C03 - Ep. 31 - From On Hyra - Prove One’s Metal
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Transcript
Speaker 1 All right, remember, the machine knows if you're lying. First statement: Carvana will give you a real offer on your car all online.
Speaker 2 False. True, actually.
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Speaker 3 False? That's gotta be true again.
Speaker 1 Carvana will pick up your car from your door, or you can drop it off at one of their car vending machines.
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Speaker 1
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Speaker 4
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Speaker 4
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Speaker 7 I am so excited for this spa day.
Speaker 8 Candles lit, music on.
Speaker 9 Hot tub warm and ready.
Speaker 7 And then my chronic hives come back. Again, in the middle of my spa day.
Speaker 6 What a wet blanket.
Speaker 7
Looks like another spell of itchy red skin. If you have chronic spontaneous urticaria or CSU, there is a different treatment option.
Hives during my next spa day? Not if I can help it.
Speaker 7 Learn more at treatmyhives.com.
Speaker 4 Very nice to meet you, all you voiceless talkers. Flainly fly into the stinky dragon and imbibe our latest
Speaker 4
that's that's loud. I can no one else hear that? Oh oh it's you.
Yes, I hear. Mm-hmm.
And do you want lemon with got it? No lemon. Okay, anything else like sure, sure, sure.
Speaker 4
We can get you pre-flayed brain. Uh, no, I don't need to write it down.
I can remember it. Well, oh, you're and you're you're gone.
Okay.
Speaker 4 Uh, previously, B-Team's briefing at Fort Endridge was suddenly shattered by a pair of peculiar fugilists, the conjoined René Seuss.
Speaker 4 These fighting figures focused on Gunther forcing his friends' futile fighting to the wayside.
Speaker 4 When Gunther was decidedly disarmed, the duo divulged they were actually disjoined and designated a destined destination, a delayed reunion with Bunlap at Sky Blue Falls prison.
Speaker 4 Whilst resting, Doug was visited by the Veiled Eye, who mandated a meet-up and meetocanning with his many mechanisms. Nab some nectar and nestle in for a noxious narrative.
Speaker 4
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
I'm your Dungeon Master Gustavo Sorola, and I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Wee!
Speaker 4 Sure.
Speaker 4 Following astrology stereotypes, what would your character zodiac sign be?
Speaker 4 And that's submitted by Laura Marstar. All right, everyone, roll that D20.
Speaker 12 Excellent question, by the way.
Speaker 4 Yes.
Speaker 4 Two.
Speaker 4 I rolled a one.
Speaker 12 17.
Speaker 12 Four.
Speaker 4
All right. So it seems like we have Doug first with 17, then Natty with four, Gunther with two, then Toll with one.
Woo-woo. All right, lead us off, Doug.
Speaker 12
You got it. Well, hello, everyone.
I'm Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Doug Boone, the
Speaker 12
artificer bugbear, battlesmith artificer. Boone.
Boone. Boone.
Speaker 4 You got that plosive.
Speaker 12 Boone beats Battlestar.
Speaker 12 And,
Speaker 12 you know, it's funny because Doug actually has learned a lot about the zodiacs and all the different astrology signs and everything like that and part of his studies.
Speaker 12 And, you know, I'm not going to tell you what Doug actually is, but the one that Doug is, it probably relates to the most. It's got an unfortunate name, but it's cancer.
Speaker 12 Oh, the reason is, is cancers are typically, you know,
Speaker 12 very caring, very, you know, a little bit emotional, might have like a harder exterior, but a soft interior, whereas maybe Doug's just only soft outside and in.
Speaker 12 But, you know, it's just very compassionate,
Speaker 12 you know, gets a little bit emotional from time to time. And
Speaker 12 yeah, he also likes the summer months, so being born in July would be pretty cool.
Speaker 4 Are you crabby? Do you go good with butter?
Speaker 12 I don't appreciate those jokes, Toad.
Speaker 12 I don't want to be eating, okay? This is, i know you're hungry i know it's first thing in the morning i don't eat
Speaker 4 that's very true
Speaker 4 all right doug i uh cancer good to know good match for you terrible name though all right who's up next i think we had natty with four yeah hi i'm john reisinger i play natty wonder who is a drought warlock drag queen and mother of the bringer of the end of all times
Speaker 4 and i don't i don't necessarily uh
Speaker 4 subscribe to the zodiacs. I'm going to admit, I don't really know much about them, but I'm looking at them.
Speaker 4 Like if I had to like pick one that I associate with the most, I got to go with them Capricorns. Mostly because of superficial reasons.
Speaker 4 Like the little sign is like this little goat with horns and it reminds my little baby with his little horns. And so I like that.
Speaker 4 And then also, it's apparently that they're like, they love like family and music and traditions. And so I'm like, okay, I'll go with that as well.
Speaker 4
And yeah, it's just, it also makes sense that their sign is like the end of the year and the beginning of the year. So I kind of like that with me and my baby, you know? Yeah, yeah.
So
Speaker 4 that's what I'm going to go with.
Speaker 12 The beginning of the end.
Speaker 4 Yeah, I began the end.
Speaker 4
All right. Capricorn for Natty, writing these all down.
Thanks, Natty. Gunther, I think you were up next.
Yes, I'm Kristen Harrison. I play Gunther the male crook folk fighter.
And for me, I would say
Speaker 4 that I might be a Taurus
Speaker 4 because they say that Tauruses are stubborn and bullheaded and can get stuck in a rut. But though I do not have horns, please do not say I do.
Speaker 4 I also do not like cows.
Speaker 12 I like how you paused thinking we might say that you have horns. Please don't say I do.
Speaker 4 The script that we all read for these shows did say pause for
Speaker 4 a reaction.
Speaker 4
That was a typo. That was a holdover from an earlier draft.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
Speaker 4 I'm glad we sent that into the writer's room a little bit longer.
Speaker 4 So, Taurus, because you're bullheaded, but not because you have horns. Yes.
Speaker 4 Okay.
Speaker 12 That's what I would have given him as well.
Speaker 4
All right. Yeah.
Very, very stubborn. Yeah, I'll grant that.
All right. Thanks, Gunther.
And last up, I believe we got Tolv. Hello, it's me, Tolv, played by Blaine Gibson.
Speaker 4 And you who, good day to you all. And for my astrology star things,
Speaker 4
I find myself a bit of a big dipper. You know, I'm out there looking for my little dipper.
You know, I'm keeping my options open. I have mini spoons to give to my team.
You know,
Speaker 4 you can fill me up. And
Speaker 4
why is everybody looking? Yes, daddy. Yes.
Question. Did you just say you're looking for for like a romantic relationship with someone? That's new news to me.
I like that. I'm open to options.
Speaker 4
You know, I dare, who knows? I don't know. I'm not single.
I didn't ask.
Speaker 12 I don't think you're his type, Fuganto.
Speaker 4 Okay. So, yeah,
Speaker 4 I consider myself a big dipper. Yeah.
Speaker 4
That's not a thing. I thought that's what you were going to say, John.
I mean,
Speaker 4 I took that as a joke.
Speaker 4 What's the joke?
Speaker 4
Stop it, you big dummy. I took that as the joke.
but the other is I'm interested in him revealing things about himself because that's the whole point of these things.
Speaker 4
We're supposed to learn a little something about each other. I learned something new, so I want clarification.
Yeah, a big dipper.
Speaker 12 I think the obvious answer for 12 would be Pisces.
Speaker 4 Because I, why? Because
Speaker 4 I'm a good chef or something.
Speaker 12
It's a water sign. And oh, you know, you also, you also, you know, wear your heart on your sleeve as well.
You got a little bit of emotions going.
Speaker 4 Okay, yeah, I'm open to this. I mean, my manufacturer date was May 14th.
Speaker 4 It says right here on my arm, if you revealed the skin, I think that that's technically a Taurus, but, you know, I don't know astrology.
Speaker 4
I follow the stars for, you know, the different boat navigation things, and I've always liked the Big Dipper. So that's what I relate to.
With your guiding star. Yeah.
Speaker 4 Is the Big Dipper with the North Star? Yeah, it is.
Speaker 4 Okay. I just like the idea of Tov making his guiding star one of the ones that moves constantly.
Speaker 4 It's one of the ones in the Big Dipper, but not the North Star. It's another one.
Speaker 4 Yeah, it's not the constellation, isn't that right? Yeah, she just gets out on the ocean and goes in circles.
Speaker 12 It's efficient.
Speaker 4
All right. Thanks.
Thanks, Tolv.
Speaker 4 Always a laugh.
Speaker 4 Said with the straightest.
Speaker 4 Always a laugh.
Speaker 4 Always a laugh. Blaine, that was hilarious.
Speaker 12 You crack me up. Such a hoot.
Speaker 4 I sense you have something in your heart waiting to be made, Doug.
Speaker 12 I guess I just don't feel as inspired lately. Some of my inventions in the past have caused so much pain, and I guess I'm just afraid.
Speaker 4 Well, the past is just that.
Speaker 4
It's time to move forward and learn and grow. I have faith in you, Doug Boone, that you'll be able to do whatever you set your mind to.
Want to give me like a little clue or a little hint, maybe?
Speaker 4 Map.
Speaker 4 Uh, yeah.
Speaker 4 Wait, what was your name again?
Speaker 4
Doug, Doug Boone. Doug Boone, that's right.
I was going to say that. Bug Doon.
Uh, Doug Boone.
Speaker 4
It's hard for me to keep track. When you come to me, Do Canyon, we'll discuss it further.
But if I forget your name, please don't take insult.
Speaker 12 What's going on with you?
Speaker 4 Same, bro.
Speaker 4 It's difficult for me to keep track of time.
Speaker 4 The future and the present are all mixed together for me.
Speaker 12 Sorry, I'm just taking notes so I can keep track of this.
Speaker 4 Maybe I should do that.
Speaker 12 I do recommend it.
Speaker 4 The veiled eye is Christameris.
Speaker 12 I want to use my thingamajig.
Speaker 4 Nido Canyon. I'll see you there, Doug.
Speaker 12 Okay, I will meet you at Nido Canyon. Easy enough to remember.
Speaker 4 small puffs of clouds begin converging around your face and they tickle your nose and you sneeze
Speaker 4 awh with a sneeze doug you uh snap back to reality and you find yourself standing at the workshop and gunther's just talking to you
Speaker 4 and so i say don't you dare take that bug that is my bug but
Speaker 12
you know what do you do what do you do yeah that's really that's a quite the pickle that you're you're in, Gunther. Yes, yes.
Yeah, I was listening that whole time, for sure.
Speaker 4 Yeah. Chris, go and take an inspiration die for yes ending that conversation.
Speaker 4
That was a really good, really good performance. Well done, Gunther.
Your first inspiration die of the campaign. You've done it.
But you know how it is, Doug. Siblings.
Speaker 12 Yes.
Speaker 12 Yeah, siblings.
Speaker 12 Yeah, they're really great, aren't they?
Speaker 4 No, because they take your bugs.
Speaker 12 Yeah, they might take your bugs and they might, you know, like pick on you and stuff, but...
Speaker 4 Yes.
Speaker 12 But the happy times are, you know, you got to hold on tight to them.
Speaker 4 They certainly are lots of happy times, yes. Yeah.
Speaker 12 Yes. You have a lot of siblings, don't you?
Speaker 4 Oh, yes, and I love them all. I would cherish them so much.
Speaker 12 That's nice. Open wound.
Speaker 4
Open wound. Oh, yes, yes, yes.
But I do not like them. Glad to be away.
Speaker 4 All right.
Speaker 4 Smooth just like me, Gunther.
Speaker 4 I feel like I'm seeing a little bit of myself here.
Speaker 12 Don, you look really confused. What's up?
Speaker 4
It's just my default. I'm just confused.
Don't worry about me. I'll figure it out.
Speaker 12 I mean, you're wearing it on your face, real big.
Speaker 4 It's just me watching Gunther traverse a touchy subject. That's all.
Speaker 4 They suck.
Speaker 4
All right. Unless you all have any other downtime activities you want to do, I think that about wraps it up.
If you all want to take a rest, call it a night, or push on.
Speaker 4
Oh, we we weren't resting already? I figured if Doug had that in a vision, was it a dream or was it a vision? It was like in the middle. It was like a vision while he was working.
A vision quest.
Speaker 4
He checked out for a moment. Yeah, we've all been there.
Yep. Yeah.
Okay. Huh? What? Yeah.
Speaker 4
Yeah, I suppose a rest would be nice. Yeah.
Because we get to sleep in our bunks. Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say.
Speaker 4
Y'all can sleep in the barracks and take it like a proper full long rest if you so wish. And it's such a good long rest.
You're going to give us temporary HP points, right?
Speaker 4 No, I'll just give you back the normal amount you would get from a long rest. Okay, guys, now that everybody knows that I am a Thaumatech, I can finally stop pretending to be asleep.
Speaker 4
So I'm gonna go power down in the corner. So if you see me just there, zoning out, do not fear.
I'm just in sentinel shut-eye mode. It's no big deal, really.
Speaker 12 Can you actually, uh, maybe just, like, watch me sleep, Tolf, if you're gonna be up anyways?
Speaker 4 I mean, yeah, why not? I mean, do you have a preference on where you want me to be put, you know?
Speaker 12 Uh, just, you know, nearby so you can see if anything weird happens to me or if I look like I'm in maybe like a trance or a dream that's disturbing me.
Speaker 4
So you have this nightstand here. If you want, I can just kind of crouch on it like a goblin, like a gargoyle.
Would this make you feel comfortable?
Speaker 4
Yes, and I'll open my eyes big and bright so you can see that I am watching. Do you have a setting for playing what noise? Oh, I do.
Yes, yes, yes. So here we go.
Speaker 4 Are you gonna pass out? What? Did you say something?
Speaker 12 I was gonna ask if you could maybe play Thunderstorms instead.
Speaker 4 Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 12 It's my better.
Speaker 4 What? Everyone's smoking at me.
Speaker 4 I'm done. I'm done.
Speaker 4
What? What's the matter? I'm so confused. Natty's already asleep.
That was perfect. Natty's out.
I like to think that Toll's eyes also turn red and glow like a nightlight.
Speaker 4
So he's just there with like glowing, evil-looking red eyes making that demonic sound. They actually display digital readouts of the time.
Yeah, yeah. This one's hours and this one's minutes.
Speaker 4 And we've got our thumbnail for the episode.
Speaker 4 Just a gargoyle, mouth agape, staring at Doug sleeping.
Speaker 4 Okay.
Speaker 4 You all are snugly asleep, except for Tolv, who's making a demonic sound. Stop this.
Speaker 12 doug goes ahead and hits off the alarm clock
Speaker 4 mode activated
Speaker 4 well your alarm clock doesn't have a chance to go off because what shakes you from your slumber is a sergeant steel eye who angrily enters the room berating everyone me team what entarnation happened to me
Speaker 4 what did you all do
Speaker 4 you took a little nap I took a little nap, just like you're taking a nap, oversleeping, not making it to your next assignment. Yeah, you're pretty much, yeah.
Speaker 4
I came and talked to you while you were asleep. I do remember that.
Thank you, Tolf. Give me the piece.
Speaker 4
Oh, yeah, yeah, thank you. Do you need a white noise machine? No, you sleepy heads.
I've already sent your privates ahead to meet O'Kenya, the scout.
Speaker 4 Do you remember what your mission is? All too well.
Speaker 4 Good.
Speaker 12 Go for it, Gunter.
Speaker 4 Lay it on him.
Speaker 4
A beautiful song. Wow.
Sounds like white noise.
Speaker 4 It was to
Speaker 4 go to
Speaker 4
the boiling bluffs because their metal creatures are attacking oil miners and stealing relics from the fire eater temple. Also, they're bees.
They're bees. It's your mission to be a beekeeper, son?
Speaker 4 No. Are you gonna harvest honey? Put it in a little jar, sell it at a farmer's market? That sounds lovely, but
Speaker 4 it's not your mission.
Speaker 4 Did you just reveal your retirement plans, Sergeant Celi? That sounds very nice.
Speaker 4 Get to the front line.
Speaker 12 You got it, sir. Let's go, team.
Speaker 4 Right away.
Speaker 12 Up and at him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4
We're going. We're going.
We're going. Hat two, hot two.
Leaving me asleep in the war room. Making me put my hand in warm water.
It's not going to work on me. It's not my first time falling asleep.
Speaker 12 We look down, he just has like a urine state.
Speaker 4 He's fresh. And that's our alternate thumbnail.
Speaker 12 Beepee pants.
Speaker 4 Okay, what's the plan here? Natty, you're in charge, right? Yeah. I feel like I've been in charge for quite a while.
Speaker 4 And so I could probably relinquish control so I don't have to worry about that anymore.
Speaker 4
Who gave it to me? I think Toll gave it to me. Or maybe Gunther gave it to me.
Or Doug. I think I gave it to Doug.
Doug gave it to you. Okay.
If math maths, I think it's got to go to Gunther.
Speaker 4 Okay, then I bequeath to Gunther. I accept, but with
Speaker 4
reluctance and dishonor. Dishonor? Dishonor.
Or dishonor. I don't know.
I do not feel as though I should lead, but I shall accept it. Well, I mean, Gunther, we're going to try to...
Speaker 4
Don't tell Steeli this, but we're going to go straight to see your friend Bunlap. So this is your chance to gain back your honor.
Wear it with pride.
Speaker 12 You know what they say? The best leaders are the reluctant ones.
Speaker 4
That's right. You do not seek the power.
The power seeks you. You are perfect for it.
All right, Gunther. What is the plan? How are you going to approach this?
Speaker 4 So, straight ahead, there's Boiling Bluffs, but along that
Speaker 4
route is Meadow Canyon, right? So, you're in Fort Endrich. Meadow Canyon is three hexes away, so about 18 miles.
Okay. From where you are, the next immediate places you go to, you have two options.
Speaker 4
You could either go to Boiling Bluffs or Copia Convent. Or the Convent? That's where the mother.
Oh, I know this. I know this.
I talked to her. It is
Speaker 4 Nun Convent
Speaker 4
Priestess Chess. Hey, look at you.
Yeah.
Speaker 12 We haven't thought about her for many, many weeks.
Speaker 4
Yeah, I talked to her. She sounds like this.
Very dreamy. Ooh, kind of wispy voice.
I hope we can get that voice actor back.
Speaker 4
You know, the Copia Convent is a small convent of nuns devoted to the fruit bearer. And bees knees when it comes to leather working and tanning.
Bees!
Speaker 4 Since we're talking geography, so we've got the Boiling Bluffs and then Meeto Canyons after Boiling Bluffs. Where is Sky Blue Falls Prison in correlation to all that? It's also on the way.
Speaker 4
It's like you would get there on the other side of either of these options. Okay.
Okay, okay. So it is between those options and Meadow Canyon.
Yeah, Meadow Canyon is three away.
Speaker 4 So it's like immediately next to Boiling Bluffs or Copia Common, and then you can do Sky Blue Falls Prison after that on the way.
Speaker 4
Well, then it would sound like we should head to Boiling Bluffs since that is in fact our mission direction. And then we can get somehow.
Well, I guess we got two options.
Speaker 4 We can go to Boiling Bluffs and try to, like, like, you know, like when they were playing football and they try to just go right through the defense to get to where they want to go.
Speaker 4
Or we could go to the convent and try to circuit. I'm saying this without Steele listening.
I've pushed him away.
Speaker 4 Because now I'm talking about not doing orders.
Speaker 4 We could go to the convent and maybe that'd get us around the front line. So we don't have to do any sort of the arm stuff.
Speaker 4 It's funny because we're soldiers. And we can go to all of our other little side quests.
Speaker 4 I believe we should go to Boiling Bluffs.
Speaker 4 You're in charge. Because also, the Cedric
Speaker 4 is curious to talk to the Fire Eater.
Speaker 4
Yeah, the Fire Starter. Yeah, Wicked Fire Starter.
The Eater, sorry.
Speaker 4 You were really confident with that. You were just right out there.
Speaker 4 What?
Speaker 4 All right. So we're going to Boylan Bluffs.
Speaker 4 Before we leave the camp, what is this called? The room that we're in? Barracks. Barracks? Before we leave the barracks, don't pretend to trip me.
Speaker 12
Oh, okay. Yeah, no questions asked.
Here we go.
Speaker 4 Okay.
Speaker 4 Toll starts to work his way over to A-Team's bunks and just thrashes around, knocking it over.
Speaker 4 Oh, no, oh, no. Oh, it's killing me.
Speaker 12 Oh!
Speaker 12 so we're the only ones in here.
Speaker 4 I know, I know. I just needed in case there's like, you know, steel eyes watching through a window or something.
Speaker 4
You know, I just, I didn't need to make it look like an accident, but to heck with a team, really, you know. Lucky for you, they're not there.
They already woke up and they're out.
Speaker 12 You stuck it to them.
Speaker 4
Two Demerits for not cleaning bump beds. Two Demeris.
That's too many Demerits.
Speaker 4 No one wants that.
Speaker 4
Am I in trouble? Or is this a thing that Gunther's? No, this is to A team. Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes.
Bad A-team. All right, right, let us go on.
Not the double, just the single.
Speaker 12 On the single.
Speaker 4
Here we go. Yeah, we go.
Do you have like a fun marching song, Naddy? Have you considered making a marching song as you the resident musician? Uh, soldiers go by marching one by one.
Speaker 4 The soldiers go by marching, and they're having so much fun.
Speaker 4 The soldiers, they go marching, and they're doing all their stuff. And they go, soldiers go marching to the boiling bluff
Speaker 4 that's good that was fun that's a catchy one uh okay so it is early in the day since you all just took a rest and you've spent some time here at uh port endrich what is your marching order uh gunther why don't you tell me what the marching order here is it shall be told and then me and then natty and then yes on the behind it shall be dug excellent You got it, sir.
Speaker 12 Yes, sir. On your behind.
Speaker 4
And just to make it explicitly clear, I have in fact, continued to recast Animate the Dead. So Captain Grumbles continues to watch the game.
And then Grumbles.
Speaker 4
That is an excellent point. I've been meaning to bring that up.
You know, you said you recast it. I want to make sure you burn the spell slot for that as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm happy to.
Speaker 4 Happy to. Worth it.
Speaker 12 Why did I make you a ring?
Speaker 4 of spell slot refilling if you're just going to use it on this guy every time i put my hand around captain grumbles like so we can keep this guy around he's amazed i love him skin swabbing off because he's just so gross and degraded at this point.
Speaker 12 Yeah, guys, he gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Speaker 4 Maybe Captain Grumbles can, like, stay around, but, like, 10 feet in the direction that the wind is blowing so that we do not catch the skin. You're covered in dead skin as well.
Speaker 4 Yeah, but I take care of mine, Nat. You do not talk.
Speaker 4 You don't think I got products to take care of Captain Grumbles? Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's Bjornskin.
Speaker 4
I am aiming for a Blue Fairy, I'm a Real Boy situation with Captain Grumble someday. That's what I'm aiming for.
He was already alive and real at one time. Yeah, but now he's a whole new person.
Speaker 4
He swears, he takes care of Gigi. He's just like, we've made a new person.
It's also a beautiful friendship because he started as an enemy, but now he is our friend, you know? Sure.
Speaker 4 Sure, there's necromancy involved, but you know, isn't that beautiful?
Speaker 4 Captain Grumbles.
Speaker 4 Oh, you old dog. See, you love him, Gus.
Speaker 4 All right, why doesn't everyone go ahead and make me a perception check?
Speaker 12 Okay. Sure, why not? Got it.
Speaker 4 12.
Speaker 12 Dirty, 20.
Speaker 4 Dirty, 20. Twinsies, 7.
Speaker 4 Okay, so two dirty 20s, a 12, and a 7. Doug and Naddy, as you all are...
Speaker 4 You two are number three and four in line, aren't you? The back of the pack. As you all are, you know, marching, making your way away from Fort Endridge.
Speaker 4
You know, you've been walking for a little while. Fort Andrew's is just a speck behind you.
You see something out of the corner of your eye, kind of off to the left from you all.
Speaker 4 Seems like almost like a disturbance, like a puff of dirt moving around. Like on ground level? Yeah.
Speaker 4 And, you know, you focus a little more and look at it, and it looks like someone's chasing a rabbit?
Speaker 12 Chasing a rabbit?
Speaker 4 Okay.
Speaker 4 How far away? Not terribly far. A hundred feet, maybe? And as, you know, you're staring at them, You start to make out more details on the figure that's chasing the rabbit.
Speaker 4
It looks like it's wearing a top hat and it's holding maybe a wand of some kind in one of its hands. Wait, it's weird.
It has like tentacles and one giant eye in the middle.
Speaker 4
So the creature is the body is like a giant eye surrounded by tentacles. A giant eye with tentacles and tenticular eye stalks.
Wait, what?
Speaker 12 Meta talk here for a second. What did Zuzu Top look like?
Speaker 4 Everyone make a reality check. Oh,
Speaker 4 Barrow!
Speaker 12 Zuzutop is from the Groteth campaign.
Speaker 4 An Abrillion.
Speaker 12 The Abrillion who did the magic show at the beginning of the campaign.
Speaker 4 Very good, Barbara. What's the reality check again?
Speaker 4 So what you're going to do is you're going to roll a D20 and add all of your ability score modifiers, which is strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma.
Speaker 4 FURT! Do we add the negatives?
Speaker 4 Yes. Crit fail.
Speaker 4 30. 14.
Speaker 12 29.
Speaker 4 When you were talking about a magician, I was thinking it was that one bartender, the old man bartender who talks like a magician. Oh,
Speaker 4
remind me what he sounded like again, though, guys. Yeah, one more time.
Uh, we'll pull up the audio for you for that.
Speaker 4
All right, so 29, 30, 14, and a one. Yep, a one.
I'm proud of that. I think he didn't add his modifiers.
Yeah, it'd be a 10.
Speaker 4 Just for the record, crit fail and crit success is only on like attack rolls. When you make your skill checks, you can still add everything.
Speaker 4
Like, it's not an automatic fail with a one, an automatic success with a 20. But if you're rolling a one, that's probably not good anyway.
Okay, it was a 10. Yeah.
Speaker 4
Natty, you did okay. Everyone else, not so much.
I got 29. 29?
Speaker 12 It's one less than natty.
Speaker 4 Yeah, but you have to add 12 to your roll.
Speaker 12 Yeah, I rolled a 17.
Speaker 4
It's pretty good. 30 was the number we were looking for.
So only natty is okay. Dang.
So now I got to make a few rolls.
Speaker 12 That dang minus one charisma got me.
Speaker 4 I actually don't have any negative modifiers.
Speaker 12 That's good.
Speaker 4 It's as if you cheated on your roles.
Speaker 12 I've had plenty of characters without negatives.
Speaker 4 Yeah, so have I. I don't know what you're talking about, Blaine.
Speaker 4
I'm special. I'm nuanced.
I have ups. I have downs.
I'm human. Well, I'm not.
I'm a Thaumatak.
Speaker 4 Seeing this creature kind of makes your brain hurt from, you know, like inside. And it doesn't quite make any sense.
Speaker 4 And as a result of seeing this disconcerting image, Doug and Toll, you have this sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, and you absolutely cannot stand you abhor violence you want to do everything possible to avoid violence well nothing's changed for me oh god oh oh control all delete what is happening to my processor
Speaker 12 but i mean would that apply to gunther and toll would they have to roll at all because they didn't technically perceive this person yes okay i'm a bit of an empath okay barbara you know if i just feel the vibe of the room maybe you all cancel then.
Speaker 4 Yeah, they will be affected by it.
Speaker 12 Okay. And is there a condition metagame-wise?
Speaker 4
No, for the rest of this session, you're just going to roleplay as if your characters hate violence. Okay, but not me.
Not you, Gunther. You pooped your pants.
Speaker 4
You pulled a steel eye. Gunther, you get a chill down your spine.
It's cold. Yeah, it is cold.
You want to avoid darkness whenever possible. You're afraid of the dark now.
I shall keep my eyes open.
Speaker 12 Guess you a good plan.
Speaker 4 I started singing that one song by The Darkness.
Speaker 4 No, Gunther, it's the darkness. No, no.
Speaker 4 So for the rest of this session, Gunther, you are afraid of the dark. And all three of you, whenever anything pertaining to violence or darkness comes up, you have disadvantage on any role
Speaker 12 regarding that.
Speaker 4 No, Natty's fine. Natty kind of squints and looks at the strange-looking magician following the rabbit.
Speaker 4
And she like, you know, rubs her eyes and looks again and realizes that what she saw was not of this world. Maybe not from this reality.
It's a, it's some kind of weird illusion.
Speaker 4 Then after rubbing her eyes, she looks again and the magician appears totally mundane, like a normal human being chasing a rabbit.
Speaker 12 Still a weird thing for us to be finding as we walk through this place. Just a magician playing with the money.
Speaker 4 Can I approach the magician since I'm not scared of anything?
Speaker 4 Yeah, meta-wise, just because of this weird reality-bending situation, Natty, the only thing that happens to you is you get disadvantage on your next role. Well, poop on you.
Speaker 4 Got him.
Speaker 15 It's that time of year, and HeroForge is going big.
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Speaker 15 You can also get 50% off on digital miniatures and STL files. I've made all my characters in Heroforge and I love it.
Speaker 15 Gum Gum's miniature is surrounded by flowers and Barney's got his elderly walker ready for battle. And now it's the perfect time to go make your own because of the huge sale.
Speaker 15 20% off physical miniatures and accessories like 3D printed dice, acrylic keychains, statuettes, standees, premium plastic, regular plastic, bronze, steel, all 20% off and 50% off digital miniatures.
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Speaker 15 Subject to change and or cancellation without notice, not combinable with other offers or promotions, not valid on gift cards, subscriptions, or digital credits. Sale ends December 1st, 2025.
Speaker 15 HeroForge.com slash sale.
Speaker 3 Go, go, go.
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Speaker 14 Hey, it's Blaine.
Speaker 21 The holiday season is approaching, and I have a question for you.
Speaker 14 Do you know what you're giving your parents for the holidays? Because I do, it's aura frames. It's the easiest gift to give them because it's super personalized.
Speaker 14 Did you know you can send an aura frame with videos and pictures pre-loaded to it?
Speaker 15 That's that's so simple.
Speaker 4 And you don't have to like take all the time to set it up and all that stuff.
Speaker 14
It can come with all your photos like already downloaded onto it. So, right out of the box, perfectly usable, perfectly personalized.
You know, my parents are always like, Blaine, we love you so much.
Speaker 14 You're our favorite son.
Speaker 3 You're the best son in the whole wide wide world.
Speaker 14 So, why not give them the gift of me? You know, I can just take all these photos and put it on there.
Speaker 14 And also, like, throughout the year, I can effortlessly upload photos and videos straight from my phone all year long so that they can stay in touch with my life.
Speaker 21 And they've got like a nice curated batch of photos of me, their best boy.
Speaker 14 So, for a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matte Frames, named number one by Wirecutter, by using promo code Dragon at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com.
Speaker 14
Promo code Dragon. This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year.
So order now before it ends and support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.
Speaker 14 Thanks, OrFrames.
Speaker 4 So, yeah, you see what appears to be a middle-aged human wearing a black suit and a top hat with a red bow tie and a cape and white gloves.
Speaker 12 Very classic.
Speaker 4
Ma'am, hello. I'm Natty.
What you up to? Hello.
Speaker 4 Hello, Natty.
Speaker 4 I'm looking for my rabbit.
Speaker 4 I can't help but notice you have a particular attire about you. Are you perhaps a traveling entertainer of some sort? Why, of course.
Speaker 4
I'm a magician. She does like Jazz Hands.
Whoa.
Speaker 4 Okay. What happened with your rabbit?
Speaker 4 Looks like someone let the rabbit out of the hat.
Speaker 4
You don't seem quite bothered by the fact that you're about to lose your act. Oh, you know, rabbits are a dime a dozen.
I can always find another.
Speaker 4
Gunter try and catch the rabbit? Yeah, what do you do? You try to chase after it? I'll chase after it and then grab it with my tongue. Oh.
Just don't hurt it. Yeah, don't hurt that rabbit.
Speaker 4 If you hurt that rabbit, I'll...
Speaker 4 I'll fight you. Oh, God.
Speaker 4 Alright, why don't you
Speaker 4 make a
Speaker 4 however you like make an attack with your tongue or whatever you do to grab it well to grab is like a strength a thing opposition but i don't know as far as like the move if it's like a dexterity thing i don't have a like an attack roll for my tongue i thought you had like a specific thing for it didn't you no it doesn't do damage you just grab things oh okay then just do like a an arm strike in that case 17.
Speaker 4
Alright, I'm gonna make an opposed roll here for the rabbit. See if it gets away.
With the tongue, to grab it, it's an opposed
Speaker 4
dex grapple check. It's the stinky dragon fun fact of the day.
Did you know that Chris's favorite Pokemon is a Lickitong?
Speaker 12
Yep. It's a good one.
Is that true? It is. Yeah.
Do you know how mine is?
Speaker 4
Hmm. Hold on.
Julie Puff. Snorlax.
Speaker 4
Also, good one. Good one.
Good one. So I guess that would actually be a plus three if it's a dexterity.
So that'd be a 20. It doesn't matter.
I rolled a seven, so you're still good regardless.
Speaker 4 So I guess while Natty's talking to this magician, Gunther just goes
Speaker 4 and just snatches the rabbit in his mouth.
Speaker 4 Oh,
Speaker 4 why thank you.
Speaker 4 Most people don't want to touch the rabbit. It's got a rare skin disease.
Speaker 4 It has leprosy.
Speaker 4 Oh no,
Speaker 4 it's way worse than that. What's wrong with the rabbit?
Speaker 4 Well, it's rabbit, of course.
Speaker 4 Perfect.
Speaker 12 Oh, rabbit, rabbit. I get it.
Speaker 4 Yes.
Speaker 4
And got there, like... Well, Gunther's not a mammal, so I, like, only mammals get rabies, right? So you don't have to roll a check for that? I didn't know that.
Thanks for teaching me something. Wow.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Okay, I learned.
Yeah, it's about their blood temperature. Yeah.
That's why, like, animals are resistant to rabies if they have, like, warmer or colder blood temperatures, like, um, possums.
Speaker 4 Hey, Ben, as producer of the show, can you put us under educational on podcast now?
Speaker 4 Welcome to this episode of of Rabbit Facts.
Speaker 4
Not to be confused with Rabbit Facts. It's our competing podcast.
Oh,
Speaker 4
the magician takes off their hat and grabs the rabbit and sticks it back into the hat. I do not know if you should be taking that to children's shows.
Oh, it is what it is.
Speaker 4 We might need to old yellower this rabbit.
Speaker 4 Oh, oh no.
Speaker 4 It's violent, I do not like.
Speaker 4 Oh,
Speaker 4 you know, there's been fewer gigs since the war started, so I've got to do what I've got to do to book the events, and this rabbit is a part of it.
Speaker 12 Did you get lost from where you were going? I mean, are you out here all by yourself? Just trying to chase this rabbit?
Speaker 4 Yeah, we have some openings for NPCs if you want to join. No,
Speaker 12 not off right now. I'm just curious.
Speaker 4 The magician does like a very exaggerated, you know, pulls its
Speaker 4 hands up to its eyes and looks off in one direction in the distance, then turns around 180 degrees and looks off in the other direction in the distance and goes oh I guess I lost track of where I was when I was chasing my rabbit oh well
Speaker 4 and with that the magician turns around and begins walking off in a not even the direction it came from just a totally different direction godspeed weirdo
Speaker 4 anyways was weird yeah I can't wait to fight her at the end of this campaign
Speaker 4 you all just let infernal way and you gave her back her her most powerful weapon, the rabid rabbit. Isn't that like an old folktale of like a
Speaker 4 traveling wizard on the road that people meet and granted them wishes? Something like that. Wizard of Oz? Do we get any wishes?
Speaker 4
The magician does not turn around. I think it's like a monkey's paw thing.
I felt more mad hatter than anything. That's just Gus's portrayal.
Oh, you're right. You're right.
Speaker 4 I'm sure whoever we do with the VO will do a much better job. Oh,
Speaker 4 so So you can be deprecating, but I can't be deprecating on you.
Speaker 4 When you do it to someone else, it's insulting. When you do it to yourself, it's deprecating.
Speaker 4 As the magician walks away, she raises her hat up and you hear in a loud, booming voice. Oh, and don't forget to tell everyone you've met the great Zephyr Blake.
Speaker 12 Zephyr Blake. Yeah.
Speaker 4
Well, that was weird. I think that was actually par for the course with our adventures.
We've been meeting some weird characters all this time. Fair.
Speaker 4 In fact, was there a magician who was the bartender? They just talk like one. They just talk like one.
Speaker 4 Well, we have lost many, many minutes with this rabbit thing. We shall continue.
Speaker 4 Oh.
Speaker 12 I think you still have a little bit of fur on your tongue, Jeremy.
Speaker 12 There you go.
Speaker 4
Thank you, Doug. You know, you would look good with a beard.
Really? Me? I mean, you already have one.
Speaker 4 You're practically one giant walking beard, but I'm saying Gunther, you know. Could I try one?
Speaker 12 Hey, let me let me fashion you one real quick.
Speaker 4 Just swapped holes.
Speaker 12 Doug shaves off a little bit of his fur and puts it on Gunther.
Speaker 4 What do you think, Gunther? How do I look? It is scratchy.
Speaker 4 Very cool.
Speaker 12 Yeah, why don't you keep that?
Speaker 4 Okay, I shall. It's a shame we're sold out of 12 beards on store.sneakydragonpod.com.
Speaker 4 You could buy one there. We're hoping to restock those soon.
Speaker 4 Q1. Q1.
Speaker 12 There you go. Okay.
Speaker 4 So the magician has walked off. What do you want to do, Team Leader Gunther? We shall continue, not go down any rabbit holes.
Speaker 4 Very nice.
Speaker 4 After walking for several hours, you eventually start to come up on Boiling Bluffs. As you are walking to the outskirts of the area, you see a creature start running in your direction, very panicked.
Speaker 4 Gunther, what do you do? What kind of creature is it? It looks like it's a balding gnome with singed ginger hair. Are you friend or foe?
Speaker 4
You gotta tell me. Help.
Uh, with what? Have you seen any middle creatures? Oh, no.
Speaker 4
They've stolen a relic from the font. Um, okay, uh, bye.
Uh, and then uh, the uh, the gnome runs off uh back into town. Oh, ow, I had so many questions for him.
Oh,
Speaker 12 a stolen relic from the font.
Speaker 4 These could be my brothers and sisters, but I think it's very clear I should probably stay low-key not to reveal myself here.
Speaker 12 Yeah, we won't without you.
Speaker 4 So you know in Boiling Bluffs that there have been tale of metallic monsters recently seen hiding near the riverbank. In regards to the font, was it like a Helvetica, a Comic Sans, a Times you Roman?
Speaker 4 Like what? All right, so Boiling Bluffs, you know, they're blackened bluffs that dribble with crude oil.
Speaker 4 The river bubbles with boiling oil, and there's brick and mortar buildings and oil lamps and torches that are lit throughout. Is there something to do with the fire eater here, right?
Speaker 4
And the fire eater's got a thing with the sea drinker, right? Yahaw. Correct.
And here in the boiling bluffs, there are a few landmarks that may be of interest to you. Okay.
Speaker 4 There's the Crude Corral Tavern, the Font of the Fire Eater, which is the Temple, and Sora Sump, which is a mine.
Speaker 12 What of the Fire Eater?
Speaker 4
The Font of the Fire Eater. The Vetica of the Fire Eater, as Blaine was saying.
Thank you, thank you. I say we shall go to the font of the fire eater to inquire within.
What do ye say?
Speaker 12 I mean, also, they said a relic was stolen from the font, so assuming they just got one font here, that's probably where it was stolen from.
Speaker 4 That's a very good point, Doug.
Speaker 12 Thank you.
Speaker 4
Yeah, and we should keep out for those dang-darned metal people. Watch out for those guys.
Am I right, guys?
Speaker 12 Are you metal or are you technically made out of something a little more advanced?
Speaker 4
Look at the brick and mortar, the architecture of these buildings. Look at these things.
Wow, wow. I'm not Maggie.
Speaker 4 And i have a beard
Speaker 4 all right so what's the move here team leader i guess move towards the font lowercase okay which means sneakily gotcha like trying to avoid this
Speaker 4 i think there's a lot of chaos going on right now so i don't know if anyone's really going to pay attention to us to be honest is everyone running around or was it just that one dude you know as you're walking around you don't notice anybody else running around panic it seems like it was just that one person who seems to be running around panic hmm maybe he's having a heat stroke or something maybe he got bit by that rabbit
Speaker 4 Gus, can I do something? Yeah.
Speaker 14 Can I take a look at my shield?
Speaker 4
Is it glowing? For the listeners, remind them. Why would your shield glow? Yeah, no, it's okay, Gus, that you forgot.
I'll remind you.
Speaker 4 So basically, anytime I'm near a Thaumatec, it's supposed to glow the runes on it. You know, it's bright outside, so it's hard to tell.
Speaker 4 And, you know, as you're looking at it, do you think maybe it is? You kind of do that thing where you cup your hands around your eyes to try to make a little dark area and look.
Speaker 4
And it seems like it's ever so faintly glowing. Interesting.
maybe we could take it into a dark room oh never mind that's a terrible idea
Speaker 4 all right you get an inspiration die gunter already
Speaker 4 okay so uh you're heading over to the font is that correct gunter did i hear you right yeah you see a towering column of smoke and the temple carved into the cliff face and there seems to be a river running through the cliffs and it smells has the aroma of like barbecue
Speaker 4 So the river running into it, is it normal river or is it black river? What? You said there was like oily river, right? Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a oily river.
Speaker 4
So the oily river is running into the font. And is it coming out any different? No, well, the river is running through the cliffs and the temple is carved in the cliff face.
Okay.
Speaker 4 Sorry, when you said, is the, is the river black, I was like, what's he talking about?
Speaker 4
Oh, okay, yes, yes, yes. All right, well, I guess we just go up to it.
Knock, knock, easy, fire eater, home.
Speaker 4 Okay, you walk up to the temple, Gunther leading the way, knocking.
Speaker 4 As you're doing that, that same person that you met at the outskirts of town, that same balding gnome, comes running up to you, Gunther, hand out, and begins shaking your hand very enthusiastically.
Speaker 4
Oh no, the fire eater is not here right now, but does show up quite regularly. Hi, I'm Flack.
Who are you? Flack, I am
Speaker 4 Munther.
Speaker 4 Munther.
Speaker 4 Pleasure to meet you, Munther.
Speaker 4 I look back and wink at the guys because I'm in disguise. And then I look back at Natty and Doug and Shrug.
Speaker 12 Uh, Flack, we overheard you saying that uh a relic was stolen from the font. I assume this is the same font you were referring to here.
Speaker 4 Yeah, yes. Uh, it seems like the the gnome's always uh out of breath.
Speaker 4 Yeah, yes, uh, it is, yes. Uh, let me show you around.
Speaker 4
And there, the gnome begins pointing around. You see, we have a natural font of oil, always burning, very comfy.
Uh, we've got beds with woolen blankets for priests and visiting travelers.
Speaker 4 We've got a steam room for prayer and meditation, and a hearthstone slab for cooking hot meals, and a reliquary, a relics for divine manifestation.
Speaker 4 I'm the fire master here, Flack, and I help out the Kindlekin priests.
Speaker 12
Wow, okay, Flack, I want you to do me one favor before we continue on this little tour you're giving us. All right, this is something I call box breathing.
You go in for five,
Speaker 12 hold for five out for five here we go
Speaker 4 hold
Speaker 12 okay how you feeling now buddy
Speaker 4 tired flak maybe you need some sort of peaceful calming aura like a white noise machine oh that would be nice barbara why are you taking your headphones off Barbara, what's the matter?
Speaker 12 Don't worry, I'll still be able to hear you if you do.
Speaker 4 I was just offering. I didn't, you know, he didn't say yes.
Speaker 4 Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 Okay.
Speaker 4 I hope it's lowered a little.
Speaker 4
Just for the listeners. I hope you up the gain, Micah.
Make it into a music track. You can beatbox with it.
Speaker 12 Well, what was the relic exactly that was stolen, and do you have any idea who might have taken it?
Speaker 4 Yeah.
Speaker 4
It was the fire opal of fireballs. You've probably heard of it.
Metal creatures were seen wandering around in the temple, but they managed to escape without anybody noticing.
Speaker 4 And these metal creatures, were they like humanoid? Were they walking on, you know, two feet, or were they like spiders? Like, what do they look like? Yeah, yeah, they were humanoid, yeah.
Speaker 4
Okay, were there any identifying qualities of these metal creatures? Uh, they're metallic, metallic, great. That makes sense.
Did they refer to each other by any name?
Speaker 4 Do they communicate in any sort of way?
Speaker 4 They were made of some kind of blue-gray metal. Ooh, do you know why they want the fire opal of fireballs? Well, it's very important and very powerful.
Speaker 4 I don't know what they want specifically, but they're probably envious. Were they violent in any way?
Speaker 4 Did they, like, you know, were there any um were there any casualties or anything like that in the village? Uh, no, they were in and out, undetected. Hmm, interesting.
Speaker 12 What does the fire opal of fireballs do exactly?
Speaker 4 I have a few guesses.
Speaker 4
It's a blazing, fiery red, translucent gemstone, about the size of a grapefruit, and it's constantly steaming. Wow.
According to legend, this is just between us, of course.
Speaker 4 It's a single teardrop shed from the fire eater.
Speaker 4 Wow.
Speaker 12 That's a pretty powerful single teardrop.
Speaker 4 Yeah.
Speaker 12 Why would somebody want to take it?
Speaker 4 It's very valuable. Maybe that's the reason.
Speaker 4 What purpose does it have here? Well, this is the font of the fire eater, and it's a relic of the fire eater, so it just makes sense to have it here.
Speaker 4 Oh, but you don't do any pract- you don't have no practical use for it on a day-to-day basis. Prayer, meditation, it's like going to a Catholic church back.
Speaker 4 Why you got all these bones around here of these saints? Do you do something with them? What's the point of that altar and that cross over there? No, I understand.
Speaker 4 When things are stolen from your village, it can be very, very upsetting.
Speaker 4 So upsetting, it's like a sacred laboo boo.
Speaker 12 I have here with me the only solid gold laboo-boo.
Speaker 4 Shall we go look upon the river banks?
Speaker 4 What is that for Gahana song? Up upon the riverbanks.
Speaker 4 Come on, Burt. Come on, Barb.
Speaker 12 No, just
Speaker 4 look around the riverbank.
Speaker 4 Should we do that? Flack, can you point us in the direction of where the metal people were? Well, if I knew that, I'd be there, you know, getting the opal back.
Speaker 4 How about we do this, Flack? I feel like we could be helpful for each other, helpful to each other, even.
Speaker 4 What if, me and my compatriots, we offer to help retrieve the opal for your temple, and in return, you do your darndest to help us get in contact with the fire eater. Oh, oh, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 4
I can do that. A little bit of that quid pro quout.
Yeah, this for that. I get it.
Perfect. You know Latin.
Speaker 4
Okey-dokey, smart little gnome. Makes sense.
You're in a church. You know Latin.
Alright, let's go find them metal robots. We look for like tracks.
Yeah. You can do that.
Just around the riverbed.
Speaker 4 I don't need to do this. I don't know if this is an abuse of the power, but I could also, like, Tolv has a cape, right? And he has the shield that glows when it's near Thaumatex.
Speaker 4 I'm assuming these are Thaumatex, so I could throw the cape over me in darkness. Cover your eyes, Gunther.
Speaker 4 Well, not too long, because that's also dark, and that you're, you know, don't blink, Gunther.
Speaker 4
Just stare over there into the sun. No, don't look into the sun.
That's over.
Speaker 4 I'm blinded. Figure it out.
Speaker 4 Okay, so anyways, if you guys guided me and we kind of walked around the village and then the stronger the light grew from the shield, that kind of points us in the direction, maybe.
Speaker 4 When what about this also? Just to get us started. I'll use my octopod of obscura and pour it out looking for that
Speaker 4 fireball. Big old fireball, man.
Speaker 4 Big old fireball.
Speaker 4
Can I do that? Cuss? So yeah, turns water into inquisitive ink, dribbles some out. Ink flows towards hidden things in the area.
Use 4d6 dice pool per long rest.
Speaker 4 Barbara, if the fire eater is pit bull, I'm going to scream.
Speaker 4 Fireball.
Speaker 4 Done it!
Speaker 4 Yeah, go ahead, and you can dribble some out, and you roll from your dice pole, Gunther. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4
5-2-5-6, so I guess I lose one, but I have three remaining. Correct.
So you dribble some out, and you know, like at first, it doesn't seem like it's doing anything.
Speaker 4 It just kind of stays in a puddle, and then it slowly begins dribbling and running off to one side, seemingly leading you to one area here inside the font.
Speaker 12 Wait, inside the font yes the call is coming from within the house
Speaker 4 so you know you know when you first walked in flack kind of pointed out some different parts of the font to you there's the font of burning oil there's beds with woolen blankets a steam room a hot stone slab the reliquary and there's various priests and travelers including flack who came up and you know greeted you and as you're watching this liquid flow it seems to be kind of leading out towards the steam room Steam room, that makes sense.
Speaker 4
Hey, we get a good vibe from Flack. Like, we're gonna vibe check on him.
Yeah, make me an insight check. Good call.
Speaker 4
Six. Yeah, doesn't seem like he's hiding anything to you.
All right, I am though. My real name is Gunther.
Speaker 4 Don't tell him.
Speaker 4 It's a secret.
Speaker 4
What was the fake name you gave him? Munther. Munther.
Munther. Munther.
That's right. My mini sons.
Munther and sons.
Speaker 4 Boom.
Speaker 12 Uh, Naddy is a daughter.
Speaker 4 Actually, I'm a mother.
Speaker 12
Oh, that's true. She's a blank.
She's a mother. She's a child.
Speaker 4 She's a blank.
Speaker 12 She literally hate that word.
Speaker 4 That tickled me. I don't know why.
Speaker 12 She's a female dog.
Speaker 4 She's a female dog.
Speaker 4
Before we begin search, we should take stock of your temple. So we are familiar with it.
Oh, absolutely. And you know what, Chris? Since you rolled an inside check, I'm going to give you something.
Speaker 4 I'm going to reward the investigative effort here. Let's yes and your terrible role.
Speaker 4
Yes. You know, you rolled an insight check on Flack.
It seems based on you trying to read him that he genuinely cares about serving the community.
Speaker 4
It seems like his concern is real and that he genuinely is concerned about what's going on here. Oh, that's a cool read.
Yeah, okay. I like Flack a little bit more now.
Speaker 12 I just feel bad every time Gus has to voice flack because I worry that Gus is gonna pass out. Yeah.
Speaker 4 No, it's okay.
Speaker 4
I'm not fully twisting this. Don't worry about it.
Gus is stressing me out so bad. I need some white noise because I'm so stressed.
Speaker 4 So I guess could we head towards that boiling room? Steam room. Steam room.
Speaker 4 Yeah, you bid adieu to Flack
Speaker 4 and begin walking, you know, following the liquid in the direction of the steam room.
Speaker 4 And, you know, as you approach it, you can see a river trickles past a hot bowl of coals that are causing steam in this room.
Speaker 4 And there's benches with wool towels and what seems to be a drain in the floor. And around the room, there's various Kindlekin priests meditating and praying.
Speaker 4 Natty Cass disguised self and puts a towel around her and a big old towel around her wig. So she looks like she's meant to be in here.
Speaker 12 Or just got out of the shower.
Speaker 4
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she sits down next to like those guys.
Okay, yeah. Can I get a vibe for the guys in there, the Kindlekin priests?
Speaker 4 Yeah, like you want to make a vibe check or what do you try to do here? I want to acknowledge that we are in a sauna and they probably are in various states of unclothed.
Speaker 4 So I don't want to like stare, but I also want to... I feel like I could maybe recognize a sibling if that's what they are or a thaumatak.
Speaker 4 Oh, so you're like looking at them and then you put your cape over your head with your shield and like try to look at it and see in here to see if it's any brighter, like that kind of thing?
Speaker 4
Sure, sure. Total normal sauna behavior.
Yeah, that's me. Well, these priests that are here, they're not exactly you know in sauna attire.
Speaker 4 It seems like they're meditating and praying, like they're deep in thought. They don't seem like they have much regard for you.
Speaker 4 Uh, you kind of you know check your shield to see if it glows any brighter, and it does seem like it's glowing a little brighter, but it's not like super bright and blinding or anything.
Speaker 4
Okay, I give like a like a cutting of the neck thing to the rest of the team. Like, this isn't them.
Kill them? Gunter draws his sword.
Speaker 12 I mean, I know Natty was in the midst of disguising self to do something, so I don't want to, like, all of a sudden just completely leave that.
Speaker 4 In order to assist that, let me give a little bit of flavor text. These priests seem like they're wearing outfits made of black wool, and they're wearing steaming ceramic shoes.
Speaker 4 Their shoes are steaming? Yeah.
Speaker 4 Like, as in their shoes are hot? Probably. How bad does it smell in there?
Speaker 4 Just their shoes or not the ground? Maybe it's like a flagellation or not flagellation.
Speaker 4
What's the word I'm looking for, Gus? Flagellation. Flagellation.
It's so close. Why are those two words on the screen? It's really close.
Speaker 4
So there is a hot bowl of coal steaming in here as well. Chris, to answer your question.
Netty, do you want to do something with your disguise here?
Speaker 4 Yeah, so they're, you described them as like meditating or praying. Are they like sitting? Are they kneeling? Is this like,
Speaker 4
what's the prayer situation? Two of them are kneeling and one of them is sitting and they all appear to have their eyes closed. Okay.
I'm going to sit awkwardly close next to the guy who's sitting.
Speaker 4 Okay. Can I just sit there and listen for a second? Do I hear anything? So flatuation.
Speaker 4 Flatulus at the steam.
Speaker 4
Yuck. I mean, you don't hear anything.
This person just seems to have their eyes closed. Okay.
Speaker 4 Since you sit down like right next to them, this priest opens their eyes and kind of like turns and looks at you and then closes their eyes and bows their head once again. Hey, I'm new here.
Speaker 4 Uh, what are we doing in here? I was on a tour of the temple and I wanted to come in here, and it seemed like you guys were having a good time. I am attempting to reconnect with the fire eater.
Speaker 4 Oh, reconnect like you've connected with them before? Well, the fire eater has not been seen in some time. Normally, she manifests herself here quite regularly, but it has been a while.
Speaker 4 Was her disappearance in correlation with like the loss of the the Opal? Or was this happening before the Opal went bye-bye? It's been happening since before the Opal was lost. Oh, okay.
Speaker 4 We worry she might be offended. Offended?
Speaker 4
What happened? We do not know. We are trying to figure it out through meditation and through prayer.
You're just one of those people who think it's your fault. It most likely is.
Speaker 4 So we're hoping through meditation and prayer we can discover the source of offense. Oh, okay.
Speaker 4 Is there something we're supposed to do in this room specifically to like try to connect with the fire eater? Do you wish to join us and become Kendallkin?
Speaker 4 Absolutely.
Speaker 4
I love the ascent. Excellent.
You can join us by performing our initiation rituals.
Speaker 4
You can walk on hot coals, burn your belongings, or experience the tongue of tongues. Oh, all three? Oh, not or.
It's and. Let me retake that.
Oh.
Speaker 4 Heck yeah. That suddenly got much worse.
Speaker 4
You can join us by performing our initiation rituals, walking on hot coals, burning your belongings, and experiencing the tongues of tongues. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, you know what?
Speaker 4
When in Rome, do fiery stuff. Most excellent.
I got this. I'm so conf interested in the tongue of tongues.
I'm very like...
Speaker 4
I cannot tell you what that could possibly be. Let's find out.
Thrilled. Let's find out.
Speaker 12 Are the three of us just kind of like in the doorway watching this happen?
Speaker 4 That's up to you.
Speaker 4 What are you all doing?
Speaker 12 I would be obvious if I tried to come and join. So I think I would just be trying to stealthily watch.
Speaker 4 Yeah, I'm watching from the corner and kind of listening in. Doing that thing where you're like pretending to look at something up on the wall.
Speaker 4
Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.
And Gunther strokes his beard.
Speaker 4 Netty turns around and sees that Doug has much more volume than usual in his hair.
Speaker 12 The Humidity in you.
Speaker 12 My hair is starting to turn curly.
Speaker 4
Oh, you'd be so cute with curly hair. You got a perm.
Oh.
Speaker 12 It's my natural curls.
Speaker 4
That's how it works for me too, Doug. Me too.
Excellent. Which of the three rituals would you like to start with? Let's go in order.
You said them in that order for a reason.
Speaker 4
I figure that's the clear sign, a clear way to get to that fire eater's presence. Oh, I appreciate the enthusiasm.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 So, first, walking on hot coals.
Speaker 4
You must wear shoes filled with hot coals for a day. Ow.
Ow. Yeah, that sounds smart.
Speaker 4
It's the first step to proving your devotion to the fire eater. Oh, emphasis on step, I see, I see.
Okay, I'm just looking at my character sheet to see if there's anything I can do to mitigate this.
Speaker 4
It says, as a drow, are you fire resistant? Nope, there ain't nothing. So we're doing this full go.
All right, give me them coals. Excellent.
Speaker 4
Luckily for you, there's a bowl of steaming coals in this room. So you can grab some with the tongs that are in the bowl and use them.
I just have a quick question.
Speaker 4 Do the shoes come in a four-inch heel? I'm just asking for Naddy.
Speaker 4 You can provide your own shoes or use what is here.
Speaker 12 Is there also a way I could very, very stealthily come in and just graze Natty and give her guidance?
Speaker 4
Yeah, do that. Yeah, absolutely.
It's just Doug awkwardly walking through the steam room, just gently touching Naddy and walking back.
Speaker 4 Listen, as someone who has gone to saunas before, there's nothing worse than being accidentally touched in a sauna.
Speaker 4
And you can't see anything real. That's why I wanted to sit awkwardly close to this guy because there is an unwritten rule that you don't do that.
Nope.
Speaker 4
Also, just discovery as I'm looking through my character sheet. Don't worry, Barbara.
Animate Dead specifically is you use it without using a spell slot because it's part of my Eldritch invocations.
Speaker 4
Wow, cool. It's like a cantrip then? It is a spell that I can cast once every long rest.
Oh, okay.
Speaker 12 Nice. Every long rest, you could reanimate it.
Speaker 4 And so we long rested, and I brought Mr.
Speaker 4
Captain Grumbles along with us. So don't worry about that.
I can still keep Captain Grumbles around forever. All right, forever and ever.
Speaker 4 Eat that, Gus.
Speaker 4
I've got plans for Captain Grumble. Do it, do it.
All right, Coles, grabbed him with the tongs, put him in my shoes, and feel how that feels. We are very appreciative of the devotion.
Speaker 4
I'm hesitant to read the metagame thing. I'm going to hold off until it's relevant.
Great. That's not ominous at all, Gus.
Speaker 12 I was able to cast guidance, though. Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 4 I figure you do that thing where you kind of walk in, do a circle around the room, you know, walk kind of close to Natty, do it a quick brush, and then just walk back out to the door or wherever you want.
Speaker 12 Just so you know, Natty, that you can add a D4 to any number rolled on one ability check of your choice.
Speaker 4
Thank you. I'm quite familiar with it.
That's true. You You did have good.
It's good to teach our listeners who aren't familiar.
Speaker 12 Yeah, Steve.
Speaker 4 Steve in Illinois, we see you.
Speaker 4 I think the last time we did that, someone did get into our Discord or something and was like, that was me.
Speaker 4 Discord available at stingydragonpod.com.
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Speaker 4
Do you remember the next step? Yeah, burn stuff. Oh, make a constitution check.
Yeah, why not?
Speaker 4
It's 13. Okay, yeah, you feel the coals in your shoes like burning and stinging, you know, pain is just a warning signal sent from the brain.
You are holding it together quite well.
Speaker 4
To be clear, Blaine did bring up something that Nanny walks around in high-heeled boots all day long. So Nanny's got tough feet.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 You're ready. Maybe Nanny's got calluses that are helping to absorb the
Speaker 4 absorb the heat.
Speaker 12 Good ankle strength. Yeah.
Speaker 4
That is correct. Now you need to burn your belongings.
Make a constitution check. 15.
All Alright.
Speaker 4
Getting real hot. We must set fire to some of your belongings.
Chosen at random. Go ahead and make another constitution check.
What are you doing here?
Speaker 4 Please be geeky, please be geeky, please be geeky.
Speaker 4 18.
Speaker 4
Alright, yeah, whoof. Little half of the city.
That's just cheating as Captain Grumbles.
Speaker 4 Randomly. So what you're gonna do is you're gonna roll 3d6 individually.
Speaker 4 And using each number rolled, I'm gonna start from the top of your inventory and count until reaching the item slot corresponding to that number. And we're gonna burn that item.
Speaker 4
Okay, you burn my auto harp. Naddy will, in fact, bring this temple down around these people's faces.
You're rolling, so you're burning. All right, first roll, one.
That is your auto harp. No, no!
Speaker 4
Wait, what was the rule? Roll 3d6 individually. Using each number rolled, start from the top of the inventory and count until reaching the item slot corresponding to that number.
Burn the item.
Speaker 4 Wait, why am I rolling three times? Three items? Yeah, you gotta burn belongings with an S.
Speaker 4 He did Zach. All right, all right.
Speaker 4 Yes, that's fine. Um, they'll have to deal with what happens with that.
Speaker 4
Six and six. So, do I need to roll that third one again? Well, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna not count the items that are already burned, so that's okay.
What you burn it?
Speaker 4
That's a dagger, okay, and your light leather armor. I think I even have the armor on.
I don't think you do either. It's not clear.
Perfect. Gonna take it.
Yeah. So, auto-harp, dagger, armor.
Speaker 4
What am I supposed to do now? So, it's not automatically burned. Naddy, you must take these items and put them in the fire to burn them.
You can do an illusion. You can? You can.
I can't. You can't?
Speaker 4
No. You don't have any type of illusion? You guys are crazy.
You guys all think I have a million different spells. I'm just a warlock.
Speaker 4 That's fine. You know what? It's...
Speaker 4
Naddy is committed, okay? She's very straightforward. She doesn't lie.
She likes to be straight on. So Natty does.
She takes auto harp. She plays it one more time.
A sad little melody.
Speaker 4
and then puts the dagger on it, wraps all of it in the leather armor. And where do I put this? You can put it on the steaming coals.
That should do the trick. Natty played Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash.
Speaker 4 I was just thinking of trying, I was trying to think of a good song, and you got it. No, Natty plays something that will not get us copyright and strike.
Speaker 4
Yeah, Natty puts it on the fire. It slowly begins to smolder and then bursts into a small pile of flames.
Fireball boom!
Speaker 4 This is a somber moment, okay?
Speaker 4 Not anymore.
Speaker 4 He did great.
Speaker 4 Yeah, it was crazy good. The last step is the tongues of tongues.
Speaker 4 I'm so excited, thrilled for this.
Speaker 4 What's this one entail? This one is simple. You merely split one's tongue into a three-pronged fork.
Speaker 4 Using the tongues of tongues and a blade of your choosing, do the deed, you will certainly bleed.
Speaker 4
And now that you look, you see this Kindle Kin's tongue is split into a three-pronged fork. Okay.
Oh,
Speaker 4
you will do this, Nanny. Yeah.
Natty goes and grabs... You said it's like a little blade? Using the tong of tongues and a blade of one's choosing.
Oh, you can supply your own blade.
Speaker 4 Well, you took one of my daggers. Yeah, I was gonna say that.
Speaker 4 You still have one. I have another one.
Speaker 12 I think the ultraman is to just make you cooler, in my opinion.
Speaker 4
Yeah, yeah. Naddy takes it, and Natty's tough as nails.
She takes the tongue pulls out her tongue
Speaker 4
and goes, giggy, don't watch. Actually, giggie, watch.
This is important. This culture.
Speaker 12 I was going to say, that doesn't seem like you.
Speaker 4 Tolb doesn't watch.
Speaker 4 Natty cuts her tongue into two spots. So she has the three-fork tongue now.
Speaker 12 Doug was accidentally watching it.
Speaker 4 Oh, God.
Speaker 4 Oh, God.
Speaker 12 Why did I watch that?
Speaker 4 Oh, my God.
Speaker 12 I'm scarred for life.
Speaker 4 I feel like Doug would start vomiting.
Speaker 4 Well, Doug and Tolv also really like violence is, and that's kind of violent, right? Oh, yeah.
Speaker 4
You take five points of slashing damage. That's it.
That's not bad. It's just a tongue.
It's just a tongue.
Speaker 4 Yeah, you must talk with a numb tongue for the rest of the session. That's not going to be good for audio listening.
Speaker 4
Only when I'm in Natty's voice, right? Yeah, of course. Okay.
Natty turns to Giggy and knowing that Giggy has a demonic fork tongue. Oh, yeah.
Mama Lakina! Look up!
Speaker 4 And Giggy also goes back and he goes,
Speaker 4 Just blood dripping down. Yeah,
Speaker 4 Giggy likes blood. Yeah.
Speaker 4 It's a horrifying image. That will not be our thumbnail for this episode.
Speaker 4 You ever like went to church with a friend and then they start doing things and you're like, what did I get myself into? You know, like, this feels like that moment.
Speaker 12 I have not.
Speaker 4 I think this is more occult stuff than church stuff, if I'm being honest. yeah the kindlekin priest puts their arm around you very heartily natty oh welcome sister you're one of us now great
Speaker 4 i've forgotten why i committed to this
Speaker 4 you don't sound right natty yep that's not the right voice thank you so much i appreciate that i have a question
Speaker 4 yes
Speaker 4 tol
Speaker 4 sorry so i need to get your name what's your name my name is faunas apollos finas you said
Speaker 4 you said
Speaker 4 every time every time
Speaker 4 i love the i you're immersing yourself in the character nothing
Speaker 4 you said that these two other guys in here that you guys are all trying to turn to fire here that mean you know them do i know the people in here with me Yes.
Speaker 4 We're work acquaintances. We're not best friends or anything,
Speaker 4 we work together. So that's how Gus describes all of us.
Speaker 4
But like, you've seen them around before. They're not any like stranger.
Oh, yes, absolutely. Okay, cuz between you and me, we're looking for the metal folk who came in here and took the open.
Speaker 4
Oh, yes, we need to find them. But now that you're Kindlekin, you have access to help from us.
Ooh,
Speaker 4
something's gonna come from this? Yes. Okay, good.
We love your enthusiasm. You jumped right in without knowing what you get.
Speaker 4 That's natty.
Speaker 4 What I get? Is it a replacement out of heart? Frequent fryer buyers.
Speaker 4
You get the boon of tamed flame. A spark of fire is always but a prayer away.
Granted, the fire eater isn't preoccupied. Any relation, Doug?
Speaker 12 Like booing of tamed flame, I
Speaker 12
imagine it's similar, but I don't know if there's any at the end of that boon. There is not.
Yeah, no relation then.
Speaker 4 You have the benefit of hot stuff. Need a woolen blanket, hot meal, scented candle, a light source?
Speaker 4 You can visit the font and find a fellow Kindlekin or send a raven and receive one of these items once per day. Whoa.
Speaker 4
Okay. And on top of that, the best benefit of all, fiery friends.
We are forever part of a fiery fellowship that burns with compassion. Is there more involved with that?
Speaker 4
Is that just you saying we're buddies? We're buddies. Okay.
We're work acquaintances. I like it.
Speaker 4 I like new fans.
Speaker 12 I don't know if you want to ask, like, if there's something that you could, like, call upon them in time of need or something like that, like, summon them?
Speaker 4
Yeah. Is this like something where you guys will help me if I need help? Yes.
If you visit the font of the fire eater, you will always have help here. All right.
Can they cancel my student loan debts?
Speaker 4 They help me catch that suffering, uh, suffering suffering.
Speaker 4 I thank Thank you so much for all this. I have one more question before I probably gotta leave and rejoin my compatriots over there who probably just wondered what the heck's going on.
Speaker 4 Did you say anything about those metal guys who came in here and took the opal? No, but there have been erratic attacks against miners by metal creatures. The miners suffered some lacerations.
Speaker 4
The creatures were last seen near the Boiling River. Maybe that's a lead.
Yeah, that's actually interesting. I heard that they were attacking miners.
Were they just attacking to attack?
Speaker 4 Or were they trying to steal something? Or was
Speaker 4 Did anybody discern a motive?
Speaker 4
This is serious D and D. Yeah, yeah.
We really have no idea. They just seem to come out of nowhere and begin attacking for no reason.
Okay. Well, I won't take up any more of your time.
Speaker 4 You are very hospitable for letting me interrupt your prayers and then making me part of it.
Speaker 4 Hey, hey, fist bump.
Speaker 4
You get a fist bump back. There we go.
There we go. And then Netty actually just goes in for a hug.
Speaker 4
All right, yeah. You go in and get a very hearty hug from Faunus.
And Nanny turns around and goes, who else wants to be one of these guys?
Speaker 4
Oh, you can take your. You can.
Oh, wait. You have to continue wearing the shoes with hot coals for the rest of the day.
Okay.
Speaker 12 Natty, you want me to hold your heels for you?
Speaker 4
Yeah. Oh, like my boots.
Your boots.
Speaker 12 Oh, I imagine they're heeled boots.
Speaker 4
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yes, please.
Thank you so much, Doug. I feel nice of you.
I got you. Wow, these are
Speaker 12 work of all these things.
Speaker 4 Yeah, my mama made them. Rhinestone.
Speaker 12 There's like embellished from like tip to bottom. That's crazy.
Speaker 4 Don't wait, faith.
Speaker 4 Wait, Faith Faith.
Speaker 4 Now, could thumb and elf talk for the rest of this recording?
Speaker 12 I think I hope Natty be the spokesperson for us for the rest of the episode.
Speaker 4
Somehow not using your tongue makes my tongue really tired. I don't know why.
You're like flexing it in the other way. You're like avoiding you.
It's avoiding it.
Speaker 12 It's having a hold still.
Speaker 4 It's like when you're in the car and you get tired from having to compensate to all the changes.
Speaker 4 Well, this is the direction that the stone supposedly went, right? Yeah, the liquid flowed into here, you know, over time, it continued flowing, came into the steam room, and then went down the drain.
Speaker 4
So do we know the source of the heat? You said there was like a hot... Yeah, there's a hot bowl of coals causing steam.
Does there seem to be any sort of like
Speaker 4
access to the drain? Yeah, like a like a how big is the drain? It's narrow. It's pretty small.
I mean, do you go over and like poke around with it? We got someone who can fit into small places.
Speaker 4 It's true. Doug boon i actually can yeah
Speaker 4 i thought yeah i think i was making a joke but yeah that's like a power right i thought yeah it's a i think it's a feature of a bug bear maybe bug bear uh uh trait yes i guess i don't want to interrupt or upset the priests we're buddies we're buddies now these are my homes they're buddies and they all have their eyes closed I don't know.
Speaker 4 I guess we could try to see if we could get into the drain.
Speaker 12 Oh, yeah, without squeezing, you could move through and stop in a space large enough for a small creature.
Speaker 4 Oh. What is that ability called?
Speaker 12 It's called sneaky.
Speaker 4
So me and Doug could both get in. Well, you go over and, you know, you begin looking at the drain.
And Tov, since you're the first one who brought it up, why don't you make me an investigation check?
Speaker 4 Okay.
Speaker 4 That is
Speaker 4 a zero. I'm going to use my inspiration die.
Speaker 4
She whiz. I've had bad rolls this game.
Yeah, this has been a bad roll. Oh, my God.
Four and a waste of an inspo die. I give an inspo die.
Speaker 4 All right. You won't regret it.
Speaker 12 Here it comes. Here it is.
Speaker 4
13. Not bad.
There we go. Much better.
You know, you bend over to kind of look at the drain, and as you're getting closer to it and looking, you realize the grate is loose.
Speaker 4 It's not fitting flush or like the way you would expect it to on there. Like it's been disturbed.
Speaker 4 And as you're bending over looking at it, like a reflection catches your eye, and you see something shiny under one of the benches in this room. Okay, can I investigate that?
Speaker 4
Yeah, you head over and take a look. And under the bench is a small piece of some kind of bluish-grayish metal.
It's in a small water puddle, and it smells terrible. Oh no.
Earlier,
Speaker 4 that gnome flax said that the metal people were bluish-gray.
Speaker 12 Do you want to pick it up?
Speaker 4 I like, because the other people are meditating and I don't want to interrupt them, I want to like point out, like, I'll lift up the bluish-gray metal, point this, and then I'll point down at the drain too.
Speaker 4 When he gets closer to the metal thing, does his shield glow more?
Speaker 12 I imagine it's only if he's actually near a being.
Speaker 4
That's what I think. That's how I interpret it as well.
I'm going to say probably not.
Speaker 12 Doug sees Tollv motioning and looks at the grate and then nudges Gunther and goes, Hey, Gunther, I think maybe something went into that grate.
Speaker 12 Maybe something that belonged to that piece of metal Toll was holding. That's, you know, what I'm gathering from his hand signals over there.
Speaker 4 Yes, yes.
Speaker 4 I think that is very true. It's awfully dark in there, and
Speaker 4 it is so dark.
Speaker 12 Well, why don't I help you out, actually? Let me just imbue a tiny item here with a light. If we go inside, I could light up the tunnel.
Speaker 4
Oh, that would be most appreciated. Not that I'm afraid.
Gunther's nightlights available at store.stinkydragonpod.com.
Speaker 12 If we go up to the grate, could we tell if this tunnel is small enough for us to fit in?
Speaker 4 This opening is super narrow. This drain is normally only big enough for small creatures to get into.
Speaker 4 So normally you would not be able to fit in this, but Doug, you have that specific feature that lets you fit into where small creatures can fit and Gunther is small.
Speaker 4 So you two can fit, but Natty and Tov would not be able to fit in there.
Speaker 12 What if I gave one of them my potion of gaseous form?
Speaker 4 Oh,
Speaker 4 pretty sure that would work.
Speaker 12 Problem is I only have one of them.
Speaker 4
Yeah. When you drink this potion, you gain the effects of gaseous form spell for one hour.
or until you end the effect as a bonus action.
Speaker 4 And gaseous form is you transform a willing creature along with everything it's wearing and carrying into a misty cloud for the duration.
Speaker 4 While in this form, the target's only method of movement is a flying speed of 10 feet. The target can enter and occupy the space of another creature.
Speaker 4 The target can pass through small holes, narrow openings, and even mere cracks, although it treats liquids as if they were solid surfaces. The target can't fall, remains hovering in the air.
Speaker 4 While in the form of misty cloud, the target can't talk or manipulate objects, and any objects it was carrying or holding can't be dropped, used, or otherwise interacted with.
Speaker 4 The target cannot attack or cast spells. I love that this could work out, and I would hate to split the party three to one.
Speaker 4 How about instead of one person for one hour, we do two people for 30 minutes?
Speaker 12 Like they each take a half a sip.
Speaker 4
I'm saying, you know, Gus, offer on the table. I don't think that works.
I think you have to imbue the entire thing for the effects. Otherwise, it's like you just start burping and farting a lot.
Speaker 4 I'm going to keep that in mind.
Speaker 12 I could also hold on to it because I feel like it will come in handy in case we ever need someone to like do a reconnaissance.
Speaker 4
Yeah, pretty cool. It is really cool.
Now, how about this? Because you're worried that like if Natty doesn't have anything, Natty has to stay, right? Or Tolf, yeah.
Speaker 12 Yeah, one of you. Yeah, one of you.
Speaker 4
Why don't I send somebody in Natty's stead? Gigi can turn into a little like centipede and crawl around and Gigi can be my avatar. That is terrifying.
And then Natty can just hang out.
Speaker 12 Would Giggy not already be small enough to fit in there and just have a bad thing?
Speaker 4
He probably is. Yeah, yeah, probably.
Although he did get bigger, so I think he he is bigger.
Speaker 4 The other alternative is you two go down there, we stay up here, you guys try to find us an entrance and do that.
Speaker 12 Yeah, let's do that. Okay, Ganto.
Speaker 12 I'm gonna take out uh, do you actually have any more pebbles on you?
Speaker 4
Well, yes, of course I do. Here's one I was thinking of getting to you, actually.
Oh, wow, oh, perfect.
Speaker 12 I am going to use magical tinkering to imbue this tiny little pebble with a five-foot radius light.
Speaker 4 So it's Team Dunther or Team Gug? Gug, I think we landed on Gugg. Gug.
Speaker 4 Or in this case, Mug, since we're using a fake mug. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 12 Or Gung. Yeah.
Speaker 4
Alright. Well, then, holding out the rock, which is kind of like Gunther's rock in this moment.
Can he go in? Yeah, so the rock is imbued with a magical light?
Speaker 12
Yeah, it's a five-foot radius light. Okay.
Gunther, also, just in case it goes out, it doesn't last as long as I'm hoping, just hold on to me as well, because, you know, I got dark vision.
Speaker 12 So if you get scared or anything, just Doug will protect you.
Speaker 4 Okay, that's good to know. I have dark vision too, but it's still so dark I cannot help.
Speaker 12 It's very dark.
Speaker 4 I feel like Gunther, or I'm sorry, I feel like Munther would be so scared that he'd be like holding that pebble like super tight.
Speaker 12 I'm imagining he's underneath me, like on my stomach, holding up as I'm crawling.
Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, let's do that.
Speaker 4 So Doug and Munther begin heading down the drain with Natty and Toll staying in the steam room. Is that correct? Yep, sounds good.
Speaker 4
You go down or you're crawling, you know, it's a very tight space through the drain. Normally, Doug, it's a miracle you can fit in here.
I don't understand that ability of yours.
Speaker 4 But you anti-defrain it for a while, and
Speaker 4
as you're crawling through in the tunnel, you reach a fork. A fork? Yeah, not a eating utensil, Chris.
The tunnel goes to the left and to the right. And the little droplets, we don't see them anymore.
Speaker 4 No, not at this point.
Speaker 12 They're exhausted and doug hear any sort of like noise or like the smell that that little um piece of metal was in the puddle oh yeah is that smell coming from either side more strongly why don't you make me a perception check i meant to re-roll that because that was a one let me use my inspiration die okay 16.
Speaker 4 not bad that's pretty good yeah you feel like that smell that you're looking for seems to be coming from the left side as you're sniffing you smell it you know i imagine doug like kind of furrows his brow as he smells it.
Speaker 4
You hear a voice coming from the right side. Oh.
Oh,
Speaker 4 hello.
Speaker 4 Is someone there?
Speaker 4 All right, find out what the voice is, find out what the smell is on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Natty, make sure you say goodbye and some salutations.
Speaker 4 Hey, faith, nobody, have a good old time, okay? You take care of yourself and say hi, your mama for me.
Speaker 4 I request that if John is on Second Wind, he has to.
Speaker 4 No, no, no.
Speaker 4 But if you are a subscriber on our Patreon over at stinkydragonpod.com, next week we'll have an episode of Second Wind, where we're going to talk about this episode specifically and and maybe we'll unveil some secrets.
Speaker 4 Attention, Stinky Dragon audience members, it's the holiday season, so we're having some deals in the Stinky Dragon store from November 24th to December 6th.
Speaker 4 All orders of $75 or more, you get 10% off, but if you spend more, you save more. Orders of $100 or more, get 15% off, and orders of $125 or more get 20% off.
Speaker 4 Stock your inventory and boost your savings. New episodes of Tales and Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday, wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel.
Speaker 4 Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad-free? You can support us by becoming a patron at stinkydragonpod.com or join as a member on beacon.tv.
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Speaker 4 Our Patreon offers exclusive bonus shows, behind-the-scenes content, access to the Stinky Dragon Discord, members-only live streams, stinky community events, and a shout-out out on the show.
Speaker 4 Just like Ivory Wolf, Daniel Sweet, 3 in Steel, Mako, and Shorty06608.
Speaker 4 These patrons directly support the show, get ad-free episodes, access to our patron-only Discord server, bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen, and other stinky perks.
Speaker 4 Some of our friends voiced NPCs in this episode, and listeners who interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them.
Speaker 4 Zephyr Blake, named after Blake Nelson, voiced by Fuya at Fuya. Flak, named after Flakes, voiced by Micah Reisinger, at micah.Reisinger.
Speaker 4 And Faunus Apollos, named after Fan of Motion, voiced by Eddie Rivas, at Eddie Rivas. This week's Arrow question was submitted by Laura Marr Starr.
Speaker 4 This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and Micah Reisinger, written and composed by Micah Reisinger, and edited by Catherine Arnold.
Speaker 4 Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
Speaker 4
So, like, if I recall, the front line is a certain direction, but a lot of things that we also want to see, including bun lapse imprisonment, are on the way. Correct.
Yeah. And Disney World.
Speaker 4
Disney World is a big one. We need to make a stop.
We also need to go to the Buckies. That's a no-brainer.
Speaker 4 I love that Boosies. It's great.
Speaker 22 everything
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Speaker 22 limited, and delicious sandwiches of the sand, it's only cubierto dun intenses barbecue.
Speaker 12 It's sufficient for the grande los viestas.
Speaker 22 And no one received a year, eh? Because also
Speaker 22 ya didir un refresco in cualquier maño miorden de Magri por solo unos esenta nueve. Vara papa pa
Speaker 22 y participación pueden barno pedo minarque cono troferto cómo mio.