Episode 867 - Steph Tolev

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 867 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a a man who very kindly, when he went out of the country to a little place called Trader Joe's, brought me back something, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Yeah, I know you're a gluten-free person now, and so I bought, I brought you some gluten-free noodles.

I'm so excited.

Two kinds.

They now have a ravioli, and

I think you'll be really happy with the results.

You're going to like the way you look.

I will like the way I look.

And I also

love pasta in all of its forms.

So the more

I can have, the better it all.

Yeah, you mean all those shapes and your stuffings?

Yeah, I like a rigatoni.

I like a fusale.

I mean, I really want to pull our guest in for this, but I

would just, let's keep this private for just now.

What's your favorite noodle shape?

Oh, I like a round.

I like a round, kind of thick noodle is what I meant to.

Let's get our guests.

We want the guests to weigh in on this.

What's a round thick noodle?

Oh, I'll tell you in a second.

Our guest, returning guest to the podcast oh so funny she is touring across canada coming up in the next couple months yes uh and you can find her online at her instagram let's say at steph tolov it's steph tolev hi steph i love a round thick noodle hello hello okay i'm going for i you know the shell ones And when you bite down, all the extra sauce squirts out.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, those little guys, they're not around that much, but I like a little shell.

Yeah, the shell's good.

When you say round, thick noodle, do you mean like a big spaghetti?

Like what you kind of would get at a Thai restaurant, like a Chinese restaurant.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I said.

That size.

Oh, yeah.

So I was going strictly pasta.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

Then probably, I mean, if I had my choice of all of them, I'd probably pick a ravioli.

I like a ravioli.

Ravioli is good.

Yeah.

I grew up on Chef Bornie Ravioli.

That's all I ate.

Yeah, me too.

I found a mega once and I pushed it aside and I kept eating it.

Didn't give a fuck.

I'm gross.

What is

that?

I think with a lot of

people.

Oh, good.

I think with a lot of people, that was like their first cooking experience was either that or ramen or craft dinner.

That was it.

I know you thought you were something else, just putting it in a pot and stirring it till it was.

I eat it cold.

I put in the microwave.

I would eat it cold.

I was over it, like the middle of me freezing.

I'm like, I don't give a shit.

I would throw it in the microwave for a minute and then just eat it like that.

Just staring.

This is so impatient.

We didn't have a microwave until I was a little older.

So I was, you know, I had to do it.

You know, we had to do it the old-fashioned way.

On the stove.

I haven't had a microwave in 10 years.

I don't have one.

I only have one because one was given to me.

But otherwise, I probably wouldn't have one.

Although I just used it and it was amazing.

Oh, you guys.

I got one in every room.

You got one behind you?

Yeah.

He's got his office microwave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

His balls are sitting on it.

We'll get to know his in a second, but a weird thing, like, you know how microwaves are safe and everything?

And they don't like

and like they're like reinforced so that the radiation doesn't come out of them.

Every time I turn my microwave on, my Bluetooth headphones go like out of phase.

Oh,

shit.

It was like the stereo stops working, and it's like.

Oh, it's probably affecting all of our brains.

Yeah, it's cool.

Anyway, do you want to get to know us?

I do.

Get to know us.

Steph,

I'm so happy for all your success that you're having right now.

This is

a bone to prove.

David is actually pissed off.

I cannot believe after the years he's known me that I've gotten this far.

Last time you were on the show was, I think you were our second last episode before COVID.

Yes, I was in town.

for the debaters.

Yes.

Yeah.

And we did a corporate debaters and it was

only a quarter of the people showed up.

Because it was like, because everyone was worried about COVID.

It was like the day that everybody was like, stuff's shutting down.

Yes.

And it was like this, it was in a giant hall kind of thing.

And there was only like, what would you say?

How many people there?

Not a lot.

Maybe 35.

Maybe 35.

And they had like food trucks and all this stuff.

All bad.

And it was like, it was a good crew.

I was like, this is a fun lineup.

Me and Steve Patterson got hairmore that night.

Yeah.

Oh, we went to like Joey's.

He's like, Mars and wine.

I'm like, it's just the two of us.

We got cracked.

It was very fun.

Getting drunk at Joey's.

I like the sound of that.

God, yeah, it was fun as hell.

And we're like, was it, I can't remember.

Were you guys like, should we be sharing a microphone?

Like, you guys were like,

you know, scared of it as well.

And it was, I remember all the time.

Well, now we know it's a hoax.

No, no, it's a hoax, and none of it was real.

On the way there, they canceled the,

what was it?

The Emmys.

No, Emmys with the Canadian.

Oh, yeah, the Screen Awards?

No, what were they with?

Judos.

They canceled the Judos.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I remember at that show, they also had an up-close magician working, and I was like, hmm, this doesn't seem like the right time to go.

Yeah, that's,

he shouldn't be anywhere ever.

They're just gross.

You're right.

That's true.

Do they wash those things?

It was disgusting, those cards.

Everyone's touching them.

That's a very good question.

Do they wash the cards?

There's no way they wash wash the cards.

The cards are soiled.

Everything they put in the mouth of the little balls.

Everything's gross.

There was an Instagram magician I saw, and he had walls of unopened boxes of cards.

And he would do a trick, like pull a box of cards off the wall, open it, take the wrapping off, and then start his trick.

So

for every trick?

Yeah.

We have very different algorithms.

What's your algorithm serving up?

Honestly, right now it's bad.

I don't know what happened.

I looked at one burn victim, and now I have a really big,

it's a lot of people necessarily severely burned.

I don't know what, I don't know how that's, I don't know, it's really bad.

It's really bad.

It's actually upsetting.

That and dogs.

So it's kind of nice.

It's a nice balance, but it's like really badly burned people.

And I don't know.

I looked at one

link to the movie Terrifier 3 and now the internet is like, this is your favorite movie.

You want to know more about this movie.

Yeah.

There's some behind the scenes of this movie.

Oh, God.

But when you were last on the show, we had a little pact.

The three of us formed a pact that we wouldn't get super successful.

Yeah, well, you know, man, you broke it.

I don't know what happened.

I'll tell you what happened.

I got fucking lucky.

No, you work hard.

No, I work hard.

No,

I'm a crazy hard worker, but it does come down to luck.

And especially as a Canadian, which we all know how hard it is, I got lucky and Bill Burr fucking took a shining to me.

And then things started to pick up.

That's he loves you.

Bill loves me.

He does.

It's so cool.

It's so crazy to think think about because it's funny because all the guys that love him are like, those are my trolls.

So it's so funny that I'm like, whenever I get trolled, I'm like, it's so hilarious that you guys hate me and you love Bill.

But I'm like, you have no idea that Bill's like in bed at night watching my wink videos and dying laughing.

And then you're like, this ugly trans pagan bill is like, ha, ha, ha, like, commenting on it.

Like, it's so crazy.

Oh, yeah.

I don't think I want success.

Yes.

Oh, it's.

I'll tell you right now, it ain't, it ain't all sunshine rainbows.

It's bad.

It's a lot.

It's a lot.

It's very mean.

When you you opened for Bilber in Toronto

in like Rogers, what is it called Rogers?

In the Social Bank Arena.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And when you were doing that show, was there anybody in mind that you were like fucking stuck into that son of a bank?

Miko, my high school bully, if you're listening, I cannot stop.

I always bring him up because he's the one who I'm like, God, I hope he's in this crowd.

It doesn't even matter now.

This guy's such a loser.

My friend saw him.

He gets Swish LA with his family recently, and he looks fat and he was balding.

And I'm like, why do I care about this loser?

I don't know.

You put some shade on Swiss LA.

That sounds wonderful.

I know.

And she almost called me.

Oh, my God.

My grade five teacher just DM'd me saying, I always knew you were funny.

I'm like, I wasn't funny at all in grade five, so you're a liar.

But she likes to be.

So I'm getting very bizarre DMs from people.

Waiting for Mark Brasland to say I can do yup yucks.

No, I'm kidding.

When did you move to America?

It's been 10 years.

Really?

Yes.

I know.

It doesn't seem that long.

Because I think you were on the podcast like the week before the Canadian Comedy Awards were happening.

Yes.

And you were like, if I don't win, I'm going to kill myself.

I'm going to lie to you.

It's actually, that was a blessing that it was canceled because Sophie won and I'm such a sore loser that it would have been very embarrassing for me to be there.

So it actually, it actually turned out

quite well.

I'm such a sore loser.

They tell you one time when Lady Sash lost to Peter and Chris and I made the biggest scene on the planet that Ron James told me to calm down, ma'am, because I was freaking the fuck out.

I took Chris's car to his hotel room and I wiped it in my ass.

Like, ooh, you need this Ediction Inclusion.

I was being so Allison was like, can you please stop?

It was so embarrassing.

So it's a blessing.

That was the Canadian Comedy Award?

Yeah, they won two years.

They won two awards in the same year, and I was very pissed off.

So I was like, Nick can't win Sketch Troop and Best Play.

Yeah, you did 100 shows in one year.

It's crazy.

They know that I have this beef with them and I'll never drop it.

And it's comical to them, though.

But yeah, you're a grudge holder.

You hold the grudge.

But this is what's driven me this far.

My hatreds to Jason Lawrence and Mark Presland, that's driven me to do this.

I swear to God.

When I got signed to the comedy store, my name was on the wall, I literally was going to tag them at post and be like, Remember when you selling your shit?

My man just like, stop.

You stop it.

You can simply

ma'am.

You're making

your magazine.

Put down that

hotel card.

Put it down.

Why do you still have that?

That's why i when i check into a hotel i always get two keys you should because one of them's been in my ass

yeah

um your name like so is it on the exterior or in the interior of the interior so they're running out of room now so i'm down way down the parking so a regular people won't see it because it's so far my wife and i tried to find you yeah

but it's on the i was on the other side yeah were you at the club watching the show no i just we passed by and i saw that you had to like just had it put up or whatever.

So I went to go look outside.

That's nice.

You went to look.

It's very cute.

Um, on the outside, but yeah, if it's open, you can't.

You need to know we're obsessed with you.

Yeah, exactly.

We're,

you know, you went there just to see white name.

We're going to LA to see Steph's name.

We're going to see where they film Selling Sunset.

We're going to see Steph's name.

We're going to Musso and Frank's.

You flew to LA just to see Steph's name.

And then when you didn't see it, you're like, oh, well, see you later.

Let's go through the dude.

It's goodbye to Vancouver.

What is there?

Is there a ceremony?

Is it like becoming a maid guy?

It's funny because not really for mine, but like Deb just got past and they had a fucking cake and they had this whole party.

And I was like,

I was standing in a driveway and Robbie Hoffman was yelling at people.

I'm like, that was mine.

Cause like nobody, I didn't even invite anybody because nobody's around.

And then I was like, okay, I got a couple photos, but I think they made a bigger deal of it now.

It was that we did that big main room show and I bombed so bad.

It was hilarious getting past the Columbia store in my first set.

I bombed.

It was New Year's Eve.

And then they were painting it over just really quick out in the alley.

They should have.

It was a bad set.

It's yeah.

So that was that was, I think, the start of things that getting past.

And then Bill put me on his special Friends Who Kill a Netflix.

Yes.

And that was insane.

And that.

That is what I think put me on the map for the American clubs because I was headlining here and there.

And then, hey, guess what?

I got finally bothered to Winnipeg after, you know, you finally get some big Canadian clubs to like you after you start shouting.

Absolutely.

I was like, I've wondered what they were here.

Yeah, the,

you,

I think you said in an interview or something, well, like I said, we're obsessed with you.

We're obsessed with you.

You've listened to me.

Absolutely obsessed.

So you tell me what I said.

I don't know.

Yeah, we found

your interview in the paper.

We cut all the letters out and we sent a threatening message.

Was that people showed up for your show like wearing a wig or something like that, like to look like you.

Yeah.

So that was awesome.

That's why I chose Boston to record my special in.

I know I'm Canadian, but Boston, when I went to the show there last year, last October, a whole group of

bachelorette party, they all came in mullet wigs and jumpsuits and they sat like the third row.

And I was like, what the hell is happening?

And like now people show up in jumpsuits and they have where they find like what jewelry I have and they've cobbled my jewelry in my boots.

It's very, it's very bizarre.

Wow.

Yeah, it's very sad.

Yeah, I thought we were obsessed with it.

No, yeah, yeah.

And you guys are both wearing, it's just cuts down, you're both wearing jumpsuits right now.

Has the mullet become like your bread and butter?

I think, I think, honestly, since I got this hair, and I like,

I've become more,

things started to happen.

I don't know.

I think I finally got my hair to do.

I don't know before what I was doing.

I don't know why I had no bags.

It's bizarre.

I'm like, this is my hair.

It's like naturally curly.

It makes sense.

How it sounds.

So, like, are you now afraid to do anything with it?

Yeah, I can't.

This is who I am.

I try to grow it out of it.

And my wife's like, yeah, it looks nice when it's like growing out.

I'm like, this is what you get.

I'm not changing it.

I don't want to tell you.

This is who I am.

I have to wear jumpsuits.

I have to fucking be growing up.

That's it.

Now you're, that's.

I remember like years and years ago, I worked with Emo Phillips, and he had like his classic look.

He had kind of like a Prince Valiant haircut, and he would wear like overalls or something like that.

And when I knew him, he was trying a different look.

And then he's gone since gone back to the original look.

Cause that's, you know rodney dangerfield's not gonna just go with no tie out on stage you know it's really bizarre sometimes i'll wear like i still kind of wear like rock tee sometimes in jeans and sometimes people say something but it's not as bad like i don't wear jumpsuits every night to the store it'd be insane whoa how many jumpsuits do you own i think i own about 50 now no

every color of the rainbow every color every style i have one place that's finally sponsoring me because i was like these are not cheap the problem is jumpsuits like 200 a piece oh shit yeah I'm like, these are not.

So, if I, when I thrift shop, those are when I find the good ones.

I get an old Dickie's one.

Right.

Those are like $20, $30, which I'm like, that I can handle.

But I'm like, this is getting a little expensive to look like a fucking janitor on stage.

What the hell?

I've made a huge mistake.

You

are sponsored for your jumpsuits?

I get Wild Fangs.

That's me-free ones now.

Okay.

I don't know what that is, but I would.

It's a good brand.

If you're listening, ladies, man, whoever, they're cool, they're fitted.

They're like all sizes, good, really good material.

And also go to BetterHelp.

And you can have a check out SPY and check out and use offer code Mullet for your jumpsuit.

Yeah, there's no code.

I'm not getting any money from this.

So I just get free ones.

Like I say, every once in a while.

Well, that's, man, that's all like, so like, did it feel like nothing was happening?

Then all of a sudden it was just like took off like a rocket?

Because that's, I feel like I've been around people where that happened.

It kind of.

It was like a very slow

until, yeah, as soon as the Netflix thing came out, I think I j I don't think anyone thought I was going to do that well from it, especially my agents.

They're like, oh, shit.

And then, because it's only, it was only seven minutes.

So I think they were like, well, what could you really do on here?

And I'm like, oh, I could do a lot.

Your agents are really talking down to you.

I just don't think anyone thought.

But now I, yeah, I, you know, it's, it, that really helped.

And then Bill's movie definitely gave me a little jumpy jump to.

That's great.

And then, yeah, yeah, it's, it's very, it's very good.

And now my special is going to be coming out on a large streaming network that for some reason I'm not allowed to say which one and I'm very excited because it I filmed it at a Paradise Rock Club Where oh where's that it's in Boston and it's so fucking cool and the coolest bar which is very Canadian which I'm very proud of so I'm obsessed with Deaths from Above 1979.

They're my favorite band DM them all the time.

I'm a little creepy oopsies.

I used one of their songs is going to be it when i come out to it so we like got a license from them and everything so i'm like it's kind of cool I know.

I'm very excited.

So that's very Canadian still.

And this is like a rock club.

Yeah.

It's, yeah.

So it's Paradise Rock Club.

If you look it up, like, everyone's played there.

Debbie Harry, Allison Chains, Zeppelin, I think.

Like, it's, it's, it's insane who they've had there.

Yeah.

So I don't think they've had.

I think there's been some comedians as well.

Paul Powell, so I think did a special there years ago,

but it was really, it was really fucking cool.

It was like really intimate.

I'm like, I want to do something when I see this.

I'm like, first of all, I don't think I can sell if I can see there.

So I'm like, I need to do,

hey, hey uh vancouver get those tickets november 9th um

i i was like i don't know if uh i don't want to be pressured for that so this was like 350 packed in with a huge balcony so people like leading right now it felt we made it like a rock vibe nice yeah um

and then like you're touring across canada where are you where's the where are you stopping it's just we're doing a little west coast tour november and then one show in Toronto.

And then I'm doing just two shows in February in Halifax and Ottawa.

Oh, nice.

And that's it.

It's my first theater tour.

So that's why I'm like pushing these tickets because it's much harder to sell a theater than a club with 100 seats.

Yes.

Yes.

Turns out very hard to sell a theater out.

I don't know how Matt Reif does it.

Maybe I'll get a chisel jaw or a fucking shit.

Yeah, yeah.

No, get a little start mewing.

What do I do here?

What do I do?

Hello.

Oh, is that a thing?

Of course that's a thing.

Why did I ever think that that was a a thing?

It might be a thing.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Ooh, the scoop on

Side.

Have you ever noticed it's the same guy in all the crowd work?

Yeah, the same guy in every crowd.

Yeah.

But it's getting larger.

That guy's hair is really growing quickly.

All of the crowd works about his hair.

That's all he's got figured out.

And this guy's hair is crazy.

We did that one.

No, I think

some of it's real, but some of it might not be.

That would be cool.

Like, it would totally, like, I gotta respect it.

You would totally

have to do a full special on just crowd work.

Like, that would be

coming into these shows, coming into these new shows.

I'm like, I don't want to, I can't do this hour now.

Cause I'll tell you what,

I didn't have a full hour ready.

I had, I thought I did, and then I taped it.

And

I had to add in some old jokes, and some of them are pretty old.

Oh, we got a closure.

I used to do the old comedy mix that I tossed in there.

Excuse me,

a joke that's literally 15 years old.

They're like, I don't give a shit.

Sorry.

It's like, well, they just lost people years ago.

Sorry, it was on the special.

You know, it's hard to build a whole special out of crowd work.

It's, you know, even harder to build a whole special out of lip-syncing to a Donald Trump audio clip.

Oh, God.

And then watch that one.

Who did this?

It was a woman who was going

to be a little bit more.

All of her talk.

It was really crazy.

She was always like lip-sync to Donald Trump

soundbites.

And they were like, you should have a special.

That was crazy.

She's gone now, right?

That was, she was in and she was out.

She's no longer with us.

That was wacky.

Did she really get a special?

Oh, yeah.

No, I think it was on Netflix.

Yeah, it was pretty brutal.

Did you see the special with the guy that did it with no audience?

There was, I can't remember who, maybe Drug Carmichael produced it.

And it was a guy, I think it was for HBO, and it was him doing his hour with no audience.

Oh, yeah.

Who was that?

I don't know, but he talked about having herpes.

I remember that.

That was it.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, um,

white guy, yeah,

Michael something,

Michael something.

He's got herpes.

I know because he is.

I remember, I saw him do a sad.

I thought it was Keely's and herpes, and I went, this stuff

in my head.

It was so sick.

I was like, maybe this is a mouthful.

Drew Michael.

Drew Michael.

That's it.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah, it was.

It was wild, man.

White guy.

Was it a white guy with herpes?

White guy with herpes.

That's what it was who did I someone did a special recently I'd watch a lot of specials and to get prepared for this and Some people are not giving a fuck about their appearance.

It was very bizarre.

Oh dude do tell

what are we talking about outfits or makeup or hair outfits and hair and wetness first of all Joe Rogan was sopping wet on his I know his was live, but I was like I literally, there's a riff I did during mine and I kind of want to keep it in because I had a, I was so crazy with my hair because my hair, the bangs they go over and i look like a weird wet pang and i'm like the bangs can't do that right so i had a i had a special bang light so at one point i missed it my boyfriend was doing my teleprompter for me which everybody has and no one i would keep talking with teleprompter like do the teleprompter i'm like everybody has a teleprompter i remember it's like an hour and 15 minutes you psychos so all of a sudden he was typing bangs bangs bangs i was like so i would i stopped this i went all right everybody i'm wet i'm powdering and then my makeup guy came out and fixed me i then i riffed during it and i'm like i don't want to look like joe rogan i'm not lactating and the crowd was like yeah i was like i might keep that in.

I might keep that in the old special because it feels pretty hard.

But it's like, Joe Rogan was lactating?

He was, did, he went live, did a live show.

Even though he did this, they should have brought out Tell.

Yellow shirt, mustard.

Oh, a mustard color shirt.

Also, I want to prophesy saying, I did not watch the special.

I saw clips.

Yeah.

Just so you don't think I'm at home taking those on Joe Rolling special.

No, thank you.

Well, just so you know, I watched that whole special with no audience.

And you can, and now you can memorize Joe Rogan's and do that.

That'll be your next

thing.

Be slip-syncing with Joe Rogan, bad.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

That's meant to go viral.

No audience.

No audience.

No audience.

But yeah, he was soaked.

He was soaking wet.

And then there's a couple of people that are like, what's the thing?

Where can you base?

I'm like, what is this skin-tight t-shirt?

Your nipples are out.

You look gross.

You have money.

I don't know what's going on here.

Do you think like, because I feel like some comedians, a lot of their act is that they're schlubby or whatever.

Do you think like more comedians should like get a stylist or something because they know what you're talking about i dress just black jeans and black t-shirt like i don't do anything special but um

yeah i don't know what what would you what would you like to see on the uh the fellas out there uh even the women too uh there's one woman especially i don't want to say who it is because i i think she's funny but she was wearing an oversized gray t-shirt and like ill-fitted jeans and sneakers and i was like You're at a theater.

You look crazy.

Like, I don't know what to say.

I hired a stylist and I got got a tailor-made jumpsuit.

Oh, nice.

It went crazy.

It fit like a fucking glove.

I lost 25 pounds for the special.

I was fucking sucked into that damn thing.

I did.

I, I, for the last two and a half months, I was on a crazy diet, barely ate, starving.

Uh, and I worked out every single day.

And then I got this, like, tailor-made fucking jumpsuit.

So I wouldn't, I didn't want to wear spangs only special.

That was the goal.

Turns out still had to wear them.

Very hard to get rid of belly fat when you're 39 years old.

Anyways, slice it off soon.

Anyways, it was, I was like, and I feel like I looked fucking good.

I I felt good.

Oh, she wouldn't you want to look good?

I don't know.

I want to talk about,

so

when you hire a stylist, because who did we talk to?

Was it like Dave Marhaj at his

movie premiere?

He had worked with a stylist.

Someone at a movie premiere had worked with a stylist.

I think that's right.

Yeah.

What, like, is it, do you go in for multiple meetings or is it just like.

This is what we see.

No, she came to my house.

So she also styled me for the Bill Burr Netflix special.

Okay.

So that was, she did that.

And if everything was perfect, I'm like, this is great.

So she came to my house and I explained to her I wanted to look like rock and roll, comedy, comfy, jumpsuit.

I need to be able to deep squat.

I need to be comfy.

So she came up with this idea.

It's like an old,

it was like, it looks like a tuxedo turned into a jumpsuit.

Oh, that's cool.

So yeah, I can show you guys the fucking trick here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, cause I'm like, I'm so, it looked literally incredible.

Like, I'm so, I'm so happy.

That's the front.

oh no it says and then the backs oh yeah oh yeah and the back check out the back the name of the title oh

in like glittery lettering though glittery and then i had this crazy these like insane boots like really high fun black boots kind of like doc martin es yeah yeah

yeah and it said fill from the front here and little pocket it was very cute how did they measure you for your squat do you have to squat and they just pull out the you went when you go to the tailor we had to have very specific uh material for my squatting and my sweating.

So they had to also make a little back slit for air because I get so fucking hot and I didn't want to be melting.

Yeah, you didn't want to be sweaty spaghetti like

sweaty, shelly spaghetti.

Yeah, we needed to be haired out.

And that's why I also wore shorts because I knew it was going to be hot and I was soaked.

I could have rung it out after.

I am.

Yeah, I don't know how

like

musicians do it and like play a three-hour show without being completely soaked.

It doesn't make sense.

You're wet.

You're soaking wet.

Like I felt like

you're moving around.

You're under hot lights.

And you're stressed.

It's very, very stressful.

Dodging panties.

Dodging.

Yeah, yeah.

People were just throwing wet condoms at me.

Can you imagine this is so nice?

Not used, just damp.

Well, they come out of the package wet.

That's the thing.

Yeah, they're there.

They're slippy.

But it was, I'm very excited.

They're born slippy.

They're more slippy.

I'm very excited for it to come out.

I'm very happy.

It went.

Like, i did two tapings the first one was

as it was happening i was like time to act because they were it was at we i did a 5 30 and a 9 30.

oh 5 30.

i think that was on you really putting a show on at 5 30.

at one point i did powder and i see the girl on the phone i go

you're not enjoying the show she goes oh my kids i go or they in the hospital and then i was like okay i gotta calm down i'm being mean right now

but i got off stage and i was like i was so pissed everyone was like oh my god you killed it we got the tape doesn't matter what happens now every joke hit.

I'm like, hit what?

The wall?

I was so pissed.

I was like, I wanted to cry so badly, but my makeup was so good I couldn't.

So I went up to every and everyone was like, well, what are you talking about?

That was amazing.

And I was like, if by adding only a laugh track to every, every joke is amazing and that's amazing.

And then the second show, it was insane.

And I was like, that's the tape.

That's the tape.

That's it.

That was what the show was.

I don't know what the hell you guys saw the fucking first show was.

I was stupid.

Came backstage, called everybody stupid, pushed around.

I was trying so hard.

What I love about you, Steve, is

you are your authentic self.

People are like, is she fake mad all the time?

No, she's mad all the time.

It was just, everyone was like so happy with how it was.

They're like, you didn't even flub a line.

I'm like, that sucked.

I was so pissed.

But I'm very happy.

And that it's done.

It just needs to be done.

The stress leading up to it was not normal.

What was

that?

Tell me this diet because I need to lose 25.

Okay.

No, Graham, you don't.

Yeah, that's how the diet is.

Take your fridge and fucking throw it in the goddamn East River because you're not eating.

I count every calorie.

Salad dressing?

Bye.

Oil?

You like oil?

Not anymore.

See you later.

Really?

I'm on an all-oil diet myself, so this is devastating.

Hey, plug your ears then.

Everything you like is gone.

Every morning was protein powder with some oats and some almond milk.

Lunch would be egg whites and a handful of spinach.

Jesus.

Snack would be maybe I'd have a rice cake with like, I don't know, nothing on it, dry.

And then dinner would be zoodles.

I'd make zucchini noodles with lean ground beef.

I thought you made zoodles out of a can.

No, no, you're like,

oh no, it was weight.

No, like those zucchini noodles.

Right.

With one cup of sauce.

You had to measure the specific sauce that has a very low calories.

No.

Salad dressing.

Hilarious.

Dry.

Did you

like, were you tired all the time?

I feel like that's not enough food to make somebody go.

I was exhausted.

I was so tired.

And I was, I started getting hives by the end of it.

I had hives hives before they came back i was just like so so stressed and then running the hour and i was like what is happening it was too it was too much are you back on food fun food you have no i ate like a pig for two weeks no because i lost weight everyone was like whoa someone looks good i'm like oh great i was a fat pig before so now i'm trying to like keep it all off

hell i hate this

but i will say you were trying to compliment me i know i'm pissed off i'm mad i'm like fuck you i know i look good i'm just mad with everything

but i do the issue is now I do like my body right now.

So I'm like, I do.

Good.

But I'm starving.

So it's like, I'm either, I hate my body or I'm eating or I'm starving and I look like a body.

It's stupid.

Yeah.

Oh, that's what Spanks are for.

That's what I'm going to start wearing.

Some really like consistently.

Let's get you

sponsors for Spanks.

I'm going to just do the Ricky Gervais

tight t-shirt and see what happens.

Tight, skin-tight shirt, and that's that.

How do we all feel about Ricky Gervais' stand-up?

Do we all we all love it?

I mean, he says what we're all thinking.

He, uh, I think like there was special that he did with

like an interview thing with him and Chris Rock and Louis C.K.

and somebody else.

And he was putting himself, he was like, you know, when we're doing stand-up, and they're like, when we are doing the three of us, when we're doing stand-up.

Does this he even do it regularly?

Like, I was confused when he had a special come out.

I watched recently when I was watching all these things to prepare.

I watched Heather McMahon.

I'm not sure if you know if her hers is very funny, and Pete Holmes.

Those are the two that I watched.

I was like, oh, these are funny.

These are good specials.

What's her name?

Heather McMahon.

Heather McMahon.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's really weird.

She's like super big,

but no one, she said that she has a special Netflix, and she just had one come on on Hulu.

Her director, actually, Jen Zabrowski, I got her director because hers looked so fucking good.

Nice.

I was like, I need that woman.

And yeah, Heather's actually doing a cruise in April and I'm performing on the cruise, which I'm excited about.

Have you been on a cruise before?

I have.

My boyfriend works on cruises.

He's here.

That's my motion over there.

He does like a rock and roll show on the cruise ship.

So I go with him sometimes.

Tell you what.

I don't love the cruise ships.

He also does the princess, so they're older.

Right.

But we did the Alaska one.

It's beautiful.

We went from Vancouver.

We went up.

Very nice.

You didn't perform, did you?

No, I'd be thrown overboard.

I will not be allowed to do any sort of comedy on the cruise trips he does.

Because he did one joke where he got a complaint.

And he does like a Jerry Lee Lewis.

He plays Jerry Lee Lewis.

So he did a joke about having to join twins and sharing a diaper.

And then a woman went to the, the next morning, went down to the person that runs the shows and was like, I wasn't offended, but...

Somebody might have been by this joke.

I just want you to know.

I wasn't.

I laughed.

But others might be offended.

I just wanted to tell you.

I just I want to tell them.

I'm going to cruise directly.

Like, yeah, we love Jefferson.

He kills.

So I don't know what the hot are you know.

Yes.

Bizarre.

Because I think we know people who are cruise ship comedians, and it seems like a good deal.

I've only been on one cruise, and it wasn't for me, but.

No, is it a good deal?

I don't know.

It doesn't feel like maybe you're always on vacation.

I don't know.

I haven't.

I think there's maybe people,

if you're the right comedian and you have the right personality, it can be great.

Okay.

Yeah.

If your personality personality is you like sleeping in a tiny little cell, you like eating slop for weeks on end, and you like having no, like, they can't say anything.

Who do we know that goes on ships?

I know Graham Kang got kicked off.

No, we come see Steph on the Heather McMahon cruise.

The other cruise will be fun.

That's all like her people.

Because I know Graham Kang got kicked off.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was doing, I can't remember, but I think a Norwegian, I think got kicked off because he said he swore to something remotely sexual because you have to be so clean.

Yeah.

And then, dude, they were just like, get out of the next port.

Or are they like, you're in the hull of the ship for the rest of the cruise?

Go to the morgue.

No, they actually do the next, um, they, the next one to make you go off.

It's crazy.

The next port.

They're like, you're done.

See ya.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah.

Bizarre.

Yeah.

Isn't it weird that that's like a thing that's

just a commonplace thing?

Like, same with corporates.

Like, it's kind of just this like weird.

Who started that?

I don't know.

Because I'm telling you right now, these cruise ship comedians are unbearable.

I'm sitting in the, like, Jefferson, he does music, but he does a comedy between.

He does jokes and stuff, but he's billed as a musician.

And I'm sitting there with people in the audience, and they're like, I feel like, this guy's funny.

You should see how bad the comedians are on the ship.

And I'm like, I know, because they're like old, old hacks that have like 500 Instagram followers, and they don't, it's like the same, like, waiting for the elevators like this.

Oh, no, after you.

Like, it's the same.

They all do the same joke.

It's crazy.

It really is wild.

How many Instagram followers do you need to be funny?

I mean,

it's just, it's comical when these people are saying they're comedians.

They're crucial comedians.

And my sister has a bigger following.

They do.

I mean, that's just comical to me.

Would she play on a comedian?

She's a comedian.

She'd kill harder these fuckers.

When I was on the cruise that I went on with my family,

that we went and saw the comedian.

He bombed very badly.

Which wasn't really his fault because the crowd was being awful.

But the next day, I bought his CD in the gift shop and gave it to my mom for her birthday.

Wait, can you say the name of the person?

I don't remember it.

Okay, because I was like, I guarantee I'd be Gary Delena.

I think I know who.

Did he do music comedy?

Nope.

Okay, okay, okay.

She names names.

No, no, Gary actually ended up being a nice guy.

He actually had a really funny life.

He was a, he did music comedy, and we were, because we wouldn't have watched it because there's nothing else we need to do.

And at one point, he said, then I saw her face.

She's a retriever.

And I laughed.

I honestly had to laugh at her.

That is pretty good.

No, but that line.

That line really.

Yeah, yeah, another couple hundred Instagrams.

That's a good line.

Yeah, I feel like there's a lot of comedians I've seen over the years where they just have that one amazing joke.

Like everything else is just like tepid, but they've got this one joke that you're like, why do you have it?

I want it.

What are you going to do with it?

You know?

Well, that's what they do with it.

The cruise ships.

Do you

travel other than

going to shows and going on cruise ship with boyfriend?

Are you a traveler?

We have no life.

We tried to have a vacation.

We tried to plan.

We have March.

We have one week in March right after my birthday.

So we were going to go to Europe, but we don't have to go to Europe in a week.

So we're just going to, I think we're going to drive the West Coast together.

Nice.

Yes.

We're officially a year dating.

Congratulations.

Uh-huh.

He's, I love sharing this, but he's

Jefferson McDonald.

He's Christopher McDonald's nephew, Shooter McGavin.

Shooter McGavin.

Shooter McGavin.

And everyone always comments on my videos.

He looks exactly.

Yes, he does because they're simply related.

And just simply look at the last name.

Yeah.

Which wasn't that good.

But there's not very many McDonald's out there.

No.

But when you look exactly like somebody, you would assume.

Yeah.

You would assume.

Yeah.

People often ask me, hey, are you related to Don Chumka?

Yeah, it's my dad.

Yeah.

You can't stop all the time.

Yeah.

All the time.

His dad has a lot of Instagram followers.

That'd be so funny if your dad had way more Instagram followers than you.

And it's just all sleigh-of-hand magic.

You're like, this is what

this is what people like.

Well,

I barely post on Instagram.

I don't, I'm not, I'm not that kind of a performer

anymore.

I don't, I'm, I do this show.

And we just joined Instagram last week.

Yeah.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We

do clips.

You don't, do you?

We just started we're doing clips wow hey this will be our first clip oh boy because this is you know things things are crazy here no but here's the thing your podcast and so is marin's are doing so fucking well and they know there's no lips no clips well yeah marin marin and i we talk about this a lot you you're on the yeah first yeah we have a lot of like hey which one of our shows is doing better

look you guys are doing great why would i beg you to have me on there was no begging There was no begging.

Mark Maron is currently in Vancouver shooting something.

So

he's in the clubs.

He's doing working on bits and stuff.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Where is he?

What's good on Vancouver now?

What are we doing here?

What's happening over there?

There's a lot of bubble tea.

Yeah, we've got a lot of bubble tea places.

All the clubs are like independent clubs.

They're run by basically comedians.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, because all the clubs closed.

So

anyway.

Yeah.

So it's weird.

The scene's weird, but it's good.

Okay.

So yeah, if you come up just for like a couple days or whatever, you're just breezing through town, let me know.

I'll connect you with everybody.

I, yeah, let me, if I don't sell out the Vogue, I'll be hitting your mic after being like, I'm exhausted.

No, Vancouver has been a very good scene to me ever since I've started coming out there.

That was one of the first places that had let me, the mix.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm glad to hear that.

The weird thing is, like, I,

a couple times when I'd be MCing at the Comedy Mix, somebody who just played like the Vogue or the Queen Elizabeth Theater would come and do a set.

And I'm like, isn't this kind of a, would this be kind of a come down from you doing a whole

theater show?

And then I'm going to do seven minutes at some grotty club, you know?

I loved it.

I liked the set up there.

I mean, I hated that you couldn't drink on stage.

I'll never get over that.

Yeah.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, oh, yeah, on the stage itself, they said it wasn't liquor licensed.

And I was like, you just don't want comedians to drink.

That isn't legally

and makes no sense.

The middle of the room.

What are you talking about?

Oh, it is weird.

It is.

There's no way.

No, it is.

It's like there are the weirdest liquor laws in Vancouver.

Some of them I think have gotten better in the last 10 years or so.

But

I've been at Graham's old show at the Havana.

Yeah.

There was like...

Oh, you can't drink in there, right?

No, you couldn't drink in the theater.

Yeah.

But also at the bar, you could get a drink from the bar and there was like a little art gallery attached to the bar where you could look at pictures, but you could not take your drink one foot that directly.

That's right.

And if you were standing at the bar, someone would come and put a stool under you.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

What the heck?

And it's like right now, our mayor is Johnny Goodtimes.

Like, he's shotgun to beer in front of the press and such.

So funny.

So he's the guy who's like, I'm going to make sure you can drink anywhere you want.

Oh, come on.

He actually was like, when he got sworn in, he was wearing a toga.

Yeah, yeah.

No shoes or socks.

I remember one time I was so mad mad at this at that law.

I made a really, really long straw.

I attached like 12 straws and I had somebody in the green room.

It was a suit of curtain.

It was really hard to suck like with through 12 straws, but I did it to prove a point.

Also got no laughs.

And I was like, well, this is the funniest thing I've done in my entire life, but whatever.

Not funny in the crowd, but it's pretty silly.

It's pretty funny.

It was your coming out as a prop comedian.

You were like, this is what's been missing.

I would love to do props.

I'll tell you what, Carrotop's one of the nicest people I've ever met.

I went and saw his show in Las Vegas and I loved it.

I'm saying right now, he would do this podcast.

I asked him to do mine.

He goes, all right.

I was like, what?

He's so fucking nice and chill.

And like,

you know what?

I feel bad that people make fun of him all the time.

He's also funny.

He writes stuff more than any of us.

I think he's doing fine.

He's doing great.

He rewrites a new show non-stop.

He's constantly doing new jokes.

And he, the weird thing about him is that he's had so much success.

And then there wasn't like a wave of prop comics that were also trying to have that success.

It was like him.

And then nobody else has been a prop comic.

What about Marty Putz?

Who the hell's Marty?

Who's Marty Putz?

Marty Putz, do you remember the show?

It was on the Comedy Network.

I guess it was from Comedy Central called Make Me Laugh.

Yeah.

And it was a game show, and there would be like a contestant who just,

a comedian would like do comedy in their face, and it would be, they would win $100 if they didn't laugh.

Yeah.

And so they would just be.

And then Marty Putz was one of the like comedians.

And he always wore a hockey jersey and

blue pleather pants.

I mean,

you might have the same style.

I like the sound of Marty Putz right now.

I'm going to be Googling Marty Putz all night.

I want him to come up with my algorithm.

Yeah.

The more I say Marty Putz, the more

you say it three times, Marty Putz appears.

Yeah, it's...

Because it's weird, right?

Like, do you ever see a prop comic in L.A.?

There's one guy, Darren Carter, the party starter.

Okay.

I like that name a lot.

I want to not like him, but he fucking kills.

He has this bit where he brings out a flashlight and does his nightclub thing, and the crowd goes, ballistic.

Ballistic.

And he does it every night, the same set, and it's like, they beloved.

It's like the fact that he gave himself a name, like, you know, how Cedric the Entertainer was like.

Yeah.

But he's the party starter.

Aaron Carter.

It's such a long name, and yeah, that's that's how you have to notice him.

It's really wild.

Would he destroy on a cruise?

Oh, he would destroy on a cruise.

Yeah.

He would absolutely murder on a cruise.

Yeah.

So I just did a Google image search for Marty Putz, and he looks very funny.

And I'm seeing so many funny-looking props, but there is the same, he's doing the same bit over like

it looks like footage from today and footage from the 80s.

Like he's had this one bit in his act for 40 years, and it's just him with giant fake muscles holding a

dumbbell.

Oh, that's.

I'm not gonna lie, I like white pets.

Maybe we should do more prop comedy.

I like a prop.

I've been I mean, I feel like

there was a lot of stuff that I thought was like corny when I was younger.

Now I'm like, oh, who cares?

It's great.

Yeah, I like to hold it.

Yeah, I want to laugh.

That's it.

No, everybody.

So like, I picked up somebody who had a really gross pretzel at a show because it was penis.

And I could have done a whole set with it.

I was like, I gotta put this down.

It was really weird for me to do that.

Then I felt bad the whole show.

I was like, really sorry to test your food.

But I was like, in my head, it's very funny stuff.

I love it.

I love a nice props.

It's, yeah, it's crazy to me that there wasn't like a whole wave of them.

And that they're, like you say, you know one.

And I can't even think of one.

But do you remember like watching old Just for Laughs clips like from, you know, from the early 90s or whatever?

Yes.

And there was a guy, his whole act was swallowing things and then bringing them back up.

Do you remember that?

Well, I don't remember that guy.

No.

Oh, God.

He made the freakiest sound when he swallowed things.

He would swallow like a a light bulb he would swallow he would drink a glass of water and then with a with a fish in it with a fish in it yeah and then spit it out

and he did like he oh he could do change he could put in some loose change and then bring it up like by its worth like a 25 10 50 oh he then rearranged the oh wow yeah that's insane there's no way they were actually getting swallowed down there but can you imagine being on a show and that guy's also on the show you can't there's no way you could have been able able to follow that back in the day.

There's no way, no, no, no, exactly.

And like going on after a celebrity.

Oh, I had to go.

Do you guys know who TI is?

Yeah,

the rapper.

Oh, yeah, the rapper.

So, did you follow him expeditiously?

Oh, he thinks he's a comedian.

And listen, T.I., if you're listening, you gotta put the microphone.

Yeah, T.I.

is a big fan.

Yeah, T.I.

is a listener.

T.I., could you stop emailing us?

T.I., we don't want you on the podcast.

Pauli Shore brought him on stage thinking he was going to do three minutes.

I'm at the back, like, hmm, okay.

He won't get off stage.

T.I.'s not getting off stage.

Polly's the back.

He's getting laughs.

No, pity laughs, like, celebrity laughs.

Right.

So Polly's at the back, and he's like, now five minutes.

And the delights, he does a delight.

Polly's like, it's okay.

He'll bring you up.

I'm like, T.I.

doesn't know who the fuck I am.

He doesn't know that you, it's shotgun style.

He's no idea what's happening.

Right.

The guy on the piano starts playing him off.

He's like, okay, dude.

And then Polly, they try to grab the mic and they do this thing where they're like fighting and he won't give him.

I'm at the back like, this is not go i had to go on after and i was like well well well what the fuck was that and like i had to like reset the room took a bit i wasn't my best set i'll tell you that very bizarre to follow a rapper who isn't funny and who should not be there and then wouldn't leave it was bizarre wow i yeah i really like i read a story from tim allenson in an interview that he was on just for laughs he was the closing act of the gala and he was before home improvement so he was well known as a stand-up but that was it.

And

the guy before him, his thing was like lighting a rocket out of his butt.

Like he'd put a rocket in his butt, and then like it was like big sparklers coming out.

And then Tim Allen had to go up there and be like, oh.

That's so funny.

And they're like, put a rock in your ass, and then there's a sound.

Now, I'm picturing in the butthole, but I'm guessing, I'm assuming for JFL it was butt crack.

Yeah.

Well,

no, no, there's no way just for laughs.

Maybe on the French side, if it was just, if the French speaker is back.

I think it was a different time back then.

I think you probably got away with a lot of stuff in the early 90s.

A lot of stuff.

Oh, God.

There was one guy.

He was a guy who didn't speak any English, but he could do elaborate shadow puppets.

And that was like, he could do like a celebrity shadow puppet.

And he was, he, the only words he could speak was who the celebrity was.

Like,

he wasn't selling you on what, you know, anything else.

It was just shadow puppets.

And I was like, man, what?

JFL used to rule that they would do stuff like that.

Also, was comedy way easier back then?

What the hell?

You just shoved a rocket in your ass and we're like, this isn't that.

Picture how many times I showcase where Just Laughs seven years straight.

And get it.

I needed a rocket in my ass.

Yeah, where was your rocket?

Where's my fucking rocket?

Where was my shadow puppet?

I would have done that.

What the hell?

I was just shadow puppet.

I was just like, no, is it different celebrities?

I mean, like, just whoever the fuck.

I'm like, this is crazy.

I screwed up i screwed up screwed the hell up

um

uh dave what's going on with you my friend well i can i take it down can i get serious for a bit

here um well halloween is coming up oh yeah and uh my children are going to um

they're gonna both dress up as chapel roan okay yeah brand new popular singer she's a she's a singer she's um you know she wears a very distinctive outfit.

So they're going to have like a big red wig and powdery makeup and kind of like a sequined Sailor Moon outfit.

Okay.

And,

you know, you hear about what happens every year at Halloween.

There's like,

you know, you hear the stories about people tampering with candy and they give it out to trick-or-treaters.

And they're like.

We used to do that every year at my house.

What did you do?

We'd open them up, rub them on the floor, wrap them back up again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lot of work.

A lot of work.

You hear about like people putting needles in chocolate bars and poisoning lollipops.

And, you know,

people say it's an urban legend, but it's not.

It really happens.

So every year after trick-or-treating, the kids, you know, they pour out their candy.

They put it on the table.

We spread it out.

And I have to go through all of their candy.

Yeah.

You got to take a little bite of everything.

Well, yeah, that's the thing.

It's like I look at it, but I have to, you know, take a little bite.

I, you know, maybe I chew it a bit.

I swallow it.

I usually end up eating, you know, 70 to 80% of the candy.

Like, are you...

Because I feel like there's kids that they like the hunt, but they don't care about the candy.

And those people drive me insane because why are we doing it?

They care about the candy, but they, you know, I ask them, do they resent the fact that I end up eating most of their candy?

And they're like, no, Dad, we know it's important, and you're actually really brave for protecting us.

And so they actually wrote me a song, they did love it, and they wrote me a song.

And they, uh, this is so cute, this is adorable, yeah, yeah,

and they sang it to me, and uh, it went like this:

He's cruel,

insane

Putting razor blades in apples just to cause some pain Throw him

in jail

Floating Snickers in the toilet filling nerds with nails

Come November 1st, I don't want my stomach burst I only want to enjoy all my candy safely You can taste a hundred poison bars.

Make sure we don't joke on a candy necklace.

You can have my only fun-size Mars.

We appreciate all you do to protect us.

Your great dad,

you rule dad.

You have to stop the man causing all the chaos.

Your great dad,

big hugs, dad.

You're a normal dad, and we're not embarrassed.

And they did not write the song.

This was they did that.

They wrote that and they performed it.

No, they did not.

I can't believe I bought that.

I got so

did I.

Cute little girls you raised, and then he's like the stupidest song I've heard of my life.

What the hell?

Well, it's Chapel Roan, is what it is.

No, is it?

Okay, okay.

That the crazy, guess what?

Then killed the cruisership.

Yeah, it would kill on JFL.

Hey, Marty Potts.

Yeah.

Yo, G.

Potts over here.

That's That's adorable.

And it's adorable.

Are people going to know?

It's not adorable because none of it's true.

There's no way.

Has anybody actually ever found something?

Like, honestly, all your years of sugar treating, have you ever had any?

I've never heard.

There's no way.

And apparently the

things that are the only instances of kids getting poisoned are their own parents.

Oh, sure.

It's never like some scary boogeyman.

Steph, are you a Halloween person?

I am.

Very large, very big.

I'm very excited because

my boyfriend and I already look like Hollow Notes.

So we barely have to do anything.

He has my hair cut.

He got a mullet.

And I'm like, okay, and I just need a mustache.

So we are going as Hollow Notes or we are going to go as, we already filmed like a spoof on Shinam Gavin and Mr.

Larson.

So I have the wake with the nail on my head still.

So we might just do that again.

That's for you.

Did you once go as

a character from Big Mouth?

Were you the

coach Steve?

Last year, okay, last year was my funniest costume, but

here's the thing: I got really into this

and I went to the wrong party.

I ended up going to the, do you know Gabby?

Do you know Robbie Hoffman's girlfriend?

She's on like a reality show, Gabby.

No, I've heard of her, yeah.

Okay, yeah.

So I don't watch reality.

It was her and her friends' party.

Okay.

Don't watch reality.

Don't listen to travel.

They're very attractive, very

cool lesbians.

Okay.

Okay.

Have you guys seen?

Obviously, you've seen Wrestle Development.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know when Tobias gets the grab versus host, the transplant, the hair transplant, and he has to be in a wheelchair?

Yeah.

So I thought it'd be really hilarious to come to a house party in a full fucking wheelchair.

And now I can't, of course, I can't find the fucking photos.

I show up in this Tobias wig with lesions all over my face.

My friend Jessica Michelle also coming in comes with me she dresses up as tobias with with never nude so full nothing on her tits like just like little fake things and just jean shorts we looked no one knew who we were no there no so i people thought i was making myself in a wheelchair so i come in and everyone the whole party halts and they went and it's at this beautiful like charcuterie spread like towers like towers like fondus and i'm like oh

and i just roll in and then i go right outside someone's embarrassed yeah so i'm in the backyard and everyone's like do you need help in your chair?

And I was like,

It's a bit.

And then it was like, it bombed for so long that we had to leave.

We were there for like 30 minutes.

I was like, we actually have to go.

It was so embarrassing.

I drove three hours to get that fucking wheelchair because it was very hard to rent a wheelchair.

And then at one point, I fell out of it, like he does in the thing.

And people were like, Do you need help?

What is this?

And I was like, we're filling you up for Instagram.

And they were like, okay, it was so embarrassing.

Oh, wow.

The year before that, I was Clifford from Martin Schwartz Clifford.

Oh, nice.

That was bag on.

Yeah.

And then before that, what the fuck was I?

Yeah, I was like Weird Al.

That was also very good.

Very weird.

I was a very good one.

House Cooper years ago.

Well, my kids actually, this year,

I got them little jumpsuits and mullet wigs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stop lying.

I thought your kids were cute.

Now I'm pissed.

I don't want to tell what my kids are actually going on.

People are pigs.

I don't know.

You don't show your kids online, do you?

Nope.

No.

My sister is a beautiful baby, and I'm like, I have to actually go home and have a full sit down with my mom and dad and my uncle and be like

in case i go off after this special people will be creeping on you maybe and this baby cannot i watch way too much laudores for you i'm on a weird tick tock right now where i'm seeing and i don't want i i want if you have kids listen to me people aren't just they're finding the photos that you have of your children and screenshotting them on instagram and facebook and putting them on the dark web Right.

So I'm like, nobody's, no one's going to post it.

The baby's not going to post it.

Maybe my parents will close their Instagram accounts.

I'm like, it's not happening.

There's sickos out there.

Yeah, that's true.

Or is she like, Steph is such an eomaniac?

She thinks my kids are in danger.

No, no.

She, no, this kid's so fucking cute.

She actually is.

I'm actually concerned.

I kind of wish she was ugly because it wouldn't be a problem, but she's insanely cute.

Yeah.

So I'm like, we can't be doing this.

I don't trust anyone.

I would gross.

Are you like...

Do you live in an apartment or a house?

Or like, are you trick-or-treating?

Is that an area that?

No, I think we'll probably

go.

I don't even think he's here.

I think I'll probably go and do a scent at the store.

I'll probably just dress up with a mustache and do a weird set.

It's always, I did a set one year when I dressed up like Clifford bombed my dick off.

You can't kill.

I was like, what is that?

Is that a man or woman?

It's very confusing what's happening.

So there's no, you're not getting laughs.

Like, you're just kind of bombing.

Right.

It's bizarre.

Yeah.

Do you dress up, Dave, with your kids?

No, I do the bare minimum.

I have a

Mr.

Plow jacket from The Simpsons, and

I walk around the neighborhood wearing that.

That

sort of like a little

hat he has, the Homer Simpson has, that's like the winter ear flap.

Yeah, ear flap baseball hat.

The big thing this time of year is just walking my dogs around the neighborhood, and they get so scared of the giant skeletons now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so funny and cute.

I would think that a dog, wouldn't that be their big score?

Oh, yeah.

Just so many bones.

Isn't that what dogs love?

No, my dog, we have to cross the street sometimes because she sees them.

She gets so freaked out.

Yeah.

What kind of dog do you have?

Look at the gold, the retriever.

She's the most unprotective, sweetest peach.

She stinks so bad.

I do.

She had like a hole.

And then I saw her face.

She's a retrieve.

That's why they had hard.

They love it.

Very, you're going to be saying that.

I was walking my dogs the other day, and someone had like a graveyard on their front lawn.

Oh, yeah.

And my dogs just looked at it like kind of sadly.

Oh.

Is this story real, Dave?

No, this one's real.

They looked at it sadly.

And in fact, it sounded like this.

And then just you barking.

Woo-woo-woo-woo-full bark song.

This is what my dog barked to me.

Let me just find a karaoke.

Hey, yeah, that's what's going on here.

We're revving up for the Halloween.

It's going to be the best.

It's going to be the best Halloween ever.

You go with them like door door-to-door.

You know, muck around all there by themselves.

Yeah, yeah.

It's sick.

I go with them, or my wife goes with them.

Yeah, you don't trust anybody.

Is she dressing up?

I don't know.

No, no, she is for work.

Oh, yeah.

Her work is like, they go hard.

Nice.

Nice.

Does she have hers planned out yet?

I don't want to spoil it.

She's got like a week of costumes planned.

Oh,

Jesus.

That's maybe I'm wrong.

That's heavy duty.

Yeah.

She's also,

she sews.

She's always sewing stuff.

So she's was right now yesterday she was making a Shira costume.

Oh

like from Demon

Extended Yemen

the Princess of Power.

Oh yeah.

You know her?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you dressing up Graham?

Yeah, well I don't have anywhere to go just yet.

That's my because I'm run a show on Thursdays, which Halloween falls on a Thursday.

And if you ever want to come down to the show, it's 7.30 p.m.

at Little Mountain Gallery, Laugh Gallery, good time.

Even on Halloween night, the show's happening?

Yep.

And then after that, I'm going to go somewhere and party or just go to a field and drink or whatever.

Adults should be coming out.

What else are they doing at Halloween night?

If you're not dressing up, which I'd say majority don't anymore,

what the hell are you doing?

There's

in Vancouver, there's a thing called the Parade of Lost Souls, and it's everybody's in Halloween costumes.

It's like families and, you know, like groups together and they all march down this street called Commercial Drive.

And it's, and then they all, it all ends in a park.

And there's like people that are doing like, you know, fire breathing and doing all sorts of like crazy, you know, burning man kind of shit.

And Marty Putz is there with

Marty Putz is killing.

He's the grand marshal of the parade.

He's at the beginning and the end of it.

But that's last year, the year before, I went as

Forrest Gump with When He's Running, like across the country.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I saw that photo.

That was very good.

And my wife was a box of chocolates.

And people,

they went bananas for it.

People eat, they love a couple costume.

Yeah.

People eat those up.

Well, you guys are going to kill it with the Holland Oats situation.

Simply a mustache and already what we wear.

Nothing else we do.

That's it.

We're done.

Stupid.

I love it.

I love it.

Graham, what's going on with you?

Well, a couple weeks ago, we had a guest on the show who has been a regular guest on the show named Emmett Hall.

And he, when he was on the show, we were talking about that he bought like a punk rock leather jacket and he was going to wear it at a show.

He's the front man of a

metal band called Necronado.

And he, we went to see him and it was like this was his true calling.

He was so fucking good at doing this.

And like it wasn't.

It wasn't silly or anything.

Like it was really like, he was amazing how good he was at this.

And I was like, can you do that?

Can you, is there any career in you being the head of a rock band because he he was great he was outstanding and it's funny because he's done like fake heavy metal stuff he's got a good like screeching voice and it's like oh he's he's very influenced by heavy metal he he knows the like

he he he's authentic with his like spoofs of it yeah but

but he was so good he was so good and it was like at this place that used to be like just a really grotty punk rock club um which has been cleaned up a bit but still i wouldn't like touch surfaces so much

cobalt yeah

it's been cleaned up a bit yeah it was a dance club for a while and then it changed hands and then it's so it's like still a rock club but it's not like you can use the bathroom now like that's kind of you know like that's the level not me

i'm a at any punk rock show i wear a diaper

they are disgusting and they're people are just piss everywhere did he crowdsurf what he was doing it Or was he up there doing?

No, he was just like his, he was like, had all sorts of fantastic moves, you know, like rock and roll lead singer kind of moves.

And he was hyping up the crowd, which the band before them kind of just really like shoegazing, like just didn't even raise their heads up.

And

then he came out and he was like getting the crowd.

He's like getting them to chant stuff and like, you know, pump your fist in the air and all this kind of stuff.

And so

they turned it on so fast.

And so what happened was there wasn't enough people to crowdsurf, but a mosh pit started during their set.

That's splendid.

And it was, I've never seen how a mosh pit starts.

And so that's witnessing how it actually like begins, because I've always just seen them like as they're happening, but somebody's going to get the ball rolling, right?

I've started one.

I hate to brag, but I've you really?

You just, you just shove.

You do a big shove.

You do a big shove.

You do people.

You're kind of, there's a group of you and you're kind of look, you're looking around.

You need one person to initiate it.

Yeah.

And then you kind of, also, it's easier for for me as a woman because then you know it's not as aggressive so I'll I'll shove a guy and then they'll tell me okay then a couple more shoves happen and then all the shoving starts that's yeah so this guy that started it pretty much the same thing but he was he was cruising around a circle to see who might be interested so he's making eye contact yeah people like so when you say moshpit you're talking about like when people are like body checking yes body checking and flying moshpit literally is just people shoving each other yeah sometimes you know if just like a big mass of people are like, if there's not enough room to like run and like hit each other in a circle, some people just call that a mosh pit, even when there's like

people are just like jostling.

Yeah, that's more like it's overcrowding and just getting, that's not really a mosh pit.

A mosh pit is where there's room to like push and kind of like, it kind of creates like a circle with the people that want to be mucking around there.

My favorite spot, edge of a mosh pit.

Because you can see the band.

That's what I wear on the edge of the mosh pit.

But if you could add a couple little pushes, pushes here and there.

You don't have to.

You're part of the like fence.

You're part of the outer.

Yeah.

Pushing hard.

But this guy, he kept cruising around in a circle.

Like he made eye contact with me, like kind of in a way that

I look like I would enjoy.

I would

push you.

I think you would be a pusher.

I would.

I would probably push back.

I'd probably

dig in on it.

But

anyways, it was just so much fun.

And like I say, I've never seen the birth.

of a mosh bit.

So,

but Steph, she's all over it.

So next sponsor.

You're going to be a big mosher.

Not anymore.

The last time I went in, I peed.

I went in.

It was Death from Above.

And I, I'm not designed to be funny.

I literally went in and I started like kind of bouncing.

And I was like, oh, fuck.

And then I pushed so many that a bit of pee came in.

I was like, oh my God.

And then I just, I just fully fanced my pants.

And I was like, oh, my God.

And I came out.

My friend was there.

And she's like, hey, whatever's that exaggerating.

And she changed herself on.

I'm like, I'm trying to wear a jumpsuit.

Green.

She went, oh my God.

Like, it was a full pile of piss.

I had to go to the fucking chains room and I had to like put the hand dryer on.

Oh, shit.

So bad.

And it was Death from Above.

And they got me backstage passes.

So I got to meet them after the first time.

And I was like, backstage pisses.

Oh, backstage businesses.

I told him I peed.

He's like, what?

I go.

I'm pissed.

He's like, okay.

And it was like, uh-uh, bye.

And I was like, so fucking weird.

It was so stupid.

So embarrassed.

What was your do you recall what your first mosh pit was?

Yes, snow jam.

Snow.

Treble charger.

Yeah.

Remember Treble Charger?

Uh, yeah, been in the news lately.

Really?

Yeah.

Yo, what did he do?

The last thing, what'd he do?

Yeah.

Are you serious?

Derek Wibley from Sum 41.

That's right.

The lead singer of Trebble Charger was their manager, and there were some abuses.

Yeah.

Allegedly.

Allegedly, yeah.

But, you know, why would Derek Wibley, why would he lie?

Why would he lie?

He's not looking great these days, anyways.

He does need this press.

Oh,

I don't know what he's saying.

That was unnecessary.

That really was unnecessary.

I felt bad saying it.

I actually felt bad saying it.

I just saw him in a video yesterday.

He looks, I was like, oh, he's going to look great.

I hate that.

Now this is ruining my first match experience.

Snowjob was a much music.

Snow Jam.

Snow Jam.

Well, Snowjob was a much music.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

But that's what I thought you meant.

Was that the CNE, the Canadian National Exhibition?

And it was so long ago.

Treble Charger and, oh my God, Yoko Oly.

What was that band?

It was a white, two white rappers.

One of the guy he had dreads, but he was white.

Oh,

the swollen member.

Swollen member.

Swole member.

So the swollen member is a trouble charger.

And I was in high school, evocatively, sorry.

And canceled.

I crowdsurfed for the first time.

And then somebody hugged myself.

Yoko only actually broke up the band.

Yeah, so that's the problem, Debbie.

So you, you crowdsurfed.

How did you get to the stage and jump off?

I got up to do a wait.

There's always a gap, a security gap, and then I got dropped off there.

And then I ran back around.

And I didn't go back in because somebody kind of fondled me.

But how did you

jump on it?

How did you

stand in the back?

I was like standing out of the back, and then someone was like, Do you want to go up?

And I went, Okay.

And then I just put my

guy put my hand in his feet, like his hands like this, like, and it hoisted me up.

And then a bunch of guys caught me.

And then I kind of flipped around.

And then one guy went, oops, I'm a tan.

And then I was like, ah, and then I fly back around.

And then I was like, well, never mind.

Did he say oops when he did it?

He went, oops.

He went, sorry, as he humbly said.

Didn't mean to.

I did much crowdsurfing in my day.

I remember once I was in, I crowdsurfed at a, boy, it was Moist opening for iMother Earth.

Wow.

It doesn't get much worse.

What iWother Earth singer was it?

Edwin, of course.

Oh, Duman.

I liked the other guy better.

Well, actually, it was Mud Girl opening for all of them.

And then during Moist, I crowdsurfed and lost my shoe.

Oh, no.

This would have been grade 11, grade 10.

I lost my shoe and

like five minutes later found it in the pit.

Nice.

That's so funny.

Also, how do you crowdsource to Moist?

Is it were they more chill?

Yeah, my moist had some bangers, I think.

Okay.

I mean, you get a bunch of grade 10s

in an arena.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was,

whenever they were big, like 95

say something like that.

Yeah.

They played at the at the mall near my high school and

they started up, and then right away, somebody started a mosh bit, and security was like, this is a mall, you can't do that.

And he had to tell people not to do it.

And if it started again, they had to leave.

Started immediately, and they left the stage.

That's so funny.

The lead singer's name, David Usher.

So if there's anything he would be good at, it was telling people what to do in the audience.

One thing

he laid down a law.

Yeah, he laid down the law and he did exactly what he said he was going to do.

He said he was going to walk.

He walked.

You simply walked.

And also their big song is push, which is like all you're doing.

That's literally it.

You're telling people what to do here.

Come on.

You asked me, how did we crowdsurf to moist?

They had mosh in their name.

I mean, but

how silly me for getting moist as bangers.

And you get moist jamming around in the crowdsurfing.

You're doing it quite moist.

Everything about them.

Do you guys want to move on to some overheards?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hi, everybody.

That means that it's time for a bit of business.

Yeah, we thought we might be headed for overheards.

We were wrong.

You were wrong.

This one is a Jumbotron message this week.

And this one, why don't you just say who it's for and who it's from?

It's for Trevor, and it's from Rowan, and it goes as such.

Someone is 40.

It's your happy birthday.

My cursor was over there, over the

exclamation point.

Someone is 40.

It's

someone is 40, and it's you.

Happy birthday, mister.

And that one is for Trevor from Rowan.

Nice.

Well, it's a really short one.

We can do better with long ones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give us a long form.

I mean, we don't want it to improvise off of your message.

We want your message to be your message.

And congratulations on being

in that prime of life.

Yeah, I've been that big fortigenarian in the sky.

Well, should we get back to the show?

I would like to.

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Night night.

Overheard.

Overheard's a segment where if you hear it, why not let us hear it?

That's only fair, right?

And we always like to start with the guest.

Steph, do you have an overheard?

I do, yes.

So I was filming my cold open in Boston for the special.

Let me tell you.

Let me just tell you, the cold open is going to be probably better than the whole special.

The first one.

For people not in the know, cold open is

the first minute you see before the special.

Right.

So because you're not on stage, you're doing something funny.

You're doing something funny.

And because I'm a sketch comedian at heart, I needed to do something wacky.

I don't have to give the whole thing away, but I will say there's a bit that I've been doing for years where I fall for a really long time.

I fake fall for a while.

I love this.

So you're going to love it.

I'm telling you,

it's better than anything I've ever done.

So the whole joke is I'm gonna start falling from LA there's gonna be a big celebrity that starts it I think we know who it is he's gonna push me I'm gonna start falling so we're filming this long fall the next day after the all across Boston so we get we get into Fenway crazy Fenway Park we're outside Fenway we're all we're like but down by the harbor we're everywhere so I'm you're falling this whole time where you go like whoa whoa

whoa whoa so my arms are up if you if you fly go on my Instagram I have a million of these these videos so a couple of them went viral so I was like this is is what i have to do because it's so insane yeah and very physical so i'm we're shooting right outside fenway park and there's like we're doing it all like pretty we're not asking people to do shit we're not telling people what's going on we're just filming it fucking like gorilla style like go stop the cars go yeah so i start doing so the people that work at fenway know what's happening because i have to fall into the park so i do this insane i think it was going forward and i was just it's it's so over the top so i'm like whoa whoa whoa and i just keep falling and i fall through these cars across the street and i i this woman and her husband i guess we didn't notice this giant camera there so i fall right by her and the woman goes whoopsie daisies

and i like the i was like oh my god and then she's gonna walk away she went did you see that woman she didn't stop falling and i was like oh my god i cannot believe a so it was a whoopsie daisies and b she thought that was real like there's so no way in hell anybody would run like that And her and her husband were so, they kept looking back at me going, oh my.

And they thought, I was like, that's the, that, that right there was the funniest thing that could have happened for the whole time.

It's like so wholesome.

Like, it was so wholesome.

Whoopsie daisies.

And she was so upset.

She kind of like clutched herself when she did it.

I love the idea of someone just believing a comedy bit.

Wow, that guy really doesn't get any respect.

It's so, yeah.

It's so crazy.

When I, anytime I film anything out here and people don't really notice or don't react, I'm like, do you just think the Sephill behave?

Just fake falling for no reason?

Like, it's crazy.

It's

so funny because our current prime minister, that was a bit he used to do.

He used to fall down the stairs at parties to get people like...

It was one of his famous bits he did at parties.

Forget what the other one was.

Yeah, it's not his family.

Wait, did he actually do that?

Like, he actually meant to fall?

No, he would do that.

He would do like...

He would fall down the stairs

on purpose and like get everybody to laugh.

Why he hasn't done it in office, I have no idea.

It's all we want.

He probably should.

That's hilarious.

I fell once at a party.

I forgot I I dressed up this years ago.

I dressed up like my mom pregnant with me in the 80s.

And I fell down a flight of stairs at this Halloween party.

I was so drunk, everyone thought I was pregnant.

They were like, oh my God, fuck, fuck.

All these frat guys are like, call the police, call the inless.

I was like, wow, I'm that good at fucking faking you.

Everyone believes everything.

People believe you were pregnant.

People believe you were in a wheelchair.

People believe my kids sang that Chapel Rhone song to me.

But that was mine.

Mine is very wholesome and nice.

Very wholesome.

I like it.

It's very sweet.

Dave, do you have an overheard?

I have an overdreamt, Grey.

Okay.

Now, just for Steph, this is something wacky that happened in a dream.

That also is under the banner of overheard.

Okay, okay.

That's new.

So, this is a no-normally my dreams are quite boring.

Yes.

But this was one I had a dream, and you were in it, Grey.

Oh, shit.

We were in

like

so.

In my dream, you and I are in this like chalet in Washington state.

I love this.

And we have a show the next day.

It's Monday, and our show is on Tuesday.

Oh, so we got a whole day to just chill.

And I, and I hate this place.

I'm so unhappy.

I hate it there.

It's like

pretty crappy.

And I, I'm like, I gotta get out of this place.

And I'm asking you, like, hey, when our show is over tomorrow night, can we drive straight back to Vancouver?

I don't want to spend an extra night here because we're already a day early for this stupid show.

And

in the dream, you know how when you're in a hotel room, they have that like binder that's got a bunch of information about the hotel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, in the dream, there was one of those binders and it had

like you know those plastic sleeves inside that have like paper slid into them.

Oh, yeah.

And I opened up the binder and in one of those plastic sleeves was a can of spaghettios.

And there was just a note next to it that said, Tuesday dinner.

What the fuck?

I love the way you're like, my dreams are totally boring.

This one, crazy.

Yeah, this one's insane.

This one is the nuttiest dream he's ever had.

Wacky stuff.

Isn't that boring?

No.

It's not boring.

It's very wholesome.

Your life is.

It is very wholesome.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, famously, my boring dreams are: one, I had a dream my

travel agent was retiring.

That's

two,

me and a bunch of guys were fixing a garage door.

Oh my God.

I dream I'm being like murdered and torn into shreds, and my dog is falling off like huge buildings and breaking her leg and dying in front of me.

And you're like, A can of spaghettios in a binder.

I want to go home.

I want to be with my garage door that we fixed.

Oh, my God.

That's so funny.

If I find out that my travel agent booked me at this freaking chalet, I'm going to be so mad.

Oh, that's very wholesome.

What's yours, Graham?

Mine is,

it's on the sadder side of the spectrum,

but it was funny the way that it worked out.

So there's in Vancouver, I've been told if you're out on the street and you see somebody like lying in the middle of the street to like clap near their ear to make sure they're okay, right?

That they're conscious and like, because it works better than like yelling at them or whatever.

So I do that every single day.

In the middle of the street?

Well, on the sidewalk or, you know, in a doorway or something like that, just to make sure that they're like, okay, and awake.

And so

I did it.

There were two guys lying on a grate and one had an umbrella over his face.

And I clapped near them and I said, is everything okay?

And the guy said, real all right, chief.

real all right chief chief is hilarious you don't hear enough chiefs you don't hear chief anymore yeah

I was throwing down chief yeah I get a lot of boss I get a lot of champ yeah champ absolutely yeah chief is nice what's your what is your dog's name Steph Susan Susan okay because I was talking on the podcast that nobody has the like classic cartoon dog names like Fido or like Rex Rover Rex Rover Susan is from the game guess who remember guess Guess Who?

Oh, shit.

Same color hair.

What does Susan look like?

Same color hair.

Oh, okay.

I get her in here.

She was blonde.

She's white.

Susan's blonde.

Susan's white.

Susan's white.

White hair.

Susan's got the white.

Oh, she's all white hair.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's cream golden.

Yeah.

Now we also have Overheard sent into us by people all over the map.

If you want to send me in there.

We should make a new guess who that's like way, a way bigger board.

Just like, just hundreds of people that you have to guess.

So it'll take you like all.

all.

She hears me calling her now.

Oh, no.

Yeah, Susan.

She's looking at the fucking door.

I can hear her fucking scratching the damn door.

There she is.

Susan.

That's a cute dog.

I'll get her to her mouth.

Come.

Oh,

come on.

Are you kidding me?

Doesn't she look like a Susan?

She smells bad.

Oh, she looks like a Susan.

She smells so bad.

Oof, gosh, she thinks Susan.

Yeah, Steph's been trash talking you.

Your smell.

It's disgusting.

Is it just dog smell?

It's dog, but because it's in gold in their hair, they have like the two layers of fur.

It's like a smaller and the thickest.

People have been petting her, so she's like greased.

It's greased up.

She's greased.

Sick.

Yeah.

Oh, oh,

over breath.

Oh, my God.

I thought she farted.

That's her mouth.

Oh, God.

Oh, fuck.

That's so bad.

I had to brush her teeth.

Not somebody's due for a shower.

She's going in Sunday.

This is hell.

Over smelts.

That was bad.

Now.

God.

We have ones that listeners send in.

If you want to send one in, it's sby at maximumfund.org.

And the first one is Jeanette from Illinois.

She was a substitute teacher, and she has a ton of stories.

But I was subbing for a fifth grade class, and there weren't enough textbooks for everyone, so I had a girl run to another teacher to get more.

While she was doing that, a kid with bright blue hair stood up and said, let me introduce myself.

Hi.

I'm blank.

I'm kind of a class clown.

And he later walked up to my desk to hand me a folded piece of paper and said, follow me on my socials.

And then it was a bunch of usernames on the piece of paper.

Oh, God.

The ball.

Getting you to follow him on socials.

I love it.

I'm kind of a class clown, too.

Prove it.

Yeah, prove it.

That better be a funny Instagram.

Did you,

did you class clown Steph?

No.

You were a theater kid, right?

Yes, but I don't think I was funny until grade eight.

Yeah, your grade five teacher said you were, but she was like, I was a liar.

I was, I grade eight, I kind of came out of my shell.

Okay.

I was like kind of like quiet and I didn't really hang out because I danced a lot.

So I was on like dancing trips with my family a lot.

So I didn't really have a lot of school friends.

So I think by grade eight, I was like trying to, I was getting out of that.

So I was like hanging out more and being silly and

sort of being gross.

We sounded more about sex.

And I thought it was hilarious.

So I was really

it is funny and it's gross and weird.

So I was like being nasty and stupid.

I think I'm, boy, I don't know when I, I don't think I ever came out of my shell.

Maybe I started started out of my shell and I just went in.

Yeah.

Back in.

This next one comes from Heidi Y from Reno, Nevada.

Heidi Y.

Heidi Whitey.

I was browsing through a five below.

I don't know what that is.

What's a five below?

Is that a magazine?

I think it's a

store, yeah.

Okay, yeah.

I think it's like a mountain from a co-op and a thing.

Okay.

Maybe that.

So walking through a five below when I heard a little girl say to her mom, Mom, is this the last place we're going to go before we go home?

And her dad said, No, we have about 16 more places to go.

And the little girl said, Dad, I'm sick of your bad jokes.

Mom, is he telling the truth?

Aw, see, that's wholesome and real.

That is wholesome.

It's wholesome and real.

It is.

It's five below is a discount store.

So everything is $5 and less.

Wow.

Love it.

Love it.

That's the big

difference when I went to la for the first time is the dollar stores have so much stuff oh it's not just like junk stuff there's like food and all this crazy stuff that i've never seen in a dollar store you guys have a daiso out there you do i believe you do yeah we have a few japanese oh yeah we've been there yeah that place slaps that's that's where i go when i have a night off i get high and i go daiso it's my favorite place i get i swear to god i go there there's one right at my house i love it it's like either cute little sponges and little stuff is nice like two three bucks graham there's there's one now in City Center Mall or something.

Maybe I'll have to get high and go there.

You got it.

Dave, you want to get high and go there?

It's walking distance.

What the heck?

You got to go.

Yeah, we're going to go.

We're going to go.

We're going to go.

I can't go.

I'm too high.

Yeah, Dave's back in his shell again.

I was going to go to Daiso, but then I got high.

We have a musical episode.

This last one comes through.

This is the show.

You haven't been on it in five years.

This is the show.

I don't know.

It's all songs.

That's true.

We should have told you that we're kind of like podcast glee, kind of.

That's our vibe.

I had no idea.

Very few people do until they come on the show and then they're blown away by how awesome we are.

Yeah.

This next one or last one comes from Sasha from Vancouver.

This is around 2001.

I was watching The Knowledge Network.

They were doing a travel piece about high tea offered at the Empress Hotel in Victoria, which was used to be such a big thing, and they had all these different theme rooms and stuff like that.

With the focus on being how the Empress had just just started offering Japanese matcha tea ceremonies.

I assume because matcha was quite novel at the time, the segment started with the TV host asking the manager, so for the viewers at home, can you describe what green tea is like?

And the manager said, Well, have you ever tried green tea ice cream?

And the host said no.

And he said, Oh, well, it's like that.

Wow, very descriptive.

Very descriptive.

The Empress, like, it had these theme rooms, I think, probably from the 50s or the 40s even.

And some of them were like pretty racially,

you know, not so great.

They're not going to hold up.

But it like lasted till like 2010 or something like that.

Like, it wasn't.

Well, and the hotel is still there.

The hotel's there, but they took out all the...

And they took out the Bengal Lounge?

They took out the Bengal Lounge, which was one of the ones that you're like, I don't know.

It was a martini bar themed after India.

Yeah.

Okay.

I have,

I think it was like a napkin.

It's the ceramic element, elephant from there.

I think it was like for holding napkins or something.

You stole it?

No, no, I bought it on Etsy.

Oh, nice.

Wow.

So wholesome.

Could even steal it from a racist tea place.

You're like, no,

I'll buy this when I find it on Etsy.

That's me.

Mr.

Wholesome.

I was just switching between screens screens and I had looked up Marty Putz and one of his gags is he has a leaf blower with a toilet paper thing on the end and it like shoots toilet paper at the corner.

I'm loving putts.

That's very blue man-esque, but I'm loving putts.

Yeah, we love putts.

He was wearing blue way before the group.

In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

SpyPod 1, like these people have.

have.

Hi, Dave Graham and possible guests.

This is Ryan from Ohio calling with November Heard.

I was at Taco Bell ordering from those

self-service screens, and there was a

father and his probably five or six-year-old daughter

having a great time ordering, and neither of them apparently could contain their her laughter.

And

not a moment passes from him

finishing the order that I think I'm being overheard right now.

Man,

they call out an order for Santa.

They come over in a hurry and this kid just goes, look, dude, there's no way we can put like all 500 of these things on this burrito.

And I don't know what happened from there, but he clearly had to break down, like legitimately break down his one burrito order into multiple uh

other creation and i tried my best to save this i think you guys fell asleep in the middle of that yeah i think i i did i uh i was just had a quick daydream about fixing a garage you know it started out i was like oh i love it i love what they call in and then i was like what the heck this guy's cadence

i got very upset because at first he sounded great i'm like oh for ohio we love ohio then Then I was like, I hate Ohio now.

Yeah, don't film the special in Ohio.

Yeah, that's it.

I want that guy

not laughing and then pausing for way too long in between weird pause breaks.

I was going to be able to edit that out, but I guess not now.

Look, he needs to know that he's not good at talking into a boy scramble thing here.

I guess so.

Steph says it.

Sorry.

Sorry, he can troll me yet.

He sounds like what my trolls are.

Oh, he's got a troll.

I can tell.

It's a white guy from middle of America.

He's probably like,

he's probably in his mid to late 30s.

He doesn't like me, so he can hate me already.

He already hates me.

So let me make it worse.

Yeah, exactly.

We love you.

Thanks for calling.

Here's your next phone call.

Hi, guys.

This is Emily from Cleveland

of the Kids Say the Darnest Variety.

I was at the doctor's office, and there's like a shared building with pediatrics.

And a mom and her two kids walked by, and I'll just kind of like transcribe the conversation.

Mom, it's going to cost a lot.

Kid one.

How much?

Mom?

A lot.

Kid one, but how much?

Kid two?

Probably like $1,762.

I just thought it was so specific.

Cute.

Okay.

That's the biggest number they could imagine.

$1,700.

Was it $1,726?

$1,700 and yeah, something.

That was very much.

That was a lot of money.

And America, that's normal.

That is what your bill will cost.

Yeah, I don't know if that is...

If they were at the

pediatric, at the pediatrician being like, well, the surgery is kind of going to cost $1,700.

Right.

And like, have you had to go in the ER or anything in America?

Thank God.

I've been good, but I had like an allergy thing, and that was like $500.

And I went recently.

I had, oh, I thought I had

Rosatia.

I thought lupus.

Turns out it's Rosatia.

Yeah, it turns out it's Rosatia.

Something on TikTok Live.

I was like, do you have lupus?

I was like, what?

And then I panicked.

Wasn't, but that cost me like $800 for someone to take my blood and go, no, it's not.

And being most fucking stupid.

That's a great way to get someone on TikTok live.

Fuck off.

Do they work for Kaiser Permanente?

What the hell is this?

The hell do they know?

Kaiser Permanente is one of the funniest names for a business that I've ever heard.

It's so fun to say.

I pay $400 a month for what I don't know because every time I go to the doctor, I still owe more money.

So I have no idea.

It makes no sense.

It's money's just whipping out the dog.

Yeah, I'll never understand that.

Toilet paper from a Marty Putts wheelblower.

And here's your final phone call.

Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests.

Possible ghosts.

Sorry.

I was just

in a person's home doing some work, and their little daughter came out and was asking questions about what I was doing and all that and the dad was explaining and then she was quiet for a second and she goes kind of under her breath she goes his freaking nerds everywhere

he goes nerds she goes yeah

nerds

well off I go so freaking nerds everywhere yeah that's one of the cutest Speech impediments you could have is turning R's into W's.

Does she mean his nuts?

Or Or is she talking about the candy or is he a nerd?

I don't think she means his nuts.

Because that, I was like, this is funny, but this is inappropriate.

I was doing some work in these people's house and my nuts were hanging out.

And Donna was like, his nuts are everywhere.

See, I have to make it sick.

It's part of my.

It's fine.

It's legally by brand.

I have to have a mullet.

I have to be gross and I have to wear a romper.

That's it.

That's that show biz, baby.

That's it.

That's how it's got to be.

Well, this brings us to the end of the podcast.

Steph, tell us all about all the things.

Just follow me on Instagram.

And if you're in Canada, just please come.

Columbia November 6th, Victoria the 8th, Vancouver the 9th, and Edmonton the 10th.

All the tickets are in the link in my bio on Instagram.

That's it.

If you like raunchy comedy, if you like crowd work, if you like women yelling at men, then you'll like me.

Yes.

If you don't like those things, don't come.

I really like women yelling at men.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's something like it.

I didn't realize I liked it till I found out I liked it.

Oh, wow.

Dame.

And you,

if you have never seen Steph live, it's a treat.

I've seen her at the comedy mix a couple of times.

This was pre-jumpsuit.

And I wasn't even good at that.

I think now I'm actually funny.

Before, I don't know what I was doing.

Now I'm funny.

I'm in the moment.

I'm yelling.

Yeah.

No, you're funny.

You're funnier now.

Okay, you're funnier now.

Okay.

So if you've already seen her at the comedy mix and you think medium funny, she's funnier now.

Buy a ticket.

Here at the Vogue.

And thank you, everybody out there, for listening to the show.

If you're going trick-or-treating, this episode's coming out after that.

So I hope you've got a nice Halloween.

Oh, is it before then?

Yeah.

Happy Halloween, everybody.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.