Episode 879 - Aaron Read

Hi, he's Dave Shomka and he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 879 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark.

And with me, as always, is a man who, despite his wrist problems, he was able to make a coffee, put on the recording, come down here, put on a brave face, and record the podcast, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Yep, despite all my wrists, I'm still just a rat with a cyst.

I love that song.

First draft.

First draft.

So, guys, I was thinking, despite all my wrists, because I also have a wrist problem.

What if we say rage?

Well, it's not going to rhyme with.

Oh, yeah.

A rat in a eating phage

Yogurt.

I also have a pimple.

Oh, no.

A weird film.

Welcome to your middle age.

I guess this is growing up.

Yeah, yeah.

First pimple in the world.

Pimple plan.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Pimple plan, yeah.

Nice, nice.

I'm just a kid.

I have a pimple.

I need a plan to get rid of the

pimple.

There you go.

Nice.

Did they have a violin simple plan?

Or was that yellow Knife?

That was Yellow Knife.

I don't know, Yellow Knife.

It was a pop punk band, which was a bit different because they had a violin guy.

Wow.

Nice.

Yeah.

That voice, listeners to the show, will instantly recognize a return guest here on the podcast.

His album, Soft Bug, Ego Jazz.

Yeah.

And special.

And special are available now

wherever you grab your specials.

Wherever you grab your specials, had to come in with a

Spence Diamonds-like energy.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow!

You guys are going to get sued.

Spence is going to be sued.

Oh, I'm not worried about them.

What are they?

Have you said our guest's name yet?

Oh, he's Aaron Reed.

Thank you.

And it's going to be out on

Vimeo to download and Bandcamp to download for a week.

And then, you know, then you give it the fucking shit.

And then you throw it in the trough for the pigs on YouTube.

Wow, Vimeo.

Spotify.

Love Vimeo.

You can rent and download.

You can rent and download.

I've done it.

I did it for James A Caster.

How was it?

It was awesome.

Spill the tea.

Spill the tea.

It was the old one.

It was the old one, and it was really good.

Okay, nice.

Aaron, let's get to know us.

Get to know us.

You had started off talking about, oh my God, there's already so many topics.

Yellow knife.

You grew up playing violin.

Yellow card.

Sorry, not yellow knife.

Oh, yellow card.

Yeah, my bad, y'all.

You grew up playing violin, is that right?

Totally did.

Classical and fiddle.

And did you, when you were fiddle, were you like big into into Ashley McKaysaik?

Or was that?

Well, he was a bad boy.

He was a bad boy.

You know, I was like a teenager when that was cool, and I was beginning to be like, I am forced to play this instrument.

I have no,

I don't like it.

But I do, and I still do.

But so I never really like Ashley McKaisak, Natalie McMaster.

Natalie McMaster was like the figure skater, you know, your

your Nancy Kerrigan.

And Ashley McKaisak would have been your fucking town, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

my buffer's gonna kill you.

I didn't do that.

Do you?

I sold my website.

She used to play so hard that the bow would be all fucked up at the end of the show.

Well, and it is cool.

Like, I think that the violin and fiddle history is cool of like

kitchen parties and like

teaching young kids how to play it, all that.

I like that.

I don't really like the rock and roll violin aspect of I never

like an electric violin that you play in in the room.

I was gonna ask, because uh you mentioned yellow knife and then you corrected it to yellow card.

Did you have a catalog of like okay, so these are the big violin rock bands?

Well, I only remember it because whenever people found out I played violin, then like people who played rock would like you gotta jam with us.

And then I would and I'd be like, I would just because I was a people pleaser, I would just do it, but I'd be like, I don't know why I'm coming to these.

Their music was cool, but I was just like, I'm not joining.

I don't know all the scales you guys are doing.

Yeah, yeah.

I think Pulp also had a violinist.

I was just going to say, what were the other bands that had a violinist?

Pulp, That Dog.

Pulp, That Dog.

Like famous ones.

I mean, Yellow Card's as famous as any of them.

I mean, I feel like the

Revenge of the Nerds band had a guy playing electric violinist.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay.

At the end of the movie.

Nigel Kennedy did a good

Jimi Hendrix cover.

I'm sure one of the bare-naked ladies would have a fucking violinist.

Oh, I'm sure.

They had a bass guy.

They had the stand-up bass guy.

Base guy.

Yeah.

That's got to be the hardest.

Free, what's his name?

Free Steven Page.

Yeah, release the tapes.

Absolutely.

And Steven Page.

Did he do more than cocaine?

And if it was just cocaine, let him back in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If it's, come on, it made him

more efficient.

Like, he was efficient.

Yeah.

He was too efficient.

How do you get the chaba-gee-bo-de-baba-doo-boo-doo-boo-boo if you're not on a bit of cocaine?

well he did he wasn't that guy i know that's true but how do you he wrote it he wrote it on cocaine well because i was

i get this idea for you it's not for me it goes like this the timeline we were talking a few weeks ago about the timeline of when the uh

um hey does it wait later the uh big bang theory oh song yeah and whether steven page was still in the band and apparently he was

but he he was later kicked out of the band for joe and cocaine as their children's album was coming out or like around that time.

So they couldn't.

Yeah.

But now that, like, that's so silly.

And wasn't he like, I was doing some snuffalufagus.

That's kids love that stuff.

And then

the Chuck Lorry, is that who was the founder of Big Game Theory?

Probably Two and a Half Men.

Yeah.

Although he wrote the theme song for Two and a Half Men.

He wrote itself.

And he also wrote the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme song.

He did?

He did?

Yeah.

No way.

Chuck Laurie?

Yeah.

God, that's, I, that complicates him for me.

Yeah.

But then he, he was at a concert, a Bear Naked Ladies concert, where Ed from the Bear Naked Ladies freestyled a rap about the universe.

And he's like,

I want that.

Nice.

That song reminds me of how the world is in so much pain every time I hear it.

Like, it reminds me that Big Bang Theory is on and I'm about to have a blast.

But it also reminds me that, like, of malls and plastic and disease.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you think it does the biggest problem?

Yeah.

The what?

Do you think malls are the biggest problem?

Yeah, I want to be those English teachers.

Like, the mall is hell

and it's killing us.

The mall's got, teacher doesn't know about social media, the mall.

Yeah.

It's sort of the

movies.

Yeah.

Violence in video games as well.

The mall is sort of our urban oasis.

It's our meeting place, the marketplace.

But it's all a lie.

If you really think about it.

But it smells like lush.

Oh, yeah.

I had an English teacher who was really into like the lie of the mall, was telling us about it.

And she was right.

But I was, I was.

What was the lie of the mall?

She was just like, I hate the mall.

It's capitalism and all this.

And then that would be like mom and pop shops at the mall.

Now, like, you're up against your Amazons or whatever.

Yeah.

She was railing against, like, they do their alterations and cut keys.

They have things engraved.

I used to, I like to be going from shop to shop to get these things.

Yeah.

Now, you grew up in Fernaby.

What was your

Loheed, not Metro Town?

Metro Town was like, oh,

it's Friday night.

Yeah.

And Loheed was like, it's Thursday.

It's Monday to Thursday.

Have you been back to the Amazing Brentwood?

Oh, I've gone to the Brentwood.

What's it called now?

It's called the Amazing Brentwood.

Is it really the Amazing Brentwood?

Wow.

I love it because they haven't finished devouring the old mall

on the east side.

And instead of using a construction company, a demolition company, they have a giant monster devouring.

Devouring, yeah.

Slowly.

It's cheaper and it's more ego-friendly to have a monster just

anything you want.

Just shadowing over it.

Did when you were a youth, did Metro Town have like a movie theater and like a big arcade that was attached to the movie theater?

The one in Metro Town, the arcade was always small.

Yeah.

Okay, so I was really small when we had the Metro Town at this moment where they're like, we are one of the top fucking malls.

Come on down, y'all.

We had Rainforest Cafe.

Rainforest Cafe.

But then it all went away so fast.

Like,

I think the Rainforest Cafe was in and out of there within three years.

We went because it's one of those places where you go one time.

Like, my dad brought us one time.

We had chicken dino nuggets.

Well, what was it?

I never went in.

I just

cafe?

Yeah.

It was like you go get scammed into eating like garbage space food.

You don't have to scam me.

I'm just telling me right up.

But

everything is a rainforest theme.

So there's a big animatronic gorilla.

Oh, shit.

And there's mist everywhere.

And the whole menu is like

dino-themed and animal-themed.

It is amazing.

It is like waterfall.

Yeah.

And like, there's a, every hour, there's like a

like thunder and fake rain and like a story and stuff.

So that sounds amazing.

No, it is cool.

Yeah, I feel like the 90s were a big time for

Vancouver getting things that, like, just

it probably all had to do with the strength of the Canadian dollar, which, as soon as that went down, like, right, no one's going to Planet Hollywood anymore.

No one, yeah, we had a Planet Hollywood.

We can't keep the Vancouver Grizzlies.

There was a Planet Hollywood here?

Yeah.

In Vancouver proper?

Yeah.

It was right next to the Virgin Mega store.

Right.

Oh, wow.

Our Chevys got depleted.

Oh, the Chevies.

What's a Chevy?

Isn't Chevys a Chevy Chase restaurant in the States?

Am I wrong?

I always get this fact wrong, and then I think someone tells me the real version.

You always get this fact wrong?

The real version?

Are you thinking of Chili's?

No, but

Chevy's?

Chevy's?

Doesn't Chevy Chase have a restaurant called Chevy's?

I mean, I've never in the U.S.

I don't know.

Isn't there a restaurant?

He's looking it up.

My brain keeps doing this.

The other day,

my studio mate texted me that he got a broom, and I said, I know.

And he's like, how do you know?

I got it this morning when when I got to the studio.

I was like, didn't you get an orange dustbin?

And he's like, no.

I was like, okay, I dreamed that you bought a broom.

There is a place in Maryland, a town called Chevy Chase, and that's all it's giving me.

What about search just Chevy restaurant without the chase?

Because I think I'm just getting it wrong.

Chevy's Fresh Mech's Mexican?

Yeah, never mind.

I thought Chevy Chase owned a...

Chevy's Fresh Mex.

I mean, that would be amazing if you were the one who unveiled this to everybody.

That would be be cool a lot of people don't know

he gives off so much misinformation all the time to people yeah you're info wars it's like yeah yeah i don't think chevy chase is doing great um

like professionally like

um

Like it's hard to tell with so many of those people of that generation.

It's like, yeah, I got in early and, you know, real estate and now I'm super rich.

Yeah.

But I think Chevy Chase, like, he still goes around and now has to like

go around at Christmas and do, like, QAs for the National Lampoons Christmas vacation.

But he's still a dick because I heard a thing about, is it Ivan Reitman who directed the Jason Reitman?

Jason Reisman.

And he was at a test screening of it and afterwards walked up to him and he's like, how does it feel to have made a horrible film?

Yeah, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Have either of you seen it?

No.

Which movie?

The Saturday Night Live.

Oh,

he went up.

That's so funny.

Why don't you just go home like a regular person?

Get Jack in the box on your way home.

I just stopped by a Chevy.

I saw it over Christmas.

Yeah.

How is it?

I loved it.

Yeah.

I loved it.

It was so fun to like hang out backstage.

Like, there's so many things wrong with it that you're like, no, that didn't.

There's no way they were like.

Spent the whole first episode.

Like, Al Franken's not waiting for the blood to arrive for the Julia Child sketch that airs four weeks later.

They just took like a bunch of little stories.

Like

J.K.

Simmons is in it as Milton Pearl, and he doesn't take out his dick everywhere he goes.

As I recall, he's quite reluctant.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

He just had to bring out enough.

Oh, so they like put a bunch of SNL stress facts into one night.

Yeah.

That's cool.

It's funny.

Evil Men's Mike Belazzo says the suspense in the movie is whether or not they're going to play a rerun of the tonight show.

Like, will they pull off this live show or will there be a rerun?

That's great.

It's so fun.

I mean, it's not great, but it's so fun.

I love it.

Yeah, fun to watch.

I've been watching the.

I apologize for where we are at with the podcast, but I have, because I'm going to start talking about an SNL history YouTube series.

Okay.

This is very boring, but

there's a YouTube two people because it's the 50th anniversary.

I'm a bit of S in Elliot, okay?

And so sue me.

Is this their 50th year that we're currently in?

Yeah, there's someone doing like these 30-minute videos of every season, and right now they're a season 19.

And it's really cool because they give you the cultural context of all the episodes, like in the 90s.

Season 19 would be like the 90s.

Sandler.

Yeah.

Spade.

They're all getting canned right now.

And now it's like the early 2000s crew is

Cherry Zoteri.

It's like the Chris Catan, Will Farrell, and then

in between that era, they brought in like Mark McKinney and Michael McKean.

Yeah, and

Janine Garoffalo, maybe.

It seems like a lot of people from the 80s.

Yeah, there's a lot of people who are on it for like really briefly, and then like only one or two people from the 80s who they like try and stick around.

Oh, yeah, John Lovitz.

John Lovitz.

Well, he, and then he has a running gag where he leaves the show, but he won't stop showing up to the

seasons after he's retired because because he's looking for work.

I know on the 40th anniversary, everybody in their monologue kept making fun of John Lux.

Yeah, they would cut down.

It's like a running gag.

I love him.

Yeah, he's so funny.

He's really good.

So you're watching YouTube series.

You know everything there is to know about it.

One other thing that you talked about right off the top, you did a big woo for

Spence Diamonds.

Spence Diamonds, yeah.

Ow!

Wow!

Spence Diamonds is a local

diamond store.

That about something.

A lot of radio ads.

A lot of radio ads that people have hated for decades.

They're like classic radio ads, energy way over the top.

The joke is usually like, my husband forgot this because he's a big olfa with the balls and the dick and the no-brainer.

No, if it was like that, I think we'd all assure you.

I mean, that's the subtext.

They do it with like, oh, honey.

And they bring in characters who are like, I guess, guess, part of the Spence, but not.

The Spence Diamonds Universe.

Yeah, but not the...

It used to be Doug Spence from Spence Diamonds.

And the Spence family is not there anymore.

And they don't have the jingle anymore.

Spence Diamonds better

by design.

I remember that.

I didn't even remember.

It was Spence Diamonds in Calgary, because why would I know that song?

Well, it's definitely a Canada-wide chain.

Is it?

I wonder.

It's gotta be.

I don't know.

Okay, Spence Diamonds locations.

Let's see if there's more Chevy Chase locations or or Spence Diamond locations.

I love that the computer in the spy recording office, the history must be just so banal but esoteric, like Chevy's, Chevy Chase restaurant.

Now it's Spence.

Spence Diamonds.

Location.

Doug.

Where's Doug?

Doug Alive?

Doug Alive.

Oh, they do have one in Calgary on the McLeod Trail.

There we go.

That's why.

Oh, they have Mississauga, Vaughan, Scarborough.

Okay, this is Canada-wide, nationwide.

Oh, yeah.

It's supposed to go.

It's as far east as Ottawa, which is right on the border with Quebec.

That's right.

You got a little city like Hull, you know, a little bit of both.

Famous.

I don't think they call it Hull anymore.

Canadian place.

They don't call it Hull.

Catino.

The town is called Catino.

I think so.

When was the last time you heard someone say Hull?

Last time it was in Ottawa.

Okay.

Somebody said all the kids go and get drunk in Hull.

Go to Hull.

Oh,

Ottawa's different than Winnipeg, but nearby, eh?

I don't don't know.

Winnipeg Jets really, uh, they really went for the Canucks the other day.

They went for them.

They really, this is like, what was it, seven, four, not seven?

Six, one, six, one.

Wow, that's bad.

That's really bad.

Me, I'm a devils man.

I couldn't care less for these whales.

I think the devils can go to hole.

Oh, well, that's good because that's where we're from, baby.

Wow, now

that's him playing the violin.

Top me up.

Yellow card.

Lidly, leely, leely.

To be honest, that's a joke I stole from a

Royal Canadian Air Force tape we used to have.

Fuck yeah.

The source of like the real shit.

Yeah.

When I was going through some boxes of things, I found

I had a Royal Canadian Air Force book.

It was like a book based on the series.

And

how I came across it, I have no idea.

I've never read it, but I can't really get rid of it, right?

No, yeah.

That has to stay with me for the rest of my life.

Yeah.

You have to dip it in resin and cover it in like corporate poppies.

So for

anyone unfamiliar, Royal Canadian Air Force is kind of like Canada's SNL.

It's kind of like Canada's SNL if SNL was like allowed to say whatever they wanted and do really cool, weird sketches.

And instead of hiring young people to be on the show, they got the oldest

couple of men.

You know, like your uncle who doesn't talk a lot, like he's the star or whatever

you know your aunt who's like offensive and loud and cheesy she's also the star.

Yeah.

There was a guy back in the first iteration of it called what was his name the guy dressed as a mountie and

when you say the first iteration you mean the television iteration.

Yeah, the television like because it was on for 40 years on the radio first.

And this guy was on the radio show Bob Fuck.

No, Bob Fuck.

You know who I'm talking about?

Ferguson?

Don Ferguson?

No, I mean yes Don Ferguson was on it, but there was a guy who did it.

Put it in the computer of Doug and Bobson Chevalier.

Man, Royal Canadian Air Force.

Texas.

Which guy?

None of those four.

There was another guy.

Oh, Dave something?

Yeah, he was Dave Broadfoot.

Dave Broadfoot.

Dave Broadfoot.

All right.

Yeah, he would do a monologue.

Can you name any of these people

just from this picture?

Oh, no.

Well, I mean.

That's Chris Wilson.

Chris Wilson?

That's Don Ferguson on the far right.

Whoa, Chris Wilson was on Farce and 22.

Yeah.

He did the whole Canadian.

He's like being on Mad TV and SNL.

And Fridays and Thursday Night Live based out of Seattle, Tacoma.

Almost live.

Oh, it's almost live.

I always call it Thursday Night Live.

Lubagoy there.

Luboy.

Yeah, if you're American, Royal Canadian Air Farce is like

Seattle's almost live.

And 22 Minutes is like LA's Fridays.

Friday Night Live.

No Fridays.

What is...

Do you remember these two guys' names?

The guy, the bald guy is Roger Abbott.

Roger Abbott.

And then this guy, was he British?

Yeah.

He's not Don Ferguson's, the other guy.

Yeah, what the hell is his name?

The Royal Canadian Air Force is like if you took

one tiny hit of weed and started reading the Bible and

you didn't really get high.

None of it was really funny, but you walked away with a feeling that some fun was having it.

People are having fun making it people are enjoying this and basically like that there was John Morgan must be John Morgan it's hard to tell they have so many there was a sketch show that was kind of more badass on um apparently comedy because Lisa Gilroy was a member at one point oh really wow cool they um uh their final episode of the TV show they would do a New Year's Eve special every year and they canceled it before New Year's Eve and then they played it on like the 29th.

Why'd they cancel it?

Oh, they canceled the show proper.

No, I just remember one night, one New Year's Eve, it was the year Gangnim Style came out.

Oh, hell yeah.

God,

and so anytime I think of Gangnam Style, I know I think of their parody, Stephen Harper style.

Oh, no.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, God.

Like we could do better.

I couldn't do any better.

Stephen.

Well, you know what?

Harper style.

A.

O.

Presidential schools never happened.

A.

O.

Steven.

Harper Stevens is denialist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So if you, you look,

Aaron's putting his money where his mouth is.

If you think Aaron might be funnier than Hair Farce, check out Softbug Ego Chess.

Yeah, check that out.

Oh, yeah.

Or, wait, whoa, no.

Yeah, check out the stuff buggy, which is

now like this special.

I was there at the recording of this special, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, you hosted.

Yeah.

Graham, you hosted.

And it was so funny.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's recorded two years ago.

Yeah, that's why I had to edit it myself.

I had to learn how to edit it.

That was a fucking nightmare.

That's maybe why I know the name before because I think maybe last time you were on, you're like, it's coming out any year now.

If it was 2023, I was editing it.

So, and I was probably like, you probably asked me, is it coming out soon?

I was like, yeah, probably in a month.

I'm just editing it.

And then cut to a year later.

So, is it all edited now?

It's all done.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just, it's all, I, I have everything.

It's just, well, it's out now.

Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's out as of the, yeah.

Yeah.

It's out of it.

Vimeo.

Vimeo.com.

Check out Vimeo.

And yeah, it's, but yeah, it will be on Vimeo and Bandcamp for audio.

And where do we find it on Bandcamp?

Aaron Reed.bandcamp.com?

Uh, yeah.

That's so

ego jazz on Bandcamp.

And it's real.

It's going to be on Spotify.

It's going to be on Apple Music.

One week after, yeah.

So I'm going to have a week where people can pay.

Yeah.

And support.

I'm going to gatekeep it for a week.

I'm sorry, y'all.

I know gatekeeping is

too woke.

Well, we all do it.

We all do.

And

we all got a gatekeep.

Yeah, we all gatekeep.

What are you gatekeeping, Graham?

We all got it.

My different honey recipes.

What do you like?

Recipes to make honey or things you make with honey?

Make with honey.

Okay.

Yeah.

Like what?

I can't tell you.

You can't even tell me what they are.

Okay, honey tarts.

Well, if you're everyone.

Honey drops.

If you're in a relationship or married, you're gatekeeping your love

from everyone else.

From everyone else.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, depending on those, you know,

parameters of your marriage.

That's true.

Could be all open.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's true.

Yeah.

When Abby and I wrote our vows, we vowed to gatekeep our love.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah.

But never from each other.

That's good.

You got to keep the gate open.

Yeah.

You got to make sure you're always on the same side of the gate.

And even if the gate is closed, you got to make the gate just like,

you know, the kind you can reach through and

touch each other, sure.

If I ever do a wedding, my vows,

I'm going to use my vows to be.

the first opportunity of me like leaving a little bit of openness for my relationship.

I'm going to be like, I'll love you forever

through thick and thin, and it's just you, baby.

Unless in the future, I get,

I learn about something that opens my mind up to poly or whatever, then I'd like the opportunity to try to come out with a new domestic robot.

Yeah, I'd like to have sex with that robot, but also you might have my heart forever and your dad, because I asked him.

In the future.

I get asked your dad if I could fuck a robot.

Your heart, your body, your mind.

And he said,

don't do that.

It's old.

It's way too old.

I got down on one knee, and he was like, Get up, it's up for me.

Yeah, I got down on one knee.

I said, I love kissing you, daughter.

I love smacking her lips with mine.

Oh, and she's got straight idea.

She's funny as hell.

Smart.

She's smart like a whip.

And oh, she's so funny.

She smiled.

She's smart like Einstein.

She's got Einstein-level brains, guy.

You did a good job, Pappy.

Well, I guess you can marry my daughter.

Sometimes I mess up her hair and I say, stick out your tongue.

I want to take an Einstein picture.

Yeah.

I go, God, let me, I want to put on a poster and sell it to college kids.

Okay, hey, put on this bow tie.

You're the smartest Bill Neinstein's guy.

Go down in this pond and meet with the Oppenheimer.

This other woman in a trench coat I hired.

She's Oppenheimer.

She's Oppenheimer, but also maybe later she's...

I've written some vows around maybe her maybe joining us in the.

In our atomic bedroom.

That'd be so sick.

Maybe you're joining our nuclear family.

Well, Oppenheimer was based off of soft core porn in the 80s.

Yeah, Sloppenheimer.

It was called

Oppenheim.

Sloppenheimer.

Sloppenheim.

Sloppenheimer.

Sliman.

I don't know.

Put me on the spot.

And I like Sloppenheimer.

By the way, put you on the spot.

You say you're so taunting calls.

By the way,

hey, I just did the premise.

I don't want to do the title.

Just throwing that out there, yeah.

And then I say, can you bleep out?

You gave these parameters.

It was a porno movie based on Oppenheimer

80s.

I know.

So therefore, you have something in mind.

Yeah, that's true.

And Oppenheimer's the straight-up version of the porn.

They went back.

Yeah, Oppenheimer is based on Sloppenheimer,

which is about

Albert Einstein having sex with his cousin and telling Oppenheimer about it.

And Oppenheimer going, That's sloppy, man.

You're going to get in trouble later for that.

And that goes on for three hours.

It's just a pawn talk.

Did he ever get in trouble for that?

I don't think so.

Did he marry his cousin?

Is the song?

I think he likes dated.

Einstein dated his cousin a lot.

A lot of the geniuses.

Well, yeah, what do the geniuses know about having cousin relationships that we leave?

That was the theory of relativity.

It was like,

oh, yeah.

I am going to Google Einstein cousin.

Have you had Malik Ellisol has a good joke, or he was working on a joke about Einstein.

And I think, I don't want to steal his joke, but I think he said something about E equals my cousin.

I don't know.

It was a bunch.

You get it.

I get it.

Yeah.

I get the vibe.

That's where I learned about him.

His second wife and cousin.

Second wife and first cousin?

I don't know.

My second wife, my first cousin.

Elsa Einstein.

Elsa Einstein.

Was a cousin.

Of his, yes.

First cousin.

Was the second wife and cousin of Albert Einstein.

Wow.

Their mothers were sisters.

All right.

Well, that's fine.

Yeah, that's fine, right?

Having sex with your cousin.

We've all had sex with our cousin.

Not of all

married.

No.

No, but we've all

dipped our

feather in that well.

It's a middle, it's a high school end-to-end

thing.

First year college kind of thing.

It's college experimentation with your cousin.

It's your friends all making a vow that you'll

get with your cousin by the end of the summer.

She was married.

It was her second marriage and his.

So

I think

you get a practice marriage and you're like, I'm ready for my cousin.

Yeah.

Yeah, you go,

yeah, you eat it at a you eat at Chili's and then you go, well, what if I did this

Olive Garden style family?

Yeah, family.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyways, if you're out there and you think Albert Einstein's a freak, maybe you're the freak.

How about that?

So she had three children, it says here.

I'm hoping they were all from the first marriage.

That's why did I bring that up?

Yeah.

Whoa, right.

Yeah.

Because

they would be too powerful.

Did Einstein have children?

Children of Albert Einstein?

Because that is a lot of pressure.

That is a lot of pressure.

I would hate that.

Even if you tried to do some amateur science.

He had three.

Yeah.

He had three.

Being bob dylan's son

he had three children including you knew what your famous person did yeah yeah go out on your own he'll become a physicist yeah three children for uh oh nice

little toff

um with her with elsa i i i don't think so i mean and were those kids okay or well hans or do they come up better hans has his own uh

has his own wikipedia entry so he had to do all right oh nice

what'd he do

He burned a bunch of barns.

He was a longtime professor of hydraulic engineering at University of California, Berkeley.

Oh, wow.

I wonder if he taught Sharif Abdur Rahim the Vancouver Grizzlies.

But he died in 1973.

What else?

Oh, shit.

Albert's kids?

Yeah.

Well, no, Hans did, yeah.

Hans.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When did Albert die?

Oh.

Albert died in 1955.

Einstein?

Yeah.

Damn.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

We didn't even have a chance to, like, you know, know him.

Well, Eric just got to.

He never got to listen to Beat the Beach Boys.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Would he have got to listen to Elvis Presley?

Yeah, 55.

55.

He was probably listening to him.

He never got to hear Prince or.

No, he never.

He would have loved Prince.

Yeah, yeah.

Teletubby, Sphere,

the Mark Wahlberg movie?

Fear, the Mark Wahlberg movie.

Cape Fear, Robert De Niro.

He would have liked liked the abyss he may have liked

the abyss would he have seen the original cape fear i think he would have seen the de Niro one would he would have seen a beautiful mind albert would have been in and out of that theater all day do you think he would think young Einstein was funny oh what was young Einstein it was yahoo serious a guy from Australia have you not heard

it sounds like I'm saying gibberish there's a guy called Yahoo Sirius who had like giant hair and I think was some TV star maybe in Australia yeah and he made two movies yeah he he made Young Einstein.

We played a rock and roll version of Albert Einstein, and then another one called Reckless Kelly.

Yeah, where he played a gunslinger.

Yeah, like a famous Australian,

sort of an Australian machine gun Kelly.

Yes, yes.

Cool.

Yeah, so I bet he, wow, would he have liked those movies?

How silly was he about himself, this Albert Einstein?

From the one photograph, he seems very silly.

Yeah, right, real goofy.

And he married his cousin.

That's pretty pretty goofy.

What are the things we know about him?

Yeah, it's kind of fucking weird, you know?

Yeah, you've always got like a Trump card and like, you know, weird things you've done conversations.

Yeah.

Never have I ever

drinked

to my three children.

Yeah, what do we know about him?

He

is theory of relativity.

Wore the same stuff all the time.

Desk super messed up.

Tongue sticking out.

Figured out time or something?

He knows what time it is.

He had crazy hair.

He had crazy hair.

They say he failed math, but I don't think that's true.

He worked at a patent office?

Yes, he worked at a patent.

He did a Got Milk ad in the 9th.

He did.

He recreated that old photo.

Does he have a catchphrase, Albert Einstein?

Aside from E equals MC2.

Yeah, it's all relative, buddy.

There it is.

It's all relative.

His catchphrase is, I did not paint the Mona Lisa.

That's Van Gogh.

I didn't do that.

That's Van Gogh.

Oh, wait, no, that's

the other guy.

DiCaprio.

Leonardo DiCaprio.

Oh, yeah, it's Da Vinci.

Da Vinci

Inquest.

Da Vinci Zinquest.

That was

a Vancouver-based television show from the 90s.

About a detective.

Starring.

About a coroner.

Nicholas Campbell.

My dad loved Da Vinci's inquest.

And growing up.

Yeah.

It was based on a real-life coroner who became the mayor.

Became the mayor.

And

Larry Campbell.

Whoa.

Was it Nicholas Campbell and Larry Campbell?

No.

I don't know.

All right.

We're looking up Da Vinci's inquest.

And they say Canada doesn't have a star system or celebrity system.

Yeah, exactly.

We make TV shows out of our mayor's/slash court.

Yeah, well, then Da Vinci's inquest became Da Vinci's City Hall.

And do you know who

this

on Wikipedia starring Nicholas Campbell?

Second there, Sulika Matthew.

Do you know who that is?

No.

No.

The mother of past guest Maddie Kelly.

Kelly?

Oh, Jay.

Okay.

Salika.

The

real guy.

That was the theme song.

Yeah.

Oh, no, but that is the

cold case

or

I love my favorite types of intro songs are in the early 2000s when they would use like

kind of like pseudo cultural appropriation.

You're talking about the survivor theme thing?

That kind of stuff.

Like

they do it like in cold, it wasn't cold case, but some show would would be like,

oh no, you know what I'm doing?

I know what I'm doing Dune, the Dune.

Oh, I died

The New Dune?

The New Dune stuff.

Sounds like

corn.

Sounds like corn.

Freak on a leash.

Did you know Hans Zimmer came to Vancouver a few months ago and performed at the arena?

He did?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

For some.

No, he does like, you know, his music guy.

He's a cool music guy, yeah.

Like, you know, on a playing of guitar.

Yeah.

Oh, weird.

You better stop me up.

Just hit him and an amp.

I'll never stop.

It is Hans in the time.

All right, I did the Dark Knight soundtrack.

You guys know about that.

Here we go.

This song's called Joker.

Dock me up.

This Joker's going really wild.

He legend was a mass joker.

Hey, man, the reverse nuts in here.

Can we turn it down a bit?

That wins an Oscar the same year as Joker with an Oscar.

This song's called Insomnia.

Oli Pacito.

This guy is really tired.

Have you seen Insomnia?

Oh, many times.

Many times.

Well, because Insomnia, I had a learning disability when I was a kid, but certain books would grab me.

And

the Woodward book about John Belushi Wired, I read really fast.

And the

book adaptation of the movie, the screenplay adaptation, Insomnia.

Oh.

What's the thing where they write a book from a movie?

Novelization.

The novelization of a movie, Insomnia.

Really?

When the Al Pacino one was coming up, I read that book in anticipation.

And then my dad took me to the theater to go see Insomnia, where Robin Williams plays a pedophile.

Yeah, and it's like

it's in Alaska, and the sun doesn't go down, you can't get any sleep.

Chris was Nolan, Nolan's like one of his first

big movies,

I think.

And it's a remake of a Swedish movie that's really haunting.

I think it was shot here in BC as well, if I'm mistaken.

Certain parts of it, yeah,

it's really Robin Williams' phase where he's like, I'm a pedophile.

Every movie he's like, I'm a ghost and a pedophile.

I'm a.

What was the name of the movie where he was a ghost pedophile?

24-hour photo.

Ghost Edition.

Wow, they made the sequel to one-hour photo.

Oh, yeah, one-hour photo.

You've seen Robin do one-hour photo.

What about a ghost?

And for 24 and a pedophile.

This summer.

Boinga.

He's a big fat ghost.

Boinga.

I really liked that era of all of the like 80s comedy stars being like, no, we're serious now.

I'm Steve Martin and this is Shop Girl.

Yeah.

My favorite is when Jason Alexander appeared on, I want to say Law and Order and he wore like a white long shirt.

No, it was Criminal Minds.

Criminal Minds.

And he's like a mastermind.

Yes.

He's like a saw style killer.

Yes.

And he's, yeah.

Do you have a white mustache as well?

Am I misremembering?

He does.

Yes.

He has a white goatee and white long Raiden Mortal Komstyl hair.

Did Billy Crystal have a serious movie?

My friend Giant with that tall man.

Yeah, George Marazan.

Father's Day with him and Robin Williams.

He had quite a few.

And Robin Williams plays a train-hopping pedophile who's huffing gas and touching kids.

Sorry, I don't ever

apologize.

Hey, do

no, we see your notes here.

I think Rob Schneider's even done one where he's like

a guy's wife has a disease.

So he's going back in time

to become an offensive monkey at a zoo.

An offensive monkey at the zoo.

Rob Schneider is.

Kunku.

The offensive monkey.

Going back in time to get DNA to save his wife.

He did like a speaking engagement or something here and got boot off the stage.

And they withdrew the money they were going to pay him.

Whoa.

But what did they expect he was going to do?

Yeah, easier to do.

Tiny Elvis?

Yeah, making copies.

The tiny Elvis Nicholas Cage.

No, I think you're right.

Tiny Elvis was.

What were the Rob Schneider characters?

Make a copy.

Making copies.

I think Tiny Elvis was.

Please give me money.

Oh, yeah.

Busker guy.

Oh, yeah.

He was like in a lot of trios and a lot of like

in the like uh yeah.

You have have you gotten to that season in the YouTube?

Not yet.

We're not at Schneider.

Oh no, Schneider is there yet.

Yeah, yeah, he totally is.

He's making copies.

Making copies.

He did like a real, actual, sustained movie career.

He did.

Yeah.

With that, he had a good run with Bigelow, Deuce Bigelow and the Animal.

And Hot Girl.

Hot Girl.

And he was

or the

that's not Deuce Bigelow, the hot one.

He like switches body with a hottie.

With a hottie.

Yeah, what's that one called?

I thought it was hot girl, but it may not.

It's called some

orgasm guy.

But I just googled Rob Shatter SRL characters that came up with Orgasm.

I tried to watch, like, not for any other reason

other than knowing it was bad, his show that was kind of like his Louis C.K.

style show where it's like a comedian struggles with life in LA.

And it's just insane.

It's like, it's just so hard to watch something so bad, someone have money and make

be around people who are funny

and still make something that's just so, so bad.

When he in the 90s,

you know what?

You're putting your money where your mouth is.

And check out Soft Buggy Go Jack.

There we go.

I'm coming for you, Schneider.

I want to fight you UFC style or slap style.

Let's go to Russia.

I can't stop watching the slap videos.

I hate myself for that.

Oh my God.

I like in my head.

The guy who

was trying to get the NFL to stop

to talk about CTE, is he still alive?

He got knocked in the head too hard and he died.

Will Smith from concussion?

By the fucking ratings of

the NFL.

Yeah, the guy who Will Smith played.

Yeah, they

would love to play.

They had him do the halftime show at the Super Bowl.

He just did very real science facts.

Worn a big helmet the whole time.

Yeah, yeah.

And then held a very.

He tried to do a moment of silence for victims of CTE.

But people were too excited.

Yeah, and the Jets went over during that time.

Yeah.

And the Rockets red glare.

It's funny that, boy, how can I connect this?

He was played by Will Smith, a man who himself slapped.

He slapped.

I know.

I was thinking about that.

Which is something that they don't do in football, so never mind.

But, like,

the fact that Chris Rock didn't, like, flinch from that slap, like, he didn't fall over anything, shows that he probably could be pretty good on the slap circuit.

And for the listeners, the slap was the slap that was heard around the world when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock if he didn't.

But then, wasn't there another one where a guy slapped a kid and they also called that the slap?

There was a mini-series about a guy slapping a kid on a playground starring Zachary Quinto, I feel like.

Beautiful.

My favorite about the slap was when Judd Appetow freaked out.

Or not Judd Appetow.

Was it Judd Appetow?

And he tweeted, like, he could have killed him?

Like, that's so dangerous.

He could have killed him.

Jerry Seinfeld, who did this?

I think Judd Appetow tweeted it.

Okay.

We're not going to dig up old tweets.

No, come on.

But also,

I got nothing to lose.

I'm not on X.

Soft buggy, good jazz.

Check it out.

Judd Appetow.

You got to bleep that out.

We're definitely going to.

But the.

Oh, yeah.

What was...

like, it was Houdini got punched in the stomach.

He could have killed him.

That's true.

Yeah.

Someone, I wish someone was around to tweet about when Houdini died.

Like, see, this is what happens, guys.

Yeah.

What if Will Smith had punched Chris Rock in the stomach?

Is this too soon?

I think it's too late, quite frankly.

I think, yeah.

I was thinking about that, though, because I wanted to watch that NFL document.

I love, I like

learning about sports and the history of it, but I'm not actually a sports person.

But I have no qualms with sports guys.

I'm not one of those sports suck people.

But my team is the Devils.

I would like to say that.

And I'm learning about the Devils right now.

Okay.

You know, they're named after, they're not named after a satanic.

They're named after like a...

It was something like some beef factory.

No, it's like a New Jersey

legend.

Oh, good.

Cool.

Did you you know the Chicago Bulls are called the Bulls because Chicago had a really prominent meat industry

when the team was being formed?

And the Chicago Bears are named after the, are called the Bears because they eat bear meat there as well.

And the Cubs are like baby bear meat.

Yeah, they eat so many different types of game meat.

Crazy.

Charlotte was going to be called the Spirit.

Which I really liked.

The Charlotte, Charlotte.

So the Hornets were going to be like the Charlotte Spirit.

Yeah, Charlotte.

I guess the Charlotte spirit.

And so their mascot would be the spirit, which it would be like energy.

Yeah.

But they wouldn't be able to represent that.

They just orb kind of thing.

Yeah.

Well, they do have like the Orlando magic and the Miami Heat are just sort of like

the San Antonio integrity.

Oh my God, that would be a thing.

San Antonio.

Give it up for the conscious one.

Just a normal person who has done really good morally in their life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've gotten

no regrets.

Never cheated, never did a DUI, never did it.

They're like, oh.

Credit, what's the credit rating?

Pretty good.

Not too good.

That's good because it doesn't mean you did anything bad.

Your credit rating is too good.

You must have done something bad.

Yeah.

One team was going to be the Swamp Dragons.

They were floating around new names.

I think Toronto was originally going to be the Shuffle Demons.

Really?

Oh, were they a Scum?

That was the scoff.

They didn't get me.

Only because in my head, immediately it was the perfect mascot, which is three little demons who have dance routines.

Give it up for the shuffle demon.

Everyone go nuts.

They had a song called Spadina Bus.

Oh, so they're really Toronto bus.

Yeah.

Having a breakfast at a snakey D's.

Go to CN Tower and get some C D's at a Sam Jay's.

They had every song was as good as any other song at a different store in Toronto.

Get a jerk chicken.

Honest Ed.

Have you got the jerk chicken and honest edge?

Eating Indian roti on the top of the CN Tower.

Getting roti at Julius

at Eaton Center.

There you go.

They got the best roti

going to pizza pizza in Tundas Square.

To get the best ban me you've ever had.

And that's why it was a hit.

Going to Humber College and taking the stand-up comedy course.

You get the best lumpia, which is Filipino like

Spring Roll kind of thing.

So good at the Humber College, specifically in the comedy class.

This is the part where he talks about the movie.

And then I'm explaining the joke.

It's just the rest of the bang.

I was listening to the Evil Men podcast of the other day.

Yeah.

Because we were talking about joke ska bands.

And they were doing the Gianco Meshi episode.

And they were talking a lot about Moxie Fruvis, which...

What did Gianco Meshi ever do?

Oh, God.

Well, he did some pretty bad music.

That's mostly what they cover in the show.

Terrible, terrible band.

Awful men, terrible band.

Moxie Fruvis was in the five CD changer of my youth.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, I feel like that was one in High Rotation.

I bet you I knew all the songs.

My version of that, in terms of like joke bands, was fucking

Bloodhound Gang.

And I got into this Bloodhound Gang after

You and Me, Baby Ain't,

but loved the whole album.

Then got into the earlier discography when they were more of a Beastie Boys kind of band.

Ah,

Pretty cool stuff.

And are they still on the scene?

They still tour?

No, they kind of broke up because they were like so raunchy in the early 2000s.

Like, their live shows were almost like GG Allen adjacent, where

they would shit on each other and like piss on their fans.

And like,

they were like a lot of shitting and vomiting.

They were maybe Jackass Adjacent.

Yeah, like that time, where it's like, yeah, we fucking our fingers stink from finger banging fucking.

Fuck you, too.

And everyone everyone's like,

make the millionaires.

I've had 24 coronas

tonight.

It's the early 2000s.

Coronas are 125.

I wonder how many coronas I could drink.

Is Scooby Doo?

Are they the Bloodhound Gang?

Where's the name come from?

Yeah.

That's what I was wondering.

Is it the guys that hang out with Scooby-Doo?

I don't know the origins of the Bloodhound Gang name.

Yeah, I remember there was when they came out, like

whatever, you know,

your teacher would be like, well, the original Bloodhound Gang was Shakespeare.

He was actually the first Bloodhound Ganger.

Yeah.

And,

you know, when they say, you and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, it's sort of like when Shakespeare says, Rose by any other name, shut the fuck up.

You don't.

Look it up.

Where's Bloodhound Gang come from?

Okay.

I need to know.

I know.

But I'm just worried that the search is going to be like, okay, what do I go to their Wikipedia and find out their name, where their name came from?

Name from a segment on the 1980s PBS children's show 321 Contact.

Oh,

I remember that really nervous

about tracking that down.

I found it so fast.

Damn.

Yeah.

I remember it's 321 Contact.

Such that such a good name went to,

I mean, you know what?

I'm not going to disparage Bloodhound Gang.

Yeah, what band would have done better with so much joy.

It's a good band name.

Yeah.

And you love their discography when you're on it.

When you bought the CD,

the CD was pink,

and then the middle part was a darker shade of pink.

And then you flipped the CD and stuck your tongue through it to make a full Caucasian woman's breast.

Because your tongue would be the nipple.

And with the instructions,

really?

Yeah.

Wow.

And we did it.

Me and my friends, we did it.

Saw the CD.

Boob.

I guess you wouldn't have phones at the time to take a picture.

No, thank God.

You have to just take their word for it.

Yeah.

Boy, I hope to see a Caucasian lady's present one day.

I think it'll look a little something like this.

And not even Caucasian, like pink, cartoon pink.

Cartoon pink.

It kind of ruins the CD, though.

I think it makes it clear.

You can stick your tongue through it without.

Sure, I guess.

Yeah.

Remember,

don't scratch that CD, though.

Yeah, exactly.

Keep it in its case.

I guess not many people would have stubble.

By the time you grow a bit of stubble, you're like,

why would I listen to this music?

But now you're sticking your tongue through like Bruce Springsteen's

CDs and his ass.

You're rimming Bruce Springsteen.

Well, if they have his ass from the

it was so cool when you would get a CD that had like actual art on the CD as opposed to just like

saying like, you know, and the booklet has some

Deutsche Gramophone,

Beethoven's first album.

Dave, what's going on with you, my friend?

Oh, okay.

I watched a lot of movies over the break.

I told you about one of them, the Saturday Night Live movie.

Here are the other movies I watched.

Okay.

Ready for this list.

Let's break it down one movie at a time.

Okay.

The first movie I watched on this list is a movie that I like to call, got open up my little app that says what movies I watched.

The movie I watched.

Have any of you seen this movie that is a okay, I don't want to talk about that movie.

Amadeus, I'll bet you it's Amadeus.

I did watch Amadeus a few months ago for the first time.

Never seen it.

It's always just been a movie I see it.

I saw at the video store.

I was like, it's got a kick-ass cover.

Cool cover, but I bet you it's boring as hell.

It's pretty good.

Is it?

Yeah.

The music's good.

I think they got Hans Zimmer to do it.

Nice.

Yeah.

I'm a day yes.

I got something to say.

Here's my favorite restaurant in all of Toronto.

Jevi's.

Fresh Mix.

Okay, I watched.

Have you guys seen Eyes Wide Shut?

Oh, everyone's...

People like Die Hard as their Christmas movie?

Not me.

That's right.

It is a Christmas movie.

I saw it.

I've never seen it before.

It's a Kubrick.

It's the last Kubrick.

Yeah.

And

I had an idea of what it was, and it was not what I thought it was going to be.

What did you think it was going to be?

I thought it was going to be Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise get kind of like caught up in this world of sex parties.

Yeah.

And they, you know, it pushes their relationship to the test.

But in fact, what happens is Tom Cruise goes to one sex party he's not invited to, doesn't have sex, and gets in trouble.

Yeah.

And at the time,

it was almost pre-internet sexorama.

So when it came out, it was like shocking.

Right.

Titz galore.

Yeah.

People thought like this is.

If you want to see a Caucasian woman's breast,

you have two options.

And a fox mask.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And there's, oh, it's...

There's so much that goes on in the movie.

He is able to rent a cape and a mask in the middle of the night.

Yeah.

From Lily Soboeski's day.

That's right.

We all go, you you know, you get vitamin water, a beef jerky, a cape.

Oh, you got a cape?

Just throw it in a cape from it.

You'll probably get it from Amazon now, and they'll deliver it in the middle of the day.

Oh, my God, yeah.

One cape, one condom, one beer.

What do you mean?

John Lee Hooker?

One cape.

Wow, wow.

One condom.

And one beer.

You played it, Hans Zimmer.

Nobody plays it like you.

Hans, you clearly look so fucking nuts.

Just one guy at the Rajas Arena.

There's a weird documentary I saw about this kid that was like considered the most beautiful kid in all of Europe.

And he made a movie and became like an instant star.

And that's the only movie he made.

But two other movies he made, he was in Midsummer as the old guy who gets pushed off the cliff.

Whoa.

And as the guy in the red robe who's like in charge of the origin.

Oh, so a long time ago.

Long time kid.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like he wasn't like 70.

What a good career.

He's like, I had a weird childhood, and then I did two fucked-up movies.

I thought you were going to say, yeah, he's like the French Yahoo series.

You piece.

The most beautiful boy in Europe.

So that's a great movie.

Check it out.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

I loved Saturday Night.

Then I watched Rogue One, a Star Wars story.

Oh, I haven't seen it.

I was supposed to see it.

That's pretty good.

Thank you.

I was supposed to see it.

I had tickets to it in 2016, and then one of my children was born that day.

But they still honored your ticket.

They honored you later.

So that's good.

You're FaceTimed.

I don't really.

Was Rogue One part of the like, is C3PO in that world, or that's a different

story?

It's the same story, but it's in between movies.

It's not part of any trilogy.

It's in between them, and it's like...

Hey, here's how they get the Death Star plans for the first movie.

My nephew is obsessed with Star Wars, but he's never seen the movies.

He's only read the Star Wars books.

Holy shit.

So I get to tell him what the characters sound like, and he's obsessed with C-3PO.

How old is he?

He's five.

When you say he's

read the books, you mean like

there's like a whole series.

But not like the big thick.

No, no, no.

Okay.

But like there's like all sorts.

They get them early.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know about that.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, so you something's going wrong.

Do you try to get the voices right or are you you trying to mislead them?

No, no, no.

I try my best.

But like, my X-Wing is not as good as yours.

Ah, Mr.

Luke.

Oh, something's going wrong.

I'm Chewbacca, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There you go.

You got it.

Hey, what's up?

My name is Darth Vader.

Luke, you gotta come to the dark side.

Luke, I have a secret I want to tell you.

Come here.

Get over here.

Give me your hand.

Literally.

What does Jabba the Hutt sound like?

Yeah, the little guy's Jabba's buddy.

Yeah.

My favorite thing about Star Wars is all the little guys.

Yeah.

Like, my favorite part in one of the newer movies was when a car goes across the desert and one of the puppets goes like, crack.

And I was like, that was the best part for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When they use real puppets.

Yeah, that's so funny.

They used real puppets.

Instead of your virtual,

like, do you count like Ewoks as little guys?

Yeah, they're fun.

Yeah.

That was supposed to be a planet planet of Wookiee.

Endor was supposed to be a planet of Wookiees.

That's right.

The Chewbacca, but then it was the 80s, so they knew they would sell more toys.

So I think the studio pushed them to make it Ewok land.

It could be misinformation.

It could be misinformation.

Look that up.

Look that up.

Keep it to yourself.

There's a video of like the Today Show or something where they have a couple of Ewoks on, and the one Ewok starts.

We're doing the moonwalk and trying to drink wine.

And then he starts

wiggly.

his ass.

Wait, humps the leg of the hose.

And she goes, like, stop.

And then he wiggles his ass.

This is from probably 2012, it looks like.

Yeah, okay.

Not from 1983.

Well, there was like 200.

It was twerking at one point.

Yeah.

It rules.

Yeah, it feels.

Yeah.

Anyway, we'll skip the other one.

It feels like

a tea pain

pre-NPR tiny disc.

I watched like, I'm not going to tell you everyone, but then, so this past Tuesday, I forgot they have Tuesday cheap all January, they have cheap movies on Tuesday.

Oh, okay.

And isn't that all the time?

No, not anymore.

What?

They took that away?

They took that away from us.

A YouTube premiumed fucking Tuesday.

Going to movies.

And they also took away matinees, aren't cheap anymore.

That sucks.

But I did go to two matinees in one day

on the Tuesday.

Back to back, or did you have a little food court in between?

Back to back, and I saw a person that we know, I'm not going to say who, sneak in.

Oh, shit!

They went to the same two movies I saw.

What were these movies?

The first movie I saw.

It's a movie where Robbie Williams is a monkey.

Oh, yeah, shit.

How was that?

It was pretty good.

People said it's like it's fun and refreshing and silly.

And it's, you know, forget everything, listeners, forget everything you know about Robbie Williams.

What was the name of his look him up?

Read two sentences and forget that.

Was this group five-star or something like that?

It was a five-star.

They were named after the Mead notebooks.

I only know that one song.

It's a new...

No, that's Oasis or something.

You know, Rock DJ, because you're making me feel so nice.

That's Robbie Williams.

That's him.

Who's the one where he's like spinning around and then all his skin falls off?

That's Rock DJ.

He doesn't fall off.

He's ripping it off.

There's...

Beautiful lady.

Beautiful ladies roller skating around him and ignoring him.

And he starts taking his clothes off.

They ignore him.

Starts taking his skin off.

They ignore him.

Starts taking his muscles off.

They're like, okay.

All right, here we go.

Skeleton.

He throws his flesh at them and they rub it on themselves.

That's in the movie.

Is that in the movie?

There is a version of him.

So he's a monkey in the movie.

Yeah.

So in the trailer for the movie, it's like,

I know what you're thinking.

What's with the monkey?

In the actual movie itself.

Never acknowledged that he's a monkey.

Oh, really?

His family are all humans.

Everyone in the...

So he presents as a human, but we all see him as a monkey.

I don't think he presents as a human.

But he talks.

He talks.

But nobody is upset that there's a talking monkey.

No one, it's never mentioned.

There's no monkey about it other than visually he's a monkey.

I like that.

At one point in his life,

He's a young monkey.

He starts off as a young monkey.

Then he's like, as a teenager, he's got a perm.

And he's he's a monkey with a perm.

That's funny.

And then, you know, as an adult, he's Robbie Williams is a monkey.

Then he, like, there's a stage of his life where he

bleaches his hair.

Nice.

And he's a bleached monkey.

But only on the head or the whole body?

I think the whole body.

It was sort of a dark room.

Okay.

Okay.

And

it's very

like

if you know five Robbie Williams songs, you hear all of them.

What do I know?

I know.

You know Rock DJ.

You know, the one like.

You know what you don't know?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

This has to go

something like

the shit.

I can't remember how it goes.

Is it Millennium?

No.

No, there's like a

soft song.

Is it Angels?

Whatever I said, I didn't mean it.

Is that him?

No.

Oh, that's Take That.

Oh, that's Take.

And he's in that.

Take that?

He's in Take That.

But they only have Take That playing Rock DJ, which they never played.

um take that was gary barlow wrote that and sang lead on that who gary barlow gary barlow is the guy from take that the oh the guy who wrote all the sun yeah

so there's that and then there's so he's dating one of the members of all saints oh i remember all saints and i know where it's at is that all saints i know where it's that and um never ever yes

i'm going now this is this is good stuff and so they have like there's this like thing where they they have the two of them meet after he's gone solo and they have like this dance together and they fall in love.

Like the whole, that segment of the movie is like five minutes and it tells the whole story of their relationship and she like visually they do it so well.

It's like she's a movie that came out in the UK and they just also put it out here.

Yeah.

And they were like, everyone knows Robbie Williams.

And then everyone's like yeah, kind of.

It really bombed me.

No, no one here is like kind of.

No one is.

Although

I barely, I know, I only know for that one music video in the 90s.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then they do a well, like, because it was Cheap Tuesday at the movie theaters, I didn't know it was Cheap Tuesday.

I wasn't expecting.

The theater was like half full.

Oh, really?

They were busy on those nights.

Yeah, but I was like,

I was expecting to be the only one in the theater.

Yeah, it really, really tanked.

But I think it did well in Britain because he's like famous guy in Britain.

Everybody loves him over there.

And so, yeah, it's him.

You should have just put it on DVD here.

Yeah.

Well, The reason I saw it in the theater, I was like.

Because it's got a monkey nipple on the CD.

Stick your tongue shit.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, put some hair on your tongue.

Yeah.

The reason I saw it.

It's a CD that has fake nipple hair on it, it breaks every CD player you put it in.

I saw it in the theater because I was like, if this is on TV, I'm going to be looking at my phone the whole time.

Yeah, I'm all not paying attention, but I really want to give this my attention.

I mean, I think that's a good movie watching strategy, too, is like choose movies that you will enjoy, but will only see if you are forced to sit down in the dark and watch it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, I can't speak for everyone in the theater.

A lot of people were looking at their phones.

That's bad.

But, yeah, that.

And then there's my favorite part is there's

he's like so shy to share his music with people.

As a solo artist, he's not, you know.

Because he's Rob Williams or because he's a monkey, they won't understand his music.

Yeah, he's like, I got some lyrics that are like, ooh, ooh, ah-uh.

Yeah, ooh, ah, it's ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, and ah-oh, on a second.

There's one called Bare Necessities.

It's not for me, but it's something I wrote.

I have a lot of songs about walking through the jungle and just singing about friendship.

Is that so bad?

Yeah.

I really, oh boy, this shit is banana.

Yeah.

It was right there in front of me.

But yeah,

and he like meets Oasis and they're rude to him, obviously.

Oh, and the Oasis guys look.

That was the biggest laugh in the thing.

It's like Liam Gallagher is, you know, he's got big sunglasses on and a big mop top and he's playing pool.

He's like, me brother's over there.

And it goes to Noel and he's in the corner of the bar where they're playing pool.

And he's playing Wonder Wall on a guitar.

Just as a visual cue.

They don't say themselves by name, but.

Was it the real Gut Brothers in the movie?

No.

It was actors.

It would have been sweet.

Yeah.

Or I like that it was actors more, actually.

It would have been good if any musician in the movie was a different animal.

Yeah, well, that's what I was thinking.

Like,

what?

Panther people.

Who would

Oasis be in the animal kingdom?

One of them would be like a sloth.

I was thinking sloth.

Yeah, something like really.

They got the same posture as a sloth.

But sloths have like a niceness to them.

You have to find...

What's like a slow, chill animal that's really mean uh that's their whole koalas apparently are very mean it would probably be a koala yeah although wouldn't you save that for an australian person yeah i know you would want to save it for like uh brian johnson or something in excess would be so

um it would be yeah you get in excess you get midnight oil you you get

what would be oh you know what like um

then you run out of australian animals yeah is there quit ready to quick too that's true or yeah or you have to find out what all of that.

Silverchair are all wombats.

And Silverchair is somehow making it.

They're on the same festival at some point.

Oh, my God.

Silverchair.

I don't know.

Is there a horse that's kind of like a bully?

Is there a type of horse that's kind of really...

Just like a wild mare, something like that?

I feel like that would kind of be the Gallagher brothers because of the bangs.

But then.

Oh, sure.

Or those

Highland cows with their long

hairs.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, a couple of big giant horses.

Maybe a badger.

The Gallagher's could be badgers.

I can see them as badgers.

It's a very British like.

I'll go in there, get the fucking honey.

I don't care if they sting me.

Oh,

because you know those videos of money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's where they'd be like, oh, Joy, sting away.

I don't give a shit.

I just want fucking.

That's not how the Gallagher's talk, but

yeah, it is.

Get the honey, you sting away, you little bloat.

You fuck your mother.

That's exactly what they say.

On your mother, get the honey.

And then after that movie, I went to see Conclave.

Oh,

guess what?

I loved Conclave.

I watched it and I was like, I know who's going to love this movie Conclave.

That was a prequel to Gladiator about the guy who made all the cups, right?

For the dinners of the Gladiator.

Yep.

I have to make these cups for Denzel.

Denzel, don't trust Denzel.

Yeah, don't.

Give this cup to Denzel's guy character, but don't trust him.

Did you?

You saw Conclave?

I did, yeah.

We're in

the theater and the theaters.

I went with a past guest, Charlie DeMaire.

Oh, did he love Conclave?

He did, yeah.

I thought it was too quiet to be in the movie theater for.

Oh, my God.

It was so...

You can hear, what's his face?

Rafe finds nose like...

Yeah.

And there's a scene where the only thing you can hear is an overhead for Lorison light.

And that's the only sound in the scene.

And I was like, what can't even be a piece of the colour?

It's about the Pope dies.

And I'm bringing the new Pope.

All the cardinals, you know, Mark McGuire,

Dawes E.

Smith, they have to choose the new Pope.

Nice.

It's like the expendables for Pope.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They bring in all the biggest.

And there's a lot of

scheming and cool.

Everyone's so good.

Danny Trejo and Rebel Wilson.

Yep.

That is a really cool cast.

Yeah, there's a really, yeah.

And it's like.

Mark Zuckerberg, Danny Trejo, and Rebel Wilson.

They have them on the speaking circuit promoting the movie, those three together.

How was it like working with each other?

Oh, it was fucking great, man.

Yeah.

It was okay.

But yeah, I was like like the most, I think, the quietest film.

Those are so, I love those types of films.

If you think that was the quietest film, you got to check out The Truffle Hunters.

It's a Italian documentary about these Truffle Hunters.

And they don't talk at all?

No.

I mean, they do talk, but there's a lot of stillness.

They're all old men.

Okay, so.

See, but I like, I wanted to watch it at home because in the theater, I was like, I want a piece of gum, but there's no action scene to.

Well, you know, that's like when

I went to go see early Max Fleischer cartoons at

the Smart Persons Movie Theater in our city, the Pacific Cinema Tech, yeah.

And

10 a.m., I went to go see Max Fleischer, like the guy who did Popeye and Betty Boop, originals on film.

Yeah.

And I was like, this is going to be so sick.

I'm like, it sucks that I have to smoke weed at 10 a.m.

But it's going to be awesome.

Went to Breca.

It was so stressful.

Went late with my girlfriend.

I went to Breca, smoked ton of weed.

Like, Like, we did it.

We sat down.

It's all kids.

I'm sitting down beside like a dad who's like two years older than me with his daughter.

He's like holding her.

I obviously reek of weed.

I have like, I'm trying to pull out a sandwich slowly.

Like,

I was like, I wish I would have known that this was for kids.

But then I was like, the pieces started to come together.

It was 10 a.m.

Yeah.

I'm like, this is all making sense now.

This is on me.

Yes.

Yeah.

They didn't care.

Yeah.

And the kids are high as kites.

Oh, yeah.

There was a kid outside doing a huge b water bong.

There's a toddler as big as him.

And he's like, I can't wait to see Betty Boop.

I want to fuck her.

The two toddlers on top of each other.

Did you see that kindergartener?

He's like,

I want to fuck Betty Boop.

Grayson, don't say you want to fuck Betty Boop.

You don't know what it means, Grayson.

You don't know.

Stop saying you want Betty Boop to huck to on that thing.

You don't know what that means, Grayson.

Put down the bong.

You're spilling the bong water, Jason.

It's as tall as you.

Jason, sorry.

We have pot in the car.

We're not going to buy any pot in the thing.

Get your edibles.

Smoke as bags out of your lungs, baby.

Who wants an edible?

No, honey, they cut out all the racist cartoons.

Oh, did all of them, but most of them.

Oh, God.

You can tell some of them they really wanted to, but you don't quite get there.

Like, a spider will come in.

You're like, they wanted that spider looks a bit racist.

Was there any racist Popeye cartoon?

No, no, they took out all the minstrel stuff,

which was cool for kids, I think.

Yeah.

I don't think that that's like hiding history.

Did the kids like these things?

Yes,

which was really cool.

Does Betty Boop hold up?

Totally holds up.

From our childhood, we used to watch Betty Boop.

Yeah, the same woman who, like, he voiced, sorry, she voiced her in the, like, when would these have been?

40s?

Yeah.

She was in Who Favored Roger Rabbit.

She voiced Betty Boop in that as well.

Betty Boop is a stolen from a black

vaudeville actor.

Oh, it is?

Yes.

Really?

She was a concept by,

yeah, a black artist and was stolen by all these

guys, all these white guy

cartoon execs.

And they wrote this character and made her white and like huge head.

Huge head.

One of the biggest in the biz.

That's why the European standard for beauty is a tiny body, huge head.

Unattainable.

That's why they like

throughout history is like, you know, white people appropriate black culture, and then you end up with big-headed

brat stalls, white artists, like, you know, Elvis was the original.

Friends were the first funny people.

True.

True.

Chandler was the first comedian.

Friends, when I watched Friends, I was like, oh, this is really appropriating black culture.

But the concept was taken from...

It was taken from Martin.

But it was that idea of five people in their mid-20s in New York.

There was a show that came out like two years before.

This guy thinks there's only five friends.

The thing got canceled.

And then Friends came out.

I think they ripped it.

But yeah, like everything.

Like rock and roll.

Yeah, that's true.

Anyway.

But you don't get the queens of the stone age without the breaking a few words.

You don't get the Foo Fighters without a little bit of stealing from Chuck.

It's Black Culture, then it's Betty Boop, and all of us.

It's a Big Bang Theory theme song.

It all started with a bang bang.

Graham?

Yeah.

What's going on with you?

Oh, speaking of going and watching things, and also speaking of music of your youth, I went and saw on their final tour, Sum 41.

Whoa!

That's huge.

I was just listening to Fat Lip and

the other song.

Anyway, sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

In what?

In 2D,

yeah.

They

two days ago.

Yeah.

That's it.

I was listening to their third song four days ago.

So, nice.

Well, I listened to a debut fucking a month ago.

What was their debut?

Was the one that was

from hell?

They had DMX on the motorcycle or quads and such a huge.

That was a big music video for me.

Yeah.

And they

I loved them growing up.

Yeah.

And growing up, you were 20.

I'm still growing up.

Come on.

Male brains?

Male brains don't crystallize or whatever it's called until you're 25.

There you go.

Exactly.

Thank you.

They don't get that

space smegma on their cracks.

They don't tell you about crystallize because crystal eyes crystallize crystal lies.

whoa

how was it

it was great it was amazing they are so good i think they're only retiring because the lead guy wants to do something different cool but uh i bought a single ticket i went by myself was it all for original and the guy from gob uh no it's uh three original guys cone derek and uh brown sound and then the drummer i can't remember his name and then there's another guitarist the guitarist is i think the guy from gob from gob okay and I bought a single ticket.

What venue?

Uh, Rogers.

Whoa.

Yeah.

And it was going to a concert by yourself.

It's great.

It's fun.

Yeah.

You don't have to worry about anybody else's timetable or you know when you want to leave.

I want to leave right now.

I can leave.

Yeah.

And I don't even want to go.

Yeah.

I'll just stay home.

I want to get into a verbal fight with the security guard.

I can.

Again.

I'm not going to be embarrassed anybody.

I miss my favorite song because I don't want to lose.

Yeah.

What was the song that like got everyone going?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they

don't.

No, it's at all.

We're laughing old people fall.

Do you remember the music video where they're doing a beatboxing song to the guy in the convenience store?

Yeah.

They started playing that, and I was like, the audience didn't go nuts fast enough.

And I was like, but this is a big song, and this is the prelude to their big song.

And then when they started playing the song, everybody went mad.

But I was like, you should know.

I always feel smarter than everyone.

You guys don't know the two drum hits before the riff.

Yeah.

Anyways, it blew the lid off the place.

Amazing.

And then I also realized I knew more

some 41 songs than I think that I had.

Yeah.

Injured's really good, too.

Into Deep's great.

Better Off on My Own is great.

A good, like,

hair metal/slash thin Lizzy guitar thing.

They do have the

guitarmonies.

Yeah.

Yeah, they have, you know, they have their roots in heavy metal.

Yeah, maybe in Tremont are the gods that they praise.

Yes.

And the guy, the lead singer, he knows when it was slow, like he was like, play a slow song.

He's like, okay,

no more slow songs.

We're going to play a fast song.

Now we're going to play an old song.

So he knew how to work that crap.

Oh, they played them like

so much.

Yeah.

They're great.

See Limp Biscuit alone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are they coming?

No, I was going to go.

I was supposed to go see them in Auburn, Washington in August, but I didn't have enough money to get over there.

And this past August.

Yes.

And then the band I was drumming in was playing, Energy Slime, Jay and Jessica, you had them on the podcast.

And are you really going to see them?

I want to.

I love Limb Biscuit.

Where are they playing that you might be playing?

Well, they're kind of bad because there's a bit of a Limb Biscuit resurgency.

Yeah.

Because some of the Gen Z like New Metal because of its kind of fuck you attitude.

Yeah.

And kind of like...

Big pants.

Well, yeah, because it's like a denial.

It's like...

And that makes sense because hip-hop, it was like going off of hip-hop.

And hey, they, you know, they represent Jacksonville, Florida.

John Otto,

who was uh in a jazz program for drumming.

Uh, but they knew all this.

You just, you were like,

wow.

Yeah.

Is that their drummer?

John Otto?

Yeah, John Otto is the drummer.

Okay.

John Otto, take him to the Matthews Bridge.

And West Portland had those weird

context lessons.

Because West Portland's like a, he's like an art school nerd.

Like, like.

That was always a cool thing about Limbiscuit.

What's the weird guitar player doing?

And then, and then the lead guy is essentially a businessman who like knows knows how to stir up trouble.

And he's not actually,

like, rapping,

he's kind of funny because his stuff is so like, and I'm going to get you.

Isn't that a thing?

And you know the thing when you want to make me sting.

Like,

on their 2021 album, Still Sucks, which is really good.

They make references that I then look up and I go, okay, that's a Call of Duty reference.

So that's an Xbox Live.

He's like,

got these campers all around me,

which is

because he's talking about

campers are people in Call of Duty, and I've never played the game, who kind of just find a little

place to hide and sniper.

And then so you'll be walking along, you just get shot of nowhere because these people don't do anything.

So it's like kind of a disc.

If you're a camper, you're kind of a coward.

Yeah, you're not playing to win.

You're playing to win.

Oh, I got the campers in the war zone all around me.

I feel like

there's a Venn diagram between like real nerdy people and then shitheads that biscuit falls into yeah and I think the common denominator is like smoking weed and jacking off in your room alone and like watching

I love lip biscuits how we all do

I mean I don't need to smoke weed to jack

alone yeah so there was a guy in front of me at the concert who had too much to drink and was like kind of weeble wobbling and at different times he sat down during the concert and he looked on his phone it was just pictures of his baby oh just scrolling through pictures and videos of his baby Wow.

And then during the hits, he knew he stood up and was dancing.

And then

during the slow songs, they should just put up pictures of people's babies.

It'd be great.

Yeah, I know this song's kind of boring.

So here, enjoy.

Adam, who's cleaning up the nachos on the ground?

This is Adam's son.

Yeah, so it was like, and then everybody left after the first, or were leaving after the first encore, but then they came out and did one more song.

That guy in front of me was the only guy who like stuck around.

So it was me and him in like this empty row.

Have they played all the hits at that point?

Yeah.

He was doing like, I can't remember what the song was.

It was something like that.

Don't see.

Good night, everybody.

Do you know where they got their name?

Summer of Something.

They were formed on the 41st day of summer.

Whoa.

What's up with because you got 200 days of summer?

Is everyone counting the summer days?

Because I never count them.

He can hear this bit on his album.

I'm workshopping this super boring idea I have.

Who's some.

You guys remember some 41?

You guys remember 500 days of summer?

Do you remember the 200, but Zoe Deschanel and 500 Days of Summer?

500 Days of Summer.

How many actual days of summer are there?

I guess 365 divided by four.

Too high for me.

Oh, I used to.

I'm trying to get better at math.

I had a math app for a while.

Nice.

So this dude and I,

he, like, they play the song they finish the song and like he's totally he's totally a bro yeah he's super bro all his friends were bros nice and he just looked at me and said like end of an era gave me a fist bump nice it was great and i was like it really is and then you saw saw him on the the bridge later with a gun to his fair what did i tell you

he's not committing to

he's not committing

a bridge and is he gonna jump he's actually gonna shoot himself

he's gonna shoot himself and then he'll fall off the bridge.

It's a double death.

Actually, he's going to fall into the bike lane.

He's going to light himself on fire, shoot himself in the head.

You lost the bridge.

And the guy with the megaphone, you have so much to live for.

And he's like,

Sun 41's done.

I've actually already overdosed as well.

Yeah.

I got it all figured out.

And now I'm, yeah.

But anyways, Sun 41 Rocks.

They're on their last tour ever.

I'm sure they'll get back together sometime later.

I think they're playing at the Junos.

They're going to play at the Junos, and I think that's the end of it all.

And then one more at the Stampede.

Yeah.

I know he said.

Yeah, and then the Carp Garlic Festival.

Yeah.

And then

fucking Lobster Fest.

Yeah, Red Fest.

Lobster Fest.

Yeah.

Then Kate Bretton.

March Madness.

Yeah.

Then the Bunhomes 100-year birthday.

Queens Jubilee.

4D.

And of course, they have to play in the Arctic Circle with Hole and Moist and Metallica.

And we got to heal Canada India relations with that concert, the Benefit concert.

So we'll be doing that.

Yeah, sure.

And then they'll be done.

And then, well, they got to do Edge Fest.

Oh, yeah, I'd just like to fix that.

Netflix

holiday party.

We probably should do that one.

It's funny that there used to be a Spike TV's annual

TV.

It's funny that there used to be a touring festival called Edge Fest.

Because now people, Edge Fest.

Not everybody's Edge.

Maybe that's what the festival was.

Maybe it was like before the big song they want to play.

They were leading up with

increasingly better songs.

Now there's also Skank Fest.

Yeah.

Fucking Skank Fest.

That is a real thing.

Yeah, that's like a

comedy fest in Las Vegas that's like hardcore comedy.

Yeah.

Big Jay Okerson.

Oh, if you like jokes about people overdosing on fentanyl because they're stupid, you gotta love fucking flippity from the

skankity fest.

There's somebody who said they were at it and that Ari Shafir, I don't want to,

you know.

Do we get in trouble if we say people's names and bad stuff they did?

But it, well, basically what he did was he took a shit on stage.

He took a shit on stage.

You heard that as well?

No, no, no.

No, I heard it from a gentleman who was at the festival.

Sure.

I saw it with his own eyes.

I was sad.

He was like, I got to get out of it.

I don't need that.

I take the city bus.

And when I got on the other day, someone...

There was shit somewhere on the bus.

I couldn't tell.

That was free.

It felt really bad like shit.

It wasn't free.

It was 375 or whatever.

Was it or did you sneak on?

I did.

Did I tap?

I used a paper that could have been expired because I am a proud Faravader.

Translate.

Coming up.

I know that you're on the R5 Expresses because you get the students.

I'm not on those buses, motherfucker.

Yeah.

You're on the B-line.

Yeah.

And also, I think if the transit cops give you a ticket, I think you just walk away and see what they do.

And then if they tell you stuff, you just keep going like, do I have to stay?

And if they go, no, you just keep walking.

Yeah, soon you'll be in a park.

Yeah, get a hot dog.

And then if they come up to you, they're like, I don't know that.

I have a hot dog.

Yeah, that

forgot.

Did that guy have a hot dog?

Yeah.

Would I have gotten my mouse the description of the hot dogless guy who was on the bus?

Doesn't sound like me at all.

Also, that bus had shit on it.

It's my responsibility.

Appreciate you.

I'll appreciate it.

Okay, you give me your ticket and you wipe my ass.

Okay, well, he's got us dead to rights.

Oh, my God.

Give us your ticket

here we go

but uh taking a shit on stage is pretty bad pretty bad i mean it's it is that ggl and oh yeah but it comes you know comedy is the new rock stars you know it's truly not i don't think well we've all taken a shit on stage well i did early on i tried but it was diarrhea it was just diarrhea dripping and then i was like i had to stop

yeah the only thing was it are your fear shits on stage on kill tony skank festival

I don't know what that is.

It's an internet show where people, there's a panel of people, including a guy named Tony Hinchcliffe.

He's the guy who did the roast and Trump's rally.

And he and other comedians, your Joe Rogans and whatnot, they bring out a comedian who does one minute of comedy, and then they just roast.

Yeah, it's like an open mic slash roast.

So, so, yeah.

People who have been on it have gone crazy huge.

Yeah.

Yeah, huge overnight.

Yeah, it can be a legitimate path for like,

but then, yeah, and then also it'll create superstars out of just open micers, essentially.

Yeah.

So then what's fascinating is you'll have someone, and for any listeners, an open micer is someone trying to get good at comedy, but also it can be a gremlin man usually who has gremlin ideas and won't stop trying to get his spells to work.

Yeah, that dun dun dun dot right gremlin scene song, go ahead.

Gremlin man, the gremlins are here.

So then, but then you'll see posters around town with some of these gremlins, and they'll be like, sold-out show at the fucking huge venue, dog shit comedy show, come, come.

Honestly, there is probably

a comedy show called Dog Shit Comedy.

Yeah, dog shit.

Oh, actually, that's cool.

That's like punk.

Dog shit come puke.

Hey, come, come to my.

People are like, what is this?

It is an open mic for

people who are usually kept out of this space.

It's called Dog Shit Puke Come.

That's the name of your elbow again?

I forget.

Soft buggy, or yeah, same amount of vowels, different stuff.

Different stuff.

Um, well, do you guys want to move on to some overheard?

Sure,

the Flop House is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

Guys, how does E.T.

poop?

Uh, well, he's not that regular, but as he's gotten older, he has two Cloawakis, one under each arm.

No, I was just looking forward to you going through the other ways in which, well, Wild West is historically inaccurate.

Do you know how much movies cost nowadays when you add in your popcorn and your bagel bites and your cheese critters?

You can't go wrong with a Henry Cavill Mustache.

Here at Henry Cavill Mustache is the only supplier.

The Flop House.

New episodes every Saturday.

Find it at maximumfun.org.

Ego sum John Hodgman.

At Ego Sum Janet Varney.

And we're the host of ePluribus Motto, a podcast dedicated to exploring the mottos of every state in the union.

Every episode, we will spotlight one state and discuss its official symbols, the motto, flowers, birds, beverages, songs, and even official state muffins.

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overheard.

Overheard's a segment where, boy, oh boy, if you've heard something out there and it's good and you cherish it and you bring it forth to us, we're very appreciative.

And we always like to start with the guest.

Aaron, do you have an overheard?

Oh, I do.

Okay.

Okay.

Overheard was on the bus.

It was a guy and with a guy like, oh, I gotta take a shit.

I gotta take a shit.

My name's, I gotta get the skin fist.

They got a big toilet.

It's flat And people watch.

I'm interested.

Though I was on the bus and this guy was with the woman.

I think they were maybe either friends or on a date or something.

They were into some sort of thing where she was tagging along with him doing some stuff.

And he was kind of really loudly,

which is fine.

I don't really care.

But it's funny when someone is really loud and then you get to watch other people be annoyed by like they're talking with someone.

They start like doing their eye and

over their shoulder.

Anyway, he was talking really loud and a lot of it was about how he's an entrepreneur and how he's really good at talking and business.

And he works at Best Buy because he could sell a lot of stuff off the floor, but he doesn't really want to work a lot because he's doing his own thing.

Sure.

And then, but he had a piece of business advice that I thought was really good, so I wanted to share with your listeners.

And his business advice was never stutter.

The moment you stutter in any business call, any business interaction, that's the moment that they stop trusting you.

If you were always talking, you never stutter, you never second guess what you say.

Like,

that was his advice.

And I was like, you know what?

It's the stupidest, dumbest advice, but it probably works so much.

Yeah.

And it's probably like.

And I took it.

The guy's like, did I stutter?

And they were like, twice.

Twice during.

I've been trying to do it on the bus.

Like, I won't pay for the bus.

He's like, you got to pay your fare.

And I go, but I didn't.

And then he goes, you have to pay your fair.

And I go, did I stutter?

And he's like, yeah, you didn't say anything.

You barely said anything.

You mostly stuttered.

Yeah.

When I'm listening to George Thurgood and he's like, bad to the bone, I'm like, I'm scared.

But when he goes,

bad, I'm like, I don't believe that.

He's not a scary guy.

Dave, do you have an overhead?

No.

Oh, no.

God.

But you know what?

It reminded me of why you look, if you need to look, was.

No, I mean, I'm fine.

No, talk.

YouTube is trying to, I don't know if you're getting these YouTube ads, but I'm getting these YouTube ads where the CIA, people who work for the CIA are trying to sell me a masterclass on communication.

Yeah.

I've worked for the CIA.

I've met Osama bin Laden.

And then they'll go, you need to learn these skills to talk to people.

And I'm always dr'cause I listen to YouTube when I draw.

So then I I'm always just like, do I need to learn how to communicate with my dad and mom and

friends via the C someone who's had to communicate with like people who have ulterior like I don't get you can give it a try talk to Osama bin Laden.

Great guy.

Yeah.

I come back as guest after this master class next.

I'm like, so Graham, where'd you grow up?

Not funny anymore?

Haha, Dave, that's very interesting.

We're at your place, eh?

So how many exits do we have?

CIA style.

Also, Osama bin Laden's hilarious as book.

Have you guys read his journal?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The original skank film.

And his children are cool.

They're celebrities.

Yeah, I do get advertised masterclass things a lot.

That rings a bell.

Maybe there's been a CIA one.

Yeah.

But mostly I get, God, this woman who's like a stylist.

And she's like, how to get the most out of your closet?

Oh,

I don't know that I need a masterclass for that.

You did?

Yeah, okay.

Mine is an overseen and it is not great.

It is a license plate.

Now we love license plates, don't we, Von?

We do.

Absolutely.

We love license plates.

The limitations are that give you the most creative edge.

Yeah, yeah, because you got to work within numbers.

Yes, it's like a calculator.

I'm going to

write it down so maybe you can try to decode it.

Oh, okay.

So that's fun.

I was just thinking of the, you know how you write boobies on a calculator?

Do you think you could write scooter?

You could probably write scooter pretty easily.

On a calculator?

What would be,

though?

Yeah.

Plus sign.

But the plus sign doesn't show up on a calculator.

And the plus sign has a top to it.

Oh, but it could be lowercase.

Lowercase.

Scooter with a lowercase T.

That sounds like a tag now.

You're making a tag to scrawl in a bathroom.

So this was the license plate.

XK V8

space DK.

Yeah.

Excavate.

Excavate, I got.

DK.

The demilitarized cone.

I thought it was Dick.

Yeah, I thought it might be excavate Dick or Donkey Kong.

Yeah, excavate Donkey Kong.

Get him off that island.

He's got too much property.

Diddy Kong, the wizard.

I'm trying to figure out.

It's DK, right?

Yeah.

Excavate.

oh i excavate decay is that a dentist oh or excavate is it like a

yeah or

like the half-life of

something like like the decay decay decay yeah he's a dentist yeah like that's a dentist but also is there a way of like the you're is he a um you know paleontologist because other things decay okay okay yeah i knew it was excavate but yeah i think we got somewhere

what does an excavator do

they an excavator is like a digging Yeah, they dig things up.

I wonder if in the excavation world, like a decaying tree or...

Oh, yeah, like we've got to decay.

You have to.

Like if you have a rotten garden that's just going

to trying to get to the core with its roots.

Evil garden.

That's a fucking Stephen King book.

Evil Garden?

Yeah, it's got to be.

Shit.

The garden that was fucking evil.

Yeah.

Garden of evil.

Oh, the only thing that grew out of this garden?

Skulls.

Skulls are necessarily evil.

Oh, the tomatoes, where they taste like piss and blood.

Oh, shit.

And shit.

Yo, Stevie, man, put down the cocaine.

No, no, no, no.

No, you're hanging out with bad guys.

All the Baldwin family.

Do you guys remember when Stephen King did cocaine in the Baldwin attic for

two years?

Well, I know he did cocaine.

No, no, no, no, it wasn't.

It wasn't.

That's where misery came from.

He was traveling.

Apparently the Pet Cemetery, I think, as well, well, was on the cocaine.

On the cocaine one?

Yeah, because he used to do cocaine and listen to ACDC and just crank out America's nighttime terrors.

That was the fucking best.

It's cool.

I watched a few months ago, no, maybe a year or two ago now, Misery.

Oh, I can never watch that one because I don't like the ankle part.

You don't?

It makes me...

Yeah.

I have a thing with like Achilles' heels and...

ankle shit.

Oh, I'm bad and eyes.

I can't do it.

I love it.

I love ankle shit.

I love a bitten-off tongue.

You cut off a nose.

I don't give a shit.

And I watch The Shining pretty much every year.

And you saw it recently.

And people talk about how those are the two big ones that are like about a writer.

Right.

And then I was watching Stand By Me a couple months ago.

And I realized, oh, that's about a writer.

Yeah, Richard Dreyfus.

Yeah.

Richard Dreyfus.

And even as a kid, like that story.

Like they're around the campfire and they're like, you're a great writer.

Tell us a story.

Yeah.

Stand by me was our spice girls.

That's true.

That's true.

You had had the best voice.

Oh,

I think this might have been an off-air conversation about their voices.

He's got a good voice.

Yeah, we were talking about the

Spice Girls was off, Mike.

Okay, was it?

Okay.

And then we were talking about the Spice Girls.

We like, we talked about that Mel C song.

I do like

that.

Didn't you guys get together with your guy friends as a kid and do all the routines from Standby Me?

Yeah, we would go on the train.

We'd let a train almost hit us.

Yeah, we would say, I don't shut up.

I grow up.

One kid would get on the typewriter and talk about his friend friend who got stabbed at a fast food restaurant.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, spoiler.

Oh, sorry.

It's an unnecessary ending.

And then, and, yeah, they all kind of do their own thing, right?

The one guy gets stabbed and dies.

It was funny.

Like, I watched it.

I saw it, I think, in the theater,

and then I hadn't seen it since.

And I watched it a couple months ago.

And he was talking about River Phoenix and River Phoenix's character.

He came from a bad family, and we just knew he'd be bad as well.

Yeah.

And I was like, that's such a messed up thing to be like,

this child is going to be bad.

His family is bad.

He's going to be back to the moon.

Eventually, in the end, he was really good, but he died in a bad way.

Yeah.

Which we always knew it was going to happen.

Stabbed at a burger restaurant.

Everyone's number one nightmare.

Getting stabbed at a McDonald's.

It is mine.

I don't want to die at a McDonald's.

Me neither.

Can you imagine the last few things you hear before you die is: beep, give me a fry.

Number 72, I've been waiting for fucking hours.

Like, that's what you hear

as it's fading away.

You're going into the cosmos.

Chicken nuggets!

Number 82!

Number 82!

He died as he lived in fear at a McDonald's.

Yeah, on the ground at a McDonald's.

With his hand on one of the big computers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or the Super Nintendo website they did.

What's hot at McDonald's these days?

I see they have a big

hockey promotion.

They're trying to do the, and I haven't been going to McDonald's much lately, which is really nice for me and my body.

You know what?

I I bet you have mixed feelings about it.

Well, the staff is missing me.

My phone's blowing up every morning.

Where you at, Aaron?

Aaron, you come in for a BLT.

Hey, Aaron.

You still smoke cigs in our parking lot?

Get in there.

Do you want to fill up on a McMuffin before you watch Betty Boop?

Yeah, you perv.

You perv.

Do you want to ask for straws from us?

Because we keep them behind now because of society.

We don't trust in each other anymore for straws.

But

wait, what were the McDonald's?

Oh, uh, they're doing this thing called uh, big arch.

Oh, what's that?

I don't know, they're always trying to make some burger patty that's a bit bigger and then say it's something else, yeah, right.

They're trying to they basically like a quarter pounder, it's maybe a bit slimmer.

I think they're trying to they always try to do like, what do we have on hand?

What can we reconstitute?

What if we take the two summers ago?

They did the remix, okay.

Lil Yachty was promoting the remix, where basically you just kind of like Frankenstein the fuck out of their menu.

You go like, can I get a fish fillet?

And fuck it.

I'm I hate myself.

Let's put on a fish fillet with Big Mac sauce and two nuggets.

And then give me that.

And then I'll go get in a fight later.

Just give me two buns.

A bun, a bun, a bun, a bun.

And give me a bag of the sauce and two buns.

I saw

in America they had the chicken Big Mac, which is two chicken

chicken patties.

I never saw that.

I had that.

Oh, it was here.

I had that during the pandemic, it came.

Oh, it was that long.

Chicken Big Mac.

Nice.

It was pretty fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I buy it.

It's the chicken Big Mac.

We shorten it to the CBM because after you're done, you're going to CBM.

Graham, do you have an overheard?

I do.

Mine is courtesy of the Sum 41 concert.

Okay.

Derek's telling a story about the guitar that he's playing, which was the guitar that he played in the Fat Lip video.

It was like his first guitar.

Somebody stole it years and years ago.

Shit.

And he managed to, by going down a wormhole on the internet, he was able to get it back.

And he said, and the guy who stole that thing, he's like, he's like, fuck this guy.

And everybody's saying, fuck this guy.

And then the guy behind me goes, it was fucking Maple Leaps.

He's like, everybody heard.

He just heard people saying fuck.

He's like, yeah, fucking Maple Leafs.

He thinks we're mad about hockey.

Fucking Maple Leafs.

He's in the right arena.

He's in the right arena, sure.

He's just getting, I like that he's at the 741 customers, but he's getting dogged down by hockey thoughts.

He can't enjoy.

He might have bought the wrong ticket.

Oh, that was nuts.

Yeah.

That's true.

741.

They got his opening band going to quit, you know?

Yeah.

This is the longest national anthem I've ever heard.

Man, when is the opening band going to stop?

We go into the seats and they get the stage off the ice.

Yeah, yeah.

The ice back on and they get the players in here.

When does that happen?

Why is there not a hockey version of the Harlem Globetrotters?

Why does everyone here look like they just got out of a hot topic

and not a fucking lids?

Hockey.

Yeah, hockey, Harlem Global Globetrotters.

I gotta tell you, I don't think it exists, but there are plenty of.

Oh, like a fun hockey team?

There's plenty of guys on Instagram doing tricks.

Right?

There's trick baseball teams.

Yep.

Oh, yeah, the Savannah Bananas.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh,

I got to check out these tricks.

Just NHL tricks and hockey tricks.

Speaking of hockey, just really quickly, I am a devil's man now.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I heard it.

If you see any hats out there in the Vancouver area and used and cheap, let me know.

I'm looking.

I'm on the hunt for a devil's hat.

Did you see that a few years ago they did a

like every team does like a

you know alternate jersey.

Yes.

And they had one that just said jersey on it

from New Jersey and everyone was making fun of them.

Yeah.

Your jersey says jersey on it.

And then I think they leaned into that.

It was the one with a hat.

It was with a new

jersey.

They put out a hat that says hat.

Fun?

I think it's fun.

I think that the logo for the New Jersey Devils is so good that it's a bit disrespectful to even stray from it for one moment.

Yeah.

It could be because it's an N

and it's a Y for New York.

And the Y has a devil's tail.

Oh, sorry, for N Y.

Yeah, it's a J.

J, sorry.

The N N has a J, but the J also, the devil horns are a Y for Jersey.

You ever think about that?

I didn't think about it about it now.

But the J is a Y as well.

The J has horns, I guess, that make it kind of a Y, but it also has a tail.

It has a tail.

And the tail is the Y,

but it's also the J.

But it's.

Okay.

Well, I've told that to my studio mate, Aaron Salzar, and he was quite receptive to that fact.

Or not fact, but observation from me.

Yeah, do you think he tunes you out sometimes?

I think he doesn't tune me out, but I do think he's not listening.

Do you think you would ever like to design, as a visual artist, ever design a hockey

logo?

Yes.

I actually was thinking the other day,

my girlfriend bought me a very nice Christmas gift of airbrush,

little brush,

gun thing, so I can make airbrush stuff.

And there's quite a career of people airbrushing hockey helmets.

So I'm going to reach out

to the New Jersey Devils goalie, and I'm going to see if we can get some stuff cooking.

I'd love to draw some Devils or whatever he's into, Vin Diesel, Scarface.

He used to play here, Jacob Markstrom.

Oh, Markstrom's in the net.

Markstrom's in the net.

And then two of the Hughes brothers who aren't

cousins of the Hughes.

Oh, they're married.

I wish.

That'd be so cool.

It would be cool.

Yeah, they haven't had kissing cousin hockey players yet.

That would be awesome.

You get a whole team that's all coupled up.

So, like, whenever they score, they like make out on the yeah, and there's a big support system for them there.

And you know, when they do line changes, they sync it so that

each that switches out is the couples and they kiss each other before.

And they kiss each other down the line instead of handshake.

Oh, no, yeah, and the handshakes because they couldn't concessionally ask all the other hockey players, but they do the handshake, and then they do their own kissing

smooch yeah

there hasn't been an openly gay uh nhl player yet but i it's not we're not far from a fully there's definitely closeted right well probably for sure for sure yeah uh but a full league a full at least a full team of couples yeah that would be so cool it would be a little bit smooch and also their couples oh you know yeah and they're all line signs i'd love to be

I'd love to go in forward in time when the NHL is all different polycules from different cities in America and Canada.

That's pretty good.

Like all of that.

Can you imagine all Vancouver living in one tall house?

Yeah.

Just

like, are you.

Aaron, I can totally

whole team.

So it's like, you're not my primary.

You're my like 40 secondary.

Secondary.

Yeah.

You're my second draft pick.

Oh, you know what?

That's how they organize it.

If you're my first draft pick, you're my number one.

I go to sleep with you at night.

Yeah.

Oh, you didn't do the dishes today.

You're going down to the farm team.

Yeah, yeah.

You're going down to spring training.

I don't know any hockey stuff.

I'm still learning about my devils.

All right.

Now, we also have overheard sent in by people all over the world.

If you want to send one in, send it into SPY at maximumfund.org.

This first one comes from Max in New York City, close to New Jersey.

I was at a lunch with my wife and her dad, who suddenly started laughing and told us what the woman at the next table had just said.

She said, her boyfriend was objectively ugly, and I used to tell her that all the time when we were still friends

what happened you're not friends anymore you kept saying my husband was fucking ugly no I said he was objectively ugly

yeah that means that it's universally a truth yeah that means so unfair

yeah I guess like nobody ever wants to hear that anybody they're close to is ugly well anyone the the person that they're attracted to um yeah that they've got something wrong with the yeah yeah well I guess objectively yeah he he's ugly ugly subjectively I think he's quite handsome, but that doesn't amount to a hill of beans I mean in the first place you should maybe not be saying he's objectively ugly, but if you are you might want to follow it up with what you think subjectively Yeah, to give it the nuance sure and like maybe instead of saying someone's boyfriend is objectively ugly

Give them sort of like oh, you have such a weird taste yeah yeah oh yeah exactly you're just you're something or be like your boyfriend is objectively ugly but he's got a great ass ass

and cool boots.

Yeah, you give a little compliment.

The way he wears those fucking Doc Martens.

Shit.

Shit.

Big ass, horrible face.

What?

It's like someone hit a burlap garbage sack with a shovel.

Yes.

Yeah.

That's objective.

Yeah.

And every time I'm in the grocery store, I'm like, where do you keep your burlap garbage sack garbage sacks?

Oh, there's something you could really hit with a shovel.

shovel.

We also got shovels here, too, if you want to get the whole action.

We got actually an area.

You can test all that out.

This next one comes from Gabriel in Cleveland.

My daughter and I were walking in downtown Cleveland, not far from where the Cleveland Guardians play.

Where do they from?

The Guardians?

They're baseball.

They used to be the Indians.

Did they even say that?

What they used to be?

Dave canceled.

The couple was walking with their little boy, maybe four or five years old.

They were talking about going to the game, and they asked the boy, So, who is your favorite player?

And the boy answered, Football,

which isn't any more that's not even happening where they're close.

I do like it when someone, you know, that kid's fucked.

He's from America, yeah, he's gonna get bullied to shit in school.

He doesn't know, he thinks

football is a player.

He probably likes Frank Zappa and fucking

who else, like, I don't know,

sorry, what?

He likes Frank Zappa, and I don't know, and he just thinks he's not being foods that take a while to appreciate

it.

A goulash.

A goulash.

Yeah.

Sauerkraut.

I guess.

I love goulash.

Turkey goulash was something that I loved growing up.

That wasn't a nickname that somebody gave you.

Yeah, it does sound like you fuck turkey goulash.

What is the main thing in goulash?

You know, cabbagey thing?

And I'm not sure what ours was.

Basically the

fusili like those ribbon-y pasta

with pasta sauce and uh ground turkey.

It was kind of like a Prince George kind of truro Nova Scotia goulash.

It's a noodle-y thing.

Okay, well, when I hear goulash, I think,

like, what's the

cold soup?

Borsch.

Oh, no.

Caespachio.

It is caspachio.

But I was thinking borscht.

I was thinking Eastern European beet.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Borsch is great.

I love Eastern European food.

I gotta get some more beets.

Alenka,

that European market on Kingsway and Fraser, they have good pierogies that are cheap.

Yeah, I used to get, they had sweet pierogies.

I would get like the blueberry pierogies.

And they have like

smaller companies, not the Chimo.

Although I like

Chimo, big gas station where I go to get my pierogi, my European fare, Macs, or what's it called now, Circo?

Circoke.

I miss that owl.

Me too.

I miss seeing an owl.

I miss seeing the cat that was previous to the owl.

Oh, my God.

I forgot about the cat.

Hey, wear a little hat.

Mac.

This last one comes from Catherine A.

from Halifax, Nova Scotia.

This is an overheard from the bus in Halifax.

A group of teens were getting off the bus to meet up with someone they seemed to want to impress.

As they were getting off the bus, one of the girls said, do not bring up 9-11 again.

She did not laugh.

She did not laugh the last time.

We were meeting bin Laden.

He's like, don't bring it up.

It's a bit of a sensitive spot.

Being a teenager, that's definitely when you're trying out all your 9-11 jokes.

Not me personally, because I'm losing women.

But I feel like kids, they probably make fun of 9-11 because they don't have that

connection.

They probably think it's pretty funny.

Oh, when I was in high school, I would make fun of horrible tragedies because I just had no concept of, but I was still working on my empathy or whatever.

Yeah.

I mean, plenty of grown-ups make fun of 9-11 too.

That's true.

Totally.

Totally am amidst a teens.

I'm certainly among them.

Most of them are at Skank Fest.

Mostly I'm making fun of what Mark Wahlberg would have changed.

I only make fun of one thing in 9-11.

No, I don't even want to do this joke.

It's such a horrible joke.

Backing out.

Backing out.

Backing out, it wasn't offensive, but it was making fun of someone's death, and maybe I should take that seriously.

Yeah.

But that sounds like it could be offensive.

Because if I think if I make fun of death too much and disrespect it, I am going to die

in a McDonald's during

game night.

I don't care how I die.

And I'm going to, my last moment of life is my pinky toe is gonna be like on a guy's ASICs shoe.

Yeah.

He's gonna be stepping on my pinky toe.

That's a last moment.

While he's berating a teenager because his nuggets don't have the sauce he wanted.

In addition, overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls.

If you wanna call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one ugh.

Spypod 1, like these people have.

Hi, Dave, Graham Impossible Guests.

This is Kate calling with an overheard.

I was at the post office the other day, and I heard two employees talking to each other.

And right before I walked out the door, I heard one employee say, I don't care what the Lion King says.

That's all I heard.

I love that.

Post Mufasa.

Yeah, I don't give a shit what he is.

You know, Mufasa can go.

Shut it.

I've heard enough Mufasa.

I hate Mufasa.

I'm waiting for Scar Origins.

Yeah.

I'm waiting for Scar Origins.

Mufasa's middle.

What does the Lion King say?

Akunamatata?

But he doesn't.

No, that's...

Oh, that's

it.

That's Hunkle and Funkle or whatever.

Yeah, Uncle Funkle.

Pimon and Tumba.

Timon and Boomba.

Pimon and Bumba.

You got it.

Tumba sounds way more like a musician.

Do you think where Lion King doesn't say Akunamatata?

I think he goes, what do those two little fucking rats say?

Akunamatata?

Those two rats.

He sings it with them.

Yeah, in the jungle.

Mufasa?

No.

The Lion King.

The king, the kid.

Oh, that's all right.

Mufasa isn't the Lion King.

Well, he was, wasn't he?

He means no worries.

Come on.

Yeah, because Mufasa dies, and then he becomes the...

Oh, I can't.

Oh, I just can't wait to be king.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bada-ba ba-ba-ba-da-da.

Under the sea.

Under the sea.

Yeah, Sebastian.

How are you holding your breath so long?

And here's your next vocal.

All right, Dave Graham, possible guests.

This is Gabe calling in an overheard from southern Southern Vermont.

I was just in the bank and

I overheard a lady in

one of the offices there talking on the phone to somebody else and

she said,

oh, gosh, we have to get one of those

boards.

I think they're called charcliterie boards.

So no freaking way.

Oh, man, you're going to blow it at the party.

That's so shit.

Don't make fun of someone

if they've mispronounced something they've only learned by reading.

Yes, yeah, and there is a clit in there.

Her clittery.

That's so good.

That's one of those things where someone hears that and they either never say it again.

They're like, eh, people do that.

Or someone says that anecdote for the next 30 years.

Yeah.

Like at every dinner you hear that.

And get to it.

She's like, shark clittery.

Like a woman's Savova near them.

What is the thing?

Can you think of one of those things that

gets repeated for 30 years?

I can think of one immediately.

We had so I'm gonna do mine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We had someone over, we had my mom likes to, uh, when we do big family dinners like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, my mom likes to just invite random people.

And

one time, this person came and

my dad was pouring them wine, and she goes, Don't be stingy.

Don't be stingy.

So now every time you pour any drink, don't be stingy.

Don't be stingy.

That's pretty good.

I'm kind of, I'm, I'm blanking on.

I wore a dress one time, and everyone in my family kind of reminds me that I did that.

Not in a bad way.

They just kind of

went on a crazy day when I was a kid and put on a dress.

How did it look?

I think it looked pretty good.

Well,

I think it would look objectively great.

Thank you.

There is actually one where I dressed like Dolly Parton for Halloween one year.

And

because my aunt had a poodle skirt that I could borrow.

And then my mom and dad got in a fight because because my dad,

I had balloons in my blouse.

Right.

The breasts.

Famously

boobily endowed.

Yeah,

not comically, just a large endowed breast.

They named a sheep after her because the cloned sheep was made out of breast

tissue.

Oh, wow.

Poor Darlie Pardon.

She's a nice person.

Apparently, she's a terrible person.

Oh, really?

No, of course.

Everyone loves her.

Yeah, she's Betty White, terrible person.

Yeah, my mom and dad got in a big argument because my mom was trying to get.

So my mom and dad were arguing while my mom kept deflating these balloons.

And your dad was like,

new ones.

Wow.

They just got into an argument about what, because my dad was like, well, that's part of the costume, though.

That is the.

And then my mom would be like, I don't want him walking around with.

I love it.

I was just sitting there with an open.

And the whole thing was based on the fact that you were wearing a poodle skirt.

The thing that Dolly Parton is not.

Now,

I know.

Well, we've got to do bigger boobs because we're going poodle skirts.

Let's just do him Freddy Krueger.

Okay, but there's some new stuff about Freddy you've got to learn.

He's got a huge breasts now.

And we've got this poodle skirt, so he also wore that Nightmare on Elm Street.

Have you seen the Nightmare on Elm Street 5?

Freddy goes to New York.

He has a beautiful skirt.

He works for a fashion company.

That's right.

Have you seen the one where Freddy goes back to the 50s and

kills Danny Luco?

Here's your final phone call.

Hello, Damon Graham and possible guests.

This is Annie calling from Texas with an overheard.

Well, I should prefer this by saying that my boyfriend was with me for this, and

he questions the validity of what I heard.

But

I was both looking at the person, so like kind of reading her lips and heard.

Both.

So I, this is accurate.

But

he wanted me to mention that he doesn't think there's any way

that this girl said what I heard her say.

Dump them.

But we were eating at kind of a fancy steak restaurant for the holidays, celebrating the holidays.

And the restaurant was two stories, so there was an elevator on the second floor if you couldn't take the stairs.

And the elevator doors opened and a a little girl, like maybe somewhere between like 10 and 12 years old, stepped off the elevator, elevator looked around and said it's

she said it smells like my leg in here

you just see the diners push the food away that's such a crazy like

kid thing to say like my

it smells like my leg

I'm with her boyfriend I don't think the kid said that

it smells like my leg though but she saw she saw the the lip reading.

My leg.

My leg.

My leg.

What could that be?

It smells like my leg in here.

Maleg.

It could be someone's name, like if they have a

Freddy Malag.

A g a a relative who's smelly or yeah, someone who smells male is named Maleg.

Maleg.

Smelly maleg.

It smells malignant in here.

Smells like malignant leg.

Smelly my.

Don't you wish what I was thinking would like don't you wish someone would buy the rights to some of these famous movies like Nightmare on the Street and do cool stuff like put Freddy back in time to a black and white era wouldn't that be so funny that would rule yeah like people who are working at a factory getting cancer making crayons and he's like haunting their dreams for no reason

Freddy Origin he's trying to get good at yeah yeah what a but what a he would have to go back in time it wouldn't be him living how ironic that they're making crayons in a black and white era oh my god

and that's all the cool metaphors you can get

with black and white yeah kind of like the giver.

Yeah.

And for the audiences here, that's a Canadian novel that some people read in.

Is it Canadian?

I know it's a book that they make you reading when I was grade seven.

Yeah,

I just read it out loud a few months ago.

Oh, nice.

Oh, wow.

You're doing a book talk?

Doing a book talk?

You continue your fraudulent book talks.

I think maybe I'm doing, you know, it's tween literature.

Maybe I'm going to do Hatch It Next by Gary Paulson.

What's that bat one where the bat is there's a moon that the bat?

I can't remember.

Is it owls of the family?

Hungry caterpillar.

Oh, yeah, Gary Caterpillar.

Yeah, I fucked with that one.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Yeah.

Well, that brings us to the end of this year's podcast.

Aaron, tell us about your CD and DVD and special.

I got a CD coming out.

You're going to want to get to the CD factory.

You're going to want to stick your tongue in it.

Yeah,

it's Bruce Springsteen's asshole without the jeans.

Oh, not the photo.

He's got a good rump, absolutely.

Objectively.

Objectively.

Okay, yeah, it's called Softbug Ego Jazz.

It's by me, comedian and entrepreneur Aaron Reed.

And it's available for download on Vimeo.

That link will be up.

You just gotta, you have to, you have to do a bit of work if you're on your computer.

Hey, if it, if it, if it's out of the time that it was released, it will have to do.

Send me the link.

Oh, I will do that.

Put it in the chat.

And the band camp.

So the link in the bio, baby.

Yeah,

free

and

sorry.

Hey, yeah, so I'm like ego jazz.

Check it out.

Free.

And

you have to bleep both of those, please.

Can you?

Yeah.

Okay.

Anyways, check that out.

And then if you don't have money, it'll be on YouTube a week after the 20,

whatever this, yeah it'll be like uh in February it'll be on YouTube and Spotify sure nice nice yeah

but thank you for buying it that's crazy and don't don't buy it for 30 bucks that's nuts it only cost me two years of my life and I think is that the going price on a band camp I'm gonna buy it oh band camp

camp I'll probably do it $9.99 and give the option to pay more okay

not enough yeah yeah yeah or wait for one of those band camp fridays and aaron gets all of it yeah it's all the camp that's when i jack up the prices i do pharmaceutical strategies.

Yeah, or Uber.

Oh, sorry, you have diabetes.

Time to pay, baby.

He's the Martin Shkrelli of Weird Comedy.

Yeah, yeah, and the Martin Shkreli of conceptual energy room-based.

Yeah, and it's only like one person can listen to Aaron's album at a time.

Yeah.

Yeah, Scarcity.

I use Scarcity.

And then I get a hot young people.

Don't make fun of him for saying, pronouncing it Scarcity.

He learned it by reading.

No, and go check out the Lion King Origins

Well, you know, her lions hurt lions.

And you know that Scarcity, the people who work there at the diners and shit, yeah, they're hyenas.

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

That's pretty good, isn't it?

Yeah, those hyenas, yeah.

Good hyenas.

I think you should get your nephew to start reading the Lion King books.

Yeah, now I can do that boys.

It is I, Scar.

I'm played by Scar.

Jeremy Irel.

You know, I think that the Lion King Origins series is going to end with the hyenas because they're going to make a movie that's punishingly annoying.

How did I come to be?

Well, let's see.

This is my parents' fucking overskeleton bones.

If it's how it ends, they should call them bienas.

Ooh.

Bye.

Oh, yeah, bye.

Oh, yeah, because they die.

Yeah.

This is a woolly mammoth abusing me with his tusk, just fucking hitting me in the head.

They're not back in the ice age.

And this is hyenas origins.

Oh, I thought it was.

Come on, man.

You think there were hyenas in the ice age?

Whoa, this snow stuff's really making my paws cold.

Anyways, bye, Aaron's elbow.

Yeah, so I'm bugging you, Jazz.

Bye-inas.

Free.

And if you

believe that one.

You gotta believe that one, too.

Look at the show notes.

We'll put who it is that Eric can't help himself from saying.

It's really bad.

And I shout out.

And

there's bad people out there.

You got to be careful.

You've got to be careful.

Yeah.

If you happen to be in Whitehorse this weekend, I will be performing at the Boiler Room on Friday and Saturday night.

And I host a weekly show at LMG called The Laugh Gallery every Thursday at 7.30.

Aaron's been on it.

It's such a fun show.

If you like good comedy and strange trinkets that you find at the thrift stores and

Muscle mags and erotic M ⁇ Ms.

You got it.

Those are the big three.

Muscle mags, erotic M ⁇ Ms.

And what was the third one?

Yeah, the erotic Pez M ⁇ Ms.

We're not going to be a Pezz.

Pez M ⁇ M.

Yeah, there's a one where the yellow Pez M ⁇ M, he's a flasher, and he opens, when you hit the Pez button, he opens his, but then it's the green thing that comes out, and then he has a full dick, full human dick.

Doesn't Pez come out?

Yeah, where does Pez come out?

This one's pretty unique and really expensive and a really funny idea.

Well, thank you so much for being our guest, Darren.

No problem.

It's been a blast.

And Coney 2012, let's do this.

Yeah, that I will not bleep.

Let's do it.

Thank you, everybody out there, for listening.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop By Guest Your So

Nice.

And you know the Alan Parsons Project song?

The one that goes.

Yes, I know that song.

I don't know that one.

Oh, it was the

Chicago Bulls would enter to it.

Oh, but doop doop, but do do

do do

do.

That's such a good song.

What's the name of your album?

Softbug Ego Jazz.

Soft Bug Ego Jazz.

Why have I heard that before?

It was on some promo, like, probably on Instagram when I was running the shows.

I figured out what it was called finally.

Nice.

Softbug ego jazz.

Softbug ego jazz.

You're going to remember it?

It seems like one of the...

It's like two things.

Softbug, ego jazz.

Yeah.

It's two things.

It's not four different things.

No.

It's two different things.

Okay,

four different things.

Yeah.

But it's meant to be two different things.

Two different things.

Yeah.

Like a soft bug and then ego jam.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Check.

Check.

Check.

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