Episode 869 - Ryan Beil

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 869.

My name is Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man who

he knows what this number is all about, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Why was seven aroused by eight?

Tell me more.

Because eight is 69.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, man.

Oh, we wait.

Every 100 episodes or so,

we get a 69 episode.

It's the freaking horniest episode of the year.

Oh, my God.

Our guest has a mustache.

Our guest has a mustache.

He's a returning guest of the podcast.

He's one of our favorite.

His mustache is covered in latte pawn.

He's like, this guy's going to be great.

He's a member of the Sunday service that performs each and every Sunday at the Fox Cabaret here in Vancouver.

He has a brand new podcast called The Town Show.

It's Ryan Beale.

Hello, Ryan.

Hello.

Have you ever gone back and listened to the intros for all the 69-numbered numbered episodes?

No, no, that's a good question.

That was one little compilation.

And tried to like.

I'd click on that YouTube clip if it was just like all the 69 numbered.

Yeah, sure.

Well, we have an Instagram page now.

Not on it.

It's okay.

Well, you're banned then.

You're shadow banned.

Oh, no.

And we've been making clips, so that's a good idea.

We'll put that in the clip bank.

Yeah.

If somebody wants to do that on their own,

then we'll repost it.

Hey, you know, all the power too.

you.

And while you're there, the 420 episode, let's see what that was.

Yeah.

We'll see.

What other funny numbers are there?

Those are the big bags.

777 could be.

Maybe you did something with 777.

I mean, we did 666.

Oh,

yeah.

We opened up some portals that we needed to close.

And you haven't yet.

No, no, no.

We don't know how to close them.

We had Mike Mitchell from the Doughboys on because he's famously scared of the devil.

Not me.

Really?

You know, Alice Cooper is also scared of the devil.

Really?

Yeah.

Turned into a Christian.

Am I right?

I don't know.

Can we check that?

I don't know.

Let's get our intern on there, Christoph.

He was,

I know he's a big boozer and he became a sober, a soberman.

When I was in theater school, my roommate told me that an Alice Cooper quote, which was like, if you think that the devil is made up, then you've already lost the battle kind of situation.

Whoa.

So I feel like

either my roommate was lying.

Who is this roommate?

Chris.

His name is Chris.

Okay, all right, dubious already.

The devil, so if you think the devil's made up, you've already lost the battle to the devil?

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, because that's his first

time.

He's tricking you, but I thought he has so many tricks.

Yeah.

I mean, some would say the greatest trick.

Yeah, kick flip, ollie.

He invented the ollie.

Wait, was your roommate...

Verbal kin from the usual suspects?

Wait a minute.

Did he say the the greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing the world he didn't exist?

Wait a minute.

Is that basically the same thing?

My roommate was the usual suspects DVD I had.

Oh, cool.

And that paid rent?

Nice.

Sure did.

Oh, let's get to know us.

Get to know us.

Now, can we go through who can remember all the usual suspects?

And were there, how many were there?

The names or the actors.

Whatever you can do.

It was the Baldwin.

There's Benechio Benechio Del Toro, Kevin Spacey,

Baldwin, Stephen Baldwin.

Stephen, right?

Stephen, yeah.

Justin Bieber's Justin Bieber's uncle.

Father-in-law.

Uncle-in-law.

What's his name?

The Irish actor.

Very handsome head.

Gabriel Byrne.

Gabriel Byrne.

And finally.

I'm out, by the way.

Wrapping up the different Kevin.

Kevin.

Imagine Sorbo.

Pollock.

Kevin Sorbo.

Hercules.

I can't tell you any of the

names of the people except one was named McManus.

And one was a verbal case.

Of course.

And Kobayashi.

Was Pete Possiblewaite?

I think so.

What was going on in your life when you first watched that?

Because it was like shoved down my throat by friends.

They were like, this is the best movie you'll ever see.

What year were you born?

1982.

Nice.

Yeah.

Not bad, eh?

Yeah.

Not bad at all.

That came out maybe in 1995.

Yeah.

And

was the Doc Saints come out?

Because I feel like those were.

Was it shoved down your throat

as it was in theaters or later?

Later.

Okay.

After it was released on VHS.

Because I'll tell you what.

I was 14, I guess, when it came out.

I went to see it with my dad.

Loved it.

I was like, oh, they can make movies about stuff like this?

Right.

I've told this story before.

Famous story on the podcast.

That's right.

I went with

my dad because my mother was too afraid to go.

She was like, this movie is is going to be too scary.

I like my suspects to be unusual.

Oh, now that's a funny movie.

Did they do it like a ragtag group of suspects come together?

Did they do a Pauly Shore or Michael Richards?

Harlan Williams.

The unusual suspects.

Paul Shore or Michael Richards.

They would need five unusual suspects.

I see, I see.

National Lamphoon's the unusual suspect.

I thought he meant just like starring like Marky, Michael Richards.

And then, so we went to see it.

But my mom was like, okay, well, I'll go see how to make an American quilt in another theater.

What?

The theater right next to it.

I don't remember that movie.

It's a chick flick.

It's what colloquially loaned as a chick flick.

Oh, okay.

And it's also weird because Kevin Spacey also plays a differently abled man in that movie, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well,

spoiler alert, he's playing a character who's playing a character.

Ah!

But then my mother went into the wrong theater and sat through the previews and sat through the credits and then looked at her watch, realized she was in the wrong movie, but was like, well, it's too late to see how to make an American quilt.

So I'll just sit here for seven.

No, the unusual suspect is too wacky for me.

So that is scary too because that's

Kevin Spacey as bad guy films.

Back to back.

Although she only saw one of them.

Right.

But you guys could commiserate him all the way home.

Well, yeah.

Sure.

And Kevin Spacey is so good to be a bad guy.

Yeah.

Want to spoil each other's movies?

That's right, because it wasn't until the very end that you even found out he was in the film, Kevin Spacey.

Oh, that role was originally offered to Michael Stipe, I think.

Really?

Yeah.

No.

That would have been weird.

Uh-huh.

Not an actor.

A frequency cadet.

Yeah.

He seems like a guy who would have lost his religion, I think.

Well, that's him in the corner.

Everybody hurts.

Check out this.

Everybody in this movie is going to hurt.

According to these clues, it's the end of the world as we know it.

I got one.

I did one too.

I didn't do one.

I just said, what's the frequency cat?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In kind of an accusatory tone.

It sounded like was that your in on REM?

Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it really was mine, too.

I, I was,

I knew losing my religion, but uh, what's the frequency, Kenneth?

That was grunged up for my generation.

There was also a boy named Kenneth in my grade seven class, and it was relentless for him.

Oh, yeah, shit.

Singing it to him, saying it to him.

It actually drove him,

drove him to violence.

Telescore.

He just had some rage in him, and he just didn't want to be asked what the frequency was anymore.

I'll show you.

But the more he demanded to not be asked, the more the people.

Well, sure, in grade seven, that's what you're supposed to do.

Did you see me drool?

Dave just drooled.

I had to look down at it for a second and I drooled.

But in fairness, Ryan's making some slow-smoked ribs.

Tell us, please, about your new podcast.

It's called The Town Show.

It's with,

I think, fan favorite maybe of you two, Mark Chavez.

Love him.

Love him.

Absolutely.

A fan favorite of us?

Of you two.

Yeah.

I was going to say the podcast, but who am I?

Yeah, he's a favorite on the podcast.

Who am I?

Of course.

Yeah, we're fans of his.

Yeah, you two are definitely fans of his.

We stand him.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

So we're co-hosts, produced by Chris Kelly from Kelly and Kelly, who

we love.

And

we're building an imaginary, a fictional town one guest at a time.

Okay.

Bring a guest in.

They'll come on.

They'll like pitch us people who live in the town,

events that might have happened in the town, landmarks that happen in the town.

Then we'll riff on them.

We'll kind of panel them.

Maybe we'll even do some scenes.

Like if they pitch a barbershop, we might do a scene in that barbershop.

Who knows?

And at the end of the episode, we choose what we like to keep, what we don't want to keep.

Usually, most things are kept.

And slowly but surely, we're going to build this town with lore and history and a population.

And, you know, so

who's keeping track of what Chris Kelly, the producer.

Who's keeping track of what's happening?

It's very loose.

We're not like,

when we started, we were like, we're going to make sure it's like, we're going to be really on top of this lore.

And that was just not very fun.

So we like,

we can have more than one barbershop.

You know what I mean?

It's a town.

It's a town.

And there's going to be rival quartets at

barbershops.

But Chris Kelly, our producer, we have like an ongoing list, and we do a little roundup episode.

Was he used Google Sheets?

Oh, yeah, Google Sheets.

Google Doc.

Does

there on the horizon, is there any room for a drawn map

of showing where all the dreams are?

That's the dream.

That's the whole reason.

Oh, my God.

That's the whole reason we started this.

That was the best in school when you got to like...

Instead of doing a book report, just draw a map of this where the book takes place.

Yeah.

I'm drawing.

Circle dots in the middle.

That was my style.

This is Mordor.

Yeah, yes.

I love it.

This is Shire.

But yes, originally, we'd love to have a little

living webpage where you can click on things and see who suggested it.

And, you know, that's down the road.

Oh, a wiki.

A wiki.

I like the, there was an era where there were websites.

I'm thinking particularly of Corner Gas's website where it would be like, you can click on the diner and you can click, and there was like a clip from the show or whatever.

That doesn't exist anymore.

No.

Super interactive websites.

Yeah, that's weird.

Yeah.

Because remember that

I feel like maybe because everyone just wants to like simplify like the postmodern, like it should be sleek and it should be like simple.

That's like the style nowadays.

Yeah, yeah.

But remember, Homestar Runner?

I do.

Come on.

That was a complicated little website.

Like,

Neopets?

Yeah.

You're the man now, dog?

I remember Requiem for a Dream had an amazing website.

So like tied into the movie.

And

here's an email from this guy.

And I mean, very depressing.

And if you had two computers, you could put them back to back.

Which we've talked about on the show that only at the time was I like, oh, that's awful.

And then later, as it had all, I was like, maybe that's what she likes.

Maybe.

I also remember movie trailers would end with the website name.

You've got to to go to the website for the ring.

Yeah, but it'd have to be like

dot movie.

Yeah, exactly.

It's got to be the out of the ring.1998.

I feel like a lot of that stuff went away because we remember with DVDs, you know what I mean?

Like all that physical, like when you could have all the

do you go to websites anymore?

You go, you

know, I guess I don't.

You Google things

if you want to know something about a movie.

My originally was called for jury duty.

I'm all over that website trying to get out of it.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Have you been called?

JuryDuty.move.gov.

Honestly, did Michael Richards and Paulie Shore both make jury duty movies?

Paulie Shore, for sure.

What was Michael Richards?

He might have been in

that.

No, it was called something like Disorder.

Disorderly,

the unusual suspect.

What is the,

what is Jury Duty look like in 2024?

I mean, I don't know.

I've been called for.

Am I allowed?

Am I allowed to die?

No, don't tell us.

But just like.

Would you send me a letter?

Yeah, you get it.

And now I have to respond.

Okay.

Either online or in the mail.

Yeah, I recently got a letter in the mail from the sheriff.

Sheriff?

The sheriff does the jury duty in Canada.

Sheriff, we have sheriffs in Canada, but they're not like sheriffs.

They're like all prisoners.

Who's that mustache?

You're kind of a sheriff.

Yeah, who's a bit of a sheriff?

Brian's got a new mustache.

It's kind of a little

not Sam Neal.

Sam Elliott?

Yeah.

Yeah, a little Sam Elliott.

It's long.

It's hooking over the lip a little bit.

You know what I mean?

It's substantial.

Yeah, it's a real cowboy mustache.

You look like you could weld.

It looks like you could weld.

But I would wear a mask.

I wonder how you could wear that, wasn't that?

Well, just to the lip level, though, because my mustache covers the lips.

It's fine if a spark gets in there.

Sure.

It's fine.

And this is

your first foray into big mustache.

I was going to say Jerry Duty.

I was going to say Jerry Duty.

Yeah.

Have you ever journeyed duty duty before?

I have been called, but I got out of it because I was in a play.

Oh, and the world needs plays, the judge said.

Kind of.

I just said, like, I just, I can't do this.

I'm busy every day.

Do they tell you how long?

In the letter, it says it's going to be about 15 days.

15 days?

Yeah.

But I'm like, how much per day?

Maybe I want to do it.

Oh, well,

you get like a little bit of money a day, right?

I don't know.

That's what I'm asking.

Remember, Taz.

I think Taz.

Let's call Taz.

Taz?

Taz?

Hello?

Taz does jury duty every month.

I had it once when I was 20, 21, and I just had a crappy summer job, and I was like, well, if I get it, I get it.

Yeah.

And I didn't get it.

I showed up, and they wanted everyone.

I didn't even get called up before they got their 12.

But you know what I think I'm going to do if I get called up, if I can't get out of it?

I'll just say this.

There's no law that I can't say, I will not be impartial.

Yeah.

I won't be impartial.

I can't be impartial.

I don't think he's guilty.

My friend did a similar thing, and I'm mad about it.

Yeah, exactly.

Would you pick me?

I don't know.

I'd be like, no, this guy kind of reminds me of a sheriff, though.

I don't think anyone's ever thought of that, and they certainly don't have a way of dealing with people who do that.

I do think you're not the first to like

stand up and declare I can't be impartial.

Yeah.

Right.

Or whatever.

But wouldn't they be like, I don't want to deal with this guy?

He seems like a bit of a renegade.

Yeah, but the judge would be like, sit down.

Okay, well, I'll sit down then.

Or it would be one of those things where in a movie, like, you know what?

We need more renegades out there.

I like what you just did there.

That's why you have to be on this.

This is for the renegades.

In fact, you're the foreman.

Did you see that Jury Duty TV show?

Nope.

Oh, no.

A year or two ago?

No, I didn't.

I missed it.

Did you watch it?

No.

It was about the, like,

everyone on the jury was an actor except one guy.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

It was pretty good.

They got the right guy for it.

He was, like,

he had a good attitude and was, like, not quite figuring things out.

Yeah, right.

But, like, was suspicious of weird stuff going on.

Nice.

It played pretty well.

Um, do you remember in the OJ Simpson documentary, like, the jury members were like, this ruined our lives.

Like, we were in there for months and couldn't read the newspaper.

Yeah.

Couldn't call our family

for so long.

Yeah.

And then, you know,

I mean, at least they made the right choice is what I'm glad.

Uh-huh.

Yep.

They let that juice loose.

It's in his name.

Let him lose.

Well, rest in peace to OJ at the moment.

At the moment,

it is spooky season.

It is Halloween.

Well, at the moment, it's actually November, mid-November.

Oh, right.

Never mind.

Never mind.

Never mind.

Well, it's still, you know, graveyards and stuff.

And then November, yeah.

There's still residual spooky.

Ryan, are you a spooky man?

In what way?

Do I believe in ghosts?

Do I like the season?

Answer the question.

Okay.

Yeah, I think I might be a bit.

I love the season.

I love when people start putting up their little stupid Halloween decorations from the big to the small to the thought out to the cheap.

I love it all.

Yeah.

I like that.

I just like crap on people's lawns.

I think great.

Me too.

Have crap on your lawns every day.

Yeah, every month should have its own crap on the lawns.

Put stuff on your your lawns.

I love it.

Now, there's a, I don't know if you've seen it, up Ontario Street in Vancouver.

This person, every two years in a row at least, has this Halloween display that has, A, a big radioactive spider.

That's great.

Yeah.

And then he's got an all-day kind of fountain with this skeleton puking out green liquid.

Really?

It's like a

cool.

It's just a skeleton with sunglasses on going like

into a garbage can.

And the water is somehow a bit green.

It's awesome.

Oh, that's awesome.

I go up.

I sometimes walk my dog there just to look at it.

Does your dog get scared of any of the...

Or does he like the bones?

She doesn't really get scared.

She doesn't notice it.

She doesn't really notice a statue or a thing.

We were walking

yesterday, and there was a...

Someone has just made a...

corpse, like filled clothes with like stuffing and it's lying face down.

It's someone who died recently.

Yeah.

And

it's also like right next to the sidewalk, not in the yard, very deep.

Oh, it's like right close to it.

The dogs were freaked out about it yesterday.

There's also one I like that's a house that is sort of a modern looking house.

It's like shiny.

And they added a bunch of shiny

silver.

Oh, this guy's the guy that goes all out.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

The meat grinder.

Yeah, the meat grinder.

But they've made the house look like a walk-in freezer.

Yeah.

Every year he picks a theme and it's all brand new.

So last year it was Carnival.

No, last year was Clowns and the year before was Carnival.

Anyway, enjoy mid-November, everyone.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I love the Remembrance Day display.

Yeah.

Oh, you know what?

I saw a guy,

which is

going right against the point of it.

There was a guy at a checkout, and he

said to the cashier, oh, I don't have any money for the poppy.

So he just took one.

And I was like, well, that's not.

But wearing the thing is not as important as the money of the thing.

And there's going to be more poppy opportunities.

Opportunities.

As we like to call them around the Legion Popportunity.

Like, this is not, you can find a loony and come back.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Can you, though?

When's the last time you had a loony?

Oh, good question.

I've got a few.

Well, we've got a residual laundry change

jar at our house because our apartment building only recently switched to smart washers and dryers.

So now we use our phone.

Now we use an app.

We use an app.

Oh, you use an app?

We have to use our phones.

Mine's a fob base.

I kind of miss the change.

Yeah.

I miss change in general.

Yeah.

Like, you know, pull something out from behind a kid's ear.

Yeah.

Oh, sure.

Debit cards.

Yeah.

It doesn't work so well.

I gave a loony to Mark Chavez's son, Cosmo, the other day.

I was like, I want to give you a loony, Cosmo.

And he was like, why?

Why?

Yeah.

This is a choking ass.

I mean, he is three, but yeah.

Yeah.

But he's got to learn about change soon.

Someday.

Yeah.

We give our kids allowance in cash.

And then when they want to buy something,

we pay for it with debit.

And they give you the cash back.

I love it.

I'm good for it, Dad.

During the summer, I had kind of a always carry some sort of cash on me in case I came across a lemonade stand.

So always, in case.

Because walking past the lemonade stand when they're kids.

No, like, you're like, I do have the money.

I just, I mean,

it's time for you.

Do you have a square?

It's in Graham's house, in Ryan's house.

That is disheartening because the kids are, they just, you know, they're just trying to sell their little lemonade.

Yeah.

And you can't do it.

I remember once walking down the street and a kid walking away from a house just looking so dejected because he was selling cookies or she was selling cookies.

And I walked across the street and I had a 20 on me.

I was like, give me four.

She's just like,

like, the whole day's total.

Well, one of my daughters is in brownies.

It's called Embers now.

Embers.

And they...

Why was that switched?

The word brownie didn't refer.

It referred to like some kind of fairy or sprite or something.

Was it an owl?

No.

I always thought it was the food.

I always thought it was the fact that they wear brown uniforms.

Sure.

But they don't anymore.

So what's the point?

But there were like, while it did not have racist origins, there were some people who thought, is this racist?

Yeah, probably a good switch.

Yeah.

And so they went with.

Because what do the kids care?

Yeah.

They don't care.

Yeah.

You get to put a little thing on, and you go to your little meeting and you sell your little cookies.

Yeah.

And

the last three years we've been doing it with both kids, the meetings have been kind of like, you know,

just, you know, parent volunteers and

they're okay.

And but this year, the person running it is so on top of it and like has been running this for years.

And when they went to sell cookies, she has a square.

Nice.

Nice.

Yeah, awesome.

That's the way.

Cookies are six bucks a box now, though.

Yeah, that's worth it.

I'll take it.

Yeah, they're good.

Okay, I'll give you,

I'll take one.

They're the mint ones.

Yeah.

My Spotify subscription just went up in price.

That's true.

So I don't know.

I'm going to have to cut back on my cookie spending.

Yeah, my Excel sheet, it's like

cookies and streaming.

Yeah, I'm going to go to the next one.

I'm going to try to be on two rows or columns.

I can't remember which one's which.

I'm in the red in both.

X divided by Y or whatever.

So, Ryan, this podcast of yours,

what kind of guests should we expect?

We've had Pete Oldring.

Yep.

Okay.

We've had Caitlin Howden.

Both.

We've had Maddie Kelly.

Comedians.

These are all fanfabes.

as people who probably, there's probably a lot of correlation between people who've been on this podcast

and might be on that podcast.

Yeah.

Because it is it is riff-friendly.

Totally.

It is shoot the shiny

shinola.

Oh, I can't say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Shoot the stuff.

Friendly.

You can swear.

Oh, you can?

Okay, shoot the shit.

Yeah, no, it's,

I, I don't know if I have an exhaustive list, but we've, we've only been doing it for about 10 or 11 episodes.

It's very new.

But it's a calendar.

Cavalry both can't wait to have you both on it.

Yeah.

I got an idea for somebody in a town.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And is there a red light district?

Hello.

869 over here.

Maybe I have Graham on for episode 10.

You can't open it right next to a school.

No, no, just hear me out.

Land next to the school's cheapest.

That's fine.

In our town, that's fine.

Land next to a school's cheapest?

Nobody wants to live next to a school

stinks.

Too loud.

That recess bell every day.

Pencil crayons everywhere.

That recess bell is too loud.

I'm usually asleep at 10 o'clock when they have recess.

Hey,

did you guys have buzzers or bells in your elementary school?

Mine was buzzer.

For recess.

Mine was buzzer, too.

I think it was a buzzer.

Yeah.

A honk.

Here's an impression of mine.

Very close.

Yeah.

Mine.

Yeah.

Do you remember?

It was very kind of like a hum, more of a hum.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

It was sort of like

a tone.

It was like tinnitus.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It was like a Tesla backing up.

Yeah.

That sound.

If I heard that sound now, I bet you I'd have that Pavlovian

response of like, when it's time for recess, time for it.

Finish eating your fruit by the foot.

Quick.

Get off your finger and eat it.

You're in the middle of a trade.

Just do the deal.

Last shot at marbles.

Come on, come on.

That was the panic, was the coming back from recess, not the like 9 a.m.

first thing in the morning.

Oh, that's true.

That would be stressful as well.

But same as the 4 o'clock going home buzzer.

All right, well, because you got an hour of detention.

And that's where you shine.

Did you ever get detention?

We didn't have a detention system, but I was like reprimanded and like made to stay after class from time to time.

What was the what did they punish you with if they were a reprimand?

Garbage duty.

We got garbage duty.

We had garbage duty at our school.

So but that was kind of like a sought-after position in a lot of ways.

You go for like a long walk with your friend who also got in trouble.

Yeah.

And they've given you tongs and a bag of garbage.

Like, the world is yours.

Would that be doing any little garbage?

Would that be like instead of lunch hour, you would have to.

Yeah, on your free, on your recesses, on your lunch hour, you would have to go and do garbage duty.

But there wasn't a lot to pick up.

No.

Sure.

Wasn't a ton to pick up.

We were the.

And then again, yeah, then you would just play with the tongs.

We were the generation that was taught we could save the world by not littering.

Yeah.

That's all we had to do.

That was like garbage in one place.

That was environmentalism 1.0.

But make garbage, but just put it in one place.

When you see somebody litter, isn't it mind-blowing?

Like, where did...

It's insane.

Where did you grow up that you think that that is...

If there's like someone on the highway just chucking stuff out their car, it's like, are you kidding me?

Not only is that, but it's so dangerous.

Yeah.

So chuck it out your window.

Come on.

But I've seen guys litter, they just throw like empty pack of cigarettes on the ground.

Yeah.

Or like in the, it's usually in a place where people are gathering and they'll just like pretend not to take their like, you know, oh, I'm sitting at a bench and I, you know.

I just leave my coffee cup.

Like a spy.

I didn't actually, you know, throw anything down.

I just didn't pick it up when I left.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not litter per se.

Anybody could come up with it.

Someone else could come pick it up.

I saw

on the ground near a bench the other day an entire cigarette, like unsmoked.

And I was like, some dirtbag is going to love.

Yeah.

And that just ruined somebody's day, too, when they got on the bus.

Like, no, no.

My wish cigarette.

My one cigarette.

Oh, man.

There was nothing worse than pulling out a cigarette and it landing in a puddle or something like that.

How much cigarettes are over $20 a pack now?

So they're over.

Yeah.

Over.

Not one in a while.

Over a dollar a cigarette, I'm guessing.

Probably

20, 25, depending on the kind you're buying.

I think you can get,

I just saw an ad for them where they're completely no-name cigarettes.

And you just, they come in a blue package or a red package, and you order them online.

And they're cartons, but they're like of who knows where they're from, who knows how good they are, but they're cheap.

They're like 15 bucks.

Are the blue and the red different at all?

Do you know?

Don't know.

Yeah, but that's a good marketing because like Democrat, Republican, blue pill, red pill.

You know what I mean?

Choose your side.

Yeah, yeah.

Fireman, policeman.

Yeah.

I hate the fireman so much.

That would be very funny if there was somebody who was so pro-police and so anti-fire.

Department.

You don't see a lot of thin red line shirts.

Hey, fab.

Ghost Rider instead of Punisher.

Still a skull.

Still a skull?

skull.

Still a skull.

Those fucking firemen think they're so shit on.

And Red Lives Matter.

Oh, that is good stuff.

Yeah.

So are you

when you record this stuff, are you recording?

I'm laughing so much.

You're having so much.

Well, that's the thing.

I do have to, when I do any podcast, I think, sometimes one of the things I sometimes laugh at too much into the mic, you know, I have such a good time.

Yeah.

And then my biggest note for myself afterwards is like, stop cackling

like

a fifth grader.

You do enough podcasts.

I've done plenty, though.

I'm a bit of a giggle factor.

Yeah.

I mean,

it's not the worst thing in the world, but

we do laugh a lot.

Yeah.

I'm a bit of a laugher.

Last time you were on our show, you were probably making one of your Let's Make A podcasts.

Which we've worked together on.

Which we worked together on.

And I think the most recent one was a spooky one.

Horror.

Yeah.

That's the last one we did.

Yeah.

And you were in the movie, and it was called Close and Lock the Patio Door.

That's right.

We just watched it on the big screen.

There was a horror film festival in Vancouver, and it was played.

Oh, really?

And we got to see it on the big screen.

But tell us a little bit about this movie.

Because people who haven't heard the podcast, it's you and Mark Chavez and Maddie Kelly.

And every season, it's either we've done sci-fi, we've done rom-com, we've done horror.

And it's about the three of us as comedians attempting to write a script or create an idea based on one of those genres.

Right.

The last one we did was horror, where we actually decided, as opposed to just writing a script, we made a short film, which was part of like the final project of the piece.

Okay.

And the piece was called

Close and Lock the Patio Door.

And it starred the three of us.

It was directed by Mark.

And it was

not very scary.

How many minutes long?

Oh, gosh,

10 to 11 minutes.

This was in a a feature language.

No, showing.

Short of the music.

The first cut of it was pretty long.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Too long.

Top heavy.

And then I think what we found, the process,

you had friend of the show Emmett Hall come and do the music.

And it made the film.

And yeah.

We didn't really have a horror movie until we had horror music.

Yeah.

And the tension.

Huge part of it.

Huge part of the movie.

But like, way bigger part than you actually thought it would be.

Way bigger.

Like if you had just started there.

Yeah.

If we had that, the movie that we just watched on the big screen without Emmett Hall's horror suspenseful tent music, it would be just kind of like

a C plus of a movie.

But with the music, it's like a C plus of a horror movie.

No, I love it.

I love it.

But it was a, we, of course, it's not like.

We wrote it in like this non-traditional way because it's for the podcast.

So we like generate ideas and then we pick the one we like the best and then we we have to get it done by a certain time.

You know, so we have all these sort of fun/slash stressful restrictions on the project.

So for what it was, I think it was really cool.

And my beautiful dog, Woody, who passed away, is in it.

And there's a big memorial for him in the credits.

And that was really nice to see on the big screen.

What?

Her.

It's a him.

Oh,

oh, okay.

Holy dream, guys.

The other dogs.

Milu.

Yeah, Milu is a her.

Okay.

It's funny.

I was watching, I watched a horror movie, I guess more of a thriller movie

called Don't Move, which is

about a woman being stalked and then given

like a solution that is going to make her paralyzed so that Serial Killer can do what he wants with her, right?

And it's beat for beat like another movie, but the other movie is so much better.

And I don't know if it was just like little things like music or casting or just like something little.

Little things like casting.

Because every movie was good in this movie, but it was just like

what movie was it like?

I think it was called Alone.

And it's the initial part is like a woman being stalked on the highway, a car following her, and like just him being at the gas station suddenly and

him trying to make conversation.

It just gets more and more ominous.

Yes.

I feel like an old relative sometimes when they're like, oh, what are you watching?

Oh, G.I.

Joe, but it's

pretty, it's close to mask.

Transformers are kind of like go bots.

Oh, that's good.

Lego robots.

That's good.

But it does show like there's just

some element, basically the same story, but some element that like...

Is it the element of surprise?

Could be.

In a horror movie?

That's definitely an element.

Oh, boy.

Earth, wind, fire.

Surprise.

Earth and surprise.

What is the

general plot of Close and Luck?

It's about a young man.

I call that.

I say that because it's starring me.

Okay.

Young man.

A guy who does something very embarrassing.

It's kind of mysterious what he does, but he does something very embarrassing at an event, like a wedding or something, because he got too drunk and decides to like, I got to get out of town because I'm sort of self-canceling myself.

I'm going to a cabin in the woods.

I've rented an Airbnb.

Yeah.

Bad move, young man, Ryan.

And goes again.

And then on the Airbnb thing, like, hey, welcome to the house.

This is what you got to do.

All the little rules of the house.

It's like, always close and lock the patio door before sunset.

Right.

And then that's.

These are the rules.

That's sort of the gist.

It's a little bit about him and his propensity to get too drunk.

And also that the patio door is scary.

Sounds scary.

No, they are.

They're a scary door.

Getting that scary.

Like that little lock, and it's like the most vulnerable door.

It's a big window usually.

You can walk right into it.

When you go get water at night, like on my patio door, I'm always like, oh, it'd be scary if there was someone there, wouldn't it be?

And you're like, okay, is it up lock or down lock?

Exactly.

And even when you test it, it's like, oh, it's basically open.

It's flimsy.

Yeah, it's so flimsy.

It's a green on it as well that you don't even notice it's there sometimes.

It gets ripped or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Humiliated when you walk into it.

Boy, that's scary enough right there.

Oh, man.

But we shot it in Hope, B.C.

at a cabinet.

Just like Rambo.

Just like Rambo.

Just like Rambo.

We actually went to the Rambo statue to ask for good vibes for our movie when we got into town.

He was like, and he was like, no.

So we went to the cop statue.

Arrest this man.

The statue arrested this man.

He's like, wait, Rambo's right there?

Just tell this to the judge and

jury select.

Actually, before I get selected, I'd like to talk about when I arrested the Rambus Rambeau statue.

And they're like, well, I don't know what the hell this guy's talking about.

We need him on the jury.

This guy's brave enough to arrest the Rambus statue.

And he's unemployed enough to just be here.

Well, that's cool that you made a thing.

You made and finished and edited it.

It's really cool that this film festival allowed us to have

us at their

it's just it's so rare to make something and see it on the big screen.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

As a short film you make, or, you know, I don't know.

The only screen I look at is the

planetarium.

Yeah, you like that.

And there's been a movie that played on the planetarium, Ceely.

The next step is to get the short film into IMAX.

We didn't shoot it on IMAX.

It's called Laser Zeppelin.

Yeah, those.

I didn't know that there was

specifically a horror film.

You know what?

And like, I want to, I'll have to look it up the specific name because I want to mention it on the podcast maybe after we take a break.

Because

there was one years ago, and I can't remember, it was like something Muerte or something like that.

And it was really good.

I saw a movie that was so scary, but it was.

But it was all Spanish.

It was all Spanish.

And I was like, I don't understand what they're saying.

It was a European film.

Don't remember the name of it.

Oh, it was so scary.

Oh, my gosh, what happened?

It's a

disabled man who, when his family leaves for the day, the neighbor comes over and fucks with them.

Oh, no.

And there's no way he can communicate.

He can't tell what's going on.

And you were like cheering for the neighbor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Neighbor, neighbor, neighbor.

I was big into Wilson from Home Improvement.

So any neighbor, I was like,

Eddie Haskell, Mrs.

Octmonic.

The guy from Empty Nest.

You know, the Smarmy guy.

Yeah, the Smarmie guy.

Yeah, I love that guy.

David Leisure.

Kramer, of course.

Yeah, of course.

The kid that climbed the tree on Doogie Hauser.

I feel like he was a neighborhood kid.

Vinny.

What was Vinny's last name?

Testerino?

It could be.

Something like that.

Something like that, right?

Yeah.

Not Vinny Testaverdi.

He was a quarterback.

Paul Pfeiffer.

Paul Pfeiffer.

Good neighbor.

I mean, the friends were neighbors with each other.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Dawson and

Joey.

Oh, yeah, Squiggy right out of the hall.

Squiggy and the other guy.

Leonard.

Leonard and Squiggy.

The imperfect strangers.

There was a thing in my stupid

Facebook.

My Facebook just shows me a bad AI.

Yeah.

And it takes, it weirdly will take pictures that are real pictures and just make them them look bad.

Yeah, yeah, like make them look the you know airbrushed, but something's off.

And it was doing this with all these shows, like all these like sitcoms from the 80s, and it was showing just shows that had one person still surviving.

So it would make everyone on the cast black and white, except for Michael McKean from

Laverne and Shirley, or

Joyce DeWitt from

Three's Company.

I wonder how everyone from Soap's doing.

All dead.

They're all dead, eh?

Yeah.

Undead, one of them.

David Letterman's dead.

Wait, was he on Soap?

Was he on Soap?

Was Billy Crystal on Billy Crystal?

Billy Crystal was on soap.

Maybe David.

No, here's what I'm thinking.

I remember I once watched

they had like a the stars of CBS do

athletic games.

Oh, Battle of the Network stars?

Yeah, yeah, Battle of the Network Stars.

And David Letterman was against someone from Soap.

Wow.

So

my brain cross-reference.

Yeah, it's weird that there was an era where, like, first of all, they weren't told if, they were told when.

Like, you are going against ELF

in a relay race.

They have to shoot the race for the win.

It's a team of two.

There's two guys doing ELF.

I was watching that.

I watched an old one of those, and it's Howard Kosell announcing it.

it.

Oh, yes.

And it was all these like Malcolm Jamal Warner, like all these stars of, you know, network shows.

And then from Moonlighting, they had Elise Beasley, who is the third lead on Moonlighting.

But

Howard Kosell referred to her as cookie Elise Beasley.

You got to bring that back.

Yeah.

That's just going to come back.

I think that that's a show that people would watch.

I feel like network stars are there.

Well, you could do better than Netflix stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's not bad.

Uh-huh.

Kevin Costner in there from Yellowstone.

Well, yeah.

Paramount.

It wouldn't be as red domestic, but you could do a version of it.

You could do Netflix versus Paramount Plus versus

Hulu versus Disney Plus.

Tubi.

Versus Tubi.

Wax is a big team.

Or it would be.

I mean, they still have NBC, CBS, and ABC.

Yeah.

They still make shows.

Name two stars.

That aren't talk show hosts.

Can't do it.

Outpassed.

Okay, I can do.

I know that that Kathy Bates is the new Matlock.

Oh, but she's not.

Yes.

But she exists in a world where Matlock, the TV show, knows this.

Do they shoot that here?

I have not gotten an audition notice.

Okay.

But I wouldn't put it.

Have you gotten an audition notice for So Help Me Todd?

I've been on So Help Me Todd.

Oh, yeah.

Are they still making it?

It's canceled.

Okay.

Yeah.

I played a character named Mr.

Purple.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

So Help Me Todd

starred.

Damn.

Don't know his name.

Not Skylar Aston.

Sounds like he just made up an actor.

And not, oh, who's the woman?

Not Gene Triplehorn.

Starring not Skylar Aston.

Skylar Aston.

And Marcia Gayhart.

Marcia Gayhard.

Oh, she's a girl.

They went to the pawn shop on 15th and Maine.

Nice.

14th of May.

You know what you guys know the show?

I'm a vlog theme song.

Can you recall it in your head?

Oh, I didn't get it at all.

It's called the muto.

And then it goes like, what?

No, then it goes into Nightcord a little bit when I do it.

Like,

that's nightcourt.

Yeah.

But, like, Matlock was one of, it was such a slapping theme song when I was a kid.

I was like, I am not changing the channel at all.

Yeah.

It might not interest me when I get to the show, but like, I like this music.

Man, a juicy theme song.

No,

I've watched a lot of Locke, Ben Matlock.

Yeah.

Matt Lock, Murder She Wrote,

Early Seasons of Law and Order are kind of my favorite TV of all time.

Early Law and Order.

Yeah.

First four seasons.

We got into it as a teen because I got sick one day and I watched like six episodes on AE.

I was like, I'm hoping.

Back in the day when they had back-to-back episodes.

Yeah.

Or back-to-back.

Thank you.

Nice.

Jerry Orbach.

Lenny Briscoe.

They got a Jerry Orbach street in New York, somewhere near.

Good.

They should.

Yeah.

What an actor.

Good lord.

What an actor.

When you found out that he was not just Briscoe, that blew my mind a little bit, but I kind of knew that already because I had seen Dirty Dancing

before

as a boy.

And you didn't, did you know that Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast was here?

That was a bit of a mind-blowing actor.

Yeah, right?

Like, are you kidding me?

I said to my dad.

And he's like, no, I'm not running.

Your dad was running down the castle.

What?

Well, yeah, that's what he did for a living.

I remember I went to see Beauty and the Beast with my dad as well.

But my mom was going to come, but she thought it would be too scary.

So she's on Texas Chainsaw Max.

Well,

too late to leave now.

And it'd be rude if I left in the middle.

I'm here to watch Paris, Texas.

Yeah.

I'm here to see fried green green tomatoes

i also love that movie growing up great movie oh yeah fried green tomatoes yeah then you'll love how to make an american quilt okay yeah

i think it's in the that ballpark is who's in do you know american quilt

i want to say winona rider oh okay she's uh maybe marcia gay harden was it is it uh

this is us older this is us younger or am i thinking of you're thinking of now and then now and then or big time stuff

A thing I made up.

Big time stuff.

This summer.

Frank Green Tomatoes is so good.

Honestly, How to Make an American Quilt is so unpopular.

Yes.

Here's how much I've typed.

How to make an Amera, and Google is suggesting.

And

Google is suggesting how to make an Americano.

How to make an American quilt.

And

you get to, and the cue, and it's like how to make an Americano quietly.

Well, it's the quietest of the espresso drinks.

It stars Winona Ryder, Ann Bancroft, Ellen Burston, Alfie Woodard,

Alfie, Kate Alfrey, Kate Nelligan, Gene Simmons.

Come on, get to the bros.

Gene Simmons?

No.

I can't be right.

Gene Simmons, the star of Spartacus.

Oh, okay.

okay.

Okay.

Not from Guar.

Guardicus.

And Derma Mulroney is the 10th name here, and he is the first male.

He's the quilt.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The chilliest.

Oh, Jared.

Oh, boy.

Both Claire Danes and Jared Leto are in it.

It's a real-called life.

My so-called quilt.

Big-time stuff.

Yeah.

Big-time stuff.

Kathy Bates is in Fried Green Tomatoes, right?

Yes.

Is that the one she makes?

She makes a saran wrap dress.

Yes.

Yeah.

And her husband's all like.

Because she's supposed to agree to wearing nothing but saran wrap, and she makes a whole gown out of saran wrap instead of just wrapping it around her.

So he's embarrassed.

Well, yeah, he doesn't know.

He doesn't.

I haven't seen any of these.

Fried green tomatoes, when you Google it.

Fried green tomatoes is really good.

It shows the food.

Yeah, it's good.

There's a good

everybody's good in it.

What's the one with

drink your juice, Shelby?

Shelly?

Shelby.

Hmm.

Drink your juice, Shelly.

I don't know.

Paul came over the room.

I'm not sure.

McCain juice presents.

Steel magnolia.

Steel magnolia.

Ah, yes, of course.

Yeah.

Very sad.

Sad.

Southern, both southern.

Southern, and they're both named after an item.

That's true.

They're both magnolia and tomatoes.

Something, you know, tangible.

Go for a fried green tomato right now.

Have you ever had them?

Nope.

Don't know what they taste like.

They look in the movie amazing.

So good.

Yeah.

Are they deep-fried?

I think they're breaded, yeah, and then deep-fried.

I think so.

Yeah.

Or at least on the grill, on the griddle.

For sure.

Well, that wouldn't be griddled.

Well,

boy.

You couldn't.

Do they have gluten-free?

I don't know.

I just get the tomatoes.

As a newly gluten-free person,

what is your relationship with fried foods now?

Fried foods?

I think that I'm not a celiac.

I think that

if I have a little, I don't think that I've got dizzy and I don't feel like I feel like I blow up like a balloon.

But that's kind of the only ill side effect.

Well, I mean, later on, it's a real show.

Big time stuff.

Really big time stuff.

But I've yet to have a thing where I'm like, I didn't know what the thing was.

Yeah, yeah.

So

I feel like I know they have like dedicated fryers and I don't think I've ever so when you go to KFC and you just eat the breading because you're a vegetarian as well.

Can you just

you guys make it a separate fry?

Do you have a chase bucket?

I'm just going to eat the breading because I've got to be a little bit more.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you want the chicken back?

Surely you can refry these.

Surely you can refry these.

Well,

now,

speaking of horror movies, Dave, what's going on with you?

Well, I think it's the same thing that's going on with you.

Graham and I both saw a scary movie.

Oh, yeah.

Tell me more.

Yes, tell me more.

We both saw separately.

Yeah.

I went by myself.

Yeah.

Did you go by yourself?

I went with my wife, Sally.

Okay.

Yeah.

And the

manager and

curator Brent Constantine was there with his squeeze.

Oh, just you didn't say what he was the manager or curator of.

Oh, it's a little non-gallery.

No, no, no, no, no.

He's just the manager.

The manager and the curator.

The curator.

You guys know what I'm talking about, right?

He's one of those, what do you call it?

People who take law into their own hands.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's my Delante.

Kind of a renegade.

Yeah, yeah.

And that's why he has to be on Jerry D.

Yeah.

I went to see The Substance.

Yep.

And so did you.

I did.

And it is, what did you know going into?

We're not going to.

Don't

spoil anything.

But maybe if you really, really, really want to save everything, skip past this part.

Skip past the next 10 minutes.

Yeah.

So

there is a substance that keeps you young and fresh?

Pretty much.

Okay.

Yeah.

And it's the weird thing right off the bat.

All the coming soon trailers were for movies that were already out at the beginning of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which feels like that maybe is just a theater.

There was like I Got Saturday Night Live.

Joker.

What's the Conclave?

Conclave, that's right.

Yeah.

That's Saturday Night Live one.

i mean i'll end up watching it inevitably but i'm seeing it today are you really no i don't have plans to but i i i am on board for it so overwrought in the i just

i just can't i just want to i just i just can't when people are like comedy is really serious yeah you know what i mean the vibe and maybe the show was stressful i get it but like i don't know it's also like it's not that important when you're casting people

is it that important it's been out for the show's been out for 50 years i think they can make one movie about it you're right right.

I'm not saying don't make it.

But did you also feel like watching the trailer

feels like they really nailed John Belushi actor-wise?

The guy who's playing Andy Kaufman, no thanks.

Jim Carrey already did it to perfection.

Saw it.

I didn't see it, so this will be my first exposure.

Oh, your first exposure.

Who else is it that I watched in the trailer?

I was like, nope, not even close.

Apparently, people thought that Chevy Chase looked quite and Dan Aykroyd look quite similar to their real life.

I don't need them to look like I do to make it.

This isn't a Timothy Shalomet look-alike competition.

Also, in the trailer, Jim Henson, who a lot of people don't know was in the first season Saturday Night Live.

Now, there's been a lot of people very upset at that portrayal of Jim Henson.

And what's his name?

Cousin Greg, he plays two parts.

He plays, I think, Andy Kaufman and Jim Henson.

He plays both?

What?

Yeah.

Come on.

Tim Carrey's just sitting there.

You could get him put on the old turtleneck, you would say.

Get out the old

record player anyway so we saw the substance

but

okay go ahead

with the saturday night live movie it's not like you guys need the substance

put it in my brain

with the snl movie there's it's not like a thing that like famously happened and then burnt out it's like we know that they got past that first episode.

50 years later, it's quite still putting together episodes.

It's quite popular.

Yeah.

Do you think at the end of the Saturday Night?

We should do a Battle of the Network stars between the current cast of Saturday Night Live and the current cast of Mad TV.

Just see who wins.

They should do a thing at the end of the Saturday Night Live movie, like in Saving Private Ryan, where they're like

counting down three, two, one, and then it's the new cast.

And it's like, okay, yes.

There you go.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I haven't seen Saving Private Rock.

You haven't?

No, but it's...

Thanks for spoiling the end.

When the war ends.

They go 3-2-1 and here's the live cast.

3-2-1.

Here's the new cast of Saving Private Ride.

Here's Band of Brothers.

You know the ending, right?

You know what I'm talking about?

Yes, I do know the ending.

Where it's like, it's

old time and then fast forward.

Yeah,

Matt Damon changes into an old man.

Yeah.

Because you're meant to think it's Tom Hanks at the beginning.

Oh.

Remember?

Yeah.

Well, I think at the beginning, this is like this old man won't slow down because he wants to get to this grave.

Papa, Papa, the grave's not going anywhere.

Oh, I want to see.

He's like,

Yeah, the first line in the movie is Papa, Papa, the grave's not going anywhere.

And why did you bring that drill?

Are you going to hump a hole in the grid?

Oh, no.

Never you mind.

This is my day.

This is my big day.

Grave day.

Anyway, we saw the substance.

Oh, and like...

What did you know going in?

I knew that

it was going to be squelchy.

Yeah, I knew it was...

I heard it was gross.

I heard it was the grossest thing you've ever seen.

And I knew that it starred

Demi Moore.

And I only found out after, but the director also directed one of my fave horror movies of the last couple years, Revenge, it's called.

And

boy, does she like bodily fluids?

This, okay.

Yeah.

Is it a lot of practical bodily fluids?

Almost all.

Yeah.

I find all my bodily fluids are pretty practical.

They got to go somewhere.

Mine are impractical.

Joker.

That's the

spoof of the Joker movie starring Michael Richards and Paulie Shore.

What I knew was it was very gross and it is very gross.

Yeah.

Even the parts, like I was like, oh, this is going to be body horror.

And I haven't seen like, I haven't seen the fly.

I haven't seen

the fly.

Or

human centipede.

I haven't seen that.

I didn't see that one.

Yeah.

The human centipede is like, It's more evil.

Like the fly is like gross, but like the evilness in the human centipede.

But this movie is like so gross, even when there's not body horror.

Yeah.

It's like really like Dennis Quaid is eating the shrimp, and you're like wobbling shrimp.

He's eating with his mouth open.

Oh, and the camera, it's like a fisheye lens on him.

And it reminded me mostly of like when Ren and Stippy would do a close-up

really close-up shot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like flies.

Yeah.

There's like butts that like you see the for some reason the it's about a person who has an exercise show.

Yeah.

And there's like close-ups on butts with like G-strings barely covering the butthole.

Like you can say I prefer

to see where the skin kind of caves in toward the butthole.

But that's, I feel like the last couple of years I've gone to beaches.

That's very much on the menu.

It's

nearly not there.

Your bathing.

Graham shows up at the beach, starts cutting his belly.

What's the laminated menu?

No, with a menu, with a laminated menu.

Bartender.

But I've seen in the last year or so stuff that's way grosser than

this movie.

Like, the practical effects were amazing because it brings me back to the 80s where it's all rubber and

spraying fake blood everywhere.

That's so fun.

It's so much fun.

And it was just, it's better than I got to do an episode of Creep Show.

Oh, like a reboot of Creep Show?

Yeah, they've done.

So I did

one of the episodes, and I played a writer who

puts a hat on, and the hat is an alien monster that gets into my brain.

Oh, this is awesome.

But I had to stab at the hat once, and I had

a knife that had a tube on it with like, so I would press and like blood would come out.

Oh, I love it.

And then I had, and then I got like sprayed in the face with like goop from like like a pressurized sort of cannon situation.

That's awesome.

It was great.

Was your movie Lock the Patio Door?

Any goop?

Any gore?

No, we tried a little bit of blood at the end.

But you also were in one with Bruce Dern where he stabs you in the eye with a pen?

Yes, Bruce Dern stabs me in the eye with freaks, actually.

Freaks.

And that was, but that was...

Was there blood in that?

Or was it all CGI?

I can't.

I think there was a practical effect.

But also, that was the first time I was ever squibbed.

So Bruce Stern stabs me in the eye with a pen, and then I run out and he was shot by cops.

And he was in ah

fun.

And he was in a terrible mood.

Yeah, you were worried he would run.

Because he was like, he was,

I found out he was

a method actor.

And so he had to be mean in the scene.

So he's being mean to everybody and being like really upset.

Right.

That's part of his process.

But also, he might also just be a jerk.

That's part of his process as well.

And then we were like left alone.

I was like a chef, a short-order cook in a diner.

And like, so they explain the scene and like what he's going to do.

They say I had to like hide the knife, but hide the pen, but like stab it towards my eye.

Wow.

And then like everyone left.

And I was like, you cool?

It's a famous actor

from the burbs.

From the burbs.

Brewster.

Did you,

what was having a squib like?

It was kind of terrifying because it's like the thing they say is because it was all over my chest, and they it's like there's the number one thing you don't do is don't look down.

But I have the type of brain, which is why, like, I can't go scuba diving.

It's like, just whatever you do, don't hold your breath, right?

Or blowing glass, whatever you do, don't inhale.

And it's like, well, that's all I want to do now.

So I was very worried about looking down, but it was a lot of fun.

It was actually hilarious.

Yeah.

To run out of a room and go, no, no, no, no,

and have like two huge stunt guys just open fire on you.

Strange.

It's a strange human experience.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I love, oh man, someday, someday I'll get squibbed.

Great.

It was good.

It was good.

Like, do you feel it?

Does it like.

I had some kind of fascinating.

I felt like a little bit.

Was it like, don't look down?

Because your eyes.

But like, don't look down because we only have one take.

We only have five squibs.

Maybe a little bit.

I mean, this was like, it was, it wasn't a huge budget film.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Squibs have got a cost of.

I don't think they wanted to do more than one.

Sure.

Yeah.

So probably.

Yeah.

We can get our money back on half these squibs.

Go take them out of the package.

I do like a movie, you know, your RoboCops and whatnot, where they had unlimited squibs.

Yeah.

Almost too many squibs.

Yeah.

They're like going off.

If you don't use all these squibs, we have to like...

put money back in the squib like, you know, like when corporate accounts have too much money at the end of the day.

We've got to figure this out so we get this many squibs next year.

We don't have to use these squibs.

Boy, have you ever had that situation?

Where you had to use squibs?

No, where you're in like a job where they're like, well, we have too much money left in the budget at the end of the year.

So you're going to training and you have to go on a plane.

We're having a big seminar for everyone in the department.

No,

I've never been on the receiving at.

You?

At CBC, it was always that way.

It was like...

We got to make this happen.

All right, Dave, get on a plane to Toronto.

We're going to some stupid...

We're hiring a consultant to show you a video.

We're doing Battle of the Network star, so we need you to be javelin.

You're doing deadlifts against

Peter Matzbridge.

Dave, go to human resources for the things you said.

Well, this doesn't feel like it's the same thing.

Anyway, so this someone had a tweet about this movie, The Substance, that was like,

don't make this into like a meaningful movie.

Like, don't pretend this movie has like, is saying something very important about culture.

This is a fun B movie.

It is a fun movie, but I think it had something to say about culture and beauty and age and all that kind of stuff.

I thought it was good.

I think they both.

I mean, often with horror movies, it's like that, that's a way into the fun, you know, like that like idea, that log line of like, this is what we're exploring.

Yeah.

But then once you get down into the, it's like this.

Now we're just going to goop everyone up.

Yeah.

I mean, like, honestly, I'd be very surprised if it wasn't nominated at least for sound editing because the sound editing is amazing.

Okay.

Probably a lot of mayonnaise used in the form, I think.

A lot of wet.

A lot of real, like, you know, celery crunching.

Yeah.

Right.

People are saying Demi Moore should get nominated for best actress.

Yeah.

Um, I really like the movie.

Like, I didn't know that.

She's 61.

I know she's being

50.

Yeah.

There's a line, like, once you're 50, you're done.

I was like,

she's not 50.

I know 50-year-olds.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She

looks great.

She's so good.

And, like, at the very beginning, where she's like,

I love her.

Hosting her show.

Yeah.

Like, wow, this, I could see why they chose her to be a star.

Oh, absolutely.

She's a star.

She's a star.

And then, but

I don't think she should be nominated because I don't think anyone should see this movie.

Why?

I was like, oh, yeah, the Oscars are just kind of like to promote the movies that already exist.

And I don't want anyone promoting this movie because I don't think people should see it.

Dave and I are very much in opposite camps on this.

I give it a good rating, but I don't think anyone should see it.

I think everybody who's curious about it, go see it.

See it in the theater because that's

where the sound is going to be like maximum surrounding you.

And you can also do like this in the movie theater, like my wife Sally did.

Or like laughing something so crazy.

Yeah.

There are definitely, there were parts where I was like, I know what's happening, but I have to cover my eyes.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

The only downside to seeing in the theater where I was sitting, there was a couple dudes that had a comment for everything, so I had to move to a completely different area of the theater.

Were their comments?

Whoa.

Just, yeah, it was no, it's gross.

You could tell that one of them had seen it before and was queuing up.

Here's the part where it's gross.

Pay attention for this.

Oh, my God.

Really?

Yeah, he's good in this.

That's a substance.

That's it.

That's the substance.

There it is again.

There was like a viral tweet from years and years ago of a guy saying, going with his friend to the movie Chappie and just waiting for a second and going, that's Chappie.

Yeah,

I know.

Anyways, it was a lot of fun, except for those two guys.

Yeah, it was fun.

I I felt bad.

You felt bad.

I felt empowered.

There you go.

Well, I can't wait to see it.

And Dennis Quaid is in it.

He's amazing in it.

And he originally was going to be Ray Liotta, but he passed away.

And so Dennis Quaid jumps in, and

he's got that creepy energy.

He's got that real lecherous energy.

He's a Quaid, after all.

Yep.

He's a Quaid.

And the young person that the substance allows Demi Moore to be,

Margaret Qually.

She's Andy McDowell's daughter.

Oh, Nepo Baby.

She's got the smile.

She's got that Andy McDowell smile.

Nepo Baby.

Yeah, Nepo Baby.

Yes, Nepo Baby.

Debbie Moore probably, she has, she could have had a kid like, hey, throw them in for a scene or whatever.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Did she have more than one?

Does she have a kid that's a model or something?

I mean, the Rumor Willis.

What were their kids' names?

Rumor, Scout.

I don't know what they're doing now.

Sniper.

Scout.

The Last Boy Scout.

The Last Boy Scout.

That's what they named her after.

This might get Hudson Hawk.

Isn't Ashton Kutcher, whatever, kids?

No, that was her boyfriend.

Oh, yeah.

Were they married?

Possibly.

Maybe.

Because they were very serious.

Was Demi Moore's Twitter name Mrs.

Kutcher or something?

I don't know.

She could do better than that.

She's the draw in that relationship as far as I'm going to do.

Mr.

Moore.

Mr.

Who, I see.

Well, do you guys want to move on to some business?

Oh, Oh, I love business.

Paperwork.

Well, that sound means it's time for a little bit of business.

And the business we like to take care of?

A little thing called the Jumbotron.

Dave?

What's a Jumbotron?

A Jumbotron is a message that a person sends to another person.

And it says a thing about the message.

The message...

Boy, the medium is the message, I guess.

And when you want to really send a message like the city hall, this is how you can do it.

City hall.

Or to your bully or to your friend.

And what you do is you do, well, follow this person's lead.

Yeah.

This message is for Eden, and it is from Robin.

And it's a birthday message for your B-Day.

I wanted to get you that Japanese miracle drug that lets cats live to be 35, but I don't know if it's on the market yet.

So I got you the next best thing.

A JT, Jomatron, from the best P Casters around podcasters.

In the biz, Graham and Dave, three questions for Graham and Dave.

Favorite Muppet?

Great question.

Gonzo.

I think I'm a Kermit all the way down, but you know what?

Soft spot for Fozzie.

If we're including the Muppet characters, Grover.

Grover.

Like the Muppet characters from Sesame Street.

Sesame Street.

Yeah.

Favorite Paul Rubens role?

Easy peasy.

It's got to be Peewee Herman.

Dave?

Boy,

for me, it's got to be him in.

You know, he sent me a couple of Christmas cards because we worked together.

Probably him in Blow.

Blow, he was really good.

Oh, you know what?

Him in 30 Rock.

Yeah.

Thank you for coming to my booth.

That's a little body.

Did you miss the Penguin's Dad in Batman Forever or whatever?

He was in Buffy the Vampire's player.

Oh, yeah.

That's all that in the theater.

Does Dave still have the big jeans from the Vancouver Live episode?

No, and I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, did we come out in big jeans?

We came out in big jeans.

Did I wear them the whole show?

I think we did.

Did you have them as well?

Yeah, because we were making fun of Michael Jordan.

Oh, Michael Jordan's giant jeans.

But did you.

Why just does Dave have them?

I don't know.

Maybe they thought they were close enough to my regular jeans.

Yeah.

They're like, hey, Dave has a lot of fun.

You're injured by normal jeans.

He's a rafer.

But you don't have these big jeans, I suppose.

No.

No.

You had to donate it to somebody who did the look how much weight I've lost, but then gained it back again.

Well, no, the big pants for you.

But the waist was the same as

the other.

They were Michael Jordan style.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They were big.

Anyways, happy birthday to Eden from Robin.

And the message goes,

if you would like a Jumbotron message like these folks, head over to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron.

Shall we get to the overhost?

Yes!

Say you like video games, and who doesn't?

I mean, some people probably don't.

Okay, but a lot of people do.

So say you're one of those people and you feel like you don't really have anyone to talk to about the games that you like.

Well, you should get some better friends.

Yes, you could get some better friends, but you could also listen to TripleClick, a weekly podcast about video games hosted by me, Kirk Hamilton.

Me, Maddie Myers, and me, Jason Schreier.

We talk about new releases, old classics, industry news, and whatever, really.

We'll show you new things to love about games and maybe even help you find new friends to talk to about them.

TripleClick.

It's kind of like we're your friends.

Find us at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

Throughout history, sirens have captured men's attention, enticed men with their feminine wiles, and fulfilled men's primal needs.

The sirens allure.

They have not.

Unless the primal need is I need to be smashed on the rocks.

Yeah,

smash me.

Smash me, smash me, mama.

Smash me, mommy.

The sirens allure.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Strand me, baby.

Strand me.

Strand me, baby.

So yeah, listen to my brother, my brother, and me from Maximum Fun on Mondays.

It's just like that.

It's just like to have more of it.

There's just more of that.

Overheard.

But the things that people will do to avoid the growing old.

Like that millionaire with his...

You see how he hurt his ankle, though?

That guy who's a kid.

Oh, no, the guy that gets so many erections during the night yeah who steals his son's blood yeah yeah yeah yeah he hurt his ankle she's like well looks like an old-ass ankle to me yeah boy did it make the news did he say tell everyone i hurt my ankle uh he's posted his like let's see how long it takes for me to heal oh it's kind of like uh hey i've got such good blood from my son right freaking twist my ankle every day when i was a kid yeah Overheards, a segment where, you know what?

I think it's just fine that you hear it, and I think it's even better that you share it.

And And we always like to start with the guest.

Ryan, have you overheard something hilarious?

Yes.

This is from a few years ago.

That's okay, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It involves my longtime partner, Lily Beauduin.

Hi, Lily.

Hi, Lily.

And it's something she said when we were on a long hike.

And I was 100 yards ahead or so,

a fair distance from the rest of the group.

And we were kind of scrambling over rocks.

And I heard from her in the distance,

I heard like little like kerfuffle.

It sounds like she fell.

Oh, shit.

And then she went, ah, I saved my own life.

Which I thought was very sweet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's nice to give yourself props.

I saved my life.

I saved my life.

Is this something you have quoted to her?

Oh, all the time.

If I ever trip at all, I say I saved my life.

I saved my life.

Yes.

But she said it in all earnest.

And she did save her life.

And it was very sweet.

How often are you hiking?

We hike.

We go on walks quite a bit, but this was actually a

we have friends who have, who live on Hornby Island, and we walk around the entire island.

Horny Island on this

Horny Island, and we walk around.

We've done it twice where you walk around the entire island.

It's about 26 kilometers.

How do you, what's the ferry to get out to this island?

There's two.

You get to take the ferry to, I guess, Nanaimo?

Maybe?

I don't know.

You take one big ferry and then two little ferries.

Two little ferries.

Denman first, which I think Zach Elfanakis lives on Denman.

What?

I think he's got a little house on Denman.

Blow up his spot.

Yeah, exactly.

Go find him.

You know where he is?

Don't go find him.

And then another little fairy to Horny Island.

Horny Island.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

I'd love to live on.

My brother's friend Dave, his family had a place on Hornby Island.

So there you go.

Pretty good.

There you go.

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Dave, do you have an overheard?

Yeah, well, it's an overseen.

Okay.

I was in the grocery store the other day, not to blow up my spot, Safeway.

Compliments.

Yeah, compliments.

Bran,

you know, know, that's where I get all my Parmesan is compliments, Brand, Parmesan.

And

actually, no, do they have, I think their fancy stuff is Panache.

Ooh,

compliments for the poor and Panache for the rich.

Yes.

So I was in there.

I was in the cereal aisle.

And there's a guy,

and he didn't have a...

a cart or anything.

He didn't have a basket, but he was pulling, he had, in his arms, he had pulled out two things of Kellogg's all-brand buds.

Okay.

Two boxes.

And he was pulling more out.

He's like, I gotta go.

And then he pulled a third and a fourth.

And I was like, I can't just stare at this guy.

So I just walked slowly just to see how many he ended up with.

10 boxes,

all-brand buds.

And then he raced back to the, like, it was like he,

it was like he was, you know, when you're checking out with your mom and she's like, you stay here.

I just have to pick up one thing.

And you're like, uh what if they make me pay

he was rushing back because i think he had started his order but oh i forgot he had 10 boxes of all brand buzz 10 boxes i got my prunes i got my laxative yeah exactly what's the it runs he runs uh summer camp he runs a restaurant he runs a summer camp for old people

he's making the substance oh that's such a that's such a punishing cereal all brand buzz i loved it you loved all brand buzz my parents would sometimes have it, and I would be like, let me try that.

It's not bad.

It makes the milk really brown.

It doesn't make the milk really brown.

It becomes one with the milk.

Sort of like the substance.

We got one with the milk.

You are one.

That's right.

That's right.

Important rule.

10 boxes.

10 boxes.

Have you ever bought

like an off-brand cereal that's like trying to be like a name-brand cereal?

Yeah.

My favorite is at,

you know, more expensive markets, your Whole Food and whatnot.

They have one called Orangutangos.

Well, I've seen them, yes.

Yes.

Orangutangos mixed.

And there's also one called Gorilla Munch.

Orangutanos, are they

a character from Lawn Art or Ring?

Nice.

Yeah.

He unites all the worlds, too.

Yeah, he was the assistant DA.

Gorilla Munch.

Yeah, orangutangos Cheerios.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Like a honey nut Cheerio, I think.

Oh, the honey epino.

Yeah.

Graham, do you haven't overheard?

I do.

And it comes from last night at this movie.

After the movie.

Did you see the movie last night?

Because you're like, Dave's seen it.

Of course.

Got to talk about it.

Of course.

Didn't we just record?

Of course.

I got to do something this afternoon to talk about.

Yeah.

Oh, by the way, we're recording tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know.

Cool.

I got to wear something crazy to that Haturday Night Live movie for one.

But

this is courtesy of Sally.

She was in the women's washroom and she heard two younger women talking.

And one of them said, I love him in everything he does.

I've only seen him in the parent trap and this.

Dennis Quayn.

Dennis Quaid.

What a huge gulf of a

sort of like the I've never encountered him except the parent draft yeah the parent draft I mean I honestly if I tried to think of other Dennis Quaid movie I think I'd come up short I would come up short too but I know that there are a bunch in there oh yeah I haven't seen great balls of fire but that's that was like his big yeah yeah yeah Jerry Lee Lewis yeah and that was my own a rider yeah as his cousin as his cousin yeah cousin Greg and Cousin Greg

Inner Space I saw inner space I saw where they shrink down yeah they shrink Martin Short down no they go into Martin Short's body.

No, yes.

Martin Short.

Yeah, it's an Osmosis Jones situation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What we've got here is a classic Osmosis Jones situation.

They shrink him down.

Yeah, we watched that.

That was a very popular movie, me and my brother, would rent from a VHS store.

I feel like a hungover biology teacher would show that to us.

That's the hard.

Yeah, yeah.

To see, write down how many parts you see in the film.

Yeah, and how inner the space is.

I'm just pulling up his movies.

Wow.

He's made a lot of these, like, what look like sort of

like he's in a movie called American Underdog.

That looks like a fake poster from like 30 Rockers.

And he's the Ronald Reagan and the new Ronald Reagan.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was in Strays, too.

Apparently.

Wow.

He's in A Dog's Purpose, which looks very sad.

He's in movie 43.

They got in trouble, right?

They did?

Remember that was a thing, like there was like dogs were being hurt on set, but then it turned out to be sort of a.

They were fine.

Oh, no, I just remember seeing the trailer in the movie theater playing dead.

He is.

Like, this looks way too sad.

He's Bill Clinton in the special relationship, so he's played two presidents.

Wow.

Both sides of the aisle.

And that was a movie where Michael Sheen played Tony Blair, which he had previously played in

the Crown, The Queen?

Not Frosty.

The queen.

Yeah.

And that would be very funny if he just got typecast as Tony Blair.

That's the only roles he was bringing.

The whale's going to go dry eventually.

I mean, yeah, times are great now.

He's in the rookie, Disney's the rookie, which looks a lot like American Underdog.

He's in the day after tomorrow.

Right.

He's in the day after tomorrow.

Yes, yes, yes.

There was a.

There was a.

Never mind.

Who cares?

Anyways, it's been in two films at least.

It's two finest.

Now, we also have Overheard sent in to us by people all over the map.

If you want to send one in, send it into SBY at maximumfun.org.

This is Jay from the UK, Jay from the UK.

Two older gentlemen at a pub.

One said to the other, I've always had a sweet tooth.

Biscuits for me.

Chocolate biscuits.

But lately, I've moved on to the hard stuff.

I'm talking chocolate.

Straight chocolate.

Adorable.

Yeah.

That's nice.

We talked last week about British people and their sweets.

How much they?

Yeah.

You're talking about in The Iron Lady, where she's offering sweetie.

They've always got like a white paper bag of candy.

And I guess also, based on when this

episode comes out, we should say a belated happy Guy Fox Day to all.

Oh, yeah.

And happy birthday

to

a regular guest, Erica Sigertson.

Guy Fox Day.

Guy Fox Day.

On Remembrance Day.

No, no, no.

Oh, God.

If you have a birthday on Remembrance Day.

It's like having your birthday on Canada 11, right?

Yeah, yes.

And to all of our

British listeners,

you know, go to Tesco.

Yeah, check out Tesco.

I love Tesco.

Tesco's got great sandwiches.

Yeah.

Pre-made.

Oh, yeah.

Well, if you want a sandwich, you got to go to Pratt.

You got to go to Pratt.

What's the one that we begin with?

An S?

Sainsbury's?

Sainsbury's.

Yeah, yeah.

More of a Sainsbury's.

Also, Marks and Sparks has got some pretty good sandwiches.

Yeah.

Oh, and you go to Greg's got a couple of sausage rolls.

Oh, boy.

The British really do sandwiches and sausage rolls and that kind of stuff.

Really well.

Pot pie.

Oh, they do a pie.

I made a homemade chicken pot pie last night.

Did you really?

Did you make it

on a cup?

I made it in a pan.

I made it with a pan.

There was no bottom to the pie, but then

you're on your own.

Then you've just put a

puff pastry lid on top.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, then you're fine.

Yeah.

And a skillet more than a pan.

That's awesome.

This next one comes from Bart from Las Vegas.

A couple.

No, a couple he wrote in.

I only picked one.

First, my six-year-old daughter on her second last day of kindergarten.

How was your day?

Well, I didn't make any friends, quieter to himself, but I made two enemies.

On the second last day of kindergarten, you've made all the friends you're going to make.

You've done all you can.

Um, no, second day of kindergarten.

Oh, I did.

Second day.

Well, maybe I heard wrong.

I also, that reminds me of the math

that Cosmo,

aforementioned

Cosmo, he said when I was there, somebody, Mark said, do you have a

good night hug for everybody?

He goes, all out of hugs.

But I got a lot of kisses.

It's so cute.

It's so cute.

Like in his head, he's like, I'm all out, but you know what?

Lucky you.

And it's the end of the month, and if I don't use all these kisses, Corporate's going to have my ass.

But it's so cute, but also like.

I would much rather hug a person.

A room full of adults.

Well, okay.

Who needs kisses?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Imagine like a 30-year-old guy saying that.

All right.

Well, I guess Matthew's only got kisses left, everybody.

Dinner party, and someone's like, oh, I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, sorry.

All the hugs.

And it was like, oh, okay, but I got a lot of kisses.

Or did you bring anything for dinner?

Kisses.

Or like meeting someone, like hanging out with a friend for the first time after COVID lockdown.

What are we doing?

The elbow tap?

No, I'm kissing.

I actually have kisses.

I'm going all the way in.

I'm doing lips.

This last one comes from Julia and Nanaimo.

My friend was telling me about a cuter interaction.

It's another kid, say the darndest.

Yes.

With her three-year-old son the other day.

Mom calling to her son, where are you, Arlo?

Son calling from somewhere in the house, slightly scared.

I don't know.

Poor Arlo.

Oh, Arlo.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, Arlo.

What did you find now?

What dimensions are you buying?

Yeah, yeah.

A few weeks ago, I was telling my kids about, they were asking about the house I grew up in, and I was telling them about it.

And like, I was trying to kind of reconstruct it in my head, and

places missing.

Oh, where you're like, I'm not sure what that is.

Like, where did we do laundry?

And, like, huh?

How did we get to the basement?

Where were the stairs to the basement?

I know the layout of the basement and the main floor, but how did we get there?

You have a dumb waiter that you went down every time or a chute.

We had a laundry chute.

Oh, really?

But where did it go?

Out to the dumpster.

Yeah.

It's funny.

My dad had like a a woodworking shop.

Oh, yeah.

And then we moved and never

worked wood again.

Gave it up with the move.

I guess so.

Or it was a front.

Oh, yeah, it was probably a front.

Probably a front.

For a wood chip business.

I remember he once made me a little gun

made of wood.

Here, son, is a little gun.

Now go in the forest.

This is the trigger.

Pointed at other humans.

And I remember I played with it.

I loved it.

I loved my little wooden gun.

I threw it up in the air.

It broke.

Oh, no.

Oh, I know.

Oh, wow.

And I told my dad about it, and he's like, I never made you a wooden gun.

Don't you see?

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is, do not interrupt me, one 844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

SpyPod one, like these people have.

Did you have a favorite toy gun when you were we had a lot of cap guns.

We had like a couple pretend ivory handled

cap guns.

That's I had the same white handles.

But they eventually turned yellow, the handles, because they were plastic.

Too much.

I mean they're a thing made from the same thing old Nintendos were made from.

But they lasted long enough to discolor you.

That's a good toy.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, you know, the

what do you call it?

The drawer.

The penis?

The handle, the cabinet door where you would load the stuff eventually sort of almost fell off.

Paper caps or the little circles of paper caps?

Oh, I had circles.

The revolver ones.

Oh, man.

I've got to get my hands on.

The smell of caps.

Oh, so good.

I miss it.

It's just gunpowder, right?

Yeah.

I think if you go

to the park on Halloween Eve, you'll smell that smell quite a bit.

Ooh, that smell.

All right, here we go.

Hi, Dave Graham and Wonderful Ghost.

I think that's what you said

for October.

This is KR from Indiana calling in with an overheard about a month ago.

I was at the county fair with my wife.

There was a young couple walking behind us, probably late teens, early 20s.

And the girl said, or the guy says, you know, I told you when we started dating that I was a picky eater.

And the girl said, I just can't believe we've never had a grilled cheese.

And I absolutely couldn't believe it.

Anyway, off I go.

Literally fell right out of this chair.

Never had a grilled cheese.

Hey, come on.

What else are you grilling?

But like for a picky eater, that's what you give them.

That's exactly.

Yeah.

What do you mean you don't have noodles with butter?

I told you I'm a picky eater.

Yeah, the kid that like, that's what they're picky about.

It's like, no, no, no bagel.

No.

No, I need a beef wellington.

Maybe some broccolini.

What do you mean you've never had white bread?

Too spicy.

Oh, yeah.

Never having a grilled cheese.

If you call that living, I got it.

For me.

Oh, wait, go to the county fair.

And

like, what, like, that's where they just have crazy food.

Oh, yeah.

Nuts.

Yeah.

Oh, exactly.

What's this guy eating that

never had a grilled cheese?

I mean, how is that even possible?

Like, you've never had two pieces of bread with a melty cheese in the bread.

Let's give some maybe cultural.

Maybe these aren't white people.

True.

But still, they were at a county fair.

So, you know, if I grew up on a different continent where they didn't give kids grilled cheese every meal.

Well,

yeah, good point.

If you call that living, that's what I say.

Graham comes out against the world.

The continent, Dave, won't name.

Hi, Dave and Graham and probable guests.

This is Leslie.

I live outside St.

Louis, but I'm calling this in.

It's my sister's overheard, and she lives in San Diego.

she's also a long time listener but a little shy so i'm calling it in uh she was taking a walk along the beach near the water and she saw like a 16 or 17 year old girl um out on like a jet ski with her younger brother just having a great time and as she was watching them the girl got close enough in to land to yell to her family i don't need therapy anymore

so but that was a jet ski that was worth the price yeah real breakthrough yeah

doctor this will be our last appointment because i discovered jet ski going to the pharmacy with a prescription for a jet ski

they got him

they got him um you know what writing on a jet ski it is pretty awesome i've never done it but i've been on you know

a big inflatable thing pulled behind a speedboat.

Yeah.

They kind of like when you get on the jet ski and you're jumping over a wake.

Yeah, and you're controlling, you got the throttle there.

Yeah, that's kind of cool.

It's like motorcycle without all the falling down and breaking your bones.

Yeah.

Just skidding along the water and maybe breaking one bone.

Yeah.

And I think when I was a kid,

you were supposed to hold on to handles on the side if you were two people on it.

Yeah.

Put my arms around my friend's waist.

You got it.

Put your arm around your friend's waist.

I can't.

I'm going to hold these handles.

That's no good.

I won't put my arms around my friend's waist.

I'm all out of hugs.

No, that's right.

What do you got in change?

Hey, Dave Graham and possible guest.

This is Tommy from Cincinnati with an overheard.

A little while ago, I was at an improv show, and before the show, in the lobby, I heard a guy talking to a lady say, no, no, still puppets.

Just on my own now.

And that's it.

And off the street.

Still with your puppet troop.

This new thing you're doing.

No puppets anymore?

You're not doing that puppet thing.

No, no, it's still puppets.

Puppet thing.

Yeah, no, still puppets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, Your Honor, still puppets.

I was kicked out of the puppet troop, but I'm starting my new thing.

Somebody told me.

Now I'm impersonating Andy Kaufman.

Somebody said, and this is like something that caught me off guard years and years ago when somebody told me that Toronto had a really good clown scene.

I've recently been told Toronto has a really good puppet scene.

Also, Montreal apparently has a very good puppet scene.

Oh, well, that should come as no surprise.

Yeah, exactly.

The land of Victor.

They love their puppets out there.

I don't think he's a puppet.

No, but he could be.

He could be a puppet.

He could make anything into a puppet.

I wonder if Victor made the leap from the old company to the new company, or is he just...

Just for laughs.

Yeah, just for laughs.

Is he just chattel?

That's the green guy we're talking?

Okay, I didn't know he had a name.

Victor?

Victor.

He was the reason they shut down.

Yeah.

They demanded too much money.

He made some bad investments.

Or didn't they get like scammed?

They got scammed to the tune of $800,000.

Wow, that's good.

That's it.

That's all it takes to go out of business.

No, they also, there was just a lot of bad business decisions.

They made a Red Victor.

They made a Red Victor, which I remember was the mascot when just for last game through Calgary, and it was presented by Craven A Cigarettes.

Oh, nice.

Red Victor.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you always want to get the red cigarettes.

The blue cigarettes are fast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Red cigarettes are hard.

I wish cigarette companies were still allowed to fund fund the arts.

Yeah.

It had so much money.

Was it Benson the Hedge is the celebration of light?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, Graham, I don't really think fireworks are the arts.

Just greet.

Yeah.

Talk to anybody who's on one of the fireworks, Steve.

They're often sort of

synced up to music, but not at all, really.

I guess this is synced up to simply the best by Tina Turner.

I mean,

they're non-stop explosions.

I guess some of them kind of sync.

Look,

they cool.

They cool.

They cool.

Ryan?

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

Oh, man.

I miss when Camels are

good sponsor Formula One Racing.

The arts.

Yeah, the arts.

Your new podcast.

The Town Show.

Available wherever you get your podcasts.

And

like you said,

all sorts of guests from this podcast that people would remember and love.

And so

if you love this, why not love that?

Do you have any guests who haven't been on this show?

I actually

know.

Okay.

I think no.

It's a good sample.

I think we're kind of like, yeah, like just ripping you guys off.

That's cool.

Yeah.

We don't own anyone.

No.

Yeah.

And each and every Sunday here in Vancouver, Fox Cabaret.

Yeah.

If you're watching the Hallmark channel this Christmas, you can see me in a movie called The Santa Class.

Santa Class?

Okay.

You play

Hippie Santa.

Nice.

And

if you like Percy Percy Jackson, I'll be in the new season of Percy Jackson on Destiny Plus.

And that's what you'll see.

That's me.

Are you one of the Lightning Thieves?

Nope.

I can't tell you what I am or what I am not.

Oh, okay.

I don't know anything about it other than that.

I just don't know what I'm allowed to say.

Are you one of the Olympians?

I can't tell you.

Pantsy, Pants.

He's sworn to secrecy.

I'm desperate to say no.

But we know he's not Percy Jackson.

We know that.

Oh, shit.

I'm not allowed to tell you that I'm not a Percy Jackson.

A show for kids.

I liked it, but the Percy Jackson was so old.

So we give him the substance.

Anyways.

Thank you for being a job.

Yeah, okay, everybody out there.

Take the substance.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Thank you for listening.

If you have an ability to take the substance, do it.

But remember, you're all one.

You're all one.

You're all of you.

You're all of you one.

And

thank you for listening.

Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Show.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.