Episode 902 - Cass Furman

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 902 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark.

With me, as always, this man is pretty excited that this is episode 902.

1-0.

Yeah, that's right.

We achieved this, and I don't know if there's another number quite as famous as 90210.

I mean, if we ever do 90,210 episodes.

Yeah, that would be...

Well, let's do it.

Yeah, okay.

We'll release micro-episodes.

Oh, yeah.

There's

like little

just

morning blips.

I've heard of people who do release albums on Spotify of just silence, and then they,

but they're like two-second tracks because you get paid by the track.

Ah.

And so they're just like, hey, or they're,

you know, listen to this and fall asleep.

And it's just like,

that's what I was trying to do, white noise.

I don't think that's what you're trying to do.

Listeners out there, if you need white noise, just loop what Dave just did.

You know, there's different colors of noise.

Yeah, brown noise.

Apparently, it's good for anxiety.

Brown noise is good for anxiety and for cleaning you up.

Yeah, it is.

It's a bidet.

That voice you hear is a first-time guest here on the podcast.

Very funny comedian, host of her own podcast, The Podcast.

It's Cass Furman.

Hello, Cass.

Hey, how's it going, guys?

She did a little like, like, moved with the rhythm of podcasts.

I liked that.

No, I liked Graham, but the inflection on it.

You have to.

You have to, of course.

Otherwise, you're just like the podcast.

How on original?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it would be like a big baller move to be like, I just make the podcast.

People are going to search this and find it.

They're going to get it.

It's like when Whoopi Goldberg put out a book just called Book.

Yeah.

And I was like, you get to do that?

You get to be the one that releases a book called Book.

Yeah.

I guess you just have to decide you're that person.

Yeah.

You know, you're that gal.

I'm 100% that bitch.

Yeah.

I'm 100% that bitch.

I love it.

Should we get to know us?

Yeah.

Get to know us.

Cass, tell us about your podcast.

My podcast right now is,

I know there's like 17 episodes of me, me solo.

Oh, solo?

Yeah, ranting about different things.

It was supposed to be an advice podcast, but then no one's written in yet, which is so fair because we haven't promoted it at all.

So it's mostly just me giving advice on things that I think of and talking about random stuff.

Give me some advice.

What do you need advice on, Graham?

I mean, dealer's choice.

Whatever you're doing.

Yeah, I just need to look at them.

Yeah.

Do you wear sunscreen?

I do.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Do I look like I don't wear sunscreen?

I don't know.

Did you just take all your advice from the Baz Luhrmann hit spoken word song?

Everybody's free to wear sunscreen.

Everybody's free to wear sunscreen.

I do.

I do.

I do.

That's my inspiration for life.

You know what?

I mean, a lot of people don't wear sunscreen.

Do you wear sunscreen, Dave?

I hate sunscreen.

What the heck?

But I do wear it.

What do you mean you hate sunscreen, but you wear it?

It's cakey.

It's, it's, it's.

It doesn't have to be.

You're not wearing the right sunscreen then.

It's slimy.

It's

well, you know, there was, there was one that

a listener suggested and it was great.

It was a spray-on one, but then you rub it in and it was like powdery and it was great.

And then it got taken off the market because it was poison.

Right, right, yeah.

Usually the fun gimmicky ones are bad for you in some way, but yeah, that's my number one advice is to wear sunscreen.

Wear sunscreen.

Yeah, wear sunscreen.

Do you wear it?

every day?

My wife wears it every day.

You got to wear it every day.

Yeah.

Even in the winter.

Yes.

Even if you don't like it.

Yes.

Yes.

Unless you want to age.

But I don't want to.

What if I'm

stuck in bed all day?

Oh, stuck in bed all day.

Okay.

So just, yeah.

If you're doom scrolling, I think you can

avoid it for the day.

Thank you.

That's okay.

You're allowed.

Yeah.

We'll give you the free picture.

But Laris Hilton says she never got cosmetic surgery and that sunscreen is a big part of her regimen.

But do you think that it's true that she's ever?

I don't believe her at all.

You know what I think happens?

I think that those guys all have little like NDAs going on with their surgeons.

And they're like, we're just not going to say anything, you know.

And then they're like, Oh, it's sunscreen and ginger shots in the morning.

You're like, No, it isn't.

That's a facelift.

That's a deep plain facelift.

They get a moisturizer commercial.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

That's how L'Oreal grabs onto them and goes, Yeah, we'll do this.

Yeah, you're taking Ole's new anti-wrinkle cream.

So wear sunscreen.

Yeah.

What other

advice from that song?

Do you know that song?

No.

It's, oh my God.

It's a

weird classic from the 90s.

It was from from the 90s.

It has a beat and it's just a person giving a speech about to like to the graduating class.

Very 90s.

Yeah.

They loved graduation in the 90s.

What if we all graduated?

Wouldn't that be crazy?

Well, I did.

Honestly, like,

I feel like the class of 98 deserves a medal for graduating the year that

that green day song came out.

That green day song came out, the vitamin C

graduation.

Was that song came out?

I feel like that was a year or two later, though.

Was it?

That song used to make me so sad.

I used to listen to that as a kid alone in my room and be like, yes, remember all the times.

Yeah, yeah.

It really hit home.

It was called Friends Forever Graduation.

It came out in 1999.

It'll be Friends Forever.

Oh, Friends Forever, Barbie.

And have you ever heard of the movie or musical Hairspray?

Of course.

She was in the original hairspray.

She was?

Yeah.

On Broadway?

Before Broadway.

It was originally a film that inspired the Broadway show.

Oh, oh, the early hairspray.

The earlier hairspray.

Vitamin C was?

Yeah.

She was the

John Waters, the John Waters musical.

Yeah, Ricky Lake and vitamin C.

That's another piece of advice: vitamin C.

You should, I'm definitely using a vitamin C.

Yeah, absolutely.

I feel like she was on it early.

Vitamin C, sunscreen.

Yeah, this is all skincare stuff.

I have nothing else.

What else do you have?

What other areas of advice do you?

I do a lot about like dating, career, motivation, stuff like that.

Yeah.

Give me some of your best dating advice.

If you have to really, really work hard to understand somebody, or you feel like you and your partner just don't understand each other, it doesn't mean either of you are bad people.

It just probably means you shouldn't be together.

Right.

And I think unless you're with someone that feels so absolutely exceptional, you will be better and happier and more successful staying single than feeling like a stranger in your own house.

Are you single?

No.

Okay.

You have a partner who understands you?

Oh, God.

Yeah.

What, um, do you have like

any training in giving advice?

Or is this all just or or are you just like the person all your friends go to?

I'm kind of the person all my friends go to.

I didn't, I was when I was a little kid too, like, I think because I gave my parents a lot of advice or help.

Yeah, yeah, let's uh think about pushing this bedtime.

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

What do we think about Star Patch Kids in the morning?

Yeah, desert.

Yeah, if we could just start on that.

I thought it was like, hey, folks, we consider a reverse mortgage.

I think that's a good idea.

Yeah, I think it would be a good idea.

Yeah, we need to do some investing.

We're not really investing.

No, my parents were split from when I was really young.

And I think you kind of become a best friend to them a little bit, right?

And then you, I was in the world of adults very early.

Snow child?

Yeah, not really anymore, but at the time, for the first seven years, I was.

Yeah.

Sure.

Yeah.

But then

you're eight years old now.

I'm eight years old.

Yes.

Yes.

Graduated.

And also, I'm such a big fan of sunscreen.

I'm staying eight forever.

I'm staying in eight forever.

It's Botox.

I look good because of Botox.

But yeah, I just ended up being the one in my friend group that had like older advice.

It wasn't very good when I was younger.

Like I'd be like, you tell him if he doesn't kiss you by tomorrow, he doesn't love you.

And that means you better break up.

You know?

Wow, that's good advice.

Very sad.

Kiss me by tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah.

You tell him if he's dragging his feet, like, you know,

go hold his hand in the courtyard.

You know, like, yeah, yeah.

It was very grade five at the time.

And then as I got older, I i feel like i just became that advice person but then also i was i was in an eight-year like marriage and got divorced and then kind of moved across the country started stand-up and wow i feel like a lot of my uh current advice is built off of just the things that i've learned so it's a take it or leave it obviously but i do feel like it's worked for me.

I think I leave most advice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I'll take it.

Yeah.

I'll cherry pick.

I'll cherry pick.

I like.

You should.

Yeah.

I like, uh, you know, I get it from different places, you know?

For sure.

Sometimes it's Huda from Love Island.

This is a show that I'm currently watching.

Nice.

Wow.

I'm going to take you for a little bit.

To really be clingy and make America hate you.

Nice.

But that's how you get popular and how you get rich.

Yeah.

And that's what a reality show needs.

You need to have somebody that's a screwball.

What's the best of them?

Like, is you...

To me, it's too hot to handle because that's the one where they tell hardy people they can't have sex.

But you can tell they don't even really want to.

They're just like, let's do this for the drama.

Should we hook up?

I think they want to.

I think that they're just people that have sex compulsively.

Maybe.

Yeah, that's the only thing they know how to do.

Yeah, exactly.

Do you know that, though?

And you're just like, you see people and you're like, you are so hot.

I bet the only thing you know how to do is like the fun cat and mouse game of like who's going to kiss who first.

Yeah.

You know?

That's a fun game, though.

Yeah.

And if you don't kiss, if you don't kiss me first, I fight tomorrow.

I turn into a pumpkin.

Wait, I want to know, Dave, why don't uh why don't you take a lot of advice?

Well, I just don't seek it.

I don't

have.

Maybe you don't need it.

I don't know.

I don't talk to anyone.

Oh, okay.

I think you do a podcast every week.

I think you talked a lot.

Yeah, I know.

We don't talk to me.

Oh, listeners.

Hey, out there.

Listeners, give me some advice.

Don't you fucking dare.

His face looks very stern right now.

I wouldn't do it if you're listening.

Have you ever had advice completely rebuffed?

They're just like, you're 100% in the wrong.

I've had advice rebuffed, and then I was right about everything, and then they don't want to talk to me about it later because I just

called it.

Yeah.

Which is fine.

I've learned now that there's, I've learned when to not give advice now, which is another part I think about giving advice that you have to learn, right?

As you go.

When do you not give advice?

Well, if I'm talking to someone about something I really think would be helpful for them, and usually the advice is not very specific because it has to be open for the other person.

Like, I can't give you specific advice and say, you need to do this because you're not going to do that.

That's right.

No, I will.

I will.

But if I say, you know, go off of what you feel, go off of what feels good to you.

A lot of it's like learning how to trust yourself, I guess, because I didn't for a long time.

And then I think when you do, your life starts to get a little bit better.

And so when people go against themselves or are really set on like going against.

what they want, even though they'll tell you what they want.

Yeah.

When you say, okay, then do what you want and they don't and they kind of go against it and they kind of waffle.

That's usually when they're kind of, you become become a mirror for all of the mistakes they made or all of the uh decisions they didn't do so that's when it becomes difficult to have a relationship with that person because when they see you they're kind of reminded of um

how how they could have maybe done something differently for themselves and and they didn't so if i can sense that someone's really

like wants advice but i can tell that they're just kind of manic and not in the place to take it i'll try to i'll try to keep it more neutral and hide it hide it and like put a

sneak a note into their lunch exactly exactly sneak alone yes yes

leave little post-its notes and be like you know what to do you know around did you ever put did your parents ever put a note in your uh backpack uh yeah my mom put one yeah in the in our lunch

what'd she say knock it off

i already know what you're thinking yeah yeah

exactly don't you dare knock it off was it a regular thing or was it i don't know if it was regular i just remember it happening and uh it was uh it was fun it was a nice little thing did yours no never no no notes nobody saying no no facts at high school no notes she said no notes you're perfect

i'll have you know my dad made my lunches oh

was he good at it uh

he was but i you know what i didn't speak up about

about it and i mostly just threw away the sandwiches for 10 years you threw them away what'd you eat uh the other stuff they just you know rice crispy

oh yeah good when they give you apple slices or whatever.

Yeah.

I always come home with the vegetables all the time.

Hate vegetables.

You hate vegetables?

I hate them.

That's why I kind of love allergy season this year because I have no taste, so I can just eat vegetables.

You currently still hate vegetables?

Oh, yeah, big time.

I'll pick lettuce off a burger.

Where do you get your vitamin C?

Vitamin C in serums and in juice that I force myself to drink, like crest juice that we make at home.

Right.

Crest juice?

Crest juice.

Crested white strips.

In juice.

No, I thought like watercress.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you're fancy.

No, well, I don't even think I've ever had a watercress.

I think you probably have.

It's just like a lettuce, isn't it?

I eat lettuce.

Oh, I think of, yeah, watercress is lettuce.

What were those called water chestnuts?

Yeah, watercresses.

Are those nuts?

No, I've had water chestnuts.

What are they?

They're like...

Kind of white.

They're spongy little white wads.

Spongy little white wads.

They're like in Chinese food a lot of the time.

Right, right.

Crunchy.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm down for a crunchy thing.

But you don't, I'm fascinated with that.

You don't like that.

Like, you don't like a carrot?

Hate it.

Really?

Why would I ever pick that when there's other foods?

Like what?

What's a substitute for

everything else?

Like fast food, ramen.

I don't, chicken fingers.

I make my own chicken fingers.

Frig.

Frickin' frick.

I love it.

I have a 10-year-old and an 8-year-old, and they have a similar diet.

I love it.

But they do eat.

They like.

We've zeroed in on the vegetables they will willingly eat.

Okay.

What is is it?

Uh, French fries,

potatoes, potatoes is a vegetable.

Uh, cherry tomatoes for my 10-year-old, and my eight-year-old has like five or six, she'll eat carrots, cucumbers.

Nice, those are the kid ones,

those are the kid ones.

You can't advance till kale until you're like a teenager.

She also likes kale, really, yeah.

Oh, true Vancouver.

Yeah, she's she likes kale, she goes to Pilates.

I was gonna say, she loves matcha.

She needs everyday the fresh matcha.

Mixed herself.

I went to, um, I was driving down the street the other day and there was

some,

like,

there's all these, as the summer starts, there's always sort of outdoorsy, like,

what would you call them?

Yuppy kind of like activities.

Like, though, like the white party.

There's a white party, sure.

But I was driving down the street and there was a...

Someone was doing a wine tasting out of a

food truck.

Yeah.

And they had brought, this wasn't at like one of those plazas that has seating.

They had brought just like milk crates for people to sit on.

And there were 100 people all sitting on a milk crate.

And it was a nightmare to drive through.

If you call something a festival, you can do the most unfancy shit and people will still show up and pay $30 for a ticket.

Like those people are sitting on milk crates to drink wine.

You could drink wine in an ice chair at home.

Yeah.

But they were like, this is

underpass.

Yeah.

Totally.

Not for free.

Oh, remember those days?

I remember once my friend i was at a cottage in uh in ontario we call i know you guys call it cabins but we're cottages i i can translate

yeah i can translate what you guys so uh the goal was just to get as drunk as possible and i remember one time my friend was like uh doing a funnel and i can't drink beer uh because i'm allergic to hops goal is too many vegetables too many vegetables it's wheat it's like from the ground i hate it anyway so i had rum and coke's classic cane sugar right that's perfect and my friend just looked at me and he was like you can funnel anything and so i funneled rum rum and coke.

You funneled rum and coke.

Oh, yeah.

With ice as well?

Threw up immediately.

No, with little swords in it.

I wish.

Yeah.

Because a rum and coke is like, I guess, I guess when you funnel a beer, it's just a can worth, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So yeah, this is a whole like, yeah, mixed drink for sure.

Sure.

Wow.

And you threw up immediately?

I think so.

I tried to sit in the fire and then that didn't work.

And then, you know, you throw up and you chill out.

But anyway, you saying drinking wine in the underpass just made me remember.

Did you have a pal that had a cottage?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A few growing up, right?

thing.

Well, I say it because I know here if you have a,

I'll translate for you guys.

But I feel like if you have a cabin here, it's like, oh, you rich, rich.

But in Ontario, there's so many like tiny cottages that are only open for like two months.

Right.

That people have on little random lakes and stuff.

So you just go up there.

Growing up, it wasn't you rich, rich so much because there was like

even Whistler, like people had like a shack that they kept their skis in or okay.

And there were, there's tons of like little islands where it's just like you have a speedboat that you take out to the island and yeah it's not so expensive though that you have a speedboat well now

it is but like if you in the 80s it was just like yeah justin cook's dad had one for crying out loud oh who's justin cook he was my he was my pal whose dad had a uh a jet ski and he was not rich no i mean they were fine but you know they weren't jet ski rich like back then they were back then they were jet ski rich isn't that crazy how you could just it wasn't like a thing in the 80s i mean there were rich people but yeah dynasty la law and like i feel like my neighbor uh had a bmw but it was also just like a bitch of a car to own like he all it was always in the shop like being rich kind of sucked you kind of saw the downside of being rich you're like this is actually lame they make it look so glamorous now i think that's why like camp camp cabining no no just being just being wealthy like you know back in the day you could see that a bmw was kind of a kind of a drag to own.

But now it's like the, with the ads, you'd be like, that's a jetliner, you know?

Yeah.

I, uh,

uh, yeah, did I know anybody rich?

And also, at least I knew a couple people.

It was like you had a big house, but you still, you know, or you had a satellite dish.

Yeah.

But like now, like being poor, you have way more TV you can watch.

So much.

And the TVs are cheaper than they were back then.

They are.

That's the one thing that's gotten cheaper.

Remember when it was a big deal to get like a really big TV?

Like if someone in the neighborhood got like a really big flat screen it was like oh my god and now it's that's the one thing that seems to have gotten cheaper i

feel like years ago i had a group of pals that lived in the same apartment in toronto and they found like somebody brought out their old big screen tv but like when they weighed a ton when they were like on the floor you needed a guy to get it you needed a team of guys to get it took like four of them to bring it into the house but they didn't even know that it worked but they're like we're taking a chance on this you have to and from different angles in in the room you really can't see it no it's so true because it's a flat yeah you're over in the corner you have one chair in the corner and you're like this is great everyone's face is warped and sideways they all look smushed everybody looks really skinny all of a sudden come watch the big fight yeah yeah it was like everything else in the apartment was absolute trash and then this one kind of nice thing yeah yeah which that's my advice to anybody out there if you're living in trash have one nice thing my new my thing i'm going to upgrade uh next is if i when my current TV dies, I'm going to get one that has like whatever the technology is that you can watch it on a bright day.

No, no, no.

Like you can watch a dark movie on a bright day.

That's so good.

That's so good.

Cause there's, oh, there's nothing worse than when you're just, everyone wants to be out, but you're like, I need to be in.

And then your TV just, you can't even see it.

I'm trying to watch seven.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, seven.

Good movie.

Do you guys like horror movies?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I love them.

Me too.

What's your favorite?

I don't think I have a favorite.

I have ones that hit me in different ways.

Oh, I like that.

That's good.

That's good for horror movie fans.

You gotta.

Like, there's different.

What did I just watch?

It was very bad.

What the one you watched with Kyle?

Before Dawn, I think it was called.

It was based on a video game.

Was it Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawk?

Yep.

And the scary part?

They never got together.

Terrifying.

Yeah, no, I like different.

I like a ghost type.

I like a slasher type.

Nice.

What's your go-to?

I'm I'm the same way.

Like, I think for, I love a B, camp, B, ridiculous horror.

Like, Killer Clowns from Outer Space is one of my favorites.

Just for just funny, silly.

But I also love like a good take on grief, like Babadook.

Gone

Grief.

Oh, that was nice.

And right on, too.

What's

grief?

I got lost in the middle.

Baba Dook.

Yeah, Babadouke.

Babadook.

Strangers is underrated, I think.

Not enough people talk about that.

Strangers is the

Home Invasion one that they with Scott Speedman and Liv Tyler?

Yes, but the score is really interesting because they never use like scary, suspenseful music.

They either use silence or country music, which I think is so cool.

Did you ever see funny games?

Oh, I maybe.

That's a home invasion one.

Is that with Naomi a lot?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like the home invasions.

I like Don't Breathe.

I like a lot of the Home Invasions.

Don't breathe.

Is there anything that's the blind guy?

Too much?

Like,

are there any horror movies that are too Serbian film?

I watched Serbian film when I was a teenager.

It's called Serbian Film?

It's called a Serbian Film, the podcast.

Really strong take on the Serbian film.

But it's don't watch it.

It's terrible.

It's, I think, banned in a couple countries.

And

now I want to watch it.

I know.

That's what made me want to watch it is an

older sister of a friend was like, don't.

It's so bad.

You'll be messed up.

And my friend and I were like, okay, well, watch it.

And then afterwards, we just stared at a wall for three hours because it was pretty rough.

Too much.

Yeah, too much.

Too much.

A little too Serbian.

A little too Serbian.

A little too filmy.

You know, when I was a kid, the scariest one that my friend had was called Cannibal Holocaust.

Yes, yes, yes.

Like Blair Witch, it was supposed to be like this is found footage of some explorers that got

abducted by a tribe of cannibals.

And it's gross.

And when you're a kid, you're like, this actually happened.

Have you seen the Terrifier movies?

Because they're quite gross.

Yes, I have.

Love Clown.

Yes.

Love a clown.

And then, yeah, I mean, like, I'll watch anything that's not torture porn.

That's the only thing I want.

Totally, yeah.

I think now I've gotten to a place where I'm like, I just want it to be at least made kind of well.

Like, if the theme is gore, that's great.

But, like, you got to put some effort.

You can't just be like, and here's the grossest thing I could think of, and then the next grossest thing I could think of with no plot.

Like, I'm done with that a little bit, right?

I can't.

The thing is, I've seen all these movies.

I can never remember the titles of them.

And then a lot of movies.

Spooky Man.

Yeah.

We're making one right now.

A knock at the door.

That might as well have been called Spooky Man, the one I just watched.

What did you watch with Kyle?

Before

that was it?

Something like that, before dawn.

And it was the plot was,

it was really gummy.

They go.

A group of young adults.

When does this happen?

Like sort of before dawn?

Would we say like after sunset?

Before dawn, kind of vibe.

Uh, they go to

um

uh towards a cabin, and okay,

they're looking for towards one, they don't go away from it, they want to get in there when they were driving up.

Same thing happens every time.

Go to a gas station, guy at the gas station says, Don't go up there.

Oh, I love that.

Yeah, I love that.

I love the gas station moment.

There's always one, yeah.

And then uh, they're looking for one of the characters' sisters who disappeared.

And uh, they go into this place and they get killed, but then this thing makes sense and then they're alive again.

But they remember that they were killed.

Oh, each time they get a little more damaged, so that they start falling apart as the days go by.

Like physically, yeah, like they're losing limbs and stuff, just like hair starts falling out, and they start getting like weird spines.

And I think that's happening to me.

Yeah, I was going to say, I was like, sounds like aging.

Well, you know what you got to do?

You got to get that hourglass of the skull on it.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't go to the gas station.

Yeah, it's weird.

There's a gas station people don't even come out of the little store anymore.

Yeah.

That's right.

I got to warn you, don't go out there.

Stay in here.

You have to go in and get, you buy your own Twizzlers.

Socks.

In the old days, they would come out and, you know, squeegee your windshield, give you Twizzlers.

I remember that the first time I saw that in a smaller town in Ontario because I wasn't used to that growing up and I really freaked me out.

I was like, we're getting robbed.

Getting the

full service.

Yeah.

It's nice.

When I was a kid,

it was, everything was full serve.

Yeah.

And everything had lead in it as well.

Yeah.

Everything was lead.

Loaded lead.

And gas stations would compete for your dollar by giving away prizes, much like

really?

Yeah.

So prizes, like what?

Like Canadian or Petro Canada had glassware.

Yeah.

And once

Shell had like cassettes that were like sounds of the 60s.

That makes more sense than glassware because you could like play that in a car maybe, but glassware is a good thing.

I know, but they keep you coming back because you want to get the full set.

Oh, I get it.

It's a collectible.

Wow.

It's like McDonald's toys.

That's cool.

Yeah.

It was sort of, did they do it outside of the Calgary Olympics or was it just the Calgary Olympic time?

I only remember the Calgary Olympic time, but they definitely...

My parents still have them.

Sure, of course.

They're collectible.

The good china.

The good China.

That's how my mom feels about her Mickey Mouse glass from the Olympics.

It's like a collectible glass.

Maybe it's from a gas station, but you can't touch that thing.

From what Olympic?

2000.

Is it an MC Hammer?

It's a 2000.

It's a 2000.

It's like beautifully done.

What did you say?

I said my friend MC Hammer has something like that as well.

You can't touch it.

You can't touch it.

Was 2000 Barcelona?

No, 2000 was.

Oh,

Australia.

Was it Sydney?

Sydney?

What the heck?

It was.

I think it was Sydney.

Yeah, with Ian Thorpe in the pool, the torpedo.

Ooh.

He was a distant swimmer, a sprint swimmer?

I think all of it.

Oh, really?

He was Australian.

He was a Phelp?

He was pre-phelp.

Pre-phelp.

Phelps was my.

I was a competitive swimmer for a long time.

You were?

I was, yeah, for eight years.

What was your.

That would explain your love of sugar.

I just remember the year Michael Phelps came out, there were so many stories on his diet.

Oh, my God.

He ate so much.

Being a swimmer is like the sophisticated, like, toddlers and tiaras.

Like, you know how in that show, they're always giving kids pixie sticks so they can get on stage.

That's what we're doing in the show.

Oh, really?

For sure.

I mean, because you're up so early.

Like, you, I woke up every day at 4:20, blaze it.

And

a couple bomb rips headed to the pool.

14 years old, prime, ready.

And I would just pray for the lifeguard not to show up.

Yeah.

Because if the lifeguard didn't show up, you couldn't go in the pool.

And how many times did that happen?

Oh, maybe only.

I swam about eight times a week in my heyday.

So twice a day for a few days, whatever.

And maybe only once or twice a year.

But god it was like christmas did you get um

like did you win ever were oh i was pretty bad for how much for how much i swam i really should have been a lot better and i was like six feet tall at 13 like i should have had everything going for me but uh I wanted to go like are you still six feet tall?

Six one.

Six, yeah, yeah, a little close to six one.

Wow, it's weird to like stop growing at 13.

I know.

And I had scoliosis and a back brace.

Like I really had the whole

meal deal, yeah, for this, you're losing hair.

You You got a spine thing.

You got a spine thing.

I'm like the guy from the gas station.

I'm coming out.

Spine's crooked.

Hair's falling out.

Gotta get that monkey.

Gotta get that.

Yeah, exactly.

The skull thing.

Turn it upside down.

But yeah,

and it was, oh my God.

I really should have been better.

I was decent.

Like, I could do my age and chin-ups before and after my workout.

So I was really strong.

Really?

Yeah.

No one wanted to date me in like grade eight because I was like arm wrestling everyone.

Yeah.

Stuff.

But how many.

Mega girls.

How many years did did you swim?

Eight.

And how old were you when you stopped?

So I was eight to 16, and then I went into like lifeguarding and stuff as a job.

And then

people would hope you didn't show up.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

It was weird.

A so true.

Full circle of life.

Yeah.

Katie Ellen Humphreys, past guest.

Yes.

Big swimmer.

Yep.

And she said the one thing,

I mean, she says a lot.

Yeah, she says a lot.

But the one thing she noticed was when she stopped swimming was

suddenly

she realized, oh, you have to blow your nose a lot more and clean your ears a lot more if you're not in the pool every day.

Oh, I never clean my ears.

I go in there.

My boyfriend loves to clean my ears and he'll get in there and just be like, What the hell is wrong with you?

Your boyfriend likes to clean your ears.

Aaron loves to clean my ears.

Aaron does.

Yeah.

I want to learn more about this.

Aaron care.

He also looks at my scalp and he's like, You have scalp psoriasis.

And I'm like, Okay.

He's always taking pictures of my scalp.

He's like a monkey.

Is he an expert?

Nope.

Does he have no training?

He loves what he calls DIY dentistry and other random grooming.

This is very scary.

Where he'll like open my mouth and floss my teeth for me and stuff.

Tell me where I have gum recession.

So is this advice you'd give to somebody?

Like, let your significant other root around and go.

No, this is me not taking my own advice, which would be personal space in those moments.

But I don't know.

Sometimes you just get tired and you just let someone pick at you for a bit.

Sure.

You know what?

I went to the dentist last time and they were like, your teeth are the best they've ever been.

So DIY dentistry.

Nice.

Okay.

Darren, well done.

I know, right?

He's grooming me well.

I was sick a couple weeks ago, so I had to cancel a dentist appointment, and then they rescheduled me.

So I have a dentist's appointment tomorrow at 6 p.m.

Oh, yikes.

What a terrible time to be going to the dentist.

Yeah.

At 6 p.m.

Are you going to have a glass of wine with them after?

You'd be close?

Happy hour dentist.

Do you get half off?

Sick?

Yeah.

I've had at the dentist where

I was getting like a crown put in, which isn't painful,

and nearly falling asleep because it's just that, it's like a consistent sound, and it's like that you're lying back and I've got shades on.

It's kind of nice.

My dentist,

they used to, so growing up, dentist never like you, you had nothing to watch.

That's true.

You would Garfield poster was what I had on the roof.

Yeah, I could look out the window at Sophie's Cosmic Cafe.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, that's where my dentist was.

And then

now, my last dentist, TV on the ceiling, You get the remote.

Yeah.

Headphones if you want.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Totally.

Watch the view.

Yeah.

To distract you from the pain of them just digging around in your mouth.

My new dentist, I like my new dentist more, but the TV offering is some kind of,

it's like Pluto TV or

just like a channel of just puppies.

Oh, like that's nice.

It's like when you go into a nail salon and on the TV, they just have like random zoomed-out shots of like Switzerland or something.

And you're like, I don't need to see this.

Yeah.

Geneva is great, but I don't care.

Or just like, yeah, or just music videos.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, at my dentist, you should go to my dentist because they have Netflix.

Oh, nice.

They have Netflix.

So I'm watching Animal, like...

I'm watching Blue Planet and stuff.

Nice.

That's a good dentist.

My worry would be that I would Netflix, but then I would chill.

And my dentist would, we'd end up fucking.

Right.

It's no worry.

We'd be end up together.

Because I'm already lying down.

Yeah, exactly.

And you're watching Netflix.

It's like two pieces of the puzzle are already there.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

And they're in your mouth a lot.

And he's like, all right, God, there's an angle.

I got to straddle you here real quick.

You just keep watching The Last Dance.

Yeah, you do whatever you want.

What's the most famous Netflix property of all time?

Tiger King, maybe?

Oh, my God.

Do all Stranger Things is probably

stranger things.

Yeah, I would say so.

Now,

we were talking before the podcast.

you also work in the field of

medical aesthetic.

Yeah, medical aesthetics, psoriasis, boyfriend plaque removal.

Yeah, that's what we call it.

It's on the underneath.

It says boyfriend plaque removal.

It's a special service.

Yeah.

Aaron comes in and ruins your life for 10 minutes.

You said medical aesthetics, and I immediately was thinking, like, it's kind of a...

vague term.

And I was like, injections?

Microblading?

Are these things?

Yes, and you said microblading, which I thought was so sweet.

My favorite is when a man just throws out a word that he's heard and doesn't fully know the meaning of in aesthetics.

And I like the little proud nod at the end, too.

We don't do microblading, which is where you kind of tattoo your eyebrows.

And that's not medical.

No,

it's, yeah, I would say there's like, there's, there's two things you can do.

You can go into like a nail salon and they'll do like waxing and threading and tweezing.

Let's do it.

Microblading and that kind of thing.

Eyelash extensions, maybe that's like the one.

Oh, that's what I need.

I want eyelash extensions in your eyelashes.

I don't want to have toe extensions,

not toenails, just longer toen.

I want just one longer toe.

I want to have a bigger shoe style.

I just wouldn't know.

I just want to be able to wrap my toes around.

Like a good hook, kind of like of tree frog climbing.

Nice, nice, nice.

Cool to know if that would work, you know, just little pads on the bottom, like grip socks.

And then what we do is like

facials, chemical peels, microneedling.

There's also injectors that do Botox.

Microblading is not microneedling.

No, different thing.

Different thing.

I've been known to needle Graham a bit.

Have you?

Yeah, but

ways.

Yeah, like micro style.

Just about his sort of like career path.

Like, why don't you go back to school?

Why don't you go back to school?

That's what we offer on a micro level.

We don't suggest back to school.

We're like, why don't you just have a shower?

You know, it's like micro needling.

You come in, it's like your bed.

It's a little bit.

Yeah.

Look, we could

brush our hair today and then we would feel better, I think.

So, yeah, that's what we do.

Microneedling is where you

open up a lot of channels in the skin with a pen that has a bunch of needles.

So it makes 1,920 nanowounds per second.

1,920?

Nano wounds per second.

And is this something that you move slowly over the face or is it something you pick up the face with?

What is the...

Great question.

So it's kind of you use a glide, so like a serum that can be needled into the skin.

It's called a transepidermal serum.

And then is it?

Because I feel like every time I talk about this, people's eyes go.

No, no, no.

This is like.

You're interested.

Yes, I'm interested.

So then you do that, and then you do it in specific patterns.

Every pen is different.

Some you you can kind of do circles on the skin.

Some you can go straight.

And then you can also stamp areas where there's scars or deep lines that you want to kind of improve.

And what it will do is it will stimulate the body's wound healing response.

So your body will go, there's a wound, I need to heal it.

Because of the way it's been done, it'll heal more evenly.

So it helps with like texture, superficial fine lines, and it's very safe.

Like almost everybody can do it.

There's no kind of risk.

Well, there's a risk if I poke your eye out or something.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, don't.

No, you don't like meal my eyes.

That's the only part i don't like well you cross your heart and hope to die yeah that's true and then a needle in my eye micro micro needle micro needle in my eyes um over a piece so that's great and what is

a facial peel yeah oh a chemical peel um it's where you put a blend of acids on the skin that turn over the skin at an accelerated rate like LSD uh yeah totally yeah we take we take LSD put it all over your face we stay with you for the eight-hour trip we we really talk through things yeah they make you watch Doctor Who We do some microneedling.

That'd be so crazy if you were high on ass.

The scarf is so long.

There's a TV on the ceiling, but it's just one channel.

It's just the view.

And so we do that for eight hours, just the view on Ellen.

Oh, my God.

And yeah, no, so basically it just turns over the skin.

You get like some flaking.

So the surface of your skin kind of comes off faster.

It just promotes what's already happening.

Okay, what do you...

What do you recommend for guys like us?

Yeah, well, what's the problem?

Keep your hands on screen.

Yeah.

It depends how much pain you're okay with.

Oh, I.

Maximum.

Yeah.

Hurt me, daddy.

There's something called Morpheus VIII, which I feel like he has a lovely matrix.

Yeah,

he has two pills.

You took them both.

I know.

Now let's watch Doctor Who.

Exactly.

Morpheus 8 is...

It's a radio frequency microneedling, so it goes a lot deeper into the face.

It's gold-plated needles.

It kind of is a stamping technique.

And you can hear the seventh caller as the kids consciously get radio frequency.

Exactly.

Yeah,

your takes on this are perfect.

I really

want this to be the new descriptions on our website.

Freaking out about Morpheus for a second, Matrix, and then

hello collar number seven.

But yeah, and then so it delivers like a heat energy that tightens the skin and just kind of helps with overall skin texture.

Oh, yeah.

I did it on my dad earlier.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, he loved it.

You got some black eyes.

You get black eyes.

You get black eyes?

I kind of have one right now because I did it last week.

Let's see.

Oh, yeah, you do it a little bit.

Healing.

It's better.

When you do these things, is it like looks good immediately or does it have to be healthy?

Oh, it looks terrible.

Okay, so it has to heal.

And the first, I'm in my first, like I've worked in the industry for like three years, but I'm in my first year of doing.

like the treatments being a technician.

And it's really hard to watch people leave looking so fucked up.

How long do they look fucked up for?

Sometimes only one one to two to three days, sometimes a week.

I've looked fucked up my whole life.

What do I care?

Yeah, yeah, so it's an extra week.

It's really not that much, but some people, you know, it's freaky to leave people and be like, bye, have a good day.

And they're like, thank you.

And they like tip you from just injuring them.

Yeah.

Do you get pretty good tips?

Sometimes, yeah.

Sometimes you get nothing because people are like, I've paid enough, which I understand.

But

yeah.

Yeah.

What is the industry standard?

It's weird when you do a new thing and you're like, oh, are we tipping for this?

Totally, totally.

I get it.

And I, I don't, yeah.

i mean most of my money comes from tips so it's it evens out in the wash but um i get it i still have great clients who don't tip and yeah because you you uh you said you get injections is that right oh yeah i get botox yeah yeah because your your your face is very smooth thank you yes yeah that's what i want it to be like a skating rink up there you know just

Do you make a

conversation when you're doing these things or is it just let's get down to business?

or are they just like ow ow ow

yow yeah there's kind of a so for a lot of it you have numbing so we apply a numbing cream so for that whole process of like washing your face and applying numbing cream there's a lot of talking once i turn the pen on it kind of sounds like a lawnmower met a bunch of gravel so

it's pretty loud so usually people aren't talking and they're in pain so they're usually not really talking yeah because the numbing cream doesn't work

it's a placebo we just we just like to see how powerful the human brain is you know and just create wheat.

Yeah, yeah, it's a frosted flakes milk.

It's like, yeah, we just flather that on.

So, yeah, I don't know.

Some people feel it more than others.

It really depends on a lot of factors, like where you're at in your cycle, and maybe you guys don't have that problem.

Dave and I are synced up.

They're definitely synced up, I can tell.

Yeah, you guys are in your luteal phase together.

Yeah, the gluteals, the gluteals, we are.

The gluteals, yeah.

The folliculars.

The tooty fruity.

I love it.

This world of skincare fascinates me.

Does it?

Yeah.

I mean, we have talked about it before, and I feel like, yeah, you're very receptive to it, which I love.

Yeah.

Any of the

face stuff, hair transplants I'm obsessed with.

It's interesting, right?

Yeah.

It was weirdly like taboo to talk about hair transplants for a while.

Like, oh, I think.

Of course.

I think he's got a.

And now everyone is like, oh, he, yeah, every, every famous person has them.

Yeah.

I mean, it's still kind of weird to talk about like injections and stuff because there's a lot of judgment.

Like people think that it looks a certain, people think it looks overdone.

Like people don't understand that like I have Botox, but I can still like look upset if I want to.

If you don't, if you can freeze it, you can really freeze it if you want, but you know.

Well, I'll make you look upset.

Yeah, I'll make you look.

I should be really pissed off.

But yeah, I don't know.

There's, there is still a lot of people who don't like it, which is fine.

But I think the more you talk about it, what's happened now is that because I do that and I'm in comedy, which are feel like two very different things sometimes.

Well, they are.

But

that's what you do during the micro.

Yeah.

One is I'm all surrounded by women in a little pink palace.

And then the other one is I'm in a basement with a bunch of men.

Yeah.

But what will happen is

very often.

It does take a lot of, there are a lot of basements, also a lot of breweries.

Totally.

No, I'm like third floor in Yale Town, gorgeous windows, high-end clientele, and then I'm in a basement.

But the fun thing is kind of mixing the two.

Like when I was training on treatments, I got to bring in a lot of my friends um for these free treatments which are otherwise very very expensive um because i was training but i had someone there with me so safe and whatever and uh so to see all these comedians like coming through it was so fun it was so so much fun and so funny um but i've now become like the secret keeper for everyone's stuff like people will come up to me and be like in 2014 i had lip filler i had it only had it one time

and it's it's mostly gone now i was wondering if i should do it again and i'm like whatever you want you how long does a lip filler last ah mine's Mine's been in there for years.

Oh, years.

Yeah, yeah.

So for some people, it will go away faster if you metabolize it faster.

But it's not.

Yeah, that's my problem.

I metabolize it so fast.

You're having so many peaches and oatmeal.

My lips are too juicy as they are.

Yeah, you don't need it.

I don't need it.

And I don't want it.

No one needs it.

No one needs anything.

It's only if you want.

It's fun if you want it.

But people will come up and ask me things or tell me things and be like, I had Botox three years ago.

Don't tell anyone.

I'm like, it's okay.

Yeah, it's okay.

It's okay.

I'm comforting that.

And other people are like, hey i killed a guy just don't tell anyone yeah i got botox and then i murdered my husband but don't say anything about the botox

exactly

secret yeah well i won't pepper you with any more questions

but i will pepper you uh more as ongoing i want to know more and more about skin stuff well what would you what would you do graham like if you could would you do would you go full morpheus would you do the big heavy hitter treatment yeah i think so why not go all in well maybe I'll try like a little one first.

Like microneedling.

Yeah.

I think a normal microneedling, if you ever want to try something, really good place to start.

And what are we looking at cash-wise?

What's our...

$369.

$3.69.

$39.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll start saving up now.

I'll save it in.

Let's say 67.

You can do the whole face with that?

Yeah.

And I know we were joking about eyes, but under the eyes, you can go real close to the lash line.

What about a guy like Ram who's all beard?

Yeah.

We wouldn't do the beard area.

Nowhere where you have coarse hair you think under that beard is probably so like smooth and yeah haven't seen seen in a day

probably oh that would be amazing if i have like an old face up here and then just like the most beautiful it's protected it's in the forest it's in the shaded forest right like under here is that does that count like in your hair on your head as well like whatever's under your hair is

no

you got scalp yeah you got scalps

yeah not me i had dermatitis uh no it depends on the thinness of your hair like my hair is kind of fine so if you if your scalp can get burned, then it is good.

Yeah.

Mine's what I call baby elephant hair.

It's very light and fluffy.

Yeah, then you'd get a lot of it.

Hey, look at Dave.

It's nice and thick.

Yeah, you have a lot of hair, eh?

I mean, I haven't been to turkey.

No, okay.

Nice.

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

I don't have a lot.

You know what?

It's got a good body.

It's gotten better over the years.

When I was a kid, it was just like every haircut was a bowl cut.

Really?

And then I figured out.

How long did you rock the bowl?

Like till grade 12.

I probably

figured out stuff to put in it.

Yeah.

I saw something about Mary and it gave me some ideas.

You saw something.

Oh, nice.

Something about Mary.

You kind of look something about Mary right now.

I look

a little bit jizzed up.

Yeah, it's been jizzing up my hair.

I've been jizzing up my hair, you know.

I suppose.

Yeah, you've got a bit of a thing going on right there.

A little rooster type thing.

Yeah,

this side of it just goes spiky, pokey out to the side, so I have to get a haircut.

Yeah, the cow.

Do you have to get this side done more than this?

Would you ever have a bowl cut again?

No, because I don't have, like, I have like recession here, so a bowl cut would be weird.

It's having coverage.

It wouldn't happen.

Would you do it if it was for a cause?

Like, oh, yeah, I do bowl cuts for babies.

Bull cuts for babies?

The cause is just babies?

They need our help.

Yeah, whatever I'm a child,

They say we do like to donate.

Sponsor me getting a bulk

and living with it.

What if I put it down right now?

What do we?

Yeah, what do we see?

I feel like.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It could be bowl.

Can I bowl it up right now?

You could close to bowl it.

This looks like there's a picture of you.

I just saw it.

It is a close to bowl us.

I like that.

I like that

Because you have a picture of you in high school, I think.

Yeah, my grad picture.

And it's very what you just did.

I feel like most people stopped the bowl at, like, you know, I don't know, grade

seven, eight?

It wasn't a bowl cut.

Like, there was no bowl.

I went to a hairdresser.

They just put a bowl on your head, but that's yeah.

It was a fancy

colander.

It was.

It was a bowl.

It was a Paul Mitchell bowl.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

No, but it was just like, well, also, I can't remember if back then it was the

mushroom cut.

Yeah.

But like that was basically a bolt cut as well.

Right.

Yeah, they're the same, I think.

But I just couldn't say friends.

Like, I, you know, I didn't put anything in my hair in the morning.

I brush my hair, comb my hair, and then with water.

And then when it dries, it all goes down into my forehead.

Oh, yeah.

When you have straight hair, you can do that.

You can rock that, you know.

I always end up looking like Chad Kroger out of the shower.

You got curly hair, but it's straight up top.

Yeah.

I'm through with standing in line.

Hell yeah.

I want to be a rockstar.

I want to be a rockstar.

These curls naturally occurring.

Yep.

Nice.

Yeah.

That's good luck.

Thanks.

I actually didn't know I had curly hair until I was in my like 20s because I was brushing it out so much after swimming and it was green and frizzy and crazy.

And I just was like always trying to pull it back and it was always poofy.

Yeah.

And then I realized that poofy hair means that maybe it'll curl if you let it go.

We learned a lesson.

I didn't know I had curly hair until my 20s.

That's great.

I got 23 and me and they said I'm half curly hair.

My name actually means curly-headed.

I found out that my name Cassidy means really.

Yeah.

Huh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My name means prematurely balding.

And I was like,

when I was a kid, I was like, oh.

My name is

Spine.

My name means King from the Bible.

That's right.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Yep.

Yep.

Dave, what's going with you, my my friend?

Well, God.

Nothing.

Here's, I'm going to tell you what's going on with me.

You're going to be like, wow, that was nothing.

Okay.

So

I was thinking about

the game Boggle.

Okay.

Love Boggle.

Pop-o-matic.

No, that's troubles.

No, that's not true.

Boggle is the words, the letters.

That you jumble up and then you have to make the connection.

And in my mind, I was like, well, that's Yahtzee.

Yeah, what's Yahtzee?

That's the dice.

Well, then I was like, what is Yahtzee?

And I googled Yahtzee.

And instead of coming up with like the Wikipedia entry for Yahtzee,

it was just play online Yahtzee.

And so I've been playing Yahtzee online.

And the website that does it is like the third result when you Google it.

It is just the corniest website.

You're like, it's got like a little clip art guy.

And when you win, you get a crown on your head.

Are you having fun, though?

Do you like it?

I play it all the time.

So what are the rules of Yahtzee?

I don't really.

Well, I'm not sure.

I've only played the game on

you're losing every time to the computer, but you're playing a lot.

I like that the ad was just play Yahtzee.

You're like, all right.

Well, it's me versus Bill.

Okay.

Okay.

Bill's got a little mustache.

And I click roll dice.

And I have five dice.

And then I got a one, two, a three, a two, and a six.

So

I can choose.

I can hold on to any of these.

I got a one, two, three, so maybe I can get a

straight.

So I roll the other two.

I got a four now.

I can get a small straight.

That's worth 30.

Roll it again.

Can I get a large straight?

No.

So I'm going to

stick with that.

And then it's his turn.

And basically, in this version of it, the only version I've ever played, you're eliminating your possible things you can capitalize on your scores.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Are you prone to getting taken with online games?

Games in general.

Yeah.

What's your favorite game?

There's this,

I mean, there's this game I have on my phone called Hockey Legacy Manager.

Okay.

Manager.

Yeah.

You're just pretending you have a different job.

Yeah.

It's the game you, you.

There was like convenience store manager.

Well, got to order more Dr.

Pepper.

It's really popular.

Station attendant, but in the 80s, there are games like that.

Are there really?

There's like a cafe in a prize.

It's a glass.

My daughter plays a game where you, she's like, she's wrote down all these mixed drinks because there's like a bartending game.

Isn't she like 10?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

She got to learn how to make it old-fashioned somewhere.

Yeah, but it is like, you know, it's, if your mind works in a way where you need to, where you like to do that kind of stuff, it translates well to a game.

But yeah, Hockey Legacy Manager is the one that you manage a hockey team.

But unfortunately, I can't play that for less than two hours at a time.

Oh, you get really lost in it?

Yeah.

Do you have to have like conversations with the players?

No, but but

like if you have to basically play a whole season at a time.

Oh, I see.

And then otherwise I just get lost.

Like if I join the game, if I load my game again and I'm halfway through a season, I'm like, who are these guys?

Yeah.

And are these made up?

These are made-up guys?

No, they're real guys.

Real guys.

And then,

but it's not licensed by the NHL.

Someone makes a

roster.

An amateur person makes a roster, but it's the guy who makes the game.

It's making this roster.

Nice.

And it's, uh

you can play for

centuries like yeah you can have your team go on and on and over wouldn't it be creepy to be a hockey player and know that there's so many people out there like playing a game with you as like a little pawn

i think that's what you want yeah well and and the the weird thing is because you can play for so long

you uh

like if you have a child

your child Your child can get drafted 18 years later.

Oh, really?

This is like a full life game.

This is like Sims, but for hockey man.

Yeah.

Wow.

So does the

players...

Do you get to choose a wife?

Yeah, you get to choose a wife, and she is stacked.

She's always short, blonde, tons of filler.

I've seen them.

They look the same.

And she's like, I'm actually an interior designer.

Oh, yeah.

Where'd you go to school for that?

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, 100%.

So is it people that are currently playing hockey or like from all it's like, do you have a limit?

You can go back to the 20s.

Really?

Wow.

Yeah.

And then, and they,

I've done it once where you go back to the 80s and then like there's only 21 teams in the league at the time, but then the new teams come in at the rate at the

designated year.

Right.

Wow.

Is it less fun to play like the retro versions?

Is it more fun to pay current?

No, it's all fun.

It's all fun.

It's all good.

It's kind of fun when you're playing the retro ones because you're like, oh, this player was drafted in real life.

They were drafted in the seventh round and they went on to be a Hall of Famer.

I can draft them whenever I want.

I'm so curious about the family life, like that you can choose a wife.

Like, do you guys?

No, I made that part up.

Oh, you did?

Okay, okay, okay.

Because you said they have a kid and they can be drafted.

Yeah, I know.

But that part is true.

Is like when you'll just recognize a last name in the

draft, and you'll click on them and it says, oh, they're father.

Are you working within a budget?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

There's like a salary catch.

I was so convinced that you were going to see them like woohoo, like The Sims or something.

Why you fanned them?

There's like no, there's no

life outside of hockey.

There's no life outside of hockey.

And there's not even like

faces for most of them.

Oh, there's just jerseys?

Yeah.

Jerseys are like a silhouette for the

with a head.

I can see that being fun.

You don't have like Bill and you like you do in Yahtzee.

Yeah, and Yahtzee, Bill, you have Bill as a face.

Yeah.

Full face.

He's got a little mustache.

Cute haircut.

He's not losing his hair.

He's got a great head of hair.

He does have a hair.

Oh, I don't know about that.

No, I think Bill's doing fine.

Who do you think is the best

hair plug celebrity?

Like that really.

Ooh, Steve Carell got a, it really didn't take for a long time.

It looked pretty bad, and then it, and then it settled.

And it looked really good.

Yeah.

Steve Carell got a good one.

I didn't know that it didn't take.

Okay.

It looked really bad in some of the seasons of The Office, but it's not that it wasn't taking.

It's just it was in its early stages, I think, where it doesn't look very good.

But it also kind of worked because he

seemed like a guy who would have bad hair plugs.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, totally.

And I just saw a picture of Frankie Munez with his.

Oh, sure.

It was fantastic.

Nice.

See, you can do it.

You can do whatever you want.

Oh,

my algorithm for a while was giving me like, this is Justin Bieber in 2016.

You can see he's starting recession.

And then, yeah.

So it shows you, that's cool.

What's the weirdest thing your algorithm gives you that you feel like is actually not related to what you said?

We did a whole

episode of

about this.

Okay.

Well, I'm going to check my algorithm right now.

Yeah, I want to see what

do you have yours off the top of your head?

Because I look into aesthetics so much, it thinks I'm like 85 years old.

And it's always like, do you need a facelift?

And I'm like, maybe, I guess.

And then the other one is that it thinks I have a very limited vocabulary because it's always like, do you sound stupid in conversation?

Do you not know enough words?

Yeah.

And then it'll try to be like superfluous.

And I'm like, I know what that means, bitch.

I got it right now.

Here's

Bradley Cooper's hairline.

Yep.

Here's Machine Gun Kelly.

Oh, let's see Machine Gun Kelly's.

Machine Guns Kelly's looks pretty good.

Yeah.

But is that shaved and then just grown up?

I don't know.

I don't know.

It's like baiting you.

I wasn't really paying attention to him until recently.

Oh, Elon.

Jesus.

Still not good.

I don't know what my...

For a long time, my algorithm was sure I liked white women with dreads.

Oh, yeah.

That's very specific.

Yeah.

And

I think, what is it most recently?

I'm trying to think of all the...

I do get a lot of stuff about hair

transplants because I do look for that.

Would you get one?

I would, but I feel like I've heard that they, you need multiple rounds and that they're incredibly expensive.

I mean, if you fly to Turkey,

you can kind of get it all done in, I think, a couple of weeks, but it just depends.

You can do the multiple rounds in a couple.

I thought it was like, you have to get around, let it sit.

I get around, round,

I get around.

Yeah.

But yeah, mine is mostly

guitar pedals and shoes.

Yeah.

Guitar pedals and shoes.

A lot of footpaths.

A lot of looking about your bags.

A lot of shoe gaze.

Yeah.

A A lot of shoe gaze.

Oh, that's the thing I learned in the past week.

There's a scale of male balding that you'd like.

You can look in a camera.

I think it's called the Foreman scale, the Frohman scale.

And it shows different.

I think I'm a four.

I think.

Are you four?

Maybe four or three.

Let's get out those scale, guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like that.

A scale.

Bring it up on the screen here.

How do you call it?

I think it's Frohman, F-R-O-M-A-N, but it might be.

Dave Frohman, the Sausage King of Shrewsbury,

scale of balding.

Do men worry about this a lot?

Balding?

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All the time.

Yeah.

Being bald and being short.

Those are the two things guys think about.

Yeah.

The Norwood scale.

Norwood.

Yeah.

Okay.

The Norwood scale.

Oh, look at that.

It's just more Dracula.

You think you're a four?

Do you have the crown?

Oh, no, I don't have the crown.

So I guess I'm a three, probably.

You'd be a three.

Yeah, I'm a two or a three.

But not three vertex with the little crown going.

Yeah, no, I don't have a crown.

It's all

front retreat.

When the spot starts appearing, like the bald spot up top, I think just get rid of it.

It's like global warming, like just let the water level rise, you know?

Yeah, that's what we're trying to do.

We're trying to let the water level rise.

It's like global warming, guys.

How come there are...

I'm not saying we want it to happen.

I'm just saying it's inevitable.

You're just, well, let it take you away.

Let it wash you away.

But there's like a generation before.

And this is for guys with ponytails.

This is the Ludwig scale.

Oh, that's kind of at the bottom there.

You kind of look like a sumo wrestler wrestler a little bit.

Why do they get a different scale with a ponytail?

Why is that?

Well, Ludwig is a different guy.

Ludwig and Norwood disagree on their daughter.

They disagree on the balding.

It's weird because they were like, sort of, they were best friends before, but now they're more like...

Yeah, yeah, enemies.

The ponytail divided them.

There was an elastic.

But like, why were there, like, my grandfather kept the

rim.

Yeah, the horseshoe?

Yeah.

Why guys don't do that anymore?

I don't think they should.

My first ex was very bald, and

he just shaved it all.

And honestly, honestly, I think it just looks nice at a certain point for it to be uniform.

I think it's it depends on the individual.

I think Chris Locke looks great with

the orange, yeah.

But it also, I think it's uh, it's what kind of look you're going for.

Like, I think oh, crazy guy.

Yeah.

Comedians have fun with it.

Comedians have fun with it more, I think, you know.

Like, I think if it depends on what you're, if you want to be more like straight-edged or kind of like,

you know, action, then some people will shave the whole thing so they can like.

Yeah, I shave my whole body.

Yeah.

Yeah, do you?

Yeah, eyebrows.

They just grew back.

I microbladed them in.

That's why they look like that.

I microbladed them in.

I just learned about that.

That's what Dave gets.

He gets five o'clock shadow.

Just like that.

He microblades his chest hair, too.

Here's what I would do.

I would

go to, I'd be like, yes, I need micro-needling.

And I'd go, and they would start microblading my...

eyebrows and I'd be like, oh, I went to the wrong place, but I'm too embarrassed to stop.

Yeah, would you?

You wouldn't stop it?

No.

No, you would just sit through it.

It was great.

Thank you.

There's no place with a bolt cut.

No.

On Reddit, I've discovered that there's people who use hair-growing serum on their face so that they can grow a beard.

Yeah.

It works.

That seems insane to me.

You can do it on your eyelashes, your eyebrows, anywhere you have hair follicles.

Yeah, you take one really ripe banana, put it on your head.

Yeah.

What else was in it?

Did you ever see the peanut butter solution?

No.

Was it peanut butter?

Yeah, peanut butter was clearly in it.

There was also like, you know, fish oil or whatever.

What was it?

It was this

Canadian kids movie okay about a boy who went bald okay and then he was visited by these two creepy ghosts well they weren't creepy they were like they felt like real people were they his grandparents they were some like weird old transient people but they were ghosts and they gave him this recipe for the peanut butter solution which is you put a bunch of stuff in a blender then you rub it on your head and then he woke up the next morning and his hair has started growing.

But here's the bad thing.

It wouldn't stop.

It would stop.

There's a Stephen King short story about this.

But his friend is,

they were like 12-year-old boys, and his friend was like, Can I have some of that?

Oh.

And he ended up with his pubes coming out of the bottom of his pants.

Oh, my God.

I love that.

That's awesome.

That'd be so scary to have your pupes.

It would be, yeah.

You're tripping on your.

Oh, no.

That feels like it hurts so bad.

They were like straight.

Yeah.

Well, it's not.

Still, but like you catch it and then all of a sudden you're like

constantly being jolted up and down like you're twerking really badly.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm twerking really badly.

I'm not tripping on my pubes, I promise.

Anyway, so yeah, I've been playing Yahtzee, and that's what's going on with me.

What's going on with you, baby?

So, this past week, for the CBC

radio production, The Debaters.

Yeah.

I flew to Victoria, BC, our province's capital.

And

this has only happened to me once.

How far apart was the White Horse and the Victoria taping?

White Horse was the week before, or Yellowknife, rather, was the week before.

And then this past week was Victoria.

Wow.

It's not usually weekly.

No, but the Yellowknife's not big enough to have two nights of taping because it just doesn't have the population.

So then we did the second night of taping at the McPherson in Victoria.

Sure.

The big one.

You put the Fierce in McPherson.

You know it.

That's what the poster said.

And this has only happened to me twice, counting this time time in my whole life.

I went, I was flying Harbor Air, so it was like

seaplane.

Because the other option was to go on Air Canada where you're in the Air Force, 13 minutes.

Well, Harbor Air, you're still 13 minutes, but you land on the water.

Yeah, and you don't have to go through security.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's,

and you don't have to go to the airport.

No, you don't have to go to the airport.

And

it depends on the.

Harbor Air office.

Sometimes they have free candy.

They definitely have free coffee.

Did they have free candy this time?

No candy at this one.

The one on Salt Spring always has candy and cookies ready to go.

But

I showed up, went to the counter.

My biggest concern was: does my bag weigh too much?

I give them my name.

She goes, Your name's not on here.

I was like,

Well,

I think you better learn how to do your job a little better because I am on the flag.

Can you spell?

I'm at the Phariseon McPherson, and that's where I'm going.

But

yeah, she's like, you're not on the on the flight.

And then I looked at my receipt.

It's for the day before.

Oh, no, it was a whole day late.

Yeah, it was a whole day late.

Oh, and so.

Were you a dollar short?

I was,

believe me, I ended up a many dollars short off.

Yeah.

Has that happened to you before?

Once, years and years, like when I was probably like 24 or something that I showed.

And the reason that one was because I got confused of

12 or 24-hour clock.

I thought 12 was

midnight or noon?

Noon.

Yeah.

Noon.

Okay.

I showed up a whole like 12 hours late.

But they let me fly standby on that one.

So I got by.

I got to where I was going.

And this one, the advantage of Harbor Air is.

You can just buy a ticket on the spot.

It's not like going to the airport.

Hey, I've got no bags.

I know.

I just want to buy a ticket and you end up on a list.

Yeah.

You feel like you're getting a bus ticket to like a great.

It is.

It's like a, yeah.

Yeah.

And the, so my mind had to spring into action.

I had to come up with like six different scenarios of how to get to Victoria.

There's quite a few.

There's quite a few possibilities.

Did you end up taking Harbor Air?

I did.

They were like, okay, we've got a flight at 2 p.m.

because I was there for the 11 o'clock flight.

They're like, we have one seat at 2 p.m.

It depends on when you buy the ticket.

Oh, last minute.

Expensive?

Yeah, very expensive.

Which is kind of weird because

it would be empty if I didn't buy it.

$100 and $2,400.

Wow.

$400.

Yeah.

But no, like, if you buy in advance, $150.

$150.

I'm going to $75, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So they're like, one at two.

There's also another place that the harbor leaves from by the airport.

And they're like, they've got one at $2.30.

And I was like, oh, I can get on the fast ferry, which goes Harbor Harbor.

Oh, does that come?

Does it go to Victoria or Nanak?

Yeah, apparently it goes.

Hollow Ferry?

Oh, maybe, yeah, maybe I was wrong about that.

But that was one of hullow fairies.

Yeah, yeah.

And then

traditional old fairy, but I wouldn't have made it.

Oh, it'd be tight.

11 o'clock to be there for 5 p.m.

But she was like, you know what?

I can get you on this flight.

Very expensive.

And I was there with past guest Miles Anderson, and he was just like, government waste.

CBC.

Oh, because you get to, you don't have to pay for it.

Well, we'll see about that.

Was Miles late as well?

Nope.

He was on the right flight.

Yeah, that makes sense.

For Miles.

Yeah, for some reason, I said I would fly in the day before.

I can't understand why I said that I would do that.

But

yeah, it's the first time in like so, so long.

I'm doing such a dunce.

Did you get to the hotel and they were like, we were expecting you yesterday?

So I called the hotel and I was like, did you guys

I was like, do you still have my reservation of yesterday?

Yes.

Okay.

So I fly over, I get there.

Go to the hotel.

Check in.

They're like, yeah, we still got your reservation.

Here's your key.

I go up to the room.

The door is jammed, like the little lock thing.

So I'm like, maybe I can poke it with this card.

Then a guy answers the door.

He's in my room.

Oh, my.

Oh, so the door did open.

It did.

Well, he opened it.

Oh, okay.

He's like, what's going on?

Like when you, when you,

you got it like open an inch with your key.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I had the the key, but uh, this guy was like, What's going on?

And I mean, look, if it had been me, I would have been absolutely naked when somebody knocked on my door.

I mean, it's definitely, I always do that-the

extra security thing on

a little latch, you have to, yeah, yeah, because the front desk is stupid, yeah, 100%.

And so, they're very apologetic, but not to the point of like they should be a mosaic to him, yeah, yeah, he's naked in the room, he was in room uh 312, and uh, go check him out, out.

He's still there.

I ended up at 407.

But, oh, the front desk lady was so embarrassed.

But not to the point of giving me anything to like.

Oh, sure.

If anybody threw a real fit, I probably could have got something for you.

Yeah, that's how they respond.

They respond to fits in hotel customers.

But I do feel like he has the bigger grievance.

Huge.

Yeah, if I were him, I'd demand whatever's the nicest suite of that.

Yeah, give me the robleron for a while.

Maybe that's why she didn't offer you anything.

She was busy offering him the penthouse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, so that was my voyage.

I uh it was close.

It was really close, but I made it and I got into a hotel and they had a suite for me and everything.

So nice.

I love that.

Um, that is so cool.

Yeah.

I'm surprised that I haven't done that before.

Like, it seems like a very easy thing to it is.

Or just like not getting to the airport in time.

The sky hardener is so casual.

They're pretty casual.

Yeah.

It's so chill.

I find I also like a cafe.

Like a cafe.

Sky cafe yeah yeah i i get a little air sick with them yeah just because

it's so

i don't like boats i like i don't like going on the ocean oh yeah well and it's like this

the smell of the dock is like a real headache inducer all the gasoline and and rotting fish yeah Yeah, I uh what are you talking about?

That's my favorite part.

I love that.

You don't like that?

It's just a bat.

Everyone loves that.

The whole time from when I I first step into the harbor

office, Haba Haba,

is I'm worried about my phone going in the ocean.

Yeah.

The whole time I'm there, I'm like,

touching my phone the whole time that I'm walking up to the dog.

You feel like you're getting on a water ride at an amusement park.

Yeah.

You're like, I don't want to drop this.

Like, I got to keep this on me.

Do I put it underneath?

I'm that way at Camby and King Edward.

There's all the like, it's above the skytrain and there's all the grates.

And the grates are just

like they would be the perfect size for your phone to slip when you see those like slits yeah like oh yeah i don't want it to go on the light but yeah definitely like normally i see slits excited dude someone is gonna say somehow slits

disgusting

like well give me more slits i love a slit i'll put anything in a slit put my phone in there fist in there whatever you want

this slit you can't have it um yeah and i've watched so many videos of people slowly falling into the water trying to get on boats oh

it's just like it's coming around.

It'll be me one day, people will be laughing at, but

it's awful to see.

I would rather myself fall into the water and my phone remain dry.

Yeah, totally.

Than the opposite.

I went swimming.

This was one phone ago, so it's five or six years ago.

And I went.

Funny way to measure time.

One phone ago.

Well, you know, if you're a different kind of guy.

This was in the Blackberry age.

Yeah.

If you're a different kind of guy, one phone, a phone ago is last year.

Yeah.

And also, like,

what's going to happen to all your phones when you die?

What do you mean?

What are you worried about?

Do you not keep, do you not, like, how do you get rid of a phone?

I don't feel like you keep it on there, Graham.

You're so worried about it.

Nothing.

I just don't know how to clear it off satisfactorily.

Yeah, they get cleared off, and then, but then also, it's like when you're on life support, someone comes in and clears up this phone.

I had

it's not like it's useful to anyone else because I had it for five years.

Yeah, like, yeah, but I don't have the plug-in to bring it back to life.

But my phone, uh, I went, I was at the pool and I went in the pool and I forgot.

Oh my God, my phone's in my pocket.

The worst.

And I think phones are like a little bit waterproof.

A little bit waterproof.

Yeah.

They are the newer

ones.

Yeah.

Which pool?

Well,

you probably rank the pools.

Yeah.

Oh, I love to know about a pool.

I love going to the pool.

Yeah.

Those pools are such a good time.

Do you like blow everybody away with how fast you can throw it?

You're going to ask, do you blow everyone at the pool?

I was like, yes, tell me honestly, do you blow everyone at the pool?

That's DIY dentistry.

That's what we're doing over there.

No.

What are the big ones?

It was either Hillcrest or

Minaroo.

Oh, I love Minaroo.

Such a good pool.

Number one pool in the city.

Honestly, because I like Tisana and I also love a slide, I probably would say Minnaroo, but I love Eileen Daly and Burnaby because they also have Sauna Steam Room and Slide.

Nice.

Yeah, I love a slide.

Yeah.

Got to have a slide.

Are you like...

Do you ever go Splashdown?

Or Big Splash?

Which one's that one?

Tawasan.

It's the wall.

I'm going this summer.

I've never been.

I went to the Cultist Lake one last year.

Got whiplash on that big thing.

That was really special.

But yeah, I'm gonna go this year.

I come from the land of Canada's Wonderland, which is, you know, pretty cool.

And marine land.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, where you got a slide right here.

Exactly.

And then the orca drags you under 15 times and make a documentary.

I went to the one in Tawasan a lot as a kid, and then I went to one on Vancouver Island when I was like 20.

And I was like, oh, I'm too big to go on water slides.

I like that whiplash thing.

And then I took my kids last summer, and it was great.

I loved it.

The Tawasan one?

The Tawasan.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I'm going in July.

It'll be my first time.

And

do you have a kid that's in tow or or are you just going.

No, God, no.

Do you have a long way to do that?

Absolutely not.

Yeah, I mean, I guess it's a little weirder for a man.

A little weirder.

But you guys also go so shirtless.

Like, if you were a sun shirt, they'd just be like, oh, okay, he just really loves water slides.

Yeah,

I don't think they'd be like, why isn't that?

What's that guy up to?

I think if I was like a group of teen boys can get away with it.

Oh, yeah, university kids.

Of course, they're there.

Or like a bunch of adults that look like they're like together, I think is okay.

Yeah, we're swingers.

Give us a break.

This is our four-play.

Shut up.

Yeah.

You guys have a swinger's discount?

Two slides that cross and go into each other.

That would be really fun for us, I think, if we could do that.

The scissor slide.

Yeah, the scissor slide.

Yeah.

You want to kind of ride the upside-down pineapple?

The slit.

That's called the slit.

I went last year and I put sunscreen on my kids.

Yeah.

And then I was, and then I...

About three in the afternoon, I realized, oh yeah, I meant to put sunscreen on myself.

Oh, yeah.

I bet that's tough, eh?

When you have children, you're like, good, they're safe, they're on it, and then you forget about yourself.

Yeah, and then it was not as bad as it has been in the past.

Okay, pretty red.

Oh, pretty red.

But like, it wasn't like I've had it, if you forget, it's painful for a week.

What do you do for a sunburn?

Aloe's really good.

There's a, I mean, there's a couple things you can do.

Yogurt.

Do you actually do it?

Do you really?

No, but I do remember that being like a home remedy.

That was a weird home remedy.

That's the peanut butter solution.

You know what?

Home remedies,

I've been debunked on this so many times, but aloe vera, I think, is the best.

But I thought Windex got out any stain because I watched my Big Fat Greek wedding and that's what they said in there.

And then one time, okay, this is a little TMI, but one time I sharted myself awake.

Like I woke up and I shit the best.

What do you mean this is TMI?

Were you sick?

No.

I just think, normally I make dinner, but Aaron made me dinner the night before, being very sweet because I had a long week at work.

And he made me like this boiled meat that was just not good.

And I just...

I'm worried about this guy.

Yeah, I I know.

This guy just treats the boiled meat.

I boiled it in Windex.

She shit herself.

I have no idea why.

So I woke up and I'd never really shit the bed before, but I shit the bed.

And I was, we were still new enough in our relationship that I was like, I don't want to wake him up.

I'd rather take care of this or try to.

Anyway, so I go downstairs and I'm panicking.

So I like go to the bathroom, clean myself up.

And then I find, I'm like walking around naked like a gremlin, like just looking for this Windex.

And so I find the Windex and I'm like, perfect.

So I take it upstairs and I'm spraying Windex on the sheets.

And he turns over, he wakes up and he's like, he's like, honey, what's what's wrong?

And he sees me cleaning a stain.

He's like, oh, did you get your period?

But this man is such a lesbian that he knows what my period is.

And he's like, wait, your period's out for another couple weeks.

And I'm like, like not answering.

And then he's like, did you, did you pee the bed?

And I was like, no.

And he's like, did you shed the bed?

I'm like, yes.

And he was so fine with that.

He was just so mad that I used Windex because he was like, you just put chemicals in our bed.

And I'm like, stop being so East Vancouver.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would have moved.

He would have woken up in the morning and I would have been Cincinnati.

Woo!

Bye.

You know what works if you

shit the bed for your sheets is the garbage.

I know it did.

That's a foolproof solution.

The trash.

Yeah.

He was really mad that I put Windex on them, but I thought it was going to get it out, you guys, and it really, it didn't.

There's a story of a comedian that I'm not sure who it is, but that he in a hotel, after a long night of drinking, shit the bed.

And then his idea idea of how to cover it up was to spill coffee on it so it looked like a coffee stain.

Oh my God.

And whoever was the person that was cleaning up the room walked in as he was pouring coffee.

Oh my God.

Come back in five minutes.

That's so funny.

That's so funny.

We used the OxyClean.

There's like three or four different versions of OxyClean.

But when we had babies, we used the like child-friendly version, and that is the best one.

We've used it ever since on every stain.

Oh, yeah, it's always more like free and gentle, like it's just better for you.

Yeah, I don't know about like, but it was it's more effective.

Okay, so it works better for you.

I mean, this is anecdotal, yeah, sure.

No, I'll take it because I need, I can't keep getting my advice from Big Fat Greek Wedding.

It's not going to, yeah, what other advice did you get?

How many times do you eat it really?

You just remember

Windex every time.

Apparently, Windex was good for zits.

I think I tried that once.

It's all Windex-related stuff from my Big Fat Greek Wedding, but

they don't have a lot of memory.

Is that just a running joke?

Like how everyone's named Nick?

Yeah, it is.

It is.

Everyone's named Nick.

They've got the Windex thing, and then there's the vegetarian.

He's vegetarian, but they're like, okay, I'll make lamb.

Like, they don't.

Right.

There were three of those movies.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah, I think no one noticed the third one, though.

She did.

I did.

It came across

my feet.

And she had a cross-eye.

She did?

Yeah.

The main character had like a little bit of a lazy-eyed cross-eye.

And I was like, there's hope for us all.

That's kind of cute.

I love it.

I love when they do that in movies.

It's hope for us all.

Yeah, 100%.

Because you see things like people have been told crazy stuff when trying to break into film.

Like, I think it was like a little girl was told, like, you'll never really be in

the movies because your cheeks are too chubby.

It was in terms of like how the lighting catches.

That lady was.

And that lady was, she was playing Amy Poehler's daughter, or no, Amy Poehler's young version in Trainwreck.

Oh, I don't think she did anything.

Okay.

She actually didn't make it.

and that was true.

Okay.

Yeah, it was like that lady was Drew Berry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No,

she's an unknown, and she didn't make it because her age and was.

Her cheese were too big.

On one of the other podcasts I worked on, we interviewed Ronnie Chang

from The Daily Show, and he was in Megan.

That's why we were talking to him.

That's right.

But he talked about getting into acting.

He was like, his big.

Inspirations were Arnold Schwarzenegger and Selma Hayek because it was like, oh, I don't need to lose my accent.

I can

be in movies and just be myself.

Yeah.

There's a lot of stuff like that around the acting world where people want to make rules, but then there's like people who break those rules or people who get cast and, you know,

and it always kind of proves it wrong, you know, which is kind of fun.

Yeah.

Not for that kid with the cheeks.

Not for the kid with the cheeks.

R.I.P.

R.I.P.

Oh, is she dead?

No.

Actually, I shouldn't be talking about it because I have no idea where she is right now.

She could be very successful, famous.

She could be on TikTok.

She could be dead.

I have no idea.

Really shouldn't be commenting on this kid.

I know nothing about it.

I just remember that story and being like, damn it, I have chubby cheeks.

I got called a bulldog when I was a kid.

That was everyone was going around being like, what animal do you look like?

And because I have chubby cheeks, they were like, you look like a bulldog because you have big hanging cheeks.

And I was like, thanks.

I don't see bulldog.

Now I'm trying to think of an animal, though.

She does the aesthetic movie.

Oh, otherwise.

We really, you know, we really got him back there.

We were like, Like wind.

Yeah.

Well, we had a bulldog and we took him to the vet.

They had a medical aesthetic over there.

Yeah, they microned him.

And now he's a

Pyrenees.

Now he's a shitzo.

Like name another dog.

Should we move on to some over-hers?

Yeah.

Are you a five-star baddie?

If you answered yes, then Black People Love Paramore is the podcast for you.

Contrary to the title, we are not a podcast about the band Paramore.

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We are your co-hosts, Sequoia Holmes, Jewel Wicker, and Ryan Graham.

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One thing we all have in common, we all have a mind.

It makes me so scared because I'm like, when is the bad thing going to happen?

And minds can be kind of unpredictable and eccentric.

Everybody wants to hear that they're not alone.

Everybody wants to hear that someone else has those same thoughts.

Depression Mode with John Moe is about how interesting minds intersect with the lives and work of the people who have them.

Comedians, authors, experts, all sorts of folks trying to make sense of their world.

It's not admitting something bad if you say, this is scary.

Depressed Mode with John Moe.

Every Monday at maximumfund.org or wherever you get podcasts.

Overheard.

Overheard's a segment where if you hear it, we want to hear it too.

It's only fair.

And if you have one, you can send it into SPY at maximumfun.org.

We always like to start with the guest, Cass.

Yeah.

Lead the way.

So I was at the sauna because I love the pool.

Yeah.

And I was.

How long do you stay in the sauna?

Well,

you do circuits, you know?

Like you do 15 minutes.

You do circuits.

Yeah, yeah.

You better.

Yeah, you do.

You do.

Try to do 15 minutes and then two minutes in the cold plunge.

Okay.

There is a cold plunge.

And then do you go back?

Yeah.

So 15 to 15 to no 15 to 20 minutes rest you gotta rest otherwise you go a little loose oh 15 to 20 minutes rest yeah yeah you gotta rest if you don't you'll i think you'll mess yourself up yeah i used to be really bad at the cold but i'm getting better at it uh you ever

you like sauna more than like uh steam room yeah steam room hurts my nose like i go into the steam room and i feel like all my nose hairs have fried off at once is it all is it very like um

uh eucalyptus-yeah and it's heavy it's like and then people will shower in the steam room to give it more steam.

And I'm like, I just hate this.

Don't shower.

Yeah, you shouldn't be showering in the steam room.

Yeah, go away.

Yeah.

You know, and it's cold water.

So they go in there all like, nah, nah, nah.

And then they sit in this steam bath they created.

And I'm like, I just feel like I'm breathing in your fumes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry I interrupted.

No, that's okay.

I'm happy.

Anyway, so I was at the sauna and we were doing the rest portion, actually, where you just kind of chill.

And there was this group of friends and there was this like really big, tall, boisterous, loud, gregarious man.

And then his little girlfriend who was saying nothing, classic pairing.

And he was talking about his friend, and he was like, no, you'd love Jacob.

He's so cool.

He's so great.

He's a little consensually challenged.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know.

And I was like, there's a word for rapist.

I've never heard.

Yeah.

You know, like, oh my God.

Challenge.

Yeah.

And then he kept talking about him as if he was a great guy.

And I couldn't, I, they didn't.

He's great except for that one thing.

Yeah, that one thing that he does.

And I was like, who told you that you could just consensually challenge with something that you should make up about?

Someone, it's maybe is that just like,

I don't want to even

think of an innocent version where he's like, Yeah, you know, holds a handshake too long.

Yeah, did you, um, like, he's like Lenny from Mice and Men and just loves to loves a long hug.

Oh, like he borrowed my towel without asking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It could be, it could be, yeah.

He was saying it in such a fun way, there may have been another meaning, or maybe he just like slaps all his friends' butts in the change room, and all his friends are like, stop it.

yeah we're not a hockey team like no right right yeah

knock it off stop jerking me off not on the

cross we don't jerk each other yeah exactly every sport does a different thing in the yeah yeah yeah locker room oh they love each other it's the

it's so cute actually it's my favorite part of sports yeah that it gets gay in there oh sure and that's the thing that oh challengers yeah yeah oh yeah challengers but like uh when people would say oh that's just locker room talk i've never talked to anybody in a locker room my whole life life yeah yeah yeah you're like i keep doing

only one person has said that's locker room talk yeah

but he is the cool

guy but he's the best one to say it uh dave do you have it overheard mine's an overseen oh yeah i'm gonna pull it up on my computer because um speaking of algorithms and what are what we're being fed um i keep getting these ads for t-mew oh yeah

uh t-mew the chinese site that sells things oh okay like an ebay It's so

kind of.

Oh, no, it's isn't it more like Amazon?

Isn't it like Amazon?

It's like Shein.

It's like if Sheehan made Amazon products.

Okay.

So like instead of clothes, which are just Sheehan's like clothes for women, Timu's like stuff.

Yeah.

Stuff.

Yeah.

We used to make jokes about Wish.

You'd be like, this is the Wish version.

And now they're like, this is the Timu version.

Wish used to send me an ad for what looked like a panty hose with like a penis panty hose.

And it was like pulled out.

A panty hose with a penis pantyhose.

Yeah, it was like a pantyhose underwear, but with a hole and a penis sling, but there was nothing inside of it.

It just was like tugging it out to show it.

And it really wanted me to buy this thing.

And I was like, what is this?

I want to go.

Try this out.

I think, yeah, there's penis pantyhose out there if you guys want to check it out.

So

two things.

Team You seems to think my name is Jeff.

Not a king.

So I get advertised a hat that says, I'm that legendary Jeff you've been hearing about.

It's so long.

It's such a long thing to put on a hat.

And another hat that says, of course I'm right.

I'm Jeff.

Why doesn't the name is Jeff?

And then I also get advertised this t-shirt, which is just like a

every t-shirt.

model is the same.

It's this like super buff guy in his 20s,

big tattoos, big muscles, super tight t-shirt, and then the graphic on the shirt changes depending on what the shirt is.

And it's this young fit guy, but it's the t-shirt says, I can't trust a fart at my age.

Win next, when next, ad for win next, ad for when next.

Oh my god.

So funny.

Of course, I'm Jeff.

Legendary

Jeff.

It just feels like such a long text for a hat.

What's that legendary Jeff you've been hearing about?

Is it you've been hearing about?

Is it everyone's been talking about?

You've been hearing about it.

Let me double-check this.

What's Jeff been up to?

Why are we hearing about him so much?

Oh, so funny.

I love that it gave you two Jeff things.

I'm that legendary Jeff everyone is talking about.

Oh, hopefully for good reasons.

Hopefully not because he's consensually challenged or something.

What was that one?

Brian Wilson just passed away, and he, there was a bit of an interview asking him about his favorite film oh norbit norbit yeah he's talking about oh the movie norbit yeah what's the last movie you saw i don't see too many movies the last one i saw was probably norbit it's so funny and then the next question was what's your favorite movie norbit

and i saw somebody had a hat with that on it i thought it was pretty cool that's clever i like that niche reference um my overheard comes from uh taking a train home on a friday night so you know everything's on the table.

And

it was.

Like a Skytrain?

Yeah, Skytrain.

Sitting at the station.

There was a voice on the intercom.

I couldn't see the guy, but said, to the man in the pink sweater swinging around the security gate, we will call the cops.

And then there was a pause for a couple of seconds.

To the man now dangling your feet off the platform, we will now call the cops.

This guy was busy.

Pink sweater was...

Is this

swinging?

Was this, were you on the platform when you heard this?

No, I was on the train and the doors were open they were on the other platform did you see them or no no you just heard about it i just knew that he had a pink sweatshirt pink sweatshirt leaving your legs dangling off the side of the platform wild behavior you have to be on like mushrooms to do something like that plus you're just a teen you know i don't think you're ever gonna get i mean i i every time i take the skytrain i'm like i'm gonna fall i'm gonna fall onto this if i'm not careful which is so weird because it really is true like when you're younger you just don't think about all these ways that you could die and then you get older i'm pretty sure i always did did you yeah you were nervous.

You were there with the

shaken?

Not nervous, but just like, oh, that's that's a looming possibility.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You thought about death a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like it could, this could all end in a second.

Yeah.

I guess that's nice because then you're prepared for when you get older.

Because for me, it's just ramped right up.

Like all of a sudden, I see death everywhere.

Yeah.

Whoa.

But when you were young and you never thought about it.

No, I like snorted a pixie stick once because I was like, what's the worst that could happen?

Would you do that now if somebody dared you?

Maybe.

Okay.

Yeah.

But I would think about that I could die and I would feel really paranoid about it after imagine yeah

final destination movies um i did i saw the last one though and i was pretty unimpressed is that not good they repeated some of the deaths i was like you can't do that you can't repeat the stuff that you're it was only at the end they did but the first opening scene i really loved like that first like big death scene was really fun um but yeah it wasn't diminishing returns

yeah i know now you said you had another overheard oh yeah this is uh i just it just got me thinking but i was walking by this patio and I heard, you know, when servers are trying to make small talk with people with children and it's kind of like awkward, but they just obviously like want a good tip and they also want to get your order and they're kind of like, but then the people, I feel for the people because they have a baby and so they're trying to figure out how to like have lunch and have a baby.

Yeah.

Anyway, so the baby.

You can't have both.

You can't have both.

You can't have both.

Oriel, shit yourself.

But no,

she was sitting there, this couple and this mother had her baby and the baby was like climbing all over everything.

And the waiter was like, oh, look at, look at him.

Isn't he so just active and whatever?

And then she was like, yeah, he's busy.

And I just realized that we always say that.

We're always like, yeah, he's so busy.

And I'm like, what's the baby busy with?

Like, the baby's just crawling.

Quarterly reports.

Exactly.

Deadline.

The baby doesn't have a schedule, but we're always like, baby, stressed out.

Stressed out.

Baby, stressed, baby.

I wonder if the baby feels busy.

I mean, yeah, to the baby, everything's busy.

Yeah, everything's busy.

You got to keep your baby busy.

Otherwise,

the evil creeps in.

Oh, that's the thing that I kept getting.

And I'm not sure why.

Maybe I just clicked on it once, but a parenting tip that instead of giving your kid, a little kid, a screen, like a kid that's still high chair in front of you,

give them, like, put a bunch of peas in water in a Ziploc bag and just tape that to the table.

And that it's like sensory.

Oh, that's cool.

I think I would like that now.

Yeah, no, when I watch it, I'm like, that seems really nice.

That seems like

when I was, when our kids were in preschool, there was this table that was just like, it was just like the sensory station.

Yeah.

And there was a table that was just full of lentils.

Oh.

And then you just like instead of sand because you can, I don't know.

So fun.

Yeah.

But then my daughter kept eating them.

That's fair.

It looks like food.

It looks like food.

It looks like snacks.

It looks like cereal.

I love that kid stuff, though, where you see it and you're like, I would just like this now.

Like there used to be a thing at the Toronto Aquarium.

I don't know if it's still there, but it was like a touch pool or scary for the fish probably um but there was cleaner shrimp in it and they would clean under your fingernails so the shrimp would come and like clean and like get everything under your fingernails and it was so satisfying and they worse does that cost at the clinic

yeah yeah that's uh that's called micro shrimp i've seen the fish the fish that do the pedicures yeah yeah yeah there's that's what they're doing it's it's similar right but the the shrimp have like these kind of long things that they really get in there like right underneath it and the kids love it but oh i stayed there forever yeah awesome yeah yeah highly highly recommend now there's so much i guess what did we have when we were like there's slime that's like for the purpose of when we were a kid slime was like gross yeah now it's like you buy a thing of slime and you play with it and you we had silly putty yeah which is kind of and i think when i was into ninja turtles we had ooze

a jar of ooze did you guys ever have those squeeze tubes that was candy it was like just a squeeze tube of like gel sour gel have you ever had the squeeze tube that's like a little dick

oh yeah the liquid tube that like liquid tube dick thing.

That like you can't hold it in any other way than yes.

Yes.

So exciting.

Score it and shoot it.

Now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the map.

If you want to send one in, send it in to spy at maximumfun.org.

Org.

No, it's

Brad from Indiana.

I was at the grocery store and two 20-something women walked by.

One said to the other, here's the top two things I'm scared of.

Number one, human centipede.

Number two, my mom.

So,

I'm not afraid of human centipede because

the human centipede themselves, they're not scary.

They're more afraid of you than you are of them.

Yeah, but I'm afraid of becoming.

I think everyone's fear is becoming the middle person in human centipede.

I really wouldn't even like being the last.

No, but the last person dies sooner because of all the toxicity.

The middle person in the movie anyway stays alive.

So then you're just alive.

And the first person lives a full life.

Yeah.

The first person is actually killing it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Eat a subway sandwich.

No worries.

He has a job in finance.

I think he's doing great.

They give him DoorDash.

Yeah.

He's graduating university.

He wrote his essay on what it was like to be first.

Now, in the

human tend to be universe, only women?

Or what do you mean?

Like it's only women being attached to one another or is there also fellas?

Have you seen the the movie?

I've seen maybe the first half hour of it and then I tapped it.

Turn it off.

No, in this one, I believe the woman is in the middle.

There's maybe two women and one man or two men and one woman.

I don't remember.

But the man is in the front.

Classic.

I know.

Yeah.

Leading the back.

Yeah.

The human centipede is very anti-feminist in that way.

They want only women to eat shit and die.

That's the

Hollywood.

Yeah.

I know.

It's so unfair.

I want everyone to eat shit and die.

Yes.

Give me equal opportunity, Jeff.

Thanks.

Jeff said, eat shit and die.

So I ate shit and died.

This next one comes from Victoria and Wisconsin.

I was on a plane from New Orleans to Denver two rows back from a 20-something-year-old guy who looked like he belonged in the early 2000s stoner comedy.

Okay, we can all picture that.

He spoke very loudly throughout the flight.

I had headphones on for most of it.

When we landed, I took them off to hear him say, one time I drank three, four locos in an hour and I had to get my stomach pumped.

Why did that happen?

That's 12 locos.

Are they guys four loco have you had?

No.

I haven't, but I want to really bad.

Do they know what to do?

Did they change the

recipe?

I don't know.

Like, because it was...

Was it too old?

It was really dangerous.

Yeah.

It was like, oh, we got to drink this before it gets banned.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But they're only in the States, right?

Or are they here?

I don't think I've seen it here.

I know it more by reputation.

Well, I think Health Canada stopped that shit.

FDA was like, whatever.

Health Canada was like, no.

For Loco.

For Loco Premium Malt Beverages.

Is Forloco banned in Canada?

This is, according to Forloco.com, they have a whole page based on this.

It has to be 20 years old.

Was it alcoholic?

In Canada, it's illegal to mix caffeine with alcohol.

But we removed caffeine from our ingredient list,

but it's still in there.

But we removed caffeine from our ingredient list as part of a voluntary product reformulation in 2010, which means you can enjoy it across the border.

To see where four loco is available near you, check out our product locator.

Nice.

Whoa.

Okay.

Locator.

Maybe, yeah.

Now, this last one is in the overdreamt category.

This follows in Dave's footsteps of

having extremely boring dreams.

Wanted, for example.

I had a dream that the whole whole part of the dream was my travel agent was retiring.

Another one that I was with some guys fixing a garage door.

What was my recent boring dream?

That you were playing Yahtzee?

Oh, no, that's my life.

My boring online.

Go to sleep play Yahtzee?

Forget what my recent boring dream was.

I do too.

Do you ever have a boring dream?

Oh, no.

I needed to get, I needed.

to fill out some forms so I could get the royalties on a song I wrote.

Oh, nice.

A form-filling dream.

I love this.

The hockey management, the

form-filling dreams.

I don't know.

My boring dreams are all like something needs to get done and I just have a really hard time doing it.

Yeah.

I mean, it's not always panicky.

Sometimes it's just I'm really slow and I keep getting distracted.

And, you know, that's my, yeah, I get a lot of those where I'm like, oh, this thing is due.

And then I wake up and I'm like, kind of relieved.

Yeah.

I don't have to do that.

Yeah.

Like, thank God that thing isn't due.

Yeah.

This, uh, so this is in that category.

This is Christian in Washington, D.C.

There's two of them.

In one dream, I was trying to do that.

There are Christians in Washington, D.C.

I think there's a lot more.

Nice work.

In one dream, I was trying to plug in my monitor at work and then realized they've given me the wrong type of cable.

I said, what the?

And then woke up.

What the hell?

Wrong type of cable is great.

Just so low stakes and who cares.

And then waking up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was dumb.

What's yours, Graham?

Do you have a boring repeat?

No, I don't have a lot of boring dreams.

I've said before on the podcast, though, that I have a lot of repeat locations and themes.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I like, there's a house that I'm always in, and there's like a hotel that I'm in.

There's a guy in there.

There's a guy in there.

It's room 312.

He's in there.

I have to go to 407.

He sucks.

Yeah, exactly.

No compensation.

In the other dream, I was walking towards an escalator to go down one level in the mall.

Right as I was about to step on the escalator, I noticed it was going up, not down.

So I said, oops, and woke up.

I like the little like, what the?

Oops.

This is so cute.

The little, aw, so sweet, just a little mundane.

You've woke up so quickly in the middle of the night.

Oh, no, no, I was on an escalator.

I do get those ones where you're like...

Falling asleep and then you're not quite asleep because you're like, whatever.

There's a a reason for it, but you like kick and you wake yourself up.

Yeah, it's like the R, it's like going into REM, I think.

Yeah, or you're like, REM, the, the, whatever part of your

like process.

God, people hate when we're, we talk about science.

Whatever part of your brain that shuts off your body has not shut it off yet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mike Berbiglia disease.

Yeah.

What's that?

Uh, you know, the comedian Mike Berbiglia?

No.

He's a sleepwalker.

He's a famous.

Sleepwalker.

Sleepwalker.

Got it.

Okay.

Yeah.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos.

Got a voice memo?

Send it to SBY at maximumfund.org.

And if you want to call us, it's 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

Spypod1.

Like these people have.

Hey, Dave Graham and Possible Guests.

This is David calling from Philadelphia.

My three-year-old daughter was sent home from school with some slime to play with.

Oh, and she calls it slam.

So she was playing with it, and it fell on the floor.

And I said, Uh-oh, your slime fell on the floor.

And she looked at me and said, That's okay, Dada.

That's just what slam do.

All right, thanks.

Off I go.

Words to live by.

That's just what slam do.

That's just what slam do.

Slamming in slits.

Yeah.

There you go.

Yeah,

it's a relaxed attitude towards life.

Just let it flow.

Just let it just, yeah.

Yeah.

Easy come, easy go.

You know, I didn't need to work for the slam.

Yeah.

It's just going to do what it's going to do.

Let it be.

That's the thing.

Probably you're more of a slam expert because you've had two kids.

Does it get a lot of, you drop it on the floor?

Does it collect a lot of lint and hair and all that kind of stuff?

Or is it easily, does it not absorb those things?

Of course it does.

Still, they haven't made any advancements.

Yeah.

It's made out of the thing that, like the homemade one you can make yourself is made out of glue and laundry detergent.

So it's sticky.

It's mostly stinging it.

I collect some things.

Yeah.

Some cereals.

Some laundry detergent.

Forget.

I think that's we.

That's how you remove shit from your bag.

We drew it.

We tried it.

I need it.

I need to go buy some.

Like during the pandemic, we tried a lot of the homemade recipes.

But none of them were as good as the store-bought.

You got to go store-bought.

Is it because you didn't want to go to the store?

It was just because we were bored.

Oh, yeah, for

years.

Is that what?

Is yeah, what I like to know what people's pandemic little hobbies were.

So yours was making slime.

Yeah.

Other ones?

I mean, I did a lot of yoga.

Nice.

And I did.

Home yoga.

I did.

I don't know.

It was bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your eyes went dark.

I'm sorry.

We had very small children at the beginning of the pandemic.

It was not fun.

Yeah.

I'm sure.

Mine was just lying quietly with my eyes closed.

Wow.

So nice.

A dad nap.

Yeah.

What was yours?

I would do, I lived with my parents for the first little bit because it was right after my divorce and also a dark time.

But I got this thing where I would do wine tasting.

So I would set up a computer and put like a vineyard on the screen and then get some wine from the liquor store and like blind taste test it for them and give them like little profile tasting and stuff.

That's fun.

Yeah.

And I would make latkes.

Oh, latka.

Yeah, a lot of latca.

Yeah.

I got good at cooking, I feel like, in the pandemic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Me regressed.

I lost my ability to cook.

I can boil.

I can fry.

Yeah, you can boil meat.

That's all you need.

You boil meat.

Yeah.

Don't boil meat.

Sally wakes up sharding every day.

It's very British to boil meat.

And I feel like British to take shit in bed.

Yeah, it is.

It is.

It is.

I do.

I feel like you do it all the time.

I blame the meat, but it might have just been me.

Yeah.

Do you think Winston Tritchell probably shit himself, right?

Yes, definitely.

You've just seen that man

100%.

I just never thought about it till right now.

Will shit on the beaches, we'll shit in the skies, etc.

I think a lot of those

guys

were incontinent.

We didn't know a lot about

health back then.

That's true.

Hygiene.

I feel like they maybe had weird moles.

They weren't on sunscreen for sure.

But it was England, so you could get away with that.

Yeah, so true.

Yeah.

Here's your next phone call.

Hello, Dave and Graham, and wonderful guest.

This is Allie calling from Vancouver with an overheard.

I was recently traveling for work and my colleagues took me to an intentional Japanese DJ listening party.

So our phones were taken away from us,

the lights were turned low, and we were meant to just sit and sort of meditate with the music.

And there was an older gentleman sitting next to me and he fell asleep in the middle of this DJ set,

which was pretty intense, actually.

Like, it was a lot of electronic music, so good for him.

And in the middle of his snooze, he stood up, sleepwalking, out of nowhere and yelled, Rotisserie Dog,

and sat back down, fully asleep still.

Interrupted the whole thing.

The funniest part about that to me is that this old man was likely dreaming of Oglizzies.

No freaking way.

Glizzies.

I I love Oglizzy.

When did it become a Glizzy?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I hate the word.

Hot dog is good enough.

Hot dog rules.

Yeah.

Hot dog is great.

Hot dog.

It's like, oh,

punctuation to it.

I mean, she's putting that on him.

I think he's dreaming of a rotisserie canine.

Yeah, that's what I was picturing.

I was actually picturing a wiener dog.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Best of both worlds.

Yeah, both.

A glizzy dog.

A literal hot dog.

A wiener.

I saw a sign, speaking of a weird meditation in the woods.

I saw a sign for

on a post that said, oh,

there will be a one-hour meditation with horses during the solstice.

Meditation with horses.

Okay.

During this olstice.

That was kind of epic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

You had to go to Squamish for it.

Sea biscuit.

Worth the trip.

Might have been sea biscuit.

Yeah, so that's what you call it if it's in squamish, sea biscuit.

Just raise zombies to go to the sea oh sure sure yeah why not here's your final phone call

hey Dave Graham and miraculous guest this is Sean in Virginia and I haven't overheard I was just at a bar and the people at the table next to me were talking about a wedding one

woman said if they come out and dance to kiss me by sixpence none the richer, I'm going to kill myself and going to make a big scene of it.

All right.

Off I go.

I thought it was going to be, if they do that, I'm going to make a lot of money because we all bet on what the song was going to be.

Because I wrote kissed me by Sixpence Non the Richer.

They don't play hockey manager.

They play wedding planner manager.

Oh, you could really get into this.

Yeah, that'd be fun to play which songs are going to play at the wedding.

What would you say is the number one best song to first dance song at a wedding?

Ooh.

Mine is Thriller, so go on.

I don't know.

I think Harvest Moon could be cute.

Harvest Moon is a cute one.

It's a classic.

I mean, the

first slow dance with the first slow dance.

I mean, it's whatever is

meaningful to you.

Nickelback.

Nickelback, which one?

I'm Drew who's standing there.

I'm kidding.

No.

Well, no.

Just check out.

Well, there's Dream Wedding Planner Game.

That seems to be the biggest wedding planner video game.

We're going to r slash Cozy Gamers.

Just wondering if there are any wedding planner games.

I think a lot of people would like that.

There's the Imagine series on the Nintendo DS apparently had some.

I get it.

I can see putting together the different.

I loved the show that was on for a long time called Four Weddings.

I love Four Weddings.

Four Weddings is such a good show.

I loved it when they were in the planning stage, and I loved seeing those ladies tear each other.

And And the cuts were so good because they'd be like, I love a country wedding.

The last thing I would ever want is to get married in the city.

And then it would be like, cut to the next bride, and she'd be like, I'm a metropolitan queen.

I love to be downtown in the city.

I hate Barnes.

And it was so fun.

I hate Barnes.

Well, her cake was okay.

Like, the first dance was

the city one would show up at the farm one and just be like, oh my god.

We're sitting on bales of hay, like so mad.

So much fun.

My favorite is when the venue is too hot.

Oh, yes.

Or in summer.

I mean, just outside.

I think every

reality show should have the too hot to handle aspect of.

Is that what it's called?

Too hot to handle?

Oh, yeah.

We're like all the turnarounds.

People are all not allowed to have sex.

It's awesome.

At weddings, especially, that's so good.

I came with my hot husband and I wasn't allowed to buck up.

Yeah.

So I lost $10,000 from the Jacksonville.

It was too hot to handle the last last season.

They were introducing the different people, and they would say, like, you know, I'm good at sports, so you better watch out because it's going to get athletic.

And then there was one girl who's just like, I'm the ultimate fuck girl.

And I was like, you know, her parents are probably at home, like, what?

They thought she was going to be like, I did ballet for 12 years.

She's the ultimate fuck girl.

You're not the ultimate fuck girl.

Your mother is.

You have not taken the crap from your mother.

And on that note, note, thanks for listening.

Where can people find the podcast?

Everywhere you can find music.

Oh, yeah.

Spotify, Apple Podcasts.

And you do shows all over town.

You traveling anywhere, doing any shows in the summertime?

I'm doing the Pender Island Comedy Festival at the end of August.

So I'm there August 29th and 30th, which is cool.

And then just around the city for the rest of it.

Yeah.

I hate the city.

I hate Barnes.

I hate city comedy.

I only go to

want to go to Barnes and Abbotsford.

If I'm not going there, I'm not doing it.

Well, thank you so much for being our guest.

Thank you so much for having me.

I had so much fun.

And thank you, everybody out there, for listening.

In the meantime, I want you to think about what your favorite slow dance wedding song would be and then commit to it.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

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