Episode 891 - Arthur Simeon
Listen and follow along
Transcript
Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 891 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name's Graham, and with me, as always, because we're recording quite a few episodes back to back is a guy who must be sick of my face, Mr.
Dave Shumka.
Graham, I could never get sick of your face.
Graham, it's like, oh my God, it's like
you're like
freaking,
what's her face, right in the clam.
Oh, Venus?
Is that Venus riding the clam?
Oh, I love, I love art.
I love that era of art.
Who's that?
Botticelli?
Yeah, you got it.
Oh, I love botticelli with a little bit of cream sauce.
Well, I guess clam sauce.
Sure, yeah, it's already there.
Our guest today, a very, very funny comedian, somebody that we're just lucky to grab in the limited time that he was here in Vancouver.
It's Arthur Simeon.
Hello, Arthur.
First of all, lucky is not the word I would go for.
Like, I feel like it should be something a lot less.
Like, low expectation.
Okay.
Yeah.
He's a, okay, I'll do it again.
He's a guy guy that I know.
Yeah.
And that is it.
Yeah.
We're cursed with his person.
Yeah.
Walked off the street.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Arthur Simeon is his name.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
I can't believe I'm actually, I'm actually genuinely nervous doing this.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
Like this is
just
such.
I've been,
and Dave doesn't know this, but I've been very salty about this.
And every time I would say Graham, I'd be like, really?
Really?
Courtney Gilmore, the third time?
You know, how did you know she's been on three times?
Because I, you know, I we didn't, we were twice, so it's twice, right?
She didn't know she's been on three times.
Oh, no, I do, I do, okay.
You know how you guys have the descriptions and it says so-and-so returns, yes, and I'm like, this garbage human being returns, and I still
haven't been
like John Doe returns.
Really?
He is a garbage human being.
Yeah.
Do we want to get to know us?
Yeah.
Get to know us.
Well, I'm excited that you're here because you don't, you're in Toronto.
You don't come through Vancouver often.
Very often, yep.
So it's, I consider myself blessed.
There you go.
Not lucky, blessed is what I, that's what I would like to say.
You guys know each other?
Yeah, I'm blessed.
Yeah, yeah.
Graham texted me last night at 10.30.
Yeah.
Said,
hey,
last minute.
And we've recorded twice in the, this is episode three in four days.
Yeah, I got nothing to talk about.
Well, let's focus on Earth.
But I
never, never have I gotten a night before.
I know.
Hey,
and I, every week I send Graham my availability.
Yeah.
And so I couldn't be like, I don't, I can't do Monday morning.
Yeah.
Yeah, because you were just, you were flying back from Whitehorse.
Yes.
And where you did a show, which you told me all about when we had breakfast.
Yeah.
Terrible show.
Yeah.
How many kids in the audience?
Roughly 15 to 20.
15 to 20 kids in the audience.
Voidifying kid.
Below.
Teenagers?
Below 12.
Below 12.
Above three.
Cool.
Classic kid age.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely walking around and could hold like the mic cord and play with it.
Old enough to have the dexterity
to play with the mic cord as you're performing.
And
their teeth had grown in so they could chew the mic cord.
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Rub their arms around your leg and pull as you're trying to do a stand-up show.
It was, it was wonderful.
And you, my favorite element of the story was the shuttle that picked you up.
Oh, yeah, I got a, so I got picked up in a full coach bus, like a full length by myself which i thought was a little much but i was like oh i'm a prince this is how i need to be treated when i go to white horse right yes and then uh i have a less than um
let's say good show you know and then that same shuttle was taking most of the audience back to the city and i had to be on it and so i asked graham earlier i was like i don't know about you but i don't know if you've ever had to share a one-hour one-hour bus ride with people who just saw you bomb.
It is, it's a character-building experience.
Yeah, why is it so far out of town?
Because it was like a festival that was
so.
The obviously you're staying in Whitehorse, but the festival is in Cockross, which is about an hour drive away, through the most beautiful terrain you'll ever see, like the mountains and everything is great.
The ride back did not see those mountains through the tears.
It's just absolutely
that's what I always worried about when comedians like work on cruise ships.
Yeah, because what if you bomb and then you're where do you go?
Nowhere.
Yeah.
I mean, you know where to go.
It's just a one-way ticket.
If it's really that bad, you know exactly where to go.
Yeah, you're being dropped off in Miami.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If not dropped off between my in the Bermuda Triangle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Do they still go
do they still cruise the Bermuda Triangle?
Yeah, I wonder about that.
Yeah.
I don't think cruise ships ever went missing, though.
No, planes, right?
It was mostly planes.
Planes, trains, automobiles.
Yeah, all of them.
It would be funny if all the cruise ships are fine, but planes are the ones that disappear.
Yeah.
That would be a good thing.
That was because there were planes that disappeared, weren't there?
Yeah, but.
Didn't Amelia Earhart and she disappear into the Bermuda Triangle?
Well, who knows?
Who knows?
It was a long time ago.
He would have also triangulated it.
Triangulated.
I feel like there was a lot of those stories where it was just ghosting.
Someone just didn't want to return texts and you just didn't feel like it.
And they were like, yeah, I'm just going to
explore the Bermuda triangle, if you know what I mean.
You know what I mean?
What is the...
Because it was a thing in the 80s and 90s about like,
I guess, not like giant planes going missing, but like a little plane.
Yeah.
And,
but
people are fine there now.
Where's Bermuda?
That's great.
Question.
Yeah, yeah.
Where's Bermuda, Great?
It's a lot further north than Britain.
I know there's a, yeah, there's a Bermuda.
When you're in Bermuda, it says North Atlantic.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, wow.
It's not close to anything.
Yeah,
it's not by those fun islands.
Yeah.
Oh, it's way out there by itself.
It's way out there by itself.
We've got the map pulled up just to show you.
Aruba?
Yeah, Jamaica.
Where do you want to take it?
Bermuda, Bahama.
And then I go to open a different tap for Come on Pretty Moa.
Have either of you been to Bermuda?
I've been to Key Largo.
Montego.
Yeah, Montego.
Yeah.
No,
no, I have.
Did you holiday or working trip?
I've been working trip.
Okay.
And it was very funny because
there was one airline that takes you into Bermuda, which was our lovely Air Canada.
Nice.
But because it's once a week and I was there for less than seven days, I had to get an American airline to come back.
And Air Canada wouldn't let me onto the flight until I proved that I had a return flight.
Because I guess they were worried that I might overstay on an island of 60,000 people.
I'm like, I don't think that's going to be a problem.
Like, I don't think they're going to have to look for me.
Okay.
The place is the size of like a shopping mall.
Like, it's, yeah.
Even if I wanted to, even, oh, has anyone seen Arthur?
You mean the giant African guy over there?
Like, he's right there.
He's right there.
He's good.
What is
there?
Yeah.
yeah what is yeah what uh beautiful hotels uh and swimming pools
i think i think two grocery stores do they a couple of gas stations do they have like um
like uh tourist t-shirts that are like i uh went to i survived the bermuda shorts around the bermuda short accent all i got was this lousy t-shirt yeah yeah i mean that's really into it that's where the shorts came from right yeah Bermuda shorts sure I thought you meant a Martin Shorts family fan fact not a single person person wearing Bermuda shorts in Bermuda.
Is that right?
Yeah, yeah.
I guess it's like...
I think it's a prank they played on everyone else.
Yeah.
They should call that place cargo.
Yeah.
They have the same thing.
I bet you nobody in Panama wears a Panama hat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
One fun fact, they don't allow franchises.
Where?
In Bermuda.
So you don't see.
What are we talking about?
Yeah, Bermuda, yeah.
Yeah.
So you won't see any brand names that you're familiar with, which was very refreshing.
Yeah.
And also disturbing.
I wonder, like, because if you were in that island, how would you get the things like the burgers or whatever shipped in?
You got to swim.
They have a McDonald's, but it only has the filet of fish.
There's towns here that have no
franchises, no chains.
Yeah.
But like
right on the edge of town, there's a cluster of them.
Like right outside.
And like, we got to preserve our heritage in the downtown car.
Yeah.
And everyone's like, I got to go to Home Depot.
I got to go.
Yeah.
I heard of a town, and I can't remember the name now, somewhere in Alberta that has 340 people and has a Walmart
and two McDonalds.
That's
like they could all live in the Walmart.
Exactly.
In the same section.
I was like, that is the worst criminal enterprise.
Like, it's obviously a front.
Whatever they're doing in there.
340 people
with a full super center.
Everybody goes.
That must be their industries.
Everybody goes there and then maybe buys a house.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was in a small town.
It's a small town.
Everyone's like, I'm a Walmart greeter.
My father was a Walmart greeter.
His father before.
It's in our blood.
Yeah.
I remember years and years ago, I'm sure I've told this on the podcast, where I was in a small town.
I can't remember the name of it.
It's the epidemic, these small towns we can't remember the names of.
But we just happened to be there on the day that their first franchise opened, and it was an ANW.
What does that stand for, by the way?
ANW, ANW, ANWA, INTINE.
Come back to me.
Okay.
There it is.
And it was a big deal.
It was a parade.
Everybody's going nuts.
The mascot was there.
Yeah.
It was fantastic because they were like, we've arrived.
Arthur, what's your favorite chain?
Harvey's.
Harvey's.
Yep.
Okay.
We talked Harvey's with Courtney, so could you come up with something else?
Okay.
This is the problem.
This is exactly why people like Courtney should be banned
from public spaces because they just take up
all the good stuff that I wanted to talk about.
Yeah.
Hey, there's 890 people we'd like banned from.
Yeah, Harvey's is
a Canadian chain.
The big thing was that you could.
It's like Subway in that you get to kind of go through and pick your toppings as you go.
I was going to say decorations, but that's worth it.
That is the word.
That's the way to get to but i you know
decorate your food by yourself yeah self-decoration what was your what was your go-to uh
i mean in terms of like the toppings or you're just in your order yeah yeah everything yeah yeah you everything except raw onion okay
keep out is that everything else hard rule no raw yeah raw onion just doesn't you know a lot of the times you're going to be speaking to other people after you eat and you don't want to not me
I go it's a whole trip for me I go
Harvey's and then just that's the rest of the day yeah I saw a post today about someone has been going to I don't know if these are real studies but they were taking these real these these studies they were posting studies that say that eating raw onion increases your testosterone and they would put them on the subreddit for fitness or like some kind of subreddit and then
Now they just sit back and watch people eating raw onion.
That is incredible.
Like, they were like, This is my I love that.
I love because that's the world that we live in now.
Someone is going to see that and be like, This is what I'm going to do.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah.
Um, I remember being in university, and someone
convinced a whole bunch of people.
Because, again, it's usually men.
Let's be let's let's be real who are going to fall for this scam.
But someone
was selling a cologne that was full of pheromones.
And all you had to do was a little sprinkle on yourself, and the ladies would come running.
Right.
Yeah.
And if it didn't happen, then you were doing it wrong.
You know?
Yeah.
And I think this guy's a billionaire now because so many people.
Do you remember the ads for Axe Body Spray?
Yep.
That had, it was, I haven't seen them in a while.
What's are we too woke now?
No, Axe is still out there.
But the commercials of a guy spraying himself with it and then
like
just being chased down by thousands of women, having to run as fast as he can
to get away from them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's always fun.
When I was a teenager
in high school, again,
another
kind of like the raw onion story, like someone convinced,
someone convinced us.
I don't even know how it started that silver nitrate.
Is that something you can get anywhere?
You can get anywhere.
Silver nitrate would help you grow facial hair.
So as 13, 14-year-olds without facial hair, this was a big deal.
You wanted to be like, this is how you become someone with a beard.
And the chemistry lab had to put out a thing being like, stop stealing the silver nitrate because people were using it like aftershave.
And I'm so glad they chose silver nitrate because if they'd chosen something more acidic,
my entire class
had no faces.
No faces whatsoever.
And probably no dicks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't even think about that.
What is the silver nitrate?
Is it a liquid?
Is it a liquid?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
But I think it's on the scale.
I don't know my chemistry.
I can't remember my scale.
Yeah.
But it's a pretty
passive.
I can't remember what the word is.
But
it's intense.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's not sodium chloride or whatever.
That's salt.
Well, you wrote that on your favorite.
Do you know what it's all about?
Yeah.
It's not, you know, H2O.
H2O, yeah.
It's not oxygen.
Yeah, it's not, it's not nitrogen or whatever.
I don't know.
But yeah, silver nitrate, people were slapping it on themselves like after shave.
That's so foul.
And still no beard, by the way.
Like
a year later, still, everyone's still like.
Did it have like a rash or something like that?
No, just lucky enough.
Also, there's a chance, because again,
knowing the budget that my school was working with, there was a chance there was just water in the bottle of silver silver nitrate.
And we would, because it's a clear liquid.
Yeah.
You don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it would be great if it worked and there was just like one school in the whole city that
all the 13-year-olds have huge beards.
Just walking around.
Like, oh, what?
That came in a little early.
I don't know what you're talking about.
There must be something in the water.
Well,
it's the water inside the silver nitrate vial.
Do you remember, like, growing up, who was the first kid that you knew that had a beard?
Like I'm picturing a guy I know who like at a five o'clock shadow when we were all in grade
seven.
I do.
And when I look back, I realize that he was probably a fully grown adult, like a dad with two kids who decided to go back to school.
Because
he was so much older than us.
Like we were, I think we were like 12.
Yeah.
And this guy had like a beard.
He had like fully grown muscles.
Like everything was.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
That was the same guy and figured out.
Yeah, and I do remember him, and it was funny because I run into him like in my 20s and he looked 50.
Like he was just like, he was just like, oh, and I was like, oh, you were not 12 when the rest of us were 12.
You were just like, just held back.
Maybe he had that Robin Williams jack disease.
Oh, yeah.
Whoa.
What was the jack disease?
He was a kid inside and he was an adult outside?
I think he just aged
rapidly.
Oh, he aged rapidly.
His body aged, rapidly.
But he had that childlike Robin Williams-style mind.
Somebody tried to sleep with him, la big.
I hope not.
Yeah, me too.
But it happened at Big and it was uncomfortable.
For who?
Me.
Okay.
I'm a pervert.
Okay.
And that made you uncomfortable?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I have a very specific
thing.
I feel like they're picking on me as a pervert.
Yeah, that's right.
Oh, yum, my young.
So you've been doing comedy how many years?
17 years.
17 years.
You started in the same year we started this podcast.
17 years.
Yeah, imagine that, Dave.
Imagine that.
And you never grown up.
And you never thought to come on the show.
Oh,
how dare you?
How
so many times I would see, I would run into Graham
and then I would do my best radio voice in front of him.
Just a hint, but never, you know.
That's how
we book guests on voice.
Yeah.
And I thought you would just experience some sort of mania or something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just kind of look at me and then you would like squint and then walk away.
Meanwhile, the whole time I'm hinting.
Please, please.
People think we book our guests on how they look, but no,
we do it on voice.
That's why we had Susan Boyle on the show.
I know for a fact it's not how they look because all of them are no.
All of them have faces for ages.
We've had some handsome guests.
That's true.
We've had some handsome guests.
What's the name one?
Not one.
Name two.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
I'm the first one.
Yeah.
Bradley Cooper, right?
Bradley Cooper before he was famous.
Yeah, and we had Nick Nolte, sexiest man alive, Nick Nolte.
Yeah.
Do you think Bradley Cooper is handsome?
Really?
No, wasn't he on the wasn't he a People's World Sexy?
All that stuff is rigged.
Oh, by the way.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
It's all politics.
It is.
It's all politics.
So 17 years.
You started in Toronto.
Stay in Toronto, yeah.
And do you like it?
And are you still in Toronto?
I am.
All right.
Yeah.
Still in Toronto, yeah.
And do you
would you ever thought that you would have done it for 17 years?
No.
No.
I didn't think I was going to do it for more than a month.
Yeah.
It was really, I was trying to figure out what to do between like final exams and graduation, basically.
So I started in May, just being like, oh, just for a month, and then I'll figure out what to do with the rest of of my life.
And 17 years later,
I'm on the podcast.
That's right.
It's all been leading up to
a long game.
I mean, we haven't actually seen your transcript.
Did you pass those final exams?
No.
Oh, can't you?
We actually can't have you on the podcast.
This is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Terrible transcript.
We need to, yeah, we, we, part of the reason I stayed in comedy was no other industry would take me.
They were like, the only place you can take this kind of
lack of work.
Yeah.
Academic excellence is comedy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's, I remember years and years ago, like in the 80s, Mark Breslin was talking about comedians, and he was like, you know what?
For all their lack of education and experience, they're making a nice full-time living off of this comedy.
I mean, it remains to be seen who he was talking about.
I was about to say, yeah, like that must have been the 80s because
that did not carry over into any of the other decades.
This is the guy who started Yuck Yuck's comedy.
Yes.
And he's making it seem seem like
a charity.
These are people who.
That is the same man who one day told me while I was working for his company, he said, you need to find another full-time job to support yourself.
Because this one is.
You need to find two full-time jobs to support yourself in addition to that.
Well, if you're going to work for me, you need to find another place to work.
Which is such a funny thing to hear from a boss.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like, hey, if you want to work for this company, you should also find another company to hire.
I love the idea of getting discovered, but then be like, we can't promise you a full-time living.
Yeah, yeah.
So don't, yeah, don't quit Chick-fil-A.
Yeah, please.
Do not call the
FedEx people and tell them you're not coming in this week.
Please, keep that job.
Please do.
Did you,
whilst you were starting a comedy, did you have a day job?
Nope.
Really?
I was doing a lot of cash jobs.
Like I used to work for an event planner and just, you know, lift carry chairs into a venue and take them, put them back on the truck and stuff like that.
But I never had a full-time job now.
Wow.
Yeah.
So just gigs.
Just gigs.
Just really just win it.
And also, this is what happens when you are a dumb person in your early 20s.
You think, no, I'll survive on this.
Yeah.
Like, this is the way I'll.
Because I always tell people, like, if I had done this any older than I was, obviously would not have done that.
Right.
But because I had zero.
um
i had zero money but also zero responsibilities right so i was like yeah i'll survive on forty dollars a month.
Like, I'll figure it out.
It used to be possible.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so, yeah, I just did a lot of
part-time jobs, but also was in a relationship with someone who had a full-time job, which, by the way, recommend.
Find someone that loves you, that is willing to pay most of the bills.
Yeah.
If you're going to work for Yuck Yucks, you need to either get a full-time job or someone who has a full-time job.
Yeah, or someone who loves.
Yeah, yeah, you can find both.
And yeah, they pay the bills.
And you, once in a while, buy milk and bread for the house.
Yeah, yeah, really.
And you really call attention to it.
Yeah, I couldn't.
I guess I'll eat some toast.
As soon as they walk in in the evening after working at their full-time job, you go, you don't need to bring, you didn't need to bring milk because I took care of that this morning.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm down.
I'm down to $35.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I think like when
I was starting, there was still a lot of like couch surfing going on.
There were dollar slices of pizza.
Dave, I'm telling you, I miss that time so much.
Yep.
That one dollar slice, because probably like you wouldn't find anything under six now.
I mean, I don't know.
Do you have like a, when you were young, like a junk food that you ate every day and somehow survived on it?
I don't think I had one thing because also, especially like in the in this comedy in the first years, you, you, you survived on comedy club food.
Okay.
So whatever was available, the wings, the chicken parms, and whatever they were giving you for free,
that was the meal.
So every day you'd be excited to get some sort of, because most places would comp your meal and you'd be like, that is my meal for the next couple of days because I don't have another gig for the next couple of days.
Right.
That's how I'm going to survive.
And then what are you doing on these days off?
You just do like the gigs or are you just hanging out?
Just hanging out.
Yeah.
Again, someone else is paying the bills.
So I am am a kept man, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Doing my nails.
Yeah.
Yeah, let me see those nails.
Those aren't working man's nails.
Yeah, no.
Soft hands.
Yeah, that's the thing.
Have you ever
shaken hands with somebody who's got like the leatheriest
working man's hand?
And then you're just like, ooh, it's so bad.
But the reaction is the same on both sides because you feel their hand and you go, oh, you've worked with your hands all your life.
And you can see the lack of respect they have for you.
Because
they immediately know that you haven't, you haven't done anything with your life.
How do you?
Yeah.
You're not, you're not any kind of, you haven't passed the test.
No.
I used to play a lot of video games in the daytime.
And then my wife has always been very nice and never like, but I like, it came from a personal sense of guilt of like, I was playing video games when she left, and I'm playing video games when she left.
Maybe I need to grow up.
That is true love.
Let's start a podcast.
Good for you.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah,
this is way more mature.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I love it.
That is true love, though.
If I left the house and came back and you still play, like, that is, that's, that's true love to be like, you know, I'm going to stick around and see more of this.
Yeah.
I want to see where this goes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, I was uh watching the, I think it was the best picture of the year, Anora.
That's right.
And uh, did you see it at home?
I saw it at home.
Oh, so you can
have to wear anything.
As we stated before, I'm a pervert.
Yeah.
But there's a scene, several scenes in it where she's sitting next to the guy and he's playing video games.
And it's just like, and she's enamored with him, so she's fine with that.
But I'm like, Jesus, just sitting there watching somebody play a video game.
That was,
I feel like
the women of my generation have done,
you know, yeoman's hours.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because it is like, it's just like, wow.
I mean, it's just, what's they just must want to be close to you, no matter what.
100%.
But also, you start feeling like when you're talking about like the, like, I remember in the days of being a camp man,
when, because I knew my partner would be done at five and should be home by about six, so at about 5:45, just to be safe, is when I would put pants on.
Because
I thought to myself, her walking in and me and my underwear, which I've been in all day, is just not going to be a good look.
Yeah.
So I should put some pants on, maybe even change, put on like a button-up shirt and pretend I did something.
Yeah.
Even though I haven't left the house.
And you look at the window, okay, what's the weather like?
Yeah, I could say, yeah,
I could say, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, dismal day out there.
Yeah, crazy, windy, huh?
Yeah.
Also, drivers.
Yeah.
The worst.
My wife,
when she was a kid, her and her sister, when they weren't supposed to be watching TV,
they would watch it.
And then if their parents came home, they'd turn it off.
And then one of them would like scrape the screen so there was no like a static electricity.
You remember?
Hilarious.
Yeah, so like one of them, that was their duty.
And then it was like parked at the bar.
I felt that had like a specific smell to it.
I smelled that the other day and I was so nostalgic for it.
I don't know where I was.
I was was about to say, where did you smell?
I think maybe
you might have been out of the laundry machine.
You time traveled.
Yeah, I don't know what, but I was watching.
Which vintage store did you walk into?
I was watching freaking Married of the Children.
Yeah, yeah.
Because it's like, it's people were like, oh, I still have a VCR.
I'm like, where did you get one?
Yeah.
And it's like, how do you repair one?
How do you repair one?
Yeah.
Because it will break.
Yeah, I used to know how to repair one.
and now I
can do it.
Yeah, but there that used to be a thing, like an electronics TV VCR repair.
Yeah, exactly.
You could get a degree in it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you, because now they were thinking about smells very specifically, what did your video store where you grew up?
What was the smell?
Can you remember?
Smell?
Yeah, I just remember because it was like, it was all the same thing, and people would have their grimy hands.
I know there was like some video stores had popcorn.
Oh, this was like a specific.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, there was no popcorn.
Well, I like, I don't, no smells coming back, yeah, also, yeah, me either, because also, like, the video store that that I, that the video stores that I had growing up were very different from the video stores because I moved to Canada late in my teenage years, right?
I was, I was born in Uganda, and that's where I sort of lived in my formative years.
And in Uganda, at the time of growing up, the video stores didn't have legal, I should say, products.
Oh, okay.
Everything was pirated.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But also we're in a part of the world that no one cared about that.
I always tell people, like, one of my favorite things about my childhood that I look back on now and I laugh was that TV commercials in Uganda in the 90s had hits, and I mean like musical hits.
I mean, I'm talking like Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, like number one hits in their commercials, and they'll play the whole song, which was obviously unheard of everywhere else because of licensing and stuff like that.
But back home, it was like, who's going to find out that we used I Will Always Love You top to bottom in our camera, like, like, like a store that sells like developed photos or whatever.
That's how I feel about like Instagram ads, where they're just like, Yeah, this is, we, you know, we're the number one restaurant in the small town, and here is Bruno Mar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
People would legitimately use like parts parts of like movies and music videos in their commercials
to be like, yeah, this is what our pro that we said, we're selling like
used cars and then we're just going to use a scene from like diehard.
And you're like, what is happening right now?
It was fantastic.
Wow.
And was that in Uganda that you did that the silver nitrate was?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
It was silver nitrate in
my high school, and it was wonderful.
Still don't have a beard, but it was wonderful.
It was a wonderful experience.
Yeah.
And when you first moved here, you, I can't remember what you said, the town that you moved to was.
Peterborough, Ontario.
Peterborough.
Yeah.
To Trent University.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
What would you take?
I took economics.
Okay.
It doesn't show, but yeah, I was on economics.
Well, you lived on $40 a day.
Yeah, thank you.
And also, you know, even though you have an education, stand-up comedy is enough money for anybody.
Yeah, yeah.
Are you
like, are you kind of good at economics nope no
because also people were like uh oh there's a trade war happening what is your take and i was like ask me about the new shows on netflix or prime like i couldn't i think it would be funny if you uh went to college for economics and you were like oh there i thought we would just have to like do laundry and
like home economics yeah yeah i thought we would have to like
learn how to make a roast carry around around a bag, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Carry around a bag of flour like a baby.
Like, I had no idea.
What is demand and supply?
What is
I demand you tell me here?
No, yeah, full-on macro and microeconomics.
Oh, what's better, macro or micro?
Definitely macro.
Yeah, me too.
Agreed.
Yeah, because I always tell people micro is about what if everything was perfect.
And I'm like, nah, the world is not perfect.
That's where macro comes in.
Macro is the world.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Micro comes in and it's like, no, we need to pay taxes.
That's how we we create revenue for the government.
All right.
Cool.
That sucks.
That sucks.
Did you have any plan of what you wanted to be when you were studying economics or was it just that it was just what you were doing?
Yeah, you just did it to be like, I'll find a job at the end, but I don't know what job that is.
Yeah.
And considering all the people that I graduated with, it is all over the place.
Some people work in the private sector, for governments, or internationally.
So it's all over the place.
But I had no idea.
Did you,
in either university or the college that you took after, did you keep tabs on who was doing what or who stayed in the field?
Oh, well, no.
Because I took political science
at college, and none of my classmates are the prime minister.
But they try, though?
No, I think mostly you go to, you do political science to like, then go to law school or like become
or journalism school or something.
Right.
And I didn't.
Then I went to broadcasting school.
And everyone from broadcasting school, I think, is doing science.
I also love it.
Oh, really?
They call it political science.
Yeah.
Like, it's one of those things that's very fascinating because no other industry has, you know, you don't get media science.
Yeah.
Now you're putting out the challenge.
You know what?
You think of
either actual science or political science?
Yeah, science was going to be that.
So science.
Science.
Yeah.
Well, we were all rubbing silver nitrate all over our beer.
In broadcasting school, we took a class called Theory of Color Television.
That was funny.
I feel like that was a grift.
It was the hardest class.
It was the hardest one because it was all about like
electrical
how it works and how black and white TV worked versus
color TV.
But we took it like days before HD came.
Like I graduated days before everyone could just like, oh, yeah, my phone has 4K.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I remember the first ever
bit that I can remember doing was for my family when we got color television because that happened when I was about five or six years old.
And
I was like, oh, I can finally join wrestling conversations at school.
Right.
Because before I had no idea what colors.
people, because you know, when kids are talking about stuff, they'll be like, oh, and the guy in the red thing because we're like, yeah, yeah.
And I'd be like, the red thing and the blue thing, what are you guys talking about?
And then we got color television.
I was like, oh, this whole time,
this whole time, there were different colors.
I don't think I've ever met somebody who started out with a black and white TV.
Again,
891 episodes later, I come in with the high heat.
Was it
wrestling like, from Uganda?
No, no, no, it was like American
WWE, WWF wrestling that was very popular at the time.
Although that's also another interesting thing, because we used to get a one-hour show every week, just sort of like the whole should distilled down to like an hour, you know, not even like 42 minutes, I guess, with commercials and stuff like that.
Yeah.
So that's what I thought wrestling was.
That's all I watched growing up.
Yeah.
Like I thought it was like two-minute matches, you know, whatever.
Like because it would give you the whole thing.
And then I moved
and found out like you, it's like a four-hour extravaganza.
And it's multiple nights a week.
And it's multiple nights a week and i was like what are you talking about yeah and they would have the star come out and wrestle with uh a jobber if you call it yeah um when we we called them volunteers when i was a kid like they just went in the audience and you you're gonna be amazing the ultimate warrior this week yeah although i checked out so i my family i would you get because again we had like two channels at the time so you really had no other options to watch but so everything that was on tv you'd watch right whatever was on yeah and so wrestling was a big thing i think it used to happen on either friday or saturday nights.
And I remember one time we're sitting together as a family.
I know, I come from a big family.
I have like so many siblings, cousins, and whatever used to live with us.
And they introduce
Kamala the Ugandan giant.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
And so they do the introduction and we all lose our minds.
There's a Ugandan in the WWE.
This is going to be amazing.
And this guy walks out and this giant man in loincloth with face paint and he's supposed supposed to be a cannibal.
And I was like, I'm out.
I'm out.
Yeah, no, I can't.
I can't.
That's horrifying.
And so
I told my friends when I moved to Canada, people were like, oh, do you watch this?
I'm like, absolutely not on principle alone.
And they were like, but that was just one character.
I was like, that's all I needed.
You can have your Hulk organs
and your Undertakers.
And then we get a cannibal?
A cannibal.
Literally the only character from your entire continent.
Yeah, exactly.
The only one.
Yeah, but it's only one.
And he's half-naked and didn't even speak.
They're all
half-naked.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, like, he didn't even speak.
That's true.
He had a manager who...
He would just make sounds.
Yeah, yes.
And I was like, oh, my goodness, what is happening?
And I get it.
It was the 80s and 90s, and the world didn't care about Uganda.
I know that he cared about Uganda now, but it was so funny because I'm like...
All the other countries must have found it hilarious and fun.
Meanwhile, in Uganda, I was just stewing.
I'm like, how dare you?
Yeah, well, dare you?
Did his manager also wear a pith helmet?
I'm picturing in my head
like an English explorer being.
Memory is fuzzier in the detail, but I just remember the loincloth face paint and the chain of bones.
There's the guy
who was the wrestler wearing a Kamala for president shirt,
but actually with his face on it.
Well, it's confusing.
He was the manager.
And then I found out much later that he was actually an American guy from like
Alabama or something like that.
Right.
And I was like, that's even worse.
They all were.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean,
you couldn't fly to Uganda and find someone to do this.
Well, he had the money.
I remember him having Mr.
Fuji.
Ah, Mr.
Fuji, okay.
Which is sort of a pith helmet.
He's just his odd job.
Yeah, yeah.
For some reason, I'm remembering somebody with a pith helmet.
But they would take,
like, they would just be like, all right, you're the Middle Eastern one you're the iron sheep you're the iron sheep you're nikolai volkov you're the soviet you're yokazuna and you know you're texas tornado and tatanka yeah
um but yeah also like but graham i feel like you had a real answer 10 minutes ago what did your video store smell like yes please
honestly i can't i i don't know that i could i feel like there's probably some cleaning product that they because those things must be filmed.
What was happening in the video store?
Oh, they were murdering people.
It was up front.
Okay, so it was all plastic everywhere.
Green grew up in a town of 340 people that had a giant turbo over here
because cleaning products.
I'm like,
how bad do you want to get your hands up
on some of this VHS?
I have no idea.
On the Friday night,
when the new releases come out, you've got to be there early.
Yeah.
And they had the place was called Video World, and they had two different types of colored boxes with the tapes in them.
Green was old, pink, brand new.
New release.
So, yeah, but for the greens, you could get five for like $3.
But if you were getting pinks, those were only individual renters.
And so you'd only get to do one, you know?
But I don't know.
I can't describe the smell.
Why did you ask us?
Yeah.
It's like you had something involved.
Well, I was hoping you could help me out.
No.
Have you met us?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's that's true.
Have you?
Yeah.
No.
For what?
For what?
Yeah.
What's in it for me?
Yeah.
I was going to ask you, so, do you remember the first time you went to the videos by yourself?
And do you remember what you got?
That's a great question.
I think the first time that I went,
my friends and I used to rent the same movie basically every weekend that was called Black Bell Jones.
And
it was so over the top.
He originally was in Bruce Lee movies.
And the music was amazing.
amazing, and
the whole movie is so over-the-top and crazy, you know, people flying through the air through glass windows and all that.
So
that would be my guess that what that would have been.
Martial arts movies were different at that time.
I feel like
we don't fully appreciate it.
Martial arts movies were incredible.
I don't know if it's just because that's all I watched growing up because now I watch them and I'm like, oh, the CGI has taken over and that's stuff like that.
It's like, no, I needed to be campy.
I need to be corny.
And I need to be so dumb.
And yeah.
The action sequence is amazing.
What do you remember your first
alone?
What if you also didn't have an answer?
No, I'm just asking.
I just want to know.
Did you?
It was a movie called No Retreat, No Surrender.
Part 3.
I should put it.
Nice.
Because there was a first one.
Yes.
There was a first one that was, I guess Van Damme was in the first one.
I can't remember.
It was a very big star in the first one.
And then I guess the negotiations on the table didn't work out for the sequel
so they did a second one that was
horrendous yes because the first one had done well second one didn't do well and they were like you know what third time is the charm so they did a third one wow it was called blood brothers and i'll never forget because i borrowed it and never took it back and it became for the family yeah it was a it was a movie that when People came over to visit, we showed them this movie.
I know that movie word for word to this day.
Yeah.
Because I watched it so many times growing up.
You should do a one-man show called One Man Blood Brothers.
Blood Brothers?
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
And
was the video store like, oh, you keep it.
We don't.
We forgot about it.
It was part three.
We got this illegally.
Yeah.
But also, no one was looking for this movie.
It was one of those movies like even the store didn't even know you'd had it.
It was one of those movies where it's like, yeah, if you had taken like a Bevel Hills cop or something, then they're going to come looking for it.
Like, hey, man.
You're going to send someone around.
Yeah.
But
Norje New Serrener Part 3, we didn't even know that we had that movie.
That was the same with Black Bell Jones.
It was always sin.
You never had to worry about somebody else getting it.
But yeah, we, I mean, sure, we talked about stealing it, but local business.
No, we knew the guy who ran the videos.
The other thing that I didn't realize until much, much later in my life is we didn't know how old the movies were because you just get them and you'd assume that they were made then.
Right.
So a movie from the 70s and 80s, we were watching it in the mid-90s, and you'd be like, This isn't, how have I never heard of like trading places?
Like, this is such an incredible movie, Alien.
Like, you're like, This is Terminator.
You're like, this brand new movie.
Have you guys seen this brand new movie?
It's like 1997.
You're like, there's this new movie called Terminator.
You should check it out.
I feel that way.
This is incredible.
I feel that way about things I see on my Instagram or whatever, where I'm like, I can't tell if this is a clip of like a funny dog that is brand new.
It looks like it could have been any time in the last 20 years.
Oh, then everyone's like, Dave, have you seen this new funny dog?
And then, like, you'd hear people talk about like, oh, 80s movies, and you're like, that was made in the 80s?
I watched that in 95 and I thought it was brand new.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
They will sometimes do that with like
if a star becomes famous later, they'll dig up their old movie.
Yeah, that's right.
Like in Jim Carrey, when Jim Carrey got famous in the early 90s, he had been in a couple of movies in the 80s.
One of them was called Rubberface.
Rubberface.
He was in one of the like.
Yeah.
Was he in Earth Girls are Easy?
Yep.
And he was also in like a ski school.
Was he in a Clint Eastwood
movie?
He was a punk.
It was a punk robber.
Yeah.
What?
Yeah.
I didn't know any of it.
He was just like.
Because also, that's one of my favorite things is watching an old movie and seeing someone who became famous later pop up
in a weird scene.
Yeah, especially somebody that's playing like
Terminator.
Bill Paxton was the
punk that
was squaring off.
And Schwarzenegger picks him up and kills him.
But it was like Bill Paxton.
I don't know that he ever did anything.
I just watched, again, because of my mind, I just watched or re-watched Trading Places, the Eddie Murphy movie.
how does it hold up?
Well, I'd forgotten that Dan Accord does blackface.
But it's beyond that, fantastic movie.
But I and he says
he wears a loincloth.
He says he's a cannibal.
Animal cannibal, yeah.
But Giancarlo Esposito shows up as one of the inmates at the beginning of the movie when Eddie Murphy gets locked up for the first time.
Right.
And you, it's like stunning, because I'm like, I would never have guessed it, but he's now obviously like a well-known face and everything.
Yeah.
And he shows up for like two seconds in this.
I'm like, oh my goodness, that's, you know, like,
yeah.
Wasn't Jean-Claude Van Damme was in some movie where he was like break dancing or like, yeah,
it was like a dancing scene and he was amongst no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's funny, the dance he's doing.
And it's like a big movie?
Yeah, it was another action film.
Right.
But it would have been certainly before his time.
Yeah.
And he was the original.
Do I have it right that he was the original?
Oh, Oh, yeah,
yeah, that was what it was.
Break-in.
It's a movie about breakdancing.
As you might suspect, community center is going to get torn down to make room for condos.
Okay.
But not if they raise the money.
Not if they raise the money.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And who do you bring in but the Belgian?
The Belgian Wonder.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the Belgian Wonder himself.
Now, Breakin' is a movie.
Have you seen it?
Or Breakin' 2?
Oh, Electric Movie.
I've seen both.
Now, is there Breaking Three Blood Brothers?
That's the one that I want to see.
That is a
rare movie, Breaking One and Breaking Two.
Movie and sequel came out the same year.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah.
Oh, that is.
Oh, I want to see that now.
Both came out in 1984.
I definitely want to see the sequel first, though.
Yeah,
it's great.
It's like so silly over the top.
Yeah.
But
they're...
like good dancers in it.
Like it is probably the first
It wasn't a musical, but probably was like the first that a lot of people had heard of breakdancing.
Man, the early days of break dancing, people would have just been like, what the fuck is going on?
How does that guy know how to do that?
And as a kid,
seeing it on in movies and TV, I'm like, well,
I can do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to try it.
And I couldn't.
You can only spin it.
I was like, spin on your head, spin on your back.
Just walk around with cardboard all the time.
Yeah, let's try it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you go to, has this happened in Toronto as well, where there's just like a public square or whatever, and just a group of breakdancers will just be like, okay, hi, everybody, we're the fantastics.
Public square in Toronto?
No, it's all corners now.
There's no such thing as a public square.
Public space?
Crap.
Come on.
What are we?
In Bermuda, what are we talking about?
In Bermuda, they don't have public squares.
They have triangles.
They have triangles.
Nice.
I know all the shapes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Someone took political science over here.
I know the shapes.
I know colors.
I know numbers up to six.
Good for you, Dave.
Yeah, I'm a big boy.
Yeah, mommy, wow, you're a big boy now.
What was that from?
That was for pull-ups?
Oh, pull-ups, yeah.
Yeah, because you could, you know.
I'm a big kid, but not all the way.
Did my kids wear pull-ups?
I think that was.
Pull-ups.
I'm a big kid now.
Yeah.
Okay.
That was a...
Yeah, I don't know if we used them.
I think we bought a few just to be like, okay, we're toilet training now.
So we wear these in case of accidents.
Yeah.
And I don't think they, I don't think we bought more than a a box.
I think it was just like,
you know how kids get toilet trained?
They go to preschool and they're like, I don't want to shit myself in front of everyone.
Is that what happened?
That's, yeah.
A lot of people are like, I know a lot of parents who are like freak out when their kids sign up for their kids sign up for preschool.
When they sign a dad?
Don't worry about that.
When they sign their kids up for preschool, it's like, okay, your child must be able to
calculate.
Or like, you know, eat.
Yeah.
Mix silver nitrate.
Bring them, uh, uh, make sure they have backup clothes, but they should be uh toilet trained, basically toilet trained.
And parents are freaking out, like, my kids are not even close.
And then, as soon as the school starts, oh, they're fine.
Yeah, peer pressure really can get some stuff done.
Yeah,
um, yeah, I mean, still to this day, I'm nervous about putting out a high school.
But you do it, I do it.
Because the kids keep
pressuring you.
I bet you can't come back next week and do that.
Next week?
I'll see you tomorrow.
What do you mean, next week?
See you after recently.
What time do you open?
I had breakfast and lunch.
What are you talking about?
Just you?
There's more way that gets and a 15-year-old
bully?
You better go.
Okay, okay.
God, I know I haven't been very good this month.
You're praying on the toilet.
But if you let me poo at this high school, I promise.
Yeah, so then
beat me up.
Now show me, show me you did it.
You walk in with a
bag of dog poo.
This is me.
This is mine.
You bring your own poof from home.
I'm just worried I won't be able to perform.
Yeah.
Or you you pay some other kid
a urine sample.
Oh,
I'm in a bunch of points in this tote bag.
We don't usually have a good big long poo laugh.
Yeah.
But it's fun.
It is fun when you do it.
Every 900 episodes or so.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Brent?
Tell me all about it.
Here's a funny thing I had.
an idea I had.
Okay.
I like it.
Because
we've recorded so much.
Nothing's happened to me except, oh, I recorded a bunch of podcasts this week.
Yeah.
You know how they have outlet malls
that are like, you know,
they have a Nike store, but it's not real Nike.
It's stuff, well, it's Nike stuff that didn't sell.
So it's last year's Nike stuff.
But then
they'll have like, you know,
Polo Ralph Lorenz store.
And this is last year's sweaters.
Yeah.
And like also, do they, is it like women outlet stores?
Yeah, this is last year's woman.
Last year's women.
Like Coca-Chanel, or that's probably too fancy.
No,
what's the one?
Louis Vuitton.
Yeah.
I feel like they have an outlet store.
So there you go.
But they also have
restaurants.
They'll have like, you know, a subway or selling last year's.
This is a bit that I'm opening to the comedy community.
Feel free to use this.
Hey, what would it be like if the churro store was selling last year's churros last year's arthur's writing this down on a piece of paper subway you said yeah he said subway you can you but you can put anyone in harvey's i'm not sure
i like harvey's yeah
a and w you mentioned earlier yeah oh i'll mention that yeah um well written down excellent uh
what do you think what do you think i like it first of all i think you're on to something here
And I can already tell that you're a rookie in this business because you don't give away gold just like that.
You sit on that one
like a toilet.
Yeah, like a toilet.
Like an high school toilet.
Praying to God.
Praying to God.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you
have a bit ever that you're like, you love the bit, you love every part about it, but just never gets it, never.
It certainly doesn't work in White Horse.
Yeah, definitely.
I mean, not in front of four-year-olds, I'll tell you that much.
There was a lot of editing done this weekend because I was like, well, can't talk about about that in front of a bunch of kids.
What did you, what was it one bit that you're like,
I got to shelve that.
I can't, I can't.
Oh, there were so many.
There were just so many.
Like, because there's, I knew that I had to do a, you know, a fairly clean set in terms of like language, but I didn't know I could, I couldn't approach top because I have a joke about how parenting, like how terrible having kids is.
Right.
And the whole bit is that if I was going to have kids, I would have,
I should be allowed to kill some of them because that is the only way you can discipline children
is to let them know that some of them can die.
So I'll be like, I'm raising only 50% of them.
Like all of them get to a certain age where they understand consequences.
And once they do that, which is about nine years old, and after they do that,
only half of them make it to like 16.
Right.
And immediately I was like, well, that was going to be the closing bit.
And so now I have to figure out a new closer because in most cases the bit works because it's so extreme and so stupid.
But you bring it around by the end by being like, this is a comedy show.
Because the true story was I used to do, when I first started doing the bit, it would get uncomfortable again because people would be like, well, this African guy is just killing people.
Right.
Killing hypothetical children.
Isn't this guy even seen coming to America?
Exactly, yeah.
So then,
after a particular show, this woman comes up to me and in a very earnest voice was like, when you finally have children of your own, you'll, you'll find out how difficult it is to even kill one of them.
And that became the punchline for the, for the joke.
I was like, Thank you so much for this, because that became, and that's how the joke ends.
Yeah.
And so parents would love that because parents always come in two groups.
The, the, the real parents, I call them, yeah, who are like, yeah, I hate my kids half the time.
And the ones who are like, no, my kids are a blessing and they're lovely all the time.
But either way, all of them would come together at that moment being like, yeah, that's kind of like a ridiculous, extreme sort of thing couldn't do it in a room what if you close kids so i don't even remember but everything is a blur at this point you're saying baby blue wouldn't it not work even better if you're like literally kicking i thought about it i thought about it but then it was but then the show had gone so poorly a lot of those kids had weapons yeah a lot of the times like the the the bit works because i've built some sort of capital throughout the set and I didn't have any sort of capital throughout this particular set.
Capital economics.
Yeah, there we go.
Yeah, there it it is.
So if I had just started being like, we should kill children, then I've been like, all right, that's
very generous.
Let's ruin this up, yeah.
Because yeah, I always talk about like how I grew up in a big family.
And so I find when people are like only kids or like had one sibling, I find that weird.
Right.
Because like when you're just the one sibling, oh, sorry, the one kid or you have just one sibling, you actually have your parents' attention.
And they actually love you.
Yeah.
Right.
And this weird sort of like thing where you have like actual love and attention.
When you came to Canada, how many siblings came with you?
None.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Because when you go up in a big household, you want to get as far from them as you can.
Who did you come with?
Myself.
By myself.
At what age?
I was 18.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I was 18.
I was going to university and I showed up by myself.
Like, I remember, again, coming from a big family, about 20 people saw me off at the airport, which was so funny.
Now, I look back on it.
I'm like, that is just so ridiculous.
I think it was like three three or four cars of people being like, we're seeing Arthur off to Canada.
He's going to university.
This is a big event today.
Yeah.
And
so, yeah, Kevin Bama Savan could not have been more excited because university was the first time I had a room to myself my whole life.
Like residence first year, I was like, this is great.
This is wonderful.
Yeah.
Don't have to be sneaky about.
Masturbating.
This is great.
This is wonderful.
This is
anytime, anywhere.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's not as fun if it's not sneaky, right?
Also, not anywhere.
You don't want that room after I was done with it.
No.
When you left, were Uganda,
did you ever consider retreating or surrendering?
I don't know that reference.
No retreat nor surrender?
Literally, the movie.
Oh, shit.
Sorry.
Zip right over my head.
Anyway, so that's what's going on with me.
I'm so mad at you right now.
I'm so mad.
Because your face did not give away the ending to that.
And I commend you because I really thought there was going to be a serious question at the end of that one.
And your face, good for you.
Good acting.
Hey, thanks.
Do you take any acting classes after the broadcasting?
And
so for science?
No.
Because that was.
That's the only face I do.
It's the one that doesn't emote.
The one that's like.
No, it does emote.
I am serious.
Yeah.
It did seem serious.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I thought of that joke.
a bunch of open micers have done it already
but uh what's going on with you um well like you said we're recording uh a bunch kind of all together not for any particular reason all people are in town there was yeah great hilarious people in town uh the bunch of them were free here for the junos and uh just lucky that uh to be clear i was not nominated oh yeah yeah yeah meaning just here yeah yeah i just you just happened to be here just happened to be here yeah yeah um you got to get soak up the juno Juno vibe.
Yeah, vibe.
Yeah, I was here for the vibe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so it's a lot of Juno talk in the last couple episodes.
We're going to have more?
Yeah, absolutely.
You went.
I went to the Junos.
I was Nathan McIntosh.
You went the Saturday night, not the Sunday broadcast night.
No, yeah, I went to the
gala dinner.
Because it's like
the Junos, for people new to the show, it's Canada's Grammys.
Yeah.
And like the Grammys, they give away 90% of the awards off-air.
Yes.
And then the broadcast is a bunch of performances.
Although I like to call it, I look to call the Grammys America's Junos.
Thank you.
Yes.
Yes.
Because when it's trade war, and that's what we should do.
Yeah.
That's true.
Congratulations to Dave Chappelle and his many
American Junos.
American Junos.
What?
Adele?
No, Dave Chappelle.
So many American Junos.
Beyonce has so many American Junos.
Dave Chappelle's like one the like last four.
Oh, the comedy wild.
Oh, okay.
Like jazz vocalist.
Yeah.
So it's, yeah, like you say, it's a bunch of awards.
It's all different kinds of.
Did you see Wild Rivers?
Nope.
No.
Oh, no.
Are there performances on the Saturday night or is it just speeches?
Yeah, there's awards.
There's like three performances, which were all good.
I never heard of any of them, but they were really good.
Also, we discovered that Nathan McIntosh, last week's guest, who was so mad about his review.
Yeah, he had it wrong.
He had it wrong.
Of course he did.
I don't know if people know, whoever's listening that doesn't know Nathan Martin, he's not very smart.
I don't know.
I was going to read this review.
He's going to get so angry.
He's a very smart person.
Because
comedians were supposed to be truth tellers, and I'm tired of hiding and trying to pretend like this is not the truth.
You know, this is.
Are we all supposed to be truth tellers?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All of us.
And I'll start here.
Nathan McGatron is dumb.
Dumb as a prince.
The thing that the Junos does, or at least
the two that I've been to, takes advantage of local legends.
So, Anne-Marie, she lives out east.
They brought her in.
So, not local?
No,
she has like a music school out in the.
Oh, does she?
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, but not local to here.
Oh, no, no, no.
Sorry, yeah.
Last year.
Last year was.
Oh, that was last year.
Okay, sure.
And then this one, David Suzuki, he comes out.
Looks fantastic.
He's probably in his
high 80s yeah high 80s wow wow let's look him up if so he looks absolutely incredible um yeah just like one of these guys like just doesn't like his goatee went 89 no way really that's incredible
yeah and for listeners in america david suzuki is a longtime host of a nature show called the nature of things and he's got this very nice warm voice and uh he's an environmentalist but he's canada's one of the great Canadians yeah yeah absolutely so he was there which was great and um
uh
there was somebody else that came out I'll get it I'll remember locals locals some locals yeah it was uh who else is a local in this city that they want to bring up oh Raffi won an award oh yeah so Raffi won uh you familiar with Raffy and his body of work um he he like he came up he looked really great too but it was just like being in the same room as Raffi oh my god it'd be like if the you know the teletubbies won an award and they're all just happened to be
he's better than teletubbies i know um but we weren't arguing yeah no one no one you know teletubbies made a huge impact on me
so of course but you went to last year's yes y'all as well yeah because you were nominated yeah right and so was there a difference in terms of attending as a nominee and a non-nominee but oh yeah this is a good question i would never ask a good question But also,
did you feel
like you had, like you were like, oh, this year I would have won because this year's crop.
I say that no matter that.
Okay,
like I could smush all these guys.
Graham did put an LO this year.
And you know what?
I just, I still think that I could have beat them.
But being there just like with pals was great.
Yeah.
I think like all the way up until maybe the like two awards before everybody kind of went a bit more quiet and serious.
And my big gag the whole night was no matter who they called, I was the winner, I got up out of my seat.
It was, you know, it was a bit that was funny and not funny.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Always, always.
Did they feed you?
They did, but I was just a late-minute edition, so I had nothing.
Yeah.
I ate a Mars bar.
That was my so the winner, the nominees were Deborah DiGiovanni, Nathan McIntosh, Jess Solomon,
Courtney Gilmore, Nathan McIntosh, I already said, and Ivan Decker.
Ivan Decker.
All multiple, multiple time guests here.
Yeah, and Ivan's already won one.
That's so upsetting.
Why would you say that, Dave?
Why would you?
They were all like,
Ivan Decker returns.
Returns.
Yeah.
Comedian, Ivan Decker.
I can't imagine someone wanting to talk to Ivan Decker more than once.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I can't imagine.
There it comes.
I can't imagine.
You guys listen to him in one conversation and went.
We want more of this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What's interesting about Courtney Gilmore?
What?
Name one thing interesting about Courtney Gilmore.
What is
he loves perfume?
Yeah, that's true.
Really?
Oh, smells good.
Good for you, Courtney.
Good for you.
You should have hosted this.
They're here to roast their family.
Good for you, Courtney.
What are we going to talk about on your second visit?
Yes.
Yes.
Finally.
I'm in.
You know what?
Actually, I want you to say Arthur Simeon returns for this one
just because I want people to go searching.
That should be the name of the album, Arthur Simeon Returns.
Returns.
That's the one.
They have to read it out.
No deal.
What is...
And the winner is.
The winner is Deborah DiGiovanni.
And what was her speech like?
Well, she unfortunately couldn't attend.
Did anyone go up and this is the thing?
Darcy Michael was there as a proxy for Deborah and so had Deborah's speech with him.
And then when they announced it,
he went to the stage, but they were like, nobody but the winner can make it.
Is allowed?
Yeah.
Which seems like a very, very stupid rule.
But yeah, they would just say, so-and-so is not here.
tonight.
What?
But it's not televised.
No, that's true.
So why would they be sticklers on who says what?
I have no idea.
Just because it was five hours long, maybe?
Maybe, yeah.
Can they do like a video?
Yeah, sure.
The funny thing about the Junos and the speeches is when the speech is going long, the music they play is their own song.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That would be funny if a comedian went long.
Yeah, I know you do.
I wanted to see it.
Hearing their voice over top.
Have you ever been to an outlet mall?
Yeah.
Well, actually,
I mean, there's the
honestly, the premise is kind of old because outlet malls now, the companies specifically make secondary products for the outlet mall, so it doesn't really work.
So do the food places.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah, for instance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it'd be great.
But yeah, it was fun to see people that wouldn't stick to their time speech-wise.
And the longest speech.
Did you recognize
one for the brutalist album?
Yeah.
Did you have a speech written last year?
No.
No.
No, I was convinced.
Are you just saying that now?
Because you were asked to tell us you had sat down the night before.
I thought it was going to be
international comedian Mae Martin.
Okay.
That's who would win.
Right.
They didn't
or couldn't come to the ceremony.
Right.
And then so the rest of us were like, well, you know, it'd be nice if somebody here won.
Yeah.
And then Kyle Brianrig, he won, and he had a great speech.
Okay.
So I would have just fucked around and
you were just going to riff up there.
Yeah, I was going to riff.
How much time do they give the speechers?
Got to be 30 seconds, I think.
That's good.
Yeah, because a minute would be.
How long?
It takes you a minute to get to stage.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, God.
And they didn't do the thing, like in the Golden Globes, I think everybody's situated close to the stage that are nominated.
Yeah, not at the Junos.
A lot of people walking from the very back, yeah, okay, walking all the way from back.
Rafi's in the pool out there with his baby Baluiga.
So, at the Junos, you don't know who's gonna win, whereas at the Graham is when you're sitting in the 18th row, you know, like there's no chance, there's no chance you're gonna do it.
Now, after last year, and I don't mean to like sort of derail,
did you give Graham a chance to do his speech on the oh, no, I didn't.
Oh, okay, okay, Graham, the winner for 2023's album of the year is Graham with never was
hi everybody thank you so much for this it's just been such an incredible
Graham's album Arthur Simeon returns
it's really great to have worked on this album with Arthur Simeon and he couldn't be with me here tonight as I won but if you're at home watching hey
and you know Tell your kids to go to bed.
Yeah,
my kids are watching.
So, you know, and all of my friends in Uganda are cheering me on.
And
I didn't thank the right people.
My agent, Tony at the recording facility,
you know, Bruce, Alan,
sir, sir.
We have a clear shot.
I'm waiting for the go.
Yeah, I
that was it.
That's a really good speech, by the way.
Yeah, yeah.
It felt very original.
But
yeah, Kyle had a great thing about like, because he, I think he was the first gay performer to win
the Juno.
So he was talking about like how it's like great to have the seat at the table.
And it was very emotional and well written.
But then somebody came up and said, like, came up to one of us, said, I thought his speech was going to be funnier.
Isn't he the comedy album of the year?
Which is actually kind of the pressure, too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
To be like, you know, you should have said something serious and then had one of those like old-timey car horns.
Are there any categories that aren't musical other than comedy?
Because like the, the, I know that a lot of people in America get their Grammy on their way to their egot.
They get their Grammy for like
audio book narration or something.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
This was,
you could get album cover or album hardware.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
And I.
Botticelli nominated
for clam writers.
Yeah.
And the one category that might be new was songwriter but not performer.
Oh, yeah.
And the one that won.
Lowell.
Who's Lowell?
Lowell was the winner.
Was he?
Yeah.
Oh.
For writing
the Beyoncé song.
Oh.
Yeah.
Her Western album, whatever that big first hit was.
And so that was cool.
I'd never seen that category before.
I always find it interesting because, like, for the screen awards.
You've been to the screen awards?
I've not been to the screen awards, but I've seen the nominee list, and it's about 600 different people.
And they break it down in such small, like, small niche sort of awards that it's kind of funny because it's one of those things where everyone's going to get an award.
So it'll be like,
there'll be a screen award for like weather broadcasting, morning weather
for like the prairies.
Yeah,
not national, just very specific regionally.
And I'm like, I think we've distilled down a little too much.
Yeah.
We should broaden this up a little bit.
Just a ton of things.
What did I see?
Someone I follow on Instagram posted all the nominees for like actor in a Canadian sitcom, and all the shows are canceled.
Oh, really?
That's like...
That's
the other thing also about,
so yeah, all the shows, most of the shows will be canceled, but also people will be, will have written on three of the shows.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it shows just how our industry here works: where it's like, nominated for writing on this show.
It's Gram Clock for this show and Guam for the other show.
You're like, oh, that person was prolific.
Yeah, yeah.
Everybody gets an arm.
That's right.
It's three part-time jobs into one full-time job.
Yeah.
And the.
Oh, wait, no, wait.
It was.
Yep.
A lot of the shows are cats.
You're like, oh, no, no, yep.
It was past guest Dan Byrne.
Dan Byrne that did the he was nominated
on his canceled show, and then Run the Burps is cancelled.
Children Ruin Everything is canceled.
I think the trades is still going, though.
What's that about?
That's street legal?
No, it's from the makers of Trailer Park.
Oh, sure, sure.
Yeah,
I was telling somebody
about like writing speeches and who you know who wrote the stuff for the host.
And I remember like way, way long ago, I was asked to write jokes about the mayor, the current mayor, for this like comedy gala thing.
And
so he didn't, it didn't go so well.
But then the closing act were at Trailer Park Works.
Oh, sure.
They went up and just did their thing and had nothing to do with anything.
The one time I performed at the Vogue Theater in Vancouver, I opened for Louis C.K.
And he
whatever happened to him.
He's a good guy.
But he, I like, I was nervous and he, I remember being like,
was like trying to get me to be more nervous.
I was like, it'll go fine.
And what am I doing?
10 minutes?
And he's like, no, this audience is insane.
And I was like, I've been to your shows before.
I don't think that.
And he's like, no, last time I performed here, I opened for the Trailer Park Boys and the audience was crazy.
And I was like, but that was the Trailer Park.
That's right.
Everybody that was on that show still talks about that show.
If I say I'm from Vancouver, like, because it's like, it was noticeably bad.
The audience was feral because they were waiting for the Trailer Park Boys.
And then it was like.
Yeah, Louis C.K., Andy Kindler, you know, a bunch of these like alternative comics that just were, just was incorrectly served by that audience.
Anyways, uh, oh, the Trailer Park Boys backstage had so many bags of McDonald's.
What do you mean, bags?
Like the paper bag, just like with there were just Big Macs everywhere.
Was that their rider?
Are they living their rider?
Were they giving them to the audience?
Like, was it like throwing hamburgers into the audience?
Yeah, just throwing them out into the audience.
Because are we talking like 60 bags or are we talking 600 bags?
Oh, yeah.
I'm thinking we're in the low doubles, but probably like 21 odd.
Like it was a lot of hamburgers.
There's a franchisee there who made money that day.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Oh, God bless the franchisees.
Should we move on to some overheards?
Sure.
Hi, is this Kelly?
Yes, this is Kelly.
Hi, Kelly.
This is Jesse Thorne, co-host of Jordan Jesse Go.
Hi, Jesse.
I'm calling because you were just named Max Fund's member of the month for April.
Oh, wow.
This is so surreal.
How long have you been a Georgia SEGO listener?
Probably eight years.
I actually saw you guys at the Bell House in Brooklyn in 2019.
Was seeing us the reason that you started listening to the show?
I didn't know.
I had been listening for a while.
Why did you end up becoming a member?
It's really just been such a dependable source of laughter and joy and comfort.
I just appreciated that and I didn't want to take it for granted.
So I wanted to contribute and show my support because I don't want it to ever end.
Kelly, thank you so much for talking with me and thank you so much for being a member of Max Fund.
Absolutely.
It's my pleasure.
It's totally worth it.
If you're a Max Fund member, you can become the next Max Fund member of the month.
Support us at maximofund.org slash join
this season on the adventure zone, Abnivals.
Get ready for a brand new crime fighting trio here to protect the anthropomorphic muscular animal citizens of River City, featuring Justin McElroy as Axolisle, the firefighting axolato, Clint McElroy as Roger Moore, the debonair cow of mystery, Griffin McElroy as Navy SEAL, the Ross SEAL that has never served in the armed forces,
and Travis McElroy as every other slow critter in River City.
This swear-free Saturday morning cartoon-inspired story airs every Thursday on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.
Overheard.
Overheard's a segment which, if you're blessed enough to hear something out there in the wide, wide world, bless us and send them our way.
We always like to start with a guest.
Arthur, do you haven't overheard?
I haven't overheard, and
it is
quite wonderful to me.
Okay.
It was something that shocked me.
And also, I have questions.
Okay.
Because I couldn't ask the person the question.
So I'll ask you guys.
Someone introduced themselves as a surgeon, right?
Medical doctor, surgeon.
Yeah.
And went, I also do makeup
tutorials.
Tutorials, no less.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Or I guess TikTok
is what I'm assuming.
That's their real passion.
Yes.
And so I'm like, who is that for?
Who's that second part for?
Who's like, what else?
Well, can you imagine if your loved one was going to get surgery and then you saw them on TikTok?
You'd be like, uh-uh, that maybe.
Because also, that was my other question.
I mean, again, this is what I'm asking you.
When does a surgeon get a chance to practice their makeup?
Is it on the people who are under?
Because you know who needs makeup?
It's people who need surgery.
Yeah, that's true.
So it kind of makes sense in that respect.
But he does for alive and kicking people, like really.
she actually.
She.
Oh, the doctor.
Oh,
so it can't possibly operate on the toy.
Yeah.
And I was like, again, when do you get to this to be?
Because again, I can understand having a passion.
Sure.
Which, by the way, I'm just going to be honest.
I kind of don't want my surgeon to have a side hustle.
Like, that's just kind of me, a personal thing.
They're not well paid.
Yeah.
Like, I just, I just want them to walk in.
and cut people up and get out and that's all they think about.
A lot of the hospitals will be like, they'll be like, oh, yeah, if if you want to be a surgeon here, we also, it's probably a good idea to have a full-time job job, a full-time job somewhere else, yeah.
But also, to be fair, fine motor skills, yeah,
the makeup is going to be perfect, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's um, because there's not that many surgeons, even in a big city like this.
Like, if you are going for surgery and you know someone else who's had the surgery, they'll be like, Oh, yeah, you're getting the same surgeon I have.
Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, she's the best.
She does uh ACLs, MCLs, a good smoky eye, a good smoky eye yeah
and also we we're always worried about pharmaceutical companies lining up with the medical community we're not always worried about that
and being corrupted but now also makeup companies okay that's true influencing medical decisions now yeah i mean like you can only get you know sephora that is it that's all you get when you go into get your kidneys removed you can only have a sephora representative We won't allow you to get any of it.
It was such a strange
introduction.
And when they're after surgery, when they're kind of in aftercare,
come in and go, you know, the surgery is great success.
And also, look at you now.
And we've just, I'm going to write you a prescription for mascara.
Mascara.
Oh, my God.
I can't afford this.
Is there a generic option?
Yeah.
Come back and get those stitches out in three weeks.
Also.
Uh-huh.
And also, I'll add some spooky stitches
for Halloween.
Yeah.
Dave, do you have it overheard?
Mine is on Instagram.
I love Instagram.
It's this
show that I watch in this little box in my hand.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
And sometimes I get advertised or I get shown a music video by...
Sometimes it's like an up-and-coming band.
I get some music things are like, oh, I don't, you know, oh, good, this band is
like, if I was in a band now, I'd be like, oh, you got to make so much content.
You got to be like, oh, our singer, this is what our singers like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then sometimes it'll just be some loser,
some dork who's like, I put out an album.
They all remind me of Mill House's dad.
And it's like, I'm 40 years old.
This is my first album.
And if you need music about America, if you're a proud American, listen to my music.
Or if you're tired of corporate music, listen to my music about being independent.
Yeah.
That's so funny.
And then, but this is one I got that was
some Dorcas that just says, if you're into punk rock, but also Republican, check this out.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And then it's his bad music video, and it's him like in his backyard, like not going too hard because you could tell his neighbors are watching.
He's trying not to embarrass himself.
But and so the comment, the top comment on this music video was: don't let the positive comments get to you, man.
This sucks.
Don't let them get to you.
Not so fast.
Yeah, don't believe the hype.
Yeah,
I don't get advertised a lot of bands, but maybe that's just because I don't follow.
I get this one guy who's like,
yeah, he's a very,
if you love America, listen to me.
And it's the same song, stand tall with our heads up high within the zone, zombie known.
That's American pride.
And then you scroll.
It's the same starting on every
stand tall, stand tall.
This guy, the punk rock Republican, what were his lyrics?
I couldn't get it out of my head for a couple of days, actually.
It was, sick of the government running the narrative, manipulating the truth.
Nice.
That's nicely done.
I also don't understand why you have to be a Republican to enjoy that.
I know, that's true.
Yeah.
Yeah, for a long time,
I would assume that they would side with the anarchists and
the political party.
No, the punk rock.
And we take politics out of the punk rock.
Can we just do that?
It's about time.
Like, I feel...
You just want to outmill.
Yeah.
So that you can just listen and...
No, I
cross.
Yeah, why can't I just like the energy and the jumping up and down?
Why do I have to, you know, hate the man?
The man's nice.
Yeah, if you just got to know the man, I think you'd like a very the man's nice.
He wears a yellow hat.
He's got a little monkey friend.
Just give him a chance.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um I uh my overheard is courtesy of uh on stage sometimes I like to uh survey the crowd and one of the things I like to do is ask them what is something that your parents told you that was an out-and-out lie that they kept telling you.
So, for example, my mom forever told us that pinching causes cancer.
So
I'm sure don't pinch your brother.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
And she's a nurse, no less.
I mean, my mom was,
my sister liked baby corns a lot and would just eat all the baby corns whenever we got beef chop suey.
My sister would take all the baby corns, and my mom said, baby corns cause cancer.
So it's exactly the same.
Did you ever have Canadian parents?
No.
I take everything back about Canadian parents.
All of them are great.
But my parents were like, have as much silver nitrate as you did.
As you want.
Just have, yeah.
Oh, pinching causes cancer.
I love it.
Okay.
Did you ever have one?
Not I love it.
No.
I mean, it wasn't, I do remember, but it was almost like a
weird folklore kind of thing.
But again, it was about safety.
My parents would tell us, if you run backwards, you'll run into a night dancer.
And this isn't.
We have got you.
We had that too.
Yeah, and I'm going to explain to all of you.
Night dancers are kind of like a
folklore sort of,
I don't know what to put in entity.
Yeah.
But it's basically a person who's been taken over by a demon and they run around at night naked.
Okay.
Okay.
And with your son.
Sounds like you in your dorm.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And
if you run into them, you're cursed for life, basically, kind of thing, right?
Which is also, I guess, mostly because a naked person run into you.
I don't know what the actual curse would be.
So there was supposed to be like
these human demon creatures.
So if you run backwards, so it was the same thing of like, you'll hurt yourself if you run backwards, which they could easily have said that.
Sure.
Like, hey, you're going to run backwards.
You're going to fall down.
You're going to hit something.
But they're like, nah,
let's ump it up.
Yeah.
Not quite cancer, but close.
Close.
Yeah.
Ruin your whole life.
And sometimes the crowd, they'll do those classic ones like, don't turn a light off and on because it'll cause a fire.
Oh, yeah.
And it wears out the switches.
Yeah.
And there was a twist on one of them that was, if you make a face, it'll stop that way.
But it was, if you make a face and somebody slaps you on the back, it'll stay like that.
And I was like, so what was that preventing?
Yeah.
So that was a good twist.
And then another one that everybody knows is, don't go swimming
after
an hour after you eat.
And
this guy was,
don't go swimming after you eat because if you do, you'll be eaten by a shark.
The shark can smell the sandwich.
So a fresh spin.
I love that because also like you're going swimming in a swimming pool and being like, I can't.
You never know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was a fear that I had when I was a kid that they'd throw a shark in the public pool.
Shark would.
Would the shark just die right away?
But he'd probably take you down with him.
Yeah.
What about the one I hear is like
if if you have the light on in the car.
Oh, yes.
A lot of people have that one.
About like, that's illegal.
But really, if you have the light on inside the car while you're driving
at night,
it's illegal.
You'll get arrested or pulled over or whatever.
Right.
Is that real?
Is that...
No, but it's...
If you're driving at night, you do not want that light on in the car.
That's true.
Yeah.
And only it would be to scare your kid.
So why is the kid...
I guess the kid could be in the past.
I mean, you do.
Also, just for the record, I just want to go back to this real quick.
You had this fear of the shark in the public pool.
Yes.
Up until what age?
It's current.
That's why I don't swim.
Okay, okay.
Yeah.
I'm terrified.
That's why he's building a private pool.
Because I'm just going to be like, I think you would notice.
No way, man.
When I'm in my groove.
I mean, you would not notice Piranha.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are Piranha a real thing or just a mythical.
There's a mythical thing like a night dancer.
Yeah, a night dancer.
That's what I thought.
That's what I.
Just don't swim back.
Because
here's the thing.
I've never actually seen or heard anyone being eaten by piranha.
There is a big.
Have you met anyone?
Have I met anyone who's eaten by a piranha?
Yeah, who's missing some toes?
Who's missing toes?
Chunks of flesh?
And they'll be like, yeah, piranha.
Piranha.
Because plenty of people missing
sharks.
I mean, I'm sorry.
Sorry for shark bite.
But it is a real fish.
And there's a, I do sometimes get videos recommended to me of somebody baiting.
Not baiting, but uh putting bait into water and getting the piranhas all and then
yeah they're they are vicious that's not cgi no it's real yeah it's real are you sure it's not ai ai
were these studio ghibli piranhas yeah and for some reason it was leonardo diCaprio doing it so yeah they are uh but they're the one wouldn't kill you it's a they they like swarm yeah yeah they're small and they have little tiny teeth and again i think you're making that up
also it'd be really funny if there's just one that's like, no, I hunt by myself.
Yeah,
I'm a lone wolf.
I'm a lone wolf piranha.
Yeah, I've been excommunicated, anyways.
Yeah, I don't think they're real.
I think they're just made up.
They're not here to
bite you on this.
They're made up by big ocean.
I think they're a river fish.
River?
Yeah.
See?
No river.
Yes.
Abbot of Costello over here.
Now, we also have overheards sent in to us by people all over the map.
You want to send one in?
Send it to SBY at maximumfund.org.
This first one is from Jason from Toronto.
This is an overheard from Toronto.
I work at a library and run an after-school program.
I overheard a little girl saying this to another little girl.
Girl, you may think that because I'm seven, I'm very mature, but I'm not.
In fact, I'm a little bit crazy.
Love it.
Yeah.
That feels like something maybe they pulled a quote out of a movie or something like that.
Have your daughters ever just dropped a phrase that when they were growing up, they're like, where the hell did you come up with?
Yeah,
all the time, but I can't think of any on the spot.
But,
oh, I think Poppy was wearing
a strange outfit one day.
She walked by and goes, check out my new drip.
There you go.
That's phenomenal.
Yeah.
During the holidays, so I was in Uganda visiting family, and my cousins were, you know, bringing their kids around.
And one of my cousins has a six-year-old daughter.
And one of my other cousins has a four-year-old son.
Yeah.
And the six-year-old and the four-year-old were kind of like hanging out for a little bit.
And they, you know, they've hung out by the cool.
And so
I'm very much invested in like getting to know this kids because I don't get to see them often or whatever.
And the six-year-old.
uh looks at me and goes hey uncle arthur just so you know that kid is one to watch he's a bit of trouble.
Talking about the four-year-old.
And I was like, which six-year-old speaks like this?
There's another cover right here.
This kid, keep an eye on him.
He's going to be a problem.
Yeah, he's a problem.
I was like, you're two years old.
And she's like folding her arms while she's saying that, too.
And I was like,
he just heard that, you know, mom on the phone just saying something like that.
Yeah.
Just retaining.
I don't know how they, I don't know why they retain certain things, but hella cute, right?
Yeah.
This next one comes from Alex in St.
John's, sitting in a Mary Browns.
You guys know Mary Brown's?
Familiar?
A chicken chain from Newfoundland?
I don't know, but is it from Newfoundland?
I think so because
they're everywhere and they have the arena named after.
Oh, really?
It's Mary Brown's Arena, yeah.
I love that.
Yeah.
I don't think I'd ever heard of them until I went out there.
Yeah.
Yeah, because we never had it out here.
We have one now.
We do?
On Maine and 41st, maybe?
Okay.
They've entered the chat.
There you go.
There's another one.
Thank you.
So hip.
Thank you.
He's at a Mary Brown's in St.
John's, and the cook says to another employee, How much of Ed Sheeran's disography have you listened to?
And the person responds with, not much.
And the cook says, well, not to spoil anything, but it exceeded my expectations.
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm not an Ed Sheeran head.
Are you?
Name us on by Ed Sheeran.
All right.
You know that you can, right, Dave?
There was one episode we did with Amanda Brooke Perrin.
Amanda Brooke Perrin returns.
And we had torturing.
And we went through the charts, like the top 10 songs that week, and you tried to sing all of them, and you had never heard of them.
And one of them was by Ed Sheeran.
That is incredible.
And it was called Perfect.
And it was you going, to me, you are perfect.
And I believe Amanda said, you sound like a ghost.
This last one comes from Teddy Cocktail in London, the UK.
I was walking home and two siblings, around six and eight years old, walked past their dad.
And the older kid was saying to the younger one, with a lot of enthusiasm and showmanship, congratulations, you get to give me a Lego.
That's
kid is going to be a negotiator.
That's a landlord right there.
It's going to be trouble.
Yeah.
Keep an eye on that.
Yeah.
I mean, it's, it's, as an adult, it's a blessing to be able to give Lego to a child.
Oh, my God.
But when your kids,
you protect, you hoard your, your own Legos.
I don't know how you know which ones are which, but
you pluralize Lego as Legos.
Yeah, is it not?
For me, it was always just Lego.
Like, this is.
this is my Lego.
These are my Lego.
This is Lego.
Not these are my Lego, but want to come over and see my Lego?
Want to play Lego?
Yeah.
This got a little bit twisted now.
Yeah, I got a little twisted.
You know what?
I've kind of a twisted mind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
From the twisted mind.
Well, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and your
voice memos.
If you would like to voice memo us, it's spy at maximumfun.org.
And And if you would like to call us, the phone number is 1-844-779-7631.
That's one.
Ugh.
Spypod1 like these people have.
Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests.
This is Jessica in Kansas City.
I'm calling in with a overheard,
a kids say the darndest variety.
I was taking my kids to the local liquor store in town, and they always give out lollipops, and the clerk had the big bucket of lollipops, and my four-year-old son was selecting one.
And then his sister picked a root beer one.
And the clerk said, oh, you probably won't like that one.
And because it's root beer.
And then my son just turns to the clerk and says, oh, my daddy lets me have beer.
And
I was about to clarify that it was an NA beer that my son was drinking.
But before I could say that, the clerk goes, oh, well, my grandpa would take me to the bar and give me rum and cokes when I was little.
And my awkward brain just turned to him and said and here you are now
so
awkwardness all around well off I go
yeah the uh first of all rubber socks they rule yeah
I mean a Rubier Popsicle is the the gold standard yeah so it's like find one why wouldn't a kid like that second of all you're giving your kid not alcoholic beer yeah
this is that's not great yeah yeah yeah I I was about to say, like, I don't know why you're clarifying that.
If anything, I would want the alcoholic beer to be the thing.
The non-alcoholic brings way more questions.
Yeah.
My kids had, you know, a sip of alcoholic beer, but he'll just die on a six-pack of non-alcoholic beer.
Like Heineken Zero?
This kid loves it.
Yeah, he's sending his dad to the fridge now.
He loves
the skunky ass taste.
The first time I ever had any sort of alcohol was my grandfather, too.
Yeah.
My dad's dad dad gave me a very local brew that's made of millet.
Okay.
They made it locally.
And we were visiting him, and he sat me down.
I was probably nine years old.
And it was the first time I found out there was a hierarchy in any sort of like sort of social situation that there were people above my parents.
Right.
Because I always thought those were the, that was the boss.
Right.
Oh, sure.
Right, the boss's boss.
Yeah.
And I met the boss's boss.
Yeah.
Because my grandfather did this.
I kind of looked around to my mom to be like, what is happening?
And my mom was just like, There's nothing I can do.
And I was like, Oh, you have a boss?
This is good to know.
Yeah.
And that's when my grandparents became my favorite people on the planet.
Was it good?
Terrible.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's beer.
It's basically beer.
Millet.
I don't know if I've had millet.
Millet.
Yeah.
I've had miller, but
millet light.
The uh, yeah, I'm trying to remember.
I feel like it must have been beer that my dad gave me when I was a kid or let me have a sip of.
Yeah.
And yeah, it's an acquired taste, you know?
Huge acquired.
Also, interesting fact about this particular brew, it's drunk hot.
Like it's oh, so they use hot water to like activate the yeast.
Oh, okay.
Graham, you'd like it.
It's uh, I look it up, it's gluten-free.
Yep, gonna get myself some millet beer.
Yeah, what is there a word for it?
It is according to
what they call it.
A-J-O-N-O.
Millet beer.
Maloa.
According to Wikipedia,
they've got millet beer, also known as Bantu beer, malwa.
Pomb, pombechuk, or opaque beer.
Yeah.
Huh.
What beers are opaque, but
um,
I believe, is the language that my dad groups.
Maloi, I feel like, was the more Bantu language for, like, yeah.
Right.
But it's, uh, yeah, it's, it's, you know, after fermentation, when it's ready to be be drunk the I'm ready to be drunk.
Hello,
yeah.
You pour a bunch of hot water in it and it's it's a good time.
Huh.
Yep.
Yeah.
It's
I know like my nephew, my niece both, when people are drinking drunk all the time.
On like high-proof stuff.
None of this non-alcoholic
weak stuff.
Yeah.
Talking 50%, 40%.
They're a million dollars.
There's more proof row.
Yeah.
You've got that
nephew who's really into tiki culture.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I thought it was just about the colors and stuff.
Nope.
He likes a paralyzer like nobody else.
They always give the kids like a bubbly or something
when they're like, can I have a beer?
And they give it because
they don't know the difference between what I'm having, Cooper's banquet.
They just think it's some kind of yellow booblay.
Nice.
That's Michael Booblay when he
turns coat.
Here's your next phone call.
Hey, Dave and Graham and guests.
This is Justin from Washington, Washington.
My wife and I were buying groceries at the grocery store, and the gentleman who was ringing us up, I noticed he was kind of like singing to himself before we got up there.
So I was watching him, and he rung up our bananas and rang up.
Anyway, he said, oh, those are some rocking bananas.
Rocking bananas.
So my wife and I have been doing that for weeks now.
Rocking bananas.
Yeah, oh, man.
I mean, just having fun at the job like that.
Also, bananas,
like, how do you differentiate which ones are rocking?
Like, there's, you go to the store, there's 500, they're all exactly the same.
Yeah, it's uh, sometimes you gotta have a keen eye, yeah.
I guess so.
And, like, uh, I've noticed a lot more than in past times, a bunch of banana will have like a plastic wrap or something around it, so you can't steal a single well, that's a soccer drug mart.
Yeah, they sell them at a set price at a grocery store.
They'll you know do it by the way, do whatever you want.
What is your uh ideal banana ripeness?
Ooh, I like
just past green, so like not quite at its maximum sweetness.
There's still a bit of crunch to it.
There's a still bit of like, yeah, firmness to it.
I've like
you're an animal.
You're telling me.
But
yeah, I'll take a regular just normal old banana.
What do you like?
Right before it's ready for banana bread.
That's
I like it sweet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So do you never make banana bread is what you're saying?
Oh, I make banana bread all the time i mean i don't make it but people make it for me nice yeah
you give them the rust
yeah at about five sometimes you get the time 45 you put
the time
yeah uh i like uh
little past yellow black spots you like black spots yeah but not
not quite banana bread times right okay so you you gotta buy them and let them kind of sit for a while i mean i'll eat them if they're just yellow but no i don't like green no gets on like six nights yeah green, like green, green is, yeah, it's no good.
Also, why?
Why eat a green, green, yeah?
They don't even want to be peeled yet.
They're like, yeah, they're like, yeah, they are kind of like a corn cream or something.
Please, can you just give me a few more days?
Yeah.
The banana thing looks green.
Yeah.
But that way, if you want a banana, what are the chances that the ripeness is ready for the time that you want?
There's a window.
There's a window.
Just don't buy.
Don't buy 20 bananas at a time.
Yeah.
Buy five.
They'll all be ripe around the same time.
I love how cheap bananas are, too.
I I know.
Bought a bunch, $1.87 for a bunch of bananas.
And you get that tape around them.
Exactly.
Here's your final phone call or voicemo.
Hi, David and Grant.
This is Michael from Michigan.
I have him calling in with an overheard that my girlfriend had.
She was walking in our neighborhoods, and a FedEx guy was walking up to a house to deliver a package.
And a little girl comes out and says, Hi, do you know where everyone lives?
And he goes, yep, I know where everyone lives.
And then she goes, do you know where my friend Vivian lives?
And then her mom came out and ushered her into the house as the van walked away.
Anyway, no freaking way.
Off I go.
Vivian's such a great name.
Yeah.
Like, I think of Aunt Viv whenever I ever heard the name.
The original Aunt Viv.
The original.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What were you original or second generation?
Original, for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Original.
Yeah.
I mean,
the replacement was fine, but, you know, once he had a taste of Vivian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes that clip of her in the dance class or dance audition will show up.
I mean, I was with you until the tony.
Why?
What happened?
Once you have a taste.
Yeah.
Once you have a taste.
No, I think we all agree.
Once you have a taste of the original M, you're good.
Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast.
Before that, I just want to have one question.
Why do you think she was looking for Vivian?
It sounds like
Vivian.
Do you remember Vivian?
It sounds like it was a collecting thing.
I need to collect from Vivian.
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, I got to get my pound of flesh.
You tell Vivian, I say, fuck you.
You tell Vivian I'll soon know where she lives, and then it's over.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's got a knife behind her back.
Vivian, you know what I'm saying?
Well, that brings us to the end of this podcast.
Arthur, thank you so much for being a guest.
Thank you so much for having me for having me.
I'm beyond honored and blessed to have been 891.
We're blessed.
We're all blessed.
Everybody out there, you're blessed too.
Go out and enjoy the day.
And come on back next week for another episode of Slock Podcasts and Get yourself
Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.