Episode 911 - Steph Neale

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 911 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

My name is Graham Clark, and with me me as always, is a man who never forgets Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Now, if we had started this podcast one week later

when we originally started it,

episode 9-11 would have fallen on the week of 9-11.

Oh, shit.

But instead, we're stuck with stupid old September 1st.

But,

you know, happy 9-11 to you.

Yeah.

Boy,

where were you?

I

was

sleeping off a night of drinking at my friend's apartment that he let me live in his office while I was going to film school because I had no money.

In Vancouver?

In Vancouver.

And he was a radio DJ.

So his whole morning had been reporting on

this.

Like he was on the air when it happened.

And he came home and we started drinking.

When did you move to Vancouver?

In 2000 and 2000.

In the year 2000.

Okay, because

on the

two weeks ago,

I said he moved here in 2021?

Yeah.

Everybody should know that it was a missed.

You know, everybody knows I've been here this long.

There was a long thread about like, hmm, were they on Zoom for the first 10 years?

Yeah, before Zoom existed.

But yeah, where were you?

I was in Victoria, asleep.

I wasn't.

Nobody woke you up.

And then, I know, Abby woke me up and she was like,

Dave.

Dave, there's like a pinned attack on the Twin Towers.

George W.

Bush was the president.

And I believe my first words were, with that maniac in the White House.

And then I went home.

I had slept at Abby's place.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

And then I went home and I watched all day.

Yeah.

There was very little

good TV.

Our guest this week, very funny comedian, first time guest here on the podcast.

It's Steph Neal.

Hello, Steph.

Hello.

Where were you on 9-11?

I was in grade three.

Okay.

In grade three.

Thanks.

But you were in the same time zone as that.

We were out west.

Oh, right.

So it did happen while we were asleep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I remember my teacher wheeled in a TV and we watched the news.

In grade three, I just went to the next one.

did ever did that happen in every classroom yeah there's definitely not an i don't know yeah

yeah it's certainly not yeah maybe they we took turns yeah

you guys have already seen enough yeah you're

first hour fall you know the next you know what

did it make no

i didn't really know what yeah yeah that was what new york i didn't know where

or yeah what it didn't make sense like a terrorist attack didn't it

What does that mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, should we get to know us?

I think we've already gotten to know us quite a bit.

Should we do it now?

Yeah.

Get to know us.

Steph,

we're talking about wheeling in a television.

It's a thing we've been doing lately, asking guests, what TV shows slash movies did your teacher show you during your schooling years?

Not just that grade, but just any grade at all.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where a TV set was being wheeled in.

Yes.

I took law in high school.

You took law in high school?

A law class.

And all I remember was that we watched Boston Legal.

I knew it was going to be Boston Legal.

It was the best.

Now I get Boston Legal and the practice mixed up.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Is William Shatner on one of them?

Is Cameron Mannheim in one of them?

I want to say William Shatner on one of them.

Is Dermot Mulrooney and no Dylan McDermott in one of them.

I think you're right.

It was William Shatner was in Boston.

Boston Legal.

And there's a female actor that we would know well, and I can't think of.

Angie Herman.

No, that was a lot of work.

Boston Legal.

Pull it up.

Pull it up.

American Comedy Drama Series.

I didn't think of it as a.

I don't remember it being fun.

James Spader.

Okay.

Bill Shatner.

Good cast.

Julie Bowen.

Julie Bowen.

Oh, yeah.

Rona Mitra.

No.

Don't know.

Julie Bowen from Frontier Family, right?

Oh, yeah.

Monica Potter.

Lake Bell.

Oh, Lake Bell.

Oh, I like Lake Bell.

Fanny Bergen.

Martha.

Yeah, she played Murphy Brown.

Yeah, is that who's in the...

Yeah, that's who I'm thinking of.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Good times.

Yeah.

Did it make you want to be a lawyer?

Not at all.

Not at all.

I do feel like

yeah not for me my high school didn't have law class mine either but there were occasionally like uh you know you'd get offered a weird class yeah like i think they had like our friend one year we were i was in french immersion so yeah half of everything was french and we had like the French teachers were just scrambling to come up with like an art class for the for French class.

And so like one third of the year we did French film.

One third we did French, french i don't know and then one third of the year we did printmaking

and it was like of course and the guy teacher was like i don't i don't know we just had to come up with something so i feel like a law teacher could have been like well i got a textbook

she's certainly not a lawyer

yeah i feel like in high school i was the um i had the benefit of a teacher throwing together a creative writing program that was a real

let us go smoke smoke whenever we wanted.

He was super cool.

He made us write poems.

And then, when you're a teen, try to stop writing poems.

I say, were you a poet in high school?

I might have been a bit of a poet.

Yeah, I feel, yeah, maybe like grade seven or eight.

Yeah.

I think around that time.

Were you an anxious team?

I wouldn't call him, no.

Happy teen?

Yeah.

Nice.

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

Things were going your way.

Little sweetie.

School sweetie.

I was a little sweetie.

Were you voted school sweetie?

Everyone called me school sweetie.

Now, before the

assembly today, our school sweetie is going to come out and do a little cheer for you.

Yeah,

do some poses.

Ain't I a stinker?

That was me.

Did you like high school?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not

often that a person that goes into stand-up comedy loved

high school.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Then you loved 9-11, too.

I loved it.

I love everything.

Jesus was.

So positive.

Yeah.

You got to find the light.

Yeah, no, I did.

I liked high school.

I was into like drama.

Oh, yeah.

We had dance.

Did you have dance class?

Like as a subject?

No, we had like square dancing in gym.

Okay.

Yeah.

Fun.

No, my like morning would always, I would always be like dance or drama, drama, dance.

And that would be my morning.

Wow.

You really get to express yourself.

Exactly.

Nice.

Do you still dance?

No.

No.

Fair enough.

Like at the club, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Does anyone like

it is weird because it's as a parent, I'm like, okay, my kids need to be in programs.

Right.

So take like a dance class.

And like it's important for, and I keep, and they don't want to do any of it.

And I'm like trying to explain to them why it's important, and I don't know.

It's like, well, you don't like being in sports.

So,

but that's fine because when you grow up, you're not going to be a professional soccer player, probably anyway.

But you could take printmaking.

We've got a course at the community college.

But, like, let's find something for you to do.

But none of it is like necessarily, you learn skills and you learn like how to be a member of a team.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Community.

Yeah.

Whatnot.

Yeah.

But you also,

you never go to the club and like, okay, the six of us have a root dance routine.

Everybody back up.

Put Motown Philly on.

What dance?

Do you remember what songs you danced to?

I remember an awesome dance to a Bjork song, actually.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

What's this?

The modern.

We did

modern interpretive.

Oh, fuck.

What was the song?

Now, is this something that they were...

I could do it for you.

Yeah.

Okay, two.

Well, it's not.

Is it Oh, So Quiet?

Maybe.

Because that's the

big band one.

Yeah.

Yes.

That's perfect.

Yeah, okay.

That's the least beautiful.

Okay.

Should I sing it?

You ring that bell.

Sing for that.

Exactly.

Yeah.

But then it gets quiet.

Yeah.

Were you given your own chance to interpret?

Or did they give you, here's the interpretation?

Now you follow my.

Yeah, no, it was like a five, six, seven, and one, two, yeah.

Your law teacher was all flustered.

So here's what I've come up with.

No, the high school dance teacher, that was like her job.

Like, how sick of a job is that?

Yeah.

She just taught dance at high school.

Do you think that she was dancing up?

Was that her side gig was going out and dance auditions and such?

No.

No, she wasn't a dance.

I think she was somewhat of a dancer.

Somewhat.

Somewhat of a dancer.

Yeah.

You

trash talking her.

She was lovely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

are you like

because like if you're into dance i'm just wondering what kind of like culture you could consume are there like do you watch like dance movies or yeah say the last dance dirty dancing huge

growing up um dance moms i guess that's more of yeah step up step up step up step up to the streets yeah yeah i'll fuck around with that for sure

um i loved yeah did you have when you were younger did you you have aspirations of being a dancer?

No.

Okay.

What were you aspiring to as a young high school sweetie?

As a high school sweetie,

as the school sweetie.

I wanted to be an actor,

yeah, early on.

And I figure skated.

Yes, okay.

So I kind of liked dance because of figure skating, I think, but I never wanted to.

How did you realize you were good?

Because this is always my worry of of that I grew up not knowing that I'm really good at a thing that I never tried.

You know, like I might be a great skating

or something.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

How do you, what struck you about, why did you become a favorite skating?

I think my mom forced me to be on it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's awesome.

You gotta ask me.

Yeah.

She's like a fan, like a lifelong, like favorite fan.

Figure skating fan.

Okay.

Who does she like?

Big in our family.

Is she a Nancy Kerrigan kind of Elizabeth Manley?

Lovely.

Yeah.

She's, who's her favorite?

Like, she would kill me if I didn't get it right.

Oksana Bayou?

Christy Yabaguchi.

Oh, my gosh, I can't think like that.

When I was growing up, we loved Jeffrey Buttle.

Do you know?

No?

I know Sophie Buttle.

Oh, yeah.

Jeffrey Buttle.

He was like a Canadian figure skater that we watched.

Was he from what era?

He was like Patrick Chan.

Yeah, I know Patrick Chan.

Yeah.

Who's this?

Did he meddle?

Did he

meddle?

I wonder what that was.

He meddled in other people's affairs.

Maybe got a bronze and

hell yeah.

Tonya Harding medaled.

She meddled in Nancy Kerrigan's leg.

Yeah,

I feel I've heard this before that being bronze is the people are the happiest to win bronze.

Because silver means you just missed the gold, but bronze is like, you made it.

Right.

You know, you eeked into the podium.

That doesn't include people who won gold.

Obviously.

Well, they're probably really happy, but they have no friends anymore.

Everybody turns on them when they win the gold.

So true.

Yeah.

So true.

Did you go in competitions?

A little bit.

In high school, I was competing quite a bit.

And then I was on a synchronized figure skating team.

Have you seen this?

No.

Oh, yeah.

It's like it rules.

Because

when you think of figure skating, you think of singles and doubles.

Yeah, yeah.

And, but

explain synchronized.

Yeah.

How many?

20.

You're no.

We're talking 20.

Oh, wow.

All girls?

Men are involved as well.

Okay.

Yeah.

This is like Icecapades level of like.

Yeah.

Wow.

And yeah, they do like lifts.

It's not in the Olympics, but we're really vouching as the community we really would like for it to be.

Are you still a member of the community?

Well, you know what?

A lot of my friend, my good friends,

I met.

synchronized skating.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, you go through something like that.

Yeah, We're all short.

I think when I met my boyfriend, he's like, all your friends are short.

And it's because we were all in the same line.

Oh, okay.

Was there a different line for talls?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Really?

Do talls, does it?

Does short have an advantage in figure skating, or is tall where you want to be?

I don't really know.

I think short can be.

I feel like a lot of the words are short.

I feel like short is a good way to go.

Yeah.

Powerful legs.

I think so.

Right.

Yeah.

Did you do

jumps?

Did you do quads?

Do you cell cows?

I did sow cows for sure.

I ripped sow cows, loops.

Oh, how many jumps can you name?

How many jumps are there?

There's cell cows and loops.

There's flips.

Yeah.

Flips.

Toe loop.

And are flips?

They're illegal in the floor.

Luts.

No.

Toe LUTs.

Luts.

Luts is a good one.

Lutz is a hard jump.

A flip is a spin, right?

Or is a flip a flip?

Well, the one I'm talking about is the flip is illegal.

Like the jumping up

and over.

It isn't illegal anymore.

I think my mom told me, tune in to the next worlds because flips are legal.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

Okay.

Someone did a flip.

And it was amazing.

There was a

Saria Bonnelly?

Yeah, she was like, she was cast out because she told you can't flip.

And she was like, watch me.

And she did during, I think, during the Olympics.

And then she was.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Familiar.

She flipped so that everybody could flip.

Right.

Well, now they're going to, there's going to be so many head injuries.

Yeah, of course.

Oh, yeah.

Was it?

You're speeding around.

You're going quite fast when you're figure skating.

No helmet, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Scary.

Yeah.

I always, whenever I fell and I hit my head, I always hit like my bun, my skate, you know.

Oh,

so kind of like a helmet

i'd like hit it real hard and be like oh yeah that was almost skull button

what songs did you synchronize skate to um

mostly beork the first number actually when i was young when i was put into this um

I was maybe like 10.

Yeah.

It was amazing.

We skated to Austin Powers.

Oh, Oh,

sure.

Yeah.

And we had like the, you know, the,

what are those sleeves called?

Like the

Austin Power type sleeves?

Oh, like a frill sleeve.

Like a frill sleeve like on our dresses.

That's awesome.

Pretty cute.

Yeah.

That's great.

I can exactly picture it in my head how dense the head goes.

That's an ice dance.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, fun.

Yeah.

Did you ever get a chance to pick your own music?

Yeah, but it was always like classical kind of music.

I couldn't really tell you what it was.

I remember Elvis Stoico did a big thing for a crazy little thing called Love.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can't ever hear that song without picturing him and his fantastic mullet.

Yeah.

Everyone for a while was skating to a Michael Bouble song that was like huge in the figure skating

world.

All you heard Michael Bublay.

Well, when he was big, he was really.

He's from from around here.

Oh, no, kidding.

Yeah, you should go tour his

estate.

I went to his concert and I stood in the front row, like,

was there anyone else under 60?

No, no, it's me and my sisters.

I have three sisters, and we're all like, woohoo, Michael!

Woo!

Ladies.

Favorite

top three Michael Booble songs.

He doesn't remember the names of songs.

Fever.

There you go.

Fever.

Here's my top three.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Yeah, Santa Buddy.

Santa Buddy.

Santa Buddy.

Santa Buddy.

I forgot.

Santa Buddy is.

Okay, so fever.

Just haven't met you yet.

Yeah, I don't know.

Some other Frank Sinatra.

Well,

shit.

Yeah.

You were really in the front row at the concert?

Oh, yeah.

I've never been in the front row at any kind of

feeded event.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've never made my way to.

You've never fought your way through the pit, clearly.

Sure, absolutely.

You've never been in the front row.

No.

I never have front row tickets.

And I feel like.

But have you, you okay, you've made your way to the front row of a concert.

No.

No, never.

I think probably at best I probably made it.

I did ever in the third row.

But you were tiny.

You could just swivel i used to do that all the time i'd get to the front and just have my ribs crushed against the bailiff yeah the yeah been there i i like

um

being i'm like five foot one and i just feel like i can't enjoy concerts unless i'm in the front row you know what i mean but i yeah i'm just like i may as well be at home watching this on youtube

yeah i uh what's the most i guess live music what's the most recent concert you went to

michael Boobley.

Yeah, I can't follow Michael Bobley on tour.

Stars.

Stars.

Oh, stars.

Yeah, that's a good concert.

It was great.

Yeah, that's the thing about going to a concert is like you're seated during the preamble, and then as soon as that first note starts, ah, crap, the person in front of me is so tall.

Yeah.

Or has big hair or something like that.

Or like you'll be standing in the middle of, it was general admission, you'll be standing.

You're like, oh, it's actually not that crowded.

Hey, we're in a pretty good spot.

And then then as soon as the rush to the front of the stage starts, 10 more minutes and you're fucked.

Yeah.

I'm totally fucked now.

Yeah, no, I've been in that situation because I'm not a towering inferno myself.

So

you're a smoldering little campfire.

But yeah, it's...

I'm trying to think.

I mean, there were concerts I for sure wanted to be in the front row.

Sure.

But

never made the cut.

Yeah.

um, I, yeah, no, I'm so worried about them picking on me, yeah.

Well, right, yeah, that's huge right now, too.

I think people, yeah, yeah, what's his name?

Is it Steve Aoki that throws

throw cakes into the audience, like entire like grocery store sheet cakes, and like people will have signs like, cake me, please, yeah, cake me, daddy, make me your little cake slut,

yeah.

I've never, I've been in audiences where somebody has like got a pick or something like that that's thrown at the audience.

Never never got a souvenir from yeah, maybe something somebody from the band Moist threw something in it might have had like you would get like you would try to get a um you know when the roadies come out after the show, hey, can I have the set list?

Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

Oh, yeah.

I need set list.

I killed for the set list.

I had a thing and I lost it.

That's all right.

You're a Spice Girls fan.

You're wearing a Spice Girls.

I am.

Just looking back over their career, they were fucking amazing.

Yeah.

Like, what?

Yeah.

A hit machine that.

Seriously.

Like every

song.

Yeah.

Pretty much.

Totally.

Huge hit.

Yeah.

I've been actually

playing it a lot

recently.

Been really delving into some more Spice Girls recently.

Did you?

Now that I've had sex,

you're like, oh, I think we just sick as he gone.

Oh,

wow.

Well, you just became one?

Is that right?

This makes a lot more sense.

Is that right?

Is that what's happening?

This was like a thing at the time, but like, or I don't, I, maybe it was manufactured, but like, did you identify it with one specific spice girl?

Um, like, did everyone have to have a favorite?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, you had to, and yours was posh, spice,

I was the most talented one,

yeah,

she did, she didn't have to do anything, she was just a presence, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was kind of her.

But I remember there being major fights over baby, baby was like big at my school, yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, she's she was kind of the most who would be the most accessible to it, like, who's baby, to a child baby.

Let me see, which one's scary?

Oh, she's too scary.

Yeah.

Um, sexy, too sexy.

Well, ginger.

I mean, eventually we all came around to calling her ginger spice, didn't we?

Yeah, I feel like that was a

prisoner or that was like a philosopher's stone, sorcerer's stone kind of thing.

They tried to make her sexy in North America.

Yeah.

Because we didn't call redheads ginger.

No, and rounding out the

sporty.

She was, I think, it was agreed upon she was the best singer.

Oh, no.

I don't agree with that.

I mean, I don't like her voice at all.

I know, I don't think I do either.

But it's when people are like, oh, yeah,

like

when someone points out, oh, she's got the best singing voice, like she's the most talented, she can control the notes the best.

I don't necessarily like the, like, Christina Aguilera.

Yeah.

Better switch me chairs so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Dern.

Yes.

But she was good in Baby When You're Gone with Brian Adams.

We We can all agree.

Hey, then food.

Don't taste that good.

Did you, when you were youth, did you see the Spice Girls movie and how did you like it?

I loved it.

So much.

I can see exactly where the

VHS was in my basement.

Is that a weekly watch?

Probably for a time, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you ever seen them in concert?

Seen, sorry.

The Spice Girls?

Have you ever seen them in concert?

No, no, no.

That's fine.

Did they

broke up around 9-11?

Interesting.

Yeah.

And then they reformed for the London Olympics, and that was it.

And then they maybe did some kind of tour in the UK, but I don't know if they...

Yeah, I feel like they sold out the O2 Arena a couple of times.

Oh, sure, certainly.

The O2, maybe Wembley.

There is.

I saw someone asking, like, because apparently the big,

what's that big dome in Vegas?

The big sphere.

The sphere, yeah.

Right.

Apparently that's in trouble.

Already?

Yeah.

In what way that there just can't,

there's not enough demand.

Like,

artists can't.

I guess like.

An artist, like Backstreet Boys did a residency recently.

At the sphere?

Yeah.

And were they able to.

It seems like it's huge.

They filled it, but like the idea is that you would fill it for a year.

Or

you play

months at a time.

And no one can really do that.

And I wonder if the Spice Girls could.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think everyone would go to Vegas.

Right.

Yeah, I'd go to Vegas to see the Spice Girls.

Yeah.

When I went to Britain, right when they were first around, they dominated Britain.

They were everywhere.

Right.

You lived in.

I didn't live in Victoria.

This is just a vacation.

Okay, so I was just like, oh, man, oh, man, do they rule the roost out here?

Everything with Spice Girls, everything.

When I was young, I went to Britain and got like the dress.

Oh,

man.

Yeah.

Then did you wear it?

Oh, yeah.

The Union Jack.

Yeah.

That is.

Ginger's signature look.

I know.

That's such a, like, as a kid, you're like, oh, this is so cool.

And then would you do it now?

I think so.

Okay.

I'd just be, would be like, because it's so singularly her thing, it's like, nice costume.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.

I don't think I would just like go like get groceries.

But I'm very sensitive to criticism.

Oh, hi, Ginger.

Yeah, Ginger's here again.

Do you wear it every time you go to?

Yeah, that's my

laundry day outfit, yeah.

Like, I like try to subtly dress as my heroes, but people always point out, like, you know, okay, tintin.

Yeah.

Okay, William Shatner from Boston.

Nice pantaloons.

Yeah.

Did you ever have a Spice Girls chupa choop?

No.

Oh, well.

Oh, you missed out.

Yeah.

But like a lollipop?

Like a lollipop.

What was different about it?

It had a Spice Girls wrapper on it.

Yeah, I don't know if I...

I remember you could go into the convenience store and get like pictures of them.

Oh, really?

Yeah, like buy.

It would look like they just

shot a disposable camera and got it like, yeah.

Oh, so it would look like photos.

yeah.

And you would just like go through the photos when you got home, be like, Yes, yes, yes,

and that's what all it was.

Yeah, you would just, you were spice girls, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you ever get those magazines that were just like not

even a teen magazine, just a magazine of the spice girls, yeah, salute to spice girls.

Who is it who sat out the reunion?

Was it posh?

It was posh, right?

Didn't she not go for the reunion?

They did?

Did someone sit out?

I feel like posh did, but uh, I could have been, I could have been a fever dream, you know?

I feel like they did.

Without Victoria Beckham, they did a tour in 2019.

Yeah,

crazy.

What the hell's her problem?

Yeah, you know, she was never the same after you married Beckham.

That's true.

Yeah.

She wasn't as posh, or maybe she was too posh.

Yeah, I think that's that was it.

Yeah.

She found her true calling.

Just being overly posh.

Yeah.

Just being a rich lady.

Rich wife.

Yeah.

I love that one, like in the scramble for character, she's like, I'll be the rich one.

Yeah.

I'm the rich one.

Whenever I'm to think I'm rich.

I guess I'll be baby

is, I guess, what I'll do.

Do you, I remember much music used to always show this like before they were stars, Spice Girls special.

Okay.

Oh, and what was the song they used to sing on it?

It wasn't one of their hits, but it was, it was, um, it was like them doing a dance rehearsal to this song before it came out or before like that never came out right shoot and they were

that's good piece of trivia yeah sorry about that did the guy who assembled the spice growth did he assemble other groups the way lou pearlman no

oh yeah did he or did he have a hand in like pop idol

yeah

yeah yeah yeah something like that like i don't think he was one and done i think he somehow kept kept it turned out more.

Yeah.

But you can only invent one Spice Girls.

You can't invent a second Spice Girl.

Yeah.

But you can accept,

you know, second Baxter Boys, Call of Man Sync.

Yeah.

Right.

You could do a

maybe an Escalop 7.

Oh, yeah.

Escale 7 seems like a direct descendant.

Yeah.

In the family tree of the Spice Girl.

I think I read that their show is going to be on

Netflix or something.

Esclub 7?

Yeah.

Do you remember they had their show like S Club 7.

Yeah yeah we loved it.

Yeah.

I remember their show more than

music.

I remember their one song

Club.

And

do this.

That was fast.

Oh, and certainly there were other British people like Billy Piper and

who were the Irish.

No, they weren't British.

They were Irish.

And they

the Coors?

The Coors were Irish too, but there was this girl group.

Oh, and there's like a

little title.

James about to do it, Jake.

Yeah.

But there's like in the video, they all wore like Canadian tuxedo, all denim.

Oh, nice.

And one of them said, I feel like this, you're accessing a memory of mine, but I can't.

Word part where one of them goes, people say I look like my dad.

And it was was Bewitched, Say Levy.

Bewitched, yes, Bewitch.

Yes,

Saila V.

I remember that song.

I don't remember that.

I don't remember people saying that.

Look like me dad.

I don't recall that.

I remember seeing an interview with

an all-girl band that had a song featured on the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie and talking about like, this is going to be huge for us.

Oh, was it?

Was it

We're in Trouble?

Yeah.

It's come along and it's burst out.

How do you know that?

Because I watched YTV.

I watched Tarzan Dan back in the day, didn't I?

Did you watch YTV growing up?

A little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Was your

favorite?

It sounds like a.

You don't have a memory of it.

Fair enough.

Yeah.

We're accessing a lot of your

culture influences.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember like...

It was Shampoo, was the name of the band.

And that song was huge and it blew them up.

It was a duo.

Shampoo was the name of the band.

Yeah.

It's a pretty good name for a band that never was taken before that.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I was thinking that the other day.

It's like, have all the like one word just

that's why like

apparently that's why every app is like

Grindr without an E or

because all those names were taken during the dot-com boom.

Like the weekend.

Yeah, the weekend had to lose an E.

Guess the last concert he saw.

The weekend.

You betcha.

Awesome.

I love the weekend.

He puts on such a good show.

The Hills is one of my favorite songs

ever.

And they always do like fire

when the B drops.

It was fire all over the place.

He was wearing a mask for the first three songs.

I was like, oh, this isn't the whole concert like this.

Right.

And he took it off.

Oh, yeah, there he is.

The weekend.

Everybody loves him.

He did a thing where people were getting crushed in the front row, and he was making sure security was

making sure everybody was safe

in the middle of the concert.

Um, yeah, Graham mentioned this a few weeks ago, and I was like, I had no idea you liked the weekend.

And then listeners pointed out, Dave, he's mentioned it before.

Oh,

I do.

I have an abiding love for the weekend.

I think he makes like fire track after firetrack every there were two songs the whole concert I didn't know.

I think he makes fire truck after fire truck.

Oh, and I'm thinking of

Richard Scary.

I can't think of a company that makes fire trucks.

Ford?

Is it a special company that makes fire trucks?

If they were, that would be their lead advertising source.

Like, we make fire trucks.

We're the only one that makes fire trucks.

Well, their advertising source.

Their advertising source.

Or slogan would be like, what starts with F and ends with UCK?

Not bad.

What is, I got to look up.

What was the last concert you were at?

It was Stars.

Was Stars.

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll just ask you this one more time.

Last concert.

So it was stars.

So in your earlier testimony, you said what?

We're just going to read that back.

Oh, you said stars.

Is that still true?

We went to law class in high school.

And

I know I really don't go to concerts as much anymore.

I didn't either.

And then I realized if you buy tickets the day of,

you just buy a single ticket, you can get really good seats.

Oh, amazing.

Yeah.

So like the one I was at, the original ticket was 350 bucks.

I got it for 120.

Not bad.

Not bad.

And if you don't have friends, you don't have friends.

If you're kind of a loser, kind of a loner.

That is perfect.

And if your wife is like, get out of that.

Yeah, please, please give C shoes.

So

some prominent firetruck manufacturers are Pierce, Rosenbauer, E1, Spartan ERV, Ferrara, and Smeal.

It sounds like there's too many.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Too much competition.

You can lease one.

I was at a fair this past weekend, and my nephew got to sit in a fire truck.

And then he was asked by the fireman, do you think it'll be a fireman one day?

He was like, no.

This is good.

That's great.

Maybe in the offseason for the Canadian Football League.

They must love that question to ask every kid that.

Yeah, because every kid's saying it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no.

More of a cowboy guy.

Yeah, I'm going to be a business administrator.

He's going to be a pirate.

He's going to be a pirate.

Or he's going to be Darth Maul.

Those are the two.

How really?

He's got on his great arts.

Is he thinking maybe?

Because

he likes pirates and Darth Maul because he's been watching Star Wars and Captain Phillips.

Yes, Captain Phillips.

He always says to me whenever I show up, I'm the captain.

I'm going to be a Somali pirate.

Yeah, that movie really, that was a scary movie.

Captain Phillips?

Captain Phillips.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean...

It could happen.

Have you seen it?

No.

Has anyone seen it?

I know.

I'm like,

I remember the trailer.

I saw it once, but it was like,

I had to make myself.

I was like, you know what?

Tom Hanks never serious me wrong.

He's like a captain in a lot of ways.

He's like captain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

it

I didn't love it.

I don't know why I've seen it twice, but I have seen it twice.

And

I liked it.

That guy

that played the lead pirate,

he moved to Hollywood.

Yep.

He moved to Hollywood and he couldn't get any other royals.

And it was like, no, because I think people do think you're an actual pirate.

Yeah.

I think it was.

He was in.

I feel like he was in something, you know?

I believe he was in a movie with Helen Miran called Eagle Eyes about drones.

About like drone warfare.

Is that true?

Look it up.

Oh, God.

So you, you've, you've, you're a transplant here.

You were

Eagle Eye was a different movie starring Shia LaBeouf and Michelle Monaghan.

Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, now I got a

Helen Mirror drone movie.

Yeah.

Drone movie pirate.

Somalia.

Somali pirate.

Eye in the sky, not Eagle Eye.

Eye in the sky.

Oh, yeah, there she is.

There's Alan Rickman, Aaron Paul, Helen Mirren.

And maybe that guy?

Yep.

Oh.

What's his name?

Barkhad Abdi.

Barkhad Abdi.

Oh, maybe he was also in

not Uncut Gems, but the other one?

Fun?

Was he in Fun?

Guys, what am I?

Internet

savvy.

What am I?

Barkhad Abdabi database.

B-A-D-B.

So you're new to here to Vancouver.

You've been here for one whole year.

Yeah.

What are your takeaways?

I

love it.

I think it's a perfect size city.

I don't want any bigger or smaller.

Okay.

Yeah.

I like, it took me a little while to get to know, and then once I got to know it, I was like, yeah.

Yeah.

Good.

And in Vancouver, what's the last concert you saw?

The one and only concert of Starz.

I haven't seen any other ones here.

That's not true.

I did go.

Is that not true?

Did I lie to you?

No, no.

You didn't see me.

Oh, here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Oh, yeah.

No, I've only been to Stars concerts.

I've moved over with.

She's going to leave and be like, they were so weird.

Talking about this fucking starter.

She was asking me the same question the whole time.

Yeah.

I have a really great group of friends here.

For all your height.

Yeah.

And yeah, just beautiful part of the world.

I feel lucky to have been able to move out of Ontario, to be honest.

And it's really nice to have you here because it's nice to see a new comedian that's like that you've never seen before, but have a fully formed act.

Yeah.

To see him, like, you know what I mean?

That feeling when you see like somebody brand new.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the sweetie pie of the comedy scene.

Kind of someone you would call the sweetie of the scene.

The sweetie of the scene.

Yeah, no, it was refreshing to come here because I feel like there's like some hierarchy in Toronto that I couldn't ever like really get like

I'm not headlining that show or I'm not doing that and then I came here and everybody's like could you be headliner one?

Yeah, it's just yeah, like a full I have I have it figured out.

Yeah, yeah took me so long to figure that out in Toronto and yeah

How many years in Toronto were you were you slugging it out?

I'm almost 10.

10 years.

Yeah.

And

I feel like Toronto is very competitive comedy-wise.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In a way that Vancouver is not.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because they think we know there's no industry here, so it's like, what are we fighting about?

Right, boys, let's just put our differences aside.

Well, I came here, it's funny, and then I was like, who are you all managed by?

Who are like the managers here?

And then I'm like, wait, what are the managers really doing in Toronto?

I think it's

like, I'm like, I had a manager, and I just went on 600 commercial auditions.

Did you land any of these?

Like, one, yeah.

It's like, it's just like ruined my life for a bit.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Like, to have to be like, hmm,

McRib, or you know, ooh, Nescafe.

Use my kitchen and like, ooh, I just burnt it.

If only I like hell.

Pure hell.

What commercial did you land?

A Krispy Minis commercial.

Okay.

What are Krispy Minis?

They're like the little rice cake.

Little rice cake.

Yeah.

Okay.

I was in a cheese mascot.

Nice.

Yeah.

And it was just like my.

my face.

And I was running around the

office.

It was a cute commercial.

It's like, that's the perfect, because in movies when they show like an actor doing commercials, it's something like that.

They're in a costume.

They were like, we might actually do Christy Minnis on ice.

Keep the costume.

Didn't we know somebody who was like toilet paper or something like that?

Yeah.

I can't remember who it was, but there was some who we know.

You know who it was?

You know Garrett Jameson?

Yes.

Yeah.

He was on hold for the same commercial.

They were between me and him and maybe someone else.

For the Cheese.

For the Cheese.

But yeah, looking at two really different looks for them.

Yeah, and they brought it to the client.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I did an ad many years ago where I played a talking vagina.

And

it was reviled by the client.

The client hated it so much.

Why did it get that far?

I don't know.

And what was the client again?

It was

it was for a

waxing bikini waxing

company or chain or something like that.

Oh, they hated it.

Yeah.

But they got to know.

That's what it's all about.

Yeah.

You guys have to have a sense of humor.

Look at the humor, Louis.

Yeah, come on.

Right.

I guess they could just go the opposite way and just be like, elegance.

Yeah, that's never mentioned

it at all.

But yeah,

was a that was a direct casting there was no audition process for that oh i was just brought in and uh

and i and i played like a tough guy a tough guy vagina they grabbed you by the ear and brought you in here talking to the client did you do any other like re like or were you just they were like we want tough guy vagina yeah or they weren't they wanted a gravelly voice oh tough guy vagina yeah i guess a pgv yeah

and there was of course on set i think there was the woman who played the bottom half that she like.

Ah, that rings a bell.

Yeah.

Was she pantsless?

She was pantsless.

She played the human variant of the

character.

And you were.

I'm trying to picture this, and I really

like we didn't work together.

She was getting shot in a different did.

Did she get to cover up?

Or was she.

I don't remember.

Maybe.

You never snuck onto her set.

Hey, guys.

My set was the only one that was a closed set.

Tough guy vagina take one.

Wait, so it just it never aired.

Like you got paid for it?

Yes.

Yeah, okay.

Never aired.

Never.

I think it wasn't going to be like a TV commercial.

That was like an internet thing.

Probably a porn hub or something.

Yeah, that's the only time I got into a commercial.

I auditioned for some, but yeah.

It's so fun.

It's like such a great experience showing up to these commercials, finding that they haven't even really been written yet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So good.

Yeah.

And like,

what's the one that you're thank God you didn't get cast in for like commercials?

Because I feel like I dodged some bullets.

Probably my bottom half being in that

vagina commercial.

I would say no to ones that I didn't like.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Good for you.

Yeah.

Because I feel like that's not a thing a lot of actors.

Yeah, I know.

I

would say.

Yeah.

Uh-uh.

Not for me.

Not going to do it.

Yeah.

Because I feel like the ones I normally did audition for were at least a little bit funny or something.

You know, cute.

But like, did you

like, did you know everybody in the

commercial auditioning circuit?

A lot.

Or like, you'd see the same person who'd like I had to get callbacks for something and I'm like, oh, it get, they're going with that person.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I don't remember.

You can kill her.

Well, we were going to cast someone else, but she got killed.

Yeah.

So you slashed her throat off.

That would be a great, like, if you were a serial killer, if they caught you.

Oh, wow.

He was.

It turns out they went for the same.

Yeah.

The person who got cast always died.

It took years before.

There was a weird.

They put it together.

Have you ever seen

the, what is it called?

Was Was it called The Grizzly?

The one Werner Herzog

Grizzly Man, yeah.

Grizzly Man.

The

documentary gets that.

That was the first time I smoked weed.

I watched that movie.

Really?

Yes.

That would be such

so crazy.

First time I smoked weed was grade three on 9-11.

We're wheeling in a couple things.

Yeah, the.

I've never seen it.

I know about it.

The weird thing is pretty awesome.

He was the second choice for Woody Harrelson's character on Cheers.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

Oh.

And he went off and got eaten by a bear.

So let that be a warning, everybody.

I kind of want to watch that again.

It's good.

Yeah.

I've never watched.

I never watched it before.

Yeah, no, it's very scary.

What happened when you smoked pot and saw that?

Did you lose your head?

I was terrified.

Yeah.

I had a bad, bad, bad time.

Yeah.

Did you then smoke weed after that?

Yeah, it probably changed my experience with it forever

I'm gonna do more of the bear drug.

Yeah, right

gonna do a drug.

What other Werner Herzog

Cave of Dreams Cave of Forgotten Dreams?

Yeah, I saw that in 3D in the theater ruled.

Yeah,

the only 3D movie.

Well, avatar.

Avatar.

But like it was Werner Herzog made this documentary about this cave in France

with all these old cave paintings, but he made it in 3D.

It's the only like 3D documentary

I know of.

And there was a French guy who could smell, he could smell caves or something.

They had him out in the woods and he was smelling cracks in the ground and seeing if there were other caves.

What are that guy's up to now?

The one I never saw a Grizzly Man, but I saw, I think it was called Project Grizzly, which was about a Canadian guy who was trying to make a grizzly proof suit.

Yeah.

No, I haven't, yeah.

It's good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, they show him during testing.

They hit him with a car.

Yeah.

I don't know if they ever get to the point.

I don't think he ever gets to.

Yeah, but he does get it.

I can't stop thinking about the scene where the last scene of the grizzly man.

I kick himself thinking about it.

Yeah, I haven't seen it, but it's the, they like play a recording and he's like, don't listen to it.

Yeah, but we don't get to hear the recording.

Oh, we just get to see him listening to it.

He's him listening to it.

Yeah.

And so it's even worse.

It's love to your crazy.

And it's just audio?

Yeah.

He's just listening to it.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I know, right?

Yeah.

What do you think it sounds?

Yeah.

Now I'm trying to think, what was the first thing I watched when I smoke pot?

Jeez, I don't know if I can remember.

Maybe a Guns N' Roses video, something like that.

Maybe the title track from, not the title track,

from Terminator 2.

What was that one?

You Should Be Mine?

Yeah.

That doesn't work out math-wise.

No, that was...

Used to smoke pot when I was a kid.

I mean, the videos didn't go away.

That's true.

That's true.

Videos were around forever.

Yeah, and then I smoked a lot in high school, and then ever since.

Really?

Yeah.

You're just a shroomer now?

Just a shroomer.

I do shrooms.

I do ketamine.

I go in a K-hole every once in a while.

Good.

Good.

I'm the only one in the town that's got lewds.

I do poppers whenever I can get them.

No, Sherry, you know.

Amel, I like Amel.

Is Amal, are Amal not poppers?

I think that's probably the, yeah.

I think they're in the same family of like

whippets.

You know, I like doing a whippet.

Have you ever done a whip it?

I've never done a whip it.

People in my dorm used to do them.

Wow.

And they would, you could get the little whatever,

the gas.

Gas, yeah.

From the school store, like really the University of Victoria.

Get them ready to go.

Yeah.

And then they would fill a balloon, lie upside down, inhale the balloon, and they look brain dead for a minute.

Yeah, and I was so scared.

Yeah, because that's what it does.

It just like eats away a part of your brain.

I've been at a party before where people were doing it.

Yeah.

You all look like you're not having fun at all.

We weren't there.

Yeah, and they laughed because we were playing a game and it was just, it was hard to, it was one of those things where I was like, yeah, I need to be on this drug.

Yeah.

But I really, yeah, I don't need to.

You didn't do it.

No, it was like, I was like 32.

I was like, I don't need to try a new drug at 32.

I am.

I need to ruin my.

I mean, Huey Lewis tried a new drug.

And what happened to him?

Look at what happened to him.

He lost his

hearing?

Yeah, it's hearing.

The

past guest, I won't say who, got his hand on a laughing gas tank and had a laughing gas party like where everybody's doing it out of the water.

That was kind of fun.

Yeah.

Can I write down the name of

who I think?

I think you're going to know who it is.

I don't know if I will.

No.

Okay.

But picture a guy who would throw a party.

And would be like, hey guys, I got my hand up.

You got this.

You can do this.

I don't know.

He's.

Well, you tell me off air.

I will tell you off air.

Boy, now I just can't picture someone who would throw a party.

Oh, okay.

You got it.

Yeah, okay.

It only took you a second.

You got there.

You got there.

Sure.

What a great reputation to have.

Yeah.

Someone who would throw a party.

Who threw it?

Yeah.

I have a friend when I

throw a hell of a party.

Have you ever thrown a party?

Would you?

I've thrown a party or two.

Yeah.

And any theme?

Just straight up party?

Yeah, no, just straight up party.

House party?

Yes.

My parents got a cottage when I was in grade 12 and would leave every single weekend.

My twin sister, I have a twin.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

My twin sister and I.

Identical?

No, fraternal.

Okay.

Height difference?

She's we're pretty much the same.

Okay.

Identical height.

Identical height.

Identical height.

Yeah.

And yeah, so we had like the house free.

We had a pool

weekend.

So you were the place to be.

The person with a pool and also no parents around.

Woo!

Yeah.

And a big thing of laughing gas.

Yeah.

Next party you have, you got to get some laughing gas.

Yeah.

Well, my dad was a dentist.

Yeah.

Steal it from a dentist's office.

They've got no security there.

No, I couldn't get any laughing gas, but I got a big needle full of Novocaine, if you want.

Have a party.

Yeah.

Do a novocaine.

Put it in my leg.

Just put it in my gums.

It's a great theme.

Oh, God, I hate Novocaine.

I hate the needle in the mouth.

I hate the needle in the mouth.

Oftentimes, that's the worst part.

And then, you know, once you're...

Once you're out, it's fine.

But then when it comes back, yauch.

Oh, boy.

No, for me, the worst part part is, have you ever had a tooth drilled?

No.

Oh, okay.

Well,

good teeth?

I don't, no.

I've never been to the dentist.

I had recently a stretch of not going to the dentist for a really long time.

But before I moved here, I went.

And I think they're doing fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good for you.

Yeah.

For me, the worse than

the needle is the smell of your tooth being drilled

the burnt burnt oh smell oh that gave me full body chills i don't like yeah thought of that it's um yeah

if you don't like the sound of that you do not listen to the recording of that guy getting

chrysalified

dave what's going on with you well we haven't recorded for many weeks you were away i was away um so a bunch of things happened to me i'll talk about one of them sure you got to save some

so uh

this past summer

all right

summer's ending guys is it can you feel it yeah it's done yeah i mean we're about to have a little heat wave but i'm gonna go back to school oh will i make any friends in school this year

Get a new outfit though.

Yeah, it might be nice to do some back-to-school shopping.

Yeah.

Did you guys get that every school year?

Get some new shoes, get a nice pair of jeans.

Yeah, maybe.

Then the worst part is, I'm sure I've talked about this, is like you get all your fall like outfits and you show up to the first day of school.

It's still scalding hot outside.

Look at my little flannel outfit.

But so a few weeks ago, I was very excited about this.

The movie Naked Gun came out.

Yep.

Are you familiar with the old ones?

No.

Okay.

Did you see the new one i have not yet but i've heard it's awesome yeah they are uh just joke like joke on joke on joke yeah nothing but jokes cool and

it's um

like uh they're not long movies yeah this was 86 minutes

and you just beautiful you just laugh and laugh and laugh and

you can't believe there's another joke yeah so like i grew up loving these movies and uh my kids are eight and ten and i was like you're gonna love the i hear this new movie is like carrying the torch, the old one.

Yeah.

And my eight-year-old was like, I'm not going to this.

Okay.

But my 10-year-old was like, yeah, okay.

She was kind of humoring me, but I could tell she was into it.

She was into it.

Yeah.

And so we had a

also, I go to, I take my kids to tons of movies, but I only take them to matinees usually.

Yeah.

And I was like, I want to go when the theater's full and it's like everyone laughing.

Yeah.

So let's go to a seven o'clock movie.

Nice.

And you could still be in bed by 10.

8.30.

And it was, and so, but beforehand we went to,

I was like, well, we can even go to dinner first.

Wow, date night.

Daddy-daughter date night.

Well, let's not say that.

Dinner and a show.

Dinner and a show.

When we went to Earls.

Yeah.

Okay.

A lot of Earls talk on the last few episodes.

Yeah.

It's hard to avoid here.

Yeah.

Were you surprised by how many Earls we have?

Yeah, it's nuts.

I feel like that's such an easy punchline to a joke, too, when I don't know what to talk about.

I'm like, we're going to Earls later.

That's a good bailout.

I got him.

I got him again.

Yeah, because

Toronto, did Toronto have an Earl?

They do.

They have one at least in the

financial disposition.

Yeah, okay.

Do they have Moxie's out there?

Is it Moxie's a national chain?

Moxie's.

What about Joey's?

Joey's for sure.

What is the like, what would you do in Toronto to get the same effect?

Like, what is the reference?

Jack Astors.

Jack Asters.

Jack Asters, baby.

Right, Jack Astors.

I worked at a Jack Astors for four years.

What is Jack Up?

What does that mean?

They show you your Jack Up numbers.

What does that mean?

What is Jack Asters?

Jack Up is like, do you want to jack up your beer?

And it's like $1.50 to get like

the jack up pint, which is like, it's jacked up.

I don't know what else.

I don't know what you found in a situation.

Is it bigger?

It's bigger, yeah.

Okay.

And Jack Astros is like just a bar.

Does it have games or something?

Their thing is that they've got music videos playing on TV screens in

like a bunch.

Was it still silly?

It's like a sports bar, silly, cheeky.

Like all the servers have fun sayings on the back of their shirts.

What did yours say?

Fuck.

Was that it?

Oh, fuck.

Like,

like, no, I can't even make one up right now.

And it's a play on jackass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because when I went, they had one in Calgary when I was a kid, and I went, and the table is covered in like brown construction paper.

Yes, yes, that's a huge thing, too.

And in your training, you have to

learn how to write your name upside down because you put like your name stuff

so that they can see it on the

on the

and then you could color all you wanted like like uh the old spaghetti factory what else does the

chalet they'll give you some crayons yeah some other spot there's another spot that does that well tony romas was it or the what's the rib place for ribs it was a rib place in in on davy street that used to do it anyway um but it was it still did have silly things on the wall and stuff like that i think so yeah yeah yeah and so what were your jackup numbers?

My jack-up numbers, I remember, were not good when I started.

And they said, if you want to get the good shifts, come back here.

And they had it all out.

Like all the seasoners' names.

How often you would jack up a drink or yeah, putting another, like an extra shot in a...

That would jack up a cocktail.

Jack up a cocktail.

Did you just jack up drinks or were you jacking up fries?

Yeah.

Did you jack up a burger?

I don't think you could jack up food.

But there was a moment.

I think if anyone from Jack Asters is listening, I just gave them a brilliant idea.

Oh, I could jack up fries.

Yeah, right.

And did you get those jack-up numbers higher?

I think, yeah, I think by the end.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You never, but they never showed you the chart again.

Yeah.

What was it like working there?

I have the chart.

Framed on the wall.

It was really, it was really good money.

It was kind of shitty.

Like it was, you got like young kids and stuff sometimes.

Like, right.

It was busy.

Like young kids, like

what?

Underage?

Yeah, like, like, it was a bar or it was a family place?

It was, like, Dundas Square.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

So tourists and like

busy, like turn around like crazy.

You want to jack up your apple juice?

Yeah.

Want to jack up with those crayons?

Um, so uh, anyway, we went to Earl's.

Yeah.

The jackasters of England.

Yeah, exactly.

And my,

I take a lot of pride in being able to eat really fast.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Dave is.

You don't chew you food.

Sort of.

He's kind of like a pelican.

It just goes through him.

He's amazing.

But I,

yeah, so like we've got a six o'clock reservation at Earl's for a seven o'clock movie.

Or no, like maybe a 7.15 movie.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

So cutting it close.

Yeah, I thought we were cutting it close.

Man, we ate.

We ordered, ate, drank, jacked up our drinks

so fast.

Like we were done at 6:30.

The waitress came by with a free, a complimentary dessert.

I don't know why.

Really?

Oh, because we checked in the back.

You're the fastest eaters ever.

Here's your complimentary dessert.

I do feel like I've said this before.

I do need

a license from the city to say, hey, by the way, I'm one of the fastest eaters in the city.

So just sit me, like, I know you have, this table's reserved in half an hour.

I can be in and out in half an hour.

Here, let me show you my credentials.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

Yeah.

And

what do you guys order?

What'd you have?

I had

the fettuccine Alfredo.

I had the steak fruit.

Oh, classic.

The classic eats.

Yep.

And how fast do you burn through this whole thing?

Like, half an hour.

Half an hour.

We were done.

I was like, well,

want to take a walk?

Sure.

Did you eat it all?

You ate it all?

Yeah, man.

And I ate it.

She didn't finish, I ate it hers.

Amazing.

And then went for a walk around the block.

And I was like, you know, in Europe,

people sometimes, you know, like go for a walk between courses.

I'm trying to teach her bullshit.

I don't know anything.

She's like, wow, thanks, Dad.

And then we went to the movie and it ruled.

It ruled.

Oh, it was

so great.

I've heard nothing but

I mean, seeing it in a full theater is magical.

Yeah.

But like, for people who don't know.

There was a guy behind me who was like, like, two jokes and was like, oh, I'm going to like this.

Oh, they're really continuing the tradition.

Cute.

Yeah, well worth seeing.

But no other 10-year-olds there.

I can see that.

And we did, she had to go pee in the middle, and apparently we missed the horniest scene.

So that was good.

Great.

Although, you know what?

When I was a kid, I saw horny movies.

Well, I definitely remember being sat next to my parents.

During basic instinct

during basic instinct during the Madonna Willem Dafoe candle sex movie.

But like during nude scenes and being like, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Did you, can you remember a movie that you watched with your parents that you're like, oh no?

I watch a lot of Days of Our Lives with my mom.

Oh, nice.

And I remember this, like, not understanding the, like, sex scenes scenes and then, like, kind of under, and being like, oh, what were the sex scenes in Days of Our Life?

It would just be Bo and Hope afterwards.

Yeah, not

like proper sex scenes, I guess.

Like the, and you, yeah.

But they eluded.

They would, yeah.

Yeah.

They eluded, or they would be, like, rolling around, like, it would

be rolling around.

Yeah.

And then they cut away.

Yeah.

And then you're back with that evil.

But I have a memory of it being, yeah.

Of that being the first time that I would like sit next to my mom and be like, oh, you're having sex.

Who's your favorite character?

Sammy.

Sammy.

Yeah, I was going to say Sammy.

Sammy did it.

Didn't she play her own evil?

Or she turned evil.

She became a witch.

Something like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was good.

And then she did a heel turn.

It was like, oh, no, Sammy.

We trusted you all these years.

Yeah.

She had a real,

like,

every man.

Well, everyone could kind of see themselves as Sammy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She could could have been a country singer.

She could have been a country singer.

She had that vibe.

Yeah.

See it?

I could see it.

Where did Days of Our Lives take place?

Like, General Hospital.

City?

Yeah, it was like.

Oh, it was a fake.

It was a fake.

It was like Saints.

It feels a lot of soap opera.

Something, something

not.

Here we go.

We're going to the computer.

Yes.

That's really nice.

You watch that with your mom.

That's the sweet.

But isn't that during the school day?

No, we'll be on a four.

Oh, really?

It came on a Salem.

It was Salem.

It was Salem.

Salem.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

I went to see Weapons.

Oh, no, yes.

Weapons?

Yeah.

I saw that too.

Did you see it?

Yeah, it was funny.

It was funny.

It's funnier than I thought it would be, right?

Yeah.

I haven't seen it, so I only know the name of the movie.

I don't know anything.

Don't tell me anything.

Sorry, I kind of said that it was funny.

Yeah, well, that's fine.

That's good.

That's good to know that it's funny.

You'll laugh, you'll cry.

Well, no, it's not sad.

I mean, no, it might be sad.

Oh,

yeah.

It's you'll laugh, you'll scream.

Yeah.

Is it good?

It's so good.

Yeah.

Did you think it was good?

I loved it.

Yeah.

Was it like scary movies usually?

What's your favorite?

What's your favorite horror movie?

My favorite, my one of my top favorite movies ever is Hereditary.

and so scary i love yeah that type of being

like a good story line you know it's it's not just scaring you for the sake of yeah i don't know why i don't really like scary movies okay but i was so excited about weapons yeah

yes yes so yes i loved barbarian yeah i thought that yeah and so i went to weapons the same guy yeah yeah and you can tell there's definitely yeah he's got it like a style yeah barbarian had some really funny scene, said I.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah.

What's his face, Justin Lawrence?

Justin Lawrence.

He's in this, yeah.

Oh, he's in weapons.

He's kind of a cameo.

Yes.

And then that doesn't spoil anything.

No, not at all.

No.

And yeah, it was.

I just sat there when it was, like, I enjoyed it.

And then when it was over, I was like, oh, I'm like.

Yeah.

I sat there watching the credits and like with my mouth open.

Like I need to digest digest what i just saw

yeah there was a moment where i went like yes yes like i just clap

i love horror movies i i love yeah and i the only genre that i haven't like dipped a big toe into is um

uh like films horror films from like the 80s oh okay yeah me neither kind of like so bad they're good right although i have watched that but like i don't know any of the old slasher

movies you know no yeah me neither are you just i grew up watching like show like the real like like ghost shows like oh yeah you know those ones like parents yeah that kind of thing yeah um is that your favorite genre of like i liked ghost movies growing yeah growing up yeah did you see the one uh

never mind i can't remember his name but it was it was called like presence or yeah i just saw that yeah yeah what do you think it was okay yeah never mind i can't remember her name, but it was present.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, the actual title of the film, Present?

Yeah,

I thought it was okay.

Yeah, I thought it was okay.

Yeah, it was a different, yeah.

I liked the ending.

I thought that was yeah, it was good.

And the whole setup is spoiling it.

The ending was good now.

Um, the premise, if you want to know the premise, I don't know if you want to see it.

Um, oh, I don't.

I only wanted to see what

the whole movie is taken from the ghosts perspective.

So, and Chad, who's the guy that made it?

He also made like...

Yeah.

Was it...

Damn it.

He also did Magic Mike.

He's a director that does a bunch of crazy different projects.

Barkhad Abdi?

No, it wasn't Barkhad Abdi.

You're on his website.

It was the Steven Soderbergh?

Soderbergh!

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Magic Mike is a big thing.

Hmm.

He's made so many movies.

And Magic Mike XXL.

And I think the third one.

Fucking rules.

Did you see the third one?

Was there a third one?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It came on, like I was at my parents and it came on just on cable.

And so I watched it.

And

it's definitely, he's definitely going bald in it, which is strange.

Jenny Tatum.

Yeah.

He may have transplants now or something.

right but uh yeah that was the takeaway that he was like kind of bald okay

we're running out of ideas well what if magic mic's kind of bald a little bit little bit bald

anyway i love movies oh yeah one thing when i was seeing weapons i went to the bathroom and

I Do you know that song?

It's like, but I'm too messy.

Yes.

But I'm too fucking clean.

Do you know that song?

Yeah.

Okay.

I will go into the bathroom and I immediately hear someone in the stall starting.

Classic bathroom.

And then I'm like,

but a couple of seconds go by and I'm like, oh, that's not a fart.

That's the snare drum from that messy song.

Oh my God.

And so if you hear that in a bathroom, it might sound like the snare drum is just a fart over and over.

Yeah.

If you're embarrassed, then it might be you.

Yeah.

If If you, by the way, Messy.

If you're

farting in a bathroom, just play Messy by Lola Young.

Yeah.

I mean, I would appreciate it if some people cranked some tunes when they were so I don't have to hear it, you know?

Now, Graham?

Yes, sir.

What's going on with you?

Well, I was.

And we, it's far too late in this episode to be finding this out.

I could do it tomorrow's or next episode, and I can just tell you.

No, no.

No, no.

Let's do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, get me.

No, no.

it's too long.

This episode's too long.

No, people want it.

You have nowhere to be.

No.

Do you have somewhere to be?

No, I don't.

No, I don't.

Okay, good.

I just have to finish my coffee.

I couldn't.

Because you'll be mad at me if I don't.

So I'm just going to sit here till I finish it.

Dave will be mad at me.

You're taking me a coffee and I.

Oh, I don't.

What?

What's going on?

Have I got that reputation?

Yeah.

Finish all this so you can't have dessert.

That's you.

I uh,

because I was talking to Alicia a couple days ago, and

I was saying, oh, yeah, I'm just working on the Graham's away all month.

And

she's like, Yeah, he's doing blank.

And I was like, What?

Yeah, I did a two-week intensive workship about puppetry.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

That's so cool.

It was so cool.

I love that.

It was 12 days,

12 hours a day.

Like,

all the way way through.

Okay, so

you did this in Calgary.

Yeah.

Is that why you went to Calgary?

Yes.

After Alicia told me this, I googled Calgary Puppet School and three came up.

Calgary's like a hub for puppetry.

Didn't know that.

And it was happening.

It usually happens in Massachusetts, this workshop.

And just because it's usually a good will hunting putting it on.

Yeah, sorry.

It took me a second, right?

Boston.

But yeah, it was just the first time they ever did it in Calgary.

And so my parents live in Calgary.

I was like,

this is a must-do.

And I didn't have, you know, a ton of stuff going on.

It's August, the dog days.

Yeah.

So

what

have you ever...

What's your previous experience with puppets?

Now the listeners are going to be like, Dave, you know, he loves puppets.

I love puppets.

I love him.

I know I know.

I had no idea.

I love The Muppets.

I love Pee-Wee's Playhouse.

There's a great contemporary puppeteer named Ronnie Burquette.

I've seen a bunch of his shows.

He's kind of a legend.

He's sort of like the weekend of puppets.

Yeah.

What is,

and so this puppet school, it's

it's not marionettes.

It was.

It's all weekend.

And not marionettes are called ro the ones we did were called rose puppets, where you control the back of the head as opposed to the, you have to have a partner to move on.

So wait, it is marionettes.

Well, marionettes is stringed.

So is it that?

No.

Okay.

So when I said it's not marionettes and you said it is.

Well, it is.

They could be strung, but it's, it was,

it's too it's too much to teach on two weeks it takes like a year teach this in one day yeah

forget everything you know about marionettes

you're not understanding but do you understand

um but yeah it was fun okay so what was the

you do you go in and

with like it's two weeks yeah by the end of this two weeks you will make your own puppet you will make two puppets and practice the like all the different ways that a puppet can puppet can move.

You did say puppet for a second.

Yeah, I did say puppet.

But all the different ways it can move.

And

yeah, man, it was fun as hell.

That's great.

I really didn't want to talk about this on the podcast, and I was not super stoked that Alicia told you about it.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh,

do you want to go back and not talk about it?

No, no, no, no.

It's already puppets out of the bag.

Alicia was like, you guys are so weird.

That you didn't know?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Nobody knew.

Except Alicia.

She was the one person.

Well, apparently

now I wasn't supposed to bring it up.

So now we're in puppet fight?

Yeah.

We're not in puppet fight.

I would never make a puppet fight.

Do you have to do

that?

Do like an oath at the beginning.

You have to do a reverse fight club.

Today's your first day not to fight.

Well, can I, if you didn't want to talk about it, I can't ask any questions.

No, you can.

Absolutely.

We're talking about it now.

We're here.

We landed here.

We're here.

what were the names of the two puppets you made uh one was called sugar ray and the other one's bruner bruno saint martino

yeah and are they uh so they teach you how to make them and operate them

do they teach you how to do voices uh no you get to pick your own voice but you have to name the character and it has to be a character it can't just be a puppet as that's something something that it does

And you can't make a puppet with like straight handed.

Everything has to be loose so that its head doesn't look like it's like a stuffed animal kind of thing.

Like you have to give it, everything's got to be loose.

You got to kind of give it like momentum.

You have to pick where it's going to go.

I've never done anything like it.

I've never done any like movement class or any

such thing.

How many people were in your class?

There was eight of us.

All women, except for me.

So on the first day, I was like, ooh, maybe I, maybe this is not a place a guy should be.

But they were great.

Oh, they were great.

And did you,

you and your classmates, did you bond?

Yeah.

Did you go for it?

I think so.

Jackie.

Did you go for lunch?

Yeah.

We went.

We did go for lunch.

We also went.

One of the gals in the group had a fringe play that she directed.

So we all went and watched her fringe play.

And we were together 12 hours a day.

So we had to

12 hours.

Every day.

Wow.

Yeah.

It was intense.

It was intensive.

How?

For two weeks.

For two weeks.

Yeah.

12 hours, for two weeks.

And you.

i still feel so bad i brought it up did i even bring it up i just made you talk about yeah yeah it's fine it's fine we're here now

yeah but

now i'm the victim

um what

uh

do you have any plans i don't i just this is the thing i knew nothing A lot of the people in the class, they knew how to stitch.

They knew how to carve.

So they were ahead of the, I didn't know how to, I never carved in my life.

So you never stitched in my life.

And you were given, so you made two, one of fabric, one of wood?

Yeah.

Yeah.

One of wood, one of fabric.

The fabric one was like this is like the old rhyme.

One of fabric, one of wood.

The rest?

Hey, you remember Matthew Good?

Yes.

Yeah, we had to make one of each.

And like I say, I didn't know how to carve, never carved in my life.

Not even a single, not even for,

you know, marshmallow at camp.

I've never even done that.

So, starting at absolute zero.

And what did you do better with?

Neither.

I did poorly at both.

At one point during the

hand puppet, there's the print has two kind of divots in it.

One's supposed to be the mouth, and the other one is like where the stitching of the head is supposed to happen.

I stitch up the mouth and let the head thing happen.

And so it was a backwards-looking puppet.

His face was always sagging.

I think that's kind of

fun.

It was fun, but at the one at that one point, and they were like, no, you cuff, you can't.

The mouth needs to be.

Yeah.

You have to.

But the guy said it's too late.

So we're just going to put the mouth in.

Okay.

And making a marionette, easier than you think, except for the carving part.

The body part, super simple.

Oh, yeah.

Just a.

Yeah, just like kind of torso,

strings down to hips, strings from shoulders through elbow and forearm.

And then just a couple chunks of wood for the legs, and you've got yourself a marionette cool yeah mine ended up I couldn't carve so I ended up taking people's

scraps scraps gluing them together

I would do the same no

it's so hard is it yeah yeah I but like

what what

well I'm picturing like with a knife is it yes okay yeah like carving like a piece of wood

the first day they had us like everybody carved a mushroom i did i my thing just looked like a dog had chewed on my block of wood.

And

at the end, I was able to carve a thing that was basically a penis, but very close, close to mushroom.

Yeah, in the same, yeah, in the same shape world.

By the end, everyone else had finished their marionette, and I'm like, I'm still working on my day one mushroom.

But yeah, so I made, I have now a marionette in my position.

Are you mad at me?

No.

Mad at Alicia.

She felt like such a bozo.

She was like, oh, maybe I wasn't supposed to tell you that.

And I was like, of course you're supposed to tell me that.

I just figured that doing a puppetry camp is everybody's going to make fun of me.

Well, yeah.

No!

I love that.

I love that fun.

I think that's so cool.

Thanks, you guys.

Yeah.

I think it's cool.

But I also think

I'm not going to make fun of you.

But

I don't think everyone's going to.

No, okay, but you can do it.

I open the doors.

No, I don't want to.

I think it's cool when people do

classes.

Like, do a weird thing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you like,

I, you know,

you've seen my pottery I did upstairs.

But pottery seems like a thing, but somebody would take a class in puppetry.

Well, pottery, they have a million classes for it.

Right.

That's true.

Puppetry is not.

It's not just funny.

Just two people coming from Massachusetts.

Yeah.

And the guy that ran it, he was like, Vancouver doesn't have much of a puppet scene.

And I was like, well, the utility scene.

But yeah, apparently we don't have much of a puppet scene.

Huge in Calgary.

What are the other...

Had you?

Yes, you're there.

Yeah.

Well, I feel like, was there ever like a debaters with a puppet expert in it?

Or am I thinking of someone whose parents were clowns?

You were thinking of that, but also, Ed the Sock has been on the Debaters.

Probably Canada's most famous Muppet or puppet.

Yeah.

What are the other great Canadian puppets?

Casey and Finnegan.

Of course.

The giraffe.

The giraffe from the friendly giant.

Mama Yama from CBC's

kids program.

War and the Grog.

War and the Grog.

Your favorite Canadian puppet?

Sound in.

Yeah.

Basil from Canadian Sesame Street.

Or Basil?

I'm learning so much.

Yeah.

But yeah, I learned all about puppets.

Man, there are so many Canadian puppets now that I think about it.

Yeah, we're puppet-friendly as a society, but Vancouver just doesn't.

No, we're not really Canada.

No, that's true.

We're more Seattle.

And Seattle's got a great puppet site.

It's one of the hotbeds.

But yeah, like, have you guys ever tried carving?

It's very hard.

No.

I don't even know what that word means.

Fair enough.

Yeah, I can think of like

a bunch, and I don't know what it means.

I'm thinking of those like old like when you make an old man someone made you like focus like what yeah isn't that like an apple well

an apple sure that that you carve a face into an apple and it then it goes bad and scrunches up yeah but then also like an old man

or an old lady made out of

or an old non-binary person.

What I'm thinking of is cisgender, though I'm sorry.

I'm just a carving of like, I guess an old Spanish.

But yeah, the

people just knew how to, like, they just knew how to carve these people, but they weren't, some of them were like, I've never carved before.

And then they did amazing.

They definitely have if they.

No, they were like designer people and they knew things

to picture things in 3D that way.

Are you normally good at that kind of thing?

No.

No, yeah.

I'm not crafty or I'm not like...

I think I nearly ruined the bandsaw at one point.

I was like, just let the bandsaw do the cutting.

And I was like, I'll tell you, bandsaw.

And it's like,

had you ever used the bandsaw?

Had you done wood chop ever?

I did wood chop once.

The teacher had to do.

Which one's a bandsaw?

It's the one, it's like kind of eye-level, and it's got, it's got, it's not a drill.

I thought I lost my eyes.

It's it's like kind of like a black,

like this amount,

listeners aren't going to see it, but about a foot of saw, and then the platform.

And it's like one that you're supposed to just, well, you're supposed to let this band saw do the work, but I can't picture it, but it's

the one's.

I'm having a hard time myself.

And now I don't feel so stupid for not being able to describe my old man.

So, what's the one where you bring down the

circular saw that you bring down?

A band saw.

No, not a band saw.

That's the one we're talking about.

What's the one that's used to make jigsaw puzzles?

Yeah,

for sure.

A bandsaw.

I unfortunately have to Google Bandsaw.

Can't even.

Give me some Google images and let's.

There you go.

Oh, sure.

Big old thing.

Yeah, I guess.

Scary, makes scary, scary noises.

Does it go straight or do you make shapes?

You can make shapes.

You can use it.

I have a memory of using this, but I don't know where.

Did you go to Shop Class?

No?

Do you think she was doing dance, drama, and

shop?

She wouldn't allow that.

But yeah, it's

these dudes.

This is the policy of this place.

It's called Old Trout.

And they will not make puppets for other people.

And if they do, if they decide to, they will make the puppet, let you use it for the run of your show, and then they take the puppet back.

And you can rent it from them if you like.

Cool.

So they have every puppet they ever made all over the walls.

It's

cool.

Yeah.

It's some people's absolute nightmare to be in this type of situation.

Yeah.

I would love to do something like that.

Yeah.

Totally.

Yeah.

What would you do if you could take a class in anything?

What would be your

oh

um

i want to learn i want to learn how to garden okay i i have a really bad like i'm really bad with with plants and gardening like anytime i've tried i've failed so i want i'm looking into that

into like maybe getting a plot yeah yeah okay yeah

pretty basic though that was pretty basic answer

how was it um how hard was it not to, every time you hear the word puppetry, not to think of the penis?

The penis.

And I submitted, well, we don't have to make it out of wood, guys.

We can make it out of a thing that anything can be a puppet if you think about it.

Yeah, the uh and like I say, everybody knew how to do it better.

Every day I felt like I was a million miles behind, sure.

And uh, and yeah, I also just felt like I was like, Am I intruding on a

female safety?

Yeah, feel

the opposite.

It is cool, though, as an adult.

You get to take classes without,

like, you know, it doesn't go on your permanent record.

There's no test at the end.

I know, and I have to remind myself of it.

Did you do it like a certificate?

No, you just did a.

Everyone else got one.

But like, I'll show you pictures of what the other people did versus mine, and you'll be like, oh, yes, you were bad at this.

No, I would never never say that crime but would you like it yeah

well but i don't care like

it's not like i have a list of who's good and who's bad at pumping

um did uh were there people with different strengths like were some people like oh i didn't do a great job building it but boy can i bring this object to life yeah there were people who were better at acting and had like did you do a show we did a like a show oh yeah

Like a performance.

Yeah.

So we like, everybody had.

Did you get for each other?

Did you get to invite your parents?

No, people came.

All sorts of people came.

And people from the puppet community were there.

Did your parents come?

They did.

Wow.

And they.

Did they cry?

Yeah.

Why is my son like this?

They kept wailing.

Did your brothers come?

No.

But my wife Sally did.

He was in town.

And

you had to do lip sync to do the song.

And

you had to present a Marionette

performance and then a group puppet that takes three or four people to operate.

Did you're on like the one of the last days, did your teacher show up super hungover and like wheel a TV and VCR?

We're going to watch

being John Malkovich.

I was going to say cranky anchors, but maybe John Melcovich is the better.

Yeah, and then

like I say, everybody in the course in every single way was better than me.

I didn't, I wasn't leading in any category of this.

So, well, he may be small, but he's mighty.

Nope, he's not as small.

How'd you get in?

I had the amount of money that is needed to

enter such a lead.

You didn't have to take the PSATs?

No, you had

if you had the money you were in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Early bird.

Yeah.

But like, I feel like there were people there.

I was like, you don't need this.

You've, you've got it.

You already rule at this.

Why would you send money to do this?

Well, yeah.

Like, you're done.

Yeah.

You're done.

You're good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do feel like the

I only took the kids' pottery classes, but I walked by the adult pottery classes.

And I feel like there must be people who are just like, I'm just taking this because

I don't have a wheel and a kiln at home.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And some people are like, I made a dragon.

Now, here's the question.

Have either of you ever used a sewing machine?

Because it is impossible.

Yeah.

Somebody uses one?

I would describe it as impossible.

It's impossible.

It's impossible, yeah.

Yeah.

Every part of it.

My wife sews, and so I have given it a shot, but it is scary.

It's scary because you step down on that pedal and zooms right through.

You can't take your foot off and go on the break.

You just have to

go with it.

There's not two pedals.

And at one point, I sewed a thing together.

I was supposed to, not the mouth this time, but another part.

So I had to take the stitches out of that.

That's satisfying.

It was satisfying.

And I had to do it more than once.

Wow.

Because I was, you, you, first thing, you're like, it's going, it's going.

Were you given a pattern?

Did everyone get the same pattern to

make?

Yeah.

And I backwards the

design.

But there were people that

brought in doll clothes designs and made like a full outfit for their puppets.

That's tough to watch.

It was

tough to watch.

So I dressed mine.

My mom very kindly went to the thrift shop and bought me some pajamas for preemie babies.

And so that's what I used as his clothes.

Oh, that's the saddest thing available.

Yeah, you're right.

Preemie pajamas never worn.

Well, no, I think they were worn.

Okay, good.

But yeah, it was

trying to think of what else there was.

Like, I never have done anything movement.

Like, my body is not flexible.

So, like, you know, move this way is very, like, I don't know.

Like, I know normal people can do this, but I can't.

My hips, they don't lie.

They suck.

But do your hips need, do you need your hips for this?

Yeah.

Well, here's the thing you need is to be able to be on the floor for many hours.

Yeah.

I borrowed a pair of knee pads, and but man, oh man,

yeah, you have to be on the floor the whole time.

I, my whole family, nobody can sit cross-legged.

It's not a thing in the Clark family to be able to sit down and do that.

Um, even like my brothers, who are in great shape, uh, give them the chance to sit cross-legged, not gonna happen.

Yeah, I'm not good at that either, yeah.

And by the third day, I was like, My back is fucking killing me, so I had to use a stool.

I was the only one that used a stool, yeah, yeah.

Well, whatever, yeah, you know what?

It's great

listen i feel so bad that you thought i was gonna make fun of you i love you my friend and all the listeners are gonna be like graham's the coolest no they're all gonna make fun of me they're not

at all okay well you guys you really you did what else would you have talked about oh i you didn't see weapons the drive back from uh calgary where we didn't get any peaches or corn

yeah we did get corn eventually in chilliweck no peaches did you get did you ever see the naked gun Yes.

Stick around for the credits.

There's some jokes in there.

There's a good jokes.

There's a post-credits scene that's really fun, right?

I don't know.

I think there was.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Well, the movie was only half an hour, so they had to do it.

They had to do some really...

There was definitely credit jokes.

Not as many as I wanted.

But did you notice that stunts came up three times?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I don't get what the joke is there.

It's like some of these names are, again.

Yeah.

Oh, interesting.

Well, in the old Naked Gun movies, there would be like a recipe would become up among the credit.

Yeah.

And the classic

Naked Gun thing is they freeze on a scene, but it wasn't frozen.

All the actors are pretending they're frozen.

So you see them like uncomfortably have to stand there like giving a high five or whatever.

But yeah, I saw it.

It was hilarious.

It's great.

I'd probably go to see it again, to be honest.

I enjoyed the jokes the first time.

Off air, I i want to hear your favorite parts i don't want to spoil anything for anybody but uh i'll tell you my favorite parts are weapons too yeah okay good good good uh well thanks for being cool you guys i was afraid doing puppetry was a nerdy thing to do and uh and it is

but uh but yolo yeah yolo that's true uh anybody out there interested in puppets Send me an email.

I know it all now.

I've learned it all.

Get in contact.

Yeah, especially from the Vancouver puppet scene.

I'm kind of trying to put a vibe out there.

Yeah.

Will you?

Is this the end of puppet life?

Are you going to?

I really want to find out how to use a sewing machine.

Okay.

Like, I think that's like a cool skill to have.

I, there's like you have to string all this stuff through a mechanism and you have to pick the like right needle, I think, and the right

shoe.

Yeah.

And they also like, uh, you have to make certain types of stitches, you know, with stitches, first of all.

Sure.

Do you remember that

store in Canadian Malls, Stitches?

Yes.

Was that a sewing store?

No, it was like...

It's where the sluts went to shop.

Yeah, it's where the sluts were where we went to shop.

And the jingle was, as soon as it's hot, we got stitches.

Yeah.

I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of going to the stitches.

But here's the thing that I realized is is you do things inside out and then you

put them right side out.

Yes, with sewing, yeah.

But you don't know until that reveal whether you did it right.

And man, oh man,

it was so janky.

It was like, you didn't do any part of this.

And they're like, make sure to keep some fabric for the arms.

Didn't have enough fabric for the arms, so the arms are a different color than the puppet.

Yeah, and then the marionette, like all his legs are just squares.

It's all rectangles.

Sure.

Yeah.

But everybody was very nice.

They were very nice to me being the worst in class.

Then somebody's going to be the worst in class.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why not me?

Didn't you do a thing at the end where you had like a graduation ceremony?

Yeah.

Was someone so good with their puppet that they got their puppet to also operate a sewing machine?

Almost like there was somebody who was so good at it, and they made like

such a fantastic spectacle of their like final project.

It was just like, you guys are too good at this.

Like, you're making us all look stupid because they were so good.

Yeah.

And they put them up first, and I had to follow that.

And they did some of the same moves we did.

And I was like, well, I don't remember these moves before.

You saw my moves.

This guy saw my choreo.

My whole choreo.

It was, yeah, ours was the worst of the show.

Did I just like bring it on where that other cheerleading squad had hired the same choreographer?

Oh, yeah.

I think,

yeah, I think like they, I don't think they poached anything, but when they went first, I was like, oh, fuck, there's two of the things we do, two of the main things we do, and they just put it in like it was nothing.

Right.

It was about a kid in a glove making friends with each other.

That was what yours was?

No.

Mine was a guy climbing a mountain and realizing he could fly with a a coffee filter as a parachute.

You can see why I would be scared if people would make fun of me for this.

No, Graham.

I mean, yes, I can see why.

I'm scared every minute of my day.

Someone's going to make fun of me.

Anyway,

Alicia, you really started to get started.

You're starting trouble.

No, I didn't tell anybody.

I told Alicia and my parents.

Yeah, because I did your show and everyone said, Graham's on vacation.

Yeah, it was my vacation.

That's what I did on holiday.

Yeah.

And

yeah, I'm going to learn how to fucking sew if it kills me.

Also, carving, but I feel like carving leaves behind a lot of sure.

You got to sort of an outdoor.

Yeah, if I had a deck, you know, be there whittling all night long.

Make your own pipes.

Google carving.

Sure.

Vancouver

community, carving community.

Anyways, yeah, so I'm a master puppeteer.

Do you want to move on to some overheard?

Yeah.

I'm Emily Fleming.

I'm Jordan Morris.

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Overheard.

Overheard's a segment where you hear things, we talk about them, and then we move on.

And we always like to start with the guest.

My favorite part is when we move on.

That sounds fun.

Steph, do you have an overheard?

Yes, I do.

Okay.

So this was a couple years back in

Toronto.

I was on the streetcar.

And there was two guys across from me, and they were for sure from like England.

They had thick accents, but I'm not going to do their accents, if that's okay.

I'll do them for you.

Yeah, you do them for you.

I think

we can, yeah.

We can play.

Maybe we play after.

Okay, yeah, we'll do some play.

Yeah.

And they were talking about a night out that they just had, and they were like, oh, yeah, did you have fun last night?

Oh, yeah.

When did you leave?

Oh, I left at one.

Oh, well, I saw you were talking to like Ashley.

Seemed like you guys were getting on.

Oh, well,

she wasn't exactly foaming at the gash.

God.

Have you ever heard that?

I think it's pretty common in English.

Yeah.

It's like slang.

It's like

a UK slang, but I had never heard it before.

And it was awesome.

Even as you said it, I was like.

It's like you had never heard it before.

Yeah, it still has the same power.

They do say that.

Yeah, we're not going to act that out.

But I think I've heard King Charles say it a few times.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Said it about Diana.

Said it about Camilla.

And he said it about the queen.

And that's why he's the most disgusting king there ever has been.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe I've heard.

Maybe you've heard him say that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It wasn't exactly foaming up the ash.

It's so corrupt.

So gross.

like, so casual.

Yeah.

But

that one's really stuck with me.

Yeah.

Think about it all the time.

God.

I'm going to be just so you know, I'm going to be so offended if you don't finish your coffee.

Oh, yeah.

No, I'm almost Sarah.

I'm almost Sarah.

Now that I've made it two hours ago, you do not need to take another sip of it.

It's so cold.

Please don't make me laugh out.

It's been sitting underneath the air conditioner.

Can I get ice?

Yeah, you can get some make an ice cup.

Dave, do you ever heard?

Mine's an overseen.

Okay.

This is an overseen I saw on a parked car, and it was a bumper sticker.

And I see a lot of bumper stickers, but rarely do they make me laugh out loud.

Oh, nice.

This is one, and it said, only gay cops pull me over.

Oh,

okay.

Because it was like, oh, I imagined the cop having to like

do the math on that.

Oh, oh, my God.

He got me.

You're getting away with a warning.

Not even a warning, because then I'd have to pull him over.

I love that.

I love that for the moment.

Yeah, because, you know, I don't think a lot of the police community and the gay community, there's a lot of overlap.

There's some.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I think there's a lot of cops who probably don't want to be called that.

Yeah.

Totally.

Yeah.

I mean,

a cab, you know, that's what they say.

And don't pull me over either.

You know, I'm not going to call you gay, but

don't pull me over anyway.

Yeah.

I'm going to pull over.

I love that.

Do you drive?

Okay.

I'm good.

I'm doing drive.

I'm taking driving lessons right now.

Okay.

Yeah.

There is a

thing,

a generational thing where just driving has become less important.

Or also no one can afford cars.

Right.

Yeah.

It was never realistic for me.

I also just thought when I learned before, I was so bad.

And I was like, I don't think I'm meant to do this.

And I think more people should admit that.

I have like that poor depth.

perception.

Like I feel like I can't get over that.

Yeah.

And then I have trouble focusing.

So

I find that a lot of the objects in the mirrors are actually larger than they appear to be.

Do you remember the Gary Larson comic with that?

Was it just like a giant monster eye?

Anyways, Gary Larson, we stand.

Yep.

Do you have an overheard?

I do.

Well, it was

from

the aforementioned puppet workshop, which I don't think people knew.

Now, if we didn't talk about it, you couldn't use this overheard.

That's true.

You couldn't be like, oh, by the way, I went in a puppet workshop.

Here's an open.

I was in a starter.

It was a 12-day, 12-hour day.

But it was,

it was, I don't even think the person knew they were doing it when they did it.

But we had to sit around in a circle, say what we had learned.

And I was like,

I have very bad hand-eye coordination.

And one lady was like, yeah.

Was she saying, you do, or she do?

Yeah, yeah.

They were like, it kind of dawned on people, like, oh, that's why he's not.

That's why I can't do anything.

He's not like the other girls.

You even asked what song that I sang to for the lip singing.

Oh, the lip-singing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The other gang did the time warp and another, a tailor warp.

So did you do it as a group?

You had to do it on video.

So you had to practice your monitor work and your lip-singing.

There's monitor work?

Yeah.

And everything's backwards.

So I kept going off camera.

My head was constantly in the shot.

I felt very bad for my partner

who just, I got teamed up because we were standing together in the circle.

Same height,

yes, same height, yes, same height.

Yeah, what uh, so what song?

Uh, uh, Stand By Me was the one I did.

Stand by me.

One of the characters was a zombie puppet, and so it's just the whole thing was about him trying to eat my brains, so it had a plot, okay, yeah, uh, but uh, yeah, somebody really agreed with me on the old hand-eye coordination.

Yeah, that's funny,

he ain't kidding.

Um, no, we also this was of the penis,

yeah well that you know that's that's first of all that's why i was so pissed off

when i saw a bunch of women there i was like how's this gonna work

well my head eye coordination is actually pretty good in that regard

as it turns out yeah that puddle next to my toilet notwithstanding

what do you remember brent butt's joke about it about puppetry of the penis he's like i can only do one it's the half-eaten hot dog

Gross, gross, everybody.

I do artistry of the anus.

Now we also have overwhelmed sent into us by people all over the world.

If you want to send one in, send it in to

spy at maximumfund.org.

This first one comes from Chris in Akron.

Akron, Ontario.

Ohio.

Ohio.

This is a bumper sticker.

Just had to tell you about a bumper sticker I saw while driving today.

It read, no baby on board, so please feel free to run into me, which is great.

You don't have a baby on board.

Or did you?

I never did.

No.

When we had babies on board.

Seth, stifling a yawn.

Would you maybe need a little more coffee?

Yeah, we didn't.

Ever have the baby on board.

Sometimes I see the king on board one, which sucks.

It's like, your baby is your king.

Yeah.

Well, for those first couple years, they're calling the shot.

Yeah, they're certainly something of a boss baby.

But the

yeah, we never did baby on board.

Apparently, it's like a it's for

like um first responders.

If you get in a crash, or they're supposed to be like, wait, I think there might be a baby on board.

Yeah, or they do the the characters on the back windshield.

One, one, two, four.

Oh shit, four.

I like that.

You like the the stickman?

Have they taught you about that yet in driving school?

You know what I can't do?

Parallel Park.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Terrible at it.

I'm so scared to do that.

I realized I've taken five lessons and I haven't reversed yet.

Really?

Don't you really.

Do you do a...

There was it.

Was there in-class stuff?

I've done that.

And then you just.

Yeah, I've been trying to get my license for 17 years.

It's been a long time.

Taking a lot of lessons in a lot of different situations.

Have you gone through like pylons or anything like that?

Have you gone on like a closed course?

No, I just go around the neighborhood.

Just block it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Fair enough.

Yep.

It's, man, if I didn't have to get one, I never would have got one.

But it was not optional when I was a teenager.

which is good because Calgary, you can't live in without a car, it's impossible.

Nobody's ever done it, nobody ever will.

Um, this next one comes from Michael from Michigan.

I'm in a coffee shop working on my computer.

There's a group talking loudly a few tables over, not really listening.

I just catch this great snapshot.

They're all gathered around looking at a picture on a phone.

When one of the guys says, Now that is what I would call a tight roller coaster.

Shit's tight, man.

Um,

I Are you a roller coaster fan?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you, did Canada's Wonderland have a good roller coaster?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Was that he was that your big one growing up?

Yeah.

Have you been to the ones out here?

No.

There's a rickety one one that'll hurt you back.

Ooh, I like that.

I like a wooden roller coaster.

Have you seen the movie Fear

with Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon?

Maybe.

Well, they ride it.

Oh.

I read the one here.

Okay, where is here?

Like in Vancouver.

Okay.

Yeah.

Where?

At the amusement park within city limits, which is really crazy.

It's the playland of the PNE.

Okay.

I'm going to go.

You've only been here a year, so you haven't, maybe you haven't had a chance to experience the PE.

But

it's on right now.

Oh, right.

It's like the

CNE.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it a good time?

Should I go?

You can eat all the garbage that you want.

Right.

It's not great.

Okay.

Thank you.

There's concerts by people from the 90s.

Yeah.

Although they have more big time concerts this year because it's all indoors at the arena.

Oh, I didn't realize.

Of course, because they're building the new amphitheater.

Yeah.

Amphitheater.

Yeah.

And if you live in that neighborhood, you've got to hear fireworks every night and you have to hear whatever band is playing and the constant scream on the roller coaster.

Very cool.

So it's cheaper to live there.

Hot camp.

Yeah.

This last one comes from Zach from Pennsylvania.

I went to a movie theater to see Sketch.

Has anybody heard Sketch?

Oh, it's like a kids' horror movie?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which is an Austinable kids' movie about a tween who draws disturbing images that come to life.

My seat was next to a four-year-old who became quite chatty once the movie started.

About 15 minutes into the movie, he turned to his mother and asked originally, Do you think he draws better than me?

Do you think he draws better than me, mommy?

No, no, no, no, no one does.

No, all your chariots should turn into scary monsters.

You're the most talented kid in the world.

Yeah, it's

the mom wanted to say yes, but

yeah, yeah, now for the sake of the kid.

Now, in addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls,

in addition to overs that are written, and we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos.

If you want to send us a voice memo, it's spy at maximumfund.org.

And if you want to call us, it's 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh, SpyPod 1, like these people have.

Hi, Graham and Dave, and possible guest.

This is James from England.

I have an overheard for you from a day out taking my kids to a local theme park, Poulton's Park, home of Pepper Pig World.

We were in a queue for the

weather-themed roller coaster, the Storm Chaser,

which spins around as it roller coasts.

And there are a couple of boys ahead of us, maybe

eight or nine years old.

And one of them says,

My cousin told me that if you sit in the very back, you have a ten percent chance of spinning around so fast that you pass out and die.

And his friend goes, Whoa,

but is it like more fun at the back too?

And the first boy says um yeah it's supposed to be 20 more fun at the back so it's definitely worth the risk more than it's uh not worth the risk

okay

and that was that was the science and that was really that was the best part was the the biggest heavy science yeah

you should say filming at the camera

yeah could you please call back yeah call back and say.

Actually, boy, we'd like to get sort of a United Nations, everyone's accent.

If you could send it an accent saying frothing at the gas.

Frothing, foaming.

Frothing is, I think, when I googled it, that's frothing at the gash, but they said foaming at the gash.

Oh, there's their own spin on it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Gross.

And where should they send those?

What's your name?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Damn it.

Because we don't want it.

Here's your next phone call.

Hi, Graham.

Hi, Dave.

This is Amy from Seattle calling in with an overheard.

The other day, I was sitting on my porch watching some of the neighbor boys play soccer in their front yard.

And one of the older boys, who's about 12, called his little brother, who's about four, a baby.

And the kid replied, I'm not a baby.

I play Minecraft and I have this perfect, beautiful face.

Would a baby have this face?

Yeah, baby's faces are never perfect.

Yeah, Minecraft.

That's the thing I should learn about what it is sometime.

I know it's blocks.

Yeah, it's about time.

Yeah,

when it's on its way out.

I mean, it's been around for, I feel like, decades at this point.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you know it?

Yeah, my nephew is,

he watches like the YouTubers talk about it.

Have you seen that?

Yeah.

When I, before I had kids, when I just had nephews, they did it.

That's been the yeah, like, and kids don't want to play it, they just want to watch other people play it.

Yeah, and those get those YouTubers make so much money, it's crazy for just playing Minecraft, yeah.

Well, there's more to it than that,

they gotta

upload a video,

put a little bug in the bum.

Yeah, sure.

Uh, here's your final phone call.

Hi, Dave, Graham, and probable guests.

This is Bailey calling in from Kalama Harbor in Washington.

It's the day that Holt Hogan died, and I was at a dive bar and overheard one guy say to another, he's the reason why I don't work out.

He worked out and he still died at 73.

Thanks, bye.

It's true.

When you hear like a runner or something like that dies, you're like, whew, I'm off the hook.

But it was the day he died.

Like, he's the worst didn't work out today.

Right.

Yeah, he was just waiting for somebody in good shape to die.

Oh, yeah.

Jack Lilaine's the reason I don't drink juice.

I don't own the Jack Lilaine juicer.

You know Jack Lilane?

No.

He was an old-timey fitness guy that would pull a car.

Oh, okay.

Maybe I recognize that reference.

He did like...

He was an old man when we were a kid.

But he did have a juicer in his, like the way that George Foreman had a grill.

Yeah, I

he made carrot juice.

That was his big juice.

Yeah.

Do you like carrot juice?

I do.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Do you like a V8?

Oh, yes.

I love a carrot juice.

I wouldn't touch a V8.

No?

Yeah.

Too peppery.

Am I thinking of something else?

Like, clemato juice is my favorite.

Like, I drink clemato juice, not just like a Caesar.

But like, Caesar is my favorite drink ever, and I've been drinking them since I was like 12 years old.

Do you drink them?

Yeah, they're kind of a brunch drink.

Yeah, yeah.

But are they a brunch drink to you?

an all-day drink?

No, they're an all-drink.

I have that etiquette.

I think at a bar, I don't order them like late.

Sure.

I think that's proper bar etiquette.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like you're not showing, you're not rolling in at 10 o'clock and ordering Caesars.

But I love a Caesar, man.

Oh, my God.

What's your favorite garnish?

Do you ever jack up a Caesar?

I like a spicy green bean.

You know, the spicy green beans?

Yeah, those are good.

Yeah, you can jack up a Caesar for sure.

Is it just an extra shot of vodka or is it?

Oh, do you get like a slice of bacon?

Yeah, you get a slider.

Wet slider.

Well, that brings us to the end of this episode.

Steph, thank you so much for being our guest.

Thank you for having me.

Where can people find out about what you're doing as a hilarious stand-up comedian?

You can follow me on Instagram at Steph Baby Neil.

N-E-A-L-E.

Yeah, Steph Baby.

Steph Baby.

This Vancouver's comedy.

Sweetie.

Yeah.

We voted on it, and you're it.

The scene, sweetie.

And we'll just,

so we're like basically done, but I just want to see you finish that coffee.

No!

Well, thank you for being our guest.

Thank you, everybody out there, for listening.

You know what?

If you want to have any questions about puppets, I have a well of information at this point.

So send me your questions and come on back next week for another episode of the stop by and guess yourself.

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