Episode 894 - Brent Butt

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 894 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name's Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a man who,

boy, his garden, I'll tell you.

Walking up here today, tulips of plenty.

Spring has arrived at this man's household.

It's a Dave Shubka.

Spring doesn't arrive, Graham.

It just happens?

No,

spring has sprung.

Oh, sorry.

Yes, that's right.

I guess Spring Springs.

Yeah, Spring Springs.

Springsteen.

And

your place looks lovely.

You have flowers out in front.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There are flowers.

There's, yeah, that's, you know, tulips, they're so easy.

Yeah.

You just got to plonk them in the fall, and they come up in the spring, and you're like, Hey, hey, there, friend.

Hey, check it out.

Anyway, I encourage anyone out there, go dig in the dirt.

Yeah, exactly.

If you have some dirt, you know what?

Go to community and dig some dirt.

Yeah, I just said dirt.

Yeah, you don't have to dig your dirt.

Yeah, make like Peter Gabriel's first single from the Us album and dig in the dirt.

I'll take your word for it.

Our guest today, returning guest of the podcast, one of our all-time favorites.

You can catch him online with his new web experiment, not exactly TV.

It's Brent Butts.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello, everybody.

A pleasure to be back.

How are you?

I'm good.

I'm all right.

You know, for an old bastard,

a shambling old bastard, I'm doing all right.

What do you an old bastard who doesn't look after himself, too, by the way?

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I'm not one, I'm not one of these guys in the gym type of a guy.

Yeah.

I'm not a guy who doesn't eat cheese.

Yeah.

I'm doing all right, all things considered.

I think, yeah, has the wisdom on cheese flipped over the last few years?

I know that we were supposed to not eat bread and that, or wait, we were supposed to stay away from fats, and then now fat's fine.

Sure.

Depends on the fat.

Yeah, and it's also they do this thing a lot on the internet where it's like, this was Wilfred Brimley at age 35.

And you're like, yeah, but you know, you can smoke everywhere.

I just saw one of those that was like legit alarming, but I can't tell you who the contemporary guy was.

It was Sean Connery.

Yeah, and it was the, he was the guy who played the kid in like Love Love Actually is now 34.

So 24 years old.

And Connery literally looks like he'd be the kid's father at least, like late father.

Yeah.

And you're like, well,

I question whether that was Sean Connery at 34.

Yeah.

I mean, I know he had a hard.

He was a hard man.

He was a hard man, yeah.

But it's a,

yeah, man, it's like, we got all these different things you can buy that aren't just like, you know, sugar and pulp or something like that.

Yeah, that's true.

Like, I ate so much pulp as a boy.

What was your favorite pulp to eat?

Oh, probably cedar.

I also think sexually harassing women probably ages you.

Oh, sure.

Oh, you're the opposite.

You can see it on his face.

But look at Bill Clinton.

He looks great.

He does.

Well, he went vegan.

That's right.

Balances up.

Yeah.

Do you want to get to know us?

Yes.

Get to know us.

So, Brent,

when was the last time we had Brent button?

Oh, are you going to quiz me?

No, no, no, but it's been

a calendar year.

I remember we talked about my novel coming out, and that was October 3rd, 2020.

Like, I know it was October 3rd.

Yeah, it's just what year did it come?

I think it was 2023.

Yeah, it sounds like 2023.

Let's look you up.

Brent, is it?

Yeah.

Yeah,

you put out a goddamn book.

I know.

A novel?

A dark,

violent psychological thriller.

The book came out October 3rd, 2023?

I believe so.

The episode came out October 2nd, 2023.

And that's when you got the spy bump.

That's when you got the spy bump that all the authors are on pins and needles about.

Fingers crossed.

And I landed it.

Yeah, that was a very different experience for me because, you know, my whole life has been comedy.

Not only that, but not even particularly edgy comedy, right?

It's been pretty obtuse.

Is that the term?

Rounded at both ends, comedy.

And then

it's like, oh,

I published a novel.

And it's a dark, violent psychological thriller.

You threw some people for a loop.

So I just counted.

This is your 13th episode.

Ooh.

Lucky number 13.

13 Timers Club.

How many, what kind of grouping would that be?

How many people have done 13 episodes?

It would be like a Charlie Demares would be.

Yeah.

Alicia Tobin, probably.

Alicia Tobin.

Has John Dore done that many?

John Dore's done a bunch.

Maybe Erica Sigertson, she's been on a lot.

It's mostly just misspeople we know.

Rarefied Air.

Rarefied.

It's a good company to be in.

No, you hate any of those people.

Yeah, isn't that

over time?

You develop people that you really hope you don't run into at the comedy club.

I hate lists.

No, I don't really have.

There's only one person I would say in

all my years of show business that I truly despise, and it's probably not who you think.

Oh, interesting.

I think a lot of people have a notion, especially Vancouver comedians who are like, oh, I know who that would be.

Florence Henderson.

We go back.

We got some history because I used to, I started the shag hair guy, and she pinched it for me.

No, so there's one comic that a lot of people would assume because this is very.

They're setting it up in a way that we're either going to have to guess or you're going to have to tell us.

But

if you have a guess, it's probably not right.

The person that I despise is probably not the person.

The most despicable comedian in town.

Is it that grew?

It's not a Vancouver comic.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, that goes my guess out the window.

Is it a comedian?

I don't know how you said that.

I mean, is it a comedian?

You said in show business.

Yes,

although not active.

Okay.

So I don't have to worry about really like

bumping into this person at a venue or something.

Yeah.

There's one.

Am I going to get a call in a few days?

Dave, check out that despised comedian.

No, no.

I'm not saying anybody's name.

So I'm good.

I'm good.

And I feel if there's one person and you're like, I've been in show business 37 years now.

Yeah.

One person?

That's pretty good.

You know, there are plenty that hate me.

But I mean, in terms of what people that I hate, my outgoing hatred, the heads you've stepped on to get to the top.

Yeah, you've got this, you've got an inbox and an outbox of hate, and the outbox is very limited.

Yeah, very light.

Inbox, swamped.

Have you ever like,

I feel like I see those people a lot at funerals, the people that I would never want to, or possibly, but somebody in common has passed away.

And so then you're just suddenly having to make small talk with somebody that you've been purposefully avoiding.

Yeah.

You know, the dead guy hated you, too.

I'm not sure why you're here.

No, he hated you.

There's no way to prove it because the person went up and died.

You should hear my eulogy.

It's going to be

scorcher.

Yeah, it's going to tear you apart.

Oh, man.

Past guest, Kathleen McGee, at her celebration of life, Lisa Baker, a comic from Edmonton, very funny.

I completely attacked a dude who like posted things like, oh, I'm going to miss her so much.

And her being like, she hated you.

In front of everybody, she absolutely hated you.

And everybody was like, wow, clearing the hair.

That's what I want at my funeral.

Just consequences.

Yeah, just some sort of clash.

I would like for there to be some manner of physical altercation at my funeral.

That would be all right.

And then I get bumped in my coffin and spilled out.

Like in Pet Cemetery, like in Stephen King's Pet Cemetery, when the young boy, the grandfather and and the father get in a fight and knock the little boy's coffin over.

Like that.

We should call that book Boy Cemetery.

So funny.

Yeah,

there's

one guy that I go out of my way to avoid.

I'm not going to say his name, but he knows who he is.

If you're out there listening, you know who you are.

No, my problem with this, this show in general is sometimes we get a guest or Graham in this case saying something spicy and we're like, we'll find out off air.

And then five minutes goes by and I completely forget.

I never ask off air.

Okay, we'll make sure this time we'll, we'll get to because I want to hear who yours is as well.

Hey, Siri, in 45 minutes, remind me to ask who they hate.

Okay, I've added ask who they hate for this afternoon at 1.06 p.m.

Perfect.

Perfect.

So yeah, you wrote a book and then it got published and then you were on like bestseller.

Yeah, it was number one national bestseller.

How about those apples?

That's insane.

We'll never reach those heady heights again.

How many I mean, not specific to your books, your books specifically, but like how many books are sold?

Like, what does it take to be number one?

What's a good week?

Yeah, I mean, it's not, it's not tons.

Especially like a national bestseller.

It feels like I'm taking them down to peg.

Yeah, I mean, you really have sort of popped the bubble.

Talk about stuff we should talk about offline.

It's about eight, about eight copies.

All-time record is a dozen.

Is there like a, do you get numbers of like, oh, yeah, people bought my book in the airport mostly or people bought my book at Independent?

I don't get that kind of detail.

Maybe somebody does, but that's not shared with my literary agent or myself.

You did the audiobook as well.

I did.

Do you have numbers on that?

And I didn't think about it like when I was writing the book, I was, I never considered the fact that I would be, I don't know why it didn't cross my mind, but that I would be recording the audio portion of it.

And

one of the characters in my book is from Dublin.

The female protagonist in my book is from Dublin.

And

so then I was like,

how do I handle this accent?

Yeah.

I either go slight or way big.

And I decided to just go slight.

I haven't had anybody, it hasn't seemed to anger anybody okay yeah give us uh give us way big give us what you didn't go with

it would be very lucky charms ish i would think right oh

that kind of a thing yeah yeah yeah for half the book for half the book yeah and now do your exaggerated one that was your that was my restraint

when you wrote the book Did you ever think of somebody that you're like, boy, this would be great if it was read by so-and-so?

No, because like I said, I wasn't even really thinking about the audio part of it because I don't listen to audio books myself.

It's not a part of my life.

And I just, for what, and I was new to the book world.

Like, so when I was writing the book, first of all, I wasn't writing it,

you know, I was just writing it on spec.

I didn't know if I could write a novel.

I didn't know if I would like it, if it would stink or whatever.

So I just thought, I'm going to write this thing myself.

And we'll see if it feels like it has any legs, could maybe become something or not.

So the whole while I was writing the first draft, I really wasn't even thinking about publishing it.

I was just seeing if I could write a book.

Yeah.

And then, when I finished and I sort of liked it, I did a few drafts of it, fixed some things.

I was like, then it was like, yeah, I could, I feel like I could start shopping this around maybe and see if an editor could help out and things like that.

So, when I was creating it, I wasn't even thinking of the publishing part of it.

The answer we were looking for was Will Arnett.

What does an editor do exactly?

Well, there's different kinds of editors.

There's sort of structural editors that

sort of deal with the story and say, you know, this doesn't, this gets a little soggy in the middle.

You need something to happen here to bolster this.

Or they'll say things like,

you know, just logistically, this character doing this thing is off track of, you know, what their motivation is and it kind of goes off in a tangent.

So you have those sort of structural edits.

And then you have a line edit that just makes sure you're using the right version of the word.

Your quotation marks are proper.

And they'll also suggest things like, you know, this sentence is longer than it needs to be.

You could maybe shave this back a bit.

Penis has one N.

Not mine.

But it's also, and so I'd never gone through that process before.

It's a little different than going through network notes on a script for your show

or studio notes for the movie.

The book process is just a little different.

So

when I first got notes from the line editor, like some of them I really liked and some I didn't like, I disagreed with.

And so I said to the publisher, like,

how on the, you know, how married to these notes do I have to be?

Can I get this editor fired?

No, the publisher was like, zero.

Like, whatever you, if there's any, anything the editor says that you like and want to run with, go ahead.

And if you don't, don't.

Like, we like the book the way it is.

So, so that was, so that was kind of nice.

But I, yeah, I mean, I took like well over half the suggestions from the, from the editor.

Wow.

Yeah.

So that's three styles of notes that you've had in your career.

Because you don't get a lot of notes in stand-up.

It's called heckling.

Yeah.

Or believe.

Oh, geez.

I just,

I just learned that I suck tonight.

I was informed by an audience member.

How would he like it if I went to his workplace?

The big one?

I sucked the big one?

What's he even talking about?

So you, when you were in the thick of stand-up, like roasts weren't as popular as they are now.

No, roasts were sort of a throwback to an earlier time.

And so like the Dean Martin roasts.

Like the thought of roasts when I was, you know,

a young comic starting out, it was an antiquated kind of a thing.

Yeah.

And now it's like super popular.

And I was just flipping around

because I've seen a lot of the modern ones and they're very pointed and clever.

Whereas I watched an old one hosted by Johnny Carson.

The first two jokes were just slurs.

But they're all like the roasts that I see now are very sort of

boy, nothing held back.

Yeah.

Just slobber knockers.

And I was like, man, I wouldn't have the, I wouldn't have the nerve to do it now.

I would shattered emotions.

And no one's safe.

If you're on the dais,

everyone is going to get a joke at your expense.

Yeah.

And like the roast battles, you're trying to

cut the legs out from behind, like, as opposed to just making jokes about them.

You're trying to like get it.

Yeah, there seems to be ill intent.

And I saw one where it was like this couple.

like two comedians that live together, you know?

They're in a relationship and they're just hacking at each other like, oh, you know,

maybe I was, but anyway,

the couple, it's a couple in real life.

They're both stand-ups.

And I was watching some of it.

I was going, good Lord, this would be the end of any romantic,

just brutal.

We'll find out off air who the couple was.

Siri, remind me.

So now you've written a book and you are going on a, like you go on a press tour?

Do you go, or is it all personal?

You came on our show.

That was our

kickoff.

Pillar to post.

That's all you need.

You get that tap.

You get the tap from the SPY podcast.

Yeah, we did a little

PR book tour with it.

Cross-country, going to bookstores, reading.

Yeah, that's the nuts and bolts of it.

And a couple of sort of book festivals,

literary festivals.

There was one inteb?

Calgary that was big.

Oh, yeah, I got tote bags.

Lanyard.

Linwood Barkley, who's one of my favorite authors that I love to read.

He writes thrillers.

No, I'm Michael Jackson wrote thrillers.

Quincy Jones had a hand in it.

I've gotten to know him a little bit through the process of this because it turns out he was a Corner Gas fan, and I was a fan of his books, and we sort of started chatting on social media.

And then he was an early, he read an early manuscript.

I sort of was brazen enough to say to him, listen, I wrote a novel.

I'm talking to like a New York Times best-selling author.

And I was like, hey, yeah,

I also wrote a novel.

Would he read it?

Anyway, he read it and he gave me some great advice.

I went and sort of retooled it,

like completely rewrote the first chapter based on his advice.

And

yeah, I've gotten to know him a bit.

And he was he interviewed me at the Calgary

Book Festival.

Yeah.

We did like a little theater event.

And

yeah.

So that that was cool.

It was a combination of popping into into bookstores and doing readings and doing some sort of literary festivals.

I know.

Interviews and stuff.

And like, were they the same questions every interview?

Some were.

Oh, can I guess what they were?

Yeah.

You're so known for comedy.

How did you do a scary?

Yeah.

There was a lot of that.

And rightly so.

I begrudge nobody asking that question because it's kind of, it's interesting at least.

And

is that a joke about it at your book launch in Vancouver that when you approached the editors, they were probably like, oh, yeah, Brett Butt's guy dogs that be crowded.

I just imagine that's what they assumed it would be.

Brett Butt's favorite hot dogs across Canada.

Which, you know, keep that in your back pocket.

Yeah, that's always that'll pay the mortgage down the line.

The weather's been so nice lately.

We've been grilling dogs.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Oscar Meyer?

I wish.

This is where the sponsor comes in no we've been doing Johnsonville brats no Johnson Johnsonville yeah I guess they do a brat yeah they do breakfast sausage a lot sure I guess whatever either Schneider's or Maple Leaf whatever the classic

sausage company's got Johnson right in the name of it's a little off they knew what they were doing

um yeah the uh uh

on the book like I know people have written books and then they go to bookstores and sign them.

Have you ever done that?

Like just popped into a bookstore and said like i've never done that unannounced seems bold yeah i know because i would be afraid they'd be like no thank you yeah well can i sign some hunger games

you got any books you need signed up

yeah i was a little uh i was my my fear would be like no please don't do that sir

it's interesting too to see like uh a book uh like kind of its lifespan where it's sold, it did really well, maybe the paperback came out, and then you find one of them at a thrift store and you're like, the cycle has completed itself.

Or in those little free libraries.

I keep looking.

There's a little free library near our place.

And when I'm out walking our dog, Oliver, I keep looking in there.

Maybe you sign one, put it in there.

But I went through that process of like, it came out initially as a trade paperback.

Like it never came out as a hardcover.

It was a release as a trade paperback.

And then it came out as what they call a mass market paperback, which is sort of a smaller version, a little thicker, but smaller in terms of height and width.

Same amount of words.

Exact same amount of words,

but a whole new cover, right?

So that was kind of fun.

Oh, what was the second cover?

Second cover is.

I love it when they finally make it into a movie and they use the movie cover as the book cover.

That'll be the third one, the third iteration.

The second, yeah, the mass market paperback was just the word huge, like

really large of the cover.

And between the U and the G, there's a microphone stand, like a microphone on a stand.

The stand runs between the U and the G, and at the bottom of the microphone stand, it's like dripping blood.

Oh, that's good.

And it has the tagline to the book, which was on both.

In Comedy Killing is a good thing.

Yeah.

I was looking in one of the local libraries, the free libraries.

They're all free.

The little.

What's a better name for the little cupboards?

Yeah, I don't know.

Like, library seems like it, uh, like you could ask somebody.

Library

assumes a library.

It's just the book circulation

of like a book, a Texas book depository repository.

There's a little Lee Harvey Oswald in there.

I like to think there's a little Lee Harvey Oswald in there.

And they had

Anne of Green Gables.

Oh, yeah.

And I was like, oh, you know what?

My daughter might like this.

She likes books about girls.

Sure.

She's done with books about animals.

Yeah, exactly.

So now we're talking, that's exactly the right.

Because she's writing or reading Babysitters Club.

Is that?

Yeah, those

kind of thing.

And

does she have any time for a Nancy Drew, or is that?

Not interested, no.

But then I saw Anne of Green Gables and I thought, oh, I'll get this.

But I pulled it out and it was like part of the Vancouver Sun Reading Club.

And it was like, I guess was just like a $2 version they made

20 years ago.

And the cover was like a contest winner had drawn the cover.

And I was like, my daughter will never go for this.

This looks like a fake book.

And that book, or anytime that comes up, it reminds me of one of my favorite jokes of all time, the late, great Erwin Barker's joke about Prince Edward Island.

It's a province so small you're known by the color of your gables.

Such a great joke.

He's one of the funniest guys I've ever seen on stage.

And we just, we weren't recording this podcast when he was still with us.

Otherwise he would have loved to have found as a guest.

Although I have a feeling

it's the one guy Brent hates.

Yeah, that shit.

We're going to find out.

He's the one guy whose picture is up in my garage in my

game room, yeah.

Not the one guy.

Surely you have a picture of Spider-Man.

Oh, Oh, I do have Graham's,

you know the poster.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the wrestling posting poster.

That's still up on my fridge.

That's a funny poster.

Yeah, it's a great poster.

But yeah, Erwin Barker was, there was, there was nobody funnier.

And I remember he could be so fast, too.

Like, I was talking to another comic, and we were trying to, like, we couldn't really articulate the difference between implied and inferred.

And just as we were talking about it, Erwin Barker came by, you know, word guy, Erwin Barker, professor, we used to call him.

So I said, Erwin, what's the difference between implied and inferred?

And he said, what are you getting at?

And it's like you look around to see if there's a camera.

Am I in a sketch right now?

Every time I get an Uber or a cab, I think of his joke about calling a cab and them saying, I'll be there in no time.

And he's like, so either you're already here or you're not coming.

Oh, man.

So then now you've started another venture.

You started an internet podcast, videocast?

Well, so I've started writing my next book, and I'm writing a new TV series.

Is it going to be about Hot Talk?

Or either of them.

It's going to be about Hotel.

I'm banking that one.

So I'm writing my next novel and I'm writing this new TV series.

So

I started what is ostensibly a newsletter, right?

It's on Substack, except I don't want to do any more.

I'm writing all day.

Yeah.

I'm writing either the book or the scripts.

So I don't want to also write a newsletter.

Yeah.

But then it's the platform of Substack and they became a video hosting platform.

So what I started doing.

Video killed the newsletter star.

Yeah.

So I sat down one day.

I just wanted to test out the video uploading process of it and see what it was like.

And, you know, so I the nuts, the bolts.

I shot this video and I said to anybody who's watching this, don't expect it to be anything.

I'm just rambling here.

I'm just testing the platform.

But I talked for like nine minutes, you know, and uploaded it, and I got all these people replying saying, do this again.

This was really entertaining.

It was really fun.

It was on a Wednesday, and I said, well, maybe I'll do a midweek rambler next week, too.

And it became a thing where I was just every week I would sit down.

And the reason I've been able to do it is or to consistently stay with it is there's zero prep.

It requires no advance where it's literally like, okay, I've got 40 minutes now.

I'm going to sit down and talk for for 20 of that into the camera.

And I don't know what I'm going to talk about.

The other 20 minutes is my time.

That's all advanced post-production.

A lot of like punching in and out, that kind of editing, you know.

But anyway,

so I was like, well, what am I going to call this thing?

And,

you know, people often come up to me and they say, well, are you doing any more TV right now?

And I say, not exactly, because I was doing this thing.

So I just called it not exactly TV.

and um it's kind of taken off there's like i got over like i got like 6 000 subscribers really now wow and um yeah you can you can sign up for free

the globe of mail bestseller list yeah it would it probably would that's amazing but yeah you can either you can either join for free like follow along for free and you'll get like one video a month or there's a uh you can you can become a paid like subscriber and then every week wherever i am like

I set up in hotel rooms when I'm on the road and I record the little videos, talk about where I am, what I'm doing, and what adventures we've been up to on the road.

And it's been really fun.

And like I said, it's just something I can do with no prep.

I love that the premise behind it, my promise to you is that I will not do any prep.

So I can live up to that very easily.

Well.

That's not nothing to brag about.

We haven't prepared for an episode in

17 years.

Look, how you were were just going through your notes before the show.

That's true.

I do need a thing to talk about.

Yeah, we get you as a pre-interview that you give us some fun anecdotes.

But anyway, yeah, so

it's cool.

And if any, if anybody, I'll come up with, I'll think of a thing here.

If any of your listeners want to test it out,

I'll

remind me before we go, before we sign off,

I'll try and think of like a,

here's how you can like if you just email me with like in the subject heading put spy or something

I can I'll sign you up for like what's reasonable three months free sure three months per three months primo where you get and this is every week we're getting the videos every week yeah and then if you don't like it if you're like well this stinks it just feels like he did no advanced prep at all

um then you can either bail or just like you know yeah go to the free once a month kind of it's not exactly t v

That's right.

It's not exactly.

I don't know what you're expecting.

If you're expecting TV, it's not.

So you can just go to not exactly.tv or just go to my website.

And then they sign up, and you'll come up with a thing by the end of the episode.

You'll say who you despise, and

that's the thing.

Well, the thing is, there's a countdown.

Yeah.

There's no way that I know of, and I'm not the sharpest marble in the pouch when it comes to technology, but there's no, I don't know how to make this offer through the platform.

So if you just email me directly at,

I have a bunch of email accounts.

I'll come up with which one I think is easiest.

Stay tuned for the end of the show, Greg.

Yeah, you're going to get an email.

You're going to find out where you can email me.

Exciting.

I know.

I used to be very, it used to feel very personal.

If someone, oh, I can't let my email address out.

And then, how many people is just their name at gmail.com?

Not me for sure.

Dave Shumko, one.

Yeah,

I'm always, I admire somebody that is able to just sit and talk off the top of their head.

Like Mark Maron does it every week, where it's like, you know, he's not following a script.

He's just talking.

And he can just talk.

There's podcasts like that too.

Yeah.

Where he just sits down alone with a microphone and goes off.

Yeah.

But like,

yeah, Mark Maron, who's listening to that part.

Oh,

godlin thrown down.

He's got a name of a guest that he's got on that.

Like, you can read it when you download it.

A couple of months ago, Sophie Buttle was a guest on his podcast, and she mentioned me.

And

we know each other for years and years.

And he goes, oh, yeah, the guy with the beard.

I was like, all right.

All right.

Fuck me, I guess.

I guess.

Me and my beard.

So, yeah, do you just like, you don't think of, you don't have a notion?

It's just, you sit down and then blah.

Like, sometimes I do.

Sometimes I'm like,

like, I was, I was on my way home, and I knew I was going to be recording a not exactly TV episode.

And on the way home, I walked by

like a window of a bakery, and there was a guy sitting in there looking at his phone, eating a muffin.

And it was such a, he looked like Rat Boy.

The way I'd never seen a guy eat a muffin like this before.

He was a big strapping guy, but he was like eating it like a little rat face rat boy, you know?

And I was like, oh, God, I got to talk about that.

I can't get to the microphone fast enough.

And sometimes I try stand-up bits.

I usually tell people ahead of time.

So

I'm not like trying to surreptitiously weave in a stat.

I'm very upfront.

I say, here's something I'm thinking about.

I think it's maybe plane out of the black box.

I'll say,

here's something I think might find its way into my stand-up act.

And it's sort of like it helps me to hammer out the wording of it if I'm just doing it to an audience in a microphone.

Yeah.

And some of those things that I've come up with on the

not exactly TV have gone on to be chunks in my stand-up act.

Oh, nice.

That's a nice.

So it's kind of, it's kind of, people are very interested in that because they get to see the process.

And there have been, there was one time where I did the same thing two weeks in a row.

And I'd come back and say, okay, I think I know how to make this better.

I was a little wordy last time.

What if I did it like this?

He didn't exactly look like a rat.

It was more more like a marsupial.

Awesome boy.

Yeah, it's

I do.

I admire anybody that's able to just go and

go and just.

You could do it in a RPD.

I tried it.

I was on a radio station and I had to pre-prepare everything.

I couldn't think of it.

Because otherwise you just.

you wouldn't get to a point to jump out at, which I think people that are in radio all the time, like they know, like, and there's the end of the story.

Here comes the end.

And you have to be comfortable with like a little bit of silence.

Yeah.

Like, you say the thing, and then you're like, I can hear my own breath.

Well, the nice thing about this kind of thing is, is, um, you know, there is, you're not live on the radio.

I am.

If there's like, if I bite my tongue or I say something stupid or there's a giant swath of dead air, I can carve that out.

Do you ever bite your tongue?

Oh, all the damn while you're talking?

On stage, I do it.

Like during my professional stand-up comedy.

You have to go, ow.

Yeah, I just, like, there's no hiding it.

Nothing's worse.

So I just say, God, I bit my tongue.

Yeah.

But I've had it like kneecap full bits where like you're leading, you're going the setup, you're working towards the punchline, bite your tongue.

You're like, oh, I just bit my tongue.

And you've kneecapped the whole joke.

Now you just got to bail on it.

And it's such a betrayal.

It is.

Is you telling a teeth?

You guys know each other.

I think Gene Simmons ever does it on stage.

Oh, Oh, God.

Norm McDonald used to do that bit about, like, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often, you know, because it's just like surrounded by teeth, and they don't know what the hell they're biting.

They got no sense.

They don't know if it's my tongue or a punk of pork.

It should be happening 20 times a day, you'd think.

Have you seen the video of the guy trying to put various things in the

closing back door of the Tesla?

Oh, yeah.

He like tries a banana and it goes right through the banana.

Then he tries a hot dog.

It doesn't go through the hot dog, but it does go through his finger.

Crunch.

I was trying to get something out of the,

I have an automatic

rag

hatch on the back of my car.

Yeah.

And I was trying to get something out of it.

And but there was something, like I was parked back, I backed into my spot and it was going against a wall.

So I like

hit the button to open the thing.

I knew it wouldn't open all the way.

And I tried to like, I had to get something out of my bag really quickly while it was

opening, and then it closed immediately on my arm.

But I was like, certainly, it won't.

It won't jump as long as it won't keep crushing it.

Like it beeps because it's been obstructed, and then it beeps the other way because it's been, but it was, it went back and forth a few times.

Oh, boy.

So now it's basically chewing on your arm.

I was fine, though.

Yeah.

Did you get the thing you needed?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was it?

I don't know.

Like, I was hockey pucks.

A The first aid kit.

Ironically, it was a first aid kit he was reaching for.

I don't know how often you ride the train, but there's always people making the last, like putting their wrist through the door to get it to stop.

Like not even getting the majority of their torso in.

Just like, well, I hope it bounces on from my wrist.

It always does.

Yeah.

Elevators are cool with it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Elevators are good.

Convenience stores doors, not at all.

They'll slam right on you.

Really?

The automatic ones?

Yeah, maybe it's just maybe I'm taking my time.

Yeah, if you're going to dawdle, you take your life into your own hands if you're dawdling.

Yeah, there's a

video online of a woman standing, reading her phone at the bottom of an escalator.

She doesn't realize that she's not going everywhere.

Like, everybody's walking up because it's a broken escalator.

She's sitting there staring at her.

That's enthralling.

Whatever she's got on her phone.

That's pretty enthralling.

Not exactly TV.

Yeah, it might be one of my paid subscribers.

She was watching

TV, eating a muffin like a rat boy.

God, what pizza muffin.

Can I ask you what the next book is about in broad strokes?

Yeah, in broad, like again, it's another dark and violent psychological thriller.

That's my

genre.

That's what I bring to the table.

It's what I like to read.

So it's not surprising, I guess, that that's what I write.

So it's about a touring guy, a touring hot dog critic.

Oh, that was

as far as the setup, I am it.

Can I invest in this?

Touring hot dog.

Not one of these local hot dog critics.

Well, he's got to have every hot dog in Canada.

In broad strokes, it's about a

guy who in broad strokes, it's about a rich and famous failure.

It's sort of the concept of, can you be a rich and famous failure?

And it's a guy who became rich and famous by being a host of a game show, a TV game show.

Okay.

But he's also like a classically trained, like a really good actor.

But he took this audition for his game show host as a guy in his early 30s.

And

sort of because his agent was going to drop him if he didn't.

Right.

And he lands the gig and it sort of becomes a, you know a golden cage.

He

gets a lot of money.

The show's a big hit.

And for 15 years, he's the host of this TV game show.

Now the show's done and he wants to become a

dramatic actor, but nobody will take him seriously.

Right.

And because he's just a TV game show guy.

And so it becomes

sort of what are you willing to do to change people's perceptions of who you are?

And

how far will you go to pursue your dream?

Wow, and he's kind of he's um,

he starts working with a disenfranchised screenwriter who is basically saying, We can set you up, we just got to change people's perception of who you are, right?

And they contrive these situations that show them in a darker, edgier light, but it keeps getting worse and worse.

And he's like,

I didn't want it to go this far, you know, but but um

so it's yeah, it's a it's about that as well.

How far are you willing to go to chase your dream?

Brent, you're a big game show guy.

I enjoy game shows.

What's your,

I feel like, are we're in an era of game shows where everything is a the floor is a video screen, the wall is a video screen.

I long for a simpler time.

Yeah, like, I feel like

with kind of like Name That Tune and

they're huge.

Yeah, they're just like so big like it's like

have you watched

the floor no oh the floor is like a hundred people on a floor right they each have their own square the square is like animated okay that they stand on and then but the game itself is the stupidest like it's like oh i want to take over this guy's square of the floor well you're gonna have to face off with him in the category of

like kitchen utensils and then you stand he just suddenly beats him to death with a mallet and then you're just like standing squaring off against each other and they just show kitchen utensils and you just have to name them faster and it's like whisk

race maker

and it is like it's like all this set up for like something a baby could do yeah and like it used to be that a game show host was a game show host and that's what they were known for yeah but now it's like somebody famous is like

a game show host, and that's not weird anymore.

Oh, by the way, the floor is hosted by Rob Lowe.

Is it really?

Yeah.

Just to be clear, it is weird.

It's still very weird.

People don't, they want to think it's not weird, but it's very weird.

But yeah, I grew up a game show guy.

I was a big, I loved definition.

And my father was crazy good at definition.

It probably predates.

Do you have any memory of definition?

I know the theme song is the but doo-doo doo doo doo.

Yeah, the Quincy Jones.

The Austin Powers.

And did Alex Trebek host it before?

No, he named Concentration.

Perry.

Winkle?

No, Perry was his last name.

Jim Perry.

He hosted a few different game shows.

He was a dual Canada U.S.

citizen.

So he hosted definition.

And it was sort of like, you know, it would be like, so the definition is

being afraid to eat at KFC.

And then they would have like.

the letter like the spaces for the letters right and so my dad would just be like i remember this one this one example sticks out because that's what it was, right?

Being afraid to eat at KFC, and dad was like, chickening out.

And

he could do that all the time.

Really?

And it was sort of the running family joke:

we would put dad on a plane and fly him to Toronto on definition.

If he wouldn't just win a box of rice or rum, right?

You can't get your money back on a Canadian game show.

Yeah.

So

$80.

Did you ever,

the Sean Cullet, Corky and the Juice Pigs?

on their album, they had two game show announcers meet on the street.

Oh, yeah, that was great.

And then they do two Canadian game show announcers meet on the street.

How are you doing?

I've been doing a lot better since I got my brand new coat.

Lawrence Morgenstern used to do the,

you want a new carburetor.

I should have brought this up.

I didn't think of it until you just said, I just recorded my first album.

In Calgary at the Bella Concert Hall, we recorded

my very first comedy album.

This is 37 years into my career.

But, like, I remember it's famously you didn't put out an album because

you didn't think you were going to.

You were in a fight with your record company, like, Prince.

But

why, like, because I remember you kind of saying, like, then your act at that time is gone.

Like, what's the purpose of putting out an album?

And so, why now?

Well, sort of why now, I got approached by a company to see if we want to do it.

So, that's great.

It takes the heat off me trying to produce my album.

And

I don't know.

I was just thinking, yeah, like now's a good time to do it.

And I was sort of working on a bunch of new material and stuff.

And so I thought, okay, now's the time to get some of this out into the world.

And

it was being produced by a label.

So, yeah, let's do it.

And I was already booked to play the

Bella Concert Hall, which is a great venue in Calgary.

I'd never played there before.

I've only ever seen pictures.

And so I was like, why don't we, because they said, you know, start thinking about venues where you'd like to do it.

And I got back to them and I said, well, I'm already playing this amazing venue.

Why don't we record it there?

So, and I was playing Lethbridge the night before.

And so we recorded.

Lethbridge and Calgary.

And, you know, with the idea being it's going to be 99% probably from the Calgary show, but a little safety in the Lethbridge show.

I don't know when that's going to come out.

And it's an album, not an album and a special.

Yeah, just all audio.

Straight album.

Straight up audio.

You grew up in Calgary, if I'm not mistaken.

The Bella Concert Hall.

It's new.

Oh, it's new?

Okay.

It wasn't around when I was there.

I was going to ask if you ever...

what acts you saw there growing up.

Oh, I mean, you can only imagine probably where Ellie Ankovic would have played there.

Yeah, it is a really cool, it's a beautiful venue.

And

there's, it's one of those ones where you got people up on the, you know, like the

Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets.

You know, there are people up in the little box seats up around you as well.

Nice.

Very cool.

I just played the Capitol Theater in Moncton.

Have you ever played there?

I realized when I stepped out on stage for the sound check this time, I was like, oh, yeah, I played this place as part of a Just for Laughs tour because it stood out in my head.

I think it's from 1904, I think it was built, like an old vaudeville house or something.

And it has just been kept up.

It's so gorgeous.

And like the whole ceiling is like paintings, like in molding, Sistine Chapel kind of.

It's crazy gorgeous.

I put pictures of it on my Instagram when I was there.

It's

but yeah, that was a beautiful, beautiful theater.

There's a lot of great old theaters in this country.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Vaudeville was a big part.

I actually talk about this in huge.

Vaudeville was a Canada was a big part of the vaudeville stage.

But the guy who owned the Pantages chain of theaters

had them running through Canada too.

And so often they would do, Canada would sort of be the testing ground, right?

For acts to see if they're going to put them out in the, you know, in LA and New York and all that kind of stuff.

And so Winnipeg was a big center.

And like Winnipeg is where

George Burns met Charlie Chaplin in Winnipeg.

Bob Hope learned how to golf in Winnipeg.

It's this weird little showbiz hub.

Yeah, George Burns,

he was funny as an old man.

I didn't really get his appeal as a younger

Gracie was the show.

That's right.

He was the straight man to Gracie, but he was a very smart business guy.

He was an incredible producer, and he sort of figured out how to create television.

He was one of the radio people.

You know, when TV first came along, they went to the radio folks and said, okay,

we want you, you know, like you're a successful radio show, do a TV show.

And nobody knew how to do a TV show.

And George, sort of, he, he, as much as anybody, George and later Desi Arnaz, really hammered out how to make television.

Yeah, wow, and now you're making a show all your own.

It really does come full circle.

It really does.

I think we've all learned a little something.

Um, Dave, what's going with you, man?

And now you're married to Lucille Ball.

What's going on with me?

Well, a couple things.

Okay.

Well, a few weeks ago, we had a municipal election.

Yes.

And the lines were too long.

Did you get out and vote?

I did.

Huge, long line.

An hour and a half.

Mine was only 25 minutes.

And then

we're in a neighborhood that doesn't care.

You're damn right.

Now we're having a federal election.

And they had advanced voting this past weekend.

We did that.

And I did that on, I went on Friday and there's there's a huge line.

And I was like, ah, maybe I'll go Friday afternoon.

It was all, it was a four-day weekend.

It was Easter weekend.

And

I, yeah, the line was pretty long in the morning, so I didn't go.

And then Friday afternoon, I went and I was like, okay, the line's moving pretty slow.

It should be like maybe an hour and a half.

And then a woman goes through the line.

Okay, anyone on poll number 412 with the last name ending

or last name starting N to Z.

And I was like, that's me.

And she's like, yeah, that line's a little shorter.

And she brought me inside.

No one in that line.

Oh, really?

So if you're in the back half, for some reason, if you were in the back half of the alphabet, no one showed up.

Oh, really?

So I was the only person in that line.

From N to N to N to Z in my poll.

That's all your Newtons, your Smiths.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

All the, you know, O'Connell, O'Donnell.

That's right.

All the Irish.

Does anybody hear Irish?

I don't think you're allowed to ask that, actually.

I did like in our line, there were two women that had walkers that just bypassed the line, didn't ask, can I get through, just push their way through the line?

I was like, Yeah, this is how this is how it gets done, everybody.

The oldest trick in the booth.

Well, I mean, that's right.

You see, you're skipping out

her inflatable walker.

I was a little disappointed.

No stickers for voting.

Yeah, I didn't get a sticker.

Now that you mention it, huh?

The other one was fun.

The city one?

Yeah.

This federal election, and I, you know, I've been around a while.

Not that I'm a real political hawk, not that I'm really on top of these things.

But the swing, I don't think anybody's ever seen this swing in two months, a 24-point swing, right?

Because the conservative, it was runaway.

It was going to be the hugest conservative majority in the history of the nation.

And then Donald Trump said, hey, I might invade you guys.

And Justin Trudeau quit.

And those two things

flip-flop like in

less than two months.

It was a 24-point swing with the liberals now looking like they're going to win that.

At the time of the recording, we are five days away from the actual.

so listeners.

Now's your time to tell us who won.

Just we'll be

quiet for five seconds.

Whoa.

Shit.

If I could think of my email address, I'd let you know how to get a hold of me and tell me.

No, don't you do not tempt people with that.

Yeah, I wonder, because for people who don't know, in Canada, we have more than just the two political parties.

Yeah, we have about 36 political parties

of varying degrees of relevance.

And there's one that I think only has one or two seats, which is the Green Party.

And

I was in her, Elizabeth May's riding over the weekend.

And I was like, oh, yeah, that's right.

The Green Party.

I forgot all about them in this.

The NDP, you got your block.

You got your People's Party of Canada.

There are only four on my ballot.

Oh, yeah.

No, no, Peter's

People's Party of Canada.

There's no People's Party of Canada, no natural law party.

Oh God,

natural natural law party.

When I was

first paying attention to politics was the year Cretchin won.

And

sorry, I just wanted to say, I saw him this past weekend.

Jean-Cretchin?

Yeah, we were in Jamie and I were on tour in the East Coast.

We were in Prince Edward Island and we were going into the airport and the car pulls out.

A couple of cops get out and then like a couple of thugs

and then Jean Cretchin.

wow and so did he choke you

yeah the shouldn't a good handshake we we were both like hey that's jean cretchin and one of his handlers saw us noticing him and actually like tapped him on the shoulder and said those these guys are a threat

neutralized tased we were immediately tased no he came over and like shook our hand and you know right he's sort of basking in the like elder statesman

you know and uh so we were on the same flight going to halifax uh that's cool anyway back to Dave's.

Oh, yeah.

Well, no, that year

I was paying attention to politics.

I think we had to write a

pick up a political party and write about them.

I did the Reform Party because I thought Preston Manning had a funny voice.

He did.

Famously funny voice.

But that was also,

Doug Henning was the leader of the Natural Law Party and their yoga flying

platform.

Yeah, because I remember in the political ads, he was sitting like cross-legged, floating, maybe above a carpet or something.

In the world of politics, everything is magic.

Kids invested in politics.

That's right.

Voted

a little folio.

I'm having some prostate problems.

So that was one thing.

Older fellow.

I voted.

Loved it.

Yeah.

And the other thing that's happening on the ballot.

Did you do an X or a check?

Oh, I did a little smiley face.

Nice.

I think I did a check.

I think I did an X.

I did X.

Yeah.

I feel like...

But then halfway through, I was like, did I do it right?

And then, so I think my ballot maybe isn't spoiled.

Spoiled rotten.

Yeah, spoiled rotten.

And then, so the other thing that's happening is my beloved hockey team, the Vancouver Canucks, Brent's beloved hockey team as well.

They're done for the year.

Out of the playoffs.

Not in the playoffs.

Yeah,

they were conscientious objectors to the playoffs.

But I realize how much more TV I watch when there's no hockey on it anymore.

Or, like, I can, I'm free.

Yeah, exactly.

This is a gift.

You could suddenly now you can explore all the culture has to hockey.

I mean, it sucks, but there's now it's 82 nights a year I watch hockey, and now I have all these extra nights.

I can just

start.

I'm re-watching Better Call Sol.

I was gonna say, what are you watching?

I'm watching Better Call Sol.

Yeah.

That's right.

I'm rewatching the first season, and then I will continue watching the other seasons.

And then there's things on my list.

Yeah.

Like, what do you get?

Do I want to try to watch Andor again?

Did you ever watch Andor?

No, is that Star Wars?

It's a Star Wars.

Apparently, it's the most grown-up Star Wars thing.

It's and/slash or.

Improv.

And or.

It's written by the guy who wrote Michael Clayton, which would be a joke if

it wasn't true.

Yeah, it's the grown-up Star Wars thing by the guy who did Michael Clayton.

So it's a lot of procedurals.

I think so.

But the other thing I did yesterday, I went to go see a movie.

Nice.

I went to go see the movie Sinners.

Sinners.

Now, is this a matinee you're taking it?

This was a matinee.

It was Tuesday.

How many people in the theater?

Well, they now do this week and next week, cheap Tuesday.

So $5 tickets.

Shit.

And so I wanted to see Black Bag, but I was like, that's not going to be full.

I want to go to a movie that's full.

Yeah.

So I picked the number one movie in the nation, Sinners.

I I haven't heard of either of these films.

Oh, I've heard of Black Bag, but I haven't heard of Sinners.

Sinners, you'd love Sinners.

It's a vampire movie.

It's got Michael B.

Jordan as twins.

Well, that's pretty good.

Oh, yeah, I did.

I saw a poster for it.

I didn't see Michael B.

Jordan.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And it's,

it's not scary.

I thought I heard vampire movie.

I thought.

Oh, this is going to be like a horror movie.

And

I want to be in a full theater where everyone's going, uh.

But it's more like, oh, there's a bunch of vampires and

it's going to be a big confrontation.

Yeah, we've got to fight our way out.

Us versus them.

It's politicking.

It's mostly politics.

Yeah, it's like the inner workings of the vampire world.

There really are kind of like, just give it, give us this one guy and we'll leave you alone.

Yeah.

And

I watched a movie the other night called, oh, crap, now I'm going to forget what it was called.

Jaws.

Yep.

I've heard of that one.

Not Annabelle, but oh, I'll remember it.

Anyways, it's about a young girl, and you're like, it's just the countdown.

When does she turn to a monster?

When does she turn to a monster?

Is she a ghost the whole time?

Do you only watch horror at this point?

No, I watched, well, I was going to say I watched something last night.

It was a horror, though.

Yeah, have you do you watch horrors ever?

Because I know you're like mystery thriller.

Yeah, I read more horror than I watch horror.

I grew up like, you know, I think I saw some horror movie when I was a little kid and it scared the hell out of me and and gave me nightmares and I was like, yeah, this is not for me.

And I didn't watch horror movies for a long time.

And then, you know, as a guy in my late 20s, I sort of accidentally, I was watching a movie.

I didn't know what it was.

It was on TV.

Right.

Started watching it and realized, oh, crap, this is a horror movie.

And now I'm about 15 minutes into it, 20 minutes into it.

And I was like, okay, buckle up.

And it was

not that scary, you know, but I enjoyed it.

And so from that point on,

I'm not averse to watching horror movies, but I'm more, yeah, I definitely, like to read horror.

Yeah, I love to read, especially like ghost stories.

I'm reminded of that Kids in the Hall sketch about the guy who writes the scary book.

Yeah, and it's called Boo.

He opens the cover,

and then he's killing himself.

Like, what am I?

I have to come up with a follow-up, and it's called There's a Spider on Your Shoulder.

And the publisher is like, You did it again.

Yeah, I

so so this sinners, yes horror, no horror, not horror, not horror, uh, vampire, vampire, okay.

I thought with vampire, I thought it was kind of like horror or like sultry romance.

It is, there's a lot of

sexy

vampires in the cinema world.

There are two sex scenes and boy howdy.

Uh, and it's uh the two twin characters going out.

Each twin rules for vampires.

Well, each twin gets a sex scene.

Oh, really?

Yeah, nice.

Uh, But there's one sex scene.

That was in Jordan B's contract.

Two sex scenes.

Probably the twin.

Each of my characters gets a sex scene.

All right.

Both get a sex scene.

It's got, there's one incredible shot that is also very silly where, like, the whole, it takes place in the 30s, and

they're starting up a juke joint, and they got blues music.

And they're like, there's throughout history in all kinds of cultures there are people who

can harness the music and

they can pierce the veil of time

but they're followed by evil oh shit and that's the like opening thing in the in the movie right and then in the middle of this juke joint the guy's playing guitar and there's this incredible shot like I feel like it's one shot just traveling through this whole party of everyone dancing but then there's like he's pierced the veil of time, and then suddenly there's like an African tribesman beating a drum in the juke joint, and then like a funk musician with a guitar, and then a DJ

playing hip-hop beats, and you hear all the music mixing together.

And like, as cool as the idea is, it kind of just feels like a Bud Light commercial.

It's also like you really have to say Sputs McKenzie is there

dancing.

God, I miss Spuds McKenzie we were a better world when there was a Spuds McKenzie um yeah the uh I feel like every movie should have to do you the courtesy of being like here's the rule of this movie or giving it up front like every 12 years a wolf comes around go

and go

instead of you know saddling somebody with all the like exposition just uh here okay so that we're all in the same page just dive in that was the problem with all the spider-man iterations it was like every time we got to learn how.

Oh, yeah.

I just like that.

I just kind of spritzed off something when I was on this last run of shows that was talking about how,

like, I knew a bit about how when I was a kid, I was a goalie, right?

When I played hockey as a kid, I was a goalie, but I knew early on that, you know, my future wasn't going to be in the NHL.

And then I just spritzed off.

Unless I got bit by a radioactive goalie, this wasn't going to happen.

And I was like, that's one of those things you're like, yeah, that can stay.

That could stay in the act.

Charlie had that joke, Charlie DeMares, about when you're a fat kid, you got to be funny and goalie.

But yeah,

one of the vampire movies I like that I watched,

the rules change and everything.

They are Fred of Garlic.

They're not.

Oh, yeah.

And the one guy thinks he saved himself by wearing a crucifix on.

Jeep takes it off and starts stabbing him with it.

wow insult to injury there is a scene in this one where they're like uh they've they've they got like pickled garlic and so she pours she like sprays pickled garlic on a vampire and it burns him yeah it's uh and in the original fright night there was a powerful scene in the original fright night where the the guy pulls out the cross to the vampire

And the vampire just reaches out and crushes the cross because it's like, this doesn't mean anything unless you believe.

You don't believe in this, in the the power of the cross right so it means nothing did you know that Russell Crowe made two unrelated movies where he played an exorcist in the last in two years like he made the pope's exorcist which R.I.P.

the Pope yeah that's true I was looking at this exorcist and then he played another exorcist a year later in exorcism hmm maybe it's just like being typecast now you were so good as an exorcist in one thing um why him yeah yeah like the movie, why him?

Yeah, so check it out.

They also, they do a thing where they all kind of like, to make sure each other isn't a vampire, they all have to eat a clove of garlic.

And one of the, it's kind of funny.

One of them's like, but I don't like garlic.

Oh, you don't shit.

Yeah, I like a good vampire movie.

I like everybody's got a twist on it.

But also, come up with a new monster, everybody.

Let's do a new, brand new monster, you know?

I was thinking the same thing the other day.

Well, there's one person in the movie who is like

She's like, well, they're all in Mississippi and they're like, oh, she's been doing that Louisiana mojo magic.

She's gonna make a mojo bag, which

is just like, you know, warding off bad spirits or whatever.

And she's like, oh, I know what these people are.

She's a hate.

Okay.

And they're like, oh, okay, what's a hate?

And then like five minutes later, she's like, no, I'm wrong.

They're vampires.

We were talking last week.

I'm going on the bonus podcast, maybe that the guy who directed Weekend at Bernie's passed away.

And

I was reading what happened because the first one, he gets killed, and these guys have to animate him to get a bank account or something like that.

And the second one, they take his corpse to a voodoo person and they do voodoo on him, and he can walk around, but only if music's playing.

So

he gets a walk.

Because it's like, how would you make a sequel of that?

There you go.

Ask an answer.

He's dead again.

Yeah.

And because he didn't have any lines, he got paid as an extra.

Oh, Hollywood's cruel.

Anyway, check out Sinners

if you like that kind of thing.

I don't think I spoiled anything.

Yeah.

And go and see any movie where a little girl is going to turn into something.

What's going on with you?

What is going on with me?

Oh, I went to a nice island off the coast of BC called salt spring island you've been there before i've been there before uh it's sally's parents live there in a very nice house at the top of a hill and uh my thing oh just i got a reminder nine minutes ago ask who they hate

i hate sally's parents they've been like enemies for so long i'm just gonna estimate this segment of the show in 12 minutes ask me to ask them who they hate i had forgotten about it to be honest um But the thing that I,

they, both her parents are like, they're basically like frontiers people.

Like, they do everything.

They don't have, like, they're gardening, they're chopping down trees.

It's, they've got a cabin that they've like decorated and run.

And it's just, they're completely self-duty Sasquatches on a regular basis.

They get all their stuff like from an exchange where they, you know, get this piece and that piece and do it all.

Like, they're very handy and very good at that type of living.

And I I am not.

I'm the opposite of that.

I'm a Mr.

City Slicker.

I don't know how, like, I'll lock the doors, and people will be like, nobody's been up this path except us for a hundred years.

But I also find new and inventive ways of hurting myself

and embarrassing.

I try to do them as embarrassing as possible.

The first one, the first time I was on.

I hurt myself today, is how you should sing after you, you know, when I tell Sally, impale your wish.

Heard himself banging loudly on the piano.

Bling, cling, hurt myself.

The first time I was there, I fell into a ditch and

fell into the ditch that was filled with like an equivalent of poison ivy.

Okay.

So I had to have.

If you can't get poison ivy, you just get the equivalent.

That's right.

If you can't get brand name Poison Ivy, the Canadian equivalent.

Designer imposters, Poison Ivy.

And Sally knew from some maybe like like scouts or some

thing.

Yeah, she pissed all over it.

And now for the solution.

She found like a, there's a leaf called like frog leaf or something, and you apply it to the skin and it makes it not itch because of poisoning.

Ivy worked like a charm, but I had to be sitting around for hours with my arms straight out letting this do its thing.

So nice and humiliating, really good.

Tops to her stuff.

I can't remember.

I've definitely scalded myself myself in the shower there and

why is it so hot no it seems like it would be the other way around like you couldn't get a hot enough shower in this sort of spring rustic scenario the shower has two like it's a hot and cold well tapped into the like a lava so it's in a lava source yeah they're above a good well

cold water and lava you got to get the balance just right

and like they say and i don't i still don't know what it means i've never asked uh they have instead of a a septic tank, they have a septic field.

And I'm like, and it's where people walk around.

I'm like, should we be walking around?

We know what's right under this field, right, guys?

What a city slick.

I truly don't know what a septic tank is.

No, it's just you don't have access to sewer systems.

So you're filling in the

gigantic tank.

And then every so often somebody comes with a

basically a truck that pumps it out.

Yeah.

What a day that is.

I see people in the city like doing that with port-a-potties.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fantastic.

Just sit down and watch for a while.

Enjoy.

But yeah,

so this time around, I thought, why not?

They have a dog, lovely dog, who brought a frisbee over to me.

And I was like, okay, I'll throw a frisbee.

Now, you're allergic to the dog and all of its slobber.

Yeah,

but I thought if I grab the frisbee and I can toss it.

She didn't want to let go of the frisbee, not even a little bit.

So I was holding on to try and get it out of her mouth, and the thing twisted around, and I thought I nearly broke my finger.

So,

frisbee avulsion, yeah, it was, and it's just like

Jimmy Fallon.

I thought she was going to say you through the frisbee and the dog.

I had no, she wouldn't let go, so I had no choice but to throw the frisbee and the dog.

Now, her parents are mad at me.

Uh, no, that dog's not going anywhere, that's a strong dog, yeah, and uh, so yeah, I hurt my finger.

I hurt my daughter today,

Yeah, so Sally again with the frontier medicine, maybe a splint out of a popsicle stick and some tape.

Which finger?

This one.

For the listener, of course.

But actually, it is this one.

It was the old bird.

But yeah, it worked.

The little splint worked.

But having to wear it around.

Sally sounds like a fantastic person to have around.

Yes.

How does she know?

She'd probably be dead 11 times over if it wasn't for her.

She reads a lot.

So I assume assume just some knowledge gets through that

I don't know.

But yeah, Sally, she is good to have around.

I've

got stuff

scouts or anything?

I don't think so.

Brownies.

She may have done brownies.

Yeah, maybe she did do that.

I don't know.

Brownies is now called Embers.

Why?

Yeah, some kids were like, hey, I'm brown.

Maybe, maybe stop calling me.

Okay, we'll call you the whiteies.

But it worked.

My finger is all, it still hurts, but it's all one piece and it's not bruised like it was.

But just having to wear that around the whole weekend, just really, it is the one guy who hurt himself.

Nobody else has ever hurt themselves here.

And like they're chopping wood and chainsawing down trees.

I can't even get a frisbee away from their talk.

I remember once I went to Galliano Island.

Oh, yeah.

And

where we went, it was just very muddy and I was wearing flip-flops, and my flip-flop got stuck in the mud, and I was like, ha ha,

surely it can't be that stuck.

And I lifted my foot, tore the flip-flop

asunder, and twisted my back so badly that I was like,

I was like, does anyone have any muscle relaxants?

Any Volterran here in Galeano?

Here, eat this pine cone.

Is it like Robax's scent or Voltaire and Ebelgel?

Yeah.

Like where I grew, I grew up in like a rural farming community, right?

But

my girlfriend in high school was from like a tiny little hamlet outside of my hometown of Tisdale.

And the people in her hometown, like her brothers and the other people in the town, would call me City Slicker because I was from Tisdale, Saskatchewan.

That's how like the remote rural situation she lived in.

They were like, look at this guy.

Well, you think you're better than us because you're over Tis Day.

Tis Day.

Oh, what was so my Abby's family is from a town in Ontario called

Toronto.

I don't, why don't I remember it?

Well, I don't know.

Where's Deb De Giovanni from?

Oh, I don't remember.

Yeah, well,

it's the next town over.

Oh, Ingersolls were the family from.

Anyway, that's the next town over.

And they thought that was the fancy town because it had slanted parking spots

on the main street.

That is pretty fancy.

Hard to argue.

Yeah.

When you grew up on a farm, did you learn how to do any of this?

No.

And I would, I often had friends who, like, have friends who were on farms, right?

And I would come out, I would hang out, and they would try to put me to work, like, you know, help out with.

And I was like, such a hindrance, such a liability to.

I didn't know.

My girlfriend in high school, her brothers, their big game was to point at different pieces of farm equipment, ask me what I thought it was.

And then they would kill themselves laughing.

You know, I'd be like, it's like a hay thing.

He thinks it's a hay thing.

That was their fun game.

Have you seen the classic far side comic Cow Tools?

No.

It's a very good thing.

I've seen many cow-related farside cartoons, certainly.

There's an abundance of

the cows, the nerdy kid, the lady with the beehive hair.

It's this.

And

it's like, it's got its own Wikipedia page because it is just,

I guess, so esoteric or whatever.

And it's just a cow with four shapeless kind of

well, one's clearly supposed to be a saw.

Yeah.

That's kind of like a twig-looking thing and things like that.

And there's been much debate for 40 years about what's the joke?

Yeah, that's beyond me, that one.

Yeah, what the hell is the joke?

But I now get like, there's a Facebook group that is all about memes based on just cow tools.

Oh, I love that.

And

I'm not a member of the Facebook group, but Facebook seems to know that I pause every time it comes across my page.

So here you go.

Here's more.

That is funny because, yeah, it's like, yeah, know, what is the

joke?

Why does the one look like a saw?

Hey, they can't all be fantastic.

Like, that pretty high hit ratio, Gary Larson.

Yeah, pretty good high-hit ratio.

If one out of a thousand made no goddamn sense, I'm going to let him have that.

Yeah.

Larson, apparently, in response to the controversy, Larson issued a press release clarifying that the thrust of the cartoon was simply that

if a cow were to make tools, they would lack something in sophistication nailed it hard to argue

um well do you guys want to move on to some overheards sure

hey we're the euro evangelists and it's the most wonderful time of the year because the eurovision song contest is next week 37 countries will face off in basel switzerland to determine who has the best song in europe on our show we've argued about all the songs and we are heading to europe to bring you our reaction straight from switzerland and on our next episode we're going to predict who's going to survive the semifinals, compete in the grand final, and ultimately win Eurovision 2025.

Albania, baby.

It's Malta.

Latvia.

But we won't be alone.

Glenn Weldon of NPR's Pop Culture Happy Art will be with us, sharing his own predictions and telling us why we're wrong.

So make sure you're ready for Eurovision by listening to your evangelists on maximum fun, available everywhere you get podcasts.

You never know what you'll learn more about on the celebrity trivia show Go Fact Yourself.

For over 150 episodes, we've welcomed guests like DJ Jazzy Jeff, Audi Cornish, and Andy Richter to tell us why they love what they love and then get quizzed on it.

And past quizzes have included some pretty unexpected topics like reverse painting, the perfect flip turn while swimming, Prince's house party playlist from that one episode of New Girl, and so much more.

Plus, our guests meet surprise experts in their topics.

Like the time we met an actual celebrity cow.

So listen to Go Fact Yourself twice a month, every month on maximum fun.

Do it for the cow.

Overheard.

Overheard, a segment of the show where geez Louise.

Oh, and just so you know, listeners, I heard all the juicy gossip.

Oh, yeah, he did, too.

Yeah, and it was good.

Oh, it's good stuff.

I'm going to look up who those people are.

We always like to hear what you've overheard, and we always like to start with the guest.

Brent, do you have an overheard?

I do, and I hope I get the phrasing of this, because this is one of those things that happened like, you know, I don't know, a year and a half ago.

As somebody who I'm in that group of people who have returning guests, as we've

disabled, I think returning guests to this show in their life will hear something and go, okay, I got to save that for next time I'm on, right?

And that was this,

but it's been a long time.

But anyway,

high drama behind this one, I'm sure.

I'm sure there's high drama behind it.

Because so I was standing on the corner waiting to, like for the walklight,

and

these people passed by me.

They didn't ignore the walk light.

They were they passed by, you know, like they were going around the corner where I was standing on.

And so I hear, as Rich Hall used to call, a splatch of conversation.

You just hear a splatch of conversation.

And

I cracked up.

I remember two partly I cracked up because of the use of the name that just jumped out at me.

So this was basically what I hear this guy saying to this woman as they're walking with a good head of steam.

He said to her,

no, it's not actually that hard, Cindy.

That's why

right away I put your picked up.

It's actually not that hard, Cindy.

In fact, it's probably less effort to just help me than it would have been to call the police.

And I was like, like, holy hell, there's high drama behind that.

Get this robber off of me.

And he was, there was such a righteous

sort of like, you know what?

It would have been easier to not call the cops and just,

but there had to have been like restraining order or something.

Like, why call the cops?

And why is he calling her up for help?

Yeah.

If

I hope she doesn't call the cops.

So it was just always stuck with me like, God, there's a lot of backstory somewhere behind that.

Cindy, you have a bit or you had a bit about an old couple that you saw on a plane or something.

Yeah.

And what is the

nuts and balls?

Yeah,

it was flying from Calgary to Vancouver, and we get on the plane.

Actually, it started before we boarded.

We were in the, you know, the boarding lounge area.

And it was an older couple, like

late 70s, early 80s.

And the woman was talking to the old guy.

And it just sort of caught my attention because he wasn't saying anything.

He was just getting talked at, you know, kind of non-stop.

Like, she was

about every thought that she had, she was laying out on this guy.

And it continued as we boarded.

She talked at him through the whole boarding process, sat down.

They were across the aisle from me.

She talked at him non-stop for the whole hour-long flight.

I didn't hear him say anything.

And then we land in Vancouver, and now we're deep planing.

We all stand up, right?

And he puts on his coat,

and she says to him, like mid-story.

She's already telling him something else, and he starts to

no, he's holding his coat.

And she says, She stops stirring.

She goes, Why are you holding your coat?

Why don't you put your coat on?

If you put on your coat instead of holding it, you won't have to hold it.

You'll have your hands free.

So he puts on his coat and he starts doing it up.

And she goes, But don't do it up.

It's going to be too hot if you do it up.

And he's the only words I hear him say for the last hour and a half: he says, Just go.

That's been their relationship for 50 years, right?

Just go.

Those are the magic two words.

He said, I do, and just go.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, I love that story.

That is, yeah.

I mean,

having kids is a lot of having to be like, well, yeah, no, you do need to go.

Well, you probably, maybe don't zip it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I guess this guy was a full-grown adult.

There's that Irish comedian.

I'm blanking on his name.

It's like it's just like a a one-word.

His name is like one word kind of thing, right?

Seamus.

Shenanigan or something.

Shenanigan.

Anyway,

I can't think of his name.

He's a funny guy, though.

But that was one of his jokes was

the only thing we can't determine first else is whether or not we need a jacket.

We always need somebody else's input, but I need a jacket.

No, don't go over the top with the Irish accent.

That was as far as I go.

Dave, do you have an overhead?

Not really, but this made me laugh.

I follow a lot of the local

businesses on Instagram.

Right.

Just so I'm like, oh, what are the new flavors at the ice cream store?

Important to know.

And then there's, but there's a pizza place a few blocks away, and I've never gone.

Oh, yeah.

And it, but I follow them nevertheless.

I think their pizza is too good for my family.

My kids.

They don't deserve it.

My kids won't eat pizza if it's not like pan pizza.

Yeah, not garbage.

But they also, one night a week, have an open mic.

And I love that.

Just not comedy, just like singing and guitar.

Sure.

And there was just a picture someone posted from their account that said, is there anything better than pizza and open mic?

It was like a million

pizza on its own.

Pizza, no open mic.

Pizza and quiet.

I could go for a little pizza and quiet right now.

That'd be a good name for a restaurant.

There's your theme, Restaurant.

Yeah, pizza and quizzes.

Everybody's got to hush up like it's a library and just eat your pizza and shut up.

It's a whispery order.

You're served by like a librarian or a monk who's taken a vow of silence.

Ninja.

But you know, you explain, say one thing that's better than pizza and open mic.

I dare you.

Well, also,

like, the stage is right under a TV showing just hockey Kyla.

It was always the worst.

Like, when I was starting out doing stand-up, and, you know, when it's like playoff hockey time, and you're like, you got to do your show.

You're contracted to do the show in some pub, but everybody just wants to watch the hockey game.

I did one with, I think, past guest Erica Sigerson, and we were at a bar, and it was a playoff game, and they turned it off, and the crowd nearly rioted.

And so, I just got everybody to take a vote: like, yes, we'll have a comedy show after the

hockey game, or we have to do a comedy show now.

That's the most thunderous applause I've ever heard in my life for wait until hockey shows.

The best thing I ever did in that scenario was it was over in Victoria at some pub, and the Canucks were in the playoffs.

And

so, the show is supposed to start at eight, the game is on, and so I went up and I said to the crowd, listen,

you know, you want to watch a hockey game.

I want to watch the hockey game, but it's comedy night and I'm contractually obligated to do comedy.

None of us wants it, right?

We want to watch the game.

But I want to make my hundred bucks.

So how about this?

I said, we'll bring the,

we'll keep the big screen down.

We'll show the video, but we'll keep the sound off and I'll commentate.

I'll do the play-by-play.

Oh, yeah.

And everybody was like, yeah, let's do that.

And it went over so great.

It was one of the best nights I ever had.

So I sat there at a little stool and people were sending me up drinks.

And I was like cracking wise about what was going on in the game.

And then in between periods, I would just do some stand-up, mostly crowd work.

Right.

And then they'd be like, okay, the guy's back on.

And we'd do the thing.

And then the game went into overtime.

Oh, that's awesome.

And then the Canucks lost and it was like, good night, everybody.

But still.

And then people were coming up afterwards going, you coming back for the next game?

That was great.

That would be great if that was your standing gig.

Yeah, it could have been.

Yeah, that's awesome, man.

Graham?

Mine.

No, the question is, what's better than pizza and open rice?

Pizza and the movie Teenage Ninja Turtles on VHS.

That's a movie about pizza.

Exactly.

So it's perfect pair.

Thematic.

Mystic Pizza.

Yeah, that's one of the bigger pizza movies.

Are we going to have to do our top 50 pizza movies?

Warren Pizza.

That's another good name for a restaurant.

I'll think on it.

I'll meditate on it.

Yeah, damn, there's got to be better ones.

Get a slice.

Is there a movie about getting a slice?

Yeah, probably.

My overseen is not funny, but it caught everybody off guard.

I was in line at the aforementioned ice cream place.

Big line.

Weather's starting to turn.

People were lining up.

Is this where I vote?

Yeah, somebody who's going to vote gets in.

They're like, what the f?

I thought this was an ice cream place.

We're all lined up to get into the ice cream place.

And this kid goes past us.

And I've never seen this before.

He had two tiny skateboards, one in each foot, and he was switching around.

So it was like a cross between a skateboard,

a roller skate.

But instead of it being roller skates, like in a line, it was like a ball bearing.

So he was able to switch his feet around around and do all this.

Everybody in the line was like, oh,

like this is a window into the future.

Yeah, it was.

It was one of those things.

Like, I wonder if they just pay this guy to, you know, go all over town.

He's a bus curve.

Yeah.

Like the flying pig, the kids in the hall, flying pig.

Whenever there's a lineup of people being bored, send the flying pig.

That's what this was like.

It was amazing.

And I was just like, it felt like a brand new product I've never seen before, but like had all the elements of other products.

And I mean, he skated away.

There was no way to find out.

This is outside?

This is outside.

Wow, that is a long line.

Yeah.

And he just zipped past, but every in the line was so, so impressed.

Duly impressed.

How old?

Probably 16 or 17.

Oh, okay.

I was picturing a little snot-nosed nine-year-old.

No, this was a teen, like somebody you want to.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Snot-nosed teen.

But yeah, I feel like I've seen a glimpse into the future of what's going to be cool for kids.

And I think it's whatever you call these things.

Don't know what you would call them

because they're not skateboards.

They're not roller skates.

They're,

I don't know.

Are you looking at other pizza movies?

Yeah, Do the Right Thing is a big

30 minutes or less.

Do the right thing is probably the one, right?

You know when I was joking and I said the top 50 pizza movies?

Well, TVGuide.com has 50 classic pizza scenes in movies.

Pizza scenes.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Wayne's World.

World.

Oh, Pizza the Hut on Spaceballs.

Back to the Future Part 2.

They repeat pizza from Home Alone.

And now you're losing me as we go.

Oh, you pray love.

I think she eats it.

Yeah, she's a slice because she's having her gear out.

Oh, Home Alone, the Pizza Delivery Guy.

Pizza Delivery Guy in Fast Times Ridge Mount High.

Oh, yeah, that's going to be a Home Alone

too.

Anyway, we've done enough.

Yeah, we've.

Yeah, that's fast times, so there it is.

He gets uh, it's got anchovies on it or something.

Do you remember who the connects were playing in that playoff game?

I kind of think it was LA, but

I couldn't say for sure.

Okay.

Now, we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the map.

If you want to send one in, send it into SBY at maximumfund.org.

And these are all really short.

These are really short ones.

This is Jay in LA.

My wife had some friends over, and I happened to walk by and heard one of them say, I know I shouldn't say this about a seven and five-year-old, but those two are fucking bitches.

I know I'm supposed to say this, but

society frowns on this kind of thing, but

sometimes it has to be said.

Yeah.

God, these kids are fucking bitches.

Was he talking about his own kids?

Probably.

And like they were away from him long enough that he could finally say it, you know?

I, of course, have two kids, and i would never say that

good yeah would you say it about any of their friends we go offline

about their friends no but the girls in their class who aren't their friends for sure there you go see there's nothing doesn't have to be uh direct you know yeah i mean oh yeah some of some kids that age sure are yeah they suck and they probably grow up to be sucky adults yeah unless have sucky kids themselves yeah it's just a snowball of suckiness

This next one comes from Sean F.

Yesterday, my youngest kid, nine years old, asked me, when will I be Gen Z?

Stupid kid.

Was there always an obsession with what generation you belong to?

I don't think so.

No.

I think it started with the boomers.

It was boomers, and then there was a love.

Like, Generation X was a weird pocket of time where somebody said there's never been a Gen X president.

I'm like, oh, yeah.

Somehow we skipped over that generation having a president.

That's probably just for that's for the best.

Yeah.

We haven't skipped anything yet.

We haven't had a millennial president.

No, but it feels like we're.

By the way, we don't have a president.

No, but

I guess what I mean is like there was Obama, which was probably on the shoulder of millennial.

And then two really old guys.

No, he's a boomer.

He's a boomer.

Yeah, he'd be tail-ended.

Obama was a boomer.

Obama's a boomer.

Oh, shit.

Okay, I thought he was a.

He'd be tail-ended boomer.

Yeah, okay, boomer.

Thanks, Obama.

See, same energy.

Weird flex, but okay.

This last one comes from Dorothy in Ottawa.

This is a sticker on the back of a car.

Obama's on the edge of millennials.

Oh, that's what I thought.

He was like an elder millennial.

No, you're an elder of millennial.

Yeah, and everybody knows it.

They keep throwing it in my face.

These fucking kids.

The bitches, really.

Yeah.

Hey, Elder Millennial.

Which Hogwarts house are you in?

It's Litherin.

I've memorized that one thing for Harry Potter in case it comes up.

This is a sticker on the back of a car.

MILF.

Man, I love frogs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did it, nailed it.

MILF is a compliment, right?

It was maybe an insult at one point, but now it's.

I remember there was a movie where I just thought it was such a funny little exchange where somebody referred to some woman as a MILF and she went, oh,

like she was like, so genuinely

first heard that word in American Pie for Stiffler's mom.

She was a MILF.

Yes.

She was it.

She was the original MILF.

But are we sure that word, did the screenwriter invent the word MILF for that movie?

Huh.

That's a really good question.

Top, look up the top 100 MILF seeds in movies.

Etymology.

Just the etymology of MILF.

Yeah.

Where did a MILF come from?

Hmm.

Well, I'm not going to do that right now.

I'll look it up.

Okay.

Well.

You know, I'm the staycation guy, right?

Yes.

If you hate the word staycation, you have me to blame.

I had, this was a part of a debater's research.

Oh, is that right?

Yeah, and everybody was like blown away that that was where it came from.

You invented the word staycation?

I didn't invent it so much as, like, I came up with it on my own.

It had been used before.

Like, where, you know, when they look up and they go, like, first use of a word, there was an article in some American magazine, but like or newspaper, but very little known.

But I came up with the word and used it in the episode

because I always like these, I would always come up with these old portmanteau kind of words, right?

And I came up with staycation in the episode where Brent was not going on vacation.

He would just sit out in front of the gas station on his week off, you know.

And I came up with that gag.

He calls it a staycation.

And it was the first it it because there was a you know, we would get over a million viewers every week on our show, it spread from there.

And,

yeah, it got into the lexicon.

So, if you look up, let's see

the etymology of staycation.

I'm sort of like it's the episode Mail Fraud, Season 3, Episode 6.

And apparently, the acronym MILF originated from a linguistics class at the University of California, Berkeley, in 1992.

92.

I like that it's a linguistics class.

It makes it sound so heady and just the most base thing.

Now, suppose, students, if there were a mother that you would like to fornicate with.

Yeah, it actually stood for fornicate with early.

That was the original.

Yeah, MILF.

It was

WILF.

It was mother with whom I'd like to fornicate.

There's also

a clarification article, SMILF.

is based on MILF or mother I'd like to fuck and refers to an attractive middle-aged woman, typically a mother.

It bites sexually,

saying sexually desirable by younger men.

MILF traces it back to the 1990s, American Pie.

That's where we popularized MILF.

Well, it certainly was popularized.

I love that Wikipedia has an entrance for this.

Anyways, anyway, well, it has an entrance for cow tools.

Here's your, in addition to overs that are written, and we also clip your phone calls and voice memos.

Voice memos, go to spy at maximumfund.org.

And if you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one ugh, SpyPod1.

Like these people have.

Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests.

This is Danny in Chicago.

I'm a college professor, and I was

making small talk with the first student to arrive to class today.

And I don't even remember what we were talking about.

And it's made funnier by the fact that I almost didn't even hear it.

But

he just goes, Yeah, that really rubs me off the wrong way.

Anyway, off I go.

Yeah, that's great.

Just that one additional word in there.

There's no wrong way.

That's right.

Yeah.

Don't go looking for something that's just good in all shapes and sizes.

The wrong way would just be too quickly.

Yeah.

Not for me.

Yeah.

That's honestly.

I should apologize.

you rubbing off in there

no i'm rubbing my lamp

i mean those are the two things you could rub off well i guess an eraser would rub off well but now rubbing off is also like you're someone else's behavior so like right you're rubbing off on yeah like that and that makes it worse like that's true oh yeah you're

rubbing off you're rubbing off on people yeah or no free your friend is rubbing off on you he better not be

i beg your pardon uh Next phone call.

Hello, Dave Graham and wonderful guests.

This is Matt from Saskatoon.

I've got an overhead of the Kids Say the Darndas variety.

Overhead.

We were coming back from the lake playing a game of Would You Rather when it ended up escalating to Would You Rather drink swamp water or be attracted to cats?

And then later on the way back, we were

listening to the radio and they said there was a tornado warning, to which my child said, a tornado.

I can't die.

I I haven't drank swamp water yet

kids working a callback yeah

he's a young pro in the making that kid yeah

I thought she was gonna say I'm not gonna be able to see my cat I'm attracted

there's a tornado warning in Saskatoon Brent was it tornado country

where you grew up Well, not really, but farther south in Saskatchewan,

you would get tornadoes now and again.

But it was, you know, it was never something we were worried about.

But there was a, you know, there was a big tornado

in Regina.

No, just minus 65 temperature.

That was the thing we were more concerned about.

That's what was on the table.

Yeah, there was one.

There was a famous one in Edmonton that did a ton of damage.

Yeah, I remember that very clearly.

That's the only one that I know.

Scary.

Scary stuff.

Well, here's your final phone call.

Hi, Dave, Graham, and gorgeous guest.

My name is Sue.

I live in

Canada, and I haven't overheard.

I was headed to my spin class here in Toronto, and it's on Young Street, really close to Dundas Square.

There was a young woman outside on speakerphone with her friend, and the woman was saying, like,

And I love being underestimated.

And the friend said, oh, absolutely.

And then the woman said, so if he wants to play that game, and then unfortunately, I headed into the building and missed what she was gonna say.

So, that was uh entertaining.

And then, as I was walking back home, a less interesting overheard occurred where

a woman, probably 19, was also on speakerphone with her friend.

And she said, So, you, I cheated on the test on the exam, and that was it.

That was fun cute.

Anyways, I'm the person's getting a text.

Read us the text.

I'm off.

Goodbye.

Off I go.

Off I go.

Yeah, I.

I love being underestimated.

Yeah.

No, you know what?

I think it's impossible to underestimate me.

I would challenge anybody.

I've never been underestimated in my life.

Overestimated, absolutely.

Absolutely.

Well, that brings us to the end of this episode.

Brett, thank you so much for being our guest.

Oh, my pleasure.

Absolutely.

Always fun.

I've come up with my email.

Oh,

here we go.

So here's the deal.

Okay, here's the deal.

Lay it away.

This is a one-time offer.

This is a one-time offer off the cuff.

Yeah.

If you want to check out, not exactly TV,

because there's no system in place to do this.

If you just email Sparrow Media, so Sparrow like the bird, and media, all one word, sparrowmedia at email.com, not Gmail.

Don't let it auto-correct you to Gmail.

Sparrow Media at email.com.

And if you put spy in the headline, like in the subject,

and let me know you want, I'll give you three

months paid, not exactly.tv.

And then at the end of that three months, it's up to you whether you want to continue on.

Paid or free.

Up to you.

But you get three free months.

How about those apples?

Yeah.

Great apples.

Those are

some of the finest apples.

And

you have a book coming up.

And

is this offer?

does this go until the end of time?

People will be listening to this episode in a year.

Yeah, what the heck?

Well, you know what?

It's only three months, right?

Sure.

It's not like I'm giving away the farm here.

We'll say for 2025.

Well, you know, voidware prohibited.

Oh, yeah, you got all that legal stuff.

Anywhere where it's not legal.

Also,

you're rolling the dice.

You email,

you might not get a response.

Yeah.

You could have been, yeah.

Maybe there was a.

You'd be a big fat liar.

Well,

wait and see.

I'm two-thirds of the way there anyway.

And do you have

a date by which maybe your book will be out or still in the

writing it?

Maybe no publisher will like it even.

It may be garbage.

I like where it's going, but I have to, I'll write it and then try to shop it around.

The fastest that book would be out would be another year from now.

I like the idea that an editor would be like, This is garbage.

Yeah, you know, this is terrible.

I don't even know what this is.

Yeah, and you know, you can follow me on my OnlyFans.

You know what?

I'm getting away three, four, three months of my OnlyFans.

Check out Graham doing, you know, inserting things and doing rubbing off on people.

But one thing I will plug on May 23rd and 23rd and 24th, I'll be doing it.

I'm doing 23rd.

Damn it, you guys.

Oh, shit.

23rd.

I'm going to be doing a 24-hour stand-up comedy show at Little Mountain Gallery.

And if you want tickets, you can go to their website or

look it up on Showpass.

I don't want to, you do however you want to do.

It's in Vancouver, in Gastown.

Dave's going to be a writer.

I'm going to be a writer.

Graham does these things.

They're 24-hour fundraisers.

I'm assuming this is a fundraiser.

Yeah.

For the

For the little mountain folks.

Yeah.

And then

it's hard to talk for 24 hours straight.

So what he does is he gets people to write jokes.

Exactly.

Teams of people.

And it's so fun.

It goes in these waves of inside jokes that change.

And this year, the one thing we're doing is every hour, one joke is going to be selected as the joke of the hour.

And then after the 24 hours, best joke of the night, they win a trophy or something.

Are you going to wear your

new pair of hokas?

I'm going to get new shoes.

I'm going to get a new hoodie.

I'm going to get a new hat.

I think

the shirt I wore last year was not very flattering, so I'm not doing anything with print on it.

It's

straight black.

But I need a new color hoodie because I've done navy blue.

Oh, yeah.

You could put out those like the best joke of each hour.

So the 24 jokes, do it like release it as a

special or something.

We're

thinking of releasing the entire 24 hours as an album.

Good luck with that.

There's a lot of like dead air.

A lot of dead air.

24, yeah, just a special of just like the last of you reading the jokes after having done the show.

Yeah,

when you're on your last legs.

Anyway, we love you, folks.

Get by and say hello.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

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