Episode 892 - Julie Kim

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 892 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark.

With me, as always, is a man who, oh boy, he can't wait for these April showers to be done so that he can tend to his May flowers.

It's Dave Shumka.

Yeah.

The thing about May flowers is

they're the ship that all the pilgrims.

That's right, yes.

We don't learn about that in Canadian history.

No, but I know that Plymouth Rock landed on us.

Yeah, we didn't land on Plymouth Rock Rock.

That's what we did.

Us.

All the American history we learn is from the trailer for Malcolm X

and the trailer for 1492 yeah and whatever what was there a Mayflower movie no no was there a pilgrim movie uh I mean

probably the Crucible is kind of a pilgrim yeah or uh

uh the Scarlet Letter yeah Scarlet Letter horny one um oh they were all I mean it was the suppression that made it so horny yeah yeah they're all putting talcum on their nether wrinkling their hats so they don't fly off

Eating some corn flakes.

The road to Welleville's pilgrim movie.

Our guest today, first-time guest here on the podcast, she has her own podcast that comes out weekly called Bothered, and she is playing the Vogue Theater in Vancouver, British Columbia, on May 24th.

It's Julie Kim.

Hello, Julie.

Hi, Graham.

Hi, Dave.

Hi, was it May 24th or May 24th?

4th.

4th, okay.

May 24th.

May 24th.

Hey, May 24th, be with you, all right?

Yeah.

Isn't that also the May 2-4 weekend?

Is it?

i don't think so because may 24th well it is a weekend it's saturday may 24th here what the hell does may 2-4 mean it doesn't have to do with beer it has something to do with drinking uh we don't have in canada we don't have memorial day our may long weekend is is i is it different in every province and so they just generalize it to may 2-4

is that right so this year it's the monday before that's the holiday it's victoria day yeah in bc it's victoria day i don't know if it's the same in every province.

I'm from Ontario.

I believe we called it Victoria Day.

Yeah, but what do they call it in like Newfoundland?

I don't know.

In Calgary, it's called Wrangler Day.

You did not.

Was it Victoria Day there?

I don't remember it being Victoria Day.

I just remember the term May 2-4 weekend because people would get drunk.

A 2-4 is a 24-pack of beer in this country.

Is that right?

That's correct.

I'm going to look up.

Is there a name?

No, there's nothing on Google Calendar.

Do we want to get to know us?

Yes.

Get to know us.

So you're playing the freaking Vogue Theater.

This is incredible.

I'm pretty excited.

Yeah.

People,

you know, who aren't from Vancouver and don't know Vogue is like a legendary venue.

It's been here since probably the...

40s or something.

You see pictures of Granville Street in like the early 50s and it's all neon all the way down the street.

The Vogue's there, and the Orpheum's there, and everything else is gone.

Yeah, it is really neat.

For me, so it's the last show in a Canada-wide tour that I'm in the middle of doing right now with MRG, which is really exciting because it's also the biggest tour that I've ever done.

Why dogs are going inside?

Because your dogs.

I thought that was just coming in through my headphones.

Oh, yeah,

actually, it's a caller.

We have a caller.

Are they?

What's going on?

I mean, you could be being ransacked upstairs.

Yeah, we could be being ransacked by the dogs.

We should have it under control.

Yeah, exactly.

We barricaded the door, we should be fine.

So you're doing.

Also, I just broke out into a huge sweat.

So I'm going to take off my dog.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what?

Don't worry about me.

Just go on without me.

How many dates have you done so far?

Oh, have I done so far?

So we did Kelowna, Cam, Loops, Whistler, Toronto, Ottawa, Halifax, Montreal, and some of them multiple shows.

And then the rest I've put actually on purpose in May for Asian Heritage Month.

Okay.

So then I've got Victoria, Salt Sea.

You didn't even know it was Asian Heritage Month.

I only know May 2-4.

That's all I know.

This year I'll celebrate Asian Heritage Month while I'm getting drunk on a 2-4.

At my show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and then, yeah, so then Calgary and then Vancouver.

So I'm ending it on purpose in Vancouver because this is now my hometown.

And

I feel not like I don't stop often to be like, oh, look how far you're coming or how hard you worked.

I don't, I was never raised like that.

It was more like my, you know, you, you're a piece of shit, study harder.

Like, that's my

dad, stop calling me a piece of shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pretty much.

So, so, I think

I celebrate piece of shit here.

What month is that?

For me, it's every month.

But I don't stop often and like, you know, rest on laurels or whatever, but I am

really, you know, it's kind of thinking at how cool it is to do a big venue like that in your hometown,

which is now my hometown because I'm from Toronto and I've lived here now for maybe 12 or 13 years and coming here as still an open micer and like not even able to get on like local shows.

I remember when you were just starting out.

Yeah.

You were a kid.

Oh, weren't we all?

No, I was always old.

But now it's kind of neat to be able to, like, because, you know, that's an easy way to sort of measure, right?

You're in the same city and you were like begging for open mic spots and now doing the Vogue.

So that's, that's a nice little thing that I'm in I'm enjoying.

It's better than nice little.

It's like, it's, I know what you mean.

Like, you want to just keep going,

but it's like,

it's, I'm just, I'm floored that I know people who are playing the Vogue.

No.

Yeah.

It's really, really cool.

Thank you.

Have you been backstage at the Vogue?

Oh, I performed at the Vogue a bunch

for other people.

What?

I've never thought of it as haunted.

Super haunted on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Vogue's super haunted.

Wait, tell me your evidence that it is haunted.

What is your experience?

There's a lot of people who have reported being on stage and seeing somebody dressed in all white in the audience, and they've asked,

who was that?

I couldn't see anybody.

See this person in all white.

And it's happened to numerous performers at the Vogue.

And

it's not a person who was there.

Unless a guy is showing up in a white suit and then leaving before it's going to be a good thing.

And then the Ellen hosting the Oscars.

I do wish you told me that after my show.

Like, what the fuck?

Well, now

it's something for you to keep tabs on.

Well, I've actually had no

first-hand experience with ghosts,

so I'm neither a believer or a denier, I guess.

You're kind of waiting.

Yeah, I think so.

I'm just waiting for May 24th

during Asian Heritage Month to get freaked out.

It better be an Asian ghost.

Because it's like, yeah,

I mean,

they got different ghosts they can cycle through absolutely it's not just a funny diversity hiring of ghosts yeah it's um we got one for every month um

did you grow up in uh uh a home with any superstitions or anything like that my my family's big ghost they we love the we love the ghosts don't we folks really

really yeah yeah yeah oh yeah um like ghosts in a good way or a bad way just or a sexy way i mean depending on the ghost you got that pottery wheel.

It was just something in the, like, because my family's Irish, and so there's a lot of like folklore and superstition and believing in spirits and boogeymen and whatnot.

Well, interesting.

I did not grow up like that, but there was a point where my mom, after her father died, I remember she invited this weird people into our home and they were singing and chanting.

I pieced together many years ago that they were like shaman.

Oh, really?

The kind that I've only seen in movies.

Like, so doing some spiritual stuff.

I don't even know a lot about it.

I just knew that it felt weird because we were Presbyterian.

So we only had like normal sort of church and normal like shaming and things like that.

But these guys

brought a totally different vibe.

It felt weird.

Were you confused?

Because you're like, oh, these are shaman.

I'm used to shaming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did that cross your mind?

You know, I wasn't good at puns or alliterations.

Did they were on the wrong page of the yellow pages?

Yeah.

Oh, dear.

That's the Asian Business Directory, if you're not aware.

Were you.

That's not my joke.

Did you

an only child?

You had siblings?

I'm the eldest child.

I have two younger siblings, and I think that that really shaped me being an eldest for you.

Eldest as well.

Yeah.

Eldest for life.

life.

How does that impact you?

I don't know.

I think a lot of this stuff, I think with any parents, you probably could attest the first kid, you're like really figuring this out on the fly and just seeing what sticks.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I was the youngest child and they didn't figure me out.

But did you grow up like happy and kind of free?

Because my experience being the eldest child, especially of an immigrant family and being a girl in certain cultures, is

actually not fun at all.

Like you're, you know, I have started jokes along these lines and I'm like, you're kind of like the junior parent and they're always like, you have to set an example and you're responsible.

So like, I lost my sense of like being a child and free and being joyful like super early on, like so early on, because I had all the responsibility.

And you also like you, your parents had a store and you worked in the store because that was your default where you had to go.

That's where the food was, yeah.

Yeah, that's why I was overweight when I was little, I think.

One, because my parents fed me, my mom mostly fed me, you know, in lieu of, you know, we didn't get out a lot, we didn't have a lot of exercise.

What kind of store?

Oh, convenience store.

So convenient.

I know.

It was great.

It was like our pantry.

We could go downstairs and we'd be like, Can we have some chips?

And they'd say no.

And then we just run out with chips because they couldn't follow us because they were working

sometimes and they couldn't arrest you.

Oh, I know.

because the police they were we yeah we bribed the police with chips but uh yeah oh my favorite would be when the there's a big fridge and a refrigerator uh sorry and a freezer and sometimes the freezer would break and while at all other times my dad would like not let us have like the ice cream or whatever when things were melting oh yeah

whatever we wanted because the worst thing possible is waste yeah right right because that's like spending money so that's when we got to binge what was your like favorite snack in the store Oh, like the ultimate.

I kind of love all food, but I love chips.

I loved an O'Henry.

I really loved a fudge sickle.

Fudge sickle.

We also got to try like all sorts of new foods that came out.

We ate a lot of dinner, like

ready-made dinners, like the Swanson dinners and things like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Which is, looking back, kind of not that good for you.

Not that good for you, and also bad.

They're also bad for you.

I didn't want to say it in case either of you eat them.

I I did when I was in my 50s.

Well, Graham and I are both kind of

divorced dads that don't know how to cook.

Well, yeah, it's so shitty for you.

It's incredibly shitty, but that's what I grew up on.

That comes in like a tray.

Yes, which probably itself is toxic.

Oh, the whole thing is sox.

And you put the tray in the oven?

Plastic or microwave or oven right?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

It's further making it.

You like keep a plastic thing on top of it, and and then you open that, you put a fork in it.

Just enough to like make it steamy, but also to leech the chemicals into your food.

Absolutely.

I ate them when I was first out of the house at 19.

And even then, I was like, this is not good.

This can't be good.

It's going to be good.

You know, my first experience with most Western foods was the frozen or canned version of those foods.

So Salisbury steak was very big.

Oh, sure.

Corned beef hash we used to have out of the house.

I don't know if any of these foods exist in non-frozen or canned.

Like, no one's making Salisbury steak or corned beef hash.

Yeah, you don't see it on a lot of menus.

No, but when you do in the odd, like, little diner, when you go to gig in a small town or whatever, you're like, oh, I recognize this.

Yeah, that's true.

Salisbury steak is a real, I feel like it's a high school cafeteria steak.

Is it?

Or

Elder's Home, like a

you were going to ask what it is?

Yeah, is it a hamburger thing?

I think it's a wet steak.

Wet steak.

Okay, yeah.

A sloppy steak.

Are you gonna look it up?

Yeah, I'm gonna look it up.

Is it a burger steak?

Like it's with that's what I thought.

It was like a like a cheap, whatever's the cheap,

right?

Burgery.

It's kind of like a like

a chili looking.

It's like processed meat originating in the United States.

Who says they don't have culture?

No kidding.

Yeah, I

when I was a when I was first out of the house, it was TV dinners and then also like a down market beef stew that you could get in a can.

Like Puritan?

Puritan.

Oh, yeah.

That's not down market.

Well,

it's the only canned beef stew with ribo flavor.

What about Dinty Moore?

Dinty Moore had a beet stew.

See, I've had that before, and when you open it,

it smells like dog food.

It does.

It looks like dog food.

It's okay after you've heated it up.

Yeah.

And if you eat it quickly without smelling it.

Yeah.

But the fact that it smells like dog food when you open it, like any canned meat, even spam.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Even tuna.

Even tuna.

Tuna's cat food.

Sorry.

No, that's true.

I almost accidentally bought cat food.

Tuna comes in a container that looks like a cat food.

Yeah.

What the hell is that?

Yeah.

What's the difference between the tuna in the cat food and the tuna in the human food?

Yeah.

It's like, yeah,

that fancy feast.

I mean, that sounds good.

Yeah.

What about the Rio Mare?

I always see those as well.

Oh, the Rio Mare.

That's the kind in a bag.

That's tuna in a bag.

No, it's in the oil in a can.

Yeah, there you have the can, but you can also get it in a bag.

Gross.

It's gross.

Is it gross?

Yeah, no, I mean, it sounds gross.

My fish.

It looks good in the ads, but I don't eat.

I haven't eaten fish.

I didn't.

So I don't know.

So

allergic.

Before I like left, before I moved out of the house, I knew how to cook scrambled eggs.

Yeah.

Taw salads?

Taw salads.

Scrambled eggs.

Maybe I knew how to cook

craft dinner.

Yeah.

And

you mean prepare.

Yeah.

I feel like there should be a different word for

boxed foods.

I guess I knew how to cook any pasta.

But then I feel like the first things I made as like living on my own were like

chunky soup, the soup that eats like a meal.

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

And

anything.

Like I knew you could like pour cream of mushroom soup onto a chicken breast.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, This is cooking.

Yeah.

This is living.

This is cream soup used to be very popular for like making casseroles.

Remember people used to talk about casseroles?

Casseroles.

I don't think people call them casseroles.

Actually, I am a big TikTok food person.

They call them bakes now.

Anything like that, what you just described, you put a chicken breast in and pour on some cream mushroom soup, they call it a bake.

Yeah.

That's the new term for casserole.

Do you do a bake?

Bake.

They just call anything a bake.

Do you do bakes?

Yes.

I remember one time my cousin got married to this this woman from the states and she and her sisters came over and they made this thing all it was was egg uh a ground beef and like egg noodles you know those white egg noodles and then they dropped a can of cream of chicken soup and a little shredded cheese they baked it and i thought this is disgusting but then i ate it and it was amazing sounds amazing yeah it was amazing but i don't think we do that kind of recipe anymore i've also heard a lot of salt yes i've heard them or like i see in the grocery checkout line, something called dump meals.

Yes, that's another one.

Which I feel is maybe more of a crock pot thing.

Yeah, it is.

But they call it that at the store.

I mean, they call it that in the like, you know, there'll be a magazine that's like 50 dump meal recipes.

The top 50 dump meals.

What is that?

That's just a bunch, like just throwing everything in the crock pot.

Yeah, pretty much.

So the way I've seen them prepared on TikTok and Instagram is, you know, when people, usually a woman, because obviously the load falls on the woman,

household.

No, unless there's some puritan beef stew around.

I'll eat that on myself.

Thank you very much.

But otherwise, if there is respect for the person, they will cook actual food.

And

it's a form of meal prep where they'll get like these big freezer bags and fill them with every ingredient they would need.

Then they freeze it and then they take a big bag out, say for like Tuesday night dinner, and literally, maybe deprost it, and then literally dump it like it is the action of only dumping it and then turning on the heat to eventually get a full meal so this is already seasoned and this is just thrown in and then it comes out

pretty much pretty much I also saw some uh I missed I was gonna buy it but it was uh one of the um checkout line uh like tabloids had the best celebrity pranks

oh boy you know who's in there for sure George Clooney

was one of the pictures yeah.

Wait, wait, what happened with Clooney?

Oh, he loves it.

Briggs, prank.

Or to prank on people?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

He's a bigot, all sorts of famous stories.

Really quickly, my favorite one.

Richard Kine was his roommate.

Richard Kind is his.

You know, Richard Kind, the actor?

You would know him to see him.

Let's look at the character.

Okay.

He was living with Richard Kine.

No, this was after they lived together.

This is Richard Kind.

That's Richard Kine.

Oh, oh, that's his name?

Yeah.

Okay.

We love him.

We know him as like uh,

what show was he in?

He was on Mad About You.

Was he on Mad About You?

Was he on Spin City?

Might have been on.

Yeah, he might have been on Spin City, yeah.

Was he, uh, well, certainly he's on Curve Your Enthusiasm.

Um, but he's a guy who's just been in like a million things.

Yeah.

So he and George Glooney are longtime friends.

George Glooney was taking out his garbage one time and saw a very, very bad painting in the alley.

So he took the painting and then on Richard Kine's birthday, he was going to give it to him.

But in the meantime, he made up that he was going to art class.

And so, every Wednesday, no matter what, he was like, I'm going to art class.

So, he'd cancel plans or whatever.

I'm going to art class for a year.

Then, on his birthday, he brings over this awful painting and tells him, like, hey, I painted this for you.

And Richard Kind, like, had to put it up on his wall.

And it was, it was there for quite a while.

And then George like revealed, like, oh, I didn't paint that.

You can take it back.

Oh, that's great.

She's a prankster.

No, I love that because you, yeah, I love the whole making the other person feel so uncomfortable and watching as they lie with their emotions.

Like, oh, that's this good.

I love that so much.

I pulled a prank on a comic once.

Yeah.

Here, yes.

It kind of is the same only in the in terms of the feeling it evoked in the other person.

So, a long time ago, I was like middling at Absolute Comedy in Kingston.

Like, I'm talking a long time ago, like maybe 10 years ago.

Sure.

And the headliner was Paul Meyerhog.

Oh, yeah.

And the host was a guy named Scott White, who actually is from the U.S.

So Paul was really, really looking forward to this game.

Like maybe it was baseball, maybe it was like World Series time.

I don't know.

All he was talking about was the fact that he could not wait to go get some beers and chips and watch this game on the only TV in the house where the comics lived, where we all have to do.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, you were in the condo together.

Oh,

Anyways,

I

arranged with Scott that we would pretend that I had gotten home first and I was crying because I happened to turn on the TV and there was this movie that reminded me of an ex that either you know broke my heart or died like years ago.

And so in Pokemon,

I forget.

It was just whatever was on.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Pretended that I was really going through a thing.

And, oh my God, this movie, like, I need to watch this whole thing.

Like, I'm really, like, healing.

I'm like crying, like, I'm fake tears and everything because we knew he was coming home and he had like his beers and his chips.

And he's like, what's going on?

And then I like told him, oh, my God, like, this happened to me.

And it's just like, I'm really going to this.

I would just like, really like to just be alone and watch this movie.

And his face just dropped because he wanted to be probably like empathetic and off, but then I, you know, it ruined everything he was so excited about in that moment.

So we got it very good.

It was a fun moment.

That's really good.

That's really good because

you're playing psychological chess.

Yes, yes.

Torture.

Torture, really.

I like to watch people be tortured.

I'm not a good prank person.

Like, I don't think far enough ahead.

But are you also good-natured?

No.

Oh, oh, okay.

I feel like in another level.

I'm spiteful.

You are.

I could see you being a prankster, but you would have to apply yourself.

I'm more of like a, oh, hey,

someone's coming around the corner.

I'm going to jump out and go,

that's a pretty good prank.

That's about as far as a good friend.

That's a prank.

Yeah, I guess that's a gag.

That's like a JFL gag.

That's a JFL gag.

Oh, man.

If people in the States don't know, there's this series of

French prank gags.

People know this.

Well, just in case they don't.

Oh, you're describing JFL gags.

It's also a thing we've talked about a hundred times.

And

I feel like it's language free.

It's language free, but they're so elaborate.

And I love how elaborate the pranks are.

And

anybody gets wet or anything like that.

Like, it's all just like, please hold this.

Yeah, please let it go.

And then while they, you know,

can you please hold this

gun for the policeman while he goes to the bathroom?

There was one.

And then there's a robbery in front of you and you have to shoot a guy.

You have to decide who's the real killer.

There's twins.

You know what would be a good one?

What?

Is if somebody is standing on the street and a runner, like a sprinter, ran by them and gave them a baton, that would be a fun little, like, would they run?

Would they just stand there?

Would they freak out?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We should pitch JFL gags some

funny gags.

Some of our pranks.

No, you should think bigger and have your own show.

No.

Why?

Think smaller.

No, but you know what?

I heard one time that JFL gags, like as a show, make so much money because there's no language involved.

They can play it in any country.

I used to remember seeing it on, I was taking a flight in Colombia, and it was to the Inflate Entertainment.

And it's one of these shows that it's always been a hilarious concept to me: that it's not filmed in front of a live audience, but it has a laugh.

Oh, what a laugh track.

Now,

when Julie arrived, she brought us, she had a big

green juice, and she brought us both little shots of juice and this isn't from a place called the juice truck no it was not we're not naming we're not giving them free advertisement well it was it was a truck and now it's a store okay

i don't know the

all right uh and so she brought us these little shots mine is a uh well like graham looked at both of them and and i gave him first pick because he's allergic to things

so what's in yours mine is turmeric orange and black pepper turmeric or turmeric

uh yeah turmeric i guess but people pronounce it without the R.

Don't you say turmeric?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is Dave pranking you.

I've always said turmeric, and then like, if it's like February.

Yeah.

February.

Dave's pranking me.

This is a prank.

Yeah, I've been secretly adding Rs to all the turmeric.

And mine is a wellness shot that is lemon, ginger, and cayenne.

Is this what?

Beyonce was drinking before

Dream Girls?

Graham doing a shot.

Oh, it's very nice.

It's like...

Really?

Yeah, it's kind of like a soup.

What?

No, that's not what.

It doesn't taste like a juice.

It tastes like a juice.

I took mine out and it does.

It's dog food.

I just opened mine up and it's.

What was yours again?

Turmeric?

Turmeric.

Orange and black pepper.

Orange and black pepper.

Weird.

Okay.

Okay, time for my well-known.

Shot, shot.

I don't think you actually have to drink it like a shot.

I know that was harsh, right?

The cayenne.

That's why I couldn't do cayenne.

Are you allergic to cayenne?

No, just a real Irish palate, real like...

Oh, plain?

Yeah, plain.

Well,

I feel well now.

Yeah, I feel pretty well.

I'm so glad.

Thank you for that.

Oh, you're welcome.

Yeah.

Do you drink shots of

juice?

No, I don't drink alcohol as a shot.

I never really did.

Julie knows every time I'm at the bar, shots for everyone.

Yeah, that's right.

Every time, open bar on Graham.

Yeah, that's right.

I want everybody to.

It has to be a vegetarian.

It has to be vegetarian, and I prefer that you do like a shot that has a fun name as opposed to just like a whiskey shot or a

cider drink.

I decided to drink a longer drink than the other one.

A little, I mean, it's a shot about the size of the alcohol or how much there is.

Because when people drink whiskey, it's just one shot.

They'll have it beat with ice, but they never call it a shot because they sip it.

They sip it, yeah.

And I've always thought, like, if you're going to, yeah, just get in a regular size class and sip it that way as opposed to getting a shot class and sipping it.

I feel like I missed out on that because I never, I mean, hey, let's hit the bar.

Okay, let's go down the line.

But I feel like I did, like, a tequila shot a couple times in my life.

I like the ceremony of having, like, okay, you lick the salt and then you do the shot and then you bite the thing.

You know your job.

Yeah.

But that's all I think I've done.

Oh, you know what?

Remember when we were doing the live show in Calgary?

Yeah.

And people kept sending up Jaeger

bombs.

Not bombs, just shots.

Yeah, that's right.

And you drank them?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I bet we were like, why are you sending these things?

Has anybody ever sent a shot up to you during a show?

I don't think so.

Your energy.

No, I'm not usually drinking on stage either.

Yeah.

I don't drink before.

I think when I first heard a comedy, I used,

I used to do cigarettes.

I used to do cigarettes.

Okay, I used to do cigarettes.

And drink a little at the bar, but like that was mostly to fit in.

Does anyone ever send cigarettes up on stage?

No, it's not so funny.

No, no, I've been heckled a lot.

So

I guess

that's it.

But no, no, nobody's ever sent me something.

But and this raises something interesting because you'll have a lot of male comics talk about how

they get chicks.

I'm using their language after shows.

See you speaking my language.

Puritan stew chicks.

Women like a guy who's funny.

And a lot of female comics and I have noticed that we don't think it's quite the same the other way.

The guys don't like

if I go on stage and I'm like killing and you know, a guy won't be like, oh, I really want to date her.

I think he'd be more like, well, I also, you know, I'm quite, I'm kind of aggressive on stage too.

So I don't think anybody looks at that and thinks, oh, I want to

be.

When my wife is being funny, it's a big turn off.

And I'm glad.

I don't want just someone who watched my show wanting to date me or whatever.

Right.

But when you were,

I imagine the first at least decade of you doing stand-up, you were probably on mostly shows with mostly men.

Oh my gosh, so much.

Yeah.

I mean, you can't avoid a man on a show.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah, yeah.

Mostly men when they're showcase shows and stuff.

Absolutely.

There were some times where I would be like the only woman.

Yeah.

Or sometimes I remember once being booked on a show and they're like, no, no, we have enough women.

They had two women on the show out of like 10 people.

We have enough.

We have enough women.

So yeah, it's been mostly, sure, mostly men.

But Vancouver's changed a lot.

Vancouver comedy's changed.

The people running the shows, much more diverse.

And there's a lot of

like wonderful overall diversity in the shows that I'm seeing.

Was it Jamie Foxx when he started out?

Like, you would, when you went and started doing comedy in LA, I guess, there would be like 50 people would just put their names on the list,

and there would be like all men.

And so, Jamie Foxx isn't his real name.

And he put Jamie Foxx there because he's like, well, they don't know who's putting their name down.

They just see the name and they're like, that might be a woman.

We need a woman on this show.

Yeah, I remember that story.

Wow.

Yeah.

Geez, why didn't I do that?

I should have called myself Dolores.

Is there a

female version of the name Graham?

I I don't think so.

No.

Maybe Grace?

Nope.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, no.

Grace is the female version of Gray.

Like, I would say, for Dave, there's at least Davina.

There is at least Davina, but I've yet to meet one.

Oh, I know a Divina.

Oh, yeah.

I think I've met two.

Give me her number.

Well, they're Scottish, I think.

For what?

What are you going to do?

Yeah, I don't know.

Once you have these digits, what do you plan to do with them?

Hey, Davina, it's Dave.

Let's get breakfast.

Dabled eggs.

Just kidding.

That was

really great.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, I don't know that most names do.

Like, there's the, there's certainly, like, you know, I can't think of any right now, but like Stefania and Stephen or Stephanie and Stephen.

Julian.

Julian.

Yeah.

You know, Christopher, Christine.

But that's, but then there's, you know,

alone.

Pat, Patrick, Patricia, Michael, Michelle.

Damn it.

There's a lot.

But there is a lot, but there are so many that there aren't.

Aaron, Aaron.

Oh, God.

This is its own podcast.

I know, but like now I want to think of.

Okay.

As long as you want, Dave.

Like

Leon.

And Leona.

Leona.

Damn it.

Okay.

Okay, Leon's.

Okay.

The brick.

Okay, my wife is is Abigail.

Abraham?

No, I, there are men named Abby.

Come on, come on.

Oh, no, you're right.

Abby Hoffman.

Yes.

Yes.

And there's a guy from

Abby Robert is also a comedian.

No.

Abby Roberts.

No, that's a good name.

He's a dude.

Yeah, he's a person.

No, no, no.

But that doesn't count.

That's not like Michael and Michelle.

Okay.

Those are.

Abraham and Abby.

Yeah, I don't know.

No, I don't know.

I don't know.

Anyway.

I wonder if this is the point where people turn off the gun.

Oh, they've been gone for

ages.

People are going, they've been, they're sadly eating their dog food flavored beef stew.

They bad mubbed my stew.

I wonder if you could make a casserole out of the stew.

Could you imagine?

That you start with the stew and then build on it.

That's what I'm doing.

You could put mashed potatoes on top.

Of course, canned mashed potatoes.

You can make a steak, like

a steak soup dump.

Yeah.

Or like a cottage pie, shepherd's pie.

That is like a

baked.

That seems like a top chef challenge of like, we gave you a bunch bunch of that sounds like bottom chef well no but like

they give you the bad stuff and you have to make it you have to elevate or they do the reverse they give you the good stuff and you have to de-elevate yeah or they give you a male name and you have to make a female

but i've heard that doesn't work

right

catherine and carl no that's not could you imagine a whole reality show just like thinking of these names.

That's the reality.

Hosted by Nick Lachey and Anne F.

Lachey.

Nicolachee.

It's called Love is Dumb.

It's just the stupidest

idea.

Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Me?

You.

Oh, my God.

So

this past weekend, I did something I haven't done in, whoo, ha, 15 years, maybe?

What's that?

I went snowboarding.

You did?

How was it?

Where did you go?

Dave, it's extreme.

It was gnarly, dude.

I totally chopped up the powder.

I guess that means cocaine.

Did you, what are some of the snowboarding terms?

Did you do a WALL-I?

I did a Wally.

Okay, yeah.

You did a Big Mac switch-up?

I did a Big Mac switch-up and a triple Wowies.

Triple Wowies, yeah.

I did a WALL-E.

Did you do

that's when you snowboarded with a little robot?

Yeah, yeah.

And then did you do Daffy, Daffy foot, regular foot?

I did goofy and goofy.

Yep, nice.

What did you wear?

Like, if you haven't gone in a while, like, what do you do?

Well, here's the thing is I, uh, my daughter's school did a month of snowboarding or like skiing and snowboarding

at a local mountain.

They just for PE for the month of February, they all went like once a week, kind of.

Yeah, once a week.

And we've never taken the kids.

They'd never really wanted to do it.

Well, it's a whole lifestyle if you take your kids, right?

It is a whole lifestyle.

It's like and your money.

Yeah, it's incredibly, it's expensive just to visit the mountains, let alone.

Oh, my God.

In Whistler, those prices are not meant for normal people.

What is it?

It's like $200 for a day or am I way lower?

I think they're, I don't, I don't know about the passes, but anytime we go to stay, like at Christmas, rooms were like $700 a night.

Jeez.

So I just save all my points.

You just need to know.

I'm saying this so nobody in your audience thinks that I have a lot of money.

I use all my points and I slept in my car.

But for other people, that's how expensive it is.

But also, like, when we send our kids to Whistler,

sorry, my kid to Whistler, it feels like multiple kids because it's so expensive.

We do the lessons for a day on the mountain, and sure, they feed them lunch or whatever, but it's still like $400.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The local mountains, it's cheaper, but it's still like

for me for one day, I think it was $150.

But

yeah, like, I think in Whistler,

it's for a day pass, it's like in the, it's like 300 now.

But I think if you get a seasons pass, it's like 1,000.

And you're,

you, if you go regularly, it's worth it.

But

there used to be deals, like, they're like, people used to, when I was in college, people would go,

or I guess after college, no one would go from Victoria to Whistler.

But there would be like, you know, you go to 7-Eleven and they have a deal on a lift pass if you, if you

go the day of or something.

There were all these like loops.

Would I have to like drink Mountain Dew?

You have to do it.

Well, of course you want to drink Mountain Dew because it's extreme.

It is extreme.

And I'm actually going to say that.

Isn't that the drink that ruins your semen?

Tell me more about that.

Yeah, it doesn't.

It doesn't.

It makes my semen actually a little bit stronger.

I didn't mean yours in particular.

And then my semen actually can now eat through metal.

No, this was, wait, I'm looking this one up.

Mountain Dew Semen.

Oh, here we go.

Mountain Dew semen.

Well, okay, AI says, and I'm not looking up AI on purpose.

It sounded like the first Google response.

The popular misconception that Mountain Dew kills sperm is a myth.

Oh, thank God for you.

There's no evidence to support this claim.

And the caffeine and yellow dye 5, which actually sounds toxic, anything called like red dye X or whatever in the drink are not present in high enough quantities to harm sperm.

Oh, thank God.

But I bet you, though.

Listen, if you're drinking another Mountain Dew,

you might have to worry about putting that sperm out there at all.

The Mountain Dew has got to compete with the microplastics microplastics in my testicles.

Oh, and it might, it might try to compete.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, I picture the microplastics actually as like little angry things that are actively causing harm.

Well, I just think of them as in the way.

In the way?

Yeah, yeah.

They're just sitting around synapses or blood flow.

You think they're like actually physically blocking.

Yeah.

Well, they're not going to rattle.

Well, you think they're angry little guys.

I do think they identify as male, and I do think that they are out there to do harm maliciously.

Sounds right.

Anyway, so I went snowboarding.

My daughter, so her, she went for a whole month once a week, and then she was like, I'd like to go again.

And then it didn't happen in March, and then April.

Well,

that's the end of the season.

So I was like, okay, we got to go this weekend.

And we went, just the two of us.

I used to snowboard.

I still had my...

And

you lost your medal because of Smoky Pot.

You and Ross Rebegliati?

Was that?

You smoked him up the day of his big death.

Yeah, he blamed me for losing his medal.

Every Hawaiian hot boxed in the hotel.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Part of our heritage.

Is that still the most famous snowboarding thing?

No, the guy with red hair.

Whatever.

Sean White?

Sean White.

Oh, the doping.

Yeah, it was like, he got his medal taken away because he had THC in his.

Yeah, Ross Rebliati was.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, but they gave it back to him.

Well, they have a park named for Ross in Whistler.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He was a big deal, and then he got taken away.

It was a big scandal.

But

that's what they named a park after him.

Exactly.

The same day, they took away the medal, and they said, but you get a park.

I might rather have a park.

Me too.

Right?

Because then everybody knows about the park.

What would be the like on Google Maps?

Yeah, yeah.

Like, if you had your ideal thing that would be named after you, park, building,

a type of transportation, a slang of some sort.

Oh, sure, yeah.

Oh, I got Julie Kimmed last night.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, gross.

It just sounds gross.

I honestly have thought about this a little bit, and I thought the most

sort of respectable thing to have your name on is like a wing of a hospital

because it shows that you, well, normally that you donated it to it.

So you're a good person.

And that you had a lot of money to throw around.

That too.

Maybe from killing people.

I was the best assassin.

I took that money and I donated

to Hospital Wing to save other people's lives.

Did comedian John Wing have a joke about that?

About having a part of a hospital named after him.

The John Wing Wing.

Yeah.

I know he had a joke that was

my last name's Chinese.

It means the arm of a bird.

Nice.

That's really funny.

Those are some good lines of that, John Wing.

Yeah.

Anyway, so I had to live with him for two weeks.

Why?

Because I was house sitting, and the place he was staying at was the place I was house sitting.

So we ended up.

Wait, why would you need to house sit somewhere where somebody's already staying?

Well, I was there all the time, and it was like, this had already been pre-arranged.

So, oh, he's going to stay with you.

Even in the room?

Are you allowed to say how that was?

It was fine.

Okay.

Yeah.

That is the right thing to say when someone asks you on a picture of it.

You say it in a like, I had to spent two weeks ago.

I mean, you know, we didn't plan it together.

Anyway, so snowboarding.

Yes.

Let me tell you, I used to be quite, I wasn't very good at it, but it's not hard to do.

I was never like extreme.

You're a little extreme.

I was extreme.

I had a mohawk.

I had.

Long earring.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

How long?

What?

My whole life.

Really?

I want pictures.

Can you Google that too?

Yeah, I mean, it might have to be.

It just looks like Richard Kein.

Just a big picture of Richard Kein

with earrings.

Yeah.

So

we went.

I don't have.

My snowboard is probably at my parents' garage or something.

I didn't bother looking for it.

I was like, let's.

She had to rent gear.

I had to rent her gear.

I said, I'll rent my own gear.

Back when I was doing it, no one wore helmets.

Now, helmets, everyone wore helmets.

Yeah, helmet.

snowboarding, nobody wore helmets?

No.

No.

There was no such thing.

What?

Same with skiing.

There were concussions.

Oh, yeah.

Back then.

That's just when people got concussed.

Anyway, so we went, rented our gear.

I

still have my old

snowboarding pants and jacket.

Still fit?

Burton?

West Beach.

West Beach?

Doesn't exist anymore.

Vintage.

Yeah, that's Lululemon guy.

I think it's Chip Wilson.

Oh, what?

Yeah, that's how he started.

I had no idea.

You know everything about Chip Wilson?

Well, I've heard your Chip Wilson jokes.

I kid, I kid.

We're good friends.

Well, Graham had to, he had to house at a place with him for John Wicks.

We are never going to get a podcast sponsor out of

Lululemon.

I'm more of a West Beach.

Anyway, so we went.

And

guys, I still got it.

Yeah.

I'm swishing.

I'm swashing.

Did you do jumps no

because I never did back then oh okay my

brothers both snowboard and they do crazy jumps well they didn't need a helmet

and they did uh like half pipe they did half pipe do you ever do half pipe no just straight down the hill i do full pipe i was totally wasted dude that's called a tunnel yeah uh I did um

no yeah well my daughter had only snowboarded four times did she was she able to stay up and go down the whole hill yeah okay I mean she also fell down but she stayed up and she fell back up.

She got back up.

She's trembling.

Then I had a whiskey drink and a lager drink.

On the hill, Dave.

Oh my God, the poutine at the restaurant there.

The worst I've ever had in my life.

Really?

And it was like 15 bucks, I bet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It was so smoke flavored.

Like, they were like, oh, it's season's almost over.

Also, like, this was the second last weekend of ski season.

So the cafeteria, you could tell they were like, well,

let's not order any more drinks.

So all we have left is

whatever, Pepsi Zero.

And so,

and you know what?

We got to use up all this liquid smoke, pour it in the gravy.

Yeah,

when I was a kid and we would go skiing, the fries, you wanted ski hill

fries.

You did.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wanted a burger too, but yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

But I just remember they've become in the little like cardboard,

not bowls.

Oh, yeah.

You know what I'm talking about?

A little tray.

And did you, were you a gravy person?

Oh, yeah.

I'm sure.

I'm a gravy person.

May I tell you something?

I have had the best, I think it's a vegan gravy.

It's actually my favorite gravy, and it happens to be vegan at meat.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Have you had it?

It's amazing.

I've thought about buying it and just keeping it at home with whatever fries that I have.

It's so delicious.

It's a gravy dump.

Gravy dump.

Just gravy, but it's just gravy.

It's a soup.

It's just a soup.

You ladle it.

Like, oh, it's so nice.

I'll make a shot.

Gravy shots.

I'm going to make a lot of money.

But we went, it was, it was like 15 degrees out.

It was, I mean, it said it was four degrees according to the mountain, but when I got back in my car, it said it was 15 degrees.

Lying mountain.

I know, right?

And it was like...

Japanese.

I was...

Just kidding.

Yeah.

Yeah, me too.

But I was

sweating so much.

like I am right now.

Yeah.

But so, and there were people, because I guess spring skiing is so,

you know, warm, there were people in t-shirts.

There was a guy in just jeans and a t-shirt.

Yeah, I was going to ask, is there any dudes out there with jeans?

Have you seen Chelsea Handler's been to Whistler in a bikini?

Yeah.

She's gone like skiing in a bikini.

That always makes the news.

Oh, Chelsea Handler has been to Vancouver, came to Vancouver again.

Well,

I heard she has a place in Whistler.

Yeah, well,

if you wiped out, he's so harsh.

Oh, yeah.

If you wiped out in a bikini.

Oh, she thought you meant in front of Chelsea Handler.

She'd roast you.

Yeah, she would.

She'd roast you.

Whoever has to go up the chairlift with her.

Oh, boy.

They're going to be so sad by the time they get to the top.

Did you hurt yourself skiing?

No, my ribs hurt from

riding the chairlift with Chelsea Handler.

Also, chairlifts have changed a lot since I was on there.

There's now like a moving carpet you get on as the chairlift comes behind you.

Oh, that's a lot of different movements to coordinate.

And you were okay?

Because my most embarrassing moments at the ski hill when I used to ski or snowboard was getting off the chairlift.

Yeah.

It's so menacing to me.

Like I just,

as we're approaching it, I'm like, oh my God, just don't fuck this up.

Don't fuck this up.

And I always do.

It is like

a bunch of movements that you have to kind of coordinate that are kind of, you know, you can get in your head about.

Like, okay, I got to

the safety bar.

I have to move that up, but not too soon.

Yeah.

And then I have to like make sure my hips are like

square to the mountain.

And I wouldn't, i wouldn't do it now because uh the the flimsiness of a chairlift is as a kid you don't think about dying as much sure and you're smaller so relatively it's and you're like everyone else is signed off on this like but it's insane like you in any other context if you're like go to the top of this building site on this rickety

be like nope But I skiing is something I see very, very old people do,

which makes me think like it could be a fun thing to take up and possibly do for like the rest of your life sure that you can walk for i'm thinking about it you know why i have so when i go skiing and snowboarding with my um husband and daughter it's usually they go and then i get the whole day to like work or do work together which is my happy place anyways and then we get to eat or whatever but they keep asking me now if i'll start but my excuse has been like i work in entertainment i have to travel it takes a lot of work to like travel and move all your stuff oh yeah you know and then also like you know i've been asked to do like more acting roles and stuff.

And it's like, I cannot be hurt for these things.

Right.

So I feel in a way like I'm missing out.

I'm having fun.

Like, your day with your daughter sounds so fun.

Oh, I never, I mean, my dad once tore his ACL skiing, but other than that, like, the idea of getting hurt, I don't know

how you like

when he hurt himself, it was like a freak thing.

But like, you're not going to, like, you're not,

you picture like a cartoon full body cast after

yeah

but i don't know like most i think most skiing is very safe no i agree i'm just being paranoid and i don't want to go i think if you're yeah i mean i've known people who've uh fucked themselves up pretty bad skiing but uh it's

young people uh nope oh really yeah it's really

high the wrong way or if someone runs into you do you remember the gwyneth paltrow ski

yeah what What was it?

She ran into an old man or an old man ran into her?

Old man ran into her.

Old man ran into her.

And then she, he sued her, and then she sued him for $1.

Yeah.

She wore those glasses.

And did she bring snacks for the jury?

But she was very unbothered.

And when they were talking about how this had impacted her, she's like, well, I lost a day of skiing.

Like very matter of factly.

And I have to say, that's a vibe.

Like, I think a lot of people are buying into this this whole unbothered female kind of thing.

Yeah, I lost a day of skiing.

She's not even afraid to sound precious about it or detached.

This is just who she is.

And apparently, like, her testimony was like, she was so like, the court was just like, and

really, really honestly,

she handed the jury all vagina candles.

Oh, yeah.

Your Honor, I'd like to pass out the vagina candles if I may.

I object.

Yeah.

I'd like to hand out my goop now.

Your honor.

But yeah, so I recommend.

Well, I don't.

Here's the thing.

It's so expensive.

It's so expensive.

What?

What is scoop?

Oh, no, skiing.

Yeah, it is.

It is prohibitively expensive.

That's another reason I was like glad we did it the second last weekend of the year because I'm like, well,

we're not going to like make a habit of scooping.

Yeah, yeah, if you really enjoyed it, maybe next year.

That's smart.

That's doing it at the end.

Yeah.

But I think if I, if we got like a season's pass to one of the local mountains, that's like just a few hundred for the year yeah

yeah but then you gotta drive out there you gotta

stand in line sometimes that is the worst part sometimes getting there gear yeah doing stuff yeah wait how far are we going with this doing getting out of bed

although this weekend you have to feel your body if you go down to up to cypress this weekend they have it's the like what do they call it the slush cup uh oh and it's the like people ride down in costumes and then you know you ski down to the bottom of the mountain and then there's a big pool that you ski across.

Oh, fun.

And you see how far you can go.

Pool?

Well, it's like they just filled a vat of water at the bottom of the run.

Yeah, I would die immediately.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

And that's the way I want to go.

Yeah,

most of them die.

It's like a big cult suicide thing that they all do.

But they have to sign a waiver, obviously.

Yeah, you sign a waiver, but then you wear like a little tutu

or like a big banana costume.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got

you wear the outfit you want want to be buried in because don't cause trouble for other people.

That's right.

I mean, I wear it every day.

This is it.

This is it?

Casual.

That's so Steve Jobs.

You wear this every day?

It's very Steve.

Oh, you mean the act of wearing the same thing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But wait a second, Graham, look.

Couldn't Dave pass as Steve Jobs in a biopic?

A little bit.

A little bit.

Well, you know what?

There hasn't been a Steve Jobs biopic in a few months.

And Dave's got too nice of hair because Steve Jobs was.

they can work with that.

Yeah, they can pick that.

They can just,

I guess you could put a green screen cap on and they can take the hair up.

Okay.

All right.

Well, I mean, I guess I could kind of start working on my

Steve Jobs impression.

Yeah.

It's called the iPad.

You're calling it the iPad.

That's good.

And then you have to abandon your daughter.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

You get out of here.

And then my father is working in a Lebanese restaurant and I don't know who he is or something.

What that is a thing?

Wasn't there a thing of like, he was like abandoned by his father and and

he didn't realize the rest of his life that his father like worked at the rest.

Let me I can't go.

Are you just hungry for Lebanese food?

Oh, I sure could.

I sure am.

Get me a.

Sure, go for it.

I love it.

I love Lebanese food.

I'm now hungry.

All right.

Well, we're all.

It's the garlic sauce.

It's the garlic sauce for me.

Yeah.

I don't know that I know Lebanese food all that well.

Yeah.

Can we get a falafel?

Yeah.

You've heard of a a falafel?

Dave and I have.

Yeah.

I get that garlic sauce even talking about.

She's not a sauce person.

She's going to buy

gravy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I love mayonnaise.

Let me tell you something.

I love mayonnaise so much.

Like mayonnaise, a tablespoon of mayonnaise is like basically all fat and it's 100 calories.

But I'll have like two tablespoons of mayonnaise a day.

And it basically is the reason I do my physical activity and working out.

It just wipes out the mayonnaise.

I can choose not to eat mayonnaise, but I can't.

I'm picturing you eating two tablespoons of mayonnaise

on their own.

No, no, just like hidden in things, like a dump

or a sandwich.

Sandwich.

Oh, yeah.

Any sandwich?

100%.

Have you ever had, do you like French food?

That's all sauce.

Not really.

We went to Paris a few years ago.

We were not that impressed with the food.

What are your eyes?

I love a broccoli food.

Oh, oh, okay.

Like, you mean condiment sauce or like food in any food sauce?

I love a bolognese, an amazing bolognese.

I love

mayo or any mayo-based food, like

mayo, aioli, or that thing they put on Mexican corn sometimes, like that kind of like limey, cilantro-y mayo.

Yes, yep, I love that.

I love um a just because you ask, like, I'm

on the whole list.

I love a really good savory hot sauce, like a chili sauce.

There's a Japanese company in Vancouver, they're basically chili oil, but it's like as umami as it is spicy.

I love that.

You can just put that on rice and an egg.

It's amazing.

I love a mixture of a gravy, like I told you, but only that one that I mentioned.

I love a mixture of

hot sauce, Frank's hot sauce, and ketchup when I dip a fry.

I do that.

You do?

No, I'll just fry it.

I do together.

Or a happy friend.

I like mixing it with the fry.

Yes, yes, yes.

I'll do a cholula and

ketchup.

Have you had Valentinas?

Yep.

Also, really good.

It's like Belmany tasting.

Yeah, there's not really a.

What's the chicken one?

The one that has the chicken on the side?

Pot sauce.

Chicken.

Red, green top.

What the hell is that?

Sriracha?

Sriracha.

Oh, yeah.

Rooster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Grammar

five sauces.

Okay.

I like.

Let's do it.

I like a classic soy sauce.

I like a gravy.

I do very much like a mayo or any of its derivatives.

I love like an egg salad.

I like anything like that.

I got to say that I love chocolate sauce.

We've been ignoring some of the best sauces.

When you say chocolate sauce, you mean

you mean like a

like on a Sunday?

Yeah.

You're not talking about mole.

No.

I'm not talking about mole.

You must love a lava cake then.

Well, yeah, in my time, I don't eat

wheat anymore.

Oh, my whole life until two years ago.

Oh.

But yes, Dave's cake of the lava cake.

I mean, the dominoes of lava cake.

He says it's as good as any.

Yeah, President's Choice makes one, too.

Oh, yeah.

It's quite good.

You put it in your freezer and you have people over and then you pull it out of the oven as if you made it.

Nice.

I have done that.

It was a big

commercial convention of people pretending they made food.

Delicio started that whole thing.

Well, that was you pretended.

No, Delicio is like, you're just trying to convince people you didn't have it delivered.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But is that worse?

Like, I would rather people thought I delivered pizza than bought a cheap frozen

pizza and put it in the air.

It's not delivery.

It's like, well, I like delivery.

Yeah.

And delivery from where?

Yeah.

It's kind of like when people say something, my husband says this all the time: when something's handmade, yeah, by who?

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Who knows what they're doing?

Or just like a five-year-old's grubby hand, handmade you.

Well,

also, also like it's such a generic thing that people at the party are like, oh, the delivery is here.

I love delivery.

Pizza delivery.

But I do, though.

I do love a delivery.

And there's a difference between a pizza pizza, which followed me from Ontario, by the way.

It's not even that great.

Or like, you know, they have some really good, expensive artisan pizzas in town.

Oh, yeah.

Which is way better than most frozen pizzas.

Yeah.

What are people talking about?

Those frozen pizzas are pretty good.

The red barren?

Which one?

Do you get the red barren?

There are some red bars.

No one's arguing with you that these artisan pizzas are better than frozen.

Can I tell you, though?

The frozen gluten-free pizza that you can get at Costco, fantastic.

Better than most restaurants would have.

Is it one they make there and they package up?

I think so.

No, but it's amazing, and it's better than most restaurants.

So in university, there was this girl who would buy the cheapest little round frozen pizzas.

Yeah.

But then she would chop up her own vegetables and put them on top.

And I thought, hey,

that's something I want to take with me.

You know what I mean?

Like, you just fill it up with like mushrooms and green peppers or additional meats because they definitely don't put enough meats on there.

Yeah.

This friend of yours is on some.

Pretty smart.

She's a doctor now.

Of course.

Of course.

Family medicine?

Probably still does that.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

How did you know?

I don't know.

I just had a good feeling about it.

Do the two of you have family doctors?

Yep.

You do?

You?

Yeah.

Oh, why?

Well, because a lot of people don't have access to a family doctor.

I know, but like.

What?

What is this?

Because we're talking about family doctor.

Whoa, did we have an agenda?

I didn't realize when we were talking about everyone's top five hot favorite sauces.

Graham, do we get through all five?

I think so.

Did you?

Did you mention yours?

I don't like sauce.

I want my food dry.

He likes a compote.

Yeah.

Oh, a compote's good.

Compotes are good.

What's going on with you, Graham?

Well, this last week.

Do you have a family doctor?

I do.

Shout out.

You know who you are.

Speaking of standing in line this weekend, I went and voted.

Oh, yeah.

Voted at the Civic Marine.

Oh, God, what a line.

It's so this is crazy.

Like my whole voting life, every time I vote, I vote in every election.

You're in and out in five minutes.

I walk in, I show my license, they give me the thing, I put it in, they put in the scan, I'm out, here's a sticker, away you go.

Is it because you go early?

Nope.

Just because, like, it's easy.

Yeah, it's always.

I've never witnessed anything like this past weekend.

So like,

yeah, usually it's no wait at all.

And if it is a wait, it's like three or four minutes.

I got to the voting polling place and it was like a block long of people waiting.

I couldn't believe it.

And so luckily it was like the weather was

there.

You were like, am I in the right place?

Are people lined up for tickets?

The Traveling Wilbury's or something?

And I said that to everybody as I walked up.

This is your big lineup.

What is this?

Is it a real band?

Yeah, it's a real band.

No, it's not.

It is.

The Traveling Wilburies.

My apologies to the Traveling Wilbury.

That's okay.

I mean, they're mostly dead now.

What?

Oh, thank you.

Well, maybe they're half dead.

I'm looking it up.

It's a super group.

Yeah.

With Tom Petty, Bob Dylan, George Harrison, Steve.

No, Jeff.

Jeff Lynn.

Jeff Lynn.

And Roy Orbison.

Bob Dylan.

Yeah.

I didn't even know.

What?

I didn't know that.

I knew of some of those people as individuals.

Oh, you did?

But they.

Yeah, David.

Did you see like a complete unknown?

A complete unknown?

I'd watch a documentary about the Wilburies.

I would watch.

Honestly, I think I had an idea that just was like a screenwriting exercise of like having all five traveling Wilburies, but make it the time traveling Wilburies.

And it's like a.

This is a show.

Yeah.

Just making it like a, you know, obviously you'd never get the rights to their

life rights but unless they're all dead and they didn't have good lawyers unless they're all they've all been dead for a hundred years yeah still

there's hope yeah so i voted i went in line i voted i waited for half an hour which apparently was a short that's low that was a short wait compared to everybody else's so it's like why why is this such a big thing turns out

The

half or more than half of the budget for polling staff had been slashed.

So that where there used to be like 100 people working, there was now 20.

Did Ken Sim do that?

He might have.

Interesting.

Yeah, isn't it?

Now, was it just because it was a by-election?

Well, yeah, and I think it was because the city hall was really pushing for people to do advanced polls.

I didn't even hear about it until the week before.

Yeah, it's, I mean, it's like the turnout was great.

It was great that there were a lot of people there.

Really got to know the person's dog behind me in line.

At least you got a dog.

It could have been worse.

The dog was good entertainment.

The dog vote.

The dog did vote.

He came with a voting sticker.

Although, yeah, I did that day see a lot of dogs.

You had a sticker that said, I voted, and he had one that said, Ryrodin.

Ryrodin.

That's right.

Oh, fuck.

Who was it?

Somebody showed up that night with a sticker that said, it had, oh, it was Kyle Fiennes.

I had a sticker that said future voter, and it had a seal on it.

So I guess they give that to kids, but they they were all out of regular voters.

Oh, wow.

You get to be a future voter.

So people really care right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

But it's like it's the longest I've had to wait

to do anything.

There's two-hour lines as well.

Yeah.

Did you, where you got caught in a line?

No, I didn't vote.

Dave.

This is my first time not voting because I was just like, it couldn't get done.

Yikes.

Yikes.

Democracy.

I didn't hear about it till like close to the date.

Yeah.

Like I did.

Well, if you, everybody, if you're still in line there, stay in line.

The polls are going to be open.

And I was devastated when I saw the results.

I wanted a pro-police agenda.

Give them more money.

Give them bigger boots.

Oh, man.

But yeah,

it turned into like, you know, when you're standing in a long line, this kind of like a little community starts to form.

Yeah.

And there was a lady that was there, saved the CBC.

She was getting signatures.

Oh.

I guess it's a good opportunity to get people's attention.

Yeah.

The woman in front of us had some funky fluvog shoes.

We got to talk about flu vogs for a bit.

Man, it was turned out pretty good.

The

yeah, the

what the hell was I going to say?

I don't know.

I just was just looking for a chance.

I just wanted to miss my own voice.

I think of that line as a great opportunity to sell things.

I would get my daughter to like sell her crafts with people waiting online.

It'd be a great time.

Oh, these are handmade.

Yeah, or yeah, handmade.

The girl guides were there.

They're making making it killing.

Good, yeah, good.

Absolutely.

So smart.

Those girl guides, they cookies are worth from $5 a box to $6.

Oh, six.

Really?

So my daughter was in Girl Guides previously, and it's a lot of pressure to sell those cookies, by the way.

They don't just ask, like, do you want to sell cookies?

Like, and how many do you think you can sell?

They give you a minimum number

of boxes.

No, no, cases.

Two cases.

Of cookies, and this is what you sell.

If you tell them way in advance, like, sorry, we can't push these, then they might take it back and have some superstar future entrepreneur who's selling like 18.

It's really just like, do you work in an office?

Yes.

Because if you work in an office, you can sell to the people in your office.

Or a show.

I've sold some at shows, and some local comics I've supported, but they'll only do that so much.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Local, I knew this local comic who used to support me and my daughter's girl guide cookies, and then he decided he didn't like gluten anymore.

Oh, man, those people suck so much, and sometimes they don't eat fish or cayenne.

Sometimes they won't even do a cayenne shot with your buddies after a long night.

I can't even sell any fish cakes to this guy.

It's not even true.

The fish cake economy

means nothing.

But he's all stew, a canned stew all the time.

Stew's my favorite song.

They should really, the girl guides should start selling stew.

Just ladling stew.

I actually think they would do well with a savory option.

Because you know what?

It's not even the gluten sensitivities.

It's the fact that a lot of people don't like sugar now.

So pick something different.

Have some like seaweed crisps or cheese crisps or, you know, something keto.

They should go keto.

Everybody.

And the way outside a gym or a Pilates studio, they would sell that.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Because we had to sell those cookies.

I didn't even eat any of them.

I don't want to eat that.

Oh, we just end up eating them all.

Yeah.

Really?

Do you?

But what's your favorite?

Is it because you know, it's seasonal.

So one time of the year, it's the chocolate and vanilla one.

And then in a different, in a half a year, they're the chocolate mint ones.

What do you think?

In America, in the United States, the Girl Scouts, they have like 10 varieties.

What?

Yeah.

They've got peanut butter ones.

They got

Bondis or something like that.

Is that one of them?

Yeah, I don't know.

But in America, they eat that stuff more.

And I know that.

I think I could stand up to any American when it's

eating cookies.

But wait, when's the last time you had like a totally packaged, processed food?

And I

today.

Yeah, really?

Leslie, like I'm talking about.

Later today, when I go home, I'm talking about like Twinkies, like Flakies, like those things.

Oh, those that category?

Because I have met a lot of U.S.

comics who will eat that on the road.

Little Debbie's and things like that.

Those things.

The kinds of things that are available at a...

Yeah, you don't do that.

No.

No, I never thought they tasted good.

They don't taste good.

It's just that people eat them.

Yeah, I would.

Like, if you're at a gas station and you're like driving from town to town.

I still would.

I would rather starve.

Yeah, well, I mean, I'll just get like a thing of seeds, a thing of sunflower seeds or pistachios.

Beef jerky is a favorite among comics.

They really should make a more vegan protein.

The kid, the Girl Scouts guides should just be selling beef jerky.

Wouldn't, yes, would button.

Absolutely.

Yes.

Yeah.

As long as they didn't make it themselves.

Can you imagine that badge?

Boot meat, dehydrating

badge.

The Ronco

badge.

Well, you guys want to move on to some overheards?

Sure.

Good evening.

Thanks for tuning in to 101.1 Max Fun.

It's midnight here on Host to Coast, and we've got Sarah from Michigan on line one.

Hi, I'm calling in for some help.

I used to love reading, but between grad school, having kids, and the general state of the world, I can't seem to pick up a book and stick with it anymore.

Sarah, this is an easy one.

Just listen to Reading Glasses, a podcast designed to help you read better.

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You'll be finishing books you love in no time.

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That sounds amazing.

Also, I do think my husband is cheating on me with Mothman.

Can you help me with that one?

Ooh, I don't think they cover that.

Reading Glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Fun.

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Ties and Bodes,

Podcast,

Ties and Bodes.

Overheard.

Overheard is a segment where we hear things out there in the world.

You hear things out in the world.

Why don't we share?

Why don't we pass them back and forth?

And we always like to start with the guest.

Julie, do you have an overheard?

Okay.

I'm always in

like situations where there's parents and kids.

And

I don't actually interact with the other parents and kids because like I'm often working or whatever, but I do like to overhear.

And one time we were in line at Science World and the mom was kind of yelling at her kid and the kid was yelling.

And the mom said, I would be a lot nicer if your dad cooked all the meals.

Ah, yes.

And I thought, that's a weird thing to say to your kid, but it's probably so right.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Probably be more easygoing if you then have to go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I make, I have a joke about like, you know, the women and the mental load.

And

I do have this line that I've started using where it's just like, think about it.

Your parents, your mom, is your mom a bitch?

It's because of your dad.

And it's a stupid throwaway line, but people laugh so hard.

Because I think mothers get this, you know, reputation for being like high strung and not that nice and all of that.

But it's basically because she's doing too much.

So this child was like three years old.

I just had the contact.

She was like, well, I wouldn't be yelling if your dad would cook.

You know what I mean?

And it was just like, it was like such a broad comment, but it stuck with me maybe because cooking's a thing in my place, too.

Yeah.

Should I have given a longer one?

That was exactly.

Let's go.

Come on,

stretch it out.

I've also said that, actually.

I now say it more.

Like, I think it all the time.

Anyways, I'll talk about it with my therapist.

Anyway,

here's my overheard.

It's an overseen.

And it is this.

I saw, do you remember that video, that uh old commercial for skittles it was a great commercial it was like hey uh it was a guy who worked in this store and everything he touched turned to skittles oh yeah i remember that and he yeah like but like lots of skittles yeah yeah they hand him uh a stapler the stapler turns into a stapler sized bundle of yes skittles and it flies everywhere

And he's so sad.

Like the new employee is like, oh, that's so cool.

And he's so sad.

He can never hold his child.

He can never shake someone's hand.

And the phone rings.

He picks up the phone.

It turns to Skittles.

He gets mad, smashes his hands on the desk.

It turns his

Skittles.

For some reason, this is, someone posted this on Instagram.

Sure.

Some stupid account.

And all the comments were like,

the comments, they made me laugh.

Because the first comment, what if he touch himself?

Yeah.

Also, he hadn't touched his desk until that point in the day.

Yeah.

I mean, people were really going in on the logic of what if he touched the ground?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Does not brush his teeth?

If he touches the ground, does the whole world turn to Skittles?

It's only his hands.

It's only his hands that get Skittles.

Yeah, well, exactly.

And he goes,

someone's comment was, what if he touched the man, but only his skin became Skittles?

Oh, that's still human on insects.

He is

non-Skittles skeleton.

These are all very good questions.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but what could this man's job possibly be?

Well, he could be a great

freak show guy or a villain of some sort.

I would go see that circus.

Bring me something.

I'll turn it into Skittles.

Yes, I'll bring my mother-in-law.

My final favorite comment was, I wonder if you could crush the Skittles and stick them together and make a glove out of it.

Nice.

So like a way to

protect you, like Gene Gray and the X-Men.

Like

if he wears gloves, the gloves turn to Skittles.

But what if the gloves are made of Skittles?

Then he can wear gloves and not turn everything into Skittles.

I mean,

I think we

solved it.

Anyway,

that's my overseen, I guess.

Love it.

Mine is courtesy of voting.

And the guy, you get this big voting card and you fill in whatever spaces you want, and then you take them over, they feed it into a machine, and the the machine goes numb nom nom democracy

and uh the guy in front of me was uh was handing it to the gal she young gal and uh he said oh it's just like scantron and uh she was just like

do you want a sticker

like scantron means nothing to her just send but does scantron not exist anymore i don't know not in her world she's like she's like is that a transformer yeah

well it was like when because that's we rarely did Scantron in high school because it was too futuristic.

It was pretty futuristic.

And yet, in the future, now that we live in the future, we're not all Scantroning everything.

Yeah.

And I remember the, do you remember they did them in front of the class?

Like, they would put this, they wouldn't say whose was whose, but they'd put a test in it and be like,

and I'd be like, okay, they've got two.

Oh,

I never did that.

That's too stressful.

No, I never saw them.

Like, they had to take them to a third location.

We did it.

It was like, it was like seeing somebody be hanged.

It It was everybody gathered around for a while.

I presume there was one Scantron for the whole city.

Like it was because the guy downtown.

Yeah, I thought the machine was the size of a building.

Yeah, we did the tests.

We would like it had to be an important test for it to require a Scantron.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

No, we used to get, we always watch people do the Scantron.

I remember.

You're going to see if you can buy a Scantron machine on eBay.

I remember the pain of being someone who couldn't make up their mind, but also the person who pushed really hard with their pencil on the Seganchon sheet and trying to erase it and putting in a new answer and not knowing if the new answer would register.

And if you don't get your sheet back, you wouldn't know if you got it wrong or you got it right, but it picked up the wrong answer.

Do you know what I mean?

Can I redo mine?

Yeah.

Well, let's,

yeah.

Do you want to do another one?

Well, yes.

Okay, let's do another one.

Yeah.

Okay.

Do you need me to cut out the old one?

No.

If you want to.

I don't.

No.

Okay.

If you don't want to, that's okay.

By the way, you can get a Scantron reading machine for 210 Canadian cents.

Yeah, yeah.

It looks like a little like a printer.

Oh, that's how cheap it is?

Yeah.

What's your application now, though?

That would be a fun laugh gallery, wouldn't it?

It would be great.

Oh, yeah.

How many?

That's how you do the quizzes.

Yeah, everybody.

Multiple choices.

Oh, my God.

Can we feed them into the machine?

500 sheets of 100 questions costs $97.

Jeez.

Sounds pretty good, actually.

I think that's high.

Oh, you can get it for $70.

Wow, you got to see what you can bid, you know?

It's part of the fun.

Okay, Julie.

Well, I just wanted to share with you, since you were doing an overseen,

it made me realize that I could do something that was like an over-read.

Sure.

Okay.

So this is not for self-promotion, but I'll share that this week is interesting because I posted a video on Monday of me handling a heckler in Whistler when I did a show there.

And as of this second, the post has 1.3 million views and like

1,100 comments.

But so

I find some of the comments are really interesting.

So basically, it was me doing a show.

I talked about my C-section, and a man in the front row who was there alone put his hand up so he could tell me that actually I don't know about childbirth and that I should have had a natural birth because it would have led to better immunity for my child.

So I handled the heckler a little bit.

I joked, like, are you alone and then i you know uh basically said no you like what you don't know is that i've dipped her in a few more times like she's fine you know f you kind of deal but i had no idea how popular this would become but i had no idea how much i would be entertained by the comments okay and let me say by and large it's women in the comments and being nothing but supportive of me but also like what the hell is wrong with this guy kind of thing one for heckling in the first place like i think a lot of people don't really understand what a heckler really looks like and how it's intrusive to the show.

The fact that he was a man telling me about his knowledge, which he got reading articles for fun.

He wasn't a doctor.

He's not a scrub.

So he wasn't wearing scrubs.

No, he was not.

No.

But he might have been a scrub himself.

And again, a love for me, I'll tell you that.

I was going to pause to see if anyone wanted to sing.

No?

Well, just let me know.

Go ahead.

I know you want to.

I have, I actually, I'm in a hurry.

I need to get in the passenger side of my best friend's ride.

Yes.

All right.

And you have to holler at somebody.

Yeah.

So I'm just saying that I've been overreading.

I have been reading all of the comments that I get back.

And these people are mad.

These women are mad.

How the audacity of this man, the arrogance of thinking he knows more than doctors because he read a summary of a study one time.

It's like everybody in the internet was mad at this guy this lane.

Stay in your lane, brah.

And then there's actually a famous singer.

Her name is Jax.

Do you know Jax?

She goes, she replied and she goes, in the middle of a comedy show and then like a brain explosion

thing, emoji, yeah.

Anyways,

one comment that somebody made was,

he must be fun at parties.

And then I just responded real quick.

He reads about parties.

And that comment got 17,500 likes.

Wow.

But what I'm loving is just the reading that I'm doing of all of these comments along.

Oh, I wouldn't be able to go two seconds if I ever had anything go viral.

Be like, is that a

road?

But it's made me feel like really great about where our society is or anybody who's seeing my videos that everyone is so on board with other people.

But isn't there anybody who's like, hey, that guy was right.

Yeah.

Yes, a few people.

They're like, it was rude of him, but he's not wrong, LOL.

And then they start fighting over

the literature together.

These amateur readers of science.

It is kind of fun.

But by and large, what I have been enjoying overreading is the overwhelming response

in support of me

and against hecklers.

Yeah.

Great.

I'm bro heckler.

Well, you deal with that

form, really.

Like, what people don't realize about hecklers is, you know,

you can't, you kind of got to study the greats.

Yeah.

That's right.

Soy bomb, I think he throws

was one of the greats.

I'm trying to think of the all-time great actors.

Oh, John Wilkes Booth.

He pros.

Two Muppet guys.

What are their names?

Statler and Waldorf.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh.

I didn't know they had names.

Well, now you know.

Now you can pass that on to your children.

Soybomb and Waldorf.

Soybomb.

Soybomb?

Soybomb was a guy who went up on stage with the aforementioned Bob Dylan during.

I don't know if his name was Soy Bomb.

He had soy bomb written on his chest.

Really?

Yeah.

I thought you were guys were making stuff up, and you were, this was an inside joke.

No, this is a public joke during a Bob Dylan performance at like an award show.

Yeah.

And he just went on stage, had soy bomb written on his chest, started dancing around.

Yeah, it wasn't anything bad.

It was just like.

It wasn't even a heckle.

It was just a.

It's a physical heckle to get up and start dancing.

Yeah.

Sort of like it was semi-streaking.

Yeah.

But he wore a shirt.

No shirt.

Oh, I thought, what said Soy Bomb?

His chest.

His chest.

The other favorite of his chest.

Oh, oh.

But he had pants on.

Oh,

yeah, he was a gentleman streaker.

Yeah.

Why are there more of that?

The gentleman's streakers.

They were making our point.

Yeah, yeah.

Exactly.

I don't have to be all the way naked.

I always thought of streaking being more about showing your private parts.

I mean, but not among gentlemen.

Certainly the cads, the ruffians will show their their privates.

Now, we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the world.

If you want to send one in, send it into spy at maximumfont.org.

This word is one comes from Russ from Calgary at the local YMCA.

Could be anywhere.

There's a new one where old Claire used to be.

Maybe that's his local.

Oh.

Maybe one in Mindapur.

God, I don't know how many YMCAs there are here.

There's one downtown.

There's one.

There's one up by the university at Langara.

Langara I go to the YWCA and I heckle

when people are swimming yeah just shirtless

soy bomb soy bomb

um this first one comes from Russ I had my six and three year old girl at the pool and as I was having a splash fight with my six year old I could hear my three-year-old occupying herself by pretending the flutterboard was a keyboard that she was playing and singing a made-up song.

At the end of her song, I overheard her saying, that one was called Five Five Humans Pooping.

What?

That's adorable.

This is a little number I call.

Five humans pooping.

People are

show up to our concert.

Your music saved me.

There's five humans, and guess what we were doing earlier?

Could you imagine a five-seater toilet, like a bike that can fit multiple people?

Yeah, tandem.

What would that look like?

It would just, the all of, you would have, it would be a circle, circle, like from the top, it would look like a flower, but then it would all lead into the same basin.

Oh, I see.

You should be the next Steve Jobs.

If I designed it, I would design it so that everybody's like toilet bowl was separate,

so you like one person couldn't make a splash up somebody else's butt.

You know what I mean?

I think that would be a good thing.

But it's all going into a central,

yeah.

I mean, I can't imagine how you would splash into someone else's butt anymore.

Some people would have, like, if because if you had one bowl and the butts were close together, it's conceivable that you could let out a hard poop and then it would cause a splash up someone else's butt.

How violated would you feel?

I would do like one of those champagne towers where you'd

first at the top and then I just started like a fondue, like a fondue tower too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's already brown.

Your toilet, your dream toilet.

Yeah,

I was thinking of

the giant champagne.

When you said champagne tower, I was thinking of a giant champagne Di Devonti's class.

Just swimming around in it.

This next one comes from Matt in St.

Andrews, Scotland.

My four-year-old

recently discovered Barbie through her nursery and had been requesting we play the Barbie song when we drive in the car.

Having no clue what the Barbie song is, we played the only thing we could think of, which was Aqua's Barbie girl.

Oh, yeah.

Our daughter loved it, and lately she's been singing it.

The other day, though, we overheard her singing it and noticed she's changed the lyrics.

The original, as you know, goes, I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world.

Life in plastic, it's fantastic.

You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere.

Our daughter's version was, I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world.

Life is plastic, it's fantastic.

You can brush my hair, I'll breastfeed anywhere.

What?

You know what?

I hope that little girl knows she can breastfeed anywhere.

I hope she ever cover up.

There's a thing at the airport in Vancouver.

I don't know if they're in airports everywhere, but it's called like a lack.

I know what you're talking about.

Sometimes I want to just go in there.

It's called a what?

It's like a lactate lack lactation.

Lactation station or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I think, okay, it's for women, as you know, who don't want to be seen in public breastfeeding.

They want some privacy.

But sometimes women have to

seek privacy because other people shame them.

So I always thought

those should be for people who see a woman breastfeeding freely so they can sit

there and and just take a fucking break i would love to sit in there and just i don't know i just carry a subway sandwich with me or something like that oh that'd be nice yeah i was uh oh i gotta use the phone sandwich and milk i love the bring your own milk as soon as i get off a plane i gotta go galactate

i don't know what they look like inside though white

all white very maloco bar from uh i i noticed them when i was a breastfeeder but i have on principle always refused to hide when i breastfeed i heard that you should should hide.

That's I've read some studies, some scientific studies online.

Oh my god, come hackle me.

It's better for the kid if you're hiding.

I'm also like, I like when the airport has a sign for the chapel or like a non-denominational religious spot.

I've never seen that.

Oh, yeah.

Get me there.

For wheels?

Oh, they got those communion wafers.

What?

Just out of a vending machine?

Yeah, they're so expensive at the airport.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This last one comes from Daniel Fucks.

Oh, God.

Speaking of, you know, canned monstrosities, Wolfgang Puck, that's almost below Puritan.

What do they sell?

He sells like a super stew.

Well, you know, his, the famous thing about his pizza is that it's bad.

Well,

Johnny Carson used to buy like a dozen pizzas from him at a time.

And Wolfgang Puck would be like, what?

You're eating all these?

And he's like, no, I freeze them and then I eat them.

And Wolfgang Puck was like, That's terrible.

And then he was like, Actually, that gives me an idea.

Then Wolfgang Puck starts his own late-night show.

That gives me an idea.

I'm going to be mean to Ed McMahon.

Can I say I watched on like some, I think it was Tubi's channel or Roku or something, they had one Old Roasts, the Friars Club roast in like the 70s.

Old Roasts, that's what they put in Puritan beef stew.

And it's like

within 30 seconds of it starting, homophobic Jimmy.

And it was Johnny Carson, dude, was the host that said it.

So anyway, I thought he was an ally.

I know.

Yeah.

This last one comes from Daniel C.

in Davis, California.

This is an overdreamt, one of our favorite things.

Daniel?

Danielle.

Okay.

Nice.

I was sitting at a round table.

So this is a dream.

Sitting at a round table for a meeting, and I was early.

I wasn't sure who I was meeting with, though.

The door opened, and all four members of Metallica came in and sat down.

They all pulled out their phones, and James Hetfield says, Okay, we all know why we're here.

We need to figure out the best shared calendar to keep track of birthdays.

Lars wanted to use the one on his iPhone.

Rob wanted to use Google.

James wanted to keep a paper one and text people.

Kirk did not have an opinion.

A paper one and text people.

James, you idiot.

They needed me to break the tie, but in the end, I just asked if this would be better settled in the therapist with the therapist from the movie.

It'll tell

stared at me and annoyed, and I woke up.

So

wow.

Yeah.

I wonder what he ate before going to bed.

Jeez, I don't know.

What would induce that kind of thing?

I've never had food

affect my dreams.

That you know.

Oh,

do you think that?

How about drink?

Yeah, I could go for a drink.

Yeah.

What?

No, I mean, did it.

I know what you mean.

In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls and voice memos.

If you want to send us a voice memo, it's spy at maximumfund.org.

If you would like to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

Spypod1 like these people have.

You just gave us an overdream, so let's start these with an overdream.

Yes.

Hello, Dave, Graham, and possible guest.

This is David in Broomfield, Colorado, calling in with an overdreamed.

A while ago, I dreamed that I had somehow enabled a feature in Windows where I had to confirm that I hadn't left my dogs locked in my car every time I logged into my work computer.

Then I accidentally hit a button saying to stop asking because my dogs had died.

Oh,

geez.

Then, Microsoft started sending me condolence emails.

I spent the rest of the dream looking for a way to assure them that my dogs are alive and to turn off the initial setting.

Well, off I go.

You have funny reader or listeners.

We do.

And I feel bad for that dog.

Well, I mean, the dog was fine.

The dog was fine.

He just wanted to get out of the.

That actually is like.

That is actually like a good, like, just a reminder for somebody.

Is your dog okay?

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

He's in the car.

It's, yeah, it's like a breathalyzer for your phone.

Yeah,

I mean, you know what?

I like it.

I've decided I like it.

All right.

Next phone call.

Hi, Dave.

Hey, Graham.

Hey, guest.

I just walked past someone who, under their breath, they were all alone, didn't have anyone with them.

They whispered, thumbs up emoji.

What?

Well, off I go.

Said to themselves?

Yeah, just muttering as long as thumbs up emoji.

Oh, it's kind of like saying, like, not epic fail, but awesome sauce or something like that.

Is awesome sauce

the opposite episode of Epic Fail?

Yeah, I guess so.

Epic Fail and Awesome Sauce.

Epic Win.

Epic Win.

Epic Win Sauce.

You know what scenario comes to me?

I'm picturing the guy that's walking.

He's dating someone.

He sent a text he's really excited about.

He thinks it was witty.

And all he got back was a thumbs up emoji.

And so now he's walking by himself and he's thinking about this is a sadness.

Yeah, right.

And he's like, what does that mean?

Thumbs up emoji.

Or like being like, thumbs up emoji.

You know what?

In that situation, I got to check in with my bros.

Hey, what does it mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, chat, what's up?

What does this mean?

It's funny in movies that there will be people who have, maybe people are like this, but they have friends that are like, so how's it going with that girl you're dating?

I'm like, I don't think I've ever had a friend ask me

anything like that.

Really?

My girlfriends and I talk about that all the time, or any males I know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How's it going with that person?

Or

I would say, how is that person?

Yeah, I'd say, how is that person?

No, I wouldn't have to go.

No,

how are things?

How's the prospect of your possible new relationship going?

Right.

No.

But like, do you do all beats and stuff?

Or do you just no?

We just want to know, like, are you still seeing this person or how did it, how'd it go?

What's it?

It was weird.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's it like being with that person?

You know what I mean?

You know, locker room talk.

Yeah, that's true.

I never had any locker room talk.

Oh, yeah.

Her butt was as big as the globe.

Shit, that sounds great.

Absolutely.

And her eyes were like two pools of still water.

Oh, so pretty.

Yeah.

Her lips were like

a big cushion of like basically like a lip-shaped couch.

So you're basically describing a woman as a cabana of some sort.

I'm dating Cherry from uh

Huey's Playhouse.

Here's your final phone call.

Hey, Dave Graham and Possible Guests.

This is Jason from Baltimore.

My ground level apartment is between a popular bar and a university, and I hear some really funny things from students leaving late night to stumble back home.

The other night, two girls were walking by my window, and one goes, oh my god, I have to poop so so bad.

And the other one replies, oh, I've had to poop since like freshman year.

Okay, off I go.

And someday it's going to come.

And man, oh man.

It reminds me of when people on New Year's Eve and they say goodbye and they're like, see you next year.

I haven't pooped since last year.

It's me, January 1st.

I'm doing all the...

Yeah, I did have to have my first ever enema first year university.

Thank you.

Yeah, because you're

the time we talk about you're on a meal plan you're probably overeating you're drinking and certainly not getting enough fiber so i remember there was one weekend where i had the biggest stomachache like i thought i was gonna die went to the er and they're like when did you poo last and i said i don't remember

let me check my country school yeah what uh

this you said your first enema how many of you had first and only ever enema from eating too much of the cafeteria food

at the dorm Of course.

You know what?

I voted when I voted in the civic election, I said this town needs an enema.

Was that one of the votes?

That was a write-in.

Yeah, I voted for the Joker.

I can't believe he gets on the ballot every year.

But you know what?

He gets the signatures, mostly from criminals.

Yeah.

It says that Too-Face here says that you should be on city council.

Well, he's not even a mayor.

He's just a city council.

Joker's on the parks board.

Two-Face is a...

Isn't he a politician?

He's a politician.

That's right.

Harvey Dent.

Is he mayor?

No.

He was...

No, he was police commissioner.

No, Commissioner Gordon.

Gordon was police commissioner.

Was Harvey Denton?

Are we talking about

Batman now?

We're talking about Batman.

We've gone all in on Batman.

He's a DA.

I was wondering when that transition happened.

And who is the mayor in Batman?

I mean,

the mayor of Gotham.

In The Dark Knight, is it the guy with the eyeliner, Dr.

Eyeliner?

Yes.

He was in the TV show The Tick.

He was in

Lost.

Yes, yeah.

I just watched that the other night.

When I should have been going to bed, I started watching Dark Knight Rises.

Oh, I'm

sorry.

Yeah.

Once about 3:30 in the morning.

Dr.

Eyeliner.

No, that's not what I want.

Anyway, you can wrap up the show.

What's his name?

What's his name?

Is this lost star wearing eyeliner?

Nestor Carbonell.

Yes.

And he just looks like he is, but maybe he doesn't.

Maybe he's just got lovely, lovely,

yeah.

Oh, that guy, totally.

He was also in Morning Show with Jennifer Anston and Reese Witherspoon.

And the whole time, it was so distracting to be like, is he wearing eyeliner?

Yeah, I think he just has like those,

that's just his look.

That's his natural waterline.

Yeah.

Well, that brings us to the end of this show.

Julie, tell us all the things you're plugging.

Where are you?

His character name in The Dark Knight is just Mayor.

Oh, he's just Mayor?

Yeah.

I voted for Mayor.

I'm plugging Eyeliner.

Yeah.

The Sephora VIB sale is on right now, and they're not paying me to say that.

What am I plugging personally?

Yeah, personally.

Well, first of all, I have to say I've had a lot of fun.

I don't often do podcasts, as you may be able to tell from me not knowing when to talk or interrupting you several times and not joining in on the laughter because I didn't know if you were doing a bit

or it was an inside joke or

sometimes all of the above.

Something else.

Oh, okay.

You were perfect.

You were on time.

We talked about stews and sauces.

We were counting down our top five sauces.

Of course, you've got to pay the extra for our bonus content where

we talk up our top five favorite dips.

Yeah.

Is that right?

Do you do bonus content?

We do bonus content.

Oh, I love that.

I love that.

So, anyways, I'm new to this.

I also have, I'll plug my own podcast.

I have a podcast called Bothered.

It's only a couple months long.

It's a very short storytelling podcast about weird and

strange things that have happened to me.

They're like microaggressions.

So, a lot of women and people of color will identify, like a man at a hotel lounge telling me to shush with this hand gesture for talking at a normal volume on the phone, not even on speakerphone.

Lots of like little things like that and things I've done back.

Anyways, I try to keep it fun and light, even though I get very angry, which is fun for other people to listen to.

I think the main other thing I'm plugging is just my show at the Vogue Theater, May 24th.

I think it's going to be a good time.

We sold a lot of tickets.

I want to sell a lot more and just like have a big party.

You know what?

If you've got a big party, head over to the Vogue and have a show and then you can go to the Commodore Links.

You can go bowling.

You can go to the Roman colours.

Apparently, there's now a hospital bell on Grandpa Street.

I saw it.

I don't know if it's open yet, but.

Get yourself a Gordita.

Yeah.

Or go to sleep afterwards.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Crunch Rap Supreme.

Yeah.

They now have the mini crunch wraps.

What are they?

They're like the size of throwing stars.

Nice.

Oh, that's really adorable.

Are you going to go when it's open?

I don't think so.

Yeah, me neither.

It's a really small.

I walked by it.

It's very small.

Taco Bell's kind of lost its luster.

It's also not cheap anymore.

No, nothing's cheap anymore.

You know what I miss?

Harvey's.

Harvey's used to be on Granville.

Yeah.

Those are my favorite burgers.

Harvey's, and then for a while there was a poutine place right next door.

Smokes.

Smoke's cool.

Still moose's.

Well, all the smoke flavor has been taken to the poutine on the mountain.

Seymour Mountain.

I heard they had culturally appropriated the smoke.

So they had to smoke.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's just how it goes in the sauce booth.

You can't do that.

Yeah.

Thank you, everybody out there, for listening.

If you've got a favorite sauce, let the world know it.

Don't hide it inside.

Scream your sauce from the mountaintop and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

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