Episode 885 - Darcy Boon Collins

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 885 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name's Graham Clark, and I'll be doing a show in Toronto, March 16th at the comedy bar called Instagram.

It's a fantastic show based on everyone's Instagram account.

And love to see you there.

And with me as always, is a man who,

oh, he's got a funky little mug that I didn't see at first, but it's got like a star-shaped handle, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Yeah, this is

my mug.

It's got a star-shaped handle.

It says dad idea, right?

It's based on Olivia Rodrigo.

It's a dad mug for Olivia Rodrigo fans.

Of which which we are both.

We are both huge Livrod fans.

Yeah, we stand, we stand.

Although Sabrina Carpenter is apparently the object of her scorn, and we sure do love that Sabrina Carpenter.

You know, I'm not taking a side in this.

It's not for us to decide.

This is Taylor and Katy Perry.

I like them both.

We just love art.

More art.

Create your art.

Create your art.

And you know what?

I hope your bad relationships make great songs.

Absolutely.

Our guest today, first-time guest on the podcast, very funny comedian.

He's got a wicked-ass shirt on today that's been all the rage.

And it's so great to have him here.

It's Darcy Boone Collins.

Hello.

Aloha.

Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm good.

I'm so good.

Darcy, hello.

Welcome aboard.

We just talked about your shirt.

It says Bonds Off Broadway.

That is

a little cafe on.

Oh, can I guess?

You can.

You can guess.

It's a greasy spoon.

Yes.

Off of

off Broadway, but on Nanaimo?

Yeah.

Okay.

Nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's when I was.

I was getting ready to attack you, if you got it wrong.

I was getting ready to attack you.

Was that where

was it?

John Collins or Stephen Heck when I did their podcast, one of them lives like Kitty Corner or lived Kitty Corner from Bonds Off Broadway.

Delicious.

What a delicious area.

It is a good area.

I used to live near there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

$3 breakfast, man.

Can't beat it.

We were talking about.

What do you get for $3?

One egg.

Two eggs, two very small eggs, four pieces, four like wedges.

Two very small eggs.

Two small eggs.

Two human eggs.

Frog eggs.

But like

two whales eggs.

Because they do sell eggs in small.

I don't know.

I'm going to go ahead and assume two small eggs from two very sick chickens.

But like in the grocery store,

or if you're baking or anything,

you're required to use large eggs.

Large eggs.

The grocery store will sell you medium or extra large and large.

I've never seen small.

So imagine a chicken that's like

as it coughs, the egg goes out.

Yeah, you know, the chicken's kind of smoking a cigarette.

Like it's not doing anything.

No, it didn't get, it didn't read the Surgeon General's warning.

We did read the warning.

Poor thing.

Can't read.

We were talking about the power of a local brand's merch.

And we were talking about a store in town.

Mr.

Mattress.

Mr.

Mattress.

You know Mr.

Mattress logo.

Yeah.

Iconic here.

I didn't know.

They have tons of merch and all sorts of things.

Oh, of course they do.

They're cornering the merch mark.

It's the no flip mattress, or is it a a flip?

No.

Double-sided.

Double-sided, I think.

Yeah, so it is a flip-mat.

I think that's his whole thing is he's like, if you're getting the mattress with one side, you're getting ripped off, my friend.

But this logo is a mattress with arms and legs that's like kicking back and relaxed.

It's a very good mascot.

Yes.

There were.

Let's get to know us.

Sure.

Get to know us.

The thing about all these

stores with merch, these local stores with merch, is sometimes the merch comes after the store is kaput and it's just a nostalgic thing.

We were talking about that too.

Okay, like someone with an A and B sound shirt.

Exactly.

I would be hyped if I saw that, though.

Sure.

Yeah.

And what is the one?

What's the chicken one?

I have that one, the chicken one.

It was across on

Main Street.

Yeah.

And I was telling him, I got one of the last.

But what was the brand?

What was the store called?

Not finger-licking chicken.

Was it juicy chicken?

Juicy chicken.

Yeah,

which sounds good.

That should be the way you describe a chicken, but also gross.

I think there is a place in, it's from BC.

I think we have the last one because they were franchised in the 70s that stole the recipe from KFC.

Oh, really?

It's not Brown's chicken, but it's like something like that.

Not George's.

It's not George's.

Church's is from Texas.

Come on now.

Jeez.

This place, but I think there's like one left in like Richmond or something, or like one at like Abbotsford.

And their catchphrase is it's thumb-licking good,

which I love.

Which is fine.

You can look yourself.

Yeah.

We need finger smelling good.

Pinky sucking good.

I love a last of a franchise that's still kicking.

Kicking.

Yeah, I mean, still like, we got enough business in the door here.

We, we'll keep the name.

Yeah.

But we don't have to shut down like the rest of the chain.

We're not selling off to, we're not selling our locations.

We're going to keep our weird-shaped building.

This isn't going to be a pizza hut that's now an HR blog.

By the way, do you know what HR stands for in H ⁇ R blog?

I don't know.

Tell me.

Hamburgers and root gears.

Ah, shit.

I hope so.

Have you ever been to a Husky diner?

Of course.

How many are those that are left?

There can't be that many.

There can be many.

Yeah.

Are you a diner fiend?

Yeah.

Are you a Mr.

Diner?

I love eggs and toasts.

Small ones.

I specifically, if they're too big, I'm like, you got to be losing money on them.

You know what?

This is going to, maybe this is going to take a while, but because we had to stop already, but we've gotten so far.

We've gotten two small eggs.

What else do you get for $3?

Two small eggs?

You can get, I think,

bacon.

Here's how they get you.

If you upgrade anything, it's a $7 upgrade.

So people go there and they're like, I'm feeling good.

You know what?

Rather than eggs, I'm getting sausage today.

And then it's like, congratulations, you just made a $3 breakfast of $15.

People just start to upgrade stuff.

And the moment you upgrade, they're like, we got you.

You're in our web.

So it's two eggs, two meat toasts,

two toasts, two toast wedges.

So two pieces of toast cut in half, but like four toast wedges.

Four toasts.

Four toasts.

And like two very crappy.

Oh, ham, not bacon.

What am I saying?

Okay.

You get ham, which is essentially like a bologna

that they just throw on the flat top.

And then two eggs.

Two eggs.

No pancake in the addition?

No pancake.

That would be wild.

The place on commercial used to do that.

Pancakes are.

Which one?

Pancakes should be free.

There's my hot take.

Really?

I do think so.

I think in the same way that some places give out free popcorn, you should just give a free pancake out and just be like, I love you.

Yeah, we were making them anyway.

I love you.

We were making them anyways.

What are you going to do with that batter later?

Put it back?

Come on.

What's your guide to the greater Vancouver area diner scene?

Because we don't have a ton of them.

And like,

I feel like historically, this was a diner city.

Now, just so for the listener, we introduced our guest as a comedian.

He is not a food critic.

He's not a diner.

He's not doing the diner crawl.

Yeah, people are sitting there being like, is this guy Fieri?

Why is he going off?

Yeah, I'm passionate about eggs.

I like a diner vibe.

I like walking in and there's somebody who looks like they weren't ready to get a customer today.

Yeah.

And they like frantically get up from clearly sitting on their phone.

And they're like,

sit there.

I was sitting on my phone and it was vibrating and I felt something.

I've been sitting at it for the last 45 minutes calling myself.

Were you ever around for the Smile Diner?

It was

a giant poster of.

Never went once because I heard it was rancid.

Oh, true, but in a way that horrible food.

Oh, your $3 breakfast is so good, though.

It is.

I will absolutely, because like, okay, yeah.

They know what they're doing.

They know what they're doing.

And yes, we did just say the chicken, the egg was.

The chicken was sick.

The chicken, look, yeah.

If you go there and you're like, are these free run?

It's like they haven't gone.

They're like, it's runny, if that's what you mean.

They have not left the chair in years.

they're um

what was so what was the smile diner it was uh broadway that was on pender street oh what was the one on broadway uh

this sorry listeners okay there was one on there was one on eighth across was that like happy happy something yeah yeah and then there was one sunny something yeah sunny and then there was one on broadway like uh across from where cafe barney is now oh yeah what was that called that was another that was another like greasy spoon spot and there was a place, same thing as like the $3 breakfast.

I used to eat every day when I was in film school.

Yeah.

And it was a $2.99 breakfast.

And it was kind of basically what you had, but it was in a bar that was open during the morning to like do that.

So it wasn't like, could you sit in alcohol?

Yeah.

Well, I never asked, but I'm sure they were fast to lose with brutals.

But yeah, I remember having that and just being like, well, we shouldn't be eating it here, though.

On that note, at Bonds on Broadway, beers are a tunie on Tuesdays.

Shut up at Bonds.

And the beer tastes like blood.

Is it on tap?

Yeah, it's very metallic.

I would not recommend it.

But it's a fun, and they limit to two.

Like, they're like, you can't just sit here on it.

You'll die.

You'll die.

They should lean into that.

It tastes like blood and make the whole thing miraculous.

You have two of those.

Magneto can do that thing he did to you, you know?

What is that?

Where he pulls the metal out of the guy's blood.

Oh, shit.

So far, you guys have completely given me nothing on Kung Pao Under the Fist.

Well, you've given me nothing on X-Men references.

Well, I know Magneto.

I know Magneto.

I thought this was the Cinephiles podcast.

Well, yeah, but we're going to talk about Life is Beautiful.

That's our movie for this week.

Is X-Men most famous as a movie?

100%.

Big comic book.

It was a huge comic book.

No.

X-Men?

No.

Yes.

Come on.

He's giving you

the thing.

He's baiting me.

It started out in Mad Magazine, and then they adapted it.

I knew it mostly as an animated series in the 90s which is back yeah

okay

and we're not gonna talk about it is it good the new one yeah i have not watched it but i've had oh so i'm the bad guy

i've had a friend tell me he like cried like he was like it's so good but i was like i don't need that in my life i want spider-man to come back yeah spider-man rules everybody knows it x-men spider-man did you the cartoon the animated one the one with the three the two guys pointing through spider-man That's the one from the 60s.

The one I'm talking about is there's one frame where he's got a newspaper to block some rain, and then somebody like stopped that frame and was like, Look how big that newspaper is.

And you're like, Yeah, that's the biggest newspaper.

Oh, he's just like,

and you don't really notice it when you're watching.

Then you're like, His arm is way too long.

Yeah, it's like that one from the 60s.

That's the one I grew up on.

That's a good one.

Graham's from the 60s.

I'm from the 60s.

You know, I was.

And I'm a 90s chick.

I don't care.

And I'm a 2000s babe.

Yeah, you are a 2000s babe.

The

Spider-Man from the 60s was

so insane and for sure like drug addled mind put this together, but as a kid, nothing beats it.

I remember a

in the Spider-Man one from the 60s, where he was like touched, he was attached to something by a rope, and then he just webbed like a perfect like pirate cutlass.

Like he just was like, and then just like a pirate cutlass appeared in air and used it to cut the rope.

And it was like, we're not even like,

he's still got a 3D printer in there.

At the time, so that's the one where like the big advantage of making that as a

animator is you don't have to animate his mouth.

Yeah, yeah, and you also can reuse the same like six action shots.

He's got his mask on the whole time.

So he's like, wow, he's really doing, he's talking so fast.

He's a micro machine guy doing the voice.

He's perpetually monologuing.

Then there were a lot of scenes where it was just tie-dye in the background where they didn't have buildings or anything, it was just like psychedelics, yeah, coming at you, so cheap.

I think it was made in Canada, it was, and you can tell because in the theme song, they go, Is he strong?

Listen, bud, he's got radioactive blood, which you're like, That A, didn't answer the question.

Uh, B, who says bud other than Canadians in the 60s?

Oh, I thought that was the official theme song, no, it is, it is, but Canadians,

and it's performed by Canadians, yeah.

Moxie Pruvis.

Well, they they did a cover.

They did do a cover.

Yeah.

Yeah, what was there?

There was a part where they riff off of it, where he's like, Spider-Man's master plan to start a

Spider-Clan or something like that.

It's like a riff that they did on Moxie Pruvis.

What?

Anyway, welcome to Canada, listeners.

We are here with our guest, and before the show, not only was he telling us we were crazy for not having seen Kung Pao from England the Fifth.

He was also saying that he got in a fight, a big fight,

about the TV show Friends.

I got in a Donnybrook.

Someone was,

you said someone was defending its comedy too much.

No, I wouldn't say too much, but like they were very passionately defending Friends' validity in the canon of great sitcoms.

Because I think I was being dismissive of it.

What is the, so of that era,

what are the great sitcoms?

The 90s?

Yeah.

You got Seinfeld.

You got Just Shoot Me.

Seinfeld, Just Shoot Me.

Carolyn in the city, Veronica's Closet, Allie McBeal might count, Sunny Lee Susan,

the single guy,

anything but love.

Oh, what's that one?

That was Richard Lewis and Jamie Lee Curtis.

Men behaving badly.

Jamie Lee Curtis was in a sit car.

Yeah, with Richard Lewis.

Get it, girl.

Yeah.

Of course, the Days and Nights of Molly Dodd.

Certainly

Empty Nest.

Empty Nest, absolutely.

The tail end of cheers for sure.

News radio.

News radio, news radio.

There you go.

News radio is like a not funny answer.

News radio is really.

Yeah, news radio is great.

But so I guess like friends is,

I'm not going to be the guy to defend it.

I'll defend it.

But it's very.

The listeners are on my side.

I know that.

I mean,

it was very successful.

There's many laughs over those 12 years or however long it ran.

Yeah.

But I haven't watched it since then.

I've watched Seinfeld every single day.

Yeah.

Seinfeld holds up.

My defense is of not of friends,

of Ross specifically as a character.

Do you think Ross is the greatest character of all?

So fun.

Yeah.

So, like, do you know that originally the show was centered around Ross?

I did not.

It was like Seinfeld asked where he would be the main point, and then all the friends would kind of rotate around them.

I'm imagining like a Seinfeld intro, but it's just called Schwimmer.

You kidding me?

I'm in.

What's the deal with?

What was the movie he was in, like Mr.

Funeral or something?

What was the

Paul Bearer?

The Paul Bearer.

Was Gwyneth Paltrow in the

Paltrow Bearer?

There was a time when they all

made movies.

They all were in a movie because they were like, it was so hot.

So Courtney Cox was in Scary or

Scary Scream.

Scary Scream.

Screamy.

Lisa Kudreau was in a Rome and Michelle.

Yep.

Joey Triviani was in a monkey movie Ed about a monkey who plays baseball.

I forgot he was.

David Schwimmer was in the Paul Bear.

Anniston was in.

She was in a lot of things, but she was in Picture Perfect.

Picture Perfect.

Office Space, the object of my affection.

Yeah, she really took off.

Well, I mean, you're forgetting David Schwimmer's role in Breastman.

And who have we forgotten?

Matthew Perry, Fools Rush Inn, the whole nine yards?

The whole nine yards.

He had a pretty good one.

And he had Fools Rush In.

Yeah.

I think that brings us to the end of the list.

Anyways, goodbye.

Was Gunther or anything?

But Ross is sort of the most.

Gunther was in a self-produced erotic thriller that nobody saw.

Not nobody.

Ross is the most frustrating character.

Yes.

Ross is the one you watch, and you're like, don't do that.

That's why he's great.

Is that why he's great?

Yeah.

I said that

if I had infinite money, there's all these projects I would do.

And one of the ones I would do is I would do like a like a Louis-esque, like single cam

TV show following the misadventures of Ross.

And remember like Louis' thing where he's walking down the street and he gets like a piece of pizza and it's like, Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie.

I would do that, but it would just be Ross.

And it would just be him walking and just writing.

What's so magical about Ross, do you?

His life sucks.

Yeah.

Like he's like a doctor.

Like he's easily the most successful one on the show.

Yeah.

And he is the show's punching bag.

Everybody else has these little victories.

He only ever loses.

He only ever loses.

That's true.

Yeah.

Everything always falls apart.

Tall.

He's good looking.

He's a doctor.

He has a child you never see.

He's like a deadbeat dad.

His wife leaves him to be a lesbian, which the show was like, can you imagine?

And it's like, I don't know.

Yeah, at the time, it was like, oh my God.

At the time, that was like, if you're a man and you can't pleasure a woman and she leaves you for another woman.

It was like.

And nowadays, you can not pleasure a woman all you want.

That's their responsibility.

Nowadays, a woman leaves it.

You're like, I hope you're happy.

It's funny.

It's funny for me.

For Ross, it was a huge L.

On Seinfeld, George is the big loser, and he's the best character.

Yeah.

And he, I mean, I would debate, but yeah, he also had

an ex who

had a lesbian relationship afterwards.

Yeah, that's true.

So what I'm hearing.

And he took it badly as well.

Yeah.

Imagine.

But he also thought it was really cool.

Because I remember remember saying to him, like, you're so cool.

Oh, yeah.

And that was, yeah, in the day where you could just say the word gay and that would just, you know, everybody'd perk up.

The studio audience would start giggling.

Yeah, exactly.

And then the thing about Chandler's mom, of course.

Which is

in hindsight.

What?

There's a lot of hindsight on that show because I have put it on the background and like whatever whenever I'm kind of doing busy work.

Yeah.

And

why do you, why are you always doing busy work?

Your boss is trying to get rid of of you.

Nope.

Every time he comes in the place, I just make like I put on an episode for

you've been interning for 40 years.

He's just a robot made of staples in a corner.

Busy work.

But a lot of this stuff doesn't translate.

There's a lot of stuff that stuff that I would have thought looking back would have already been stuff that would have been inappropriate.

But then you realize the 90s was like a very long time ago.

So there's...

It's crazy because, yeah, like they, it doesn't feel that long.

And they had like, they had like some level of like awareness to it, even.

Yeah.

And like there'd be this like weird lip service, but they were like, well, of course, like, it's fine that they're like this, but I mean, come on, look at it.

But like, when they're not around, here's 50 jokes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's someone had a, uh, there was a meme I saw recently about the greatest lie

90s sitcoms taught us was that you would go over to your friend's house for breakfast before work.

Yeah, the whole thing of them being at the coffee shop, like you would have had been up so early to get ready for work and then go, like, hang out at a coffee shop for an hour.

All of their adventures were because they were so jacked up on coffee.

They just were like, what do you mean your mom's like that?

And it's just like, your mom's like that.

Now, is a coffee, because I feel like in the 90s, that was like, coffee shop was king in the 90s.

It was very vogue, yeah.

Yeah, but like, is the, do we have that?

Has that returned?

It's like kids sitting on a bed vaping.

I feel like that's

the modern friends, yeah.

The modern friends.

29-year-olds is kids sitting on their phone in the same room, nobody speaking, vaping, and then every now and again somebody shows someone else a meme and they're like,

Gunther's there dealing out.

Because coffee shops.

Coffee shops were very like Frasier went to a coffee shop.

So I married your ex-murderer.

That's like iconic coffee shop aesthetic.

And it was just, and it would be all hours of the day and night, and it was like kind of classy.

And now

every coffee shop is like just trying to

really be selective about who gets the bathroom code.

And also like

Starbucks is like,

I feel if you're there at three o'clock, it's all teens and they're all buying like basically milkshakes.

Yeah.

Or waters.

Yeah, I just drank waters.

But yeah, I don't think of like, wow, although do people still meet at coffee shops?

I don't know.

I go to the coffee shop alone before.

Where did you guys meet before the show?

At the plaza,

JJB.

Coffee shop.

Outside the coffee shop.

It was a location to meet at.

Yeah, I feel like coffee shops are still like you meet for like hinge dates.

You know, all my hinge dates, absolutely.

All my hinge dates.

Work sort of like catch-ups.

Yeah, that's true.

Or like an interview in a neutral location.

Like you're applying to this company and let's.

That's kind of what a hinge date is yeah what is a hinge date well I mean I it's like an online dating but is there something particular like hinge is I think

very thorough like hinge asks you I'm not I was never on hinge when I'm when I was single yeah too many questions really like it was yeah it was like it got really deep in there where I was like I don't even know this about myself when does it start like what kind of questions like just like imagine going on a first date with somebody who asks you just like what are your values what are your political affiliations what are your values what are this like really detailed?

I don't know my values.

I know I see them.

What are your values?

Whatever friends is about, I'm probably not about that.

Yeah.

I'm more of a.

I'm all in the family.

I'm more of a just shoot me guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All in the family.

Oh, my God.

I just got it because they're like photographers.

What was the, what was like, what was the friends of like the 2000s?

How I knew your mother?

Yeah, you're probably right.

Girls is like a very that's like a that was like a one away from I feel like you're giving the viewing audience too much credit of friends or of

girls

girls you you needed an HBO subscription that's true yeah this isn't something that would just come on yeah the rook from the sun that was from the 90s there's just another one

yeah that was I was talking with my girlfriend and we were watching something where John Lithgow is creepy and she was like John Lithgow is always creepy and I was like what yeah immediately watching Harry and the Hendersons that same afternoon.

And I was like, what have you seen him in?

She's like, Dexter.

And I was like, you got to know the rest of his range.

He's so much more than this.

Oh, raising Kane.

He's raising Kane, yeah.

And he's just been in so many things where it's always a delight when he shows up.

Oh, yeah.

Like, anytime he's on screen, you're just like, love that.

To look at him, and she's like, he's always creepy.

I was like, the man emanates warmth.

What are you talking about?

The fact that he can play creepy is testament to his ability.

Conclave.

He was creepy in Conclave.

Love him.

Conclave.

Yeah, Conclave.

At the time of this coming out, the Academy Awards have been handed out.

Have they?

Well, no, at the time of it coming out.

Oh.

So they're happening this Sunday.

So we get to play a future prediction game.

If you want to.

Congratulations.

I don't really know what's nominated.

Congratulations to the brutalist for longest movie Oscar this year.

This year they're doing like MTV video award style.

Best Kiss.

Best Kiss was

the substance.

I think they'll do a big intermission joke in the middle of the Oscars.

I hope so.

Who's hosting it?

Conan.

Conan O'Brien.

It's one of those things where they do say it's the most thankless job in Hollywood.

I don't understand why people keep taking it.

Like, is it just to be part of the camera?

I just want to sing about, sing funny songs about the movies that came out this year.

I feel like Billy Crystal, like, and now we're all online, he should do that every year, just as his own thing, like, write an Oscars song.

Yeah, the way that, like,

I don't know, does anyone keep up an unofficial?

Like, I can't think of an example.

I know there's one out there.

We're trying to come up with a song for the brutalists now.

Oh.

The brutalist.

Way too long to live.

That's not bad.

Get Bruce.

Winner of Best Kiss is the director of The Brutalist and his old ass.

All right.

Yeah.

I don't know why I've chosen this character.

Yeah, I did.

Did you love it?

The first hour was great, and then intermission came.

And are we allowed to swear on this?

Yeah, yeah.

In fact, you should.

You both hesitated.

I know, but I'm just,

we get asked that a lot, and we don't have a funny answer.

Yeah, we're working on it, though.

Yeah, I mean, halfway through the movie, the intermission hit, and I was like, they're never going to finish this fucking building, are they?

Like, it just is like, it is a punishing film to sit through.

First hour is really good.

And you're like, keep building cabinets.

I love it.

Sure.

Great.

Yeah.

And then the movie takes a very deep breath and you're like, oh, and then his wife comes in in the wheelchair and you're like, oh, and then it just is like.

Just sadder.

Yeah.

And it's like, you don't get to leave.

Remember, there's two and a half hours left.

You're invested.

God.

I think I could leave during an intermission.

I, if in hindsight, I would.

And I'd say, because

I hated it.

I completely hated that movie.

But what?

Even though you like the first half.

The first half is great.

And it's really well directed.

I saw the first.

I feel the same way.

I didn't hate the movie overall, but I don't.

I don't, I don't like it.

It's such a controversial one to to me because yeah, it's like it's so well directed and the cast is so good and it's a there's a terrific movie in there and then there's also two hours of not terrific movie.

You're like, why are you doing this to me?

Pastcast with Maddie Kelly.

We talked about it with her.

She loved it.

And

I just want to see what was her message to me after I saw it.

So this is a reoccurring thing.

Well, yeah, Graham hasn't seen it.

I haven't seen it.

I don't do not plan to.

See Anora.

Yeah, we talked about this.

Anora, I've got to watch Anora.

So

I had posted a picture of the intermission when I saw it, and she said, did you like it?

And I said, no, I loved it.

Just kidding.

I thought it was bad.

And then she said, okay, smart people I like are thinking it's bad.

And that's really confusing to me.

Bobby Warner, past guest, loved it.

He recommended it.

Love the Brutalist?

Yeah.

He was like, you got to go see it.

And then I texted him and I said, you're an idiot.

You definitely aren't going to go see it because you're not going to watch it at home.

Here's the thing that I put on The Brutalist in the background while I'm doing busy work.

It is a busy work movie.

It would be a lot more palatable if the director had a little note in the corner that said, look at your phone anytime.

Yeah, yeah.

This is a good time to go for a snack.

This scene, we're not going to do any editing.

This is all performance, but is it?

Everyone's crying.

Just look at your phone anytime.

It doesn't matter.

What else is there?

I know the substance.

I know The Brutalist.

I know Conclave.

Conclave.

Wicked.

A Complete Unknown.

Wicked.

Which do we need more movies about Bob Dylan?

Absolutely.

One a year, I say.

Oh,

okay.

Same.

Man, oh man.

Couldn't agree with you more.

And then what was the

I'm not here?

I'm not there.

I'm not there.

Another great movie about Bob Dylan.

I know, but no, there's one

best picture nominee called that this year.

I'm not.

I can't even, I think, is what it's called.

It's a movie about teens face this is bad for the listeners because the oscars were yeah they were the others

we're trying to remember what's nominated what is relevant today gene hackman dead that's right gene hackman dead 95 which you gotta admit have you read about it no

so he was found dead as was his wife who's in her 60s and their dog oh geez the death is being marked which is very sad oh is suspicious is suspicious yeah to die at 95 in suspicious circumstances pretty cool oh that's different the only thing i read was that it it was not suspicious.

Oh, I think they think it was like a carbon dioxide poisoning.

But also, his death, when you look at the Wikipedia, it says circa

February 26th.

Oh, which is pretty cool.

Also, I think.

At 95, to have like a to have no one checking in on you, that's great.

I mean,

probably a case of most 95.

He's one of those guys that I think was like drank and smoked and just a marine.

Yeah, like just the whole life, and then he just lives to 95.

He lived to 95.

Like one of the last known pictures of him, known,

like

paleontologists are digging up.

Ross is over there,

was just like him eating Wendy's.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

I feel like that was his whole, like, he looked like a guy that was like a, had, had had a tough life.

Yeah.

And then, but then he lived.

I was shocked to find out he was 95.

Last known picture of him was a selfie he took on the ground and there's a filter on it.

He's like, and then it goes out.

Oh, come on.

Come on, man.

A man is dying here.

He's 95.

That's true.

His wife has died.

That is sad.

That is very sad.

And what about this dog in the whole situation?

That is very sad.

It's sad.

It's sad.

Don't be 96.

Was he?

Yeah.

The dog actually considered Gene Hackman a pet.

There was a fun moment.

I don't like laughing at all this.

No, this is bad.

There was a fun.

Sorry, everybody.

Regret bringing it up.

There was a fun moment on, I think, man versus food.

Nothing but fun moments on man versus food.

Well, every now and again, I think, I don't think Adam Richmond was ever having fun.

I think he was like, this is a lot of spicy meat.

And they were like, it's 14 pounds.

You have to eat it.

That's right.

That was the conceit of the show.

It was like, it was on, I think, OLN or something.

I don't know.

It was like a food network show, but this guy would go around doing food challenges kind of before that was like a trendy thing to do.

Yeah, like if the restaurant had like, you can eat the whole steak, we'll suck your dick.

You'll suck your dinner.

Yeah, we will slarve your nuts.

And he just goes coast to coast, eating and getting sucked.

It's not for the whole family, but uh that's why it comes on at 11 p.m yeah um showcase

in the 90s yeah showcase if for people don't know was a channel that during the day what did it have it had

it was sort of the it was we got it the same year we got bravo bravo bravo used to be quite classy bravo would show ballet on the weekends and then was biography no that was on a e bravo also would show like weird 70s porno yeah yeah and so would showcase showcase would show like Red Shoe Diaries.

Red Shoe Diaries, but they would also show like a classy foreign movie with a horny scene.

You got to see Zalman King's

he Red Shoe Diaries?

He was Red Shoe Diaries, and there was another one that was like Blue Vacation.

And it like opens with David DeCovney's ass, and you're like, I don't know who Zalman King is, but.

But he's a horny.

He doesn't grip up.

I'm just going to look up Zalman King.

Talk about yourself.

What did Showcase do during the day, though?

I know at night it was Erotica movie.

They would show reruns of Rentigoli.

Ah, nice.

Little Canadian content for that.

I assume?

I assume that's Canadian?

Of course, yeah.

Rentigoli.

Who's in that?

I have no idea.

Well, if they're one of those ones you go back and there's some super famous guy that plays like a minor character.

Or you just go back and you're like, oh, look, it's Rob Pugh.

Like, probably

that you might know.

It's one of those, unrealistically.

Zalman King

directed.

Did he also direct?

He directed Wild Orchid, which was like a horny

boner

movie.

I feel bad for the listeners at home trying to keep up.

What a whiplash we've done from sad Gene Hackman.

And then we were like, all right, now we got to.

Also, was any of his movies

ever Oscar considered?

Or are these just he was too horny?

Too horny for Oscar?

Oh my God, the names of the things this guy made.

He did the TV diarrhea.

TV movie

shot up.

He directed Wild Orchid.

He produced nine and a half weeks.

He directed nine and a half weeks.

It's Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke in a sexy sex film

eating food off each other.

Oh, yeah, you know that scene where like they're he's eating strawberries or whatever.

Is it the one that's referenced in hot shots?

Correct.

Okay.

Where he's frying bacon on his bag.

I always wondered how they did that.

How did they get their stomach so hot?

It was a ceramic.

Beautiful.

Yeah, ceramic.

And then they just had like a little Hollywood magic.

God damn it.

I know, right?

Yeah.

I love seeing, I love seeing any Hollywood magic thing or any magic trick explained.

Yeah.

Those are two things I will always click on no matter what.

Magic tricks always make me feel like a fool.

Well, yeah.

So Zalman King did all these horny movies.

He did a shame, shame, shame,

Red Shoe Diaries, Delta of Venus.

Oh, man, I love that there's a guy who, this is his whole niche.

But he also did modern-day Russ Myers, like body language, sex art, pleasure or pain, and then a Willie Nelson music video.

I literally thought it was going to be like Intellitubby.

Well, to be fair, Willie Nelson was bricked up the entire time of the video.

Yeah.

Does that mean bricked up when your diaper's full?

Yes.

Willie Nelson had a full poopy diaper the entire time.

Yeah, there was Showcase.

Annie had

some, I feel like they had a broadcast hour.

The watershed hour was, I think, what was it?

It was Harney Times.

The watershed hour?

Was it called that?

Yeah, after 9 o'clock in Canada, it's called the watershed hour.

And it means that like the

regular broadcast standards don't apply.

City TV had baby blue movies.

Yeah, softcore porn.

And as a young man channel surfing, it was a game jingle.

Yeah.

It was crazy.

Because a lot of people were born a bit later, they may not know that we had to watch sometimes a scrambled channel.

It was blue and wavy and you had to really like squint to maybe see scrambled like the eggs you get spawns off from scrambled like my tiny delicious eggs.

How do you order your eggs?

I usually go for a sunny side up.

Nice.

Thanks, guys.

Thanks, Joe.

I really appreciate it.

Eggs are expensive these days.

I mean, they're not too bad here, but apparently people are freaking out down south.

Americans are paying Canadian prices now, and they don't like it.

Yeah, well, then they look at the back of a book, and then they see American price, Canada price, American price now.

You look at the back of the book and they see Quebecois and they're like, dumb or not.

Yeah, there's a few things like magazines will have a Canadian and an American price on them.

And then yesterday I was at the

Garden Nursery.

Nice.

And seeds have American and Canadian prices on the back as well.

Really?

What's the price for a pack of seeds?

Oh, four bucks.

Oh, that's not bad.

I just have no idea.

It could have been four.

It could have been 80.

I have no idea.

I've never bought seeds before.

Uh, you, oh, yeah, you bought seeds?

Oh, yeah.

What are you growing?

Uh, I've grown lettuce, which I don't know how to harvest a lettuce seed, but they you can seed them.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, I can seed there's lettuce seeds, uh, and there's uh, yeah, I've done tomatoes, which did not go well.

No, and then I've done a couple herbs.

I, I have like, I'm like a very lazy survivalist, sure, where I like grow a small patch of lettuce, and I'm like, yeah, I'll probably live the apocalypse.

Probably fun.

We did kale last year, and it is still growing.

Oh, that never stops.

Survive the winter.

Yeah.

Mint is really good, too.

Oh, mint.

It will not die.

Well, don't put it in the ground.

You got to grow it in a pot.

If it grows in the ground, it grows everywhere.

That's true.

Oh, really?

Invasive.

Like stink.

Yeah, okay.

I don't do any of the gardening, so I don't know anything about it.

Oh, I'll grow you some mint.

Yeah, that'd be great.

What do I put in mint?

A julep.

Oh, I'll make my own julep.

Oh, make your own toothpaste.

That's like a class you could take at community college.

Like, make your own soap, make your own toothpaste.

Yeah, what would you put it?

I guess baking soda, mint.

What do you get?

How do you make

fluoride?

You get it from...

Grind up old teeth.

Feels like a very passive-aggressive way to tell someone they have bad breath.

Oh, give me some mint.

You can make some toothpaste movies.

I can get it for you right now.

No, that's very much like lazy, hippie.

I make my own deodorant.

What is the line of some

office or something about Dwight brushing his teeth with clay?

And I've pictured that every single time I've brushed my teeth since I heard that joke.

Are you a mint man?

What are you, what are you toothpaste-wise?

I'm a mint man.

Toothpaste-based-wise?

What do you mean?

Wow, you get the kids.

Bubble flavors, you get a bubblegum,

you get a cinnamon.

There used to be.

Is there still bubblegum toothpaste?

Sure.

I feel like I'm in the level of adult world where I haven't seen it in so long, but I would hop on that in a heartbeat if I thought it would clean my teeth.

But I look at it and it's like, this is for kid teeth.

Yeah.

Which I don't know why I'm assuming it's all different, but I don't know.

I just, I have that weird thing where you're like, baby aspirin, adult aspirin, need to take one over the other.

Yeah, which is true.

Which one is cheaper?

That's how I do it.

Per milligram?

Yeah.

I do cost analysis in the store.

I feel like that's not how you should live your life.

Whatever.

All right.

Well, I drank two bottles of baby aspirin because it's the same as one pill.

And I feel fine, you guys.

I feel great.

Just looking at like trying to make toothpaste, you're like, is baking soda the same as baking powder?

Whatever you got.

Accidentally make a bomb.

Or a scone.

Okay, so I'm going to combine my very volatile toothpaste with this clay because that thing from the office that you just make a

combustible toothpaste.

What was that plastic?

I guess plastic explosive is what I'm thinking of.

Oh, sure.

C4.

Sure.

Plastique.

Plastique.

What was, do you guys remember that weird black toothpaste?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like coal, right?

Yeah, it tasted funky.

Yeah, it looked funky, too.

There's like the purple one now that they're really trying to market.

Sure.

And their marketing is like, when you look at this, like, look at an orange behind a purple light and it looks white.

So purple toothpaste makes your teeth white.

I mean, what?

It's a shock.

You have have to compare it to the blue and black dress and the white and yellow dress.

And it's also like,

my teeth aren't an orange color.

I mean, they may be off-white, but surely they're not.

Sometimes you do that thing where you have an orange slice in place of your teeth.

That's true.

That's true.

Yeah, their example is the guy from The Godfather.

And they're like, as you can see, his teeth are.

That guy from The Godfather.

He's been dead for years.

Whatever.

The Godfather.

Well,

what was the actor's name again?

Marlon Brando.

Right.

Who you know, made a splash in the island of Dr.

Moreau.

Yeah, he made a horny movie as well in Last Tango in Paris.

Yeah.

And the, you know, Island of Dr.

Moreau is pretty horny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's pretty horny.

It depends what you're into.

That's it.

Yeah, that.

I've seen the documentary about that one, and it's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

About the making of the island of Dr.

Moreau.

I think it's called Lost Soul.

Yeah.

And it is so funny.

Yeah.

Because all of the craziest stuff where you watch that movie and you're like, why did any of this happen?

A lot of it was just like the movie was falling apart.

And then Marlon Brando realized that that and was like, My character needs a giant ice bucket on his head.

And they're like, okay, you're Marlon Brando.

We have to do that.

And then you're watching the movie and he's got an ice bucket on his head.

I think there's a lot of people who never worked again after that movie.

Yeah.

And I feel like Marlon Brando and those people, me.

I saw that movie and I was like, I am taking a day off.

There was a movie with him and Edward Norton and somebody else.

The

like

score.

Free money.

Free money.

Free money?

No.

Free money was him and Charlie Sheen.

I think it was one of Brando's last films.

Brando and Charlie Sheen?

I think so.

Yeah.

Okay.

No, no, no.

I gotta go, guys.

I loved the score.

It was Robert De Niro.

Robert De Niro.

Edward Norton.

Edward Norton.

And wasn't it Marlon Brando?

Marlon Brando.

And I loved it at the time, and I rewatched it.

It did not hold up.

And, like, they apparently.

Yes, Francois.

This is one of the many stories you retell.

Well, you know what?

You don't like it?

Turn it the fuck up.

Go ahead.

What's Franco's?

It was Franco, and they wouldn't listen to him because he voiced Miss Piggy.

So they kept calling him Miss Piggy on set.

I don't think they did.

I think Marlon Brando did.

Everybody was in with him, you know.

Nobody's defending him.

It's so funny.

I'm like, all right, so we're going to set up over here.

Okay, Miss Piggy, thanks.

It's very dismissive.

And it takes place in Montreal.

Does it really?

Yeah.

Like,

what's his face?

Robert De Niro owns a jazz club in Montreal.

He does?

He's trying to get out of the game.

Oh.

In the game, he has a jazz club?

Or he has an actual jazz club in Montreal?

What do you mean the game?

Oh, sorry.

The heist or whatever the hell is that?

Yeah, he's trying to he's like,

I pulled my last heist.

I'm not doing it anymore.

I've just got this jazz club.

Well, we got

a new heist coming in.

I loved a heist movie at that time.

Yeah.

That was a good time for heist movies.

Ocean's Eleven.

The Italian job.

The score.

Score.

What's the one with Jason Statham?

It It was really good.

It was in the early aughts.

Oh,

Snatch?

No, before Snatch.

Morgan Burrels?

No, it was one where they stayed next to.

Inside Man?

Inside Man.

There you go.

No, Inside Man.

Inside Man was with Clive Owen.

Oh, shit.

No.

What was it called?

I think you're the one where they drilled into the band vault, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't remember what that one was.

Like the London.

I think it was based on a

one, was Inside Man not Denzel Washington?

I think he might have been in it.

That was a Spike Lee joint.

Was everybody's

Inside the Man on Fire?

I know.

I wanted to be a good guest, and immediately I bummed everybody out, and we were on weird niche stuff.

I was like, you guys got to go to this restaurant on Maine.

It was Denzel Washington and Clive O.

Oh, gee, both.

Right, yeah.

But what is that statham one?

It's a Spike Lee joint.

The statham one was, yeah, it's like the London job or the bank job.

Oh, was it the bank job?

Might have been the bank job.

I think it was the bank job.

Oh, it was the crank job.

Oh,

if he doesn't rob a bank every 30 days, he has a heart attack.

He has to keep robbing banks.

Every 30 days.

It's actually quite reasonable.

You can do that.

Cool.

Pretty good.

Dave, what's going with you, man?

You know what the one you're thinking of?

The Italian job.

No, no, no.

He was in that.

That's not what I'm thinking about.

I remember not liking that movie.

Was it Revolver?

Revolver's guy, Rich.

Your revolver's good.

And that's got a great performance from the late, great.

I want to say Tommy Versetti, but it's not him.

Rayliotta.

Releota.

It was the bank job.

The bank job.

Sorry.

The crank job.

Can you guess?

So if his name is Chev Chelios in Crank.

Oh, what's his character's name in the bank job?

Yeah.

Beverly.

It has nothing to do with Chev Chelios.

But is it a due...

No.

Berald, no.

I don't know.

Vincent Fuckalot.

Terry Leather.

Or is it?

That's pretty good.

Vincent Fuck a lot.

Terry Leather sounds like a Zalman King character.

Just kind of with a Zalman King.

What's going on with me, you ask?

Yes.

Well,

did you guys feel that earthquake this week?

Yeah.

Fluffed through it.

Really?

Didn't even notice.

Didn't even know.

Why are you sleeping at one in the afternoon?

Oh, buddy.

I'm living the comic lifestyle right now.

Have you ever stayed up till nine in the morning?

Feels good.

Yeah.

Oh, right.

And then you're a foal.

You're a night owl.

Yes.

That's why you love a diner so much.

It is.

Yeah.

I like, I'm a

night hawk.

Yeah.

Just going around living that Tom Waits lifestyle.

Being like, feed me a stray cat.

Do you have any nickels I could suck on?

Tim Allen?

Are you thinking of Tim Allen?

I think of Tim Allen.

Oh, this piano needs more power.

Yeah, I felt it.

And you texted me, right?

Yeah, you were on my shortlist of guys I text when there's an earthquake.

Yeah.

How many earthquakes have you ever felt in your life?

I think probably

just this one, to be honest.

I think this was only my second.

Yeah, and we live in what we're told is an earthquake zone.

We're on the fault zone.

Have you felt one before?

Definitely.

Where?

I was on Vancouver Island when I was quite young, and I remember we were all just sitting in class and like we thought like a big truck was going by and then all the teachers were like, everybody down!

Everybody danced down.

It was a different time.

Everybody down.

Remember, we did this drill.

We got to appease the god of the mountain.

Bust a moon.

The one other one I felt was on Vancouver Island, but it couldn't have been yours because it was at night.

Couldn't have been yours.

Yeah.

Well, he would have felt

all night long.

He would have felt it.

Yeah.

Even as a kid, you would do it.

Oh, yeah.

I was up reading Red Wall, just having a great night.

What's that?

You don't know Red Wall?

Here it comes.

Do you?

No.

You guys don't know Red Wall?

I Karumbo.

No, no, no, no, no.

Let's guess.

Eat my shorts.

I'm guessing it is a

from our guest's demeanor.

Red Wall, I'm guessing, is an internet thing.

My thing is, I think it's a book.

I'm guessing it's an internet website that has pictures of dead people.

Like autopsy photos.

From our guest's demeanor, I'm going to guess redwallisrotten.com.

What is it?

What's red door?

Tell us.

Yeah, what's red?

No, what the hell is it?

What's red ceiling?

I gotta be honest, I'm feeling shy.

Oh, really?

I don't want to say.

Okay.

No, I do.

It's a series of children's novels

that are written by the late, great Brian Jacques, who's a stand-up comedian.

They're great.

They're like really good fantasy novels, but all the characters are anthropomorphic animals.

Okay.

And they're very wholesome, very comfy.

These are a chapter book?

Yeah, it's like a scholastic

kind of thing.

They got great.

It's like, you know, like fantasy for kids kind of stuff.

Sure.

But they're really cozy books.

You know what my fantasy for kids is?

Nonstop ice cream.

Yeah, for me, it's like a soda shop.

Yeah.

One day I'm going to own the soda shop.

That's my fantasy.

Speaking of, I walked by a school that has,

it's like in Vancouver.

I don't even remember where it was.

They have slides slides to leave your class.

Whoa.

What?

What?

What?

How are.

Yeah, you can either walk down and then there's two slides.

Unbelievable.

Yeah.

Unbelievable.

I would have liked going to school if that was on Mike.

Oh, I guess just leaving school.

Yeah.

Whoever fought to get that zoning, like

it was a tiny kid in a big suit

for seating airline.

And he was like,

he went to City Hall.

What does Mr.

Baby have to say about that?

Well,

I'm glad you broke it.

I'm something of a boss, baby.

Mr.

Mayo, I like to go down the slide.

I've had a long day.

Mr.

Mayo,

tail down this wall

and put down a sword.

Yeah, I've seen that.

I just, man, oh, man.

Imagination.

Not split hairs.

You said it looks like it's coming out of a classroom.

It's probably coming out of the hallway, right?

No, it's definitely the classroom.

So every classroom has a lot of people.

Whenever the teacher tells everybody to shut up, they all pick her up and throw her down.

It's a flaw with the plan.

Yeah, the kids are running to school.

When you get your class schedule at the start of the year, you're like, oh, fuck, I'm not in the fly day.

Oh, fuck.

I'm not taking...

Because I'm taking English this semester.

That doesn't happen in elementary school.

You just get the one teacher.

I'm in this horrible, rigid prison of stairs, this cubist nightmare.

Yeah.

This brutalist.

Brutalist.

If they had like a second intermission at the very end, he's like, okay, I would have slide.

It gets good at the end.

I'm going to build a slide.

When is the last time either of you guys were on a slide?

Come on.

Come on now.

Recently.

You've been on a slide recently.

Like, would you say in the last six months?

No.

It's too wet.

Too wet.

That's true.

I mean, speaking of wet slides, I went on water slides this summer.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

When was the last time you went down a slide?

Too long.

Yeah.

Too long, for sure.

No, although a couple years ago, I stayed at a hotel and remembered to bring a bathing suit and they had a slide.

And I went down that slide so many times.

When you're at like a bad hotel in like the middle of nowhere and they have a slide and you go there and there's like a bunch of people's kids and you're like, I respect.

Yeah.

You guys are here to have a great time, but I'm going to make the vibe weird because I'm not getting off here.

Here come the jean shorts and away we go.

The rivets are leaving huge gashes in the

fun going down a water slide.

So fun.

Yeah, dude.

Like, like how a kid does, like, at the end, run back.

I'm going to do it again.

Hold the kids out of your way.

I like a good swing, and every time I look at a swing, I'm like, that's not structurally stable for adults.

We need adult swings.

That's my bring that kid back to City Hall.

Let me just Google adult swings.

I don't want Zalman King swing.

I want a nice, clean, wholesome swing for an adult that wants to go high, go low, feel good.

That sounds like

so.

so I,

as an adult, like I'm

going to say it.

As a man made of meat.

Growing up, I was like a little bit motion sick.

I have much worse motion sickness now, and I cannot go on a swing.

Like my kids will go on a swing and I'll go next to them.

And no, I swing forward and back.

I need to go sit down.

Same with amusement park?

I can do roller coaster forward.

Yeah.

I cannot do anything that spins or swings.

Yeah.

Whoa.

But you could do a slide.

Yeah, slide rules.

No motion sickness on a slide.

Yeah.

I mean, a slide lasts about one second.

Two, if you're lucky.

But what if it doesn't?

What if it's just way too tall?

There was that one that the

police officer got injured going down.

Oh my God, that video is good.

And I've seen more videos of that kind of slide with grown-ups just like shooting out the bottom.

When you come down a slide on your belly, it has not gone well.

Yeah.

The slide did not do its intended purpose.

Although, if you come down face forward on your belly, you're having the time of your life.

Or you have no more nipples.

That's right.

Well, some of us here have them, some of us here don't.

Some of us got them blasted off in the 90s when that was a cool thing to do.

Yeah.

Smooth, smooth

torso was all the rage.

Fill in your belly button.

Take off your nipples.

That was maybe the

hot dog.

Nipple piercing decade.

Oh, absolutely.

Good era.

Yeah.

Was it also dick piercing?

I feel like that came later.

I feel like the guys with them got them then, and I don't think there's been a resurgence of that trend.

Does it like, I don't know anything about it, but I have a million.

Yeah, any questions?

I'm open.

Is it like a gauge like either you put in your ear?

Does it seal back after you take out the penis period?

No, it will.

Or does it stay that size?

I think you have to pick pin through it.

You just want to know if you can pee through it.

No, yeah, yes and no.

Well, of course you can.

Because what do you know?

You've got to hold it for the rest of your life.

Oh, does it whistle?

Yeah, I was just going to ask when it's a whistle.

Can you tie it in a knot?

Can you tie it in a button?

I think you probably need to sit down to pee forever, though.

Probably.

Oh, what a terrible fate.

Oh, no.

The best thing ever?

Oh, no.

What a curse.

A delicious treat for the rest of my life?

I knew a guy who got one, and he was like, he was a Mondo sex guy.

And that was like, that was in his circle.

That was the thing people are doing.

Great title.

I'm a Mondo sex guy, but no one believes me.

The guy at the piercing place didn't believe me.

My wife doesn't believe me.

We'll give you a pierced ear or maybe a lip, but dude, you're not giving a...

What is it called, Prince Albert's?

To bring it back around, Mondo Sex Guy is some great merch.

If you're going to get into that guy,

yeah, Mondo Sex Guy is Almond King's merch.

What does it look like, Mondo Sex Guy merch?

Does it have a guy?

Is there a character on it?

Yeah, it's Finodida.

It has a very scientific diagram of a whistling penis.

No, I love that.

Yeah.

Just air goes in.

Like one of those, like in a biology technology.

Like a patent.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

For a whistling penis.

Yeah, the air goes in, it comes out.

Deer

come running from miles away.

sir i hate to tell you this but you've got a whistling fan

is that what i've been hearing all this time also imagine hunting and then you're just like all right i'm gonna call the deer and then you just hear a fly unzip and you're like wait a second

what sound does the deer make i don't know no that's the one is that the one yep um deers are very whimsical creatures that's true they'll come sacheting up

they do sachet

and they're just like did you call

Yeah, so we felt that earthquake.

Yeah, that was good.

Yeah.

One

big jolt.

And then,

well, first I was like, is that a big truck, like you said?

And then five seconds later, oh, another truck.

Yeah, I

thought that a car hit my building because it was small enough that it wasn't like, ah, but it was big enough to be like, what the fuck was that?

Wow.

And

what's your status of

go bags, emergency bags?

You got one?

My homemade toothpaste.

Okay.

It takes up most of the go bag.

A lot.

A giant tub of a go bag.

I got leaves in there.

I got some paste.

I got a lot.

Your lettuce.

Yeah, my go bag is poi.

It's a garbage bag I put over my head.

My go bag has my poi in case there's a music festival when everybody's kind of rebuilding society.

Sure.

Yep.

Yeah, I feel like mine is not up to snuff.

I feel like I could do better with my go bag.

You can buy them right off of amazon already done which is very tempting because do you think like putting together a go bag is fun i feel like for certain people it would be i can clarify it's really fun

it feels really cool

i don't even know what you i mean some sort of water uh water we did a uh when we did let's make a sci-fi we talked to a woman whose job is to like she's a disaster expert and she like consults on movies like disaster movies about

whatever science things that would happen.

But her big thing she told us was: in an actual disaster, the people who survive are the people who like know their neighbors.

Oh, yeah.

Well, then I'm going down flames.

I'll tell you that.

I try to say hi to people, but I don't think any of them would save my life.

It feels too little too late after the disaster when you like knock on the door and you're like, hey,

I brought some cupcakes.

They're made of mulch because there's no more flour.

I know the couple that live across the hall from me.

I know the dude upstairs that always goes for walks.

There's a couple of people that they avoid direct eye contact entirely.

Yeah.

Well, they're going to die.

Or I'm going to die because they know the way out and they won't let me in on it.

Because that weird guy is always trying to make eye contact.

That weird guy is always staring at the way out of your building.

Well, yeah, like if the building's crumbled, you know, maybe they know what floor are you on?

I'm on the not first, second floor.

Oh, okay, not first.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, um, not ground, first floor.

First slide?

Uh, yeah, but it just goes

right from the lobby back up into my house.

I don't know why everybody has to come through my fucking apartment to use the slide, but

that's the lease I signed.

So

keeps the rent down, you see.

So, yeah, earthquake, that ruled.

Yeah.

The other thing I did this week, watch the Pharrell movie.

Oh,

and?

The Lego one.

What do you think?

I guess you could think any of the despicable movies are.

And sure, he did narrate the Grinch.

Oh, he did.

Did you see that one?

The Benedict Cumberbatch one?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did not care for it.

I liked it.

Yeah.

Benedict Cumberbatch's choice for the Grinch was, to me, as bad as Tom Hardy's Bane.

It was interesting.

Where did you find this character inside your...

I hate to tell you, people love Tom Hardy's Bane.

I hate Tom Hardy's Bane.

But

was there ever a voice of Bane that we were supposed to think was a superior voice?

Because that's the first time I've ever heard.

Batman the Animated Series.

And also, Bane is supposed to have a strong.

They made him like Eastern.

I don't know what he is in The Dark Knight Returns, Dark Knight Rises.

But he's supposed to have like, he's supposed to have a Mexican accent.

He's supposed to sound like Guillamo del Toro, honestly.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

I didn't pick that up at all.

I know.

So you think that was the choice, or do you think they put the mask over him and nobody could understand?

I have no idea because I was watching that movie.

Now we're a spoiler alert.

But what, what are we?

Spoiler alert.

But I remember sitting in the theater, and I was like, so hyped, and I was like, this is going to be so great.

And I was like with all my friends, and I was like, this is going to be the greatest thing ever.

And then, you know, they're like doing this whole thing.

And then when he walks up, and it's like, why does he wear the mask?

And it was like, what?

What?

And the rest of the movie was a wash.

Did you, when were you, when did you start stand-up?

Oh, yeah, this is important.

This is important.

Yes.

2012.

Oh, is that the year it came out?

I want to say, yeah.

Because that was every stand-up comedy show had a Bane voice.

I remember that.

Well, some people are still doing it.

Oh, sure.

There are some people that is still in the act.

I have not gone to many comedy shows in the last decade, but I know who you're talking about.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is not a new take, but I think Tom Hardy sucks.

That is really a new take.

Oh, that is a really,

he is a hammy.

I think he just chews the scenery, and I do not think history will look kindly on him.

He was great in Bronson, but he's just great in Bronson.

He makes a decision, and then he's like, All right, how do I find a weird little voice for this?

Like, in Venom, he's like, weird.

Like, I'm just this like guy.

Have you seen the bike riders?

I haven't yet.

What's the bike riders?

That's the one where he's, they're like a motorcycle gang in the 60s.

You know what?

Boy, he has what he's really good in is lock.

He was good at lock, but he was doing a weird accent in lock, too.

What was the one where he was like,

yeah, he was like,

no, he's doing like a northerner where he's like, oh, here's the thing.

Oh, I'm a yacht at Locke.

And it was like, why'd you pick this guy?

There was one where he was, it was a TV show and he was like a peaky blinders.

No, an explorer.

And he had been to like the

young young Indiana Jones?

No, the New World, and he was just like a inscrutable sailor.

Right, yeah, taboo.

Taboo.

Is that also a crazy accent?

Yeah, you can use a weird accent.

Not a single word.

You would have been a good Ross.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

We were on the break.

You stole my sandwich.

I tell you what, you're about to meet Red Ross if you don't eat my sandwich.

I don't know.

I don't really care.

You don't eat my sandwich.

I'm going to be mad if you don't eat that sandwich

anyway pharrell's great

was it good was it good it's a documentary yeah and um it's

like they got so so many uh people

to be in it

was in it i mean cool like to be in it i guess but they're not in it because they're all lego like lego gwen stefani and lego um you know He went to the same high school as Timbaland and Missy Elliott.

Fucking cool.

They're in it for one second each.

They're like, yeah, we went to high school with them.

End of cameo.

So

is it like their voices?

They're actually being interviewed.

Okay.

But is it like them sitting?

Yeah,

they're sitting as Legos.

Yeah, and it's weird.

It's like,

kind of not of a use of the Lego form.

There's one that's like.

Are there little...

Sorry.

Yeah, go for it.

Are there little Lego

chairs that they're sitting in in the interviews?

Yeah.

Why wouldn't there be?

Are they selling those sets now?

Is there like a Missy Elliott on stores?

Like a Missy Elliott Guestavano.

Is there a Missy Elliott Lego figure you can buy now in the store?

I don't know.

Did you?

You know, they made Lego movies before.

They made actually a Lego Batman.

And they sold the sets.

But is there like a Pharrell's high school friend?

Oh, yeah.

There's no set.

No.

You know what?

The answer is no.

But yeah, the weird one was like they interview his wife

like an hour into the movie.

And the guy, the director, is in it as Lego, being like, oh, you don't give interviews.

So I'm glad you actually did this.

And then you don't see her.

She's Lego.

Yeah.

And also, maybe it could be your voice.

Maybe not.

Exactly.

I don't know what Pharrell's wife's voice sounded.

What did she have to say?

Good guy, I like him.

Yeah, when I met him, he was very nice to me.

So I married him.

And he continues to be nice to this day.

My biggest question, as a boy who's played with a lot of Lego, can you now get Pharrell's hat in Lego?

Yes, that is a good question.

I would like all my little figures to have Pharrell's hat.

Well, let's Google it right now.

And also, as a biopic that is like a weird not featuring the people, like in physical form, how does it pair up against the Robbie Williams monkey movie?

It wasn't as good.

Dave has also seen.

So there you go.

There you go.

There is only one Pharrell set.

And it's a space.

Spaceship?

Oh, to commemorate that time, Pharrell went to space.

Of course.

Which cookies do I choose?

Oh, it's a rocket ship, but Pharrell's on the box.

Pharrell's on the box.

Is Pharrell one of the guys in that little...

Must be, right?

These little spacesuits or something like that.

Why?

They're showing it on like a lot of different.

You could have it on a shelf.

You could have it on a desk.

There's a kid putting it together.

There, I'm guessing that might be Pharrell.

I don't think you can get Pharrell's hat.

No, I think you're right.

I think he can get a little space helmet.

Do you remember when Pharrell wore the hat and then Arby's did like a tweet saying, hey, they stole our hat?

Yes.

I thought that was the best.

That was really good.

That was a company like perfect moment, perfect time.

Everybody's talking about Arby's.

There was a moment where all the companies got on Twitter and were being sassy that I will admit, I was like, this is a fun, this is a fun

use of a form.

Yeah, Wendy's is mean to everyone.

Wendy's is getting a bit cruel.

Now I see it, and I'm like, shut up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, it's not fun anymore.

It's not fun anymore.

Yeah.

It was fun when we knew that there was an intern doing it and it was fun.

Yeah.

This is for us.

They were like, this is busy work.

Go ahead, go out there and do your busy work.

Watch friends and tweet on behalf of Wendy.

Anyway, what's going on with you, Graham?

I

this week went to a bit of theater and it's a type of theater that I don't think anybody would be surprised that I like puppets.

I went and saw a puppet show

and it was fucking fantastic.

Um, it's a guy who's seen puppet shows from him before.

He's like the guy in Canada.

He's got like the Order of the Canadian Empire or whatever thing you can have, Governor General Award.

Casey and Finnegan?

Yeah, it's Casey and Finnegan.

It's just them, though.

That's the Mr.

Dressup's not with us anymore.

So they've just taken the act on the road TLC style where they're just Casey and Finnegan.

What is this?

Tell us about it.

Okay.

So this guy.

When you say puppets, hand puppet?

Both.

Hand puppet?

Marionette.

Marionette.

Wow.

So this guy named Ronnie Burquette.

He makes his own puppets.

So he carves them out of wood and like does all the painting and everything.

And then he, this is the thing about it is like a block that's getting gentrified.

So it's all the crazy characters that live on this block.

Sort of an avenue queue.

A little bit, avenue cue, a little bit do the right thing.

You know, it's just like this one neighborhood.

The right thing is pretty heavy for puppets.

This, this puppet was, it was heavy.

Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's

about an old guy getting evicted and where's he going to live next?

And the whole neighborhood, they're going to turn into condos.

And anyways, it was

great.

The only thing that wasn't great is the tickets, the seats that I got.

Terrible.

What theater was it at?

It was at the Culch, the Historic Cult.

I feel like a puppet show, you want to be close.

Well, that's the thing.

I thought I was close, but I realized I was out on the, I thought there was another level beyond me.

But

I bought whatever was available because it sold out so fast.

Nice.

But I've got glasses now that I'm supposed to use for distance.

For puppets.

For puppets.

All sorts of hand marionettes

for your meat.

Yeah,

but

I forgot them.

So I couldn't make out the face of any of these puppets.

Just looking at their body language.

Which is really what you need.

Yeah, you did need a lot of it.

Otherwise, it's just a vague felt shape.

Yeah,

I could only make out kind of a blurry face.

I had to go on a website, look at what the characters look like after.

Did you go with your wife?

I did.

I went with my wife, Sally.

And could she make out of the faces?

Yeah, of course.

Did you get her to describe them?

Yeah, what does that guy look like?

She's like, he's got big eyebrows.

They go up and down.

Nothing else moves.

Yeah, there was no ventriloquist puppets in this.

this was strictly strictly like and a marriage but he makes these marionettes and they're so intricate I don't understand how many you can do that like

characters in a scene like at one he can only do two just him he doesn't just him a person

so you can only do two at once but he can have a third one standing there even Jim Hansen had frank oz That's right.

And he didn't want to work with him.

He kept calling him Miss Piggy as well.

Well, no, he did want to work with him because Miss Piggy was quite important.

That's true.

But yeah, I went and saw a puppet show.

Ask me anything.

We have been.

Do the puppets have belly buttons?

That's a great question.

They're all wearing clothes.

Oh, no, yeah, they're all fully clothes.

Point.

Thank God.

God, they were.

Oh, my God.

Erotic Puppet Joe?

Were they?

Salmon King's felt desire.

Were they

humanoids?

They were humanoids.

Okay, no, no, you know,

jalapeno on a stick.

Yeah.

That's the thing.

Like, the umbrella of puppets is pretty inclusive.

Yeah, that's very welcoming.

Well, sometimes Jim Henson, like the Henson Creature Workshop, would come out with a thing that they're like, we don't even know what this is.

We just like the guy, and it's just like a biggle.

Yeah, humanoid is good.

Yeah, humanoid.

Were there any talking animals?

No, but there was a dog that was incredible and could like shake off like how a dog would after being in the water or whatever.

Was there dialogue heavy or very like dialogue heavy?

Okay.

Is there a lot of action?

There wasn't very much action.

The dog was a cruel that ran around and it was fantastic.

Cool.

But it's an old guy, so it's very slow moving.

So nobody's running or anything.

Hello, does somebody dance at some point?

Maybe I think they did.

Did anyone do like a...

It was like

no further questions.

Case dismissed.

Do you think the guy's arms are super strong and jacked because he has to do this for like eight years?

But see, he did this where he's reaching up, and then he went upstairs, and then he's the area.

Wow.

Yeah, he does it all this time.

Does he look like he has very developed shoulders?

Man, I should have been lucky.

Do you see?

You're like, I have no idea.

Is he well hidden or is he clearly part of it?

Yeah, you can see him the whole time.

But it's amazing that eventually you're just watching the puppets and this dude controlling them, anyways.

It was fantastic.

I don't know how many puppet theater shows there are touring around.

What do you mean it sold out so fast?

Like within minutes, or these did you think within a day?

Okay, yeah, but like he's there for like 10 days or something.

Also, why don't you go back another time?

Because it was the last night.

Oh, that's what I thought.

I was like, I'll buy another ticket, we'll go back, get to see these Muppets, whatever.

Listen, Puppets, Muppets, whatever.

I bought my tickets this week to Dog Day at the Nat.

Nice.

Ever been to Dog Day?

No.

I don't know what that is.

It's

the Vancouver Canadians.

It's the one game a year where you can bring your dogs

to the baseball game.

Some dogs thrive.

Some dogs, it's too much.

I'm not from here, so I don't know what the Vancouver Canadians are.

So I just nodded and was like, yes, of course.

Yeah.

Right.

Dog Day is a good one to go to if you just want to pet some dogs.

You don't necessarily have to have a dog.

Yeah, that sounds like a great time.

So there's baseball going on, all the accoutrements associated with baseball and the dogs.

And I assume families.

Families, sure.

Yeah.

Well, no, actually, they split up families.

You're not allowed to sit with your family.

All the kids over here, dogs over there.

You got to pick.

The last time I went, there was a wiener dog dressed like a hot dog, and I just thought, well, this is just the best place for that to be at a ball game.

When's that?

What's the date?

I think there's two.

There's one in June and one in July.

Going twice then.

Going twice.

And good luck to our team, the Vancouver Canadians.

Who won last night?

Do you won the series?

the spoken you're killing me are you a Canadians fan no I mean like I I'm a fan of going out to a night of baseball yeah yeah

you baseball fan no not at all

I could barely tell you how it works my dad loves it and that was never a point of connection between you and yourself he watched every sport so I had to pick the ones that I could understand what was happening which ones I like hockey I like football I like boxing hard to not understand boxing.

Yeah, boxing is pretty.

And you're just a 50-50 shot.

You just pick somebody at the end of the day.

You go, I like your shorts.

And then he loses and you go, well, Drat.

And then.

Did you switch shorts with the other guy?

Because I do like those shorts.

Those are winner shorts.

Yeah, and then you switch and you go, well, he actually had cooler shoes.

I would love that better than a belt that they bring out shorts that you get to wear.

Or shorts and a belt.

That would work.

The winner gets just a giant billowing pair of hand ones, and you're like, you get to show these off.

And ones.

Football is a harder one to understand, I think, because there's like football is a little more complex.

It's like, why do they have to get rid of the ball?

Why is the clock stopped?

It's like a series of tiny battles, and the game itself is a war,

which is kind of fun when you think about it that way.

So true.

If Napoleon was alive now, he would be Bill Belichick.

With a hot take.

I've said that many times.

If Napoleon was alive now, him and Bill Belichick would be like, that would be the Wellington kind of thing.

That's how you would get a kid interested in history.

Yeah.

Like, you know, Bill Belichick.

Or alternatively, get the jocks to stop beating up a history series.

Oh, picturing a kid in high school.

That's just history.

Buddy, his name is Miles Anderson, and I knew him.

Past guy's Miles Anderson.

Yes.

We went to high school together.

Did you?

Yeah.

Was he, is he a.

He was the exact same person.

Yeah.

Picture that in a modern high school.

Was he a band guy?

I feel like he would have been a band guy.

Not even.

Nope.

No.

He was his own orbit.

Wow.

People are like, there's the guy that does Monty Python quotes and plays piano.

There you go.

I can see those.

That makes sense to you.

Yeah.

What were you in high school?

What would he say about you?

I had slick back hair, leather jacket, Corvette.

Hey, bike rider.

It's made a bike rider.

I died in the 60s, came back to haunt the guy I used to bully later, you know?

That kind of thing.

Yeah.

You haunted the guy who bullied.

No, you bullied?

The guy I bullied, yeah.

It was a sometimes they come back thing, and then the movie ended differently, and I just kind of continued.

That's sometimes they come back.

You guys don't know Red Wall, and Sometimes They Come Back.

I thought you guys would have picked up on that one.

It was a Stephen King story about a guy whose bullies all died in a car accident, and he becomes a teacher, and then some of the students are exactly like his old bullies, and he's like, what the heck?

And it turns into just a very fun ghost story, and it got a pretty fun, I think, made-for-TV adaptation, which is now on Shudder.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

I love Shudder.

I love Shudder, too.

Big fan of Shudder.

Yeah.

Everybody, shout out to Shudder.

Shout out to Shudder.

Shout out to the Prime Evils on Shudder.

Have you watched that one?

No.

It's so fun.

Yeah, I feel like you would like it.

Yeah, the Prime Evils.

So it's stopped motion.

Like, like.

I'm already interested.

I'm sold.

Like the California Raisins.

Kind of.

Yeah.

Like the sledgehammer video.

It's like

the Argonauts, like Jason and the Argonauts.

Like a Ray Harryhausen kind of thing.

Yeah, okay.

So it's a guy who was kind of of that ilk, and then he wrote it in the 60s, could never find funding.

Right.

And then in the 90s, he finally got some funding to do a made-for-TV movie, and then he passed away suddenly in the 50s.

And then his like friends and proteges and stuff, because apparently he was like the guy in that field.

They just worked forever.

And then there was a

like a GoFundMe, and they raised enough money to just kind of like push it over the finish line.

Oh, nice.

And it's crazy.

So it was written in the 60s.

All of the live action.

Don't tell it again.

A lot of that stuff doesn't hold up.

It's like crazy.

Yeah, it's nuts.

Like every death scene, somebody has a monologue, and they're just like, and for the mom.

It's a very sluggish.

It's a slur after slur after slur.

There is, and then it was shot in the 90s.

So there's like a Nepalese character who's just like a white chick with like a tan, and you're like, okay, okay, all right.

It's sort of those signs you can.

So it's not all claymation.

No, no, no, but the monsters.

It's live action and it looks very made for TV.

And then the claymation and like all the special effects are all like

practical, like claymation and very fun.

Like lizard people, lot of yet.

I'm in.

I'm in.

I'm all the way in.

Prime Evals.

But there is a caveat of like, you do have to take certain things into consideration of when it was made and who wrote it.

Have you seen that thing where Stephen King, when he's talking on Conan, telling the story about writing a story?

He has this story that he wrote where it's a man and his wife at an airport, and she needs to use the washroom, and she uses the washroom, doesn't come out.

And another couple won't go to the washroom, she doesn't come out.

And then it just escalates and escalates and escalates.

Now there's like a hundred people in the bathroom, and Stephen King stopped writing it because he's like, I don't know what's happening.

He's like, I got this far.

Oh, man.

Do you guys want to move on to some overhers?

Sure.

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Overheard.

Overheards.

When you hear them, we want to hear them.

It's only right.

It's only just to make that happen.

We always like to start with the guest.

Darcy, do you have an overheard?

I do.

Okay.

I was leaving a comedy show and right as i left it was an open mic somebody got on the stage and they opened their set with we owe limp biscuit a huge apology

yeah

and then i was yeah i was like 100 yeah great premise yeah there was there was no follow-up but that was i was like all right good way to start good way i'm think i'm gonna open most conversations with that

and what's the apology we owe them uh he was and then they were just talking about how, you know, Limpiscat's awesome.

I was like, yeah, fair enough.

Fair enough.

He just kind of wanted to get to like Nookie somehow.

Sure.

And then he was like, I've done a lot of things for Nookie.

And I was like, okay, I've heard this premise before.

But just the sentence, we owe Limpiscat.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, they had

incredible success.

Yeah.

I would argue they've had a lot of ups and downs.

Sure.

But

in the age, Gen Z seems to really like the fusion of hip-hop and metal.

Who was there first?

Yeah.

Who was there first?

I like the fact that this is

coming back around.

Yeah.

You know, I feel like it needs an encore.

Not Kid Rock per se, but what's your

rock rap bands?

Kid Rock, I feel like, is unfortunately in the Zenit.

Yeah, he's in the rap.

Tragically, he is in the conversation.

I thought you were going to say tragically hip.

I don't know that.

Don't tell me what that power.

No, that's not bad.

I was going to try to find a a way to hip-hop, and then I was like, I'm going to stop this here.

No, Graham, drop a beat.

Banga, da, dang, dang, dang.

And I'll do weird guitar noises.

Okay.

Now you rap.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Listeners at home turning off.

We'll give them a lot of opportunity to do so.

So that's mine.

I have a couple.

Okay.

Do you want to go us two and then you, and we'll come back to you.

Okay.

The other two are nowhere near as fun as that.

Okay.

Here's mine.

I'm Dave.

Hi, Dave.

I was at Home Depot.

Yeah.

Love that place.

Yeah.

What's your shopping for there?

I was looking for some things.

We have a very slippery step outside, and I wanted like a little grippy strip.

Yeah.

And I could not find them.

The website said there were Isle 22, Bay 20.

They weren't there.

Shit.

Maybe they were Ile 20, Bay 22.

But I was looking for someone to help me.

No one would help me.

Really?

I thought they were kind of good at this.

Well, they were just, I couldn't find anyone.

Wow, shit.

They were hiding.

They were hiding.

And then by the time when I,

so I turned around a corner, and there were these two kind of like

dirtbaggy looking dudes.

Sure.

It's funny, like,

the way you get followed around in a store hasn't changed.

Like, styles change, but having a giant oversized coat and giant pants, baggy pants falling down, you're going to get followed around a store in the 90s, the 2000s.

What a whole drill in there.

No, you know, no problem.

And so there were these two guys dressed like that, and a woman working there said, Can I help you?

And the guy goes, Yeah, you can help the guys watching me.

Because he was like, Why am I getting

followed around?

Well, you are.

Yeah.

And it's like, man, yeah.

Guys with huge baggy pants, you're going to follow them around.

We're getting followed around.

I just want to purchase this giant DeWalt saw that I'm trying to shove in my coat.

Why are you guys being weird?

And it was, I did a very like, but she like, there were two of these guys.

She kind of had to deal with both of them.

And then finally she was like, and how can I help you to me?

Well,

you got these grippy things or don't you?

Yeah, one of these grippy things.

Oh, here they are.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, I know.

And it's like right on the shelf behind you.

No, it was.

She showed me where they were.

They were the wrong size.

The website says they had the right size, so I had to find her again and be like.

Your website says.

Your website says.

And I got them.

Yeah.

Installed?

Installed.

Nice.

I'm going to throw a crazy idea.

You guys feel free to tell me no.

Okay.

While they were all watching those sketchy guys, you should have stolen the grippy strips.

I know.

If I could have found them, baby, I would have.

It's a red herring.

You're like,

these are my guys I bring in the store.

All right, back in the truck, boys.

These are my goons.

Is it Kennedy and Tyre or Home Devil that has the scary dude at the checkout?

I think it's going to be.

Kennedy and Tyre.

Yeah.

Kenny Entire has a scary guy.

Like a full-fledged bouncer-looking guy.

Yeah.

And you did not want to piss him off.

What are you doing?

You don't want him to think you're cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I've tried some different moves and

nothing yet.

You can't rasmataz.

Try it.

You do the worm, right?

I do the worm up to the tilt.

No nipples, no belly button.

Just make your way over.

What about you?

My overheard comes courtesy of Mark Chavez.

We were doing a show at the Vancouver Club, and he was in the audience while I was on stage.

and I did a joke about poutine and a lady next to him an older lady went it's disgusting

she said it to him to herself

it's disgusting

oh he overheard it yeah he overheard this lady saying it's disgusting um

she was harvey feierstein yeah it's repulsive we had a sometimes people like write uh to us about things we said on the show and someone was like dave i know dave doesn't like poutine but you should try this i never said i don't don't like poutine.

Yeah, you like poutine.

I like poutine.

Here's my problem with it.

Oh, that it's slimy?

No, that it's they do it in a they should do it on a tray where you can evenly distribute the toppings because you get it in a bowl.

At the bottom of the bowl, nothing's been touched by the gravy or the cheese.

Yeah, you should get like the end of a milkshake.

You should have like gravy you can pour in.

It's like nachos.

It's like if you get a big pile of nachos.

You want them baked different layers.

Yeah.

Your gravy is far too thick.

That is some thick gravy.

If you're not even touching the bottom, yeah, you want a thinner gravy?

You want it to make its way down.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to save some curds on the side while you're.

We should be able to go up and go, can I get a double poutine thin gravy?

Yeah.

It says on your website you have it.

So

you had another one?

I had one more.

Okay.

This one's kind of kookies.

I was on the all right.

Mysterious.

Ookie, here we go.

And we did it all for the kooky.

I was on the the ferry traveling back to the island in an Aymo and I went to the White Spot Cafe that they have and I was eating a BC burger.

There you go.

Not endorsed, but just a fan.

It's a good burger.

I'm sitting there eating a good burger.

It was like, I was like having a good day.

It was like cold, wet, and I was like, just eating a burger.

And I was like, life is good.

This is good.

And it was just kind of grimy out.

And very gruff men were, it was just like kind of a mid midweek midday sale.

And this like very gruff dude just kind of starts shouting across like the dining area.

And it was like,

I don't remember what, but like, says this guy's name, like, Trane McMaster.

And then the other guy just like looks over and he's like, Train McMaster.

And he's like, Do I know you?

And he goes, You shot me.

Wow.

And then, like, he's like, Do I know you?

And then they're, and he's like, Do you still know Kevin?

He was like, I know Kevin.

And then they sat together.

And like, these guys weren't that old.

Like, they were like 40.

Kevin shot a bunch of.

Yeah.

Well, it was also like.

This might have been my Home Depot guys.

Yeah.

Bouncer.

Hey, yeah, I was like, how many people have you shot that you don't even know which one this is?

That's real old West style.

It was some root and tootin' saloon business.

And then they hung out for the rest of the ferry ride, and I followed them.

What did they look like?

Big,

fat,

but like big bellies.

Somebody who could absorb a bullet.

Somebody who looks like a bullet could get lost in their system.

It just goes into the bloodstream.

Somebody who looks very strong.

They looked like.

But the Magneto pulls it out.

It's the only way.

I mean, if you guys had seen the movie, that would have hit pretty hard.

Which X-Men was it in?

Two, I'm pretty sure.

I've seen all of them.

They just didn't.

X-2, X-Men United.

I saw the first one.

I think I saw the first three.

Then they started Time Travel.

Brett Ratner was terrible.

Time Traveling one was great.

When did Kelsey Grammer come into the picture?

Was that the second one?

He came in three, I'm pretty sure.

That's the best.

That's the best one.

Was Nightcrawler still in that one?

I think he was.

He was the best blue guys.

Those were some blue boys.

Oh, Rebecca Romaine was one of the blue guys as well.

Wasn't she?

She was in two.

She's the one that put the blood in the guy's system.

What was her name again, though?

Mystique.

Mesquite.

Mesquite.

Mesquite.

Smoke it.

She put the smoke in the guy's bloodstream.

Now that we're combining all these franchises together, they should really just put the mask.

in just regular Marvel franchises.

Yeah, the mask.

Somebody pointed that out that the comic book, he becomes a serial killer when he puts the mask.

It's super dark.

Yeah.

But they figured out a way to make it for kids.

Oh, well.

Great movie.

Yeah.

I want to see a gritty ruby.

That's, you know,

that's just me.

It exists and it's called Son of the Mask.

Oh, yeah.

Starring Jamie Kennedy.

Which it's a real debate whether which one's better.

Only one of them had Jamie Kennedy.

Yeah, only one one best picture.

Now, we also have Overheard sent into us by people all over the world.

Are the Razzies still happening?

Oh, yeah.

I think so.

Yeah, not that long ago.

Because, like, it's kind of a cool thing if you're the subject of it to show up.

Yeah.

Is it still?

It shows.

Yeah.

Do we still need it?

They issued an apology because they gave one to Bruce Willis.

Right.

And then Bruce Willis was like, I have dementia.

And they were like, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

He's just like trying to provide.

He's like, am I going to win it all right?

Give me the trophy.

Here are your nominees this year.

Borderlands.

Ooh, yeah.

Terrible.

Joker Foliadu.

Madam Webb.

Madam Webb's so bad.

Megalopolis.

I didn't see Megalopolis.

And Reagan.

Oh, God, Reagan.

What a year we have for movies that the Oscars are really good and the Razzies are phenomenal.

Yeah.

These are truly.

I've only seen three best picture of the ten best pictures in the Oscars, and I've seen two of the worst pictures.

Which ones?

I saw Megalopolis and Madam Webb.

Madam Webb should win.

I haven't seen the other ones, but there's no way they can out-bad.

Borderlands is a train wreck.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Is it based on a video game?

Yes.

Okay.

Those are those are always kind of hard.

And it looks expensive.

Like, Jack Black voices a robot.

Like, it's, it's a

voice a robot for less than $10,000.

It's starring Kate Blanchette.

We love her.

I know.

Yeah, we stand, Kate.

And she's in this awful film.

It's crazy that she's in it.

Sometimes all the elements are there.

They just don't.

You know,

it's a collaborative process.

Exactly.

So that's what makes it so compelling is that we're all trying to reach this vision, but what is the vision?

What is the

what are we even talking about yeah um i'm just here cashing a paycheck

uh now we also have overheards sent in to us by people all over you want to send one you can send it into sby at maximumfund.org uh this uh first one is a bit of uh graffiti uh no this isn't graffiti this is on a small basketball hoop toy so my friend's got his kid a small toy basketball hoop from a flea market.

The blackboard said a bunch of inspiring words printed on it like shoot, jump.

But the biggest words in all caps was surmount.

Come on, kids.

Overcome.

Decimate.

Yeah, surmount, sure.

Fancier word, you know, but that's a weirdly gritty child.

Yeah.

We'll surmount.

We'll surmount, I think.

I feel like it went through a translator.

Oh, yeah, it does.

Probably originally a French hoop.

That's why it was, you can find it in the flea market.

French hoops.

Blances.

Saute.

This next one is a graffiti.

This is an ad.

It's from Izzy from Montreal.

An ad for Bixie bikes.

Do we know what Bixie bikes?

They're like rentable bikes.

Yeah.

Like they were the original, you know.

Like Car to Go, but for bikes.

Yeah.

Yes.

Like the whatever Shaw bikes we have here.

But they've got, they had them way long ago.

Okay.

Yeah.

Bixie trails on it.

Bixie might even run our local bikes just without their name.

Oh, I think it's just a bike sharing mammoth behemoth.

It goes all the way to the top.

This is an ad for Bixie bikes.

Had 69 written on it.

And beneath.

Nice.

Pardon me.

Such a funny number.

69.

But 96, hardly, that's not fun at all.

Well, it's like you're got your backs to each other.

What are you going to suck?

What?

Oh,

sorry.

Yeah,

right.

It's double suck.

It's zero suck.

It's a zero suck game.

This last one comes from Alice in Chicago.

Alice in Chicago?

Yeah, isn't that a weird name?

I mean, and where is she from?

Boston.

Overheard on a residential street in Chicago.

Two guys in their mid-20s were crossing an intersection.

The first guy pointed down the cross of the street and asked, you know what's on that block?

And the other one responded, isn't there a 7-Eleven at the end?

And the first guy shakes his head and goes, no, that's the block where I jumped off a porch.

Remember the big thing?

They dedicated this block to me.

That's somebody who knows exactly where they belong.

Yeah.

That's somebody who's like, right here, baby.

This is this, come on.

This is my neighborhood.

Yeah.

It's the Chicago way.

they bring up a porch you bring a set of jumping juice allison stop solving crimes we gotta have a barbecue

i assume also it's like it's his territory right like i work this corner oh yeah that's my perch porch either

allison chicago who are the people who have last names dr detroit

car in san diego steve houston mr new york that feel like that's pit bull you're thinking of oh at least mr worldwide mr worldwide

who's Who's Miss San Francisco or Mr.

San Francisco?

Also, imagining the circumstances that a guy jumped off a porch, like somebody litters and he's like, not in my hood, and then does like a $6 million man

and jumps back up onto the porch.

Also, he could just be one of those guys that films videos of him like jumping through a table.

I feel like there's a guy that does that.

That's his whole...

Super, superhuman.

Superhuman.

And he always goes on his belly and always gets hurt.

Yeah, he's awesome.

Yeah.

I love him.

But do you think he's getting hurt for real?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Because he's just like, all right, I'm going to jump.

But he was like, I'm going to throw my elbow into this toaster and we'll just like do it and then clearly be injured and then be like, thanks for watching.

And I'm like, you're the greatest guy on the internet.

Yeah.

I saw one where he jumped on a box fan that was running at the time.

You'll jump into Lego.

Yeah.

Like he clearly just injures himself.

He loves wrestling.

He's awesome.

If I threw my elbow into a toaster, I'd take it out and put some butter on it.

Maybe a little everything but the bagel.

Yeah.

Some jam.

Maybe you get some preserves around.

You're going to say, if I throw my elbow into a a toaster bidder, give me back my hot pocket.

In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

Spypod 1, like these people have.

Hello, King's a Boco, Impossible Guest.

This is Philip in New West.

I'm phoning in and overseeing at the Sawasson Ferry Terminal parking lot.

on a family day weekend.

I spotted a sticker on the back of a pickup truck, which I initially thought might have said something like, identify as a Prius or something, but it actually read, no babies on board.

Feel free to slam into me.

All right, off I go.

Nice.

Yeah.

I'm not one of those uptight guys.

Like, hey, drive into my truck.

That's a real badass.

Hit me.

Yeah.

If you had only one chance at a bumper sticker, what would it say?

Like one.

Because I mean, there's my upticker.

You only get one shot.

That's right.

It's the low stakes eight-mile.

One-shot, whatever.

Yeah, You get one shot to name a bumper sticker.

Yeah, it's about a guy who's got a bumper sticker idea.

He's got a freestyle of bumper stickers.

Yeah.

Any idea?

Trapped in trunk, dog driving, call cops.

Love it.

Love it.

Great.

You came up with that.

It was so easy.

Dave, bumper sticker?

We already know my bumper sticker idea is, if you can read this, back up onto those left turn sensors.

That's a big bumper sticker.

Yeah.

Really small print, though, because you know that you're close enough to.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mine would just say C-Fox.

Oh, sure.

Qualify for that.

Fox Rocks.

Yeah.

Next phone call.

Hey, this is Markham in Utah.

I was just driving to work, and a truck passed me for a business called Operation Poop Freedom.

That's the name of the business.

You know, soldier's outfit with the helmet and everything, throwing out a peace sign.

Apparently, they come to your house and they pick up poop.

So no freaking way.

Off I go.

Operation Poop Freedom.

So it's letting dogs go where they want.

Let dogs be free, man.

If you have a dog that you just let in your backyard to go to the bathroom and you don't want to pick it up, they'll come to your house and clean up your yard.

That's nice.

I mean, it's nice of you to offer up your yard, too.

That guy sounded like steve mre who is a youtuber who reviews mre foods and frequently eats mre's from like world war one and two sounded exactly like that guy all right shout out to steve mre people at home know what i'm talking about absolutely yeah he's no guy jumping into objects but he's

equally in danger you know what mre stands for nope it's a ration thing that's what i'm thinking meals ready to eat i think so i was gonna say mamburgers and root beer

yes everybody anyway the guy called back okay

Hey, this is Mark.

I'm calling again.

I just called about the Operation Goop Freedom.

I just looked it up, and apparently that's not the name of the business.

The name of the business is Scoop Soldiers.

Never leave a pile behind.

Slogan.

All right.

Anyway.

Scoot Soldiers.

Scoop Soldiers.

Scoop Soldiers.

Never leave a pile behind.

About a month ago our phone calls got harder to understand i think something happened to our service and i've complained to them and they're just like they're more they're tinnier tinnier if anyone out there wants to just

send us a voice memo from your phone spy at maximumfun.org it is more fun to get it from a phone though you know oh yeah but we don't want you to we don't yeah don't make a barrier Yeah, like there's some that I'm like, oh, is this good enough to listen to?

There's been more that I have to reject just on technical grounds lately, lately, and I hate to have to do that.

So, uh, yeah,

level up, everybody.

Yeah, but also, though, if you're listening from our

message provider company, respond to my emails.

These calls are getting worse.

Come on.

Come on, you guys.

You've got a reputation to protect, right?

All right, here's our final phone call.

Scoops and jerseys.

Hi, Dave Graham and Paul Guest.

This is Sarah in Fort Collins, Toronto.

Calling in with an overseeing some years ago, but I think about it all the time.

I was sitting in a light and I watched the guy pull a pint of pen and jerries out of a grocery bag and open it.

I don't know.

It was very slow.

It seems very sad.

Open it and then just eat it like with his teeth, scraping it, no spoon, just like going after it for a while to go online.

Yeah, very sad, very screamy.

Anyway, off I go.

Love you.

Love you too.

Love you too.

Raw duck and some ice cream.

No scoop.

With just your front teeth.

I mean, now that I've heard it, sounds great.

Yeah.

I've seen a guy do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We were drunk and he went to a quarter store and he was like, I'm going to get some snacks.

And I was like, okay.

And then he came out with just like a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

And I was like, and then he just pulled it off and just started like, oh my gosh.

You can do it like an apple.

You can't get that far with just your teeth.

Yeah.

Your face is.

You kind of have to peel it off as you went.

Or just throw it out because you're drunk.

Or like if it starts to melt, you can squish it up like a a pushback.

You can slow down.

When I've been in like, whenever I go to like a smaller town where I'm worried that there's not going to be anything open to eat, I always get like...

Bring an MRE.

Yeah, what are they?

Are they in cans?

Are they in boxes?

What are these?

They're in bags, and they come with self-heating pouches that you just have to add water.

Oh.

Canada's got a bunch.

We have great.

Self-heating?

Yeah.

So they're in a bag, and then Steve could explain this a lot better than I am.

You mean Markham from Utah?

But yeah, you like add water, and then you just heat it up and then like, you know, it's just kind of like omelets and stuff like that.

Also go great in a safety package for an earthquake emergency.

Oh, I'm sure.

MREs.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Because it's all like these drying or something or something.

Yeah, everything's shelf stable.

Canada's got some great ones.

You mean, are they military-issued?

Usually ours are military-issued, but sometimes they're just like for emergencies and stuff like that.

But sometimes you can buy them.

I think oftentimes you can buy them online after they've like kind of expired or just like they're like, all right, we have new ones.

So we're going to sell these in surplus.

Yeah, and then, yeah, Canada's are cute.

Ours always come with a Kit Kat and a little thing of PowerAid.

That's cute, yeah,

and sometimes a coffee crisp.

Oh, that is as Canadian as it gets.

Yeah, that's pretty cute.

When you're like in a battle zone and you're like, I get a little coffee crisp, they got a poutine.

I think it's disgusting,

disgusting, disgusting.

Anyway, Toronto, come see Graham on March 16th.

He'll do that poutine show.

Absolutely.

Oh, wait, no, he won't.

He's doing Instagram.

I'll do the joke.

I'm fine.

And yeah.

Darcy, thank you so much for being our guest.

Thank you for having me.

Sorry.

What do you mean?

Oh, it's just about all of it.

No, you were great.

I had a great time.

This was a ton of fun.

I feel like this was a very local reference-heavy one.

And then hearing callers from Utah and Boston, I was like, I forgot you guys have an international audience.

Alice in Chicago

from Boston.

Alice in Chicago sounds like a pseudonym that Sasha Baron Cohen came up with in The Dictator.

I don't know.

Allison Bergers.

My references are dying today.

Well,

you say Sasha Baron Cohen, we're like, okay, here comes one of his popular movies.

The dictator is great.

I would stand by that.

It's fine, but

it's not what he's known for.

Yeah, he didn't do well.

Well, that's great.

Yeah, do you have anything?

Anything?

Where can people find you online?

You can find me on Instagram.

I have a very small following.

I have like a thousand followers.

I don't really, I'm not great at social media.

So you don't put anything up there?

Is this what you're doing?

I'm trying to get into clips, but my God,

is it a wearisome and tedious process?

Oh, stand-up clips?

Yeah.

Yeah.

My hat's off to anybody who does it.

A lot of my friends are doing it with aplomb.

They're doing it with great success.

Good for them.

But yeah, I'm online, and you can catch me touring regionally.

Yeah, when are you going?

Where are you going to Castlegar?

Yeah,

we're doing the BC in you tour coming up.

I think it's in, I want to say, March.

If you live in BC and you see BC in you coming to your town, I am on that tour and I'm going to be doing my little yokes.

Nice.

And yeah,

my little yokes, which is what I am all about.

Little yokes from very sick chicken.

This sick chicken's going to be doing some little yokes.

This guy's doing sick chickens.

And I would like to promote, I am a guest on our friend's The Evil Men podcast.

We did an episode all about the evil Eric Clapton.

Yes, that's such a good one.

Oh, I can't wait.

I can't wait.

Love that podcast.

Cannot wait for that episode.

Is that the ones coming out this week?

Dude, it's out.

It's out?

Yeah.

And I like listening to it when I'm washing the dishes.

When you're doing busy work?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ah, Friends is more.

There was a Friends podcast I was listening to.

Did you guys ever see David Schwimmer go on Shark Tank?

No.

He went on.

His friend had

pitching?

His friend was pitching his pancake mix.

And he was like, I'm Dave, Dave Schwimmer.

Call me Dave.

And my friend is, this is his company.

I have nothing to do with it, but I just want you to know I love these pancakes.

We call them Schwimmer's flippers.

Yeah.

That's nice.

And then I went on and I said, pancake should be free.

They're like, how do you make money with this, Dave?

I don't.

I just want to tell tell you.

They're not worth anything.

Well, the little dollar pancakes, they're worth something.

The little silver dollars?

Yeah, that's what they call them.

One of my top tweets ever was the first day of pancake making school.

They tell you, forget everything you know about the size of silver dollars.

Oh, and you know what?

You're bringing the heat to Blue Sky these days.

One tweet a week on Blue Sky.

Well, everybody, if you like the podcast, please listen in.

You know, listen to Dave's podcast he's doing this week.

Listen to all the podcasts, is what I'm trying to say.

And Max Fun Drive's coming up in a couple of weeks.

So listen to that podcast.

Yeah, something for you to listen to then.

And we love you very much, and it's been a pleasure to watch you grow up.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.