Episode 916 - Jon Dore

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 916 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark.

With me, as always, is a man who is way ready for the spookiest season of the year, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Yeah.

Are you already buying mini candies?

No, it's too expensive.

They're so expensive.

Yeah, what are we going to do?

With this gravel?

What are we going to give kids?

What's cheap?

Yeah, I guess gravel.

Yeah.

Little bags of kitty litter.

Giddy litter is good.

It's good for kids to have kitty litter because they can go to the bathroom and it could also help them if they're stuck in the snow.

She tracked them.

You shouldn't give children gravel.

I was going to say that.

Gravel?

Yeah.

Oh, it would put them right to sleep.

Exactly.

What's wrong with that?

Yeah.

Okay.

If you guys think, okay, I worry about you.

I worry about you.

Your house is going to be flagged.

And I'll be the one to flag it.

Hi, my name is John Doer.

Welcome to the John Doerr Television Show Podcast Program, episode 916, also known as Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Today, my guests are Graham Clark and Dave Shimka.

Thanks for being here, gentlemen.

How are you feeling?

Good.

Good.

Good.

How are you?

Good.

We got to take a quick break.

Dude, we got so much momentum there.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow, that was good.

I'd like to introduce you, get everyone excited, and let them know, hey, come back for more of that.

Yeah.

Do you ever see that on a talk show where they're like, they bring out the guests and there's like a big

brouhaha about the guests coming up and then they do actually run out of time and have to go to break?

Yep.

Well, let's get to know us.

Get to know us.

I was watching old episodes of Jeopardy on Netflix.

Yes.

Or on Crave, I guess.

And it's funny because they do, like Alex Trevell could be like, and

right after this, and then it just goes back to him like a second later.

So he doesn't, he doesn't pause.

The show pauses.

Because now there's no commercials.

Yeah.

Yes.

And it's a really short show without those commercials.

It's unholy.

Watching an old Jeopardy just feels like.

It was from the year 2002.

So it was a lot of like one of the get-to-know you questions was, you sent somebody a Valentine on email.

Very funny.

It was from 2000 and it was like, no, 9-11 hasn't happened right, correct?

Yeah, do you ever watch the ones from the BBC with Stephen Fry?

No.

Okay.

Oh, I did see.

They're like an hour long, though.

Well, yeah, because the commercials fit differently.

So the show, it feels like he's really filling time.

So you get a lot of Stephen Fry going, now let me tell you a little bit about why the answer was the way it looked.

Yeah.

It's way too much of that.

Yeah, there's always like one extra detail he gives after the right answer.

Yeah.

I listened to a podcast that he put out and it was like really good twice.

And then I was like, boy, this guy could just really jaw all day.

He could just dog it, dog, dog.

Didn't he do a one-man show about Greek mythology and it's like two hours uninterrupted?

It's him just talking about Greek mythology in a humorous way.

I think that would barely scratch the surface.

Think of it.

Zeus.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, Daedalus.

Yeah, Daedalus.

Oh, the areas of Mount Olympus alone.

When you get into the low-income housing, like the problems that never get talked about on Mount Olympus, right?

Yeah, yeah, because it's all about the gods, the low-income gods.

Yeah, the gods are sort of like chucking lightning bolts at each other.

That's what crazy is trying to make to Tziki.

And yeah, they're laughing about it too.

It's like, watch me vaporize this farmer.

That's what they say.

That's what Zeus says.

And then, like, the god of farming tries to step in.

But come on, who's the god of farming?

I want to say it's

who are your like top

five?

Oh boy.

Yeah, we'll do top five Greek gods.

Okay.

I don't know if I can named five.

You know what?

You don't have to do gods.

They can be from anyone from Greek mythology.

Top five Greeks?

Yeah.

Yeah, top five Greeks.

Okay, Zeus, George Stromalopoulos.

Thor.

I got three.

Yeah, Thor might be Norse.

I think he's Norse.

Well, wait a minute.

He's the son of Zeus.

Thor, the son of Zeus.

No.

Is he not?

Odin.

He's the son of Odin.

Oh, he's the son of Odin.

Yeah, I don't know my Greek mythology.

Okay, let's go to Roman gods.

Roman gods.

There are a lot of.

Let's break up Greek and go to Roman.

Oh, Roman's easy because they're like Mercury, Venus, Jupiter.

And who's the god of war in Roman mythology?

Mars?

Yes, it's correct.

Yeah, we'll be right back.

Yeah, that'll be great.

And then Stephen Fry would be like, well,

because we all know men come from Mars and women come from Venus.

In the next half hour, I'm going to discuss men and women.

And men go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

John.

Graham.

It's been a while since you've been on the show.

I know.

It's great to see both of your faces.

It has been a while.

Yeah.

I want to thank you for reaching out and inviting me back.

This is exciting.

This is exciting for us to have you back on the show.

Come on.

I saw you last in Winnipeg.

You did.

Yeah.

There's a guy in Winnipeg that is in charge of the transportation.

Yes.

And he has...

a room.

He rents out a room just for people to get wicked drunk at.

Is this

he's in charge of transportation for the festival?

Run the buses.

You're go get drunk.

He's the god of transportation in Winnipeg.

We should know his name, by the way.

His name's Russ.

It's Russ.

There we go.

Thank you.

So Russ, because, well, go on.

No, no, go on.

That's what I was going to say.

So does Dave know about Russ?

Have you explained this to him before?

So Russ, year after year, has been head of transportation at this festival.

And I guess one year he ended up having a room party in the hotel, and it just became really popular and overwhelmed.

And like, like you know i'd say probably 50 people in a tiny hotel room are there now he does it every year and he's even bought merch like yeah yeah for sale but yeah he's got hats and t-shirts that say russ's room and he invites all the comics up to his room at the fairmont in winnipeg yeah and i'm always it feel i get an uneasy feeling like i'm going to a house party in the 10th grade and someone's house is going to get destroyed that's the feeling i have when i get there yeah um so yeah i always feel a little bit uneasy but yeah that is russ every year at the at the festival He throws this crazy, which I would never do.

I would never say, hey, a bunch of comics, come up to my hotel room.

Does he sleep there or is he is it now purpose-built?

No, he's got, he rents a room specifically for.

No, he sleeps in that room.

No.

Yes, he does.

Why does he sleep?

Russ call in?

Graham, this is what I'm saying.

He sleeps in that room.

He's crazy.

Head of transportation up till 4 a.m.

Probably has to drive the next morning.

So he gets a solid two-hour sack time before he.

I don't know how solid it is.

Is two hours really...

Is that quality sack time i don't think so no no you're right do you ever spend some quality sack time with your take it easy

you know applying lotions and

online

i mean i there's nothing wrong there should be no shame associated with that david hell no hell no

the body's beautiful right but i did see you in winnipeg always great to see you but you're very busy at the festival uh dave i don't know if you know this but graham has a lot of responsibilities outside of this podcast he has a whole other life yeah he's in charge well for this podcast he's in charge of transportation.

Yeah, exactly.

Do you want to come up to my room after this?

We're going to get fucking ripped.

You're having a party in your room?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Dave, we got to go.

These parties are so great.

Yeah, you leave it with a hat that says sack time.

John, in Winnipeg, you were hosting a gala or you were doing a set on a gala.

I was hosting a gala.

And you, I never saw it, but I heard back that one of the things you did was you diapered a chicken.

Yes.

And then parts of the chicken got thrown into the audience.

Hold on a second.

You diapered a...

We have to...

Yeah, it's not a live chicken.

No, it's not a live chicken.

But the picture you're painting for the listeners right now is concerning.

Let's back it up.

Okay, let's back it up.

Okay.

So what I do is, so I like to use my platform.

David, you'll enjoy this.

I like to use my platform for you.

You know, it's a

habit of highly effective people or whatever.

Yeah.

Or how to win friends in alien people.

Just keep saying people's names.

Yeah, I keep saying their name.

No, David, you'll enjoy this.

Well, I also want to include you, right?

For those those listening i mean i'm in a corner and i have to divert my attention and

swivel my head back and forth

out

we're a triangle we all have to

that's true yeah yeah but you're used to it yeah that's true you are uh you're you're new yeah you're on your back foot the pod the podcast i do with my sister it's just the two of us looking dead into each other's eyes uh whereas here i have to really divert my attention so uh what what i wanted to do david was use my platform for good and a lot of people are scared about maybe becoming a new father.

And so I wanted to just initially show them how simple it is to change a diaper.

Yes.

Because that is a fear some people have, very simple.

So the easiest way to do that is I bought rotisserie chickens from the Safeway in Winnipeg.

I forgot they were rotisserie.

That's a good.

No, it's a very important thing to mention.

Yeah, these are not live chickens.

I'm not chasing any chickens.

And they're not even raw.

They're not raw chickens.

Not at all.

This is a rotisserie chicken.

Cooked rotisserie chickens.

And it's great because the legs come pre-tied.

You don't have to.

That's true.

Because in your regular life as a father,

you're going to want to tie the legs together so they're not kicking around and squirming.

But yeah, so I demonstrated how easy it is to

wipe a chicken's butt

and

change a diaper.

But the legs ended up ripping off.

And long story short, at the end, I thought it would be fun to throw the chickens into the audience.

Pull chickens into the audience.

Yeah, but I forgot to mention it to the producers of the show.

So they couldn't get the cameras on them.

No.

Now, Graham, you're a vegetarian.

Yes.

If you were an audience member.

how would you feel about a chicken coming in?

I'd have my mouth open because it's not me that's doing it.

It's just like when a bug flies into your mouth.

What can I do?

Oh, so wait a minute.

You would eat meat if it was forced to meet you.

If it landed in my mouth.

Yeah.

Yes.

So do you, okay, so

you don't eat meat for health reasons or political reasons?

Political, yeah.

Political.

Graham's like, yeah, a log cabin vegetarian.

How old is your youngest child?

Youngest child is three.

And how many more diapers do you think you have to change?

Well,

we're getting to the end of it.

Jackson's an interesting one.

He is, he pees in the potty.

Poop, he's still struggling with a bit.

No kidding.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I've already had two cups of coffee today.

Nothing.

Oh, I hope you.

Oh, you're struggling too.

Yeah, I'm struggling.

Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What are we going to do about that?

Do you want me to push on your belly a bit?

Yeah.

That'd be nice.

Do you want me to check your prostate?

You do that, John.

You have a freshman.

Okay, you're going to have to lie on your side.

Have you had a colonoscopy?

Well, no, I have not.

I've had a digital rectal exam, but I'm

turning.

Oh, God, 5-0 is happening.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

5-0 is coming up.

So I have to get my colonoscopy this year.

Have you had a colonoscopy?

No.

No.

Have you?

No.

I've asked, but my doctor's like, no, no, save something.

Yeah.

Because some things are, she said to wait until 50.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I want it now.

I'm too excited to sleep.

Well, you can get go to the States, cosmetic, right?

Yeah.

Oh,

colonoscopy.

Yeah.

I went to the Apple store and I said, something's wrong up there.

And they're like, yeah, just put some rice in it.

Try it out.

Try it out.

Well, some people, David, that's not even funny to joke about.

And I'll tell you why.

It's called diverticulitis.

And a lot of people get grains and rice caught in the pockets of their colon.

We'll be right back

after this message.

But yeah, three years old, but diapers are almost almost done.

Um, but I had to take him to Canada.

I was working, long story short, Christina, my fiancé, was working out of town, and it made more sense for me to bring Jackson with me.

Uh, and on the airplane, he had the biggest blowout that I've had.

And this is why you must pack, again, using my platform for good.

Listen up, fathers and mothers out there, soon-to-be ones.

You must pack an extra pair of clothes.

I suggest two extra pairs of clothes.

Yeah.

Because on the airplane, your son is going to lie down on the floor, sit down on the floor, look up at you and go, go away.

And then you must turn your head while he evacuates his bowels.

And yeah, on an airplane with poop shooting all the way up his back.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

So.

Did you have an extra set of clothes?

Of course I did.

Okay.

Yeah, I had multiple.

What kind of fit was he wearing initially, and then what was the change of clothes?

So he had jeans on.

Okay.

And I don't remember the shirt, but the extra pair of clothes are comfy sweatpants.

Okay.

Yeah.

I definitely want to be in comfy sweatpants after I've I've

shit up my back.

My oldest daughter, diapers were just like, her body and diapers just did not,

what do you call that?

They weren't compatible.

What do you mean by that?

She was just blowing, like, she blew them out all the time.

Oh, wow.

Like, once a day, up her back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would add how old?

Like, this is a good one.

For the first like six months.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

I wonder how I was when I was a kid.

Read blowouts.

I'm going to call my mom an ass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think she would remember?

Oh, sure.

She's got a memory like a steel chip.

Okay, good.

I feel like parents don't remember.

My parents don't remember anything.

No?

No.

Have you sought advice from them?

Because now you're a parent?

Oh, I have several questions.

There are things that I can remember, but I don't think they would remember anything about diapers.

They were so different back then.

When was

Take It Easy?

But like Take It Easy from 50.

50 years ago.

But when did they, when was the first disposable diaper?

It was in the 20th century.

Oh, yeah, because back in the day it was a cloth thing with a giant safety pan on it seems very dangerous but but were you were they washing like were you just constantly watching like would you throw them out or wash services services yeah

people come and pick up your dirty diapers yes and deliver clean ones they get rotated through yeah it's mostly prisoners that do this job

good

that's what you get for murdering someone

they send murderers out to do it yeah

That's what you get for driving drunk.

Go pick up some diapers.

So, but, but, but the cloth diaper, it just seems like, could you ever really get that clean?

I guess it doesn't matter.

It's going right back on a butt.

You disinfect it as best you can.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess they.

If it comes back brown, throw it away.

That's what I do with my underwear.

Isn't there a saying?

Yeah, yeah.

If it comes back brown, flush it down.

If it comes back white, yellow, let it mellow.

If it comes back white, get excite.

right?

It's got to be something like that.

Yeah.

But yeah, so diapers, Jackson, blowouts.

You want to ask your mom about your blowout scenario when you're a kid.

Yeah.

Jackson was great growing, like very young, not a problem.

Yeah.

Then, then, when the poops become quite substantial, there's just nowhere for them to go.

Yeah.

So they find a way out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so that's where you get into a little bit of trouble.

We had

toilet training was always like

kind of like stressful.

Not stressful, but like there was always a

deadline of preschool once they're in preschool it says like they better be toilet trained oh wow that comes from the preschool yeah okay yeah uh but then they get to preschool and they are uh they like get such peer pressure that they like overnight they've toilet trained themselves they're like i'm not shitting in front of all these new people yeah that's true because that'll that's a label that'll stick

or or they're not comfortable pooping in front of them and they'll like do their best to save it save it for it them up yeah so yeah

that is interesting so jackson does yeah he use he pees in the toilet at uh i hope this is interesting to someone it is yeah yeah yeah he pees in the toilet at daycare and daycare they're great uh they it's not even daycare it's like a preschool he goes for two and a half hours a day it's like an intensive prep for kindergarten jackson uh struggles a little bit uh wasn't quite meeting his milestones in certain areas uh what are the milestones well uh words uh speech We had a speech therapist that would come and work with him for a bit, and then he qualified for this early school prep program.

Okay.

So he goes in and

he's easily distracted as well.

Amazing the improvements he has made.

Like, anyway, I could cry just thinking about him, but I'm not going to because I'm on a podcast and I want to hold it together.

Yeah, no, it would be good for ratings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If they can't see it.

But they can hear it.

Yeah, weeping.

Yeah.

David, we should talk in a moment about your acting you did upstairs.

I did a lot.

Well,

before

we talk about that,

everybody knows some of the things that I'm talking about.

Should I finish the text story real quick?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, he's in a daycare for two and a half hours a day, and he pees in the potty and doesn't poop there yet, but he's going to.

So we're happy.

But in a two and a half hour window, I don't think, I think he can hold it for two and a half hours.

So we're never going to know truly

if

he's going to poop a daycare or not.

He's named after Michael Jackson.

Is that correct?

samuel oh samuela jackson do you yeah would your parents remember if you were hitting your milestones at two no no no way no way in a million years no no um and and yeah yeah anyway so uh

yeah but a very interesting he has a very he's a he's a very funny silly boy and uh where does he get that from uh

who knows yeah yeah

do you how many um registery chickens would you do you say you get in a week do i get in a week Well, I don't do this bit.

I know, but just no, I'm just saying day to day in your life.

Is it not

it's like such a

lifesaver if you're like, I have no dinner ideas.

Yeah.

Oh, how many?

Okay, so Jenny, I haven't bought a rotary.

We'll buy a rotisserie chicken if we're making a tortilla soup.

Oh, okay.

Chuck that in there because we're not going to cook a whole chicken to ruin it by throwing it in soup.

Yeah, I do it with chicken pot pie.

They're quality.

Excellent.

Well done.

Yeah, Graham?

You know, I just look at it longingly.

Oh, yeah.

Because you don't eat it, do you?

No.

No.

I like looking at it, though.

Was that all going around in that spit?

Vegetarianism, yeah.

No.

Yeah.

Could you get a rotisserie chicken in the 80s or was it?

Yeah, I'd imagine, right?

Yeah.

These feels like they were always at grocery stores.

I feel like I always remember them.

They still are.

I remember seeing, like, as a kid, being fascinated with

all of them?

Rotisserie.

Yeah.

The little, like, it was like a little oven, but they were like three chickens high.

Uh-huh.

And it was red on the back, and then foggy on the window.

Now they must just get delivered.

Could you buy a car in the 80s?

Yeah, they were mostly at dealerships, though.

You'd have to go to a store where they have a rotisserie to buy the rotisserie chicken.

Yeah, yeah.

But usually like a grocery store would be the place to bed.

Yeah, yeah.

You can get them at Home Depot now.

You can get them anywhere you want.

Here in Canada, I don't know up in Alaska.

A Home Depot with a rotisserie chicken would be the best.

But yeah, rotisserie chickens serve that purpose, and it's nice to have a, but there are better rotisserie chickens than others.

Let's just put it out there right now.

Yeah.

And there's one place in Juno that I will not go to get a rotisserie chicken anymore because every time I get it and I start to cut into it, there is, I don't know why, but every single time there is a lot of dark coloration to the meat.

Too dark.

Too dark and consistently exactly the same.

So I don't know if the spits they're roasting these things on are dirty or gross or what's happening.

Say their name.

Call them out.

I can't.

I can't bring a lawsuit to spy.

Especially an international one.

You think this person who doesn't know how to rotisserie a chicken also has a lawyer that's going to come after you?

You're right.

It's Foodland IGA.

There it is.

Yeah.

Do you remember the ads for pork that were calling it the other white meat?

Yeah.

I never got that.

Like it only struck me later in life that, oh, it's actually considered red meat.

Yeah.

And also

why no, you'd never be like, let's have chicken.

Or pork.

Yeah.

Let's have chicken.

Anything as long as it's white meat.

Yeah.

Isn't turkey the other one?

Yes, turkey would be the other one, but only the breast, the dark meat is the other one.

Oh, so juicy.

But the, yeah, because pork is only white after it's cooked, correct?

I guess so, but.

Oh, yeah, it would be, it would be, it would be cool.

Chicken's pretty pink before it's cooked, too.

Yeah, it's the same color.

It's white.

It's after it's cooked.

What is the why?

Where do they classify these?

Who classified these?

Who's in charge?

Yeah.

Gordon Ramsey.

Or his dad, I guess.

Benjamin Ramsey.

Is that his father for real?

Yeah, yeah, he came over on the main

His dad came over on the Mayflower.

No, he was like,

when the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower, he went back on the Mayflower.

He was sort of in charge of transportation for the pilgrims.

And then that's where he had Gordon overseas.

Yeah, and he makes both chicken and pork on Kitchen Nightmares or Hell's Kitchen, rather.

It's always raw.

It's always raw.

They can't fucking get it together.

The

risotto.

The risotto is always too salty.

You watch tons of Hell's Kitchen.

Yeah, it's my wind down, turn off your brain.

Do you think you could be a cook?

No, absolutely not.

Even though I've watched it so many times, I don't know what they're doing.

Yeah, that's true.

What's your best meal you prepare?

I don't think I really have anything I would consider a meal, but probably like I do really good omelets.

But that's not really a meal.

No, but that's something that you love to prepare.

Okay, and what do you put in your omelet?

A lot of veggies, a lot of cheese.

Yeah.

And

a lot of veggies.

What does that mean?

Oh, I put like green pepper, mushrooms.

But like, is it like a mountain of them?

No,

they're all in the stuff.

A variety.

A variety.

Graham, if I may, a variety, a large variety.

Before David goes off on you about the quantity, you're talking about...

What do you mean by a lot, bitch?

Oh, shit.

Oh, man, I just got Ramsey's.

Like, if you said on a pizza, I like a lot of vegetables, you're talking about a variety.

You don't want it piled high.

No.

No,

that's reserved for a calzone.

You want a lot of veggies.

You fire it into a calzone.

You You know what I make?

I was about to ask.

Chickenella diaper.

David, if you're going to be silly the whole time, then I mean, I might as well go.

So,

but what's your meal?

Like, if you're going to have people over and you're going to prep something, let's say you're never going to have people over.

Have you ever had a person here besides like a podcast guest?

I have Graham and Nun over for a dinner.

No, for drinks.

What about dinner?

Have you ever prepared a dinner for guests?

For my family, I do a big once every summer.

I talked about this a couple of weeks ago, a big taco,

taco night with veggie options and carne asada, and then some pies.

I make pies.

You make the pie.

What pie do you make?

Scratch.

Blackberry and key lime or the.

You make a key lime pie.

Key lime is the easiest pie to make.

But with the meringue on top?

It's

not meringue.

It's whipped cream.

Oh, you put whipped cream on a key lime.

That's correct.

I apologize, David.

Yes, I'm thinking of a

lemon meringue pie, yeah.

You lime meringue?

I thought for a moment lime came with meringue, but you're correct.

And I love to be corrected.

Now, you okay, but how do you make the tacos?

So are these soft shell, hard shell?

What do you think?

We bring in every option.

You bring in.

Yeah,

I buy.

I buy.

We're talking corn.

We're talking corn.

We're talking soft corn.

Soft corn is great.

I think it's great in a restaurant.

I don't think it's great at home.

If they're bringing me soft corn turtillas, that's great.

Yeah.

If I'm buying them and I have to keep them like a little bit steamy,

it's not going to.

But then I'm also doing

soft flour.

I'm doing hard corn and I'm doing the Doritos tacos.

Nice.

Oh, fuck.

Now, here's the thing with prepping a taco night.

And a lot of people are like, oh, easy peasy.

No, you're using...

almost every bowl in the kitchen because you've got toppings.

Yeah.

The prep involved, like you're saying, to keep these things warm.

What do you use to keep the soft corn shells warm?

How do you keep them a little steamy, as you say?

Yeah, I think I forget.

I don't know.

But like in a, do you put it in like a tin foil dish with some

what?

With some aluminum foil on top?

It's tin foil on tin foil.

Not tin.

It's aluminum.

Yeah, it's aluminum cost.

I do wrap it in aluminum foil.

I don't use tin anymore.

Well,

do we have time?

Well, I was at the Alcan plant the other day, and I brought this question up.

No, I have no idea.

I'd imagine tin, I don't know why they're a little cheaper.

It must just be easier and cheaper.

Yeah.

Lightweight.

Certainly lightweight.

Lightweight.

And do you ever say aluminium or just aluminum?

I say aluminum, but I do say bumper chute instead of umbrella.

Okay.

Yeah.

I will occasionally wrap aluminium foil around a pedophile to make sure, yeah, to make sure they don't get away.

And then I call the police,

the bobbies.

How many pedophiles have you apprehended?

Oh, God.

I mean, do we have time?

Yes, we've got time.

So far, none, but we're out there.

We're looking.

Yeah.

Patrolling the streets.

They're busy.

I got diapers to change.

It's a whole crazy life.

Well, I mean, if you use a diaper service, you might meet a pafile picking them up.

That's nothing.

You can't have pedophiles picking up diapers.

Well, you'll know if they give it a big sniff.

Yeah, but then you'd be wasting resources because you need a supervisor there for sure.

Yeah.

And there's a lot of criminals out there doing a lot of different odd jobs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm glad we don't have criminals coming to pick up diapers anymore.

How come?

I think there's other workplace programs.

What?

Well, look, if we're talking about reducing recidivism and getting people back into the community and doing these jobs, I feel like cloth diapers, the cloth diaper pickup from the pedophile is not the way to improve society.

Do you think if you are in prison working doing the

license plate manufacturing?

Yeah, do you think it's fun when you get a like a

vanity new vanity plan?

Yeah.

I think that's probably the big.

I saw one that wasn't a vanity one.

It was just luck of the draw the other day that was 777PPP.

Nice.

Like that guy lucked out.

Why?

Are they still making license plates in prison?

Is that a thing?

I don't know.

I don't even, was it ever a thing?

I don't know.

They do a lot of call center stuff.

Okay.

So you never know when you're on the line with somebody.

You'll be serving 8 to 10 for God knows what.

This is veering into a topic I'd like to bring up with you.

Excellent.

Now,

we have time.

The two of you.

the two of you are in relationships.

The two of you.

And we're in a secret relationship with each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, is that real?

Yeah,

we've got a whole family together.

Yeah.

You guys have a family together.

Yeah.

And oh my goodness.

Okay.

If you, look at, so you met Abby.

Well, let's use Abby as an example.

You met Abby and you are with her now for how long?

25 years.

Congratulations.

Okay.

And you saw your life.

You saw her face and you fell in love with her.

And here you are today.

Now, Christina Love, my fiancé and partner in life, beautiful woman, very lucky to be with this incredible human who was born and raised in a tiny village called Igagik, Alaska.

And she now lives in Juneau, Alaska.

Gorgeous Alutic woman.

Now, Christina is getting her tribal tattoo.

Oh, here we go.

This is fun.

Yeah.

Where?

Arm?

Well, this is where it gets interesting.

Yeah, okay, yeah.

So as we get older, there's no rules against getting a tattoo.

You can get a tattoo.

You don't have to be a rebellious teenager.

You don't even have to belong to a tribe to get a tribal tattoo.

That's it.

It's true.

No, the location of the tattoo is her face.

Okay.

Yes.

So the appointment was scheduled two days ago, but she had to cancel.

But I could be coming home to Christina Love with a beautiful tribal tattoo on her face.

Where, specifically on the face?

Some dots next to, like, streaking away from the eye onto the, yeah, and then some under the

lip on the chin yeah

now these are symbols that mean culturally they're symbolic culturally uh to her yeah and they uh mean uh you know growth and change and they some say they thwart uh evil spirits oh okay there's a whole bunch of stuff going on here right but i also

Did not meet Christina with a face tattoo.

I met her without a face tattoo.

Yeah.

So this is interesting.

Maybe you could surprise her and get one.

I'm looking for suggestions.

Teardrop.

Teardrop.

Yeah?

Upside down cross.

Beard.

Yeah.

Eagle on the forehead.

Oh, do like Post Malone, always tired under your eyes.

I don't think I could get a face tattoo.

No.

You can never have.

No.

Do you have any?

Yeah, you have a face tattoo.

Do I have any face tattoos?

Yeah, yeah.

No, I was wondering, like, is that all real?

Is that all you up there?

I have one tattoo.

Yes, and I regret it.

It just does not look good.

Maple leaf?

It is a maple leaf.

You know what it is?

It's like a maple leaf that's folding over with tartan on the inside.

Oh, right.

And I had $70 to spend, and it's as good as it could get for $70.

I was 18.

Is the tartan a

more family tartan?

Yeah, that family tartan was too complicated to do, so we just did generic tartan.

Did you?

Well, that is a.

I was 18.

Is it Scottish?

It's faded, yes.

What is it faded?

The Macaulay clan.

The clan.

And what is a clan if not a tribe, and what is your tattoo if not a tribal tattoo?

I'm not arguing with that.

Nice work.

Nice work.

He just Steven fried you.

Yeah.

Great.

Let's move on to something else.

But I think there will be some advantages, though, with the tattoo.

Because traditionally, at least

stereotypically, people associate these tattoos with crime and

like a facial tattoo anyway.

Yeah.

With crime and misbehavior.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

So if we ever get into a parking lot dispute with someone, and then I can just shift out of the way and go, ha ha ha, have you met Jailface?

Yeah, she doesn't, she misbehaves.

You're scared now, aren't you?

I got Jailface now.

Jailface.

I got Dick Tracy's enemies.

Jailface.

We will not wait in line for anything anymore.

Yeah,

oh, you don't have a table?

Jailface.

Get away from it.

So you mentioned that we are in relationships.

And was that because you wanted to ask us, what would we do if our...

Well, let's say,

yeah, like what if, and sorry, what's your partner's name?

Her name's Sally.

Sally.

If Sally,

yes, that's correct.

What have you been calling her?

Salty?

Yeah.

Now, Sally approached you and said, Graham, I'm thinking of getting a tattoo.

Yeah.

And you would be supportive?

Yeah,

it's up to her.

And yes.

And then she said, I'm going to get a tattoo on my face.

Yes.

And then you would say,

I would say, what's the tattoo?

So no questions if it was anywhere else on the body, but if it was on the face.

If it's on the face, I want to know.

I mean, both.

I want to know.

I don't want to be surprised like that British show where they get a tattoo and then they reveal the tattoo.

Have you seen clips from this show?

No.

Oh, it's a horrible, horrible show where a friend comes up with a tattoo

on their friend.

It's almost always like a toilet or this type of thing.

And like one of the ladies was super mad because she had a toilet on her leg.

And then she was like,

we're going to Paris next week.

That would be funny.

Well, and they won't even know what it is because they piss on the street over there.

Well, here's the thing.

Something happened there.

We're good.

So here's the thing.

And of course, my big concern is not Christina getting a tattoo on her face in that she's gorgeous.

She could only become more beautiful, right?

And this is something that means something to her.

It's important.

My concern is that she's going to get it and she's not going to like it.

I think I just like, please, because it's permanent,

I just take some time with this decision.

Yeah.

And because

get it Sharpie and practice.

There we go.

That's right around for a couple of weeks and see.

Start with some henna.

Yeah.

Do some henna for a couple weeks.

There you go.

Yeah.

Although, I don't.

Can we get a little more clicking in the mic?

I'm so clicking your pen.

I apologize.

I'm nervous about this pen because every morning, if Christina gets this tattoo and then looks in the mirror and she's not happy with it.

There's a face tattoo on my face, and I see it in the freaking mirror.

That's as good as any song out there.

Yeah.

My reflection isn't what I wanted it to be, but it is what it's gonna be.

Now, does she have any other tattoos?

Yeah, she has a tattoo

on

her waist from ages ago.

Sure.

Most Americans don't have the same maple leaf tattoo we get.

Yeah.

There's his, I was going to say maple leaf foods, but that's up here.

That's not unlisted.

I have the I Am Canadian Wolson

across my back.

Are tattoos permanent now?

I mean, you keep hearing stories about Pete What's his face who went to Saudi Arabia?

Yeah, Saudi Arabia Pete.

Were you invited to go on that Saudi Arabia comedy face?

Absolutely.

Yeah, I turned it down immediately.

Yeah.

I just find the regime to be oppressive.

How much they had a lot of money, though, you turned down, right?

Yeah, a million dollars.

A million dollars for how long is that?

Well, they asked me if I could just host it.

Like, they had all my Canadian Idol footage from the early 2000s, and they're like, hey, do you mind just kind of like running the show?

And I said, yeah, no, I do have a problem with it.

Yeah.

I do have a problem with it because I want a journalist to review my performance, but I guess they're dead.

They were like, can we get Ben Mulroney's number?

Like,

you can find him on Twitter.

I don't have his number anymore.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Like, have you guys already exhausted the topic?

No, we haven't talked about it at all.

Yeah.

No, because

it's only just going on this week or this past week.

I guess so, yeah.

I don't know how I feel.

I mean, look it.

They dangle that much money in front of you.

How much do tickets cost if every comedian is making a million dollars?

Apparently, Dana Carvey turned down $2 million.

Really?

Yeah.

Dana Carvey.

They love his George Bush over there.

Well, when they asked him if he would do the...

Well, what did he say?

He said he's not going to do it.

It wouldn't be prudent.

It wouldn't be prudent.

But

they're not going to...

But I mean, their goal is not to break even at the Rehab Comedy Fest.

Well, their goal is to normalize.

Western comedy.

Well, if you go on their website, it talks about by 2030, they want Saudi Arabia to be a hub of entertainment.

And so I think this is more about signaling to the world, hey,

they said they don't want to be just reliant on oil.

Oh, okay, diversify.

Yeah, so I don't know if entertainment's the replacement for oil.

Apparently, the show's fairly ill-attended.

I read something about that today.

I think it maybe was people.

Has it started?

Yeah, Bill Baird did a set and.

I think Bill Bairr's been there and back, right?

Like, he's already...

Yeah.

Yeah, he's, and he said it was a lot of fun.

I think it would be great if he went to a turkey comedy festival and came back with like a super thick head of hair.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's how it was.

Look, it was great.

It was great.

Yeah, he said it was great and that they have a Chili's over there was one of his points about they're so like us.

They have they have a chilies.

I look out.

There's a McDonald's, a Starbucks.

They got a Chili's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Asked and answered.

If you have a Chilies, then you have a fair society, right?

Yeah, I don't,

yeah, I mean, I wouldn't ever be asked to go to something like that, but I can't.

But what about the London Comedy Festival in London, Ontario?

Ah.

Well, that I had issues with as well.

But I'm going to go.

And I'm going to use, here's the thing.

The difference is

I can talk about the problems I have with London, Ontario while I'm I'm in London, Ontario.

Yeah, that's right.

Whereas there are rules associated with what govern what you can say in Saudi Arabia.

And so I could not sign up for that, David.

I could not sign up for that.

And this London, Ontario, you've played there before?

The city of London, Ontario?

Yes.

Yeah.

But

I feel like the first time I met you was in London, Ontario for the Canadian Comedy Award.

That's not the first time we ever met.

Yeah, it was.

No, really.

We must have met before that.

No, we were in the same category.

You were best newcomer despite being a headliner.

Well, you were a headliner too.

No, I was a newcomer.

You started comedy when I started comedy.

When did you start comedy?

In the year or eight?

Year.

2002.

Okay, yeah.

So I was around 2000.

So yeah, basically the same.

But that's where we met.

It was in London, Ontario.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

Okay.

You had the room across from mine in the hotel.

Is that right?

Yeah.

And you won.

You were the winner of the interview.

I did, yes.

What's wrong with your memory?

Well, I had a seizure, David.

Oh, that's right.

I don't know if that's what's wrong with my memory.

I do like to say that to immediately make you feel a little bit different.

I don't remember anything either.

But there's too much to remember.

So yeah, no, I remember you were there and we were hanging out at the table, but for some reason, I didn't think that was the first time we had met.

I think it, yeah, it was.

And they also had a laser tag in downtown London, Ontario.

That's the other thing I remember.

That's what Riod needs.

Slow down.

Didn't we tape our comedy nows on the same night?

No.

No?

No.

I was on the same night as a,

what are they called?

Like the Imponderables or something like that?

No, we were on the same night, just different tapings.

You were early taping.

I was late taping, I think.

What's wrong with your memory?

Yeah.

Not so easy, is it?

Did you have a seizure?

Yeah.

So?

I had two.

Oh, shit.

Okay, here goes the one up and ship.

Yeah.

How many, how close were they together?

The seizures, they were probably, oh, they were a year apart.

Okay, but it's been many years.

Oh, now I take medication.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I don't live the same life I did.

I don't know if I ever turned it out.

I kind of like that.

Were you living at that?

Well, I was running a couple prescriptions between doctors with things, and it wasn't a good idea.

I'm not going to get into the specifics, but because you don't want to get sued by Big Pharma.

Well, I'd take a lawsuit from Big Pharma.

That's not what I'm concerned about.

Like, I'd represent myself and probably win.

No, the

anyway, yeah, I feel like I'd met you before that.

But yeah, London, Ontario, because I sent Luciano Kasmiri up to accept my award.

That's right.

But he did not do what he was supposed to do.

What was he supposed to do?

He was supposed to pretend he's me and be like, hey, thanks, everyone.

You know, my name's John Dore.

appreciate it.

But he just went up and said, Hey, this is for John Dore.

I'm like, No, I should have just gone up to you.

Yeah, he was.

And then I looked like an asshole because I was sitting right there.

I just thought it'd be funny if he was like, It's yeah, pretended he was actually me.

Why is that funny?

It's funnier.

It's not funny, David.

Why don't you tell us a zombie joke?

Do your zombie stand-up joke.

Now, these are the things you can remember.

You want to test my memory?

Uh, no, John.

We, uh, like when you moved to Alaska, we had you on the show during Zoom, and you just talked about how you like driving around,

listening to the radio and kind of hitting the post, you call it.

Yes, well, not just in Juneau, Alaska.

I've been doing this my whole life to irritate people in the car.

Oh, yeah.

I would like, I would, like, if you had a CD playing, it would be fun to talk between songs.

Yeah.

Even better is a mixtape because the variety is, you know, much more interesting.

Unless you're doing a double shot, right?

Then the CD is fine.

Oh, yeah.

Because you can do a double shot of Led Zeppelin.

That's two for Tuesday.

What's the double shot?

Just for the people outside to know.

Two songs from the same artist.

Oh, okay.

Where more traditionally, if you're listening to the radio, the DJ is going to come and bridge the gap between two completely different artists.

Although you might get We Will Rock You and We Are the Champions together.

You might get

Live and Love and Made by Led Zeppelin, and there's another one.

What's that one?

They're connected.

Yeah, what's the one that's the Canadian band?

Loverboy.

No.

Bachman Turner Overdrive.

The Kings.

This beat goes on in Switching to Glide.

No idea what that's all about.

The Kings.

The Kings.

I never heard of them.

I feel like I've heard that first one before.

With Switching to Glide, I've never heard it.

I don't think.

Well, if you're going to hear one, you're going to hear them back to back.

Nice.

But yeah, hitting the post is an art form.

And this is when the first musical strains come up before the vocals.

Yeah, I mean, there's multiple, there's different ways you can hit the post.

You can choose your post to be

a riff,

something that changes in the song.

It doesn't have to be the vocals, but for the most part, yes, it's the vocals.

90% of the time, the DJ, there's a pad of time where the DJ is going to talk and give you information, possibly about the weather, what's going on in the world, maybe a traffic update.

And there might be some kind of, I don't know, festival of

some sort of herb or spice.

There could be, yes, David.

That's correct.

And so they would talk up and they would use that opportunity to talk up until the lyrics come in.

Now, we've done this on the show where we play a popular song and you do it, and you're you're great at it.

We love it.

Yeah.

God, thank you.

But last time,

there were some copyright issues, so we had to reach out to some independent artists

to do

some songs that weren't copyright yet.

And we ran into a little issue where one of the artists' dick fell off.

Oh, yeah.

And he did have a couple of songs about that.

Yeah, and there's, we don't want to say who it was, but let's say he has some involvement in Our Lady Peace.

Anyway, so this year

I reached out to some independent artists.

We have new music?

We got some new music.

Oh my goodness.

I don't know what these are about,

but hopefully they're not about a dick falling off.

Now, I like to spread this around.

Is it possible?

Like, can we each try hitting the post?

Is that all right?

Sure.

If the challenge is me, I'm happy to take it on.

But I think it's fun when everyone gets to.

Yeah, I mean,

I'm not gonna do it.

What?

You should do it.

I really should, but you know what?

I'm not gonna do it.

That wouldn't be prudent.

No, this is a fun challenge.

So, you want to go first there, John?

Sure, and everyone else should play along at home.

You know, this is a great opportunity for you to stop the podcast, rewind it a little bit.

And this is a-if you're trying at home, you're gonna be talking over John doing it.

Well, let's play it once without anyone talking, just for the listeners.

Oh, kind of like it, yeah, yeah, like one of those flip books.

Tell you what, Dave, Dave and Graham will release the track as is on the.

You know what?

I'll put all three tracks at the end of the episode.

Oh, that's fine.

So you can.

They should do it and then send them in.

That's a great option.

Have the listeners send in their own tracks to be posted?

Let the listeners hit the post.

So you leave the tracks at the end.

Oh, so okay.

So they hit the post.

And they can include aspects about Stop Podcast yourself.

They can talk about locally what's going on in their community.

You're welcome, guys.

This is a great opportunity for your listeners to get interactive with.

It's called engagement.

It is engagement.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Are you ready?

Are you a radio host?

Sure.

I'm a radio host.

I'll do my best.

I'll do my best.

What's the station?

Well, do you need to know that right now?

I would like to 106.9 the bear.

Bear.

Perfect.

All right.

This is Ottawa, by the way.

We're broadcasting in Ottawa, and we'll say in the 90s.

Okay, here we go.

Okay.

All right.

So.

All right.

You're listening to 106.9 The Bear.

We hope you're having a wonderful, sunny afternoon.

If you're thinking of getting out to the Carved Garlic Festival this weekend, be careful because there's going to be some traffic eastbound on the Queen Elizabeth Parkway.

And the reason is they're doing construction at the split.

So make sure you give yourself a few extra minutes and turn on 106.9.

The bear will keep you company.

And don't forget, we've also got a wonderful, uh,

wonderful event taking place on Monday.

Sorry, just checking my notes here.

Yes, Canadian Blood Services will be at Henrietta Ford, where you can go down and donate.

And also last year, my dick fell off when I fell down on the rink.

A hockey team with some very sharp blades came and skated over my dink.

Don't you forget it.

It looked like threaded lettuce.

Oh no.

Last year, my dick fell off and it threw me in a rage.

Threw me in a fit of despair.

But it's time to turn the page.

Gonna put it behind me.

Won't let it define me.

whoa lord no last year my dick fell off and i won't mention it again

if i ever bring it up you have permission to push me my friend time to get my lip

i thought this

was last year my dick fell off but now i got some good news

I just checked my underwear and I finally got my first pube and it's a red one.

Silver lining.

Said it's a red.

Wow.

David.

All right.

Some applause.

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay.

This warms my heart because the amount of...

Now I know you're going to say it didn't take you any time to do this, but this is a thoughtful creation.

Now, the lyrics.

Did you write them out or did you use AI?

That was one where I was, I mean,

the artist, I think, probably.

The artist in question, I don't have his name in front of me, I believe was walking his dog and had to try to come up with a button.

Yes, okay.

That's the one that's

kind of sang it into the phone while walking.

Oh, I love your little voice memo to yourself.

Now, lyrically, this is incredible.

Yeah.

Do you giggle

when you're writing this song?

Does it make you laugh when you're...

No, that one, that one...

I mean, we got some gigglers coming up.

But now that one, though, it's reminiscent of the last time I was here.

There's a theme.

There was a theme of the dick falling off.

And I believe it mentioned last year the dick did get lost at an ice ring.

It was.

Yes, it was at an ice ring.

Now,

that was a difficult one to hit the post on.

I do appreciate that the music changed slightly leading up to the lyrics, but I missed it completely.

Yeah, that's true.

Do you think you can try to do the next one?

I'll try.

I mean, you got to give it your best.

And there's no failure here.

It's just fun.

Do you want to know how much time you have?

Sure.

42 seconds.

I wish.

I wish I knew that.

Well, I'll tell you on the last one.

Okay.

Probably two seconds.

If it's in keeping in character with you.

What is that supposed to mean?

That I'm like a Tupump chump?

You're either, look, there's either no time for the last one or there's only time.

Oh, no, that was tequila when you got me to YouTube.

Ah, yeah, that was good.

Okay, Graham, getting what to your radio station?

104.9 XFM.

Okay.

Because that's in Vancouver.

It was.

It was in Vancouver.

Your roommate was the the DJ?

It was the morning DJ.

Are you going to call him up and be like, hey, I pretended I was you?

Hey, I pretended it was Crashkin Cave.

By the way, you can use this as a demo tape to submit to a radio station.

Like, don't throw this out.

It's a growing business, the radio stations.

Look at it.

Get in on the ground floor.

There's still some.

There's still some opportunities there.

Yeah.

I worked on one a couple of years ago.

You did?

Yeah.

That's right.

Didn't have to hit the post, though.

No.

Computers.

Yeah, it's all computers now.

Yeah, you didn't have, but you did talk leading up to music.

Sometimes.

Okay.

Sometimes the machine just does it for you.

You don't have time in between

to talk.

It just happens automatically.

They've already shrunk the song down, you know?

Sometimes.

I used to work at a radio station as well, and I would record my shows 12 hours before they were on there.

That's called voice tracking, Dave.

Yeah.

Now, Graham, you're going to, you got 42 seconds here, 104.9 X, or 104.9 FM.

Yeah.

Are these going to be Vancouver traffic updates?

Yep.

All right, Graham.

Good luck to you.

I can't wait.

And here we go.

Graham Clark here on 104.9 X FM.

The Dudney Trunk Road is in a real state today, as it often is.

So I would say avoid it.

If you wanted to, if you gave it to the chassis connector, that probably will get you home a little bit faster.

Speaking of home, Home Depot this weekend.

Hot dogs in the parking lot, balloons for kids.

Come on down.

That's happening to be between 12 and 5.

Also, today's weather

is cold and gloomy, but I hear on the weekend it's gonna be sunny.

Where are you gonna go?

The beach!

No, you're not gonna go to the beach, you're gonna go driving in your car with your convertible roof down.

I'm an acapella daddy.

I'm an acapella guy.

From my acapella toes to my acapella eyes.

You may think you're hearing instruments, you couldn't be more wrong.

I only use my mouth to make this a cappella song because

I need a little beatbox with.

That's Reggie Rob.

Still like this is Bobby McJaron.

My dick fell off

in the space wars.

In the space wars.

My dick fell off

on the space floor.

Okay.

Okay, all right.

Okay, look, again, both of you

Moxie Pruvis.

Oh, shit.

That was very Moxy Pruvis.

They're having a comeback?

I don't know if that's possible.

Can they get a new lead singer?

He was not the lead singer.

He was not?

They were a cookie sales.

He sang.

They were a collab.

They all sang.

Oh, right.

But I remember him being featured.

No, okay.

I mean, they all kind of, it was sort of like.

Okay, take it easy.

Cookie cookie situation.

The second Dave starts sharing his music, he gets into it.

It's like you can't even.

It's like he's Mr.

Moxie Pruvis.

So, but Graham, very good.

I stumbled a bit there.

Yeah, but stumbles are fun.

It keeps it real.

And then the only thing, if I could give you a little bit of advice

is you want to try and end with the radio station tag damn it yeah it's okay yeah Dave quality quality yeah I mean that's I mean that was a tricky one because it was there were no instruments it was all voice yeah it was all voice that's right and uh it was the steady it was the steady uh sound and uh it was it was very it was very Bobby McPhera uh McPhere

was pentatonics yeah how long would it did it take you to record that beginning to end that was uh you know a couple hours That meant a couple hours?

Yeah.

I had to figure out the harmonies.

Dude, it's great.

It was great.

I think, I mean, once you figure out the harmonies, you could barbershop all day.

Now, are you releasing the music of Stop Podcasting Yourself at some point?

All of our theme songs are on a SoundCloud page somewhere.

Well, I think we really need an update with

these songs.

None of my business, but I think, yeah, all the music that's been created here, I think, should go on a compilation.

Oh, sure.

Big Shiny Tunes of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Yeah.

Big Potty Tunes.

Oh, work on it.

Yeah.

Stop shiny.

Stop shiny tunes.

There you go.

I'm going to be figuring it out as a group.

Yeah.

Big podcast.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's see if we can get

Chris Shepard from

still available.

Now, John, do you think you can do this last one?

It's at 28 seconds.

28 seconds.

Yeah, you know what?

It's not a lot of time, but it's just enough time.

But yeah, we've got to be thoughtful here.

What's important?

What information is important to get out there?

Now, what do the people good people of ottawa need to know

well i think you know uh traffic's a big one right in ottawa it's not a big hub like it's not like it's not like toronto right um so they have expectations when it comes they they leave their house at a certain time and they they know they can get to work in let's say 18 minutes uh so if there's going to be a change in travel they want to know now if you're doing 90s ottawa do you

Like, do you even use the word Gatineau or is it all hull?

Oh,

I would say Gatino Hull.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I would say Gatineau Hall.

I'll tell you what, yeah, let's incorporate, let's incorporate

some construction on the way to Gatineau Hull.

I think I can do this.

Also, are the Sens plane tonight?

Yes, they are, which is difficult.

But in the 90s, would it be at the Corell Center?

It would be at the Civic Center.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, the Palladium did open.

Let's go Palladium.

It opened in, what, 90?

When did they move the Palladium?

96, 97?

It hadn't been around that long by then.

Well, they came into what, 93, they came into this.

Lissy remembers all this.

Well, because I worked at the palladium.

That was what.

Yeah, I worked opening night.

It was the soft open was figure skating, and I worked at a bar at a concession stand.

And then the big opening was Brian Adams.

Wow, there you go.

Yeah.

Yeah, I went to the Apple store, and they looked at my soft opening, and then they said, What did they say?

They said, Put some rice in there.

No, David, there are people with diverticulitis out there that are not going to find this funny.

You don't shove rice up your bum.

There's a t-shirt.

Don't shove rice up.

But

we haven't released any new merch in a while, but we're going to be releasing the Stop Shiny Toons.

Yeah, Stop Shiny Toons is going to go up.

And the Don't Put Rice up your bomb.

Stop shiny tunes.

Okay, so 28 seconds, and we got 90s Ottawa with some with an Ottawa Senators game at the Palladium.

And this is not Corell Center.

This is Palladium.

Yeah.

All right, so here we go.

You're listening to 106.9 The Bear.

We got a big hockey game tonight.

The Nordeks are in town.

So if you are crossing the Aylmer Bridge, remember, there's construction.

So give yourself more time big game tonight palladium drive see you there 106.9 the bear

wow i had more time

i'll take it

make sure you're we got the t-shirt canon there tonight too i lost my dick in the ocean

i lost my dick in a loud explosion I lost my dick to a magic potion from a very mean and crafty witch.

I lost my dick in Toledo.

I lost my dick in a big burrito.

Oh no.

I lost my dick at Home Depot.

Oh, no.

Machine that makes the keys.

I lost my dick in the Donna.

I lost my dick in

a pouette.

I lost my dick, but I didn't wanna lose my dick, well, frankly, at all.

I lost my dick in a car door.

I lost my dick at the dickknife store.

I lost my dick in an an atomic war.

But then I grew back seven more dicks.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, is it atomic dick?

I lost my dick in a bird's nest.

I slammed my dick in a treasure chest.

I lost my dick at carp darlick vest.

Checking out all of the gardens.

I lost my dick in a corn maze.

I lost my dick in an awkward phase.

I lost my dick is a common phrase.

When you lose your dick, as often as me.

I found my dick in the garden.

Oh, well, David.

I found my dick, and I beg your pardon.

I found my dick, and it will not hurt.

Cause I didn't take enough

Viagra

talking about viva,

Viagra

Viva.

Viagra.

Viva.

Talking about

Viagra.

That's right.

I should have had the band kick in here.

Talking about.

You guys are crying.

This is beautiful.

Okay.

Look, it was was great.

What an excellent reason to get creative when John Dorr's coming down.

Just give him 30 seconds to vamp.

Yeah.

Look at it.

I mean, I missed that post.

I misjudged 28 seconds greatly,

but I was lost in the music.

Yeah.

Guys, I try to make the songs as long as possible so we can sit here uncomfortably.

I'm not uncomfortable.

I love, but the problem is, like, I'm trying to pay attention to the lyrics.

Yeah.

I'm trying to.

You're a lyrics guy?

The amount of time that you put into each of these songs this week is tremendous.

Like, next time I'm on the podcast, if there is a next one,

the way the world's going, right?

Also, if you, yeah, I mean,

we'll give you a chance to hit that post.

I feel like there'll be a live band here next time.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

That's like the Todd Glasses podcast.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah, that was great.

Hey, thanks.

Well, you know what?

It's fun to do.

No, it's really fun.

That's, yeah.

Look at, we need to really celebrate you today, Dave.

Yeah.

Graham, maybe, should we say something fun about David, what we'd like to do?

Let's all go around, and then we'll say something he needs to improve.

Yeah, compliment before you criticize.

That's why HR Marie.

We're doing a sandwich, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dave, I think all those songs were great.

The fact that they were original works completely, the fact that you could do harmonies with yourself,

and the fact that there was real production quality in it,

I just, I'm, it's it's a marvel.

I think what I would say you can improve on is a little more sensitivity to the diverticulitis community.

You know what I mean?

And it's not, it's not even funny.

No, yeah, it's not funny, though.

It's not.

No, it's very painful when they.

I got some rice in my body.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The pouches in my rectum, when they get filled with grains of rice, I'm going to tell you right now,

it doesn't feel nice, nice, nice.

I need to put ice on

my inflamed rectum.

Let's get this guy real quick.

Yeah, this is good.

Would you guys ever collapse?

I mean, we could try something live.

Yeah, this would be good.

I think this is what people want.

Like maybe a bonnaroo?

Well, could you pass me that guitar?

I don't know if it's too.

Let's not pass the guitar then.

Sorry.

It's going to make me look terrible if it's not tuned.

Otherwise,

let's just see real quick.

Sounds good.

Yeah.

Thank you.

On a guitar that's not tuned properly.

Well, listen, yeah, maybe, but we would need some help with percussion or, yeah, you'd have to be involved.

Like, there's no way.

Well, what can you do?

That's all you can do.

I can

watch and then provide constructive criticism.

You're like Rick Rubin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who's the guy from the Happy Mondays that would dance around stage?

Oh, I think it was Preston Manning.

Okay, let's just move on.

That was very fun, David.

Thank you.

And I'm supposed to compliment you and also criticize you, but I think we'll leave it.

Well, I'll be quick about it.

You're very welcoming.

When I arrived here today, you offered a coffee and it's very pleasant.

Criticism, I think you could wear better trousers.

That's true.

They leave nothing to the imagination.

Do you guys have overheards?

Do you still do that?

Yeah, we'll get to that.

Do you still do them?

I don't know.

We do.

Okay, I'm not sure.

Yeah.

You have one?

I do have one.

I have a genuine overheard.

We'll get to that.

I'm not getting that.

I'm just letting you know.

I have one.

I'm just wondering if you still do it.

Yeah.

We do it.

I mean, there was one time I think we didn't get around to it because someone, I think, farted into a microphone.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah.

Who did that?

I mean, it sounds fun.

My memory is bad, but I remember us not being able to use the microphone after that.

Yeah, for three hours.

That's the problem with farting into a microphone.

It does not make you want to talk into that microphone.

And it's also crazy that you had to get it so close to your butthole, or the person did, rather.

No, let's see.

Look, let's be honest.

I'm turning over a new leaf and I'm being more transparent.

It was me.

Yeah.

I was the gross fool who did that.

But you would never do that now.

Uh-oh.

I'll be honest with you.

I probably would not.

No, I probably wouldn't.

I heard you were trying to get your pilot's license so you could fart into a plane PA.

That would be the dream.

Could you imagine being on an airplane and the pilot says, hey, everyone, just wanted to tell you.

And then a giggle, and that's it.

I do.

I mean, you'd be fired.

Yeah, but it's worth it.

Yeah.

I am a sucker for the ones where people do the PA system in a Walmart or a Target.

Those are fake.

No, they're.

The majority of them are.

If you listen, yeah, it's the same fart noise throughout the whole, every single one of them.

If you're talking about the compilation,

no, I'm just talking about individual ones that come up.

I feel like most of those are fake.

Ah, that sucks.

But it is great.

Oh, no.

Some of that is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Yeah.

Just the,

I mean, I don't know how to use, I don't know how to get the PA system working on one of those phones.

But if you could, if I could, you better believe it.

That's what you would do.

You should apply for a job just so you can get PA training.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's true.

Yeah.

Just like take the job and then then tell them they can shove it after the first week and then come back later.

Yeah.

And then just really shoot.

And during your training, be like, now, is this the PA?

Is this like every Walmart across the country?

Would it be the same in Canadian tire?

Just tell them, like, I need to know.

I'd also have to put my own twist on it.

So I think I would do like,

uh-oh, and then hang up.

You got it right.

You got to make it your own.

What's the uh-oh?

You know,

that's a little bit more than you bought.

a blowout.

You need to bring a pair of jogging pants with you.

So that's what's going on with me.

What's going on with you?

No, what's going on with you?

I wrote those songs.

Oh, you did write those songs.

That's true.

I went to the small town of Seaschelt, British Columbia, on the golden

gold coast of Australia.

And I'd never been there before.

Or maybe I had.

I couldn't.

You and I had been to Gibson's together.

We've been to Gibson's.

which is

sister city oh okay so I've been to Gibson's as well where sorry where were you seashell where is that oh I don't know right next to Gibson so like you have to ferry to get there you have to okay yeah what are the

yeah there's like three little towns

Roberts Creek is one oh Roberts Creek is really close to it apparently okay

I was doing a show in a movie theater and so they had a great big screen so the one we did in Gibson's was a movie theater are you sure this wasn't the same show?

I feel like that's the gathering place in the small town, if not the Legion.

Is Kelly Dixon in your?

Yep, Carly Dixon was there.

He was organizing it.

He came back after a 20-year sabbatical.

But they have a great big screen there.

Why not use it?

I said to myself.

Oh.

So I brought along a computer.

I love this.

Plug it in and do a slideshow.

Yeah.

But I called the theater,

I got no answer.

But their outgoing machine had all the listings of what time all the movies were playing before you could leave a message.

So it's like, it's like a two or three minute long call before you can leave a message.

So I did, heard nothing back.

That's such a small-town thing of being like, well, the people, or like such an like a retirement community thing of like, well, no one here is going to check their phone for showtimes.

They're going to call us.

Yeah.

And so that like that's very small town movie theater sent them an email, eventually got somebody online.

They were like, oh, yeah, we got your email and message.

And I was like, and okay.

And what, yeah, are we doing this?

And they said, yeah, we'll figure it out on the day.

I was like, you won't.

You won't figure it out on the day.

And so we got there.

There was a young tech guy.

And I mean, he was about 12 years old.

He was the tiny.

He's the guy you want.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, he, but when I walked through the room and they said, here's our town guy, I was like, oh, God.

Oh, no.

Like, this is truly a child.

Yeah.

But don't, don't be ageists here.

No, you're.

Did it work out?

It worked out perfectly.

Great.

Yeah, he figured it all out.

The slideshow went up.

It was all

came together.

This is your old Instagram show.

This is Instagram.

Pictures from my Instagram.

Nice.

And got some good chuckles out of it.

For sure.

Yeah.

And then the place that you hung out of, and I don't know if all movie screens are like this, but you could see the audience through.

The screen.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know.

Me neither.

Can they see you?

Maybe.

I don't know.

I shouldn't have been standing there.

Maybe.

Well, in Inglorious Bastards, they could see the audience through the screen.

They're out back prepping the film to be set on books.

But maybe that's an old movie theater?

Maybe.

Yeah.

They call it the silver screen.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And what is the movie theater situation like in Juneau, Alaska?

They used to have a beautiful downtown.

Well, they used to have a theater downtown, which is great.

It used to be beautiful.

Well, I want to say beautiful, but you know what it is?

It's just it has not been renovated or changed.

It has a very nostalgic feel to it, which I love.

But anyway, it's

one movie at a time?

Yes.

Oh, there might be two in there.

Maybe one or two.

I don't know.

But anyway, no more movies.

Condemned.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no.

You got to go out to the valley in Juneau, and they have, I think there's about five movie screens, four at least.

Okay.

So yeah, the movies come out like what did Emigo see recently?

An anime movie that it just relieved.

Demon Slayer.

Yeah.

It just came out.

And yeah, you can get, depending on, you know, you got four theaters, so you're not going to get everything, but you're going to get, you're going to get something.

What's the popcorn stitch?

Good?

It's fine.

Everything in Juno is just a little behind and takes some time, right?

So yeah, popcorn's fine, but it's not like

our modern popcorn.

I like it more because this is a movie theater with a bunch of pinball machines, too,

lining the lobby.

And you, if I recall correctly, love pinball.

I do love pinball.

You're sort of like, I notice you don't have great vision or hearing.

Excuse me.

But you're very good at pinball.

Look at his wrist.

Yeah.

So there's a couple in the wrist.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm kind of like, I'm surprised you didn't think about this.

I'm kind of like a pinball wizard in the who wrote a rock opera about Tommy, as a matter of fact.

Yeah.

It was originally called Johnny, but they're like, oh, don't.

Yeah, they were going to write it about you.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

I wasn't even born when they wrote it.

They could see into the future.

Yeah.

Guys, I don't like what you're doing right now.

You're making me feel really uneasy.

The rock opera's about Tommy.

But no, the beauty beauty of that is because I'll take my son, like we'll take the family, and Jackson can't sit through a whole movie, right?

Like depending on it, if it's like, if it's if it was like paw patrol of the movie, sure, no problem.

Yeah, but he's good for a 45-minute movie.

Yeah.

He's good for about half an hour in the movie theater.

And so then Emma and her friends stay and watch the movie.

I take him out to the lobby, and he sits on top of the pinball machine while I play pinball.

That's great.

Yeah, it's really great.

It's beautiful, as a matter of fact.

Did you ever think that this would be the deal?

That someday you would be playing, you'd have a kid with you playing pinball.

Because, you know, it's a solitary,

you know, game.

Sport game.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I never thought I'd have a child.

No.

So I can't.

No.

We've talked about this before.

I believe Dave said you were the type that no one could imagine being around children.

It was something like that.

It's almost like if you were voted, most likely.

The part I remember was saying, Do you think you'll have another?

And you said, I'll kill myself.

That's, yes.

Which you could not do.

I could not do because.

Yeah.

Well, let me tell you, basically, well, let me share this message that I got from Christina.

And this is a message.

If I received this text message seven years ago when I was a bachelor living in Los Angeles, California, and I received a message like this from a friend of mine, I'd probably never talk to them again.

But this is what I got.

This is how my life has changed.

I went went from bachelor in Los Angeles seven years ago, doing what I want, eating pumpkin pie and cream soda for breakfast and going to the bar at 10 a.m.

And then, like, that was my life.

I'm just going from doctor to doctor, trying to

get them to give me a new prescription.

Doubling on prescription.

That's right.

Selfish, fool, idiot.

But still, a good life.

Yeah, it sounds like a good life.

Enviable.

So, anyway, this is the message I get from Christina a week ago.

What do you think about being Toy Story as a family for Halloween?

You are Woody.

I'll be Bo Peep.

Emma can be Slinky or T-Rex, and Jackson will be Buzz.

Oh, that's good.

It's very exciting.

It's all based around Jackson, I'm guessing.

Jackson wanted to be Buzz.

It's all...

Oh, Jackson.

No, Jackson probably does not want to be anything with a helmet on his head.

But yeah, Jackson loves Buzz.

When he watches Toy Story and the scene comes before Buzz leaps off the couch and says Infinity to Infinity and Beyond, Jackson stands up on the couch, gets really excited, spreads his arms, and then he jumps off the couch.

So, yeah.

No, but this is all based around Christina getting to be

Bo Peep.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, it's going to be hard with that face tattoo.

Bo Peep's crackly.

Yeah, and she can put

makeup.

Lil Peep.

I was told last night that Lil Peep is a rapper.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Wait, I was thinking of the girl cowboy.

No, no, no.

Bo Peep is a sheep lady.

Yeah, bonnets and sheep lady.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, because

there is a female counterpart to Woody.

Yeah.

And her name is.

Can't remember.

Yeah.

She's in Toy Story Cowboy.

Toy Story 2.

Woody, when

the curtain's pulled back and Woody reveals that he's a celebrity.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway,

that message that I got from Christina,

yeah, I can't imagine how, it's amazing how much life changes from seven years ago to today.

If you went back and saw yourself from seven years ago.

I'd be terrified.

I'd be like, whoa, whoa, what are we doing here?

Yeah, they do.

In the movies, they accept it too quickly.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would probably, yeah, I'd be very spooked by it.

Yeah.

Like, so you're saying if time travel was real and I confronted myself, I don't know if that's possible, number one, but let's assume for a minute it is.

Okay.

So I'm on the same timeline and I meet myself.

Yes.

I mean, I'd have questions.

Yeah.

First thing I'd probably say is like, okay, who just tell me the Blue Jays win the World Series?

Okay.

Yeah.

And what if he says they don't?

I kill myself.

In turn, killing him.

And then I'd be at.

The Blue Jays don't win the World Series in the next seven years.

I'm going to kill myself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not happening.

Were you so happy when they won it in 93, 92?

No, no, I mean, sure, but at that time in my life, it was all about like partying, right?

Yeah.

All about girls and partying.

Oh, man, you missed out.

I did.

I missed out on the celebration.

Now, if that would have happened in 1988, I would have been very excited because that's when I was all in on baseball.

Yeah.

Would you?

George Bell won it.

Would have been nice.

If you went back in time to visit your past self, do you think that you would end up staying there and hanging out with your past self and just kind of like that?

Just hand jobs for each other?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Look.

You're me, I'm you.

We're us.

No one's going to know us.

Use your left hand, so it feels like I'm a stranger.

What?

I don't think that makes sense.

It doesn't matter now.

Yeah, well, I'll lie on our hand.

You sit on my my hand.

Yeah.

I'd probably start with just heavy petting and a lot of kissing, probably.

Yeah.

No, I'd hang out with myself and watch some TV and it'd be great to tell some joke.

Oh, but you know what?

I would know the fraudulent parts of myself.

That would be awesome.

Oh, okay.

Like, yeah, you're trying too hard right now.

I'd be like, yeah, you're right.

But wait a minute.

We're us.

So it'd be very confusing.

But I don't think hanging out with yourself is a good idea.

So I'm just going to put it out there because, again, I have to be responsible using this platform.

Don't hang hang out with yourself.

Okay.

Okay.

Because it'll lead to trouble.

Okay.

You're your own worst critic.

And yeah,

I only see bad things happening.

Now, if the two of you went back in time, would you choose to meet or take separate paths?

Because after you two met, this has really become your identity.

The two of you are kind of linked.

Yeah, that's true.

You are Graham and Dave.

Yeah.

Now, would you do it all over again the same way?

Or do you have regrets where you're like, you know what?

I really wish, I really wish I was off on my own.

Nope.

I would do it all over again.

I would just, I would do it, but I would try to be nicer.

How did you,

but nice isn't your personality.

You know what I mean?

Like,

you're better than.

But

the two of you, like, how...

This is back to his show that we're the guests on.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

We're on the John Door podcast.

Well, that's how I introduced the show.

Yeah, he's been the John Doer show the whole time.

The whole time.

Yeah.

Yeah, this whole time.

A very special edition.

But the two of you, how did you meet?

What is the origin story of Graham and Dave?

I was up for best newcomer at the Canadian Comedy with the New York City.

David, I'm going to stop you right now.

I was across the hall.

Okay.

And then I

let Dimitri Kasmiri

Kasmiri.

Who won the accepted your award?

Oh, my God.

Luciano Kasmiri.

Oh, pardon me.

Dimitri.

He's Italian, not Russian.

Okay.

Kazmiri.

All right.

Yeah.

Oh, you said Dimitri.

I know, you know.

You know, it's true.

An Italian can have a Russian name.

Yeah.

That's true.

So, no, but how did the two of you meet?

Was it here in Vancouver doing stand-up?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So you, yeah.

And how did how did the relationship start?

How did you know that the two of you were destined to be

friends for life?

We got together and decided we were going to write sketch comedy.

Nice.

And then the whole time we just found, we just looked at memes and videos.

Like, wrote one sketch.

You've told a story about how you, at your stand-up show, you give away prizes.

Yeah.

And there was a Van Halen clock.

Yeah.

And I was giving it away.

I said, with a Van Halen clock, every time is.

And then I was outside on the street and I heard him set up and I ran back into the show and I yelled, right now.

And there it was.

That's when we knew.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

Hey.

Your tomorrow.

Right now.

So that was the one that had like, right now an oyster's losing its prize possession.

Yeah.

So you guys became friends.

And who went over to the other person's apartment first?

I don't think I've been to Graham's apartment ever.

No, your old apartment.

Yeah, a couple of them.

Dave used to live in East Van in a basement suite.

That was

a first time it was a second floor suite.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And then, yeah.

And then the basement suite.

And you had an extra room to do recordings in.

Yeah.

And we had, we had a couple chums that we had as a recording.

Wait, to do recordings in?

What kind of recordings?

For the sketch?

Oh, for a podcast.

So this is what.

So how soon after the two of you meeting did you do your first podcast?

A couple of years.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah, because Dave, you did stand-up for.

I think from 2005 to like 2011, 12.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And Dave is such a funny comedian.

And this, this was.

They were both hysterical people and very different.

Hysterical in that we have to be

funny.

Oh, sorry.

Yes.

Yeah.

Like a hysterical pregnancy.

The two of you are so funny and so interesting.

But then you are.

And then you meet and these two hysterical forces come together and do this podcast.

And so the most you're willing to share with the listeners is you met.

Yeah.

You gave away a clock.

Yeah.

And Dave said right now.

And that he used to live in a basement apartment.

That's good information.

Yeah.

But this was the second floor you guys.

And there was never a yeah, there was nothing more.

No, yeah, I think that's.

Do you guys ever hug?

We hugged?

Yeah.

You seem like, yeah, in order to preserve your relationship, you guys can't get too close.

That's right.

Yeah.

But I don't know.

I feel like...

Preserve our relationship.

Because I hug you when I see you.

I hug you, Dave, when I see you as well.

And so because you're hugging both of us, it's like we're hugging each other.

But I feel like the two of you, I feel like the two of you wouldn't hug as often.

I feel like no more handshake.

Yeah, yeah.

Not even handshake.

No, just a

hello and a no.

Hello and a goodbye.

Yeah.

I've put the dogs out.

You don't have to worry about it.

Would you guys hug right now?

Because I don't think I've ever seen the two of you hug.

You don't have to.

Well, we will after the podcast.

Yeah, we will after we podcast.

Okay, I would love to see the two of you hug.

Whenever you're wrapping up the John Dore podcast.

Yeah, well, we got to go soon, but we do have a few more minutes here.

We got to get to overheard.

Yeah, you just consulted a clock that doesn't run.

Yes, I did.

Yeah, yeah.

Right now.

Hey.

Right now, it's the same time it's been for the last hour.

Well, do we want it to be overheard, Tom?

Yeah, let's go.

Listen out to me.

I think it was nice to hear a little bit of the origin story and find out that the two of you don't hug that much, but we want to get a hug at you before the days are over.

And so that was your...

You went to see Sheldon?

I went to see Sheldon.

A 12-year-old helped me run the audio, audio and visual, and he was great.

His name was Gabe, and he ruled.

Gabe, shout out to Gabe.

Thanks for all your help.

The Sunshine Coast is a lovely place to be.

Was it sunny?

Or was it Rainshine Coast?

It was sunny it was sunny and i ate at a place called the wobbly canoe which could only exist in like you know small town small town diner which there's not a ton of diners here in vancouver so whenever i'm out on the road and there's a diner i nice to get a greasy breakfast yeah yeah yeah but you don't get meat with your breakfast no you get just piled with loads of

vegetables what do you put what do you eat for breakfast at a greasy spoon then if you don't have like we'll eat eggs potatoes yeah pancakes Um,

yeah, I can't eat gluten anymore, but it would be, it would be toast.

I would have had toast.

Toast?

Would you have oh, but you don't do gluten anymore?

Interesting.

Okay, and then, but what, what if, oh, well, this, yeah, never mind.

I was going to say, if you do a sandwich, what meat do you put on there, but you don't do a sandwich or meat?

But no, what meat?

What meat?

Oh, grilled cheese sandwich is a beauty at a diner.

That's a classic diner meal.

Exactly.

Have you tried

the McVeggie?

No.

I would never.

I don't think I've.

I went to McDonald's recently.

I've been to McDonald's for my one visit every two years, and I did that recently.

Yeah, and it was good.

The Juno.

Look, I'll tell you something right now.

The McDonald's and Juneau, I feel like like big city McDonald's, they get sloppy.

But I'm telling you, the McDonald's and Juno is pretty good.

Yeah.

Like, it's, yeah, the butt, like, everything, yeah, it's good.

It's just a little better.

It's just a little bit better.

It's still shit, but it's better.

How dare you?

This John Door podcast is brought to you by McDonald's.

The buns aren't flat and wilt.

They're just like, there's an integrity.

There's something going on in that kitchen.

Is Juno remote enough that everything is like

hamburgers $30?

It's more expensive for sure, but it's not that type of remote.

No, it's not like a Callowette where an egg is $28.

Honestly, the way it's going here, it's $28.

True.

Well, so Juneau is like, it's remote in that you can't drive in or out of the, you got to fly in or ferry in, right?

So there are no roads out.

So your food's coming in.

Some of it's coming in by plane, but the majority is is probably coming in by barge.

There's not

polar bears up that way.

No, no, no, no.

Not Juno.

No, no.

Juno.

Juno?

Moose, yeah.

No, no moose in Juno.

At least I've never seen a moose in Juno.

Juno's an interesting place because it's not technically an island.

It might as well be, but there's a huge ice field that you cannot traverse, right?

So that's why there's no roads in it.

Never seen a moose in Juno.

Don't think we have one.

You get deer.

Okay, deer.

Deer, porcupine, bears.

We've had bears at our house.

Several bears at the house this year.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What kind of bear are we talking?

Black bear.

Yeah.

Big black bear.

Yeah.

Big black bear.

Take these little paws.

Take these giant paws and learn to fight.

Learn to break into my trash.

They get into the trash, and yeah, you got to make sure the kids are inside, obviously.

You don't want them.

Yeah.

You ever see them?

They ever break into the movie theater and play pinball?

No, I haven't seen it yet, but

I mean, I'd love to meet a bear and hang out and play pinball.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Crossing cultures and

PCBCs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But anyway, listen, let's do some overheards because

we got to wrap this up.

The listeners, we need to, what we need to do is respect the listeners and their time.

Yeah.

All right.

We'll be right back with them.

Overheard.

Now everybody knows that the greatest generation has always been Max Fun's go-to podcast for old Star Trek recaps.

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Hey gang, it's Jesse Thorne, host of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne.

We are ringing in 25 years of Bullseye this fall.

That's right, listener, 25 years.

I started the show in my dorm room at UC Santa Cruz.

What does that mean for you?

Well, we'll have a whole month of special shows, new and old, for one thing.

We are putting on live shows in Los Angeles, New York, and Santa Cruz.

Got guests like Adam Scott, Roywood Jr., and then Rebecca Sugar, just to name a few.

And on October 9th, I will interview 25 people in a row.

You can watch that live and streaming on our YouTube channel.

I hope you'll plan on celebrating with us.

That's maximumfund.org slash events.

Thanks.

Overheard.

Overheard.

It's a segment where if you hear something, we want to hear it too.

And we always like to start with the guest.

Don, do you have an overheard?

You know what?

I was, Jez, You were overhearing me tuning a guitar.

And I'm going to put that aside.

You're going to play us out, right?

I'll play us out.

I've got four of the six strings tuned.

I do have an overheard, and this is a genuine overheard.

Now, normally we, you know, in the past, we sometimes get an overheard that's...

at a comedy show and

it's a very uh some people at the bar yeah saying some really nice things about john door well it was an overheard right you guys yeah yeah yeah the rules of an overheard are, you know, yeah, it was a conversation you over here.

And yeah, I just happened to overhear people talking about how much they enjoyed my show.

And

I guess I was criticized.

I didn't think I was going to be criticized, but I was by

the two of you.

Les Graham, more so David.

But no, this is a genuine overheard.

This is me arriving at the airport in Vancouver.

Okay.

I had an overheard, but it's all like stuff that kids say at school.

And I feel like that's a little cheap.

But anyway, this one.

Oh, really?

I use it all the the time.

Well,

I just feel like whatever.

Like, they're kids, they're gonna say dumb weird stuff.

But anyway, um, so no, I land in Vancouver, uh, have to clear customs, and I do clear customs.

I've had some issues with customs, too.

You know what I hate is when it's really after you clear customs, and then you get your bags off the carousel, and then you got to wait in that huge lineup that processes people out.

I know why they do it because after you get your bags, they may want to send you to secondary.

Uh, yeah, but it bothers me that there's you got to get in line with a a thousand people to exit.

You've already got your bags, you want to leave.

Drives me nuts.

Do you just tell them you're

a Canadian living in America, or do they just

done that part?

You've already done that.

I think that, like, if you really want to get out there quickly, just say to them, hey, I don't, I shouldn't have to do this.

Yeah.

I'm carrying as much cash as I want.

By the way, I'm the type to try it.

I am.

I do.

I hate.

Yeah, I'm starting to really get annoyed by people who ignore etiquette.

Like

escalators at the Seattle airport.

People, if you do not stand, this is a very American thing.

In Canada, I noticed that people don't follow the rules as much, or they follow the rules more in Canada, but still annoying.

But in the United States, no one stands to the right of the escalator.

It's like I pay my taxes.

I'm going to take up the whole.

So if you're connecting and you got to race through that airport.

I am the one going, move to the right.

Move to the right.

Yeah.

Is there a sign?

No.

Yeah.

Here they have signs in the subways.

They do.

And the weird thing is, and I've somebody posted like, here's a weird thing about escalators.

You're not supposed to be on one side or the other.

Everybody's supposed to stand up one step.

That's what they're built for.

So they're not built to.

Wait a minute.

This is the escalator manufacturers who are saying this?

Schindler is saying

Otis.

Yep.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm sorry.

Then don't introduce.

Look at if you're going to put, if you're going to put an escalator in a subway, people, time is valuable.

People need to race up these stairs to get to work.

Yeah.

So you stand to the right and let people walk up them.

So an escalator is designed to just stay put?

Yeah.

Well.

Go to hell.

Or distribute the weight.

Yeah, evenly.

Yeah, yeah.

But anyways, look.

There's no way anyone who is occupying the whole stair of an escalator is doing it because they're trying to distribute the weight in order to preserve

the life of an escalator.

I read online,

they're not letting you pass.

No, I've read online that I'm supposed to be in the middle, sir.

I was listening to Graham talk about weight distribution in escalators, and I'm not moving.

But it drives me nuts.

It's disrespectful, and I'm now that guy.

To the right.

Yeah.

To the right, everybody.

Yeah.

And I had one person say, okay.

I go, no, yeah, okay.

Like, now I'm arguing on an escalator.

Okay, so here's my overheard.

I get to Vancouver.

I clear customs.

And as I'm leaving customs, I see a woman in full niqab,

face covering, whole thing, approach,

got the attention of, what are they called, flight attendants.

Yeah.

Who had just exited,

what do you call it?

Immigration as well, not customs.

Customs.

And so,

and she's asking them a question.

I'm just sort of paying attention.

And then as I'm getting close to them, she leaves and I overhear him say the one flight attendant to the other flight attendant he says she thinks I was pointing to the carousel but I was pointing to the screen oh well

so this poor woman was asking for help and this person was trying to help but then that person left and did not get the help she needed

So what do I do?

You get in there.

I went back.

Well, I let the two flight attendants go.

I went back back and I said, excuse me, can I see your boarding pass?

And she, very difficult.

This is funny to you.

She showed me an Air Canada boarding pass.

She was also on a flight from Seattle.

I was Alaska Airlines.

She was Air Canada.

And she had a stack of, I don't know where her point of origin was, none of my business.

But the most recent boarding pass.

And I pointed to the screen.

I said, Carousel 33.

She was not at Carousel 33.

So I pointed to Carousel 33 and she thanked me.

And I saw her walk over to Carousel 33.

So I went back back and I fixed a situation

because of an overheard.

Yeah.

All right.

So here's another example of me doing something great for society and telling your listeners about it.

This is going to go down and stop podcasting yourself history as the most philanthropic overheard.

I think you're right.

You should have gone back to the flight attendant.

You wouldn't have been like, hey, you really

screwed this lady over.

You left her high and dry.

Yeah.

Hey, I really fixed a situation there, huh?

Huh?

Why did you just don't look at my bags now, right?

I fixed it.

I should be able to clear customs right now.

I just did something good.

Yeah, I'm a hero.

Can I have an extra can of Coke on my next flight?

Yeah, bring out your hero's certificate.

Do you guys feel weird about asking for the whole can on a flight?

I generally just stick to water on the flights.

Here we go.

Don't eat meat, only drinks water.

Who are you?

Joe Rogan?

Who are you?

Who's Joe Rogan?

I do some elk hunting in my off time.

Who are you, Jack Lalay?

I'm both.

I'm a little bit of Jack Lille and I'm a little bit of

at vegetable hunting.

You shoot zucchini right through the face.

That's going to taste good.

What are your overheards?

Okay.

Yeah,

Dave, you haven't overheard, surely.

I was in Popeyes, the chicken store.

I've heard of it.

I go there and I buy a six-pack of biscuits.

Oh, yeah.

Because you know what?

Chicken butt.

Probably.

Probably.

Yeah.

And there was like

a couple of teenagers, and they were like seeing each other for the first time.

Nice.

And it was two like 14-year-old boys.

I think they had maybe gone to elementary school together, but now they went to different high schools.

And they were like, oh my God.

And the first thing they did was they stood up and they measured to see who was taller.

Cute.

That is cute.

And then one of them goes, oh, you look hella different, bro.

You still locked in on basketball?

You still go to the gym?

Oh, man.

Marcus got suspended.

I'm not going to say why he got suspended because I don't like it.

But then he said,

it was kind of a three strikes thing.

He's the dumbest kid alive.

Marcus is the dumbest kid alive.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, with a name like that.

Hard start, hard start.

And Marcus.

Yeah.

Have you ever met a smart Marcus in your life?

A smarcus.

I have.

Yes.

Marcus Rummery, former stand-up comedian.

Oh, what happened to him?

I think he moved away.

Smart.

Yeah.

Smart.

For me, it would be Marcus Aurelius.

Oh, and he's

from Gladiator.

Gladiator.

I was going to say an explorer, but yes, Gladiator, of course.

The Explorer was, of course,

Marcios Vespucci.

It's Luciano Kasmiri.

My overheard is from the other day.

I was driving in my car,

and I like listening listening to the radio when I'm driving.

Do they ever do that now?

Do you have anything where they're like talking before the song starts?

Yeah, well, this was exactly

that.

So Tuesday here in Canada was a day called Truth and Reconciliation Day.

Reconciliation.

Reconciliation.

You said reconcile.

Okay, that's fine.

Yeah, okay.

He's just got to reconcile.

Yeah, I'm reconciling things.

Yes.

It's a very somber day looking at the Indigenous culture here in Canada.

So a very serious day.

Every station was playing, what do they call them?

Interstitials?

Buffy St.

Marie.

No, no, no.

But things saying like, today's our day to listen.

And this is, and so very serious.

And I was flipping around the channels, and one of them was reading this very serious thing.

Obviously, it had been pre-recorded

because as they were reading it, the music underneath was

everybody danced.

No way.

Yeah.

But wait a minute.

So the radio station was playing a bed of music underneath.

Well, they were still playing music.

They were still playing music.

And I just knew the song.

That's so weird.

So on top of it, but it was a pre-recorded message.

Yeah, I think played over the top, but they didn't know what song it was going to be.

Oh, my God.

Because, yeah, I think maybe creating a bed of its own for the

decision.

Someone's getting fired.

Stupid Marcus.

Well, Marcus was getting fired.

Everybody dance now

everybody dance now

that was good good work you guys um now we also have overheards sent into us by people all over the world if you want to send one in send it into sby at maximum fun.org and uh this first one comes from holly This is a fourth grader.

My fourth grade nephew just told my kindergarten niece, I love our dog's ass.

She sort of paused.

He said, What?

She has a big ass.

True.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What?

What?

What am I supposed to say?

Your dog has a big ass.

I don't think I use the word ass.

Yeah.

What am I supposed to keep that to myself?

Dog's got a beautiful ass.

It's big.

We were a bum family.

Oh, you said it was a while before we even got to butt.

Yeah.

We were a butt family.

Our whole, the family I have now, I'm surprised at.

Yeah.

The language is not acceptable.

What?

are swearing?

Oh,

God, yes.

Like, Emma will not swear unless she's repeating something that happened at school and she asks permission.

And I know where she gets this.

My sister called me

the B-word.

But Christina is a sailor.

Yeah.

If you're driving in Juneau, Alaska,

there's a good chance Christina has...

There's a good chance you've been called a stupid piece of shit.

Oh, no.

Christina is ridiculous.

Yeah.

She'll swear.

Swear

crazy.

In front of the kids?

Oh, yeah.

Jesus.

Oh.

Okay.

Huh?

Jesus isn't a swear.

That's true.

It's a guy.

Today we're talking about Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for all mankind.

Everybody dancing.

Yeah, they really should do.

I guess the other 364 days are truth and reconciliation of Jesus.

Jesus.

This next one comes from Kirsten D.

This is a graffiti on the outside deposit shoot of a TD bank that says Chad Michael Murray.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think it's him?

No, but I have seen

those

graffitos, their tags, like people will just develop just a normal.

Yeah.

Like there was a, someone was writing John Cusack.

Yeah, John Cusack Celine Dion.

I've seen

the ones happening.

Yeah, this is just straight up Chad Michael Murray.

What?

She's got a big booty.

Yeah.

What?

Yeah.

What is this?

What was I quiet about it?

I don't think so.

Say what I a C.

This last one comes from Tim from Phoenixville, Pennsylvania.

Phoenixville.

Overheard at a street level in Phoenixville.

Man walking down the street, smoking a cigarette with a bow constrictor around his neck.

Oh, my God.

Bystander, the friend.

I know two things.

Smokey will kill you.

And that snake belongs in the jungle.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

And did you ever, in Ottawa, was there ever a snake guy?

Or a parrot guy?

Definitely a rat guy.

Oh, yeah.

Downtown Byrd Market.

I don't remember a snake guy, though.

No.

But I mean, I get the, yeah, they're out there.

They still smoke cigarettes, John?

I do.

I do.

Occasionally.

I go on and off.

But yeah.

Not around the kids.

No.

But

I sit in an armchair with my pipe.

Yeah.

And that's known as don't bother daddy time.

Yeah, yeah.

Put on your slippers.

Read Dickens.

It is the hardest thing to quit.

I'll be honest with you.

For me to do.

Yeah.

Anyway.

For me, it's masturbating.

Is that right?

Yeah.

The hardest thing.

Uh-huh.

Interesting.

I haven't smoked in

44 years.

Yeah, 44 years.

But well, then keep doing what you're doing.

Yeah.

It's like

you got to get addicted to something else.

Yeah.

And that's what you did.

Get busy living or get busy jerking.

I suppose.

Train spotting too.

Now, in addition to overwhelms that are written in, we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos.

And, oh, sounds like I have a meeting in 10 minutes.

If you would like to send us a voice memo, do it.

spy at maximumfund.org.

And if you want to call us, it's 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

Spypod1 like these people have.

Hey, Dave Graham and possible guest.

This is Mac calling in from Madison, Wisconsin with an overdreamt.

I dreamt that I was in my apartment with a beautiful woman who had propositioned me for sex, and I told her yes, but I need to clean my room first.

and I spent the entire rest of the dream cleaning my room.

No friggin way.

That's the best.

Your stupid brain.

Yeah.

So relatable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then

you wake up really frustrated.

Yeah.

God damn it.

And then you wake up and you really got to clean up.

Oh, I hate reality.

And we'll get to the sex, but just really quickly, let me make my bed.

I had a dream.

You totally get it, by the way.

I had a dream last night that I forget.

I was doing some task and it was kind of frustrating.

and then i woke up like and i had like half an hour left before my before my alarm was going to go off and so i went back to sleep and i was having the same dream and i went like you don't have to have this dream you've you've been awake you know this is a dream yeah

uh before we have intercourse i'm just going to quickly dust this show all right next phone call well i've said things to myself like uh like uh like i i know i was having a dream and i'm

and i'm like okay okay what was i dreaming about come on come on come on come on what were you dreaming about Let's go.

Like, I've had that conversation with myself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Who cares?

Just fall asleep.

Yeah.

Like, I so desperately need to remember this dream.

No idea what it is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Probably no one else will appreciate it the way you did.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, here's your next one.

Here we go.

Thank you.

Hello, Dave Graham, an esteemed guest.

This is Zane from Kalamazoo, Michigan, calling it an overseen.

The person in front of me at a light just drained a can of tuna out their driver's side window.

Oh my gosh.

Got you should know.

Anyway, off I go.

Wow.

Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Yeah.

So the can, I guess they had the can.

Oh no, I guess I'm thinking you need a can opener, but they probably had one of those things here on the tab.

And then drained.

Yeah.

And then what is, what's going on?

Eating it with a spoon?

Maybe popping it on a salad they have on their lap in a to-go container.

I mean, you're not just eating tuna out of a can, are you?

No, but that Rio Mare, you know?

What's going on in Kalamazoo, Michigan?

What's the Rio Mare?

It's the one that's like packed in oil, and it's like an Italian style, not treaded.

Yeah, like Luciano Dmitriov.

Draining a can.

It's Luciana.

Luciano Kesmeri.

Draining a can of tuna out the window.

I wonder, I want to do

a video,

an Instagram video show about just eating complicated foods in the car while driving.

I like that.

Like a turkey, a full turkey with all the dressing.

I feel like it's pretty dangerous.

Every episode, something different.

What did I eat the other day?

Oh, it was a big slice of pizza that you had to fold.

Yeah.

Delicious.

Yeah.

I had to start it at the red light, but I could do the rest while I drove.

You sure this wasn't a dream?

Do you ever steer with your knees to apply ketchup to your

fries?

Okay.

David, do you know what?

We need to wrap this up.

You're being ridiculously silly today.

And normally I like it, but I just feel like you need to show a little bit more maturity.

And here's your final phone call.

Thank you.

you.

Hi, David Graham and possible guest.

This is Casey calling from Ingersoll with

Red, I guess.

I was just on YouTube and

I came across a video

where the

title of the video is

John Stamos Hears Papa Roach for the First Time.

Sorry.

I didn't watch it or anything, and I'm never going to.

I know I'm going to watch it.

There's a video on the internet where you can see John Stamos listen to Papa Roach for the first time.

Oh, that's pretty good.

The internet sucks.

Lots of that stuff out there.

I like those ones where it's like a drummer hearing, like,

they'll get like Stuart Copeland to hear Limp Biscuit for the first time, and he's got to come up with his own beat.

Oh, yeah, where he gets the music minus the drum track piped into his earphone.

Yeah, so yeah.

Yeah, those are interesting.

I don't know any of this stuff.

Really?

You're a professional musician?

You don't know the most popular music?

Well, you guys, it brings us to the end of this here podcast.

John, people can see you at the London Comedy Festival in London, Ontario.

If you're in Ingersoll, that's where Abby's parents grew up.

Stop by.

Stop by the old stomping ground.

Yeah, but you can make it to London.

You could go to Tilsonburg, too.

Yeah.

My back still hurts when I hear that word.

Tilsonburg.

Yeah.

Do you not know that Stomp and Tom?

Stomp and Tom.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah.

I feel like David does not know.

I don't know.

I know that's where Deborah did the guitar.

He's from.

Forget the guitar.

My dad did radio.

My dad was once a radio broadcaster.

And one of his first jobs was in Tilsonburg, Ontario.

Okay.

Yeah, he's got some, I got some old tapes of my dad on the air from back in the day.

That's where you get it.

Yeah.

So, John, people can check it out.

Where can they find you online?

Where can they see all the great things that John produces?

Well, look, go to my Instagram is at TVsJohn Doerr.

I'm a very busy primary caregiver to two children at the moment.

So, a lot of my content there is family-oriented and fun, but I also promote my dates.

You can go to johndoar.com.

Trying not to cry.

You can go to John.

I'm always trying not to cry.

This crazy world.

Yeah.

People getting vaporized by hellfire missiles fired from a drone.

Come on, who's not sad?

Yeah, everybody's sad.

Everybody's sad now.

Go to john door.com and you can find my dates.

Yeah, john door.com for uh tickets to shows i'm gonna be in southern ontario i'm gonna be in st catharines ontario uh hamilton and then fun comedy festival in london ontario people like tom green dimitri martin and uh roy scoville uh that's on november 6th.

So, yeah, that's about it.

But thank you guys for having me.

I appreciate it.

John, thank you for coming here.

And,

you know, you're doing fun.

I'm sad too, just so everyone knows.

You're also sad.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, let's talk about that for a second.

No, no, no.

We got to go.

We got to go.

Just want everyone to know.

Like, oh, Dave didn't seem that sad.

I'm probably the saddest one.

Yeah.

We're going to talk.

We're going to talk off air.

Don't worry.

We're going to counsel Dave, make sure he's okay, everyone.

So no worries here.

Well, you guys, it's been fantastic.

Thank you for being our guests.

Thank you, everybody out there, for listening.

Uh, if you are having a hard or sad day, CNC Music Factory will bring you right back to happy, no joke, and come back back,

come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.

Last year, my dick fell off when I fell down on the rink.

A hockey team with some very sharp blades came and skated over my dink.

Don't you forget it?

It looked like threaded lettuce.

Oh lord no.

Last year my dick fell off and it threw me in a rage.

Threw me in a fit of despair.

But it's time to turn the page.

Gonna put it behind me.

Won't let it define me.

Whoa Lord no.

Last year my dick fell off and I won't mention it again.

If I ever bring it up, you have permission to punch me, my friend.

Time to lit my lip

when it comes to my dick.

Last year, my dick fell off, but now I got some good news.

I just checked my underwear and I finally got my first pube.

And it's a red one.

Said it's a red one.

Oh no, no.

burum

dum

burum pungum pum burum pung burum burum pung pum pum burum

burum burum pungum pum burum

burum burum pung pum pum burum

dum

burum pungum pum

burum pum burum burum pungum pum

burum

burum burum pungum pum

I'm an acapella daddy, I'm an acapella guy.

From my acapella toes to my acapella eyes.

You may think you're hearing instruments, you couldn't be more wrong.

I only use my mouth to make this acapella song because

a cappella is cool.

remix.

My dick fell off

in the space wars.

In the space wars

my dick fell off

on the space floor.

And it got stepped on by an alien dude.

I lost my dick in the ocean.

I lost my dick in a loud explosion.

I lost my dick to a magic potion.

From a very mean and crafty witch.

I lost my dick in Toledo.

I lost my dick in a big burrito.

I lost my dick at Home Depot in that machine that makes the keys.

I lost my dick in Madonna.

I lost my dick in a wet birana.

I lost my dick, but I didn't wanna lose my dick, well, frankly, at all.

I lost my dick in a car door.

I lost my dick at the dickknife store.

I lost my dick in an atomic war.

But then I grew back seven more dicks.

I lost my dick in a bird's nest.

I slammed my dick in a treasure chest.

I lost my dick at Karf Darlick Fest.

When I was checking out all of the gardens.

I lost my dick in a corn maze.

I lost my dick in an awkward phase.

I lost my dick is a common phrase.

When you lose your dick, as often as me.

I found my dick in the garden.

I found my dick and I beg your pardon

I found my dick and it will not harden Cause I didn't take enough

Viagra

I'm talking about Viva

Viagra

Viva

Viagra

Viva

Viva

I'm talking about

Viagra

talking about