Episode 880 - Christine Bortolin

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 880 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a man who, boy, he looks good in a light blue shirt and some bright white pants.

Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Yeah, I'm wearing my winter white.

It's your Smurf costume.

It's my winter white, like that character from Breaking Bet, winter white.

It's my Smurf costume.

Yeah, it looks good.

For real, for real.

If the pants covered my feet as well, that would be Smurf-Tastic.

Yeah, and that's their thing that they always said was everything was Smurf.

Smurf-tastic or...

Smurf, let's go to the Smurf and Smurf.

Yeah.

Oh, I just smurfed in my smurf.

Yeah.

Hold on.

Oh, no, no.

I'm going to smurf.

I'm going to smurf and it'll be blue.

I'm going to smurf.

Oh, she smurfed my smurf until I smurfed.

And that could be, that could be dirty or not.

It could be.

Yeah, yeah.

She's like, she baked my cake until

readiness.

Yeah, she waxed my car until I...

Orgasm.

Of our guest today on the podcast, returning guest, very, very funny comedian.

If you watch Erin Reed's comedy special that we talked about last week, Softbug Ego Jazz, you can see her appear in that very special.

It's Christine Bordeland.

Hello.

Hello.

I never saw the Smurfs.

No?

I missed it.

But I used to work with someone at Dairy Queen that used the word flail for everything.

Flail instead of swear word.

And you flailed the flail over there.

And then we would all know what she was talking about, though.

Was it a teen major?

Yeah.

Well, 19.

She was a supervisor.

Oh, was she?

She's legal.

Was she trying on a new

attitude or what was going on?

I don't know.

Just flail was a word that it kind of just replaced, like smurf, I think.

It just replaced every other word.

You just get it, like you get to that age and you just want to talk cool.

Yeah, I had a college roommate who said, who was once like, I'm going to start, I came up with the best insult.

I'm going to start saying to people, eat my fuck.

That's not bad, actually.

I don't hate that.

I see that on a t-shirt.

I could see that being a, you know, maybe a bouncer's tattoo or something.

It starts a conversation.

Yeah.

Because what does it mean?

Yeah, exactly.

And away you are.

You're

a conversation.

I don't want to find out.

Was it eat my fuck?

Eat my fuck.

I like that.

All right.

Well, our Max Fun Drive pins are coming in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And guess what we want you to eat this year?

Should we get to know us?

Sure.

Get to know us.

So you flailed the flail, and then you flailed.

Let me go flail the flail, and then I would go clean the dishwasher.

But we always knew what she was talking about.

Does dishwasher all clean self?

Well, you have to load the stuff in and then pull the thing down.

Oh, you got to clean.

Yeah, okay.

So not really.

You're cleaning the dishes, but you're not cleaning the dishwasher.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

I feel like a professional would need to come in and do that.

Or some guy with a toothbrush.

Yes.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have we talked about this on the podcast before that you worked at?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think

a lot.

Yeah, we don't need to

dip more in.

Did you have any other

nice?

Oh, I didn't even think about that.

Wow.

Were you, did you have a,

I mean, we'll talk about it again.

Did you have, was there anything really challenging about the job?

We once.

Did you have a favorite thing at the job?

Turning the thing upside down.

That's kind of what I didn't do it.

We refused to do it.

We were on strike.

Was that Flail's idea to not flail the flail?

I have no idea whose idea it it was, but we never had to flip it.

One person asked once, and the supervisor was like, Absolutely not.

It's not going to happen.

We're talking about the blizzard.

Yeah.

But did you have to dip a dip cone and turn that upside down?

Loved it.

Dipping cones.

You were good at that?

Did you dip anything else besides a cone?

Oh, my God.

We would dip everything in there.

And we would take it out.

You would dip your flail.

And then you could really eat your flail.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know what we would like make all these, like I would take like all the bacon and then I would put a bunch of the processed cheese on top of it and then melt it in the heavy-duty microwave.

And

that would be good.

That would be amazing.

Sure.

Yeah, that's, it's, man, oh man, it's a feast for the imagination whenever you're at work and you're allowed to combine like a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

You know, making an ultimate coffee drink was my big thing.

How many shots could you put in a 20-ounce container?

When I worked at a a coffee shop, it was getting, what's it called when people refused to go in out of principal?

Boycott?

Boycotted.

It was getting boycotted because it replaced a

high-end but local wine bar that had been booted from there because the rent went up or something.

This was a coffee shop?

I'd been around the world on Maine and Broadway.

Okay.

And no one would come in at the beginning, which was awesome for the people working there because we would just like do our main homework.

Yeah.

You're playing volleyball in the back.

Yeah.

Aaron, I got Aaron a job there too.

It was wow.

And one day we were super bored.

So we did like a sports day kind of thing where we just like fucked around with a bunch of different stuff.

And one of the things we did is who could drink the most water?

And I drank like, you know, those milk jugs?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would drink two of those.

You drank eight liters of water?

And really, really fast.

And I looked like pregnant.

Yeah.

And we thought it was really funny, but I was in a lot of pain afterwards.

Then I found out you can die from that.

Yeah, famously, that woman was it for a PlayStation or something like that for her kid at a radio contest did, and she

basically drowned herself.

Yeah, yeah.

I thought I was going to explode, but I just peed it out.

Nice.

Yeah, that's how I usually do it, but I don't drink that much.

I have a friend who has a giant one, a giant water bottle that instead of having like milliliters on the side measuring, it has times of day.

And it's like, oh, so like it's at the top, it's like 6 a.m.

and it keeps going down until whatever, 8 p.m.

And it's like, just to drink this much throughout the day, here's where you should be at noon.

Well, what if your head?

Do you freak out?

Like, I wasn't paying attention.

It's all a sudden 2 p.m.

Oh, shit.

I'm going to drown.

I tried to get one of those really big bottles of water to drink from it, but it was too heavy.

So I held it like a little child with a sippy cup and had to like sip it slow.

And then I just felt like a a fool.

I

my wrist was really bothering me.

Oh, yeah, you've got the wrist things on, huh?

I don't have the wrist brace on anymore.

But I like,

I had, it was just like it started as a typical kind of, you know, muscle strain or whatever.

And over the weeks, like, I, I made a doctor's appointment before Christmas because I was like, this might not get better.

And

it should be better by now.

And then it didn't get better.

And I couldn't turn a doorknob.

Oh, I couldn't like

stab like doing the dishes was really hard.

I couldn't like a liter jug of milk or a four liter jug of milk was impossible.

I had to wipe with my left hand.

Oh, dang, which feels like a stranger's doing it.

And then like

I six weeks went by, it was getting worse and worse.

And then yesterday was my doctor's appointment.

And the day before my doctor's appointment, I was like, oh, it's getting better.

Yeah.

And then I showed up at the doctor, and I'm like, well, here's how it did feel.

Yeah.

Your body, in a lot of ways, wants to humiliate you.

Yes.

Kind of throughout your entire life.

I just went through this where my leg hurts so, my knee hurts so bad that I couldn't walk on it.

And I walk everywhere.

So you walk on your knees like dwarf.

Yes.

Yeah.

And

but I had to put a brace on it.

And then luckily I had a fizzy appointment for something else coming up.

And he

realized that it was

my kneecap was out of the right alignment and like bonking down on the side because my thighs weren't strong enough to hold my limbs up.

Jesus.

Isn't that pathetic?

That's according to him.

Yeah, but he didn't call me pathetic.

I call you pathetic.

Isn't that pathetic, Christine?

But that's pretty sad.

Your thighs aren't strong enough?

Yeah.

So do you need a thigh master?

I think I just need to, you know, do some squats every day.

Do some squats, hit the gym, pump some iron.

A little bit of iron.

Yeah.

According to everyone I see on Instagram, squats are the thing to do.

Oh, sure.

Squats are huge.

According to my free you pitch or whatever.

Have you ever pumped iron?

Have you ever done anything with weights?

Yeah, just like simple stuff.

I used to go to a gym and then I went to a studio, but once it shut down, I was like, I think that's it for me.

Yeah, it was a local wine studio and then it became a coffee pit.

Yeah, what are those guys doing when they're monkeying around a bunch of

guys while they're drinking a bunch of water?

And also, how many weights can we put on the machine weights and see if it breaks?

That kind of stuff.

Oh, yeah.

How much protein powder can we eat dry?

Yeah, just do the protein challenge.

Do you lift weights?

Yeah,

I lift weights.

You're a little

bit.

You're a big beefy guy.

I'm a big beefy guy.

Do you go somewhere for this?

I do, yeah.

I don't have weights at home.

Okay.

Your downstairs neighbors would be like.

What those going on?

Also, there's no way to have weights in your home and not look awful.

They look awful.

Yeah, yeah.

It has to be in a garage or something like that.

You can't have a section of the living room that's just.

What's your favorite weight lift?

Oh, I like.

The amount.

What are you, a 35 guy?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it depends on the activities.

The one thing that is for sure is the lightest weights at the gym, the lightest kettlebell's bright pink.

So

you can't miss them out on the floor.

You're really drawing attention to yourself with bright pink weights.

They could have done any other color.

All sorts of colors could be red.

Yeah.

Yeah, it could have been brown, would have been fine.

What's wrong with bright pink?

Just draws the eye.

Then you can see that they're two-pound weights.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Mine are light lavender.

I have a pair of two pounds.

Those are the only ones I have.

And my cat sleeps on them.

She uses them as a headrest.

So they're not mine anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's not your problem.

Yeah.

what uh she can lift her she can lift herself up on her thighs she's yeah yeah she's not throwing anything out of alignment were you doing something that caused your knee to go yeah i did go on a four-hour hike

so that could have been uh it in the cold but i walk i truly walk everywhere yeah so well when i went to the doctor i was like there was no

there was no event that caused my wrist pain it was just like you're like it hurts since new year's it's it's hurt no it's hurt since the like a weekend of december

but it doesn't hurt anymore and nothing caused it to hurt.

It's an injury that there was no injury that caused no, it caused pain, but the pain's gone.

Did they tell you to do anything?

I have to go get an x-ray.

Oh, that makes sense.

Yeah.

X-rays are so funny because you go in and it like the wait is so long and then you do the x-ray, you're out.

You're done.

And I'm really worried they're going to be able to see through my clothes.

Yeah, yeah.

And they'll be able to see your secrets.

So I wear, that's why I wear lead underwear.

Do you write all your secrets on your bones?

Tell the truth.

I did.

I did once when I was a teenager, and now I'm so embarrassed by them.

Yeah.

When was the last time you got an x-ray?

I'm just trying to keep your file up.

When was the last time I got an x-ray?

I don't know.

Does getting an ultrasound count?

Sure.

It's kind of like an x-ray.

Yeah.

It's imaging.

Yeah.

Imaging poots.

I can't remember.

I'm not very good at that type of stuff.

Oh, I think I got one when

I got an UTI so bad it turned into a kidney infection.

So,

you know, things are evolving within me.

How about you, Dave?

When's the last time you got an x-ray?

I guess a couple years ago, I broke my finger.

Oh, nice.

Which one?

Middle finger?

Pushing it up too hard.

This pinky.

Oh, pinky.

That's cool.

That's pinky, yeah.

Did you have to wear a little brace on?

I wore a little guy.

That's cool.

For the time, he was wearing a really heavy pinky ring.

Honestly, I don't remember.

I feel like I still feel a little bit of pain.

It might have been left middle finger, actually, because that's where I feel the most pain right now.

But then I had to go to the

doctor, like,

I don't know, did nothing and then said, all right, well, I'm booked you appointment at the clinic, the hand clinic.

And it was like.

There were magicians there that were all fucked up.

No, there there were tons of like people with like huge hand injuries, and like, and I had my one widow finger hoat.

Well, I used to hoat, it feels better now.

When I was a kid, we didn't go to the doctor if we broke a finger.

We would go if it was hand, but if it's finger still,

did it at home, yeah, yeah, just talked it to another finger.

Yeah, yeah, that's all they can do anyway.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, they can pass judgment on the way that you hurt it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

What do you mean nothing happened?

What do you mean that nothing happened?

It just started hurting.

Give us the real scoop.

What were you up to?

Smell my finger.

Yeah, it's you went for a four-hour hike.

Where did you go for a four-hour hike?

Well, two hours in, two hours out.

That's true.

I don't know where it was.

Well, we went around Stanley Park, and then we walked around the city a bit.

So I guess I'm adding the city parts.

I'm going to say

that's a four-hour walk.

Yeah, I was going to say that's a walk.

It's a walk.

It's not a hike.

It's a hike.

That's true.

Unless you step on dirt.

Yeah.

And I think you have to be hiking has to go

incline.

Or you can hike ground level, but

it has to be dirt.

Yeah, that's true.

So you're just walking along the road.

Well, hitchhiking.

That's a more of a hike.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa.

When's the last time you hitchhiked?

20 years ago?

Yeah.

Probably.

You?

I think I hitchhiked when I was like 19 on the island once, and I was like, I am lucky to survive.

That was really stupid.

Oh, yeah.

I went once when I was was 19 or 20, with a guy,

and we were picked up by a woman.

And I was like, man, this woman's stupid.

She should not have picked up the true man.

Yeah, it was, it's wild.

I didn't really think about it at the time.

I was with my friend, and the greyhound on the island

dropped us off in the middle of nowhere on the highway.

So we kind of just got off the highway and needed to get into Duncan or out of Duncan or something.

And very typical Greyhound.

Like, this is it.

This take your bag.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, sometimes it's not even at a gas station or anything.

No, it was just on the side of the highway

in the middle of nowhere.

It was just like rock.

Yeah.

Oh, geez.

But we survived.

Yeah.

And look, you're, and you're better and wiser for it.

Oh, yeah.

I've only done it once.

Me too.

I did it a bunch of times when I was here and there was a citywide transit strike so you couldn't get a bus or anything and they couldn't afford cabs because you did it in the city oh yeah whoa yeah pretty much every day and so like it was kind of fun there was one woman similar to you like picked me up and was like keep your hands on the dashboard the whole time and i was like well why did you pick me up

maybe she did nails oh yeah

those are bad buddy anyways give me a ring i feel like that's where i get bullied the most in life is at the nail salon oh yeah it can be pretty harsh what do do they do?

Get fingers or toes?

I usually just get fingers.

But what are they?

How do they,

if you have anything from the past, they're like the last person to do this did an awful job.

It was you.

Don't you remember?

Or they'll just like talk to you about how your nails look and stuff.

I chew my hands, so that's always a topic of conversation.

Right.

Or if I want them, if I get fakes and I want them to be short enough to type, they're like, okay, why bother?

Yeah.

How does because i mean i've only had scrubby uh

man nails my whole life how do you do all the typing and things with the longer than oh you can get that

big

got a bunch of pencils in your beehive

i think you like start to use the pads the sides because i always thought like doing the something on the phone would be difficult with the but maybe not it's not so bad because you can just like use the i mean it's better if they like remember the old days when you'd have a phone that had like you could press down on the keys?

Yeah, you're saying that like

so much nostalgia.

I miss it.

Like a Nokia that just had snakey on it.

And you had to do T9 texting.

Yes, I love T9 because I wouldn't need to look at it to do it.

So in class, I could just be texting the whole time and then just look down for a second to read it and then look up and then go back.

That's how I drive.

Just wanted to ask you the whole time.

Look down every 10 words.

Oh, see, but it's amazing how many people still text and drive.

That's that's scary.

I see

you like I'll be you know driving or or walking and I'm at a corner waiting for

this other car to go.

And I'm just like trying to look at their eyes to make sure.

Yeah.

And their eyes are, they're not even looking at the road.

They're just looking at.

My eyes are up here.

But they think they're very coy.

They're like, no one knows that I'm just

be staring at my croc.

Yeah.

I could be a pervert.

Yeah.

Staring at my own crotch.

I'm a pervert.

I've got GPS in my crotch.

I like the pervert that's no problem to anybody else.

Just like, why look at my own crotch?

In the privacy of my own vehicle.

Yeah.

It's my fetish.

Doesn't hurt anybody?

It doesn't affect anybody.

I just can't get off without my own crutch.

Okay.

Got a photo album of it at home.

I do it now so I can think about it later.

I don't send dick pics to anyone, but I do photograph it myself.

And it's my screensaver that comes up.

It's like those scenes in

a horror movie where he's doing his own developing, and there's just like row after row after row of crotch shots of his own crotch.

Harmless fun, really.

Oh, yeah.

Did you, do you ever go on like a fantastic road trip on a Greyhound or anything like that or car or

any such I used to go to improv camp when I was a teenager and it would be a 30-hour bus ride to Saskatchewan

to Lumsden Beach Wow and that was pretty intense and I'm very unfortunate for everyone on the bus that wasn't an improv kid and

there were people on the bus that weren't improv people yeah because

it was the cheap I know it was the cheapest option for us kids so we would and then along the way you'd pick up more of them that were coming from Alberta and then other places in Saskatchewan.

And then we'd all get there.

And I just cannot, one year, I woke up from a brief nap and there was a ton of people on the bus singing

Bohemian Rhapsody.

I was like, I even I'm just a poor boy.

I need no sympathy.

Well, this is before noise-canceling headphones.

Well, what would you, what would you do?

Like, there's...

You'd be stuck.

You can't can't afford.

If you're on the Greyhound bus, you can't afford to get there any other way.

Yeah.

But I think you can't jump to another bus.

No, I don't think so.

Unless you were willing to wait.

Exactly.

They would just would have to just suck it up or get

30 hours.

You're sleeping

of those hours?

60.

Barely.

I would say like maybe four hours.

Did you have a friend to go with?

Yeah.

I mean, usually I'd know someone and Aaron would come too.

too so it wouldn't be very difficult and we'd like see friends along the way it was nice for us but i just imagine that being like now being on that bus i'd probably just get off and be late for whatever i needed to get to i was walking my dogs the other day and there was a family of four

a like a grandparent two parents and a 12 year old boy And he was just singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

Yeah.

And doing it, like going through the whole thing.

It was something else it was it changed some of the lyrics but yeah because they don't drink alcohol consumers 12 year olds

uh but um i was like we weren't on a car ride or anything i was just out in the open but they were walking like half a block behind me and i was like huh i'm i'm surprised how annoyed i am by this this is so annoying this song just keeps going and even though i'm out in nature and and it's not like a nice melody either it's just kind of plinky plunky um yeah i was on a plane once with a i think i want to say a rugby team a teenage rugby team and it was a late flight so it was basically me and them and they were so bad they were unbelievable to the point that i was like is the pilot gonna have to like land this plane because they were like

throwing around yeah they were throwing around and like climbing all over the seats and stuff i was like when does and the the flight attendant vanished like she was there

yeah and i was like good good for you but yeah, I honestly, I thought they were making such commotion that I'm like, what does happen?

Who's in?

Am I in charge?

Wild.

Get off my plane.

The only good thing is if it would have gone down, there's a good chance that you'd survive.

Oh, yeah.

A rugby theme.

Yeah, yeah.

That's right.

I'd get to eat them.

It's a good chance that you'd survive.

What does that mean?

Well, they'll figure it out.

They started it out last time.

I think you just die in the crash or not.

And then they figure it out.

Then they figure it out.

Did you watch that movie?

Alive?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I watched that, and then I watched a documentary about it as well.

I watched a documentary.

That's why it's on my mind.

Yeah.

So amazing.

It's a true miracle.

Yeah.

It's the have you seen it?

No, I saw it.

It was on Super Channel when I was a kid, so I saw bits of it.

The pilot was played by local Vancouver theater critic, Jerry Wasserman.

Whoa, really?

He was a Wasserman.

Wasserman's beat.

Oh, yeah.

Wasserman's beat.

Wait, he has a beat named after him?

No, someone else has a beat.

Isn't it Washerman's beat?

No, Wasserman is.

It might be Wasserman's beat, but I feel like it's not after the actor.

Maybe I'm wrong.

No, there was a writer.

There was a writer, and it's like on House.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not Washerman.

It's

something else.

Butterman?

Butterman.

Someone knows this.

Yeah, because they,

like,

of course, they had to eat.

some of the people who died but it's not in the like it's not they're pretty respectful about it yeah and it's not like you would think in a like a gross kind of movie where they it's like got blood squirting out of it or it's all frozen so it's just like frozen chicken kind of thing and uh wild the story is wild yeah how they got did they cook it no they just ate it i don't think they had they had a bunch of booze yeah they had booze and they had cigarettes chocolate and cigarettes and but then they had to like make themselves clothes to hike down the mountain and they didn't really know where they were going and there was like an avalanche at one point that the guys guy survived.

And then when they were, I don't want to ruin the end, but

when they were like gonna,

they finally saw people, the, these like locals in the area, they were waving at them and the locals were like, we'll come back tomorrow.

So then they left and came back tomorrow, the next day, and then sorted them out.

Yeah.

Wild.

It's,

but like, I mean, the good thing, for the rest of your life, you get to be a keynote speaker every day of the year.

Cameo, if cameo was around back then oh getting a cameo for somebody

oh my gosh my sister was saying

happy birthday

my sister went to college in california and uh her uh like graduation speaker was the actor who played uncle phil

oh nice on uh fresh prints james avery yeah the voice of shredder oh

that'd be fantastic uh and but apparently the year before it was bill clinton

while he was in office.

It just shows you who the student presidents.

Last year's really had it together.

This guy didn't think about it until two weeks before.

Call everybody.

Go on cameo and find who's available.

We got the guys from

the Las Vegas

Pawn Stars show.

What's his name, Chumley?

Chumley.

Is it Pawn Stars?

Is that the show?

Yeah, Pawn Stars.

I feel like it's either

Cameo or OnlyFans.

It kind of go to it.

Like 90 Day Fiancé people do.

They're on OnlyFans?

Oh, yeah.

So many people.

Doing sex stuff?

I think it's mostly photos.

But

it kind of like

not supposed wasn't set up to be the porno site that it is.

And then they even tried to kick all the porno people off.

But I think a lot of it, a lot of it does turn into that.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I wonder if Kate Gosling is on OnlyFans.

I don't know who Kate Gosling is.

John and Kate plus eight.

She had the crazy hair.

She's the original Karen, the original Karen.

Yeah, she's the original Karen.

Whoa, really?

Yeah.

I know the haircut.

Yeah.

That's the haircut.

Whoa.

She had her own show.

And she had eight children.

Eight children.

With John.

With John, and they split up, and John became, he like did appearances like, like a cameo, but in real life.

And I remember he's DJing at like a fourth-tier Las Vegas pool aparty kind of thing.

Wait, did he turn out to be a creep?

I don't know.

I didn't really pay attention, but yes.

He became a loser.

I think we don't need to look it up and you can safely profit.

I think he was like hanging out with Christine, Christian Odiger, the guy who designed all the tap-out shirts.

Were they tap-out or affliction or

tap-out?

I think definitely Ed Hardy, but then he started his own.

Whoa, cool.

Child.

Anyway, they had sex tuplets and twins.

Yeah.

And it was kind of the first of that type of show, wasn't it?

Like the crazy family reality.

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

I mean, the Osbornes were the original crazy family reality show.

Sharon.

Right.

I can't figure out the remote control.

Good news, everybody.

We've got Ozzy Osborne for our graduation speech.

We've got

AJ and Big Justice for our graduation speech.

Class of 2024,

you bring the boom.

So that's great.

Yeah.

Yep, absolutely.

Whatever we were talking about was great.

Yeah, I don't know how we got there, but we got there.

We got there via the Greyhound.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Well, and why, do you have any insights into why this improv camp was in Lumsden, Saskatchewan?

No, I think it was just kind of like a cheap place.

It was a

was it like a camp?

Yeah, it was like it was like a true camp where they had cabins and then like a mess area and then you do like cleaned up duty and stuff and then you learn about improv and do little performances and stuff.

Were you so sad when it was over?

Um

this feels good.

I thought it was fun and I liked it, but I was fine with it being over.

I'm not very good at like

I don't hold on to things a lot.

No?

No.

I would like to be more like that.

I feel like that, I think for that reason, sometimes I don't like

get motivated and stuff.

Or I don't know.

I really try to hold on to relationships, like friendships.

Oh, I know exactly what you mean.

People are like at school at the end of the school year when people be like, Yeah, I'll miss you all summer.

I was like, Oh, okay.

Yeah,

I just feel like I'll probably talk to the people that I need to talk to.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, or I won't, and I'll see you in September.

Yeah, yeah,

I'm trying to be better about that now.

Just Just like being nostalgic or being just connecting with people.

Connecting and making sure that I'm like reaching out to people and stuff.

It's just so easy for lots of time to go by and not reaching out and making sure that I'm hanging out with all with my friends who I really care about.

No, it does feel like

sometimes it feels like the Sims, where it's like, okay, well, our friendship bar is going down.

So

I ought to text them.

I ought to send them a meme.

And do you have anybody that you, well, I guess you and Aaron went to school together.

Because that's a weird thing to have is somebody knowing you your whole

teenage to adult life.

Yeah, it's fun.

It's good in some ways, but also other ways.

We,

well, I don't know.

I think it's just mostly good.

Yeah.

I can't really think of a negative of it.

Who in this city has known you the longest?

Yeah.

My friend Christina, who I went to

junior high with.

Wow.

And she's a crown prosecutor.

And she, whoa.

We went to, yeah, we went to school together in Calgary, and then she moved out here, and I moved out here.

And yeah, so still friends with her all these years later.

And it's amazing how

you're like, you talk about, oh, yeah, we had Christina on the podcast this week, and she's like, I locked up another dirt bag.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's very,

she's very like Kathy Bates, Matlock-esque.

Oh, nice.

You don't take no shit.

Sweet.

No, she's incredibly good at her job.

But she's, you know, when somebody's known you for that long, they can be like, oh, yeah, you're always saying that.

And then you can be like, oh, shit, have I been saying that for 20 years?

Graham was in a junior high 20 years ago.

And look at me now.

I dropped out of junior high, never looked back.

Because I was always saying that thing over and over.

And you're still saying it.

I'm still saying it.

I hate school.

You're still bringing it up, man.

I hated school so much.

And, like, as an adult, I realize what an intense privilege that is to have school and free education and all this stuff.

And as a kid, you're just like, fuck this.

This is like, that teacher sucks.

That teacher sucks.

And now you're like, oh my God, he had to get to school at

7.30 in the morning, stay till 5.

Probably volunteered to be like one of the coaches.

He had his own family.

Had to talk to teenagers all day

yeah and and then work with the same people all the time for no money for no money yeah exactly but when you're a kid you're like these these all these people just want to punish kids yeah this guy hates me well he might have

looked back

what about you dave who's known you the longest oh

i live here i'm from here yeah like of people i know i might be like taz oh yeah or aaron salazar just like people i went to high school with that like and then i there's also friends i've known since grade one that I that they like, you're still saying that thing about give me my ball back.

Oh, past guest Dan Werb, I guess, I've known, like, since grade one.

Wow, that's cool.

He's like, what is he?

He's a crown prosecutor.

He's like,

not a scientist, exactly.

He's a scientist of some.

Yeah.

Yeah, of some kind.

Yeah.

Crown scientist.

Researcher.

He's some kind of science research man.

Did either of you at any point growing up have any designs on being a scientist?

Mad scientist.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Selling things together that shouldn't go together.

Like, you know,

making

a potion that explodes.

And then you walk out of the lab and your hair is all crazy and your face is covered in smoke.

Like those two mice.

Those famous mice.

What's their brain?

Yes.

Yeah.

Those famous mice.

Nikki and Minnie?

I mean, boy, they're probably the second most famous pair of mine.

Sure.

Yeah.

Did Jerry from Tom and Jerry have a

paramour?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh.

Did Chuck E.

Cheese ever bang around?

Yeah, but it was the chicken.

Chicken lady.

The lady of the band.

Do you ever go to Chuck E.

Cheese when you were a youth?

Oh, yeah.

I remember it

vaguely.

Because Palladium came in and that changed everything.

Oh, we talked about that last week.

Yeah.

What was your

childhood mall, he said, was Low Heat, but in Metro Town was the special event mall.

Yeah, that makes sense.

I think me, it was a Brentwood.

The amazing Brentwood.

Well, this is before it was amazing.

It was more of a wholesome Brentwood at that time.

There was like a store that just sold like yards of cotton.

It was called like Cotton County or something.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

It was like the best mall ever because you could go there on Boxing Day and it wasn't busy.

We had great deals on cotton.

But Metro Town was like the killer mall.

And then Low Heat, if I was skipping school,

which was often, I would go there probably because it was walking distance from my school.

What would you do on a skipping school day?

Go smoke?

No, I would get secondhand smoke.

I liked secondhand smoke.

Go get it.

Procure it.

Go over to some strangers.

Yeah.

But we would just kind of like walk outside and go down to the like fish ladders, like where like the fish would like hop around

because there was salmon that were in the creek.

And you just kind of like hang out outside or you'd go to the mall.

That's kind of like the only two options we had.

Yeah.

That's about right.

It was an alley by school that you could

stand around.

I never skipped school, not once.

Wow.

Not a single class.

Never?

Never.

Well, because they would call home.

I heard about kids, you know, the

automatic thing.

If you're absent from a class, it automatically calls your house and says you're absent.

Also, they didn't do that.

I didn't want to do it.

I didn't know where to go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's fair.

I was.

Not a good kid, but I was afraid of being a bad kid.

Yeah.

That's fair.

Which is basically good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He got the same thing in the end.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

There was a mall that we went to, Sunshine Mall.

Ooh, Sunshine Mall.

That's a great name.

Yeah.

And it had a lot of

cool stores.

You know, like Video Game Store,

you know, San Francisco Novelty Store.

Oh, yeah.

HMV.

West 49?

No, that never made it into Alberta.

Oh, that's too bad.

As a youth.

But yeah, skipping school is the best.

And

my mom was cleaning out some old boxes at my place, and she found a book where it was her signature like hundreds of times that I had figured out how to

just be practicing over and over again.

Yeah, I knew kids who, like, they would skip school and they knew that the call always comes at five o'clock.

Make sure you answer the phone at five o'clock.

My buddy Phil, he would race home.

He would like skip the last kind of, he'd say, I got to go to the bathroom and run home and then take the, take the call off because he would skip school every day.

Whoa.

That's wild.

They did not call home or anybody when we skipped.

It was just...

You just got to choose to forego your education, I guess,

which was fine.

Sure, sure.

Yeah, that was never something like...

In pop culture about skipping school.

There was never any repercussions for people other than...

Failing.

Even then.

Oh, really?

I don't know.

I'm trying to think of like there's Mueller.

There were repercussions if he had to be.

That's true, but that was nine times.

She didn't know he had been absent nine times.

Do you run with a bad crew?

No, I think I ran with like, we were, I think we were all like

not, I don't want to say losers, but we were just kind of like, we weren't unpopular and we weren't popular, but we just didn't really exist very much in the ecosystem.

And nobody was doing great.

And a lot of us like started to skip to work.

Like that was just kind of normal.

Like, and I was like, very quick.

When you said skip to work, I was picturing you going to work one day.

Yeah.

Well, time to skip to work.

Good day, Mr.

Blue Jay.

I can't wait to make a peanut butter parfait.

We've been watching a lot of teen movies

with the kids and for example for example uh mean girls oh yes oh nice and they go the mean girl she goes through the um

they all have this scene in them uh where she goes through the um the cafeteria and someone's pointing out these are the plastics

these are the drama kids these are the horny band kids whatever uh and then in um

in clueless it's the same thing of like this group yeah yeah and then in 10 things I hate about you

it's so weird like I don't understand if they were making fun of

this trope in in teen movies or if it was just a joke but it's like and of course the cowboys are over here and there's like a bunch of

guys dressed in like tight jeans and cowboy hats and doing lasso tricks in Seattle

we legitimately had like cowboy kids in my house.

Whoa, really?

Yeah.

Like they worked, like they actually had to like swap and stuff.

Yeah, I think so.

They did swap.

Yeah, and they had wore cowboy boots, and a couple of them were cowboy hats, but mostly it was just there was farm cowboy kids.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Their life was so different than the rest of us.

Like at the end of the day, they were just around a horse, probably got to ride a horse.

They probably had to wake up early and like help out stuff.

Seems like a broken.

Their alarm clock was a rooster.

Yeah.

The alarm clock's broken.

No, the rooster just died.

One thing, I don't know where I was, but I was somewhere where

there was a rooster.

And like, you, you

roosters are famous for they crow when the sun comes up.

Yeah.

But they continue to all day long.

You think of it as just like one time and it wakes everyone up and then, okay, go sit on your eggs.

You over there, sit on your eggs.

I'm a rooster, sir.

I don't have any.

Yeah,

I don't think I've ever been woken up by anything but my own

sense of dread.

Do you ever

do you ever have that thing where you're drifting off to sleep and you maybe you're even dreaming right now, like, but you're barely asleep.

And then in your dream, you like fall down and you wake up and go, yes.

Oh, yes.

So many times.

It's always like tripping.

I have insomnia and I've always had it.

So I go through, like,

well, you have it, Graham.

Right.

Yeah.

So, I like, you know, sometimes you just lay there for hours to try to get that kind of rest instead.

Do you still always have it?

I take drugs now.

Oh, nice.

That's been my solution.

That's really smart.

Yeah.

Once in a while, I'll take one.

I've tried a few now.

What's your favorite?

My favorite drug?

What's the drug?

Well, you are my favorite drug.

Thank you.

What is

you're my present this year?

Don't put a bow on me.

Yeah.

What is your have you gone through?

Have you tried a bunch?

Yeah.

And what's what's what's kicking?

What's the one that I'm on now?

I can't remember the name of it, but it's I think I tried like five different ones.

And there's some that you're not supposed to take every night.

And there's ones, this one's fine to take every night, but is it melatonin?

Can you imagine?

It's a gummy.

No one ever recommended that before.

Yeah, melatonin gave me intense nightmares.

Yeah.

Whoa, really?

Yeah, yeah.

Same.

I don't know how it works for anybody.

It's so mild.

I know, but it's some kind of reaction to it.

It's like weak in the brain or something.

Yeah.

Because I remember like having like, like, waking up, like, heart pounding, terrible, terrible.

Yeah.

What is a nightmare?

I mean, I know what they are, but like, I, I, maybe, I don't know if I've ever had one, but I.

I'm trying to picture like one of your boring dreams, but a nightmare.

yeah but abby has what she calls thrilling dreams like there's always just chasing and stuff oh that sounds nice um but they're intense and she wakes up but they're not nightmares but um like are you in your um

nightmares are are they all the same kind

is

no not for me sometimes i'll have ones that have a storyline and then others are just like intrusive thought type stuff where it's like the same vivid graphic horrible image that will wake me up

But I mean, it's just your brain trying to mess with you and you're like, not today, brain.

Do you have this thing I've noticed and I've read a bit about it where you go to the same place in your dream as a place that doesn't exist, but it exists in your dream world and several dreams take place in that location.

Like there's a house that a lot of my dreams take place in.

Oh, I never even thought about it.

But I don't know what the house is.

I've never seen the house in real life or anything like that.

I have like TV shows and movies that I watch in my dreams and I can go to certain episodes and watch them.

Are they real?

No.

Well, I mean, I made them up, but I mean, I've had them for years.

So I can be like, oh, I want to see that scene, but maybe this person's like,

this person doing this.

Do you have that?

Because I think it's from just like laying there for hours every night all my life.

I get more like, like, I only usually catch the very last end and remember.

Oh, yeah.

But I just noticed like.

There's reoccurring dreams, but there's dreams that are completely different.

But I'm like, well, we're in Morocco again.

We're back here in Morocco.

Somewhere I've never been.

Yeah, exactly.

Do I like Morocco?

Do I not like Morocco?

But yeah, like even the nightmare ones, I don't necessarily remember after I wake up.

But

yeah, it's not bad.

This, this, I gotta recommend drugs, man.

Whoa, yeah.

I've tried a few now, but maybe I'll ask you which one is working for you.

Yeah, I'll try that one next.

It's just a Cold 45 booze.

Just a good book.

Yeah, he just hands you an N Rice.

This is a dry one.

I think it'll work for it.

Honestly, like, nothing knocks me out faster than reading while lying down.

Yeah.

Whoa.

How long does it take?

10 minutes?

If I, at night,

one page.

Wait, so are you processing what you're reading?

Or is it kind of just like the act of reading it bores you?

No, it doesn't.

It's like exercise for my brain and eyes.

And it's like, this is too much, man.

I'm putting this book down.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

I think that means your brain is healthy.

Oh, well, according to

a lot of comedy audiences would disagree.

Yeah, he's pretty twisted.

I'm a pretty twisted guy.

No,

that's one thing I'm very grateful for is I'm a good sleeper.

Yeah.

That's great.

You know, I I give good back rubs.

Oh, sure.

Famous back rubs.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

You lucky is the person who gets that

certificate.

Coupon books, you saw.

Or sometimes you

like coupon books that you get at school.

Good for one

rub from Dave Shimka.

At school?

Didn't you sell those like coupon books for like

oh, entertainment 95 or whatever?

yeah yeah yeah that would be like whoa orange yeah julius yeah yeah yeah like just coupon plus a whole bible size thing of coupons yeah i would probably still be into that

oh yeah there's i yeah i everything's a checkout code now

and it's like

you there's places like orange julius like if i could get one free i already want orange julius absolutely yeah give me another orange julius yeah and then you get to like have this little little piece of paper like it was i feel like it it was thicker cardstock from what I remember.

Yeah.

The actual book, the entertainment book that you would get

was you would need a card.

Like you would need to use the card and the coupons at the same time.

So they knew that you weren't like just like handing out the coupons to your friends.

Right.

That makes sense.

But it was, yeah.

I've never given a coupon and had the cashier be like, oh, excellent.

I know how to do that.

This won't take any extra time at all.

And I'm sure this is legitimate, and I'm not going to put up a fuss.

But it was always advertised as like, save

$10,000 worth of coupons.

But it's like some of them were like, you know, if you buy a boat, you get a free anchor or something like that.

If you're getting your nails done, we'll do the pinkies free.

Yeah, man, that really, that really unlocked it.

Does McDonald's still say smiles are free on the-

I guess they don't even have those

menus up there.

It's all like video screens.

That's tough when the video screens switch all the time and they have ads because I'm like, I just want to see if you're selling cheeseburgers right now.

You know, like

I just want to know if it's a time of day where I can get a hash brown still, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Because hash browns aren't all day, I don't think.

But I could be wrong, but I don't know.

We bought these.

I know what you're talking about the screen.

Yeah.

I don't know what took us for so long, but we found

they sell frozen hash browns, Cavendish frozen hash browns that are like in the shape of the McDonald's hash brown.

And

I don't know, like, it's they're in the same place as you know, fries, frozen fries, but they're just amazing.

They're good.

What do you put them in?

The toaster or do you put them in the oven?

So they're crispy on the other side?

They're crispy.

10 minutes

at 425, 10 minutes, and then flip it over into the other side for 10 more minutes.

Where is this?

Where'd you get this from?

The grocery store?

Just the regular grocery store?

Yeah, not like Whole Foods.

No, no, no.

Just the regular Whole Cavendish.

Cavendish.

Cavendish is an

everyman brand.

Yeah.

I've heard of it before.

Yeah, it's sort of like next to the McCain.

Nice.

Oh, cool.

I'm going to get some today.

Sure.

Okay.

That just sounds so satisfying.

It's great.

Yeah, we really.

Do you put anything on them, you put like a little sour cream or

the kids get a bit of ketchup.

A little bit of ketchup.

I don't really eat them.

No?

No,

I make them.

Yeah.

I've had some bites.

They resemble the McDonald's ones.

Yep.

Yeah.

And do they, because I haven't been to McDonald's in over a decade,

do they still come in a little envelope?

I think so.

A little sleeve.

A little like oil-soaked sleeve.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, good, because that was one of the pleasures of having them.

Yeah, McDonald's breakfast kicks ass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good stuff.

McGriddles

are

Devon Diggity.

Oh, no.

What does the Rizzler have to say about it?

The Rizzler?

Yeah.

A Rizzler doesn't say about it.

She does this.

Somebody posted a video of the Rizzler and some other woman that has gone viral and they were doing each other's

Chick-fil-A sauce woman.

I was like, Man, oh man, I only know the Rizzler because of you.

And the Chick-fil-A, I was like, I do not know what the joke is here.

Too deep, I don't know either of these characters.

Yeah, the Rizzler is sort of a part of the AJ and Big Justice.

We give this five big booms, universe.

Oh, okay, okay.

Yep, and then I know of the universe, and then the Chick-fil-A,

no Chick-fil-A sauce lady.

I don't know.

I don't know anything about her.

Is that her catchphrase?

Yeah.

Oh, you know what?

She had a viral video where she was working at Chick-fil-A,

and someone came up and ordered Chick-fil-A.

And they ordered, like, I'll have barbecue sauce and honey mustard.

Is that it?

Yeah, that's it.

And she's like, no Chick-fil-A sauce?

And this is entertainment now.

She's got a five-picture deal with

Paramount.

Yeah, she's got a first-look deal on all her Chick-fil-A.

So that's her whole thing?

She says no Chick-fil-A sauce.

I guess it's not anything worse than the Chewbacca mob.

Yeah, maybe she said it in a way that was really funny.

You might chuckle at it.

I think she made a face.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

She maybe said it in a funny way.

I think I only saw the video once and I don't want to do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's right.

I don't want to do it.

You know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Misjust.

Injustice.

Injustice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or misjustice.

If you're you're a nasty.

I was going to say, if you're an assignment.

You didn't.

I know.

Dave, what's going on with you?

Well, my wrist doing better.

Yeah.

Nice.

Look at that.

Wow, you're turning it so easily.

Wow, it's a bit paler there.

It hurts here.

Okay.

It is a little bit paler in the section.

On this side.

Oh.

Is it the same on the other wrist?

Yeah, there is like a little, oh, maybe that's from a watch or something.

Well, no, this is a burn.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

The burn shouldn't be paler, it should be darker.

Um, so that was my big thing I did this week, but that's huge on the bonus episode, the the hot topics we released uh last week, um, we talked about a candy that uh is going out of business that they're going to stop producing in Canada.

What is it?

It's the cherry blossom candy, the chocolate cherry blossom.

Oh, okay, that's like a 1900s or 1900s.

It's an 1800s.

Is it really?

I think it's from like the 1870s.

It's man, it is something that comes in a box.

Well, so

I say that like it's bad, but it's have you ever had one?

No.

Me neither.

Yeah, that's fair.

Maybe I should.

But I saw them in the

I was like, I've seen them my whole life, and I thought, oh, they look nasty.

They are

like the container is, well, you know what?

I've got a couple right here.

Whoa.

Oh, you actually got some.

Yeah, the container is a box that's the cherry blossom by Lowney.

And if you look at it front on, doesn't it look like a no-name brand?

Yeah.

Oh, whoa.

I always thought it was yellow.

Yeah, it's a yellow package with,

well, the writing isn't black, but it's probably the same font.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A sans serif thing.

And the picture is the candy bisected, and it is a chocolate cut in half with a maraschino cherry, I'm guessing.

And it just looks like a wound.

And this pink ooze coming out of it.

It's so gross looking.

And I thought we could try them.

Yeah.

I've never had them.

Graham, you're allergic.

I can't have.

I can have one.

I wonder why it's cherry blossom.

Like, do you think it's a cherry blossom

taste in there or just cherry?

I don't.

I think it's just cherry, and it's blossoming with this pink.

What did you call it?

Vigo sauce.

A Vigo sauce, yeah.

From Vigo's Lime.

Ghostbusters Duke.

It also has a big sign on it that says high in saturated fat and sugars from Health Canada.

Graham, since you can't have that, I got you a big check.

Big chart!

Dave, that was so nice of you.

No, I'm just going to cut mine in half because I want to.

Can I have half the other half of yours?

Yeah, okay, let's just open one.

Okay.

And then,

okay, so you open it up and it comes in

foil.

Oh, really?

It always comes in foil.

It's heavy.

It's 45 grams.

Wow.

Wow.

What if it's the 46 with Graham in the room?

That's right.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Now it's got peanuts in it.

How far away from you do I need to cut this?

No, you're fine.

I think it'll be okay.

Mmm, fragrant.

Oh, it smells like.

I think you're going to have to saw it.

But this smells to me, it's very cheap chocolate smelling.

It smells like

big jerk.

I remember it.

What do you call it?

That

like just Easter candy.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So you cut it in half.

And it do ooze.

It does ooze, just like the photo promises.

But it does not have a beautiful cherry in the middle of it.

No, yes, it does.

Does it?

Did I miss it?

There you go.

But I cut it in half and the cherry was apparently on one side of it okay yeah you know what it does actually look a lot like what the box promises yeah but the box it does look disgusting the box looks disgusting but the way this is oozing out is very ghostbusters too yeah

do you want the side that has the cherry in it or the side with no cherry i'll take the other side yeah i feel like there's what are your thoughts on maraschino cherries in general I'm a fan because I like a Shirley Temple.

That's what we talked about.

I never liked them as a kid, but now I really like them.

Oh.

I like to have a treat that's small.

so a maraschino cherry would be nice, yeah, for that.

Well, also, I didn't like when you get a box of chocolates and there's a fruit in one of them, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that was kind of a rude surprise, yeah.

Oh, uh, and also, this chocolate, it's got peanuts in it, or it's got walnuts, or what kind of nut

peanut, it's got peanuts, it's like here's these ingredients:

sugars,

perfect.

Number one,

modified palm oil.

Can't live without it.

Modified palm kernel oil.

Modified milk ingredients.

They're modifying everything here.

I wonder how different this was than the 1870s version of it.

I bet you it's all those things.

It's just not modified.

Were they getting palm oil?

Yeah, that's a good question.

Probably not.

Unsweetened chocolate.

Well, a good thing the first ingredient is sugar.

Sugars.

Peanuts, coconut, maraschino cherries, salt.

I never know how to pronounce this soy.

Lecithin?

Lecithin.

Oh, is it lecithin?

I've been saying it wrong all these years.

Oh, maybe I've been saying it wrong.

What do you say?

Lectithin?

No, you're right.

Yeah.

Nice.

I just said it more confidently.

That's true, but you're right.

When you're right, you're right.

What is that word?

Oh,

invertase, invertase?

Invertase.

Well, this has been, this concludes the eating portion of the show.

I love natural flavors.

That's my favorite thing that a chocolate bar or a soda can boast.

Well, you know that if they have, if they're like a crazy color, now the listeners are going to correct me on this.

But like if a soda is a crazy color and it says made with nat with like no artificial coloring.

Yeah.

It's usually a bug that they ground up to get like bright red.

Of course.

I think that's cool though, because at least it's natural.

Yeah.

When I was in

vegetarian anymore.

This modified

blue beetle.

Yeah, this special sprite.

It's not.

You can't eat this on a vegetarian diet.

When I was in

Europe over the summer,

their MMs, they don't have certain dyes over there.

So their MMs are all like kind of beige-y and not like they're not bright colors like they are in North America because they don't have whatever red number five or yellow, whatever.

So they're all kind of like brown and pasty.

It's still delicious.

What is the red dye that everyone is like?

Is it red dye number five?

Is that what everybody went on?

One of the two

liquid on my pants.

Red dye three, red dye 40?

Red dye three.

Red dye three.

That's got to be the one, right?

But like, that's what

if we just came up with red dye four.

Brilliant.

Yeah.

This one has, this candy has brilliant blue F C F in it and Allura Red.

Wow.

What does

I don't know where the blue is?

And what is the company that is withdrawing this out of Canada?

Hershey.

Hershey, okay.

They're going to be taking it down their famous highway.

Do you know?

I only learned this by watching like um cooking show that there's a hershey theme park oh yeah called like it's in her it's in hershey pennsylvania and it's a theme park dedicated to hershey chocolate and it's there's not a lot of stuff to grab onto they've got a kiss mascot of gene simmons

do they have a fountain um like a chocolate fountain yeah I got to assume.

I got to assume.

Or just a brown water fountain.

Because chocolate is going to be gross.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah, that's true.

It's going to go ranted pretty quick.

I mean,

you can get that.

You can get like chocolate fondue, but I don't think you're supposed to do that for every day

as a decoration of your theme.

It just flies everywhere.

Yeah.

Flies in bees.

Do they have rides?

Yeah, they have rides.

They have rides.

They have.

I'm trying to think of another thing that's a Hershey's product.

Well, we went to the M ⁇ M store.

Yeah.

New York City?

In New York City, Graham and I.

And we made fun of it every time we walked past, and then we went, and I loved it.

It was the best.

It was all the employees were like singing and dancing.

It was like four floors of MMs.

Seriously?

Yeah.

I bought an MM spatula.

You could buy like individual colors of MMs.

They had all the MM merch everywhere.

They had different letters on MMs.

Music's playing.

The green ones flirting with you.

Yeah.

Music's playing.

It's like a party in there.

And then across the street is the Hershey store, and it also had Reese's stuff.

And we went in there, and an employee was crying.

It was like the opposite vibe.

Yeah, that M ⁇ M store was really like

the scene in big where he goes to the big like FAO Schwartz.

Like it's just like magical.

That's cool.

We played the giant piano with the M ⁇ M store.

M ⁇ M's rule.

Yeah, M ⁇ M's are great.

These cherry blossoms,

not the worst.

Yeah.

They were not as disgusting as I imagined as a child, but that's, I think, probably because the first ingredient is sugar.

Yeah.

And it was a sweet balm.

I just feel bad for whoever that's their favorite candy because sometimes that just happens where it's like the thing you've decided on, this is what I like, and then it just vanishes.

But whoever's favorite candy this is probably shouldn't be eating it because they're a hundred years old.

I do got to say, I like that it comes in its own box with one piece inside.

Well, that's what when, yeah, that's, you know what?

It's worth

stockings.

Oh, yeah.

You know, imagine getting one of those in your stockings.

No problems, right?

No, it is.

It's not bad, but I'm not going to miss it.

Yeah.

I'm glad I just did that.

Yeah.

I also got myself a baked turk.

Oh, nice.

I got myself some chocolate bars.

I have this one favorite chocolate bar.

Denman Island Simply Dark.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

We were talking about it the other day.

It's my favorite.

It's the only one I'll have.

So I just, if they don't, if I can't get my hands on one of those, and you can only get it at one store in town, and I have to travel far to get them.

So I get a lot at once, and I pretend I buy them for work.

Can I get the receipt for that?

Thanks.

What store has them?

Choices.

Oh, but not the one on Cambie.

Right.

Just the one on McDonald or the one on commercial.

Yeah, the

pretending you're buying them.

Yeah, I was like, everyone at the, because they comment on it.

I'm like, everyone at the office loves the office.

What's that, boss?

Yeah, no, I got

another 10.

Denman Dark.

Simply Dark.

Simply Dark.

And Denman Island.

And is it

nothing in it?

Just plain dark.

Just plain, but it's just the taste of it hits something in my brain where it just completely satisfies me.

So I'm like, I'll just have nothing if I can't have that.

I know what you mean.

Yeah.

I'll do like Mrs.

Remfro's jalapeno salsa.

That's another one where if I can't have that, I kind of won't have salsa.

Really?

On, like for pouring on top of things.

Not for dipping for like chips, but for putting on things.

where do you find that same same that one's easier to find what do you pour it on top of everything I put that stuff on everything

wow

that's probably why I have stomach issues

it's pretty hot well it's not hot it's just and your stomach issues are probably why you have insomnia

all these terrifying dreams

yeah do you do you find that was the thing i always heard when i was a kid is like, oh, don't eat something right before bed.

You'll have bad dreams.

That's, I mean, it's good sleep hygiene to not be eating something right before you go to bed.

Yeah.

I always eat long, long eggs.

Just a hard-boiled egg.

Is that okay?

I just pop it in the microwave with a piece of cheese on top.

Is that okay?

It definitely does make them a little wackier for me sometimes, depending on what I eat.

Yeah.

But even when, like, I used to do intermittent fasting and i'd stop eating at 8 p.m and that did help but it's so hard not to eat after 8 p.m what was your window it was like 12 to 8 so it was pretty wide window yeah but and it did it did help but

help what my stomach i my stomach hurts all the time so yeah it's uh but yeah like sometimes after like 10 o'clock i want a bowl of cereal yeah or someone's like a coffee with something in it not just plain yeah a coffee a coffee or a tea with like you're not allowed to put you can have coffee or tea, but you can't put anything in it.

You have to have it like plain.

Yeah.

What, um, uh,

but you would have that at night?

No, no.

Oh, sorry.

In the morning, because I wouldn't be able to eat or have anything until noon.

Right.

So before then, I would have to, I mean, it's not a big deal.

It's such a privileged thing.

I want to put something in my tea in the morning.

I'm not letting myself eat food.

Yeah.

I have it.

I just don't want it yet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I want it, but I've got to plan.

Is eight hours a typical window?

I think eight hours is like the largest window you can have.

Oh, okay.

I think, I think I did it like the

most time possible.

And then, because I'm not looking to like, to like try to lose weight or anything like that.

I was just trying to help.

I have like a 16-hour window.

I think that's a good window.

Yeah.

From like midnight.

I don't eat from midnight to 6 a.m.

It works.

It works.

It's healthy, yeah.

Although sometimes I will wake up and then eat something and go back to sleep if I

have rules.

It's nice.

It's rules, but it's probably the worst possible thing in the world for you.

Yeah, because then your stomach's like up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And your teeth are like, brush me again.

I wear a night guard, and so I would have to take that out.

Oh, yeah.

That's a big inhibitor.

Yeah.

And like sometimes I do kind of like stop myself from eating because just because I was like, well, I felt like brushing my teeth at nine o'clock and I'll put in a night card and well, I'm done for the night.

This is out of my hands now.

It is kind of nice to have that as like a secondary stopper.

Yeah.

Like I'm not going to do the whole thing just to have a bite of whatever.

But those midnight snacks.

If it's ready for you, I scrape my tongue.

Do you guys scrape your tongues?

Yeah.

I love it.

It's so satisfying to drink water after scraping my tongue.

I remember learning about it on the Rosie O'Donnell show.

Whoa, you watched the Rosie O'Donnell show?

Of course, we all watched the Rosie O'Donnell show.

Was it called Rosie?

Yeah, no, it was the Rosie O'Connor.

And she would, it would every, it would have this animated intro, kind of like the nanny.

Yeah.

And it would say the name of the guest, and she would do a little rhyme for one of the guests on every episode.

She'd change it up in every episode.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've got Christine Lottie, and she's hot, hot, hottie.

Whoa.

For a while, I found in a thrift store a Rosie O'Donnell show doll of Rosie O'Donnell.

I gave it away, but I was like, wow, I never knew this existed.

I would have had one years and years ago.

But

she would, she, it was like a nighttime.

Do you know it at all?

No.

It was a night show.

No, no, it was a daytime, but it looked like nighttime show.

Yeah, it was

because they weren't really that kind of show with like a desk panel and then a band leader that was a daytime show.

That was a daytime.

Yeah.

yeah, but I think like

does Kelly Clarkson have that or oh sure, I mean, but at the time all the talk shows were like walking around the audience with a microphone and saying like what do you want to say?

Wow, you should go out of school, you piece of trash.

Um, and she pretended she was in love with Tom Cruise every day.

Um, she called people cutie patooties.

Oh, okay, I remember

she would shoot koosh balls into the audience.

Wow, it was cool.

It was like, and she was like, It was a

a vibe.

It was a vibe.

And it was like fun.

And the only kind of like controversy I remember is Tom Selleck went on and he loves guns.

And she didn't want to.

And she was like, hey, maybe people shouldn't have guns.

Wrong.

Wrong, Rosie.

I remember that being a big story.

And she was on it for years.

Wow.

And it was a big debate

about whether Tom Sellek should have a mustache.

Yeah, yeah.

And you know what?

He looks good either way.

Yeah, he's doing fine.

Do you know why his wife liked him to have a mustache?

Why?

It made her feel quickly down under.

Yes.

Yes.

I've told that before.

You pulled it out perfectly.

It was really well done.

I've only got about four jokes.

But like Oprah, from that show, she spawned her own magazine.

What?

So like it was Rosie Magazine.

It was Rosie magazine, yeah.

And I remember her appearing on a cover with her hand bandaged bandaged up and it said staph infections are no joke.

When I was 21, I got a staph infection on my knee.

Oh, shit.

And I thought it was an STI.

So I went to my doctor and I was like, is it herpes?

And he's like, on your knee, Ken?

No.

Were you sexually active?

Yeah.

My legs were.

I just started.

Good for you.

How are you liking it?

And I'm just going to google Rosie.

Rosie.

I can't believe I missed this.

Rosie O'Donnell Meg.

Yeah.

She was huge.

And then she went on to be the kind of the anchor host of The View.

Oh,

okay.

And a lifelong

Trump

target.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Really hates her.

Yeah.

But you know what?

She was really funny.

And that show rocked for a long time.

And she's alive still, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's great.

Well, I mean, that she got that staff affection cleaned up yeah right if she hadn't though yikes

whoa that's wild i get a little unsettled with morning uh like daytime tv shows and stuff just like the it's such a fake feeling vibe that i i don't know it unsettles something in my brain and the fact that it's

it it used to be for like housewives

and now i don't know who it's for people in waiting rooms yeah it's just like, who has

people in hospital beds?

You can watch it anytime, too, right?

But you can watch anything anytime.

So why would you watch the Drew Barrymore show?

Yeah.

That's a good point.

I watched a class.

I think it's just not for me.

The way they smile, I'm like, you don't have to smile the whole time.

You know, nobody's always smiling.

Oh, yeah.

Well, like the morning shows, I get those because people.

have their TVs on in the morning, getting ready for work and stuff.

I think it's the aged probably are watching the

Drew Barrymore show.

Or like maybe they need energy because they don't have it in the morning.

So they need to

hear it to get activated, maybe.

That makes sense.

Like having something to do in the morning, where it's like, well, I watched this show.

A few years ago, Abby and I went to live with Ryan Seacrest and Kelly Rippa, and it was awesome.

Whoa.

And everyone in the audience was.

obsessed.

Like

everyone in the audience was the biggest fan of the show.

Yeah.

It's fun.

I watched like the bit of the New Year's Eve rocking countdown or whatever.

Rocking New Year's Eve.

And he's so good at that job.

Yeah, he is.

Have you seen him on Wheel of Fortune now that he's doing that?

What?

He's doing Wheel of Fortune?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah.

And it's him, Sylvanna White, and then occasionally Pat Sajak's daughter.

Yeah.

Whoa, what does she do?

Nothing.

She, at the end, she goes, like, check us out online or something like that.

She's like the youth correspondent.

He's hashtag wheel

or whatever.

Graham, have we talked about what's going on with you?

No, sorry.

But very little.

Very little, I must say.

But I had a thing, this has happened to me three times now, where I've watched a movie

to the end and then found it.

To completion?

To completion, or so I think.

Where I watch a movie and then at the end,

they're setting me up for a fucking sequel I did not sign up for.

Well, you never signed up for a sequel.

You'd have to buy tickets for no matter what.

But I should have full movie with a ticket.

Yeah, I agree.

I should have full movie.

It happened during

Fast and the Furious.

Wicked was the most recent one.

Yeah.

Cross the Spider-Verse was another one.

Yeah.

And there was another one that I

was, I know Mission Impossible was broken up into two as well.

But there was that.

Yeah, that was the one I was thinking of.

They didn't tell you going in.

No, and I mean, that was the thing, too, with the Spider-Man one.

I was like, they're just ramping up.

Motherfucker.

Yeah.

Yeah, it really pisses me off.

And I've even, years ago like 20 years ago i saw wicked in and i forgot that there's a whole other i mean

the lord of the rings ones like any of the like trilogy

i don't mind if they know that the movie is yeah i guess so but the hobbit

the hobbit was only one book and they booked yeah that was so annoying it should that's a you didn't need to be more than one but at least say like when they do like the hunger games mocking jay part one yeah they're like this is the third hunger games Games part one.

Yeah, at least they're being honest about it.

Yeah.

Did you see Wicked?

I didn't, but I saw Craven.

And you did not.

The Hunter?

Yes.

One of my favorite things, like, that's kind of like this, is when movies that are crappy but assume that there will be another one just set up the movie for another one that will never exist.

Madam Webb did that too.

Madam Webb was extraordinary in that regard.

All of those like Morbias, that whole, like, like, um, like, kind of like

the Sony Spider-Man universe.

Yeah, they're all like that, where they keep building up to like, it's a bad movie, and then it keeps building up for another movie that you'll never see again.

I love that.

Oh, it's so funny.

I mean, I'm giving them my money, but it is fun.

I go with like a group to see those specifics.

Well, that and those are fun because they're bad.

Yeah.

Um, I saw Madam Webb in the theater in the vibrating chairs

with my daughter, and I felt nauseous.

I had to turn off my chair.

That was probably my favorite of all of them.

Yeah.

Yeah, Madam I was really

with the glasses.

Beautiful.

What was this one that

just had the

wicked?

Wicked.

Always wicked, by the way.

But another thing I noticed now that you say it, I went and saw Conclave.

Oh, loved Conclave.

Yeah.

And the trailers before were just like not Conclave adjacent because one of them was for Craven.

Oh, wild.

And I was watching with Charlie DeVez, and he goes, I can't wait to hear about the Green Goblin miniseries they're putting on.

But it was just like they couldn't have not connected with the audience more.

That was wild.

Did you like Conclave?

Yep.

I loved it.

It was good.

But, you know, I was thinking about Craven the whole time.

I was going to go see,

I had tickets because they now do cheap Tuesdays again, at least for

for january uh and i was gonna go see the brutalist last night oh yeah um but then my wrist was feeling good so i played hockey instead nice oh nice but uh i went to buy tickets and it was like packed at the park really it was like

the brutalist was it were there were no good seats left

you know it's in 70 millimeter yeah wow i don't know what that means neither do i and the last time i watched one 70 millimeter i was like I don't know.

Yeah, same.

Yeah.

I forgot what it was, but it was.

Oppenheimer was the one I went.

Yeah, that's what it was.

And And it was like mostly people talking in offices and such.

You got a lot of time for the money you paid.

Yeah, that's true.

Long movies.

The Brutalists is like three and a half.

It's got an intermission.

Whoa.

Oh, does it really?

Yeah.

Wow.

I like that because then you can pee.

As long as you know going in, it's going to be a long movie.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I wonder if they play Craven the Hunter trailers.

No, it's.

Oh, my gosh.

No, it's got to be.

It was like, it was like an hour and a half.

And I think they were really like, you know, sometimes you're like, oh, you're just padding this out to get to like 85 minutes.

Yeah.

Felt like that.

The one that, of course, you see in front of every movie is the Red Hulk.

Red Hulk and Friends.

Oh, okay.

I don't know anybody.

Honestly, I don't know anybody that's excited for that.

Yeah.

Like, they were like, now there's a Red Hulk.

What's happening?

What's the deal?

Did the Hulk get his own movie, or was he only The Avengers?

He was only Mark Buffalo.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it was supposed to be Edward Norton, but apparently he was so annoying to work with that they were like, we're recasting you, Mark Buffalo.

Ruffalo.

Because they did an Eric Banna Hulk movie and they did an Edward Norton Hulk movie.

I remember Edward Norton's when he's having sex in it.

He keeps checking his watch to make sure he doesn't, like, his blood pressure doesn't make him Hulk out on this woman.

She's probably just like, Am I being bad?

Like, why is he looking at his watch?

So there we are, having sex all of a sudden.

Yes, who turns in it all?

He's spraying green goo everywhere.

What am I supposed to do?

You ruined my bedroom.

How was he?

Incredible.

Should we move on to some overheards?

Yeah.

Hey, everybody.

I'm Jeremy.

I'm Oscar.

I'm Dimitri.

And we are the Euroevangelists for a weekly podcast spreading the word of the Eurovision Song Contest, the most important music competition in the world.

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Overheard.

Overheard's a segment where we share.

We bring and we share.

We break bread together and we share things we've heard, things have been said to us, things we've dreamt, things we've seen.

We always like to start with a guest.

Oh, yeah, you can do a freaky dream if you want.

Yeah, you go freaky dreams.

I don't want to scare people.

Okay.

I saw a bone come out of the skin.

Yeah.

Oh.

Shit.

Okay, so I was hanging out with my dad, and

we've been hanging out a lot together.

So I think we.

We went on vacation together.

We went on vacation together, yeah.

And I try to go and like hang out as much as I can.

Handle.

And

I

was like a Wendy Liebman,

but he was like, in the middle of conversation, he's like, who's that guy, Dr.

Argado?

And then I went, Mr.

Robato.

And he went, Yep.

I was like, oh man, we're hanging out.

Were you listening to the song?

No, not at all.

We were just in casual conversation.

And he went, who's that guy, Dr.

Argado?

And I went, Mr.

Roboto.

Yeah.

And just no reaction.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was writing a fan letter.

Is it Domo Arrigato, Dr.

Argado?

Dr.

Argato, yeah.

That kind of sounds like.

I mean, that sounds like an actual person.

Yeah.

Mr.

Roboto.

I'm thinking of Dr.

What is the ice cream and coffee one?

Africado?

Africado, Dr.

Africado.

Yeah.

Well, I think we saw it.

Did you ever work at the coffee shop?

Did anyone ever get anything like that?

Was that on the menu?

Yeah, but people didn't get it very often, I think.

Usually, because we sold drinks that in large sizes and i feel like that uh does one spelled a lot of those people one shot of espresso and vanilla ice cream yeah i mean that sounds good are good that's yeah

the one that was like i thought it was really candyish was the caramel macchiato oh yeah that to me was like that's a dessert that you're having at 8 a.m yeah

and it's just a vanilla latte with caramel syrup yeah yeah the one the starbucks ones where they're in a uh plastic cup and you can see that they've like the syrup is stuck to the sides of it.

And it's on purpose.

Yeah.

When I worked at Dairy Queen, we had these things called moulattes, which were basically like a frappuccino and they were massive.

And then if you wanted a bigger one, you had to order a mega moo.

And people would say, can I have a mega moo?

And I just remember thinking like, this cannot be good for you.

It's so much sugar already.

And now you're going to mega moo it.

You're mega mooing this moulatte?

It was, it was in the, uh because tim hortons had the ice cappuccino yeah and then i think the moulatte came pretty soon after that yeah ice cap right ice cap yeah

that was yeah because it's just i've haven't had one since like probably the 90s when did ice caps come i get one a year i like them do you i used to they came in the early 2000s and i loved them yeah but they are a so sweet so sweet and also just like half cream yeah like not even half milk and just like a billion calories yeah yeah i think in a mega moo you'd probably probably get like 1700 calories, if not more.

An omega moo was the

sorority from Revenge of the Nerds.

And if an alpha moo came in,

shit.

Man, I love Dairy Queen.

I was thinking, I'm never going to get a tattoo, but if I did, it would be the...

just

a cone a soft surface I find them so aesthetically pleasing a little swirl on top

yeah that's a pretty good tattoo if you're only gonna going to get one, why not?

We're only going to get one, but it's enormous across my entire back.

Just so detailed and shaded.

Dave, do you have any heard?

Yeah, I was in Save on Foods, local grocery store.

And I was in the...

There's like an organic section in the back, or in one corner of it.

I was looking for this one brand of rice and beans, and they didn't have it.

But it's right next to the break room.

And

the music playing in the store was that MGMT song that goes boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Oh, that's nice.

And then I heard a voice from

the break room say, MGMT?

I thought they were too indie for the Save on Foods playlist.

But I guess not.

It's a pretty cool place.

Yeah.

I mean, things have changed.

I feel so bad for employees of stores where there's music playing because you are hearing the same

25 songs over and over.

It was weird, though, because it was December and it was like Christmas music, Christmas music, MGMT, Christmas music,

the boss was probably away.

The forbidden playlist.

Or it's their song.

Yeah.

This is my band.

Putting the demo.

I don't know if they're still touring, but it was a long time ago.

Anyway, I love stores.

I love going shopping in them.

I love hearing music.

They're the best.

Oh, yeah.

Mine also took place at a store.

Okay.

And it's a shopper's drug market.

No, London Drugs.

Sorry.

London Drugs.

Nice.

And it was at the self-checkout, and they have like kind of a command of you, like, scan it, and then you have to put it in the bagging area right away.

I hate it too.

And there was a guy that was trying to scan something and it wouldn't scan.

And so instead of like flagging help, he just went to the next one.

It didn't scan.

He went to another one.

It didn't scan.

And then he just put it in the to-go place and walked out the door.

Yeah.

Like, I'm not buying this.

Yeah.

That's fair.

Three strikes.

You're up.

I do feel that way sometimes.

I'm like, you, you installed these self-checkout things.

They should be

no trouble at all.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I went, oh, there was like a, there's there's a kiosk at a waterfront station that sells magazines and all kinds of stuff.

And I went to go buy lifesavers?

Is that life?

I think they probably have lifesavers.

They got certs, maybe.

Oh, yeah.

Sure, sure.

With retsin.

Your daily dose of retsin.

And I wanted to buy a thing of MMs, and she pointed out a thing that says you have to buy $3 or more.

And I was like, what year is this?

That's gone with the dinosaur having to pay a certain amount to use debit.

Like, otherwise it's supposed to use cash.

Yeah.

It was weird.

A bakery up the street does that as well.

Yeah?

That's weird.

I guess they still, but can you get something for less than $3?

An thing of MM.

It's less than $3.

Yeah.

That's good.

But I didn't get it because

I'm not playing their game, you see.

I'm playing their head game.

Now, we have overheards from people all over the world.

If you want to send one in, you can send it to spy at maximumfund.org.

And this first one comes with, this is Christine from Vancouver.

Oh, it's not me.

I promise it's not.

Whoa.

My dad said, a Robo Dagalado.

I was flying to L.A.

in March of 2020, and there was a family in front of me on the plane.

When we started to descend over the city, I heard various kids' voices exclaiming with the same level of excitement, I see palm trees.

I see the Hollywood sign.

I see a white truck.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It could have been Fort Bronco.

Yeah, that's very exciting.

March of 2020, I was expecting it to be a COVID.

Yeah, maybe this was just a couple days before.

The day before.

Really misdirected me.

Maybe they got stranded in LA and then they had to make it as an actor.

That's Tom Hardy's.

That's what happened with Tom Hardy.

I meant Tom Spider-Man.

Oh, Tom.

Tom.

Spider-Man.

He has a new brand of non-alcoholic beer called Biro.

He does?

Yeah.

Really?

Wow.

It's really happening.

This non-alcoholic.

It's on the stage.

Sometimes you just need to hold something at a party.

Yeah.

Although I do think alcohol will come back.

Oh, it's go to any bar.

They're still full.

Yeah, but it is a light, like, we're selling way less alcohol at the Fox.

I think.

There's venues across the country that we're talking about.

In a few decades, they'll look back on people drinking alcohol the way we look back on people smoking.

Oh, you think?

Yeah, because it's bad for you.

And you do it anyways.

Like, there's no positive to it except that it's great.

Yeah, it's the best.

Yeah.

And then people, there would be some kind of vape version of alcohol.

Oh, yeah.

But you know what?

I'd be fine with that.

Remember when they had those boxes where you could smell air in them?

Was that River Reel?

Was that like a...

Boxes?

I remember there were being like oxygen bars where you would like get the things up your nose.

They had one at Metro Town.

they did oh sure they did they did this was in like the 2000s yeah palladium uh rainforest cafe era yeah

um this next one comes from phoebe from bern new york how do you spell burn b-e-r-n-e oh cool have you ever heard of it i've never heard of no i've heard of burn switzerland

this is not that capital um

I was at

Mystic Seaport Museum in Boston during the summer.

And as we were going in, a dad was giving his seven-ish year old son a talking to about being on good behavior.

He ended by saying, and we're on vacation, so today is a bad day to lose your privileges.

And his son responded with, well, maybe today is a bad day for you to be a parent.

Throwing it down, kid.

You are not going to get to see what you want to see.

Bad day to lose your privileges.

Well, I'm at some stupid museum right now, so I don't really feel like there's a ton of privileges around.

is that true do kids just feel decide like today i'm gonna make your life difficult no

it just happens

yeah it's natural

what do you do though if you're on vacation you can't ground a kid on vacation oh it was i did i tell you what when i was in

uh disneyland no there was like a 10-year-old boy his mom was like

uh kind of like they had gotten to some level where he was out of control and she like

got right in his face and he slapped her oh my god and then

and i was like what do you do yeah like did she stop him back no but i guess i i i i might be remembering him wrong remembering it wrong where she was like do not do that again and he did it again

something like it was like

you what you thought was way too much he went even further jesus and you're at disneyland if you're from out of town you've spent thousands to get that oh yeah like you're How are you going to ground them at Disneyland?

Yeah.

Go sit in the creepy hall of presidency.

The haunted mansion.

Yeah.

Don't come out until you've learned your lesson.

This last one comes from Sam R.

from Niagara.

I work at a post office and I heard a coworker talking to a man who's bringing in a letter that had been misdelivered.

The man, I don't think this is me, coworker.

Are you unit three?

And the man says, I

don't know who I am.

I don't know who I am.

Oh my God.

You rocked me to my core.

Yesterday, FedEx came and dropped something off at our house and knocked on the door.

And I was like looking out the window because the FedEx guy had walked away towards his truck.

And I didn't want to open my door and be like, thank you.

I just wanted him to get in his truck and leave, but I wasn't expecting anything from FedEx.

And I opened the door, got the package.

It was for a different house.

I was like, oh, I should have

talked to the FedEx guy.

And the thing that sometimes happens in my building is there's somebody with the last name Graham.

So anytime that I've seen a missed delivery, I get, oh,

just for I, Graham, not for Graham C.

Anyways, it's something that I struggle with because my cross-bear.

And isn't overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us.

Our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

that's one

spypod one

like these people have put some smoke on it that was nice i was i had to get away from the microphone for a second so i decided to raise my voice

hello dave graham and possible guests this is josh calling with an overheard from sonora california So

I work in a semi-corporate environment and I heard two ladies talking to them.

One of them is management.

Manager says to her,

Hey, I need you to promote positivity today.

And the other lady says, oh, shit.

Anyway, no freaking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, man.

Promote it.

Promote positivity.

Hey, guys, so you heard about this stuff?

Yeah.

It's like you put up a poster.

Yeah, the thrift stores are haunted by hundreds and hundreds of shirts that are that kind of like, ask me about 5G or whatever, that kind of thing.

And just having to wear one of those a day, like, ask me about, let me tell you about, it's just like, oh, it's going to be so hard promoting positivity.

But at least the shirts go on and have a good life.

And

a lot of people want to buy those.

They don't stay there for years.

Yeah, and they get worn one day and then thrown away.

So cool.

What is

the guy who was charged for sexual misconduct?

Hedley was the name of the band.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Jacob Hedley.

Hedley.

Jacob Something.

Yeah.

Hoggard.

Hoggard.

And at the thrift store, one time I went, and there was no less than 20 of those shirts, like all identical.

Like somebody's like, we're dumping the whole load.

Well, their biggest fan.

Damn.

I believe when we were recording our debut album, one of the days

they were practicing

in the same place we were recording drums.

Yeah, that's right.

And

I think the lead singer had a hummer.

Oh, yeah.

Doing all right for us.

All those shirt sales.

I drove a hummer once.

You did?

It's too big to have a car, but I felt very safe, although I went over the curb in front of a cop.

I was doing it for the hummer.

Yeah.

You were doing it for the cop?

I was doing this like actor simulation thing, yeah.

For the cop.

Is this real?

I told him I couldn't drive very well, and he was like, it's fine.

What's an actor simulation for a cop?

Oh, so they can like practice

a long time ago.

Yeah, practice pulling you over and like being abusive, friendly,

promoting positive.

Basic empathy.

Yeah.

What a, oh, wow.

Well, here's the next phone call.

Hi, David Graham.

This is a longtime listener calling in from Washington Heights in northern Manhattan, New York.

I was getting off the A train after dark a couple weeks ago, and

at the 181st Street station stop, this kind of bewildered, agitated-looking gentleman in his mid-to-late 30s was kind of wailing around and shouting and seemed generally worth avoiding.

But as I

was a few steps ahead of him, I heard him call out for help asking,

which direction is 181st Street?

And so I said, oh, just to your right, down the street.

And I was rewarded for my good deed by him shouting at me, God punish you.

And I thought that was the best.

kind of classic New York City

thing to have happen.

Rude, you were just trying to help out.

Yeah, God punish you, man.

You walked right into my tracks.

You're also giving the job to somebody else.

Yeah.

Punish me yourself then if you care so much about it.

A pox on me?

I'm not too worried about that.

That is a very like old and it's a very like cherry blossom era.

I hope he smites you.

Why do you think that person's problem was?

What the hell's going on?

Mental illness.

Mental illness for sure.

We're in drunk addiction.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

Ashton answered.

All right, here's your final phone call.

Hi, Dave.

Hi, Graham.

Hi, possible guest.

This is David in Chicago calling in with an overseen.

So last night, I was sitting at the bar of a vegetarian restaurant that's been around for 20, 25 years.

In that time, they've accreted a lot of

like metally, witchy

stuff,

including a whole bunch of like stickers behind the bar, one of which read,

if you don't like human sacrifice, fuck you.

Off I go.

That's just where I stand on the issue.

Well, fuck you.

Yeah.

Oh, someone's too good for it.

What you should do?

Oh, man.

Three really great overheards.

Yeah, those are great

to nine total.

Yeah, that was good.

Good round, guys.

I don't realize.

You're going to get nine overheards when you listen to an episode of this show.

Yeah, which is a good deal.

Sometimes the guest brings a second one, and then you get ten.

Yeah, mine was like all pretty, it was an overheard, but it was a conversation.

Those ones were like legit.

It went in your ear, didn't it?

Stuck in your head.

Well, you're right, Graham.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast here.

Christine, tell us things.

You do a fantastic show with Aaron Reid called Hell Night.

Will we see it again in this year?

Yes.

It's back on March 7th.

And then I think it's every like two or three months or something like that.

You got to make it daily.

Yeah.

It's so tiring.

It's so much fun.

And it's a great wild show.

It is incredibly wild.

The concept, we've talked about it before.

It's my favorite concept of any show.

Yeah.

It is.

No, wait, my favorite concept is the one where you bring your dogs.

Never mind.

Yeah.

No, it's

you are Gorbman.

Yeah.

An alien.

An alien.

And Aaron is your roommate.

Yeah.

And every month

something goes wrong where it becomes your responsibility or his responsibility to entertain you.

Yeah.

And so he invites stand-up comedians.

And

I bring my own guests, which are like these nightmare psychedelic little lotsies in between.

Yeah.

Senobites.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're thinking of doing like, we want to do something.

Well, we were watching the 1996 Royal Rumble the other day, and we're thinking about doing some sort of version of that, but within the Hell Knight universe.

Who won?

Who won that year?

I don't remember because we watched a few.

It might have been.

I'm going to guess Sean Michaels.

I don't guess.

Is that too late?

Do you remember?

Because I don't remember.

96?

Yeah.

Are there one every year or every four years?

Like the Olympics.

We'll only do one in the winter every two years, then one in the summer.

Royal Rumble 1996, the ninth annual Royal Rumble.

It was cool to see it grow over time.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I like watching this video.

This was in Fresno, California.

Yeah.

Attendance 9,600.

And the results.

Is this the.

I can't read this.

You can't read it.

Who was eliminated?

Wait.

There's a whole roster here that seems very confusing.

I think you could Google who won.

Sean Michaels winner.

Oh,

nice weird name.

Captain Loverboy, or whatever his name is.

What was it?

The Heartbreak Kid or Sexy Boy was his theme song.

Wow, good call.

Nice work.

And then Aaron's special just came out.

Yeah.

And

I do a little improv bit in there.

So you should definitely check that out.

It's on Vimeo and Bandcamp if you want to pay for it.

But if you need to get it for free, it's on YouTube.

On YouTube, easy access.

I don't recognize a lot of the names of these

30 wrestlers.

Henry O'Godwin.

No, I don't recognize that.

I think this year they had people, some people from the WCW

as well or something.

They had brought in people from outside.

There were rosters.

They needed more people.

Yeah.

So there's a few people.

Squat team one and squat team two.

No.

Sounds like my for you, pit.

Aldo Montoya.

Oh, gosh, I don't remember.

Who was, of course,

eliminated by Tatanka.

Oh, well, Tatanka, everybody knows.

Yeah.

Barry Horowitz.

There was a few that were.

Barry Horowitz, I've heard of.

Yeah.

Well, he was eliminated by Owen Hart.

Classic.

The outfits were great.

Yeah.

No, the

90s era of wrestling is the best.

Yeah, because there's like somebody dressed up and they're a cowboy in denim.

Yeah.

You know, and a hat and then a belt.

Yeah.

Which is wild, which is pretty cool to see.

Well, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you, everybody out there, for listening to the show.

You know what?

If you're looking for a comedy show, weekly comedy show, Thursday nights at LMG, Laugh Gallery.

You could do a lot worse, is what I'll say.

Duke the dumpster droz.

And Duke, if you're out there listening, keep dumping those things.

Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.