and

ellie furtado was there what a lineup yeah my friend uh my my cousin's boyfriend he is in uh the military band Oh, so he was, they were playing for the Invictus games.

Do you play flute, drums, flute?

He plays the Oboe.

Oh, really?

He's the leader of the band.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oboe's always the leader of the band.

Yeah.

Everybody follow the Oboe.

He's the guy.

Yeah, I was at the

Juno's last year, and Nelly Furtado was the host.

Oh, man, she had so many hits.

I didn't realize when she was.

Nellie has a lot of hits.

Yeah, like when she sang of...

Fit and hot and

band-aided or no band-aids.

That's how you can tell.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's right.

I I forgot it was the Nellie, just Nelly.

I interviewed Nellie Fertata once.

Yeah.

And she was very nice.

And I asked her,

it was around the time of

like people were trying to figure out, oh, the Ice Cube song, A Good Day, has all these specific mentions.

And it was like, okay, so we've pinpointed the day it must have been because there was like a basketball game the day before.

And then someone tried to pinpoint like the movie that Alanis Morissette went down on, Dave Coulier.

And so it was around that time that Nelly Furtado had

invented a new song called Parking Lot.

And I was, so I interviewed her, and one of the questions was,

which parking lot are you singing about?

And she told me it was a 7-Eleven parking lot in Victoria.

Oh, okay.

She told me the neighborhood, but I couldn't tell you.

That's hot gossip.

Spilling the tea.

But yeah, if the weekend's coming to your town, check him out.

He rocks.

So good.

That's a shocking revelation.

Graham is a.

Who's your, is he your favorite artist?

I mean, current?

Yeah.

Probably.

Wow.

Who's your second?

The beaches.

Love the beaches.

Yeah.

I love the beaches too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It doesn't shock me that people, that's another shocking.

I picture you as like a John Prime guy.

Oh, I love John Prime.

I do.

Yeah.

I was listening to old country music before I came here.

And then I put on Trisha Yearwood's Before He Cheats.

Yeah.

My favorite band, that AI band that just came out and released four albums in a week.

Love them.

Kendrick Lamar.

We talked about the guy that came up with the $65 million NFT piece of art.

And now it's worth $100?

Yeah, it's like $400.

Oh, my gosh.

So get it.

Well, it's a discount now.

Get it and then you sell it.

Yeah.

The guy's name was Beeple.

We did many years ago, I think.

Yeah.

Should we move on to some overheards?

Oh, yeah.

Hello, I'm John Luke Roberts, and I would love for you to give my podcast, Saute, with John Luke Roberts, a try.

It's basically a parody of every type of podcast imaginable, made up with loads of brilliant comedians.

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Overheard.

Overheard.

It's a segment on the show where, boy, oh boy, are you lucky enough to go out there in the world and hear a gem?

We want to hear it too.

So you can send it into SBY at maximumfund.org.

We always like to start with the guest.

Brittany, do you have an overheard?

I overheard my father, who's now retired.

And he's got a lot of projects, but a lot of, he's trying to fill his time

with things.

And he was standing outside in the backyard.

I think he thought he was alone, and he's like,

I know you're squawking at me.

And he's fighting with the birds in the tree.

Oh, sure, yeah.

He thinks they squawk at him.

Yeah.

He thinks that they're, he's, he thinks that every time he walks by, the birds are squawking at him.

So he's gone completely mad.

He's gone completely mad.

He's now responded with, he's got two two by fours.

Okay.

And he hits the two by fours together to mimic a gunshot

to scare the birds out of the tree.

And it works, but also it does sound a lot like a gunshot.

So

I can hear my mom going, you're going, they're going to call the police.

Yeah.

Oh, where's this?

I'm picturing this out in the countryside.

No, no, this is in Deer Run.

This is in

Calio Rita.

And then I made fun of him so much for the two by fours because I said, you look nuts.

Yeah.

You're out there smacking two by fours.

Just get a gun like a regular dad.

Just get a gun.

And so now

he made two small two by fours.

He put a hinge on them with two handles so he can hit them together harder.

Wow.

And he thought what I was commenting on was the fact that he had two long two by fours, and that looked crazy.

He made a contraption.

He's spent two days making a contraption in the garage.

And I was like, that's way crazier.

Yeah, yeah.

What's his problem with the birds?

Are they just squawking?

They're magpies.

and oh, yeah, magpies.

I don't know if you have a magpie.

In Vancouver, they're just like they're loud, they're squawky.

They, yeah, they're just loud, they're loud, they're louder than a crow, but they're not like eating his

things that he's growing or something.

They, um, they do peck every time he lays grass seed, they do he has problems with all the animals, all the animals, yeah, because the rabbits lay on the lawn and then they create a divot, right?

He's Elmer Fudd, he's become Elmer Fut, yeah, Yeah.

He's after the rabbits and the birds and

rabbits are rascally.

They are rascally.

They are rascally.

In my experiment, yeah.

Dave, do you have an overheard?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

If that's what you need from it.

That is what I need.

I was in the grocery store today.

I was in the meat department.

Jew and the fat.

Sure.

With my butcher.

And there was two employees and one of them was holding a piece of like a one of those packaged things of meat up to her nose.

And I said, oh, I love the smell of this stuff.

And another employee, like, you know, 10 feet away was watching.

I'm like, what is that?

They just, they just, oh, the meat guys, they just know what they're doing.

I hope.

And then that other employee goes,

now I got to smell it.

And I went, after they were done, I went and I checked it was chorizo.

Oh, yeah.

You know what?

I couldn't smell it.

No?

It's wrapped in plastic.

They obviously they're rounded enough to have a tuned maybe that one.

I don't think the second employee got anything out of it.

Are they were they?

I haven't been to a meat counter in quite some time.

Is it still styrofoam bottom, plastic wrap on top?

Oh, no, it's an NFT now.

Oh shit, it's people.

Beeple's been at it.

This store has a

plastic bottom and plastic wrap.

Okay.

So that's from a bygone era, though, like little.

They still have the styrofoam, though.

Yeah.

Oh, you know what I hate?

That little maxi pad that they brought up.

Yeah,

I knew right when you said it.

I don't like anything that's damp like that.

Just in general?

Yeah, dry out my meat before I buy it.

Yeah, you want to

put it in there with, put those popcorns from the boxes in there.

Yeah.

There you go.

I want my meat on a bed of styrofoam popcorns.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Do you cook?

You a chef?

I do cook.

I don't know if I'm a chef.

What's your your signature?

I'm a good breakfast stuff.

I can make a great Eggs Benedict.

Okay.

That's a, yeah, that's a good one to have.

Do you make your own holiday sauce?

Holidays?

Here's the thing.

You can, but the package is better.

Is it?

Okay.

Like, if you just buy the package and you can, you can put a little wine in there, a little extra lemon or something like that.

Make it your own.

Make it your own.

Yeah, yeah.

I love.

uh eggs benedict i get it whenever i have it the chance it's delicious it's a tasty treat yeah and

you might say that it's the king of the brunch scene, you know?

Eggs.

Yeah, certainly of the savory brunch.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah.

I don't have a signature myself.

You don't?

No.

You know, the basics, but I don't have a particular meal.

Dave, signature?

Because you cook.

You cook all the time.

I do cook all the time, but I don't have a signature.

We do this like angel hair with

like garlic, tomatoes, basil, and shrimp a lot.

We call it humparama

because it's so good you want to hump it.

Humparama.

And then we just like, we'll put our like grocery list together and like, it'll be on the fridge like humpo this week.

Um, uh, my overheard was one that was said not directly to me, but under someone's breath.

Uh, I went to a physiotherapist and

she was getting me like, she's like, move this way, move that way.

And at one point I made like a weird move and she said to herself, huh, that's weird.

What's ailing you?

Oh, the lower back, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Boy, oh, boy.

LB.

Yeah, too much,

too much meat, carrying too much, too much meat.

It hurts my back.

Why is it always the lower?

Why can't I have upper back pain?

Yeah, exactly.

I think I could deal with upper back pain.

Oh, you don't want that either, right between your shoulders?

Ooh.

But yeah, apparently my body moves weird, so.

Oh, that's weird.

Did you hurt the lower back doing something, or is it just...

Lifelong.

Yeah, just ongoing.

I think, probably, honestly, I think I slept weird on it.

Yeah.

And then I, like, I remember waking up in the morning like, oh.

Did you ever lift something without bending your knees?

Always.

Keep my legs stock straight.

Hinge.

Yeah, a hinge, exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

It's so much more efficient.

Yeah, exactly.

I get so much done.

And then I off to the hospital with me.

Now, we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the map.

If you want to send one in, send it into SBY at maximumfund.org.

This first one comes from

John, Brandy and John.

It's a co-op from Pittsburgh.

My girlfriend Brandy and I saw this billboard driving through Wheeling, West Virginia, and it's a doctor named Dr.

Shatz.

And he owns

Shatz Gastro.

So he's a gastro intentional guy, and he's shats.

It's pretty good.

I like that.

You know what?

If you're dealing with the butt,

you got to be funny.

Yeah, it's true.

You know,

serious butt.

They don't ever make

dramatic, hour-long,

you know, doctor shows about a guy that's handling people's butts.

They should.

Yeah, they should.

It would be very funny.

Yeah.

Did you,

do we have ads for

like billboards for doctors here?

Or is it like in the States?

Oh my God.

Like driving around LA, it's non-stop lawyer ads.

Yes.

Right.

Yeah.

But it's walls and wall-to-wall billboards of just like, have you been hurt by a, specifically by an Uber?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

There is a lot of weird like lawyers in LA.

Yeah.

We are just like, are people just only dying in Ubers here?

What is happening?

Yeah, I don't know.

They're dangerous.

They are.

I still can't get into my account.

Still locked all these weeks later.

I had a weird thing here in Vancouver where I,

like a couple of weeks ago, I was here and

an Uber was coming to get me.

And then they called and they were like, hey, we're on our way, but can you give us the pin that we just sent you?

Oh, yeah.

And I'm stupid.

So I did.

And that's all they were just resetting my password so they could get into it.

Oh shit.

But who were they?

That's what I, it wasn't the guy driving.

And it wasn't any, it was some sort of hacked thing that they like hacked into.

They could see where the ride was going.

They're like, we're just pulling up.

We're three minutes away.

But before we get you, this is a new security measure.

That sucks.

That does suck.

Gave them the pin.

So I had to reset all my,

this is also my account got hacked.

They canceled all the rides.

except one in London, Ontario for $180.

And they're like, just pay for it and your account will go back up again.

I've written to them.

I'm like, but you know that it was hacked.

So let me have my account back.

And they're like, yeah, no problems.

Just pay $180 and you can have your account back.

But how did it

$180,

did that come off your Visa?

No, it's just on my account.

So it must have been something they

did person

who hacked you get.

access to your account and get this ride without visa getting involved.

They just they hacked it and then did the same thing.

They changed the password and the password prompt so I couldn't get back into the account.

And then they just started running up maybe gift cards or something.

I don't know what name would have been running up.

Yeah.

You seem like someone who would have an Uber that you just like, like, I just pay money into my Oop.

I send Uber a check.

That's where I leave my money.

Or like I prepay for a bunch of Ubers.

10 Ubers on there.

I got to load up my Uber card.

Like the way that like your compass compass card.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's why I take the bus and train.

Maybe I'll start taking Lyft.

We'll see.

I'm not paying them $180.

I can tell you that.

This next one comes from Taryn C from right here in, well, not right here.

New Westminster, B.C.

I walked past a pet food store with a custom sign outside that said, it's time to try tripe month.

Oh, and I forgot.

You know, it's almost the month's half over.

I haven't eaten had one tripe.

Not one spoonful.

Have you guys had tripe ever?

No, I can't say I have.

Yeah, what is it?

It's stomach guts, it's guts.

What's tripe?

I know they offer it a lot at the Vietnamese restaurant.

It's one of the faux phas.

Yeah, I feel like it might be stomach lining.

Edible lining of a ruminant animal's stomach.

Ew.

Paging Dr.

Shaz.

What do you mean by ruminant?

What's a ruminant animal?

An even-toed ungulate mammal that chews cud regurgitated from its rumen.

I know less now.

Less than you did before.

Have I talked about this before?

I'm sure I have.

It's like a part of my stupidity.

But like, I'm sure I've brought it up before, but like,

do you know what an ox is?

Like an oxen?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But what is it?

I mean, like a horned animal.

I don't know where they're like.

I know they're native to like Tibet.

They pull carts on

trails.

It's a working animal.

It's not a breed.

It's just a working animal.

It's just a like,

I think specifically like a pulling or something.

But there's not like, yeah, it's like,

it's not like, oh, there's a bunch of ox over there or oxen over there.

Like a detective.

Yeah, it's like you got to get a job as an oxygen.

Yeah, yeah.

Huh.

I didn't know that.

You can't, like,

I don't know what I mean.

I don't know what's confusing me.

I, did you play Oregon Trail growing up?

No, but I know it.

Yeah.

Did you?

No.

Oh.

Well, it was like you always needed the ox to move.

You had a certain number of ox, but I didn't realize.

I thought it was like kind of like a bull.

It can be, but it could also be a water buffalo.

It could also be like yak.

Yeah, yeah.

Boy, yak.

This last one comes from James.

Why did I look up ruminant, but I didn't look up ox to give you just an actual definition.

Here we go.

A castrated bull

used as a draft animal.

Any domesticated bovine animal as milk or meat?

Ox.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Sorry about that.

This one comes from Jamie

from Seattle with an overheard of the kids say the darndest variety.

I was recently in Iceland and went to a place known for puffin nesting.

As I was walking around, I heard a kid say,

You saw a puffin on Father's Day.

Your Father's Day wish came true.

How does that kid know his Father's Day wish?

You got to keep it a secret or it doesn't come true.

What was your Father's Day wish this year?

Oh, I mean, I wanted to see a puffin.

And?

No.

Oh, it didn't come true.

I stayed local.

Did you see a magpie at least?

No.

Oh, my God.

Talk to my dad.

I went to, I remember visiting Calgary and seeing them and thinking, oh, weird that we don't have them because they're everywhere here.

Yeah.

They're kind of like crows.

I think they're like a variety of crows.

I got to be honest, they're cooler than crows because they have a little white

trim.

And sometimes they're a little bluish, too.

I think they're quite beautiful.

Yeah.

I mean, you know,

crows are when they're not being loud and crazy.

Magpie is a good name.

Magpies are there.

I could go for some magpie right now.

I could make a stew out of a magpie.

Your dad wants to.

Yeah, rabbits do.

Rabbit magpie stew.

In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls and voice memos.

You want to send us a voice memo?

Do it.

Spy at maximumfund.org.

And if you want to call us, the phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

Spypod 1, like these people have.

Open up my computer.

Wake up.

Wake up.

It doesn't wake up every time now.

Wake up!

Wake up.

Why doesn't it sound that?

Wake up.

Wake up.

Why'd you leave that jump off the table?

You want to do?

Oh, do you know that I was watching an interview with Rick Rubin, and there's like a part of it.

Rick Rubin was interviewed?

Oh, he hates being interviewed.

He

said that in the middle of that song where he's talking about Father Forsaking Me, Rick Rubin just said, pick a book off of the shelf, open it randomly, and

whatever that is, that's part of the song.

Yeah, I was like, well, it really worked out well.

It was a Bible verse.

Yeah, it wasn't like to cure constipation.

What you need to do is

it's,

I think Rick Rubin got into producing music just so he could appear in documentaries about producing music.

All right, phone calls.

Hi, Dave Graham and wonderful guest.

This is Chloe from Vancouver calling with an overheard.

I was walking down the street and passed by a house that had a trampoline on its front yard with a big hedge around it, so I couldn't see the kids who were bouncing on it, but I could hear them.

And as I walked by, I heard one of them just go, ow!

And then I heard the other one say, ha,

you just got megged.

Anyway, I go

I don't want you hanging out with that mag anymore.

I'm always getting magged.

You got magged.

What do you think it was?

Like jumping off and hitting the springs?

Yeah, getting or double bounce.

Double bounce, cracking the egg.

Cracking the egg.

Did you have a trampoline growing up?

No, we weren't allowed, but I would always find a friend with a trampoline.

I had a friend down the street that had a trampoline.

And then I would immediately get hurt.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Like pretty quickly.

I don't think I ever broke a bone, but somebody did.

I can't remember.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

I landed on, I always landed on the edge.

Yeah.

Oh.

And sometimes that edge would just be springs.

This was before they had the netting around.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Also, some people would leave those mats out all winter long and they just became just mush.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just absolute death traps.

It was actually worse if it was still hanging on by a thread because you assumed it was going to stop you.

Yeah.

And you're like, one leg would go through and the other one would stay on the canvas.

Oh.

Most dangerous toy.

Next phone call.

Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Matt from Omaha.

I'm calling in with what was very nearly an overseen, but thankfully was only an overheard.

So I work on medical equipment.

Today I was doing the annual service for infant hearing screening in a hospital in South Dakota.

So I am in the birthing center working on this equipment.

And one of the nurses comes in and says, We need to perform a circumcision in here.

Do you mind moving over to that table?

And I'm like, no freaking way is this happening to me again.

I will go in the other room.

You can have this room to yourself.

They said, okay, I left.

But I could still hear from the other room as they are training a nurse to do this circumcision.

There's only really one way you can screw this up.

And that's to get the tip.

Oh, yeah.

So

after some crying and screaming, I later on hear, don't take off too much.

Don't take off too little.

No freaking way.

Off I go.

That's sweet.

Well, you said there was only one way to screw up.

Now there's two ways to screw up.

Yeah, now in my head, I'm trying to picture, like,

is it like unwrapping,

you know, like a champagne kind of, is it?

Yeah, I think probably, yeah.

It pops across the saber it.

It's like a baby bell cheese.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think in America there's a billboard of a nurse being like number one in circumcision?

And then right next to her is a lawyer billboard.

I'll sue this nurse for circumcising.

And it's a poster of her leaning back-to-back with a penis.

It's also just an Uber that circumcises that keeps getting sued.

I don't know what happened.

I keep closing the door too fast.

He slammed on his brake.

And here's your final phone call.

Hey there, Graham, Dave, and possible guests.

This is Michael from Toronto calling in with an overheard.

I was in Bayfield, Ontario over the weekend, which is a very cute little beach town, and I got out of the car, and I was walking to meet some friends, and as I passed by a group of people, I heard an older man talking to someone who I imagine may have been his son, saying,

I've given you everything, and you can't even give me one cigar?

Anyway, I thought you'd enjoy that.

Love the show.

Thanks, guys.

Off I go.

That sounds sounds like something that would have been in like a Marx Brothers movie or something.

It reminds me of the succulent Chinese meal.

What am I being arrested for?

You take a succulent Chinese meal?

You won't give me one cigar?

That guy had a good voice.

He did have a good voice.

I listened to that over and over again.

Yeah.

He'd be a good audible, you know, reading some kind of book.

Whoever that was out there, come on, get on it.

Read a book.

Yeah.

Read us a book.

Read us.

Every goddamn book.

Read B.J.

Novak's memoir.

Is that a link?

I'm sure.

Was anyone on the office who didn't write their own memoir?

Well, that brings us to the end of this here program.

Brittany, thank you so much for being our guest.

Thank you for having me.

You're in August, you're going to be in Seattle.

In August, I'll be in Seattle.

In September 26th, I'm doing a show for the Edmonton Comedy Festival at Yuck Yuck's.

Come out to that.

And where can people find you if they want to find you online?

Oh, they can find me.

I have a website, BrittanyLysing.com.

That has all my show listings on it.

And Brittany the Comedian on Instagram talks about it.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Well, thank you for being our guest today.

So fun.

And

everybody out there,

thank you for listening.

And you know what?

I don't think it's too much for us to ask for one cigar.

So come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.