Episode 901 - Kyle Fines

June 24, 2025 1h 55m

▶️ Listen to episode Download audio (MP3)

Actor and comedian Kyle Fines joins us to talk flair bartending, dog baseball, and Yellowknife. Plus the return of Neighbourhood Nicknames (car edition.) Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky.

Jump to transcript

Listen and follow along

Speed:

Transcript

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 901 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark.

With me, as always, is a man man who

has just informed us today's the longest day of the year.

Boy, doesn't it feel like it, Mr.

Dave Shumka?

I know.

It's like, hey, is it cocktail o'clock yet?

Yeah, oh, brother, what's, you know, somebody's got to be blotto somewhere.

Yeah, is it five o'clock?

No, it's 4:12 at the moment.

Oh, 12 minutes to.

Till 4:24?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, 4.24.

Yeah, it's a tradition that you just get high four minutes after 420.

If you're truly high, then you show up a little bit later.

Honestly.

You know?

My experience is dealing with people who like

were

potheads.

Yeah.

They were very on time for 420.

Yes.

They were.

Not on time for the movie.

The movies where I had to save 12 seats for them while they all went out and got

smoked up outside.

Oh, man, it must be a lot easier now that you can pre-buy your seats.

You don't have to save.

And you could also have gummies that are a little bit less.

Gummies, you don't have to find a sneaky place to hide away.

You can go right out front.

Yeah, but it's kind of fun.

It's not even fun to find a little alleyway and smoke a little bit.

Oh, boy, the day that...

Friendship, the Tim Robinson movie, came out, I saw so many people walking around like 10 minutes before.

And I smelled so much weed.

And it was all guys who looked like they would go to that movie and get hot.

Our guest today, second time guest here on the podcast.

First in person.

Yeah, first in person.

He will be part of a boom pro wrestling show that's happening at the Commodore this July.

And he looks like a guy who would go to the Tim Robinson movie.

It's Kyle Fiennes.

Hello, Kyle.

Smoke him if you got him.

The whole time we were doing that, he was miming holding two doobies.

Two doobies.

As somebody, and you could tell that I'm somebody who definitely smokes joints all the time.

One of these is Indicai, and the other one is the other kai.

Get yourself up, and then this one brings you down.

Yep.

Here's a fun fact about me.

It doesn't matter what the name of the weed is, it all messes me up.

Yeah.

They're like, well, this is a sativa blend with them.

Like, it doesn't matter.

I'm not leaving my house.

Yeah.

Let's get to know us.

Get to know us.

What's your experience?

Let's all go through our favorite blends.

Yeah.

I like whatever Snoop Dogg's blend is.

It's kind of the best one for me.

Yeah, 19 Crimes.

90 Crimes.

That's what I'm talking about.

McDonald's freak out 2020 Kush.

Yeah, oh shit.

That's 2020 Kush.

What happens to you when you

smoke in particular?

Smoke in particular.

I don't.

I feel like I lose my mind.

I just sink into a couch.

Right.

And I just lose it.

That's why they call it Indica.

Because you're

a couch.

That's cool.

And Sativa because you're

watching the sativi.

Oh, man.

They say indica for indicouch, but you should do.

It would make more sense for Indicar.

Like, I'm in the car.

I'm in the car.

Don't be driving.

I left my keys in the car.

Yeah, do you.

What about you?

Dave, you smoked pot before, right?

Guys, I'm like...

Oh, my God.

Jerry.

Bar Marley, yeah.

Did you say Garcia?

Jerry Stiller?

I was going to say Jerry Stiller because I I forgot Jerry Garcia.

It's like, certainly I'm known pothead Jerry Stiller.

Like Ben Stiller's dad.

Yeah.

He smokes so much weed.

So mad at George Costan.

And Graham, what's your.

The last time that I actually smoked a joint was at a friend's wedding.

And my friend that was also there said

during the wedding, they saw me standing.

There was a naan station that was like baking fresh baked naan.

They said every time I saw you, you were going back to to the naan station.

And that was all I did the whole night.

Did you smoke weed at my wedding?

No, I didn't.

Oh, I forgot that I.

There's one thing you should know about me: I smoke two joints in the morning.

Oh, yeah, and then what happens?

I smoke two joints at night.

And then smoke two joints in the afternoon because it makes me feel all right.

I smoke two joints in time of peace and two in time of war.

And then you're going to love this part.

This is where it gets really clever.

I smoked two joints prior to smoking two joints, and then once again, I smoked your joints.

He smokes joints in times of war.

Get it together, man.

There's a war on.

I thought that was a riddle for a minute and I was trying to figure it out.

Did you?

Answer me these three spliffs, please.

There is

always times of war, though, if you think about it.

That's what they want, man.

They want.

What's your favorite war that's going on, you guys?

We'll go around.

Everybody who's what's your favorite war?

Okay, sure.

Mine is of the worlds.

Now you go.

Yeah, mine's for the planet of the apes.

Okay, yeah, that's a good one.

Cultural, just general cultural.

Just cultural.

I read it somewhere.

I don't know what it means, but

seems cool.

Yeah, smoke them if you got them.

Yeah, buddy.

Smoke them if you got them.

Now I can't stop thinking about 420.

You guys got it in my head.

Have you ever

seen it?

So you can have 417.

Oh, it's 417.

We got a 390 countdown.

So, Kyle,

you're a wrestling entrepreneur.

I don't know what those words are.

You're a wrestler.

You're the, you're, you're a heel.

The MC.

I am a part owner of a local wrestling company in Vancouver called Boom Pro Wrestling.

The other owners.

Past guests, Stacey McLaughlin.

Stacey McLaughlin.

Does she still have a piece?

I think basically she has half of her partner, Max Mitchell, who is, he does most of the leg work and all the booking and stuff like that.

Like the figure four leg.

Oh, I was going to say, who does all the arm work?

He's a leg specialist.

The camel clutch.

Yeah.

I'm drawing a blank on wrestling moves, and I'm around it so much now.

Tom Claydrop.

Yeah.

I don't like to take my work home, you know.

No, I understand.

Hi, I'm getting all my texts through my computer, and they're so loud.

It was so, I thought it was me at first.

I was like, you back.

Oh, shit.

You piece of crap, Kyle.

I can't turn it off.

Two minutes countdown to 420?

Two-minute countdown?

It's probably from my.

Oh, it's only like 30 seconds to 420.

I think my,

I think it was my stoner friends texting me and saying, hey, Dave, let's meet in the quad.

Let's meet in the quad.

Let's meet in the alley outside Scotiabank Theater.

So you've, in your capacity of working with this wrestling, you've done actual some wrestling, right?

Yeah,

I've gotten the crap kicked out of me on most occasions.

in the ring, in the show, I'm the 50% owner.

I've sort of lied and cheated my way to owning 50% of the company.

So now I sort of come out and I use that power.

And

this person I am in the ring is basically a warped version of me.

Let's lay it all out there.

What's your actual ownership percentage?

It's under 50%.

But I am an owner.

I am an owner.

I can legally say that.

I am a WestJet owner.

Are you?

What does that mean?

Oh,

you are.

Yeah, right?

If you fly WestJet, you're a WestJet owner.

Or it's only employees.

I think it's only employees.

Never mind.

All right.

Well, what am I an owner of?

Subaru?

Lonely Heart.

I know that people.

Okay.

What was the home hardware ads?

Were homeowners helping homeowners?

Yeah.

And then

home hardware locally owned.

They're all.

Yeah, but they're owned by the owners.

Yeah, it's franchise.

Yeah.

Yeah, they do own a Subaru.

You're right.

Yeah.

So this podcast is about

home hardware and smoking weed.

Basically.

Yes, so.

Heck yeah.

So far.

I'm into it.

I mean, it's about wrestling as well.

And it is 420 now.

I'll see you guys later.

You guys are cool if I smoke these two tiny joints again.

No, those are our dicks.

Sorry, I'm just.

No, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, put those down.

Okay.

So, what, what, what moves?

What moves have you done?

Oh, boy.

Or had done that.

the best story is that on New Year's Eve,

I was supposed to come out and I was supposed to count down to midnight.

And then somebody was supposed to come out and hit a move on me.

And that would be the end of it.

But we were running fast, and I came out with 10 minutes to spare.

Oh, shit.

So that person came out and hit me with a move.

Then they hit me with another move.

Then they hit me with a third move.

And then the entire roster came out and each hit me with a different move.

For real?

Yes.

Yikes.

There's video of it.

Hit you with a move.

You know, did a move.

Did a move.

Performed a move.

Yeah, but not necessarily hitting you.

Sometimes squeezing.

I got a clothesline, power bombed, top rope, elbow dropped by a very large gentleman, splashed.

What is it like to be top rope slammed?

I thought my ribs were broken.

Both of them.

With a landing.

Yeah.

Top rope, elbow drop.

Yep.

I feel like we can make some kind of like

elbow drop.

But like with a clothesline, like you just list them all and then

clothesline all the time.

Yeah, like all the

top rope, something, something.

Just if we're doing like a radio ad for Boom Pro Wrestling, just come up with a jingle, like top rope, elbow drop.

Clothesline,

camel clutch.

Oh, shit.

But just like, well, there was that ad for 1-800 Barten that was that listed all the drinks.

Dave, how does that one go?

I made a slippery nipple and a white Russian, a neutron bomb.

That's maybe what made me think of it.

Yeah.

And a Manhattan, a dry martini and a piña colada, a purple hooter and a Bahama mama.

Bartending college, the school to attend Al 1-800.

Bartend.

Kyle?

Did you go to bartending college?

Let's layer Kyle.

Self-taught bartender.

Wait, somebody who did comedy was a bartender at one point?

We were a bartender.

Yes, of course.

This was a.

In in Graham's 24-hour comedy show.

Yeah.

In my writing session,

there was a staff of writers that included Alicia Tobin, Kelly Ogmanson, Christine Bordlin, and Kyle Fiennes.

Yeah.

And a few others

who I'm sorry.

It was pretty dark in there.

Yeah, who it could have been anybody.

A lot of people I met for the first time.

A raccoon showed up.

And there was a big running thing making fun of Kyle's bartending

and his headshot.

my old headshot and how your headshot what looked like the headshot of a bartender it looked like a guy who played a bartender I think the CW was thrown around a lot yes so oh see I forget this bartending angle I remember making fun of everybody's headshots that was like a real there was definitely a there was definitely a bartending angle and it it you know it it wasn't even insults because it was all true did you do flare

come on

hey wrestling bartending flare is the thing that unites

rick and otherwise Yeah.

Rick bartender flare.

I mean, Rick Flair bartender.

Could you do any?

Heavens, no.

Oh, no.

When I originally started working in the industry, I worked, there's a chain in Toronto called Jack Astor's.

Yes, families.

Is it Canada-wide?

Is it?

I wasn't there.

They don't have it out here, though.

I know that.

No, no, no.

But growing up, we went to Jack Astor's.

And there was definitely a...

Some of the bartenders were training for a flare competition that they do every year.

I was just going to say, it's pretty much at a certain level, just the same flare over and over again.

And that is behind the back, flippity dip, pour over the shoulder into the shirt.

I'm going to say, yeah.

One of those

bringing it around like that.

And you just, you know, I don't know.

What about like lining up a bunch of shot glasses and then filling them all up?

Yeah, that's something you would see in like Cabo or Cancun or something.

I couldn't do anything.

Cabo, Cancun, Puerto Vallarta, maybe.

Senior Frog.

Tulum.

Oh, yeah.

Senior Frogs would be like...

Graham had neighbors, roommates?

Yeah, neighbors who were trained to be flyer bartenders.

Training to be

expressed fake bottles that were weighted like a bottle.

Do you know if people did this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was like a big Toronto competition that people were training for, and they would, when it got slow, they would practice with them.

That's so funny.

Just bartending and making drinks for people was so stressful enough as it is.

I couldn't imagine also trying to think about throwing shit around behind a bunch of bottles.

Yeah.

And who's it for?

You'd have to be a very specific customer that likes that stuff.

The poorest

the people who go to Cocktails and Dreams.

Coyote Ugly.

I don't think they did flare.

Dancing on the bar is pretty flare.

They cut off your necktie.

They sprayed you with the water.

Yeah, that's fun.

So yeah, you can get on Amazon for $14.99 a flare bartending, bartending practice, bar pub, bottle wine, cocktail, shaker, white.

You can get in different colors.

I don't know.

This is from the brand

gooks.

G-E-U-X-E.

They also make

computer parts, it looks like they seem to also make computer parts and sewing.

A funky puppet.

A flingshot flying monkey.

They do it all.

The Amazon

of it all has really

the fact that every product doesn't have a name.

It just has a

description that will like a searchable term.

Yeah.

Yes.

And you'll find, I was talking about this today with my partner about finding on Amazon, you're looking for one thing.

I was looking for a fan, a bathroom fan, which died.

And you type it in.

And then the exact same fan shows up, just under a different

company name.

It's exactly.

It's $4 cheaper.

Yeah, but

there's nothing.

You check out all the specs and everything like that.

So I bet if you search for that bottle, it'd be.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Well, I'm a bathroom fan myself.

I love the whole thing.

Sinks, toilets.

You love the bathroom readers is a big

Uncle Tom's bathroom insight and jokes.

I think it was Uncle John.

Uncle John?

Uncle Ben's bathroom rice.

Yeah, you make it in the toilet.

It's ready in three flushes.

Yeah, boil it in the toilet.

Get out of here.

I'm making rice in the toilet.

You make it in the tank.

Oh, you make it in the tank.

Yeah, yeah.

But otherwise, you're flushing it away.

Well, no, when you flush it, when you do it in the tank and then you flush it, it comes up to be served.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I guess it does.

And you just get your

colander ready?

You got your toilet scooper.

Oh, you were making brown rice today?

It's better for you.

We were at

Paul of Tompkins' show.

Friend of the show, Paul of Tompkins, ex-friend of the show.

Oh, no, what did he do?

He doesn't come on so much anymore.

Jeez.

But

Graham and I were sitting next to each other watching all the ads for future things that were happening at the Commodore Ballroom.

And it would be bands that we'd never heard of.

Yeah.

And then boom, pro wrestling.

Yeah.

There you go.

Was it Abraham Lincoln?

It was two bodies, two bodies colliding.

Smashing together.

Yeah.

We use Abraham Lincoln, who's one of our wrestlers in a lot of our promo.

Yeah.

You've been to a couple now.

Yes.

A handful of shows.

Right out of the gates, his

stovepipe hat was not quite right, but has gotten better over time.

Yeah, and he keeps it on the entire time he wrestles.

He doesn't take his hat off.

He has a

stovepipe hat and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal.

Is that right?

And that's what makes him so indestructible.

Unless you take the hat off and then he turns back into snow.

Now, shit.

This is

a great idea I have.

And it is: you start learning flare bartending.

I think I know where you're going, but keep going.

And then you come over and make me a damn drink.

Okay, yeah, there we go.

No, you incorporate it into the wrestling.

Oh, there should totally be a wrestler who does flare.

There was that wrestler a while back who was a pizza guy.

The pizza guy who killed pizzas, and then it turned out he was Andy Vax.

Oh, really?

They all do.

They all end up that way.

Was that

in this promotion?

No, but he's a guy that's that's like constantly making dough and hitting his opponents with him.

Yeah, that's really good.

And then he was really on his leg and stuff like that.

And then

there was a Michael Jackson impersonator wrestler who would moonwalk.

Thank you.

He moonwalked to the ring.

Or he would do moonwalk moves and incorporate the spins and the kicks.

But he would do it.

He was pro-vax.

He was way too pro-vax.

Yeah, yeah, like a little too, you know, on the other side.

You can kind of sweet spot the middle.

Yeah,

I get vaccinated once a year.

This guy wanted me to get vaccinated every day.

Every day?

No, that's too much.

He was Michael Vaxon.

We're all going to leave.

What is that?

You and me?

Do I have to leave?

Yeah, you and I.

What do you ask me to do?

What is this show?

It's called Stop Podcasting Yourself.

This is episode 901.

Yeah, I mean, it makes sense at this point.

Next episode is going to be 902.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We've got an episode 9-11 coming up too.

Yeah, we've got, we've got.

I won't forget that one.

I was going to say we've got Luke Perry coming in.

He's not.

not with us anymore.

We could get.

I'm trying to think who.

Osama bin Laden would be great for 9-11.

That would be great.

What a good get-guy that would be, huh?

He's tall.

He's tall, and he had like a pre-terrorist life where he's kind of like a swinging 70s cool guy.

Yeah, that's when I think about him, I think.

Yeah, and then he really fell off and became a terrorist guy.

Yeah.

I wonder what his villain origin story was.

It's a good question.

Well, I think it was probably that he was rich.

rich, he just had like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's always the rich kids with too much time on their hands, yeah.

That's right, you either do what he did or you become a flare bartender, yeah, that's what Lena Dunham did.

She became a terrorist after uh, they're kind of like nepo babies, these terrorists, yeah, that's true.

Uh, is Lena Dunham a Nepo baby?

Yeah, I thought she was like her parents were like part of the New York art scene, yeah, but like most of the actors on the show were Nepo babies on girls.

That's true, sure.

That was the whole hook, yeah, Zosha Mammet,

even Allison Williams, Yeah, Allison Williams.

She got her butt eaten.

Fire.

That was a big deal.

Somebody got their bum bum eaten out on TV.

And man, oh man, you could just picture Papa at home.

I watch every episode, regardless of how much I'm bored.

This just did.

I watched you get your ass eaten.

Is that what he said when they would cut to him on the news?

This just did.

They were constantly feeding him news.

Yeah, everything was.

This just did.

Guys, you got to just give it to me all at once.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just give me some stay in here stuff.

I know your teleprompter's broke.

It was the original cliffhanger.

It was like, this just did.

We'll see you after the break.

Well, this isn't, even if it was just like news from earlier that day, it was like, well,

the prime rate has been dropped.

Yeah.

0.1%.

Oh, this just did, I guess.

Why do they keep handing me this story about my daughter getting her ass eaten on television?

This is not just in.

You just did this, you guys.

Eaten by that guy on the bear.

Yes.

Oh, it's the guy from the bear.

Not the main guy.

No, not Carmen.

Cousin.

Oh, cousin?

He's in the

new Fantastic Four.

Is he?

He's the thing.

Yeah.

He's always saying on the bear, he's like, man, the bear, you're such a good cook.

The last thing I ate tastes like ass.

But your food is so much better than that.

So much better than ass.

Now that he's part of the MCU, I don't think he's allowed to eat ass anymore.

Probably not.

I'm pretty sure that MCU is anti-ass eating.

But, like, imagine getting eaten by the thing.

That would hurt.

Rock.

That would hurt.

Make all sorts of crazy rock sounds.

Now,

I'm not a

comic book guy.

Yeah, but you can tell we are.

But, like, what are who, what?

This is a Colin show, right?

Colin, please tell us if you have characters of the MCU or DCU or even the non-cinematic universe.

Woody.

Oh, would you like to have each other

that you would like to have?

Okay.

The tongue.

Is the tongue a guy?

I feel like.

Toad.

Toad from X-Men.

Yeah, he has.

I would like Spider-Man because while he was doing it, he could web my wiener and kind of pull it a little.

Right?

Right, guys?

Excelsior.

Isn't that what Stanley would say?

That's what you say when you

for me, it would probably be Garfield.

You tell them there's lasagna in there.

And it would not be on a Monday.

I mean, that's all well and good, but truly, I guess Odie is the answer.

Yeah, Odie's got the big old tongue.

But not normal.

Because fuck Normal.

No, what do we have against Normal?

I don't have anything against Normal.

I thought he was Annie Vax.

He was Annie Vax.

Yeah, right?

Yeah.

And anti-ass eating.

Although, yeah.

Send that.

Too bad.

Normal a boy?

Normal was a cute.

Genderless?

I think Normal was cute.

Cute was the gender, and then it was always sent to Abu Dhabi.

Yep.

This was before the big explosion of like capital entered Abu Dhabi.

Now, Abu Dhabi, you want to be sent there.

Yeah, is Normal the mascot for Abu Dhabi for all of their marketing materials?

Yeah, they're like, it's like their Hello Kitty.

Oh, that's so awesome.

Remember the guy who created Hello Kitty came out and said that it wasn't a cat?

yeah that was messed up yeah what did they say it was a kid it was a little kid dressed as a cat but yeah there's no zipper hmm interesting show me the zipper yeah show me the zipper and don't tell me it's laced up no we don't do we ever see do we get a 360 of hello kitty at any point

is hello kitty just like staring at you face on but like is hello kitty like a cartoon Yeah, I think it's everything.

Or is it just

like us?

Yeah, just like a toy.

It's probably been a cartoon.

It makes sense.

Yeah, right?

It has to start somewhere.

Yeah.

Or is it like a Ninja Turtles where the toys came first or like a He-Man?

He-Man.

Where the toys come first, and then you base something around it.

I know she's everywhere.

Yeah, I look forward to it.

It is she?

I guess.

It's a little girl, right?

As this was a fun thing driving with my wife, Sally.

We figured there was a

license plate that was a vanity license plate, but we couldn't quite make it out.

But because it was like, there was the number three in it.

Oh, yeah.

I've seen this car.

I was like, this is Hello Kitty.

And they have like Hello Kitty style.

Stickers all over the car.

Yeah.

It's weird.

It's still, we live in a small enough town that we've both seen that.

We've seen the same car.

I think in Vancouver, there's certain things that has kind of becomes a thing within the city because it is for a bigger metropolitan city.

It's a small, big metropolitan city.

Have you guys seen the anime car with the two busty anime ladies on it?

No, I even think so.

They weren't as busty as you're describing them, though.

I didn't say how busty.

I like them just off the wall.

Oh, yeah.

No, I haven't seen that car.

Oh, no.

I used to see it all the time near main and terminal.

There was a, I think it was a security guards car because I would really see it late at night near like where they were doing construction.

But it was like a blue Honda style, something you would see in Tokyo Drift.

Okay.

But But it was completely covered in a wrap of big,

very busty, Dave,

anime women in bikinis.

Huh.

I have pictures on my phone.

I'll show it to you after we're done.

We,

here are the cars I also remember that there was, boy, was it like...

Neighborhood cars?

Was it a

car that had, it was like a

McLaren, like a, or some supercar covered in a wrap that was Pikachu?

Or am am I thinking of the cat?

Or was there one covered in like cats or like the Doge dog?

Oh, wow.

I didn't see the Doge dog.

And then, of course, there was one guy in town who had a Dolores.

That was exactly where my mind was.

And then there's the guy with the sidecar for his pug.

Yeah.

And it looks sort of like a war style, like World War II style.

Yeah.

He's a red rare car.

Because I think there's a fake Gatling gun on it.

Yeah.

Yeah, right?

And it just makes everybody's day whenever they see this pug.

Have you guys seen Stilts Guy?

No?

Well, maybe.

He is around Mount Pleasant.

I hope everybody right now who knows what I'm talking about is freaking out.

But it's a guy on like athletic stilts who runs around Mount Pleasant.

Athletic stilts.

Can you Google athletic stilts, please?

I might be able to see it.

I'm not sure on Amazon.

But it's this guy who runs around on these, like, almost like you would see, you'd think he'd be covered.

Yes,

he runs around with them.

They're sort of like crescent-shaped stilts.

Yeah.

And he has a helmet and a GoPro, and he runs around short of yelling, look at me, everybody.

Aren't I unique and

crazy?

Hello.

Stop staring.

Can he get up?

Can he hear us?

Yeah, he's

right facing me, isn't it?

They are

$385 or $321 adult kangaroo shoes jumping stilt fitness exercise

on Amazon.

I feel like if you were to say that to a true athletic stilt walker, they'd be like, we don't call them kangaroo shoes.

Yeah, yeah, adult kangaroo shoes, jumping stilts, fitness exercise.

Skyrunner, adult kangaroo shoes, jumping stilts, fitness exercise.

Adult fitness, stilt running shoes, space jumping, stretch shoes, stilt jumping shoes.

These are all adult.

The adult is the first word of all these.

I bet there's a lot of disappointed kids.

Yeah.

It's probably not safe for kids.

I knew a guy that him and his wife both were buskers, but one thing they would do several times.

Were they busy buskers?

Yeah, they were anime ladies.

Oh, yeah.

Even though one of them was a husband.

Anyways, look, they would do stilts in like fairs and stuff.

Okay.

Which was like an ongoing every summer.

They'd like

stilt gig.

That's where stilts belong.

Yeah.

Keep stilts at the fair and the circus.

Yeah.

Get them off the treadmill.

Get them out of our boardroom.

Get them off.

Get them off the treadmills.

Yeah, yeah.

I want to come up with a clown character who's on stilt, and his name is Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm trying to think of other neighborhood or neighborhoods.

Oh, we used to have a segment on the song called Neighborhood.

Nicknames, Neighborhood Jerks?

Yeah, like nicknames of like, oh, you know, that guy is Brown Jacket.

You want to play the theme song for that?

Yeah.

Cool.

Let's crack open this device.

Vancouver's got a lot of them.

Jerks?

Like, just neighborhood where you're like, ah, that's

that guy.

Yeah.

We have a nickname for that guy.

Yeah.

Let's find it here.

Sorry.

There was a one in my neighborhood that

I know two that I can that spring to mind.

Yeah.

Well, three, but I think.

Have you lived in Mount Pleasant?

Have you been to Mount Pleasant guy before?

You mean over on Main Street?

Yeah, have you lived there?

Yeah, I used to live there a long, long time ago.

I had a bachelor on 14th, and it was looked right into the window of a wound, never wore a shirt.

Oh, interesting.

Then she would come to the coffee shop that I worked at, and I'd be like, you don't know what I know is that you don't wear a shirt all the time.

It's a friend's episode.

Yeah.

Okay, I think I found it.

Okay.

And

I accept I found it online.

My ability to search my own computer has something's wrong.

Yeah, no, mine is the same.

If I try to find like a document,

yeah.

What the hell am I even doing doing documents?

What the hell?

What business is that of me?

Who are you?

Why am I looking at documents?

Who's that guy carrying the flag every day?

What do you call him?

Flag Pete, flag Frank.

You don't know his name.

So you made up a name.

I think the idea was that the segment was called Neighborhood Nicknames.

These are all people.

What did you call Topless Lady?

Well, she was just

between her and I.

Yeah, it was a private thing.

No, the one that, you know, like the famous one in Vancouver is

person who goes around on roller skates and aggressively directs traffic.

Yeah.

And was like in jail for

she's right behind me.

Oh no.

Get her, Stilts guy.

I've seen Roller Girl a lot recently and not on roller skates.

Really?

Just walking around, looking pissed off as always.

Sure.

But no roller skates to be seen.

I would say I've seen them upwards to five times recently without them on.

Really?

Do you see Roller Girl sometimes on?

a ballot.

Oh, yeah.

Do you know how many people voted for Roller Girl in this last election?

How many over 300 really 300 people threw their votes into a fire and said i hate democracy but the lines were so long to vote and so it's like well yeah i i love democracy bone i'm gonna throw roller girl a bone

imagine waiting four hours to vote for roller girl

again yes right behind you

maybe that's a new policy that she's instituted no more roller just girl She's just girl now.

She's just walking girl.

Shoe girl.

Yeah.

Shoe girl, exactly.

There was a lady that

would always be around kind of

Fraser in Kingsway that would ask you for a cigarette, which I just called her, can I have a cigarette?

Yes.

You know who I'm talking about.

Well, when I worked at the bar on Kingsway, she would come in.

And yes,

cigarette lady.

Yes, yes.

We had, when we originally did this segment,

It was when I lived in a neighborhood where there were quite a few sex workers just casually in their sweatpants and

So I think that some of the nicknames were about that and I would like to apologize

disown that Yeah, there's a there's Opera Man

He was the guy who would walk through the alleyways near between Cambie and Oak around 14th who would sing opera I'd miss I miss this guy Sally would know yeah 100% and there was a guy who wore a maple leaf jersey, but looked like Santa.

Oh, did he save like Scrooge?

Look like Santa.

Save like Scrooge.

Do you, speaking of Santa, do you gentlemen know, as, you know, I'm from Toronto originally.

Have you guys heard of Xanta?

No.

Xanta is a Toronto personality, much like we were just talking with Roller Girl, who was a very jacked gentleman.

Oh, yes.

He was,

yeah, he would wear a, he did not seem all there.

He would wear a Santa hat and he was super jacked and he would just start doing

pull-ups and push-ups and stuff and get on buses and do pull-ups.

Yeah,

he would do those noises.

I don't know where Xanta, if you're out there, please call in.

This is a Colin show.

Please call in Santa.

But yeah, he was a big Toronto personality.

Are you there?

Yeah.

This is Rodney from Hamilton.

Oh, you told our producer you were Xanta?

Oh,

I was just a fan of Xanta, I think.

All right, tell me about him.

Well,

he's really got some upper body stats.

Is this really Rodney or is this Bane?

No, this is not Bane.

Wait, it sounds familiar, though.

No, no, no.

Bane, I.

Imagine Bane trying to eat your ass.

He clinging to

something like this.

Whoa.

I know.

I'm sorry.

The mask.

The mask is in the way.

Nobody knew knew I could eat ass until I wore the mask.

It's sort of like the opposite of Batman because Batman is all face.

He's all ass eaters.

Known ass eater.

Yeah, international known ass eater Batman.

He's got those juicy lips, too, eh?

Christian Bale, Batman?

Well, I would do Val Kilmer.

Yeah, I was just watching Batman Forever last night, and he's got them.

I kept talking about them this way.

A-A-E-L.

A-S-L?

As eating lips.

Ass-eating lips.

I just watched him in a movie about the cowboys that it's called

Tombstone.

We got there.

And when I saw you at the plaza,

you were just in the middle of watching it.

Yep.

It was on his iPhone.

And then Sally and I went home and we watched it.

Oh, did you?

I'd never seen it before.

It's fun.

Great flick.

It's not a great flick.

Oh.

It is,

I feel like there's a lot of 90s nostalgia for everything?

Everything.

And

that was one I was like, wow, people are loving Tombstone.

I should watch Tombstone.

I think I have a thing where

if I hear too many guns in a movie, I just like tune out.

If there's just enough pew pews, I just like, well, I'm going to look at my phone.

Yeah, I mean, I re-watched it.

Still loved it.

Still thought it was...

I remember Val kilmer not being quite as sick as he was in the movie he's very sick

he's very sick um but i did google uh all those people in real life and it was pretty accurate yeah i mean the dates um do they all have the the mustaches as portrayed in the movie i don't i don't know if they were photographed much they were great mustaches

i went i've been to where all that happened you the okay corral i went to the okay corral and saw how was it it was cool it was cool it was okay it was Yeah, you know.

What did you see?

They did a recreation of the shootout, and everybody who was playing the characters looked absolutely nothing like them.

But absolutely nothing like the actors.

Or the characters themselves.

Wyatt Earp was pushing like 350.

Oh, okay.

There was a guy with like hoop, you know.

Yeah,

one of the guys.

One guy had wireless Bluetooth headphones.

No.

He won't take them off.

Sam Elliott is

what's his face, his brother.

They're like Kurt Russell, Sam Elliott, and Bill Paxton.

Are they all brothers?

They're the Earps.

And Dr.

Starps.

Our last name is Earp.

Is that right?

Yeah, it's Earp.

Yeah, Earp.

How do you spell that?

E-A-R-P.

Exactly what he sounds like.

Like Earp.

Yeah.

But they're...

I don't believe Sam Elliott as

anyone's brother.

He is kind of everybody's uncle.

Yeah, Isn't he also in Roadhouse?

A stars board.

In Starsborn, isn't he like Bradley Cooper's brother?

Yeah.

Is he?

He's some relation.

Yeah, maybe it is his brother.

But you're right.

No, Sam Elliott's everybody's uncle or dad or grandfather.

He was

in Roadhouse.

He was kind of an uncle figure to Patrick Swayze.

Miho.

Yeah, he called him Miho.

Yeah.

One of the most devastating movie deaths to me when I was a kid was when he finds him in the bar with the knife in his hand.

That devastated me.

He's a great character.

Yeah.

I just thought about that knife the other day because later in the movie,

he sticks the knife in the accelerator of his car and it zooms into the bad guys.

So good.

And I was like, because I was just thinking about it, I was like, how could a knife go through a gas pedal?

It's such a,

and it like,

it.

It was like pinned to the floor.

Wow, that's

a strong knife.

That's a strong knife.

Well, it's strong enough to kill Sam Elliott.

That's true.

It had to be.

It had to be like a katana.

No, I haven't seen this movie.

Oh, I'll answer any questions.

No spoilers.

Does Sam Elliott live?

Oh, yeah.

You know what?

He has a good life.

Yeah.

He lived a good life.

Have you never seen Roadhouse?

No.

That's interesting.

But I'm going to get absolutely fredded by the internet for not liking Tombstone.

And guess what I watched a week later?

Tombstone 2.

No, another Kurt Russell movie, Escape from New York.

Oh, yeah.

And it was fine.

You're more of an Escape from LA kind of guy.

I don't know.

You like the basketball scene where he has to make layups to get out with his life?

Is this correct?

Escape from LA, yeah.

My dad and I remember I saw it in theaters before I saw Escape from New York.

And there's a scene where Kurt Russell has to play basketball to live.

So what, but like, how to set up for a certain amount of baskets within a time frame?

And if you want to see Kurt Russell tell the producers and director that he can play basketball and then show you that he cannot play it.

that was in his contract okay at least once i'm allowed to i've got to do some layups yeah i'm going to do an alley oop you figure you want to uh we could do something where we put a you can slam dung it no no i'm fundamental no snake kliskin wears like a uh like an army boot kind of thing does he uh put on like a reebok pump for this

i don't remember but i could see a close-up scene where he bends over puts on the pumps and then pumps them up yeah it's uh it was a sequel that didn't ever get need to get made no i guess also it was the same plot.

I bet it's very hard to play basketball with an eye patch.

With one eye, yeah.

The depth perception of it.

Oh, yeah.

It's a lot of depth perception stuff.

Everything but net, you know, and you've got that eye patch on.

Yeah, the,

yeah, ask me anything about Roadhouse.

Okay, Roadhouse.

Patrick Swayze in it?

Correct.

Does he fall in love?

He does.

With who?

The town doctor.

She's a doctor.

And does she?

She stitches him.

Is she a famous actress?

Nope.

Okay.

Yeah, no.

But isn't she related?

Isn't there something with Bill Murray?

There's a whole story where her

sister.

Yeah.

Sam Elliott's sister.

Her husband is friends with Bill Murray and his brothers.

And apparently what they would do is whenever the sex scene would come on TV, they would call him and tell them that they were watching his wife getting plowed by Patrick Swayze.

Right.

But there's no scene where she gets plowed.

Well, he does have sex with her, and her back is against like an exposed brick chimney that looks like it would cut the shit out of your back.

Especially the way Patrick Swayze does it.

Yeah.

And he does like a moonlight, you see his butt.

Oh, yeah.

You get a moonlight butt.

He's just like on the roof smoking a cigarette.

Yeah.

Dave, what do you think Roadhose is about?

I know what it's about.

Oh, you know what it's about?

There's a very dangerous bar.

Yes.

Called the Double Deuce.

And Patrick Swayze.

Yeah.

Why are we asking Graham?

Ask me anything about Roadhouse.

who is the friend that he plays music?

Who's his musical friend?

Healy.

Wow, yeah, that's good.

And he is, do they call him a cooler?

That was going to be my next question.

What do you say?

What do you guys call him?

Yeah, but he's a bouncer.

But they call him a cooler?

Yeah, because you're supposed to cool them down.

You're not supposed to just bounce people.

You're supposed to

deescalate.

And Dave, what are you supposed to do if somebody makes fun of your mother?

Oh, if they call your mother a whore?

Oh, well, that.

You got to just turn the other cheek.

You walk him outside and you smile.

Yeah.

Well, first you ask, is she?

Yeah.

True or false?

Yeah.

Okay.

And then,

have you seen the movie The Cooler?

Is that Philip Seymour Hoffman?

Ah, close.

William H.

Macy.

William H.

Macy.

Oh, is he the guy that like gambles?

I think he's like a bad.

He's got bad luck.

Yeah.

Bring him in.

They would bring in a cooler to throw people off who are on a heater.

Right.

Yeah.

He like spills his drink all over the crap.

Philip.

He spills a bunch of Joker cards everywhere.

Those instructional cards, he's got

What do you got?

Yeah.

Let's show your hand.

If you were to bring a deck of cards into a casino and just in the open start shuffling them, do you think you would be thrown out immediately?

Yeah, because I don't know what color the casino cards are.

What if you just, that's your tick?

You bring

is that, is there a thing where you're not allowed to play with

cards?

No cards?

Yeah, but there's no

cards.

Yeah.

There's a whole thing in one of the oceans movies where they actually get somebody to work at the company in Mexico that makes the dice so that they can weight it a certain way and ship it to this particular casino to this guy who's going to put it on the floor.

Those movies just got better.

They peaked with 12, where it turns out that they didn't need to do any of the things they did.

And all it was was just grabbing the egg and walking away with it.

That's what I like from my movies.

Is that the end of it?

Yeah, that's the end of it.

And Julia Roberts plays herself.

Yeah, she does.

That is.

That's the joke.

That's a weird

thing that, like, well, any movie could do this.

You decided we're the ones that are going to do it.

You look like Julia Roberts.

You're going to play Julia Roberts.

It never happened.

Like, no one brought it up in Oceans 11 that, hey, Julia Roberts exists and you're test.

Hey, did you see all of those guys, Robin the Casino, look like famous actors actors in our universe?

It looks exactly like that's what you're saying.

Yeah, they do a split-screen Brad Pitt and Brad Pitt where it's like, you look, but you look.

Hold on a second.

And they're like, oh, man, George Clooney

and Julia Roberts.

Well, we're not George Clooney and Julia Roberts.

I know, but you two belong together.

Yeah.

They light up the screen, though.

Yeah.

No, I'm with Andy Garcia, but not Andy Garcia, obviously.

No, it's not a guy who looks like him.

Now,

do you remember when the local casino at the Plaza of Nations opened and they would,

I feel like they would hand out

decks of used cards.

With a drill hole?

With a drill hole in them, and it would be like advertising for the club.

Yeah.

I think the only way I've ever got cards, I don't think I've ever bought the deck of cards.

Oh, I do.

I don't know.

I thought they disappeared.

Yeah.

They disappear at a cabin.

Yeah, you were just in, and it's several decks put together, and there's always a couple extra cards, so they don't fit neatly into the pack.

So the pack's ripping a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you have to go, every time you play with your family, you have to go through to make sure they have every single card.

I was bicycle's got to be number one.

Bicycle is the

name another

two in the card.

Naked, naked hot men cards.

Oh, yes, that's right.

Bicycle is the, yeah, it's got to name one other card.

And it's, I mean, imagine if you went to the bike shop and you or and the main brand was cards

Imagine just imagine

to be the number two card company behind bicycle oh, they must be so mad.

But they also probably have something that distinguishes distinguishes them

distinguishes using

us is this the part where we talk baby talk yeah um maybe when you be uh yeah well they have to have something that distinguishes them 53 cards

but like like, maybe it's got like a better grip of card for shuffling.

Like, what do magicians use?

Do they use bicycle or do they use special magic cards?

Let's take a call from a magician.

Oh.

Hi, are you the same guy from before?

No.

Wait, wait, pay.

Payne, is that you?

No.

What are your thoughts on eating ass?

Yeah, wouldn't you like to know?

That's the topic of the day.

The topic of the day is...

Hey, are you a magician?

What are the top brands of cards, apparently?

That's why this show's been on the air so many years.

Christine Borland, who you've had on the show before, used to hang around the magic shop in Metro Town.

This is a true story.

So I feel like if we, I'll give her a call after this and find out.

She'll know.

Yeah.

Why did she hang around the magic store?

She was into magicians.

Did she want to be a magician?

That's a great great question okay i googled playing cards first of all you can get hello kitty playing cards he knows your algorithm now yeah you searched hello kitty i mean where where would it pick up my voice um uh but then this from r slash playing cards what playing card brands are most popular on reddit

and uh oh the top comment i would fancy a guess this is totally someone on r slash playing cards

top of the morning i would fancy a guess that casinos still most commonly use B-branded.

Is that short for bicycle?

Or aristocrat-branded USPCC decks.

performing magician, I will always use standard riderbacks.

I believe that's a condom brand.

Yeah.

So we just heard about three new brands.

Is the next comment somebody saying disrespectfully you're a dumbass?

Next comment, Phoenix is not owned by Cartamundi or USPCC.

It is designed and owned by a company called Card Shark, run by Christian Schenck.

Oh,

Christian Shank.

Yeah, isn't he one of the members of the Scorpions?

Yep.

Dave, what's going on with you, my friend?

Oh, okay.

Tell me all about it.

So we were supposed to record this last week.

Fortunately, we record a week ahead,

but I...

This isn't live?

Huh?

This isn't live?

You're just learning that now?

Yeah.

All these callers,

they're listening live.

Next, you tell me that that's just Graham doing a voice.

What?

What was that?

Last Monday,

you were supposed to be on on Thursday.

Last Monday, I woke up with a sore throat.

You had a sore throat, and you're like, this is either going to go away, and I'm totally going to forget I had a sore throat.

Yeah.

tomorrow I'm going to be worse.

And Monday, it went away.

Tuesday, it came back.

Oh, shit.

The very next day.

Like the cat from the song.

We thought you were a gun.

And then I was like, oh, should I...

Well, let's see if this gets worse.

Didn't get worse.

Just came back.

Wednesday, it's back again.

Shit.

Getting worse, though?

Not getting worse.

Just still

beating up on you.

And then Thursday morning, it's back and it's worse.

And that's when I was like, I took a COVID test.

It's not COVID.

Did you have a nighttime sleazy sleeping?

I I did have a hopping night.

Well, here's the thing.

I had terrible sleeps all week until like Friday when I realized, oh, yeah, I can take, I take Nyquil.

I love that stuff.

Yeah, Nyquil is the best.

And then so Thursday I called you and I canceled.

And then Friday, oh, it really hit me.

And then Saturday, I was like,

me, me, me, me, me, slept all day, woke up, watched the Kurt Russell movie.

The Tombstone that you hate?

No, Escape from New York.

Which you also hate.

It was fine.

I didn't hate any of them.

They're just not for me.

Yeah,

shoot them ups, but you know what is for me?

Roadhouse

or the old one?

Oh, both.

Who's in the new one?

Jake Gyllenhal, Cochrane McGregor, right?

Yeah,

um, so that's one thing that's going on with me.

Is I did that.

How do you feel now?

Yeah, you sound good now.

Yeah, it was a week ago.

Sound great.

Well, hey, these things can link me.

But sleeping for a whole day is wild, eh?

Like waking up at 6 p.m.

What's the longest you've ever slept?

Ooh, that's a good question.

I think.

I mean, I've been sleeping on Roadhouse for 30 years.

I think the

I'm trying to think the longest that I've ever slept was probably sickness adjacent.

When you finish your 24-hour shows, do you have a long suite or just a normal sleep hour?

Normal sleep.

Just normal.

Yeah.

And then I get out of bed and youch, everything hurts.

Yeah, standing.

Yeah.

Standing.

Not for me.

They shoot horses, don't they?

Kind of situation, right?

Tombstone.

You slept for how many hours?

Like 12?

No, it wasn't solid.

Yeah.

I just was like, I'll go to bed.

And I kind of drifted off and came back.

And there's a Saturday?

This was a Saturday, yeah.

Because Sunday, big day.

Big day for

a guy like you.

Guy that is a dad.

Oh, it's Father's Day?

Was that this week?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was fine.

Did your kids bring you Nyquil?

Yeah, yeah.

They brought me Nyquil in bed.

Yeah.

They made me breakfast in bed, but it was all green.

You talked about Father's Day the same way you talked about Tombstone.

It was fine.

Yeah.

It might not be for me.

I don't know.

You're not wrong.

Like, it's Father's Day for...

What is Father's Day for?

I haven't quite cracked it yet.

Do you guys get your father's...

You call him, do you get him something?

I took my dad out for dinner.

That was my thing.

Oh, that's nice.

It was nice.

Where were you?

In Victoria, B.C.

But not on Sunday.

No, but you missed that.

Yeah.

So it doesn't really

care.

Where did you take your dad?

The Elephant Guard.

Binnakers.

We went to the Binnakers.

Oh, is that on the water?

Yes, very close to the water.

It's a seafood restaurant.

And

the fish and chips?

Not very good.

So, not to, I don't want to defame.

But that is all you just did, and you didn't even eat them.

That's right.

This is a second-hand definition.

What did you have?

I had the gluten-free

rigatone.

Oh, wow.

And it was fine.

My POV, it was fine.

That's how I felt about Escape from New York.

So that was one thing.

And then

I forget when, in the last couple of weeks, I took my family to the Nat Bailey Stadium.

Nat, Nat, Nat.

Baseball game.

And it wasn't just any night of baseball.

It was dog day at the Nat.

I saw lots of social media postings about that game.

This is a game where

you go see our minor league baseball team and you bring your dog if you want, but there's no

like you don't have to have a dog.

You don't have to have a dog, but also like if you bring your dog, I don't know if they like make sure it's not like crazy.

Yeah, they just let you bring it in.

There's no test.

Yeah.

I like the people who bring their dog, put a little baseball hat on them.

Oh my God.

I was two rows in front of this dog with

sunglasses on the whole game and four crocs nice I saw a lot of photos of that dog it was a very popular dog yeah a lot of people just carrying their dogs the whole time because

scary gets scary it's scary and also like

I don't know you gotta you that's if your dog's small enough you can just control it that way yeah because if you're in an enclosed space with a bunch of other dogs it might nip at them you know would be a good photo op is somebody holding a a dog in one hand

the giant hot dog in the other oh but what about this

is a picture like that but then the dog is in the bun and then the hot dog isn't and you're like oh i put the wrong dog in that bun that is good you know hot dog on a leash oh there you go that's a funny picture that's good that's fun that's good that's fun christmas cards apparently 525 dogs through the really gates that night a lot of dogs and you know i haven't really seen it but some of those dogs just got a pee-in-poo in the seats, right?

Huh.

It didn't occur to me, but of course they do.

You know?

Yeah.

Some people don't take those dogs out.

There's got to be pee-pee and poo-poo.

Who let the dogs out?

Oh, also, all dog songs.

Oh, of course.

So we're talking Snoop Dogg.

We're talking Baja Men.

Baja Men.

Or as I call them, the Bahamen.

Thank you.

Because they're not from the Baja area.

They're not from the Bahamians.

From the Bahamas.

Moshe Casher, when he was on the show, hated me

for saying that.

Or just in general.

But the

bow, wow, wow, yippee-yo, yippee, yo.

They also played Hair of the Dog.

Which one's Hair of the Dog?

It goes.

Y'all messing with the

son of a bitch!

That's called Hair of the Dog.

Yeah.

Not really the most family friendly.

Son of a bitch, but yeah, I guess it's a dog.

Do they play any dog star Keanu Reeves' finger?

I don't know.

They may have it.

You wouldn't know if they played it.

Because he only plays bass.

He doesn't sing.

And then, you know, dogs on the big screen all throughout.

Pictures of dogs in the stands on the big screen or just pictures of...

random no well though every player who came up they showed them if they had a dog that that they of their own they would put them and their dog on the big screen

when they're doing another one.

Yeah, on Labor Day.

That's how popular it is now.

All my friends who do not give a shit about baseball, which is most of my friends, go to that game just for the dogs.

Yeah, and it's Cats Night, very unpopular.

Those cats, fuck, man, they do not like it.

They all escape and run around the field.

The game's only three innings long.

Just cancel it.

Shut it down.

This is a terrible idea.

I'll see you next year.

Because there's dog night.

There's fireworks night.

Not the same night.

Dogs have those fireworks.

Oh, no.

We booked them in the same night.

Oh, they got so many theme nights.

Yeah.

What are the other themes?

I think there's a superhero night.

Nice.

That's nice.

Every Sunday, I think, is a

they say family day.

Yeah.

So any other day of the week?

They do an AW A Roopier float day.

That's when I got to be there.

That's when I got to.

Yeah.

And I was like, I had asked you if you were going to go, and you didn't know.

Sally went.

Yep.

And then, but you weren't there.

And then we left after six innings.

It was a school night after all.

Yeah, sure.

And in the Uber ride home, I drove, we drove past you.

Yeah.

You were standing on the street holding a pineapple.

Yeah, I've gotten into pineapple in a big way.

But a whole pineapple.

Yeah, because I was, every time I buy, like, cut a pineapple, there's like this plastic.

clamshell thing.

Yeah.

I'm like, okay, I'm throwing three of these away every week.

So it's like, time to.

three of these a week.

Oh, I love pineapple.

Wow, you're pineapple crazy.

I am pineapple crazy.

Yeah.

Hey, Graham.

Yeah.

How's it tasting?

Dave?

Like a dream.

It's like cream soda.

What do you tell me how you cut the pineapple?

Do you just use a big knife?

Yeah.

You just use a big knife.

You got to cut off the hairdo.

And then you kind of, you cut kind of like the way that you cut uh like a mango like you just kind of cut off the outside skin part and then you're just going around how you cut a mango but yeah well i do don't you do one side and then the other and then do like a little make a grid yeah but you're not you're not like shaving the you yeah you cut it like a i guess i yeah you cut it around

i misunderstood around the core yeah yeah and then do you do you take

oh so you make a grid and then you like scoop it out uh no like you you that's what i do with a mango oh i i always just do a grid and then just eat the grid off of the.

Is that what you do with the pineapple?

No, the skin's too hard.

Yeah.

You got to cut the skin off first and then cut around the core.

It's a lot of work.

It's a lot of work, but a lot of work.

If you love pineapple as much as you, it's worth it.

Exactly.

How many pineapples do you go through a week?

I have two at home right now, and I'm ready to eat them.

I was going to say he said three, but he was talking about the clamshells.

Yeah.

Which is not a whole pineapple, I don't think.

Whoa.

Have you ever broken down down and bought the pre-cut pineapple before?

Yeah.

Yes.

Those are the clamshell ones.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

I thought the pineapple came in a clamshell.

Oh, like

it'd sell how much I eat.

Like the birth of Venus.

And buy.

No, the plastic.

Yeah.

But like, I buy them in

the clamshell, pre-cut.

I should buy them.

I think you would enjoy them.

But how do you know if it's fresh?

That's a very cool thing.

Or if it's like ripe.

It's your top, the hairdo.

If it smells sweet,

that's where you want to be.

It's a smell test.

Yeah.

That's the same thing with peaches.

If they smell ripe, they're ripe.

Yeah.

But I still give them a little squeeze.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had the same thing with cantaloupe.

It's like, how do you find a good cantaloupe?

Same thing.

You go to where the stem would be, give that a sniff.

It smells like fruity, you're in the zone.

What's Kyle's take on?

He's giving us a weird look.

This is just a lot of, I tend to eat fruits that don't take a lot of work to get.

What kind of, what are we talking about?

Strawberries.

Strawberries, blueberries, bananas.

I know that's the extent of peeling bananas as far as I go for manual labor to get a fruit in my body.

Yeah, would you go blueberry picking?

Yeah.

For like a fun Saturday afternoon kind of thing?

Yeah.

Sure.

Do they do strawberry picking around here?

I don't know.

I don't.

I don't know

what berry pickings are where.

But like, I know that we grow tons of blueberries around here, but I don't know if you can go as like a tourist.

Like,

there's a big like apple picking thing in the east.

Yes, yes.

Growing up in Ontario,

you go in the fall and you put on your flannel shirt.

Yeah.

Guys, are you kind of missing your flannel shirts a little bit?

Why I switched to corduroy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just like, I don't know.

I just thought about it this morning.

Like, it's going to be a couple of months without you, boys.

It's going to be many months.

Yeah.

It's going to be a hot one.

Like, how many of you have to do that?

When do you think you get back in flannel?

Is that grunge?

That's back in black.

I think probably mid to late September.

You think that's early?

I think no early.

You're wearing a hoodie today.

I think you could have worn a flannel.

I could have worn a flannel today, but you know what?

No hood.

And it's rainy out there.

Okay.

I got to have the opportunity.

The hood protects you from the rain.

It doesn't soak it up.

It does, but I'm not going out in the pouring rain.

I'm in it for the drizzle, you know?

Like Snoop Dogg.

yeah.

What's your go-to fruit?

What's your favorite?

Oh, my favorite is mango, but they're,

you know.

I hear you cut it like a pineapple.

I guess so.

I cut it into two hemispheres.

Yeah, two hemispheres.

And then I grid it, and then I take the remaining uncut bits, and I cut those off and then I suck on the pits.

Yeah, sucking on the pit's the best.

And then, but the problem with mango, well, I'm realizing it's now the strength of mango is if it's too expensive, like sometimes it's super cheap.

Yeah, sometimes it's like four for $4.

Yeah.

And then when it's super cheap, that means they're good.

If they're expensive, if it's like $5 for a mango, that means there's not a lot of mangoes around.

because they're not in season.

Yeah.

So wait for them to be a good price and then

yum yum yum.

The one that I've been told and have had and were phenomenal is they're called Pakistani honey mangoes.

They have a very short period of time that you can get them.

It's like three weeks in August or something like that.

And you can get them and they're

heavenly.

Yeah, I'm a big, I love all of God's fruits.

What fruit do you like?

No thanks.

Oh, what fruit do I like?

No thanks.

I mean,

anything like too squishy.

Like anything that's all like oh like um what's the thing I'm trying to think of the one that's kind of spiky what's that one oh and it's white inside you know oh well

dragon fruit

no not dragon fruit but dragon fruit also dragon fruit's kind of flavorless yeah

this is what the hell are you thinking like papaya no it's like it's not like it's got spring like uh oh durian durian yeah i don't know i don't even fuck with that yeah no way isn't the one that's really smelly yeah yeah yeah right some people love it though I know it's like there's like certain flights out of Asia where it's banned because people would bring them on and eat them on the flight.

They bring a durian on the floor, yeah, that's the whole thing.

Used as a weapon, that thing.

When I went to Vietnam, there were signs in all the hotel lobbies that you couldn't bring it in.

Couldn't bring in durian, huh?

That's the whole thing.

I got it, man.

Yeah.

And yeah, we buy the pre-cut

pineapples because I don't know how it seems too cumbersome to do.

But also,

it seems like something you'd be really good at.

Oh, thanks.

Chopping up a pineapple.

Guy who has visited the emergency room numerous times for cutting himself.

But it's you buy it at the store, and the lighting in the store is weird.

And you're like, is this yellow enough?

And you get a home and it's all white.

It's white and terrible.

Yeah,

it's not a science.

You know, it's an art.

Figuring out what...

Because like, I don't know, I haven't been buying.

I would buy chunks of melon in a plastic plastic clamshell.

So, like, trying to discover just melon off the shelf.

Boy, I don't know.

You guys are buying pre-cut fruit.

That's like height of luxury.

I know.

That's why they don't have pre-cut fruit.

What about a, what do you consider it pre-cut fruit if it's a

if it's a watermelon that's in the triangles like still

pre-cut attached to the rind oh yeah that you have to kind of figure out what size of uh slice i'm getting like that kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah, I guess that's pre-cut by definition, but it's not the one where it's like cubes.

No, but watermelon cubes, try and keep me away.

Yeah, yeah, put them in the freezer and then put them in the blender, and you got yourself a nice little add a little bit of alcohol.

Yeah,

do a quick spin off the shoulder.

What are the big moves, Kyle?

The 360 behind the back.

As a bartender, what's the most annoying drink you've had to make?

It's usually just

would be anything when you're busy as hell.

So mojitos are kind of annoying when you're really busy.

Just got to muddle?

You got to muddle.

Yeah.

Got them.

And you got to find the mint that's like in the back of the fridge that nobody's asked for for a couple of months.

And you got to pick off the leaves that aren't all wilted and gross and stuff like that.

Yeah.

It's really, I think, just people read.

Your mind of what drink is the last drink you'd want to make and that's the one they order.

Is muddling the most annoying thing you have to do?

Muddling's pretty annoying.

There's also like old-fashions, if you do it

the old-fashioned way.

Thanks, guys.

With a sugar cube.

That takes a bit of turn.

The banders on the sugar cube.

Name of my biography.

What's, oh, did you ever have to prepare absinthe with the sugar on the bear?

No, I've never worked anywhere with that.

Isn't absinthe in Canada is like regulated, isn't it?

It's like a different kind of absinthe, I think.

Well, I think in the like the late 90s, there was like a...

A scare?

No, not a scare.

It had been banned completely.

Yeah, I remember that was.

And then they brought it back around the

late 90s.

I remember seeing the movie Euro Trip was my first introduction to absinthe.

And they have a scene where they all start tripping balls, and it led me to believe that absinthe is some sort of psychedelic when, in fact, it just gets you really drunk.

Yeah, it makes you barf and it tastes like licorice.

Yeah.

Who would have thought the Euro trip would lead me astray?

But is it a Euro trip?

Do you

think that's no, that's that's Road Trip.

Yeah.

Who's in Euro Trip?

Is it, well,

it's not the sequel to.

No, they are separate movies.

I know there's a Matt Damon

cameo in

the sing Scotty doesn't know.

Oh, he's got a shaved head, right?

Yes.

The late Michelle Trachtenberg is.

She slowly takes off her shirt, but she's still wearing

a swim top.

But on the cover, especially the unrated version, they would lead you to believe you're going to see something.

Oh, man.

Unrated cuts, that was a whole thing in the 2000s.

And then it would always be one minute of extra footage.

And it would just be like,

remember that woman who forgot to sign the release papers for showing her breasts?

Well, we finally got it after it was in theaters.

And now she shows them.

Or even like, well, this.

We just added footage that hasn't been rated.

Yeah.

There's nothing to add about it.

We didn't light this down.

The NPA didn't see it.

All we just had to say was it wasn't rated.

So it's true by definition.

Long Island Ice Tea seems annoying.

Yeah, most places have a pre-mix, though.

Oh.

It's literally just the pre-mix, ice, and Coke.

Nice.

But then there are places where they'll charge a little bit extra and they'll say, you know, the 12-step.

Well, you're going to need the 12-steps after you're done on that.

Too true.

Well, so I went to a game and I saw you eat a pineapple.

And Graham, what's new with you?

By the way, we're coming up on 520.

Oh, shit.

You know what time that means?

Mushroom dropping time, I guess.

Fuck, you smoked the other one in your hand.

I went to

Canada's North.

I went to Northwest Territories

to Yellowknife.

And that is

you frequently go to the Yukon.

I go to the Yukon quite a bit.

But you haven't been there.

You've ever...

No.

No, this is my first time in the UK.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Have you been to Calawit?

No.

And I'm trying to figure out a way to get up there, but

did you do a debaters in Yellowknife?

In Yellowknife?

Yeah.

So it was there.

What's your ticket to the.

Yeah.

I mean, like, come on, let's get that

geographic

diversity.

Locales, yeah.

And you went there,

what was the date?

June something?

Yeah.

And just June something.

But it's like, now is midnight suntime, right?

Yeah, and it is wild.

Because the sun never goes down.

It dips and it becomes kind of like dusk for a couple of hours.

Back up with that sun.

And

so it's weird.

You can never get your mind around it because you're like going to bed and it just looks like

nice time of day.

And you stay at a hotel?

You stay at a hotel.

How are your sleeps?

Fine.

Like blackout curtains?

No, like...

You know the thing in hotels when they say like

what is a brownout?

Isn't that where it's like most of the lights are done?

Like, isn't it that like it's like a blackout, but a blight?

It's like a brownout is when you kind of remember some stuff.

It's right before.

Like, we're talking about drinking.

I think it's.

I think it was like, someone described it to me as like,

hey, your air conditioning doesn't work.

I think the three of us might be talking about three completely different things.

I think

a blackout is a complete loss of electrical power, while a brownout is when you shit yourself.

No, it's a partial reduction in voltage.

Oh, okay, so everything's on but low.

I was talking about drinking.

Yeah.

The brownout is right before you block.

Wow, I need to stop drinking.

No, don't ever.

Get muddling, I say.

So after recording, I was there with a very funny comedian named Lisa Baker.

She's from Newfoundland, and

she's brassy as all ghetto.

Oh yeah.

And

that kind of a name.

And first of all, as a as a vegetarian fella, very little for you up there in Yellowknife.

Well, because nothing grows up there.

So it's a lot of bison.

Yeah, so you went there, you went through security and they opened your bag and it was just pineapples.

Just pineapples and just loose lettuce.

And you can't bring a pineapple out of flight.

It could be a weapon.

It's true.

Behind all sorts of of stuff.

Damn.

just went to got nachos.

I had nachos and then Domino's Pizza.

That was kind of my on-the-menu for that weekend.

We had Domino's in yellow.

Yeah.

Nice.

I know.

Not Panago, though.

I saw it to see if they had Panago.

What is the

size of this place?

The population.

30,000-ish.

Maybe 30 to 50,000.

I bet a lot of people recognize each other's cars up there.

Oh, my God.

And there's, you know, there's characters up there.

People running from the law, people hiding from the law.

From the Earps.

The long arm of the Earps.

But Lisa, who had been there many times as a touring comedian, said, like, okay, after the show, we were going to go to a place called Harley's, which is...

a strip club, which she said is the safest place in town because they have bouncers.

And any other bar, we'd be showing up as strangers in town, and maybe that wouldn't be so oh, interesting.

And the bouncers are they're kind of like coolers, right?

Not these guys, they escalate.

Oh, yeah.

Um,

but uh, we showed up there and we're having a drink, and then uh, you got called a varmint,

yeah, and somebody was spinning a spittoon, and when I came in, the piano's like pink, ping, pink, ping, ping, ping, ping.

Reminds me of my favorite movie,

which was

Tom Stone

Escape from New York, Tom Stone, Tom Stone, Tom B.

Stone, Tom B.

Stone.

So we went to the club, and then

I believe it was Lisa who inquired, like, when does the show start?

And the bartender's like, there's only 20 people here.

She's not doing a show for 20 people.

And Lisa was like, God, I wish comedy was like that.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, like 20 people?

Going out and doing a show for 20 people.

Yeah.

So she said, if you pool your money for $200, she'll do a show for you.

Otherwise, come back when it's full.

And then we went out on the patio.

Very few surf clubs have a patty.

What time of day was this?

It didn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

I think we're talking like 8 to 10-ish.

Coming in and out of a strip club with full sun out is an interesting value.

It was interesting.

And all the windows had like posters over them to create the not browned out.

No, these were

lots of pictures of ladies on motorcycles.

I see

like tin foil

on windows.

Yes.

I guess aluminum foil.

Do we still use tin for foil?

That's a great question.

But then I heard the music starting up and I watched.

It wasn't that, but it was that vibe.

What if it was all dog-related songs?

Uh-oh.

That was just.

Now y'all messing with them.

She was mostly country songs.

Okay.

And

just one stripper.

One stripper, because there's only a tiny little stage.

And you wouldn't know.

Yeah, but like the times I've been and it's been.

Oh, like

a slew of.

Yeah.

No, this one.

This is a one stripper town.

But like one at a time.

Yeah.

No, this is like they, much like a standard comedian, there's a circuit.

And there's different circuits.

And I think probably this was would be considered the B circuit.

You wouldn't know that it had anything like that at all because they're without the stripper ball.

And even that, you wouldn't think that it was a strip club, really, unless you were told this is a current strip club.

This is currently a strip club.

Yeah, last week it was a bank.

And she was great and she made so much money.

Oh, I would.

She was working this one table guys.

I think one of them was going to get married, or it was just a divorce or something because they were throwing money around like fucking wild, man.

This guy's either getting married or divorced.

You guys are coming out of money, is going out of money.

did the stage connect to the backstage area or was it just a stage in the middle just a stage in the corner oh did she had a motorcycle did she have to walk through the crowd to to get to the stage so she was in the corner was she in the spotlight uh

she did dance to losing my religion

what then everybody hurts all mandolin playlist

no she could do she was like she'd be like a flag she'd be like horizontal hanging on the wall they're great and uh but like yeah, she was.

Oh, my tit.

It was like a stand-up show where you're like, okay, you stand at the back of the room.

And then when it's your time, work your way through the audience to the stage.

And, yeah, she was fantastic.

She made a lot of money.

Good for her.

And

it was, yeah.

And it wasn't, it was like the least sleazy strip club ever.

It was the most wholesome strip club I think I've ever been to.

Any flare bartending?

No.

Oh, the opposite.

Yeah.

A little bad 50 on tab, and that was it.

Yeah.

She was, I think I maybe inquired if there was a gluten-free beard.

She said, oh, boy.

I think she said, what's gluten-free?

Is that where the piano player stopped playing immediately?

Everybody looked at you.

My fist is gluten-free.

You want a mouthful of that?

I mentioned tits, and I don't like to throw that word around.

Nope.

But I was listening to the radio the other day, and I'd like to listen to this contest they do every morning called Alpha Bucks, where someone calls in, they got 10 questions they have to answer in 30 seconds.

They're easy questions, and they all start with the same letter, but your mind doesn't

quite do it.

And the letter was T.

Okay.

And it was like, this is the

food or like a popular dinner to have on Tuesdays.

Taco.

Yeah.

And then this is the chest part of the body.

And I assume they meant torso, but the person goes,

titty.

Titty, titty.

That's so far from the medical term.

Titty's like really.

I'm sitting there with my kids in the car.

Titty.

Yeah.

Did that person win?

No, they didn't make it.

Ah, shit.

Did the DJs react to the titty?

They did laugh.

Yeah.

They also, it's their job to keep asking questions.

That's true.

Yeah.

So this is one thing that whether or not, if you've never been to a strip club before, sometimes, and it always made me laugh, even the first time that I've ever seen it, is the strippers will have posters.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of posters, and then she'll sign them for you.

And I'm just like, where do these posters end up?

And they have to like

they sign them, but like they, they

do, they make the guys like,

like, compete for them.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This isn't just handed out like this is to get maximum chips.

No, but like everybody throws some money on the stage and see who wins a poster.

Or like, I'm just buying a poster, basically.

Like whatever signs

these tables are, like, getting giving me the most attention or whatever.

The one time a guy in my dorm got one, and he brought it back, and it was signed by the stripper, and her name was Stephanie Seymour, but it was S-E-E-M-O-R-N-Rules.

That's fine.

That rules.

Oh, there was

this.

She was one of the best on the B circuit.

She had this great

thing where she climbed over a guy so that she was behind him and with kind of like she was kind of sitting like a piggyback kind of thing and messed up his hair.

It was so funny.

Yeah, knock off his glasses all crooked.

It was great.

Just messed up his, oh boy.

But yeah, the posters.

I was like, oh, yeah, that's right.

Posters.

I forgot.

Yeah, I had one in the back of my closet when I was 19.

Oh, really?

What was the name?

Do you know?

I don't remember, but it was at, we went to similar sort of club as you did, stage in the middle.

She had to walk through the crowd.

Hey, how you doing?

Yeah.

And she was on the circuit.

This is in Thunder Bay.

Oh, okay.

Thunder Bay's got to be a, that's got to be.

Yeah.

Maybe that's a C-Circuit.

Thunder Bay, I don't know.

Ouch.

Yeah.

She had won Miss Nude Winnipeg about 10 years before.

Okay.

Yeah.

Congratulations.

Yeah.

But I thought it'd be funny to put it in my

back of my closet so that when I opened like a TV show where you open your clothes, there it would just be this nude woman.

Hey, who's the current winner of Miss Nude Winnipeg?

Yeah, it's a great question.

Can we get a call in?

Bane?

It's actually.

Turns out.

Anyone's elected.

Anyway, support your local strip club.

Yeah, yeah.

They're very athletic.

It is crazy what I have a few acquaintances who dance in the city and they post videos of them practicing on the poll.

Are they strip employees or are they burlesques?

They are exotic dancers.

They were exotic dancers.

The answer is Layla.

Layla is Miss Nude Winnipeg 2025.

Nice.

Congratulations, Layla.

But the stuff they do on the poll is...

I would pull something.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

I've seen one of them do a Superman where they

are at the very, very top of the pole.

This was in Portland, and they wrap their legs around and then they put their arms out like they're Superman and they're flying.

And she had a little tiny Superman cape on.

Oh, man.

That was great.

That rule.

But she was using her whole legs to do her whole body straight.

Oh, flying.

Superman.

They got a sense of humor, which you got to love.

Yeah, she messed up that guy's hair.

It was real funny.

Man, the human body is so funny.

It is so funny.

Did you know what the upper body's called?

is so funny.

It is.

Do you guys want to move on to some overheards?

I think we do.

Sure.

Hello, this is Alex.

Hello, this is Katie.

We host Secretly Incredibly Fascinating, and this week we released our 250th episode.

250!

D, D, D.

Every episode stands on its own.

And every episode is about a seemingly ordinary topic.

We reveal the history and the science of stuff like salt and clouds and your computer mouse.

And episode 250 is about the word hello.

Hello.

You know that word.

You're ready to go.

So let us say hello to you.

Find Secretly Incredibly Fascinating at maximumfun.org.

Hi, is this Brennan?

This is Brennan.

This is Ben Harrison.

I'm the host of the greatest generation and greatest track, along with my buddy Adam on Maximum Fun.

I am calling because you, Brennan, have been named Maximum Fun's Member of the Month.

Oh my God, I'm so honored to be the Max Fund member of the month.

As member of the month, you'll be getting a gift card to the Max Fund store, a special member of the month bumper sticker, and a special priority parking spot at the Max Fun headquarters in Los Angeles, California, just for you.

That's a perk that I don't even get as a host of shows on the network.

This all sounds fantastic.

I'm gonna have to figure out a way to use that parking spot.

Brennan, you have to do it.

Just to rub it in my face alone.

Have a great day and

live long and prosper.

I don't know how to do this.

That works.

I will do my best to live long and prosper.

Become a MaxFun member now at maximumfund.org slash join.

Overheard.

Overheards.

You hear them, we hear them, and that's the deal.

And if you have some, send them in our way to spy at maximumfund.org.

We always like to start with the guest, Kyle.

Do you have an overheard?

I do.

I was recently camping on the island, and we

yes, yes.

And we were right near the

campsite was two campsites down from the jungle gym.

Okay.

So from around 8 a.m.

until 9 p.m., it was constant children screaming, running around, doing all sorts of things.

And I started figuring out all the different voices of who the hierarchy was.

And there was one voice in particular that was obviously like the king of the jungle gym.

And it was obviously the older kid who was getting the younger kids to do his bidding.

Yeah.

So on one of the days, there was just constant screaming, you know, running around.

And then there was a pause.

And I heard, you can climb to the top, but the wizard's got to grant you three wishes before you can make it.

Shit.

That is a hierarchy.

Yeah.

You got the wizard in your corner?

Yeah, apparently.

But that's, oh, okay.

Grant me three wishes.

But it was like dead silent, and then he said that, and then nobody reacted to it.

Well, the problem about getting to the top is like, I'm a dirty rascal.

Yeah.

That's my keynote speech.

I started out as a dirty rascal, but now.

Yeah, I

feel like I know that kid.

Oh, yeah.

He's the king of the playground.

Kid.

And it's because it's obviously kids that he'll never, they'll never see each other ever again.

They know each other for the three days that the family is camping.

Yeah.

And he just like, you know, he's probably the biggest, I never saw what any of these, they all started to blur together after a while, but I couldn't see most of it because it was too down.

Yeah.

But he was definitely had, it was the asshole kid voice.

Yeah.

I feel like that's a position kids are put in a lot of time where it's like, play with these kids they don't know.

Don't make friends with these people.

And kids on their bike seeing how fast they can pedal on gravel.

Oh, yeah.

How much they can kick it up.

Or like when you break really fast than you skid.

Yeah.

By rules.

Is this a

campground that you had to like,

you know, wake up at 8 a.m.

and book online?

I don't think so.

It was outside in a Naimo during

like, you know, mid early June.

So it wasn't actually that busy.

Right.

Were you a tent?

Were you in a camper?

yeah I was in it I was in I was there with my in-laws and my wife and they were in a trailer and we were in a tent

and it was it was there was a lot of kids yeah there's a lot of kids did you because I know there's like a big thing of like campgrounds I don't camp but I know that when like the campgrounds go become available there's like a huge rush to book them sure online

I think those are for certain maybe that's just the provincial well the ones that are closer to us like Golden Ears is always popular cultist is popular I think the ones that are closer to Vancouver proper are more booked up but as soon as you throw in a fairy

and uh the only fairy I know is that little green fairy that I see when I drink absinthe he's the one from the Flintstones

or wasn't uh Kylie Minogue in um

the Euro trip yeah the Baz Luhrmann

Can-Can movie.

Mulan Rouge.

Did she play a Tiny Fairy?

Yeah.

What are you compared to Tombstone?

Where would you rank Moulin Rouge?

I've not seen it.

Oh.

Next sick day.

But I bet worse.

I don't like Baz Luhrmann.

I used to work with an Australian lady, and when I told her that,

she was

everything.

Aghast?

Yeah.

I get it.

If you're in Australia.

You know what she said?

Crikey.

Shit.

That's like the meanest thing you can say is an Australian.

Yeah.

People don't realize that.

It's the C word.

Yeah.

They're free and easy with the other C words.

It doesn't hit as hard.

Yeah.

Well, that's why the

kids' report card.

Yeah.

They called her that four times.

They're not wrong.

Dave, you have overheard?

Okay.

Yeah.

So I,

the so the BC Lions are Canadian Football League team here.

How many of the Canadian Football League teams can you name?

I think I could name them all.

There's nine, yeah.

There's nine.

Can you name them?

Okay, BC Lions.

Yep.

Calgary Stan Peters.

Edmonton Elks.

Elks, Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

The Ottawa Red Blacks.

Are they now the Red Blacks?

Yes.

They're a new.

Are they the Renegades or the Red Blacks?

They're the Red Blacks.

But they're the newish team.

Yeah.

Toronto Argonauts.

Were they the the Renegades at one point?

Everybody's looking at me.

Maybe back in the day.

Kyle?

When did I even get to the ring?

I think they were the Rough Riders because there were two more.

Well, they were the Rough Riders, and then I think they became the Renegades, and then they became the Red Blacks.

Okay.

So, of course, the Rough Riders are the Toronto Argonauts and the Hamilton Tiger Cats.

And

what am I missing?

Montreal.

Alouette.

The Montreal Alouette.

You're forgetting the Las Vegas Posse, the Shreveport Pirates, and the Baltimore.

Yeah, what were they in Baltimore?

I don't know.

Ravens?

Not the Colts, but they were like a horse.

Yeah.

Mustangs?

And this was an expansion into the States?

Yeah, there was an expansion in the States, of course, into Shreveport.

Have you, this is very aside, but have you seen the video of

the

national anthem, the O Canada?

No, yes.

At the Vegas game, where it sounds like O Christmas Tree?

Yeah.

If you haven't seen it, it is one of the things.

He's just a lounge singer that they got.

I mean, he learned all the words O Kennedy to O Canada, but not the tune.

And this was before you could just like

look up the...

He couldn't go on YouTube and find the actual...

He didn't know YouTube existed or that he would be on it forever.

Anyway, so the BC Lions, they like to start their season with a concert.

And last year, I think it was LL Cool J.

The year before, it was, oh, I don't know.

Last year was 50 Cent.

Oh, yeah.

The 50 Cent.

And then maybe LL Cool J the year before.

This year was

Snoop.

The aforementioned Dog Days of Baseball singer.

Yeah.

And he,

another guy's probably anti-vax, I would think.

And Big 420.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway.

It's not 620.

No, it's not 620.

It's 545.

That's how long we took a break for.

If you have like a clock running at home,

don't use us to time an egg or whatever.

anyway,

on Sunday mornings, I was taking a pottery class with one of my children.

And

every

yeah, that's it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Full stop.

And it's over now.

But that

the day after

that first uh the the season opener of the bc alliance where snoop dog played at halftime or pregame uh a kid at the table next to us kept saying to his mom he was so excited he kept saying to his mom i still can't believe i was in the same room as snoop he's my idol

That's like a real red flag as a parent.

Oh, we've done something around Snoop Dogg's idol.

She grabbed him by the wrist and led him away immediately.

We got to take you some way to change this.

Yeah, why are you building a making a little bong in the pottery class?

How do you know how to?

But what would a kid

associate Snoop Dogg with?

Would it be more of his like, that's what I'm a dad, I'm a grandpa?

Yeah, probably his stuff with Martha Stewart.

He's probably voiced a smurf.

Murphy Crimes, his wine company.

He probably has voiced a smurf.

Every kid is probably a voice to Smurf, right?

Yeah.

You voiced a smurf in there.

Get a sizzle, my frizzle.

That's as good an impression as you're going to hear today.

420 Smurf.

What are you doing?

Yeah.

Get off my crizzle.

I like the fact that when I go to concerts going forward, I'm now going to leave going, wow.

I can't believe I was in the same room as the Rolling Stones.

Wow.

It was a stadium.

So last night, it was just me, the Rolling Stones, a a couple of other people.

Yeah, it was in the same room.

In the same room as them.

But like, even as a kid, I didn't think even the people I was obsessed with, like Urkel,

like Alf, I never was like, he's my idol.

I wonder if I went through a phase where I thought, yeah, some pop pop figure was my idol.

Probably.

Funko pop figurine.

Yeah.

Like when I was a kid, I mean, Alf was a good one.

I think Alf probably was my idol for a while.

But I wasn't self-aware enough to be like, he's my idol.

Kids at that age don't know

what an idol is.

He's my role bottle.

Yeah.

I love Tim and Kung Fu Panda 5.

That's what he was really saying.

Yeah.

Well, okay.

All right, you guys.

Well, that's the end of the show.

Yeah.

No, I haven't overheard.

Sorry, I was going to have that.

It's fine.

I got it.

I haven't overheard.

It's actually an overseen.

It was a poster.

Was it a stripper poster?

And it wasn't.

What was the one a couple weeks ago about like a pizza pickout or something like that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, it was a poll, like a poster on the pole.

On a pole, yeah, yeah.

And it was the headline of the ad was

dating without apps.

And it was advertising a game of darts.

So go to play darts with somebody and meet people that way, which is like

darts people are normal people.

Yeah, what's up with with darts people, right?

They're a weird breed.

This wasn't here.

You said he was in yellow knife.

This is in yellow knives.

Town is about 30,000 people.

You're going to run through the apps pretty fast.

Yeah.

I thought you were going to say run through the dart players pretty fast.

But it's, I guess it was like a, hey, co-ed, what's a co-ed activity that you can do in the north?

They're not going to have beach volleyball.

Do they have Uber?

They don't.

Do they have.

So they had Domino's.

Do they have any other chains?

Yeah, I think they had like the Bigs.

I think they had like a McDonald's and probably an A ⁇ W and

they had a shopper's top.

Kunduck Fried Pizza and a Pizza Hut.

McDonald's.

What's that?

You know that song?

No.

Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut.

That sounded like a kid's song.

It is.

Was it a kid's song?

It's a kid's song.

It's like a camp kids song.

Yeah.

You just name fast food restaurants.

I didn't know that.

Oh, boy.

Dave and I played it before we came in the room.

Yeah.

It was really good.

Now, we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the map.

You want to send one in?

Send in it to spy at maximumfun.org.

And this first one comes from Carlos G.

in San Francisco.

Hi, Carlos.

At Bay to Breakers.

I'm not sure what that is.

Seven mile costume brace party in San Francisco.

Oh, okay.

A Bay to Breakers, not Beta Breaker.

I used to think that's what it was called as well, yeah.

You used to?

Oh,

I've known about the bay two breakers for quite a while.

Yeah.

It's something that I've wanted to do when I was in my 20s.

So what is it?

It's basically you go from

the bay.

Bay to the breakers.

So it's a long, and it's like.

Can you swim past the breakers and watch the world die?

Didn't think I'd hear ever EverClear?

That was Everclear.

I almost said Everlast.

Different.

But no, it's just like a bay.

You all dress up in matching costumes, sort of like the rugby sevens, and it's like you just walk the race, quote-unquote, a race.

Right.

But everybody just gets shit-faced on the way.

And you see lots of like people crying on curbs, fist fights, stuff like that.

Yeah.

That sounds great.

If you're in your 20s, it's amazing.

Yeah.

Did you do it?

No, I watched one.

Well, you still can.

You're still in your 20s.

Yeah.

Now tell us about idolizing Elf as a child.

So this guy guy was got to do your dream and go from beta breakers uh as you said uh i'm on beta blockers are you yeah what does that mean oh it's rough i'm on blue blockers what are those glasses that i put over my other glasses

so i overheard a woman uh who uh had a wine bag uh too many times along the course ask someone the following hey are you dressed as the human version of shrek Man, no, I'm not wearing a costume.

Woman, oh, sorry.

Youch.

A human version of Shrek is

his addie.

Yeah, but he's also wearing

the guy probably was wearing

a quilted vest over a tunic.

Abby used to work at a costumer,

and they made, they did the costumes for like a Shrek musical that was performing here.

And they made the vest.

They like put some kind of material, they covered it in rocks, or they put the material over the rocks and then put it in the oven so it like

puckered in weird ways to look like Shrek's vest.

I love there's like

a guy that I see on my algorithm lab that's a prop guy.

And I just, he describes how he made props for these movies.

It's oh, it's so amazing.

Practical stuff's really cool.

Yeah.

yeah even that's why i love john carpenter i love uh the have you seen this movie escape from new york i've only seen its sequel escape from la

i like the thing

so you think he's good current russell is good in that yeah he's great in that yeah um uh this next one comes from sarah from philadelphia that a new phone case yeah it is what do you think

what do we think of my new phone case it's flashy i like it

oh yeah that'll save

got the little thing.

Sorry, ladies, I'm married to my phone.

The thing where you fold it up and there's a little ring in the middle.

The little ring helps you with selfies.

Yeah, you can also like put it down.

Yeah, I can do like a little bit of

kind of situation.

Oh, you know what?

I'm going to read my next one from there.

Put on your cheaters.

My cat, Roxy, was outside on the back patio.

My wife was standing with the sliding glass door open, trying to get her to come inside.

The cat refused to move, so my wife exasperatedly said, just get inside, you fucking cuck.

Ouch!

Wow.

I mean, the thing about owning a cat is they're going to watch you have sex.

That's true.

They are.

By definition.

Yeah, they're kind of, they are the cucks of the modern domestic animals.

I mean, a turtle will watch you have sex, for sure.

The turtle's trying to join in, but it's just so slow.

But the turtles, that's the one you want as a lover.

Nice and slow, takes it easy.

Well, speak for yourself.

Flip them on their back, they can't get up.

They live to be 100 years old.

That's why the Canadians have their all-cat night, but it's called Cuck Night.

Cuck night.

Come on, bring the kids down to Cuck Night.

Come on, bring the kids down to the night.

They also played the Lion King theme and went around the stadium, like on the camera, showing people.

But I don't think the crowd didn't get it.

No one held up their dog.

Oh, no.

Like Simba.

I also heard that other places that do dog nights, when the other, when the away team is batting, they'll just play a doorbell to get all the dogs to freak out.

Oh, that's so much fun.

Organizer of dog days here in Vancouver.

Take note.

Yes.

This last one comes from Sarah from Philadelphia.

I was driving home from a concert the other night when I passed a small silver early 2000 Hyundai with only one bumper sticker that said, Here I go in my gay little car.

That's actually Hyundai's slogan.

Yeah.

I do like, yeah, I love the generation of bumper stickers we're in at the moment.

Yeah.

Self-deprecating.

Yeah.

fun.

Yeah.

Like we're all stuck in our stupid cars.

Look at me in my little cuck car.

I'm a little cuck.

If they make,

and I imagine they do at this point where they make bumper stickers that are easy to remove, I'd probably drive around with a bumper sticker.

I think they probably make magnets.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Although my

bumper stickers are plastic.

Well, I guess you could put it on that.

Yeah, yeah.

Magnets, man.

How do they work?

Nobody knows.

Honestly, I don't know.

Like, everybody made fun of the

ICP guys?

Yeah.

But I'm like.

They can't figure it out.

I'm not going to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Definitely spent a long time on it in science class in high school.

I know, but do you guys know how they work?

No, no.

I know North and South get along pretty well.

Yeah.

And did you ever have to make a battery from something spinning in a glass of water?

Oh, no, maybe a compass.

Yeah.

I made a potato clog.

That's all I remember.

Yeah.

Potatoes can make power clogs.

I stuck a nine-volt on my tongue.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and voice memos.

If you want to send us one of those, what you got to do is, well, email your voice memo to spy at maximumfund.org or call us at 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh, spypod one like these people have.

Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests.

This is Nathan Collins from Montana.

And I was at a restaurant walking by a table, and I heard a woman very emphatically say, listen, we are not.

Going to talk shit about my nine-month-old.

Yeah, I bet that baby sucks.

all right off i go

some babies just suck you know oh my god yeah if if you don't know anybody with a baby that sucks it's your baby that sucks oh wow yeah i had two babies yeah one of them sucked

and then like the first six months and then uh got really good yeah the other one opposite was an angel the first six months and then uh turned a switch a lot of averages much like magnets yeah and mangoes you need one as i understand yes you want to make mangoes into grids they're a lot of fun to eat fucking mangoes how do they work

that's in the 2025 remaster mangoes what how do they work and it's just graham trying to cut one into sections

i'm gonna probably eat a mango when i get home

ready to go

you got three ready to go yeah you're going fruit crazy yeah i am going fruit crazy because i

i like read a bunch of things that said: if you want to eat one, like two things you can just eat as much as you want of, fruits and veg.

You just eat as much as you want.

And it's yeah, I hate when people are like, Well, apples are so starchy.

No, they're not.

Yeah, they're apples.

Fuck you.

Yeah, but they're too sweet.

What are you talking about?

They're fruit.

The fruit is the sugar is coming from the apple tree.

There we go.

Hello, Dave Graham, impossible guest.

It's Tom S.

here, calling in from Cambridge in the UK with an overheard.

I was listening to one of our national radio stations recently, Radio 1 on the weekend, as I was in the car with my daughters.

And there was a phone in about the celebrities that you've named your pets after.

And somebody had called in

who had named their cat after William Shakespeare.

And the presenter laughed at this and said, no way, you can't do that.

He's a living legend.

Off I go.

So I'm going to say goodbye for now.

I could listen to that accent all the live life.

Yeah.

I thought it was an audiobook at first.

Yeah.

That was smooth.

Holy shit, that was smooth.

So if I'm understanding this right,

BBC One is like the primary

thing in the country for broadcasting on the radio.

Yeah.

And their programming is: Hey, anyway, what'd you name your cat after anyone name their cat after a celebrity?

And then, if you call in and tell them, they're like, No, don't.

There's uh, if you ever listen to in Canada, there's CBC World Report, and they'll do four

important stories and then one silly one.

Oh, that's fun.

This uh class of the kids in Halifax got together and threw a party with paint.

And here's your final phone call.

Oh, God, I hit the wrong button.

Oh, now I'm going into the computer.

I'm lawnmower man.

There's a monkey.

Come out and monkey as a robocop.

Here we go.

Hi, Dave and Graham and guests.

This is Jacob in the Seattle area with an overheard of the kids say the most obvious.

An older sister was saying to her younger

it's the worst thing you could possibly imagine and the younger said even worse than brussels sprouts

thanks bud you're welcome uh nothing is uh wrong with brussel sprouts they rule they got they got good yeah they had a glow up they did and i think when i was growing up i feel like the only uh brussels sprout offering was steamed yeah steamed or boiled yeah yeah but then when i heard about putting them in the oven you ever heard about this thing called called roasting?

But they did a, they, they're different than when we were kids.

Brussels sprouts?

Yeah, there's like a, they.

They've changed them.

Yeah.

They bred a tastier one.

Yeah, okay.

Well, I'm here for it.

So that we weren't wrong

to be disgusted by them.

But, and my kids wouldn't eat them now, even though.

No, they're good, though.

Check this out.

They sell them at pubs now.

Well, a lot of times it's because they're deep-fried and covered in parmesan and oil.

And I mean, they're delicious.

Yeah.

But just with regular old butter.

Yeah, butter, some salt.

That's all you need.

But that's all you need for most things.

Well, I read that you can read

fat and salt.

Yeah.

I read that you can eat as much fruit and veg as you want.

That's really.

What about apples?

They're pretty starchy.

Oh, apples are too starchy.

Bananas?

Bananas.

Slippery.

Also,

you know.

I don't know.

They can shave like a wiener.

They are shaved like a wiener.

I heard you guys only eat food that you got to work for.

Yeah.

Yep.

I'm not sweating by the time this thing pops in my mouth.

I don't want it.

I saw a video in my algorithm of someone peeling a banana with a knife.

I was like, oh, wow.

The way that you would like

peel any other piece of fruit, but it's like,

by the end, like there's none left in the middle.

It's the weird, it's the dark brown vein in the middle.

That's all it's like.

And then you eat it like spaghetti.

What about that, though?

You know, somebody cutting an apple with a bigger.

Well, I don't.

Do they do that in Tombstone?

Yeah, that won me over.

I put apples in my kids' lunch and I cut them in slices.

And for years, I've been starting my day eating a whole apple, but now I don't eat it.

I much prefer a slice.

I buy the slice.

Do you eat it?

Do you cut it like an old-timey cowboy?

I reckon I do.

Yeah.

I've never done it.

I can't eat apples.

I'm allergic to apples.

If they're just raw, if you cook them, whatever is in the skin gets killed.

We're not having apples tomorrow, Graham.

What?

No, no apples tomorrow.

Sorry.

Not even a tortoise.

Is it just the skin?

You think so.

So can you have a peeled apple?

That's a good question.

I haven't tried.

Maybe I should peel an apple and see what happens.

Are you not my picky children who refuse to eat apple with peels on them?

I think that's the number one thing, though, when you're a kid with apples, is the peel if you don't like it i hated the peel as a kid oh i loved it that was the snap are you guys having dinner tomorrow yeah we're having a romantic dinner yeah just the two of us and there's going to be not a tort there's not going to be a tort are you bringing a pineapple yeah

absolutely i don't know if you guys are joking we are no we are watching a horror movie we're watching a horror movie we have a uh

i don't know not a standing invitation but a I would say three or four times a year quarterly quarterly

where

you've in the past rented out a movie theater, is that right?

Yes, that's correct.

Yeah.

But Graham was there as well for her birthday.

Was this Mamma Mia?

It was Mamma Mia.

This is a house.

Yeah.

What horror movie are you going to do?

It's a movie called Until Dawn.

Okay.

And I don't know if it's any good.

Okay.

I saw a trailer for it.

Graham.

New, old.

It's newish.

Graham and his wife, Sally, and I are horror fans, I can say.

Yeah.

I was your wife as well.

Oh, no.

Heavens, no.

She is roped into this.

What was the name of the movie we watched?

And it has like a super crazy ending.

Oh, it was the

one that they

were head in the back of the head.

Yes.

What was that called?

Malignant.

Spoiler for malignant.

Yeah, already.

At the very end of the movie,

the big reveal is that this woman has a conjoint twin on her back in her head.

Someone got mad at us a few months ago because I spoiled Sinners.

Oh, yeah.

I got the spoiler on that.

Vampires?

Yeah.

But that's in the trailers.

That's what I thought.

I didn't even watch the trailers.

I knew it was a vampire movie.

I went to see it because I was like, oh, this is a scary movie.

It would be impossible not to know that it's a vampire.

The whole thing is the, isn't the covers, the say Sinners, there's vampires?

Isn't that the poster?

Yeah.

Anyway, if it wasn't spoiled yet, it's spoiled now.

Vampire movie.

I like that movie.

Sinners was fun.

It was fine.

Yeah.

It was sexy.

Dave's review?

Fine.

It was sexy without showing any nudity.

That would be

the most given-out quote of Dave's movie reviews.

This was fine.

It's all how he says it.

Does that do your reviews on Letterboxd?

I don't write reviews.

I know, I've noticed.

But they're mostly two and a half and three stars.

Oh, I get shit from people.

I give a lot of two and two and a half.

There's a lot of fine movies.

Two and a half is a fine.

Yeah.

Two and a half out of five is a fine.

Sure.

And as I've said many times on this program, I could never make a movie.

So any movie that you have, you're already two points ahead.

Stop throwing those fives around.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

So many people throw them fives.

Yeah.

Captain America, Brave New World, folks, not a five-star.

Yeah.

Follow me on Letterbox.

It's Dave.

I got Dave.

You got Dave?

You're Dave.

I'm at Dave.

What is your, what is it?

Probably Dave Shumpka, I'm Guzzin.

Yeah, that.

I always get my name, and then

I can't be

12 or.

I can't be weird online.

Like, I can't write mean comments on stuff because it's all my name.

Yeah.

Got to get a burner account on the old line.

I know, but then I got to log out of things.

I'm going to do it wrong.

Forget.

Yeah, I'm going to forget what Twelve.

Yeah.

And then you'll see that you like some porn on Twitter and you're wrong.

No, they do a letterbox porn.

You can't letbox porn, can you?

There should be an app for porn on

course there is.

There's got to be.

Yeah.

I'm sure it started before Letterbox started.

Yeah.

Do I follow your ass on Letterboxd?

You don't, but I don't know what the thing of it.

I think I'm boring Kyle.

Boring Kyle.

That's my handle on a lot of things.

Okay.

But most things I also just got, I'm the first Kyle finds for stuff.

Nice.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

It's a real, it was a real

out of the gates, whoever could get grab it first with Graham Clinton.

Yeah.

Boring Kyle, your top four favorite movies.

No, your recent activity.

Never mind.

You don't have your top four there.

No, is that something you have to pick?

Wow.

You said that word.

Sounds like you're doing it wrong.

Well,

I'm following you right now.

Now,

we're wrapping up the show.

We are.

And there's some wrestling happening that people need to know about.

Yeah.

We have

two more shows left.

Unfortunately, our June show is sold out.

That's not unfortunate.

No, it's great for us, bad for you people.

Yeah.

We are.

Our listeners don't like being called you people yeah oh

you can you dave can edit this out yeah thanks those people thank you

we uh boom pro wrestling we do uh two shows a month in vancouver we are winding down we do seasons because we take some of the summer off because as we know this city shuts down Nobody wants to go inside in the summer.

That's true.

So we're doing a big, our final, it's our WrestleMania, our blow-off to all the storylines at the Commodore Ballroom in Vancouver.

Okay.

July 26th.

Right before summer.

Yes.

The start.

Yes.

Right.

But it we have around 80 tickets left.

All right.

Okay.

These are getting moved.

They are moving.

We're hoping for a sellout.

So if you want to copy

our marquee matches for the championship, the Vancouver City Championship between the evil Brady Malibu.

He's a lifeguard

against Jackie Lee, who used to have the title that Brady stole it from.

Fuck.

And a very fun wrestler, Casey Ferreira, who does the flips and all that stuff.

A three-person match?

Three-person match.

Or the belts.

So do they have to pin both?

A triangle match and the squared circle.

How about that?

In this economy?

You only have to pin one person.

And you win?

I choose Grant.

Oh, don't stop.

You guys would like our wrestling.

Well, yeah, thank you very much for being our guest.

Thanks so much for having me.

Thanks for teaching me about fruit.

Hey,

bro, listeners, you have 10 minutes until 6.20 where we're all going to drop acid.

And

you know what?

I'm sorry that we spoiled the end of Malignan for you and the middle of sinners.

But yeah, thanks for listening and coming back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.

← Previous: Episode 900 - Jane Stanton Next: Episode 902 - Cass Furman →

Episode 901 - Kyle Fines

Listen and follow along

Transcript

More episodes from Stop Podcasting Yourself

Episode 912

Episode 911 - Steph Neale

Episode 910 - Rory Dunn

Episode 909 - Marito Lopez

Episode 908 - Brittany Lyseng