#656: The 2025 TESD Halloween Spook-STACK-ular!

I know this because I spent, you know, too many hours in this room with

him.

With the Sasquatch.

The Sasquatch himself.

Well, I can't tell you what the lines were like because

from a distance.

It didn't look pleasant, I can tell you that.

Why was she the gal for you?

Well, like you're a celebrity crush.

I don't know.

I just.

I mean, she was so hot.

Yeah, that little bit of a square jaw.

It was just, yeah.

Wow.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to the Halloween edition of Tell'em Steve Dave with all the scary, spooky dudes.

IQ.

It's a werewolf.

It's a werewolf or werewolf.

Walt, what do you got?

Hey, how many Halloweens?

Episodes have we done you think?

15 maybe?

No, I don't think so.

I don't know if we started right out of the gate, though, with them.

Oh, no?

No.

I know we missed the first year.

That is a lot, even if it's 14.

Right.

That's a lot.

Yeah.

To try to come back and be like,

what are we going to do this year?

Nobody wants to hear Svengoolie again, I found out.

Turns out that Svengulies were not as welcome.

That's wild because

we got to celebrate him while we can.

So he's not here today.

He won't be.

No, he will not be

appearing on this episode.

No, in place of Svengooli, we've got Will Rogers.

Yes.

Sorry, everybody.

Hello.

Now, Will,

you helped us out on what Halloween episode?

What year was it?

Was it 2023?

Was it?

22.

22.

That's what I'm saying.

They all blend together, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But the one that you

did was with Sunday and Giddam as Abena Costello.

That feels like it was a long time ago.

I couldn't agree more.

Yeah.

It really does.

That was a lot of.

Giddam's here, too.

Yeah, Gidham's here.

I forgot to mention Gidham.

I'm the invisible man.

He's got a mic.

Got his mic all set up.

He's ready to go.

Usually, before we get going, Walt, with whatever you have planned,

we talk about controversial Halloween costumes.

Here we are.

So nobody will go out.

Because earlier I was talking to Will Rogers, and he's like, I'm going out as a transvestite dead Charlie Kirk.

And I said, Will, Will, hold on.

Is that a different Will Rogers?

Hold on.

Let me read the list first, and then you'll know what you can and can't dress up as.

Number one,

ice agent.

Yeah, all right.

Nobody wants you dressed up as a can you even tell if somebody's dressed up as an ice agent?

Aren't they all in like plain clothes?

You got a vest that says ice.

Got a vest?

Yeah, maybe.

All right.

Insensitive, they're saying.

They're saying insensitive.

Don't do it.

Where are you getting this list from this year?

Usually it's good housekeeping.

It's good housekeeping.

Good housekeeping did not update their list, so I'm going with rancor this year.

Oh, rancor is usually pretty reliable.

What is rancor?

It's exactly what it sounds like.

It's just a website that ranks different stuff.

26 of the most unusual Barbies, 14 extremely stupid dieting feds.

That's all they do.

It's just rankling.

It's just ranked shit.

It's one of the most trusted news sources.

Is it really?

I guess.

Do they make a lot of bucks doing that?

They must.

They've been around for a while, and they have a lot of pop-up ads.

You don't have any ad wear or any like...

Not on this.

No, not on this.

Where do you have it then, if not on that?

From my laptop.

Oh, okay.

My laptop.

Do you take take your lap, laptop out?

The only one I'm cutting for the show.

The only time I use it when I'm editing for the show.

Q, I know you were talking about busting out the blackface and going as P.

Diddy.

Yeah, I thought it was.

You thought it was safe.

I thought we were past.

Yeah, I thought it was a little bit more.

Nope.

Turns out people are still upset with P.

Diddy.

So it's not the Blackface, it's the P.

Diddy that the issue?

Okay.

Good to know.

The missing Epstein files/slash guests list.

So I guess if you took a piece of paper, like a giant piece of paper, wrote up, wrote down the list, and then I mean,

stretching over at ranker, if they're figuring that one out on number three, it's the 45th list they had to make that day.

Yeah, yeah, that's the only so many lists you can make.

That could be a great couples costume because somebody could go as the manila folder

and then your couple can again be the list.

And then, you know, you open up and the list comes out.

Oh, you give people like a marker and they can sign their name.

I don't know if anybody's going to want to sign that.

Or if you want to be a moldist, just put your friend's name on it.

Yeah, right?

There you go.

That's great.

Here you go.

Oh, zombie Charlie Kirk.

You don't want to go out as Charlie Kirk is a zombie.

I think it's too recent for people.

Yeah.

You also don't want to go out as the Charlie Kirk assassin, which I'm not sure exactly how you would do that because the kid was very unremarkable in terms of looks.

Here's a weird one.

They're not even trying this year, man.

This is bleak.

Yeah.

Here's a weird one.

Ed Gein.

Oh, he's back in the news.

Well,

I saw that he has a new show on Netflix, and

I was ready to watch it.

I was excited, and then I was told by an extremely reliable source, fuck it.

Why?

It sucks.

They gave him like a partner so that he can kill people with his partner and stuff.

It's like,

he said it really diverges from the real Ed Gein story.

I thought the whole point of these things was terrible.

Like,

why do you need to

see how

the Ed Gein story?

It's too boring.

We need a little flare on this one.

I don't get it.

It's really.

I need a diverse side picture.

So for a Brian Johnson, that's a bridge too far.

You don't want anything added to the actual story?

No.

I mean, you can fictionalize it somewhat because they have to.

You know, you can't just.

I'm sure his regular.

You're a curious when it comes to your serial killers.

Yeah, I don't like to see it dressed up and turned into shit that didn't happen.

In my day?

Yep.

Let me tell you something about the serial killers in my day.

I come from the 70s.

And that's when the serial killers were at its peak.

Yeah.

They didn't do it for fucking political reasons.

They did it because they were fucking nuts.

Yeah, they're like, this is going to be fun.

Today's serial killers are all about fucking rights or whatever.

So that's why it's been back in the news, though.

Is it because

who did it?

Netflix?

Netflix.

Netflix.

Yeah, it was Ryan Murphy who had created American Horror Story.

Nip Tuck.

Oh, really?

I think so.

I think Nip Tuck was him, too.

But yeah,

his whole thing is to sort of like make everything music video style, high-energy, whatever.

So I don't know why.

I haven't seen it either, but it struck me as really weird to be like, we're going to make Ed Geins seem so awesome.

Wait a minute, what?

Oh, he's also not like a maniac?

No, I think he's a maniac.

He's a maniac, but like he's played by an actor named Charlie Hunnam, who got like super buffed for the role.

And I think there are tons of like, my understanding is that there are like scenes of him like chopping wood, shirtless.

Go on.

Sons of Anarchy.

Okay.

Yeah.

Now, when you think Ed Gein in the picture in your head, what is the picture?

A frail little old man.

Yeah, almost like that guy in the American Gothic painting.

Yeah.

With a hat.

Yeah.

Not

muscles.

and glistening skin, chopping wood.

They did that in the remake of The Omen, and it was chopping wood.

It was Ryan Reynolds, I think.

Oh, Emin Gilharr.

Eminem Gilharrow, yeah.

And he's super, super muscular.

I guess he was like getting into shape for a different role.

So he just happened to do this role in between.

And there's like one ounce of fat on him, maybe.

That's

genuinely scary.

That's like the best movie.

Yeah, easily.

Gabby Petito, Walt.

Do you know who that is?

Oh, remember that name?

Gabby Petito.

Gabby Petito.

Refresh me.

Just give me a hint.

She got murdered.

Oh, is it?

Wait a minute.

Is this the one that

dog said he was going to find her, kill her?

She was a boyfriend?

And he was.

It was the boyfriend, yeah.

And the boyfriend went into

this nature reserve, and dog was like, I'm going to find him, brah.

And then they didn't find him.

They did find him.

They did eventually find him.

He had killed himself.

Right.

Right.

So you can go out as him, I guess, because he's not on the list.

That feels like it was so far in the rearview mirror that

how would you even like how would you know it was Gabby Petit?

Yeah.

That has to be five years ago.

It was a while.

It was at least two years.

I think it's more offensive for Ranker to even put her name as one.

They're not even trying.

They're just.

This is to get people to like leave something in the comments.

Yeah, maybe it is.

Yeah, but they used to be good at it.

They used to be able to...

really get you in a way where they're like these nitpicky finger wagon motherfuckers.

Like, you know what I mean?

They really used to go out of his way to be judgmental pricks that you could hate on.

Now, this list is just like, yeah, it's all kind of obvious.

Yeah, it seems sort of,

it seems sort of clear that you shouldn't be dressing up as a freed hostage.

I want to be told something that I can rebel against.

Not shit I can't.

I agree with.

A freed hostage?

Nobody wants to see you dressed up as that.

No.

And Luigi Mangion.

Still.

Yeah.

Well, there's a lot of Luigi Mangion fans now.

A lot of girls that are like, oh, he's hot.

That's good enough for me.

And people who are like, I'm glad he fucking shot the guy.

Yeah.

Even Manson got married in prison, you know?

There's crazies out there.

Oh, plus, this is like a good-looking guy, too.

So it's like it's much easier to attract the ladies, I guess.

When I see stories on TV about women, and some of them are absolutely drop-dead pretty, you know, they're smoke shows.

They're not like, yeah, they're fucked up in the head for wanting to have a relationship with a killer or somebody who's in jail for the rest of their life and never getting out, and they marry them.

The way they talk about them, I'm like,

I haven't spoken like that

my entire life.

Next, Rapture Doomsday Survivor.

I think they're specifically talking about that woman and the husband who killed the kids.

I can't remember her name now.

No, I can't remember.

She was a blonde.

Lori Day, I think it was.

Yeah.

So don't go as

guess that's what I'm saying.

It has to be at least seven, eight years old now at this point.

Again, another old story that people are like, who are you?

And they're just

like bummer shit.

Like, this is like not feel-good, like, controversy Halloween costume.

Well, that's coming up.

Don't worry.

You're going to have some fun.

This is AI, right?

This is like, give me a list of 10 costumes.

Well, it has different votes on these.

I guess

if you're a

member of Ranker, you're allowed to go in there and vote.

Remember the days where you were like, not a toilet.

Don't dress or get up like a toilet.

Those are the heights.

Yeah, I got dressed up like a fucking bag of garbage.

I went as a garbage dump.

It's my mother.

Get out of here.

Happy Halloween, everybody.

Don't go as a bottle of Tylenol.

Oh.

Oh, Lord.

Because get them.

Did your mom take Tylenol when you were young?

I'm not sure.

All right.

Well, it would have been while she was pregnant with me.

That's one of the things where it's like, look, I understand if you are a Trump hater.

There's plenty of them out there.

But when he says, don't use Tylenol if you're pregnant, it could cause autism.

I see women like liberal women online like taking Tylenol on purpose, even though Tylenol put out a tweet in 2017, do not take Tylenol when you are pregnant, or don't take any of our products.

I didn't hear about this.

I thought you were talking about the whole, the Tylenol scare.

Remember the poisoning?

Oh, back in the 80s.

I was like, wow, that's really going on.

Yeah.

That's older than Gabby Pacito.

This one, I don't know why you can't go is this.

Why would this be so offensive?

The cold play kiss cam cheaters.

Don't you dare do that.

I guess it's don't go.

That's why that's a finger wagger right there, I think.

I think this is a tired AI drawn list.

Don't romanticize cheating, maybe?

Is that what they're saying?

Who cares?

It's a sin.

You're going to stop people from cheating by not dressing up as.

What would you even wear?

I guess you would just like try to wear whatever they wore and then just be embraced the whole time like they were and then act embarrassed.

Sounds like a great night.

Sounds like a funny thing.

Sounds like a lot of fun.

Don't go.

For whatever reason, this is too offensive.

A poop crew survivor.

A what?

A poop crew survivor.

Oh, okay.

I remember this.

Yes.

Oh, wow.

There's a whole bunch.

I'm not even going to go with everything.

I'll just go up to 15.

I kind of want to try an experiment here.

All right.

Let me go to let me go to Chat GPT.

Okay.

Give me a list of 10 offensive.

Yes.

So this is Q putting his finger to the masses.

I'm going to use AI again.

Shouldn't wear in

2025.

Wait a minute.

What Q is doing right now is going to be nothing to what's going to happen in about 20 minutes.

Lights are going to dim over.

I think the whole eastern coast is going to go

a tribe in the rainforest just went extinct.

it says it's thinking longer all right here we go all right it's uh it's chat gpt saying black blackface any race mimicking makeup reduces people's identities prop holocaust indigenous regalia trans as a joke don't do trauma as costume victims suicides shooters terrorist stereotypes fake bomb vests fake isis loose don't make fun of homeless people don't do a hobo oof that would have got me in trouble back in the day

that was stinking yeah you got a bindle you got a stick you're all set.

You got your cigar, and you look at it.

But we had a whole cork.

We came from a generation, though, where the hobo was, you know, was

free, but it was also entertainment as well.

I mean, there were so many hobo characters,

you know, which has gone the way of the dodo, the hobo and the dodo.

It's not fair.

Now the hobo's a no-no.

When did the hobo stop?

I had a red skeleton died.

Well, they don't go into specifics like the list does there.

It's all very general.

Yeah, so maybe it's not.

Maybe somebody, and this might even be more depressing, took the time to write this list.

I disagree with the poop crew survivor.

I think it's funny enough that you could go without, you know, put fake shit all over yourself, dress as a captain or something, you know.

Works for me.

Don't go as Kanye West.

Yeah.

You need some swastikas, probably.

It ain't easy being easy.

Oh, man.

You've been waiting a long time to watch that.

This shit, I don't even know what it means.

Like, don't go as a deep faked Barack Obama.

What?

How could you?

How could you do that?

As a deep faked.

I'm trying to figure out what that would even mean.

What it means.

That has to be just an AI.

Because that just sounds like buzzwords.

Like, don't go as a deep fake.

Or like an old man might say that.

You're not going to be a deep fake, are you?

Jonathan Rindernecht.

The don't go as him.

He's the guy that started the Palisades fire.

And everybody knows what he looks like.

What the fuck, man?

That's all bad.

Jesus Christ.

Pressure's on.

All right, so that's it.

So now everybody knows if you had any of those costumes planned,

you still have time.

We're doing this on the 20th.

You still have 11 days to come up with a good costume.

Nice.

So many people just had to throw out so many costumes.

Go as a deep pick Barack Obama.

Now what?

That was my only idea.

Yeah.

Are you,

you said you were not going to go in costume this year.

Has that changed?

This year, it hasn't really changed.

I mean, I have plenty of costumes that I could throw on at the last

second.

Any engagements?

Well, every Halloween I go into Manhattan and like do the parade and stuff.

My friend has a big Halloween party every year.

I'll pop into the Halloween.

And you'll be attending?

I do a pop-in every year, yeah.

You know, I don't want to.

You don't think that people will be like kind of like

depending on that or like expecting Q to come in, you know, but that's the

straw that stirs the Halloween drinks, no, I don't think so.

No, no,

like Heidi Klume, you've got to go all out, whether I'm there or not.

You know, the people like are waiting, and then when you walk in and you don't have a costume on, it's going to be like, I'm waiting, I'll throw in the Ghostbusters,

like again,

you see, fucking again, and I'm going to

sleep in that thing

probably no reason to get dressed this year?

No, I'm going to.

Pam is having a little party.

She always has pizza on Halloween, so I'm going there.

Sage is dressing up as something.

I'm not sure.

Oh, you don't even know what Sage is going to be?

I can't remember.

It's some character she likes from some YouTube series.

I can't remember what it is, though.

Will it be something that, like, if she's out and about town, people will be like, oh, I know who you are.

Is it going to be something?

I don't think so.

No.

No.

I think like little kids might know.

I think it's something from Roblox.

So little kids and pedophiles will know.

That's how you catch them.

What's that?

That's how you catch them.

Yeah, it's such a weird platform, isn't it?

Do you know a Roblox?

No.

Yeah, that's what I read, is that there's a bunch of adults on this kids' game likes fishing for little kids and shit.

What's it called?

Roblox.

Roblox.

Yeah.

I think it's like a younger Fortnite kind of notion.

Like it's free to play, so everyone's in there.

Is it not?

I don't know.

I thought it was.

I thought it was like a free game, so a ton of kids are in there.

And yeah, creeps.

Kids and creeps.

Yeah.

And you let her go on there?

No one that's.

Well, Marybeth Beth goes on with her all the time.

So, in case something were to happen, you know, Mary Beth is going to be with her.

So, how does something happen, though?

I guess it couldn't happen to her anyway because she can't read, but like, they'll get involved in chats.

Like, people can chat to you.

There's like an open chat.

Okay.

So, I can be like, hey, you know, how are you?

Or what are you doing?

Or how old are you?

Or where are you?

Any number of things.

So, yeah, she doesn't play on it alone.

And even if she did, she wouldn't understand if somebody was hitting on her.

And this is on YouTube.

You play it.

No, no, this is just on the internet.

Some

game.

I did want to.

I guess this is, I went to

Universal Epic, the Monster Land.

Oh,

I want to go.

Dude, it is good.

It is good.

I even tried to stump the guy and go, yeah,

like a big shot.

I was like,

you got it all covered.

I go, you have an Abd and Costello Me Frankenstein?

Not in this park anywhere?

And he did, and he showed me.

Really?

Yeah, I don't want to.

He's like, oh, we got it.

He goes, I'll show you.

What were the crowd or the lines like for that?

Well, if I can't tell you what the lines were like, because

from a distance.

It didn't look pleasant, I can tell you that.

Certainly, I would have known.

I wasn't a witty one.

I went on that Monster's Unleash ride three times in a row.

The same guy was at the end of the line when I got off.

That guy would have made a wish

trip, right?

So

he didn't laugh at all.

I should have wished to be on the front of the line, I guess.

But is it

well-attended, though?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Is it packed?

Oh, it is by far the most impressive

and most loved section of that new park.

People were flipping it.

And the merch stores in there

are fucking excellent.

Like, somebody spent time.

A lot of love went into this.

And it's great.

It's great.

And they allow the invisible man.

They have characters walking around, they have Frankenstein's monster and the bride and stuff.

They allow the guys,

he goes,

He's the only one that's allowed to be a dick to guests, the visible man.

So, go up to him and annoy him, see what he does.

And the guy fucking unloaded on.

He wasn't cursing and stuff like that, but you know, he was calling me Dimwitted Oaf

said I dressed like I live on the back nine, called me

shit like that.

What does he dress with the just the gauze and the glasses?

Yeah, the hat.

He's they're all exact.

They look fucking great.

Well, that gives me hope that

if this is a success,

that we'll see them start to seep their way back into current culture.

It seems to be the one that people are most excited about is this.

And it's by far, as impressive as the other ones are, it is the one.

It's the fucking one.

And if you know those movies, Walt, it's a...

A feast for your eyes.

Everywhere there's like, remember Frankenstein, like in the background, there was that angel of death statue in the cemetery leaning to the side.

That's just like, it's like when they dig up that first body in the building.

Yeah, it was in 1931.

Yeah.

Oh, and I don't remember that.

It's they recreate that in granite.

Like they have it carved.

Like it is fucking cool, dude.

And that's in Florida, right?

Florlando, yeah.

Universal?

Yeah, but it's a separate park.

Oh, it's a separate park.

Yeah, it's

epic universal, it's called.

It's like a totally different, it's like nine minutes down the road from the first park.

Okay.

Oh, it's so good.

My plan is to visit next this coming summer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I really want to do.

Just for that.

It's worth it.

Yeah.

It's worth it.

Yeah.

So Universal is trying to bring the monsters back to

relevance.

And I think here at TSD, there's a perfect segue into an announcing we have a big

new project that we're going to be releasing on Halloween.

And it's going to be on telehamstevedave.com, definitely and possibly audible as it's our third audiobook.

Oh, shit.

What was it?

First one was

Fairy Retail.

Fairy Retail Theater.

Theater.

Then it was

Small Hands.

Fish Bull of Dollars.

Fistful of Dollars.

We have a little commercial.

You want to hear it?

Please, yeah, of course.

The war was over.

Or so the world believed.

Based on the graphic novel, War of the Undead tells the story of monsters fighting to stop the most insane rescue mission in history.

Hear Hear the feature-length audio drama, A World of Death, awaits us.

Followed immediately by another feature-length parody, where each role is recast and miscast.

A world of death awaits us, dumbass.

Extras include a behind-the-scenes conversation about the making of the audiobook.

Who do you think is going to be the hardest character to find someone to voice?

Is it going to be just some guy playing a young kid as Wolfie?

Or is is there going to be a 90-year-old

maniacal evil Nazi?

A download of the complete graphic novel and an exclusive hour-long bonus pod of Tell'em Steve Dave.

You've fallen for a gal hard and think she could be the one, but she reveals to you she was demonically possessed as a child and she had to have the demon exercised by the Catholic Church.

I think I dated her already.

Said she wasn't exorcised.

No, not at

War of the Undead.

War of the Undead.

On Audible and tell'emstevedave.com.

Project Universal Black Egg Initiated.

Wow, all right.

That was a nice segue.

So that is how many years in the making?

Easily two, two and a half.

Two years.

Wow.

Yeah, we wanted to roll it out last Halloween, but we ran into some snags.

and we run into some snags this year too audible has just been an absolute nightmare to deal with they keep blocking us and telling us we have to change this that and this so come halloween it may not be on audible

because they are just making it ridiculous right i i've never honestly i've never seen anything like it i i heard through the grapevine through you guys that audible had been tricky in the past and i've produced a couple of people's you know audio books i have never worked this hands-on with trying to publish something brand new.

What a nightmare.

So I don't know if it's making it by Halloween itself, but it should be on telehamstevedave.com for sure.

And Audible, I'm going to keep hounding it until it's there.

Five and a half hours queue?

Crazy.

Our longest Audible book.

$6.99 on telemstevedave.com.

It's going to be more on Audible, though.

Just because they're fucking playing games with us.

And plus they take so much of the cut to Audible.

Yeah.

But I want to get on Audible because, you you know, all our previous audio books are on Audible, so it'd be nice to have the third one on there, too.

And if somebody has the app, it's much easier for them.

Yeah, and maybe you have a free download that you have.

That's what I really was hoping for.

But,

I mean, we'll see if it's on Audible.

But look for it definitely on TelmsteveDave.com.

And some of the performances by some of the Tesde Town residents are.

Amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It really came out and knocked it out of the park.

I mean, everybody that you are hoping to hear is in it.

Yeah.

And then we have the original,

more serious, well, definitely serious version.

And it's just one of the most fun things I was able to be involved with was just hearing it come to life by

voice actors, real voice actors from all across the globe.

Wow, man, that is...

That's wild.

Yeah, wasn't somebody like in the Ukraine or somewhere far away?

Somebody, our performer for Dracula, was in Serbia.

Serbia.

And yeah, no, we had to go.

I mean, we put up the casting calls calls so that anybody could, we could just try to get the right person.

And then,

I mean, the entire cast was really fantastic.

But I think the thing to me that is the coolest idea, I've never heard of anyone else doing this.

We produced like the serious, scary adaptation of the graphic novel.

And then we were like halfway through recording that.

And Walt was like, what if we did another version where we like did the parody version of it?

and released them simultaneously.

I've never heard of somebody doing a serious thing.

And then the, you know, making fun of your own work.

But it brought in everybody from Tellum Steve Dave.

And, you know, hopefully that makes it so that people out there, if you're not into audio dramas, but you are into Tellum Steve Dave, you still have a ton there that you can really get into.

But I'm really impressed just because I've never heard of anyone else doing this.

Well, I mean, it was a product solely done out of fear because I'm like, people are not.

I mean, what if people are expecting yucks and people are expecting, you know, the Tellum Steve Dave product?

I mean, that's what I was concerned about.

Like, while it's awesome and cool to hear the scary version and done by real voice actors, I did fear that people would not come out and support it if not.

It doesn't have Ming Chen.

Yeah.

And either way, you get two different, and I think of them as like audio movies, which I've always wanted to make.

So you get like two different feature-length audio movies of War of the Undead, one that's dead serious and scary, and one that is, you know, the airplane version, right?

Like,

I'm thrilled with it.

I'm thrilled with it.

I can't wait for it to finally be out there.

And that's why I told Walt, and it's not a joke, I literally have dreams now of watching the audible loading bar go all the way through.

They just rejected it, like, four times already for, like, the silliest thing.

Like, what's an example of a silly thing?

Like, because it didn't, we added Will Rogers to the title, to the image, that's the, that, the image that goes with the book.

And they said, well, you can't have that because he wasn't on the original book.

Yeah, they didn't like that.

So it turns out.

Like, they're really,

real picking and all.

How much do they care?

I'll try to make this as brief as possible because I could talk about this all day, but I know it's technical and boring.

Audible does not let you put up an audiobook by itself.

There has to be an e-book.

So we had to put the graphic novel up as an e-book.

And the graphic novel, I have nothing to do with.

So it's written by Brian Johnson, illustrated by Walt Flanagan.

And so you had made that logo that said Johnson Flanagan Rogers, which was cool to me.

But it also said War of the Undead, the audiobook.

And then they hit us with, and it's vague.

They'll give you an error on the website.

They'll go, we cannot publish this.

We'll email you the reason why within two business days, which is crazy.

Which means that some AI bot is looking at it and then sending it to them to see somebody that clicked deny or accept.

And not only that, once they hit that first throw it away thing, they stop scanning the rest of it.

So it starts from scratch every single time.

So I was like, all right, listen, who doesn't have an ego, but all right, get me out of there.

Get me out of there.

Get me off the logo.

And then we submitted it again, and it kicked it back again for the same thing.

I think that it just needed to say Johnson at the top.

So, well, we removed all the names.

And for those who don't know or aren't familiar with the story, it's universal monsters, Nazis,

just an old school kind of vibe to it.

And I'm always thinking that the reason they're...

They're kicking it back to us is like swastikas or Nazis.

Yeah.

But it's not.

It's not those.

I always jump to that.

Okay, they don't, they're not doing it because they're scared of the content or whatever, but no.

At least not yet.

It's not done yet.

It's not done yet, Walt.

And we have a bonus pod, a bonus Tell M Steve Dave podcast.

It's been a while since we did a bonus podcast with an audio book.

We cut it recently, and it is one of our stronger bonus podcasts, too.

It has nothing to do with the book.

It's just a standalone horror-themed podcast that came out really well.

It's a lot of fun.

I think people are really, really going to enjoy it.

And especially it'll be out on Halloween on tellmstevedave.com for sure.

Great.

And then hopefully we'll be able to get the word out whenever Audible lets us put it there as well.

I'm very, very proud of it.

And they, yeah, did a great job.

Breaking in with a super quick announcement regarding the War of the Undead audiobook and its availability on Audible.

So the book is up there right now.

Just search War of the Undead.

But they ignored our $8.99 price point and instead made it $19.99.

And they refuse to adjust it and they fall back on on the fine print that says they can charge whatever they want for a title.

I can't be bothered going through the hoops to get the book removed or the price changed.

So it is what it is.

Maybe you have credits on Audible and maybe you want to use one more of the undead.

And for those who don't, you can just go to tellhamstevedave.com where it's up now for just $6.99.

We are moving the release date up to October 26 today.

on tellemstevedave.com since Audible disregarded our October 31st drop date.

I really think you're going to get your money's worth on this one.

Really proud, really proud of this.

Really, some absolute killer performances by the legit voice actors in the dramatic version and some equally amazing performances by some very familiar names in the Tesditown version.

There's a bonus TSD podcast that is one of our best bonus pods, I think.

And I reveal the whole motivation on creating this audiobook in a second bonus podcast called Making of the War of the Undead audiobook.

So I hope you pick it up.

It's chock-filled with shivers and chuckles.

All right, back to the show.

So this year's Halloween episode,

I got to tell you,

the pressure to come up with a new twist on Halloween is getting to me.

Really?

Yeah, it's like hard.

It's on par with Christmas now, you know, because

now with Patreon, there's Halloween episodes that have to go there too because people expect it.

So that means there's like four Halloween episodes.

There's four Christmas episodes.

It's too much at this point.

You know, it's hard to keep coming up with a new twist on it.

And people

do have expectations.

It's crazy.

You know, like

if it, if it doesn't meet their standards, you know, we've ruined the holiday.

I mean, I don't mind expectations.

That's what happens when you take money, but ruin the holiday.

Well, I mean, the Halloween episode's notoriously been free, though.

Yeah.

Tell them Steve Dave.

So we're not taking money.

This is just

hard.

I care because

I don't want to ruin anybody's holiday.

I want people to like it.

I want people, if we're going to put the time and effort into it, certainly you want people to enjoy it.

And again, a flummoxed that we could trot out a Svengouli,

a guy who trends every Saturday,

a Halloween icon.

And people are like,

yeah, no.

I hope they don't do Svengooli 3.

That would be a catastrophe.

Do you think it's because there's no video?

Like

if he were on video, we did it on video, would it be different?

I don't think so.

I think there's a certain segment who are like, they're too

they're in that pocket where they don't care about the movies he's showing, don't care about his schtick.

We tried to get Elvira this year, Q.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, we reached out to her and she responded.

To get him?

Not to get him, to rub.

What did she say?

No?

Well, not her, but her management politely declined our invitation to join us for Halloween.

So we were left scrambling for, you know, Plan B.

Okay.

Hello.

And I called up Will, and I was like,

Roger.

I was like, people loved that 2022, 23, or 24 episode you did with us.

Everybody seems so far away.

Cabby Petito, Will's Halloween special.

And I remembered

that Will told me not too long ago that he does a podcast on Unsolved Mysteries where he covers old episodes, which just blew my mind because I was like, that is fucking cool.

I'd love to steal that.

But you love that show, right?

Yeah, I do.

I remember watching it growing up and just being perpetually scared.

It was the music.

I was like,

when this debuts are in its heyday.

Oh, by the time that I was watching it, I guaranteed I was only watching reruns.

I don't know when it originally aired or or anything like that.

1987 to 2002, Unsolved Mysteries aired.

Nice reunion.

Oh, wow.

So, yeah, I was...

Big chunk, right?

I would watch it, though, and just be like,

the big one that I always think of is that, if you remember, the footage of somebody watching a house being burned down

and whispering into the camera.

I don't think it's that one, though, because I went back.

I know you guys talked about that.

The weepy voice killer or something?

Yeah, the weepy voice killer.

No, this is a guy that's going like, I did it, Omar.

Look at it, burn.

Seen that one, too, yeah.

Oh, it's just so freaky.

And all of that.

Isn't it fucked up, though, that they couldn't find, like the authorities couldn't find the house that burned down?

I know.

To me, that's Keystone cop shit.

There's only so many fucking fires that burn a house completely down that, like, you could just,

even if it's in another state, I don't think it should take a TV show to find out which house it was.

No, no, I've been in a lot of burned houses, and you could tell you're in them.

Like, you know where they are.

The authorities in that case, it was in California, right?

I think so, yeah.

And they could not find, because a kid found the videotape on the side of the road.

And he put the videotape in his cassette player, and it's some guy narrating and basically masturbating off camera to him watching a house that he says burnt down.

And he turns it in the authorities, and the authorities are like, we tried to locate where this house was.

We don't know where the house is.

So they gave it to Unsolved Mysteries and they did find the house.

And it was in California?

I can't remember.

I think it was in California.

I I think so.

And it turned out that this guy was,

I'd heard it like multiple ways as a kid.

I heard that, like, oh, it was fake.

Or I heard, you know, that the guy was a serial killer or whatever.

I heard it was a teenager.

It was a teenager.

He was an arsonist.

They eventually tracked down that he'd been setting like multiple, multiple, multiple fires.

And when the cops came to his house, he accidentally set his own house on fire.

And that was what let them go in and like find all the evidence.

Yeah.

This is crazy.

Just insane.

But yeah, no, I always thought the show was like incredibly frightening.

You know what I couldn't get behind, though, and this might say something about me, the reunions.

Oh, I know.

I skipped that.

I always wanted to be scary.

I didn't want to be like, oh, and then after 30 years, these twins reunited.

I hated that shit.

I was like, oh, boring, man.

Yeah, when they picked it up.

One of them die.

Is one of them a serial killer?

That like gentle, happy piano.

Two old men found each other.

Yeah.

Now, I consider it one of the creepiest shows in television history.

Do you guys have any affection for it, Q?

I think at the base level that we all have it.

you know, I've been in a lot of hotel rooms in my life, and it's always on somewhere.

Yeah, so you know, it's a great background show.

I don't lean into true crime as much as you guys tend to, only because I find it a little bit too

depressing after a while.

Like, my tolerance for it is very low.

Well, that was one of the unique things about Unsolved Mysteries was it wasn't just violent crime, it was also the

UFOs,

Bigfoot.

I'm with you.

I've watched plenty of those episodes.

Yeah, I just

wouldn't be as knowledgeable at it as you guys are.

Yeah, that's where you're right, Walt.

It differs from Forensic Files in as much as Forensic Files is like dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead.

Everybody's dead.

There could be some fun stuff and still not be boring and unsolve mysteries, like the UFOs and like Bigfoot and stuff.

Or just the reenactments.

So especially early on, they would have the people that were involved in the mystery do the reenactments themselves.

So you get this fun cheese layer of like, well, this person's not an actor, but she's got to pretend that she's spontaneously bursting into flame.

Like that's kind of

fun.

And then some of them inspired horror movies too.

Like there's one that's relatively famous where it's, you know, this couple that's driving down a road and then a huge van pulls up behind them speeding like right on their bumper.

And then at the last second, the van just goes around them haphazardly.

And the couple keeps driving later down the road.

They see the van parked off on the side of the road and they just, as they're driving by, see the driver now outside the van dumping an old bloody bed sheet behind this old abandoned school and the couple it's insane that this is i guess true but they drive away then they end up going like well we should turn around and see what he was doing like no no no you keep driving yeah what are you doing before cell phones i guess yeah oh definitely but that entire intro inspired the intro of the movie jeepers creepers which like however you feel about that movie that yeah opening is almost shot for shot pulled from unsolved mysteries oh with that with that like but with some the the old rusty thing that that guy's driving comes right on the school bus or something in jeep screws yeah he's like yeah the school bus is the second movie but the first movie it's justin long and his and his sister right yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a scary beat up truck it's it's it's identical

unsolved mystery is like a horror movie on tv sometimes now did you know it's still going on it's on netflix right now there's a revival yeah i saw the first season of it no host host.

That's where they faltered.

I feel.

I think you need a host with a good voice.

Yeah, well.

Otherwise, it's just a regular crime show.

Yeah, that's true.

But the OG host, Robert Stack,

where do you put his voice in the pantheon of narrators who could elicit the proper response?

Top five, if not top three.

That's a high mark.

Yeah, I think he's up there, man.

He moves the needle all the way to creepy, right?

Just having his voice alone.

Just having him read something, yeah.

He wasn't the original

host, though.

Do you know that Raymond Burr was the original host?

Was he really?

Yeah, for like one or two episodes.

Yeah, something like that.

Yeah, then Stack got the gig, and then he carried it from 87 to 2002.

Dennis Farina, I don't know who Dennis Farina even is, but he was the Spike version of Unspoken.

You would know his face if you saw it.

Yeah, he's an actor.

He was in Snatch.

Do you ever see Snatch?

No.

No, he's been in a

was in a police show

oh and nyi pete blue no

oh boy

yeah but in the credits for the new netflix one they have like a little nod to stack right like they have his vision his image up in the opening credits yeah they should just i mean this is one of those cases where like they should just do the ai robert stack let his estate sell his voice no no find someone there's another voice out there i think there's another guy's voice yeah yeah

he's in crime story midnight run get shorty.

Midnight Run, he was great in that.

He's good in everything.

He was awesome forina.

Yeah, but he doesn't have the same voice.

He's been a Chicago cop for a long time.

Yeah, that's the thing, too, is that he's got that Chicago voice.

So coming off Robert Stack, which is like very deadly and down.

He's like, we got this other mystery over here.

It's a real brain teaser.

It just didn't have the same.

It didn't have the same weight.

All right.

So tonight we are going to

use Unsolved Mysteries, the television show, as our theme for the 2025 Tellum Steve Dave Halloween Spectacular.

The premise is simple.

You and Bri Q will hear five mysteries tonight.

There are three questions per mystery that if you can answer correctly, you'll get one point each for.

The person with the most points after the five mysteries will be declared the winner.

And your winner is going to receive a free copy of the new War of the Undead audiobook.

All right.

It's funny for a fan here.

So, Q, you're playing for Eric B.

Peterson of Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Oh, lovely, lovely town.

I love Grand Rapids.

Rye, you're playing for Carrie St.

Martin of Wind Door Locks, Connecticut.

Okay.

All right.

Do you want to play the intro?

Kind of get your feet wet before we get into the mysteries.

All right, here we go.

This program is about unsolved mysteries.

Whenever possible, the actual family members and police officials have participated in recreating the events.

Tonight on this special Halloween edition of Unsolved Mysteries, we will explore bizarre encounters with cryptid creatures, missing delus celebrities, alien abductions, ancient curses, and supernatural songs from beyond.

When three friends attend a summer camp reunion, they are hoping for a relaxing weekend in the greed outdoors.

But for one of them, it will be a weekend of horrors when he is brutally and sexually assaulted by the mysterious beast known as Bigfoot.

In a small town in New Jersey, a man is certain he has heard a miracle.

When two mysterious songs inexplicably appear on his iPod, he believes the songs to be heaven-sent.

When a little-known reality television personality goes missing, his friends are baffled.

When a man learns his vasectomy is mysteriously reversed, can the answer be found beyond the stars?

And have ancient spirits cursed a man for discarding his trash on sacred Indian land?

Join me for these fascinating stories in the 2025 Tell Him Steve Dave Halloween Spooktacular.

Perhaps someone somewhere has that one crucial clue that can solve a mystery.

Perhaps that someone is you.

I want to be there when Tom's wife is like, Your pasectomy must have reversed.

I don't know how I got pregnant.

All right, so before we get into the first so that was the AI recreation right there?

Well,

that's just one of many AI recreations.

Sounds pretty good.

Yeah, that was a bitch to do, though.

It took a long time because you put it in text-to-speech and you have to spell it phonetically, right?

Yeah.

So

after a while, it became almost like soothing and relaxing to try to figure out how to

the AI Robert Stack say what you wanted it to say.

Wow.

It became almost like a puzzle.

And when you solved it, there was some sort of satisfaction to have him say,

How do you spell alien?

So he says alien

because he would say alien or alien.

It was just this weird way to do it, and it became like a puzzle.

And like sometimes it would start speaking and then speed up.

And we cannot figure out why it would start speeding up.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah, but it was challenging, but in a way, somewhat oddly satisfying when he would say what you wanted it to say.

Yeah, the first time.

Because

we'd be sitting there to have him say a sentence.

It could take up to a half hour to have him say one sentence.

That's rough.

I'm so glad.

Phenomenal.

Extraterrestrial.

Things that Robert Stock has said

countless times.

Yes.

Couldn't say it.

Extra Riot to arrest me for yay all.

What program were you using?

Just

that's the other thing.

It was this startup company, and we're like three days away from completing it, and the company goes out of business and starts up another company.

And then we have to look for another AI Robbery Stack voice, and none of them matched the original voice that we chose because that one was the best one.

So we're like...

Just shaking our heads, like all the work we thought was down the drain, but then we contacted the...

Yeah, we like we contacted the guy and he's like, I'll see what I can do.

Let me go to bed.

He says, I'll answer you tomorrow.

And Wolf's like, what does that mean?

He's got to go to bed.

I'd be like, pay 25 bucks for the membership.

Yeah.

And then, so, yeah, we would load it and like it would be just like pending.

I'd be like, oh, come on, come on.

It's process.

Yeah.

Is that AI?

It's not just like taking syllables of things he said.

Well, I don't know what that is.

I guess it's kind of like AI.

Oh,

yeah.

Because it has to figure out spaces and pauses and periods and

numbers.

It sounds like it didn't do a very good job.

Oh, yeah.

But when you have to, but again, you had to solve the mystery,

ironically, of how to make him say what you wanted him to say.

But then the better one we got, this one would let us say anything.

The one we were using wouldn't let us have Robert Stack say anything.

And then the other one

we tried.

It was like, well, we can't say certain things.

Oh, yeah.

Like anything a little dicey or...

Oh, really?

Not even dicey, but maybe under a different prism scene through a different prism.

Sure.

Like, you, I'm not going to have it say that.

Yeah.

But the one we used, like, we had to say shit.

They were like, well, we would never let anybody else hear.

You know, the fun stuff to me.

The really fun stuff.

So we.

Because he was like, your rubber stack won't say that.

Oh, yeah.

So we will stop the story midway to allow you to ask questions that you may or may not get answers to.

After you wade in with your questions, we will listen to a short update that that will reveal what really happened.

And I'll be keeping score for Carrie and Eric.

So the closer our questions come to the...

You have to have a point system.

There'll be questions I ask you.

There's three questions per story.

If you get the questions right, you get a point.

Oh, you're asking us the questions.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, you basically have to.

No.

You're going to hear a mystery.

And then at the end of the mystery, they're going to say, how did this happen?

How did that happen?

How did that happen?

You got to solve those three things.

Okay.

So we're guessing.

it's not you can ask yes or no questions we we all know the answers okay there's clues in the story there's clues yeah yeah just like any mystery they're short short okay all right let's we want to get we'll give a shower we'll pick it up as we go yeah

all right story one

unexplained encounters

On the night of June 21st, 2025, Giddam Steve Dave of New Jersey was attending his youth summer camp reunion.

He invited his two good friends, Johnny Law and Jimmy the Hare Guy, to join him for a three-day weekend of outdoor activities and relaxation.

For one of these three men, it would turn into a weekend of terror.

I have such warm and wonderful memories of my time spent at Camp Watanka that I just want to share some of the joy that place gave me with my friends.

The weekend started out with fishing and outdoor activities, with everyone in attendance enjoying all the tranquility the campground had to offer.

However, the tranquility would be shattered in the early morning hours while the campers slept.

There was nothing really unusual about that night.

We had spent the evening sitting around the fire, drinking, and talking about our favorite celebrity crushes.

And then we all went to our cabins and went to sleep.

Their sleep would soon be interrupted by someone or something.

So I was just sleeping in my cabin when I heard screams.

Well, more like shrieks.

I ran out of my cabin, found Jimmy in just a t-shirt, shaking and yelling that he had just been assaulted by, and I can't believe I'm saying this, a Bigfoot.

Any questions so far?

It seems like we're still in the fact-gathering phase of it.

I still don't even, I guess we just found out that Jimmy the Hair guys was assaulted by a Sasquatch.

Right, sexually.

His pants were off.

Yeah, he was just in a shirt.

When you say just a t-shirt, he's just in a t-shirt.

Okay.

Screaming through the campgrounds.

Where are you going?

Okay.

Jimmy was sharing a cabin along with Giddam.

The pair were sound asleep in bunk beds.

Jimmy had chosen the top bunk.

Yeah, there I was fucking sleeping when all of a sudden, I felt something heavy on top of me.

I opened my eyes, but there was so much hair.

All I could see was hair.

Then I heard it say, Kathy.

Who the fuck is Kathy?

I could feel this thing's hot breath on my face, and then all of a sudden, I felt something wet try to force its way in my mouth.

Whatever was on top of Jimmy was highly aroused.

You ain't fucking kidding, Stack.

That rumor about having big feet is absolutely true.

At least with this thing.

I can attest to it.

Okay, we stopped it again.

Yeah.

Now you got a little bit more of the mystery.

Yes.

It's going exactly how I thought it was going to go.

No shocker yet?

So far, Jimmy, he got rolled on.

He's got a mouth fucked by Bigfoot.

This is all checking out.

Would you think it would have gone any other way?

Why won't they let Robert Stack say that?

It was a nice touch having Jimmy interact with Robert Stack, by the way.

It really made me laugh.

You got damn right, chat.

So it spoke.

The creature spoke.

Yes.

Kathy.

Yes.

Good pickup, Q.

Thank you.

Good pickup.

Thank you.

Okay.

Anything before we go on?

This will probably be it.

Yes.

And then you'll have, I'll ask you the three questions, and you'll try to answer them.

The hairy intruder used his massive bulk to immobilize Jimmy, but in a last-ditch effort, Jimmy was able to wiggle himself out from under the immense weight that had pinned him and made his way out of the cabin that was where Johnny Law found him.

Jimmy was hysterical.

All around his mouth were these long, coarse hairs.

It was obvious what had just happened to him.

I guess we probably should have taken him to a hospital and got him checked out.

But I really wanted to get in some early morning fishing.

So I just went back to my cabin cabin and went to sleep.

Jimmy eventually would make his way back to his cabin where shockingly get him Steve Dave was still sound asleep.

He had managed to remain asleep through the entire incident.

Yeah, well, I probably had way too many natty-daddies, and when that happens, nothing was waking me up.

What actually happened inside the cabin that night?

Did the legendary creature sometimes known as the Bigfoot attempt to take Jimmy the hair guy as his human bride?

Why did the creature call out for a Kathy?

Or was it all a bad dream?

I'm telling you guys, it was Bigfoot and he wanted to have hot hairy sex with me.

Get off!

Get off!

Get off.

Bravo.

The work put in paid off.

The background

chatter, the music.

It's well done.

How long did it get us to

have it to say Bigfoot?

Just even saying Bigfoot was an absolute pulling teeth.

Yeah.

He kept going Bigfoot.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

What good is this fucking program if you can't say foot?

And there were times where, like, he would be like, he would try to change it to another word.

Yeah.

But as the writer, I was like, I will not allow the fucking machine to beat me.

I would say.

I was like, we will sit here all fucking afternoon until it's fucking right.

And he would be going, he'd be going, well, this works.

And I was like,

what else do you got to fucking do?

I said, we will sit here for four hours until it says Bigfoot.

I said, I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck.

As Robert Smack would say,

oh, it was fucking a challenge at times.

But when it worked and when he said it properly,

it was like, it was like your team scoring a goal.

Even after hearing it 13, 14 times, you'd still get a laugh at it.

There's certainly

parts you still get a laugh out of.

All right, to both of you.

Question one: Was it Bigfoot who attacked Jimmy?

If not, who was it?

Brian Johnson.

I mean, it sounded like it was Bigfoot.

You're going to say it's Bigfoot?

I was going to say it was Bigfoot, yeah.

Okay.

BQ, same question to you.

I'm going to say it was a sleepwalking get him.

Sleepwalking get him?

Yeah.

Now, Brian,

why do you say Bigfoot?

Because they said it was Bigfoot.

Didn't he say it was Bigfoot?

There's a big, hairy guy on top of him.

Right.

Robert Seck said something about Bigfoot.

Now, I know you're injured.

You're dealing with a background.

I'm not.

You're popped up on drugs that you think it's really fucking Bigfoot?

Unless Gavin Penton does it.

So I'm supposed to guess who really did it?

I thought this is just all part of the story.

I'm not sure I understand.

First one's always the learning part.

Okay, yeah.

We're starting off slow.

All right.

Question Question two.

Why did the beast call out the name Kathy?

BQ, I'll go with you first on this one.

I think Giddam was having a dream about

some old camp counselor or

camp-related person

and in his sleeping state.

Because Jimmy at one point says long hairs surrounding his mouth.

That sounds like Giddam's beard to me.

Okay.

So you're going to say

it was an old camp counselor.

Or an associate, or yeah, someone at the camp.

Someone to get him new at the camp.

Someone named Kathy at the camp.

Yeah.

You're putting that under Johnson.

So.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, bro.

Good eye.

You don't want to be under my score.

Someone at camp.

Okay, Brian, who was, who was, why did the creature call out for a Kathy?

That's what I was going to say with somebody at camp, but now I'm going to say

I'm going to say that Jimmy imagined it.

It never actually happened.

Oh.

Okay.

Imagination.

Now,

the way you say something.

The real answer when it's revealed, I thought was common knowledge.

It may not be, though, and it may just be because I've heard this from.

I know this because I spent too many hours in this room with

the Sasquatch.

The Sasquatch himself.

I thought this was common knowledge, but it is a poll.

I mean, was it the name of the woman that he married on our show?

No.

Oh, okay.

All right.

And question three:

What instigated the attack?

Brian Johnson.

Jimmy Scent.

Jimmy Sent.

Oh, yeah.

Hmm.

I'd say it's, I mean, he's Jimmy the hair guy.

I'd say his long, beautiful hair.

His hair.

Almost feminine hair.

Okay.

It's tough for you guys because you're listening to it.

You know,

if you had longer time to study the file, you may come to a different conclusion.

He's trying to say you're wrong.

Fair enough.

You wouldn't say it was thus much.

You wouldn't have said anything you just said.

That's okay.

We're learning.

You're warming up.

Yeah.

By story two,

you'll have this down.

Okay.

Let's hear.

Let's hear from Stack.

Update.

Soon after this segment was recorded, Geddam Steve Dave, upon further recollection, confessed that all the talk the previous evening at celebrity crushes, along with a combo of natty daddies at the bonfire, created a booze and blew balls bolstered sleepwalking mishap.

Gidham theorized that in the midst of a particularly graphic sex dream of his longtime celebrity crush Kathy Ireland, he must have begun to sleepwalk.

Giddam would have climbed into the top bunk and attempted to make out with Jimmy, who Gedam most likely mistakenly presumed was supermodel Kathy Ireland.

This would explain Gidem bellowing out the name Kathy in the throes of the attack, all perpetrated by completely and soundly asleep Gidham Steve Dave.

Jimmy, the hair guy, declined to press charges and even agreed to attend the reunion the following year, as long as he could bunk with Johnny Law.

All right, now I get it.

Now I got it.

Okay.

I can't tell you how comforted I am that Gidam was just trying to make out with Jimmy.

That makes such a huge difference.

I'm sure I've heard it somewhere along the line.

Kathy Igerlo.

Did you know that was his celebrity?

I cried.

I didn't know that.

Isn't she like 80 at this point?

In the 90s, though, that's when he had the crush, though.

Now, you may be at a playing with one hand tied behind your back.

Sure.

Because you don't know maybe some of the

people involved in these stories as...

I didn't do too bad.

No, you actually

got a point.

But you didn't know.

But going forward, you might not know the nuances of everybody who.

Well, no detective knows all the facts, but when he starts solving the crime, you know what I mean?

It's okay.

As long as your opponent's going to say, I think it was Bigfoot.

You're doing great.

Well,

he didn't know the spirit of the, like,

you know, you didn't know that that's the.

It could have just as easily gone in that direction.

To be fair, they don't usually put two detectives on a case to see who's smarter.

All right, so get back to question one.

Was it Bigfoot?

It was not, who attacked Jimmy.

If not, who was it?

A sleepwalk and get him.

That is one big point for Q.

Yeah.

Good work, Q.

Thanks, pal.

Brian, it was not Bigfoot.

It was not Bigfoot himself.

Why did the beast call out the name Kathy?

Brian said it was...

his imagination, right?

Yeah, I said he must imagine it.

Okay, it was not his imagination.

Q said it was somebody at his camp that he remembered.

Incorrect.

Remember in the story early on, we mentioned that they were talking about their celebrity crushes and drinking.

Yes.

Okay, that's good.

That's a great clue.

Yeah.

And there's clues all over the place.

Okay.

You just got to open your eyes.

You can't take two steps without hitting a clue.

The moment you arrived at the studio, the game started.

Fucking jigsaw.

Everyone had the door locked when I walked in the room.

Do you remember we met outside today?

Yeah.

All part of the game.

I wasn't just getting it.

It was pointless, too, because you walked out, walked to the right, stopped, turned around, and went back inside.

There was no point for you to be out.

I left the clue out there.

Oh, shit.

I was throwing out my water bottle.

Question three was

what instigated the attack?

And it was the booze at the bonfire and Giddam's blue balls.

Yes.

You know, he had the nightmare.

He had the, well, the dream wasn't a nightmare.

It wasn't a nightmare.

Jimmy had the nightmare.

You haven't revealed on an episode that you loved Kathy Ireland growing up.

You had all the posters.

Oh, yeah, they're right over there, actually.

And why was she the gal for you?

Well, like you're a celebrity crush.

I don't know.

I just.

I mean, she was so hot.

Yeah, that little bit of a square jaw.

It was just, yeah.

Wow.

Not the Tatas or the Tezo.

But just small.

Square jaw.

She was like Burt Lancaster.

Almost like a manly jaw.

Distracted me from the tits.

How old is she?

62.

62.

She still looks good.

She looks great.

Yeah.

It looks great.

Yeah.

But

my mother would get me a Kathy Allen calendar every year for Christmas.

Do you remember when she was, wasn't she one of the beer girls for once?

Oh, yeah.

And you used to be able to walk into the supermarket and see if a really stunning, good-looking girl next to a beer, like a cardboard cutout well they knew how to market beer yeah

it was uh bud a bud my mom that was my mom worked at a bar so the bar uh the lady who own the bar would let her yeah bring home all the beer posters doesn't dylan movine have a nice square jaw too yeah he does as a matter of fact who is that one of the guys i can't go as halloween as

don't you have his calendar too

or her sorry her calendar yes we nearly got canceled thanks

i didn't know you who you were talking about until you made that joke.

And then I was like, oh,

now I got it.

Not the right name, right?

Dylan Mulvaney.

Mulvaney.

Okay.

I said Mulvine.

Close enough.

She's an actress.

She escaped from LA.

Necessary roughness.

Loaded weapon one.

Do you have a thing for gingers?

Usually?

I think she's.

Kathy Island's a ginger.

No, she's more of a brown hair.

I thought she had a little bit of a hair.

I thought she was a ginger, too.

No, no, no.

She's like honey blonde.

Yeah.

Sun-kissed.

You know, I struggled to use this as one of the clues because I said to Giddam, I I was like, have you mentioned this?

Do the guys know that you love?

And

I swear I had.

And, you know, I flipped myself off to Kathy Ireland.

Do they know this?

And you're saying you guys really didn't know, though.

If I did know, I have no recollection.

The guy who I should ask was the curator.

Like, do you know who Giddam jerked off to when he was in his early teens?

I should have sended it two in the morning, no out of context.

Maybe I should have hung up some of those posters over there.

Oh, that would have been nice.

That would have been fucking next level.

That would have been escape room shit.

Yeah.

With the usual suspects or something.

All right, Brian.

So now you know how the game's playing.

Now I know.

It usually takes me one round and then I got it.

Now you got it.

All right.

So you're only down by the way.

You don't have any excuse now that I know.

You shouldn't have said that.

Was it a test question?

See, now going forward, that's why when we're going to stop it, because you can ask questions.

Because I feel like Brian, because he has been on more of the Patreon episodes where we showcase more of the

supporting cast.

Okay.

Where he has heard and things have been revealed about them that you maybe were never privy to.

So, like I said, you're fighting with one hand tied behind you.

Okay, here.

So you can ask me.

He's still winning, though.

Still winning.

If you win, I look like a real asshole.

Oh, there she is.

Look at her.

There he is.

Why do you have the posters here?

Because they were in my Jeep.

Because this is where he lives.

Yeah.

I'm shocked they're not on the wall.

They were in my Jeep and they were getting damaged.

So I brought them in here to put them in the tube.

Still not in the tube.

I'm still not in the tube.

Yeah.

It's progression.

All right, let's hear a clip of story two.

Missing persons.

Ming Chen, nicknamed the Maverick, starred on the TV show Comic Book Men for seven seasons.

By all accounts, he was a vivacious and cheerful person who loved the spotlight.

So it was understandable that all who called this lovable sprite friend were concerned when all contact with Ming suddenly stopped for over a year.

Comic book Menco star Walt Flanagan recalls when he first noticed Ming had disappeared.

I thought I was coming in to talk about the poop joke or the rent fiasco.

I didn't realize you wanted me to talk about Ming being missing because I really didn't even notice he was missing.

Should I just say I was really concerned?

Yeah?

Okay, I'll say that.

I was concerned when Ming went missing.

Before Ming went missing, he was on quite a roll.

With a TV show seen by over a million viewers a week, Ming decided to start a podcast with his comic bookman castmate Michael Zapsick.

Paul Flanagan recalls how the pod started.

Yeah, I recall I suggested in an absolute moment of jest that Ming and Mike should start a podcast.

The joke being that they were both insufferably boring.

I can't say they proved me wrong, but they did wind up doing over 100 episodes, so

yeah, I guess.

With the television show a number one rated podcast in the visual arts category, Ming Chen had conquered two mediums and set his sights toward a third, the little-known world of comic book conventions.

These conventions, held on weekends all over the country, featured mostly forgotten celebrities from long-canceled shows, charging sometimes outrageous amounts of money for selfies with fans, some of which who most likely regretted spending the inflated prices just minutes later.

With a TV show, podcast, as well as being a featured guest at these conventions every weekend, It was an intoxicating time to be Ming Chen.

Overlooked for basically his entire life, Ming was now a quasi-celebrity, with people paying just to take photos with him.

Ming was said to be giddy about his newfound fame and took every advantage of it.

The guy would go to every con, no matter how small.

No one could figure out how he wasn't losing money at the end of the day going to all these cons.

I don't think it mattered to him, though.

Things were going so well.

Ming, along with his co-host Michael Zapsik, even opened up a podcast studio.

They called it a shared universe, but things soon started to go south.

Yeah, things got a little testy between Mike and Ming when it turned out they were paying rent to a guy who didn't even own the building.

These guys didn't even sign a lease.

It really was a clown show to be honest.

With their pride hurt, Ming and Mike attempted to put the embarrassing debuccal behind them.

Until growing resentments from Mike began to fester due to Ming being out of town constantly for every two-bit con that would have him.

Oh yeah, I would hear it from Mike.

He was not too happy.

He felt Ming was way more concerned with his convention appearances than the studio.

Things would come to a head with a good-natured but ill-advised joke tweeted by Ming on X.

Oh boy.

I wasn't working at the stash at the time when Ming tweeted that, but I can only imagine how furious Mike was when he saw that.

Ming had tweeted that Mike had defecated on the convention floor of the New York Comic-Con.

It was an obvious joke, but by all accounts, Mike was a notoriously thin-skinned bitch who would certainly be boiling after being the butt of such a joke.

In addition to the rent fiasco and Mike's belief Ming had neglected a shared universe studios, made Mike a suspect regarding Ming's disappearance.

I thought it was hilarious.

It was such a stupid joke.

How could anyone possibly get upset at such an outlandish, obvious joke?

It was soon after that all contact with Ming came to an abrupt halt.

Okay.

All right.

So you can ask a couple questions.

I don't know if I can answer them.

But anything stands out from that clip?

I mean, the real purpose of the clip stands out

pretty glaringly.

I

it's been so long.

How long did it take you to get Robin Sack to say Zapzick?

First try.

Really?

First try.

Really?

Yeah.

The words that we were like, oh, fuck, he's never going to say this.

Then he'd knock him out of the park.

Defecated.

First try.

First try, you got it.

Words like, you know, you'll see or hear some weird words come in here, like, Ming was a lovable sprite.

Sprite was not the word we wanted him to say, but at a point he wouldn't say the word that I had written, so we had to alternate a different word that he could say.

Yeah, I thought Sprite was genius.

When you sent that to me, I was like, this is the perfect word choice.

He's a lovable sprite.

No, after like an hour of the original word not going through it, you're just like, fuck it.

Just come up with a different word for, you know, small.

Oh, it was imp, wasn't it?

Imp?

I think it might have been imp.

Yeah, we wouldn't say imp.

Yeah, so we go like, what's a synonym for imp?

Sprite's good.

Spritely.

All right.

So.

Well,

the clues that I,

you know, it's a lot of talk about Ming disappearing opposed to people just not noticing that he's around.

You know what I mean?

Okay.

So to me, you know,

who reported the missing?

We're about to find out.

I can't answer that, but

it will be answered in our next clip.

Got you.

Brian.

That was my question.

All right, let's hear the next clip.

Friends and family place call after call in desperate hopes of reaching Ming.

The calls to his phone would be answered by a mysterious person claiming that the number was no longer attached to a Ming Chen.

Brian Nashel, the director of comic book Men for All Seven Seasons, recounts what happened when he frantically attempted to call Ming.

Yeah, I called Ming one day, but I really wouldn't say I was frantic.

But anyways, yeah, some guy named Mark answered.

He said he was from something called Jersey Coin Showcase and that this was no longer Ming's number.

I kind of shrugged it off and basically forgot about it.

So I'm not sure how you get frantic from that.

We called Ming Chen's phone number and also reached a person by the name of Mark.

He refused to answer any of our questions on camera regarding Ming, but insisted we come to the Big Jersey Coin Showcase Halloween blowout sale.

Where he boasted he would be selling almost brand new podcast recording equipment for pennies on the dollar, as well as high-end denim jeans at dirt cheap prices.

Mark bemoaned that these lucrative jeans were only available in children's sizes.

As coincidence would have it, Ming Chen was often seen wearing child-sized expensive denim jeans.

Okay.

Now, this is where I don't know if you are familiar with Jersey Coin Showcase or Mark.

I know we've referenced him here.

He runs a store in the plaza where we're at the airport plaza.

I got that.

It's kind of like a place where you can almost buy anything.

They'll buy.

I wouldn't call it a pawn shop.

Yeah, but it's...

Gold, silver, coins, stuff like that.

Comic books.

But then he has, yeah, he's got his comic books, pockets, jerseys.

He'll buy anything and try to flip it.

Okay.

Okay.

Just to give you, and also listeners who aren't on a Patreon, they might not be familiar with Mark from Jersey Coin Showcase, too.

Okay.

All right.

Brian, you're familiar with Mark?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

I know Mark.

Okay.

You did an episode of Bry Tries when I'm sorry.

You kind of figured you out.

I remember that guy.

It's been over a year since Ming Chen went missing.

It is important to note, while being the butt of the poop joke as well as numerous perceived slights regarding Ming, Mike is not a person of interest nor interesting.

It is also important to note that his family has never reported Ming missing to the authorities and when asked to be a part of this show, a family spokesperson responded with a simple message.

We good.

What happened to Ming?

Maverick Chen?

Was he addicted to fame?

Did he run away to live the comic book and life?

Or did an angry former friend and business partner exact revenge for a harmless poop joke?

Who is this mysterious Mark from Jersey Coin Showcase who answered Ming's phone?

Right.

And all the clues are in there, huh?

All the clues are in there if you could put it together.

You know, maybe we should have brought Troy in on this one, huh?

Yeah,

it's tough.

Like, it's tough to remember everything.

Are you a detective

and try to figure out what the clue is supposed to be?

Sure.

Yeah.

I have a theory.

Okay.

You want to hear your question?

Sure, yeah.

Okay.

Question one: Was Mike involved in Ming's disappearance?

No, I don't think he was.

Okay.

No, Bri?

No, I don't think so.

Okay.

Guys are on the board.

All right.

Nice.

Okay.

Question two.

How is Mark from Jersey Coin Showcase involved?

I think if my theory is correct,

that

he was the landlord that they failed to get

a

rental agreement with.

Again, another thing I wasn't sure if you were aware of that, you know, Mike and Ming opened this podcast studio in Redbank, though.

Yeah.

And they didn't, they

were paying rent to a guy that didn't even own the building.

Yeah.

A guy who lied to them and said he owned the building, and then they were paying rent to him.

No lease or anything.

I didn't know that.

That's shocking.

It was behind 35, like next to where the barbershop was.

Yeah, like that old fire station.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

So, what was the question again?

How is Mark from Jersey Queen Showcase involved?

Okay, I see now.

I would say that the person who owned that building took all the stuff and sold it to him.

Okay.

That's good detective work.

That is a good detective work.

Really weaving a story together.

It's not right, but it's really

intelligent.

Yeah, go ahead, Brian.

I can follow that up.

How is Mark involved?

I was wrong.

I was wrong.

Still intelligent, though.

How is Mark involved?

I think he stole Ming's phone.

Do you think he stole Ming's phone?

I think he stole Ming's phone.

When Ming came up here one time and Mark was here, I think he lifted it.

Okay.

And he also stole his jeans off his body?

He might have.

He might have just robbed his car.

I'm sure that's what Ming's living out of.

Renter soul to Mark.

Okay, that was cute.

All right.

And your final question.

Yeah.

What actually happened to Ming, Brian Johnson?

He hasn't been seen in a year.

Yeah.

I think he ran away from home.

I think he just took off for good.

I think he, like Robert Stack said.

Okay.

I think he wants to chase the limelight.

I don't think Ming is missing.

I think nobody just notices that he's around.

All right.

Yeah.

Let's hear.

That's pretty good.

Let's hear.

Sing is here somewhere.

He might be in this room.

Let's hear Stack's update.

Update.

On the night of our broadcast, Ming Shen called into our phone center to let us know he was alive and well.

He informed us that in an effort to remain on the con circuit, he had begun to offset the travel costs by selling off a shared universe studio equipment and even personal items like his iPhone to a local pawn shop called Jersey Cohen Showcase where the mystery man named Mark was employed.

Here is a message from the Maverick himself.

Hey everyone, sorry I went offline there for a while, but I was so touched when I saw the segment devoted to finding me on Unsolved Mysteries.

The life of a Comic-Con personality can be tricky.

Maybe you hit a stretch where you sell 58x10s at one show and you're on top of the world.

And then

you may hit a dry spell and maybe you only sell five at the next four shows.

That's when you got to get creative and think outside the box.

Long story short, I'm fine.

And I'm sure I'll be at a con near you soon.

So please, please come out and buy a signed photo of me.

Who knows?

Maybe even Mike will be there and then maybe you can see him shit on the con floor again.

Only kidding.

Mike did not shit on the con floor.

All right.

Wow.

Welcome back to our questions.

Was Mike involved in Ming's disappearance?

Both said no.

You both get points.

Right.

How was Mark from Jersey Queen Showcase involved?

Roy, you said he stole all of Ming's stuff.

And Q, you said the renter from Red Bank took their stuff and sold it to Mark.

Turned out that Ming was just off selling all some stuff just to keep attending cons as some of the sales were a little light to remain on the circuit.

That's the way to save money.

Spend it all on going to a con.

Well, if you noticed in the testimonial, Walt said, I don't know how he was affording it.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

That's good.

There's clues.

It's tough to listen to it once, trying to get all these clues.

Plus the pressure of, like, I don't want to sound as stupid as I sounded.

I was paying for it again.

And what actually happened to Ming?

You both got that wrong.

You said he really.

Well, I said he wasn't missing.

You said he wasn't missing.

It's an interpretation.

I took that you were right.

Yeah, thank you.

What was Bryce?

I think Bryce said Stack was right.

He was like chasing the limelight.

Yeah, he did say that.

Which is also kind of true.

They're both sort of interpretations of

them both to it.

Yeah,

he's generous.

Nice.

Thank you.

Happy Halloween.

I had this.

I'll pull the curtain back a little.

I had a much bigger role for Mark from Jersey Coin in this, from Jersey Coin Showcase, so much so that he was going to be

much more

in a way way that it would be clearer what happened.

Okay.

But we found out that Mark

is no longer.

Well, for a while, he was.

Let's just say he's not at liberty to be recording any.

Let's say I read about him in the newspaper.

Which I actually did.

I saw it in the New Jersey Patch.

Yeah.

There was a lot of stuff said.

Oh, boy.

I can't wait to hear about this.

Yeah.

And can we also talk about the rent situation?

Because I'm so curious about how that's possible and how they found out how long they were paying oh how Mike and Ming were paying rent to a guy I didn't know in the building I think that the rent was so cheap that it was too good to be true so good that you're like let's not ask questions if I recall correctly Rob Bruce also had an office in the same building yeah and was victim of the same so what who owned the building like how is any of this even possible I think a guy owned the building and he had a friend like watching it or something yeah managing it and so this guy was just like

yeah.

It's not like just some guy on the sidewalk was like, hey, I own this building.

Yeah, that was, yeah.

I, I,

we found out Mark was going to be not available at the, you know, and I was like, I can't scrap this story now.

We had done so much work on it with stack and everything that I was like, yeah, there wasn't enough money in petty cash for bail.

Yeah.

There you go.

All right, so with an updated score, BQ you have three, Bri has two.

Going into our third story.

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All right back to our second mystery.

Throughout history, people have claimed to hear divine music, from heavenly choirs to mysterious voices carried on the wind.

But in 2024, one New Jersey man claims he experienced this phenomenon in the most unlikely of places.

On one of his iPods, 56-year-old cult podcaster Sunday Jeff enjoyed listening to his tunes on his iPod.

But one morning after syncing one of his many iPods, Jeff discovered something unusual.

Two mysterious tracks that seemed to appear out of nowhere.

So believe it or not, I have multiple iPods.

I have a big music collection, and all my music I got the old-fashioned way.

It's all from RIP CDs.

I don't go online and buy music because what if an old song all of a sudden needs to be censored?

Well, guess what?

I still got the uncensored versions.

it for sure.

That has to be real, right?

This is one of his many manifestos about why he has seven iPods.

I don't know if you're aware of that either.

I was not aware of that.

Yeah, so the man has seven iPods, and the reason he tells me is because he's terrified that a song is going to get censored and the original version will never be available to you.

George Lucas really fucked this guy up, man.

George Lucas fucked this guy up.

Oh, man.

His whole life is a reaction reaction to the special editions.

His entire fucking life.

He was mad because they three-censored the French connection.

Oh, yeah.

On his streaming service.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

What did they censor?

It's like the N-word.

Didn't they pull the N-word out?

Yeah,

Brian knew what that meant.

That fucking cat

with bird feathers all around his lips.

Really?

What word did they take out?

Say it.

Come on, Popeye.

Popeye Doyle.

Don't get me started.

Okay.

Anyways, so one day after syncing my iPod, I see these two tracks pop up.

Track one and track two.

No other information.

No title, no album art, no nothing.

I was like, what's this?

How'd these songs get on here?

Curious, Jeff pressed play on the puzzling songs, and what he heard left him in a stupor.

It wasn't just music.

It felt

otherworldly.

The hairs on my arms stood up.

I thought, maybe this is what angels sound like.

It was very wondering.

No one could explain the origin of the tracks.

Some experts suggested corrupted files.

Others even claim Sunday may have stumbled upon a hidden broadcast signal from heaven.

Sunday was convinced he was listening to something beyond human creation.

Voices of angels captured somehow and delivered to him through his iPod.

I'm not a religious guy by any stretch, but there was something about these songs.

Now, this part is really weird.

I played the songs for my daughter who was home from college, and she thought the songs were from heaven, too.

She started laughing and said, Yeah, dad, these are definitely unknown songs that only exist on your iPod.

Any questions before we go on to the final part of the story?

What did the song sound like?

Like, what is that heavenly noise?

You will hear a clip of both songs in the next segment.

Okay.

Which will probably,

you know, be a major factor in solving this mystery.

mystery i i have i have a theory i have a working theory brian you have a working theory nope

all right i need the end okay halfway through he already has a theory yeah what's your what's your theory before before like all the facts you don't want to give it away well he doesn't want to give away his theory and have bryce steal it right but

you know he's we're not on this system it's up to you you tell me you want me to write something down go ahead you say it out loud then it's okay well let me ask you a question is chris ledondo involved in this story at all at any point that's what i was wondering too really Why?

He is not, but why would you?

Because when you two put those fucking songs on the iPod, he was losing his mind about it.

Yeah, he got all upset.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I remember.

Yeah, so.

We did a trial about it.

Yeah.

There was

a trial by fire.

That's dot, dot, dot, answer.

That's the direction I'm going into.

There was a clue earlier

to how those songs got on that iPod.

And it links into all that.

No Chris Ledondo, though.

No Chris Ledondo.

He is in the War of the Undead

parody version, and he fucking knocks it out of the park as Dracula.

Oh, great.

Like

one of my favorite performances in this whole book is Chris Lodondo's performance, but he is not involved in this story.

Okay.

So I will give you that.

You can shape your theory going forward.

Oh, cash your theory.

Brian, I'm not even going to help you.

I think you're a lost cause.

I might fail.

I might fail.

Was Mike involved?

It was one of your points.

Sunday shared the songs in question with us.

Could what you are about to hear be the sounds of an angelic choir?

This is a portion of track one.

Don't blame me, love made me crazy.

If it doesn't, you ain't doing it right.

Lord, save me, my drug is my baby.

I'll be using for the rest of my life.

And here is a portion of the second track.

And when I got home, before I said amen, asking God if he

could play it again.

Look, I used to think no one could ever top Stevie Nixon my book, but I was dead wrong.

Do you know that Sunday Jeff has an absolute

hard-on for Stevie Nixon?

I did not.

I understand it, but I don't know that.

Like on a level of Kathy Irene when with it or both of these guys.

Yeah, for sure.

He gets upset if you bring up any of her dalliances.

Yeah, with, you know, inside the band.

He's one of the few that doesn't believe that she slept with the rest of the band.

Why would he not believe that?

Doesn't she say she's good girl?

She's a good girl.

Okay.

You tell me that's fake news.

Okay.

Fair.

Fair enough, I guess.

That ruins the illusion for him when he's alone thinking about Stevie.

We'd rather want to think pain stories and stuff that.

Again, you know,

all done to bring her down by some jealous, you know,

band members.

Her solo career.

History's written by the victors.

We ask Father Lance, an expert on all things supernatural, for his theory on the songs.

Accounts of angelic choirs appear throughout history in visions, dreams.

even battlefield reports.

The idea of hearing heavenly voices through technology is not unprecedented, but you have to consider our devices' buffer data all the time.

A fragment of a broadcast, maybe a signal bleed, there's usually a technical explanation.

This would be the first instance of angels singing on MP3 files.

But after listening to the songs, I came to the uh swift conclusion

that Sunday heard music that moved him deeply.

Maybe it was a gift.

Whether it was angels or not, perhaps it was meant to awaken his spirit.

And at the end of the day, isn't that more important than finding a true origin?

Sometimes I wonder if I was chosen to hear it, but I know what I heard.

What was the source of the mysterious angel songs?

A glitch in technology, an elaborate hoax, or a message from beyond?

Until new evidence emerges, the mystery of the angelic voices on Sunday Jeff's iPod remains unsolved.

Angelic was a fucking nightmare for him this second.

I I'll bet.

I'll bet.

It's like, give me an A.

I.

N.

I feel like some Sunday Jeff's lines were just

as tough.

Woof.

All right.

Question one.

How did the two songs get on Jeff's iPod?

Brian Johnson.

How the fuck should I know?

Okay, no answer.

I can't even think of an answer.

I literally can't use that answer.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Okay.

Q.

These are well written.

Well, they are well written.

They're really well written.

And I know that if I heard it a couple times, I'd be like, oh, okay.

I think I might pick up on more, but that first listen, I'm so fucking trying to hear it.

I'm not hearing anything.

Well, it goes out of the way to say that he updated his iPods.

So when he hooked it up to the computer, I believe

that is the time to update his iPod that those songs got on there.

When he synced his iPods.

When he synced his iPod, yeah, with the computer.

When his daughter was home from college.

Okay.

I think some of her songs got on there.

Okay, was it an angel?

If not, who was the artist?

BQ?

Well, it was Taylor Swift.

It was not an angel.

Right, I knew it was Taylor Swift.

Okay,

don't say that.

Can I redo my first answer?

Sure.

From I Don't Know?

Yeah.

I think Giddam did it.

I think Giddam did it.

I think Giddam's a Swifty, and he put it on when

Sarah Jeff wasn't looking.

You do realize Giddam wasn't mentioned at all in the story.

Better than I Don't Know.

He's not wrong.

Okay.

Why did Jeff leap to the conclusion the songs were angelic?

BQ.

Well, she's singing about God.

She's singing about, she says, Amen.

Tells God to play it again.

Okay.

Brian.

Same answer.

All right, let's hear stack.

All right, this is great.

Update.

After this story aired, our phone lines were overwhelmed with callers alerting us that the songs on Sunday Jeff's iPod were performed by popular superstar singer Taylor Swift.

The most likely explanation of how the Tay Tay songs found their way onto Jeff's iPod is when Jeff's daughter came home from college during break.

She charged her phone on the family computer, and some of the songs from her music library found their way onto the desktop computer.

When Jeff synced his iPod later that day, the songs were uploaded onto his playlist.

Jeff, having lived in an impenetrable bubble where all pop culture ended for him in 2003, as well as being in what only could be called a constant stupor state, created what scholars call the perfect storm for him to leap to a divine conclusion.

When asked to comment on finding out his songs were not having sent, Jeff responded, Oh well, supernatural or not, I still got to go to work in the morning.

Can you not hear me as a

and he's right?

So, BQ, you get two big points because you knew how the songs got on there.

You knew it was Taylor Swift.

Now,

nobody, I don't believe, got the reason why Jeff thought they were

heaven-sent songs.

Stack says, you know, his living in a bubble since 2003, where all pop culture ended, he didn't recognize.

And we didn't hear that until after, right?

Yeah, but that's what, but he did reveal it, though.

I think it's just based on

just being in a constant stupor.

That was just a prior knowledge thing, I guess.

Because I even said stupor early on.

I dropped

stupor.

This is fucking Sir Conanian Doyle shit right here.

I've got my double-hilled hat on.

I'm not going to fucking do this, Sirconian Doyle.

Doyle.

That's Sherlock Holmes, where you uneducated motherfuckers listening.

Bry gets one, ties it up, but BQ gets two, so he's up by two.

Oh, here, now this possibly may be my favorite of the stories coming up.

I feel that one was our weakest one.

Really?

All right.

I feel that one was our weakest story in terms of...

I knew it was going to be a stretch for you guys to figure that one out, though.

But you said it.

You got it.

I fucking put out all the breadcrumbs.

Yeah.

Whether you guys can fucking follow the breadcrumbs

to the answer, that remains to be a different story.

It's fun.

It's a fun game.

Alien abductions.

On a warm July morning, Tombil Oshewski ventured into his doctor's office for his annual physical exam.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary or unusual until Tom's doctor inserted his fingers into Tom's anus.

Years earlier, Tom's wife had demanded he get get a vasectomy, which he did without question.

But Tom's doctor discovered all inside Tom was nothing less than shocking.

There were no signs Tom had ever had his vasectomy.

It was as if his tubes had become untied.

Nobody wants to have their back to their doctor with his digit inside of you and hear, hmm, this is unusual.

But nothing could have prepared me for when he said my vasectomy.

had become undone.

I was always very vocal and quite frankly, proud about my wife's decision for me to have a vasectomy.

It was one of the first things I'd mentioned when meeting new people.

So to say I was shook when my doctor said I was still virile was an understatement.

Tom was a staunch supporter for all vasectomies, especially his.

It seemingly was one of the few subjects that Tom would speak passionately of.

But some would say Tom was a bit too passionate.

One of Tom's close friends recounts.

No matter what subject we were talking about, inevitably Tom would somehow, someway bring up his vasectomy.

We could be talking about the Super Bowl, and Tom would find a way to shoehorn his vasectomy into the conversation.

To be honest, I got a little fed up with him and his vasectomy stories.

I'd be telling a super engaging $5 boot story to someone, and then all of a sudden, Tom would come over and interrupt me to talk about his tied tubes.

It really started to affect our friendship.

With this puzzling new development regarding his vasectomy, Tom was determined more than ever to let anyone and everyone know his startling scrotum update.

Here, Walt Flanagan, a cast member along with Tom, on the podcast The All-New Sunday Jeff Show, recounts how obsessed Tom was to discuss his situation.

Even before the news about his reverse vasectomy, all he wanted to do was talk about it.

Now he was almost fanatical.

He even wanted to come up with a vasectomy game we could play in the pod just so he could be the center of attention.

Did anyone even look into this?

Are we sure it's really reversed, or are we just taking his word for it?

Unsolved mysteries sent Tom to Dr.

D, a prominent physician, for a physical to determine the validity of Tom's claim.

She confirmed Tom's vasectomy had indeed been reversed.

Here she is on the probability on Tom's vasectomy reversing on its own.

A vasectomy reversal is a procedure that can be done, but to have it happen organically with no surgical procedure is just not possible.

I don't know if this passes the smell test.

Okay, so that was the good Dr.

D.

Yes.

She was kind enough to send in some lines for me.

You could listen to her talk all day.

She's got a great voice.

That's not the kind of test you want to smell, right?

That smell test is not one you want to take a whiff of.

Yeah,

that's horrible.

Okay.

Any questions before we go forward?

Did you know that Tom had a vasectomy?

I believe I knew that, yeah.

Did you know that it was basically his?

No, I didn't know it was his.

I didn't know his identity.

I didn't know that his wife made the decision for him.

Bri, you were well aware of this.

I'm well aware of all this, yeah.

I've been around Tom enough.

Okay.

Go forward then or any other.

So far, it seems pretty straightforward.

Well, aliens are about to be inserted in this.

This is what I was waiting for.

Yeah.

So my wife was not happy when I came home and told her I was no longer snipped.

I knew she was starting to think that I didn't go through with my first vasectomy, that I chickened ill.

And that's when I told her about the dreams I'd been having.

Tom told his wife of a series of strange nightmares he was haunted by.

In the dream, Tom was in in his car and witnessed a blinding white light and then all of a sudden, a being in a white room, naked on a table, surrounded by strange alien beings.

Tom described the beings as having smooth gray skin and large almond-shaped eyes.

Of course, this subjected him to the probe no man ever wants to get.

But even more curiously, Tom would elaborate that the creatures also seemed interested in taking something from him.

It wasn't just my blood they wanted.

They wanted it all.

Saliva, fecal samples.

If I could excrete it, they took it.

I don't know if I ever mentioned this before, but I got of a second me a while back.

The greys were particularly fascinated by that one sample.

They started rummaging around a lot down there.

And then I could swear one of them looked at me and gave me a thumbs up.

Then he started pulling and tugging.

I was trying so hard to hold out.

I tried everything.

I thought of Spider-Man, even garbage.

But I'm only human.

And eventually, well,

I climaxed.

Could the Greys, as Tom called them, have wanted a sample of viral sperm from Tom so badly that they surgically reversed his vasectomy?

I really can't think of any other way this could have happened.

I was abducted by aliens, and they surgically repaired my vasectomy.

They extracted my seed, and they returned me to my car, where I awoke with no memory of what happened.

Did Tom experience what those who research the UFO phenomenon call lost time?

Where minutes or hours pass by in what feels like the blink of an eye?

What happened during those stolen hours of Tom's life?

Was Tom truly abducted by the Greys?

What exactly were they hoping to accomplish by reversing his vasectomy?

Perhaps someday Tom will have the answers to those questions.

But for now, something more important to Tom, or should I say Tom's wife, had to be addressed.

The first thing she decided was I had to get this corrected ASAP.

She scheduled the very first available equipment she could get to my second vasectomy.

And we're both very happy to say I'm shooting blanks again.

How cool is it to say that I'm the first guy in TES Detail to get two vasectomies?

I'm the only one that could say that.

It's a tough one.

This is a tough one.

All right.

Well, first question is a layup.

Yeah.

Were aliens responsible for Tom's reversed vasectomy?

If not, what was?

Bigfoot's an alien, right?

So were aliens responsible, Brian?

It sure sounds like it.

I'll ask again.

Yes.

Yes, aliens were involved.

Okay.

I'm going to lose anyway.

I might as well just have fun.

I'm only two points behind.

No, aliens were not involved.

Okay, no.

All right.

Any idea

what was responsible?

I have a theory.

Well, it's a theory.

You could say it out here.

It's a safe space.

Yeah.

Somehow, Giddam's involved because he stole his thunder when he cut off his story to talk about the vasectomy.

And Gidham can't have that.

That's motive.

That is pretty good.

Motive before means.

So in this theory, I guess

Giddam did it like a...

In office vasectomy.

He just got in there and rose around.

Corrupt Ford and did it right on his table.

Okay.

How did Thomas vasectomy reverse?

At the Jasper Pry?

This is the second question.

Okay.

How do you think it did?

I don't know that he ever had it to begin with.

Didn't have it to begin with?

I don't think he had it to begin with.

Okay.

Just because a guy talks about something a lot doesn't mean that he had it to begin with.

Bry.

That's what I was going to say.

I think he lied to his wife.

What was the motivation for the reversal?

Which reversal?

What was the motivation for the reversal?

From...

Well, I think their point is that he never had it to begin with.

So following that line of logic.

Yeah, well, the third question reveals that they were both wrong.

They'd get points on the second one if they could figure out what was the motivation.

What do you think the motivation was?

To get a vasectomy reversal.

Yeah.

Well, I would say that

the motivation would be so he would have.

Oh, obviously.

It's coming to me.

Now it's like the end of fucking.

Memento?

Memento.

Yeah.

There was never a reversal.

He only got the second fucking vasectomy so he could tell the story about how he had two vasectomies.

There never was an alien.

There never was.

There never was.

No!

There never was a reverse.

He literally just got a second vasectomy for no fucking reason other than to tell people that he had two vasectomies.

Okay, Brian.

Well, I was going to say the aliens reversed it on him.

I guess I would go ahead and say that he...

That's a good line of reasoning, Q.

It's the only line of reasoning.

None of it happened.

None of it happened.

Whether he had the first vasectomy or not.

That felt like a speech that happens in like a huge mansion

at that end of a movie.

Whether he had that first vasectomy or not, the answer is still he claimed not to have one just so he could get another one so he could tell everybody that fucking even more that he had two.

Because he even said of himself, I'm the only one in this town that has had two.

People got tired of hearing the one story.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

That's what I think happened.

Wow.

What am I supposed to say after that?

I would go with that.

Yeah.

Can I change my alien app?

It seems like same.

Same, right?

Okay.

That's a really good answer.

Let's hear stack reveal it.

Update.

After this segment aired Tom, while appearing on a podcast, was berated into revealing he fabricated the whole alien abduction story.

Tom, whose entire identity was his vasectomy, had feared people were tiring or zoning out whenever he spoke on his vasectomy.

So in an effort to be more interesting, interesting, he secretly had a doctor reverse his vasectomy so he could then announce his vasectomy had mysteriously reversed to friends and family.

Tom's plan would have allowed him to undergo a second vasectomy, which he then could recount over and over to anyone who would listen.

I'm gonna get BQ.

It's gotta get at least two points.

It's honestly incredible.

To the degree that's really good.

We were so damn close.

Could this be used as some sort of like an entrance exam?

The academy?

Yeah, exactly.

All right.

The trick is that we just got to look for what Walt is looking to make fun of the person about.

And that is the true motive behind the thing.

Yeah, yeah.

For the record, anytime I wrote these, there was an alien.

And he sent them to Walt, and he sent them all back.

No aliens, no Bigfoot.

Well, I don't know if you know, but the whole beginning was kind of a wow goose or a red herring because you can't really test for a vasectomy by putting your finger up someone's head.

I was wondering, though.

See, that was the best part.

And why can't you, though?

You can't feel

through the cavity

where the tubes are?

No.

No.

It's because they.

If you're not a doctor, though, but a doctor who knows what he's feeling around for could probably feel the right wall and feel if the tubes were still, or like there was a bump in the tube, like a knot or something.

The only way they could tell is by

the only way they can tell is by taking samples and making sure that there's nothing in them.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

That's the only way.

Oh, yeah.

Tom told me many times that he had to go 30 times before he'd go back to the doctor and make sure that he was shooting blanks.

Much better.

30 times?

Yeah.

Much like, you know, changing the Ed Gein story,

I took liberties and said that a doctor could tell if his vasectomy was reversed just by sticking to the side.

And who am I to question it?

I don't know.

Sounds real.

Let's make the Tom's story a little sexier, a little hotter.

Two, three, four, five.

One, two, three.

So, BQ, you've got a two-point lead going into the final story.

You get three points out of this, and BQ gets none.

You're going to win.

I like how close you are, but everyone's like,

You're terrible.

I keep on just saying whatever Q said.

Sunday, Jeff is laughing at you.

Stucker stumbling around

in this game.

He's only two points to find.

It's shockingly close for how it feels.

All right.

Final story.

Had I just not said Alien and Bigfoot, I'd be tied up.

Unexplained Phenomena.

For over 20 years, Frank Five lived a life of quiet rebellion against local municipal garbage pickup fees.

Twice a week, under the cloak of darkness, his pilgrimage began, a solitary man, a bag of refuse, and the open road road to a local business dumpster.

I started driving my garbage to various local dumpsters as a way to save a little money.

Most people would have folded and paid the garbage fees on those rainy or freezing nights rather than hop in a car two nights a week and drive around looking for good dumpster drop-offs.

Not me.

I was committed.

And hey, how do you think I was able to afford a DeLorean?

Frank's wife, Mrs.

Five, supported the unusual but thrifty arrangement.

I thought of it more as a hobby, a way for him to get out of the house.

But last week, Frank Five's routine was shattered, replaced by a mystery that defied logic and perhaps the earthly realm itself.

So it was just another normal Wednesday night.

You see, Wednesday and Sunday evenings are my garbage runs.

So like I said, nothing out of the ordinary.

I grabbed the black trash bag my wife Mary had left out for me and I started out the door.

As I was leaving, Mary asked me if I would mind picking up some of those makeup remover pads for her, and I agreed.

I grabbed Sherman, my puppy, to tag along and away we went.

With pooch in tow, Frank Five proceeded to look for the perfect place to dispose of his refuse.

I try to never hit the same place over and over.

If I make the drop at, let's say, a Dunkin' Donuts on a Sunday in September, I won't hit that same Dunkin' Donuts again, at least for another six months or so.

Sherman and I drove around that night for a while when I finally thought I had found the perfect spot, a local Indian casino.

Frank pulled into the back lot of the Indian casino.

He tossed the bag into the dumpster.

Then he drove to pick up his wife's makeup removers at Walmart.

He then went home, went to bed, and thought nothing more of it.

But when the morning sun rose and Frank made his way to his car to drive to work, he saw a shocking sight.

The same bag of garbage he swore he had thrown away the night before was sitting neatly in the passenger seat of his car.

Okay, now, this may be something that you're totally unaware of, right?

That Frank actually does this shit.

I think I've heard that before.

It wouldn't be something that I probably would have recalled on my own, but it rang familiar when I heard it.

This guy...

He's like a serial killer.

We've said before that serial killers have no problem driving around endlessly for hours.

Wild, man.

And then cataloging the Dunkin' Donuts one in September.

Yeah.

That is a real

conversation that we had on the boat one day.

Like, oh, yeah, I won't hit the same place.

How much is that garbage fee?

Do we know?

Oh, it's probably a lot.

It has to be substantial for him to make this kind of effort, I think, for this many decades to avoid paying that pickup fee.

Okay.

I know that Mary's used to it, but man, I want to see Dub's face when she hears this story about fucking hitting dunking donuts, parting garbage all over, getting it in your car.

Yeah.

It's so gross.

It's weird.

Yeah, it has to cost a lot.

Otherwise, it's just like, who wants that shit in their car?

Leaking out?

Well,

he's done it for so long, I just think it's now more out of a habit than anything.

I can't get out of the house.

A hobby.

I think most of where he lives, most of the night traffic, it's all men, men and garbage.

They're all doing the same thing.

So we have some clues in there, I'll tell you right now.

I mean, hopefully, you guys picked up on some of the clues.

Didn't really, man.

I'm not sounding so straightforward.

Yeah.

I just couldn't believe it.

I was kind of in shock.

I went back inside and asked my wife Mary if she had put the bag in my car.

Mrs.

Five seemed unnerved when Frank asked her if she had any knowledge on how the bag had found its way back into Frank's car, but she denied any knowledge.

A slightly shaken Frank Five decided he would dispose of this new bag of trash later that evening, but the overwhelming stench coming from the bag forced Frank to dump it in broad daylight on his way to work.

The smell, the smell was horrible.

The only time I've ever smelled anything as bad as what was in that bag was when my septic system went belly up.

But last year, I finally put a new system in, and I thought I'd never have to smell anything like that again.

Frank tried to put the unpleasantness behind behind him, but the very next morning, when he went to his car, he found yet another repugnant smelling bag of trash next to him in the front seat.

In fact, Frank would awake for the next eight days straight to a reeking new bag of trash.

I thought I was losing my mind.

It felt like I was cursed or something.

Like I was being punished.

Frank 5, shaken to his core, considered the supernatural.

I thought it had to all come back to that Indian casino.

I thought I angered them, the old gods.

I went to watch out of the land.

All those years sneaking and dumping my garbage, avoiding my dues.

Now they're sending it all back to me.

Mary Five, Frank's wife, wasn't ready to leap to such unearthly conclusions.

I don't know how the bags got in Frank's car, but an Indian curse?

Come on.

What's the big deal anyway?

Frank has driven and dumped countless bags of garbage.

What's a few more?

Did Frank 5 disturb something far older and far more powerful when he disposed of his trash at that Indian casino?

Did he anchor the gods, who then punished him by returning what he tried to cast away?

For now, the truth remains unknown.

But one thing is certain.

Frank Five will never look at a bag of garbage the same way again.

From the looks on your faces,

you seem like this is a

head scratcher, it looks like.

I have a little bit of a theory.

Was it an Indian curse, question one?

No.

No.

No.

Okay, both of you say no.

Good.

If not, how did the bags appear in Frank's car?

I personally think Mary Five was putting them in there to get him out of the house.

I believe that Mary Fe was doing as well.

I believe she was walking the dog that was mentioned.

The dog would, because he did say that he hadn't smelled that smell since something about his sewer tank, which is shit.

I think Mary was walking the dog and just threw the bags.

Do you not know about Frank's septic system?

No.

Oh, surprisingly, I don't know.

There's another thing, too.

Yeah, this is good.

Fill in.

So, Frank's septic system had long since passed its expiration date.

The leech field had become a,

it got to the point where if he mowed the

a couple times, he went to go mow the grass and the whole entire long

sank in.

Mary had to go out and save him.

My opponent out of the way.

Mary had to go out and save him, and he was spinning the wheels, and it was shooting shit all over Mary.

I'm not sure if you've seen a leech field when they go back.

All based on the true story.

All these things are true.

Yes, this is all true.

Except the

Indian casino curve.

But the cost to replace the system was so much, Frank kept trying to put it off as far and as long as he could.

It is crazy on what it costs.

Right.

All right.

So, why did the bag smell so bad?

There's dog shit in it.

Yeah, it's all you got to say.

Dog shit.

Bri.

Yeah, I was going to say Mary filled it with dog shit.

When you get to a point where it's so common, it's like, fog the dog.

The dog says, just throw the garbage bags in your husband's car.

To get him out of the house.

Give him something to do.

How close are his neighbors to him?

Pretty close.

Like, were they pissed at the smell?

Did he deal with angry neighbors?

It's not that it smelled, it's just that it was.

Well, did he deal with angry neighbors?

No, I think they have all smells.

So the neighbors have no reason to put it in his car.

He deals with angry neighbors, but not because of the septic system.

No way that it packs this case.

No, no way.

There are separate cases.

There are separate cases in this man's life.

And I'm not involved.

Yeah, Giddam is not involved.

What was the motivating factor for the culprit who left the bags in Frank's car?

Q?

Well, if it's Mary, it's to get him out of the house.

Get him out of the house, Bry.

Yeah, that's what I said originally.

Get him out of the house.

Okay.

You guys are going to smack your foreheads when you hear what the real reason was.

It's going to be like, oh my God, how could I have nothing?

I don't think I'll say that.

It's all in the first clip.

Go ahead.

Update.

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Now that you know about the quality products Ridge offers, the only mystery I'll have to solve is why you haven't already purchased a Ridge product.

Okay, back to our update.

After this story aired, Mrs.

5 came clean with Frank and revealed she was the one placing the trash bags in Frank's DeLorean.

The night before the first mysterious bag appeared in Frank's car, Mrs.

5 had flushed her makeup remover pads, causing a major messy septic tank backup.

Not wanting to upset Frank by telling him she had just backed up his new septic system, Mrs.

5 decided to keep the mishap to herself.

She cleaned up the mess, but realized the backup required an inordinate amount of trash bags.

Mrs.

Five hoped that the many years of driving trash bags around town had numbed Frank and the extra bags would go unnoticed.

But that was not to be the case.

Frank Five, relieved to not be under an Indian curse, has resumed his twice-weekly garbage dumpster rounds.

I was wondering how the makeup was going to be evolved.

Yeah, I was wondering how.

Did you take that from the tampon shit all in the girls' room here?

Yeah.

Like a 50 signal watch that.

I was too much of a gentleman, too.

Change it to make up your nose.

That'd be an awkward trip next summer if I didn't.

BQ, you have won.

All right.

You're nice work.

Thank you.

This is a good one.

You have won.

Eric B.

Peterson of Grand Rapids, Michigan, a free copy of the new War of the Undead audiobook.

Nice.

Congrats, buddy.

Thank you.

Who did I lose for again?

Carrie St.

Martin.

Sorry, Carrie St.

Martin.

It was good.

It was nice to use the old brain muscles.

Yeah.

Try to figure it out.

And, you know, it's at this many years in, it's always like a crapshoot.

Like,

what can we do that we haven't done before?

What can we do that's different?

You seem to keep coming up with new stuff, dude.

Will was a big factor.

You know, it was his.

We put a a nice work our heads together nice work

this year's and hopefully uh

people like it

and it was way way easier just to call spengui

talk to us for an hour than it was to do this episode

this is legendaries this is a stuff they're gonna love this i hope this out of the podcast yeah this is great great

wow

well happy halloween everyone yeah happy halloween Thank you, Will.

I want to thank everybody who contributed to the voices for this episode.

Father Lance, Jimmy.

They all did great.

They all did great work.

Jeff.

Jeff, Mrs.

Five, Ming,

Ming, Frank Five.

Yeah.

Tried to get Mike.

Did you really?

Yeah, he wouldn't answer the text, though.

Oh, no?

No.

That's probably a smart move.

You just have to pretend you shit on the floor.

I'm just too busy boring people in Chicago.

Maybe that'll happen when your number's blocked.

All right.

Well, I guess happy Halloween.

Or actually, let's let Stack say it.

Tell them Steve Dave.

Oh, you don't need it.

We'll put it in.

Look at the face, the panic.

Good.

I'd like to see that hop, too.

You don't see it that frequently.

No, no, not at all.

Not at all.

Could you have it already, or are you going to have a hard time getting it?

You got it, I got it.

Before we canceled the description, I was like, make sure he says tell him, Steve Dave.

Yeah.