Tavern Tales - Infantnights: Part One - The Quarter-Pint Quest

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Hey, everybody, John here.

This was a tavern tale that we performed live on our YouTube channel to celebrate our one-year anniversary as a business.

We've now edited it down and added that audio magic you expect from Stinky Dragons so you can enjoy it right now.

And once you're finished, good news, part two is already available for all of our paid patrons.

So when you're done with this one, there's more kidding around with the kids waiting for you.

Enjoy and thank you again for supporting us through an entire year.

Oh, I think we're live live.

I don't think I had to push the button.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome to the stream.

A year of being independent and we're still learning how to stream properly.

I'm John Reisinger and I'm here to welcome you guys to a wonderful anniversary stream for us.

We have been independent for a whole year.

technically yesterday.

And we have been able to do that and do things like keep our lights on, run the AC, have internet to play pokemon games because of you guys our community our listeners our patreon supporters um all of you anybody who just listens to anything stinky dragon it is your fault it is your support and so we thank you for that it's been amazing like i'll be honest just for one second before we get into the shenanigans of some fun entertainment it's insane that we were able to all lose our jobs in one fell swoop and then we were able to hit the ground running with our own company getting to make Sneaky Dragon full time.

And it is something I'm still grateful for every single day with the most genuine sentiment I can muster.

So thank you guys so much.

If you even just listened to the show, you're the reason why we're able to still be us.

And that's been great.

And speaking of being us, what we have for today to celebrate with you guys our anniversary, we got a few things to celebrate with you.

And one of them is that we do have, obviously, we want to ask like, hey, if you want to support us for on Patreon, we would love you to support us on Patreon.

This is a great time to buy a year.

Just have a year of great content set up and ready to go for you guys all year long.

It's not a bad thing.

And then on top of that, we have some merch in the store.

That is also some celebratory merch.

We will have even more merch to announce very soon that is linked to the Patreon tier that you, that you subscribe to.

So if you're a little stinker, you get some little sneaker merch.

If you're a big stinker, you get the little sneaker merch and big stinker merch that you can buy.

So we've got a bunch of stuff like that coming down the line.

And yes, as you guys can see from my little bug, we are going to play some D and D today.

And I am DMing.

I'm letting everyone else play.

I'm letting everyone else have shenanigans.

I'm taking on the challenge of one, DMing live on YouTube with y'all, which is frightening.

And two, I'm doing it with a lot of people, the most amount of people we've ever had play at the same time.

So get ready for

some oddities.

Just get ready for it.

It's It's going to be, it's going to be a lot, but I hope you guys have some fun.

And if you guys are ready to have some D and D fun here on a Monday, a random Monday at the beginning of June, also happy pride, we can get started that, okay?

All right, get settled, get your drinks, get your blankies, and let's have some fun, okay?

And I present to you the Infant Knights.

We open on what looks to be the backyard of a quaint home in the suburbs of the town of Boulderay.

Looking around the scene, one would spot the usual domestic accoutrements typically found in a family yard.

A red tricycle sitting on the porch, a clothesline where fresh laundry is drying in the summer sun, and nestled near the back of the yard atop a tall oak tree sits a wooden treehouse.

At first glance, one might be so bold as to judge the construction of such a structure as shabby or uneven, but upon closer look, you'd find character and charm in the build of such an arboreal abode.

At the bottom of a rope ladder that ascends to a manhole entrance rests a crudely written sign in crayon declaring, heroes only, no baddies allowed.

Allowed is obviously spelled A-L-O-U-D.

The treehouse itself is designed to look like a makeshift fortress, ready for siege from any would-be attackers.

Along a balcony jutting out from front of the house sits a cachet of water balloons and a pair of binoculars duct taped to a wooden stand.

A crow's nest of sorts sits atop the whole building with what looks to be a bucket filled with arrows tipped with suction cups.

And inside this verdant villa is where we find our heroes of this story.

Sitting criss-crossed applesauce on a multicolored rug in the middle of a room, we see a halfling, an elf, and a half-orc who seem to be having a heated discussion over who should be the leader of their band of misfits.

The halfling, a stout toddler with a full head of messy, curly, orange hair, stands up to his full height and declares in a diminutive but forceful voice,

I am the boss of this place.

Perfect.

The elf, a lanky boy with long blonde hair and clothes covered in grass stains and dirt spots from what looks to be too many attempts at acrobatics, rolls backwards in an awkward yet impressive reverse somersault and springs to his feet shouting action shame

was that cool did you guys impress

the half orc don't ignore me the half orc wearing an origami pointed hat made of newspaper and a patchwork diaper stitched together from various cloth materials rises to join the other two standing around him clearly the youngest of the three his ascent is slow and careful, like a newborn foal.

At his full height, despite clearly being younger than the other two, he stands an inch taller than even the elf.

He smiles, exposing a single tooth that can be seen amongst a wide, gummy grin, and says,

I think that I should be in charge of everyone.

And as my first order of being in charge of everyone, I want to put Bart in charge.

Welcome, the Infant Knights, to their treehouse.

Welcome.

How are you guys going to decide who's your leader?

Take a vote.

Well,

I think the answer is pretty obvious.

It's going to be the biggest person here, which is me.

Well, as the leader of this group, I'm proud that you have all elected me unanimously to be the head honcho.

I want to thank my right-hand man, Bart, and my left-hand man, Gum Gum.

And Mud, my butt man.

And as my first act of class president, I demand everyone use backflips.

Okay.

Do you guys do backflips?

This is actually was Rick, but I agree.

Let's go.

Bart does one of those, you know, when you try to like set yourself up for a cartwheel, but you just like full sprint it and just like put your hands on the ground and do a little hop?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what he does.

Very nice.

What does Gumgum do?

Gumgum just flips onto his back.

Like...

Jumps.

And just belly flops, but it's a backflop.

Yes.

Perfect.

I'm sure that'll be great for the structure of this treehouse.

I just

thought about the weight capacity of the treehouse.

What's the, what's the, is that OSHA that's supposed to make sure that's that's the to code?

Just then, the rope ladder connected to the entrance at the front of the room goes taut, and a brass bell attached to it by a string rings an alarm.

All three of you look at the entrance, and what do you do?

I draw my bow and arrow.

I would go over and call out and say, who goes there?

This is sacred territory.

Only the finest of adventurers may join us.

What about Gum Gum?

Gum Gum covers his eyes.

Okay, perfect.

Up through the manhole pokes the head of a dwarven child.

Breathing heavy and sweating from his climb, the boy pops down onto the floor of the treehouse, too exhausted to move any further.

The only physical feat he can muster is to awkwardly roll slightly to one direction to shift something strapped to his back to his side so that he may lay flatly to catch his breath.

What that thing is, is it's green and it's a wooden loot.

Oh no.

Hey guys,

I just

feel like I heard you guys were all hanging out together and I thought it would be a lot of fun if maybe you had some music to go along with the hanging out and I figured maybe I could hang out with you all.

Who invited Sleep?

Who told me you're here?

I was like, I'm going to wait for Blaine to respond.

Sleek, so good to see you.

Wow.

Oh, my best friend.

Oh, I'm so glad.

I'm so glad you're here.

I'm so glad I got the invite.

Wow.

I didn't realize you guys were best friends from such an early age.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sleek, I thought I...

Didn't I send you on a very important quest across the

woods?

Did you, you're back so soon?

Yeah, you fired an arrow out into the woods and told me that he was really important.

I'd bring it back.

And so I went out there and I spent all night looking.

I scoured everywhere.

I went to Smarsh's Cavern.

I went to where that birdo thing was that we found at one point.

And I eventually, like, found it.

Fired into the tallest tree in the deepest part of the wood.

Who would have known?

Wow.

Do you want to play again?

You want to play again?

Come, gummy, you can open your eyes.

It's sleek.

Hey gum gum.

Hi.

Sleek, I feel like you're forgetting something.

Could you roll me a wisdom check?

Oh yeah, anything for you, DM.

That's going to be a solid 13.

Oh, okay.

That's a fantastic roll.

Sleek, you remember, today

is a special day.

And you actually brought some friends along for that special day.

It's Mud's birthday today.

It's Mud's birthday and he's having a birthday party.

And you just remembered about it, and you brought some friends along.

Did anybody remember to get Mud present?

Gum Gum jumps down off the treehouse and starts grabbing mud from the dirt.

You jump out of the treehouse that is up at the top of an oak tree?

Yes.

How much damage you take in?

I was going to say, why don't you roll...

That's just fall damage.

You want to rethink that?

How high up are you?

You're like a two-year-old on the top of an oak tree.

I mean, I said I did it.

I'm just going to commit it.

I mean, you said you'd said it, but I know often you do not think about the surroundings of what we're in.

So

do you want to roll for damage?

Gus said 1d6 per 10 feet.

Okay.

How high is the treehouse?

So that's going to be all your health.

Let's say we are only 10 feet up.

So why don't you roll 1d6 for damage?

Three.

Not bad.

Very good.

Three damage already to Gum Gum.

Well, actually, when Gumgum lands at the bottom of the tree, Gumgum, you see some people out there.

Oh, no.

They're trying to steal my birthday present for Mud.

Do you want to

maybe tell your compatriots about seeing some people out there with you?

Yes, the party's already started down here.

Come look.

There actually might be my birthday present for you, Mud.

I invited a little bit of a performer.

What?

Yeah.

They're like a comedian.

They talk about hair a lot though, so like, I don't really know if like that's their shtick.

So you all rush to the treehouse windows, I assume, to see what Gum Gum is talking about.

And as you peer down into the sun-drenched yard below, sure enough, there they are.

A tiny kobald with oversized glasses and a lizard folk whose eyes never seem to be pointing in the same direction at all.

I wonder if we could build a ramp instead of a rope ladder.

I have crutches, and that doesn't really

make it up there.

I have a hammer.

It's fine.

I'll start building it.

It'll be okay.

Kyborg is the strongest person I know.

He can pull you up.

Let's get this party started.

I call down to

what's doctor, but like pre-doctorate at him.

Hey, you could just call me Doc.

Okay, I call down to doc at him and hairless hutch.

I say, hey guys, be careful down there.

There's a lot of dirt that was, um, it was dry before, but then someone had to use the bathroom, so now it's mud.

It's mud's birthday.

It must be him.

I don't know.

I'm not asking questions.

Just be careful of the mud.

Don't go rolling around in it.

Where's gum gum?

I'm rolling in it.

Well, I'm trying to collect it.

I just imagine gum gum, like, you know, when like you see like those pugs that are just like doing that back, like, roll kind of thing they're doing.

That's gum gum out there.

Well, it is, in fact, Mud's birthday.

Uh, it's uh, he's having a party today.

Uh, Mud's not here with you guys.

Uh, that's the way I'm going to solve Mud, not having to play Mud for the rest of the day.

I'm celebrating his birthday without him here.

Well, you don't have a birthday present, so I need you guys to solve it.

Oh,

okay.

I guess he wouldn't like my hairless hutch gift.

20 minutes of stand-up straight.

I thought he would have plugged it

Starting now.

All right, you guys look like a great crowd.

Man, what's going on with this weather lately, right?

It's got your hair all frizzy, I bet, and all the humidity.

Oh, why don't you describe that to me?

Tell me what that's like.

Kyborg's laughing.

Wait, does Kyborg have both of his arms?

Okay, so I was going to, I wanted some clarification, John, before we, like, not to get too meta.

Sure, we get meta.

When we have weapons, do we have weapons or or is kyborg's bow and arrow like a little suction air like toy arrow gun actually i appreciate you bringing that up lane because i wanted to to set some standards here of what we're playing around with this isn't this is not a canonical story of these characters and their babies this is the alternate reality version of the inf of the infinites um akin to like muppet babies muppet babies was not necessarily uh muppet lore in fact the muppet lore has always changed throughout the years so this is a non-canonical version so it's up to you guys but yes this is like you guys are the babies, okay?

So, um, you guys probably have little baby versions of what you're doing, but you know, your weapons need to be doing damage because you guys are fighters, so yeah, then, Barb, to answer your question, I would still have my metal arm.

Okay,

yeah, guys, have you seen my parents lately?

We're not getting into that for this adventure.

This is a fun adventure, and to have some fun, I need everyone to roll a history check.

Oh,

okay,

minus one.

I'm great at history.

Oh, I also have a minus one.

Best friends.

You want to go get another hero?

18.

18.

12.

12.

18.

18.

17.

19.

Who got 19?

Me, sleek.

And 15 for Bart.

Okay.

So, with a 19,

sleek, you actually remember that Lady Siltmire,

Mud's aunt, she lives only two blocks from here.

Her and Mud, they're very close, and she's probably sure to know a good idea of what to get Mudd for his birthday if you guys are looking for ideas.

Hmm, okay.

Yeah, I think I think we could go just visit Mud's aunt, and maybe they can tell us.

I already got my gift.

I don't know if you guys have an idea.

I got this arrow from the tallest tree to in the deepest part of the forest, but I'll help you guys get your gift too.

I mean, we don't have jobs, we don't have school because it's summer vacation.

Yeah, I'm down for an adventure, and we don't have parents.

If you are wanted, I could give you homework, though.

No, no, no.

Bart slowly just edges to push Dr.

Ham.

Morphomy?

Aw.

I'm really being endeared to Dr.

Ahem.

It's very much Sticky Dragon Adventures, Dr.

Ahem, is what we're getting.

Yeah.

Great.

So you guys want to head out to Lady Siltmeier's?

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

Let's go.

Two blocks.

We should be there by nightfall.

Bart climbs down the rope.

Be very clear what you're doing.

Oh, man.

I just got up here.

Okay, so you all climb down and you join as a party of the six and you guys start heading out to where you know Lady Siltmire lives.

We're going to have a little function here when you guys change location.

You guys are going to do a travel check.

After all, you guys are like, you know, three-year-olds walking around a neighborhood.

So, I need you guys to roll me a check to see how well you travel.

So, everyone, roll me a survival check.

All right.

Who knew?

Ben, sleek, what did you roll?

I got a nat one.

Okay.

Not it.

On surviving?

Is that what the not it is?

You got it.

We got a one from sleek, 23 from Bart, nine from hutch uh 19 from gum gum 14 from kyborg kybaby and a him i got a three

okay

i just want to point out i rolled a nat 20 yeah but with the three it said well bart gum gum and uh kyborg you guys uh managed to uh uh traverse the streets fine hutch

You

got distracted.

You found a gumdrop on the floor and ate the gumdrop.

It had some hair on it from being on the ground.

So you have disadvantage on intelligence and wisdom checks till after your next battle due to sugar rush.

I'm not good at those anyway, so it's fine.

And sleek, you stepped in fresh pavement

while you guys were walking around.

And so you have half speed until you can find something to clean it off.

Okay.

Oh, man.

I was looking.

I dropped my gumdrop and I've stepped in this pavement.

I don't know where I am.

If there's one thing my loving parents have always told me, it's that I'm a follower, not a leader.

That's why I need someone to help me out.

Kyborg!

At least you had parents.

It's okay.

I had a gumdrop at the beginning of this adventure, too.

And then

a hem or doc.

Yes.

You found a raccoon and you tried to pet the raccoon.

So I'm going to need you to roll an animal handling check to see if it attacks you.

I'm going to handle you back as well.

uh let's see animal handling is a plus one so 17.

okay you handled it fine it didn't attack you and uh field guide ready yeah you got distracted but you recover okay so you guys make your way downtown and The party eventually finds their way to a the gated entrance of a lush landscaped garden.

As you unlatch the gate and head in, you are amazed to find yourself amidst a plethora of different biomes, each filled with with their own unique plants and vegetation, all coexisting in this one yard.

You follow this winding dirt path till your meandering leads you to the front porch of a house carved into an enormous sycamore tree.

Sitting on a rocking chair, sorting little seeds into little pouches, sits a graying old fearbog woman, humming a tune.

A couple of you catch from your peripheral vision what looks to be some of the plants swaying to the rhythm of her song.

Oh, would you look at you little weeds popping up where I least expected?

What brings a band of grubby little sprouts to old Siltmeyer's porch this fine growing hour?

Hello, my lady.

Oh, God.

Just a term of endearment, not anything else, not suggestive in any way.

Um,

is it true that you are related to the mud bramble crack?

Oh, of course, that's my little muddy daddy.

I love him so much.

And is it true that you give give out full candy bars during Halloween because you are so rich and live in a gated community?

Um, yes, I do love to be generous with the little ones around that time, um, although it is summer, so I don't have them with me right now.

Aww.

Oh, okay.

Fair enough.

Well, I do appreciate you giving us a new nickname for my muddy daddy.

That's great.

I'm gonna use that from now on.

We will definitely bully him with that later.

But But I'm here with some of my compadres

behind me.

I am the team leader, Bart, of course, as we all decided equally.

Oh, well, congratulations.

And

we're on the hunt for the perfect birthday gift for Mud, Muddy Duddy.

And we're hoping you give us some guidance there.

Oh, yes.

A gift for little Mud?

Yes.

Yes, I might know just the thing.

But, you know, my poor old mind, more tangled than my morning glories.

See my memory's a bit unrooted these days, but I do find I recall things best when I play my favorite game plant-based riddles.

Yay!

Oh, yay!

Harless Hutch is really excited about riddles.

I hope there's some punches.

Inspiration dice to Gus for yes ending lady Siltmeyer.

Listen,

I know people were not you guys were not a fan of Scoville Stumper, but I had fun with him, so I'm

pretty comes back around.

So she stands up with a surprising amount of like sprightliness and reaches into a nearby watering can and pulls out a tiny little notebook made of pressed leaves.

Grinning, she addresses you all again and she says, if you seedlings can answer a few of my flora-fueled riddles, maybe I'll remember where that special toy is buried in my brain box.

What do you say, my darling dirtlings?

Do you accept the riddle of the roots?

I do love brain teasers.

Let's do it.

Okay, so this is going to be a riddle game.

And so, each player, I'm going to give you, you guys are going to answer this one at a time, is what I want.

I'm making this a little challenging.

But you guys can each roll an intelligence check for your turn.

And if you roll low, you're going to get a harder, harder riddle.

If you roll high, give me an easier one.

And you have to guys get enough to

satisfy Lady Siltmire so her memory can be unlocked, okay?

And just to clarify, I have a disadvantage on this roll.

You do.

All right, who would like to go first?

Oh, please!

Let Kyborg go!

As leader of this team, I am happy to go first and show my fellow compatriots

who's in charge.

Alright, roll me an intelligence check.

Okay.

I give a knowing look to Bart.

Okay, all right.

Let me crunch the numbers there.

That's a one.

I don't know why you made eye contact with me on that.

I think it messed you up.

What'd you roll, Tyborg?

I rolled a one.

Right.

Okay, what is a frog's favorite flower?

Uh, that would be a

lily.

Oh, I can see where you'd go with that.

Uh, but that's not correct.

Do you want to take maybe one more stab at that?

Uh,

can I phone a friend and call my friend Gunther?

Uh,

I'm stumped.

I don't know, man.

I just, I'm here for the candy bars.

I don't know.

That would, of course, be a crocus.

Oh.

I've never heard of that.

I never thought about flowers, and I've never heard of it.

Well, Gumgum, would you like to go next?

Okay.

All right.

Roll me a check.

I rolled a nine, which is pretty good for gum gum.

Yeah,

I'll give you an easier one for that.

Gumgum, what kind of flower grows on your face?

Oh, it seems your friend Bart might have some help to give you.

Face ear.

Not an ear or a nose.

What is it, Bart?

What if I give him a clue?

I will let you help him if you can roll a stealth check for me.

You can be sneaky.

Ooh, that's fun.

That's a good way to do that.

I rolled a one plus five.

There have been so many critical fails so far.

I start sneaking over and I trip over and I I take Gum Gum down with me.

You know how kids are when they just fall down and they just get up and they just...

Yeah.

Gum gum, do you want to make a guess?

I'll give you a hint.

It has to do with something on the lower part of your face.

Lower part.

Yeah.

Chin, chin.

A little higher.

A little higher.

Mouth, mouth.

Yes, right around there.

Mouth, teeth, teeth, mouth.

What else is there?

What else is there?

No.

No, what else is there around the mouth?

Getting colder.

Getting a bit colder.

Lips, lips.

Does Gumgum have a beard?

He's the hairiest baby ever.

How many lips you got?

Two lips.

Oh, yes, Gumgum, you got that all on your own.

I'm so proud of you.

Let's try it, Gummy.

I do like chin, chin.

Chin, nose, chin, mustache, beard.

Okay, um, who would like to go next?

I'll go.

Ooh, alright, bye.

Sorry, Hutch.

Roll me that check.

Alright, go ahead.

You're a star.

I'm just a supporting character here.

Oh, but Hutch, you're a star in my heart.

19.

Oh, that's a very good role.

Bart,

what kind of tree can fit into your hand?

A palm tree!

You were so quick with that, just a sharp little halfling on chip.

Uh, you know, hey, I like to think I'm a pretty big, smart halfling.

Um, Hutch, did you want to go next?

Yeah, hit me.

All right, roll that check for me with a disadvantage.

That's right, it's gonna be great.

16 and 16.

Oh, good rolls, good rolls.

Okay, I'm very smart.

Yes, you are.

Hutch, what kind of plant is known for its roar?

Roar.

Um.

Does Kyber want to try to stealthily help Hutch?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Roll me that stealth check.

It's a 13.

I'll allow that.

Hutch, Hutch.

Yeah, yeah, what?

Stop stop.

Stop touching my hair.

It smells real good.

I know.

Thank you.

Are you using a new conditioner?

Please stop.

Just focus up.

You blow on it.

You blow on it.

And then the seedlings spread.

You know what I mean?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

A sunflower.

Oh, you were so close.

I do love me a sunflower, but unfortunately, the answer is a dandelion.

We were looking for a dandelion.

That one, yeah.

Were you serious, Justin Hutch?

Is that for real?

Would you accept it, Tiger Lily?

You pulled on sunflowers?

Hutch's intelligence is nine.

I don't think

that's being in character.

In character, I don't think he's got it.

All right, let's keep going.

I'm loving this, and it is.

I'm unlocking my memory.

It's helping.

We're almost there.

You hear a ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk.

And around the corner, sleek covered in pavement and

concrete boots.

Hey, guys, what are we doing?

I made it.

Don't worry.

I've been here the whole time.

What's going on?

Sleek.

I do love that we just keep cutting in front of him.

Sleek, roll me an intelligence check.

Sleek and go.

It's fine.

No, I kind of like the narrative.

If we go.

I'm ready.

me.

Uh, 18.

That's great.

That's a great role.

All right.

My dear little sleep, what is a chicken's favorite plant?

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got this, got this.

Um, chickens, chickens, favorite plant.

Chickens, favorite plant.

Do I know any chickens?

Um,

you're a chicken.

Kyborg's right over there.

What's my favorite plant?

Uh, it could be anything.

It could be a, uh, anybody.

And he just looks around.

Are you doing one of those things where he's like not making eye contact?

Do you want to make a guess at it, baby?

Is it...

Is my favorite plant poison ivy?

No.

A chicken's favorite plant is an eggplant.

Oh, that's...

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense now that I think about it, actually.

That was my second guess.

That was, yes, I'm sure it was.

Doc, would you like to play the game?

Oh, I can play now.

Okay, great.

I thought this was all you, not me.

Okay.

Why don't you roll me an intelligence check?

I rolled an eight.

Doc, where do vegetables go after work for drinks?

Where do vegetables go after work for drinks?

Um, I know it's not a tavern.

Uh, let's see.

Vegetables would go to

the produce aisle at the market.

I think, guys, no, I think he's onto something.

I think I think he's onto something.

Let him cook.

Yes, that's not quite right, but you're heading in a direction but i'll give you one more try do you think maybe you could take a guess at this

now she's just asking for you guys to help yeah doc i'm mostly familiar with the latin roots of all these plants so yes any help could be would be useful where do you go for drinks a bar starbucks can you uh put the question in a sentence

What's the country of origin?

Can you spell it for me?

A salad bar.

A salad bar.

I was just going to say that.

I will write that down for later.

You're still, you're so close.

I'm just so eager to keep playing this forever, but I do want to help you with the party.

I have a question for you, if I may, ma'am.

Sure.

What was your last name again?

Bramblecrack.

Bramblecrack, okay.

Siltmire.

Siltmire.

Well, my name is Siltmire.

Okay.

So it's not Yusagenaya.

Oh, deary, no.

Okay, all right, you're right.

Does someone else want to take another stab?

Add another rhythm.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How about let's have some fun.

I'm just having such a good time.

Everybody can participate with this one, okay?

Oh, I'm really excited to answer this, but I don't want to steal the limelight, so I think, I think Bart should answer this.

Oh, you know, Sleek, I didn't realize how smart of a guy you were.

What kind of bean, a sticky bean, doesn't grow in a garden?

What kind of bean doesn't grow grow in a garden?

Yes.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Hutch, do you have an answer?

Yeah.

A human being.

That wasn't the answer, but I'm going to take that one.

Lady Silmire likes your cleverness so much and gives you that one, okay?

How about just one more for me, just for fun?

One more for just for fun.

Can you guys tell me what vegetable rings when you shake it?

Oh, you guys are all into this now.

I saw a duck.

Yes, I was thinking it's a bell pepper.

That's so correct.

Oh, you guys have done so well.

I was going to say onion ring.

Oh, that would have been so good as well.

Bonus points to you, Sleek, okay?

I like that.

That's probably Sleek's favorite vegetable.

That's my favorite vegetables.

Oh, well, petunias and peonies, you clever little sprouts actually did it.

You've rattled the roots of my memory loose.

Woo!

She spins in place with like this joy and nearly knocks over a hanging planter as she does it.

And she says excited with her eyes twinkling, oh yes, oh yes, I remember now.

The perfect gift for a young muddy daddy.

Something magical, something dirty, something made just for burrowing babies and bashful badgers.

She leans in at this point for like dramatic effect and lowers her voice to like a theatrical kind of whisper.

And she says, it's called the burrow box.

It's a toy chest.

Unlike any other, it's buried deep beneath the Boulder Playground at the park playground.

In the tunnels, only the bravest of babes dare to explore.

She reaches into an empty flower pot next to her and pulls out these three small square-cut, like, pieces of dirty canvas.

And she holds them out in her hand.

She says, these will help you when you need them.

Three dirty canvases?

Do they have anything on them?

No, they seem to be just squares of dirty canvas, just blank.

Like a painting canvas?

Like a canvas bag that you would like hold like a fertilizer or potatoes in.

Okay, okay.

I'll take one.

Okay.

There's one for Hutch.

I don't have any hands because I have crutches, so yes.

I think,

you know, we hired Hairless Hutch, so why don't we put him to work?

Oh, is Hairless Hutch hired?

Is he hired?

As Mudsburger.

Okay, so he's contract working.

Then Lady Stiltmar hands all three to Hutch.

You guys let me know if you're in a hairy situation and I'll come to the rescue.

It's a good tagline for a business.

I feel like you could, you really get there's something there.

Okay, now go on, you garden gnomes in training, find that box and make sure Mud has the best birthday a fearbog ever had.

And with that, Lady Stiltmeyer claps her hands together and with a dusty puff of like potting soil, she disappears from the porch.

That's a lot of pressure.

Thanks, Mrs.

Downfire.

We killed her.

You guys all saw her, right?

That wasn't just like a figment of my imagination.

Yeah, you guys turn around and all of a sudden you're in an empty lot and there's nothing there.

No, just kidding.

It was all but a dreamer.

Yeah.

Guys, I don't think we should have gotten into that house that had the tint canopy surrounding it.

It was really foggy in there.

There's a striped canopy.

Yeah.

You look over hairless hutches on his back.

We're all just talking to a lamp.

Just tail shriveled up and curled up.

What do you guys do?

I think we gotta head to the playground, guys.

Yeah.

Let me head out first.

I'll meet you guys there.

Do you know where it is?

Or do we have to like...

Yeah, do you guys know what the playground is?

You guys have been there quite a lot.

I mean, Gum Gum might not, but

maybe someone hold Gum Gum's hand so he doesn't cross too many streets without looking.

Not it.

I'll do it.

And Gum Gum holds his own hand.

So with that, since you guys are deciding to travel again, let's do another skill check.

Another travel check.

Small roll.

Excellent.

Give me a survival roll oh man i will take up the rear 21 21 18 18 8 gum gum with an eight oh yes 18 18 solid nine nine for sleek and uh doc 13 lucky number another 13.

so then that is these are those slight survival checks uh bart hutch kai baby and we'll say doc i'll let you have this one you guys make it there uh no problem but gum gum you get distracted by a butterfly at one point and you can't continue the journey until someone figures out an idea of how to get your attention back about it

oh my goodness does someone want to help gum gum I will help how are you gonna help him um I for moments like this I've crafted my own butterfly

made with shiny paper

so that anytime gum gum gets distracted by butterflies or other objects.

I know that he's a fan.

I pull it out and I I start flapping it.

Oh my god, it's just aluminum foil.

You said shiny paper, but it's just aluminum foil.

Magic, magic paper.

Gumgum.

Gum gum.

Butterfly over here, you have a friend.

Look.

Maybe a persuasion check to persuade Gumgum to go towards yours.

13.

Oh, yeah, that succeeds.

Gumgum clearly likes the shiny butterfly more and starts biting

for the aluminum foil.

I want to catch the shiny Pokemon.

I do one of those things where you know if you're you're like trying to play a match trick with someone and you put it over their head and then I grab it with the other hand to pocket it and so he thinks it disappears.

Oh

it got away again.

Again.

I know.

We'll catch him next time gum gum.

I know.

Hey guys, since we're heading to the playground, I just wanted to say, you know, I passed my survival check and I think we're going to map out our routes through the neighborhood.

We should avoid Q Manner's house.

He just got back from Juvie Hall for lighting fires and killing small animals.

We need to avoid going going through that property, okay, guys?

Yeah, he does weird stuff with his dolls.

Yeah.

What is it from

Sid?

I got you, Chris.

And then Sleek,

with your survival check, I think this works actually pretty well for considering you still have some concrete on your foot.

You actually trip on some uneven sidewalk and you take one damage.

Why did that sound like the Minecraft damage that was

verbatim?

Like, when you drop your fall damage sound?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Canonically, it's how I think sleek actually sounds.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

So you guys head to the Boulder Ray Park Playground.

As the party gets further and further from Lady Siltmire's house, the sun shines brightly overheads, casting playful shadows on the familiar neighborhood.

Soon you arrive at the Boulder Ray Park Playground, a bustling hub of childhood adventure.

The playground is a vibrant landscape of colorful plastic equipment with towering slides and swing sets creaking in the breeze and an enormous central sandbox where the sand glitters like tiny golden gems.

Children's laughter fills the air and the scent of fresh grass mingles with the faint aroma of packed lunches.

The sandbox, the heart of the playground, is bustling with activity with various children playing imaginary games all around.

Could I talk to Kai Borg really first?

Sure.

Hey, what's up, Doc?

Um, Kaiborg, I was here, you know, a few weeks ago, and uh, there were these dragonbone that wanted me to helping them with their homework, but I was too busy, and that's why I got this broken leg.

Oh, um, could you keep an eye out since you seem to speak their language really well?

I'm gonna bully these bullies.

They're not gonna know what's coming.

No one hurts my friend, Doc.

You got it, Doc.

I'm gonna watch out to you.

I'm gonna watch you back, bud.

Thank you very much.

And if you run into him, just repeat after me.

Tell him.

I love it excellent.

I will write that down.

This is a family-friendly show, Kyborg, if you could keep the sense of the swearing down.

So sorry, guys.

It's this fine.

Sleek,

avoid the swimming pool with your brick shoes, okay?

Just saying.

You got a boss.

All right.

So you guys are at the playground.

What do you guys do?

I think Bart would go straight over for a swing set.

Cool.

Why don't you roll me an investigation check?

I want to, I am swinging.

Okay, at disadvantage.

You got it.

Because you're moving.

Wow.

Even while in motion, it must be that, like, at a peak, you get that kind of overwatch element as you keep doing just for a brief moment.

And you do see that you notice, like, near the center of the sandbox, there's an area that seems to be like at a lower elevation than the rest of the sandbox.

To the sandbox team

wait how do you get off the swing uh do you slow down and get offer it to slow down on its own momentum yeah

it's just everybody waiting for the the centrifugal force to stop i'll meet you guys there in probably two and a half minutes

so all we hear is i'll meet you guys all right do you guys all gather yeah you know this this makes sense i i've heard kyberg's told me before that cats will sometimes bury candy bars in here and that I should look for that.

And I haven't gotten to it yet, but maybe now's the time, you know, we can all split a candy bar.

Inspiration dice, Ben.

I want to say, Ben, you're killing it.

I mean, you're cracking me up.

I mean, that's so good.

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I feel bad though.

I just stepped on Micah.

Micah, what are you going to say?

I was going to inspect the structural integrity of every piece of playground in here.

All right, we got to do a few checks here, Micah.

Okay, so as you guys are approaching this area, you do actually find that there's kind of a thin layer of sand at a certain spot.

So you kind of, you guys brush aside a few clumps of that sand to uncover a small wooden hatch.

It's buried beneath the sand itself.

And it's marked with like faded crayon drawings of like an ogre with like a frowny face.

and underneath it underneath as the words do not open seriously wow friends this is where all the candy bars are we gotta open this guys yeah what do you do okay okay i got it i got it okay and sleek is gonna look toward this box and he's gonna put it point his fingers And he's gonna cast the spell finger guns, which is an actual legitimate spell in D and D Beyond.

What?

You extend your forefinger and thumb, a dangerous gesture mimicking a gun.

Sleek has a gun.

He's got a gun.

Baby Sleek has a gun.

For the duration, your hand counts as a simple ranged weapon with a range of 60 feet and the slow mastery property.

You can use your spellcasting ability instead of dexterity for the attack rolls of this weapon.

And on a hit, the weapon deals 2d6 force damage.

I would like to try to shoot this chest or whatever this is open.

Okay, so you are facing this hatch and you are pulling out finger guns to cast a spell.

Yes.

Kyborg is going to turn his back to the group and he's going to keep lookout because I feel like I used to do that a lot as a kid.

I'd look out when my friends are doing something dangerous or bad, just to make sure no adults saw.

Okay, before we get to Ben doing his attack, why don't you give me a perception check?

Hi, baby.

You got it.

That is.

Looks like a 14.

Yeah, you look around and you're trying to keep an eye on a certain side of the sandbox.

And Sleek kind of bends over and he's kind of like focusing his baby arcane energy towards this hatch.

And then all of a sudden, Sleek, you feel something happen behind you.

Just as you reach out to do your finger guns, a sudden whoosh of sand rains down your back and into your pants and undies.

The sand is coarse, it's gritty, it's absolutely everywhere you don't want it to be.

And a familiar snicker echoes from behind you.

Turning to where this sand originated from, standing there with a smirk and a little sand shovel held in a floating magical hand is Brink Tusler, the most obnoxious kid in the neighborhood.

Guys, I think I gum-gumped myself.

Hi, Brink.

Surrounding Brink, or along with Brink, he has a gang of little goblin goons that snicker beside him, all with their arms crossed, trying to look formidable.

And Brink says, aw, did the widdle baby have an accident in their diaper?

Typical toddlers, listen, you imbecile infants.

That cavern and all the little goodies inside belong to Brink.

Okay.

You gotta fight back a little bit.

This one, this one's a smart one.

Can we share it?

Hey, hey, Brink.

Is it true that you pooped your pants during math class last semester?

I heard the rumor going around.

Is it true?

Can you confirm or deny?

I think you're doing that thing again where you make your own adventures someone else's adventures, little Kai baby.

No, I would never poop my pants.

You're the pants, pooper.

But that's not true, Kai Poo.

You pooped your pants all the time.

Come, come, shut it up.

All right, so I think, you know, it's very fun that you guys have found this hatch, but I think you need to disperse, okay?

I think that Hairless Hutch has something to say.

Because of Bart's great leadership in giving me the dirty canvases, I'm going to pull one out and try to touch it to break Tussler's face.

Help me understand what Hutch is trying to do here.

Well, Lady Siltmeier said that the canvases would help us when we needed help, and it appears we need help right now.

So maybe

I picture he's doing the one-two thing, where with one hand he's reaching out for hair and the other hand he's putting a canvas.

It's just reaching at his head.

I guess that would be like a

dex, a dex check to see if you managed to get the canvas to him.

Could I see also, if I, simultaneously as this happening, could I try to cast sleep on Brink Tusler?

Let's resolve Hutch first, and then, yeah, you can do that.

I wanted her to think that he was putting him to sleep.

No tears, only sleep.

Ooh, 19 on my dex check.

19 on your dex check, yeah.

The crowd parts, and Hutch walks forward and just slowly, slowly puts the canvas against Brink's facing.

Brink, just not understanding what's going on, on just allows it to happen and as the canvas reaches his face and he pushes against it and Hutch's other hand comes up and starts stroking his hair

nothing happens and uh and Brink goes is this one all right does he need to go have a nap he probably needs a lot of things actually

could use some of that hair I feel like we need to challenge was Bart gonna try something there at the same time that I was doing that I was gonna try to cast sleep on him, but you want to cast sleep or did you guys want to gather and make a plan?

You know, I think Kyborg and Brink know each other pretty well, so I'm going to trust what he has to say on this matter.

Okay, I was going to say,

Brink Dustler, hold that thought.

Try counting to 10.

I know you can't.

And then I gather up with my group and I say, all right, guys, are we going to pick a fight with these dudes or what?

What's the plan?

Yeah.

I mean, he already tried to rub his...

sack all over him

hairless hutch i know you're gonna try to pull hairs i know that that's your style.

It's a little weird, unconventional, but I like it, though.

In a fight, anything goes, Kai baby.

Yeah.

What if we played a game of hide and seek?

Can we just hide inside the tire?

That's an idea.

I have an idea that might work with that.

Okay.

I have an umbrella, you see, for any weather occasion.

I know it's always carried with me.

And I was wondering, do I see birds in the vicinity?

Meet pigeons.

Yeah, yeah, there's there's like there's various kinds of birds around the area.

I learned this from an old Scottish man.

You just kind of pump the umbrella and it flaps and the birds get scared and then all there's like a swarm of birds and it like obscures us hiding into the hatch.

That's actually pretty cool.

I'm gonna ease out of my day-to-day life.

I'm not a fan of it.

Do you make any noise while you're doing that?

We can scare the birds, maybe with a poop all over them, too.

I just really think that would be a fun idea.

I like that.

I like that.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm down to play in this space.

Give me an animal handling check, Doc.

Excellent.

I always handle animals with my umbrella.

That's a 14.

Yeah,

you know, you manage to scare a fair amount of birds and they start flying around and they're causing a bit of a scene, like, you know, making noises and some are kind of swooping around and not knowing what to do with your

umbrella situation.

So, you know, for the moment, like, everyone's kind of a little confused as to what's going on.

And Brink is, like, wondering what you're doing.

He's watching you make those bird sounds, and he's just continued to be confused by this band of babies and their their their weird uh shenanigans his puny brain can't handle what what docs doing all in a day's work

shall we hop down yeah yeah so what's your guys's um

what are you guys gonna try to do to like resolve this old brink situation because clearly brink's not gonna let you guys get into that hatch without any sort of like

something in order to uh resolve his his bullying Well, he's distracted now, right?

By the birds.

Maybe we can...

Let's make a break for it.

Let's go into the hole scram yeah clutch will try to rip the door off and dive in bravely of course okay can i help with opening the door well is anybody else on the playground i want to try to like distract brink further yeah there's other kids around i would like to cast rumor oh it is a spell i have as a bard i magically spread a rumor of 10 words or less in a hundred foot

emanation origin originating from from you want to try that description again yeah let's try that again one more time yeah one more time you magically normally edit this stuff out, guys.

You guys can see behind the curtain right now.

Press the digitation.

Yeah.

You magically spread a rumor of 10 words or less in a 100-foot emanation originating from you.

Any creature within the emanation that can hear and understand three or more other creatures believes that they hear the rumor being repeated by someone nearby.

Oh, okay.

And I just want to say, I got 10 words, right?

Sure.

Brink pooped his pants in math class last semester.

Yeah.

I knew it.

Is there a check or something you got to do?

Uh, no, it just happens.

Okay.

So, yeah, you cast rumor, and all of a sudden, there's just whisperings going around of like people being like, did he put his stinky boot pants?

Does he put his pants out?

I do that one, too.

It's really stinky, too.

Oh, yeah.

Uh-oh, stinky.

Stinky likes stinky dragon, the place that you guys should be, you know, joining our Patreon at stinkydragonpod.com and joining us for shenanigans like this.

I'm letting you guys know, I don't think we've said this yet, but this is actually going to be part one of an adventure, and the other part is only going to be available for our patrons.

There's going to be more after this.

We're going to play for a while and then we're going to be even more.

So you guys want some in the Infant Knights content?

All you got to do is sign up.

But the lowest tier is $5.

$5 a month.

Not much.

Okay.

I can't wait to hear what Eric's going to say when I reach out to him and say, I need you to reprise

the young Brink Tesla.

Hey, he'll love it.

Okay, so...

Yes, let's say that Brink and his little goblin dudes are sufficiently distracted for the moment.

And what you guys are going to try to do is sneakily kind of use that as an opportunity to jump into the hatch.

Yeah, rip off

the cover and let's go.

Okay, can I get stealth checks from everyone at advantage?

I would like to do something in conjunction with my stealth check.

Sure, what are you going to do?

There's this famous song that we'd like to sing

where I've come from.

I'm going to take my umbrella and scoop up a bunch of sand and go did it.

Inspiration dice, if you don't have them already.

Thank you all.

Could Could I

go last so that I could like cover where we went in with

Shir Sand?

All right.

Why don't you guys give me one at a time your highest number out of your stealth check?

17 from Sleek.

Good.

23 from Bart.

Very good.

20 from Hutch.

Ooh.

11 from Kyborg.

Okay.

Add a nat 20 for 21.

Very good.

I got a critical favor.

I won.

I'm going to say that

Yeah, with those numbers, you guys did well enough that you offset some of your lower numbers with like, you know, a nat 20 and stuff like that.

So you guys do manage to kind of open up that hatch and start heading down into the hole.

And then Bart, what do you do as you guys are bringing up the rear?

I want to like kind of shovel some of the sand in to kind of obscure the place we went in.

Okay, okay.

Why don't you give me,

let's call that a sleight of hand check just to see how well you cover your tracks?

I rolled a one.

So many critical fails.

You just see a bunch of my hand prints everywhere in the sand with just a giant opening of where I went.

You start gathering it and you're just like putting it straight into your face and into your eyes.

Or he's at the top of this like hatch, so all the sand is going down on everybody below him and you guys all have like your mouths open because you're breathing heavy.

Oh, it's everywhere.

I'm so sorry.

I know sand it's everywhere.

Well, you won't develop motor skills until much later.

Okay, good, good, good.

When it's closed, is there like a lever or anything that maybe we could jam so it doesn't open again?

No.

Does anybody have something to like cause that to happen?

Or is that just something you were thinking of?

I was thinking like I could just jam a hand axe or something.

Or maybe like a rod that can't move?

I only had one.

Dang.

That'll be Gum Gum's birthday gift.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we'll say that you put a kind of little, what do you have in your inventory that you're doing this?

A hand axe.

Okay, so you put a little hand axe to kind of like jam it.

Yeah, that sufficiently is able to do that.

And yeah, when you guys, just to kind of paint a picture of like what you guys are looking at as you're heading down, you know, you open this wooden hatch and it reveals this dark hole that's just big enough for a group of, you know, brave, if not slightly sandy diapered heroes that they squeeze through.

And as you do that, you guys are just sending a puff of cool, earthy air which is upward, carrying with it the scent of like just slightly damp sand, forgotten toys, and just a hint of goldfish cracker crumbs long lost to time.

And then, yeah, a small wooden ladder descends into darkness and you guys head down.

Okay.

Is it like a diagonal ladder?

I listen.

My parents at their new house have a new diagonal ladder and I keep resisting the urge to film a video to show you guys.

We're going to film this later on.

You shouldn't resist this urge anymore.

Okay, wonderful.

We're heading down into the sandbox catacombs, and one by one, you all climb downward, your footsteps echoing off of sandy walls, reinforced with like building blocks and Legos and the occasional Lincoln log.

Yes, I know I'm old.

The further you descend.

I love Lincoln Logs.

The further you descend, the darker it seems to get.

But as you reach the bottom, a green glow begins to appear, and the tunnel opens into this wide chamber you guys find yourself in.

Wow.

Wrong time.

I'm in the moment.

Yeah, yeah, yes, Andy.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love it.

Yeah, you got to paint an audio picture here.

I think Gus has tell us he wants to hear that more from us, whatever we're doing.

So in the center of this room, you're in now is this giant glowing mushroom that's creating this kind of light source.

And along the left side wall, you can see painted in like finger paints the words, welcome to the understand box, heroes only, no babies allowed.

Well, Sleek, it's been fun having you around, bud, but I think it's time that we part ways.

Oh, man.

He's just, he's just twisting your ankle or whatever the people say when they're kidding around, right, Kai Borg?

It's a serious injury.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

So directly ahead, on the opposite side of the room that you guys are standing on, there's a small door that's kind of like built into the earth earth around it.

It looks to be made from like an old refrigerator box.

Yes.

Wow.

Whoa, do you think they have orange slices in there?

I can go for some orange slices.

It's covered in like these various stickers and finger-painted like glyphs that they all glow with this kind of this faintest magical energy.

And like nailed to it in the middle of the door is this like power wheels steering wheel that's kind of like in the middle of it

for like, I guess like a door handle.

and above it all is a sign that reads challenges ahead thumb suckers turn back well sleek it's super great to have you around but it's i think it's time we once again part ways

you turn around sleek is absolutely sucking his thumb

no hold on hold on hold on you said there were like glyphs on this door yeah sleek approaches and he looks he looks up and down the door and he goes

i know what that is i know what that means now now guys i definitely know what this means but i'm really worried that like Gum Gum might not know what this means.

I don't know what it means.

Doc

or Bart, if you guys want to explain to Gum Gum what this means,

it'd be nice, right?

And he goes back to sucking his thumb.

I'd like to pull out my magnifying glass and maybe Bart and I can look together.

Yes, let's both look through your magnifying glass because both of us definitely have vision issues.

Why don't you a hem roll for an investigation check with advantage?

Oh, yes, okay.

Thanks to Bart.

23.

Oh, I helped.

You helped.

Thank you.

Thank you for holding the magnifying glass.

You approach one of the glyphs and you look at it really closely and it you're you're kind of like looking at this glyph and this particular one looks like almost like a capital letter S, but it's kind of in this like thin diamond formation.

And like the bottom of the S is like three lines and the top of the S.

I have a question for you.

For you, John.

Yeah.

By any chance, would it happen to look

a little something like this?

Oh my gosh, you know the arcane glyphs of the Hunder Sandbox

of the Millennials.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone did that little S thing, right?

Yeah.

And Middle School is universal.

Oh, yeah.

I'm starting to worry that this place is too cool for me.

What do you guys do?

I only know what it is.

What do you want to do, Bart?

I don't know.

So it's just, it's just this one letter?

Well, I mean, you looked at that one glyph and yeah, you saw a little letter and you're in front of this kind of like a refrigerator box door.

Okay, could I try opening it?

Sure.

You open it, it opens.

Is there anything inside of it?

I've heard of these before.

They're called doors.

I have a feeling we're going to have a lot of trouble with these in the future.

I do like that when I was like, what are you guys going to do?

There was just silence as you guys are faced with the door.

Bart Bart turns around and sleeks lowering his finger gun to put it back down.

He's holstering it back into his little pocket.

$1, Bob, open the door.

You win this round.

Do you suck your thumb and cast fingers?

That's how he likes it with this one other finger.

That's how he takes out one of his eyebrows and he's just got one eyebrow for a few months.

Always practice trigger safety.

Suck your thumbs responsibly.

All right, so what do you guys do?

Bart has now opened the door and you can see there's another room on the other side.

Let's all hobble in together.

All at the same time through the door?

Yes.

Everybody with Kachergerger.

Kachunk.

Kachunk.

Kyberg will lead.

Kyberg will lead?

Yeah.

Just in a normal way?

Bowdron, just like I climb up and down diagonal ladders.

Yes, you guys walk through.

No traps spring on you, but as you step through this refrigerator door, you do find yourself standing at one end of a vast underground chamber.

And this one's lit by a bunch of the gentle glow of a bunch of glittery mushrooms clinging to the walls now the floor stretches out before you like a checkersboard it's it's made entirely of brightly colored square tiles each about the size of like a storybook cover and they're arranged in a perfect grid the grid goes five rows deep in further into the room okay and uh 10 tiles wide on each row.

And it's leading all the way to what you guys can see is another door on the other end of this room with a large number two written in crayon.

Crayon.

I don't know why I said that so weird.

Crayon.

That must be Brink's room.

Number two.

So you guys are like, you guys have just kind of like, you're at the entrance of this room and this checkerboard's like, you know, in the middle of it, kind of splitting the room in half.

What do you guys do?

Are there different colors on the checkers?

Yeah.

Do you want to walk closer and kind of see what's going on?

Yes.

I'm just asking.

Yes.

Yes.

And then I also want to see if there's any like glyphs or anything on the walls or anything like that.

Sure.

Kai Baby, why don't you roll me a investigation check?

Okay.

Here we go.

Investigation or perception, since you are looking around the rest of the room.

I'll let you pick.

Oh, God, I should have done perception.

That's a plus two.

Oh, that's okay.

14.

Yeah.

You walk up and you see that the walls are pretty blank other than the little mushrooms that are kind of giving you guys a little bit of an unearthly glow around you.

But But each tile that you're looking at, it does magically glow faintly as well in like a single solid color, each of those tiles.

There are red ones, yellow ones, blue, green, purple, and orange.

The colors are scattered randomly with no noticeable particular pattern.

And Kyborg, since you're the brave one, the brave baby, who walked forward and approached this checker's board, you step closer and an ominous blustering voice echoes through the room and it says to you all, step with care and mind your stride.

The wrongest step will make you slide.

Choose the hues that don't bring woes or bounce back fast on tickled toes.

Hear this touch.

It said step with hair.

So I don't think you're going to be able to go.

That's good because I don't like being tickled.

Disembodied voice, you are within 500 feet of a playground.

I just want to alert you that the corpse may be coming after you, just so you know.

Nothing happens.

Oh, okay.

Can you uh hey, voice?

Can you rename those colors again?

You can see in front of you.

You know, the voice didn't tell you the colors.

No, no, no.

We want to hear it.

Actually, you know what?

Bart, roll me a intelligence check.

I want to see how well Bart knows his colors.

I bet I know how to do this, but

I'll do it after Bart.

Intelligence check?

Yeah, why not?

Coming in hot

glue

seven.

Bart, you can tell that there are some of the tiles that look very much like your red hair, but you forget the names of some of the other colors that are on the ground.

Okay, got it.

Colors are hard when you're young, you know?

That's one of the first things you learn.

We got red grind.

Blah.

Blurple.

Blurple's good.

Blurple.

Maybe some

glue.

Can Kyborg take a step on the first row onto a red tile?

Sure.

You step onto that tile

and

nothing happens.

Okay.

That's all we want.

Should I keep going, guys?

Yeah.

Gum, gum.

What?

Now, I'm not the smartest person here, but I'm pretty sure I heard that disembodied voice say, these colors will make a slide.

I say we just take a running start right next to Kyborg, left and right.

They're whispering.

They're whispering.

You can't hear.

You're ahead of them over on the checkerboard and they're having their own little moment.

Or here's what we could do.

Is this because Bart heard what Sleek was saying?

I see Kyborg take the first step and be okay.

Okay.

I think Kyborg might be onto something.

I don't know if it was just pure luck or if he understands this game, but I think we should all just follow him.

I think he's onto the red one.

Yes, so let's go on the red one.

Okay.

Ready?

Jump.

Okay.

Can we all fit on one?

There's like one more red one in the first row, but there's only like 10 tiles per row.

So kyborg's on one of the reds.

What do you, so what happens right now?

I would all direct people to follow kyborg.

So that's the best one.

Okay, so just to follow kyborg.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got it, Barbara.

Okay, the tile is the size of like a storybook, so we can only fit one little baby at a time.

Okay.

I'll make my next move.

On the second row, is there an orange tile?

Yeah.

Can I jump onto the orange tile?

Yeah, it's a little bit further away.

It's not like directly in front of you.

So could you give me like acrobatics?

Wait, Kaiber, hold on to this rope.

Okay, okay.

You have rope?

Yeah.

Why'd you bring rope, gum gum?

Oh, it's jump rope.

It's jump rope.

Got it.

Jump rope.

There you go.

I like that.

I'm holding on to the other end.

Oh, my gosh.

I just rolled a nine.

See, we have an inspiration die I could borrow.

I could give you like my PBNJ for lunch.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

See, absolutely.

I don't know how to do this, but frozen inspiration die die work.

Dong.

Mary accepts that.

DMs.

That's how our inspiration dies work now.

Okay.

Now re-roll.

Much better.

Hey, Sleek, you're not so bad.

I'm going to stop spreading that rumor that you wet the bed every night.

That's a 21.

You guys heard it.

You can't take it back.

No takes you back, sees.

All right.

Yeah, you do take a little bit of a jump and you do land on a orange tile.

And yeah, at first you kind of like teeter, but you feel the confidence of your dwarven friend behind you and you're able to kind of hold your ground and stand there.

I'm going to need a Constitution Saving throw from Kai Baby Elias.

Oh, God.

I thought I had this figured out.

I knew exactly what I was doing.

Were you going in rainbow order?

Maybe.

I was like, red, orange.

Constitution save?

Yes.

That is.

Why am I rolling so badly?

You rolled a lie.

Why no?

Kai Baby doesn't know his numbers.

Five.

Yeah, out from the walls, kind of pushing through the sand, come these little squirt gun nozzles.

And, you know, this orange liquid shoots at you and it actually gets into your eyes and kind of stings your eyes.

And you do take,

actually, you don't even take any damage, but you are blinded for the rest of this room.

Oh my God.

You just maced a child.

Sleek yells, Mr.

President, get down.

But his cement boots keep him down.

He just falls faceplants right in front of him.

So Kyborg is

standing.

The orange tile is still there.

He hasn't been moved, but he can't see anymore for the remainder of this room.

Oh, no.

It's been poopy trapped.

Ew.

Ew.

Poopy.

Could I look around and see if there's anything that also has colors in this room other than the tiles on the floor?

Sure.

Give me a perception check.

19.

Yeah, with a 19, you look around the room, and like I said, it's just carved out sand walls with these little bluish green mushrooms all kind of like sticking out in little spots, and they're all just kind of glowing.

But there doesn't seem to be any, like, if you're looking for like

writing or just direction of any kind, there's not really anything for you to see.

And there's how many colors of tiles?

Well, we already went over this.

You could only identify one.

Oh, right.

I think there were six, whether or not we can remember the names.

i believe i counted six yeah okay and he stepped on the red one and nothing happened and then when he jumped to the orange one he got skablooey you got pepper sprayed yeah

okay i want to bravely step forward onto the red one and then from there jump to the red one i right before you do that hutch i just want to turn to you and say look i've tried nothing and i'm all out of ideas and so but i believe in you and i want to give you some bardic inspiration

so if you have a role you can add a D6 to that.

I believe in me too.

I think you're making a good bet here, Sleek.

Yes, I love that.

You step on the red of the first line is what I'm expecting.

Same one that Kyborg stepped on?

Yeah, I think in Hutch's mind, red is safe.

So he's going to step on the one that was safe that Kai Baby stepped on and then look for another red one to continue matching it in the next row.

Okay.

Yeah, you step on the first one, and just like Kyborg, nothing happens.

And you look for another red tile.

And there's actually one that's actually pretty close to where you are.

So you don't have to do an acrobatic check or anything.

And you do step on that tile.

As you step on that tile, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

This is good.

It's very good.

That's a 17.

Yes.

Oh, that's very good.

Yeah.

As you step on that tile, you hear a mechanical click and that tile shoots up with a

load underneath it that kind of launches you backwards.

It kind of like has an as an angle.

But Hutch is very agile and managed to do kind of like almost like a little flip in the air and lands on the ground back to where you guys are at the beginning, unscathed.

And that's how you do it with style.

I do jazz hands.

Yeah.

What class is Hutch, by the way?

Uh, he's a rogue.

I'm glad you asked this.

I'm glad you asked this.

That's a that's a really good question.

Um, hairless Hutch is a paladin.

What?

Is he a paladin?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

Again, non-canonically, I figured uh, he's got like an oath to

mammals and an oath to hair.

Yeah.

My god.

I was certain he'd be a rogue or something.

Metagame-wise, I'd played rogue a few times in our previous adventure.

I didn't want to do rogue again, so I went Paladin.

Very good.

Is Hutch or is him like a tinkerer or something?

Yes, he's a bit of an artful person.

Artificer, if you will.

Oh.

I've heard of an artificer here.

While you've all been doing this, he's been working with the mushrooms, putting together some string with some coils of metal, and he turns to Gum Gum and says, Gumgum, I have this contraption I've built that I think would be perfect for you.

What is it?

I call it a cat-a-polt.

And so you have to pretend you're a cat, and then I launch you across the room.

Okay.

Gumgum's already on all fours

and playing like a cat.

He's acting like an animal again.

His parents told us to watch out for this.

What's that sound like, Chris?

Yeah.

Meow.

Meow.

Meow.

don't let him near the sandbox he's gonna make so many candy corners oh god i have a i have a spell it's called catapult you have a spell that's called catapult and what does this spell do it launches an object big quotes on that word okay uh weighing one to five pounds clearly gum gum right yep yes launches them 90 feet in a direction i choose oh that's some forceful that's a big catapult i like to over crank my inventions sure what is what do you do do?

You gotta check to see what happens.

There is a dex save that Gumgum has to make.

Okay.

Okay, so you have crafted a catapult.

Yes.

And Gumgum is...

Are you obliging Gumgum and getting in the seat of this?

Yes, but

put my leash on.

I take the rope that I gave Kyborg and I put it around my neck so it's like a leash.

This is a bad idea.

I don't like where this is going.

I have a very loose grip on this leash because I was already weirded out by it to begin with.

Okay, then who makes the decks save is it gun gum he can make it i have the dc and it's uh deck save a 14.

okay all right go for it gun gum all right deck save he might take some damage after this as well

that's a nine i will give you my inspiration because i was inspired to create this machine for you oh 17.

oh it's pretty good okay

so he launches forward 90 feet Yes, I'm thinking on like a kind of a 45 degree angle.

Okay.

Excellent.

Yeah, as you guys are, you know, facing this checkerboard, you hear a spring and Gum Gum is launched into the air.

Too good.

And you hear the Doppler effect of a cat pass by.

But unfortunately, Gum Gum doesn't go very far.

Eight lives.

Eight lives left.

He stops mid-air at the start of the checkerboard and seemingly kind of stops and hits like an unseen wall

and takes

three damage oh gum gum i heard of a story like this where it was a story of the cabin in some woods i think yeah

i've heard it also it was a story with a coyote and a roadrunner

that dude meow

meow as he slides down this unseen wall so is he in the middle now or no I know, I think I hit like he didn't go, he didn't go past a single row of them.

He stopped at the start of it.

I think we have to try again.

I think it's what we're learning.

Experimentation.

Don't worry.

I still have eight more lives.

What?

Okay, can we recall what the poem was?

Because I wonder if there's wordplay where it's like the first letter of each color tells us what pattern to go.

I can't think of anything else.

Why don't you guys roll a...

Let's call it a wisdom check.

Okay.

Are we all rolling this?

Whoever wants to try who's, if you guys are putting your brain towards trying to figure out this puzzle, roll a wisdom check.

If you're playing with the sand, don't roll a wisdom check.

Eight.

I rolled a 17.

15 for Kyborg.

Guys, I really think we're just supposed to slide across this thing.

Just a running start.

I got a five.

I got a one.

I got a disadvantage on this still.

I'm not like jittery from the gumdrop.

I got a 12.

Okay, thank you.

Yeah.

Doc.

Yes.

You, as you're kind of like, you know, with your methodical brain, you know, you're looking around trying to figure out that there might be something.

Also taking notes from the the previous experimentation with Gumkum learning from our mistakes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Physics have been learned.

You see something

in Hairless Hutch's pocket glowing a little bit.

Ah, yes, we're in the hairless hatch, so we should be looking at hairless hutch.

All right, I go talk to Hutch.

Hutch, I noticed there's something in your pocket.

It seems to be glowing.

It's not hair.

Oh, it's not?

Okay.

That was so fast.

That was so fast.

Is there anything besides not being hair in there?

Oh, yeah, those

dirty canvas squares.

Let me see what's in there.

Do not look in my left pocket.

We forgot about the thing that helps us when we need help.

Yeah.

Well, we used them already.

Yeah.

I tried.

I didn't do anything.

They were worthless.

Yeah, you only have two left.

I'll pull out one of the,

I guess, dirty canvas squares.

Hutch, be careful with that.

We might need to rub it on Brink's face later.

Just

true.

Yeah, you look at one of the little patches of canvas and some writing starts appearing, like ink kind of bleeding into the canvas.

Wow.

Hutch, how good are you at?

Have you learned your reading yet?

I can kind of fake it.

You know, I have full faith in you after saying that.

Well, good news.

As you're looking at these words, a voice starts coming from the canvas as well.

It's haunted.

What do you do?

Throw it to the ground and start stomping on it.

Oh no.

As you're stomping on it in between the steps, you can hear the sound of a nanny that lives in San Francisco saying,

begin where blush and bashful meet, then step where sunshine warms your feet.

Skip the route that rabbits crave.

It's color bold, it shan't behave.

Look to skies for where to go, then leaves and lavender end the show.

Can you hit the rewind button on that?

I think I missed one of those.

Leaves and lavender.

I would say then it's...

You said it's bold at first, so probably like red.

Red.

Red.

Then sunshine's yellow.

Yellow.

Yellow.

And then you said, look to the sky, so blue.

Before that was the root that rabbits crave, which I assume is carrot, which is orange.

Orange, yes.

And then there was something after that I missed before skies.

But did it say skip the route that rabbits craved?

One more time, voice of the Sky.

I'll tell you what.

Hutch, roll me an Arcana check to see if you can get the magics to give you the clue.

Yeah, and see if you can play it at 0.5 times C

with subtitles that you can.

Now you guys see the difficulty.

I got a six on that, but I'm going to use my inspiration die and try that again.

Zero.

You rolled a one with a negative one in Arcana.

Yeah, I mean, the words are still there,

but you, you know, you guys are babies and words are hard, so the voice hasn't come through again.

Listen, I've, I've,

I was tutored by someone who taught me this skill that I will pass on to you, Hutch.

And I hand him a hook, and I say, this is the hook of Phonics.

It works for me.

Yes, it's just you.

Then I will give you another roll of Arcana.

When the first two were so great, let's see what

one more.

We're going to find out at the end of this adventure, it's just a regular hook, and the magic was inside Hutch all along.

It's 13.

13 is enough.

The voice comes through again.

Begin where blush and bastful meat.

Then step where sunshine warms your feet.

Skip the route that rabbits crave.

It's color bold.

It shan't behave.

Look to skies for where to go.

Then leaves and lavender end the show.

Oh, so green and then purple, okay.

Green, purple, yeah.

And we skip orange.

Okay.

So it looks like it's, is it red, yellow, blue, green, purple?

Yeah.

I was so close.

I had the idea.

It's just like, dang it.

You kieborged it.

I tieborned it.

As I just remembered the names of a few more colors.

It came to me.

Yeah, the colors.

Leaves.

Okay.

What do you guys do?

While they're listening to the

words being spoken again, I think Sleek is like behind them, like jumping onto the first square, like the red square.

Okay.

And then he's listening to them say out loud the colors as it goes on.

Okay.

Yellow.

Sleek jumps to yellow.

Okay.

Blue.

Sleek jumps to blue.

Okay.

Green.

I don't have I learned that one yet.

Uh, he jumps to green.

Okay.

Purple.

Jumps to purple.

Purple's a little far, so give me a acrobatics.

Sleek eyes it.

Sleek would like to try to do a backflip onto the purple one.

Nice.

So you want to do this at disadvantage?

Yeah.

Do it!

Athletics?

Acrobatics?

I want acrobatics.

Okay, okay.

Wouldn't that be what it is?

Yeah, because that's more dexterity-based.

I think athletics is more strength.

Athletics is strength.

Let's ask the council of DMs.

Well, hello there.

Welcome to the Snake Dragon.

Well, that's a 12.

That'll do it.

You land on the on the on the

yeah, 10 points.

You're on the last row.

What do I do now?

I think you just walk forward.

He's backwards, though.

He did a backflip.

He starts to take a step forward and stops and then starts walking backwards very slowly.

Excellent.

Which way are you facing right now?

If I backflipped, I imagine I would be facing the crew.

Okay, okay.

So you backstep to the other side of the room.

Yes.

Okay, you managed to get to the other side.

You are on sand.

I'm blinded, so it didn't count.

I didn't see it.

Okay, Kyborg, I'll walk you there, buddy, okay?

Just hold on to my hand.

Okay, you got it.

Can I also do a piggyback ride on Kyborg as he's being pulled?

The ultimate physical test, like the presidential fitness examiner.

Look, look,

his eyes are blinded, so his other senses are heightened.

He can do this.

I can smell.

Oh my god, Gumgum needs a bath.

Gumgum licks himself like a cat.

Why is Gum Gum one of the little animal kids?

He's a little furry.

So, okay, yeah.

So, I imagine you guys do the same pattern of colors.

Yep.

We don't need to go through that again.

And I need an acrobatics check to make it to the purple.

For all of us.

Everyone?

Okay.

Yeah.

If you guys are all doing that game.

I trust you, Kyborg.

I will do whatever you roll.

Okay.

I rolled a six.

I rolled a 22.

Action, sir.

I got an 18.

Okay, you guys all make it to the purple, except for as Bart is landing on the purple.

He's kind of teetering off of it.

Like a toe is on him, but he's falling backwards.

I want to reach out.

I want to catch him.

Yeah, can we grab?

I want to push him.

No.

I want to allow you to do what you want to do.

Is Hutch pushing?

Yeah.

Hutch, go for the hair.

How about you guys do opposing strength checks?

Which

Kyborg.

Well, I wanted to grab two.

Okay, then, Hutch, I need you to oppose two strength checks.

Okay.

First one is gum gum.

Second one's Kyborg.

Okay.

Oh, no.

Kyborg, let your senses guide you like the force.

And I want to give him Bartic inspiration.

What's Bartic?

Was that a D4?

Let's resolve Kyborg first.

Would you roll Kyborg?

10.

10.

And then Hutch, you rolled against that?

16.

Okay.

He has pushed your hand off of Bart.

I'm rolling.

Gum Gum, what did you roll?

22.

And then what did you roll Hutch?

19, which I thought was going to be great.

So close.

I was rooting for you, Hutch.

I was.

I'm just here for the ride.

You get distracted you know by gum gum's uh he's got like a little curl of hair coming out of his little hat um that kind of uh

and gum gum is able to use his like toddler strength you know where toddlers just don't know how strong to grip on something um and pulls bart forward onto the ripple and then onto the sand yeah bart fell you guys are on the other side of the room and you are facing that door with the number two on it and you guys have all managed to get there and let's say at this point uh kyborg you've you've gotten been able to rub the orange juice out of your eyes.

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Rules and restrictions apply.

Was it literally orange juice?

Am I allowed to know what it can I taste it?

Sure.

It is orange juice.

Oh, okay.

Let's say it's ecto.

What is that?

Like the punch?

The ecto cooler.

That's what it was.

That's green, though, isn't it?

Maybe it was Tang.

I was thinking ecto cooler was orange.

Ecto cooler is for sure green.

I thought it was orange, too.

No, like the packaging was that, but the drink was orange.

Ecto cooler, color of liquid.

This is a very important piece of information.

Stop with the AI.

I don't want anything.

This is what's going on with the orange.

It's green.

Okay.

Okay.

But it's orange-flavored.

Okay.

I'll be in the middle.

I feel you on that.

I don't think we were wealthy enough to order it.

Neither.

Okay, so you guys are there facing that door.

Now, gang, we learned this last time.

These doors need to be go through them.

Uh, you know, the last time we went through the door, we found this maze of colors and some not-so-great stuff happened.

So, I'm a little hesitant to go through the door again.

You're right.

Don't sleep, sleep.

Sleek, put your finger guns down.

There you go.

Gumgum will go through the door.

Oh my god, you're so brave.

And Gum Gum does what with the door?

Opens it.

He opens the door, and...

That's all he says.

He doesn't actually touch it.

He just says, open.

He just wills it to be.

It's voice activated.

It opens.

And you see before you another chamber.

And it's this one's shaped like a big half circle with six small tunnels kind of carved into the dirt wall ahead of you.

And each tunnel is ringed in like...

pretty crayon colored smudges and these random glued on googly eyes and this kind of tattered banner made of a bunch of taped-together pieces of construction paper hangs overhead.

And it reads, Noise will lead your steps astray.

The careful ear will find the way.

And as you're standing in this kind of chamber, which I assume you've walked in, the air is still, and it's almost like your own heartbeat feels loud in this room.

Something about these tunnels feels like it might be waiting for you.

Let me make a pitch to the group here.

Go ahead.

I was never good at baseball.

Don't worry, I won't throw anything at you when you're not expecting it.

So, uh, you know, based on what that paper says, talking about noise and sound.

And there's two people in here who really know their sounds real well.

My right, Sleek.

Fellow Bard.

Oh.

Sleek looks around.

That's you, buddy.

Me?

Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

We know our sounds.

We got all

and so many sounds.

We could even harmonize.

Ready?

Wow.

It echoes.

Which is genuinely impressed.

Thank you, Hair Lasage.

Thank you.

I will up your tip by 20%.

Bows.

All right.

What do you guys do?

Could I start going and like listening in to each door?

You said there's six of them?

They're like, yeah, these like holes in the earth, but they're like these tunnels and they kind of quickly fade off into pitch blackness.

So what order do you want to go in to try and and check out what's with these tunnels?

I would like to just go to the first one.

So, the one, I guess, closest to the left.

The far left.

No, we'll call that number one.

Good choice, Bart.

Thank you.

All right, I'm going to need everyone to be very quiet.

Sleek, maybe at the same time as I check door number one, you check door number two.

You got it, boss.

Okay, Bart, give me a perception check for a tunnel one.

Tunnel one coming in at 21.

Woo!

Cabbard goes, Woo!

I think I heard something.

Yeah, you kind of pressed your ear towards that tunnel and you hear a sound.

You hear the sound of someone just kind of whistling a little tune.

Did I get what that sounds like?

I wonder if it's copyright free.

Yeah, and since Sleek is doing this simultaneously, give me a perception check for your tunnel.

You got it.

That's a nut 20.

Nice.

You hear the sound of a faint giggle, like a small child kind of just kind of giggling to themselves.

Vlad doesn't like that.

I think I hear a giggle monster at the end of this tunnel.

Is it like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That's like uncannily exactly what it sounds like.

Just a pitch black room, and from the corner of the room, you can hear that sound.

I think we should go down this tunnel.

I think this is the one.

Should we all listen to individual ones?

Oh, yeah.

How many tunnels are there again?

There's six.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll take the farthest left one unless Bart already got that one.

He did.

So you could take three.

Second.

You can take my tunnel, Kyborg, if you want to.

Good sleep.

Kyborg will take three, and then who will take four?

Gungum will take four.

Five.

Gus.

And then a hem will take the rear.

Okay.

Uh, kyborg, give me a perception check.

Perception.

Please be something cool.

Please don't be creepy laughter.

Please don't be creepy baby laughter.

I believe that is a 13.

Creepy baby laughter.

Creepy baby laughter.

You hear just the sound of water drops kind of like almost like they're hitting a pond or a small body of water.

Just

Okay.

Communicate that to the group.

Okay.

That sounds dangerous.

I think we should swap kyboard.

That's good.

That's very good.

There's the folly work for us.

Gum gum, since you're listening as well, won't you give me a perception check?

14.

You hear the sound of like what sounds like a like almost like a small little creature, like the sound of a smaller creature moving through leaves on the ground.

You know, that kind of like sound of just like scuffling and like dry leaves.

Yes.

A big creature or a small creature?

Like a small, like almost like a like a mouse.

Gumgum, could you recreate that sound for us?

That's actually pretty good.

Guys, I think Gum Gum stole a slurpy.

Hutch, give me a perception check for your tunnel.

You got it, dude.

That's a six.

You listen to your tunnel, and you hear

nothing.

Guys, this is the right way.

I nailed it.

Okay.

And if we want to wait for everybody, a ham once you go.

I walk past Hutch and I go, you have to say this to the silence other.

Hello, darkness, my old friend.

Yeah.

Now I'm going to walk to the sixth one.

I rolled a 19.

You hear the sound like a hive of bees makes.

Exactly.

is it bees or is it buzzy and the jets

buzz

yeah you hear like the the distant sound of just what seems to be like a large hive

what do you guys do the canvas thing is that what we already opened that right well we had three and now you're one yeah what was the riddle again was there another one i i only wrote down the beginning because i i couldn't write fast enough but the beginning was noise will lead your steps astray The careful ear will find the way.

So then

thank you, Dr.

Him.

I mean, Doc, so the silent one is the way to go?

Well,

he rolled a six on a metagame.

He rolled a six.

He's the only one who didn't roll as high as the rest of us.

I didn't roll.

I put my ear up to the tunnel and I cuffed my hand around it like this.

Inspiration die for Hutch staying in character with how he's doing this.

Could I, seeing that Hutch is listening like that, could I go over and help him and listen in as well?

Sure.

23.

Yeah, you kind of cozy up next to Hutch.

And Bart, you hear the sound of wind passing through wind chimes.

The tinkling sound.

Sorry.

The cloth thing, is it glowing like it was before from Hutch's pants?

Hey, Hutch, why don't we take a look at one of those canvases?

Okay, that's uh, hold on.

That's right pocket.

Okay.

Uh, yeah, Hutch will reach in and pull out a canvas to see if uh it's doing anything.

Yeah,

it's not showing anything right now.

Uh, give me an uh intelligence check.

What could I, yeah, what I was gonna do is try to put it to my ear because it's a careful ear, okay, and listen to it, but yeah, intelligence check that's uh 16.

Oh, okay, yeah, as you put it to your ear, you do hear a voice kind of say to you, Step with stillness, calm and true, for shadows come to swallow you echoes lie and giggles roam but hums will guide the soul back home hums will guide what that be like a whistle or a or a bee or a bees

i think maybe we just need to sneak and be real quiet step with stillness calm and true so i think we have two options here hutch whispering is the best thing ever well it turned a little dorkiest there so i was like this one real now i did

i i think we have two options here all right we can either all as a group go down hutch's tunnel or six children all by themselves can go individually alone down each of their own tunnels and that's never gone bad before ever oh ever before

so i leave it to a vote on whatever you guys want to do number five is not a tunnel it's a hutch hole into the hutch hole I feel like mine goes into the city sewer system, so I don't think we should go in there unless Sleek wants to be very brave.

You have the whistle, the kid laughing, the water.

Yep, drip drop small creature moving through leaves, the wind chimes, and then bees.

I'm gonna say maybe not the bees or the laughing kid, personally.

Are you sure?

The bees make hummy hummy.

Yeah, well maybe it's not bees.

Maybe it's someone that's humming.

But there is someone whistling in mine.

It says, hums will guide the soul back home.

This doesn't seem like a party of impetuous children.

You guys are all being methodical methodical and careful with sleeping.

What is going on?

Are you babies or are you heroes?

Well, we have to be heroes.

We have to be heroes to be in here.

Yeah, actually, I think my parents are going to want to talk with Mud's aunt about how she sent six kids down into these deep, dark tunnels by the way.

Well, she did disappear.

She might have just been a figment of our imagination.

I want to go in the bees.

I want to go to the humming.

Is it like the bees?

They make humming.

Yes, they do.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Didn't that's the night comes?

I think we all need buddies, right?

So Gum Gum and I will go down the bees.

And then the pairs, you know, go off into another tunnel.

Why don't you guys just go down first?

We'll wait out here.

You guys are so indexive.

This is insane.

Doc, did you bring an EpiPen?

Yeah.

We'll go to the bees.

And then if we die, then you'll know not to follow us.

Exactly, yeah.

The perfect plan.

Don't forget, if anything happens, I need my glasses.

Is that Gus saying that, or is that girl's fashion?

It's from

Colli Kalkins saying that.

The girl, what is it called?

It's Anna Klumski saying it from

my girl.

Oh, right, right, right.

All right.

I need a decision.

Gumgum and I start walking up.

Yeah, we go to the bees.

Okay.

Are you guys holding hands?

As much as I can with crutches, yes.

Okay, you guys walk towards the tunnel.

And as you pass this kind of threshold of where the light is,

okay.

Do it real quietly.

Yeah, as everyone's watching I assume Gum Gum and Dr.

Ahem just kind of almost like all of a sudden rapidly disappear from somewhere.

Wow.

Okay.

No sound, no evidence of them.

Did you guys find anything?

You can't hear anything.

I could die.

I guess it's gone.

Oh God,

they turned off their cams.

That's pretty good.

Does that mean we should go in after them or we need to save them.

My best friend wouldn't leave them behind.

Come on, Kyborg.

And Zeke starts taking off down the tunnel after him.

I run, I turn back around, and I shrug my shoulders at Bart and Hairless Hutch.

And then I keep running after Sleek.

Come on, Bart.

Okay.

I trust you guys.

Don't.

Yeah.

So, sounds like the four of you run towards tunnel number six.

And just like as you guys are seeing, the person in front of you just completely disaparating from existence.

And who took up the rear?

I think Bart and Hutch.

Probably me.

Bart.

As you pass through and walk through the tunnel, there is a moment of just pitch blackness where you can't see anything.

And then all of a sudden, you're standing in a room with your five other compatriots and you are facing another door.

It's white and there's clouds everywhere.

Welcome to a news anchor.

Six bodies found in the city sewer system.

It's it.

I misspoke.

You're actually, you are not in a door.

You're in the next, you're in another chamber.

You're in all another chamber.

And this chamber smells a little weird it wasn't to me

it smells like an old batch of like uneaten halloween candy that's kind of past its expiration full-size candy bars or

oh in the center of this room that's kind of dimly lit sits a small round table like a plastic one from like a play set okay and on top of it placed carefully on a large paper napkin that's like covered in glittery glue are four oversized oversized jelly beans, each one big enough to hold in two hands.

There's a red one, a yellow one, a green one, and a black one, each gleaming with this kind of inviting, sugary shine.

And written around the table in purple marker reads, bite the right bean, win the right prize.

Pick the wrong bean, oopsie surprise.

Diarrhea.

Okay, guys, we have to be really careful because I'm pretty sure that black jelly bean is black licorice, the worst of them all.

And so we definitely don't want to bite into that one.

I feel like Sleek's favorite flavor would be black licorice.

Shit, more for me.

Okay, bite the right bean, get the right prize.

Something about a stinky surprise.

Can I pull out the square of canvas again and take a look at it just to be safe?

Sure.

I'm going to need an intelligence check again for this one.

You can call it an intellectual check if you want.

An intellectual check.

Intellectual checkles.

I don't know why I'm rolling so well on those today.

That's a 16.

Wow.

That's not bad.

Hutch, smartest member of Stinky Dragon lore.

Yeah, Hutch, do you do the same thing where you put it to your ear?

I don't think this time, no.

I think last time there was a precedent for it.

This time he would just pull it out and look at it.

You do see ink kind of pour out of this,

kind of spread over this canvas again, and you do hear words one more time.

And they say, One is spicy, but makes you freeze another so sweet it sparks a sneeze one tastes burnt but makes you sore the best is sour it opens the door

okay so we want the sour one

so there's red that one might be burnt everything i learned about candy i learned from sour amy so it makes sense that the sour one opens the door yeah and what uh did did amy have like a favorite color or anything like that?

Oh, she did.

I can't, I think it was

mystery.

Maybe it was green.

Maybe black is burnt.

I think red's spicy.

Yellow, I feel like that would be sour and green would be sweet.

I feel like green would be sour.

Yeah, yeah.

I think of like green apple.

Yeah.

Dr.

Ahem steps forward and says, I never get candy and picks up the one that's nearest him.

Perfect.

I like this.

What color is closest to Dr.

Ahem?

I'm going to let you pick how many are there again four four the third one red yellow green so green uh yeah okay uh you pick up that jelly bean yes and do what put it all in my mouth okay it's big enough that you couldn't shove the whole thing in your mouth but it sounds like you're taking a big old unhinge my jaw

he's a cobalt he's a cobalt

netty when they put one of the jawbreakers in their mouth so you see their shit

i'm playing in this space unlock the headgear unhinge the jaw You guys see one of the most frightening things you've ever seen in your life where this young toddler unhinges their jaw and opens up like the mummy from the mummy and just consumes this entire green jelly bean.

Guys, remind me to apologize to Dr.

Hem earlier for talking over him.

I just, I just, I feel like I didn't do that right.

I need a constitution saving throw from Dr.

Hem.

Oh, I thought it was from us from the horror we just watched.

Yeah.

It's a natural one.

Okay, no.

You start feeling freezing cold and you take one cold damage.

Which one did you eat?

Green.

Green.

Green is spicy.

Wait, no, cold.

Freeze.

Sorry.

Yes.

You feel a spice in the back of your tongue followed by a very strong cold feeling.

I hate the other one.

Yeah.

Do you unhinge your jaw or do you just take a big bite?

Gum gum looks at Dr.

Hem.

Yes.

And then just like turns away from him like he's afraid and then eats the jelly bean.

Okay.

You went for the yellow one?

Yeah.

You take a bite of the yellow one and you

feel the most lip-puckering sour flavor you've ever felt in your life.

Lemon, I forgot about lemons.

And in front of you,

you see a door appear on the other side of the room.

Isn't it so sour that I'm seeing things?

Yeah, it's kind of blurry and a little like watery because your eyes are really put.

But you can see something has appeared on the wall across you.

And the rest of you do walk across.

That's Gum Gum's happy face.

He's happy.

Can I help lead Dr.

Hem because he's frozen?

Yeah, I'll guide him to the door.

Or do we need to all take a bite?

No, the door's appeared and it's there.

It's solid.

Okay.

Right this way, Doc.

Good job.

All right, dwarf.

Can I keep the jelly bean?

Yeah, what do you do with it?

Can I put it in my pocket?

Yeah, you kind of can fit it, like, it's really big, so you can fit it like sticking out of your pocket.

And as you walk towards the door, you can feel your pocket getting loose again.

You turn around, and you see the jelly bean is on the table again.

Canonically, baby Gumbum is wearing Jinko jeans.

And Gumbum, yeah.

What do we have?

Muddy Buddy.

What was he?

Muddy Daddy.

Muddy Daddy and Gumbum.

Let's bravely go through the door.

Okay.

Okay.

You open the door.

Yeah.

And

this next chamber, it's small and oddly kind of quiet.

Not really much to see or hear.

The walls here are a lot smoother than the other rooms and they're rounded into kind of a dome roof.

It's like a giant bowl carved out into the earth.

And in the center is just simply what looks to be a large dark hole in the ground.

And the only light in the room is coming from a few little crystals in the walls pulsing with red energy.

And there's no sign, no writing anywhere.

It's just a hole in the ground in the center.

And it's kind of big enough for just kind of like one of you guys to be able to like maybe fit through.

Hutch, you're experienced with holes, aren't you?

Yeah, that's a classic example of a hutch hole there.

I think

I'm going to go wiggle my way in there, and Hutch makes a beeline for it, just like power walking.

Nah.

Do you want us to hold like a jump rope or something, Hutch?

I know a DM who hates that stuff, so...

There's something terrifying about hearing Hutch wiggle forward like a lizard.

Like

something from a Rango.

Okay, so

you look into the hole as you approach it, and it almost immediately vanishes into complete darkness.

You can just barely see that at some point it does kind of curve a little bit, almost like curving up a little bit, but just faintly.

And there's a breeze that drifts up from below.

It's cool and it smells like sugar.

And oh, that familiar voice on the breeze whispers to you all, and it says, Those who wait will never know what lies beyond, unless they go.

I jump in the hole.

I jump in the hole on top of Dr.

No, no, no, you're climbing down.

I jump on top of you.

Okay, got it, got it, got it.

Wait,

explain to me how this is happening.

So if he's going like this, I'm imagining, like going down the hole.

Head first, climbing in like this.

Okay, actually, funny thing happens as you both approach that hole and make the decision to kind of head down.

I need a wisdom saving throw.

Oh, I'm great at these.

Hutch was practicing his miming skills for a second.

That's a 13.

That's a nine.

Okay, Hutch, you do manage to kind of make your way down and start kind of shimmying down this hole.

Kyborg, I think you're scared of the dark.

I have a sound.

It's impossible.

I have a

hold on hold on night vision

dark vision he said night vision chris

maybe

click cling

something about that barney animation yeah

kyborg is standing there at the edge of this hole and he's kind of like he's pulling a dock he's frozen in fear oh god

what are you guys gonna do Kyborg just went down the hole.

Maybe we just drop frozen and him down the hole after him.

Okay.

Well, Kyborg is standing at the edge of the hole, not going in.

Oh,

he is frozen in fear.

It's okay, Kyborg.

Give me a hug.

Give him a hug.

Do you want a hug?

Yeah.

Sure, sure.

I'll take it.

I give him a hug.

Don't sound so put out.

I really want to hug.

Can we all get in on this action?

Yeah.

Do you want to get on this action, Sleek?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everybody.

There's a group hug happening.

Sleek is going to be the first one in there.

Throw me in the hole.

Okay, Gum Gum and Sleek, give me a persuasion check.

That is a 22.

Whoa.

And a 20.

Those are some good hugs.

I'm very getting to it.

Kyborg, you feel one of the most powerful things ever, the power of friendship.

And

it overwhelms you.

And yeah, don't fight these feelings, Kyborg.

Don't fight.

Don't run away from these feelings, okay?

These are friends.

These are friends that are here to help you.

And you know what?

You feel like you can go down the hole.

Why does the power of friendship smell so bad?

You got me and Gumgum really.

I get lean in close.

I go, Lil Kyborg, I know you're just doing this because I'm afraid of the dark.

And you're trying to really get me safe face here, so I appreciate it, buddy, but you don't got to be scared anymore.

What did you eat for breakfast, sleep?

Onion rings.

This is the only thing.

Nice callback.

That's good.

Kyborg, you managed to jump in and disappear down the hole.

Great.

I'll go next.

Babuskadoo and weekend too, and I jump in after him.

Yeah, I need a wisdom check from both of you.

Wisdom saving throw.

Sorry, wisdom saving throw from both of you.

Ooh, 17.

15.

Yeah, you both managed to muster up, and you guys look, and you both are holding hands.

You didn't even realize you were doing that.

And you both jump in together.

Wow.

And you guys disappear from sight.

We both jump in at the same time and just wedge.

Yep.

Yep.

And you kind of have to

breathe in and out and kind of create like suction areas.

And then you guys kind of like go down a little bit at a time.

And they're gone.

That sounded graphic.

Shall we go in together, boss?

Yeah, you want to like hug and then jump in?

Seemed to work for them pretty well.

I don't know if I've ever had a hug before.

Oh god.

Oh my god, that is so sad.

Well, I don't want to break any more of your very frail bones.

Yes, thank you very much.

Doc canonically is like Samuel Jackson's.

Okay, a hug.

Yeah.

Wisdom saving throw with advantage.

Wow.

Gonna need that.

11.

A 10.

Both of those are just good enough that you both manage to get down into the hole.

And what you find is that it is a slide.

You guys are sliding down into the darkness.

Yes, feel free to enjoy the ride.

I was very tempted to go, this is Barta, and I can't.

Yeah, so you guys all head down this slide and Bart's the last one to make it through.

And Bart, you land with a soft like flump into what is kind of like a like a kiddie pool.

And not a flump, a flump.

But the kiddie pool is not full of water.

It's packed with shimmering pixie dust sugar.

Ooh.

And you guys are all in this kiddie pool.

Could I dip my finger in and give it a little taste?

Yeah, rub it on your teeth.

Yeah, it tastes fantastic.

The best pixie dust ever.

Like this is like vintage, the good stuff.

Can I dip my mouth into it and just go, oh,

dip your mouth into it?

Just

shovel with your lower jaw.

Don't let Doc near it again.

Kyborg, you actually feel better.

If you need a hit point, you gain a hit point.

If you're at top, you get one temporary hit point.

Don't worry, I'll throw up here in a second.

Okay.

Ahead of you is a narrow hallway and it glows with a soft green light.

Do you guys head in that direction, I assume?

Or it's the only way that you can go from here.

Highboard goes down it, but he's shadow boxing because he's so hyped up on sugar.

He's got good jack!

He's got what we call the zoomies.

Yeah.

Is there enough candy for more?

Yeah, I mean, it's a kiddie pole full of it.

Gum gum eats some.

Gum gum gets one health point back.

Yay, I need it.

I figured.

I turn to Hutch and I pull out my hammer.

I go, they'll never take me back.

Let's go to the tunnel.

Let's bring everyone.

Some shash ink there.

Okay, you guys head towards this tunnel, I assume, just moving things forward.

Yes,

and you see along this tunnel the heads of

stuffed animals line the walls.

Oh, bears, badgers, unicorns, a worm with a crown.

They're all stuffies.

Not real.

They all stare at you silently silently as you walk past.

Their eyes feel like they're following you.

Like a doll's eyes.

Like doll's eyes.

We have to be very careful.

A mighty hunter has to lived here to have hunted down all of these stuffy beasts mounting their heads along this wall.

This is a sign of intimidation.

As you head down the end of this tunnel at the far end, you find what looks to be a giant pile of just multicolored pillows.

And resting on top of those pillows is a wooden box.

And the lid of this wooden box looks like, it's shaped like a, like a giant badger's head.

Would one say that it's a box that one could burrow in?

You know, that's up to you.

Perhaps a burrow box?

Should we borrow the burrow box?

It was good.

Could I go up to it and look closer?

Yeah.

See if there's anything special about the box.

Let's all hurry up and go look.

Nice one.

How long have you been holding on that one?

I've had had a few in my mind.

I've been sitting on waiting and pushing that one in.

That's why I paid you the big bucks.

That one felt pre-loaded.

Yeah, you want to go up and you're investigating, I assume, is what it sounds like.

Why don't you give me an investigation check then?

What's in the box?

I don't know, because I rolled it nine.

We're too young to have seen that movie.

That's scary.

You have to be at least seven years old.

Yeah, you look and it, you know, it's a wooden box, almost like like, like a, like a toy chest kind of box, and it has a badger on as the, as the lid that's kind of like smiling.

Oh, this is cute.

Is there any like poems or anything we should be listening for?

This is it.

This is the gift for mud for muddy duddy.

It's a box.

His aunt, aunt, forget how you guys say it.

Said something about how he'd love a burrow box for his birthday.

So,

I mean, this is a box.

I'm sure it's safe.

Let her rip.

Go open it up.

Open the box.

catborne braces okay i'll give it an open uh you're going for the lid to open it up yep give me a strength check i meant to bring along some mushrooms for this padra so i don't know i forgot 18

you try really hard to open up this box you got some strong halfling that's a stout halfling right there and dense it doesn't manage to open it off it seems to be like just stuck shut no i i think this might take more than one of us or maybe some of us.

The finger guns appear.

I've been waiting for this moment for about two hours and 17 minutes.

Give it a shot.

What do you do, Sleek?

That's a solid 19 roll and a hit.

I aim my gun.

I look down the sights and I go, I feel like I could be a really good archer one day.

Fire.

At the box.

Yeah, at the box.

Okay.

Way to go.

You're destroying our friend's price.

Is he trying not to open the box?

What's in the box?

Yeah, so you rolled a 19 on a hit.

So is there damage?

There is.

It is

two ones.

Oh, it's okay.

So two damage.

Two total points of damage.

That's not bad.

Okay.

You do shoot the box with your finger guns.

What's that spell call again?

Finger guns.

Okay.

And the box, the lid doesn't open.

But the box does manage to kind of like teeter back a little bit and kind of like move a little bit.

And the whole room just ever so slightly shudders a little bit.

So it's simple.

We just got to shoot the box all the way back up the

hole.

The whole way back.

Maybe we have to put the box in the ground.

Or maybe only mud could open it.

Can we pet the badger?

Do we take the box?

Maybe take it?

Yeah.

I'd like to roll for a gift receipt.

Yeah, can we pick up the box?

I mean, you can do what you want.

You just gotta tell me what you're gonna do.

Yeah, pick up the box.

How heavy is it?

Gumgum goes to pick up the box?

Yeah, and he he pets the badger while he does it.

That's nice.

Give me a strength check.

Gumgum.

You can do it, gum gum, I believe.

20.

20.

30, 20.

30, 20.

Gumgum goes up and flexes those baby orc muscles.

Maybe pulls up his diaper just a little bit to kind of muster up extra courage.

Yeah, right up above the belly button.

He goes up to his chest.

It's like a

gumgum's gotta do what a gum gum's gotta do.

Yeah, and he reaches down and he goes to pull up this box with all of his infant strength and he he over calculates and pulls the box all the way up over his head and he's holding the box above his head in triumph

and as he picks up the box like i said it's surprisingly light and gun i think you can faintly hear like a little bit of like a playful growling coming from the box oh my goodness it's a pet you almost made stuffing out of that badger sleek i can't believe i shot that box who am I?

Oh, God.

Were there air holes in the box?

No, there's no air holes in the box.

We gotta hurry.

We gotta go now.

Well, as you're holding the box over your head, the pillows that it was sitting on, they begin to like twist and stretch.

And you realize they're not exactly just pillows.

No.

They're like, they're shaped in like familiar looks.

They're like assorted animal shapes.

These are like squishmallows and as they move and shape.

Not sponsored.

Not sponsored.

They are, you can tell that they're kind of all fused together.

And, you know, there's like animal arms stitched to legs and legs merged into bellies.

And as it contorts into what kind of starts looking like a, almost like a recognizable humanoid form, you see some large black buttons kind of like swirl across the surface of these squishmallows and they form together on what seems to be like the head of this thing into four angry eyes.

Oh.

Guys, my parents accidentally rented Akira one time because they thought that it was a cartoon.

This is bad news.

We need to kill this thing.

Yes.

Whoa.

So is it like

Megatron type thing?

Like it's all like...

As it kind of rises up, it kind of starts standing on these legs and a giant

stuffy creature is looming over you and it stretches and out comes one two

three

four arms

and a head atop of it shaped like a dragon i'm watching blaine's face to see when he realizes it it roars but not like a typical like uh organic beast

Or animal.

It's just quandering.

But with a horrifying squeak of like a thousand squeaky toys like crushed at once.

That's a, ooh, I like that.

Stuffy drun has awakened.

Stuffy drunk.

Stuffy drunk.

Roll for initiative.

Oh, my God.

I have.

Kyborg, sleek, hutch, already have rolled for initiative.

I need bark, gum, gum, and a hem.

You got it.

I'm so committed to the infinite that I decided I'm not taking a bathroom break.

I'm in character.

I have a diaper on right now.

Whole stream.

Whole stream, guys.

18.

A real man just pees his pants without a diaper.

10.

That's what all the cool kids are doing.

A baby's got to do what a baby's got to do.

10 for gum gum.

Bart did an 18.

Doc.

Where's you?

Oh, you're four.

Okay.

Kyborg and Sleek, I need you to roll off.

You both rolled 13s.

Do you want to do dexterity or

I'm an 18 for dexterity?

I am at a.

Where's my dexterity?

12 for dexterity.

Very good.

Okay.

Thank you for that.

Yes.

All right.

So, you guys are in the middle of this chamber.

There is just

pieces of toys and stuffies all surrounding you.

Gum gum, you are holding this badger-themed box.

Let's just assume it's the burrow box.

And top of the order is Bartholomew Finn.

After Bart will be Kyborg and then Sleek.

Have at thee.

Banam Bam Ba.

Can you remind me one more time of his name?

Oh, Stuffy Drun.

Stuffy Drun.

Stuffy Drun.

All right, Stuffy Drun.

For some reason, I feel like you're going to be an enemy of ours.

The creature goes, oh,

like confused.

Is he kind of by himself?

Like, we're not near him, right?

Like, he's like at one side of the room and we're on the other side.

I would say that since you guys fell down the slide, you're like a good like 15 feet from him.

Gumgum is right next to him.

Oh, okay.

I would like to cast dissonant whispers.

Well, how does that spell work?

So for this spell, I whisper a discordant melody that only one creature of my choice within range can hear, racking it with terrible pain.

A target must make a wisdom saving throw on a failed save.

It takes 3d6 of psychic damage and must immediately use its reaction, if available, to move as far as its speed allows away from you.

Gotcha.

But we'll just start with that.

What do you whisper to it to make it feel bad?

You're not as soft as you are.

Oh, oh,

such an insult.

I cover Gum Gum's ears.

What do I roll?

Is there a roll that I do for a save?

Yes, it's a save of 13.

Of what?

Wisdom.

Wisdom.

I rolled

six.

Okay, so that's a fail.

Yep.

So that does does 3d6.

So that is eight points of psychic damage.

And it also must immediately use its reaction to move as far away as its speed allows.

All right.

Well, Stuffy Drun

is recoiling in squeaky pain, just the sound of like a bunch of rubber chickens all like being ripped open.

And

it runs back further to the back of this room away from y'all.

I was right next to it.

Do I get to swing in next?

Yeah, yeah.

You get an opportunity attack.

Why not?

Yeah.

That's a 24 to hit.

24 does hit.

Why don't you roll me some melee damage?

That was a six.

I don't have axe equipped.

So what are you hitting it with?

I think I just head-butted it.

Okay, so unarmed strike.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm holding the chest, right?

Yeah.

So I go wham.

Okay.

And then you, what damage was that again?

Six.

Six.

Okay.

Thank you very much.

And then, Bart, what do you do with the rest of your turn?

I think that's it.

Okey-doky.

We have Kaidelius.

Kai Babius.

Okay, before I left my house, did I happen to steal my mom's bow, the long bow of Crystalina, or am I just rocking the longbow?

You're just rocking your little longbow that you made on your own.

Okay, great.

Okay.

The not-so-long bow.

The not-so-long bow.

Then I'm going to take aim at squash dron, squish, uh, squish that guy, the bad guy, guy, and I mumble under my breath to be like, This is for my parents, who I'm gonna pretend are dead, but they're they're not dead yet.

It's just his, like, his made-up, like, dark backstory, but his parents are at home, like, watching Matlock.

Yeah, yeah, all right, and then I take a shot,

and that

is, oh, that's not bad.

That's a 27.

27 will hit.

Yeah, will roll for damage.

Oh, come on.

Did an eight and then it rolled to the two.

That's a six.

Six what?

Piercing.

Okay.

Oh, but you know, come on.

It's gonna squeaky toys.

Yeah, it takes, it takes some damage.

Uh, yeah, one of your, your arrows do stick into like its shoulder.

And then

I'm gonna move like away from the group, but I'm gonna keep equidistant from the thing just to spread us out in case there's like area of attack stuff.

All right.

Yeah, you're, you're like on the edge of the room, so you could like move back maybe five feet to the wall.

Perfect.

And as you move back five feet and you're kind of like looking at your

handiwork, the big stuffy does actually look at that arrow in its shoulder and it kind of like almost like inflates a little bit and the arrow just kind of pops out.

Oh,

it's a good zit.

Is that what you do?

Do you flex your zits off?

You don't?

No.

Oh, okay.

You'll have to teach me that one day, Kyborg.

Sleek.

Kyborg's right.

Kyborg's right.

I think we all need need to split up.

That'll really, really distract him.

And I'm going to take off running after Kyborg.

So I'm like five feet back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I go, all right, all right, you're right, you're right, right, we got this, we got this.

And a moment of embardic inspiration.

Uh, Sleek starts humming.

He's got a go left.

I like that, yeah.

And Sleek's gonna pull out a little toy bow with like one of those suction cups on the end.

Yeah.

And he's gonna pull it back.

and he's going to cast the spell Elf Shot, which is my last spell slot, a level one spell.

I love that you got to build sleek for this adventure.

And these are the custom things you put in.

He's just got a best friend.

Yeah.

I'm going to cast Elf Shot and try to take a shot at Kyboard.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm squadgun.

He spoke what he really felt.

If I get rid of him now, I can become him.

Oh my God.

Roll for a hit.

Let's see here.

I'm reading: you pretend to shoot an arrow with a tiny bow.

Okay.

Make a range spell attack against a creature within range.

On hit, the target creature stumbles is pushed five feet in a random direction.

Okay.

Roll a D8 and assign a direction to each die face, and its speed is zero until the end of its next turn.

Okay.

So I will make a range spell attack.

I never do this.

I got to remember how to hit.

That's a nat one.

I expected nothing better.

You lived up to my expectations, little sleek.

Yeah, you arc back your arm and like do your best Kyborg impression, Kai Baby impression.

And as you let go, you let go of your front hand.

And the like magical bow like snaps back and the little magical arrow kind of

off like the wall behind you.

And Kyberg, I'm going to need you to make a dexterity saving throw to not get hit by this stray magical arrow.

That's you, Blaine.

Oh, oh, I'm so sorry.

I was putting my massage thing.

I'm running dexterity, right?

All eyes were on you for a moment there, and you were just blissfully not here.

Dude, I've been there sometimes in some sessions where like I didn't realize someone called on me to do something and I'm just like.

Here's the thing.

My back shoulder has been like killing me.

And Kristen a while ago bought me this massager thing.

And we just put it on and I was just sitting here just going, I know, you were vibing, just not with us.

You said deck saving throw, right?

Deck saving throw.

That's a 10.

You managed to dodge it and

you might be rethinking your strategic spot in this chamber.

My eye!

Sleek, do you do anything else need to turn?

There's a reason I'm a bard.

That's never, I'm never casting that spell ever again, canonically.

And with my moment of horrible, horrible aim, I would like to inspire Kyborg to be way better than I am in archery.

And I'll give you some bardic inspiration, Kyborg.

What does that mean, Kyborg?

Nice.

He can use a bardic inspiration to roll a 1d6 and add it to his, I believe, any saving throw or maybe attack roll.

Let me read up on this.

I want to say it's like any roll.

It's been a while since I've played a bard.

Yeah.

Okay.

Then while you're figuring out the details of that, Gumgum, you are up next.

And then will be Doc.

After Gumgum.

And after Doc will be the stuffy.

I want to toss the

box.

No one help him.

What's it called?

I got it.

Oh, I got notes.

The burrow box.

I tossed the burrow box behind me.

Impressive.

Is it that he had to look up what the name of this thing was?

I'm just happy he wrote it down.

You know, we take our wins.

We take our blessings where we can, okay?

And then Gum Gum goes, you don't look so fluff.

And then

charges and gives the big, fluffy thing a big hug and tries to like grapple it and sleep with it.

Okay, let's solve the first.

Okay, grapple would be an opposing strength check.

Yes.

Yeah.

Fellow DMs.

Yeah, it can do strength or dexterity.

Okay.

And I guess I'll rage too while I'm doing that.

Okay.

Yeah.

We'll say you rage.

How does it sound when a baby rages?

It would be a fit.

It would be a fit.

Everyone stand back.

Gumcum's either about to rage or poop himself, and I'm really not certain which one.

It's bad.

Do you want some baby crying noises?

Oh, yeah, Barb's bad.

I think we're fresh.

We're good on those.

We just stocked up on those.

Just once for Foley, if we could, you know, for the edit.

Oh, my God.

You know how they say, like, hearing an infant cry, like, triggers things in your, like, DNA?

That happens, but I'm annoyed by it.

What'd you roll for your grapple?

Well, I got advantage on strength-based.

Okay.

23.

23.

Yeah, that manages to get Stuffy Drun, and Stuffy Drun is now grappled by maybe Gum Gum.

And then Gum Gum's going to attempt to use his bonus action to sleep.

You raged.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Then I'm just going to go...

I'll just take a free action to fake sleep.

I'll take that.

I didn't know what you were going to do.

Yes.

Gumgum seems to be sleeping on the big enemy across the room.

And it is Doc's turn.

Doc's going to turn to Kyborg and say, I need your help with something.

Don't shoot me.

Just whatever you do.

I'm not sorry.

I'll help with whatever you want, Doc.

I just need your mouth, really.

It's a totally normal thing to say.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

He pulls out like a little toy megaphone thing and says, I need us to shout in this thing together in Draconic, okay?

Yeah, yeah, I could do that.

Yeah, I've been watching my PBS draconic lessons where they teach you draconic.

What's like a show that would teach foreign language for kids?

What was the one with Muzzie?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Bonjour.

Yes, that's French those kids are speaking.

Yeah.

Why did you perfectly summon that?

Like one of the, like a few years into moving to Austin, I went to one of our half-price books, which is a branch that we don't have where I come from.

And I was walking through it and I saw in like in a glass case a copy of Muzzy for sale.

And it was the most like, oh my god, it exists.

It's real.

I'd only seen it on TV, like, you know, in between episodes of Sesame Street.

I was just so impressed at the age of like 30.

Oh, I've been watching my Dragora the Explorer.

So

all right.

And I hold up the megaphone to both of us, and we both yell in Draconic.

Three, two, one.

Oh, God.

All enemies that can hear our Draconic cry, we have advantage on now.

Everybody has advantage on them.

Ah,

little buffet.

That was almost as good as me and Sleek harmonizing.

That's my bonus action.

For my action, I'm going to pull out a little bottle and it looks like a

black liquid.

And I go,

I got this from my father's garage.

It's something that will stain pillows to no end.

I call it grease.

And I cast grease onto the pillow.

Oh, grease lightning.

And it needs to make a deck save.

Okay.

It rolls a 15.

That'll do.

Okay, this

is immune to grease.

It just kind of absorbs the grease into the feet of the stuffy drone, and it's just kind of like stained now forever.

It's got that scotch protection on it.

That was a thing.

And then I nurse my throat throat that is now sore okay

nice okay it's gonna be the stuffy drun is next after that will be hutch and then we will be back at the top of the order with art you got it and this giant toy is not happy with this giant baby grabbing onto it so it's gonna try to oppose your grapple and oh it rolled a nat 20 on that

it is done with your grapple check but that's gonna be part of its turn.

It's actually then going to, since gum gums right there and it's got you, it's broken off, it's going to actually take a swing at you, a big old swipe with one of its big old animal arms, stuffed animal arms, and it's going to roll a crappy roll, an eight.

I'm assuming that doesn't get past your barbarian armor.

Which is just nothing.

A diaper.

It's just a diaper.

The diaper pulled up to his chest.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's going to be its turn we are at hutch the first time hairless hutch is going to be in battle that's me uh hairless hairless hutch gets a cold steely look in his eyes and slowly draws his foam long sword from his side

the nerf one yeah and says leave my friends alone

And he charges into battle, swinging his foam sword at his enemy.

I thought it'd be so funny if you just turned and ran out.

Just trying to like doing that, like trying to go up the slide, but it's too slippery and there's you can't go up.

So yeah, he's gonna charge in and try to take a swing with his foam longsword.

Okay, Dr.

Hem uses his megaphone and says, You have advantage.

I have advantage.

That's a good thing I have advantage because the first one was a one.

Oh, no.

The second one is a 22.

That will hit.

Once you roll for Dimage.

He brings the foam longsword down, doing 10 points of damage.

What kind of damage?

A long sword is slashing damage, but if it's a foam longsword, I don't know if you want to play with the space, if it's bludgeoning.

I'll leave that to you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll let it be just the same damage of what it is.

I appreciate you playing with the imagery.

I call upon the power of hair to smite thee divinely.

And what does that do?

A divine smite lashes out from his weapon, striking for an additional cool two points of damage.

It's just so funny that he's a paladin.

I know, it's just this holy energy emanating from this weird little lizard.

Okay, so that was, what was the slashing damage?

10 and then two points from Divine Smite.

Hairless Hutch has never looked more heroic, running across this room into the fray of battle and takes a blinding holy swipe at this abomination.

And as it slashes down on this monster, a little bit of a streak of a cut happens like along the leg of this thing.

But as the swipe finishes, it kind of like it leaves a little bit of a mark, but

the leg kind of rebounds just a little bit.

Curse it.

So it's not down.

Not down.

No.

It's not a down pillow.

Not a down.

That's an inspiration, guys.

I like that one.

All right.

We are now back at the top.

And we have Bartholomew followed by Kaidelius, followed by Sleep.

Alrighty here.

Well, what you gonna do?

You know, I feel like stuffy drun needs a little music in his life oh

you know what am i right

he's he's just he's just droning like a low alto note just waiting for someone to pick up on it trying to harmonize i don't know what i'm doing

so uh i'm going to go ahead and uh bring out the I also don't know.

I remember this particularly caused question during our campaign.

I don't know if I was supposed to have it or not.

I know you're gonna say, could I cast blue fever of bluegrass?

I'm gonna ask the DM that made that.

Fine with me.

You know what?

Yes.

Here's what it does.

Okay, tell me.

Once per turn, you could send forth a shockwave of blue vibrating energy.

I love this.

This surges forward towards the target from my banjo.

Okay.

Those targets, or this target, must make a charisma saving throw or become enthralled by the feverous music.

Okay.

On a failed save, the target begins to feverishly dance through the magical influence of the music and cannot take an action, bonus action, or use movement until the end of their next turn.

Wow.

Seems totally fair to me.

Yeah.

Totally fair.

Impartial GM.

What's the check this thing has to make?

I believe it's a charisma saving throw.

And is this a targeted attack or is this an area of effect attack?

I think it is a targeted.

It does not say.

Okay.

I will allow this attacks once.

Once.

Okay.

I regret agreeing to this before I heard the description.

How charismatic is this pillow?

Yeah.

So what's the, it's charisma?

Yes, charisma saving throw.

And what's the check?

It does not have one, but I'll...

Assume it's 13, like the wisdom saving throw on the previous one.

Yeah, your spill save, yeah.

Okay.

And as we know, stuffy drin has zero charisma, it actually has negative three charisma.

That's about right, even better, but it did roll a 17, so it got 14.

Wow, okay, so it makes it.

It does actually start like two of its arms just kind of start jigging a little bit.

The other two arms are just kind of ready for battle still, so it's kind of like it's you got a little bit of it kind of kind of going.

It's there to do a little bit of

some fun, but it's ready to smash some

kits as well.

All right.

Bart does that thing where he's playing it and then all of a sudden hits the the wrong note and it's like

it just like ting.

It just like the string breaks.

Yeah.

Oh no, you're a guitar hero score.

Do you have anything you want to do?

I'll cast a bardic inspiration.

On.

I'm going to give it to my fellow bard Sleek.

How often does a bard get bardic inspiration from another bard?

You know, probably not very often.

We're doing it, Bart.

We're harmonizing.

Ready?

A one, a two, a one, two, two, three.

Oh, God.

It gets worse.

We just see our stream numbers drop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fantastic.

Is that your turn?

That is my turn.

Give me some fighting, Kai Baby.

Okay, I'm going to whip out a spell.

It's one that Kai Borg has never used.

I cast child protective services.

No, I'm going to use my longbow.

Okay.

Again.

Take another shot at it.

Yeah, I'll take another shot.

That is

a

roll over to that 15.

There we go.

That's a 23.

Does hit.

And then when I use the

bardic inspiration that Sleek gave me, do I add that onto damage or is it just to the roll?

That's going to be for a check.

Yes.

Okay, okay.

Then I'll continue to hold on to that.

Yep.

Even though that dice is really sticky for some reason.

My gun drops.

And then I roll damage.

Not bad, not bad.

That is an 11 piercing damage.

Okay.

Nice.

Another true arrow flies across the room and sticks into the other shoulder of Stuffy Drin.

And just like last time, it kind of gets in there and lodges.

And then Stuffy Drun kind of just goes a little shimmy with its arm and pops out the arrow.

Okay.

And then with my movement speed, I want to see if I can like get around Stuffy Drin.

You're pretty far from Stuffy Drunk because they kept pushing Stuffy Drun back.

Got it.

What's your movement speed?

That would be 35.

Whoa.

You could start getting around Stuffy Drun and get maybe like you're trying to like circle around it.

I'm just like spreading out, surrounding him on all sides.

I really just, to be honest, Kai Baby just wants to shoot him in the butt.

You are just barely like, you're to the side of it and just barely to the rear, but almost like parallel to it, but just a little bit behind it, okay?

Okay, works.

But yeah, you're making your way that way.

And that's your movement.

Anything else?

That's it.

Good turn.

Good turn.

Okay.

We have Sleek followed by Gum Gum, followed by Doc.

Sensing what Kyborg wants to do, and just knowing Kyborg is trying to get in prime butt advantage to shoot this thing in the butt, Kyborg's going to run the opposite, or not Kyborg.

Sleek's going to run the opposite direction.

Hey, hey, hey, over here, over here.

And he sees it bearing down toward Bart after Bart casts that spell and just goes, You stay away from him, you beanie baby.

finger guns at this thing again are you moving or was that color commentary i'm i'm moving like so i can try to position him like between me and like distract him from kyborg what's your speed uh half speed 15 feet because i still have brick shoes i assume yeah brick shoes okay yeah you managed to get closer to stuffy drone and a little bit to the side but you're not quite getting as far as uh kyborg went no no no i'm doing a good job i'm doing a good job i can tell i can tell Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're delusional.

It's fine.

And I will cast finger guns.

All right.

Roll for that again.

That's a nat 20.

Nice.

The highs and lows.

Finger guns does what kind of damage?

2d6.

I think it's automatically doubling it in DD beyond.

I believe it's pew-pew-pew damage.

Specifically.

Force damage.

Force damage, and what did you roll?

I rolled...

That's a lot of, that's a lot of dice.

17.

Wow.

It's giving you 4d6 i believe because i rolled a nat 20 it's auto fitting the way we do that it would be 2d6 plus another max right correct normally we would do 2d6 plus max which would be okay i'm gonna take the first two rolls plus another six so i'm gonna give you 13 damage nice i'll take it okay so 13 damage pretty good to stuffy drunk very good pew pew pew pew pew pew indeed as the current player of natty wonder I'm a fan of another person shooting things out of their fingers.

You know, I should really wait until someone's monologuing to do this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

And anything bonus?

Nope, that's it.

Okay.

It is now.

Gum gum.

All right.

You're asleep.

I'm sorry, what?

You're asleep.

Gum gum is asleep.

Oh.

Gum gum went to sleep.

Chris, gum gum is asleep.

But not like really asleep.

I know, it's asleep.

Okay, sorry, I was confused.

I was like legitimately confused.

Like, wait, did I do the laugh track?

Okay, wait, wait, all right, all right.

I have never seen a joke missed so many times.

He was playing in your space.

I know, I know, but then I was like, wait, did I miss something?

Was there a sleep spell cast on me?

Wake up, Chris.

God.

Anyway, Gum Gum wakes up.

He goes, uh-oh, looks like you have bad head.

And then jumps up with his

great axe and tries to swing it around

at its head.

All right.

Why don't you roll for attack on that?

I want it to be a grape axe.

Grape.

I'm going to cast poo-poo.

All right.

19.

19 will hit.

Nice.

You have advantage as well.

Oh, I do.

This is Chris's first time playing D ⁇ D.

Well, I forgot it.

Okay, you rolled an

critical fail for your second roll.

Yeah, yeah.

So we'll go with the first one.

We'll go with the first one.

It was a 19, and you rolled 9.

Is that what that is?

9 plus 2 for raging, so 11.

What kind of damage is that?

Slashing.

All right.

You swing your axe around, and you kind of manage to catch it a little bit along its belly, its abdomen, and then it kind of breathes out and kind of pushes the axe out for kind of like half of your attack.

Oh, no.

I guess that's it.

Okay.

That is it.

All right.

It's going to be Stuffy Drun, followed by Hutch, and then back to the top of the order, okay?

What about me?

Oh, sorry, you're next.

Doc, sorry, Doc, and then Stuffy, and then uh, Hutch.

Doc turns to uh Hutch and um pulls out this like box, and it has like a plus and a minus on it.

And he goes, Oh, would you hold on to this for me?

Okay, and then he pulls out like rubber gloves and like

and like then he takes two wires and connects them to the box and goes, I got this from my father's garage as well.

And he starts running towards the

pillow and goes, Let's turn this plushie into mushy.

And he casts, and he does jolt.

So he's going to roll for jolt.

Is jolt a ranged attack or is it a melee range?

It's a it's actually a ranged attack, but I'm gonna get a write-up on it.

Okay, and I rolled

up a dirty 20.

That will hit.

And I got eight on the on

lightning damage with my car battery.

Dang.

This stuffy drone is looking singed and sad.

Good.

I like to think that uh that Hutch, like all his hair is like on

drops the box

We need to give Michael less time in between turns so he can't come up with all these good one-liners.

He's schooling you.

We're all doing good.

I thought you guys were the pros

Yeah, that was very good.

Stuffy drunk is really not happy with all of this attacks on.

They were just they were just napping.

They were just napping in this room, and you guys came and took its box.

And so, Stuffy Drun actually reaches to the side of it and grabs kind of a discarded stuffy

and actually like adds it to its back and kind of fuses it to it.

And another arm kind of grows out of the back of stuff.

And it kind of like by doing that, it almost like there's more stuffing in him now.

And he's standing a little taller.

and he will actually take that hand and all four other hands and smash them down on looks like it's Doc, Tutch, and Gumgum who are in range.

And you guys need to make a dexterity saving throw.

See if this does some damage.

I'm so dexterous.

Oh, I rolled a natural one again.

Seven.

Hutch rolled a six.

Oh, yeah, six.

Sorry.

I need to.

How long have you been muted and thought you were talking?

Just right there when I said six.

Okay, you guys all failed.

Are you sure, though?

I am quite sure.

You guys are all going to take some bludgeoning damage, which will be nine points of bludgeoning damage.

Wow.

Really?

That's bad.

Does Dr.

Ahem say that out loud?

Yeah, it did sound a little in character.

He doesn't even get that much.

He goes, wow, really?

And he falls over.

Is Dr.

Ahem down?

He is down negative one.

Oh, wow.

All right.

We got Doc down, Hutch, and Gum Gum.

How are you guys looking?

Well, I take half that because I'm raging.

Okay.

Is that four or five?

I said nine, so yeah, four.

I picture like Hutch has a bloodied lip and is kind of was just like that Captain America thing, like still like moving, holding his fists up like he wants to continue fighting.

I can do this all day.

I can do this all day.

I can do this until nap time.

And that's going to be Stuffy Drun's turn.

turn.

It's looking at this little kobold on the ground and going, yeah.

You proud of yourself, you big man, you beating up on little kids?

It's going to be Bart's turn, followed by Kyborg, and then

Hutch.

Oh, Hutch.

God, I'm just doing so bad at this.

Do you want me to write the

I'm just not looking at it?

Like, I have it written out in front of me.

Hutch, Bart, Kyborg.

Hutch, does there anything in those papers?

Hutch looks to his pocket for the paper, but looks in the wrong pocket and pulls out a fistful of hair.

And he looks down at Doc and lays down and kind of brushes the hair along Doc's forehead and says, The scales of hair?

Yeah, yeah.

It says, be healed by the power of hair and rise.

Yes.

By the power of hair.

And restores two hit points to Doc.

Oh, nice.

Good, good, good.

Doc is up, sort of i like to think that the hairs like fall to i make a mustache for doctor

it makes you sneeze there's the doctor a ham

i guess then you know hutch would while putting the hair back in his pocket uh look to see if the canvas square was doing anything no you don't feel any energies coming from these canvases anymore okay

in that case i need to rely on the energy within and once again hutch pulls out his foam sword and swings it at Squishy Drun.

Stuffy Drun.

Stuffy Drun.

Hitting AC, oh, almost a 20.

Hitting AC 19.

That will hit.

Doing

four points of slashing damage.

Okay.

Yeah,

you take a swipe at this, and again, it kind of catches a little bit, but then kind of like near the end of the swipe, it kind of just bounces off a little bit.

By the power of hair, I channel

fury onto you, doing an additional nine points of radiant damage.

And the smite is attached to the attack action.

It is not a bonus action, correct?

Oh, no, wait.

It is a bonus action.

You're right.

I cannot do that.

Okay, I was wondering.

No, no, you are right.

That's right.

Look at me trying to do too much here.

Schooled the DM.

I out-DM'd Gustavo.

I had already been planning what I wanted to do in my head, and then I was like, I out-DM'd Gustavo!

Look at the shame.

That being said, the hair was inspired.

Yeah, so that was it.

I did bonus action that.

Yeah, and that is it for Hutch's turn.

Okay, I'm loving Hutch in combat, by the way.

All right, Bartholomew.

It is my turn.

How's he looking?

Some stuffing coming out of him?

Yeah, I mean, he's looking worse.

than he was at the top of this.

He got a little bit of his stuffing back when he attached that other arm, but, you know, not a full glass.

We'll call it that.

Okay, okay.

Well, I think I'm actually instead going to use my turn

to cure some wounds on Dr.

Hem.

What?

He's fine.

Is he?

I love that everybody is a medic except for the doctor.

It's very good.

How far away is he from me?

Near death's door.

That's

yeah.

He's like, let's see, one, two, three, four.

He's like 25 feet away.

Because he ran all the way up to stuffy dream.

Oh, perfect.

That's my walking speed.

So I'm going to go up and get right behind him and give him a little pat on the shoulder and say, we can't have you getting more injured than you already are, Doc.

Aww.

Two thumbs up.

One day you might be in a wheelchair if you keep this up.

That will do seven points of healing.

And that's casting cure wounds, right?

Cure wounds, correct.

Seven points.

He's like basically back to normal.

I am.

Very good.

That was some low HP you had there.

Very, very good.

Is Cure Wounds your action?

Yes.

Okay.

And then you did a movement.

Any bonus?

You know what?

Let's cast another bardic inspiration.

Ooh, so much inspiration being thrown around.

Who's going to harmonize?

I'll give one to Gum Gum.

Thank you.

Gum Yum.

I like that.

Gum Gum went for a roll.

He went for a

that gives him barbecue inspiration.

Yes.

Okay.

So inspiration dive, 1d6.

Get added to ability check, attack roll, or saving throw.

Lovely.

Kyborg.

Kyborg's going to, at the top, use his movement to continue to circle around Stuffy Drun.

All the way to the back of it.

Yes.

Is he back there?

Yeah.

You do.

You managed to run around and you can...

Stuffy Drun's been pushed pretty far to the back of the room, but there's still like some buffering room between you.

You're not in melee range of stuffy dron.

Cool.

Can you roll me a perception check?

Ooh.

I found something.

That.

Oh.

Okay, hold on.

I got to roll a four.

But I have a D6 for...

Wait, wait.

I'll give my inspiration dice.

Yeah?

Hey, book.

What?

Open your eyes.

Okay, are they open?

Alright, open.

Open them more.

Okay, what now?

Look around it again.

Why is this?

Is this a Cheeto?

Oh, it's a dice.

Okay.

I'll do another perception.

Thank you, Chris.

He's doing it.

He's going to shoot him in the butt.

That's it.

Apparently you could use both.

Bardic and

that's a 19.

Okay.

You get in a very like strategic position directly behind Stuffy Drun.

And speaking of behind, you see something on Stuffy Drun's behind.

It's like a big old black X spot on Stuffy Drones behind.

And it looks to be made of a different material than the rest of Stuffy Drones.

X-Mart's the spot.

Got it.

Then, as Sonic Destroyer has said, Shootius the Gluteus.

I'm gonna aim with my longbow.

I'm actually gonna help you out here.

Oh, I'm gonna say, because you got a, what, was that 19?

Yeah, that's a really good perception check.

You know what this material is.

You've seen this.

Most kids have, especially, you know, when they're putting their shoes on.

Looks like Velcro.

Oh.

Never heard of it.

Okay.

Did you know that Velcro, I think, was invented in Canada?

Sounds like a Canadian thing to help.

Okay, then.

I don't like the motion Chris is making right now, but he is trying to help.

What do you do with Velcro?

You...

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

See this.

If you're okay with it, I'll put my longbow away and I'm going to draw my long sword

with two hands.

Okay.

And I'm going to charge at Stuffy Dren.

Okay.

And I'm going to roll for an attack aiming at that X marks the spot.

Okay.

Can I set the scene with a motivational speech that only Sleek can give?

It's a free action.

This is going to decide whether or not he gets advantage or disadvantage.

Oh, this is good.

This is good.

This is good.

Okay.

All right.

This is good.

I promise.

I promise.

Kyborg, he looks at Kyborg.

Kyborg, look.

This has become so much more than just getting mud this birthday gift.

If this thing gets out on top, it's going to be mass chaos.

This stuffy squadron's going to be going all rampant chaos all over Boulder.

All right.

This is on you.

If you see some kind of weak point, like some kind of material you could just rip apart, now's the time to do it.

But we're the last line of defense.

We're not going to go quietly into the night.

We will not vanish without a fight.

We're going to live on.

We're going to survive.

Today we celebrate our stinky Independence Day.

That was it.

That was fantastic.

And as someone who just recently re-watched Independence Day, I loved that.

So Bill Pullman gives Kyborg advantage.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

All right.

So then I'm going to roll again.

Doc goes to Hutch and goes, why was Sleek looking off camera when he said that?

Who are you talking to?

I rolled the top, the highest one I had was a 15, but I'm going to use my inspiration die, also provided from Sleek.

So that is an additional five.

So I got a dirty 20.

I got a what?

Dirty 20.

That's not what you said.

That's not what you said.

He thinks if he says it fast enough, it counts, but I don't hear it.

No.

Yeah, that hits the stuffy drunk in that spot and roll for damage.

Okay.

Organically filthy.

Not bad.

That's 13.

And as I charge in and pierce the X with my sword, I say, go fluff yourself.

Yeah, Kyborg runs in and swings up his sword that I don't think you guys have ever seen him have this sword.

You guys are amazed.

Like maybe once.

And he brings it down into a stabbing motion into this X spot of Stuffy Drun.

And as he does, it kind of like, it doesn't quite puncture the X, but it actually pushes.

the X in.

So like this, the Velcro kind of rips and goes in.

And as Kyborg pulls his sword out,

all the stuffing of Stuffy Drun starts pouring out all over Kyborg.

He's just

gonna give it to you.

Ex gonna give it to you.

All right.

And this is like old stuffing that's been in here, a little bit damp.

Spelly.

It's like, you know, when you got like a, like a down like pillow that's really old and it's all clumpy, that's what's pouring all over Kyborg.

Teacher, how much of it does Kyborg swallow?

Kyborg rolls a constitution savior.

No, I'm kidding.

You guys all that are in front of Stuffy Drunk can just see it kind of deflating and falling down to the ground and appearing behind it is just a mountain of stuffing.

Wow.

Delicious.

Income walks up to where Kyborg is.

He didn't seem so bad.

Oh, oh, oh, okay.

That was a thinker.

That was good.

Was that a thinker?

Was it?

You see a single arm puncture through all the fluff and give a thumbs up.

Nice.

Very, very good.

Yeah, Stuffy stuffy drunk has been vanquished and is lying there on the floor and you guys are all out of combat

dr him comes back back from the dead and goes this couch is gonna say ow oh never mind okay

that would have been good

okay you guys are out of combat the stuffy drunk's carcass is lying there and all the stuffy and uh you are in this room

and we got the box we have the box the uh the box is where uh gum gum set it down yeah okay gum can go grab the box and hold it yeah what does the box say

sorry yeah what does the box say gum gum oh no as you pick up yeah oh it's so good as you pick up the box you can hear the growling um that was in there but the growling is getting louder

and uh as you hold up this prize fit for a king or a prince.

A prince, yeah,

the growling grows loud and it grows to allow the ground begins to shake.

And you look up and can see like behind where Kyborg was with all the stuffing and you can see a single crack forming in the wall.

And then that crack gets bigger and bigger until suddenly it bursts open and a rushing sea of sand flows freely from it.

So quickly it's filling up the room that before you realize it, you're up to your shins in rising sand.

Oh no, not again.

Holy Bramble crack.

Is there

any opening in the ceiling?

That's a good question to be answered in part two of this adventure.

Just only available for our patrons.

All tiers will have access to the continued adventure of the infant knights coming soon on our Patreon.

DinkyDragonPod.com.

So, if you like this and you want more of things like this, we have so many tavern tales just like this.

Chris just did one recently that was a Gum Gum brain adventure in Gumgum's mind palace that we all had a lot of fun with with the infinites and i did one with uh a whole other group called sea squad that was like comic book superheroes themed that was really fun mica dm'd one um where we were actually in a different um rpg mechanic game uh that was called maze rats maze rats maze rats so yeah

and we've got more stuff like that planned coming so if you like the D ⁇ D content we have so much more available on the patreon and so much more coming so thank you guys guys for joining me for part one of Infinite Nights.

That was fun.

That was very, very fun.

John,

that was a fun time.

I think everybody did such a good job.

They really promoted the ideal of, yes, sand.

I'm so glad we didn't cut our audio before that joke came in.