Episode 893 - Danielle Florence

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 893 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a man who decorated the front lawn with a bunch of cute Easter eggs.

And I love it.

And I love him.

It's Dave Shumka.

Hi, we're recording this before Easter.

That's right.

I think it's Maundy Thursday.

Yeah, what is that?

Fat Wednesday.

No, Fat Tuesday.

That's already passed.

Fat Tuesday, that was

at the beginning of Lent.

Oh, right.

Okay.

Well, it's the day before the beginning of Lent.

Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent.

Yeah.

Then you got Nothing, and then you got Palm Sunday, and then you got...

Do you ever have a Palm Trio?

No, what's that?

It's a Palm Pilot.

And then I think today is Maundy Thursday, which is the day that they had the last supper.

Okay.

Good Friday tomorrow.

That's the big show.

And then Saturday, is there an Easter Saturday?

I don't know.

And I know that only Good Friday is a holiday.

Easter Monday doesn't get...

For schools are closed.

Oh, what the hell?

Four-day weekend, bruh.

I got to get my ass back to school.

I know that

never mind, man.

I just, oh, okay, I'll do it.

There we go.

Do you remember the song Every Day is a Winding Road by Cheryl Crowe?

Yes.

Well,

in that song, she refers to someone who he has a daughter named Easter.

She was born on a Tuesday night.

I don't know what.

But if we're going through the days of the week as they relate to Easter, that's one of them.

That's what I'm saying.

Okay, okay.

Our guest.

She was also a member of a Tuesday night music club.

Well, you know that.

And she was a drinking beer singer for Michael Jackson.

She was also drinking beers at noon on a Tuesday.

She's got a problem.

Cheryl Crowe's a Tuesday kind of gal.

Our guest today, first-time guest on the podcast, very funny comedian,

formerly a podcast host, and we can't wait to hear all about it.

It's Daniel Florence.

Hello.

Hello.

Thank you for joining us.

Thank you for having me.

How influenced were you by Cheryl Crowe?

Deeply.

Yeah.

Deeply.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was your favorite song?

Honestly, I don't know any of them, and I was not.

I was just trying to be a yes man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know a few.

Do I?

You know Soak Up the Sun.

I know Soak Up the Sun, but I don't think I know any song names.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Like

period or like anyone's song's name?

Maybe period.

Wow.

Just in general can't remember song name?

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

That's interesting.

That's some sort of disease you have.

I think I might have a disease.

One of you is a medical professional, right?

Yeah, I'm

boy, I'm Dr.

Feelgood, but that's a song name.

I'm an orthodontist, so I'm not really a doctor, but.

And you've got good teeth.

Yeah, because of all the orthodonta that you gave me.

Yeah, that's actually how we met.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, yeah, in the chair.

I was working as

a comedian at night.

That's when I made my money.

And then during the day, I was an amateur orthodontist.

Amateur, yeah, you were very cheap.

Should we get to know us?

Yeah.

Get to know us.

I bet you could get a ton of dental gear on like Facebook Marketplace.

Oh, yeah, I bet you could.

Or from one of those prop houses when they go out of business.

Like one of those little water guns, you mean?

I mean, the chair, the swivelly.

Oh, I thought you meant the braces and retainers.

I mean,

sky's the limit.

Last week we looked up Scantron.

You can buy a Scantron machine.

Really?

And the sheets.

I bet you could buy on eBay, I bet you could get all the elastics

to do adjustments.

Did you do

braces?

Oh,

I did braces

Invisalign.

I did jaw surgery.

Oh,

a year and a half ago.

I still have Invisalign.

Okay.

Yeah, I've done all of it.

I'm a bit of an aficionado.

What was the surgery for?

I couldn't breathe.

Okay, great.

That's a big, that's good.

And that's a big one.

Yeah.

I don't know if you guys know that.

I haven't breathed since 1989.

I can tell.

Despite your tattoo that's on your wrist.

Yeah, but it's in white.

That's a Colby College song?

What?

Breathe.

You guys know Colby College.

She sings something about her toes in one of the songs.

You know, you're thinking of Jack Johnson.

The same person, though, I think.

Actually, one of them is just wearing like a little straw fedora.

Yeah, Colby Calle is sort of in the Sean Colvin.

It also sounds like he said yippeekai.

Yippee Colby Calle, motherfucker.

That's on the TV version, but the person censored the wrong word.

Wait, which one of these is a swear one?

Yeah, she, right?

She has a song where she's talking about, like, it's, it's sung to a potential love interest or whatever.

You can buy that.

She's, Colby Kaye is, I think, the kind of artist who

her album was for sale in Starbucks.

Yes.

Oh, 100%.

And it's one of those albums where I probably do know it just by osmosis.

And I think I only know it because I was 17 and a girl when it came out.

Okay.

And then that's the only reason.

That goes deep.

And like every contemporary dance class used her songs.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

You're a dancer?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

No.

I mean, I was.

What happened?

Oh, I grew up.

Oh, yeah.

You know, had to give it up.

Yeah.

My knees got too weak.

What were you doing?

What kind of dance were we talking about?

All of the dances.

Jazz.

Oh, yeah.

Razmataz.

Razmataz.

Did you tap?

Zipity is out.

Tap.

I tapped.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I did a tap dance to us to walk like an Egyptian.

I know so many song titles.

Oh, yeah.

What am I talking about?

Were you, was this school-based or was this like extracurricularly?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then my dad, when I was 13, oh, this is why I stopped dance.

I'm just remembering.

Oh, we've unlocked something.

We've unlocked something.

I'm going to start crying.

No, my dad made me stop dancing because the studio had bad energy.

Whoa.

Yeah.

So he.

He's a big energy guy.

Okay.

Does he, can he read people's?

Does he do like a Reiki?

Can he like see people's auras?

Yeah.

He feels energy off of people and like he

everything

around him was like static electricity.

And then the other day I was home and my hair was all like staticky and he was like, whoa, you know, I think you've got it too.

Is he weird, Graham and I were talking recently about,

I just started re-watching Better Call Saul.

Okay.

And he's got the brother who has no electricity in his house, is like,

claims he's allergic to electricity.

Okay, yeah.

Is it like that?

Does he have a lot of candles?

He does have a lot of, he has a lot of incense.

Okay.

He has a lot of incense.

He chants a lot.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

So is your dad is like a full-fledged hippie?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But also he he was like a duncan 1950s greaser getting in fights with everyone sort of guy as well

it's kind of a weird dichotomy of did he graduate from one to the other or were they both there is he an was he an old dad he he was an old dad you so so because he was 50s grasping you know and you're and honestly i really wish that you would let me have that mistake but it's fine that you're not

50s in the sense that he was born in the 50s

but not that he was a teen in the 50s Sure, yeah.

Great.

Not that old as that.

Older.

Sure.

But my time.

Like my parents were born in the 40s and I was born in the 80s.

And

your dad was born in the 50s.

You were born in the 90s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that math.

Checks out.

It's 10 to 10.

It's 10.

I subtracted 10 from both sides.

But I love that he was...

He was like a brawler.

He was a brawler.

Wow.

Was he in the gang?

No, I don't think so.

He brawled by himself.

Brawled.

Oh, he's a brawl for hire.

Yeah, brawl for hire.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lone brawler.

Did he brass knuckles, chains?

Both.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

I don't know.

No, I think he just has fists.

Okay.

Loose fists.

Okay.

Loose fist Florence is what they call them.

I've heard of them.

I had a friend who

wrote a book about the, there was kind of like

inter-neighborhood gangs in Vancouver in the 50s.

So like you would you're yeah, what was that book called?

Something about Bobby Squads.

But, like, every, like, there were parks that were just like this, the Clark Park gang.

Oh, yeah, the Clark Park gang.

I actually have heard of it.

Have you really?

And this was at the book launch, and almost everybody there was either a former gang member or a cop.

And so they were all like catching up, like, remember, I used to chase you around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Remember the cold steel of handcuffs?

Clark Park is an underrated park.

Where?

What do you think?

It is the park that is between Clark and

Victoria, I guess.

When commercial turns into Victoria,

the park goes up a hill.

Yeah, and there's like a forest in between the two fields.

What do you think?

There's my dream house that looks onto the top park.

Ooh, what's your dream house?

It's this yellow house by Clark Park.

Yeah.

I suppose it's a craftsman style.

What's one

kooky thing that you would want in your dream house?

I don't know.

My wife is pretty kooky.

Nice.

Really good.

What would you have?

Oh, maybe like a

one of those bookcases that turns into a secret passage.

Oh, sure.

For sure.

Yeah.

For sure.

Yeah.

Oh, and then when you go into the secret passage, there's a slide down into a pool.

I was going to say, slide,

slide underrated.

Yeah.

You know what I would really like in my dream house?

It's five fucking minutes of peace

My daughter had to do a thing for school where you draw the blueprint of your house and like

Come up with your fire plan of like how you would get out in a fire

while started the stove

And it was a little

it really made me think hey, what is our meetup spot?

Yeah, I I've often

like planned to but never have executed a earthquake meetup spot with with Sally because we have we're working on we're working on an earthquake hit after the little tiny earthquakes.

Is that a song or is it just an album?

Is it Tori Amos?

Is it Tori Amos?

Were you 17 when Tori Amos came out?

By the way, the Colby KA, the top two songs of hers.

Oh, Bubbly.

Bubbly is the second

biggest song on

that's what it is.

I'm doing a modern dance to this.

That's not the one I know.

I don't know.

Let me get this.

That's the one I know.

Yeah, that's bubbly.

That's bubbly.

Oh, that's bubbly.

Okay, yeah.

Same place.

Yeah.

Got it.

Yeah.

I know all the lyrics of that.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

I could drink so many cups of coffee to that.

It was

like, how many recitals did you have to have in a year?

Or did it all lead up to one?

It all led up to one.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you do ballet?

Did you turn your feet?

I didn't do ballet.

Okay.

No.

I was a little bit too alternative for that.

Joker did ballet.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

What happened previously?

This was after the Battle Mobile lost its wheel.

Oh, right.

Yes.

That's really Robin laid an egg.

I didn't see Foliad.

Does Joker do ballet in there?

No, probably.

Yeah.

Did you see the Joker sequel?

I did not.

Yeah, I don't know anybody who has, so I can't kind of.

I don't think anyone did.

Did you see the Joker first one?

It was called Joker.

It It starred Joaquin Phoenix.

Oh, no, no, no.

I did not see.

I did not see Joker.

The last Joaquin Phoenix movie I saw was, what is it, her or she?

Hershey.

Hershey.

Hershey.

Yeah.

Is it?

It's her, right?

Who, her?

Yeah.

Yeah, about the, he falls in love with a computer.

Carlotte Jeff Henson.

Yeah.

Yeah, her voice.

Yeah.

It's the Call-In Joe story.

Yeah.

I liked in the movie that people wore like high pants.

Like that was like a style from the 40s and 50s that everybody was into in the future.

I thought that was kind of cool.

Are you into high pants?

I would be if that was the style.

High-waisted.

Yeah, high waist.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

The style seems to have gone in the way of like high ankle.

Yeah, yeah.

Like cropped.

Yes.

Cropped ass pants.

A Capri.

Not a Capri.

Not a Capri.

Educate me.

What's the difference between the Capri and the Capri is generally like

higher goes to like right below the knee oh okay and these are more like

show a little ankle show a little ankle but also not uh narrow in any way okay yeah because capri's are pretty

they're oh they leave nothing to the imagination

um capri uh either sex can pull them off or is it only is it strictly a woman i i wear i sort of regret i made fun of my friend for wearing white capri pants Oh,

a man.

A man.

Oh, well.

And I felt bad because, like, good for him for

you think that's good for him.

Well, no, I'm.

Like,

I feel bad about myself that I'm like, ah, boy, I'm the guy who can't just let it go.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, and I actually.

I would let it go now.

Do you...

Well,

okay, you see your good friend.

Is a good friend?

I have no good friend.

Okay.

They're all bad.

It's a bad friend and he's wearing white capri pants you you have to you're legally obliged to comment on you know what i say to that what hey my man

bring it in have you uh have you ever experimented with a look and then like got kind of razzed for it um have i experiment uh

oh yeah i used to wear i used to wear little scarves around my neck yes i wish that was like more acceptable constantly and everyone kept calling me a flight attendant so then eventually I had to stop.

Ouch.

Yeah, it's when they nail it.

Yeah.

And I had a little like Parisian bob too.

Wow.

Like I think I was going for like an Amelie sort of thing.

Yeah, were you eccentric?

I was trying to be eccentric.

I was like living in London and I was like, I am this, you know, cool curly.

How long did you live in London?

Four years.

Really?

What ages?

Yeah, what ages?

20.

When did I move there?

I moved there when I was 24.

Okay.

Yeah.

Did you come back with a bit of an accent?

I did, yeah.

And I still say things wrong.

Oh, yeah, like what?

Like, like I'll

inflect at the end of my sentences, and people will just rail on me for that.

And I say bin, but I think that's a better word than garbage.

Yeah, bin's good.

But like, tell me, I can't imagine the sentence structure.

Like, I'll say, like, I'll say, like, do you not?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Do you say in it?

I say in it all the time.

I also say govna.

Well, there you go.

the free phrases on it.

Yeah, those are the only ones.

What did you do?

Are you in school?

No, so I was in South Korea before that, teaching English, and I didn't want to come home yet.

And so I went there.

And so I used to work at the Royal BC Museum.

Shout out Woolly Mammoth.

Okay.

Check it out, everyone.

It's a good guy.

That's in Victoria?

In Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.

Right.

So I worked there for a while.

So then when I moved to London, I got a job at the Natural History Museum.

Oh, nice.

And I was there.

What do they have?

Do Do they have a mammoth?

They have no mammoths.

They have an animatronic T-Rex, though.

Oh, that's okay.

But in England, it's a T-Rex.

And it's like pouring, it's got a little hand pouring.

One little hand is like a teapot, and the other is like a lump of sugar.

Yeah.

It's a T-Rex.

Were you a tour guide?

I was a visitor engagement assistant.

Now, do they, instead of aluminum, they go aluminium.

Aluminium.

What do they do for Tyrannosaurus?

Tyranniasaurus.

There it is.

Yeah, that's what it is, I think.

Where did you grow up?

I grew up in Brentwood Bay in near Victoria.

Yeah.

Vancouver Island.

And you, I gather from reading, there was an interview with you in the Vancouver Guardian that you grew up without no TV, no internet.

No TV, no internet, just energy.

Yeah, just like, yeah, that's maybe that's why.

That was all the entertainment I needed.

Yeah.

Go fight a neighbor kid.

Go get a new user chain.

Did you crave television and internet?

No, I really liked being the girl who read books.

I really thought I was better than everyone else.

What is your, you were the like perfect age for Harry Potter.

Yes.

Were you into that?

I was into it, but again, because I wanted to be better than everyone else, I like, I was like, well, yeah, like I really like Harry Potter, but like everyone really likes Harry Potter.

I was into the babysitters club.

Sure.

And I thought that was super cool.

Now,

you're trying to be cool?

Boy, I'm trying to think of who you would be in the babysitters club.

Oh, you're Dawn.

Am I?

Aren't you?

You think I'm Dawn?

Dawn.

That is honestly one of the biggest comments.

She's one of the, like, a little bit.

She seems like the one who wouldn't have TV and internet.

I mean, yes, but Dawn is also like California casualty.

Do you have siblings?

Siblings?

Siblings?

Did you just learn that word?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to do it not British.

I'm trying to overcorrect.

Do you have siblings?

Did you have siblings?

Yeah, I have one brother.

I have one brother.

Still do.

He's still with us.

Yeah, I have one brother.

He's older.

He's a prison guard.

Really?

Shit.

Okay, well, yeah, you're Claudia Gishy then.

Thank you.

Every one of them is a compliment.

Every one of them is a compliment, except Mallory.

I thought you were going to go Mallory because she's the one with glasses.

Oh, right.

And she's just sort of like an adjunct member, isn't she?

She's an adjunct member.

You know so much.

Yeah, I didn't know this.

So, okay.

The main one is Christy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, she's the president.

And she founded it.

Yeah, she did.

Christy's Great Idea.

Book one.

Yeah.

And then,

who's the one from New York who's got the secret diabetes?

It's not a secret.

Stacy.

And also the book is called Stacey's Secret.

You know so much.

But you already knew she had diabetes.

She already already knew.

She truly will not stop talking about the diabetes.

Yeah, well, she's got to go to the special doctor

in New York.

But is it really necessary?

Can't you just deal with it?

I think they have doctors in Connecticut.

Yeah, right?

You know, she's from Connecticut?

She's from New York.

Yeah, but the Babysitters Club is in

Stony Brook, Connecticut.

Did you read these to

your daughter, or did they read it and relay this?

This is just energy.

I'm just

going to speak of the spot.

Yeah, no,

they came out with a graphic novel.

The series of graphic novels.

First by the first fewer, by the great Raina Telgemeier.

And did you read graphic novel or these were straight-up books?

No, these were the straight-up books.

Okay.

Yeah, and they were not, I think the Babysisters Club books were sort of like the generation before me.

So that generation was giving them to the thrift stores.

Right.

So I would just go to the thrift stores to get them.

Yeah.

And so, yeah, I have hundreds of them.

Did you run with like a weird crew?

I didn't really have friends.

Oh,

I don't need friends.

You're friends now.

Yeah.

I have friends now, you guys.

I don't need friends.

I've got Stacey and Don.

Exactly.

My best friends.

Did you see the, they made a TV show of it of the babysitters ball?

I didn't know that.

I don't know.

She doesn't have TV.

She still doesn't have TV.

They shot it in Vancouver.

It's on Netflix.

Oh, yeah.

No, I did hear about that.

Past guest Caitlin Howden is in a couple episodes as

Mallory's mother.

That's so cool.

She's like all the red-headed

family.

Yeah.

Man, you guys really know.

Ulyssia Silverstone is the mother of

I did hear that too.

Christy.

Christie, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is this is great.

Nobody's ever known anything about the Babysitters Club.

So this is already the

pretty obscure book.

They're really obscure, and actually, nobody knows about them.

We tried to get,

so my one daughter really likes them.

My other daughter got into the babysitter's little sister.

Yeah.

And those are garbage.

Trash books.

Like there's a, there's,

like, we saw, oh, the new one, their graphic novels as well.

Oh, the new one comes out.

Karen's haircut.

Okay.

It's going to be a three-page book.

Yeah.

Did you get into the Sweet Valley twins?

I did.

Well, Sweet Valley High.

Sure.

Yeah.

And then I also was really, there were all of these crazy like 80s teen romance books in the thrift stores at the time as well.

So I got really into those.

Right.

And then I also got really into these books.

Do you know the author Lurlene McDaniel?

Have you got a name?

Okay.

So she has this series, so many books.

And every single book is a different teen that has some sort of mysterious illness and then they die at the end of the book.

Everyone?

Every single one is a different illness and the teen dies.

They're messed up.

Were they made-up illnesses?

No, like real ones, but like one I remember was a girl who couldn't be out in the sun because her body would burn up.

Right.

But then she fell in love with this boy.

Who's a surfer?

Yeah.

Who's a surfer?

Yeah.

Could she go in a tannic bed?

No, she can't do anything.

Any UV.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she went surfing with the guy, burnt into a crisp.

Just like exploded into dust.

It was Jonah Hill.

It was Jonah Hill.

And he was like, you better not be surfing.

Here's my.

Don't even look at that guy.

Yeah.

Do you, are you still a book lover?

Yeah, yeah.

Do you, uh,

does your neighborhood have a lot of those like free folks?

Little free libraries?

Yeah, I love them.

They say little free libraries.

All libraries are free.

Yeah.

And lots of little libraries.

I deeply agree with you on that.

Yeah.

And that was something I got really mad.

Well, not mad, but I would be like, you know, every library is free.

But now I've conformed.

Yeah, I know.

And it's a calmer way to be.

You're right.

You.

Nice caprice.

Do you

hang out at the library or do you just swoop in, take your books, and hang off?

We're talking about the little guy.

Oh, yeah.

Do you hang out by the tree?

Do you hang out by the tree?

Do you climb on the tree?

Actually,

one of the energy things is that I can actually shrink down to the size of a squirrel.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I hang out with them.

Okay,

do it right now.

Okay.

Holy shit.

Okay, come back, come back.

That was heavy.

That was heavy.

um,

uh,

do you like those?

Do you like those?

Do you know how to read?

Um, because we

we have a bunch in this neighborhood, and it's very rare that I see something that grabs my attention.

It's a lot of

Pattersons, yeah, yeah, a lot of Clive Kusler, a lot of wrestling autobiographies.

And we got rid of our.

Oh, I should see if there's wrestling autobiographies in one of these.

Oh, I saw, i i remember telling you that i like judged one of them i was like oh the people in this i always judge the house i'm like

this are these people yeah who are these people but of course it's not them putting up the books but i was like these people are addicted to

wrestling biographies i mean and that's you want to talk about a book that ends the same way all of them end up

bad like across the board there's no i mean even hulk hogan that survived this long still

not good not uh Is he unwell?

He's unwell in the head and elsewhere.

And elsewhere.

You can guess where.

Yeah, is

like

what, like, how many books a month?

Oh, I'm.

Sally goes through like three a month.

That's the thing.

I'm not as much of a reader as I once was.

Like, as soon as I got access to the internet, my attention span disappeared.

Yeah.

Which was a weird thing to recognize happening because I was 19.

So I was like, you know.

No internet until 19.

Yeah.

I mean, like, I went to the library,

the public library, and I signed up for Facebook there.

And my parents didn't know.

And I was like, and he couldn't read your energy.

You did something out there.

And that's why I always was like, I'm doing stuff, and you can't feel any of it.

Were there, did you have friends that were no internet TV or were you the only one?

I was the only one.

And actually, my best friend growing up, we had a youtube channel together okay and i had no access to it so

i don't know what's going on

um yeah i wonder i wonder what would be different if i grew up without those things because i mean my attentive span is shot to hell but is that because of the internet or tv probably both right i don't know i yeah yeah

like

uh yeah when was the last time i just sat down and read a book right Yeah.

Yeah.

I start a lot of them.

I start a lot of books.

I try.

I really try.

But then I find that if I go to a cafe to read, I get into this thing where it's like less about reading and it's more about, I wonder if a cute boy is going to notice me reading.

And immediately be turned off by it.

I remember in junior high, like

English class once a week would just be like reading.

Yeah, reading time.

So my dad had a copy of Lord of the Rings.

It was all three books.

and it was basically like a phone book.

I used to bring it in because I thought it was really funny to have a giant.

I never finished it.

Did you read it or were you just like looking at the pages?

Yeah, I mean, isn't that reading?

Yeah, did you read it or were you just looking at the words?

So, you're hoping a cute boy will see you reading.

Where are the cute boys these days?

So, I've been meeting a lot of them.

Okay, nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I met one.

Oh, I went to a concert by myself.

Who did you go to?

It was part of Juno's Fest.

Okay.

It was this girl, Sam Lynch.

Okay.

She's a little Vancouver artist.

I actually went to theater school with her, and she's very, very talented.

Sounds great.

I mean, that name?

Are you kidding?

Sam Lynch.

Sam Lynch?

Ooh.

Yeah.

Taught.

Lurley Lynch taught.

That's a way to describe names, right?

Yeah.

That's a ton of nature.

Not an ounce of fat on that name.

You can't pinch an inch.

Anyway, I went to that by myself and I ended up.

You can't pinch an inch on Sam Lynch.

Can't pinch an inch on Sam Lynch.

And what is she like?

She's like a folksy sort of woman singer.

Sort of a Colby Kaye, if you will.

Her and her toes, that cat.

Those bubbly, bubbly toes.

You're thinking of Jack Johnson.

Look, I'm always kind of thinking about Jack Johnson.

Yeah, where you met somebody at this concert?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was at Anza, and I just like chatted with man.

Yeah.

And I ended up just like hanging out with him and going to other different Juno's Fest concerts.

Really?

Yeah.

And then never saw each other again.

We went on a date a couple weeks ago.

We're going on another date tomorrow.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

Yeah, to meet cute.

But I'm going on dates.

You're dating.

I'm going on dates.

Yeah.

You got it.

What's the go-to for first date?

Like, where do I go?

Yeah.

Oh, I go to the same place every single time.

Smart.

I go to the downstairs bit of the Anza Club.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, this is where you met the guy.

No, but I met him at the upstairs part.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

So I take them.

The little pub.

The little pub, I take them there.

What is

the public and you're like, got another one, have you?

Yeah, hooked another guy.

I like it, though, because I like the idea that one day I show up and they're all there on different dates.

Oh, this place is perfect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they've got a Facebook group.

You wouldn't know about the internet, but

still.

Yeah,

that is nice.

It's fun.

It's fun to get out there, you know?

Yeah.

Now, you go on date.

To go on date.

Yeah.

It's fun to go on.

It's fun to talk to a stranger.

I enjoy it.

That's what I'm doing right now.

Exactly.

Are you enjoying it?

I love it.

Good.

Let's go to the end.

Would you be honest if you weren't?

That's a good question.

No, you're right.

I wouldn't be.

Yeah.

But I also,

I don't have a face that really can betray my feelings.

Like I, well, that's not true.

I often look like I'm having a bad time, even when I'm having a good time.

But if I look like I'm having a good time, then it's pretty genuine.

Okay, that's good.

That's good.

Do I look like I'm having a good time?

Now, you used to host a podcast

with Nikki Mordor and Amy.

Mordor.

Sorry, I was stuck on

the rings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Amy, I want to say Frodo.

It's actually Gollum.

And it was called Soft for Us.

Yes.

And this is the kind of stuff you talked about, boys.

Yeah, just boys.

It was all just boys.

But you decided to end it.

Yes, we did.

Because you had a huge falling out, is what you were saying.

Huge falling out.

Yeah.

Yeah, actually, Amy doesn't have any more toes.

Oh, she's better results.

Yeah.

No.

Dad taught you well.

Yeah, thank you.

So did Kobe Kaya.

No, we just all got way too busy with stand-up comedy, which was like kind of the whole thing, you know, doing the podcast.

Were you

like, how long have you been doing stand-up for?

I've been doing stand-up for four, three and a half years, four years.

Really?

Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Always in Vancouver?

Always in Vancouver.

Cool.

Yeah.

What about the other two?

Amy's been doing it longer because she started in Ireland.

Right.

Ireland.

Oh, I thought of a good joke.

Okay, here we go.

Please.

What's a pirate's favorite medical drama?

Really good.

Yeah.

Sorry to say it, though.

PR.

Nice.

House.

The pit.

Oh, the pit.

You're watching the pit?

Oh, I watched the pit.

And?

Oh, yeah.

Is it good?

Come on.

Have you seen it?

No.

Oh, you gotta.

It's apparently.

Is it like a ripoff of ER?

It was good.

They were trying to bring back ER, and then they're like, well, we don't have to actually pay for ER.

No.

We can just get the guy from ER.

He's got a beard now.

And then the Crichton estate are like, uh-uh-uh.

Yeah.

We heard you were shopping around at ER.

And it's good?

It's fantastic.

Does it take place over like one day?

One day.

Every episode is a different hour.

Oh, of the the same hour.

Of the same day.

And it's Dr.

Jack Bauer.

He does a lot of electrocuting.

I forgot about that.

He would always be electrocuting somebody.

Did you ever watch 24?

No.

It was over a 24-hour period as well.

Yeah.

And there was a guy who tortured people to get what he wanted, the lead character.

He was an anti-terrorist.

Teacher Southern.

He was Jack Bauer.

Right.

Didn't they try to bring that back?

Yeah, I I think so.

Another 48 hours.

Another, and then was he like the designated survivor?

Oh, he was.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

He's also

a vampire at one point.

Yeah, he dated, he was left at the altar by Julia Roberts.

Yeah, and he

wanted to get to that date in real life.

Oh, really?

Well, I don't know if it was right at the altar, but it was like they were

jilted.

He was jilted.

He was within days of getting married.

Wow.

She was sort of a pretty woman.

But in the end, it turned out she was a runaway bride.

Do you know anybody that almost got married and then it fell apart at the last second?

No, I know very few people who are married.

Oh, well, Luddy Duh.

Everyone's just out there at the Anza Club, you know?

Yeah, I do think, yeah, I know somebody who got engaged and then six months later or whatever, five months later, kibbutz.

How close were they to the wedding?

That's a good question, but like months away, not like a year from now.

Yeah, yeah.

And yeah, she pieced out pretty fast.

Which is weird.

Why did she accept the

proposal?

I don't know, because the people

had their cameras pointing out.

It was at a football game or something.

Did she know when she said yes that she really wanted to say no?

That's, I will never know.

You'll never know.

No, because I was only friends with him oh yeah how's he uh

yeah does he listen no okay do i know him that's probably why she didn't want to be with him oh sure yeah

yeah we've broken up a lot of relationships that way um yeah uh but that's the only one i know where it was like almost jilted oh yeah probably

maybe the invitations had been sent out that's when you want that's if that's do or die time before invitations go out if you're deciding that you want out, that's when.

Do you think it would be so you can you do it after the save the date, but before the actual invitations?

Yes.

I'm going to roll yes.

What if you get to the wedding and you're like, oh, like you, you can't be with this person anymore.

Right.

Don't you think it's better to just leave as opposed to wait for like a few months afterwards and then before?

I think you should get married and spend 18 to 20 years together.

Okay, yeah.

And that's fair.

No, that's good advice.

If you send out a save the date, which I never understood why, like, just send the invite.

Just send the invite.

Um,

it's just another cute thing.

It's just a thing, like, hey, we're getting married.

It's going to be on this day.

We haven't decided if it's going to be chicken or fish yet.

So just wait until we send the official.

But like, if you, if you send the save the dates, then you break up.

Do you have to send out like, hey, forget the date?

Forget the date.

Never mind.

Did you, did either of you do a good proposal?

like an interesting no no no no either no did you propose yeah okay but very casually cool because uh

and i were going to las vegas and i was basically like hey if we're gonna go to vegas might as well get hitched in vegas really fun yeah it was really fun can't recommend it enough yeah that's awesome and i was we had been together for 10 years 11 years And we just knew we were going to get married in the future.

And my wife,

we had even met the ring maker.

Like, she knew I was getting an engagement ring made.

And then...

I want to size your finger.

Not for what you're thinking.

It's for butt stuff.

Yep, just right.

Actually, I don't even need the ring size.

I need the link.

And then

I think we had even like she had, she and her mother had booked a venue.

Oh, wow.

Oh, smart.

And then, and then the ring arrived.

And I was like, here's the ring.

Yeah, wow.

My in-laws, they married, I think, when they were 20.

Wow.

Yeah.

Which is, imagine making a decision like that.

Yeah, very much so.

Yeah.

How long have they been together?

Like, oh, how long before?

I think not very long.

Because Abby and I have been together since we were 19.

Yeah.

Isn't that sweet?

That's really cute.

You know where we met?

Where?

Upstairs at the end.

Wow.

Was Sam Lynch playing?

Yeah.

Well, no, it was someone with a really flabby name.

Bubba something.

Yeah, Bubba Dematopoulos.

Was the concert good?

Oh, it was fantastic.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What?

Are you going to badmouth Sam Lynch?

Yeah, you can.

You can't.

On Maine?

Oh, and then we went to a different concert at the Cobalt, and we saw a a band called Mock Media, which I'd never heard of before.

They were great.

They all took their shirts off.

Oh, good.

Rock and roll.

Really?

No.

The biggest nipples and roll.

The biggest nipples and raw.

Who has the biggest nipples and raw?

I think it's got to be Milo.

Post Malone.

Yeah, Milo probably had a pretty big pair.

Jelly roll.

You got to assume Jelly Roll.

I'm guessing probably.

None of the chili peppers, that's for sure.

No, and not Slash.

Yeah.

Man.

I heard a horror story about Slash losing a nipple rig in the crowd.

Oh, what?

Like, crowdsurfing?

Yeah.

That doesn't seem like his vibe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's since when would Slash go crowdsurfing?

Yeah.

They'd steal that hat.

That hat would fall off so fast.

Apparently, that hat he stole from a shop, and that's how it became his signature look.

But he was also kick cuffing guy from T-Rex.

Oh, okay.

He wore a top hat.

Mark Boland?

Mark Bolan.

Yeah.

Top hat's a like, I only know those two guys that pull it off.

And like, would you, if you met somebody in a top hat,

are they.

I know a few people who pull it off.

Yeah.

Casual top hat wearing?

Yeah.

Frickin' Johnny Depp as the mad hatter.

Frickin' Johnny Depp as

Willy Wonka.

Frickin'

Tim Shalamay as Willy Wonka.

Tim Shalave.

Yeah.

Frickin' Gene Wilder.

What's the difference between a top hat hat and a stovepipe?

I think it's height.

I think stovepipe is like the tall.

Okay.

But it is a top hat.

And that's Lincoln.

And freaking Abe Lincoln.

And Lincoln, did he wear that every day or did we just know that one?

Well, there's a photo of him without a photo.

That one draw.

Did they have photos?

He wore.

They might have had photos.

Yeah, there's photos of him.

Warts and all, you know?

Not, you know, not great quality photos.

Yeah, sure.

And that's fine.

Yeah, but yeah, photos.

He did the whole book about sex.

It was like Madonna.

It was just lewd photos.

Did you know that?

Have you ever heard that book?

Sex by Madonna?

Sex by Madonna?

No.

It was one in the library.

Man, oh man, every kid.

Whoa.

Madonna released a book of this was like early 90s,

before you were born.

Before you were born.

Yeah.

And it was, she was, you know, this was post-vogue

around her erotica era.

And she was, at the time, was, no, this was before Dennis Rodman, I think.

But she just did a bunch of, like,

naked pictures of her.

I think there's some sex

having in it.

I haven't seen the book.

Vanilla ice is in it.

I think I have a PDF of it, maybe.

And then, like, her musings on.

Yeah.

It was, and it was a huge coffee table book.

Like, it was.

So, like, penetrative sex?

I mean.

I don't know if you see it go in.

Yeah, it's a flipbook at the end.

It's a flipbook.

And then it's just her on a scooter.

She rides a bike naked in it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, good for her.

Yeah.

Good for her.

Yeah, honestly.

She should get more respect for that.

She was in a league of her own.

Yeah.

Nice.

Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, no.

My life is so boring.

Well, I mean, we're all going to pale in in comparison to Danielle, the quirkiest gal that ever did leave.

Me, Don Schaefer, over a year.

Does Don have a sibling?

Dawn has a brother named Jeffrey.

Why do I know this?

Well, because you read all the books.

Yeah, I read all the books.

And also, in the - I don't know if the books are this way, but the first 20 pages of every graphic novel is a recap of here's everyone from the

babysitters pub.

And here's what's their deal.

Yeah.

Anyway,

what's going on?

You've been reading?

I actually haven't read them in a while.

Sweet Valley High, Babysitters Club.

Yeah, what did we try to get my daughter into?

American Girls, isn't that one of them?

Maybe that's adults.

The books.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I'm out of my depth here.

I don't know who they answered to any of these questions.

Yeah, they did.

I mean, Harriet the Spy.

I don't know if there were volumes of that or if there's anything else.

I think there's just the one.

Yeah.

She said everything she was going to say in that one book.

John Cullen one time said to me that I look like I read Harriet the Spy exclusively as a child.

Okay.

Which felt sort of like an insult, but also a compliment at the same time.

Yeah.

And you were like, not exclusively.

Not exclusively.

Just one volume.

Here's just, this is not a thing that really happened to me, but

it did, but it's not worth talking about for more than I'll give us two minutes.

Okay, okay.

I got an email this morning from

it starts out good

from the place where i service my car the car dealership that services my car confirming my appointment for 7 a.m on easter sunday oh my gosh

it's the only time we could get you

and i was i i hadn't requested an appointment at all i oh but that's how they hadn't requested an appointment no they just made an appointment they made an appointment hey here's the conf confirming your appointment for seven o'clock on sunday And there's no way out of this?

I mean, I wrote them back immediately saying, uh-uh, no, no.

It doesn't work that way.

That is, it is smart.

Like, if a dentist sent me a thing saying, yep, we got you on Friday, I'd be like, well, I guess they did make that appointment.

I did that with my dentist.

My dentist,

you know, they all do that sneaky move where they're like, we're going to get you to come in every four months.

Yeah, four months.

And I say yes, and then call them later and say, no, no.

Yeah.

I had a dentist for a while that was like positive I needed a crown and like kept calling calling emailing

get that crown done and then last time I went to the dentist the guy was like you don't need a crown they were they were you know scamming me I love how there's always like a cool dentist yeah he's like no no no those other guys were lying to you yeah

but he also might suck as a dentist

like I don't know yeah have you seen that dentist that's seems like it's the cool dentist I believe it's called house of Teeth and Teeth.

Yeah.

And they're loads of it.

They just have a giant skull on them.

It's like it could be a tattoo parlor.

Yeah, you can do both.

Yeah.

And you have to get grills.

They do their dentist appointment and then you actually get a title.

I think it might actually just be a grill place.

Yeah, I think it might just be a grill place.

Yeah.

Delicious.

One of my daughters,

the dentist actually says she needs grills.

Good news.

Once your baby teeth come out, you're going to to need grills.

Okay, so that's one thing.

Also, the other day I waved at Graham and Alicia while driving down the street.

I opened my window and

you were making some sort of sound.

I was saying, hey, and I was waving, and then I was going past too fast.

I went, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

And then I got a little bit of eye contact, and I had to tell you later, hey, did you see me?

Yeah.

And you're like, oh, that was you.

Yeah, I think we clocked that it was probably you, but

yeah, did i what did i get at the store that day

what show did you go to choices choices okay yeah um

yeah i uh

uh i've never done that in a car before like i don't have a car like a lot of time in a car but i don't think i've ever honked at somebody that i knew on the street i just oh i mean it was too many i didn't honk i have way i rolled my window down yeah you honk exclusively referred funk

funk

i can't explain what that is it's okay You don't know?

Well, of course, you didn't have TV.

You don't have TV.

I don't get most references.

Is that right?

Oh, yeah, that is right.

What do you think is like the, what's the most popular thing that you're like, I don't know what that is?

The most popular.

Well, just any of the internet things for like,

I've never seen Two Girls, One Cop.

Yeah, it is popular.

And I think I'm missing out.

Well, for me, it's my homepage.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is the thing I don't know anything about.

Oh, I don't know.

I guess that's probably

as popular as Two Girls, One Cup.

No, I think Two Girls, One Cup is more popular.

For sure.

So you never knew Lemon Party.

I don't even know what that is now.

You don't know Goatsee.

You don't know all the weird early internet like sabotage porn where they send you to a website that you're not expecting.

That's right.

And then you pop up a thousand porns.

A thousand porns.

A thousand porns.

The name of your next album.

Yeah, I need a name.

And then I got to record an album.

Yeah, sure.

But first,

write some new material.

Yeah.

Are you going to record an album?

Oh, not anytime soon.

No?

No.

I've only been doing comedy for four years.

But you know that there's people who have only done it for four years that have an album.

That have two albums.

I have a healthy dose of skepticism about myself.

Okay.

So I think it'll take me another five to seven days.

That's healthy.

That is right.

And how much time do you think you have now that you could that would be solid?

That would be solid?

I mean, that's such a question.

Well, it's like I always when I was starting, you'd go out on the road.

Yeah.

And then they would let you know.

Yeah, that's true.

I mean, like,

I comfortably do 20.

Okay, strong 20.

How strong is it?

I can't be sincere about my abilities.

Okay.

So I have

three.

Yeah.

Okay.

I remember when I did comedy, I was like, I have a strong 20

with a very nice crowd.

Yeah, it's my kind of crowd.

And then on a

Friday at a comedy club, I have three minutes.

Yeah.

And then, oh, sorry.

I was just going to say, also, like, because I think my style is so sort of loosey-goosey,

it's like, I could do that for like 40 minutes and do really well.

And like 25 minutes are jokes and then the rest is just me

noodling around.

But that doesn't count.

That's not an album, you know?

I remember

that's smart of you.

I'm gonna say, that's very smart of you.

Yeah, I have no, I've been doing comedy for four years.

I think that's in the world of comedy, like five minutes.

I mean, yeah, it was like Jerry Seinfeld had some sort of equation of what you are in human years/slash comedian.

Yeah,

he likes to think about those kinds of things.

Yeah, he's got his own language, sign language.

But I, uh, I,

there used to be a TV tv show called comedy now and it was a it was yeah it was the only place you could do a special in canada and i knew so many comedians who were like i got paid three thousand dollars to do this show yeah it was my material from 10 years ago it still airs it still airs so embarrassed of it

yeah yeah i uh i did one and it was uh

i mean maybe it's good i haven't watched it i think yours probably holds up it was okay i wore a suit

i used to wear suits Did you?

And I was

thinking back to trying on an outfit and then being shot down for it.

I bought at a thrift store a beautiful green suit with a vest.

And literally, as I walked in the door at the, well, somebody says, hey, Leprechaun.

I was like, oh, no.

That's the end of this outfit.

I thought you were going to talk about the time

you went to a thrift store and tried on a suit and the

guy who runs the thrift store, maybe in Toronto.

Oh, yeah.

You were like seeing how you could have the suit adjusted, and he just tapped your belly.

It was like, ah.

And the other time, when I was trying on suit jackets, and it was a lovely little Chinese lady, and she rubbed my belly and said, Very prosperous.

That's amazing.

I was like, yes, that's the best way you've been doing it.

You were like, prosperous for you for rubbing it or for me for having it?

Exactly.

Did you just wish something?

And then she was like, You have the biggest nipples in comedy.

I mean, you can't, the only guy you can rule out is Burt Kreischer.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, those are the only ones I've seen.

Not a prosperous belly on that guy, though.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah.

Not prosperous at all.

It's an angry belly.

It's really angry.

That reminds me, though,

when I was in Korea, a friend of mine came to visit and he had a long beard.

Oh, yeah.

And at the time, it was 10 years ago.

At the time, there was no real facial hair in Korea.

It was considered dirty.

Sorry.

You know what?

I'm not going to Korea anytime soon.

I'm dirty in Korea.

You're really dirty in Korea.

Not in Cleveland, dirty in Korea.

But he was standing at a bus stop by himself, and this man from across the street walked up to him, plucked out a single one of his beard hairs, and then blew it into the wind, and then walked away.

Wow.

Wow.

Incredible.

I'd let somebody do that.

Right?

You have to at that point.

Boink.

That could be a cartoon pull, you know, boink.

And then you see, like, the hare's journey in Korea.

It's like the feather in Forrest Gump.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's like that.

You've read the book.

Yeah.

Do you know Forrest Gump?

I know Forrest Gump.

I've seen Forrest Gump.

Okay.

Yeah, I watched it.

Did you read the book of it?

I read the book.

I read the novelization.

I actually wrote the novelization.

You're Winston Groom?

I am, yeah.

I don't know.

My mom deploys.

I think it was written before.

It was written before.

Oh, was it?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

And then there was a sequel.

No way.

He wrote a sequel

force Gump 2, I think.

Gump Harder.

Gump Harder.

Yeah.

And it's,

yeah, those are like, I think for many years, all I read were books that I also saw the movie of.

Yeah.

Oh, I don't know.

Got to read Jurassic Park.

Yeah, gotta read GoldenEye.

That's fun, though.

Like, I would do this thing on the so when I lived in London, I was coming back and forth.

I would on the plane read a book and then immediately afterwards watch the movie.

Oh, fun.

And that's the best way to do a flight, in my opinion.

Oh, on the movie.

On the flight.

Wow.

So I did the Martian.

I did the Martian once, and that was sick.

Which was better?

The book of the movie?

Yeah.

Honestly, pretty equal to me.

Really?

And that never happens.

What, like, I was going to say, is there ever a movie that's better than the book, in your opinion?

Probably.

Probably there is.

People say Fight Club.

Yeah, I could see that.

Yeah.

What about Jurassic Park?

Jurassic Park, the book, is really good.

Yeah, I've never read it.

Yeah.

But the movie is...

The movie's so good.

It is very good.

Yeah.

It's a good book, good movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Congo, maybe not as much.

Maybe Congo, the book, is good.

Another of his series.

Yeah.

Sphere.

Sphere.

Disclosure.

Oh, yeah.

That was a real departure for him.

You ever read Disclosure?

It was, it's about a woman that's sexually harassing a man in her employ.

Wow, good for her.

Yeah, yeah.

Demi Moore was in the movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so there you go.

That's something you can read that and then watch that movie.

Yeah, yeah, great.

Next one.

Rising Sun, was that a crime?

And like Wesley Snipes was

John Connering.

The perfect duo.

Creighton ruled.

Yeah, he did.

It was him and Grey.

He should probably be in one of those little libraries, right?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know.

People hold on to those books.

They're going to be worth something someday.

This copy of Westworld.

Oh, have you ever owned a book that's worth?

Something like,

oh, this is a first edition, or this is

only published so many or whatever.

Potentially.

I do have a book

that's called Cats in the News.

Okay.

And it's a first edition.

It's signed by the author.

Okay.

And it's just this reporter from the UK.

And it's just a book about his love of cats.

So on the picture, it's just him holding a cat.

And then it's signed.

And it says, Dear Juan, pause for thought this Christmas.

Nice.

Incredible.

So that's probably worth something.

That's got to be worth something.

That's got to be worth something.

Yeah.

I bought,

it was like a book of of letters by Hunter S.

Thompson.

And it was expensive when I bought it, and then I lost it.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

So it's out there.

It's devastating.

There are like, yeah, books, not like first editions in that sense of like leatherbound, whatever, but just like books by someone who then became famous and they're out of print and

they're like 400 bucks on eBay.

You think this is the case with the book?

I think that's the one.

I know.

Funny, like when I was a kid, an autograph seemed so rare.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And now, like, I know people who write books, and whenever they're in a new city, they just go to a bookstore and say, Hey, do you want me to sign any copies of these books?

Yeah.

And they'll just give them a stab.

They don't even check your ID.

Yeah.

To what's your name?

Anyway, I waved at Graham.

What's going on with you?

Well, I was waved at by a mysterious stranger.

I also wrote that popsicle stick joke.

What?

What?

The

ER joke?

Oh, the ER joke.

That's good.

That was good.

Yeah, that was a big week.

I was the victim of fraud.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Of the credit card variety.

Oh, I've been that.

And, but this was so slick.

Like, if I hadn't been looking at my computer when it happened, they would have run completely ragged.

Like, they would have gone to the moon and back.

But I just got it.

It was Uber sent me a message.

Somebody's logging into your account.

Is this you?

And I was like, no, I don't think so.

And then it says the login was Airdrie Alberta.

So I was like, well, that's definitely not me.

Might be.

Yeah.

And then I was like, yeah, let me do a couple testers.

Oh, you know what?

I did.

I used Uber Eats to order some ribs from Alberta.

And so I was like, oh, no.

So it just said, you know, sign in here.

And they had blocked me out.

It was like, they're like, now you have two-step verification.

And I didn't know the two steps.

Oh, no.

So they had completely locked me.

So someone had gone into your account and added a second step.

Yeah.

Oh, smart.

Yeah, it was really smart and it was really fast.

By the time I called the bank, they had racked up $600 odd dollars in Uber.

I don't know how that works because it's not like, give me,

there's something, though, that they figured out.

We had one a few months ago.

Abby and I share a credit card account, and hers,

someone was using hers to buy Facebook ads weird

and we uh

we

called and they were like oh yeah this is quite common it's common yeah

and it was like three dollars

seven dollars a hundred and eight dollars yeah ninety four dollars and the the location of the sign-in also jumped because it was airdrie and then it was london england So somehow this was just getting put through some kind of crazy network.

And

credit card people, very helpful.

Uber, not impossible to get.

There's nobody you can talk to, no number.

The number I found is only for drivers.

And they have like an email form that you have to fill.

And I'm like, but that's not quick enough to help me now.

Yeah.

And they, you know, after the fact, we're like, yeah, we went in and redid your account.

I was like, well, where the fuck were you five hours ago?

So yeah, if you got a problem with Uber, you're

screwed.

Yeah, I've found that like they can shut your credit card down right away.

Like if you go to your bank website.

Yeah.

And yeah, the person was really, really friendful.

Friendful?

Fearful?

Friendly.

I like friendful.

Yeah.

Do you need

English lessons from a ESL teacher?

Yeah,

so they were very helpful.

They shut it down.

And then,

because I've always seen it in movies, I've never done it before.

I cut up the credit card.

Yeah.

That's good.

Cut up the credit card, threw it in the garbage.

Then.

Oh, I've done it before, and I cut it up, and I throw it in separate garbages.

Oh,

I'm also worried that, like, now that you can use your credit card to tap and buy something, which of these little squares I just cut up is a tap is.

Oh, I cut the little gold guy.

Yeah, it's the little guy.

The little gold, but isn't the gold guy the chip from the chip and pin?

Is the tap is different than the chip and pin?

Oh.

Oh.

Maybe.

Yeah.

That's a good point.

Because the tap is like where there's a little signal-looking thing, right?

Yeah, which is on the other end from the chip.

Yeah, but also...

Is it?

Or is it a bigger area?

I don't know.

I did see somebody on the internet once.

I have the internet now.

Thank you.

I did see somebody on the internet cut up a credit card and then they had the little chip and then the wire and then they were just using that instead of all the plastic.

They just wanted to see if they could and they could.

God, the internet's got so much stuff on it.

Yeah, it's got so much stuff.

So I did that, cut it up, threw it away.

And then I saw on my account a delayed purchase that they had made for like $87.

I was like, uh-oh, into the garbage I go to get all the pieces of my credit card.

Oh, because I didn't have the number.

I don't know if I got the number.

I had to go into the garbage.

Well, that.

Do you think this

has anything to do with the time we read our credit card numbers on the show?

No.

I didn't give them the three-number pin or whatever, verification pin.

That's so cool.

Yeah, I had to rummage through the garbage.

I found them all.

I found all the pieces.

I remember, because they used to be like very much, hey, when you put your code in to your credit card, you gotta cover it with your credit card.

I still do that.

But if you could just tap it, then like if someone has if someone steals your credit card, they don't need the code anymore.

Yeah.

And I remember John Bueller, comedian John Bueller, had a great bit about people being held at gunpoint and like, take the maximum out of your account and him being like, sure, $200.

It's not working.

Let's go lower.

And then it's gone down an hour.

Let's see if it has $7.

But yeah, so it was like, I don't think I've ever,

maybe I've had it once before with a credit card fraud, but not that slick and not that fast.

And I had, yeah, I had someone had, I used, I used to have the same password for every website.

Yeah.

I think I probably do.

Yeah.

And then I got a, and then, so I couldn't isolate where they had stolen my credit card from.

And so I had to, now I have a, an app that gives me random passwords that I don't know the password to any website.

Yeah.

It's smart.

Smart way to do it.

It's password.

One, two, three, exclamation point.

Dave Rules, 69, 420.

Yeah, I, um,

uh, but now I have all these things that are tethered to the credit card that are all, I have to do that all over again.

I've got to start with a new card,

plug it into eBay.

You know, someone apparently

hacked my car service again and

just books you with a bunch of appointments.

But yeah, I was frauded.

I got frauded and not even in a fun,

you know, I fell for a scam.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Honeypot.

Yeah, exactly.

But Graham,

no one can pretend to be you.

You're one of a kind.

Oh, thank you.

This Korean guy one time pulled one of my whiskers off and said,

there was only one like you.

Do you find now that you no longer live in Korea, you still go around pulling people's beard off?

All the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, I said it was a guy.

It was actually me.

Well, we get down.

We get down.

Well, do you guys want to move on to some overheards?

I'd love to.

If you like too many podcasts, you'll love SoundTeap with John Lick Roberts.

It's got clips from all your favourite podcasts, such as Diary of a Tiny CEO.

Leonard Sprague, tell me how you make your money.

I go to the beach and I steal people's towels.

Remember armor.

Do you remember the trend of everyone whacking themselves on the head with hammers and mallets when they wanted to lose weight?

And LT Jom's lobbily songs.

I'm here today with Kiki D.

Hello Kiki D.

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There's dozens of episodes to catch up on and brand new episodes going out right now.

So if you want far, far, far too many podcasts, then look for Sound Teap on maximum fun.

Boop boop.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper.

And on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Overheard.

Overheards.

Where you hear it, we want to hear it.

It's only just.

And we always like to start with the guest.

Danielle, do you have an overheard?

I have an overheard.

Yay.

Yay.

Okay, so I was on the BC Ferries from Swartzbe to Sawasan.

Classic?

Classic route.

It was a good route.

You say Sawasan.

What would you say?

Tawasan.

I never.

Oh, really?

Maybe it's an island thing to say Sawasan.

Sewassan.

It's probably the right way to say it.

Who knows?

Not me.

Who knows?

I mean.

Well, some people know.

Yeah.

You, it sounds like you know.

I bet Kevin Lee knows.

He's from there.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

We'll ask him.

Go ahead and Decker.

Oh, yeah.

You're Avan Decker, yeah.

Or Ladner?

Ladner.

Ladner.

That's all.

Adam Pateman.

Adam Pateman is from maybe Ladner as well.

Yeah.

Did you ever meet Adam Pateman?

He has one of my favorite stupid gags where he he would roll up his pants past the knee and he would do an impression of a fire.

It was just him slapping his knees

like that kind of thing.

It would sound really good.

It would kill me every time he did it.

That's so good.

Oh, that's so good.

Yeah.

He was a funny dude.

I mean, he's still alive.

I just haven't seen him do comedy in a long time.

But yes.

I'm on the ferry.

I'm on the ferry.

And behind me are some UV students, or I assume they're UVIC students, but they're at university.

And this one girl, she said,

she was like, oh, I'm just not sure if this summer I should do van life or live in a yurt.

And then she was like, I guess I'll just wait to decide until after my opera final.

Yes.

Incredible.

Incredible.

What a life she must live.

Wow.

Yeah, what would you pick?

Van life or yurt?

Where's the yurt?

Where's the yurt?

That would be my question.

Because the van can be anywhere.

It's in the Okanagan this year.

Maybe I choose yurt.

Is yurt yurt a forest fire season though no

no winter

winter yurt in the okanagan yeah summertime you gotta do van life you gotta winter time probably van life

what's van life across i don't know what a yurt is i'm i'm

it's like a round like a little tent tent yeah but it's it can be it's like it's nice it's it's like lamping yeah does it have electricity sure

okay

for you anything yeah it's hard not like i'm picturing a cup of yogurt

upside down.

That's what you all got to know.

I think that is kind of what it is.

Big enough for like a really big one.

But like a honey ice cream.

No yogurt in it.

Yeah, yeah, cleaned.

A little.

A cleaned little extra tibia.

Maybe like a little bit in there for a taste.

Yeah, I had a friend who

went and worked.

in a yurt on like a farm somewhere.

Like they did farming during the day and then stayed in a yurt.

I want to see how big a yurt is.

Yeah, look at that.

What are we spelling yurt?

With a U?

A Y-E-U-R-T.

Oh, that's a nice-looking yurt.

Yeah, yurts can be nice.

Yeah.

And here I am stuck with my van life.

Changing is tune, I see.

Oh, that's a good thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It is kind of an upside-down yogurt cup.

It's an upside-down cup.

Yeah.

It's.

Oh, my God.

The interior of some of these are

extraordinary.

These are, these are.

Oh, I wonder if you can get a curtain on air.

Windows?

Windows and curtains?

Curtain Yurton?

Curtain Yurton.

These curtain yurtens got me squirting.

Van Life, I feel like that's more of an American endeavor because you could be in places where you can live in a van life.

Exactly.

Yeah, but it's also a west coast of British Columbia.

I know a lot of.

My introduction to Van Life has been

folks from here.

Yeah.

I know there's that one street like down where all the uh tech companies are and like down Maine.

There's a street that's just all campers.

Oh, really?

It's like near Great Northern Way?

Uh, no, farther, like, uh, just off of Maine, like Maine and Fourth-ish.

Yeah, and there's a a street that's free parking.

Oh, sure.

Well, yeah, yeah.

There used to be a street like that by the Kelly and Kelly offices, but everything they just went in

Oh, did they make it no parking?

No, they made it pay parking.

Oh, shit.

That'll yeah.

And same with this whole neighborhood.

They've gone in and taken out all the

right.

Yeah, there was also the beach that has rabbits at it.

Across from there.

Yeah, Jericho?

That's Jericho, right?

There's rabbits there.

Across from the entrance to the parking lot, like 100 trailers.

Yeah.

So if you're out there, if you're listening to us with the last of your electricity and your

trailer, I wish you well.

Yeah, that

one area there where I still see a lot of vans and RVs is Terminal Avenue by Home Depot.

Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, for a long time in the States, you could park in Walmart parking lots.

Can you not anymore?

I think they cracked down on it.

Yeah.

So that considered, I feel like yurt.

Yeah, although

yurt.

But would you go in one that was where you had to farm during the day?

I just

want to be alone.

Yeah.

Just leave me alone.

Maybe it's a yurt that's not surrounded by anything.

Maybe you're just by the way.

I'm alone in a

you're alone in a yurt.

I feel I'd feel safer

in a van.

Yeah, because then if something goes down, you're

like I'm alone in a yurt and there I there's coyotes circling the yurt, Dave.

You got to get the periscope out.

But if I'm in a van, I just plow right through them.

Yeah.

Dave, do you have an overheard?

Yeah, this is from Choices, which is the store you went to.

Yep.

It's a grocery store.

And there was a couple in the produce section, and it sounded like they were trying to figure out what they were going to have for dinner.

And this is kind of a

health food store slash grocery store.

It's expensive.

It's expensive.

You wouldn't do your...

I mean, maybe people do, but you go there if you need a couple items.

Yeah, it's not a big shop.

Yeah, you don't do your weekly shop there.

I don't anyway.

And I overheard a woman say to a man in a couple, hmm, well, we haven't eaten that $3 tomato yet.

We've got tomatoes at home.

Well, like, well, you mean she's got, they've got this $3 tomato home.

They're trying to plan the whole meal around it.

We start with a tomato.

How much is a singular tomato usually?

I don't think I buy one tomato ever.

I don't know either.

But I also, when I buy tomatoes, I'm buying a hundred dollars or two hundred dollars worth of groceries, so I, yeah, the tomatoes

and I'm buying four tomatoes, which I would guess come in at under four dollars, yeah, like less than a dollar a mayo.

What I bought a banana there and it came to 13 cents.

I was like, that sounds right, yeah, yeah, 13 cents.

What would a banana have cost

cost?

They're free, yeah,

um but yeah yeah just having that we've sunk three dollars into this one tomato we gotta yeah

sunk costs yeah

that's nice i think it i think domesticity is nice yeah yeah yeah and also it's good to have somebody to talk to about three dollars tomatoes yeah and also like it's good you're doing the environment assault yeah you're focusing on that tomato you're gonna build the meal around the tomato exactly

oh what meal would you guys plant around a tomato oh oh a full english Oh, nice.

Yeah.

Even though that's the thing I hate about a full English is the grilled tomato.

Grilled tomato.

The mushrooms are good.

Oh.

Yeah.

No?

Yeah.

Oh, I couldn't tell what that O is

a bad O.

No, mushrooms are bad.

See, I can't actually tell what's going on on your face.

I've never had a bad O.

Yeah.

My daughters have recently started enjoying breakfast sausage, and that's inspired me to go full English.

Yeah.

Did you do the tomato?

I don't do the tomato.

I don't do the tomato.

Yeah, cooked tomatoes.

It should be in a sauce, I feel.

I agree.

It shouldn't be on a sauce.

It shouldn't just be sort of an amorphous blob.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Raw tomato, you sprinkle that in a taco on nachos.

Yeah.

These are good.

Salad.

Yeah, you can make a good salad.

I do like a faro bowl

with some lentils and tomato.

That's awesome.

That's great.

Yeah.

Really good.

Good job, you guys.

Other stuff, too, in there.

Put it on a sandwich, put it on a burger.

I was thinking BLT would be one of the

BLT with a nice, with like an heirloom tomato.

Yeah, like with a real nice tomato.

I mean, like a Trout Lake Market tomato.

That's $3 tomato.

$3 tomato.

I started growing vegetables last summer.

Nice.

And

had good luck with peas.

And the kale, I didn't like the kale, but the kale went crazy.

It does go crazy.

Yeah, the kale goes crazy.

And so it it let and it survived the winter.

Wow.

And so I've started planting a kale I do like.

I'm just starting the seeds now.

But the old kale has like, I'll hold on.

I'm being edged out.

I'll hold on to the old kale, you know, in case there's like

we're in a trade crisis right now.

Maybe we lose all our kale.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And then as the new kale has started to come in, I've been like, well, I'll get rid of the old kale.

It has grown

under the box, and now it's growing in the lawn.

I mean, kale's pretty.

So, you know, if you have a bunch of kale.

Why don't you like the kale?

It just was,

yeah, the mouthfeel of it

wasn't good.

It was Russian kale.

I like a Lacinto

dinosaur kale.

Oh, nice.

Oh, the big kale.

Oh, the long ones.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Dark green leaves.

Yeah, those are good ones.

Those are good.

That's a good kale.

It's a good kale.

It's nice to strip those.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's nice.

It's a good feeling.

Chop it up.

Yeah.

salad, right?

Cooking it, you know?

Yeah, you can do it all.

You can do it all.

Kill's got it all.

Yeah, you can make you can make kel chips.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Delicious.

But a flaky sea salt.

Yeah.

That's the recipe.

Graham, do you haven't overheard?

I do.

And it's courtesy of there's a movie shooting at the end of your street.

And I walked by it.

And one of the actors was getting last looks, getting makeup done.

And all I heard her say was like, I went out for it, but I did not want the role as a secretary.

I mean, yeah, feast or feminine, I guess, you know.

Wow.

Yeah.

I mean, I wish her well.

Yeah, someone's got to play the secretary.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ghostbusters, you got a coal.

Is that Annie Potts?

Yeah.

Who are the great secretaries?

Annie Potts and Ghostbusters, whoever it is in the movie Secretary.

Maggie Gillinall.

Yeah, Maggie Gillinall.

Millie and Thurley Modern Millie.

Oh, yeah.

Nice.

What about the person at the desk in

Devil Wears Proud Eye?

I feel like that was.

Oh, Emily Blunt slash Ann Hathaway.

I feel like there's a third.

Was Giselle

one of them for like...

Giselle Bunchen?

Bunchin.

I'm talking Bunchin.

Oh, she was, and she had glasses.

Yeah, I don't know if they're secretaries.

They're there for just interns.

Yeah, yeah.

What am I thinking of?

Well, on the Drew Carrey show, was Mimi a secretary?

No, she was like, she was across the way from me.

Oh, okay.

On Murphy Brown.

Murphy Brown, rotating secretary.

New secretary every episode.

Mad Men had so many secretaries.

Oh, God.

I like the old lady one.

Yeah, she was.

And did he call her like an astronaut or something like that?

Yeah, she was born in a barn.

She died in a...

It's like a skyscraper.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think we've got them all.

Yeah.

Someone's going to be so mad that we forgot.

Yeah, there's obviously one that's huge that we totally are not calling.

Well, there's like so many office

tv shows yeah i mean certainly the office

oh that's the big one yeah that's the big one pam pam

yeah

yeah we got it thank god we got that because uh that was

close

um

now we also have people who does soprano have a secretary

no because they hug out the back of the bada boom or bada bing or whatever how are you still re-watching that?

I paused because

for the first time

I heard that Breaking Bad was going to be taken off of Netflix, so I burned through that.

Had you seen that before?

Yeah.

This is remember you used to watch it every week at your

we would watch Mad Men as well, and then there was a show after that was a reality show based on Mad Men.

Oh, yeah, yeah, and they had to come up with like proposals and things for different businesses.

It was, yeah, and you remember the campaign they did for Subway?

Yeah, and it was

the it was about Subway had a breakfast sandwich.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're remembering this exactly right.

And it was the campaign was zambies.

Zambies.

Oh, because it was after The Walking Dead as well.

Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So zombies that are in the AM.

Yeah, AM zombies.

Yeah.

It didn't win.

No.

Did you win?

No, it wouldn't.

Did you see Subway now has a foot-long nachos?

Nacho with Doritos.

A foot-long nacho?

Well, it's foot-long nachos.

Yeah.

It's a tray of Doritos with Subway toppings on top.

So, you know,

Italian.

It's good Italian

thing of Doritos.

And then I guess they put it through the

microwave.

Yeah.

Oh, that's so upsetting.

It is so upsetting.

Just get them from 7-Eleven like everybody.

Now, we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the world.

If you want to send one in, send it into spy at maximumfund.org.

And speaking of Subway,

he said the person who wrote this, Austin from Texas.

No fry from Austin, Texas.

I've been holding on to this since 2015.

And

it's a poster that is online looking for recommendations

for brunch.

And then it provides suggestion for brunch.

This is no, like

internet.

Okay, sorry.

It provides suggestions for brunch restaurants near me and has been bringing me much-needed smiles for the past nine years.

Brunch restaurant, Burger King, and Subway.

So great.

Yeah, so it couldn't be more wrong.

Well, you get a Chris Sandwich from Burger King.

I get to get these zambies.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you a brunch person?

I mean, I'm from Victoria.

British Columbia.

Oh, home of Jancaff.

You kind of have to be.

That's home of Jan Cafe.

Is that the big one?

That used to be the big one.

What is it now?

Oh, break the news.

The Ruby, I think, is really big in Victoria.

My favorite.

I've lived in the Ruby.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The Ruby's good.

My favorite is a place called Nourish.

Nourish.

Yeah.

It's in this old heritage house

in James Bay.

It's great.

Okay.

I went to UVic.

Oh.

And

what'd you study?

Political science.

Nice.

And the

three politicians.

Okay.

O.J.

Simpson.

The glove.

The glove.

And Johnny Cargo.

Nailed it, you guys.

And Brunch,

I would say it was a big pub town.

So there were a lot of full Englishes.

Yeah.

A lot of like

ye old, whatever.

Yeah.

And then with our favorite, Denny's.

Denny's.

Yeah.

There used to be a place, what was it called, that had like copper

roof on it.

And it was like, as you drive into downtown.

Do you guys know what I'm talking about?

I think I do.

Was it the

Phils or something like that?

Oh, the

I don't know if it's still there.

Yeah, I went to Phil's Motor Inn.

Oh, was it like a

thing?

No, this was a diner, like classic, classic diner, but it had like copper.

Was it the Red Lion?

That was a strip club.

That was the Red Lion.

They got a great brunch there.

Yeah.

One of the best breakfasts I've ever had was at Club Supersex in Montreal.

You do hear that about strip clubs.

Yeah.

It was

when I was there for just for laughs the first time.

We're like, everybody, we're going to the club super section.

And it was open at like 11 in the morning.

Was it open all night?

Oh, at 24 hours.

Speaking of things happening all night,

normally you, like,

so when you get these overheards, you, you email them to yourself.

You compile three of them.

Yeah.

Email them to yourself, but you mail them to the

shared SPY

email address.

And normally you do it the day before.

This morning

They were sent before seven.

I know.

I woke up early and I was like, I'm staying up.

I'm not going to go back to sleep.

I'm getting out of bed.

Getting your work done.

Yeah.

And now I'm like,

toast.

It's 12.43 p.m.

This next one comes from Chelsea from Chicago.

I was in the Easter candy aisle at Target, overhearing a couple discussing what Easter candy to get their grandkids.

The woman was indecisive.

So finally, the man said, Candy is candy.

It's like prison.

They'll trade.

It's true.

It's true.

Yep.

What was your like

either Halloween or Easter favorite chocolate?

Are you a chocolate person at all?

I'm a chocolate person.

Okay.

I like chocolate.

I like chocolate.

I've got to say, chocolate.

Chocolate.

Chocolate.

Every time I think about Halloween candy, I think about your Razorblade Apple joke.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So good.

That

never happened.

Let me know what my favorite

Easter movie is.

The Joaquin Phoenix movie, Her, She.

Yes.

We haven't done our Easter egg shopping yet.

Whoa.

I'm going over

our kids.

I think

this eight-year-old is still holding on to Santa and Easter Bunny.

And by extension, the Easter Bunny.

Do children believe in the Easter bunny?

There's really no lore about the Easter bunny.

Yeah, I didn't think there was.

But she's also a tooth fairy as well.

Oh,

that's nice, though.

It's not good for you.

Oh, for her.

Childhood wonder.

You have to sneak around.

Yeah.

But you're going to do that anyway.

They'll have a reason.

Yeah.

Oh, Dad's stumbling drunk into my bedroom again.

Sorry.

whole reason I've been drinking for their entire lives is so I can pull off the perfect.

I'm going

tomorrow,

Easter weekend, I'm going to Salt Spring Island and nephew and niece are going to be there and the niece has made the decision that she's going to do an adult

egg hunt.

Oh, wow.

They're going to have an egg hunt that she's going to plant things in the adults.

Oh, that's really fun.

That's really fun.

What is she going to hide?

I think they have plastic eggs that you put something into.

We do that.

Abby does that here, but she puts clues in.

She hides the Easter baskets, and then the kids have to

find an Easter egg.

They open it up, and inside it says, go to the place where we keep the cold things.

Oh, the fridge.

The cellar.

And then there's an egg in the fridge, and it says, go to the place where fresh is the taste.

Oh, subway.

I'll have your foot long nachos.

That's the next clue.

It's under the cheese.

This last one comes from Casey in Arkansas.

I have a nine- and seven-year-old boys, and this nine-year-old has been picking up fun new phrases at school.

This weekend, they were playing together.

My youngest came up to me and said, When I asked Dex, what are you doing?

and he says, Your mom, is that mean?

I gotta get some clarity here

oh man when a kid picks up a swear like it is

the best there was one my kids were they had heard some variation on that but it was like a character they had named their character in a video game your mommy

Your mommy

or it was like a doll that they had named your mommy and they're playing doll.

I love it.

I don't think it's mean, is it?

No, no.

Especially if you're

well, but if you're siblings, then it's just make it to your own mom.

What are you doing?

Your mom.

Our mom?

Yeah.

She's your mom,

oh, yeah.

Our mom's a slut.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and voice memos.

Send your voice memos if you want.

How do I I phrase this again?

Anyway, send your voice memos to spy at maximumfund.org or call us 1-844-779-7631.

That's one ugh SpyPod 1, like these people have.

Nice.

And also,

I noticed since we switched to voice memos, people have been not writing in ones for Graham as much.

Come on, get up off your lazy ass.

You know, do some type of busy.

Okay, let's go.

But it's going to be hard to talk about Dave Graham, and probably a guest.

This is Russ from Calgary calling in with an overseen.

We were driving towards downtown, coming down a big hill, when we had to stop at a crosswalk as a mom and her son crossed the road.

As they crossed, I noticed the son was wearing a nice but obviously homemade shirt that said fart on racism.

Hell yeah.

Oh, mate.

Yeah, give it a pink eye.

This is

the only swear I'm allowed to use.

Yeah, I'm for it.

That's great.

Also, that guy has a good voice.

I would listen to a podcast of him.

Hi, Dave, Graham, and probably a guest.

This is.

It's clean.

You got one listener.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Russ in Calgary.

That guy has a good voice.

I had to listen to a podcast of him.

You just listen for the voice quality.

And just listen for the voice quality.

You don't know what's going on.

Never actually listen.

Listen.

It's just background noise.

You watch Star Wars and you're like, well, Darth Vader's got the best voice.

So he's probably the good guy.

Next phone call.

Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guest.

This is Leslie outside St.

Louis, Missouri.

My friend and I were walking on a trail, like a paved trail near our house a couple weeks ago on one of those really nice spring Sunday afternoons.

And we were walking and we're two women in our late 40s.

And this woman in her maybe mid-20s rides towards us on her e-bike.

And as she gets near us, she slows down and she stops us and she's like hey guys I don't I don't I'm not a creeper I promise this isn't super weird but I don't usually do this but I had a bad migraine so I just smoked big J and how do I get back to the university so we were very close you just we just told her go straight a little bit turn left at the next t intersection you can't miss it and she kind of starts her bike back up again and she goes thanks women helping women

solidarity

i wasn't convinced until the women helping women yeah i like the women helping women smoking a joint and then riding on an e-bike yeah does sound like a great it does like a fun app that sounds like cure for a migraine yeah hell yeah they probably did that when it was still illegal you know oh my migraines yeah i mean that was i'm gonna do bong rips that's how they did it yeah back in the day yeah

it's such a there will be a generation with it'll be ludicrous to say that it was illegal.

Like it'll just sound like when we hear about prohibition or something.

You're like, what?

Do you remember like the first season of Friends?

Maybe it was the second season.

And

Monica?

You're not going to know any of this.

I've seen friends.

Okay.

All right.

I have friends.

And she has been hired to like cater, like be a private chef for an event.

Name is John Lovett.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he smokes a joint and he's acting all crazy.

And she's like, has to whisper, he's hot.

Like, it's the biggest deal in the world that this grown man is.

Isn't he like horned up?

Yeah, probably.

Probably.

Yeah.

And he just keeps at one point.

He asks for a tartlet.

And then he just keeps saying tartlet over and over.

He's like,

the words lost all meaning.

Tartlet.

Tartlet.

Tartlet.

Really good impression.

Thanks.

Yeah.

It's one of the only ones I can.

Yeah, yeah.

Really good impression.

It stinks.

It stinks.

They're doing a, that's coming back.

They're going to do...

A critic?

Yeah.

Which was, I love that show when it was on.

Sure.

What's the new take?

Don't know.

Maybe it's his son?

I don't know.

Okay.

Did he have a son on it?

Maybe.

I'm thinking of Dr.

Katz.

But maybe they both had a son.

Dr.

Katz was so good.

These are all things that we can fill you in later if you like.

Yeah, later.

I'm going to leave with a big list of things to

absorb.

Get out there and absorb.

I'm so mad my dad wouldn't let me watch Dr.

Katz.

That was the thing in middle school.

Everyone was talking about it.

I have no idea.

What is Squiggle Vision?

Dr.

Katz was a really good premise for shows.

Dr.

Katz was a therapist, and all his patients were

animated, and they were all comedians doing their bits.

Oh.

And it was really.

It was fun.

It was fun.

Yeah.

And that's what they're there to express to the therapist.

And it was great.

Good show.

It's a good show.

Final phone call.

Hello, stop podcasting yourself.

I'm calling in with an overseen.

So I was walking through a grocery store parking lot, and I saw a minivan that was a little dusty.

And on one side of the back windshield,

somebody had written the words, I love mom and baby brother.

And on the other side of the back windshield, the same person had wrote, Dad stinks, in gigantic capital letters and had stink lines coming off

dad.

So I don't know what dad did, but he

was publicly punished for it.

All right, off I go.

I wonder if he's just like a guy who's just got an odor.

I do like those families that on their minivan, they do the little stick figures of everyone in the van.

They should have stink lines coming off dad.

Just dad?

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Can you imagine having lived with a dad that stinks?

Social functions would be a nightmare, you know?

Parent-teacher interviews.

Oh, my God.

They're going to smell you death.

Oh, man.

So, you think it was literal?

Yeah, that's the way I'm picturing it.

Dad stinks.

I mean, there were the stink lines.

Yeah.

So.

Indicates actual stink.

But it was coming off of the word dad.

It was coming off the letters?

Or did they draw a picture right here?

I don't know.

We'll never know.

We're not going back.

Yeah, what were you recording that next to a stream or something?

Really?

I know.

The voicemails are letting us down.

The whole society's breaking down.

Yeah, yeah, one piece at a time.

Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast.

Danielle, you have some shows coming up.

Sure.

So on May

8th.

Okay.

I think it's a Friday.

I think you were May 8th or 9th, I'm going to be in the Sunshine Coast at the Gibson's Legion.

Cool.

Come on down.

And then.

You're doing your 20.

I'm doing 30.

You're doing 30.

She's going to be loose.

You're going to stretch.

Yeah, I'm going to stretch.

I'm going to stretch to 30.

With Rachel Schaefer as well.

Past guest.

Yeah.

Past guest of the pod.

She's great.

And then May 12th to the 16th, I'll be in Victoria doing all sorts of shows.

I'll be at Heckler's and other places.

And then June 2nd to the 7th, I'll be in Calgary, Alberta.

I'll be doing Yucks and also other shows.

Yuck Yucks, the casino.

Oh, the casino.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good gigs.

Those also like good gigs.

Yeah, maybe.

We'll see.

But, you know, you'll have to go out and see her for yourself, see if the 20 holds up on the road.

We saw her.

She left stage.

Maybe you get one of these crowds that you can do, you know, 25 of jokes and 15 of just fun.

Yeah.

And I like the 15 of fun.

Totally.

You know,

who doesn't like that?

But some people are like, no, you have to be strict.

Who's like that?

The powers that be?

Other comedians?

Both.

Not everyone, but like some people.

But crowds aren't like that fun.

No, crowds aren't like fun.

Yeah, but I live to impress other comedians.

Yeah, that's true.

That's a real problem.

It's a real problem.

My favorite is Andy Kindler because he would drop a joke, it would bomb, and then the next five minutes was him like ranting about by that joke.

Loved it.

So, yeah, go check out those shows.

And thank you very much for being our guest.

Thank you.

And everybody out there, if you haven't read The Babysitters Club, why not give it a whirl?

I've heard so much about it now.

I can't wait to read it.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Your Soul.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.