#617: Water, Water, Everywhere

But the kind of person I am, I'll never forget it.

Never

kick that shit to the grave.

Yeah.

And viscous.

No, it gets viscous.

Viscous, viscous?

Viscous.

Viscous.

Yeah.

This is going to be a testament.

Like, if we can make fucking talking about fucking water, I want to go another 45 minutes of water.

If we have kept the audience, then there's nothing we can't talk about.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I see Walt over there playing with Teddy.

Hello.

And I don't see BQ.

No.

I don't know.

Teddy's jumping up, trying to look at everybody over the table.

I don't see BQ.

No.

Because he's hobnobbing again.

And what's more, Walt, is that motherfucker ghosted me this week.

Really?

Now, this might be the first time on record since I've known BQ since 1997, I believe, that he has ghosted me.

In what way?

How did it happen?

I sent him a message on Monday, and I said, hey, I know you're going to Vegas at the end of the week.

Is there a good day for Tell Steve Dave during the week, you know?

No answer.

Radio fucking silence.

Because I heard that he was gambling on television.

Right.

Yeah, he was doing something with Jogato.

It's like a.

Was that in Vegas?

I believe so, yeah.

It was a

charity thing in Vegas.

Which means he probably went out there maybe Thursday.

I mean, that's pretty good, though, considering he's been BQ, Diamond BQ, for

over a decade.

And that's the first ghost.

I mean, look, if I'm some schmuck trying to get his fucking insurance information or something.

I'm sorry, but if Diamond BQ has been Diamond BQ for 2012, if not more.

He's not Diamond BQ to me.

He's not.

He just isn't.

He's my friend.

He should be.

If you just text it back, like, hey,

you know, this week's no good.

That's enough.

That's enough.

That way, I don't have to wait till the end of the week.

Thank God for Sunday, Jeff.

Oh.

We don't say, I'll never ghost you.

We never say that enough around here.

Yeah, Sunday Jeff is.

He looks like a ghost, but he's not going to ghost me.

I got nothing else to do.

Diamond Sunday.

Yeah, that's it, Diamond.

I wasn't at the Vegas party.

Should have invited me.

You a good poker player?

No, I have no idea how to play poker.

I'm not a poker player at all.

I hear Diamond BQ wants some money, though.

Giddam told me that he want 20 grand.

20 G's.

Oh, it's for charity?

What was it?

For charity, yeah.

I'm not sure what it is.

It's probably,

if I know Gatto, it's probably something to do with dogs, some kind of animal charity.

So Q would probably be cats.

Q would probably be with the cats, yeah.

Nice.

20, he's so busy feeding those cats and cleaning out those litter pans, he couldn't text his boy back.

He knowed him a long time.

I know.

Did you go through his assistant?

I didn't.

I didn't think to do that.

I should have, though.

Yeah.

He's got to go through channels.

Friends shouldn't have to go through channels.

It's one time

in over a decade.

I mean, come on.

But the kind of person I am, I'll never forget it.

Never.

Forget it.

No.

Take that shit to the grave.

Yeah.

That's going to be my dying words.

I'm going to be like, ghost of me, fuckhead.

He lies.

Diamond Q.

Yeah, Diamond BQ.

Well, what are you going to do?

You're right.

He's Diamond.

Now I've seen, now he is Diamond BQ to me.

Oh, he wasn't before this?

He wasn't.

He was just a guy.

He was just a guy.

I'm sure it's an oversight.

My buddy.

Yeah, I'm sure he just slipped his mind.

He'll come back like, bro, I forgot.

I didn't even see you text until I landed.

Yeah, or he made a four-hour difference over it.

He didn't get to it, and it just didn't happen.

And, you know, it's.

You got to remember he's got a lot more going on than me and you do.

True.

But I know not so much that he couldn't return the text.

I know.

I know that.

I know what he's up to.

I'm trying, BQ.

I'm not going to let it go.

I'm going to shake it like a dog.

So, anyway, yeah, we got Sunday Jeff here this week, which is always a delight, I think.

My pleasure.

I get ghosted by so many people, it wouldn't even bother me.

You never who never ghosted it?

On purpose, though.

It's probably on purpose.

What do you mean?

I'm not answering this text.

Plenty of times I reach out

and I don't get a response.

I'm used to it, really?

Yeah.

To who?

Diamond?

No, not BQ.

I mean, we can get him over there.

There's plenty of times I text him and I don't get a response.

Well, he's got no reception.

Yeah.

With five fucking phones, the guy still can't answer a text.

You think he could take them all together?

That's always an excuse, then.

Is that on his.

Yeah, of course.

Is that on his day off?

Or is that like a regular day?

A regular day, him not responding to you.

I don't think it matters.

If it's a day off or not, sometimes, you know, they just don't get answered.

Yeah.

Need like a bat signal.

Well, it goes to Jimmy the hair guy.

Did you?

Yes.

And you did too, from what I understand.

Really?

He said that?

Yeah.

Well, he said that he wanted to get he wanted to put one of the Space Monkeys episodes on

Patreon.

And he said, yeah,

I propositioned Walt with this idea, but he never got back to me.

Yeah.

We got a programmer, Jimmy the Hair Guy.

Yeah.

You know what, Jimmy?

Ask Chuck why it may not be going up.

That's all I'll say.

Chuck will tell you, and I I won't, but that's all I'll tell you.

It's on Chuck now.

Yeah.

All right.

That's it.

Sweep it under the rug.

Push it off to the next one.

Somebody else.

Oh, that's what I'm doing in 2025, brother.

2025 is now

I'm shoveling so much shit to other people.

It's your resolution?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm going on a big, long break.

Are you a real boss?

Yeah.

Got to do it myself.

Yeah, it's going to be

a rough year for Giddam then.

No, that actually depends on BQ and Bry.

If it's going to be a rough year for Giddem or not.

If they interact as much with him as in 2024, Giddam is going to be living the fucking good life because he'll have nobody fucking lording over him.

He'll have nobody telling him what to do.

Well, I've already looked, I've already, when I walked in, I already saw that front office.

That is unacceptable for our Black Friday plans.

There's no way.

There's too much shit in that room.

Dusty.

Gross.

He's aware of it, though.

Okay.

He's on it.

Did you tell him?

At least least he's aware of it.

Well, don't mention it to him.

I don't feel like I should have to, but I think you might be in a situation.

Really?

Really?

Oh, this many

people think you're giving me.

You know what?

That's on me.

You're right.

It's totally on me.

You know what?

I'll just remain silent.

And things will change the way I want them.

Yeah, that'll change.

Keep thinking that.

Let's see.

A little housekeeping.

We have the Christmas episode coming up.

Christmas episode should be dropping Black Friday or Thanksgiving evening at 11.59 p.m.

Now, I got some stats.

We just finished it.

Get him.

Get him, Dino.

You know, I will give credit where credit is due.

Sometimes

maybe praise isn't as given as often as possible, but he did a really good job cutting it and trying to

get all the fat out of

it.

I don't think there was that much fat.

Giddam's was not in it at all.

No.

Because it was a beast at four hours and

40 minutes.

So we got it down to three hours and 46 minutes.

So, and there's, it is tight.

There's no, there's no, every um is gone.

Oh, I love it because I um a lot.

Every um is gone, except Ming's ums, because they're impossible to remove.

And his is like a different language.

Like, he just rolls right into words with his ums.

I'm just like, no, we'll be here till till the summertime if we try to fix his shit.

Yeah.

But yeah, so he did a good job on that one.

I have some stats here.

It says that this is from the creaky man himself, Declan.

This is technically the most complicated and biggest episode that we've ever done by a factor of three.

It was a long episode, man.

It was really long.

Everybody in my life fucking tells me they climb Mount Everest.

Everybody.

Everybody.

It's fucking annoying at this point.

Everybody in this fucking TSD town will come to me and be like, dude, this was the hardest thing I ever had to accomplish.

Oh, yeah.

Everybody.

I'm just sick of hearing about it.

Everything's Mount Everest, everybody.

Well, he's saying it.

That's why he's running that new weepfall.

Better watch out, 2025.

When that ball drops in New York City, he's going to have his face on that fucking apple.

Two million figures going up.

He says the average episode recording generates four to five hours of audio.

Ten hours is a big app.

This Christmas e, 76 hours of audio was recorded.

45 gigs that you guys had to go through.

This is more of a testament to you guys.

So we have that.

We have that episode coming out, which, like we said, was a monster.

A lot of time and effort went into that.

A lot of people

it does

help the Juarez family.

That would be.

That's the goal.

Bottom line is, is it going to help the Juarez's?

And hopefully that's the case.

I'm sure it will.

I'm sure it will.

It won't hurt them.

No.

It won't hurt them.

So we have that.

I'll be tweeting out the link for that on

Tell them Steve Dave on X.

Have you made the move to Blue Sky yet?

I know a lot of people are doing that.

No.

Don't even know what it is.

I went Sunday.

You moved to Blue Sky too?

Get him?

See, you should go out.

That's what you should do to 2025.

What's that?

Just be like me.

Oh, yeah.

That's what I'm doing.

I'm going going to be in a stupor in 2025.

That's all right.

That's what I'm looking for.

Let's see how things go.

I'm going to be ghosting a whole hell of a lot of people.

Get used to getting ghosted.

Oh, no.

That's my new motto in 2025.

It seems like he's drunk lately.

Hanging around with that other guy.

If you don't hear from me, it's not because I've been ghosting you.

It's just because, yeah, I don't give a crap.

It's 2025.

Yeah, it's 2025.

Too many Sunday drives.

Hanging around with that other guy too long.

So we have that, and then, of course, Black Friday.

We have some merch.

We have some new merchandise that will be up on telehemstevedave.com.

Got a new hoodie.

We got a new t-shirt.

Hoodie's awesome.

Oh, thank you so much.

Wore it twice.

The hoodie's really soft, yeah.

Yeah, what's that something?

Wore it twice.

You wore it twice already.

Like it.

Really?

Yeah, you wear it to work?

No, that I can't.

That I can't.

Where'd you wear it?

One was here.

Okay.

That doesn't count.

I gave it to you.

You made the commercial.

The first show was

Monday.

I wore it.

Oh, okay.

Where'd you go?

Just out doing my rounds, my errands.

Did anybody give you anything?

Walking in there with my chest sticking out.

Ladies are like, ooh, what's that?

Like, what is that?

What's that guy?

Why's he got an ant on his?

Oh, you just gave it away.

They're going to find out what it is, anyways.

Then there was one other.

What else did I want to talk about?

Oh,

no, that wasn't it.

There was one other little piece of housekeeping that now I forgot.

But we'll get back to it, I guess.

We'll get back to it Sunday.

Don't worry.

I know you're nervous.

You see here.

They can always bleep that out.

That's okay.

Yeah.

So I got,

I didn't even know what we were going to talk about today.

I've done so little since the last time I saw you, except clean out the garage.

I don't think most people want to hear about that.

I did go to the urologist.

Whoa.

Shout out to Dr.

Cristiano.

How'd that go?

Not great.

No?

Yeah, not great.

He said that I have to diminish my testosterone intake because my blood is getting too thick, I guess, and like it's getting too viscous with the testosterone.

And a combination of that and Walt Flanagan disease.

I'm dehydrated.

Oh, oh.

That's what they're calling it now?

That's what they're calling it these days, yeah.

It's got Lou Gehrig's disease, Walt Flanagan disease.

You shrivel up like a prune, like a dried-up raisin.

Tell everybody to go fuck themselves.

You don't drink that much water?

No, hardly any at all.

And really, like, it's especially dumb because of what Walt went through.

Yeah.

So, like, I should learn.

Why are you not drinking water?

I just, like, I don't like water, really.

And I told Mary Beth, I kind of blamed her.

I said, I used to drink a lot more when I had the orange Gatorade in the house.

Like,

it's like the zero-calorie orange Gatorade.

So I would drink that a lot.

But then, for some reason, she stopped getting it.

So I said,

is that a good self-defense?

I think so, because it's water, right?

It just has a little artificial flavoring in it.

I just think water is

the proper thing.

I don't remember them telling me to...

They told me to drink Gatorade when I was already dehydrated already, get those electrolytes.

Electrolytes.

Yeah, but I think water is the

preferred beverage.

Water is key, right?

How many are you drinking a day?

Not as many as I did when I was really scared.

Right.

When I first got the.

I was siphoning out the fucking water tower out there.

Yeah, I was on, I was drinking so much, but I've kind of slowed down.

I still drink at least three bottles a day, but I was supposed to drink eight, I think.

Eight.

Yeah, but three is a lot.

I don't, like, I personally have a hard time getting more than four down because I'm just like, I feel like I'm sloshing around.

It's hard to drink when you're not really thirsty.

You just keep on drinking and drinking and drinking because you're just forced to drink.

And I think in the wintertime, it becomes even more paramount that you keep up on it and don't forget because

you can find yourself not feeling thirsty because it's cold right and you're not you know if you're not doing anything either not saying you're not but i'm just i know you cleaned out the garage but i did well half of it

half of it anyway

but in the winter time it's very easy to get dehydrated i was told because you don't realize it as much as you will in the summertime you know summertime you'll feel it because you're sweating so much

yeah but it i mean but you don't do, so you're at a

disadvantage.

That's a challenge.

I'm never thirsty.

I don't sweat.

I'm not a sweater.

And that caused me to have a lifetime of dehydration, though, because I didn't realize

I was even dehydrated, though.

I never felt thirsty.

Never felt like I was.

not at full capacity because of it.

Right.

Now, okay, so when you started your water routine, it didn't feel like your brain didn't feel more like you didn't feel more alert or more like.

No, no.

The only thing I'm trying to do is never have that feeling that I'm going to pass out again because it's fucking unnerving.

It feels

so fucked up.

And I get that, and I get that.

If I do have a twinge of that feeling,

it really can fucking make me get really panicky.

Like, oh my God, it's coming back.

Run to the refrigerator.

Yeah, just start guzzling water.

But you have water, but for some people, man, they can drink it like it's fucking like they're fish.

I know, like, you see these girls walking around with those giant cups, like a gallon fucking container.

My daughter's like that.

My oldest daughter could drink water like it's nothing.

It's probably got like porcelain spots.

My wife would complain because she would be like, we're buying so much water.

When she finally moved out, she was like, we could finally ease up on the water bill because she's drinking so, I mean, not the water bill, like, and we buy a bottled water, but I couldn't tell tell you how many bottles of water she would drink a day.

It was staggering, really, yeah.

Get you a Brita, what?

Britta, one of the filters that you filters.

Yeah, that's what I do.

Oh, yeah, you don't drink bottled water?

Very rarely.

I have like one of those containers.

I have a hard time drinking water out of a glass.

It almost has to be out of a bottle, or else it feels so

gross.

I don't know what that is.

It should taste different.

Yeah.

I drank water out of a can one time, and I was just like, this is horrible.

Oh, that is weird.

Yeah, that's what's that?

Death water or something like that?

It's liquid death.

Yeah, they sell that at PNC Art Center.

I had one that what I like about the can is it keeps it so cold.

But it does, there's like there's a weird sensation or taste coming out.

Yeah, you're an expectation of that flavor of water coming out of a plastic bottle.

And when it comes out of a tin can,

there's just something.

Glass is the best.

Glass really is the best.

Yeah, there's hard.

You like bottled soda, right?

It's hard.

No.

You don't like bottled soda?

No.

Really?

I would think because bottles really, glass is really the best.

Yeah, no.

It's hard to find bottled glass bottled water, though, anywhere.

Do you even sell that anywhere?

Yeah, they do.

Voss, which is hard to find.

I can't find it.

I like the sparkling.

It's a lot of fun, right?

It is.

I can't find it.

It's fine.

Laws of TSD Town can only afford.

No, they sell the regular.

I like the sparkling water.

The sparkling water is really good, but I cannot find it.

The sparkling has the bubbles in it.

It's got the bubbles in it.

Yeah, I can't deal with the bubbles.

Like San Pellegrino, I drink.

I drink a lot of it.

This is going to be a testament.

Like, if we can make fucking talking about fucking water.

I want to go another 45 minutes of water.

If we have kept the audience, then there's nothing we can't talk about.

Let's talk about more water.

Sparkles for

Sunday.

Yeah, that's right.

The drought is over in New Jersey.

More water.

I know I can finally have an outdoor fire after months.

And at least I was like, now my grass is going to grow, and there'll be nobody to cut it.

The entire fucking summer, these guys came and all they did was kick up dirt.

You get charged for it.

Yeah, and you get charged for it.

And you don't want to be like, hey, I'm not paying you, but you guys are like, then they'll just cut you off.

You'll be, yeah, good luck finding another guy next season when you really need him.

Right, yeah.

And I like personally know the guy that does my lawn, so it would be a real dickhead move to me.

But I really did.

At one point, I wanted to be like, you can come twice, like twice a month, I guess.

Like, you don't need to come every week.

Like, it hasn't rained in two fucking months.

But I know the second that I'm like, don't come, downpour, and then the grass is going to be out of control.

Yeah, my wife was like, you know, I got the bill from the lawn guys, and I don't think that the grass grew at all.

And she's like, should I say anything?

I was like, no, just pay it.

You got to.

Just pay it.

Yeah.

You know,

you're going to need them.

And then if you give them a hard time, they're going to ghost you.

I don't need any more of that.

They probably clean up your yard, too, don't they?

Don't they blow leaves and stuff like that, too?

Like falling.

They don't need to, though.

Like, if I was out, if I was home and they did it and I saw them blowing leaves, I'm like, don't even bother.

I don't give a fuck about the leaves.

Yeah, but then they get all wet in the winter and they settle into your grass and shit.

And you got a nice backyard.

You got a nice area back there.

Okay, and

what's the downside of that?

It just like smells.

It looks bad, you know?

Yeah, they start rotting and shit.

It smells like old woods and leaves and stuff.

Don't even bother with him.

It wastes your time.

I saw how he landscapes.

I do not need the leaves

blown or picked up.

That's all his wife.

If that was any, I saw the back of his thing.

It's like Better Homes and Gardens.

It's beautiful.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Yeah, it's not.

That's not him.

Like I said, it looks like the surface of the fucking moon back there.

That's when it did when we first moved in.

But you have a,

you live, what's it called, like in a development where you have, you pay

association fees, yeah.

How does that work?

How does that work out for you?

Works out pretty good.

Yeah, tell us a little bit about that because we're struggling here.

I can't find anything else to talk about water.

Yeah.

Do you guys have free access to water?

Pay them a flat fee.

That goes towards your fee a month, and you know, you don't have to mow.

It's kind of the same as you.

It's really the same thing.

What do you mean?

Because it goes for them to take care of the property around you.

So they come and blow the leaves, they mow the lawn.

Now, I got to imagine you are one of those dream tenants.

You never do anything that causes anybody to be like, oh, we got to write him up.

We got to write that

man in 24B up.

He put a

flag up.

He put a flag up, or he didn't do this, or he has a different color something in the window.

I bet you you're like a dream for that.

Well, you have rules to follow.

So it's called H-O-C.

H-O-A.

H-O-A.

You have rules to follow.

I can't imagine you break any of the rules, though.

There's really not really that many rules to break, though.

I mean, they won't let you have,

you know, certain units, they won't allow you to have,

you know, grills because they're too close to the.

If you don't have a patio in the back, you can't have a grill.

Do you have a grill?

No.

No.

You should just get one and be like, fuck you.

Yeah.

Put it on the roof.

You don't have a little area in the back?

No.

Even a little bit?

No, I'm upper.

Oh, you're upper.

You have a little balcony?

No.

You have windows?

You have a little balcony.

Yeah.

okay it's like living in this office i got windows bring a grill of lights bring a grill in here high ceilings

okay so there's not one place maybe in your parking spot can you behind your car can you put a little grill like uh you know maybe i can use my neighbors who are friendly with him they say bring down some burgers and start flipping them on this girl do a little tailgate now

there's got to be something there's got to be some part of you that wants to just rebel in a little bit just one rule there's got to be one rule rebellion moment are like real rules there i mean it's like this stuff like they don't want you hanging

Christmas lights.

I guarantee you there's fucking tons of rules.

There is.

They don't apply to me, though.

I mean, I'm sorry, I don't hang up lights.

So they don't want you like.

Oh, you can't hang up Christmas lights.

They don't want you doing it into the siding.

You know, if you have, like, they'll let you put it around your door with those, whatever, those, you know, the hooks that you can kind of like, it's got the double-sided tape.

Those command strips,

yeah.

They'll let you do.

They don't want you like nailing them into the siding and stuff like that.

But I don't hang up lights anyways.

Are you for Hanukkah?

No.

Really?

You just do not want partners.

I'd rather let nobody know that I live.

It just doesn't want to pop up and be like, fuck you, I'm doing what I want.

Blue lights.

It's America still.

Blue lights.

Right?

Even in that development, it's still America at the end of the day.

Is it?

Is it America?

But they come and they shovel your walkways.

Yeah, they do all that.

They're actually pretty good.

Yeah.

But you don't have to worry about lawn or anything because you don't even have lawn, huh?

No, not much lawn at all.

I mean, mean, there's a lot of woods that blow leaves constantly.

You got a lot of deer?

Yeah, there is a lot of deer by me.

A lot of wildlife.

A lot of fucking squirrels, man.

I'll tell you that.

All I see is squirrels by me.

You're not allowed to trap them, right?

Yeah, I sit on top of my

Daniel Boone hat and I start picking them off on my gun.

That would be a violation.

Yeah, that's a little violation.

Sunday Jeff in a coonskin cap.

No hunting signs the day after.

I got this delivery of flow.

You tell me me if you think about it.

Hold on.

Are you done with it?

I don't know the urology reports.

Oh, urology?

Oh, well, he said

you're more at a risk.

I guess your blood gets viscous if you don't drink enough water, and plus you're taking this testosterone.

N.

viscous.

No, viscous.

N.

viscous.

No, it gets viscous.

Viscous, viscous?

Viscous.

Viscous.

Yeah, viscous.

That's the name of this episode, viscous.

It's definitely a clip.

I know that much.

And what happens to then?

So if you get a little too thick.

So if you cut yourself, it comes out like pudding?

I don't think so.

I think it's more like it's more likely to clot up and give you a stroke or a heart attack.

Oh, thank you.

So that's a big issue.

So when he said that, I was like, all right, maybe I'll start drinking some water.

I brought a bottle of water with me today.

There is an app you can use

that will help you keep track of your water intake.

And it's based solely on taste for you?

The water?

Yeah.

Well, like you, if I drink too much, I'm like, oh, now I feel like some sloshing around.

In your belly.

But yeah.

Not in the summer so much, because I'm not like you.

I do sweat like crazy.

So in the summertime, it's not nearly as bad.

But winter, yeah, you're right.

You're pissing all the time, too.

Yeah, I know.

That's the other thing I got.

Like, I've developed a baby bladder.

So now I'm going to be going to the bathroom every fucking two seconds.

Yeah, but I mean, that's a small price to pay, though, isn't it?

Well, you don't want to throw what I went through.

Yeah,

if you want to cut it off around 8 o'clock in the evening, so this way maybe you can make it through the night without having to get up.

But yeah, between the hours of 8 a.m.

and 8 p.m., yeah, you should be hydrating like crazy.

You should be hydrating like crazy.

Now, have you started this hydration plan?

Just today.

I literally just went this morning, so I brought this bottle of water with me, had my tea.

Though I think caffeine sort of draws water away from your

tea is not, yeah, you got to cut out the

that shit.

It's just got to be pure water.

Yeah.

I mean, I look, if anybody had fucking delicate taste buds, it's me.

And I suck it up.

Something that has no taste to it.

Drink up that nasty ass water.

Which your body is like

mostly water, anyways.

It's so boring.

It's so vanilla.

It's so no-frills.

And it's not like you're sitting down and having like a slice of pizza with it or something.

You can, but.

Oh, my God, pizza and water.

Okay, here's the key to drinking more water.

Crackers.

Eat a lot of crackers.

So it absorbs all the water in your body.

Eat some salt-free crackers, and you'll definitely want to wash it down with water.

And that'll be the key to drinking more water.

I'll get fat on crackers.

It's possible to get fat on crackers.

I think so.

I don't think so.

I'm eating like a box of crackers.

It's fucking all constant plus salt.

It's so good.

Salt-free crackers.

Really?

Fat.

I'm at 156.

My diet's crackers and water.

Carbohydrates.

It's like prisoners are laughing at me.

You want to make it to fucking 60.

Yeah.

Six.

You want to start drinking.

Or how about sometimes I'll have a chips of hoy, like those little mini chips of hoy.

I'll pop three or four of them and I'm like, okay, now I'll wash it down with a bottle of water.

Not milk, huh?

No.

Oh, milk.

She had no

urine or something.

Milk is like drinking.

Swamp water.

What's that called?

Viscous?

Viscous.

It's like viscous.

It's so thick and nasty after drinking water, then you put milk in your mouth.

It's almost a solid, it feels like.

Yeah, well, I drink skim milk.

Yeah, Mary Beth drinks the 2% shit.

And

if I have cookies or something, I can't even drink that.

It's too thick.

Oh, I only threw it.

2%?

But you only know, yeah, 2%.

I'm a whole guy.

No half-hearted.

I go whole.

Whole hard

whole hard milk in his mouth.

But it's gross.

It's so thick.

I've said this before.

At one time, Walt was over at the house, and we had cookies, and I tried to trick him because

we had 2% milk at the time, and I gave it to him, and he brought it it up to his mouth his like he was going to drink it he must have sniffed it or saw something or whatever

he goes yeah he goes this isn't whole milk he was right he was right

what were you trying to do to me it looked like

it's like water it looked like somebody had dipped a white paintbrush in a bottle of uh in a glass of water yeah it's it's very very

like thin

white water it looked like trying to push one over on me yeah i tried

that's a lot i mean can we do a whole hour on just talking about water?

Apparently we can.

We probably can.

Minus the spots.

I think we did an hour on water.

Why did they adjust your testosterone then?

What's up?

Can't they just adjust it?

Yeah, well, they lowered it.

Yeah, he lowered it by 25 milligrams or whatever.

Are you taking testosterone in injections or are you taking in pill form?

Injections.

It's very easy.

It's like this tube that's about as long as this water bottle, like up to this.

Well, no, I mean like lengthwise, up to the top of that green.

So, you have to inject that much into you.

It's a pain.

No, no, no.

It's very little.

It's very little.

And it's pain-free.

Yeah, you can't feel it.

It's just like, it's just like, imagine just pressing your finger against your side.

That's what it feels like.

You don't feel any pierce.

I guess the needle must be so fine or whatever.

Who does that?

Is this something you can do at home or is it something you have to go and think about?

I know, I do this at home.

Really?

Yeah, I used to do this thing where they

tie off or anything or you just.

No, no, I just have to grab the fat out of my stomach.

It's got the rubber in his teeth.

Come on, baby.

Don't bother me.

I'm taking my testosterone.

Oh, yeah.

That's the shit.

Uh-oh, something's happening.

Wait, what did you say now?

So you do it at home, though.

I do it at home.

Yeah, I used to do this thing where they actually would make an incision right in the top of your ass cheek and then put in these pellets that would dissolve over the course of three months.

Why would you stop doing it?

Because it's so painful, and this isn't.

It was the same sort of result.

Why that particular process to do that when they had or the pen wasn't available then?

The pen, I think, was I don't know if it was available, but it's like they're incredibly expensive, too.

I was able to find this program where they knock it down by like $300 a month.

So the other one's like a slow release.

It's like a time release over.

How many times did you have to get that done, though?

Is it like last six months, two months?

It lasts about three months.

So that's a lot.

You got to keep

it.

You got to keep on making incisions and shit.

Yeah.

Oh, dude.

And is it the same incision every time?

Or is it different part of it?

It's different, different, like you can move it sideways.

Never want to go to prison.

He's got all these scars on his hips.

So, what are all these from?

Nothing, nothing.

Not testosterone.

I can't get a boner.

That's good.

You don't need one.

That was an asking.

Yeah.

So, yeah, that was my trip to the urologist.

And so, when do you have to go back?

Another three months.

And

the goal is to

how many bottles of water did he tell you to drink?

He didn't say.

He just like, you got to hydrate more or at all.

I'm surprised he didn't tell you,

like, give you a

body weight.

I mean, it's just like, I mean, I usually drink 64 ounces.

How many bottles is that?

It's probably about.

That would be, well, these are 16, so it would be four.

Four.

I have a 32-ounce container that I bring to work with me, and I also fill it up when I get home.

So I mean, I have that, but I also, you're also getting some fluids also through stuff that you drink during the course of the day, too.

You know, it's not pure fluid.

I mean, it's not pure water, but I mean, I drink enough water.

There's a lot of coffee, though, right?

I don't drink that much coffee.

Oh, no.

No,

it was strange.

When I quit smoking a long time ago, I thought I was going to drink a lot more coffee.

I drank 10 times more coffee when I was smoking than I than when I quit.

I drink maybe two cups.

I have a cup in the morning, and then I'll have a cup in the afternoon.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know.

I would think it would be the opposite.

I would think I would want to have more coffee, but I don't.

You don't have that caffeine fix?

Yeah.

Yeah,

I can go.

I don't drink coffee as soon as I get up.

I don't drink it until I get to.

Which of the day do you have your first coffee?

When I get to work.

So it's about five o'clock in the morning, 5:30.

But that is the first thing in the morning, then.

No, it's not.

It's not like I, when I wake up, it's not like I make the coffee and I drink it before I go to work.

I don't drink it until I actually am at work.

So it's about an hour later.

That you don't think you wouldn't, you don't think you would

operate without it?

You don't think you're not going to be afraid?

Sure, I could be fine without it.

Yeah, I could operate with it.

It would be crazy.

Absolutely.

Really?

Okay.

Yeah, I mean, there's times where I've, you know, even when I was out in Vegas, I mean, by the time I got out of the hotel room and everything for the morning, it's like 10, 10:30, I still don't have a cup of coffee yet.

I'm fine.

You're not addicted to caffeine, don't you?

Yeah.

I can fall asleep after a drink of coffee.

Well, but that wouldn't.

I don't know if that would.

But I'm saying, like, caffeine doesn't really have an effect on me as far as going to sleep.

But you don't think caffeine has no effect on you whatsoever?

Listen,

you to talk to her?

She's seen me fall asleep with a fucking mug of coffee in my hand.

Who are you talking about?

Who's our doctor?

Oh, okay.

He's at the office drinking coffee.

What?

I don't fall asleep drinking water.

Okay.

Worry about what milk I'm fucking drinking.

This little cookie before you go to the house.

What do you put in your coffee?

I don't use milk half and half.

Yeah.

All right, Sunday.

That's yeah, I don't do a half anything.

Hole.

Yeah.

Whole hole, baby.

Don't go half on nothing.

That's the Tom Brady way.

Yeah.

He's not Tom Brady.

No night show.

We'll see.

See how he's talking for 2025.

Sounds like he's going half already.

I was wondering about, do you still listen to your speeches, like your inspirational Tom Brady speeches when you're falling asleep?

I do.

Because

I wonder if that's...

How do you feel it affects you?

Or do you feel it affects you?

I don't think it's affecting me in the the right way.

I think that I feel like, yeah,

unfortunately, I probably need him right in the same room.

Just like blowing you to sleep

so I can clonk at him.

But I have been listening to his inspirational talks and falling asleep to them, but I don't feel they're altering my mood in the way that I would hope, had hoped.

Still kind of

crouchy.

Huh.

So what happens when you get older?

Do you think Tom Brady doesn't get groupy?

Did you change Sunday?

Could be from a lot of things.

Not enough water?

I don't know if it's water.

I feel like I'm getting enough water at this point.

Yeah, that's not where the grouchy is.

Could be just at a breaking point in your life.

I'm not going to take it anymore.

You know, it could be other reasons.

All right.

We've had enough talk about water for now.

I got

45 minutes of water.

Got to do a little bit of reading here.

What is PrizePicks, you're asking Sunday, Jeff?

PrizePicks is the best place to get real-money sports action with over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings.

PrizePicks has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all.

You just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to 100 times your cash.

Run your game all season long on prize picks.

Let's see here.

You can win up to 100 times your money on prize picks with as little as four correct picks.

PrizePicks is the best way to get action on sports in over 30 states, including California, Florida, Georgia, and Texas.

PrizePicks is the only real money daily fantasy platform with an injury insurance policy, so your lineups stay in play.

Even if one of your players gets injured, if your player leaves in the first half and doesn't return, PrizePicks keeps your lineup live.

All right.

A lot of people worried about that.

Big news in football, prize picks.

Hopefully you didn't pick Daniel Jones Sunday on your prize picks this week.

He got dropped by the Giants, he was waived smartest thing they could have done

no longer with the team

you're happy about the team

when that's last time

I got to tell you I saw some commentary online from the quote-unquote giant fans

it is brutal it is brutal how ugly and toxic sports fans are.

Like there's time like

podcast fans, I mean, have nothing

on sports fans.

They'll say stuff to the guy, right?

They'll say stuff to him.

They are a different type of toxicity, the sports fans.

I mean, they're acting as if Daniel Jones stole their money.

Like, it was their money that the team gave Daniel Jones.

So he gets paid a certain

massive contract.

Yeah, he got a huge contract.

Right.

And he's not good.

And he really probably

can't perform up to the contract, though.

Okay.

But some of the people online that I've seen making comments, you would have thought that that money came out of their pocket.

They're so angry about it.

And I just want to be like,

what fucking person wouldn't take every fucking dime that they could get from the place they're working for?

Right.

Right?

What person is going to be, like, they're angry that they couldn't sign Sasquan?

They say, oh, they had to let Barkley go because they gave Daniel Jones that contract.

And I'm like,

that organization will get rid of Daniel Jones the second he no longer is useful to them, which was today.

But they will do it in a heartbeat.

Daniel Jones' only obligation is to get as much money as he can, guaranteed money.

before he gets a catastrophic injury.

And I saw you shaking your head over there.

You agree with that, huh?

You better get started.

Get him.

You agree with that, huh?

You agree that when you were shaking your head,

like I was doing gospel, when the guy should get every penny he can get.

He was raising his hands above his head.

No, I think they should have some loyalty to the team and not.

I understand that, yes,

they're going to get injured and they should make their money while they can, but there's ways to do that, like endorsements.

So there should be a loyalty.

Is there a loyalty to the team, to the player?

No, no, I'm saying, no, no.

I think that the team has no loyalty to the player.

So why should the player then?

I mean,

they should.

Why?

Tell me why.

You should have

a feeling.

All right, turn this mic off.

I'm not.

I don't know.

I have an answer.

He gave him how many years has he been with the Giants though?

He's been there a while.

I don't think you can.

He's not the best team, though.

No, you can't because look,

he had no offensive line for how many years.

But even the guy who's reporting the news about him being waived,

even the

shit talking about it.

Even the fans, though, the fans are fucking telling the reporter that he's a piece of shit for reporting it.

They're so rabid to fucking take down somebody.

They're like piranhas in a pool, and they just see blood and they want to.

They're like, you can't cover a fucking high school sport team, let alone the Giants, you piece of shit.

Listen to the reporter.

He's just reporting the news.

He's like, here's what happened.

I'm like, fuck you.

He hung himself at Met Stadium.

It is insane.

It's crazy.

How toxic the internet is.

It is bizarre what people will write in the midst of emotion because their team isn't doing well.

It is nuts.

Yeah, I can't identify with that.

I've never,

like you know, you know my whole life, pretty much.

I'm not a sports guy, so I don't have that sort of.

That passion isn't there.

It's just not that.

It's not there for anything, really.

It's hard to do anything.

Especially sports.

When you follow a team and then they're doing so poorly, I mean, mean, you followed one

for most of your life.

At that point, when the devils tanked for that decade, I never once went online and was like, you know what I wish?

I wish every one of these players had a catastrophic, horrific event happen in their life and to their loved ones

because they didn't win enough games for my pleasure.

Hope your kid comes out with one eye.

It's just nuts the things that people will write about players.

And there's this

jealousy or

that they're making making the money that they're making and the things that they'll write about players like

these people who are writing it couldn't fucking jerk off Daniel Jones properly let alone do what he's doing on a on a football field they they couldn't hold his jock yet they're telling him what he's doing wrong

well I think there was a lot of skeptic when they uh when they picked him to begin with they was it was really uh he was yeah he wasn't a guy that they thought was going to go as high as he did and he came out of a he was being coached by the coach who coached Manning

in college.

It's not Manning.

So they thought that they had a diamond in the rough and they were going to make one of these

great moves in history.

Like history would show they made a good move, but it didn't work out.

But man, coach too, I don't think coach is good.

It's still just sports.

Yeah.

People take that shit seriously, man.

I tell you.

Way too seriously.

You'd be in trouble.

Like, I fucking love to watch sports and root for my team, but

the shit that people will write online i mean mike tyson said it best man

did if the internet has created a breed of people who will write shit online and that they would never say in person oh never and and but sometimes they do sometimes you'll see these idiots think they're still online well they're like in the they're in the stands yelling it though right like

shit

you'll see one of the there was a jason kelsey was on the uh was walking along the college campus, and some college guy fucking started saying some shit to him, and he took his phone and he smashed it.

He should have fucking throttled the guy.

He should have fucking broke him in half for what he said.

Jason Kelsey is, he's, I know he's Travis Kelsey's brother, but is he also a football player?

He's a football player.

He was a footballer Eagles.

They played together in the Super Bowl, right?

He called his brother

the F word.

Really?

It rhymes with.

Maggot.

Yeah.

And so he turned around and he should have fucking

slapped him silly.

Yeah.

But he would have fucking, you know, he would have gone taken to task for it, though.

He would have lost his job.

But he took his phone instead and just smashed it.

Which is a felony, unfortunately.

But I guess he probably has the money to pay for it.

Yeah.

He could buy him a thousand folds.

And there would be other stuff.

How dare you hit this defenseless guy?

You're so much bigger than him.

You know what?

That's what I'm saying.

But like, you're.

You grew up on the internet thinking you could say whatever you want to fucking dudes who can snap you in half.

Right.

You know, you're not on the internet, man.

Make sure you're fucking faceless and nameless.

Yeah, you got to be totally

hiding

behind your anonymity.

Then you could say all that shit.

And then fucking walk up from your basement and look at the squalor in your life

after you post that shit.

Yeah, talking to you.

I was going to say, this sounds hauntingly familiar.

After you take someone to task because they didn't fucking do something the exact way you wanted them to.

Yeah.

Just keep it to yourself.

Yeah.

You don't have to put it out there anyway.

I consider myself one of the most passionate devils, guys.

I never fucking fell into that fucking

crap.

I would say things to you.

I'd blow off steam, but I never was like, hey, I want more Tambro Dor's nuts to fall off from fucking cancer.

There was a game that we did attend.

And it was never, ever

called out loud.

I mean, there was hats flying,

name calling.

It was a hat-trick.

Yeah, it wasn't a hat-trick for the devils.

It was a hat-trick within the last 30 seconds of the game with Caroline.

I am not one to scream at a fucking in the stand.

No, I don't.

You just don't want hateful stuff.

You wanted to want to hate stuff.

I'm saying, I know for a fact.

You could get bitchy and be like fucking dour.

I mean, you should be bitchy.

I could be sad because I spent the money and it didn't turn, the night didn't go the way I wanted it to, but I would never

in my, I would hope I would never

just start screaming shit.

She's a little grumpy and angry lately, so even he might be changing.

That is just rehensible.

Is that the right word?

Reprehensible.

Reprehensible.

And

so out of line to players that they would ever get.

Yeah, but you're not wired like that.

No.

That's not you.

You know.

I mean, I'm the same way.

I mean, I get pissed off.

I mean, there's plenty of nights like we're watching the light playoffs and I would call you and

try to get myself away.

So I talk you down.

I'm like the guy talking you down.

I'm like, don't jump, jump man it's all right it's only the first game

series of seven yep you and

they're done just but did i ever like scream and say something like really nasty and ugly or about a player that you were like shocked about that i no it was more like i wanted them to do good but i wasn't looking for their head on a what he's talking about about luke hughes is like he doesn't hit anymore just that's i don't think that's i don't think that crosses the line when i'm like no no no no but i'm just saying this is a void's contact like it's kryptonite.

That's all I said to you.

Now, if that is on the same level of like, no, no, no, no.

I hope your parents die.

I saw someone be like, I hope that such and such player, I hope his wife gets married.

No, he doesn't say that.

And so he wants a trade out of New York.

No hateful stuff on the point.

Is that fucking sick?

Yeah, that's pretty bad.

Or I hope his daughters are sexually assaulted, so he wants out of New York.

God is my witness.

That's pretty insane.

And

he seems like

takes.

Those are real takes by fucking so-called quote-unquote fans.

Rangers eat nuts.

Okay, now there's some.

We used to say Rangers Eat Nuts.

I don't think that's the same as saying that I want your daughters to sexually assault it in New York City so you get out of the way you demand a trade.

Yeah,

that's a little different.

I think that's passion.

That's like

psychotic passion.

But when I used to say the Rangers Eat Nuts, that was a playful rivalry.

I could have said it in a much more vulgar way.

You know, I could have said it

much more hateful.

And I didn't.

I said it playful.

Damn nuts, baby.

I don't remember any accurate points or whatever.

Prize picks.

Prize picks.

Prize picks puts its members first of all.

Withdrawals are fast, safe, and secure.

And when your picks hit, you can get your money in as quickly as 15 minutes.

So sign up today and get $50 instantly.

When you play $5, you don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus.

It's guaranteed.

PrizePicks also offers weekly promotions that can lead to big payouts like Taco Tuesday.

Each Tuesday Prize Picks discounts.

Select player projections up to 25% to provide you with even more value for your lineups.

So, if this sounds something like you'd be interested in, download the app today and use code TESD to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup.

Download the PrizePicks app today and use the code TESD to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup.

Prize picks, run your game,

is what they say.

And what else do we have here?

One more.

Sunday, earlier you asked me when the mics weren't hot, does Blue Chew work?

If you're asking that question, we want you to know that Blue Chew is putting their money where their mouth is by giving you a month free.

I mean, you need some of this Blue Chew if my

capacity.

I'll give you my free month.

Alternative?

Like, okay, less testosterone, more Bluetooth?

Probably.

Or you can use it in conjunction with, I guess.

You know, look like a Smurf.

So much Blue Chew.

Be blue.

It's bluer than fucking the giant shooter.

No, no, no.

No.

Yeah, what's that shit, Giddam?

What's that shit that people eat?

Colloidial silver.

Colloidial silver, yeah.

It makes them turn blue.

You got a job doing the blue man.

Oh, papa smurf.

Papa Woody.

Blue Chew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost in an enchewable form.

The process is simple: sign up at Blue Chew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days.

Bluetooth tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door.

And the best part, it's all done online.

That means no visit to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy.

You can take them any time, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises.

Double entendres.

That's the way it's full of all.

Yep.

Merch.

They always say that first impressions are important.

What about lasting impressions?

Another double entendre.

With Blue Chew, men everywhere are excited to see the postman because when your package has arrived, your package

has arrived.

I'm going to read them all.

What else do we got?

I think that's it.

Oh, my God.

Does it work?

Don't think you need it.

Try it for a month and see.

You're going to love it, and your partner is going to love it.

Blue Chew wants men rock hard.

That's their mission.

They will not stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house, till every tent is pitched, pitched, till every rod is raised.

Discover your options at bluechew.com.

And here's the special deal: try Blue Chew free when you use the promo code TESD at checkout and pay $5 shipping.

That's BlueChew.com, promo code TESD to receive your first month free.

Visit Blue Chew.com for more details and important safety information.

And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast.

Now,

a little story that ties into that.

Where is it here?

That's about the Muffin man.

The muffin man.

Andrew Lean.

Oh, do you know the muffin man?

Yeah, it says, I have a story here that says it's actually based on some, possibly based on some child murderer.

Like, do you know the muffin man?

I guess if you say the whole nursery around the muffin top.

Yeah, do you know the muffin top?

No, this is, I was thinking about this with Blue Chew.

Winter penis.

Could reduce sex organ size by up to 50%, doctors warn.

Winter penis, huh?

So this is a new phenomenon?

Because, I mean, we've been having winters since the dawn of time.

Right.

Well, this doctor is saying to watch out for winter penis, a seasonal condition that may hinder a man's ability to perform sexually.

As the temperature drops, the male genitalia, as we know, recede into the body to maintain body heat,

resulting in restricted blood flow.

And this phenomenon could affect men of all ages.

Now, why does it do that?

Because no other part of our body recedes into...

I'm not out in 20-degree weather.

I'm inside a house that's 70-something degrees.

Yeah, but you work inside, you know, like me, I'm outside a lot in the cold.

Yeah, but

is that where you do your stuff outside in the wild?

Are you like

whatever nature calls Sunday?

Well, I think,

but again, my question, though, goes to like, why doesn't like our fingers recede when they get cold?

Because they get colder than your, than your cold.

Well, they do.

They contract.

They get wrinkly.

Oh, your fingers get shorter.

Well, you don't wear rings, so I'm just not shorter, but I'm saying it'll be easier to put a ring on in the wintertime than it will in the summertime because it's the opposite.

It swells.

But it doesn't recede into your body, though.

No.

Like our toes don't do that.

Our nose doesn't recede onto the cavity of our skull because it gets cold and the nose gets cold.

You have a skeleton there.

There's not a skeleton in

down there?

No, there's not a skeleton.

Why do they call it a bone or then?

It's hard.

Because it's a bone.

There's no bone in there.

Time for an anatomy lesson.

Would long johns help the situation?

An extra pair of long johns?

Probably.

Well, I mean, it seems like Sunday's kind of right where it's like, I mean, how cold are you keeping your house?

You know, where you're doing it in like 40-degree weather.

That's fucking

icicles hanging from my fucking ears.

I find my house is too hot.

Yeah, well, you should be just fine then.

We can't keep it at a nice temperature.

It's either brutally hot or

too hot.

You know, it's

totally too hot.

Yeah, it is brutal because we only have the thermostats downstairs and you know, hot air rises, right, Sunday?

Oh, yeah.

Why is that funny?

Just the way it goes, oh, yeah.

Hot air always rises.

You should be glad it's hot in your house.

Hot and steamy.

Somebody will want it.

No, it's it really is from the fact that the thermostat

just

that it's downstairs.

Downstairs it's colder so the heat never turns off the heat is constantly on and we're sweating

like it's

you know like it like a

whore in a

what's that saying oh like a whore in a church or something like that some old

tiny saying

uh for 30 million american men with erectile dysfunction the occurrence can be more difficult to manage saying additional underlying issues that block blood flow to the penis could come into play.

So it is like a little, you know how you have those hand warmers when you crack the little bag?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

What if you did that, cracked it, and just put it in your hands?

Put in your pants, put it in your pants, and you would always.

It gets pretty hot.

I don't know.

Fucking nut burns.

But I mean, if it is.

If it doesn't burn your hand, it doesn't.

It doesn't burn your hands.

Right?

I don't know, because you're kind of keeping it in your hands, and your hands are going to be cold because they're outside.

But if you stick it into your drawers

and it's just there getting heat, I don't know.

What do you think, Giddam?

You think it would heat up your crotch?

Yeah, kill sperm cells.

Kill sperm cells.

Well, I mean, at this point in our lives,

kill them all.

Kill them all.

Kill them all like God, sort of.

While winter penis should not be worrying for most, cured simply by warming up the body.

Any shrinkage that outlasts a cool temp should be noted by a doctor.

So if it shrinks, won't it go back to the normal size anyway once it gets to the summer?

It's not for the ball.

Once it warms up, yeah.

I don't know why.

Like, is this harmful?

Like, if it shrinks, it's going to stay that size.

Is this like,

is this like his old wives' tail?

Like, you know?

Yeah, I don't think so.

It doesn't appear to.

But at least like if you stick your tongue out and you cross your eyes, it's going to stay that way.

And like if your pecker gets cold, it's going to stay tiny.

It's all over.

Like guys like you and I, like, we have wives, so like, they've seen it winter, summer, spring, and fall.

So they know.

No.

No?

I don't like it.

You won't take it out in the winter?

Not in the winter, no.

Really?

Like, I don't want to show you my winter penis.

i got winter penis you can't see me now

can't see this come around in the springtime when bunny penis is around that's the winter that would be a good uh good excuse though if like you're with a new girl and she's like oh why is it so small you'd be like yeah well that was winter remember oh was it not

a big sinfeld drinks like a turtle

that was a very famous

where he jumped out of the pool and he

and George jumped out of the pool and he was getting changed in the bathroom and his girlfriend walked in and she started

and she broke up with with him.

And he was like, No, no, it's this is

because I was in the cold water.

Yeah, that was a very famous episode.

Oh, I never saw that one.

I'll have to seek it out.

But

I'm sure in this day and age, are there fucking girls, especially with the way of the world?

Like, are you telling me that if you got a good man

and you saw him

have

Winter Pecker,

that would be something that you might be like, rethink the fucking relationship?

If

that winter penis is in the summer, probably.

But

you can't convince her.

But like, what if it's legitimately?

What if you legitimately were cold?

Well, you warm it up and then you're like, oh,

don't leave it yet.

Really, though.

So, like, I have to go to this song and dance.

Like, here, let me show you.

You're this shallow.

Keep going.

It'll get there.

You're this vapid that I have to prove to you that I just jumped out of the pool or I had a little, or I got a draft.

They might not admit it.

They might not admit it.

Betcha, there's a certain segment of the female population that is like, it's not enough.

I'm a grower, not a shower.

But how would, but like, to them or to the gal who's like, well, you know, I have to end this now.

How do they justify it in their head?

I have to find somebody

that winter penis

who doesn't succumb to winter penis, you know, in July.

I succumb to winter penis.

You need to re-evaluate if I want him.

I don't want to meet the girl that would be that

shallow to be like, well, everything about him is great, but just that little dick.

It gets cold.

And

I think we're talking about two different things here.

Like winter penis.

Yeah, like if all of a sudden, like, you know, like Mary Beth and I got together, you know, say in the warmer weather and then come winter, she's like, I'm out

because of winter penis, that would be something.

But if you have like winter penis year-round, but winter penis is solved within a second.

But butcher.

I don't really get the article that much because it's like, well, if you get winter penis, just warm it up and you'll be fine.

Yeah.

That seems like a doctor who's like, I don't know, maybe winter penis.

Let me make something up that'll get me published.

You were at the urologist today.

This should have been something else.

You should have asked him, yeah.

Doc, do I have winter penis?

What are you talking about?

Where are you going?

Come back here.

Yeah, so that's winter penis.

Now, this Muffin Man thing, there's also an orb in New York, Walt.

Did you see that?

Yeah.

What did you think?

I know you're a big orb guy.

I mean, there's lots of speculation that

all UFOs now are coming from underneath the ocean.

Underneath the ocean?

Yeah.

They're not coming from outer space.

They're coming from underneath the deep depths of the sea, and that's why they're able to evade

radar.

And there seems to be a lot of sightings of water-based UFOs.

I don't think it's extraterrestrial, though.

I don't think there's ever been an extraterrestrial

on Earth.

I think they're all man-made objects

that are being tested, or

you saw it, and you shouldn't have seen it.

You know, that's my opinion.

What do you think, Sunday?

UFOs under the water?

Nah.

Nah.

UFOs from outer space, extraterrestrial of origin?

Nah,

we would have seen something by now.

I don't know.

I was watching this video the other day, and it compared the Milky Way to the universe.

But chew, it's endless.

It makes you scared.

I think there's life.

Oh, the life out there.

I don't think it's ever visited this Earth, though.

You know what I was thinking?

Also, it's like if...

Now you know it, forget it.

Too touchy, too, too hot, too hot button, I think.

Let's all right now recognize that Brian John and give him a round of applause at home

because he was going to touch upon something and he decided it was not

a good thing to talk about for you, people, for you,

for your health benefits, for your mindsets.

Because I know a lot of your fucking babies.

Yeah, I was putting them over.

You almost had him.

Yeah, this last thing I wanted to touch on was the muffin man, the kindly confectioner Drury Lane of Drury Lane, who got an unforgettable shout-out from the gingerbread man during the interrogation scene in Shrek.

Turns out he was possibly a serial slaughterer who killed a lot of children in the 1500s.

He was a baker, so his method of doing was tying bits of string around a beautiful, tasty muffin and drawing the children in with it before he killed them.

That sounds like a lot of work to do, right?

Would you ever

chase a fucking muffin on a string into somebody's fucking house?

Well,

we're talking about the 14th century, though.

I don't care what century it is.

Muffins were in high demand.

I'm talking about if all you have, you don't have your iPhone anymore, there's no TV.

You see a muffin on a string.

You see a muffin dying.

Are you that slow that you can't just fucking grab the mud that you can be like, let me get it?

Oh, somebody pulled it away.

Oh, somebody pulled it away.

Have you ever seen the story?

No way.

Have you ever seen the Three Stooges?

That's the Three Stooges.

This isn't the Three Stooges.

Well, maybe that's what you were watching was the Three Stooges.

That's how they used to pull their teeth out, right?

Behind the doorknob.

This muffin master chef lived in Drury Lane in

London's West End.

The story breadwinner sold inexpensive baked goods to the disenfranchised folks of the then raggedy neighborhood.

I guess it's a little bit nicer since then.

It was a very poor area, had a terrible reputation.

Many people went there to drink, gamble, and sometimes even commit crimes.

And it's unclear whether the once-beloved Muffin Man partook in any murderous depravity.

Growing suspicions of his unsavory sins are causing social media audiences to spiral.

I didn't know this either.

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring.

It's raining, it's pouring refers to the alcoholic drinks being poured very liberally, and the old man would fall asleep and he would be snore.

He would snore

because he's so drunk.

Spanish to English translators.

This is mind-blowing.

The macarena is a cheater's theme song.

If you translate the lyrics, let's talk about water.

You guys want to talk about water?

Gonna have some money now.

Sunday, I got a question for you.

I need your honest opinion on it.

So, yesterday I found out the place, the store

where I'm getting all my masterworks and hardcovers from is unfortunately shutting down in December.

Tim's Corner Comics, sadly,

is going to be shutting their doors in Illinois.

Plus it's because of giving you the books.

No.

And I want to ask you:

is there any chance, have I burnt that bridge too much if I go back on bent knee begging

to come back and start buying my books there at cost?

What do you think?

You want me to do some talking for you?

Am I going to.

A mediator?

Is that what you're asking for?

Have I burnt the bridge and

is there any way I could repair it?

Does this mean I have to go back and really really re-edit the Christmas episode?

Yeah, you might have to re-edit it.

You might have to cut out a whole segment.

Have I made a horrible mistake?

Look, I think that

do you know anybody else that's got any other listeners?

You can be honest.

I feel like, yeah,

I think that

should have had this forethought.

I think that anything could be amended.

I think anything can

with sincerity in certain things.

I think things can.

Sincerity has to come into it.

Or just

maybe.

You know.

You know what?

I haven't been fake walt since Comic Bookman ended.

Maybe I could dust FakeWalt off.

Do it in 2024 because 2025.

Yeah,

you might want to do it in another month then,

real quick, before 2025, like you said.

Why?

What's in 2025?

That's where you become.

Oh, no, no, I'm just going.

I'm just

going to do that.

I'm not going to be more pissy.

I'm just going to do things that I want to do more than what I want to do.

I think wounds can be healed.

Yeah?

Yeah, I do.

Okay.

Wow, that's an upbeat message from Sunday, Jeff.

The wound of a lost one.

It takes both people, though.

It takes both people.

We're talking about my wound?

Or whose wound are we talking about?

Well, maybe both wounds.

Maybe with at-cost masterworks, my wound can be healed.

There's only one to cure.

I'm back.

Put that back in the Christmas episode.

That will make me feel a hell of a whole lot better.

I mean, I could always be a different new reservist.

Could I go in with a big mustache?

I want Jimmy Obergeist.

You know me.

I used to.

I would like at cost a discount on all your fine heart colors.

With the mustache tweaking back and forth.

He's got a pocket watch.

Standing on Gedam's shoulders with a trench coat.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

A gout, not the gout.

Let's give it away.

Can't get up.

I will gladly pay you on Thursday for an at-cost Marvel Masterwork.

Gigs up.

How many more do you need?

They publish them every day.

Oh, my God.

It's never in.

It's an ongoing series, and I've got them all, and I'm not stopping now.

But,

you know, this news has rocked me, though, that my supplier is going to no longer be in the game, and now I've got to find a noose.

Nobody else has it out there, huh?

Nobody else into comic book stores at all?

What do you mean?

All listeners?

Nobody else?

Oh, I don't know.

I don't know.

Hopefully, maybe there's one out there, but hey, I got to find a new place, a new go-to guy.

Or gal.

Or gal.

Yeah,

I'm looking at Amazon, and it seems like they do not discount Marvel Masterworks.

Not really, no.

Not the ones I get the direct market.

$75.

I get the direct market version.

He's special.

Amazon don't even carry the direct market version.

Oh, they don't?

No.

Yeah, here's one.

Oh, a good one.

Here's a 200 copies.

Dracula, 65 as opposed to 75.

So you can get a little bit knocked off.

But they don't do the covers I want, though.

Oh, they don't?

Amazon

won't carry the direct market editions.

Direct market means only sold in complex.

A lot of stuff on eBay, though, is not much more than what the cost is crazy.

Cost.

At cost.

It's a cheap motherfucker.

At cost.

Then you know what?

Pump your chest down the head and get on that knee.

But what if you went through a conduit?

Say there was a guy who worked there.

If I knew it was going to work, like 100%, like, yeah, yeah, it's going to work.

Then I'd do it.

But my God,

get him shoulders?

Hit your head right through the door?

All right.

Well, maybe you can work on it over this Thanksgiving break.

Yeah.

Yeah, can't you just hand your order off to an employee, a guy?

A certain SJ.

I don't do the ordering.

I don't do any ordering.

And would it be suspicious if suddenly your order and the body?

Yeah, two of every boss works.

I won't get the variant cover.

I'll get one regular and one variant.

See, I care, though.

I'm not going to put Sunday in an awkward position.

I don't want to.

I don't think that's.

Right, that would be weird because they're like, who's this for?

Throws out a smoke pellet.

He's out of there.

Talk to the big man.

It's awkward, though.

It's completely awkward.

It's like, hey, you know what I was thinking?

You know what I've been thinking about?

I'm thinking, why are you talking about that?

Did you hear about Daniel Jones?

While we're on the subject, you know.

You know what would help me and not benefit you in the slightest?

Have you been drinking water?

Oh.

You never know.

Yeah, that's a big step to take.

Well, what I could do Sunday, think about this.

BQ, if BQ is here last week, now, again, I was thinking about my friends.

BQ was bandying the thought of opening up a comic book store.

Really?

And I told him I didn't think it was a good idea because in this market, in this climate, I would be terrified to open up a new comic book store.

That was before I knew I wasn't going to be getting shit at that cost.

Now,

I'll be like, it's booming, Q, it's fucking on fire.

You got to open this shit up tomorrow.

Turns out I was wrong.

I already ordered from the new previews already.

Here's what I want.

Let me know when I come in.

We're afire.

Open it up.

Now, I could tell Q that I rethought things and he should now open up a conflict store or

I open up a diamond account.

I was thinking, if you open up a diamond account, do you actually have to have a brick and mortar place?

Can you actually have like an option?

Guess what, mother?

That's right.

Effer, we got brick-and-mortar.

So you can sell comics here

to yourself.

We could sell the comics.

Now, is there a certain amount that you have to order, though?

$450

wholesale.

What you could do is

start drawing comics and order your own comics.

But I don't want my own comics.

I want Marvel Masters.

No, no, no.

But I'm saying.

You want to do a sequel to War of Undead or whatever?

There you go.

500 copies gives you a discount so you can still order the other stuff.

But I have have to do that every month, though.

Yeah.

You're going to have to order a lot of issues.

But what if I order some things that I know I can flip easily on eBay, though?

Yeah, you can sell stuff online.

Sure.

You know, I order maybe Werewolf by Night Masterwork for me, and then I throw up on eBay at a discount that only works like eBay on it.

This guy only orders like $500 a month.

It'd be okay.

I'd still meet the minimum?

Yeah.

It's $475 or $450.

I don't know if it's retail or wholesale.

A minimum.

I looked into it already.

Yeah.

Yeah, but you would do that just with your own books, probably.

I don't think, no.

There's no way I'm ordering $450 wholesale or retail a month.

There's only like one or two.

There's only one or two.

Maybe you get omnibuses, too.

Yeah, there's nothing coming out, though, that I need.

I mean, it's just really the Masterworks at this point.

And it would be that one month.

Like, even if you were able to meet the quota one month, the next month, it might be like, wow, there's only the Marvin Masterworks.

But I could be looking through the previews and be like, well, you know what?

I could sell this.

I know know I could flip this.

I could flip this toy or this, blah, blah, blah.

And then just kind of have a little side gig if

I have a diamond account, though.

And I say to Diamond, hey, TST Town General Store, it sounds like a fucking real store.

Right.

Doesn't sound like it's fucking in the middle of a strip mall.

Maybe you got some listeners.

Maybe you get some reservists in your listeners.

What you have to figure out.

How much are they around?

$75?

Some of our $125 cover price.

So it would be like

$270.

So you've got to sort of figure out, like, is it worth your time to save that money?

You have a lot of time in 2025.

Better get ready.

Sounds like somebody's passing the coach.

You know, and maybe, yeah, maybe

that's the plan.

I have to think about it.

Got a lot to think about.

I thought it was a lot more than that.

I thought you had to buy at least $1,000, $1,500, $2,000 worth of merchandise from them.

No, it's not that much.

That really isn't a lot.

No.

What if I need you to be one of my

two-he can't give me that discount?

What, wholesale?

Sure, he can.

Yeah, I still don't know if you get that much.

I don't get Masterworks.

What do you get?

You can buy anything.

I get magazines.

I get magazines.

I get magazines.

There's not enough magazines.

There's not 450.

The magazines are going down.

There's like barely any magazines anymore.

Fangoria comes out like once every six months.

It seems.

Maybe I'll just make Giddam start collecting Masterworks.

I'll take it out out of his check.

You bill me for two copies, boss.

Yeah, you need to.

One to read and one to fucking keep sealed.

Okay.

It's going to be worth money.

Now you're going to retire on this.

If I could see it with

all this shit on my desk.

You'd be fucking stupid not to take this deal.

You make Masterworks in braille?

This is for 401k.

Got a lot to think about Sunday in the new year.

Yeah.

All right.

All right.

I don't have any more muffins.

No more ads?

No more ads?

Oh, but I will say this.

No show next week because we've got the Christmas episode coming out.

We have

Sunday.

Jeff showed it to you.

It's Thanksgiving.

To Boston for Thanksgiving this year.

No, you're not here.

I stay with her now.

Oh, okay.

You're in.

You're in.

Yeah, my sister's actually going down to see my mother in Florida.

It's just not the same.

I mean, it's not as, since everybody's gotten older and kind of dispersed, it's not as like what it used to be.

So it's not, you know, I mean, like now I just stay around.

I mean, my daughter's, she's in college, so she's coming home.

So it's just better off to stay down here.

If you're if you got some free time on Saturday or Friday after work, you could pop down to the TSD Town General Store,

make a quick appearance.

Yeah, we'd love to see you.

Walk through their store and then walk right through the appearance.

I was here last year.

Yeah.

I remember

you had a

dyslexia read to you.

Oh, who's that?

So if you want to, if you want to

make an appearance, we'd love to see

your smiling face come through, at least for a couple minutes.

Saturday, too, you're doing this?

Yeah, Friday and Saturday.

IMBQ promised to show up Saturday.

Jimmy the hair guy?

Yeah, Saturday is probably

Friday.

I might be able to stop by.

Well, I mean, no promises, because

I don't want to tell people you'll definitely be here, but maybe.

It's a possibility, yeah, it's always a possibility, yeah.

Tell them, Steve Dave.