Episode 912

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 912 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark.

With me, as always, is a man who I haven't seen in several weeks, and I miss him so, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

That's right.

We did a,

you went away to Calgary for the summer, and then you came back, and we did an episode, and then I got sick, and so we didn't see each other, and now we're,

I'm better, but we're erring on the side of caution.

Yeah.

And we're seeing each other through a camera.

And you had the COVID, was the.

I think it was the COVID,

according to the little test I did that they gave me two lines.

They should give you tests for every possible illness, just so you can rule out, you know, like if you take a test and you're like, oh, it's stomach flu or it's 24-hour flu.

From your lips to Elizabeth Holmes' ears, wasn't that her thing?

Put your hand in this pain box from Dune and it pokes you with a bunch of needles.

That's right.

I forgot what the invention was because she always had a picture of her with a pill or a vial or a chip.

And then you go to Walgreens and they say, oh, you've got a Spanish flu.

You've got Praetor Willie, unfortunately.

Does Ozempic work with Praetor Willie?

That's a very good question.

That's one that you would ask your doctor when you're asking about Ozempic.

Yeah.

And you'd be like, well, I guess it might.

Yeah, it's a good question.

But you don't have Praetor Willie, though.

I know, but it's like,

if I did.

But Praetor Willie is like, you're insatiable, right?

And Ozempic is, it like changes your brain relationship to food somehow.

Somehow.

And also, Tracy Morgan says that he figured out how to out-eat Ozempic.

Good.

What about, like, what's the one, Pica?

Is that the one where you like eat

another disorder?

Yeah, I think you eat like

non-food items.

What's the one where you eat cigarette butts?

Is that would that be?

There's people, right, who eat like they sleepwalk maybe and they eat cigarette butts.

That's a new one.

I just remember there being a thing about cigarette butts that you would just eat everything in sight, no matter what,

no matter how much it was or was not like food.

I don't know about that.

But I

mean, I don't even know what I would Google, cigarette butt eating disorder.

Yeah, I guess, like,

but Praetor Willie, like, you'll just eat everything just because you can't, you can't get full, yeah, or your body doesn't recognize that you're full.

I think that's right.

It's a funny name for it.

Praetor Willie, just like Willie.

I know, it's so funny, and it sounds like a guy from the bayou.

Yeah,

I don't mind him.

He's just Praetor Willie.

I mean, I, yeah, I just hope Oz Epic works.

Yeah.

The funny thing about TV commercials, and I guess internet commercials too, is there was always a law that you can't really

say what the drug is for.

So you have to make these kind of like,

you know,

kind of related to the, like it kind of says it without saying it.

It's weird because we get American commercials too, and there's different laws in

America.

And so like sometimes you'll just get like a 30-second commercial that will have like ask your doctor about ozempic and it's just yeah people like seeing a giant oh in the park that's what i was the exact at i was thinking

and then

and then there's american ones that have like

four minutes of side effects listed yeah and also like

the the trademark is always somebody getting their life back.

So now they can play with their kids.

Yeah.

Or Or they can go, you know, tangoing

because they don't have plexoriasis anymore.

Is that a skin thing?

That's a skin thing.

And, you know, it's like

in the

side effects thing, it's like some, you know, up to

40%

claimed less lesions, but more suicidal thoughts.

You know, that kind of,

well, it's good, but there's a bad side to it.

I actually kind of wanted more lesions and less suicidal thoughts.

Yeah, it's a

Plaxoriasis one.

There's a good one for shingles, sh-shingrex.

Sh-sh-sh-shingles.

And they just show the person and then shingles go on them like the chia pet.

Yeah.

It's got their

head.

It's like

whatever they're the golden girls.

What do they have Chia Pets of?

What was the original Chia Pet?

It was like a

goat or a sheep.

Yeah.

Then there's been like, what do you call those, like tiki

design?

Peewee Herman.

There was a Peewee Herman one.

Bob Ross.

Yeah, we had a baby Yoda one.

I wonder if I go on Amazon, what is the top chia pet?

Well, this is a good question.

The top one is the Rid, it's a hedgehog.

Okay.

The second one is Homer Simpson going into the hedge.

Oh, that's a good meme.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and then the third one is Michael Myers.

It is not.

Really?

From Halloween, Michael Myers?

Yeah.

Not from Elbows Up Canadian Political Commercials, Mike Myers.

Different Mike Myers.

Yeah.

There can only be two.

Because he's Mike Myers and Michael Myers is the bad guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I think Mike Myers is more a good guy.

Yeah, Mike Myers.

Although if you were on the set of The Love Guru, you better not make eye contact with him.

Or

are you going to be in trouble?

Or if you were in the theater for The Love Guru, you may not think he's a great guy either.

I really.

How did he go from the best

two movies comedy-wise, and then like he was in Wayne's World, knocked it out of the park.

Austin Powers, nothing better.

And then Love Guru was so bad that he never made another movie again.

I remember hearing a local comedian talking about how you need to follow Mike Myers' example.

He's like, he could sit back and just like rest on his laurels, but he's out there.

He's developing this new character.

And he's out there.

He's like, I hear rumors about him doing live performances, like going out.

He's trying to tweak these little things so he can make this character perfect.

And it was the Love Guru.

The one gag in it is pretty funny that instead of Namaste, he says Marishka Hargate.

At one point, she shows up and it's good cameo.

You say that for the sequel.

You gotta be.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Where you

and there was going to be a sequel.

I mean, everything else he did had a sequel.

I know, and they must have assumed this was going to be this was going to be a franchise.

There was no Axe Murderer sequel.

Is that really all he did?

I guess Shrek, the Shreks.

He did all the Shrek's.

That's right.

he was.

And as we discussed on a past episode of a bonus episode, Shreking is the new dating.

Where you date someone ugly, hoping that they'll treat you better.

Better, because they're grateful that you...

Yeah, but it turns out that they're mean.

Yeah.

But he was also, he had a small role in Inglorious Bastards and a small role in...

Bohemian Rhapsody.

And then didn't he host the gong show or the match game as a character?

He did.

Yeah, he had a thing, character guy, British guy, and he was on

whatever network it was on, he was on the talk show of that network as the character.

And I was like, this sucks.

You heard it here first.

This is bad.

And having to pretend that this guy is not Mike Myers is...

Oh, sure.

And it's also like,

you know, the gong show, everything's the gong show now.

You don't need the gong show anymore.

You got your X Factors.

It was, it was the Gong Show.

It was an updated.

But, you know, you got America's Got Talent.

You don't need the Gong Show anymore.

Remember when past guest Adam Christie used to host Zoinked, the Canadian kids' gong show?

Where they would bring on adult buskers and the kids would zoink them?

I was talking to somebody who's a busker, and I feel like, and I could be wrong about this, but I think maybe in busking circles, busker is kind of a slur.

I think they prefer street performer over busker.

They used the term busker, and you can tell that they were like street performer.

Yeah, well, I think that's, I think you can still say busker.

Yeah, I mean, you know what?

You and I can say it.

History, maybe history will look back on us like we're monsters.

That's true.

I mean, like, there's a certain word that you can't call Newfoundlanders anymore because they consider it a slur.

And it was a term of endearment.

Lobster fucker, exactly.

And then anytime that you use a word like that, like cow fucker or lobster fucker, I'm immediately trying to picture how you would have sex with said creature.

Sure.

It'd be tough, tough with a lot.

Or maybe it would be really easy.

Who gets called cow fucker?

You know, the guys on the prairies.

Sure.

Cowboys.

Cow fuckers.

That's right.

I think other countries call us moose fuckers.

Yeah, sure.

Certainly in New Zealand,

they have quite a few sheep that they get accused of fucking.

Yep, that's right.

And those are easy to picture in your head of how it would go down, but lobster would be very.

You know,

this Canadian sheep farmer went down to New Zealand.

Did you know that?

You know what happened?

Yeah.

No.

He went to a sheep farm.

He was like, I'm curious about the sheep situation down here.

And there was

New Zealand, a Kiwi sheep farmer down there.

And he was having sex with one of the sheep.

And the Canadian sheep farmer said, you know, in Canada, we just shear the sheep.

And the New Zealander said, I'm not shearing them with anyone.

It was that kind of, it's a true story.

It's a true story.

I remember when it was on the news here.

It was on CBC News World, Top Story.

Yeah, New Zealander refused to shear sheep.

Well, folks, we don't have a guest this week because we're on Zoom and I have COVID.

I think I don't have it anymore.

I tested negative as of two days ago.

Okay.

But I have

tested positive for a whole week.

Yeah.

I didn't test every day.

Some days it was beyond.

There was no doubt.

And what, like, were you in bed?

Were you, you had to keep working away on things?

Well, you know what?

Let's get to know us.

Oh, let's get to know us.

Get to know us.

Tell me about your disease.

I was in bed.

My kids are now 8 and 10, almost 11, and this was like the.

I cannot believe that.

I know, right?

I cannot believe that you have a 10-year-old.

It seems so short of time, but also feels like such a long period of time.

My buddy, my brother in Christ, welcome to it.

The days are long, long, the years are short or whatever.

Yeah, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

And this was the first time I felt like that I was sick in bed where I was like, oh, I don't have to take care of my kids right now.

They can, they're like good for a few hours.

So I had, and Abby was home most of the days.

Most of the time.

Now, that's Bob Dylan, I think.

Oh, that's good.

That was a good one.

You were sick.

Was it kind of nice to be able to lie in bed and not have to worry about doing that?

Yeah, I watched many movies.

Oh, yeah.

Speaking of words you're not allowed to use anymore, I watched Unforgiven.

I'd never seen Unforgiven before.

Oh, yeah, the Clint Eastwood.

Shot in Alberta, famously shot in Algeria.

Yeah, you can tell

in Alberta because there's like, you're like, hmm, that actor's Canadian.

Yeah, and also the cart or all the horses have, I love Alberta beef bumper stickers on their ass.

Like, hmm, Saul Rubineck seems to be in a lot of this movie.

Yeah, and there's like

a big thing about

like he's just they're collecting it, they're trying to collect a

reward to kill these people who brutalized a sex worker, but they don't say sex worker.

Yeah, but I think it would be funny if Pliny Sword was like, sex work is work, off right yeah he goes back and redubs the movie

but it was i it's i don't generally i'm not drawn to western movies

and um

uh because i feel like growing up if there was ever a movie on tv

yeah it was an old ass dusty western looking thing and i was not interested and but i like that that was the first one that i heard as like a adolescent i'm like actually the western's back

yeah and i everybody saw it even though it was um

too too mature but everybody i know in alberta saw it yeah when it came out it was like and i saw it for the first time with covid and

uh i didn't love it like i was fine yeah

won some oscars the year that it came out it won best picture um and is that the only one of his that won best picture or did million dollar baby also take yeah million dollar baby maybe also won it as well clint east what a career you know what i mean like love him or hate him you can't you cannot deny love him or hate him you gotta love him

um

what's his uh what was his latest effort was it uh juror number two

right and that was like a 12 angry men i guess

uh the fact that he's still making movies at this point is mind-blowing that he's still going out on set at was he 90

clint eastwood age Siri, Clint Eastwood age me.

Clint Eastwood, Beechwood aged.

Clint Eastwood.

Age, please.

95.

No way, really?

95.

And Woody Allen, who's just on Club Random with Bill Maher, he is 89 and still making films where he's dating an 18-year-old.

Who did you say?

Woody Allen.

Woody Allen.

Oh, God.

89.

Still making films?

Yeah.

And

he knows he's going to be dead soon.

So he's like, well, just kind of wrapping things up here.

But does he know that no one's going to see his films?

Like his current films, even while he's alive?

I didn't know he was still making them.

Is he making them in France?

I don't know, but he, you know, he kind of kept making movies despite,

you know, nobody seeing them.

And then he would make one really awesome one and everybody'd be like, Woody Allen's back.

And then his next one would stink.

And he'd still make one, make one a year.

He was making one film a year.

Yeah, Clint seems to do that.

But I did not know Woody Allen was still making movies.

No, neither did I.

And I don't, I feel like I never thought he would be on a show like Club Random.

Like, I just never thought Woody Allen would be on a podcast.

Doesn't seem,

you know.

Did you watch?

No, I just

heard the highlights.

You know, Bill, he he loves to sound off on society now.

You know, is it too sensitive?

They both talked about how they met Donald Trump and they kind of thought he was kind of good.

Kind of a groovy guy.

But, you know, anyways, Woody Ellen's still out there fighting the good fight.

My dad sometimes watches Bill Maher, and I think he thinks I must watch it too, because it's like,

as an old guy, I think you think you see Bill Maher and you're like, well, he's the, he's, he's, my son's kind of a lefty.

He must like Bill Maher.

My favorite is the recipe of people that he will have on as guests.

It'll be like a congressman, some sort of news pundit, and then like Ian McShane from.

Oh, sure.

And Hawk Tua.

Where did she go?

She shone so brightly.

She didn't she do a

scammed a bunch of people.

Yeah, she's a crypto scam and dipped.

Crypto dipto.

I don't hate it.

You know what I mean?

Like, you, you're going to have the

time's on the clock from

becoming the start to the end of being a hawk to a girl.

And so why not?

Get as much as you possibly can.

Yeah.

What could you, what, what was the best case path for her?

Like, she does a

she gets a podcast.

Then I'm guessing like the usual trajectory would be

um like bad song she comes out with a bad song yes yes that's a good that's a very common common uh track um and then um

uh like dancing with the stars

yeah like even guys like what was his name the white house press secretary guy sean spicer sean spicer he made it on to yeah

um

Yeah, the

Tancy With the Stars is a good one.

And then, like, some sort of reality show where it's like, you know, we gathered reality show contestants to make this show kind of thing.

Yeah, you're going to be on the Traitors.

And then

you're going to have, oh, another one that you could have would be a cameo and like a scary movie or something like that.

You know, that, like, I could feel like Sarah Palin may have done a cameo.

Oh, yeah,

yeah, yeah.

Do they still, but they don't make movies like that?

There's one coming out this summer.

What is it?

Another scary movie.

Oh, it's a scary movie.

Oh, it's okay.

Yeah, this coming summer.

So they just announced the new cast for Dancing with the Stars, season 35.

Oh, shit.

Is there anybody I would know on it?

Yeah.

Should I guess?

No.

Okay.

I'll say it.

No, wait.

He's dead.

Well, there's one named Jen Affleck.

Jen Affleck.

She's not related to Ben Affleck.

She's from The Secret Lives of of Mormon Wives.

Okay.

She's one of the Mormon wives, I assume.

Yes.

I assume as well.

This one, you know, it's,

I mean, I'm just telling you.

There's so many guys.

Hilaria Baldwin.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

She's probably going to do a Tango or a Flamenco because of her Spanish heritage.

Right.

There's Jordan Chiles, who is a gymnast.

Okay.

She'll win because athletes do.

I think athletes do best on the show because they're used to practicing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And

they know tempo and all that kind of stuff.

Baron Davis, two-time NBA all-star.

Alex Earle, who is

an online influencer.

Oh, sure.

I'm surprised there aren't more of that, honestly, on a show like that at this point.

Dylan Efron, a digital creator and reality star who just won Traders and is related to Zach Efron.

Oh, yeah, shit.

I remember that from

the opening spiel of the season that he was on.

Remember that show that was on very, very briefly about people who were related to somebody famous?

Oh, yeah.

And Tom Hanks's niece got mad

because she got eliminated first.

Yeah.

That's a pretty good reality show.

Okay, Corey Feldman.

Oh, sure.

He's going to do the movie.

He does like, yeah, Michael Jackson dances.

Topanga herself, Danielle Fischel.

Oh, okay.

I wonder where she's been hiding herself the last couple of years.

I think she was on

Girl Meets World on the Disney Channel and Pod Meets World, the podcast about Boy Meets World.

And

the

Elaine Hendrix, who was sort of the heel in the

Lindsay Lohan parent trap remake.

Oh, sure.

Okay.

Also,

Boy Meets World adjacent, Mr.

Feeney, the guy who plays him, 98 years old.

Oh, wow.

Are you just on CelebrityOld.com?

I just know that I read that he was alive a couple months ago, and I was blown away that he's he's still at it.

He's still teaching.

Scott Hoying, who is from

the acapella group Pentatonics.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Popular online choir, would you call it?

Lauren.

Sorry.

Robert Irwin, who is the son of Steve Irwin.

Oh, yeah.

Lauren Joragui, who is in Fifth Harmony.

Boy, oh boy, they're really stretching these stars.

Because I feel like at least there used to be a sitcom actors.

I guess there's one on there.

Whitney

Levitt, who is also from The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.

There should be a limit of like

one per other reality show.

And then finally, Andy Richter.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I wonder if it pays a lot of dollarinos to be on that show.

Or is it...

Because I always feel bad when they have celebrities on and they're like, and your money is going to a charity.

I'm like, well, I don't think they necessarily have the giving away money.

Yeah, sure.

You know, somebody from the Mormon Housewives.

Yeah.

Someone on Celebrity Jeopardy, and it's like, you know, George Clooney versus

Gunther from Friend.

And your charity is the Gunther Foundation.

Tell me a bit about that.

Well, I've been providing lattes for

troubled youth.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway, so we we don't have a guest.

This is sort of what the show is.

We're going to, this is a, if you're someone who listens to the show and doesn't listen to the bonus episodes,

they're all just me and Graham on Zoom.

It's a lot.

It's real loose.

It's fun.

It's like this.

So if you like this,

you got to join up at maximumfun.org slash join.

Yeah, this is like a peek behind the curtain behind the curtain.

This is nice for people out there.

And I was reading on some thread on maybe Reddit Maximum Fun that there are people who just listened to the bonus episodes and have never listened to an episode of

the regular show.

So to them, we're just all Mr.

Bean and et cetera, et cetera.

Hot topic is the one not.

Yeah.

Well,

yeah, so I watched Unforgiven.

I watched, oh, you know,

I watched like a movie a day.

Nice.

But, and there were,

well, I watched a couple of Westerns I had already seen before because I was like,

do I hate all westerns?

And then I watched True Grit and I loved it.

Yeah, True Grit was really good.

And then I re-watched it.

I had seen

the 310 to Yuma.

Oh, yeah.

I really liked it when I first saw it.

I didn't like it so much this time.

I don't think I saw it.

Was it Christian Bale?

No.

Christian Bale and Russell Crowe.

Russell Crowe.

Yes.

The two Titans.

Yeah, two Australians as

Americans.

Christian Bale's not Australian.

You get my point.

I get it.

I also

seen

the death of

Billy the Kid by the cowards.

Oh, yeah.

I've never saw that either.

There was like that one clump of

Westerns.

Yeah, it's true.

Like, I think one studio makes a Western and another studio is like,

we got to...

you know, get on board with the Westerns.

We got to make our Dante's peak to their volcano.

Exactly.

Exactly.

I think a part of it is that they're all,

with the exception of True Grit, they're all like over two and a half hours long.

Which original Westerns weren't.

Original Westerns kind of were like a buck and a half kind of horror movie length.

I am just kind of allergic to that length of movie.

Not even in practice, just like seeing those numbers.

Like once it goes above 120 minutes and you have to do the math.

You're like 168 minutes.

What are we looking at here I also

uh

if I if presented with a choice between a Western and an army film I'll always choose western I don't like movies that are like army you know

I don't care for them I mean horrors of war sure

I get it but I don't want to see a war movie I so so one of the movies I watched in my weekend state that I'd never seen before

was

saving Private Ryan.

Okay, and an army.

An army.

And a movie I'd never seen before.

Yeah.

And can I tell you, I loved it.

It's good stars.

It's perfect.

It's very good.

It is very good.

And this is coming from somebody who just stated he does not like a war movie.

Yeah.

And I don't like, you know,

people being

destroyed by bullets on the beach.

I talked about that, how I like tune out after too many pew-pew-pew.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's like watching the movie Dunkirk in the Theater made you feel insane because it was so loud.

There's so much pew-pew-pewing all over the place.

Yeah, for me, it was, oh, what's the one?

It's good,

but I just, my, I just went numb.

Uh, it's the one where they're like

shooting a bunch of guns.

I'm with you so far,

um, and And it is called

Sicario.

Haven't seen Sicario.

Oh, you'd love it.

What's the one that's got Jude Law, and I think also maybe Ed Harris?

Oh, I saw that in the theater.

It is called Enemy at the Gates.

Enemy of the Gates, yes.

And there's a very like

Rachel Weiss is in it, and they have a sex scene, but they're like having sex

in World War II.

Literally, like,

while during the siege of Leningrad, and there's like a bunch of people sleeping next to them,

and her butt on screen was so white.

I

kind of like Love Island, where people are having sex next to other people that are sleeping.

No war going on, so it's probably a lot harder because you got to keep the noise down completely.

Yeah, I find my partner usually is pretty good at keeping the noise down.

Maybe a little too good checking their watch.

Speaking of Love Island, your favorite show is canceled.

Oh, too hot to handle?

Yeah.

Oh, it got canceled?

Did you hear?

No.

I thought that format was

platinum.

I thought it would just go on forever and ever.

Yeah, well, I don't know.

Someone sent me a link that said, canceled.

What do you want me to say?

Yeah, okay.

I'm shocked.

I just assumed, like I say, that it was, you know, like X-Factors will just be on forever.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's canceled after six seasons.

Six horny seasons.

That was the one where they weren't allowed to have sex.

They lost money.

Like everyone, it was like a...

Like everyone loses money if two people.

Yeah, there's a pot.

And

the funny, like the last season was great because there were a couple

couples that were like, we don't care about the money.

We're going to have sex all over this crazy island.

And they hired people, like the idea was that the contestants are all the horniest, hottest people around.

Yeah.

And they're given like opportunity.

They don't have to sneak away.

They're like, now it's going to be the hot oil challenge.

And you're like, oh, boy, this is going to...

It's going to horn everybody up.

And were they allowed to go masturbate?

They weren't allowed to masturbate.

They weren't allowed to kiss.

They were only allowed to hold hands.

That was the only thing that was.

But what if they

just holding hands was enough for some of them to need to change their underwear?

Do they lose money?

You mean like somebody who's, you know, never, they have all the horniest people in the world that are well sexed, and then one guy that's a virgin.

Hey, that's not a bad show.

Yeah, it's Joe Schmo.

It's Joe Schmo, but

he assumes everybody else is a virgin, but everyone's sneaking away and banging all over the place.

We all came here to lose our virginities, right?

I still always think of that clip from whatever show it was, where it's two virgins kissing on their wedding day at the altar, and they have no idea how to kiss.

Have you ever seen that clip?

Yeah.

It's, it's, I might go watch it later on today, just have a good chuckle.

He really doesn't know what he's doing.

He kind of is like trying to eat her face.

You think you would have practiced a lot on a piece of fruit?

Yeah, do you, when people get married

and you may now kiss each other.

Yeah.

Do you...

The appropriate thing to do is like

go like 40%.

Yeah, and more of a

like certainly mouth closed.

Just a nice.

Mouth closed, but like more than like a peck, but

not less than the November Rain video where

they go at it at that wedding.

Yeah, it hunks all over the place.

Was it dumb and dumb or he does the like blowing in her mouth?

Oh, man, I wonder what working with Jim Carrey is like.

Is he on all the time, Rob Williams style, or is he,

you know, can he turn it on and off?

Would you rather spend a day with Jim Carrey or Mariah Carey?

She can be a diva.

She can be a diva, but

she has access, unlimited access to Nick Cannon.

So that way I'm getting the funniest guy in America and Mariah Carey.

True.

And she famously has unlimited access to him.

He's certainly not impregnating everything around him.

Man, that guy should actually do too hot to handle and have one virgin and one Nick Cannon.

It's funny because he is such a jizz smith and then his name is cannon

he's a what a jizz smith

okay like a word smith but with jizz yeah yeah yeah

he

uh it's this year is uh america's got talents 20th anniversary

um

and

he was a host for a while and they kind of were showing a reel of all the all the best moments and there was one where he disguised himself as a mime mime and really fooled Simon Cowell into thinking he was one of the acts.

And that was the only mention of Nick Cannon in the whole thing.

That was his one blip.

Now,

okay, so he hasn't had a because I remember a few years ago, he was having kids like

monthly, yeah, all over the place.

Um, but he, according to his Wikipedia, he hasn't had a child since 2022, so that's good.

Yeah, enough is enough, you know?

But he did have one, he did have two in 2022.

No, three.

Three.

Wow.

Yeah, he had three in 2022.

And that's great.

No, four in 2020.

He had four in 2020.

No, he had

okay.

He had five in 2022.

That's why I think it was a little bit.

Five by, I assume, five different women, or at least four different and then one.

Because I was kind of like reading up from the bottom of the list, but some of the women had multiple children with him.

And they so there's he had in September 22 uh June of 22 November of 22 December of 22 and also

another September of 2022 wow wow all like five kids in the last half of 2022 and I'm sure

Smith

he manages some some personal time with them every day, I'm sure.

Yeah.

I like at the end of all of his shows, like, you know how they have the little title card of Everyone's Production Company?

Yeah.

And his is Jizz Smith Productions.

He,

I don't know what he's doing now.

I know that he, I only know him from America Talent and the, what was it called?

Not so you think you can dance, but

wasn't it like there was a dance dance-off thing and he was the host of...

Didn't he do While and Out?

Was that?

While and Out.

While While and Out.

It was like an improv show, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

We didn't get that here.

No.

Oh, also, he had.

I know he had a health problem, but when it under health and illness, it says in November 2024, Cannon revealed he had been clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

You're telling me a guy who has sired this many kids just thinks about himself.

And he also had kidney stuff.

Oh, no.

Well, I hope he's recovering,

you know, nicely, somewhere comfortable.

Anyway, come on the show, Nick.

We love you.

Yeah, he's our white whale.

He's been the guy that we've been trying to get.

Him and Terry Cruz.

Those are the two.

Yeah.

Is he the current host?

He's the current host.

And remember, he had an addiction to pornography, which is the funniest thing you could be addicted to.

Huh?

I guess I never looked at it that way, but I might.

Do you end up going to a recovery group just for porn addicts, or do you just go to a general group and then everybody says what they're addicted to?

I think

here's my idea.

You go to

a sex porn addiction recovery group, or so you think, but it turns out it's too hot to handle.

And there's money on the line.

But instead of having sex with the other contestants, they try to sneak off and check a little porn.

I have a feeling if you're addicted to porn, you would accept

the touch of a human.

I wonder, because I feel like in the not too distant future, there's going to be a lot of men who are having relationships with AI and possibly connected objects.

So I feel like that's we're going to see a lot of that.

That's going to be.

When you say connected objects, you mean like a fridge that has internet access

Where you keep a bunch of jars of pudding that you have sex with.

Make your own.

Wouldn't you want them room temperature?

My headphones fell off.

That's the problem with the kids these days is they're so plugged in.

They won't even warm up their sex pudding.

Yeah, it's on like the Today Show is like how to make your own fleshlight.

Do you remember that red hot chili peppers album, Blood Sugar, Sex Pudding?

I do.

I got it from Columbia House.

My parents said that I wasn't allowed, but

so yeah, I watched those movies,

but we really didn't see each other for very long.

And then it was quite...

Strange to see you and then be like, well, I can't see you this week.

Yeah.

It was weird.

And it was like

we had the guests lined up, and then it was, it was, yeah, you were sick.

You were sick the day of.

I didn't know what to do with myself the rest of the day, to be honest.

I was like, I had kind of,

you know, you kind of

cut out a chunk of the day.

This is what I'm going to be doing during this time.

I was like, what do I do?

What do I do?

And did you watch three Western movies instead?

No, I think I had a nap.

I think I was like, this prime nap time.

So wait, you saw three Westerns.

You saw

three tentayuma unforgiven

and true grit oh true grit right and then one army movie or more more than one army movie i saw the one army movie maybe i should do like theme month

yeah where dave discovers the classics of the genre yeah that's basically it

um for the sickness yeah I was sort of

down with a sickness.

Were you?

Oh, shit.

Who is that system?

Not system of a down.

Who's down?

Is that

down with a sickness?

Yep.

Ooh.

One of the most iconic nonsense noises of the generation.

Is that disturbed?

I'm going to go with your guess and say.

I get disturbed in Drowning Pool mixed up because Drowning Pool's song also ruled.

What was theirs?

Let the bodies hit the floor.

Let the bodies hit the

I was going

somewhere downtown and had to pass by Rogers Arena and the band that was playing was the Deftones.

Okay.

And to me, I always thought the Deftones was something like the Gypsy Kings.

Like that name in my head was like, oh, they're kind of a fun acapella group.

But they're not.

And they, boy, oh boy, do they have the gothiest fans around?

They do have very gothy fans.

Yeah, I was

just driving by.

I was like, what is this?

What could possibly unite these goths?

It was the deft tones.

These guys are going to see the Gypsy Kings?

Remember when they just

had a brief time in the spotlight?

And then.

The Gypsy Kings?

Yeah.

And now we're not even allowed to say their names anymore.

What was their song?

I want to say By La Mos, but that was Enrique Iglesias.

And it's not Bumbaleo.

It might be Bombalayo.

Oh, is it?

Yeah.

Bumblejo, Bombaleo.

Hand clap, hand clap.

And they do that rhythmic hand, like one, they clap between each other's claps.

Yes.

Gypsy kings.

Oh, if you if you type gypsy, Romania people is the first thing that comes up, but uh yeah, it's bombaleo.

No, nice.

Um, they're probably on like some kind of, oh, they played this past summer at the PNE.

The Gypsy Coast

there.

Did you go to the PNE this year?

I did not.

Did you?

No, we were planning to go the second week, but I believe I had the novel coronavirus.

And I said, Abby, you can take the kids without me.

And she said, no.

Fine, fine.

Does

either Margo or Pop is Poppy tall enough to get on a roller coaster?

Well, I don't know about the big ones, but

the big rickety.

Yeah, I don't know.

She might be a little short for that.

Margo, she can.

Margot can do it all.

Yeah.

I think next year we'll just go

instead of waiting till the very end for the PNE.

And the PNE is so expensive now.

It really is.

You don't get the concerts for free anymore.

And it's, you know, the food is like.

Outrageously expensive.

I always fair food was always pretty expensive, but it's mind-blowing how expensive a corndog.

So I think next year we'll just go to Playland.

Yeah.

Just like,'cause then do you you just buy a pass and then you get on the rides.

But at the PND, I guess you get you have to use tickets.

No, you can get the pass.

So there are like, but there's like different levels of the pass you can get.

And for anybody that doesn't know, Playland is a amusement park inside the city limits, which is strange.

I've always found that very strange, that it's within the bounds of the city instead of being out, like out

of town.

It's as close to being out of town as you can be.

Right on the line.

But yeah, we did not go to that.

We went this summer

to

the water slides, which are out of town.

The

what is it called?

That's called Big Splash.

Big Splash.

When I was a kid, it was called Splash Down.

Splash Down in Tawasan.

Oh, this one.

Is there another one?

There's one in

Ladner?

No, there's...

well, Ladner is Tawasin, basically.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

They're kissing cousins.

There's one out like near Chilliwack at Cultis Lake.

Cultis Lake, that's the one.

Yeah.

But that's a drive.

How fun was the water park?

We went last year expecting it to not be that much fun.

We loved it.

We loved it last year.

Yeah.

And this year we loved it just as much.

It was so great.

Yeah, so much fun.

The kids are even like, the kids like went off on their own for the first time, like at an event like this, where we were like, oh, they don't want us or need us at all.

Yeah.

They're figuring out their own slide style.

They want to hang out with each other, which is new.

Eventually you just give in to the fact that you have a sibling and you're like, well, I can't seem to shake you.

But the so you know I have a

love-hate relationship with Sunblock.

Yes.

Use it but hate it.

I use it but hate it.

And I won't use it like I

like

Cass Furman was on a few weeks ago and was like, oh, you have to wear sunscreen every day.

Yes.

All 365 days a year.

You have to wear it on all of your skin.

And it's like that has really been repeating in my head.

Almost every time that I am going out, I picture her saying, always wear sunscreen every day.

I wear it on my face every day in the summer.

Yeah.

But if it's like an event where I'm taking my shirt off, I'm going swimming is up, I'm doing my whole body.

Yeah, and it's hard to get that, it's hard to get that mid-back section.

You really need a partner.

I do need a partner.

So this time, last year I made the mistake of I did my kids up and I did my face and I was like, oh, when I get there, I'll do my body.

And then I forgot.

I got so excited.

And around three o'clock last year, I remember thinking, huh, my shoulders are feeling a little hot.

Oh, shit, I never did it.

I I never put on sunscreen.

Were you so red?

I was so red and peeling for weeks.

Oh man, I mean, that's kind of the good side.

Yeah, you get a little snack.

Yeah.

You wriggle out of it like a snake.

And this year, I was like, I'm not making that mistake again.

And Abby bought this brand of sunscreen I'd never seen before.

Okay.

Option Plus,

which is apparently the house brand of like Rexol.

Okay.

What is it called?

Option Plus?

Option Plus.

Okay.

And we got the, we, we got the sport kind, which lasts longer in water and sweat and stuff.

And I was like, as so I put that on.

We went

we went water sliding.

The water slides were great.

At like one, I'm like,

maybe I'll put on more sunscreen.

Yeah.

And, you know, just to be safe.

And then at three, my shoulders were starting to feel kind of red or feel kind of hot.

And I'll put on another coat.

It didn't work.

None of it worked at all.

It was all fake sunscreen.

Ah, fuck.

Rexall.

I don't trust their house brands because their house brand candy is so bad that I just assume all of the house brand stuff stinks.

Is it Rexall or like IDA?

It's just some one of the lesser

chain of

pharmacies in this country.

Yeah.

i had

uh on all things sunscreen and standing in the sun i went to when i was in calgary went to a fair that didn't have rides but it had all the other things like a you know uh

bunch of booths you know we're selling this we're selling that and then kind of like a 4-h

uh animal building and there's no shade it is just you're just out on cement in the blazing heat.

I don't know how people did it.

After about 20 minutes, I felt

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

I felt like I was going to die.

I don't know how people just like hang out in the sun for hours at a time.

It blows my mind.

I don't know how people do it.

So

I watched those two Woodstock 99 documentaries five years ago or whatever.

Yeah.

Both great.

Both great.

No, maybe I just watched one of them.

Because even then I was like, I think I knew this story already.

I don't need to see this twice.

You lived it.

Yeah.

But what I forgot, because a clip came on my Instagram this week.

And what I forgot was

the offspring was there and they played their song Pretty Fly for a White Guy.

And the guy from the video was on stage with them

dancing around and like humping them.

Do you remember when Pearl Jam won a Grammy or maybe an MTV video award.

And he brought.

Jeremy?

Yeah, he brought the kid on stage with him.

Yeah.

And he was like, see, he's fine.

And I was like, was there a controversy that the actor died during the shooting of this video?

Or that he was so disturbed?

I never really paid attention to that video, but I was like,

shouldn't it gnash that recess ladies?

Breast.

Yeah, I watched an old clip of Eddie Vetter like climbing to the top of a stage and then rappelling down a microphone cord.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was pretty cool.

I don't think he didn't rappel down the cord, did he?

Yeah, it was at the top of the corner.

I know, I didn't think so either, but there you go.

Eddie Vetter proved us all wrong.

Yeah, I guess he was teaching us about

pulleys and simple machines.

That's right.

Like you, as a kid, got to go there for science class.

You got to see Pearl Jam and make sure you make notes about how he.

Did he use a wedge at any point.

That was always such a drag when you got to go to like the zoo or Heritage Park or whatever, and you had to fill out this form.

What were can you name the simple machines?

Oh, God, no.

Pulley.

Pulley.

Wedge.

Lever?

Lever, yeah.

Ball and socket?

No.

I missed the day we did that, so I don't know.

Oh, physics went so far over my head that

I didn't even dip a toe.

But I think simple machines was like

elementary school.

Interesting.

So they are,

oh, pulley, wedge, lever,

or lever for your 2,000 parts.

Yep.

Wheel and axle.

Okay.

Slash and axle.

These are actually simple members of Guns N' Roses.

Inclined plane.

Mm-hmm.

And screw.

Ah, screw.

Yeah,

I don't think I knew all that.

So there you go.

No, me neither.

Having just said them, I don't think I could tell you what.

An inclined plane.

Like,

I'm seeing a diagram of it.

I don't know how it works as a machine.

Maybe you push things down it and it picks up steam?

I don't know.

I don't know.

But like.

Oh yeah, you can use it to

a mechanical device that changes the direction or magnitude of a force.

So yeah, you can, you know, push a barrel up a ramp.

Yeah, I.

Did you do field trips like that where it was in conjunction with a class?

Oh, I remember, I think I've told the story.

In grade two, we went to the aquarium and we all had a sheet we had to fill out yeah and it was a field trip that the parents drove us so like you carpooled with a parent and i remember being in someone's minivan and having my uh sheet and wave waving it out the window and letting go

And I remember feeling terrible the whole field trip.

Like, oh, fuck, I'm not going to have my sheet.

I'm not going to be able to.

I can't tell anyone.

And then getting back to school and no one cared.

No, like then we didn't have to submit it.

It was just busy work.

Yeah, like I had to go, we went to Heritage Park in Calgary and we had to draw a house.

We had to like use rulers and stuff to draw a house.

And I put ghosts in all the windows and the teacher said, no, you're not allowed to do that.

And so she watched me as I erased them.

And the second she was gone, you know, they're going back in the swing.

Come on, teacher.

Yeah, man.

This is fun.

I'm having fun with the project.

Let me express myself.

She's like, no, no, you're just supposed to draw it the way it is.

And of course, you know, Darcy Frederick's there, she's drawing it perfect.

She looks like she's an architect.

Heritage Park was like the

old-timey, like

Gold Rush town or whatever.

Yeah, and they had a really good candy shop of old-timey.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, like

candy canes but without the hook on the end.

What are those called?

Just kind of like a candy stick.

Candy stick.

Yeah.

Just candy sticks and, you know, public human.

There's a very satisfying thing I see on my Instagram sometimes it's just like people like they make a they combine a bunch of colors like colored candy rods that are really hot like warm and then they roll them into a one long thing and they zoom in and they start cutting little tiny like oh it's it's it's a little circular you know picture of mario yeah yeah yeah Oh man, that rock candy, I remember the first time I had in Ireland, and it really hangs on.

It's like,

really could pull a filling out if you ate enough of it.

And just couldn't get enough.

Loved it.

That and saltwater taffy.

Woo-wee!

Yeah, we once did a

field trip to the Big Rock Candy Mountain.

Where the chickens lay hard-boiled eggs.

Yeah, that's something like that.

Yeah, there's no train bulls.

The cops have wooden legs.

That's right.

The bulldogs have rubber teeth and stuff like that.

You had to fill it.

Hands laid soft-boiled eggs.

You have to count all the things in Big Rock Candy Mountain for the school.

Dave, where's your page?

You're going to miss the little streams of alcohol trickling down the rocks.

But yeah.

So that was a great thing I did.

And the other great thing.

that I think we've all been celebrating across this great country is

I went to McDonald's and I had the Shania Twain value meal.

Let's drink, girls.

Dump it, boys.

So what is in this concoction?

So it's not.

So Shania Twain did these ads on, I guess, TV.

I definitely saw banner ads on websites

of her looking sensational and saying, go to McDonald's and get your Shania Twain food.

That's a get for both of them, that she would be in McDonald's and McDonald's would be able to get her because Tim Hortons is landing

Ryan Reynolds and what's his face, Justin Bieber.

And those two can't hold a candle to Shania Twain.

Shania Twain's it.

And she did, so you go there and her face is on stuff, and you get

there's I think only two items that you get that are

three items that you get are Shania Twain coated.

Okay.

One is fries that have like this

spice,

Like you have a get a like flavor packet and you

they're shaker fries and then you put you just get regular fries.

You put the flavor packet on it.

You shake it yourself and they come out tasting like curry kind of

famously associated with

And then there's also instead of an apple pie there's a strawberry pie and that is a that's a winner.

Yeah, and is it the same?

Is and this is my ignorance around McDonald's.

Is the apple pie still a thing in a little cardboard sleeve?

Yeah.

It used to be, I feel like it used to be deep-fried.

Like it used to have like bubbles on the skin.

I think you're right.

And now it's just like breaded.

And then the third thing you get are

these

pink Shania Twain McDonald's boots keychain.

That is amazing.

That is huge.

That's

during the winter,

Sally went to McDonald's because they had Grinch-themed

desserts.

And one of the things was a shaker of Dill Pickle, which she did not get her shaker.

It was the Crestfallen.

And you got socks with either the Grinch or Grinch's dog on them.

And so I went and I got them and I was like, oh, this is great.

I'm glad I'll buy that.

I mean, I don't need this keychain, but I'll buy it because it's for a good cause.

It's not for any cause.

Money goes to McDonald's and Shania Twain.

It was like one of those celebrity charity things.

Yeah, or it's like if you go to a shopper's drug market where you're checking out, and at one point it's like, do you want to give $2 to women?

Doesn't list the good charity or anything?

Yeah.

I just gave $2 to women.

Shania Twain.

But

it's all for a good cause.

And, you

How would they describe the shaker fries?

Our world famous fries made from 100% Canadian potatoes, just got a flavor makeover, coated in the iconic all-dressed season, and Canadians know and love.

Oh, that's what it was supposed to be.

All-dressed, yeah.

Hmm.

I feel like

Canada is having a real renaissance with celebrity endorsements.

I'm talking about you, Jim from the office, dancing to Taylor Swift on a boat.

You see those ads?

For some kind of banking commercial?

It was for Rogers.

Oh, was it Rogers?

Yeah, why did they get him?

I don't know, but God forbid we forget that Rogers is the company for two seconds in this country.

And they have a new one now with somebody else that's like

a big name

doing some other lame thing.

Anyways, I saw Eugene Levy like talking to someone at a party.

Yeah.

I feel like Eugene Levy never turns down

an ad or anything like that.

Or a movie.

Or a movie.

It's kind of like Simu Lu.

Oh, yeah.

That guy won't.

There's nothing he won't do.

He'll host the Junos.

He'll go to the opening of a Best Buy.

He's a special guest on Dragon's Den.

He's a special guest dragon.

I mean, make hay while the sun shines, right?

You're not going to be in a...

Oh, yeah, totally.

Yeah, just like

PS to everything.

Yeah, exactly.

Canada's Oktua.

I've got Simuliu coin burning a hole in my pocket.

Anyway, that's what's been going on with me.

How about you, my friend?

I, in the past,

little while.

What was the full plan with the puppet?

Well, were you never going to mention it?

No, I was going to mention it, but like, like...

Completely out of nowhere be like, I went to it two weeks of course.

Alicia ruined it.

Yeah, it was gonna be a surprise

but I went to three movies one of them aforementioned weapons yeah

oh you hadn't seen it last time I hadn't seen it no right you had seen the naked gun i'd seen the naked gun i was excited about going to see weapons um went to it loved it

did you love it yeah i thought it was so well done and so scary and so like twisty turny and then the ending funniest ending ever in a horror movie just yeah it's really great yeah like not to spoil it for anybody but like the final the climactic scene so funny

again i mean i'm not spoiling anything uh but graham go you go off king

but i would highly recommend it and

it's really and i think you said this about watching it being in the theater was so much fun because all the like scares in it everybody's like uh

there were it wasn't very full when I saw it although it was the opening weekend I saw it I saw a matinee so that might have been why

but it was like it's it was the number one movie for three weeks in a row and it's coming out on streaming now it's like that's too fast it is too fast but I think you're either gonna watch it on streaming or you're gonna go to the theater you kind of make that decision in that first week though you know I don't know.

I don't know how Hollywood's making movies off or money off of movies anymore.

I don't know how it works with going on a streaming service.

I have no idea.

Did you get popcorn?

I did.

I got popcorn.

I got some MMs.

I got

they only had regular

cola?

Where did I see it?

No, I had a

programmed soft drink.

Oh, sure, you hacked the system.

Yeah.

You hacked the mainframe to give yourself a cherry Coke.

Yeah, somehow I did it and it gave me pineapple Coke.

And I was like,

who the hell hell would drink pineapple coke?

Some New Finland lobster humper.

Don't they have pineapple crush out there?

They do, yeah.

And they're pretty vocal about it, I must say.

So I went and saw weapons.

Yeah.

Then I went and saw a movie.

Did you see the trailers for what were the trailers before weapons?

The new Hereditary?

Yep, the new...

Or the new...

What is the one with Patrick Wilson in it?

The Conjuring?

The Conjuring.

It was a new one of those.

Okay, well, you know that the new Hereditary is actually Hereditary Cruise, and he's haunted by all the pornography.

So, like, you know, me too.

I'm haunted by pornography.

I just can't find that one video I used to love.

What is Debbie doing?

What was Debbie doing again?

I want to say Denver.

So,

yeah, I saw weapons.

I saw caught stealing.

Oh, right, right, right.

With Austin Butler.

Yeah.

And he

is,

he is a very handsome guy, but in a very conventional, like, he is like a prototypical handsome guy.

There's nothing weird about his face that kind of...

You know, like Adam Driver, you can't forget his face.

You wouldn't say that he's like a stock.

Yeah.

There's not like a.

What if we just named like 50 handsome guys?

Oh, yeah, well, Tom Hardy's lips are kind of what distinguishes him.

And he's got an old Wilson.

He's got that funny little nose.

Yeah.

That movie, he's like, yeah, Austin Butler has done,

he did that and he did the bike riders.

And I was like, these are just movies about him like.

kind of squinting into the camera.

Yes, there was a lot of squinting into the camera and he has great kind of Ethan Hawk circa reality bites hair, kind of greasy, but like sits really well.

Yeah, what's the movie about?

He is his neighbor is connected to a gang, and the gang wants something, and he accidentally has the thing that

is it a modern movie?

Is it set in Today Times?

It is set in today.

Oh, no, that's not true.

It's set in 1998.

Ah, no cell phones.

Yeah, no cell phones, and a pretty good soundtrack.

A lot of good uh you know 90s hits and

uh

what

uh vincent d'Onofrio is in it and uh who else who's the other there's like two rabbis that were gangster rabbis did they walk into a bar um actually

i think they do at one point

Yeah, this is a movie

it's playing at the local theater.

That's the only reason I know it exists.

I saw like a poster for it on my phone.

Is it got what's his face who was the Dr.

What's his face?

Dr.

Claw.

Doctor Who.

Is there a Doctor Who in there?

Yeah.

He's, I think he's the punk rock guy in it.

Okay.

And it was fine.

It was fine.

It wasn't like.

Is there nudity?

Yeah,

Zoe Kravitz is topless pretty quick in the movie.

Oh, well, her dad is famously bottomless.

That's why it was included in the film.

It's in his contract.

I get to show up.

My wiener falls out of my pants at least once per film.

In any case, the movie was fine.

And so it's Aaron Aronofsky?

It's an Aronofsky.

And I went to the 940

screening of it.

So you're not even going to start until 10.

I made it, but there was a...

Definitely there was a sensation in my body that I was like, we like to be in bed.

Who'd you go with?

I went with my wife, Sally.

Oh, hi, Sally.

She saw a movie in the afternoon.

Alicia and her went to Magnolia.

Where was that playing?

Viff Cinema downtown.

Oh, cool.

And then

Sally had to sleep before

she had to take a nap before going to this 9.40.

So it was like restarting her day at 9.40 p.m.

Why did you make her see two movies in a day?

I don't know.

Oh, because it was $5.

Oh, right.

Oh, that's right.

Alicia was

all over that $5.

Yeah.

But she didn't go.

No, but she went to that movie the next day.

Oh, okay.

But two movies in a day is a lot for

anybody, really.

And then another movie I went to was a

one out of maybe three time screening of past guest Sean Devlin's film.

Ah, a SOG.

A SOG.

And it was in the international village

theater.

And

it was really good.

This movie was really, really good.

Scored by past guest Emmett Hall

and a brief audio, a cameo by Mark Chavez playing an Australian voice.

Did you know it was him?

Tally knew instantly.

She was like, that's Mark Chavez.

It was, yeah, it was really good.

It was funny.

It's sad.

It's

all these things.

And then, of course, Sean's there.

So they do question and answer period, which to me is, I hate it.

I hate question and answer time.

It's less of like less question and more

monologuing.

Yeah,

here's some observations I have.

And you know what?

Not a single one.

Not a single monologuer.

Not a single.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

It was the first time I've ever been a part of that.

Oh, did Sean ever go?

Hey, that's a good question.

Yeah, I think they did say that's a good question.

And I can't remember what the question was, but

because the people in the movie aren't actors.

So a lot of it was like improvised dialogue.

And

everybody was good in it.

It was, yeah.

a heart heartwarming film and shot in the philippines

And

yeah, it was good.

It was a lot of fun to see, you know, to see the guy who made the thing in the room that the thing is being shown.

I mean, I saw Western movies.

That's an Eastern movie.

That's an Eastern movie.

Yeah, a classic Eastern film.

I saw Sean Devlin at a baseball game a couple weeks ago.

He was sitting next to Ryan Beale.

Just dropping names left and right.

And

I was sitting on the opposite side.

But at that game, there was a guy ran on the field, not streaking, but like a guy from the audience, from the crowd, ran onto the field and no security stopped him.

And he ran to first base and then went towards second base, slid into second,

and then like expected to be tackled by then.

And he wasn't.

So he got back up and was like, all right, I guess I'll keep going.

And then he rounded third and then like slowly went home and then like gently tapped home plate with his foot.

And

did the audience love this?

No, we were booing.

Everyone booed the whole time.

And the, and then he eventually like.

A security guard was trying to get onto the field and couldn't figure it out.

And the guy just walked off and was like, okay, I'll let you escort me out of the stadium.

And then like a minute later, two other security guards came running.

We got to beat that guy up.

Yeah, and that was the night that those security guards got fired.

We were only supposed to do one bit of security.

Yeah.

It would have been funny if it was a streaker and that had to stay out there, like, and everybody got a real good look at him.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm locked out here.

How do I get?

I can't get out.

How do I get out?

Can I get out through the dugout?

We were sitting right next to where they let the

there's like a little gated door to the field where they let the sushi racers out.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And there's a sign saying anyone coming out of the field will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

I wonder what the full extent of the law is on that.

Hey, knock it off.

Nah,

you scoundrel.

Get out of here.

You've been charged with shenanigans.

But yeah, so I was really, really knee-deep in films.

I watched another horror movie last night called,

what was it called?

dangerous game dangerous prey I can't remember it was good

what's it about it's about a guy who's a crazy guy that uh is a serial killer and uses people as bait for sharks

oh yeah that's his kink

um but the guy in it Do you remember Jai Courtney?

Remember him kind of like another standard handsome man?

No.

He was like in Terminator, one of the updates of Terminator, and he was in Suicide Squad.

I just recognized the name, and he was the star of it, and he was really good.

Totally do not recognize his face, but that name does something to me.

Yeah, yeah.

But it was called Dangerous Animals.

Dangerous Animals, yeah.

And

it was good.

It's an Aussie.

It's an Aussie film.

Yeah, well, they love sharks down there.

They really do.

That movie really does lean on the fact there's lots of sharks in Australia.

Yeah.

Did you hear about a Canadian shark farmer who went down there?

And what was the guy from Australia doing with the shark?

He was having sex with a shark.

There was no wordplay.

It was just he was having sex with a shark.

The Canadian shark farmer was like, oh, that's good for you.

I could never.

That's that's you're brave.

Yeah, so, you know, a lot of movies out there, a lot of exciting things to keep you busy.

Yeah, got to love movies.

They're kind of little stories that are little stories.

They're bigger than TV shows.

The other movie that this director made was a movie starring Ethan Embry as a tortured artist.

The dangerous animals guy?

Yeah, yeah.

The guy's painting hell.

He doesn't know it, but he's painting hell.

And

it's Ethan Embry

in a dramatic turnabout from his starring role of she's all that.

No, wait.

Can't hardly wait.

Oh, you're right.

Yeah.

And he was also the bass player in that thing you do.

Yes, yeah.

A likable presence.

Oh, man.

Yeah, likeability off the charts.

Yeah.

He probably, I bet you he like somehow makes like a movie a year that I've never heard of.

Oh, yeah.

He's not conventionally handsome.

He's got those dough eyes.

He's got those dough eyes and he's got kind of like

dimpley cheeks.

Oh yeah, he's got kind of a dimple.

Well, what say you to going to do some overhurts?

Yar.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years, and

maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened, and you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah.

You don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFCs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

It's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lombard.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Overheard.

Overheards, a segment of the show which usually we have three people on the show.

We have a guest, and this is a segment where you hear things, you report them here on the podcast.

We would usually throw to our guests, but right now I'm going to say, Dave, do you have an overheard?

Yeah, I do.

Not really, though, because it was said to me.

That's okay.

Mine is also said to me, so here we go.

So when I was a kid, I remember we never had pop in the house.

Like

Christmas, we would have cans of Coke or whatever.

Sure.

But I remember sometimes my dad would have like club soda, and I would say, oh, this is a can.

It looks like pop.

I'll drink it.

Yeah.

And I would be disappointed.

Because it doesn't taste like anything.

Because it doesn't taste like anything.

It tastes a little bad.

It tastes a little bit bad.

A little bit bad.

And then sometimes he would have tonic.

And I would, I think I only made that mistake once.

Oh, I would do it.

I would get into the tonic.

I'd be fine with it.

So bad, but it's so bad.

It's like,

well, it's medicinal.

Yeah, and it's

quinine?

Quinine?

It's quinine?

I think it's quinine.

Quinine, yeah, yeah.

But it,

like, you make a gin and tonic, and it's unclear which is disguising the taste of which.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You got to add more gin, get rid of the tonic taste.

Yeah, and I think

I...

I feel like I've had one gin and tonic in my life, and the rest of the time it's just been a gin and soda, or a vodka and soda.

Well, I saw saw there

someone I follow on the internet was making a drink that was like

the thing they're doing in New York these days is like a long martini where you

make

a martini is gin or it could be vodka, but in this case gin and vermouth and a little bit of olive juice and then a lot of tonic.

And they're And it was I made it and I I didn't like it.

But I bought a six pack of tonic uh the little ones.

And then Poppy my eight-year-old was like can I try one of these tonics and I said sure and she

she took one sip of it and went why does this exist

excellent question Poppy yeah I guess it's because of malaria I guess so is that because of English people being in

Africa yeah I think they would drink that to keep the mosquitoes away I don't know exactly the

way it works, and I don't think it works that well because they have like vaccines for malaria, don't they?

For inoculations, but they're apparently terrible, too.

Like

you have to

terrible liquid and then feel sick.

Yeah, and

I feel like it was my grandmother really liked them.

A tonic, gin and tonic, G and T.

Or as Billy Joel would call it, tonic and gin.

Yeah.

I finished watching that documentary.

Oh, yeah.

How does it end?

With, I don't know, wife number four or something.

Okay, sure.

Yeah.

He is, it's very funny because he's like, all of his songs are about the thing they're about.

There's no like,

like,

oh, goodbye, Yellowbrook Road.

What is the Yellowbrook Road in this case?

It's like, nope.

I was married to an uptown girl at the time.

Yeah,

you were such a big shot last night.

Was

just about a bad date, he went on.

Yeah, and I was riding my boat a lot more, so I did a Downeaster Alexa.

And I had this dream where I went to the river of dreams.

And here's a bunch of news stories from

the past 50 years.

Yeah.

My overheard is courtesy of

I was ducked my head in to a vintage clothes shop called F as in Frank, which is Main Street Staple.

I went in.

I was the only customer in the store, and I walked in, and the woman said, Hi, and I was like, hi.

And then she said something.

She pointed at something and said,

just so you know,

and I turned around, I was like, what?

She said,

and I just saw a bunch of what I thought were pants.

And she said, jorts are 50% off.

By definition.

Yeah.

It is.

We're getting a Jort season is ending.

Yeah.

They need to clear that shelf space for, geez, what would be a fall, you know, Professor Coats with the suede patches on the elbows.

Yeah.

Corduroy.

Corduroy.

Yeah.

It is like.

The weather right now is,

I mean, I'm not really, like, I want every time

we reach the end of a season, I'm like, I want this season to end.

I want to, like, you're ready for the next season.

I'm ready for winter to be over so I can get back in the garden.

I'm ready for spring to be over so I can surf those waves.

But this, like, last few weeks of summer, it's pretty nice.

Yeah, it's, I mean, except yesterday where the smoke index was the worst in North America.

Well, yeah.

But just like the days where it's like the wet, the temperature is really nice, the sun's not out super light

yeah ah i love it

it's just you know that we've all everybody's been programmed to think september fall back to school we're already in fall but you've always been a proponent of being like summer's not done yet uh i don't know i don't know what that i i look i'm can't wait to stop having to wear my speed stick and get back to my natural deodorant

but you can't do it in the summer.

No, and yeah, that natural deodorant doesn't hold up to the

horrors.

The other thing about the Billy Joel documentary was

he didn't appreciate people making fun of him crashing his car all the time.

Like, he's got kind of a good sense of humor about himself, but he's like, I don't think it's funny.

Just kind of knock it off, you guys.

Yeah.

I wasn't drunk.

I'll have you know.

Was he,

one of the people who produced it, right?

Was he a producer?

Oh, yeah, I guess so.

I presume.

It's weird to small access.

Yeah.

It's weird to make a documentary about yourself, I feel.

I saw Kevin Hart one, and it was, man, oh, man, that was the dumbest documentary.

Everybody in it was just talking about how great he is.

And I was like, well, you can really see the producer's intent in this documentary, the person being Kevin Hart.

Gosh, you know, Kevin Hart?

I love him, but I don't understand why he's famous.

He was a stand-up first?

Yeah, yeah, he was a stand-up and a very, very successful stand-up, like within stadiums and stuff like that.

And then as a movie star now.

Yeah, but I feel like the whole thing with him is that he's short.

I feel like that's the note that he hits in everything I've seen is he's a short guy.

And fair enough.

You know what?

Gabriel Glesius, he's put special out after special about him being fluffy he's made an entire multi-million career uh multi-million dollar career out of it power to him you know what i mean you stumble upon something that works good for you well what happened to more power to him sometimes i hear people say power to him

Oh, yeah, more power.

Well, I think because of home improvement.

Yeah,

just all of a sudden somebody's not thinking about it anymore, you know?

Now, we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the map.

If you want to send one in, send it into SBY at maximofund.org.

First

up out of the gates is Brennan B.

from Kansas.

An overheard.

When I was at the salon a few days ago, two little girls were playing on the floor while their parents were getting haircuts.

They each had a toy horse in their hand.

One girl said to the other, I'll be the mama horse and you can be the baby horse.

And the other paused, looked down at the floor and whispered under her breath, can't I just be a human being?

Your rules of this game suck.

I don't want to be a horse.

Were both parents getting haircuts at the same time?

I guess.

Family haircut.

That is like.

I mean, I guess if it works for your schedule.

Yeah.

We're a couple.

We must get our haircut at the same time.

And there was.

you know, they both said it to each other, you're getting a little shaggy.

You know, like just at this

at the same exact time.

And so they're like, well,

time to go to the hair salon.

Let's bring the kids.

Also, they're playing on the floor at the salon.

It's like, okay, we're playing a game on there.

Where it's like snowing air.

Also, you know, it's that when you were a kid, you played with whatever toy was there.

Whatever toy or coloring book or whatever they had set aside.

Viewmaster, you just sit there and like, well, this is entertainment.

Truly, like, is there anything more disgusting than a pediatrician's waiting room?

Like, the whatever

like blocks fit in, like, and the like wire thing that had the beads on it.

That was entertaining for, I don't know, 25 seconds.

Okay, what if I do one bead at a time?

All right, that spreads it out a bit.

There was one, I think it was my dentist office that had

pre-Game Boy, you would buy like a game.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those like

Tiger was,

and they had like a motorcycle game.

Sure.

And that's, oh, but all the kids wanted it.

You know, you had it.

You weren't staying with it the whole weight.

You had to pass that thing around.

I'm bringing it into the appointment.

I'm going to play burger time.

This next one comes from Walter in northern New York.

I was at my brother's house eating dinner.

His son, daughter-in-law, and grandson were there too.

The grandson, who's five, said to his mom, wow, this looks like a really good salad.

And she said, yes, it is.

And he looked back down at the plate for a second and looked at his mom and said, do I have to eat it?

I'm fine with complimenting it.

I'm proud of you for making it.

It looks great.

It looks great.

Yeah.

But, you know, I've enjoyed it with my eyes.

I don't need to enjoy it with the palate.

Like, you're going to leave here feeling like a million bucks because I lucked your salad.

Watching old episodes of Hell's Kitchen,

they're big on

presentation, which is nice.

Having a nicely

laid-out dish is nice, but I don't get it.

People will eat slop as long as it tastes good.

Well, you eat with your eyes first.

Not me.

Mouth first, eyes last.

Yeah, that like when they do the like they take a spoonful of whatever sauce and do a stripe across the plate?

Yep, the classic.

Maybe put some pistachios on top of something.

Last taste.

When they

make a salad on that show, does Gordon Ramsey go, it's raw!

Which is good.

Yeah, you know what?

There was an episode where the waiter came back and ordered a

I was going to say a little Caesar, a Caesar salad.

And they don't have that on the menu.

The dumb waiter took down an order for a thing that doesn't even exist on the Gordon Ramsey menu.

That's a freaking kitchen nightmare.

Man, that hell's kitchen.

I shouldn't be watching it all the time like I do, but it's really easy to turn your brain off and just have him yelling at young chefs who aren't ready to lead a brigade.

Does he ever come to you in your dreams?

Yeah.

And he says, This

Graham cooked perfectly.

Can I tell you my weird, I guess, boring dream, but kind of interesting dream I had last night?

I was at a party and there were

at this person's apartment,

there were a bunch of Saturday Night Live-themed things that you had to find and you had to take Polaroid pictures of them and place them.

And there were three teams of us, but I was the only one doing any of the work.

And I realized, like, oh, I think there's just three problem people at the party that they gave a task to so I had to go and find like oh he had a book by Chevy Chase I have to take a picture of that

this actually sounds like a lot of fun yeah and they had this sort of like plinth in the middle of the living room that you put you could put like um

photos around oh this this actually sounds great it sounds like a really fun

but it was really just for me and two other people who they're like oh Abby was bringing her husband to the party we got to give him an activity they'll You'll give him that wire with the beads on it.

See how long that keeps him entertained.

Now, just as you

did a boring dream, somebody wrote in a boring dream.

Okay.

I thought it was a fun, fun little bonus.

I got another overheard after, but this is the boring dream.

Hello from Chicago.

This is from Ashley C.

I had a Dave-style boring dream.

I was waiting at the bus stop by my apartment.

The bus pulled up and opened its doors.

As I'm about to swipe my card, I ask, is this the 80?

And he replies, no, this is the Express 9.

I say, all right, I'll catch the next one then, as I stepped off the bus and continue waiting.

Only in my dreams would I confuse the 80 and the 9 Express.

Totally different buses.

I do find in my dreams that the thing

that

happens to me that I'm like, oh, that shouldn't be like, oh, at least this bad thing isn't happening.

As soon as I have that thought, it starts happening.

Yeah, yeah.

like

really

got lucky with the nightmares tonight

well but bad thing i'm like this is the wrong bus

yeah yeah i've gotten on the wrong bus oh i've certainly gotten on the wrong train and like oh the next stop and i don't i don't flag it right away and then i'm five stops away i'm like i'm almost at the airport In real life or a dream?

Yeah, in real life.

Okay.

Because you know what?

Looking at your phone really just takes you out of the what you should be doing.

But it's the best.

It is the best.

It's hard to stay away from phone.

Phone asked me last night

if when I'm home, if it should turn off the, like, allow me to concentrate.

I was like, nope.

We're not having that.

We're having phone time all time.

See, that's the one thing is at some point.

You as a father are going to have to control your daughter's phone time and it's going to be like, but why do you get unlimited phone time?

Are you just going to be like, That's because I'm an adult?

Yeah, because I'm damaged.

Don't turn out like me.

Yeah,

I'm a warning.

I'm a

cautionary tale.

This last one comes from Jessalyn and Santa Cruz.

Saw a bumper sticker that said, I bought this before we knew Elon was crazy, but it was on a beat up 20-year-old Honda Civic.

That's great.

That's great.

That's really fun.

It's using the form, turning it on its head.

Yeah, it's really kind of a,

I mean, I guess, yeah.

We didn't know anything when I bought this on the Civic.

I know I've told this story on the podcast before, but there was a day at high school near the end of the year where people could bring in their fancy, if they had a fancy car.

And there was one guy that made a spoiler out of wood and stuck it to the back and then put cardboard down so it looked like it was Lord.

And the license plate was, Thanks, Daddy.

That was pretty good.

We all had a good chuckle.

Too many letters.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, but you know, this is show-and-shine day.

It doesn't matter.

Show and shine day.

What a culture.

Are we just having a barbecue?

We'll show and shine on the side.

Sure, the children from the school will bring in their best car.

I think it was also parents that had cool reflector cars.

This is what you were

from the right side of the tracks, Graham.

Yeah, I was on show and shine.

The other side was just stealing our show and shine.

Yeah, Mars.

Well, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, the phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

Spy pod

one like these people have.

What's up, spy people?

This is Jonathan from Los Angeles, and I have an overheard from a little while back when my daughter was four years old.

I was washing dishes, and my daughter came up to me with a blanket over her head, and she started bumping into me and saying, Ooh, I'm a scary ghost.

I'm going to hurt you.

And I said, Oh no, a scary ghost.

How are you going to hurt me?

And she said, Ooh,

I have a gun.

All right.

Thanks a lot, guys.

Off I go.

Yeah.

I mean, practically speaking, how does a ghost hurt you?

You close

on your fingers.

Yeah.

Make things fly across the room.

Those are the bigs.

Is Poltergeist?

I was looking up, because Halloween's coming up, I was looking up like more appropriate

horror movies for kids.

And Poltergeist is seemingly like

in the lower range of spooky.

I i don't remember isn't it a spielberg or

it's maybe a spielberg produced movie because i think like it is it it is

kind of wacky there's a couple parts in it that i think are like truly scary but um

uh you got coach in there so you know you're you're in good hands with oh

yeah craig dilson craig d neelson yeah

Oh, well then, yeah, sure.

My kids love him.

They're big Dauber fans as well, right?

Jerry Van Dyke, these are the ones that you love.

I love everyone from Coach.

Shelly Fabergé, was that her name?

All right, here's your next phone call, dude.

Hey, Dave and Graham and guest.

This is Josh in Richmond, Virginia.

I was just at a Richmond Ren Fair event.

And we heard behind us two of the guards in the Witch Trials performance talking to each other.

And one of them said to the other, Yo, I just found Genghis motherfucking Khan.

And I looked behind me and there was a guy dressed as Genghis Khan.

Anyways,

but like, the Renfair, do they have rules?

Can you just show up as somebody from the past?

You can show up as Elvis Presley.

Elvis Presley, Jean-Luc Picard.

Yeah, like, you know, they're not going to deny you entry just because you're dressed like Grogu or

yeah,

but uh I've been to a Ren fair when I was a kid, and when I was a kid, I thought they were super cool.

I got I bought a what did I buy?

Do you remember the masks that were popular for a while that were like the top half of your face?

They were like paper masks and it would make you look like uh

you know, Queen Elizabeth or you remember these things?

Um, yeah, yeah, I guess.

Like, like, I don't remember them being popular, I just remember them being around, and you just don't see them anymore.

Yeah, so it would be like Mary Antoinette or a British, what do you call the guards outside?

Uh, sure,

you know what?

I dressed as to the Renfair, what stimpy, ah, and you know what?

They're like, you got us on a technicality,

you idiot, you're patter toast man, come in.

And your final phone call.

Hello, Dave, Graham, and probable guests.

This is Tess calling from Berkeley, California.

And I haven't overheard.

I was at a coffee shop and I overheard two baristas talking to each other.

And one of them says to the other, hey, Veronica, how was Hawaii other than the tsunami?

Off I go.

How was Hawaii?

Because of the tsunami.

Making copy.

I can't recall.

Have you been to the the islands of Hawaii?

I went in

when I was nine, maybe?

To Maui.

And was it, to your recollection, was it a fun place to go?

Yeah, it was a tropical paradise, I guess.

Sure.

Did you get to go see I was going to say Pearl Jam, Pearl Harbor.

You should have said Pearl Jam, because they were the house band at the Honolulu Hilton

Do you remember Brent Butt went to Hawaii and like wanted to do all the like Hawaiian

touristy, you know, cliche things.

So he went to go see Don Ho,

who sang tiny bubbles.

And then at one point in the set, there was like a musical interlude and he went to the side of the stage and talked on the phone.

But this was before a cell phone, so it was like an old

rotary phone that was at the side of the stage.

And he's, you know, no, I'm not busy.

I'm just on stage.

About to sing Tiny Bubbles for the second time this set.

I think Charo had a restaurant there as well.

Yeah, that's that tracks.

Yeah.

Did you ever go?

No.

And I've always been curious.

Spies going on the road.

Like when they would do like Regis Catholique.

Oh, yeah.

Boston.

Boston Week.

So we're going to get

Mark Wahlberg will be our guest.

And also Benjamin Franklin impersonator is going to come off.

These are the Boston treats that

you can have if you're there.

Well, thanks, everyone.

That's the show.

Yeah, we had a lot of fun.

Dave, this was a lot of fun.

Thank you for being our guest.

Yeah, thank you for being our guest.

And

do you know when the last time we did an episode without a guest?

Oh, probably pre, no, during pandemic, I got to assume.

Because we did a couple where we were like testing out the.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to tell you

during pandemic.

I would say we're still during pandemic, judging from

the test I took the other day.

It is,

no, it was

May of 2023.

Oh, really?

I don't know what maybe one of us was sick that week as well.

It's impossible.

How many times did you have COVID?

Once that was for sure, for sure.

And then once maybe that wasn't.

Like, it didn't show up, but I felt bad.

So I assumed that was COVID.

But you mostly just felt guilty.

Yeah.

I think this was...

Maybe three for me, but it took me a long time before I got my first one.

Hmm.

And

do we...

Like, if we wanted to get a vaccine, do we, we got to pay for it now, right?

No, no.

I think.

No, still free?

They're still free.

They should be coming out in the next month or two.

Oh, and also, flu shot season right around the corner.

Yes.

I get them at the same time.

Yeah.

I love me, some flu shots.

Get them every year.

Don't understand why everybody doesn't get them, but hey, you want the flu?

Live your life.

Yeah.

But,

well, that was us.

And next week, we'll try to have a guest.

And we'll try to be in person.

yeah.

And uh, this has been a lot of fun.

Uh, thank you, everybody out there, for listening.

You know what?

If you like this two-person dynamic, join up at maximumfun.org, get all our awesome, awesome BOCO,

and uh, come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

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