Ep 210. *Series 19 Winner* S19 Ep.10

Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast.

It's me, Ed Gamble, host of the Taskmaster Podcast.

I am recording this intro from my house, not from the Taskmaster Caravan.

The episode, though, don't worry, is recorded in the Taskmaster Caravan.

Of course it is, because it is the finale.

We are going to be speaking to the winner of Taskmaster Series 19.

Not going to say their name here just in case for some reason you've stumbled across this on your podcast feed and you haven't watched the episode yet.

So this is my opportunity to tell you to go and watch the episode.

Go and watch the Taskmaster Series 19 finale.

It's blooming brilliant.

The whole series has been absolutely amazing.

It's so sad to see it go, but we are going to speak to the winner now.

Go away if you don't want to hear who that is, because we will say who it is.

Here we go.

Let's talk to the winner.

Here we go, Taskmaster Series.

Sorry, it's so hot in my house.

Like, unbelievable, like, even worse than the caravan.

It's 33 degrees outside.

I am pouring with sweat.

Just to let you know, I'm recording this in my pants.

Taskmaster Series 19, finale.

Here's our chat with the winner.

I am delighted to be joined by the champion.

of Taskmaster Series 19.

Welcome back to the Taskmaster podcast, Matt Bainton.

Thanks, Ed.

This is so exciting.

You're the champ.

I can't believe it.

You can believe it.

Look at it.

Can you believe it?

No, look at this.

This is what you always wanted.

I can see it in your eyes.

You can believe it.

You visualized this.

You had it on a mood board.

I didn't, no, I didn't think I would win remotely.

Because,

you know, I came in like competitive.

Yeah.

I wanted to do well in every task, but within

after the very first one, I was like, oh,

turns out I'm going to be bad.

This is chaos.

But when you got in the studio, like you said, last time you were on the podcast, you were saying that after you film the task, you're like, I've done really badly.

You get in the studio, you start to see what other people have done, you start to see who they are as Taskmaster contestants.

At that point, you do start to think, oh, maybe.

The way I would put it is,

I don't know that I won Series 19.

I think maybe four people lost it.

Right.

Yeah.

A lot of people screwing themselves over.

I think so.

I think even there's individual tasks where you can sort of see that happening.

They just sort of tumbled like dominoes.

But I did too.

I mean, that's the...

I genuinely, when I won the first three on the trot,

I just became paranoid that that was really deeply unlikable.

That is always a worry.

It wasn't.

I'm happy to release it.

It's very kind of worrying to say.

There is also the worry, I think, because I didn't have that.

I didn't win the first one.

I think it might have won the second one, but it was way more spread out across the series that I did.

But was there a worry in your mind as well when you won the first three?

What if all the tasks I've done well in randomly have all been put in the first three episodes?

Maybe, but I was more worried about just looking like a smug prick.

And so, if anything, I was sort of like hoping

I just thought, I can't, please don't, I don't, I can't be winning another episode.

But I think you never won them in a way that I was like, he's gone into that knowing he's going to win.

There was never that.

And in fact, I think certainly from that first episode, I think within the studio audience, you engender quite a protective feeling from them.

Like, when you're doing something badly, you're clearly quite downhearted about the whole thing.

So, there's quite a lot of, oh, yeah,

I mean, I think, yeah, it's it's clear, it's probably clear I'm a a sort of needy, broken person.

Yeah, I I made such a

such a tit of myself that I th yeah, I think that maybe kind of protects against any sense of like

this guy's in it to win it.

You went you went all out with sort of no forethought as to

how I mean I was going to say dignity, but we do need to talk about

that

that particular task because obviously we didn't get a chance to

the first time we spoke, so we spoke about episode two.

So

let's first of all speak about.

It's funny how your high points can also be your low points.

Oh, well, certainly for everyone else, your high points are very much your low points, I'd imagine, in your life.

Let's talk about the wardrobe malfunctions first.

Why not?

The short shorts, we talked about them briefly, but

they'd yet to show us the full goods last time we we spoke yeah they'd yet to spill the beans

but the beans were spilled the beans were spilled um

did you have a sense did you have a sense of when that was happening that that was happening not at all so was it only when you saw it back in the studio

that's my reaction live in the studio

i mean they don't play

the moment in the moment reactions like i think they used to in previous series but yeah you'd have you'd have seen me put my hands to my face and go, oh my god.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

And then you're scanning through going, are there any other tasks coming up where that might have happened again?

That didn't even occur to me because I just thought it was, I thought it was probably particular to

well, there were okay.

Here's the thought process.

My first thoughts were, but I wear sort of trunk style boxes.

Yeah.

And I'm pretty sure that I was wearing that kind of boxer that day.

The next thought is,

oh, actually,

now I think about it, I do remember noticing that my boxes were sometimes protruding under

because the shorts are so short, my boxes were sometimes longer.

Longer than the shorts.

And I was like, oh, that's a shame.

So I think there was one day where I'd had the forethought to wear different underwear and

that were

more

liable to

potential spillage.

Yeah.

So,

you were always

wearing underwear.

You weren't ever relying on the netting, internal netting of shorts.

God, no.

No.

And I'm.

I mean, how far do I want to dig a hole for myself?

I think the hole's dug, mate.

I have a relatively loose scrotum.

So

I would be well aware of

if they're not.

This is why you wear trunks.

You need them held.

Yeah, yeah.

You need to feel held.

So.

Well,

I thought they'd stitched me up.

I thought it was that

here I am on all fours.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good point.

So you're on all fours.

I'm on all fours, and I thought, okay, they've what they've done is they've, you know, the angle looks like that could have happened.

So they've pixelated a bit.

They pixelated nothing, essentially, and then made it look like that.

Yeah, so it looks like something's happened because there is in those shorts there is a layer of like yellow fabric

that's not that's not usually completely visible

and I thought it was a maybe a glimmer of that yellow

that pixelated

gives the impression of

flesh.

Ball flesh.

Yeah, bull flesh.

Ball flesh.

So, you know, I'm sat there.

I'm trying to figure this out.

Yeah.

You know,

have they faked this?

Yeah.

Or have they actually.

Well, I mean, Andy uses the word, we looked after you.

Like, that's the phrase he, you saw him say that to me just now yeah yeah because there is already you arrived and we were talking about this a little bit outside the caravan and andy's claiming that they were looking after you and i would argue you still have a conspiracy theory that it didn't happen right i would argue that looking after me would be not to use that shot i would agree with you but they also need to look after the show yeah and for the show that's good stuff man people seem to find it funny

i can't you can't argue with the laughs in the room it's obviously funny i know it's your balls, so it makes it a different experience for you, but it's obviously funny.

So here's the thing, and I don't, and this is where other people will get cynical.

If you would say that I'm cynical when I say they might have invented this and pixelated them,

when I tell you this, you will

people will no doubt then go, oh, he's done this deliberately.

My second Edinburgh show

involved a dance routine that I did in a child-size leotard

where

halfway through, it was like me sort of doing ballet,

and halfway through, one ball

pops out of the side of the leotard, and I continue to do the ballet.

And the whole joke was really just that I'm

I think I'm doing something really beautiful and moving to a beautiful piece of music, and the audience should be moved, if anything, to tears.

And they're all laughing, and I can't understand why.

And then just as I'm walking off, I spot it.

Great.

And

it was your real ball.

It was my real ball.

There was a sort of a move, there was like a kind of tumble

in the middle of the routine where my upstage hand was able to release

the chosen testicle

and

not look like I'd done that.

So

that would suggest to me that you're a man who's very in control of his balls and you can feel when one's out.

But you didn't feel it.

I didn't feel a thing.

Yeah.

Had it been an outdoor moment,

maybe there'd have been a breeze,

I'd have been like, hello.

Yeah.

Or maybe if we'd been in the underbelly

and I'd have been sort of used to that as an atmosphere, I'd have been like, oh,

that's familiar.

But

you're still not sure.

Are you still sure?

I have exposed a ball in the past in order to make people laugh.

Yeah.

Which is why I'm not sort of devastated.

Yeah.

But I didn't.

But it's different than I didn't expect it to happen here.

I really didn't.

This is why we work in comedy.

We want to.

We don't mind people laughing at us if we're in control of that.

Right.

If it's they're laughing at us and we don't know why or we've not been part of that, then that's

the worst thing in the world.

It does hurt.

Yeah, it does hurt.

Yeah, it can start to feel.

But I think you've created, I'm thinking, top five lasting Taskmaster moments with the Bulls.

I mean, I'll take it.

I'm thinking Mike Wozniak farting a pile out was definitely.

It's nice to be reminded of that, I have to say, because

yeah,

it puts a few things in perspective.

Yeah.

Because that's a man trying to fart.

Yeah.

I've at least got the sort of defence of,

you know,

this is just accident.

This is just.

It's a chance angle.

Yeah.

And it's a particular position I'm in.

And, you know, a momentary glimpse, you know, and it's, you know.

I would also say you're in the top five twice, though.

Oh, yeah.

Because of the dignity task.

Yeah.

Which.

That's arguably worse.

I mean, it's...

It might be top.

It might be top for me.

In terms of images that I think of when I think of Taskmaster,

it is...

It's seared.

It's seared onto my retinas, I'd say.

And

one thing I'll say about it is I almost feel it's worse because they didn't show the sort of thought process.

And often in these kind of creative tasks, what they do is they show in the VT, you open the task and and you go, do the least dignified thing.

And then they'll show you, sat there, going,

well, what's you know, what is dignity?

So, what would be the least dignified?

So, and it's yoghurt.

So, I guess if I was eating it and I sat there and talked myself into this whole thing, and I was writing it down as I said it.

But there was an escalation,

I was like, it would be undignified if I was like eating it off your shoe.

Yeah.

See, even how can it be more undignified?

I could be in my pants.

How could it be even more undignified?

I could be crying.

And then I could say something like,

I'm sorry, Daddy.

But why do you think that would have helped seeing the thought process?

Because then...

When you describe the thought process to me there, that seems too quick to arrive there.

Well, you know what improv is like, Ed?

You know,

in a way, it's...

That's not a thought process, what you've done.

You've just said the thing straight away.

But that's where the gold is, isn't it?

Yeah.

It's when you don't...

When you don't, when you don't filter, when you just see

where your brain goes.

And mine went a place I don't thank it for.

It's almost like...

And look, there's a lot of Taskmaster fans out there, and a lot of very specific Taskmaster fans and fans of British comedy.

It was like you were acting out some weird internet fan fiction.

I mean, it's all it.

Yeah.

They don't need to write that one anymore.

They've got a video of it.

Yeah.

But that's the sort of, that's what I would say psychologically is going on.

And I would say, actually, it was the same when I was tasked with do the coolest thing.

My brain just manifests the worst possible outcome.

So like all I'm thinking is what would be humiliatingly uncool.

Avoid that, but it's like it's it's like in Ghostbusters where they try not to think of anything and one of them thinks of the stay puff marshmallow guy.

Yeah.

But you're stay-puffed.

I'm thinking, like, don't think of uncool things.

And I've immediately, in having that thought, I've thought, sing a folk song to kids.

And then

you're sat there doing it.

You're thinking, what the fuck have I done?

But in terms of the dignity thing, yeah, that is your stay-puff marshmallow man is eating yogurt off Alex's shoe.

Yeah, exactly.

Everyone's got a stay-puff marshmallow man.

Mine happens to be licking yogurt off Alex's shoe.

In your pants.

I mean there was a lot of discussion of this in the studio that didn't make the edit for obvious reasons.

It does evoke

adult themes.

Evoke?

I mean it is.

It is an adult theme.

No, it's yoghurt.

I spilt the yogurt.

The yogurt is not the thing that people are going to remember.

I spilt some yogurt

and

we're in some sort of cult.

Sure.

I think this is the backstory.

Because there's an audience there.

Yeah.

The audience has made it so much worse.

Yeah, well, that was another thing on the list.

I was like, it would be, it's, you know, to really lose your dignity, it has to be in front of people.

Of course, well, it's it's the shame.

It's the shame walk from Game of Thrones, isn't it?

This is the funny thing is that when I said that, this is just recurred to me just now.

It's the first time I've remembered it since.

I sat there and I said, there should be an audience because it's not undignified unless people see it.

And Alex said, it is televised.

Looking back, that's when I should have thought,

just pump the brakes a second.

Yeah, but you can't, once you've said it out loud to the team here.

Well, that was it.

That was it.

You can't pump the brakes then.

Because then it'll be.

No, I think you should.

I'd love to say that they coerced me even slightly into delivering on what I'd written down.

I do remember Andy saying, can we get a shot of that?

Which I suppose felt like, in a way, like a contract.

But I didn't think to pump the brakes is the honest truth.

No, and I'm glad you did that.

And all I was thinking was, like, some of them will have chosen least, and that's going to be a competitive.

I was like, I'm glad I've chosen least.

Yeah.

Because most dignified would be hard to outdo anyone with.

That's very true.

Because all you can really do is some sort of stillness and grace.

Yeah.

Some version of.

And they did some really creative things, like Rosie putting other people in there to be less dignified than her, making elementary, you know, great stuff.

Yeah, but I was sure I wouldn't be the only one who chose in least.

And I thought, you've got to go, you've got to go hard because that's going to be

imagine the sort of depraved shit that people will do.

So that's your first sort of nightmare scenario is watching that VT and going, they all chose highest.

But I can't believe that's.

For me, the go-to is least straight away well you don't know what the rest of the task is no but in terms of you have to choose it first yeah but in terms of

yeah i know i see i see what you mean yes i i chose least because i probably

just have enormously low self-esteem

so whatever i thought whatever's in the task i'm gonna be i'm gonna be at home with least yeah

that's where i'm gonna that's gonna be my comfort zone

well it turns out it was Well, I'm in the same

place.

No one's comfortable.

No one is comfortable.

Alex is not comfortable.

No.

The audience at home aren't comfortable.

I'm interested to know what the.

When you'd finished filming that, when they were like, Yeah, we got that.

What was the vibe like amongst the crew and in the house?

Oh, you think I hung around?

Was that straight in the car?

I don't know if it was straight in the car, but it was.

Well, I mean, I'll tell you what it

I'll tell you what it was.

It's me and Chrissy sort of with

about 100 wet wipes

wiping off the word twit

and one tit.

I think it was one tit.

Yeah.

We didn't think we could do twat.

No, you don't want it to go too far, do you?

No,

I think that was just a

channel 4 thing.

Yeah, you got it.

Because they can bleep.

what you say, but they can't bleep.

Of course, yeah.

Actually, they can

pixelate.

You've got to draw a line line under things we know they can pixelate we know they've got that tech

should have gone twat

only got six points

you should have got six points for it look people will be talking about it but the extraordinary thing is to is to

is that all i was thinking was do the task like

and

only

really kind of towards the end of it did I think

this is going on telly.

Yeah.

I mean, I was so proud of you.

I thought it was outstanding.

Well, thank you.

You're playing the game.

It was absolutely brilliant.

We should talk about this final episode because I could do a whole episode on that task.

But the prize task is the thing most likely to make you do a double take.

Lovely final category.

Yours, I thought, was absolutely.

Absolute miscarriage of justice.

You know what?

And this is what I've written down.

I think it was a miscarriage of justice.

I think it was a perfect Taskmaster prize submission.

You can say it with three words.

Boots in a bin.

See the picture.

There's four.

Bang.

Done.

Boots in bin.

Boots in bin.

Yeah.

You're right.

I've written three words as well.

It's amazing.

I didn't count her.

Yeah, I think just

boots in the bin.

Just easy, so easy to say.

It immediately evokes what you want it to.

The picture's brilliant.

Bang.

I'm thinking four minimum for that.

But crucially,

it's a double take.

You look at it once,

you look away, and then you go, hang on, is there a body in there?

Yeah, yeah.

And you look back.

Yeah.

That's a double take.

That's perfect.

And I mean, I put an enormous amount of thought into this.

And

so, yeah, it hurts when

I think that

we've talked about some low points in terms of dignity, but actually when I felt lowest was when I felt like I deserved.

And

because I'd sort of

blazed an early trail

and I was out in front, I really felt like I was in a place where I couldn't sort of argue about points.

Yeah, I think you're right.

I think you're right to replace it.

It was like,

it's not going to be...

you know, there was another, there was another prize task where I felt like,

man,

I should have got more for that.

But I just remember sitting there and thinking, oh, that was it.

Borrowed from a friend.

I won't argue that I should have got five.

Yeah.

But Fatia got five for something that was given to her by someone she didn't know.

And I really wanted to say,

sorry, is the category best thing given to you by someone you don't know?

But I think you're right to think, you are right to make that assumption that if you started doing that when you're that far ahead, you look awful.

Awful.

I would have argued it.

And that's how I got the reputation I did.

But it's nice to have this forum.

Yes.

You know, to bring that up.

Yeah, absolutely.

And that's what I would say, like...

There were some strong submissions here,

but they weren't double takes.

Yeah, well, Fatia did get less than you.

Fatia got the one point, as is her tradition in the prize tusks.

Yeah, I mean, a beard.

That's what you do.

Geezers with beards.

So I don't.

Jason's is something you go and take a closer look at.

You go, what the fuck is that?

Yeah.

And you go and look at most meals with dad 1992 to 1993.

And Josie's is something you go, oh my God.

Yeah.

But it's not a double take.

No, because you're not looking away from that, are you?

You're holding the first look.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So I felt you know Stevie's is more of a surprise than a double take the fake arm I think it deserved the five actually anything you bring into the studio and there's like a trick element to it is great and it would be I think that's a double take potentially yeah if you happen to have looked away from

yeah I think that is a double take.

What the fuck?

She's got

that.

So I'm not saying I should have got the five, but

four.

Yes,

I think four.

It's fun to play this out because I hate myself hearing it.

So I'm glad.

So we are recording in the caravan, so there's occasional

planes and choppers.

I'm a wanted man.

But no, I agree with you that yours is the most traditional double take.

That's the cartoonish double take, isn't it?

What was

what was Fatia's point?

What was Fatia's point with hers?

So it was...

If you can figure that out.

It seemed to be...

She looks...

She sees a man with a beard and she's like, oh, great.

I love a man with a beard.

Then she looks away and then she has to look back to double check that he's Muslim.

Something like that.

Something like that.

But then for some reason, she said, have you ever seen a...

It was something about a cat.

A cat you farted in front of a cat.

Yeah.

And the face they make.

That's the face she makes when she sees someone with a beard, but she has to check to see if he's Muslim or not.

That was hard to.

Yeah.

Those were two things that were quite hard to connect.

But she says it was such confidence as well.

There's never any, she's not stumbling over any words.

She's just like, this is what I meant, and I'm not going to explain it any further.

Oh, I think she prepared it.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I mean,

the absolute brutal topper to the whole thing was Jason saying, backstage, you said this was your best one.

It probably was.

Yeah, yeah, no, it might well have been.

I mean, points-wise, of course, she got the

thing that was given to her by a stranger.

Yeah.

But, um, but yeah.

You're never going to shake that off.

Rosie's period costume.

You'll be happy to hear that was from a show she did.

Yeah.

Rather than she did say that in the studio.

It was cut out of the edit, I think.

So I just want to let our listener know she didn't have it made for Taskmaster.

That was for her live podcast show with Chris.

Yeah.

But it is.

It is an extraordinary thing.

Don't get me wrong.

It's proper, proper, incredible.

But yeah, no double take there.

That is a single take for a long time.

A single astonished, open-mouthed stare,

I would say.

And I do love most meals with dad award.

Yeah.

But you just...

Great item.

It throws up questions and you're looking at it.

You're going closer to it.

You're then asking, why does this exist?

It's not a double take.

And Stevie's very, very good.

To have the discipline sit there for that long.

Because sometimes these chats take ages, right?

Sorry, but I know we were talking about Stevie, but I was just remembering that the audience audibly reacted when I only got two points.

Didn't they?

Yeah, I mean...

There was like a ooh.

It seemed harsh.

But also, Greg knows at this point.

Well, how far ahead are you at this point?

He's trying to make it a competition.

You're going into this episode pretty much knowing you're going to win, surely.

I think it was doable.

I think there were

single figures between me and second, I think, at the end of the penultimate episode.

Right, okay.

I mean, you're 15 points ahead by the end.

And Stevie has a very good episode, the final episode.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

But, yeah.

But look, it's.

You know,

it is.

It's fine.

Isn't it?

It was one point for Fatia, two points for you.

Three points for Jason, four points for Rosie, and five points for Stevie's fake arm.

Fatia!

Yeah.

You've made me double take all series.

My thing is geezers with beards.

Oh.

Have you...

This is crazy.

Have you ever farted in front of a cat?

It was only a matter of time until someone asked.

So yeah, you know, like, if you fart in front of a cat, yeah, it goes like this.

And that's what happens when I see a giza with a beard, right?

Because a lot of Muslim men grow beards.

And so, is this beard for somebody that you might find attractive, but who doesn't have a beard, so you can just put it right on him?

No, we just couldn't find a guy with a beard that I liked.

So I said, you.

Excellent.

So if I've understood you correctly, you've brought a beard in because you always double tape when when you see a man with a beard because you find them attractive, but you're hoping that that man is a Muslim.

Yeah.

What I haven't quite worked out is the whole farting in front of cuts.

Don't worry about that.

Don't worry about that.

Leave that.

Yeah, leave that.

That's the reaction.

Because that's what I'm like.

Backstage you said this was your best wife.

It is.

Task one, completely fill the yellow box with sand.

Once you've touched a box, you must hold the box for the rest of the task.

Fastest wins, your time starts now.

A nightmare, a nightmare task to watch.

I just found it imagining myself doing it and how frustrated I'd get.

Yeah.

Because

you've got to think ahead, which you and Jason did very, very well.

Do you know what?

I just think I got lucky

to a fair old extent with this one.

I think sometimes you just

you happen to go one way.

Like when I realised there would be sand somewhere else,

I immediately went towards the end of the garden.

If I'd come round into the house or into the caravan, I'd have been in the same disaster the others were in.

But, you know,

this is the guy who didn't look at the numbers on the cookie that he ate.

maybe 10 of

so like sometimes I spot sometimes i got lucky sometimes i didn't yeah it is very much if you turn if you turned left you were fine and if you went anywhere else you you were completely screwed over but i also think it's the instinct to know that it's not all going to stay in there it's not going to be one of those three boxes yes i kind of i thought it might i thought it might be one of them and that it would be a trick which one yeah so i didn't go for the one that looked full

but then the half full one turned out to be a trick too yes but it was happily sort sort of sleeve-sized so I could sort of just sling it on and get on with it.

Which Jason doesn't touch any of them.

Jason straight away he knows that that's all going to be a trick.

He finds the pile and I'm surprised he didn't just throw the whole table over straight away.

Just smash everything up.

I think if it had been a later task he would have

get on the roof, see if there's any sand up there.

Yeah.

But you still do it way quicker than Jason.

You did it in one minute 25.

Yeah.

So he must have really just taken his time just kicking stuff.

I think, yeah, he was looking around under the table and stuff.

And I felt like it was one that maybe you, it would maybe be one of those ones that you can actually do in 10 seconds.

Yes.

And that they were trying to trick you into spending lots of time umming and Ring.

So

yeah.

But it looked, I mean, look, everyone else had a total nightmare.

Yeah.

walking around with so many boxes, just box upon box upon box, trying to work out how to carry them, like wheeling them around places, putting them on tables.

It's so nice to see the sort of nightmare you've been spared.

Yeah.

When you see like there's what looks like a pile of sand in a sort of sand castle and actually it's

a solid model.

Nightmare.

Which Fatia does put in and they do give it to her because it's technically made of sand.

Do they?

Yeah,

I think sometimes you've got to admit that.

There's some pity involved.

If you're having that much of a nightmare anyway, and you're only getting one or two points, you've got to give her that.

Do briefly want to touch on Rosie popping a box on her head.

Yeah.

Is it possible to put a box on your head and not look totally gormless?

I wouldn't say so.

No, because

looking out from under anything

is not the sort of most dignified books, I think.

I kind of think there's two types of people in the world.

And one is people who would put things on their head.

Yeah.

Saucepans, Colanders.

Ticozy.

Ticozy.

Yeah.

And you must be a pop-on-the-head guy.

I'm a pop-on-head guy, for sure.

I think life is.

You're a ball out in the single show, guys.

Yeah, exactly.

Pop a thing on your head, guys.

Come on.

Pop a thing on your head, for God's sake.

Yes, a good task, but a very frustrating task to watch back if you hadn't turned left, I would say.

Rosie gets the one point, Fatia gets the two points, three points for Stevie, four points for Jason, and the big five for you.

I'm not going to be too fast.

No?

You're not going to be too fast.

I'm going to take my time

and be very deliberate in my thoughts and emotions.

Completely fill the yellow box with sand.

The yellow box with sand.

Once you have touched a box, you must hold that box for the rest of the task.

Once you have touched a box, you must hold that box for the rest of the task.

Right, well, I haven't touched any from seeing that.

Fastest wins.

Okay, so this seems to be a situation under here.

I'd love you to read the last line.

I would love to, but I just want to figure out how this thing works.

Have you started the clock?

No?

Great.

I'm tempted to.

Your time starts now.

Task two, talking of hell.

Freeze on your spot in the most powerful pose in five minutes from now.

You must be touching two of the objects.

Your time started when you acknowledged Alex.

Part two, stay completely still in your powerful pose for the next ten minutes.

Least movement wins.

Your time starts now.

This is torch.

This is torch.

Good God.

Good.

Good, sweet lord.

I hate to say it, but heard of Guantanamo Bay?

Well,

the thing here is that

you've got the option of not suffering, so they're sort of getting out on a technicality.

Which is like, well, you could throw the points.

Yeah.

If it hurts that much, then put the mallet down.

Sure.

Well, if you, you know, if it hurts that much, give up the information about the terrorist cell.

It works both ways, right?

I was going to go on down a sidetrack about whether or not torture actually is an effective method for getting intelligence.

Because I do think the intelligence community is quite divided on that.

Yes, sure.

And apparently, Zero Dark 30 is really kind of guilty of some fictitious stuff.

As is Alex Horne.

But yeah, I created my own Guantanamo, if you will.

Yeah, because

I chose to try despite the odds.

And

I thought I'd been quite clever with the pose.

The sort of taking power as

an idea rather than just something inherent in the way that you're standing.

Yeah, I see what you mean, but does you.

Killing a puppy?

Yeah.

It's emotional.

A,

this is the thing, it works on multiple levels.

And when I say multiple, I mean two.

Yeah.

One,

I have the power of life and death over this creature.

Yes.

That is powerful.

Yeah.

Two, it's emotionally powerful because I love the puppy.

Yes.

It's my puppy.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's suffering in front of me.

Yeah.

And what what do you do what do you do yeah you look into its eyes and you're thinking

I don't want you to suffer but can I kill can I kill with a mallet with a mallet with whatever is to hand which in this case is a croquet mallet

so I felt like

good on me here yeah five points here we go you'd really thought about it and there was yeah multiple layers and then the second layer really fucked me yeah but but then there's a sort of period in there where you're like

actually if I can stay still this is going to be incredible yeah and once you've done I mean how many minutes was it ten ten minutes yeah once you've sort of done and I said to Alex don't tell me often yeah he said how often do you want me to tell you the time and I was like not often also that's such an annoying question how often do you want me to tell you the time

Well yeah

I don't know, I just want it to be hopeful I thought yeah, if this is if you're giving me each minute Yeah, that's going to be too many reminders of how far I've still got to go.

Well, Fatia took the opposite technique of asking Alex

every single 10 seconds how long there was left.

Even though all she was doing was standing.

Standing there and then frequently changing her position, leaning against the pillar.

Again, as soon as having seen...

Fatia's approach to the show throughout the whole series, as soon as this came.

It's classic, Fatia.

There was no way that Fatia was pulling this off.

It's the most her she is in any task.

Even the thing about the gravel.

Yeah, it's a bit like bear grills walking across some gravel.

Bear grills.

Like, if you're annoyed at walking across the gravel, you're not going to hold a position for 10 minutes.

But it's brilliant because it's such a counterpoint.

It makes such a fool of someone like me putting themselves through 10 minutes.

Well, not just 10 minutes, because it genuinely hurt for days.

Fatty is the logical one in most tasks.

Right.

Where she's like, well, I just won't do it.

And how many less points does she get than me?

one less one less point one less I physically tortured myself for 10 minutes and suffered for days to get one more point than Fatia your issue is the hammer I think as well right because it's it shows so much more movement there was a there was a point where I just physically couldn't support it yeah and it had to go against

and what bothered me about that as well was knowing that it looks like a capitulation and that it looks like, oh, from that point,

that's not that bad.

Yeah.

I still had the full weight of it.

It was bad.

Just as much pain.

The whole thing just doesn't look, the whole thing actually doesn't do justice to how painful it was.

But I can imagine.

I would say to anyone who's listening, who's thinking, come off it.

Literally, even just hold your arms up.

Yeah.

Hold your arms level with your shoulders and start a timer.

Yeah.

And see how long you can hold it before it becomes excruciating.

I can't even sit down in the same position for longer than a minute without going numb.

Well, they say

your best

position is the next.

You're right, babe.

I'm going to give up on that one.

There's something about

stuff.

If you don't sit at a desk,

walk around a bit.

Stevie was also in agony.

We're not cutting that out.

They're staying in.

Stevie was also in agony.

Yes.

But crucially, I think accidentally chose a better position to remain still because she was sort of just basically trapped her legs underneath herself, which is painful.

Yeah, and that would have definitely been painful.

Yeah, but she didn't have to rely on.

Yeah, she couldn't move.

She couldn't really falter.

Yes.

I mean,

Rosie, I think her technique is almost the fattier style technique, but it works very well for her of choosing a position that isn't that taxing to start with.

So, saying she's from the 80s, she's a powerful businesswoman from the 80s with roller skates and just leaning up against a pillar.

It sort of doesn't.

You can't argue, really, that is a powerful position, but the whole thing at the end was.

That's not what the points are being gained for.

And that's, you know, that's the brilliance and evil of Alex.

Gutting to to watch from your perspective, though, I'd imagine.

Yeah, base, it's all fine, isn't it?

It's all fine at the end.

It's all fine at the end.

Was this the episode where Greg accused me of defensively going, yes, fine?

Yeah, it might have been.

Yeah, absolutely fine.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, it's all right.

Well, don't say it like that, you sound offensive.

Interesting that the two men...

when it's powerful positions, both grabbed a hammer and were about to kill something.

Yeah, that is interesting.

Yeah.

Because it doesn't surprise me that Jason does it, to be honest, because he's so destructive and clearly

hates Alex's little foibles so much that he's acting out of fantasy.

But you're right, we've both internalised a sort of toxic idea of what power is based on sort of masculine violence.

You know, a lot of people are talking about adolescence as being the show that really puts all that out there for discussion, but I think it's episode 10 of Taskmaster.

I'd say it's a companion piece at the least.

I think you should watch both and sort of, you know, they complement each other very well.

And what a lot of people don't know about Taskmaster is it's all done in one shot.

Beginning to end, the whole series.

Well, this task certainly was.

Yes.

Yeah, it felt like it went on for as long as an episode of Adolescence, put it that way.

I mean, I can't imagine how painful it was afterwards and trying to.

Did you have to go for a sports massage after this?

I didn't have to.

No, I just, yeah, it was, it hurt.

I really, it was the twist.

I think I say it in the twist of the spine more than that, actually,

that I.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When you've been for massages in the past, do you wear the little paper pants they give you?

I tend to keep actor's own pants on.

Do you worry that

now?

I do.

Yeah.

That's a that's a point

I'm gonna do three and then I'm gonna I'm gonna have to

Can you just edit it yeah because my trainer she's a bitch yeah she'll make me do like 20 bench lifts like just to edit it

cool this left one is wobbly

all right

you're gonna last

yeah

five minutes gone Oh God.

Let me do another pose then.

Right.

It's taking so much effort.

My back hurts, Jason.

Your back's hurting?

Huh?

Alright, good.

Lost my toes.

Lost your toes?

Your two little toes have gone.

That's cute, innit?

Can you stay still?

It's so boring.

50 seconds.

Eight seconds.

Oh my words.

Smashed it.

Task three.

Let's talk about the final pre-recorded task of this series.

It's a team task.

It's provide the best drive-through experience.

Your first customer will arrive in five minutes from now.

The next five customers will arrive every two minutes after that.

They're expecting fast service, accurate pricing, and great food.

Your time starts now.

This is now in a grand tradition of Taskmaster team tasks.

We've had the hotel.

Sort of running a business.

Running a business.

Should have seen it coming.

And this is as chaotic as you'd hope it to be, really.

Talk us through this one, please, Matt.

I mean, I think this is a good example of

Sometimes you sort of think you know yourself and sometimes you think you know how you're going to come across and it's genuinely really surprising.

Yeah,

I sort of couldn't believe what I was watching

and Greg was

Greg described it very well saying there seemed to be a stone

It blew my mind because because we've come to know you through this series of taskmasters details guy details guy You know, you do stuff pretty well.

You're efficient.

You start that you start the task being like right Let's maybe start making some stuff.

You're taking photos of the the menu, you're doing all of this.

I was like, well, thank God Matt's there because the other two are all over the shop.

Yeah.

And

the first opportunity you have to do anything,

it's like you're hiding in the booth.

You wouldn't, you wouldn't look a customer in the face.

I was so fixated on the maths because I thought that's how Alex is going to be.

Accurate pricing, it does say.

Yeah.

And

so I was doing the maths on my phone.

Right.

I hadn't worked a till like that

before.

And actually, what it had like shortcut buttons which I didn't understand.

So I was really, I was instantly flummoxed.

But it was how long you were taking as well.

So you're head down and Alex just going, hello?

Hello?

Like, not even, I'll be with you in a second, just staring at the numbers.

Yeah, because I was just thinking,

oh,

like waiting for a moment is going to be fine.

Yeah.

If I then nail the price and give him the right change,

we're not going to be.

They're not going to quibble the fact that for a moment I was busy doing my job.

Yeah, sure.

You know, I wasn't being rude.

Well,

you were, yeah.

I was.

And he's already had to deal with.

I keep saying one moment, sir.

He's already had to deal with Fatih.

He has.

I mean, actually, the thing here really is that we chose the wrong jobs.

I think so.

I think if I had my time over, I'd put myself in the kitchen.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then Rosie taking the order and Fatia.

Rosie take the order, maybe Fatia on the sale.

Yeah.

Or at least we should have said from the get-go, has anyone worked till?

Yes.

Yes, something like that.

Yeah.

Although I would have been the one to go, yeah, I have.

And then I'd have looked at it and gone,

that doesn't help.

There's a moment in this as well where

Rosie tries to radio Fatia and she says, with a customer at the moment, can you shut up?

I was like, I'm pretty sure I have heard that in.

That is just, it's like being in McDonald's.

So perfect.

But yeah, also to not have thought, let's start making stuff.

Yes.

That was really...

I mean,

I think all three of us should have thought that.

Well, the thing that really made me laugh, obviously, was the preparation was you running around trying to get stuff done and them arguing about what a pentagon was.

Yeah, it was.

And that summed it up, really.

Yeah.

Was this the final team task of the day?

That's probably the point where I should have gone, I'll take the kitchen.

Yeah, yeah.

I know what a pentagon is.

Bare minimum qualification, yeah.

I know my shapes.

Was this the final team task of the day?

I can't remember.

Yeah, I think, but it probably was, yeah.

So you knew each other by then.

You knew the sort of how it fit it together as a team.

Yeah, true, but then it's only one day.

Yeah.

I'm still, I still, at that point,

I was going to say I was still scared of Fatia.

I still am.

I'm not really sure.

No, she's lovely.

But,

yeah, I was at that point.

Yeah.

For sure.

Just such a joy to watch, though.

Average wait time of two minutes, 41.

I mean, it's extraordinary that we got any points.

And you trying to make Alex back up as well.

Yeah.

Can you back up round there?

I thought that.

So I thought that that that was

that Alex had deliberately laid out the stations in the wrong order.

Right, okay, yeah.

So it should be

place your order, go to the till,

receive your order.

But he deliberately put the kitchen in the middle.

It was confusing.

So that we would have to somehow maintain good customer service whilst also telling the customer that the kitchen is actually behind you.

He needed to add another hurdle to the situation.

No, I I mean, when the tail was the main hurdle.

But yeah, I'd sort of, it hadn't occurred to me that the food could be delivered out the front door.

So in the maths zone.

Well, let's talk about the other team, JV Martzoukis.

Just all seems to go quite smoothly.

They nailed it, yeah.

They absolutely nailed it.

And with two of them,

you would have thought hard

to do all those jobs.

But I think a lot of it, honestly, is Jason

improvising these monologues about the business.

It's just perfect.

Yeah, it's a really good tactic

to sort of, yeah, to not be rude, but to buy yourself all that time.

Yeah, it makes you excited about the food.

Yeah.

Talking about the history of

the family business.

I mean, I, you know,

my brief dalliance with customer service sort of work

as a teenager manning the kiosk in a theater

taught me never to go near it for the rest of my life.

Yeah.

Because I can't do that stuff.

No.

You can't do the till even.

No.

I mean I look back, I go, oh wow.

It's a wonder I lasted as long as I did in that job.

Whereas Jason, I think he should open a restaurant.

I thought it was great.

And Stevie seemed to do the cooking element pretty well as well.

She got everything right.

She was attentive.

She wanted to do well.

She was polite to everyone.

And also, I think just knowing, just put something out there.

Yeah.

If it even vaguely relates to what's been ordered, it's going to be all right.

No one knows what a drizzle is, really.

No.

You know.

And this nonsense.

They're not eating this shit.

They're not going to.

Well, then, my favourite, my favourite moment, I think, was Rosie really struggling to cut soldiers into the shape of soldiers.

And you said, just give it a sense of limbs.

Just make sure it has a sense of limbs.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I know what you mean.

Yeah.

But it's that, I think there was too much detail given to.

Like, she was burning toast for like 15 minutes.

Yeah.

Whereas all she needed to do really was just put it in twice or turn the thing up.

Yeah.

And also, as was pointed out, do that early doors.

Yeah, yeah.

Get the toast on straight away.

Yeah.

Don't wait until it's been ordered.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a lesson for many people who work in hospitality there, I think.

It was five points for Jason and Stevie and three points for you guys.

So that felt generous.

Definitely.

Yeah.

It's a good example, a good example of sort of failing, but somehow still getting points.

Definitely.

Very, very generous.

So entertaining, though.

One second, I'm so sorry.

They love what we're doing.

So here we are.

Now, what can I get you?

I mean, I'm going to slog out a point.

So sorry, this is a little gluten flag for your castle.

I'm going to pop that.

Thank you.

Have a great day.

Have an amazing day.

Thank you.

thank you thank you for dining at jvas

where you're family

i genuinely think you should go into business together

it was actually really clever of jason wasn't it to start speaking absolute bullshit because it just slowed it all down so beautifully so clever we've not seen that side of you before Jason.

The clever side?

I don't mean.

Listen, Hessel.

It was great.

I loved hearing the backstory.

You were so polite.

My favourite line of the whole thing.

And I know that you were genuinely proud of yourself when you went, I've already made it.

Let's talk about the final live task.

Get the most carrot in your bucket.

You must hold your hands behind your back at all times.

You have 100 seconds again what a way to end this series yeah in the way the series has gone throughout the whole thing just in absolute abject chaos yeah

people biting chunks off the carrot spitting it in jason just destroying the helmet essentially to get the carrot in yeah me worrying

about wardrobe malfunctions again

And again, the stupid thing there was

because the studio days are sort of consecutive, so it's a short space of time.

And we'd had the wardrobe malfunction,

it was clear that that was going to be a bit of a moment.

And I thought, oh, I should change what I was going to wear for the last episode.

I should wear shorts.

And then I didn't have any that weren't like sports shorts.

And

I thought it'd be better if they sort of fit with a bit of a sense of dressing up.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

So I just ordered some online.

Yeah.

And they were so sort of skinny.

And they're a bit longer than they needed to be.

Yeah.

So I kind of had to roll them up.

And they're dangerous.

Bad.

Yeah.

But I'd committed and that was, you know.

I think no one can argue that for this series of Taskmaster you did not commit.

Yeah.

I mean, that's.

You committed.

It paid off.

You won.

Yeah.

At what cost?

We don't know yet.

Yeah, I think the rest of my life I'll be finding that out.

It's such a strange position to be in,

to sort of know the GIF

before it even appears.

Did you know the GIF as it was happening?

Were you imagining the GIF?

I mean, now there's multiple GIFs, aren't there?

Yeah.

Are we talking about the licking of the yogurt?

Or are we talking about the gift?

Licking the yogurt's definitely a gif.

And there's definitely definitely balls is a gif.

I think licking the yogurt's probably the stronger gif.

What concerns me, Ed, is that

a time will come.

You with your lips is a finger on your lips as a gif as well.

Oh, Jesus.

I mean, they're not.

We've not even talked about that.

That's the thing about low points.

Is that often they're not, you know, like, I chose to lose my dignity.

And my balls may have fallen out, but they pixelated them.

Sure.

That is low, actually.

Yeah.

But the dignity one we'll put down to choice.

But the, yeah.

The stuff where you just are

just trying your best and then you make it,

you just show yourself to be a

stupid idiot.

So the wetsuits is one for sure, having my fingers on my lips the whole time.

And thinking, oh no, I'm going to not get any points because at one point I briefly took my finger off my lips.

That's a heartbreaking, and I completely understood that as well.

I understood that it was that would my instinct to switch.

That would be the bit they'll clip up, they'll clip that up and they'll show it, they'll do all the thing.

And then afterwards, they'll go, oh, but Greg, let me show you this.

Matt took his finger off his lips for a moment.

I'll be like, yeah, I knew that was gonna.

So that was that's that's a low.

And then you're watching everyone else going, well, they don't have their fingers on their lips.

The other one is

when I failed to put water in the bucket

and got

a clean sweep in that assault course where you had to do every single task and most of them were going to tell you to throw the water away.

Every single one said carry on and I had not put water in the bucket because I was so

like, go,

get the bucket, get into the assault course.

Yeah.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Keep going.

I haven't got water in the bucket.

That's sort of worse than

yeah, but that's not the GIF, is it?

But I digress.

What I was going to say about the GIF is the thought that, and it's really possible,

that a time will come where

no one remembers me for my work.

Like, TV's pretty ephemeral, you know.

Shows, people aren't digging them out 20 years later.

But that GIF is still being used by people who've got no idea what it relates to.

Yeah, they don't know who the guy is, but like,

licking yogurt off someone's shoe gif.

It's the gift that you like

that's shorthand for you've really made, you've really debased yourself.

Yeah, you've really fucked up here, yeah.

You know, that's possible.

So that's great.

And it's just, it's just sort of sitting with that, isn't it?

It's just sort of going,

can I fold that in

to just this is what it's been like for me to be a human on this planet?

This is part of the experience

for me

of what it is to be a person.

The everlasting gift.

Yeah, can I accept that?

I think you can.

I have to.

I don't know.

We sure have to.

But yeah.

Well,

you know it's happened.

It's happened and it will then happen, but it's how it sits with you day to day.

I'd be delighted.

You absolutely smashed it.

Great.

I mean, yeah.

I think there's a version of my future where I am just sort of fine about it.

Yeah.

But I don't think I'll really know.

It's difficult to say now as well because we are recording this before, obviously, before the episode's gone out.

So

we don't know how it's gone down.

Yeah.

I mean, imagine if it's just like

actually just no one

mentions it.

I'd say there's less than 0% chance of that happening.

It'd be mad, though, wouldn't it?

If we're sort of like

having a whole conversation about

and people are like,

remember that bit.

Yeah.

It was fine.

That was the least remarkable bit.

But your nuts fell out.

See,

even if one bit.

Yeah, there's a gif.

There's always a gif.

There's a gif either way.

There's always a gif on the horizon.

The live task, it was one point for Fatia, two points for Rosie, three points for you, four points for Stevie, and five points for Jason.

Meaning, Stevie wins this final episode with 22 points, Jason in second, you in third, Rosie in fourth, and Fatia, bottom of the table, sadly.

But you are the champ, 169 points.

Unbelievable.

You've got to be happy with that.

Being the champ or the points.

Or both.

I don't really know where the points sort of start.

I don't, actually.

We'll do the stats, I'm sure, at some point.

I sort of don't feel like...

I don't feel like they mean anything.

the points

what if you were top I mean I don't think you are top but because there are so many that sort of

it would be

it's it's so genuinely subjective

to Greg's whims yes and as we've discussed sometimes he is objectively wrong

and I'd say that to his face yeah I don't know if I'd say it to his face I think you would

stand

they don't really mean it but I'm

the main reason I'm delighted to be a champion is because I get to come back and do another.

Well, yeah, this is the thing.

Champion champions.

So, because it is so much fun.

Yeah.

It is, it's genuinely so much fun.

Yeah.

That there is a feeling when you're in the studio of like, oh no, this is coming to an end.

So I'm glad I get to do more.

Yeah.

But as like

in amongst champions, I'm not sure.

I think we're going to find out really what I am

and just the extent to which I sort of was dealt a lucky hand.

You were the top of a.

And no, I don't mean to insult anyone.

Yeah.

But they may choose to be insulted.

Yes, I think they'd agree.

I think, yeah.

I thought you were brilliant, man.

We sort of all had our moments.

But Jason was only concerned with destroying things.

Fatia

was not happy with any of the tasks.

And

I don't think Rosie and Stevie were particularly competitive.

No, I don't think so either.

And Stevie had some really brilliant moments.

I mean, everyone had some really brilliant moments.

Stevie did some really clever things.

And going into it, I thought

she'd probably be the competition

if I got any points.

But yeah, she wasn't.

Listen, you're the champ.

We will, of course, ask you to rate your experience on the podcast again between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster.

Obviously, last time you said there was some trauma association with being back at the house, does that still hold true?

Well, if anything, it's more so now because although I've

now I'm conditioned in the environment yeah we've brought up a lot of trouble even worse stuff haven't we yeah we've brought up the low points yeah so is it another point and we haven't even mentioned the cloak task losing all five from which was the one task i thought i've done well there

um so because of the trauma i'd say i'm gonna i'm gonna have to go lower than last time yeah last time and say three

okay

it has been a pleasure look it's lovely to see you i'm glad you're the champion i thought you you were fantastic.

Thanks, man.

Can't wait to see what you do on Champion of Champions.

Yeah, who knows?

Who knows what will be gift out of that?

So many potential gifts.

Thanks, Matt.

Thank you.

Thank you so much to the winner of Taskmaster Series 19 for coming on the podcast, Matt Bainton.

Of course it was.

Of course it was

an assured victory, I would say.

But what an amazing series it's been.

Everyone on it, absolutely incredible

hugely popular with people I think I think you know there's been people on there who've been an absolute revelation big fan of the series total chaos will we have as much chaos on the next series I don't think it's possible but the joy of Taskmaster is we see new and exciting things every time with the new lineup

We should also say Nick Mohammed made a prediction about the scores in this series and he was correct.

Go back to Nick Mohammed's episode, listen to him make his spooky prediction, come back and find out that he was absolutely correct.

Now I'm convinced it's some sort of magic number triangle magician thing,

but he would say that it's just genuine, genuine magic.

If you want to believe, please believe.

I'm so sweaty right now.

Lots of fun stuff coming up on the Taskmaster podcast feed in the next few weeks, including some best of episodes, some Q ⁇ As, and some stuff from some live events that I was not even present for.

Can you believe?

And also, I will say, if you are Montreal-based or Canada-based, we are doing the Taskmaster podcast live in Montreal at the Just for Last Festival.

Go to the Just for Last Festival website, find out more information about that.

We will have a special guest.

We will be doing the podcast live.

Go and get yourself a ticket.

But for now, thank you for listening to the podcast.

As always, thank you for watching Taskmaster Series 19.

We'll be back soon with lots more exciting stuff.

Bye-bye.