#619: Buzz, Buzz!

Tell them Steve Dave sat recording in the comic store, but Brian Q felt that they needed more.

Phil wanting women, adventure, and booze.

Bri just wanted to debate how potent toppings and not have to lose.

So they traveled, Q traveling, hitting pavements.

Brie providing abundances of vague navigation.

But whether they win or lose, triumph or fail.

Listen to this podcast, and they will regale you with their tales.

Space Monkeys.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Em Steve Dave, which is actually Space Monkeys.

Hello, everybody.

That's right.

Walt's not here today.

No.

Not by our design.

No,

he's just too busy.

He was too busy to make it here today.

We said, what about the people?

And he was like, I got to mail out all the Patreon gifts today, so I am still working for the people.

Yeah, so we want to hear any bullshit about no Walt, no listen.

I mean, you don't have to listen, actually.

Yeah, you don't have to.

We've already downloaded it, and that's really all we care about.

Yeah.

I always prefer Walt here, of course, but I was kind of excited that it was just me and you today.

A little bit of a bitch fest.

Yeah.

We don't get to bitch a lot with Walt Fest.

We don't get to bitch a lot.

And

I'm in the mood for

a little bit of a bitch fest because, man, I can't.

I'm going through like a, it's been a bit since I've been hit with the depression stick.

Yeah.

Fuck,

I'm getting whacked this week, man.

Well, it did go from like 53 down to 23 really quick.

Yeah.

Like, that's, I find that does it to me is the sudden drop in temperatures, which happens every year.

Every year, it's just like, oh, it's nice.

It's nice.

All right.

It's not so nice.

All right.

It's nice.

It's nice.

Then boom.

And then one day you're like, it's never going to be nice again until the summer.

It's so fucking cold.

It gets dark at like fourth.

Everybody knows, of course, that this happens.

But I just said, like, mid-week, I started getting

really frustrated and

unfocused and just disconnected.

And I didn't even realize it was happening until I was on my third day of feeling miserable.

And I was like, what is going on?

I don't want to do anything.

I don't even want to play video games.

It's literally like nothing is going to make me happy.

Yeah, you wander from one thing to the next.

Yeah, and nothing's accomplished.

Well, and I'm in the middle of a lot of things right now.

And I just, I was failing at everything.

Like, I had work that I had to hand in with a writing partner.

I just didn't do it.

And I hate, like, you can't do that.

You know what I mean?

You can't just be like, yeah, I just didn't get to it.

But like, I would sit down to write and it would just, it wouldn't even be, couldn't even get into first gear.

Even now, like, I feel it.

And I wanted to come down and hang out with you and see it.

Dude, I left the house, man.

Yeah.

In slippers and didn't realize it.

Look at this.

Until I was halfway here.

I'm like Dr.

Farnsworth and shit.

Like, I'm just, I was driving and my foot slipped off the pedal.

And I was like, did I not put on fucking shoes?

I'm wearing house slippers.

You're wearing your house slippers, Ro.

It's discombobulated, bro.

I'm all fucking off, man.

But I'm hoping that now that I named it, I could shame it

and make it go away.

I'm really hoping.

Because this is brutal, man.

I haven't felt like this.

You know, we used to feel like this all the time.

Right.

And I haven't felt like this in a while.

Well, the holidays are coming up, too.

That's another thing that tends to get people depressed.

I don't know if you're going to be depressed about that.

Usually you don't get depressed right now, though.

I actually, this Christmas, something fun

because I do spend it alone.

And then

a buddy of mine, he's spending it alone too.

And it's,

so we were a little bit like, why don't we just fucking

go out drinking in Manhattan on Christmas?

That's about it.

Do something like that.

So it might have some sort of shenanigans afoot.

All right.

But if not, my alternative is being home with, you know, my cats.

Playing video games.

Yeah, it's fine.

It's fine.

It's going to be good.

Yeah.

And you get to, you get to avoid all the like the holiday stress of like going somewhere.

Like, I know there are people that travel hours to go.

This is going to be a bitch fest.

We told you.

Oh, yeah.

I know there are people who travel hours to get to their family's houses.

And then once they're there, you know, it's.

Why did I drive hours to get here?

Yeah, like I only have to go a couple, like maybe 10 minutes to my brother's house.

But once I'm there, I'm like, I know I'm like, oh, it's going to be crowded.

It's going to be hot.

I'm going to see my family.

Yeah.

And it's a little crazier, it's like, because they're getting older, these parents of ours.

Oh, yeah.

And it is like, it is, you know, we don't come in every week and talk about like what it's dealt with what it's like with you know parents who are getting older, but that's no fun, man.

It's a it's a hard part of life, huh?

Yeah, Walt doesn't like to talk about that kind of stuff.

Getting old, dying, well, it's not Walt's cup of tea.

No, he doesn't like talking about it.

But yeah, having parents, I look at them more and more.

I haven't really talked much about it, but Edgar

has gotten sick

and he has blood cancer.

But it's being held back.

He's responding well to the chemo and stuff.

But god damn it, doesn't it seem like if

you live long enough, if you don't die from something, you know, some kind of accident or some kind of unfortunate incident, you're dying of cancer.

Everybody.

Yeah.

You just live long enough, you're going to get cancer.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

Fucking body fighting against you.

I remember when I started the fire academy, you know, and I was a young man of 28, which at the time I thought was old.

Could you imagine?

And in

the fire academy, in the first few days, they were like, you will get cancer.

They're like, on this job, they're like, you're signing up for cancer.

You're going to get cancer.

Like, you breathe in everything and all the chemicals, every, you know.

It makes sense, all those carcinogens.

Yeah.

And asbestos, and I remember being young,

being like,

ah,

let's go.

Let's fight fires.

Yeah, and now

that I'm

getting up there a little bit, I'm going to be 49 in March.

I'm like, oh, man, I did breathe in that shit for eight years.

Like, is that going to come back

and get me?

And I don't know.

But these are not thoughts I should be thinking right now.

No, you're too young to be thinking.

Oh, I just mean I'm too depressed right now.

Like, I should

say, it would probably be best to avoid this kind of

talk.

I think about it all the time.

I was just telling you the before the mics went hot that I was elder abused over the last few days.

Yeah, you didn't want to say it off mic, which I think is a smart choice.

Yeah, I was every morning when Sage and I

get ready for school, like we walk down to the end of the driveway and then the bus comes and picks her up.

Yeah.

Now she has a real, she has Down syndrome, so she has a real tactile type thing.

She doesn't like touching certain things.

She doesn't like flowers.

Okay.

She doesn't like trees.

She doesn't like touching.

Like, she doesn't mind being around them, but you know, she doesn't touch them.

She doesn't like grass.

But usually it's only with bare feet.

So when we go out in the morning, we're walking down the little sidewalk to go to the driveway.

I'll just like, I'll give her like a little nudge.

I'm like, you're going in the grass.

She's like, Dad, I know.

And then she'll like nudge me and put me in the grass.

So on

We're recording this Saturday.

This was Tuesday.

I'm bringing her out to

do the, you know, to bring her out to the bus.

And, you know, I did my normal, like, I'm nudging her and shit.

And I'm like, it's going to, you know, you're going in the grass.

And she's too strong.

Like, she's too big now and too strong.

She's a stout young lady.

Oh, yeah.

So, like, me, like, nudging her is not going to do anything.

So I nudge her and we laugh.

And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she body checks me.

Dude, it was like being hit by like a bull.

Like, you see when like a bull hits somebody and they flip them up with their arms and show you.

I'm like, you're like, wait, like Johnny Nash.

Yeah, yeah.

Like I'm pinwheeling through the air.

She hit me so hard, and it was raining out.

It was like drizzling out.

So the grass is all wet.

I move.

I step on the grass.

My left leg goes out straight in front of me.

My other leg folds up behind me.

Oh.

Like straight down.

Now, this is a knee that I have arthritis in anyway.

So it's not like, you know, I'm not operating at full capacity over here.

I go down.

Now I'm soaked.

totally muddy in the rain.

Is she laughing at you?

No, she was like, oh, dada.

Yeah, she, no, she didn't think it was afterwards.

But then she very quickly was just like, you started it.

Not wrong.

She wasn't wrong.

Yeah.

Yeah, because that's what people were saying.

You know, when

Mary Beth found out and Pam found out, they're like, you can't be pushing your daddy like that.

She's like, you started it, though.

Like, you could tell she felt bad.

But after a while, she's just like, come on.

Yeah.

Stephanie is such a pussy about it.

Yeah, there's injustice going on here.

Yeah, but I was just like, and then later on, she brought it up.

She was just like, no more pushing in the rain.

I was like, okay, that sounds like a good plan wow that's sweet but yeah for the next couple days like this is what you're painting as elder abuse well yeah yeah a little bit well because the next couple days it's like i had i had to bust the cane back out oh yeah i had to get the cane back out really yeah like it really fucked my knee up now like i'm probably back like 80 now like it's yeah you don't need the cane i don't need the cane now all right just walking around but yeah she she really knocked me for a fucking loop

something i was not expecting and you're not getting any sympathy from anyone No.

Well, maybe a little bit from Mary Beth.

Because she has to then, you know,

wait on me.

I got to say, man, you know, Walt's not here.

Can we talk about Giddam for a minute?

Sure.

Why not?

Because I got to say, I walked in the office today.

We're recording at Airport Plaza, and I did notice.

I mean, there's still piles everywhere, but the piles are a little straighter.

Looks a little neater in there.

Looks a little neater.

He's got the jar to pay us back.

It's out.

He's got money going into it.

He didn't do that before.

We kind of let that slide, and he remembered and did it.

And then I walk into the main recording area here, and he is, he is Christmas.

He has wrapped the things on the walls.

Yeah, he wrapped all the pictures with Christmas gifts.

That was actually, I think that was done for

our Christmas episode.

Well, it's really nice.

Or Sunday Jeff episode, one of the two.

I can't remember.

It's pretty.

Yeah, it looks good.

And

festive.

I'm already seeing,

you know, get them moving in the right direction.

Well, probably because, like, your immediate response was like, we should fire him.

Well, no, I said we should explore.

We all know we're not firing Getham.

I mean, I don't think anybody listening to that was like,

he was ready to fire.

There are people on Twitter who are like, how could Walt put those guys in charge of Getham and then cut their balls off?

Like, that's the point.

That's what we're doing here.

We're not fixing Getham.

We're just, you know, being assholes.

Is it okay if I do one bit of business real quick?

Sure.

Is that all right with you?

Let me thank.

I recently went to the urologist.

We were talking about water.

You weren't here for it.

Okay.

We talked about water for like 20 straight minutes.

It was boring as fuck.

It was an episode of Sunday Jeff.

And he was like, your blood's too thick.

Your red cells are too, you have too many red blood cells.

Your blood's too thick.

That's like courting a heart attack.

So he's like, you got it.

How much water do you drink?

And I'm like, basically none.

So he's like, you got to start drinking more water.

So a very lovely listener, Natasha, sent me this water bottle.

It's a Bluetooth water bottle.

So you press it.

It tells you how much of the, like you press, it comes with an app.

So you put all your information into the app.

Wow.

And then it tells you how much water you should be drinking each day.

And then

it'll remind you from time to time.

And like right now, I drank 67% of the water for the day.

Wow, it's got a little screen on it.

I mean, how do we feel?

I mean, that's great.

And that was very sweet of her to send it.

And I could see that being useful information.

But, like, we're at the point where we're putting Bluetooth in water bottles.

I guess so.

You know what?

I was kind of excited by it.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I'm like, that way I don't have to like line up all those plastic water bottles.

I don't have to use all those plastic water bottles.

You know, I just have a big jar of a big jug of Poland Spring that I pour in there.

So it's not one, one

of those is not daily drinking amount of water.

No, four of those.

Four of those.

So it's a lot.

All right.

Wow, that is very sweet of her to just send that.

Yeah, it was very nice.

So thank you, Natasha.

She sent one, did she?

Just one.

All right, Natasha.

Send it to the thirstiest guy.

Well played.

She could have saved Walt's life had she sent one to him.

Yeah, it would have been fucking nice.

He is drinking water like a loon these days.

Yeah, he is.

I'd like to see you guys being a little bit more healthy.

Gotta be getting old.

Just turned 57 on December 7th.

That is nuts.

What'd you do for your birthday?

Nothing.

Saturday.

Well, we went out to breakfast.

Okay.

And then we came back and just kind of sat around the house watching movies and cop cams and white women get pulled over for DUI and Karen compilations.

Oh, that's when I texted you on your birthday, you were like, Yeah, I'm watching Karen compilations.

It's so great, man.

Yeah, it's just they're just flipping out, they just, yeah, it's really

strange because you see people do this every once in a while, like

on the internet, but in real life, I don't really see it that much.

Just people totally lose their shit and flip out and start screaming at a person who's, you know, in a lesser position than they are, or at least they, you know, sort of perceive it as such.

Yeah.

And

over the littlest things sometimes.

They just flip out.

They just flip the fuck out.

You know, it's like

they get a wrong order at the

fast food place and suddenly they're behind the counter throwing food around and knocking napkin dispensers over.

Yeah.

It's just like it's just it's this weird and I gotta say, like, you know, they call them Karens for a reason.

It's mostly women and it's mostly white women.

Yeah.

Same with the cop chems with like DUIs.

it seems to be exclusively the domain of white women who get pulled over and are they're like hey uh you know have you been drinking tonight like no you haven't had any drinks tonight no then eventually it's like well i had one drink uh-huh six hours ago yeah meanwhile they're blowing a 0.24

and then they just flip out yeah and then they get mad and they get indignant yeah it's like because they try to at first the the cop cam the the vest cam has really changed the way the cops do business i think in many ways and this is one of them where it's like they can't,

you know, if you're a guy, you're a young cop and you pull over a hot woman and you're like, oh, I'm going to give her a break because she's hot.

It's like, that doesn't fucking wash anymore, man, because it's like, you got that chest cammage right on her.

Yeah.

You can tell, like, right away, you can tell if somebody's drunk.

You know, you can see that look in their eyes and the way they're speaking and shit.

The way their head's moving slightly.

But yeah, like a lot of women will try to like be cutesy and be flirty and stuff like that.

Others just get like right away.

They're like,

first of all, I think people don't understand that cops do have the right to touch you

because they're like you have no right to put your hands on me like when they're pulling them like they won't get out of the car they won't identify themselves

and he's like look i gotta do you want to do this battery of tests or not i need to know and they won't answer and they're constantly on their phone Oh, really?

Always on their phone.

They're calling their attorney.

They're calling their mom.

They're calling their husband.

It's fucking nuts, dude.

They're always on their phone.

Yeah.

And like when you watch this, like you don't, you just laugh.

You're like, I just laugh, yeah.

Right.

Because I watch it and I start getting anxious.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I start feeling bad for the cop.

I start feeling bad for the lady.

I just start feeling bad for everybody.

I know.

I know it's very, very hip to hate cops and shit and think cops are pieces of shit, but man, of the cop cams that I see, those guys

and Troy also are able to keep their cool in a way that I never could.

I would never be able to, the way these people react and the way they behave.

Well, I had read that, like,

you know, cops at first hated the cams.

And then, like, they came around because they're like,

fine.

Like,

and it started actually being used as evidence against people.

And then people were like, you can't have your cops with their cams on.

Yeah, all of a sudden I started working against the populace.

And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So.

Fuck, I got to get my head together.

This is it.

This is what everything is with me these days.

Just get distracted.

It's just wool gathering, like constantly, like, what am I saying?

Well, I did interrupt you with my water story.

No, it's good.

No, you had to thank her.

I like that.

Oh, right.

So we put out an episode.

If you're not on Patreon, this is to you.

We put out an episode on Patreon, a Space Monkeys episode with me, Brian, and Jiggy.

And we were announcing a...

Little mini kind of comedy festival land cruise thing that we're doing in Key West in April of next year.

I wanted to release tickets to the Tom Steve David audience first.

Thought a great way to do it would be like, hey, let's record an episode for the Patreon about it and put it out.

Did not expect it to be the Patreon release of that week.

I went on, I broke my rule.

I went on Reddit just to see if people were excited about it.

I was like, oh, they're going to fucking love this.

All the ants go down and like, you know.

You went to Reddit looking for love.

I don't, yeah, you don't want to put it like that.

But, like, you know, you just were hoping.

But, and it was just like,

fuck this episode.

You know what I mean?

Like,

which, like, why are we paying?

And I don't disagree.

They're like, why, why are we paying?

Why is this a Patreon release when we're paying for Patreon and you're putting out an info commercial?

And I agree.

And, but the thing was, it wasn't supposed to be that.

It was just supposed to be pushed out to Patreon with the regular episode.

Right.

There was a miscommunicant somewhere.

Walt went in and fixed it.

So to those people that complained on Reddit, I actually do agree with you guys for once.

Yeah, that shouldn't have gone out that way.

And I do apologize for that.

And I know Walt fixed it right away.

So thanks for the patience.

But the other thing was

just on that one Patreon episode that we released, over half the tickets moved.

That's pretty good.

I mean, and I,

I mean, exactly what I wanted at, because I want it to basically be a Talent Studio, like, you know what I mean, like an ant meetup, which is why we released on the Patreon, which is why we gave the special price, which is why I'm mentioning it here.

And I'm just going to mention it quick because I don't want to fucking annoy anybody.

I want this to be a good thing for us, but we are.

You didn't hear the Patreon episode because you're not on Patreon.

We're doing a comedy festival called Q West down in Q West.

It's going to be the first weekend in April.

Tickets are on sale now.

If you get them through Tellum Steve Dave, you're getting $100 off.

It's this whole thing.

Just go to Q West,

Q, just the letter Q, W-E-S-T, right?

Comedy.com or Q-West Comediescape.com.

They both

point you to the Eventbrite page where they're selling tickets.

It's already more than half sold out.

And that's the only reason, because we were going to let it go on Patreon till the end of the year.

But I want also regular Telum Steve Dave listeners to have an opportunity to grab tickets well, because

I'm here to announce.

I wasn't supposed to do any of this till January, but I'm here to announce the first talent.

Aside from me, you, we're going to be me and you do a Space Monkey Show, like we do on the cruise.

And this shit, the show you lead on the cruise, every Joker's cruise, every single one, when they do the

fuck's it called, the questionnaire afterwards about what people liked and didn't like.

That Space Monkey show was the number one show five years in a row.

I like to hear that.

I love hearing that.

People fucking loved it.

Every night it was sold out.

It was great.

So we're bringing that magic down there.

Down the key.

But they knew that.

But who they didn't know is coming down.

Brian, are you sitting?

I am.

We got the Maverick.

The Maverick's coming.

We got the fucking Maverick, baby.

We got the Maverick.

And he's going to be doing some.

And it's funny because the people I'm building the festival with don't exactly know what the every tell him Steve Dave thing is.

And I'm like, you don't understand.

We could have a Maverick.

Like, now there are events being built around Ming.

And I'm super.

Which is great because he's really good at that kind of stuff, like karaoke and leading that kind of stuff.

It's going to be fucking great.

Yeah.

We have the Maverick.

Go to QS Comedy, QS ComedyEscape.com.

Either one of those.

It'll bring you the event bright.

It's already more than half sold out, guys.

So if you're thinking about it, and after January, the ticket prices go up to full price.

I wasn't even going to bring it up again, but only because we sold so many tickets, I don't want people to feel like they missed out on the opportunity to come hang down.

It's going to be fun.

It's going to be a good time.

We're going to be around a lot.

Strolling up and down Duval, going to the bars.

We're doing making events, everything.

There's going to to be a lot to do in those two months.

Yeah, and even if, like, there's like, hey, man, I'm not into the fucking Maverick.

There's so much other shit to do there.

Yeah.

It's Q West.

Like, you can just go and do it.

But we're going to be, we're programming two full days for everybody.

It's going to be great.

Anyway, that's just wanted to put out to our regular audience.

And to people who are like, this is Space Monkeys.

I'm not listening to it.

Shut up.

I guess you can go fuck yourself.

Not that you'll ever hear it.

So go check it out because I would really I felt a little bit bad when that many tickets sold.

And I was like, oh, fucking, like, even like the non-Patreon audience, like, I want them to get some.

So there we go.

Yeah.

Well, there you go, man.

Go to Eventbrite and Q West, Q West comedy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, it's funny when it's spelled out.

It looks like Quest, like Quest comedy special, but it's, yeah, it's Q West.

But all right, great.

That's it.

I'm going to mention it again.

I don't want to annoy anybody.

There we go.

Yeah.

Should I go right in the spots and annoy more people?

I love the way you're thinking.

I do.

What do we got here?

We got, oh, I know people, I wish Walt was here for this because people want us to talk about the drones.

Okay.

I don't really know what to say, except my

feeling

is that it has something to do with that Iran boat.

The drone boat.

It just seems...

I have no idea.

All I know is that there are drones flying above New Jersey and State.

Oh, really?

And they're the size of cars.

Nobody knows who they are.

Nobody knows who they are.

The government says that they don't exist.

They were dismissing it the other day, saying that it was mass hysteria.

Meanwhile, you do have people being like, well, some of them are low-flying jets.

Some of them are helicopters.

But I have friends, like people who I trust

who sent me video of drones above their house.

Okay.

And it's like the car-sized idea.

They're huge.

Yeah, they're huge.

That's crazy.

And nobody's thinking aliens?

Nobody's thinking aliens.

Although there was a fucking world.

hovering lights in the sky, and nobody's saying aliens.

Brian Nichelle sent me uh, something that was a glowing orb in the sky.

It was just like people were like, What is that thing?

And it just, it is, it's just sitting there, it's like spinning, and it looks like an orb.

Wow, and then it disappears.

Yeah, but we know what drones are these days, so drones, we know what yeah, they are.

It's more likely to be a drone than an alien.

And they keep saying that

whenever I guess you go near a drone, they're they're

they're uh

they're set to turn off.

Like, not turn off and crash, but like turn off so you can't track them anymore.

Yeah, but

radar

being what it is,

they're not going to not get away.

How could it be?

It looks like they keep coming off the ocean.

That's why people are saying it's that Iraqi.

Okay.

Wait, hold on.

Now, this is something

I haven't heard of.

So

they're saying

Iran has basically a helicarrier that is launching.

That's launching drones.

It had a whole bunch of drones on it.

And they said that right around somewhere towards the end of November, they knew where it was.

And then it was out of everybody's scope for a couple of weeks.

And they didn't know where it went.

This is a submarine or a ship?

No, this is a ship.

Like, it looks like an aircraft carrier.

Yeah, but think about the battery power it would take for a drone the size of a car to get from offshore to Staten Island, New Jersey.

Yeah, I'm not sure what their battery life is.

That's a good point, though.

I'm not sure how often they have to return to get recharged.

But the boat would have to be so close that...

That we could see it.

It has to be, right?

Like, why?

So who...

Wait.

So why do you think it's Iranian?

First of all, Iran?

Aren't they in the middle of a fucking whole thing right now?

They don't like us, though.

Well, yeah, I know.

But what, I mean, they're hovering above Staten Island.

Like,

what are they picking up?

That Google Earth is not.

So here's Fed Up New Jersey Sheriff sends his own drone to follow mystery mysterious flying objects what happened next like some of the things i think this is happening is like now we're dealing with fucking people launching drones their own drones their own drones and like they're that's like the fucking staten island clown thing where there was like now people were dressing up like clowns going everywhere just to get in on it yeah see that now that's the new headline i'm not sure where the other headline went with uh so what are they but

but what could be going on i don't understand i don't know i don't know what well walt said that he had read that they were drones searching for, that it was rumored that a dirty bomb had been smuggled into New Jersey and they were flying around looking for radiation, like hot spots of radiation.

Okay.

To see if, like, you know, that's where the dirty bomb was.

Okay.

But who said that?

That's what Walt said.

And he said, he said.

But he said that he read it somewhere.

I can't remember where he said it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, look, you can't rule out anything that's, I guess, like that.

But, like, we live in an era where it's like anybody with a mic can just be like, yeah, there's a dirty bomb.

And they're searching for that.

And, like, 20 people believe it.

And then they convince 100 people.

And suddenly, Walt's telling you that there's a dirty bomb

somewhere in New Jersey.

And what are you supposed to do about it?

Nothing.

Just wait.

I mean, it is, dude.

It's almost like

I was talking to Nichelle about it.

It's almost like a 50s sci-fi comic where like the aliens are coming down and the government's like, there's nothing to see here.

Like, gaslighting people into believing they're not seeing what they're seeing, where it's just like, motherfucker, like, there's drones up in the air.

Everybody's saying it.

Yeah.

So, well, there's video, right?

There's video of drones.

Yeah.

Like, Nichelle sent me.

So he's like, see, there's one, two, three.

Now, I got to admit, these are, it's, it's far.

So it's like, I wouldn't be like, holy shit, they're drones.

Yeah.

Like, I couldn't tell.

But he said he could tell from where he was.

It was much more clear.

Yeah, but listen to all this level of like already, like, I can say, I know it's a drone.

you know what I mean?

Like, not that Nichelle is a very intelligent guy and love it, but, like, but even if it was a drone, like, it could just be a drone.

Yeah, do you usually see them at night, though?

And you usually don't see them that big.

Those are like agriculture.

Well, I haven't seen anything from with my own eyes yet.

So, and, and you're not looking up at the skies?

No, there were, there were

in my neighborhood on Staten Island, one of those drones was reported above it.

But, like, I go outside and look, I'm like, I don't see a fucking drone.

But people are online going, like, there's a fucking drone right now now over Richmond.

And you're just like, I don't see it.

I don't see it.

So, I don't know.

Yeah, it's getting people spooked.

But what's the worst that happens?

I don't know.

All right, so the Iranians are launching drones.

Okay, let's say that's the case.

What do you think, like, what is the theory on why they would take their time and money and fly a drone over Staten Island and northern New Jersey?

Well, they could be looking for weak spots to get it, because Earl Naval Base is pretty close to us.

Well, if they're looking for a weak spot, they best look somewhere else besides Staten Island.

Yeah, I'll tell you that.

I'll right back fucking now.

We'll blow those bridges and the rest of the country will sink.

We'll be all right.

Yeah.

Staten Island.

Fuck you, Iran.

I mean, I don't know how that's going to keep the drones away.

I don't know either.

We have to keep up that attitude.

Yeah, you do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tough guy attitude.

Fuck everybody.

Fuck them all.

Because they all come after you.

They all come after Staten Island.

We've been a punching bag for as long as I've been alive.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know how you feel.

We're Jersey.

We were a punching bag, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's all right.

But people are starting to come around a little bit, I think.

Starting to look at other parts of the city and being like, this is the paradise that we.

Right.

Yeah.

They look at Manhattan or Queens.

Yeah.

And then they look at San London and they're like, wow, everybody's

60% parks, nice streets, trees taking care of neighbors taking care of their property.

It's not really mobbed up anymore nearly as much.

Yeah, keeping it a little more quiet.

Yeah, I know.

Maybe, maybe, maybe we were the future all along.

Nobody knew it.

I mean, they still don't know it.

I'm not even sure.

Convince them.

So

we don't know what's up with the drones.

So, but, all right, I'm sorry.

I'm all over the map, dude.

I'm so sorry.

So, why Iranians, though?

Like, why, what do they think is going on?

I don't know.

I mean, they could be looking for

nuclear test sites.

I don't know if they want to bomb us or they want to come after us.

I mean, we don't have really good relations with them right now, aren't they?

Because Iran and Israel are at odds.

I don't know enough about the political landscape to really wax knowledgeable about all this stuff.

And if we're with Israel, which I guess we are, right?

That would mean that we are against Iran.

Yeah, but can you imagine?

But look what happened after 9-11.

They came, they took out two buildings.

And, you know, obviously the other planes as well.

But like, and we started a war that lasted 20 years.

What do they think is going to happen?

If they come over with drones and shit.

And like bomb a nuclear power plant.

Like, there won't be that and turn them at the glass.

You'll see that fucking

people will turn around real fast if that kind of shit starts happening.

It's like you can't, you know.

But,

you know, I don't live in, you know, but talk to me.

But if I was in

a country where the United States missiles blew up my village and family, you know, I might be like, I don't give a fuck if they wipe us out.

They already did.

Like, let me go get it.

So I don't know.

I don't know, dude.

Just hold together 50 more years.

That's all I'm asking.

That's all you need.

Yeah, that's it.

Trump rips lying ex-stripper Crystal Magnum for totally fabricating being raped by Duke La Crosse players.

That's the next

one I died.

Wasn't that like 10 years ago?

He said.

Oh, it was longer than that.

Yeah, that was.

So why is he bringing that up now?

She's got nothing better to do at this point in time.

Because she just finally admitted it.

Oh, but I thought they already all knew it.

They kind of knew it.

And then she went to jail for killing somebody.

I think she stabbed her boyfriend.

Yeah, she stabbed her boyfriend in 2011.

So, yeah, Crystal Magnum finally admitting, like, you know what, those boys didn't do it.

Yeah.

And that is why you can't believe all women.

It's a nice thought.

It's nice in theory.

It's a nice, look, the problem is this, is women are humans.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I'm okay with the cool with the message of like, look, that means take it seriously.

Sure.

But then say that.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Take women seriously.

Yeah, I get that.

But I also know people in the industry who I know for a fact

lost their jobs and it was a lie.

I know it was a lie.

And it's not someone famous,

but people I know that are working.

People lose their jobs all the time.

Yeah, it doesn't matter.

And it was like,

and I knew the girl, I knew the situation.

And

I know for a fact she was lying.

But it all happened during all the height of that.

And he was out.

Yeah, so it doesn't matter if they're lying or not.

It's like the benefit of the doubt is going to be extended.

I think now it's

a little, but

unfortunately, it happened to him in the

height of it, where there was no even looking at it from another angle, which, by the way, is it's insane.

Yeah.

It's kind of insane.

But yeah, so it's hard, you know.

I don't know.

Women being humans and all.

Me knowing what humans are capable of.

But at the same time, I also know guys are capable of being fucking total scum.

So it's like, yeah let's not pretend that that is not there too yeah but you know fuck man that that woman really screwed those guys over you know oh yeah that was that was bad for them because they were she was immediately believed and those guys were they canceled their season i think they got kicked out of school

all kinds of shit they got a lawsuit now

They may, yeah, this many years later.

Not against her, I guess.

No, probably against the school.

Yeah.

Because I think the school did sort of put it out.

And somebody else, maybe it was Rolling Stone, like really put it out on Front Street.

Like, here are the fucking evil bastards that did it.

Really?

Yeah, it was some magazine.

I can't remember.

Oh, Rolling Stone did that article on him, right?

Was it Rolling Stone?

Yeah, I think so.

Right.

Oh, wow, man.

Well, they got to feel pretty happy.

It'd be nice to be vindicated.

It'd probably be cooler to be vindicated 20 years, like, and not 10 years later.

On the Daniel Penny timeline, where you're like, yeah, right.

I'm front-free.

Everybody loves me.

It's good.

Yeah.

Wow.

So, what do we got today?

We're taking calls.

Is that what we're doing?

We're going to take some calls, but first let me tell you about Factor.

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Yeah, I guess everybody's dealing with this.

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Declan.

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All right.

Nice.

There's the first one.

Now let me knock out this next one.

Well, in between that, in between, let me ask something.

Since Walt's not here.

Okay.

Has Walt expressed any annoyance towards me lately?

No.

No?

Nope.

I would tell you.

Not at all.

Yeah, yeah.

His texts have been awfully like.

He's a real terse texter.

Yeah, but I've been texting him, you know, 15 years.

I know that.

And lately, he seems a little bit like a little bit more

dismissive and like less engaged than normal.

No, I think, well, one of the things that's going on with Walt is that he has been barraged with phone calls from insurance companies.

Now, when he says, like, he tells me, like, yeah, I'm getting these telemarketing calls.

These fucking insurance people won't leave me alone.

It's like whole life insurance or whatever.

And you hear that and you're like, all right, he probably gets a couple calls.

Dude, I was here with him yesterday.

It's unbelievable.

It's one right after the other.

And he can't not pick these calls up because he does business with China and distributors and shippers.

So every phone call he has to pick up.

And then inevitably you hear on the other end like, hello, sir.

Oh, this is Peter.

Yeah.

Because he was putting them on speakerphone and they all sound the same.

And then he'll say shit like, he trolls them.

He doesn't just hang up.

He sits there and he goes, oh, God, I'm really glad you guys called because I just found out I'm dying.

One of these, like this long pause, like this long silence, like at the other end.

And then he's like, I'm really dying.

And then they just hang up on him.

But he does that a lot.

He'll waste their time.

He keeps them on the phone for as long as he can.

That kind of shit.

But yeah, no, no.

He's expressed no annoyance whatsoever.

Okay.

Sometimes I think he gets overwhelmed with shit, you know, so he's probably like,

just texting back and be like, okay, I got that done.

Right.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, nothing like that.

Okay, good, good.

I just want to

make sure.

Because I'm also, you know, with my headspace, too, I have that thing where I'm like...

You start to get paranoid.

I'm a dick.

Nobody likes me.

Right.

Yeah, I'm a dick.

I'm never going to do anything good in my life.

I find that happens to me if

I don't talk to either you or Walt for a stretch over a week.

And that's the way I start to get.

Yeah.

Why doesn't anybody like me?

What did I do?

Well, no, it's wrong with me.

Why me?

Why me?

Why me?

Why me?

Maybe it's because I spend fucking 99% of my time locked up in my house,

not texting anybody else.

Could be my fault.

Could be.

I need this summer.

Yeah.

That'll be a nice break if we, you know, not if, but when uh the Key West thing.

Oh, yeah.

That'll be a nice break.

That's gonna be great.

That's gonna be great.

Something to look forward to.

Yeah.

Yeah.

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Okay.

So now we're going to.

One person sent in their...

Oh, here's their phone number.

So what are we doing?

We're doing the the Space Monkeys helpline?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, great.

Okay, so first we're gonna call two depressed aging motherfuckers giving advice out

I don't I don't know how

I don't know how

responsible this is for us to do this

It's for entertainment.

It's like what Miss Cleo used to say.

It's for entertainment purposes only.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah.

That's a very important disclaimer.

Because as I drove over the Outer Bridge Crossing today to come here, I briefly considered steering my car directly off the bridge and into the frigid waters of the Arthur Kill below.

Can't do that.

Can't, you know, I don't know if I should be doing that to giving advice, but.

But you know what?

This is a good one.

Okay.

Because this is, well, not good, but this is from Nick

writing in because he had to put his dog of 16 years down about two weeks ago.

it was the right thing to do, but he's wondering if we have any advice on how to move on in healthy ways and cope with the grief.

Oof.

Okay, so we're going to call him.

We're going to see if we can help Nick out here.

Oh, man, that is rough.

I'm going to start crying.

I know.

I'm not here about that dog's eye.

This is 100% going to make me stop.

I'm already getting choked up.

You better answer this guy.

Hello?

Nick?

Yes.

Hey, it's Brian and Q.

Hey, Nick.

Hey, how's it going?

Pretty good.

Not too bad.

Good, good.

We're calling.

We heard you had a

spot of the Megrims over there.

Yeah, you know,

it's been a tough month over here.

And, you know, doing the best I can with it.

The gist of it, I'm sure you read the email.

Well, no,

give it to us, please.

Yeah, for sure.

So,

yeah, I had a pet,

a dog, for 16 and a half years.

And he's

passed.

I'm 36.

36.

I got him when I was like 20.

He basically was my guy for as like,

you know, as a young adult, becoming who I am, going through heartbreak and learning who I am as a person, navigating New York City, all that stuff.

What was his name?

His name was Fox.

He was a, the breed was a Shiba Inu.

He kind of looked like a Fox.

Oh, yeah, I know.

And they're super cute.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

They're cute.

They're cat-like.

They're intelligent.

They're a pain in the butt.

He was always a pain in the butt, but he was my pain in the butt.

But yeah, so he, I had to make the decision recently to put him down.

And I'm doing as well as one can when losing someone that important to you or, you know, losing basically almost like a family member.

Yeah.

But I know that you guys have dealt with.

pets issues in the past and I figured I'd ask if there's

you know if there's any advice that you can give to someone that's just beginning the early process of grieving

yeah I first of all you know I

sincere condolences on it that sounds like a fucking huge loss man and I get it totally no I appreciate that thank you it's really like it's just kind of enduring man like I found with Benjamin Cat like I would talk about him constantly and without guilt.

I would be like, I don't give a fuck.

You're going to listen to me talk about Benjamin Cat.

Like, I talked about him like without end because I just had to feel.

And actually, it's so funny.

It's not funny, but like last week,

I randomly just started crying thinking about him.

And I'm going to start doing it now, too.

So I get it.

I mean, it's not really.

I mean, look, I did like a

pottery class thing the other, like,

last week.

And, you know, you got to make a bowl or whatever.

Fuck it.

I was making it.

You went to a pottery class?

I went to a pottery class, yeah.

yeah.

Okay.

And

that sounds incredible.

Yeah, it was fine.

Trust me, there's a whole thing behind it.

And, you know, I had to make a bowl.

And, like, I made a bowl with, like, and my first thing was, like, I got to make Benjamin Cat, like a little ceramic Benjamin Cat in the middle of the bowl.

That's amazing.

And it's like, that is like, that's the level I'm still at.

You know what I mean?

I'm still trying to memorialize the guy.

I just had a new patio extended on my house.

And

I had it like officially dubbed the Benjamin Cat Memorial.

So it's like it doesn't go away, man.

Like, it's just, I just find just keep talking about it and

don't for a second feel ashamed or definitely don't suffer any fucking put fools that are like, it's just a dog.

Yeah, yeah.

There's definitely been people that say that sort of thing in my life.

And I don't know, I'm fairly emotionally intelligent to know that that's just, I don't know, people don't get it.

But yeah, this dog was a lot.

He was cool, man.

You know, like he just,

he would problem solve.

Like, what do you mean?

What do you mean?

Like, like he would push furniture around.

Like, if I had like for a birthday, I'd have a cake on the table.

He would push furniture to be able to jump up and get it.

He was such a little asshole.

And like, you know, like, I would complain about him constantly to everyone.

I was like, this dog is going to be the death of me.

He would bite me.

He would just be a jerk.

And I've never in a million years thought like when he died, I would be this broken up.

But I'm like, ah, you know, it's just, it's tough.

I'm beside myself.

But I do, I do talk about him as much as I can muster, as much as people will allow me to talk about him.

But, you know, it's, it's tricky, you know, especially being a male in society.

Like, I don't want to like,

I don't know, there's just all that.

internalized misogyny of just like, yeah, you can't feel your emotions and just stupid shit like that, which I don't subscribe to, but there's still a level of like being careful because not everyone can deal with hearing about it, you know?

That is something like that.

That's an interesting thing because you grew up in the 70s, 80s.

I grew up in the 80s, 90s, and there was no,

like,

nobody was like.

Even back then, nobody was like, you can't talk about your feelings.

I wonder where that comes from because I've never felt I couldn't talk about my feelings.

Oh, I did.

Really?

The way I grew up.

Yeah.

Like, unless you were happy, you know what?

Edgar did not want to hear about it.

Oh, I don't mean talk to my parents about that.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I should have clarified that.

Yeah, but like friends and stuff, yeah.

Friends and stuff, I never once was like,

they're going to think I'm gay or some shit like that.

Like, I just never, it never occurred to me.

Like, I was always pretty open for it.

I never really understood that.

So, you feel that you've been dealing with that, that men aren't supposed to

cry about?

I think

it comes from family upbringing, not necessarily from the people I associate, you know, friends and stuff.

But there is that level of just like, you know, getting yelled at when you're younger, just like, no, just man up, that kind of thing.

I was born in the 80s and I feel like I dealt with that.

Maybe it's just because I'm, I don't know, my parents were Greek and I'm like first generation American.

So there's some level of that.

Where'd you grow up?

I grew up in New Jersey, a place called Jackson, which is where Six Flags is.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

That's a good book.

Is that where you are now?

No, no, I've been in New York now since 2006.

I thought you met at Six Flags.

No, I used to work at Six Flags, but no, yeah.

I'm in Brooklyn these days.

Oh, cool.

Cool.

Wow.

And so Greek parents are like that, how they're like, you shall not cry about this dog.

Yeah, at least Greek men are like that, I would say.

Yeah.

But, you know, even now, though, like my dad's just become a softie.

He's like, you know, I talk to him and he's like, I'm so sorry about the dog.

I'm like, where was this when I was growing up?

This is a very different, you know, kind of environment.

So, I don't know.

I'm just trying to figure it out.

And I think, you know, I'm generally doing well.

It's just, man, there's not a day that goes by where I don't cry.

And I went like probably a couple years without crying until this happened.

And now I'm just like, well, the floodgates are open.

And I did try grief counseling and that was okay.

But I don't know.

I think something more active, like you're doing pottery classes, Q, that sounds pretty cool.

Something like that might be a good way to use my time.

Yeah.

Do with mental patients, put them to work doing shit like making potholders.

It was for something.

I always say that.

Yeah.

It wasn't just me going to do a pottery class.

But

what did I?

Oh, you know what?

This is.

And look, when Benjamin died, it was really one of the most devastating things for me.

And I was like, well, I'm not going to get another cat, right?

Just, that's not even an option.

And then I will say this, Boris was born in my yard

a year later.

It was about a year later.

And I ended up taking him in.

And I didn't want to, but I mean,

I, and I say to Boris all the time, because, you know, we're maniacs, we talk to these fucking cats, but I tell him all the time, I'm like, oh, I would sacrifice you to the devil if it would bring Benjamin back.

But the truth of the matter is, like, I wouldn't do it.

Like,

I now have a new kind of best friend.

And, look, I have Chessee and I have Brooklyn, and I love them.

And they're, like, I don't talk about them as much because they're just, oh, you know, they're just, they're, I love them.

Like, I don't, I never loved them any less than Benjamin, but, like, there was just, like, something special.

So Boris has become like this new kind of best friend.

And it does.

And, like I said, I just cried about Benjamin last week and I did the pottery thing.

So he's still on my mind all the time.

But like, there was, there is something to having

a new cat.

Yeah.

So how long has it been since Fox?

His name is Fox?

Yeah, his name's Fox.

I think this is the three-week mark now.

So it's still very crashy.

Yeah, it's a little too slow.

How long did you say I'm sorry?

Three weeks?

Three weeks.

Oh, yeah.

That's very recent.

Yeah.

I would say, though, before a year, I probably, in retrospect, I probably could have done it in about six months, but I didn't want to do it at all.

But Boris, man, he fucking missed a personality.

He came in and just won me over.

You know, so I know it's too early.

It's way too early to be thinking about that, but I think when the time comes and you start thinking about it, you should pull that trigger, man, because that hole in your life, like Fox wouldn't even want you to be alone, you know?

Yeah, no, no, true.

Yeah, I uh, I think that's, that's good advice.

I think I'm uh, you know, I'm gonna get some craziness out of me first, do some more traveling before getting another pet.

Yes.

But, yeah, I bought tickets for Q West.

I'm excited for that.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, you're coming down?

Yeah, me and my girlfriend will come down.

And yeah, we'll party it up with you guys.

It should be a good time.

Oh, that's pretty dope, dude.

We just talked about it a little bit.

Thank you.

Thank you for doing that.

We were just talking about it.

We announced that we have the Maverick.

The Maverick is coming down for the weekend.

Oh, really?

That's huge.

Wow.

I can't wait to hang out with the Maverick.

All right.

You will?

You will be hanging out with the Magic?

Whether you want to or not.

I think I saw on Twitter that your Indian friends are going down.

They are.

Yeah, he said it wouldn't be a party without them.

Yeah, so it's like, you know, so it's really like becoming like a fun Tell him Steve Dave

get together.

So that's great.

But thank you, dude.

That's going to be great.

I can't wait to

hang out.

You could show me pictures of them.

Yeah, no, that'll be great.

And yeah, guys, I really appreciate you giving me a call.

Is there anything else you want to talk about before I go?

Or do we kind of put a nice little bow on this?

We good?

Real quick, what's your theory on the drones?

You know, I was just talking about it.

You know, I think

it's Bezos doing some Amazon delivery testing, right?

Or the other thing I saw was that it's,

and I think Donald Trump posted this, the picture of McDonald's dropping off packages to, what is his name, Chris Christie, just like burgers going to him.

And I was like, oh, that's actually pretty funny.

Yeah, there was a tweet or a truth or whatever social network he's on.

And I was like, man, I was like, I hate it when he is that funny, but he is funny.

You know,

He does know a good gag, I guess.

But that's a theory I haven't heard yet.

All I've been hearing is crazy theories like that.

Right.

But wouldn't you think that the government would know that

Amazon would have to say to the government, look, we're testing out these fucking SUV-sized drones to deliver stuff to people?

Not that the government would be like, we don't know what's going on.

Yeah,

you would think, you know, I don't really know exactly what it is.

That's just what I've heard.

I don't know.

I mean, I want it to be something more overkill-driven, you know, something really out there.

Sometimes the simplest, you know, solution is the real one.

You know,

you're a good man, dude.

Hey, did you book your hotel for down there yet?

I did.

I didn't book through

the link that you guys had.

No, yeah, the Key West Hotel sold out of rooms real quick.

They just opened up another block of rooms

at the discount rate.

So I forget where I'm staying, but it is pretty nearby.

Key West is so small, dude.

There's no bad place to stay.

Like anywhere.

I'm excited to just rent a bicycle and just ride around.

Oh, man.

That'll be a good time.

All right, man.

Well, thanks so much, dude.

Thanks for writing in and my condolences on Fox.

Thank you very much.

I really appreciate it.

And yeah, I'll catch you guys in Florida.

Yes, sir.

See you then.

Alrighty.

Bye.

Oh, I love that, man.

I love that he's coming down for it.

Yeah, I mean, I was surprised, like, right away.

Yeah.

That's great.

That's what I was looking for when I went to Reddit.

Like, a community of people talking about what they were going to do down there and how excited they were to go down and how cool that I actually fucking did something for once instead of just talking about it.

So thank you, my friend, for delivering me that little shot of enthusiasm.

Well,

this one is looking for help, but

there's no problem here.

So do we just risk it?

Yeah, let's see what it is.

There's gold at the bottom of that, either way.

All right, let's see.

It's a male or female.

Doesn't say.

Oh, wow.

This is going to be exciting.

Hello.

Hey, it's Brian and Q from Tellum Steve Dave.

Hey, how are you guys doing?

Pretty good.

How are you?

Hello.

Awesome.

So we got your...

We got your number, but we don't know what your problem is.

So we're going in blind.

We're hoping it's a good one.

Or your name.

Yeah, or your name.

Oh, okay.

My name is Carrie.

My wife Liz is here.

Hi, I'm Liz.

Hey, Liz.

Hey, Liz.

With Tuesies.

With Tuesies, yeah.

The problem is we spent $800 on tickets to hang out with you guys in Key West, and now we don't have money for presents for the kids, so I don't know what to do.

Well, what's the problem?

I don't understand what the problem is.

It's not really a problem for me.

I'm just talking about the kids, you know?

Well, the kids are going to have well-adjusted, happy parents who are going to have a great time.

I mean, that's the greatest gift of all, is it not?

Yeah.

Happy parents, happy life.

Is that the saying?

That makes perfect sense.

Yeah, but we're only happy when we're not around them.

So what do we do when we come back?

Basically, the problem is we can't have an abortion this late in the game.

So I don't know.

Those people are, those Democrats are pretty liberal.

What state do you live in?

Am I workout?

Not I am none.

So there is no problem.

There's no problem.

There's not, there's no

problem for the kids more than us.

So really, you're short on money

because of the Key West thing.

We're not short on money.

I'm just blaming the kids for everything.

I'm trying to cancel Christmas here.

Oh, okay.

That I understand.

She'll not let me do it.

Oh, Liz with two Z's.

What are you doing over there?

Cancel that shit.

Well, that's exciting that you guys.

Why is he trying to sell the pinball machine, though?

That's his biggest problem.

What pinball machine do you have?

The Mandalorian.

Not this like mid-level one.

You guys

can afford pinball machines and trips to Q West.

Well, how are you not able to afford a shitty stocking stuffer for your kids?

Yeah, I mean,

I just kind of wanted to blame the children for this.

What are you blaming them for?

I don't know.

The lack of more pinball machines.

Dude, I just ordered the Evil Dead one last week.

I swear to God, really?

Yeah, I ordered the Evil Dead pinball machine.

I have to sell one of my other ones, but I'm in the process of doing that.

Yeah, when I saw Evil Dead, I fucking know that.

I gotta get that one, man.

That's what it's all about.

But hey, you guys are coming to

the Q West thing.

That's amazing.

They're gonna start thinking that this is all planned.

Yeah, this is another commercial.

The caller before you is also coming.

So thank you guys.

Thank you for, and I'm gonna tell you what we told the guy before you is we did secure the Maverick.

The Maverick will be there.

Oh, awesome, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

So we weren't there for Spring Five Day, and we were like the, what, second or third people online.

You weren't there yet, Q.

Okay.

We missed out on you, dude.

You disappointed us.

Well, you're going to be sick of me in April.

I can't get away from this guy.

Yeah, this guy's fucking everywhere.

He's in my hotel.

Nice.

Well, cool.

Did you book your hotel yet?

No, not yet yet.

No, not yet.

I'm kicking around.

All right, that Key West hotel block of rooms just opened up again.

They released more rooms.

The one that we're getting a discount.

All right, let me let you guys go.

Very excited to talk to you guys, and I'm excited to see you guys down in Florida.

Thanks for doing that.

All right.

See you bye.

Bye-bye, Liz.

We got to get someone with a problem, and this isn't looking good.

This is a major problem.

Okay, all right.

This is that

I was going to give him some business about wasting that time, but then they bought tickets to Q West.

I was like, I can't do that.

They just wanted to talk.

He's supporting me.

I got to do it.

And Liz.

We're going in blind.

You know the problem.

I know what this is.

Okay.

Your call has been forwarded.

Oh, man.

Oh, well.

It was a juicy one.

Yeah, it's a 28-year-old guy, and he said he doesn't know if it's too heavy to approach, but his problem is that he's strongly addicted to alcohol.

Whoa.

He'd been drinking pretty much every day for about three years now, and once he starts, he can't stop.

He's also been hiding it from his wife the whole time.

I've intended to stop many times, but I don't know how.

If you guys can give me some advice, I'd appreciate it.

If not, no worries.

Your podcasts help a lot.

Wow.

Well,

you struggled with addiction.

I did, yes.

Not alcohol, but opiates.

And I did them every day for probably longer than three years.

I didn't hide it, though.

With alcohol, it's rough, man.

I think alcohol is probably tougher than opiates to get off of.

Yeah.

One, because of just how freely it's available.

It's like, right now, if I'm like, hey, man, I want to get back on Oxy.

I wouldn't know the first place to look.

I don't know anybody.

I don't have any connections.

I wouldn't know.

The uphill battle is enough of a buffer alone to.

It's enough to make me say, fuck the Oxy.

Get that volcano out.

Who's the volcano?

Exactly.

Yeah.

Get the volcano out.

But I found that

the way I did it was only when I was like, I can't take this anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It like it was.

It was the way I was treating the people around me, the way I was treating myself, the way I was treating Sage.

Yeah.

Not so much the way I was treating the girlfriend.

She deserved whatever she got.

But yeah, it was just like one day I was just like, I can't.

And it wasn't, it wasn't rehab because I still took them after rehab because of, then I got

the surgery done.

So they put me back on it and then, you know, back on Oxies and shit.

So that guy got me back into it.

And we were actually discussing

recently on a Sunday Jeff show

if, like, what we were afraid of.

And Walt brought up, he's like, do you fear ever getting like re-addicted to Oxy?

I would be shocked.

Which, if I did,

yeah,

you would be right to be shocked because I said, no, absolutely not.

The only possible way I can see taking it, and even that would be in like moderation, would be like, if something tragic happened to Sage, and I'm like, I need to totally just like cut off from everything.

And even then, I would be like, I don't know.

It's like, is it going to be worth it to get back?

Because it's hellish.

It was hellish to get out of that hole.

And anybody who's been on pills or like, you know, Xanax or alcohol and has gotten off it, it's like, they know what I'm talking about.

It's like, it's not something you can really explain to somebody if they haven't been through it.

Yeah.

You know, kind of like it would be like me trying to tell like a woman what it's like to have an abortion.

You know, it's like, I've never been through it.

I don't, I can't experience it.

I don't, I don't know what it's like.

Yeah.

But I can tell you what it's like to be on pills and how bad it sucks and how expensive it is.

Like, my God, I look back at all the money I spent.

I'm like, if I had that right now, I'd be living in QS.

Sling TV.

Yeah,

I know.

I'd have sling TV if I wasn't

such a fuck up.

Can you imagine?

Like, that's where it got to.

I sold a sling TV and the guy at the door was like, I know who you are.

That is rough.

Yeah, that's a low point.

Yeah, that was definitely a low point.

But hey, man, that's what it took.

I'm like, I don't have any money until whenever.

Yeah.

I got this sling TV that I'm not using.

Man.

And it was like, I remember I put it on Craigslist and the person was like, well, I can come down tomorrow.

I'm like, no, I got to sell it today.

Yeah, that's right.

Because that's how fast you need those pills.

I'm like, tomorrow I'll be a withdrawals and miserable.

That is,

it's crazy.

And you were kind of dealing with it really on your own.

I mean, you know,

you didn't have a support.

Like this gentleman.

with the alcohol sounds like we don't know what his relationship is, but he's got a wife that he's hiding it from.

My first thing would be like, you got to tell your wife, right?

Like, you got to be like, I mean, isn't that supposed to be your teammate?

It is.

Like, I can see where he might be afraid, though, if, like, say, this has been a problem in the past.

And she's like, hey, you better not start drinking again.

Like, if I had to go to Mary Beth and be like, hey, man, I'm back on Oxy.

That would be a very tough thing to do.

Like, I've been hiding it from you for three years.

But that guy's a pretty good, he's pretty good at hiding shit, though.

Three years?

That's a long time.

Don't she go to bed?

I know some girls go to bed at like nine o'clock at night or eight o'clock at night, and then the guys are up later.

Yeah, I, but I, I would say, like, if he was serious about getting off, like,

just put it out, just like the reason, like, if you, I don't think you are serious about getting off until you tell your wife because you're hedging your bets.

Like,

I'm going to try and stop, but I could also have a drink if I need to.

She's not going to bust my balls.

Where if you go to your wife and you're like, look, this is a problem I'm seeing developing.

I want to go to AA.

I want to go talk to a doctor.

And now I'm accountable to my wife.

I think your odds are way higher that way.

Yeah.

What do you think?

Yeah,

it would be good, like, depending on how supportive she is, yeah, it would be good.

It would be nice to have somebody in your corner.

Right, which I feel you didn't have.

No, I didn't have that in my corner.

I had somebody who's like, give me some.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Taking 51% of them.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I don't know what to say except that

I think you're right.

I think as hard as it may be, you have to tell your wife and it's it's going to be even tougher when you're like, I've been lying to you for three years by omission by not telling you that I've been drinking.

Yeah.

But you know, it's like I I am a believer that it's a disease, that that it's like it's not like people are like, oh, just stop drinking.

It's like, no, because then you you go into seizures or you die or something.

You can't just like if you're depending on how serious this guy's problem is, yeah, you can't just do that.

All right.

Got to wean off and shit and sometimes get on anti-anxiety medication to help come down.

And then you get addicted to that shit.

All right.

Yeah.

Stick with the alcohol.

Yeah.

Just have a drink.

Yeah.

I would say, dude, you can't handle it on your own.

Don't even try to handle it on your own.

You have a wife.

That's what she's there for.

Go see a doctor.

Get medical help.

Like, don't fuck around with it.

Why fuck around with it?

Do it the right way.

Do it the way that's going to work.

You know it's a problem

and you are ready to face it or you've tried to face face it, but yeah, maybe you're not just maybe you just can't do it alone.

Like when I did it, I was like, I was tired of it.

Like I said, I was tired of treating the way the people, the way I was treating them.

I went to the doctor, I'm like, let me get on Suboxone, which is like the opiate replacement therapy.

So, like, if you take Suboxone and then you take an opiate, the opiate is not going to get you high.

But then the Suboxone is incredibly addictive, too.

So it's like you have these strips that are like, maybe like the size of one of these things that you're looking at right here.

About four inches long?

About four inches long, about an inch wide.

Yeah.

And

you would put, like, they're sublingual, so you put them under your tongue, it dissolves, and then you don't feel, you don't go through withdrawals.

But that's just

a band-aid because eventually you have to get off of them.

And I got off of them, dude.

When I tell you that the piece that I was taking towards the end, because it had to be a lot of psychological

addiction there.

The piece that I was taking at the end was like, it was

about a tenth the size of a dime.

There was nothing to it.

And it still helped?

Like the corner.

Yeah.

And it still, at least psychologically, it helped until the day that I ran out and I'm like, I'm not going to get anymore.

That's it.

And then it was like a month of insomnia and feeling achy and feeling shitty and being like, I wish I had some Suboxone.

But after about a month, you know.

And I talked to Muse.

He said he went through the same thing.

He's like, he's like, it's going to suck.

You're not going to be able to sleep.

This is going to happen.

That's going to happen.

He was right about all of it because he was, you know, on the junk.

Yeah.

and uh

i'm like if muse can do it

oh it took him a took him a long time but i also think his wife like was oh his wife was instrumental yeah yeah she's very very good person she's the fucking best yeah i actually was when i saw him use a comic-con i was like i gotta call her i miss her like she's always like just just awesome but uh yeah which is why i would say to this guy like it's probably better to involve your wife like

and if not if if you're like hey man i can't go to her her because it's going to fuck up my marriage or whatever, go to a close friend.

Yeah.

You know, or, I mean, I can't believe I'm saying this, but if you're like a religious person, go to your pastor, your priest, or something.

Maybe they can.

Yeah, don't do it alone.

Yeah, doing it alone is too hard.

That's why they have meetings.

That's why they have AA because it's a bunch of people with a common problem that are saying, like, look, I can't deal with this on my own.

So there's strength in numbers.

Yeah.

They had, I have, I'll tell you, is I'll tell you who later.

It won't matter the audience.

It will matter to you.

I had a friend who I had a falling out with

20 years ago reach out to me recently and been like,

I'd love to go out and talk to you about,

because they went through

AA and Alcohol is anonymous and they have to make amends and stuff like that.

They're going to have some amends making to you.

And it's like, I want to explain why I behaved the way I did.

And I know I blamed you at the time, but I want it so I got,

I have that ahead of me.

And I said on the text, I was like, dude, I was like, I don't care.

Like, we started talking again a few years ago.

We just never addressed it.

And I was like, I don't care.

I was like, it's fine.

I was like, if you want to do it for you, I was like, yeah, of course.

I was like, but I don't have any hard feelings anymore.

So it's that fucking long of a road sometimes.

Yeah.

You know?

So, you know, and

hopefully you're not at it.

Maybe this guy doesn't have to make amends.

Maybe if he's been keeping it quiet that much, he didn't really fuck anybody over or anything.

But I do think that it just seems to work for people that take it seriously and do it.

It does.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like people who are hardcore about it, it seems to really work for them.

Yeah.

They have a mission in life.

And I guess that should be his.

Yeah.

Get off the alcohol.

It's not easy.

We know, but that would be the first thing.

Start being honest with the people around you.

And then only then can they help.

Because if they don't know there's a problem,

they ain't helping.

Yeah.

They just think you're not.

In fact, they might be like, hey, you want to drink?

Yeah.

They might not even know.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

All right.

Well, we got what we got more, right?

We got one more.

What do we got?

We got to talk to someone.

Let me read this fast.

Okay.

Because this is one pill that.

No, I'm not even going to say that.

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All right.

Nice.

Now let's see.

Long time aunt.

Yeah, we can't, you know, I want to go out on the phone.

You know, and a right, yeah.

Although that was, that did get surprisingly in-depth.

Uh, let's see.

That's Tommy looking for a phone number.

That's the one we called.

That's Nick, the dog guy.

And this is the alcohol guy.

That's all we got.

Oh, all right.

That's all we got.

Well, hell, man.

I think we cleared our docket.

We cleared the docket.

We've done it again, buddy.

We did it again.

Helped some people.

Definitely made people aware of the Q West comedy.

Yeah, I didn't mean to go that heavy on it.

What are you going to do?

The Maverick.

The Maverick will be there.

I love them.

I did get these, like, I thought they might have been bad luck.

I said this to, we'll leave on this.

I said to Mary Beth, you know, there were people that lived in the house before us.

Yeah.

And sometimes we got their stuff.

And we got

flowers.

one day and it said like deepest sympathies blah blah blah and it was to the lady who lived in the house before us.

They're an older couple, okay, probably in their 70s or 80s.

So, so you think the husband died?

I think the husband might have died.

Yeah.

And so now we have these, you have these flowers in the house.

I told Mary Beth, I'm like, get them out of here.

Yeah.

I don't want any death flowers in this house.

Really?

Yeah, I thought they might have been bad luck.

Oh, I thought, like, I would have looked at it like, wow, I'm getting away with this.

No, we got away with other stuff.

Bad luck for thee.

Good luck for me.

I looked at it as like, I don't know, man.

there's just something weird about death funeral flowers being in the house.

I don't know.

She wouldn't get rid of them.

She kept them'cause she liked them.

Nobody listens to me.

Peace assholes.