Episode 881 - Jesse Thorn

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 881 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark, and with me is a Rad Dad dad in plaid mr dave shumka

um yeah i'm a red dad i'm in plaid uh boy uh

this is one of the most like

you can rhyme anything yeah i know am i mad am i sad no i'm glad yeah but uh

anyway yeah i am here and so happy to be here on this blessed day oh yeah that's right every day is a blessing but today especially midweek is the the most blessed yeah this is this is like wednesday at 12:40.

We are just over the hump.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Oh, it's all downhill from here.

Yeah.

Well, Graham and I work

9 to 5.

We do shift work here on the pod.

And actually, I guess if it's 9 to 5, 1 p.m.

would be the hump.

That's right.

And we get to have a safety meeting later because we do

every day, daily.

podcast safety meeting.

Yeah, and I'm just a chance to get high.

Yeah.

And I reset the sign days since we got high to zero.

Our guest today, a returning guest of the podcast, he is not only the founder of Maximum Fun,

he's also a member, and

he's the co-host of

ball.

And he's the bailiff on Judge John Hodgman.

It's Jesse Thorne.

Hello, Jesse.

Oh, hi, friends.

I'm so happy to be here.

You guys know this.

This is my favorite podcast.

This is a total dream.

Oh, that's kind of you to say that.

It's factually true.

That's what everyone says when they're here.

And then we'd never hear from them again.

This is my favorite podcast.

Young stand-up comedian.

Should we get to know us?

Yeah.

Get to know us.

Jesse, Jay Tho,

you're on a tour currently with Judge John Hodgman.

Where all have you?

Is it just the Pacific Northwest?

What does it go across the country?

This is the last leg.

So we did a Northeast.

You know, Hodgman is a very major main celebrity.

Who are the big main celebrities?

Well, there's a

genre called main humor.

And it's just guys who talk real slow, like this.

And they say different things about boats.

And it's like,

they're big into audio comedy there.

Is this radio?

Or these are Castano comedians?

These are cassette tapes that you buy at gas stations.

That's where I get most of my content, gas stations, a lot of Hilarion the Cable Guy, DVDs.

I went to Hodgman's house in Maine, and he made me sit in front of his stereo and listen to an album of Maine humor.

What was it called?

I can't remember.

Tom and I or something like that.

Anyway, he went down to the dock to get the boat started.

Oh, oh, oh.

The boat noise?

That's the boat sound, yeah.

It's pretty good.

It's pretty good.

I mean, it's not starting.

It doesn't sound like it's starting.

Yeah.

Vancouver's pretty all right.

I don't have a problem with it.

So you went Maine?

We did Northeast.

We did the Midwest, you know, your Ann Arbor, Michigans and stuff.

And this is our West Coast.

So we're starting here, and we're going to go Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, LA.

And you can catch them on tour before that.

Last episode comes up.

It's great.

I'm excited.

It's been a long time since we've been to Vancouver.

Yeah.

It's nice to be here.

It's nice to enjoy the combination of natural splendor and 1970s industrial park that is Vancouver, British Columbia.

Yep.

Yep.

Yeah,

it's great.

It's great to be here.

What's 1970s industrial park?

Every building?

Every building?

But the city,

every commercial building and all of those residential towers.

Downtown, you mean?

All the glass?

Glass?

Yeah, glass, cement, gray things.

Yeah.

yeah, it's true,

mid-rise buildings, yeah, the mid, the high,

yeah, the lows.

Uh, I definitely feel like I am on the set of Battlestar Galactica, reason being that I am on the set of Battlestar Galactica, yeah, yeah.

A lot of we get a lot of people coming here because of that.

We were considering changing our town motto, which is currently uh by air and seaweed prosper, by air, land, and seaweed prosper, and then we were going to change it to the catchphrase from Battlestar Galactica, which was destroy some guy's just robots.

Annihilate.

Get out of the way.

Vancouver.

Did you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?

I watched a few seasons of Battlestar Galactica, and then it started to get into that thing where,

you know how on a show for a while, things are happening for a reason, and then all of a sudden, just stuff is just happening?

You know what transition I'm talking about?

Yeah.

That happened, and I had to kind of check out.

But I did really enjoy maybe the first two or three seasons.

People said it was really good, but

I can't get into sci-fi.

I don't want to learn the world.

Sci-fi's all about those special rules.

Yeah, and it's like, I just want a chair to be called a chair.

And you know what I mean?

There's like so much good TV, and

we're in the golden age of it, guys.

And

television.

Who doesn't love it?

The longest age of all.

Have you guys seen the Seranos, by the way?

This thing is great.

And I was,

there's a new Dexter.

There's a Dexter prequel out now.

And it's called Dexter Jetster.

It stars Greg

Gutfeld.

No.

Who's the Greg who's Dexter Jexter?

I don't know.

It's J.K.

Simmons' best friend.

No.

No.

Spider-Man?

No.

Greg Spider-Man?

J.J.

Abrams' best friend.

J.J.

Abrams' best friend.

Anyway, so

there's a Dexter, new Dexter out, and I was thinking, like, oh, did I like Dexter?

I think I liked Dexter,

but I didn't finish Dexter.

And could I go back and if I went back and watched Dexter, would I just realize why I stopped watching Dexter?

It gets, it's one of those things where it's like, it wouldn't be a good movie and a sequel, but being a whole series, the idea kind of gets run down pretty quickly.

It's like, oh, he's a serial killer that kills serial killers.

There's only so many serial killers you can kill and get away with.

All of a sudden, he's killing spree killers.

That's right.

And they're just one-off killers.

Well, oh boy, this should fold in on itself.

So he kills us.

He's a serial killer who kills serial killers, who kills serial killers.

And then he kills himself.

End of series.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's, oh, what's the explanation?

There's like a scene in it where he remembers.

It's his dad that sets him up with this serial killing situation.

His handsome dad.

And he says, like, but his dad says it like it's a time-honored thing.

Like, I know what you got, what I got to do for you, kid.

Sets him up?

Like, sets him up like as you would if your dad was a cobbler.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dad is like, you're a, I can tell you're a serial killer.

And so like, you've been, you know, mutilating rabbits or whatever.

But dad, I just hate rabbits.

No, no, no.

So here's what's up.

I could recognize this in you, and I think you should be a serial killer.

But only, I'm going to train you to only kill serial killers.

Yeah, like this is what happened to my brother.

My uncle was like this as well.

We've all had to say dad isn't

an adopted dad.

Yeah, geez.

Nobody at this table is a serial killer.

Before I answer that question, Graham, does Dexter listen to this show?

He did, but I have a the prequel guy doesn't.

Oh, okay.

Well, then, yeah, I am a serial killer.

Shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is there a, because I I know there's a book that was like the psychopath test.

Yeah.

Is there John Ronson?

Is that, does that then split off into serial killer or is it just psychopath that's like fit it, fit their way into society?

It was a, was it John Ronson?

That was John Ronson.

And it was about like, here are some, there is a thing called a psychopath test.

It was like

CEOs are.

CEOs have a lot of the.

traits.

Yeah.

But a lot of it is stuff that like if you took the test you can't be like

you you can't change your answers because a lot of the tests are about things you've done.

Like, did you mutilate this rabbit?

Some say it was mutilated when I came across it.

So

how do you feel about that test?

But it was also the big thing, you read it and you're like, oh, am I a psychopath?

But the big thing is, like, if you are a psychopath, you would never worry about being a psychopath.

Yeah, that's the trick.

Do you have a kid in your school that was played with dead animals?

There was a guy in my school that did.

Played with dead animals?

Picked up dead animals,

you know, boned them.

Boned them.

Do you mean like roadkill?

Yeah.

Or, okay.

Yeah, there was a kid in my class that would like, if there was a dead mouse, he would like kind of carry it around.

I don't even know, like, I don't even think I knew like a pyro.

You know, like, really?

I'm a total pyro.

Oh, I knew a pyro.

Really?

Yeah.

He did, if you have like a, you know, classic plastic lighter, you can take the top off and you can crank it so that it lets out as much butane I guess as as possible and then it turns into functionally a torch so he was he would tape those together He would have kind of tool torch things.

He was like a real I don't know if he burned anything down, but he loved fire.

He loved fire and the only way to cure him is that he has to set other fire pyros.

Oh, yeah.

He's a pyro who only kills pyros.

He um he this was your classmate Beavis.

Is that right?

Yes.

And he later he found a guy that he liked to hang out with.

Those two guys, they were like two peas in a pod.

Did you have like, what was the weirdest kid that you went to school with?

You don't have to name names, but like, who was the...

There was a girl that I went to high school with.

And in English class, she wrote, we had to write a love poem.

And she wrote.

Oh, I know this.

I've listened to your podcast before.

She wrote it about Elvis the Pelvis Stoico,

the

essential ice dancer.

And she also, we had this,

and she read it out loud in class very enthusiastically.

And she, one time in the lunchroom, she, she was just, she was just sweet.

No, she wasn't.

She was kind of mean.

But probably because people were mean to her for being so weird.

Sure.

But in the lunchroom, I remember her doing rhythmic gymnastics.

She was really into the Olympics in general.

Yeah.

But she did with the ribbons on a stick,

but like just in the lunchroom, no one had asked her to.

And then in

we had this class, I went to arts high school and we had this class called Introduction to the Arts.

And

the idea was everybody in the arts high school, they have a focus.

You know, somebody's in the orchestra or somebody's a painter or whatever.

But then in this one class, everybody does everybody's arts

for the year, you know.

And then we put it on an opera.

And

that's the stuff.

Yeah.

You're cast.

And when we had to do monologues,

like the acting, I was in the acting program, and the acting students had to coach the non-acting students.

I think

this girl was in

the orchestra.

Yes.

Stay cool studies.

Man, our colleges have really been taken over by the woke mind virus.

Stoiko studies.

Everybody's getting underwater basket weaving and stoiko studies.

But she did a monologue from Double Dragon, the movie.

Nice.

That's very good.

And

she was obsessed with a television show that was called...

It was called WMA or WMAC Masters, and it was like professional wrestling, but martial arts.

It was like professional wrestling crossed with

almost like

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers almost.

Okay.

And I can see why she liked Elvis Soiko because he incorporated a lot of martial arts in his figure skate.

And what is his thing that he could do that nobody else was at quad?

Successon Dick?

I think he was the first to do a quad.

Either that or Kurt Browning might have been the first.

So if she lived in Canada, she would have been in heaven because we were so overexposed to Elvis Doicho.

Yeah.

You know, you heard stories about him beating up Brett Lindross in a bar fight.

It was just all Elvis Doico and Bryant Big Country Real

Canada.

And he did McCain Juice commercials along with Roberto Alomar.

Yeah.

I was going to say disgraced baseball player, but he's not disgraced.

Oh, yeah, he is disgraced.

He is disgraced.

He's totally disgraced.

Yeah.

I'm trying to think now, now that I've asked the question, who was the weirdest, but it definitely was the guy who would bring dead animals that he found and

try to make their wings go.

I can't think of a high school weirdo because the high school weirdos were all like, well, they got something going on.

They seem really sad.

But the elementary school weirdos were fun.

Yeah.

There was another kid that was always digging a hole.

At recess, he would go, he had a spoon, a silver spoon, and would just

escape?

Yeah.

Would he walk around?

He was digging his own grave.

Did he have a poster of Rita Hayward?

Did he was dirt coming out of his pockets through his pant legs?

Yep.

All the above.

What was his name?

I'm not going to say his name, but he was.

Well, then it's important that you remember.

Oh, he looked like Chris Gethard.

Gethard?

Yeah.

He looked exactly like him, but a tiny guy.

And just digging that hole.

And eventually you hit like kind of stone.

And he was still digging away with just the same influence.

Well, this is in Alberta, so he could have been, if he had found oil, he would have been rich.

I know, and then we would have looked like stupid asshole,

which we were doing during recess was lifting the manhole cover off of the sewer drain because we wanted to go down there ninja turtle stuff.

Yeah, my big memory of elementary school recess,

I remember taking my heel and dragging it along the,

there was like a gravel field.

Oh, yeah.

And trying to make, it rained so much, trying to make like different paths of rivers.

Yeah.

It was a lot of fun.

NYOR, make your own river.

Yeah.

Yeah, those are fun.

I mean, you have to pass the time doing something, but if you, you,

I guess, digging, well, I mean, you certainly couldn't pay attention in class.

But like in recess,

recess was a.

It's odd that you would get bored in recess.

Oh, boy, this is going on forever.

Yeah.

Guys, I actually, I don't know if this, I went to a bookstore today.

Go on.

A really nice bookstore.

I just happened to, I was like walking around downtown Vancouver.

I went into this really nice bookstore.

I feel like I

feel kind of ridiculous because I feel like I'm telling you about cool things about Vancouver, but it's cool.

We want to know.

It's called Value Village.

Okay, go on.

Have you guys been there?

Yeah, it's

they have, in this city, we have a couple locations, actually.

It's a Vancouver institution.

Well, I know you guys are total bookworms.

Yeah.

So I got you guys some books.

Is that okay?

Yes.

Okay.

Oh, this is exciting.

Let me see.

Let me see what I got here.

Oh, okay.

Whoa.

Okay.

This is a huge pile.

So,

Graham, you're from Calgary, right?

As I said, I listen to the show, so I know a lot about this show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What high school does he go to?

Calgary High.

Calgary High.

And,

Graham, since you're from Calgary, I got you this book, You Might Be From Saskatchewan If.

Nice.

This is good.

This is like Jeff Foxworth.

This is the equivalent of main humor for Saskatchewan.

How about this?

Okay, tell me if this translates.

You wrote a protest letter to the CBC for suggesting that Tommy Douglas might not be the greatest Canadian.

Yeah, oh man!

Bill, that's so Saskatchewan!

They suggested it, but ultimately they did name him the greatest Canadian.

Yeah, I'm freaking out over here.

That guy's so Saskatchewan.

Can you name any more others in the top five?

Sure.

Doug Fluty.

Doug Fluti's in there.

You know Elvis Stoico's in there.

That's a gimmick.

Bryant Big Country Rames.

Jean Cretian, Jean Cretian.

Yeah.

I'm going to go with

the top five.

Yeah.

Wait, did they did the CBC really rank 2004?

They had a thing called the Greatest Canadian.

Terry Fox is in the family.

Terry Fox was probably two.

I've literally never heard of either of those people.

Okay.

Not, I feel like maybe John A.

McDonald, but Stomp and Tom.

Stomped on.

I think maybe Pierre Trudeau's in the top five.

Oh, yeah.

And then

finding it out.

Mark Critsch.

Top five.

Mark Critsch has three television shows in this country.

I actually just looked it up.

First of all, again, I have never heard of Mark Critch in my life.

Well, you're going to.

I just looked it up.

All of the top five are Mark McKinney.

Oh, shit.

So Tommy Douglas, number one.

Yeah.

Terry Fox.

You know, Tommy Douglas is the father of

our healthcare system.

And related to the Sutherlands.

Yeah, Kiefer Sutherlands'

father-in-law.

Yeah, something like that.

Terry Fox,

young man, had cancer, lost his leg, raised money for cancer by running cross-country and ultimately did not make it.

Died.

Didn't just give up.

Pierre Trudeau, former Prime Minister, Sir Frederick.

He's like, fuck it, I made it to the top five.

That's enough.

That's good enough.

Sir Frederick Banting discovered insulin.

Oh, yes.

And David Suzuki.

David Suzuki, of course.

I could have guessed David Suzuki.

Is he the creator of Suzuki Motorcycles?

Yeah.

And that's why.

You know, all-terrain vehicles.

It is pretty amazing that that is the top five Canadians of all time, and I've literally never heard of any of them.

Wayne Gretzky is number 10.

Okay, I've heard of it.

Like, if Jim Carrey was in there.

Oh, yeah.

Is Jim Carrey anywhere in there?

He didn't make that, but this was 2004.

He had like a lot of, I don't think.

He was successful at the time.

Yeah.

but like, you know, he hadn't really Eternal Sunge into the Spotlight's mind hadn't come up.

A lot of people really like that movie.

Yeah, yeah.

Yep.

Here's another, just a real quick.

A band that had one top 40 hit 20 years ago is finally playing your hometown next week.

That's

a good one.

Dave, I know that you're from Switzerland or something, so I got you Playboy's Guide to Good Times Europe.

Okay.

Yes.

Because I know you've been fucking your way around Switzerland, but I figured.

Fuck your way clear across the what if you're in Austria or something.

Okay, so this guy, look at the mustaches on these people.

So the boy, it's hard to not want to read the acknowledgements.

Many people have contributed generously to the completion of this book.

My special thanks to the following.

Betty and Jay McGahey, my parents.

Yep.

I just want to give a special shout out to Luxembourg.

Love those sheep.

So this is like a Playboy that's just the articles.

Exactly.

That's what you want.

And Dave, I also,

again, I love the show.

So I love your signature rants.

So I got you, Dennis Miller's.

I rant.

Therefore, I am.

There we go.

Now, I think back then, when this came out, it's him on

the Lincoln Memorial.

No, the Lincoln.

Yeah, okay.

That big Lincoln thing.

Laughing about the emancipation of the slaves.

Yeah.

He's got actual pennies in his penny loafers.

Does he really?

It looks like it.

Oh yeah.

And he

but he's sitting on his lap.

I think, isn't the Lincoln actually much, much bigger?

I think it is very large.

So it's, this is photoshopped.

Yeah.

Yeah, he didn't actually sit on that.

Does he have, what are the acknowledgments of that?

Okay, okay.

I think this is, I mean, this is, I rant, therefore I am, so it's not his original one.

He said, I want to thank miscellaneous information and babaloo.

These are all just things that originally appeared on his Dennis Miller Live, apparently.

Yeah, and Graham, I know you also really love rants, so I got you Rick Mercer's A Nation Worth Ranting About.

This guy is

an institution.

I'm surprised he's not in the class.

What was the price of that one?

This one.

These books were very expensive.

$6.99, the Dennis Miller was $6.49.

Oh, shit.

I dropped a lot of money on this joke.

Now, do you know who this gentleman is?

I have no idea who that is.

He, for a long time, he was on a show called This Hour is 22 Minutes, which is like a news parody show.

Then he went off on his own, and he became this kind of like, like Rick Steves, but for little towns all over Canada, he would like go to like, I'm in St.

Albert, Alpha.

I can only imagine him in the alleyways ranting.

He does a rant in an alleyway.

A walk and talk rant.

Well, he does that on his show, but yeah, he would go to, I'm in Sudbury, and I'm at the home of the.

Like a Canadian Hule Hauser.

Yes.

Yeah.

Would go.

Southern California public television legend hule hauser which i only know from your

take it that dog's eating an avocado

was that was he like perpetually surprised by man he was he just was his heart was so full of wonder

just a magical human being what's your heart full of huh what's your heart full of malice

yours dave uh yeah uh mashed potatoes oh really yeah delicious i know you guys are really romantic So Graham,

I got you bookish boyfriends, the next boy story.

Oh, Tiffany Schmidt.

This is a Schmidt, Dave.

And then, Dave, I know you struggled a lot with romance.

So I got you act like a lady, think like a man by Steve Harvey.

Oh, cool.

This will go well.

Great in my.

Oh, it's dog-eared.

Someone gave up on page five.

Well, I mean, I've already.

Oh, cool.

What's this junk stuck in there?

There's some crud between the pages.

How about this?

How about this is acknowledgement.

For all the older sisters who lead the way and all the younger sisters who blaze their own trails.

Also, for Rascal, my snuggly toddler sidekick.

Yeah, that's really sweet.

Act like a lady, think like a man.

This book is dedicated to all women.

My hope is to empower you with a wide open look into the minds of men.

Oh, so it's not for me.

Yeah.

But I mean, you like those teeth, right?

Those big old choppers?

Yeah, he's got big choppers.

He wears the big long suit.

Like, these are great.

And the

little, you know, free libraries people put up around the neighborhood are going to be stocked pretty soon.

I'm just hoping these are returnable because, again, these were like six and seven.

These are easy.

This is Canadian money, though.

Yeah, yeah, it's nothing.

Graham, I know you love hobbies, so I got you this Papier Mâche today.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Sheila McGraw.

I know you like hobbies, yeah.

Sure, does anything make animals?

You can't just work all the time, Dave.

Sometimes you got to pursue your hobbies.

I know, but like, that's just such a broad thing.

You like hobbies, like Papillé Mache.

Oh, it does show.

I was like, is it just pictures?

It does show you how to make the difference.

Dave, would it help if I specified that it's Papier Mache?

Yeah, Graham, I know you like Papillé Mache.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's my favorite band, Papier Mache.

And then, Dave, what is your name?

What would you call this creature without looking at it?

What is this?

Dragon, Chicken dragon.

Chicken dragon.

Manhole monster.

Manhole monster.

Manhole monster.

Okay.

That's actually what I call you behind your back.

Because of what you're getting up.

The Ninja Turtles thing.

This is just a thing that says Jennifer.

What's little?

Oh, good.

Make a Jennifer.

That's a terrifying child made of Papier Mesh.

Haunted.

It is haunted.

It's mid-skip.

It's mid-all right.

It's low-key terrifying, you know?

And then the last one I got, Dave, I know that your name is Dave, so I got you this book, A Man Named Dave.

Oh, by Dave Pelzer.

Yeah.

The inspiring conclusion to a child called it.

I don't know if you, I don't know if you saw, I don't know if you saw this, but Dave Pelzer is the same name as you, Dave.

Yeah, that's true.

You know what my favorite movie when I was a teenager was?

Dave.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wanted to cotterfish this man.

It's so good.

He's like, he looks so much like the president.

I remember

he does.

Almost exactly.

You got the right guy for it.

Yeah.

I remember playing, I think, the trivia with Judge John Hodgman, but you, I got it right because it was the song he sings in the shower.

Uh-huh.

And you know it off by heart, right?

Hail to the chief.

He's the one we all say hail to.

We all say hail to him because he is so clean.

Because he's in the shower.

Yeah.

And then

Segourney Weaver walks in and sees him naked and she's like, well, this I could get used to.

Yeah.

I see your penis has grown.

Yeah.

You look exactly the same, but with a giant dick.

So you mean your penis wants to stop growing?

I'm going to call that dick Dave.

I'm going to call it Super Dave.

And you're uncircumcised now.

Cool.

What's under there?

She really gives it a look and it's unclear.

That's the only difference she sees in him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, that, and he seems nice now.

She's nice.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

The system is so broken that a guy who looks like the president can do a better job than the president.

And isn't there the big scene is that he has a friend who's an accountant and he they sit down and do the math.

Or is it Charles Grodin?

I think it's Charles Grodin.

Yeah.

And they figure out the budget.

They figure out the budget.

They pull in all-nighter.

They figure out the budget.

I met Charles Grodin once.

Really?

You want to know what he said to me?

He gave me some really good advice.

I want to hear it.

I was working on a show called West Coast Live in the Bay Area, a radio show, and he had a play at a theater in the Bay Area.

And I met him, I introduced myself, and it kind of changed my life.

He said, all right.

He's a gruff guy.

Do you remember his show when he was a talk show host?

No.

I mean, I think it was a natural thing for him to have a talk show.

Do you think?

Well, he has that easy presence.

But he would always, he was one of my favorites on letterman because he would always go on and everything letterman said annoyed him yeah he was always such a grouch it was great but yeah he had his own late night talk show after tom schneider left the late night talk show scene and tom schneider was oh boy that was and he

he did not like his dog beethoven

he was the perfect guy to be

that's who his band leader was.

He got the big dog, yeah.

And once an episode, the dog would shake.

That dog was out of control.

Yeah.

Kind of stole focus on the dog.

Yeah.

Honestly.

It was a pretty serious interview show.

You're like, wow, John Cretian has to share the spotlight with his giant dog.

He will never.

He will never.

You know, John Cretian, his one claim to fame for sure is that he strangled the protester.

Oh, good.

That's sweet.

With like a garot?

Just to spare him.

Yeah, why do they let the protesters get so close to him?

And also, why did we let him get away?

It'd be awesome if all prime ministers just had one of those extensible batons.

Oh, yeah.

Well, our current prime minister,

Justin Trudeau.

Yeah.

Like, there was.

I know, created Doomsbury, right?

Yeah.

He's the greatest Canadian.

And he,

over Christmas, someone just like went up to, like, there was a viral video, someone going up to him and saying, get out of British Columbia.

Like, he was just in the parking lot of a ski resort, and there's no security around.

Yeah, my parents were in Ottawa, and they like went to Parliament Hill and they saw him just walking between buildings, and there's no security detail or anything.

So,

you know, but we've got John Cretch and he's got your back.

If anybody tries to find out, I think someone tried to sneak in, like, snuck into his, when he was the prime minister, snuck into like the

where's the address that the prime minister lives at?

24, no, 24.

24 Sussex, or King of Canada,

24 Sussex.

King of Canada Street.

And someone broke in in the middle of the night, and he was like

behind the door with like a very pointy

statue that he was holding to defend himself.

Are you going to say like a stick with some poo on it?

Get away.

Yeah,

it's quite a country.

We've been here.

But here in Canada, we do it Viet Cong style.

Oh, did you fly on Air Canada?

I did fly on Air Canada.

What were your thoughts?

It's really funny because at the gate in Los Angeles,

the man that you walk up to to check your luggage goes, hello, bonjour.

Like, oh, you're not going to catch me not saying bonjour.

Hello, bonjour, bonjour.

You have to.

That's the

damn thing.

And you said drop the act.

I said drop the act.

We're all friends here.

Yeah.

It recently there was an upstart

airline started giving out like free booze during their flight.

So Air Canada does as well, but you have to ask.

They don't advertise the fact, but if you ask for alcohol, they have to give it to you.

They have to.

It doesn't matter your age.

It doesn't matter the trick.

Yeah.

That's right.

That's my one inside track.

Flight attendance.

Win Canada.

And if you ask, they'll dip it in a tampon and stick it up your butt.

Oh, is that right?

Yep.

Really nice.

A really nice thing about Air Canada is that the pilots, the,

what do they call that?

Not stewardesses, but

flight attendants, they were all from the band Bear Naked Ladies.

Oh, that's right.

And he got on the roadboard and then everybody laughed.

And then I'll wrap

the safety directions in English and French.

Snow was there, but he didn't work.

Yeah, I I forgot that snow is on our flights.

He's our flight ambassador.

Oh, snow.

Where's Snow now?

Someone should have informed you.

Tima should have informed him.

Yeah, oh boy, you only know Informer.

In Canada, Snow had so many hits.

Really?

He had two or three.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, what was the other one?

Everybody Wants to Be Like You?

Yep.

That was the one.

And then he had, was that later on in his career?

That was certainly later, yeah.

Yeah.

Nothing was before Informer.

I don't even like to think of a time before Informer.

Yeah, Snow's,

is he the best rapper to come out of Canada?

Jamaican-Canadian rapper Snow.

He's better than Drake.

Like Cardanala Fischao.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

What about Cardi Slang?

The hit song Cardi Slang is a great song.

That is a great song.

Yeah.

Are there any other

Canadian rappers?

I've listed all of the Canadian.

You know what?

Honestly, like,

if you are Canadian and you have ever emailed me about my NPR show Bullseye and who I should have on my NPR show Bullseye, it was always Chaos.

Okay.

Canadian rapper Chaos.

I've probably got 200 Canadians over 15 or 20 years have emailed me, you should have Canadian rapper Chaos.

And every time I'll go watch a Chaos video, and I'll think, he seems nice.

Yeah.

That's why they want you to have him on.

he'll be nice.

We had a guest on the show who was a friend of Chaos or had worked with Chaos.

And I don't think they told us on the air.

And so I'm not going to say who it was, but

they texted Chaos.

And the person said, oh,

this is a new phone.

I'm not who you think I am.

And

our friend was like, oh, did you know this?

Your phone number used to belong to Chaos the rapper?

And he said, that would explain what the booty calls.

Yeah, now we're talking.

Chaos gets it way.

He would be a nice guest.

Have you ever had a mean guest?

You don't have to name names, but I just want to know.

Have you ever had a mean guest?

I mean, years and years and years ago,

when Jordan was still doing, Jordan of Jordan S.

E.

Go was still doing the show with me when we were in college.

We had the late Dustin Diamond on the show.

Oh, sure.

And Dustin Diamond was truly an asshole.

Like,

he was such an asshole that I was not sad when he died or too young.

they were gonna get you to read the eulogy yeah yeah he was on a comedy tour uh like a stand-up well i saw him do stand-up you did yeah yeah did he just do street jokes about disabled people because that's what he did on our show he did a lot of street jokes and then he did some really filthy stuff about the cast of uh save by the bell save by the bell he would not talk about saved by the bell at all really and at one point

He was refusing to talk about Save by the Bell.

He wouldn't talk about his math rock band.

He wouldn't talk about his chess instructional videos.

He would only talk about his comedy.

And then when he was talking about his comedy, he would only do like offensive street jokes.

And so in the end, we just, I remember us asking him,

okay, well, you can't say anything like subjective about the Save by the Belt, but could you rank the cast by height?

And he wouldn't do that.

But he was such an asshole that we were.

I don't know who was even the tallest.

Belding?

Yeah, probably Belding, the oldest.

Probably Mr.

Belding.

I once did, I I was in a television show called Christmas Through the Decades on the History Channel.

And

this is the highlight of my television career.

And

I went in, it was like a talking head show where they said, Well, what do you think about pet rocks?

And I said, I'm not that old.

I'm just bald.

But

Mr.

Belding was there.

It was like Dennis Haskins?

Yeah.

It was like in a sad warehouse in the valley.

Like it was the saddest production ever.

And

Mr.

Belding was there and

a Brady who, like, one of the one of the Brady, one of the blonde little girls.

I can't remember which Brady.

Cindy.

But she just looked so sad to be there.

And she had those kind of like milky drunk eyes.

She's the youngest one in curls.

That's right.

Was she still in curls?

She was probably still in curls.

Okay.

I don't remember specifically.

Don't forget your heritage, right?

And I was like, guys, we should all be happy.

We're getting $200 to be here and all we have to do is remember christmas exactly from different decades oh man that 80s christmas

rubi's cubes as far as the eye could see yeah um that was that type of show that was everywhere for a while it was just like the talking head

remember this or what do you think about that this had been produced by the people that made those like i love the whatevers and but it was like eight years later there was like a real decline and fall of western civilization situation.

Like, they were just on their light.

They're just like, we can still get people to come here and say they remember things.

We got a guy from public radio to come here.

And Cindy, we managed to land Cindy.

Grandma, Belmont.

You don't like Christmas.

I don't.

Is there a decade that really sticks in your craw, Christmas-wise?

Oh, sure.

Here's an opportunity for one of your signature rants.

Boy, oh boy, don't get me started on the 90s.

Yeah, mail almost everywhere.

Yeah, yeah.

Reevok pump shoes and,

oh, no Christmas was complete without a Sega Genesis.

But I'm only thinking of presents, but were there any like, were turkeys different back then?

Yeah, they were different.

Yeah.

There was a lot of cardamom.

Yeah.

In the 80s, turkeys used, they used to have Jerry Curl.

Thank you.

I watched the movie Jingle All the Way recently.

Have you guys ever seen the movie Jingle All the Way starring Sinbad and Arnold Schwarzenegger?

The original odd couple.

It really speaks to how horrible at acting Arnold Schwarzenegger is.

Yeah.

And how horrible at making movies whoever made Jingle All the Way was.

You'll be surprised.

It was Dennis Villeneuve.

Oh, Dennis Villeneuve.

That was his thing.

Hello, Bonjour.

I presumed it was Ingmar Bergman.

Yeah, no, it's the original was.

This was an American version.

Got it.

But yes, just this.

This is a Jingle All the Way 2049.

Dave, what's going on with you, my friend?

Oh, my God.

Nothing.

Nothing?

So little.

Surely something.

Your friend Jesse's visiting from America.

Jesse's here.

He's in an orange sweater, an orange jumper.

A jumper.

Here's what's going on with me.

Nothing at all.

But I do go on the internet quite a bit.

Have you heard of this?

Have you heard about this?

And there's a thing that's been annoying me.

Okay.

You know what I like about the internet?

What?

Nobody knows you're a dog.

So I go on the site Reddit.

Yeah.

You know the site Reddit?

It's a big time-wasting site.

Yeah, this is like a popular website for discussing Archie comics and marbles, as I understand it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, who do you think?

Are you more of a

Betty or a Veronica kind of guy?

Hubba, hubba, right?

I mean, heads I win, tails I win.

I'm so hard right now.

I junk at him really hard right now.

Don't tell Reggie, but I'm hard right now.

Archie's JO Circle is my favorite title for me.

Yeah.

From there long ago.

It's usually like a pun or a rhyme or something.

Jughead and crank and yank.

Yeah.

Come drum.

Fuck.

The one Archie Archie I remember,

I probably have talked about it every time we brought up Archie, but it was about, they were at Pop Tate's.

Yeah.

And Archie, or Jughead, it was a notorious gourmand.

Yeah.

Was it had no money for food.

Right.

But he did,

he was like, he used all the free stuff you could get at Pop Tate's

to

make his own meal.

And one of the things was you get a free glass of water and a free free thing of jam, and he would put the jam in the water, and he liked it.

That sounds okay, yeah, that sounds all right.

I drink that.

Um, yeah, Pop Tate was uh, they weren't, he wasn't an enemy of Jughead, he liked Jughead because he brought he ate a lot of hats.

Yeah, if he Jughead had money, yeah, but he was, he was in a wimpy situation, no, it wasn't a wimpy situation, um,

yeah, wimpy, jughead, they're cut from the same cloth, those guys, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think Wimpy was as much of a misogynist, but uh,

you never saw him without.

Is Juckhead a misogynist?

Oh,

he hates gals.

And the only gal that's this.

He's known as Andrew Tate of the.

Oh, sure.

He eventually got arrested in Hungary.

He said, ooh, I'm hungry.

They set up a sting.

They set up his hamburger stand.

And it was only a matter of time until they ensnared Juckhead.

Joey Triviani was a big gourmand as well on Friends.

Yeah.

So So he loved women.

You know, your Homer Simpson.

He loves eating until he's right, sure.

Garfield the cat.

Garfield the cat.

Yeah.

He's from the show Garfield.

Yeah.

Garfield and Friends.

And friends, yeah.

Oh, God forbid I should leave out U.S.

Acres.

Horsen's Farm.

I really was in my head trying to reach what that was.

Good snag.

Good snag.

Anyway, so I'm on Reddit.

And I'm on all these movie Reddits.

Yeah.

And whatever.

Like

people will post a topic of conversation and it's just in the movie ones, for example, you see the same topics over and over.

And it's always like, what's the worst movie to ever win best picture?

That's a good question.

And the crash, right?

Who Crash is

a popular one.

Also, maybe, because it didn't age very well, American Beauty?

Yeah, that's, well, here's the thing is

there's a type of commenter that I've noticed in not just in the movie ones, but in every

opinion-based thing, and their comment will be crash, and it's not even close.

They're trying to shut down the whole thing.

Yeah, I do not want this.

This conversation is over.

So, that is my least favorite kind of commenter.

Fair.

It's XYZ, and it's not even close.

Yeah.

Jingle all the way, full stop.

Yeah, and it did win best pictures that year.

And Arnold Swift

won Best Sinbad Picture that year.

Oh, yeah, what's nominated?

It's the Sinbad Picture this year.

It beat Sinbad the Sailor.

What's nominated this year?

For Best Picture?

No, best.

Sinbad, it's the sequel to the one about him being in the White House, Children in Charge.

I think it's just the Showtime special of his Funk Festival in Jamaica, isn't it?

What?

Yeah, Sinbad has his own funk festival in Jamaica.

That's amazing.

Well, he did have a comedy special in like a hurricane.

It was an outdoor comedy festival in like, or no, a comedy special in like 1992.

His pants are enormous.

They're blowing in the wind.

There's so much wind happening.

Wow.

I was at Just for Laughs.

Like, this is like years and years and years ago.

And it was just like a showcase show.

And then they said, like, this special guest, and Sinbad came out, and everybody lost their mind.

Because it was like watching a cartoon walk out on stage.

Like, you're like, it's Sinbad.

And he destroyed it.

It was really funny, right?

It's really, really funny.

But I just kind of didn't think about his stand-up.

He's an amazing stand-up.

And it was just like people went nuts for him.

When I was a kid, I knew nothing about Sinbad the Sailor.

I just knew there was a famous comedian named Sinbad.

And I was like, where does this name come from?

Well, Sin is bad.

Okay, there it is.

Makes a pile of sense when you think about it, Dave.

Virtue good.

Makes a pile of sense.

My second, you know what?

My favorite comment is on Reddit.

What's your favorite comment on Reddit, Dave?

It's when someone says something, like whatever the topic is, and then someone replies to that.

And then someone replies to that topic with, came here to say this.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll just go on random threats.

Like if it's just like, what's the worst part?

You also wear some random threats.

Look at this guy's outfit.

Oh, my God.

I knew I was going to get roasted.

I knew on the episode where

you bring that outfit to me.

Yeah,

what do you got on your face?

Is that a beard or is that an animal?

Oh man, you guys,

I can't get any animal, like a long, a fan animal with long fur.

I can dish it out.

I can't shake it.

You can't even dish it out, bitch.

I can't dish it out.

I can't.

Yeah, we're gonna get the OC, bitch.

I knew I shouldn't have come to to the comedy club alone and sit at the front table.

That would be great.

If everyone's doing crowd work and you just, you don't realize.

Or even if you just go in and like, I'm just going to be the biggest loser.

That would be fun to sit at the front table, wear a really crazy shirt, and have two drinks on the table so that they're like, hey, when's your date going to show up or whatever?

Just really give them an in.

And then, like, what do you do for a living, sir?

A proctologist.

No, man.

You must love buttholes.

I do.

I do.

They bought my house.

It's so important for the function of human organs.

People really talk shit about buttholes, but

I mean, imagine if you had to spit out your poops.

He all of a sudden is getting all the laughs.

And are you married, sir?

I'm going through four divorces.

Oh, shit.

This fucking guy.

Why'd your last wife divorce you, tiny dick?

Oh, man.

I can't believe I'm getting this all video through.

You are recording this, right?

Oh, yeah.

Well, if anybody wants to do a bit of performance art that way,

by all means, go ahead.

I think that would be a good two-person show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The heckler and the comedian that are

just going back to Earth.

Damn, you got something to take to Edinburgh this year.

And you know what?

This time I'm going to make a bucket of money.

Do they allow two people shows in Edinburgh or is it all one person?

You're allowed to, I mean, there's a certain number of hats that each person has to wear over the course of the show, but I think you're allowed to have two people in the show.

Yeah.

And, you know, it's a big, last year was a big year for wigs.

Everybody was going crazy for wigs.

Not so much hats.

Wigs was in.

Who knows what the trend is going to be this year?

Across the board, puns.

Yeah.

The crowd work doesn't work there because you can't understand anything those Scottish people are saying.

Yeah,

and then they uh ach, me haggis, they say.

Do you hear this guy talking about his me haggis over here?

Whoa, we agree with him.

We all have haggis.

It's a sheep's stomach.

Yeah.

Have you ever had it, Haggis?

I had it.

I've had that and black pudding

and

other things like that.

And I think what really, to me, what really bound the ball together is that they weren't very tasty to eat.

Yeah.

Like, they're not unendurable.

Yeah, but just, but just

food is probably not meant to be endured.

Yeah, there's other options to eat, so you should eat those ones.

Yeah, and yeah, that's a good,

yeah.

Like maybe some noodles?

Sure.

Like a chow fun, like a nice chow fun.

I went to England.

Good luck finding a good chow fun in Scotland, though.

Oh my god.

I went to England twice

in the two months before the COVID lockdown.

I went to to England twice.

And then when we locked down, I was like, I just kept thinking back to those trips to England.

And I was like dreaming of, oh, I wish I could get a full English breakfast somewhere.

Yes.

And it turns out you can just make one at home.

Brown sauce is pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like brown sauce.

There's a store that you can get canned mushy peas.

Oh, like a.

I like just the Heinz beans.

Heinz beans, classic.

Put them in a, put them on an egg.

Yeah.

On toast.

The English breakfast is delicious.

Yeah.

And, you know, Britain's known for its cuisine.

Okay.

Leave them alone.

Yeah.

My stepmother is Irish.

She's from Belfast in Northern Ireland.

And her...

Belfast.

Oh, it makes sense.

Like, sin, bed, sin is bad.

Bells are fast.

You got it.

And she had like a lot.

She had a lot of brothers and sisters.

And her father died when she was very young.

young so she had very poor

and

the number one thing my stepmother would tell me about as when I was a child was the time that her sister Catherine reached over and tried to take her piece of bacon her rasher of bacon and they got meat once a week okay and Catherine tried to take her bacon and my stepmother Bernie stabbed her through the hand with her fork.

No.

Yes.

Wow.

Wow.

I know.

know.

Wow.

Oh my God.

Imagine having that as a thing in your memory.

She would have loved some of those

freaking beans.

I'll tell you that much.

Beans are really good, though.

You know what I mean?

She kicked a few full Englishes in the balls in her time.

I thought she had Belfast.

Does she still live in Belfast?

No, she lives in San Francisco.

She lives in San Francisco.

Still got that accent?

Only when she's yelling at someone.

Mostly when she's yelling at someone or saying the word yogurt.

Yogurt.

Did she say a pot of yogurt?

Yeah, a pot of yogurt.

Abby and I have a shared grocery list on our phones.

Bracky, but okay.

And

she puts yogurt on with an H.

Oh, wow.

Yeah,

that's a bridge too far.

Go back to Switzerland.

Yeah.

Have you guys been on the yogurt Reddit?

There's a lot of...

Came here to say fruit on the bottom.

What's your favorite yogurt?

Greek.

Strawberry, and it's not even close.

Not even close.

Can I just say, Dave, this is the way.

Yeah.

This.

Anyway, I've been on Reddit.

Love it.

Keep it up.

It's

at Reddit.com slash R slash.

Slash R slash maximum fun.

See upwards of...

one person replying to this episode.

Hunter Ellen boss.

Yeah.

And what's going on with you?

Well, this past weekend, I went to the land of the midnight sun, the Yukon territories, a little town called Whitehorse.

Wow.

Yeah.

What's the furthest north you've been, Jesse?

I've watched the show Northern Exposure.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's in Sicily, Alaska.

This is similar terrain.

This is similar terrain.

You wouldn't be shocked if you saw a moose walking around the quiet town by itself.

You should be.

Or if I saw that hunky guy from Sex in the City hosting a radio show.

Oh, my God.

Or if my Bush pilot was the ultimate babe.

I was wondering the other day, was this.

Unless I watched a lot of this show.

Yeah.

Was it a comedy or was it just kind of a drama that was?

It was an hour-long light drama.

Light drama.

Yeah, okay.

Like a quirky drama.

Quirky drama.

Sort of a quirky little town.

So it's like how the bear is a comedy.

Like it's a drama.

Yeah.

I wonder if it was in the Golden Globes under comedy.

I don't bet you.

Or the Emmys.

It was a real charmer.

It was a charmer.

Yeah.

And so this is the area of the world I went to, charming.

Although I believe they shot it in Yakima, Washington.

Really?

Maybe that was Twin Peaks.

It was somewhere in Washington.

Okay.

The White Horse, town of 50,000 people.

Real small, real

tight community.

And

I didn't realize the first day I was there, I was like, I'll leave the blinds open and the sun will help me wake up in the morning.

And the sun does not come out until 11 in the morning.

Yeah, you've been many times.

Yeah, this is my sixth venture into Whitehorse.

Are you including your times in Dawson City in there?

Yeah, there was one time I went to Whitehorse and then went to Dawson City.

Now, don't fuck with us.

You went to do stand-up comedy?

I did.

Yeah, I went to go perform stand-up comedy.

And the big things in Whitehorse that we know that always come up are

the one restaurant with a

bar with a toe.

Is that that there?

Or is that Dawson City?

That's in Dawson City.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

And that's in like a bottle of tequila or something right

some kind of moonshine yeah some kind of moonshine and then you have to it has to touch your lips and then you get a certificate

a severed toe human toe human toe uh where did they get that dark web the apparently what happened they went by the way the hours are a lot longer for the dark web

in the yukon

um

uh there was a i don't remember what the original one was somebody swallowed it and then well no they got the original toe from like

frostbite.

Yeah, somebody.

Someone lost their toe from frostbite.

And over the years, people have sent them their toes that had to be amputated for one reason or another.

And so they have them.

They got a reserve.

Once in a while, their daughter gets kidnapped.

Perfect.

What

I'll pay the ransom, but first prove it.

Is it always a pinky?

Never a bride?

I mean,

never a bride.

Victoe would be pretty intimidating.

Something borrowed, something toe.

Yeah.

And yeah, so

I was at the monthly comedy show they do, and it was great, and the venue was fantastic.

But there's no poster polls anywhere in Whitehorse because they like nothing that anything could stick to.

So the poster that the guy put up was on all the town's garbage cans.

And the garbage cans are like locked, right?

Well, yeah, some of them, absolutely, because of the bear.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I fully imagine that all the support acts were bears.

Well, there was one guy wearing a hat that we were kind of suspicious of.

He has to be paid in honey, and we're like, okay, well.

His eyes were small.

His teeth were real big.

He said he was a grandma.

Hey, that's a wolf.

Never mind.

Never mind.

Well, there was, oh, no, that's the three bears.

There was a mother bear and a father bear, not a grandmother bear.

Now, here's what doesn't add up for me about that.

Okay, great.

Thank you, David.

You're making three bowls of porridge.

The big one is too hot.

Sure.

It's got so much porridge and it's not going to cool down as fast.

The medium one, too cold.

Yeah.

And how's the small one just right?

Shouldn't the small one be the coldest?

This.

Yeah, it is.

I came here.

Mr.

Grimm

to the estate of the Grimm family.

So when I was flying back,

Pluto, a dog?

Pluto and Goofy are the same.

Goofy's wearing pants, and all of a sudden, Pluto's humping Mickey's leg.

What's going on there?

And why do I drive on a parkway?

Thank you.

I park.

Have you ever heard the story about George Carlin seeing Rick Moranis doing the impression of him?

No.

He was heartbroken.

Because it was Rick Moranis who was doing that kind of thing.

Why do you drive on a parkway?

I mean, to be fair, for one of the greatest comedians of all time,

George Collin really does do a lot of like,

this word sounds like this.

Actually, this word sounds like this.

He's a truth teller.

Yes, and I see the things about like what a brilliant satirist he is.

He's always telling me what I'm saying wrong.

Yeah, poor guy.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Anyways, flying back.

First thing in the morning.

Now, did you get...

Okay, go ahead.

There's only like, you can only get, there's two flights a day from this one airline.

First thing in the morning or like 8 p.m.

Get on the early morning flight.

It's actually a bear line.

It's the only airline that brings you salmon.

Right.

It slaps it right down the river.

Pilot, why are we flying upstream?

Well, you'll see.

Actually, you should be going downstream if you want to catch the seminar.

Well, you know, salmon humor is complicated.

So I took the first flight of the day down, and I fell asleep right away.

And I missed a critical piece of information because when I woke up again, the

flight attendant said, welcome back to Whitehorse.

And I was like, ha ha, what a funny joke.

And they had turned around mid-flight and went back to Whitehorse.

But waking up to to that I was like I don't that's a very weird joke that's a very weird joke

the temperature outside is hella cold yeah and it was some kind of maintenance issue but uh

yeah it got it was so disoriented and then we sat in the airport for six hours I think and there's nothing to do at the Whitehorse airport there's one vending machine how far is it from town

could you not have gone back to town where there's nothing to do they were like they said if you go and try to come back we're not necessarily like we could be going at any moment we're not gonna wait for you so so just hang out here talk to stephen weber yeah yeah

talk moose notes compare moose notes um and so yeah eventually got home but that was the weirdest feeling wait and it was also still dark so i was like oh uh so you left at eight in the morning when it was dark yeah and it was dark when you landed yeah oh okay

man they're they're not land of the midnight sun yet it's uh no not of the land of the midnight darkness Yeah, the moon, I guess.

That's really good.

That all adds up, babe.

Good work.

And that,

but you did get out that day?

Yeah.

I saw that you didn't get out right away, but I was worried you were going to be stranded for days.

Yeah.

And you know what?

There's places to be stranded in.

You could do a lot worse.

But the show was really good.

The hotel it was in, I think, was also a retirement home of sorts because there were a lot of old dudes walking around and just in like union suits

with gold pants under their arms

a gold plant pan in one arm a bed pan in the other

got my pants got my plan when you go there is it because it's the one comedy show a month is it a sellout every time yep it's a sellout and it's so you gotta worry about nothing no and uh you know the guy unfortunately the guy who hosted it, everybody that comes to the show has seen him every time.

So, he's constantly working new material.

And

that's tough, man, to host a show and try to work on new material at the same time.

That's a tall order.

Who goes there?

Who goes there?

Like, when you're on your flight up there, is it people like doing seasonal work?

I think it's mostly.

It's definitely like seasonal workers,

seasonal workers.

Snowman.

I did a rod folk.

And government.

It's all government.

Oh, right.

It's a government down.

And

those are the two types of people.

Workers.

And

when you're flying out, where are the other planes going to?

I think there's one that goes to Calgary.

And the one I was on goes to Vancouver.

And then Kelowna.

And

yeah,

it was weird because they were like, we have to get another plane.

And I was like, what the hell?

They had to tow this plane from really far away and bring in a new plane.

They're like, we're borrowing a plane from Fairbanks.

Yeah.

Chris Fairbanks?

Yeah, Chris Fairbanks.

Well, he's doing all right for himself, airplane-wise.

Maybe borrow a skateboard from him.

Yeah, that's what he's doing.

Chris Fairbanks thing.

What

I'm confused.

Comedian Chris Fairbanks.

He's been on a skateboard.

Does he like skateboards?

Oh, he loves skateboarding.

Yeah.

Loves skateboarding, loves breaking his hips.

Shit.

Yeah.

What was my other question about the air up there?

Thin.

Thin.

Is everything so bad?

So was the character Shaq played?

Oh, shit.

Was he in the air up there?

He was in blue chips.

He was in blue chips.

And the

George Mirason was my joke.

The thin bad movie because that was Sam.

No, the air up there was, was that Kevin Bacon in Africa?

It was.

Being some kind of white savior.

Yeah, because that's the type of movie I'm interested in seeing.

Thank you.

Yeah, the weird thing about the...

so the plane that I flew in on flew above the clouds, and the small plane that we flew back was you could see the ground the whole time.

And that's that is, I am not interested in that.

I thought you were doing a George Carlin pit.

Like, you don't even want to go above the clouds.

I don't even want to know what's down there.

Yeah, exactly.

That's, I psychologically,

as far as I'm concerned, it's all sky all the way down

until you hit the devil.

So you're, if you're below the clouds, what do you worry about?

Mountains?

Just seeing the ground.

Is it because you would just watch that documentary on the plane crash in the Andes?

Oh, yeah.

And now, you know what?

For sure, I'd be meat.

I'd be meat.

I don't mind giving myself a dry rub every time I get on the plane.

Yeah, this guy's just falling off the bone.

Do you want to move on to some business?

Yeah.

Okay, well, that means we've got something that we like to call a jumbotron.

Now,

what this is, is if you have a message you want to send to a loved one or a hated one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Somebody that you feel so much resentment for because they got the guy you wanted.

You can just go to maximumfund.org slash jumbotron.

There you go.

He knows the score.

I know.

I founded the dang thing.

Yeah.

Half the money goes to us, half goes to Jesse.

Uh-huh.

Right into the worker-owned cooperative.

That's right.

Just that, and that only happened in the last two years.

Two years ago, a year and a half, two years ago, yeah.

It's going all right, right?

It's going great.

Now, do you, I love board meetings.

Yeah.

And do you

feel cucked?

Yeah.

No, but I've always, I've always been kind of a beta cuck.

Yeah.

It's kind of natural.

It's my tiny dick, you know?

Yeah.

This guy, why is this guy in the front row of my comedy show?

Are you celebrating anything?

Yeah, it's the fifth anniversary of my dick being made fun of

at this very comic time.

Are you celebrating anything?

Yeah, new shrink ray just I invented.

Unfortunately,

my dick.

Well, this is a Jumbotron message.

This is a message sent from someone to someone else, and the message is for Emily,

Emily M.

And this message is from Catherine L.

And the message goes like this.

Dear Emily, since you're not a card people, I just thought a jumbotron from our faves would do the trick.

Know that you're so very loved and appreciated.

You light up every room you walk into.

I'm so proud of you for taking these steps.

You are a ham.

That was supposed to be you are a gem, but autocorrect happened, so I'm keeping it.

Love Catherine.

That's fun.

That's good.

I fucking love Emily.

Yeah.

Doesn't Emily rule?

Emily.

My favorite part was you light up every room you walk into.

I'm so proud of you for taking these steps.

It makes it seem like I'm proud of you for stepping into that room.

That room you've been scared of all these.

Yeah, but you lit it up.

Well, if you would like to do that as well, go to maximumfun.org slash jumbo trade!

Let's get back to the show.

Hey, is this Jesse?

This is Jesse.

Hey, this is Stuart Wellington, host of the Flophouse Podcast on Max Fun.

I'm calling because you've been named Maximum Fun's member of the month for February.

Nice.

If you don't mind me asking, what prompted you to start supporting the network, become a Max Fund member?

I was trying to think of when I started listening to the Pop House, but I think it was something like 2014, 2015.

Oh, wow.

And then actually having a real job in 2021 was what allowed me to actually start supporting.

Congratulations for having a real job and supporting my not real job.

So as member of the month, you're going to be getting a $25 gift card to the Max Fund store,

a special member of the month bumper sticker, and a special priority parking spot at Max Fun HQ in Los Angeles.

It's awesome to support you guys, to support MaxFun.

I get endless joy and entertainment.

If you're a MaxFun member, you can become the next MaxFun member of the month.

Support us at maximofund.org slash join.

Most of the plants humans eat are technically grass.

Most of the asphalt we drive on is almost almost a liquid.

The formula of WD40 is San Diego's greatest secret.

Zippers were invented by a Swedish immigrant love story.

On the podcast Secretly Incredibly Fascinating, we explore this type of amazing stuff.

Stuff about ordinary topics like cabbage and batteries and socks.

Topics you'd never expect to be, the title of the podcast, Secretly Incredibly Fascinating.

Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app.

And at maximumfun.org.

Overheard.

Overheards, where we on the show treat you out there to some fun things that we've overheard, seen, dreamt, all sorts of things.

We always like to start with the guest.

Jesse, do you have an overheard?

This is going to be a little weird for me because usually

if I have an overheard on stop podcasting yourself,

Dave complains about it a lot.

So it's going to be weird for me.

Why are you assuming that won't happen?

Because I listen to the show every week and sometimes I call one in and then Dave is always nice enough to complain about the quality of my call.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whatever.

And then, so, so then a few times I've tried recording it for him, a higher quality format, too good, sending it to him.

He hates that.

That's much worse than a low-quality call.

Really, nothing.

It is like having an overheard on stop podcasting yourself.

What a dream that is.

Teresa had one on one time.

Oh, yeah.

She was over my wife.

She was

over the moon.

A few times, Ben Harrison from Greatest Trek has called me like, Jesse, you're not going to believe this.

The weird thing is, so we get, I'm the one who listens to the calls.

Sometimes the overheard is pretty good.

And I'm just like, the call quality is not good enough.

It's heartbreaking.

And the person will never know.

They'll be like,

how is my overheard not good enough?

Well, you went through a tunnel.

Yeah.

Shit.

Anyway, this one's not going to get cut for quality.

Speaking of going through a tunnel, I was in the tunnel of the skies.

Yes, that's right.

An airplane.

Could you see the ground or not?

I could not.

I just assumed air all the way down until you hit the devil.

Anyway,

he lives underground.

There was kind of like a young man.

Young man.

But kind of

dicky, kind of douchey looking, like a real kind of like, I'm going to the chain smokers concert later type guy sitting in front of me.

And he was talking on the phone, and I overheard him say,

Yeah, well, technically, if we have four scenes, we're going to need eight girls, two for each scene.

And I'm like, this guy got to pay attention to.

And he had his computer open in front of, because I presumed he was a pornographer of some kind.

And

he had his computer open in front of him, and it was like a Word document.

And in really big letters up top, it said, book idea.

Yes.

And then underneath it, it said, My Life So Far.

That's

a good first page of a book.

That was was his book idea.

That was the Robert E.

Williams movie.

My A Life So Far, but I'm an ape.

Can I give a sort of.

Can you give a shout out to anyone you want?

You sure can.

No, can I give kind of a Dave style

bullshit overheard that's actually just a funny thing my kid said?

Okay.

Love it.

Okay.

So my middle child, Scarlett, my youngest kid, announced that I was allowed to be in what they were calling the dad club.

Okay.

And these, Dave, I don't know.

I know that you're still hoping one day to have a son, Graham.

Yep.

But I'm going to keep trying.

He's entering his 40th trimester.

Yeah, and I'm just inseminating all over the place as much as I can.

Sure.

You've been insinuating.

I've been insinuating.

I've been disseminating.

And Dave, I know that you have children, so you are a dad.

I don't know if you'd be interested in being in the dad club with me, but I thought I'd tell you

the things that they said were the qualities of this was the stuff that you do in the dad club that my children told me.

Watching movies,

doing boring work stuff,

wearing shoes, sure,

playing the video game Starfield.

I was playing a lot of Starfield, sort of like

Skyrim space.

Okay, is it a modern game?

Yeah, yeah, it's a shittier Skyrim in space.

Talking about mental health,

I guess.

Very important.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something I must be doing a lot.

I mean, we got to stop stigmatizing it.

And the best way to do that, talk about it.

Belle, let's talk.

Yeah.

When is that?

Comes sooner and sooner every year.

Taxes.

Yeah.

Dads do taxes.

Beard stuff.

Yeah.

I think all of us could get into a little bit of beard stuff.

Yeah, a little bit of oil.

Why not?

Yeah.

I wouldn't mind doing a little beard stuff with you guys.

All right.

You know what what i'm talking about i i do yeah uh electricity bills yeah that also falls under taxes well i guess it's its own unique yeah no that's not technically a tax yeah i don't mean to correct you on your personal finance you're an adult man in your 40s but

you're like yeah i mean they're all paper that comes to my house honestly kind of yeah all the money goes out that paper comes in cash goes out uh shirts and jackets yeah uh i know look Dave, I know you know what I'm talking about.

Oh, man.

Shirts and jackets.

I'm wearing both of them right now.

I'm boiling.

And finally, sleeping.

Most of these things are very dad-coated.

Yeah.

Pretty universal.

I wear shirts and jackets and shoes.

No mention of pants in the dad club, so that's encouraging.

Can I tell you, I was getting dressed this morning.

It's pretty cold here in Vancouver.

I'm from.

San Francisco.

I live in Los Angeles.

Okay, you might be from Saskatchewan if.

This is actually pretty warm.

Wait, wait, let's just quickly read another one of these.

Are there

the weather?

I'm wearing these navy blue long johns

underneath my trousers.

And I was wearing

my navy blue long johns and a blue button-down shirt on top.

I had just put on my shirt.

I hadn't put on my pants yet.

And I was like, ooh, I look like Elaine Stritch.

For sure.

A little hat, a little bowler.

Yeah, exactly.

You might be from Saskatchewan if you have ever leash trained a gopher.

Let me see.

Can I see this?

These gophers are freaking huge.

Is there an index anywhere?

Oh, these gophers bit my dick off.

It's actually, you say it in jest, but that is one of the leading causes of penis loss.

We're in the big five.

Cramp.

Bicycle repair.

Right.

You got sometimes one of those spokes busts and you need something to put in there.

If, like me, you have a very long, thin penis.

Yep.

Yeah.

Very resilient.

You know, nail clipper, malfunctions.

Whoops.

Yeah, attaching it to a cold post in the winter.

Oh, yeah.

You think of your friends, dare you.

Yeah, you gotta.

And finally, Jean-Cretian strangling that thing.

Did he ever spit on that thing?

He has.

He was the original Hoctua.

Le Hoctua.

Dave, do you have one overheard?

No.

I was going through my phone and I can't remember where I heard this, but it was two people, I think in a store.

Or maybe it was at a restaurant.

Okay.

But it was two people.

And one of them said, what if our concept of God is just a guy on a computer simulating all this?

And the other person said, yeah, well, it is.

Oh, shit.

Somebody's tapped into the matrix.

I mean, I mean, what is this planet if not a computer?

Yeah.

Can I reenact one that you didn't like the call quality of?

Oh,

that sounds good.

I was at the flea market, and there was like a big post-made on the show?

It's made it on the show, but you didn't like how it sounded.

How did you feel about how it sounded?

It was a little tough.

It was a little tough to hear.

Okay, so it's maybe

it now.

Okay, yeah, I was just wondering.

Yeah.

It's a good thing you put it on the show, you know.

I feel like I have to when these people call.

You do kind of have to.

I'm a pretty big celebrity.

I'm in the podcasting hall of fame.

So it was, I was at the flea market, and there was a big poster of Tupac and Biggie

together.

And there was sort of like

a 35-year-old guy and like a 65-year-old guy who I kind of read to be his dad.

Okay.

And the younger guy goes, oh, that's Tupac and Biggie.

And the dad goes, oh, are they still alive?

And then the younger guy says, well, Tupac's dead.

Is that other guy Biggie?

And the other guy said, I don't know.

And the younger guy said, oh, he's dead too.

I mean, was it a blanket or a

airbrushed thing?

Well, it was like sort of like an air.

It was sort of like a Tony Montana poster type situation.

I mean,

you can't be alive and in those.

No.

No.

I mean, if you're from Reservoir Dogs, you can be on one of those.

I feel like,

you know, when my grandfather was dying, and I was just about ready to pass to the other side, I took his hand and I said, Grandpa, when you get to heaven, say hello to my little friend.

Pretty good.

Graham, do you have an overheard?

Mine is something that was said to me, and it was courtesy of Whitehorse.

When we arrived in Whitehorse, it was about 9 p.m.

And and I was hungry, so I asked the person at the desk, I was like, are there any restaurants open right now?

And they said dominoes.

I defy you to call it a restaurant.

They dine in now at Domino's?

What is the restaurant scene like there?

I went once.

I feel like they buried the lead with there's a Boston pizza there, I found out.

Oh.

So that would have been.

There was a Jamaican restaurant.

Oh, yeah.

When we went in 2010.

I know.

I'm just...

homes.

Yeah.

Do you still have yours?

No.

I have mine.

I know this has been well covered, but it's just truly amazing that Canada has a chain called Boston Pizza.

Oh, yeah.

And it's huge.

Every part of America has a signature type of pizza except Boston.

Well, you're wrong there because all the pizzas come with baked beans and they're gross.

But

can I ask you guys a chain restaurant question that I had when I was

we are the Canadian Doughboys.

Yeah,

I was walking down, I think it's Broadway here in Vancouver, and we don't have a lot of, we have AW,

the drink, but we don't have ANW, the restaurant.

Right.

Do you guys know what ANW stands for?

I mean, they stand for a lot of things.

They stand for equality,

freedom,

peace, prosperity.

Prosperity.

They stand for a woman's right to choose.

If you don't stand for those things, you're going to die on your knees.

Yeah, for sure, man.

And then they also stand for.

I'm ready.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I imagine.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Ambugos and Woot Beers.

I love it.

It makes me so happy.

Yes!

Someone on our Facebook group.

Someone found a video that went a little bit viral on TikTok of someone saying that same joke.

And I just want to point out, it's not my joke.

Yeah.

It's a joke from Canadian history.

For Reddit.

Yeah.

And I just want to say, and we're going to move here, and it's not even close.

Yeah.

Full stop.

This is the way.

Now, in addition to our overheards, there's people out there that want to share theirs.

And if you want to share one with us, send it into SPY at maximumfund.org.

This first one comes from Dennis from Ottawa, or Denny, I guess.

D-A-N-I-S.

Oh, do you think it's Denny Vilenyuv?

Director of Tingle All the Way?

I'm not supposed to say.

I'm participating in

an online training.

Someone raised their hand, but then lowered it.

The instructor, sorry, yes, did you have a question?

Student, oh, not anymore.

I got the answer from my brain.

Yeah, it turns out I just use my goddamn brain.

I use my freaking brain over here.

Do you remember being in class and hoping no one would call on you?

Yes.

And then some kids, the fact that you would be so

not locked in to the moment that you would accidentally put your hand up.

Oh, I was just stretching.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was a phenomenon.

The worst thing they would do, I think maybe it stopped in junior high where they would pass around a book and everybody had to read from the book.

That was awful.

Or yeah, like they'd be, be, everyone would have a copy of the book.

Yeah.

And you'd be like, okay, I'm going to be, I'm four paragraphs away, so I better practice this.

Yeah, because it was, oh man, it was just humility.

And then, uh, uh, and then uh

Frankenstein took his monster and he turned on the big lever and the monster electrified and then it went uh brains, brain, and it was like fire bat.

And then see, why can't everybody read like Dave?

Dave got it exactly right.

You've got a beautiful voice.

Beautiful reading voice.

This next one comes from Sue in D.C.

I was riding the DC Metro and overheard a couple of 20-something dudes talking about their weekends.

Guy one, oh man, you should have been there.

Went to this barn and it has the biggest whiskey selection in the Western hemisphere.

The whiskey list is 84 pages.

We spent like $500 on whiskey that night.

And I had a shot that was $60.

And guy two said, so you like whiskey?

And the guy one said, no.

I've tried them all.

Yeah, I tried all the pages worth.

I love Washington, D.C.

My mom is a native of Washington, D.C.

It's a great, great, cool, wonderful, beautiful town.

You know who else is a native of it?

Who's that?

This guy.

This guy's Dennis Miller.

Dennis Miller sitting on.

Oh, you mean Abraham Lincoln?

I guess that does look a little like Abraham Lincoln.

Yeah.

And Washington, D.C.

had these tourist posters all over over America for several years that said D.C.

cool.

And then it had like people at a bar, you know, drinking and stuff.

Yeah.

The least convincing tourist advertisement of all time.

Like of all the Smithsonian's great.

Like cool is the absolute worst word to describe Washington, D.C.

has a picture of Fonsi's leather jacket.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This last one comes from James, Hearts Unknown.

Some years ago, while riding the Amtrak Adirondack train from Montreal down to New York, I overheard two young men sitting behind me a coach.

South of the border, the train makes a long journey down the west shore of Lake Champlain.

After a long silence, contemplating the view, one guy says to the other, Hey, is Lake Champlain one of the great lakes?

Reply, no, but I do think it's one of the pretty good lakes.

Huge.

That's

adorable.

Kids say their darndest things.

They do.

You let them say whatever, and you're going to hear hear some, you know, diamonds.

Diamonds.

If somebody said that to me, I wouldn't champlain.

Well, we're shutting down the podcast, everybody.

No, I also have a bonus thing.

Okay.

We were talking about last week, like, how a mispronunciation or something becomes a family.

Oh, sure.

You know, well, I can't remember what yours was, but, like,

just something that your family has heard somewhere and it just becomes the, like, every time this happens, you say that phrase.

would someone in your family remind you of something yeah yeah exactly and this one was from Andrea from Pittsburgh a few years ago I visited my mom in Florida when I was flying home she dropped me at the airport and I texted her to let no let her know the flight was boarding and all looked good for takeoff She meant to text me back, safe travels, honey, but instead texted, sage travels, homie.

And this is now what my family uses for all travel-related messenger.

So if you got one of those, send it along.

Oh, okay, solid.

Mine was the guest at our house who we were pouring wine for her and she said, don't be so stingy.

And now we say that about any time anyone pours anything.

Do you have one of those?

Do you have something?

Only allusions to like there's a Stella video, you know, David Wayne and

there's a Stella video where Michael I in black shows up at David Wayne's cousin's house and goes just asks where the bathroom is and then he goes into the bathroom and comes out with like a shower cap and like a towel on and stuff.

And he goes, Oh, I needed that shower in the worst way.

And my wife comes out of the shower often, God bless her, says, Oh, I needed that shower in the worst way.

That's it.

Having an inside joke like that, yeah, the best.

I uh, I remember another one.

Okay, so when I was, let's say, seven or eight, my sisters loved this clothing brand esprit, sure, yeah, San Francisco born and bred.

Oh, really?

Clothing brand esprit, yeah.

And they

they loved

the bright colors.

Sure.

It was sort of, you know, a contemporary of Benetton.

Yeah.

And they,

and for Christmas that year, I got this ugly sweater or whatever.

It was a fine sweater.

I was seven.

I didn't care about the sweater.

And my sisters were trying to hype me up, trying to be like, oh, that sweater's great, Dave.

And they looked at the tag on it, and it was just some like department store brand called Departures.

And they said, Oh, departures, that's boys esprit.

And so now anytime we're looking and we're in the airport and we're looking at the departures,

let's check out the boys's pris planes.

There's one that

my wife and I, I don't know how it came up, but we're in New York and we're going to ask for a late checkout.

And I called it a late reverse Dunstan.

I think of that every time that I go to a hotel.

That was a famously famously checks in.

Checks in.

It's so rangu tan.

I got to watch that movie.

You know what I mean?

I've been enjoying the poster for years.

You've never seen it?

I've never seen it.

No, it did come out a little late for us, I think.

But man, what a go to the movies after eight.

There are some things that we're just.

I'm on the Gen X side of the millennial.

Yeah, yeah.

We just missed.

Yeah.

We missed all the

Dunstan.

Yeah.

Reality bite.

Freaking fragile rock.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one ugh.

Spypod 1, like these people

have.

Nice.

Oh my God, he caught me.

You've been jesseed.

Hi,

this is Alex

living in Ottawa.

I am calling in with an overheard that that I just saw on my way home.

There was a guy at the bus stop who was eating an entire family-sized

shepherd's pie,

like the frozen kind.

He had the box with him and he didn't have any utensils.

So he seemed to be using a large gingerbread cookie to scoop it up.

Okay,

so I don't.

Wow.

How would you, he had to have

to have warmed it up?

You can't eat a frozen shepherd's pie.

Yeah.

With a

gingerbread cookie.

I can.

Hold on.

Give me one.

All right.

Let's do this shit.

I mean,

you don't have President's Choice in the States, right?

Why is it accepted?

Isn't President's Choice the generic brand for Walmart or something?

For

a real Canadian superstore or Loblaws.

Yeah, sometimes shoppers drug market.

I think President's Choice is the Walmart generic.

But I'll tell you this.

The last time we were in Canada with Judge John Hodgman, guess who came?

Representatives from No Name brand.

Because of his obsession with the cow on that one label?

Because he's obsessed with, I mean, he's obsessed with No Name brand in general, but especially with that one cow.

Yeah.

And the no-name brand people brought us more no-name

stuff.

than I could fit in my suitcase.

I had to make painful choices about what no-name things.

I still have my no-name flip-flops.

I wear them to the pool.

Nice.

And I have a no-name insulated water bottle, the beautiful no-name yellow.

Yeah.

It was, it was, I had to, I had to give away my no-name t-shirt and have room for the no-name t-shirt.

That's too bad.

Well, the company that does it is Beloved, the family that owns the

Lav Laws Company.

They're one of Canada's richest families, and they are so nice.

Yeah, he's good people.

They're nice, good people.

They're not

pandemic profiteers at all.

No matter what anybody says, we love them.

You know what I've always found?

Like billionaires, like people with billions of dollars,

just plain good folks.

Yeah.

Yeah, for the most part, that's true.

I mean, there's always exceptions to that rule, but in general, yeah.

I think it's because capitalism rewards people based on merit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And niceness.

And

work.

Like they've done billions of dollars worth of work after all.

I was was just thinking, like, how embarrassed I would be if I was a billionaire.

Like, oh, no, people know me.

I'm famous for being rich.

Yeah, I want to be really famous for dancing.

On the other hand,

if you were Master P, you could get Lil Romeo his own little tiny Landroom.

I mean, that is true.

Yeah.

I don't know if I need to go to the billions for that, but.

Worth of the dry.

I don't know.

How much money do you need to make him say, uh?

Honestly, you don't need anything.

That's the brilliance of it.

Got it.

You just need a little bit of hope.

Yeah.

And a dream.

A little bit of fairy dust.

And here's your final overheard.

Actually, it's only the second.

That's correct.

Hello, David, Graham, and probable guests.

This is Marcus and Fresno with an overheard.

I heard my niece talking to her friend about their respective drama programs at their school.

The friend tells her, well, you know, in elementary school, they don't let you do kissing scenes.

Like

when we did Sleeping Beauty, when the prince goes to kiss Sleeping Beauty, he just grabbed his shoulder and shook her and said, wake up.

So, yeah, they don't let you do kissing scenes, no matter how much you want to.

Thanks, Mike.

Wake up.

That lands in a certain emergency that's missing from the original.

It was the System of a Down present Sleeping Beauty.

Oh, man.

You know Serge Tankian from System of a Down?

Yep.

Right by my, he has his own line of Armenian coffee.

It's Armenian.

Right.

And Los Angeles, the epicenter of non-Armenia, Armenian stuff.

Yep.

And he has his own brand of Armenian-style coffee that I don't remember the name of.

But right outside my therapist's office is a cafe that serves it.

And they just have a huge standee of Serge.

Tankian from System of a Down.

Nice.

Right on the sidewalk outside of my therapist's office.

And he's holding this little tiny cup of coffee.

He's got his little, his little Robin Hood beard.

And he's going like,

so I'm like, I'll come out like puffy-eyed, like crying about my childhood or whatever.

And just there is search to make the end from system of a down, like, oh, I love this tiny coffee.

I mean, he does have the perfect song.

Yeah, wake up.

It's very nice.

He was on Bullseye one time.

He was very nice.

That's nice.

I do like that.

Like, if that is what happens in Sleeping Beauty, is you just shake her.

Yeah.

Wake up.

Like, what?

What's the plot of Sleeping Beauty?

It's about a baby that dies from being shaken.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

It's dark.

Yeah, what is the plot?

She gets waking up at the end?

Because some witch puts like she sleeping on.

Yeah, and she's the princess, and they're looking for the princess.

Yeah.

And they need, it's sort of like...

It's not Cinderella with the city.

I think what they do is they need to kiss as many corpses as they can until one of them comes to alive.

One of them's a prince.

You got to kiss a lot of corpses.

But instead, he's just shaking corpses.

Okay, it's you.

I mean, I did that when my father died.

Is that right, dude?

When he finally passed.

Jake, come up.

I need you to say a lot of my little phone calls.

And here's your final phone call.

Hi, James Graham and guests.

This is Jay calling in with an overcoat.

You pause it for a second.

I just want to apologize for ruining your good show.

Jesse, we've been having the time of our life.

Hi, Dave, Graham, and guests.

This is Jay calling in with an overheard from Disneyland.

I was taking a break from my family while they were on the Hernie Nemo ride.

I was sitting on a bench, and

at the end of the bench is a woman, probably in her 60s, like bleach blonde, kind of got like a smoker voice, and her granddaughter granddaughter's like, probably like seven or eight, come up to her.

And there was a parade, and she says, Grandma, you want to see the Toy Story parade?

And she says, Oh, no, sweetie, you go ahead.

And

the daughter kind of scared, the granddaughter kind of skips away.

And as soon as she's out of earshot, the woman goes, Jesus, like, I give a shit.

You've seen one parade, you've seen them all.

Like, I give a shit.

Fuck you.

Get a clue, kid.

I went to the fucking 4th of July parade.

I know what happened.

Yes.

The end of the story is.

You know, I saw a lot of

shit.

I don't think I've ever been to Op Parade.

Do they get...

What?

Well,

we didn't.

Do they not parade in Canada?

They parade, but

like, I.

What do they do, Mosey?

What do we do, Mosey?

We saunter.

Yeah.

We certainly perambulate.

Sure.

But the.

I mean, Dave, I can see you with your hands clasped behind your back.

Sure.

Take my daily coffee.

Yeah.

But yeah,

they seemed boring, and my parents never wanted me to never like twisted my arm or anything.

But they are.

Do they get better as they go?

Is there like a grand finale?

It's usually, yeah.

I used to go every year to the Calgary Stampede Parade.

Right.

And, yeah, I think like the biggest, kind of like with fireworks, like the biggest float is in the end.

And what is it?

I can't remember, but I think it was like...

It was like the celebrity?

Yeah.

Well, oh, yeah, the celebrity, I think, would be in the front.

Oh, get here early for Richard Dean Anderson.

Yeah, one year before they went that part.

Do they float down that river in Calgary?

That was

the parade, yeah.

Yep.

That's where we held the parade.

Everybody, it's like the France Olympic ceremony for everybody.

Now, it's down the river.

That was lit.

That was lit.

I have such fun.

I went to Calgary once.

A beautiful town.

Yeah.

The two big memories that I have, I was there for a music festival.

The Calgary Folk Fest.

Calgary Folk Fest.

It was amazing.

I met a very nice Canadian country singer.

I still see once in a while named Corblund.

Cor Blund, formerly of the punk band, The Small.

Yeah, really nice dude.

I had a great time overall.

The two things I remember most vividly, other than really wanting to go tubing,

was number one, I was at the festival with all the like, you know, there's like a songwriting class

And I said, like, hey, I got the day off today.

What's like the like used bookstore, record store, whatever neighborhood in Calgary?

And everybody looked at each other and they said,

we don't have one.

And then the other thing I remember really fondly is it's the last city, this is maybe 15 years ago, it's the last city where I was called a homophobic slur on history.

Yes, yeah, just by a guy pointing at me.

Yeah, just point slur.

Well, gotta go.

Yeah, there's a lot of towns, and you can still get that treatment.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think the last time that happened to me was in Regina, Saskatchewan.

I was walking down the road.

Same thing.

Somebody leaned out of a truck.

Yep.

And yet, like, that's not bad for 15 years ago.

That's a long time.

Yeah.

i would say i was called a homophobic slur every day of the 90s

yeah i mean i got called white boy sometimes but oh yeah it was weird because in calgary there's a lot of white boys but uh usually white boy slur

the compound yeah sure

um well that brings us to the end of this here podcast jesse Tell us all the things.

Tell us what project you're super excited about right now that you're working on.

Well, I think I would imagine that we have a lot of crossover listeners between Stop Podcasting Yourself and Jordan Jesse Go.

Yes.

The comedy podcast that I do with Jordan Morris.

Jordan's been on Stop Podcasting Yourself before, right?

Yeah, yeah.

With Chris Fairbanks once.

Oh, what a dream that is.

Chris Fairbanks, one of the funniest guys in the world.

So funny.

And I think if you're looking for a way to waste another 80 minutes a week of your life,

and you're hoping that it'll be a lot like Stop Podcasting Yourself, but a little less good with a lot more cum.

Not true.

Then Jordan Jesse Goh is the place to go.

I remember.

Oh, we need to get our cum numbers up.

Yeah.

Our cum nums, as they call it.

Num num.

Cum numbs.

Yeah, no, Jordan Jesse Goh was.

I listened to when I was like on the road doing stand-up comedy was like, that was my comfort listening.

And I listened to it when I was locked in, when I had locked in disease and I could only communicate by blinking.

Oh, man.

You mean before that before that young lady came with the can of oil?

Yeah, the oil.

She gave me a butterfly and my diving bell.

But yeah, of course,

you know, I host Judge John Hodgman with John Hodgman, the great, great John Hodgman.

Come see them on their West Coast tour, everyone.

Last week.

Last week.

And the NPR show Bullseye with jesse thorn where we do interviews with wonderful figures from

arts and culture like serge tankian or um i don't i can't name anyone else who's karim abdul-jabbar or tom hanks or other yeah yeah

all those all those wonderful people but uh most of all before i go

I feel like this whole time I've been trying to convince you that Stop Podcasting Yourself is my favorite show.

And I just want to say it really is my favorite show.

That's the praise from Caesar.

Thank you for coming on the show.

Thanks for letting us be part of your network.

I mean, I've got to backstab you or something.

What is praise from Caesar?

Isn't that like

you're not going to die?

I don't know.

I haven't heard that either.

I think you made it up.

Okay.

Is that a plan of the apes thing?

That's my other thing that we always say is praise from Caesar.

I think the expression is dabbing you with faint praise.

That's the one I'm thinking of.

Well, thank you so much for being our guest.

It's a total honor honor and a total highlight of my life.

Thank you, everybody out there, for listening.

I gotta say, you might be from Saskatchewan if you have used a granary as a spare room.

Everybody, come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.