The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Radu Bondar - Episode 85

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Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

We got a special guest, Radhu Bondar.

The winner of the

Adam Friedland Show podcast, Fuck a Fan Challenge.

It's kind of a Comic-Con look you're rocking right now.

You look like a combination of both of us, I think, a little bit right now.

That's what a lot of the fans say.

Look like a gay, retard son.

The fans of

a certain program.

Yeah, yeah.

Nick just got something from Amazon.

We're doing an unboxing.

We're doing an unboxing.

Oh, I'm here for this.

It's Christmas time.

The

UXL M3x5mill Phillips flathead screw.

Finally.

Damn.

You've been talking about this thing for years.

It feels nice.

The screws went missing for the brush bar.

Yeah, I got the brush bar screws.

But here's what happened.

So I ordered these because I could only find...

I eyeballed it

as an M3, and then I said, you know what?

I'm not going to play this game.

And so I just went to Home Depot and got some calipers and measured the screw.

And it's M2.5.

I hate that.

So these are useless.

But the right screw will be delivered

maybe in a couple days.

So, if anyone wants these useless screws, we will be leaving.

You are not giving them away.

No, we'll leave them in an undisclosed location in New York City.

We'll post them.

We'll post it on our socials, channels.

No,

I think I'm going to build a robot.

Let's geocache.

Nick's building a robot.

I think I'm going to build a robot.

He's been talking about it a lot.

He's finally going to build himself a Gundam.

I think this is going to be the new year.

Nick's not a robot.

No, I believe he's making a fucked off.

But you've been talking about how you wanted a Gundam.

It's been years ago.

You must understand, as a fan of the old show, how how difficult it has been.

It must be not to completely blow my top

when he says stuff like that.

My first instinct was to be disrespectful to him.

I'm his biggest fan.

I say,

your fist clenched when I say that.

I'm going to build a robot, and then he says, Nick's finally building a Gundam.

Yeah.

It's like a manner of not listening to people.

It's like calling a car a robot, right?

A Gundam is a.

I imagine, like,

this is,

you know, like if somebody said to him, oh,

my dad died last week, and he'd be like, oh, yeah, how's he doing?

Where he gets some of the information and then twists it in a way that proves that not only was he not listening, but not listening in such a manner to cause disrespect and harm.

It's a little bit, it's how my wife listens to me sometimes.

Yeah.

I kind of am

his wife.

Is that a theme?

Well, more of the husband.

Yeah, I was going to say.

Or a domineering wife, maybe.

You're taller.

Whoever has the more power.

And Simpson

when they go to itchy and scratchy land and like they have the robot parade of the itchy and scratchy stuff, right?

And one of them goes to take off its hat, but it doesn't have a hat.

It just takes off the top of its head.

And then there's a microchip and it's like beep, beep, beep.

And then Marge goes,

oh, Homer, look at all that stuff in there.

That's why your robot never worked.

Well, just

implying a storyline where he tried to build a robot and it's just

joking at the bar.

Well, there's just nothing.

It's just metal.

And he was expecting it to.

He's got a hatchet.

Yeah.

That has to be explained to him at a later date.

It's basically a suit of armor.

I will not make that mistake because

I got 50 of these bad boys.

Most robots are fuckable now, right?

I watched a five and a half hour interview with Elon Musk, and they asked him, How the fuck did you build like a robot car?

And he's like, Everything starts with the screws.

He said that.

Yeah.

That's a guy filling time.

He's like, you would think it would be

the computer software, but it's not.

It's the screws.

Yeah, because that holds everything together.

Yeah.

No, the screws are what you have to tell you.

What is it called?

Gestalt?

The sum of its parts or not.

That would be like a good

Instagram reel for us, is Nick telling this story he heard from Elon Musk.

There are a lot of podcasts like

where you just do the I heard Tristan's Tristan Tate once said,

you got to rape the bitch.

People are saying whatever he says.

People are saying, but the podcast.

Who's Tristan Tate?

It's Andrew Tate's brother.

You don't know the vice president of Romania?

Oh, yeah, they're in your country right now?

Yeah, that's right.

Oh, I forgot that.

And they're still dating.

They don't like.

I would leave as soon as I was arrested and put in prison there.

Well, I think they can't go anywhere else else because of

the specifically so that I don't get arrested.

Well, Romania is not part of the traffic.

That's what people do.

It's not part of the Interpol, right or something?

No, we are.

We're in the EU.

Remember that band?

Pretty good.

Kind of good.

Pretty good.

Two good songs.

Rosemary,

heaven and the...

Okay, so back to the...

Yeah, so Tate is what...

So why can't they get him out of your fucking crap country?

Because he's making crazy money there.

He is.

People move there to sex traffic, but what they don't do is go on TV and be like, y'all can't get me.

I'm not paying bribes.

Like, you've got to pay the bribe.

You've got to pay the cost to be the boss.

You know the neighborhood he's in?

It's the Lambeau-style neighborhood.

Like,

where are the castles that, like...

I don't know exactly where he is.

I just know that the local sex is training.

No,

he's in downtown.

The local sex trafficking.

Downtown.

Downtown, Romania.

No, no, he's probably in Bel-Air,

like, you know, Bel-Air Estates, Romania.

Bucharest is nice.

It's called the Paris of the East.

I saw a video of him playing with nuns.

Yeah, right.

It's got three cool neighborhoods.

Yeah, yeah.

I like it.

I call it the New York.

Has anyone considered that maybe Andrew Tate is, because I saw him playing with those nunchucks,

that maybe he's instead of being, maybe instead of embracing like, I'm a man, you should embrace like, I'm a child.

I have like a childlike wonder to me.

And then none of the stuff that he does would be offensive.

I'm just collecting bitches.

If you take his opinions

and assign them to an eight-year-old boy, then it's not like, then it's good.

It's true, because like when I was like, let's say middle school, I would say things about women that were abhorrent.

I would say like, I would fuck that bitch in the ass.

But they're all

kind of

like they're all bigger than you then.

So you have

to.

I would say that to my friend.

You just wanted to hold her handle.

I had barely smelled a girl at that point.

You had fucked a girl in the ass at that time.

I would fuck that bitch in the ass.

12.

12 years old.

For For a 10-year-old boy to say that about somebody that's, you know, 6'1 at the time.

Yeah.

That's fine.

Yeah, yeah.

I sent you that picture of me at camp, right?

With that big, big old girl.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Nick was doing research for the short film, and he's like.

You had sent that to me prior, because Stephen would post it in the group chat.

It is a very funny picture.

I think that girl actually maybe had some sort of developmental something or other.

But I think she was like a picture.

She was typing.

She was like simple.

She was simple.

You want to see the pigs.

You used to call her Big Texas.

I do.

Yeah.

You want to see the pig?

But that's not like your type.

We called her Big Texas.

No.

No.

She was a, yeah.

I mean, I was also like 5'1 probably at the time.

And now I'm 5'3.

You're just showing me a picture of Big Mo.

I'm showing you a picture of me and a Big Bitch when I was 13.

Who did I say?

Wife Beater, Cupoline.

Yeah.

I would fuck that bitch in the ass.

It's so insane.

It's so insane that you say that stuff

when you're like a child.

Yeah.

Yes.

I think that is a good observation.

Yeah, look at this.

Yeah,

this isn't Jewish summer camp.

Oh, I love her.

She's great.

What do you mean?

I mean.

That's a sturdy woman that can protect you.

She's a nice lady.

That's a nice lady.

Yeah, but I think I was actually trying to make fun of her by taking that picture.

Yeah.

I think I was saying, and I thought I was a little bit more like a dad.

That's a cute kid.

Me?

Adam.

Hot tank.

Annoying.

Cute kid.

Just like

this was after my Tom Green era.

I read my

seventh grade yearbook when I was back home recently, and every

message was,

hey, Jew, good luck being Tom Green, or the next Tom Green.

I was just copying the jokes I heard on the Tom Green show at the time.

Tom Green Show.

In retrospect, that show was very funny.

First podcast.

Well, not the show, the show, the MTV show, yeah.

But he also had the first podcast.

The special episode about his friend Glenn's testicular cancer was also very

yeah, and I think he was also the originator of torturing his parents

before Ban Margera.

I think he was the one that was torturing his parents.

Like how Hofster was the crowd work clip guy before Schultz.

No one gives Steve Hofster

Hofstedter the credit.

Do you think he sits around?

He's like, Stavros.

Yes, but only because he's Greek, not he's not mad at the success.

What the hell is Hofstedt or some sort of Nazi?

No.

No, he's Jewish.

Oh, God.

Another one bites the dust.

You know, I heard recently Haktua is Jewish.

They're saying that online, but I think

they're doing the anti-Semitism.

Yeah, I think it is an anti-Semitism, but it does sound like a Jewish prayer.

They're saying she's a Jewish CIA asset.

Please stand for the Haktua.

They're saying she's an asset.

Everyone, please rise for the Haktua.

She's also going to jail now because of her crypto.

She's not going to go to jail, dude.

That shit's unregulated.

Free my girl.

So, yeah, thanks for coming.

What are you doing in New York this week?

I just came out here to do some shit.

She used to be Nick's boss at

the Factory of Roast.

At the Roast Factory.

I'd make sure he clocked in.

Always late, this guy.

Was he a good boss?

Yeah, he's a nice guy.

I only knew him through email.

Who's the roast for?

So it was the roast of Alec Baldwin.

Yeah.

And I was Nikki Glazer's writing assistant.

I did a couple of them.

I was just for one.

I was just there for a little bit.

Yeah.

A short time, and Nikki Glasgow.

Do you remember any of your jokes?

I remember all of his jokes.

What were his jokes?

They were like the if they would be.

I remember all of his jokes, too.

I do.

If they made the Deus or whatever, they would have been the best things.

But he's like, you can't put them on Comedy Central.

It was like, stare at Robert De Niro

and just say, whop.

To make Nikki do that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The best one.

And these were, everyone sent in like a lot of jokes.

Did you remember a Pete Davidson one?

I don't remember that.

That was the year before.

Oh, okay.

But everyone else sent in beautifully manicured, like, say it like this, do this.

Yeah, set up punch tags.

200 jokes.

A lot of people sent.

Nick sent six jokes, all caps.

Just say whop.

For all my favorites.

And one was like, look, like for Jeff Ross, like, what do you like, Jeffrey Epstein, if he was sponsored by Supreme?

Oh, that's good.

That's good.

Yeah.

None of them usable, but we would all, like, that's, we talk about them almost every day.

That's great.

She was nice.

It was 200 bucks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's the best.

I needed the money.

She's the best employee I've ever had.

Yeah.

I watched that Martha Sewer documentary recently, and I never watched the roast of Justin Bieber, but that was her comeback after she went to jail.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was fine.

And she was

very, that was amazing.

It tells you so much.

I didn't realize I don't even like roasts.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, like, it's, I don't not dislike roasts, but I don't, like, I'm not a big.

I'm way too into them.

It became a big thing.

Like, whenever I, like, there's a guy opening in Tampa at Side splitters he's like he's like i'm moving up to new york next week and uh you know i'm hopefully gonna get on roast battle at the stand and i'm like

oh my god you know it's like yeah it's like walking like yeah hopefully they're gonna have me on bum fight what was that other there was like a like a secondary roast battle that was like

comedy wars

comedy fight club but the roast battle is something that's but that would happen like down the street yeah Yeah.

Yeah.

That happens in the world.

It's like a Dante's PDF.

It was like aspirational, but it's like this group of people that...

Did any of them get out of that world?

Yes.

It's like bum fights.

Rose Battle is like, it's like Rose Battle.

They got these guys that are

nothing.

I started going into bum fights.

I work for Rose Battle.

You do?

Yeah.

Yeah, the Comedy.

It is like a big thing.

It's a big thing.

Guys,

they have to go.

Is Lewis the president?

No.

No.

No, he's just sort of their like

George Washington.

He's like their mythological leader.

Oh, but he's the father of the country.

Exactly, yeah.

No, but the guy, you know, Brian Moses is the creator of Roast Battle.

It started at the comedy store like about 11 years ago.

Yeah.

Two guys were like, actually, going to fight, and they're like, can you just do this fucking shit?

Yeah, yeah.

And then it became a thing.

And someone taking out a gun?

That was a different show.

That was Slink Johnson at a different show.

Well, that's, of course, famous.

That's funny.

It was a very good Instagram show.

And he's doing great, by the way.

That's Black Jesus, right?

Black Jesus.

Yeah, yeah.

That's a great show, too.

But the Rose Battle was on TV for a couple years here, and then it was on TV in like 11 countries after it got canceled here.

Did it get to Romania or no?

It's so, okay.

Romania loves Rose Battle so much.

They have, they love stand-up.

Yeah.

They have 80 comics there, so everyone's already been on TV.

Munica could have seen that.

The whole family comes down to the living room.

Your dad's cranking the TV.

Yeah.

You just have a two-crank show.

Right.

Your mom's pouring steam into it.

They're all watching.

Yeah.

She's got a big bucket of steam.

Well, but if not too much steam, because then it's not coloring.

No, there's so many comments.

Ralph Yime, he's...

How does someone become that size?

A tear is just slowly falling down your cheek.

That's true.

I just didn't understand the concept of someone eating themselves to death.

Yeah, that's the only thing that's not believable.

They're like, you mean starving.

Fat kids.

And they're like, no, it's the opposite of that.

They're like, what is the richest man in America?

Why do you mean?

I asked my dad.

Like, he had too much food.

They're like,

sorry.

Is that like one of those buttons on the calculator that's a letter?

Oh, he was the president.

It's not something that is real.

I asked my dad one time.

I was like, Do you know who Lenny Bruce is?

He goes, Yes, a fat black comedian.

No, that's Bruce Bruce.

I was saying this off the show, but we had a kid from Georgia, the country,

who was like an exchange kid to our summer camp.

And he was picking up on our slang.

And we were kind of mean, you know,

14-year-olds.

And he got mad one day because we were like, you know,

teasing him or something.

And he goes like this.

He goes, get ready for the cock slap.

He thought a cock slap was with your hand.

Yes.

Yeah.

Get ready for the cock slap.

Eastern Europe is very dramatic, very homophobic, and very homoerotic.

Yeah.

Everything's about dicks and pussies.

Okay.

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So you can go back for Thanksgiving and do it.

You could do it in your apartment with, what, other comedians, probably?

I live with my wife.

Oh, never mind.

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I don't know what's wrong with me today.

Was it the syllables?

Yeah.

Use.

No, it's just my lips are sticky or something.

Ooh.

Ooh, come down.

No, come on, dude.

We don't say

why are they sticky

from fucking a guy.

Why would that make your lips stick?

In fact, I think they're sticky from thinking about fucking a guy and then not even being able to.

I smacked

it.

I think you kissed the butthole of an already fucked guy.

Yeah.

It's even worse.

You're gay and you're bad at it.

I'm gay and I'm bad.

You're not even good at it.

I'm hearing he's gay and he's bad at it.

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It's a clunky sentence.

Are people still betting on sports the old-fashioned way and getting like beaten up over it?

I wish.

Instead of getting their knees broken down, imagine you just don't know how to use the internet.

And you're like, yeah, you're just getting the shit kicked out of you by like a Freddy's going to be pissed.

Right.

Like an Italian nephew.

Friends pigs.

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You can just do it all.

All right, guys.

I guess you need the money up front.

Thanks for.

It's like weed.

There's certain states where it's harder.

Yeah.

Are you into that crap, weed?

I love it.

It's a slippery slope.

It's a slurry.

It leads to a lot of crap, dude, in real life.

Do you gamble on the gunners ever?

I gamble on weed.

Big money.

Dude, I went to a casino.

I'm from Vegas.

I went to a casino with my two little cousins, and

one's 23, the the other's 20 and so he couldn't gamble so he had to like stand on the side and like make like like to his to his brother

that was the guy that knew all this my cousin I love these kids so much shout out to um uh sig kai at ucla

uh we got a lot of good brothers and I'm sorry to Dylan for saying sig heil at the Thanksgiving table but your mom did think that was really funny

I know your friend is called Sig Kai and not Sig Heil are those Greek letters?

Kai?

Sigma Kai.

Kai is?

It's like a karate name.

It's not even a.

He was like telling me about all the terms they use for their rush for

getting new guys.

None of this is.

To the brothers of Sigma Kai at UCLA, I don't think any of this sounds gay at all.

But he was like, yo, Adam, you've got like obscure H.

And I was like, well, like heroin?

And he's like, no, obscure humor, dude.

Yeah.

And I was like, what is that?

He's like, that's what we say about guys rushing the frat.

I was like, what other terms?

They have to abbreviate it to H?

That's so funny because now

you're finally old now that you abbreviate everything.

Yeah, but now they're down to letters and you've never even considered that.

Pretty soon they're going to be thinking.

Now you know, like, it's so funny that you related this story as, like, you know, he's like, what's this guy doing?

Just abbreviate.

Yeah.

Of all people,

when we moved into this fucking place, we had

to sign the lease.

What in what?

He's like, should I meet you at the stew?

I'm like, no.

That's what people say.

That's what I would have called it too, though.

No.

But rappers, they go straight

from the pen to the stew.

It's brand new.

There's something about saying full words.

You already put in a stink on it.

Let me see my stank.

If you say the full word, people think you're a cop.

Yeah.

You got to breathe.

Well, maybe I want to think I'm a cop, dude.

You do have a machine.

Oh, shit.

My glaucoma is acting up.

Is that George Floyd?

You don't know what I could do.

Oh, you mean Jeff La?

How cool would it be if Derek Chaveen had a hat like this?

So you mean

in the video?

During the trial.

Well, during the act.

Yeah.

They go around the car with the camera and the Chaveen's there.

It would have been bad.

Somebody's stopping.

Yeah, yeah.

We caught him smoking fentanyl.

His His defense was he was doing Ace Ventura.

I was just doing a bit, guys.

It was part of the community outreach program.

We heard that people like the movie from 1994, The Mask.

Lord, I done goofed.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, he was telling me other times.

Cops do stuff like that.

They'll choke somebody to death, but dress like Shrek.

Yeah, I've seen West Side Story.

Isn't that what that is?

When you're a Shrek, you're a Shrek.

We were doing the Dougie while strangling somebody.

Teach me how to Dougie.

Yeah, whenever they do those dances with little kids in the, you know, for like, look at this cool cop knowing how to gritty.

Yeah.

They always have their service weapon.

I was getting nervous.

It's not their fault.

They're trying to get them.

They have like a heavy belt on them.

It's hard to overcome that.

They're training.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, what other terms are there?

And he's like, like, face.

I was like, what's that?

He's like, oh, that guy has good face.

And I was like, this isn't gay, Sig Kai.

So he's saying Chinese style.

No, he means like the guys, like, they're like, oh, yeah, he's got good face.

So I was like, you think like they, like, I would, like, they'd like me?

And he's like, honestly, like, you're like a, you're like dark yellow, light green right now for us.

I think it's a stoplight thing.

Or like a urine color?

No, I think it's like, you know, green, yellow, red.

Yeah.

But like, you got to talk to more guys.

And I was like, what?

What's that popular with the?

Oh, yeah.

If they don't like someone, he's a doorknob.

Whoa, that's kind of a good slur.

It kind of sounds like, it sounds good.

I wouldn't say slur.

I would guys over in the house.

These doorknobs coming in here.

Shut up.

He's fucking my daughter.

Yeah, yeah.

And

then my girlfriend, she went to a Northeast liberal arts school, and she was like, I wonder what you would think of my school.

Like, he's like, what is like, what is it?

And she's like, we didn't have frats.

It was like kind of like a liberal arts school.

He's like, like, so, like, what kind of people?

And she's like, I don't know.

They're like arty, but like kind of cool or something.

He's like, well, like fags?

He said,

which is, it's kind of, I'll say this.

I saw Lamello Ball say no homo and gets fined for it.

Right.

He should have said pause.

But it's kind of, it is a game.

It's not, homophobia is bad.

But the no homo game it is nice to see it pass it's now the sixth generation

generation that's it has been passed down right yes it is like kind of like uh

that element of society in this in this crazy day and it i'm gonna stop with this rant right i went to a school that also basically didn't have frats but it was like a big state school i went to university of houston and they had like coogs the kugs yeah go kooks this is their actual shocker that's their real sick yeah you didn't have frats at a southern they had like university pakistani Pakistani frats.

Really?

Yeah.

So it wasn't Greek life.

It was called cells.

It was Turkish life.

Yeah.

Sleeper cells.

Yeah.

Were they learning how to take off the plane but not land?

Yeah.

They were like, just no Indian people.

They were beefing.

They jaiho at each other.

Absolutely.

They were doing big dance though.

You can join.

You don't have to get gay stuff.

Just say something nice about Kashmir and how it's part of Pakistan.

Yeah, those.

Do they really beef with each other?

I went there to India.

Really?

Yeah,

they said fuck to Pakistan.

It's crazy that they just have monkeys everywhere.

They're like, that steal your crap.

Yeah, they're like thieves, too.

You say it with glee.

You're like, they have monkeys there.

I was like, yeah, we got fucking monkeys.

It's everywhere, dude.

Yeah.

It's like people talk about the rats here.

When I go to see my grandma in South Africa, they have baboons that are assholes.

Yeah, they like fight you.

They have like

baboons are weird because it's like a dog that's that's a monkey.

Yeah, they're like a dog monkey where their asses out and they'll beat you up in front of your wife and kids.

Yeah, they're not good guys.

I went to India and I was like, why don't we have Indian people to baseball and MLB?

Because they're playing good.

They're cricket.

They're playing baseball with a broken business.

No, they're slanging.

Yeah, they're like throwing fast.

Difficult baseball.

Yeah, but you need a glove to play baseball.

They'll be like, you should see these Korean guys.

They're playing basketball with a rock and a trash can.

It's like, well, that's a different

set of skills.

They just had the first Indian guy in the MLB this year.

Oh, okay.

He kind of stinks.

He's also bad at baseball.

But he's on the Texas Rangers.

Run it again one more time.

Hold on.

Wait a minute.

I think you got a new clothes.

This is a prank show.

I think it's an opener.

Well, actually, I saw

it.

He plays third bass.

And the fans love him.

There's a billion Indian people.

He plays shortstop.

There's a billion Indian people.

There's so many people.

Which we play.

Shortstop, turd bass.

Pull him out.

He's stinking it up.

There's a billion.

You know how few Venezuelans and Cubans there are?

And most of them are in the MLB.

Well, they suck at all sports.

Indians?

Except for cricket.

Which is difficult baseball.

They should be good at like other...

I mean, they have enough guys.

They don't have like

soccer guys.

They don't have the central planning of the Chinese.

Okay, but China.

Name all the Chinese superstars.

In every single flipping thing in the Olympics, they're just Giao.

That's pretty much it.

No, I'm talking about every single, like, anything that.

I'm saying American sports.

Sorry.

Oh.

The sports that matter.

American sports?

The ones everyone watches and gambles on.

They got a guy at Arizona State.

They have a running back, and they let him put Chinese letters

on his uh jersey.

I love ASU, that's amazing.

Yeah, the Sun Devils, the Sunday, the white Sun Devils, yeah.

They have like a yeah, they have a Chinese guy, that's amazing, made me happy to see James Harden was a Sun Devil, yeah, yeah, I know that, yeah, yeah, he was from L he was from LA, though, he's from LA, yeah, but he enjoyed his time in Oklahoma.

Sorry to be a sports guy here.

No, I was trying to think about something about taking a dump and

oh, the dump I actually

Do not auto with that.

Yeah, the dump.

All right, let's actually.

You know, you really can't.

Every ball he hits is foul.

You're on a roll.

He got kicked out of the game for trying to clean the dump.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Take me out to the mountain.

Yeah, that's fair use.

The song?

That song, yeah.

It's fair use.

It's yeah, it's because it's like

130 years old.

It's not like birth, the birthday song, is it?

That's a lot of sense.

Yeah, yeah.

Take me out to the ball game should be our new theme.

It's also those rules that you can just

bastard.

Like Mickey Mouse should be public domain, but Disney was like, nah, let's just make it so that that never happens.

Right?

Like, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's that?

Very original drawing.

Did he hit it out something?

Did he hit a walk-off-home dump?

Yay!

I'm trying to get to that.

He's closing it out.

Come on, dude.

I think this is the rest of the episode.

But yeah, there's a lot of stuff.

I don't understand what is actually fair use.

I feel like if you get caught doing the rapes, then all your IP should be fair use.

He signed a new contract, making him the first slum dog millionaire in the

major leagues.

But they're paying him 500 years in the future.

He plays call center field.

That's good.

Call center field, short stop, third base.

Yeah, and then he's had, yeah, and because he's an Indian guy,

he's hit a million grand slams, but he's never made it to first base.

Oh, my God.

I actually liked India a lot when I I went there.

It was also very freaky.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's crazy.

They only eat Indian food, right?

No, they love.

They love imitating.

You know how we imitate food where it's like, here's Chinese food.

It has nothing to do with Chinese food.

They were doing that all the time.

Is it curry?

We got this Romanian food, and you're like, this is just a bowl of salt.

What is Romanian food?

Like dust, dirt?

It's like wet towels.

It's all like

boiled cabbage kind of shit.

That's a lot.

I had to imagine.

Romanian food is, we're good at stealing.

I don't know if you knew that.

So even in our cuisine, that's what we did.

It's a lot of Jewish food, Mediterranean food, Russian food.

We don't really have anything that's of our own, but we do like polenta, stuffed cabbage, borscht.

You know, I don't think I've ever had polenta, but it seems like that's just not even really a food.

It's like grits.

It's really only good warm.

It's like corn meal.

It's a dish.

It's Italian cornmeal and like milk or something.

It's what you, when you don't have bread right away, you know what I mean?

Like you make that shit.

It's the kind of shit that like, it must have been like an Italian person turned 19.

They're like, I got my own apartment, and it's like, time to make dinner.

You know what I mean?

Well, because you can fuck it anyway.

But yeah, it just seems like it's that's not, it's, it comes in a fucking tube.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

That's what I'm saying, McDonald.

You know what I heard?

Like, I heard the Yankees just signed Gandhi Pettit.

Okay.

There you go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is going to make the MLB network, I hope.

I hope.

Yeah.

Cal Ripkinass

Jr.

Cal Ripkass Jr.

Oh, okay.

I was like, what?

Rip Rip

Rip.

Yeah.

We're back on the Indian guy.

I don't know.

It's really, I think it's a good thing.

Yeah.

We've never done Indian baseball.

Yeah.

After eight years.

He's like Lou Garrick, right?

But he has to give a speech because he got diagnosed with diarrhea.

They call diarrhea.

Hey, I consider myself the stinkiest man.

The luckiest man.

They call diarrhea Gandhi's disease worth.

Yeah.

Guys, I really, I'm inspired.

There's a movie.

There's a movie.

There's a movie like 42 about the first Indian guy in baseball, but it's called Number Two.

Yeah.

Well, also, you know, they were, like, black people were held back from not playing baseball.

Really?

Indian people just didn't do it.

They just didn't show up for tryouts or something.

You know, they have the American League and they have the Hindu

Nationalist League.

Yeah.

My favorite part about baseball is Israel.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, they're Zionists.

Look at them sliding into second base like it's a fat woman's DMs.

And there he is on second saying, can I see your boobs, please?

They all

can I please see your boobs.

Sliding and sweetie princess, can I see your boobs?

They all walk up to Jaiho.

Yeah.

Okay, we'll get back to this

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Man, I'll get your dickheart.

Yeah, yeah.

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are the Romani from Romania?

They are Indian originally as well.

Yeah,

let's clarify.

You guys are...

They showed up 13th, 14th century, and when they showed up, the Europeans were like, you guys are gypsies, right?

And they're like, no.

They're like, from Egypt?

They're like, no, we're from India.

They're like, gypsy.

That's how that slur came about.

They were just like, they didn't believe that they came all the way from India.

It was a slur the whole time.

The Ottoman Empire is involved somehow and there.

But yeah,

they're the major.

My friend was in France, like, waiting for a train once, and there was a guy that looked downtrodden.

He was like, hey, do you know what time it is?

He was like, Yeah, this is, yeah, and he was like, Are you all right, dude?

And he's like,

There was like a couple, like some gypsies.

They showed up at my house, and they like came in, and now it's their house.

That is one of their moves.

He lost his house.

Yeah.

Wow.

So, how do they do that?

They just wait until you leave.

They just walk in.

Was it in England?

Was that in England?

What?

Where was that?

It was in France.

Yeah.

Okay, so yeah.

So they would have weird squatting stuff or whatever.

He probably wasn't in the house for a certain amount of time.

Yeah, they had just some gypsies.

But dude, when I was growing up

and I would be in Romania in the summer, like my grandma would treat them like it was black people in the 1960s.

Like if she was in a store with gypsies, she would like scream until they left.

I'm like,

they're just buying skittles and stuff.

No, no.

She's had experiences with them.

I don't want them anywhere near my daughter.

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You ever give your girl a little Blue Chew?

No, but I give my dog,

my female dog.

Makes him fuck you like a man.

No, it's not for sex.

No, she had to, I don't know.

Let's just see what happens.

Mark Smalls told me that one time.

He's like, every time I take a little blue chew, I give

my girlfriend a nibble.

I'm like, what does that do?

He's like, I don't know.

Like, it's ecstasy.

What is it?

Yeah, what does that do?

He didn't really explain.

Oh.

A nibble?

He's like, not the whole thing.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm sure it'd be fine.

I mean, they're still fucking.

Yeah.

They seem happy.

Yeah.

It is funny, because the woman will be like, well, was it going to make me grow a dick?

Yeah.

And I'm like, I don't think it's that

easy.

But if it did, take some more.

Yeah, right.

Your clit's going to get so hard.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, in the way.

It's going to look like the China

sex tape.

The WWE star China sex tape.

I'm not a wrestling guy.

She had like a three-inch Clytorus from, I think, from testosterone.

Oh, I am a sex tape.

Who's the other guy in the sex tape?

Is that X-Pac?

You know, I met him.

You did?

Yeah.

Did you ask him about that?

No.

The one night in China?

No, I didn't.

Is that Muslim Tupac?

Yes.

Yeah,

I don't use my slave name anymore.

Tupac.

No, he was like one of the Generation X guys.

Yeah.

DX Sucket.

Yeah, they invented Suck It.

As you may be familiar with.

Before that, people had no idea what to do with that thing.

Yeah, yeah.

No, he was a nice guy.

He did Race Wars.

Hey, that's cool.

I love it.

Kurt and Sherrod's a little bit.

Shroud Out, Sherrod, and Kurt.

Yeah, when it was still upstairs at Stand Up New York.

It was a long time ago.

Where all the great podcasts started, huh?

You know what's very funny?

There was this kid, Shelby, that worked with because Stand Up Labs was their, that's what they called their like podcast studio

and it was run by this guy John and John's I think he was just John's like assistant it was this kid Shelby and like he didn't really

I don't remember talking to him more than a sentence but he organized he brought in Will Meneker Felix Biederman yeah

fucking Virgil

and then God rest this woman and then one other person and he was like this was before chapo or anything yeah and he was like he's like, yeah, I think.

Here's how you do it.

He's like, I think you guys could do a good podcast.

He basically created Chapo.

He's East Coast Brian Redband.

And then, well, no, and then they were like, yeah, I don't know.

That doesn't sound very good.

And then they just did it kind of independently a couple months later.

Wow.

Yeah.

So he created it the Facebook.

He's a Winklevoss.

Kind of.

He came up with the idea.

He Winklevossed.

Oh, that's where Brian got a much better trajectory by sticking around.

What was Redband's story?

I recently looked it up because

I like didn't really know who he was.

I thought he was a comic, but I guess he wasn't.

No, he was.

He's a guy that was kind of a, or maybe he didn't start off as a comic.

I don't think he started off as a comic.

What I read was that he worked at a computer store in Ohio and met Rogan and was like, hey, you should start a podcast and like told him what it was.

I think he was already in LA.

Dude, he started Rogan's podcast, Kill Tony and Your Mom's House.

Wow.

The true podfather.

Wow.

Yeah.

But I think he just, you know how there's always comedy adjacent people that are around that you're like, what are you doing here?

Like, why aren't you?

I'm selling edibles.

What I read.

What I read that he was like, yeah, he worked at like Comp USA or something.

He knew computer stuff.

Yeah.

And he still does.

Shout out, Red Band.

He follows me.

Which, if so, that's a cool story.

Yeah.

Right?

And now he owns a comedy club.

Like Destiny was saying, he said he went from carpet cleaning to streaming.

Playing games.

Yeah.

That's like Stalin's story.

He was a weatherman and then he was.

Stalin was a weatherman.

He was a meteorologist.

It was his only job.

That must have been crazy back in the 20s.

Yeah,

you know, he was always right.

It's like it's gonna be spicy out there today.

Watch yourself.

There's no TV.

What do you, how do you even like get the

different kind of code today?

Oh, okay.

He was Georgian, really,

Georgian.

Yeah, so black.

I mean, basically, yeah,

deep south.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah.

That's how you old man River.

Old man Stalin.

Yeah.

He was a.

There's a picture of young Stalin that looks exactly like Nick.

Well, there's a picture.

Both very handsome men.

Don Trotsky looks like Nick.

Don't Trotsky.

And then what is Beria?

Or who was

Lenin?

No, Khrushchev.

Khrushchev!

The Ukrainian.

Yeah.

Were you guys part of the...

You had your own shit?

Yes, so we were our own country.

The Soviet army was in it until like 1958 or 54, but we were never part of the Soviet Union.

A little chunk of Romania was broken off called Moldova and that became part of the Soviet Union.

And then now they're just the poorest country in Europe.

Romania.

No, Moldova.

Oh, don't get it twisted.

Romania's in the EU.

We're like Mississippi or Alabama.

We got in there.

Yeah, yeah.

We're the worst of the best.

That's chill.

Who's your guy now?

Who's the president of it?

Borad or something?

Yeah, Borad.

Borosesku.

Yeah, I saw

there was a guy that was murdered in the UAE recently.

And the headlines kept saying, like, Moldovan man murdered in the UAE.

And then it's like, oh, why would they just murder some guy?

And then you see him, and he's like, like an Orthodox Jewish guy.

It's like, well, I don't think they were like, let's get that Moldovan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But there's just, they do that.

There's like one of the founders of Chat GPT or Open AI or whatever.

He's born in the Soviet Union, but his Wikipedia page says he's Canadian-Israeli.

Yeah.

I'm like, oh.

It's kind of like Elon, too.

They say Canadian American, but he's

from a different place.

He's from a place.

He's from a different place where

they

found precious

gemstone.

We have sort of a German president right now.

Our president is called Klaus Johannes.

Really?

Yeah.

How'd that work out?

Because there was.

He's like a Bill de Blasio figure.

Yeah.

There's a lot of ethnic groups in Romania.

It's like only 89% of the people.

Let's do a ranking.

Bottom is Romanians.

Oh.

Top, Hungarians.

We got quite a lot.

Those fucking snobs looking down on us.

They still have crazy mustaches.

Absolutely.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, it's like a minimum.

To be a hard right-wing politician, you have to be closeted gay and have the hardcoreest mustache.

Yeah.

I feel like a lot of American conservatives are still just like people that are waiting for permission to be gay.

The boat, yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like, they don't know that you can do it.

You see Ben Shapiro's review of Wicked.

My sister said he crushed it.

Well, the sub- My sister's like, he actually knows a lot about Wicked.

You can tell the way he's talking about it that he's like so desperate to humanize himself.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, but he's just like,

I can like this thing that's gay.

I'm out here.

I can prove that I can like this thing that I'm gay as like a way to excuse all the other shit, which would imply that he doesn't have like total moral clarity on his overall position.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's like I'm doing all this stuff that I,

they're probably right.

I'm probably a bad guy.

You know, but hey, I can like wicked.

You know, it's Sunday.

We can all see each other at church i like wicked ass pussy yeah yeah

yeah but like he's kind of just be like

he's acting gay

yeah in the original broadway production christian chenowith playing you know

they need a black ben shapiro

black shapiro they need one yeah let's go um uncle ben shapiro uncle

So easy.

He just reads like the lyrics to Jimmy Buffett stuff.

He's like, can you believe what they're saying?

These disgusting white people eating ham on the beach.

Yeah.

Ben,

I don't know if you guys saw this on Twitter.

I've called him out after my first debate.

I'd love him to be my second debate.

That would be so cool.

So respectful.

I'm, you know, kind of pivoting into a prominent political debater.

I have actually learned politics a bit.

I'm ashamed to say, but also proud.

You've learned from me?

Yeah.

I don't know.

No, I'm not even.

You should look things up.

I'm not joking.

You should look things up.

I should, but I'm lazy.

Don't, don't.

And I'm driving, and I'm like, I'm not a source of news.

I'm not a source of news.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, but I could put you on game, for sure, if you need.

I just pick my notes with that.

Don't touch my hat.

I really need a lot of it.

You got like an Indiana Jones look these days.

It's kind of about pivoting.

Pivoting, yeah.

Looking for a hat.

Yeah.

Yeah, the Nazis have some sort of kind of dark magic that I need to steal from.

You're always kind of working against them.

Yeah.

I need to find a little Chinese Chinese movie.

I wish those movies were better than they are.

I feel that same way.

I want to love Indiana Jones.

Yeah, yeah.

I love Star Wars.

That's what I was telling Pete.

That's how I feel about the Lord of the Rings movies.

Except those are even, I give up immediately on that.

My dream is so boring.

Indiana Jones, I make it maybe 20 minutes in.

My dream is to trick him into the Game of Thrones.

I'd said this.

I said this on the show, I think, somewhat recently.

I was like, maybe it's time to watch Game of Thrones.

Okay.

Because I've been saving it.

Can I just make a small, little compelling argument?

Before you kill yourself.

With a sword.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Which is very good.

Is Game of Thrones good?

I skipped like four seasons, and

the same shit was going on, but some people had lost their penis.

I was like, oh, yeah.

What happened to that guy?

They're like, he doesn't have a penis anymore, but he's.

Just like modern society.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

One of my Hispanic friends.

Some things have never changed.

One of my Hispanic friends told me, he's like, I tried to watch it, but it was too much incest.

I was like, oh, you just don't like white culture.

Is that our culture?

That's our mole.

Everyone else thinks that's gross.

That's our raisin chocolate.

That's our spicy raisin chocolate.

This is my argument.

You ever go to Oaxaca in LA?

No, I should.

Should I?

No, sorry, not Oaxaca.

Gala Guetza.

Never even heard of that.

Yeah, it's Oaxaca food.

Okay.

Yeah, but they have like three mole's.

They bring them all to the table.

So you can try it with the chips.

But I mean, it's like, it's probably the best Mexican restaurant I've ever been to.

I love that.

Yeah.

But here's my argument for why you should watch Game of Thrones.

No, I'm thinking about those fucking moly enchiladas.

Fine, I'll tell Adam.

No, no, no, I don't care.

Talk to him.

I'm going home.

I'll watch.

Everyone, give me my Baba.

People say it's like the world's best soap opera.

Like, the action scenes are good.

I would say Sons of Anarchy is the world's best soap opera.

Okay, I haven't watched that one, so that's one I want to try.

Sons of Anarchy is a great show.

I hear it.

It's so dumb.

It's like episode three or something.

It's maybe three or four.

It's called Fun Town.

Could be the second episode.

I can't remember.

Basically, the premise is there's a carnival that comes to town and there's a girl, like a young girl, 14-year-old, who lives in the town and she's raped by one of the carnival carnies, you know.

They make a comic.

And the mom goes to the motorcycle gang instead of the police.

And this is to demonstrate that the motorcycle gang has more cachet and

respect from the police.

And she goes to them, and I think it's a conversation between, like, what's her name?

Like, Katie Seagal and the mom who plays the daughter.

And she's like, why don't you just go to the police and you can get real justice or whatever?

And she's like, because then there's going to be a trial and there's going to be news.

Right.

And then we're going to have to sit through the trial and it's going to be on TV.

And then for the rest of her life,

like, Katie's not going to be my little girl anymore.

She's going to be the girl that was raped at Fun Town.

That's better than Game of Thrones.

Yeah.

Yes.

Okay, yes.

And I'll make a a compelling argument.

Please let me.

There's no way to deliver that line without being funny.

I know.

Yeah.

That's where we got the...

The actress is crying.

Can you imagine the table read?

That's not a funny...

Everyone's like, who says Peg Bundy says that?

No, the mom of the girl.

Peg Bundy plays the

queen of the...

Yeah, she plays.

She's the wife.

She's the ex-wife of the guy that started the motorcycle gang, who was the father of Charlie Hunnam's character, who's like the prince.

And so his stepdad.

His best friend, Charlie's friend of yours.

His stepdad is...

Yeah, I've now worked with two of

three.

I was in Hellboy.

A lot of people don't know that.

Whoa.

Yeah, that's true.

I was in the movie Hellboy.

Hellboy.

Yeah.

Oh, he was the hell.

Yeah.

No, I was in that movie.

They had to cut me out, but I was in like...

I was in like 50 scenes.

That was originally a three-hour movie.

Have you seen Hellboy was recut for BET?

You saw that?

Hellboy!

You know, Hellboy was cut for black entertainment television.

They called it the Hellboy.

It was just about a guy who thinks he's a little gay.

Yeah, no, it's...

The hell boy.

Hellboy 2, Next, Hellboy.

Hellboy after Next.

Have you ever seen the movie Next?

It's a Nicolas Cage movie?

No.

What's it about?

It's fucking awesome, dude.

He's like, I can see five seconds into the future.

Is that in some hands?

That's the skill.

So, like, the whole movie is like, the plane's going to crash.

We got to get off the plane.

You know, it's like him just, it's like all this badge.

It's not like a normal sequence of events.

There's always something bad that's going to happen.

So he's like, duck.

And then there's like a sniper bullet that goes through the window.

I mean, it's awesome.

It's cool.

It's really sick.

It's a good idea for a movie.

It sees himself kissing a bunch of guys.

Yeah.

He's like, we got to get out of here.

Yeah.

Before I do something crazy.

You want to hear my Game of Thrones Thrones argument?

I'm going to watch it.

You don't have to convince me, but I'll listen to it, but it doesn't need to be

a pitch or anything.

He flew to New York from Los Angeles to tell you about this.

This is my big elevator pitch.

I'll listen to the argument.

You don't need to convince me to listen to it.

Okay, listen.

Everybody's attacking me today.

I'm not attacking.

It's because of the hat, isn't it?

It's because I got a cooler hat than I can.

Yeah, you command respect.

You're like, I'm going to look like Indiana Jones, and you blow it.

You get all the clothes.

Meanwhile, I got a hat, and people are like, oh, my god, is that Indiana Jones?

I don't have the whip, and I don't have the Indiana Jones hat.

I'm Missy Elliott, Indiana Jones.

Both of my grandpas were buried in hats like that.

Buried?

Buried in.

Yeah.

That's very weird.

They're still alive.

No, they're really.

Really?

Vampire style.

Yeah.

No, they're dead.

So, what's so good about this show, Game of Thrones?

Amongst the awards and whatever,

there's just so many different kinds of disfigured and and fucked up people.

Yeah, I said that already.

They lose their penis.

We all know that.

But

they just normalize, they give you a whole new vocabulary to make fun of people in your actual life.

Well, I don't have a ton of disfigured people in my life.

I try not to look at them or be around them.

Well, no, but you can other your regulars.

It's mostly just burn victims.

I want to talk about

jarhead.

What's up, Jar Head?

Give the gift of gooder this holiday season.

That's Geo.

Is that where that comes from, Jar Head?

It's because the Marines got all burned up in Iraq.

You're like, look at him.

His head looks like a fucking...

It's like a jar now.

I think it's pretty

empty.

From all the burn scars.

I don't understand how there were so many burn victims from Iraq.

Did Al-Qaeda have like flamethrowers?

Are they going around with flamethrowers?

I think there was a lot of people.

Because it seems like there's a lot of burn victims.

Maybe because they did a kind of a roast battle.

Saddam, I heard your mother thinks you're gay.

Has anyone done that on a roast battle?

I heard you like light someone on fire and it's like, look at this guy.

It's funny that the body

has the ability to heal from like third-degree burns.

Like they can do it, but then it will regrow skin, but in a shitty way.

You look like a snake.

Saddam, over here, he's part of the needs a bath party.

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Let's go.

Let's do a burn victim or rack.

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I just finished a game called Control, which might be the worst game I've ever played in my entire life.

It's so bad.

Speak on it.

Yeah, but people love it.

Really?

Yeah, well, because I'd have to figure out how to do something, right?

So I go online and you you find people on.

Right, people love shitty things.

Yeah, but I mean, this one in particular is, it's just, it's like embarrassing to play.

Like

the way it's written, like the story itself, it's just fucking like the cutscenes would happen.

I'd be like, shut up, shut up, shut up.

But somehow that keeps it.

It's like for girls or something?

I thought that at first, but it's like, it's got to be.

I mean, I made Pete watch some of it, and there's a guy like reviewing this section of the game.

And the guy's like, oh my god, this rules.

And it's just like, God,

come on, on, man.

Just stop.

Have some fucking self-respect.

Don't make this video and put it on YouTube.

Oh, my God, this fucking rules.

And like, the shittiest music you've ever heard is playing.

You know who it's for?

It's for Ian Fidance.

Hey,

that's literally if Ian knew how to use a game con if Ian knew how to use anything past like Atari,

you know, or whatever he's like, dude, I just, I finally got a Commodore 64, dude.

Smokes like I.

Yeah.

You know, doesn't it remind you of the 80s?

I want my basement to be like the 80s.

If you got Ian a PS5, he would play control, and he would be like, dude, it's amazing.

And he'd talk about it on stage.

Yeah, it's like, you know, it's crazy, dude.

I was thinking, I was going to have a disparage podcast.

I started laughing.

What's that?

Are you doing BNP?

Oh, no, I'm not.

I'm saying I can't disparage it.

Should we call Ian right now?

Call Ian atonement.

If you ever have a friend

on this, everybody hates Ian.

I enjoy the man a lot, but I don't think he likes me.

Really?

Yeah, I met him this week, but I was like just in his mind.

Ian's trying out not liking people.

My good friend.

If they're beneath.

No, my fault.

My friend Jason Ellis was opening for him, and he brought me into his green room.

We were there before he was there, and I was like, I'm sorry to be.

Jason Ellis, the skateboarder?

He's a comedian now.

Yeah.

Why is he opening for Ian Fidance?

Because they met.

But isn't Jason Ellis like famous?

Jason Ellis is very famous, but he wants to be a really good comic.

Tony Hawk is opening for me.

But Jason Ellis could probably headline on his own.

He does headline on his own.

And then he would have more stage time.

He does headline on his own.

Okay.

He's doing well.

So Ian said, get out of my green room, Jason?

No!

No, he was just like, hey, this bastard was.

Ian probably thought he was going to be able to.

I was like, hey, man, I'm get a little

peak.

At the down under on

this Australian tough guy.

I also opened

Dave, and I'm friends with Nick.

He's Australian.

You gave him your C V.

I want to make sure I'm correct about this.

He's Australian.

Jason Atlanta.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, let's continue.

So back to what I was saying, maybe a little peek.

It was down under.

That's not a dick.

Yeah, right.

And so you just interrupted, you know.

No, I was just saying, I was like, hey, man, I'm sorry.

I wanted to meet you.

I'm a big fan, whatever.

That sounds very nice.

And he was like, oh, you're like the West Coast version of me.

And I was like, no, I'm not broken and gay.

No, you said that.

I'm joking, no.

So then you sunned him a little bit.

It doesn't sound, I don't, I'm not hearing what in this interaction, like, yeah, what it sounds like.

You know, when someone's just like,

he was very nice, but he was like, you know, when someone's just like, uh-huh, okay.

I'm like, I'm sorry.

I know you have a lot of people you are friends with here.

You got to say hi to them.

I'm just in your way.

I can't believe people are going to be able to do that.

Ian needs to blow off some steam by playing control.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry, Ian.

Yeah.

No more.

And Jordan.

I'm going to call him right now and see if he'll book you for being Ian.

I would give you $150.

And just say

cash.

And if he doesn't pick up, I'll leave a voicemail.

That's the other thing that's nice.

Like, when our careers fail, that there's an option to make money just selling access.

I'm already doing that.

Give me 200 bucks.

I'll text Shane whatever you want.

You want Jeremy Piven's number?

No.

I don't want you to.

No, I don't want you.

Isn't that funny?

No, this is for you.

But it's funnier if you take it.

Yeah, here.

I'll get Jeremy Piven's number right now.

Hey, Siri, what's the number to the Manhattan Detention Center Sexual Crimes Unit?

Unfortunately, that man is selling out weekends.

He's screening on call.

I'm sure he is.

I used to open for him, too.

Yeah.

Wait, wait.

I'm open for everybody.

I'll leave a voicemail.

This is going to be on the record.

Yeah.

This is Ian Fidance.

I'm unavailable right now.

Yeah.

Leave him that voice.

You breached officer Ian Fidance.

Hey, Ian,

I just wanted to ask you,

I got this kid, Radu Bondar.

He wants to be on the B and Ian podcast.

And I told him I'd hit you up and that you'd definitely be down to have him come in the basement.

So hit me back.

Hope everything's good.

It's Adam.

All right, bye.

I could not have asked for a bigger favor.

I can't think.

If you don't get booked, he's a fake.

He's a fake.

Can you do that with Obama?

Okay.

Call Barack Obama.

What if serious?

You've reached Ian Finance?

Not available right now.

Leave a message.

You know, our

Chet Hanks, you know what his voice is.

You know what his voicemail is?

It's like, hello?

Oh, what are you doing?

I'm not here right now.

How awesome is that for middle school?

I met him.

No,

I'm not here right now.

Ha ha.

No, I think he laughs.

He's like, ha ha ha, I'm not here right now.

I met him and he was having a bad time.

And then I was like, I should.

Chet?

Yeah.

So you can't.

Don't talk shit at all.

No, I was like, I saw.

I would die for it.

I saw you on the Adam Friedland show and he's like, you're so funny.

He like opened up.

And I was like, okay, I don't want to bother you.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I was at Trevor Wallace's birthday party.

And there was like people there that were...

The skateboarder.

No,

the comedian.

Oh, okay.

And there was a lot of people that were like, clearly, like, I have to be here for an hour or 90 minutes or whatever the time is.

And he was one of them.

He just sit stood in the kitchen and vaped and didn't talk to anyone.

And I was like, I saw you.

Chet?

Yeah.

Wait, he went to a birthday party for comics?

Yeah.

Really?

I thought he goes to like OnlyFan pool parties.

Well, Trevor's like a porn guy.

He hangs out a lot with the cool hot lady.

I danced with Riley Get into this world.

I danced with Riley Reed at that party because everybody there was like cool and famous.

And so, I'm not going to go dance in front of you.

You danced with her?

So it was like me and two assistants who were like, we were just dancing.

How do you dance with a girl like the hell is that?

You've dripped off to her a bunch of people.

I'm seen her in the movie.

I've been in Thai drawings.

I'm start jacking off.

She's probably the most valuable CIA asset of all time.

No, Mia Khalifa, for sure.

Oh.

She's the goat.

You're right.

Should I try to get into that?

Like Totaro and stuff?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

I'm sure if you beat off to it a couple of times, then you're hooked.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's how the castle moves.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's how it's moved.

I watched Spirited Away for the first time recently.

It's good.

It is good.

It's really good.

It's good.

The pig movie is the best of of all Porco Rosso.

Yeah, it's really good.

I love that that guy won't come to America to get his Academy Awards.

Yeah, yeah.

Because of the war in Iraq.

It's a cartoon character.

The pig.

Miyazaki or whatever his name is.

Not even the pig.

The guy that made the movies.

What are you talking about?

Aren't you a fan of directors and guys that make stuff?

But it's a cartoon.

It's a cartoon, but it's a drawing.

A couple people made it.

They came together and did like

their own Adam Freeland show.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, I don't know.

That doesn't make sense to me.

You're right.

You're coming in LA all industry explaining movies.

Explaining Game of Thrones, like Criterion-style shit.

I watched five minutes of one of those Garfield holiday specials on

there we go now.

Bizarre.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Garfield learning about the meaning of Christmas.

And it's like, Garfield doesn't need to learn this.

Yeah.

Yeah, why?

Well, it's funny because it's like depressing him.

It's so dated, and like we've been inured to the war on Christmas stuff.

Like, you know, some of it's like, like, you just can't say Merry Christmas.

You have to say happy holidays if you're in retail, which it's like, it doesn't fit.

Say whatever the fuck you want.

I love people.

Happy.

It's like, let's put it this way.

The person behind the register shouldn't have to say shit to me other than how much my food costs.

That you're like dictating their, you know, that's like annoying.

Yeah.

But then,

you know, you go back and you watch old stuff when it was like none of that existed, when Christmas had complete control over things.

And it's like, I don't think Garfield should be learning about family and love.

I don't know.

He would love Fat Tuesday.

Yeah, I don't know.

What is that?

Yeah, he'd love Mardi Gras.

Yeah,

it's like right before Mardi Gras.

Yeah, yeah.

But that's Easter.

He hates Mondays.

Yeah.

It is amazing that Jim Davis just had a big fat orange cat, and he's like, what are you doing?

Just all day long in his apartment by himself.

He's like, what are you up to?

And he was like, I got to draw this fucking cat.

Probably hateful.

I got a job.

I'm going to wait.

Maybe I'll find it.

I'll drop this.

It's like his wife is like, you got to find a job.

And he's like, I'm just going to fucking draw Garfield today instead.

And she's like, I'm leaving you.

And he's like, all right.

And then he just showed his friend who owned a newspaper.

And he's like, look at my cat, dude.

I drew him eating lasagna.

You know, Dr.

Zeus, that's basically his story.

Yeah.

But there's a story to Dr.

Zeus.

Garfield is like, there's never anything new there.

He's a fat orange cat that's lazy.

No, I'm talking about what you're making up for Jim Davis.

He was like trying to...

There's a moral and a parable.

He's trying to be like an ad man or something.

Like he worked for Standard Standard Oil and shit.

And his wife was like, what are you doing?

Like, just do this shit on your napkins and make your own fucking shit.

His wife was encouraging.

He was like, shut up, bitch.

What kind of really?

He was kind of mean to a lot of people.

His wife was nice.

I think so.

I think that's the, yeah, because

they moved to.

My wife is telling him to doodle for it.

Well, I think she was like, you're so good at this, we can make a lot of money.

My wife would say, get your ass to standard oil, you fucking pussy.

Stop complaining.

He didn't even draw Garfield the right way for the first like five years.

Yeah, that's the right way.

How autistic.

You know, old Garfield.

Like, his face is all big.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not like a woman, kind of.

Yeah, yeah.

It looks more like a cat.

Garfield started looking more like a

clock.

Yeah,

I see.

Yeah, yeah.

For the merchandising artist.

Do you feel that way about The Simpsons ever?

Well, everyone knows the Tracy Ullman Simpsons had a different art style.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But do you feel like that's the right way?

It's just two distinct styles.

uh no i think he was drawing garfield wrong

and then figured it out later okay i like yeah i respect that maybe his wife helps him

what are you fucking doing you're a pussy dude you're supposed to do garfield i love wives by the way my whole everything good that's happened to me is because of my wife what did she do for you tell me one thing she told me to like take stand-up seriously okay that's not she really

no but i'm she's you know you like you like i like a wife a lot too i like having a wife she's your wife Yeah.

Her name's just Lily.

She's just one name, like Madonna.

Yeah, like Prince.

She didn't take Dandar as the last name.

No, I was like, I don't really even want you to.

She's like, really?

I'll do it.

And I was like, I kind of like that you have, like, when celebrities get married, they don't take like Brad Angelina.

I'm taking her name when we do it.

I'll do that.

Or I wanted to make up a new name.

Like a fancy name.

But then they do that with the adopted kid for a while.

Like Radu Klingon.

Radu.

And their name is like McAllibert.

Her name is like Umfule Jolie Pitt.

It's like, just let him have whatever the fuck is it?

Sure, sure.

But there's something dignified about it.

You're not going to stamp on it.

When the celebrity gets married, they're like, I'm not changing my brand.

And I was like, I like her name, like Lily Koogler.

I was like, I like.

Some of them changed their name.

Look at Susan Sarandon.

What was she before?

No one knows.

Yeah.

She took Chris Sarandon's name and then had a much better career than that.

She was Susan Ali before that.

He peaked with Jack Skellington.

Susan Islam before that.

Susan X.

Yeah.

Yeah, Susan Abdul-Jabbar.

Guys, I think we have one more thing we need to talk to you guys about.

And that's about the holidays.

The holidays are all about connecting with your loved ones.

You want the Baba?

Give you your Baba.

There's your Baba.

It's because you're a good boy.

Nick's being a good boy today.

I love my little Nick.

Bye-bye.

Pulse X.

Sounds like a dick.

Sounds like a penis.

But speaking of penis, the holidays are all about connecting with loved ones.

So there's no better way to do that than with a digital picture frame.

Don't tell Garfield that.

Don't tell Garfield that.

Keep it on his goddamn Christmas.

You're R.H.

sometimes.

No.

You hate OS.

There's no better way to connect with loved ones than with a digital picture frame from Aura.

Guys, we've talked about it a lot, and Wirecutter has as well.

They called it the best digital family.

You got to see John's stupid family.

I don't want to learn more about John Arbuckle.

Yeah, I don't need to know about his mom.

Yeah, his mom's in it, the grandma's brothers.

And for how pathetic John is, he's definitely not, he's a Jew.

And they're calling him like a city slicker.

And it's like, we've seen his house.

This guy lives in like, you know, fucking like Bloomington, Indiana.

This guy's not a city slicker by any means.

What is John's job, too?

He like to post classifieds in the newspaper.

I don't even know.

He has some bullshit job.

Something with the male.

He's Calvin's dad.

And he just strikes out with women with no nose.

Guys, you could upload your favorite pics of the family to OneFrame and relive all those happy moments again.

Or share big news, like a new addition to the family, maybe.

Or load it up with pictures of Garfield.

Or you can give your grandmother 1,000 pictures of Garfield that are chronological.

So from when Garfield's drawn poorly into the clock version.

There should be an app.

You put 500 pictures of you, 500 pictures of Garfield, and it slowly morphs you into Garfield.

Yeah, like an Animorph lifestyle.

Yeah, yeah.

That would have been an awesome Animorphs book.

It's a guy who turns into Garfield.

He has to to solve the conflict.

Right.

So, guys, what pictures would you share?

We said it already, Garfield.

I would share cute selfies with my grandma or pictures of me on Rio.

Kart.

We would put that on too.

I'm going to gift it to my grandmother, who I love so much.

She's 93 years old.

We love her.

That girl, Yoshi, is so funny.

The Mario Kart, you know, it's like, I mean, come on, dude.

She has like a bow?

She has a bow, but then the mouth, the nose,

like a tube.

Yeah, it's a weird tube thing.

With a big hole on the bottom.

I think the saddle different?

What?

Is the saddle on the Yoshi different?

Saddle.

You know, you ride a Yoshi.

Oh, no, this is a later era where Yoshi has his own autonomy.

They've been free.

They free my man.

Yeah.

And if that's not personal enough, you can even upload a video message to play on the frame as soon as they plug it in.

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This deal deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays.

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Thank you, Aura.

We're back.

And we're back.

We're back.

And we're back.

This is a folk.

It's a sign.

Inside of a club.

And we're back.

There's no cover.

So we're going to talk about your wife.

What's up?

Yeah, how long have you guys been married?

You ever show your wife the Fifth Element?

No.

Oh, you should see it.

I think actually she's seen it and I haven't.

Wow.

What?

Yeah.

She's older than this movie.

How old is she?

She's like, it's kind of a herald and modern.

She's 36.

I'm 30.

I forgot that they put in there that Chris Tucker is just eating pussy rapidly, like multiple times.

There's like a 10-minute segment where you see him sucking off two different women.

Yeah, he's like an intergalactic queer radio host.

He improvised.

He's one of the weirdest characters.

Yeah.

They were like, that's not in the script.

He just.

He's like, I got to also eat pussy in this.

He's like, I want my craft services on screen.

The character a little gay for me.

Only do that on the plane.

That's so funny.

He's great in it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It is a really fucking sick movie, dude.

You got to see it.

And it's got a hot chick in it.

Ooh, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what my wife looks like.

Who's kind of a little bit retarded?

At the beginning of the movie, which is my favorite kind of hot chick.

That's your demo.

That's my favorite kind of chick.

Yeah.

Dabu souchu, chichi cha cha boopo boopo peepi.

I like she's like,

yeah.

Yeah.

She's speaking like Italian in the back of his car.

She gets less hot the more she learns.

It is a little absurd that like Bruce Willis is like, I think I've, I think I fucking met somebody.

She's just like a non-verbal nude woman.

Yeah.

Nell.

She's just a naked restart.

And then he's like calling the guy that owns his cab, and he's like, she's fucking perfect.

She's wearing that.

She wears bandages.

So many guys actually do that in real life.

They're like, God damn, this is perfect.

Yeah, about like a chick, like an OnlyFans chick that they saw on Instagram Discovery page.

Yeah.

I think I saw someone the other day.

Calls it his mom.

Dude.

It's like, mom.

I subscribe to her.

I subscribe.

And I paid $100 so I could DM with her.

I'm on The OnlyFans.

Are you?

You showing your penis and stuff?

I'm not, but I have to be.

I'm contractually obligated.

Oh, there's like, they do comedy now.

Yeah, Nikki had a special on OnlyFans.

No, Whitney.

Whitney had a special.

She did, I think, a special and two roasts.

Yeah, Whitney Houston.

Posthumously.

Yeah, they did the roast of Bert on OnlyFans.

I want to show off my pussy.

I want to get fucked in my asshole.

Ain't no paywall high enough.

Is that a Whitney Houston song?

I'm sorry.

I don't know.

I don't know any songs.

I don't know songs about that.

I know Thriller.

Hey, Big Thriller.

Yeah, that's

That's when he used it.

Private dancer.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's.

You don't even need to change that one.

I'm your private dancer, dancer for money.

Do what you want me to do.

What was your one about the Indian?

Is that Tina Turner, though?

I think that's Tina Turner or something.

Was the Indian one you did?

Huh?

The private dancer, Indian one you did once.

Does she do How Will I Know?

Oh, I'm your Uber driver.

I'll be your Uber driver.

I'm your Uber driver.

Drive you for money.

Go where you want me to go.

It's the second biggest English-speaking market.

We got to do these jams, guys.

If you're watching Indian Stand-Up,

it's awesome.

Yes.

Yeah.

Because it's in

Hindu or Urdu or whatever.

Like three English words.

Three English words, but then they have the mannerisms of American comedians.

Absolutely.

Because they watch like a loofy guy.

They're like Patrice.

No, they do.

They're like,

they're like

Jip Jalar fucking cunt.

My daughter is cunt.

They have Dave Patel.

Oh, that's good.

Now we're cooking.

All right.

He just makes all the noises.

Uber CK.

Okay, that's good.

I saw Steve Earle over there one time.

Who's Steve Earl over there?

Did I do that?

Oh,

Steve Erkel?

No, Steve Earle, the singer.

Yeah,

I think that was the first celebrity I saw in New York was Steve Earle.

Yeah.

It's like, wow.

I met like too many yesterday, so I can't remember it all.

Oh, you met a bunch of celebrities?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

All right, list them, dude.

I'll tell you if they're a friend or

friend.

I didn't meet any of them.

I saw them.

I didn't.

Amy Schumer, were you at a buffet?

No, was it this up?

Norman's been sending me

AI art that he's made of Stav and Amy Schumer having like a lunch together.

And it's, it's, the AI art is finally there.

It's pretty funny.

This is a death.

They have art faces.

It's pretty funny.

funny.

Yeah, he sent me one of you.

You have our faces.

There's one of me marrying Rachel Dolos all the time.

There's one that Norman sent me with you as a bug that's pretty good.

Yeah.

Maybe you should spend a little bit more time.

You should be selling these shirts, McDog.

Thanks a lot, Norman.

No, I was thinking about getting back in the shirts.

I had a couple of ideas.

There's cash burning holes in my pockets.

Yeah.

I need some weed sopranos.

Well, the thing is, I lost the pencil to my iPad.

Yeah.

That's

evident.

It's a popular business average.

Well, Well, here's the problem I'm in.

I have an iPad Pro.

Got it a couple years ago.

I don't need to upgrade it other than the new iPad.

There's a new Apple pencil that does like rotation and stuff,

and it does not work with the iPad that I have.

So I can't replace the pencil that I would need for my iPad because I'd be too tempted to buy the Pencil Pro, but then I wouldn't be able to use that unless I got the new iPad.

So donate your iPad to Planned Parenthood or something.

To Africa so they can build schools.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do they, what happens with this?

There's always these charities to go build schools there out of mud, by the way.

Yeah.

You know, if you've ever seen the schools, there's always mud, yeah.

Yeah, it's like, I don't think you've built anything.

Yeah.

But on the inside, it's nice.

They have like PS5 and stuff.

Oh, do they?

Yeah, yeah.

No, you're thinking of Norwegian prison.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

But the.

There's a black metal and PS5, yeah.

Yeah, I don't,

but yeah, I don't know.

I've had a couple of things.

I'm like, ah, it'd be nice to just make 100 of these.

You absolutely should.

Yeah.

They wouldn't make any sense.

They would be funny to me.

I'd buy 50 of them.

They were fun.

That was a fun era.

Yes.

I have an idea and I just want to say that.

That was cheering to COVID, right?

I just draw it all day long.

Thunder only happens when it's raining.

Yes.

You know what's going to be like a good moment for you, Nick?

You'll be on the train once.

You'll be on the train.

Chutney, Houston.

You'll be on the train.

You'll see a homeless guy wearing like a weed sopranos that was like donated to somewhere.

Or you'll see a child soldier in Africa wearing New York ass times.

You know, I love all child soldiers are child slaves.

But they're always wearing like throwback jerseys that are like donated to Africa.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They have like a...

Or like, you know, like Houston, Texas Super Bowl jerseys or whatever.

The best is the Chinese people that somehow get like American shirts, and it's like an 80-year-old Chinese grandma and she's wearing a shirt that's like, do I look like a motherfucker?

And how are those getting over there?

Yeah.

I saw a video, someone was in Mexico on vacation.

They would take a video of some guy.

He just had a rainbow pride shirt on.

Maybe he was gay.

No, they asked him if he knew what it was, and he was like,

the way those get over there, when people return clothes and stuff, they get sold in bulk.

And then those get sold to shitty countries.

Oh, okay.

I don't think shitty.

So somebody was dissatisfied with their do I look like a motherfucker shirt.

Yeah, I was like, I look like a motherfucker.

My grandson got me this goddamn shirt.

I used to be sarcastic, and everywhere I go,

everyone's saying yes.

Fucking motherfucker got me this shirt.

Yeah,

I saw it.

I hope it wasn't Photoshop.

This was like 10 years ago, but it was a picture of some guy like in line at McDonald's or something.

And it's like an older white guy, and he's wearing a shirt, and on the back, it's like Obama, fucking Islamic terrorist dog shit.

And then the N-word

just

all over the back of the shirt.

It's like too many words for it.

Well, it's like it's funny because it was like the shirt was losing its temper too much to finish the insult.

Wait, one of your shirts got to charge.

Yeah, right.

No, but this was a white guy.

It was like, oh, it was in America.

But it was like it started ranting about Obama.

Yeah.

Can it finish a boop on top of it?

You know, it's like funny.

And his wife's a married.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was in rural India and I saw like an old lady wearing a UT

thing or whatever.

Longhorns?

Yeah, and me and my friend were like kind of joking.

We're like, I bet if we do this, that her should just like spit on us.

She'll be like, I worship you.

She thinks we're doing that.

Maybe she thinks that, yeah, the longhorns, they were like a Hindu school.

Yeah, it's like a Brahmin school.

Yeah.

They love Mac Brown.

Yeah, they love it.

We love him.

The thing I never understood about the

not the caste system, but the whole the underlying reincarnation system is like the cows are revered, but isn't that because it's like cow is one step below human?

Like you come back as a cow, but then that and then the hierarchy, then the cow would just be like the untouchables are still like one level above cow.

But then you treat those people like shit.

Yeah.

And then if you come back,

it's kind of like having an IQ of 83.

You know what I mean?

Where you're just a fucking idiot.

But if you're under, then you're like, oh, this works.

We worship you.

You don't have to be untouchables either.

That's true.

but you know, you want to, but you don't do it.

They're not allowed to have like toilet paper.

You know what I mean?

Dude, I was there in 2015 when gay marriage passed here and everyone was just like apologizing to us, left it there.

I'm so sorry about what's going on back home.

They're like,

they were upset about it.

Yeah, they were like, you're here on your vacation.

It ruins everything with this new one.

You probably have to stay now.

They're leaving.

He's always like a monkey tugging on his penis.

Get the hell out of here.

It was so homophobic there.

I would be homophobic too if I lived in a country with monkeys going around stealing all my stuff.

We were reading an article about in rural India, some kid was caught being gay.

I don't know why I would blame it on them, but I would be like, something's not right.

These gay ass monkeys.

So there's got to be a reason why it's happening here and not in Sweden.

It's cookie pop.

And it's maybe because guys are fucking each other in the bathroom.

So we're going to get rid of the bathrooms.

And it's going to be the street.

It's going to be be the ultimate homophobic move.

No more.

Yeah, India is so homophobic they don't even have stalls.

They're like,

keep it outside, pal.

This episode.

What's that?

Nothing.

Oh, they're going to ban it in Germany?

What do you think the hell is going on over there?

Germany's so desperate not to accidentally do the Holocaust again.

Yeah, they're funding it now.

Yeah.

Yeah,

they have like target fixations.

You love this story because we were in India and we were reading about like in the rural parts of India, like they really, they don't even understand gay at all.

Like they caught this kid being gay.

So they made it.

Germany like approaches not doing the Holocaust the way I like tell myself like don't forget your keys when you leave the apartment.

I say it like a million times in my head.

I'm like, remember, don't forget your fucking keys.

Could you leave them on the left?

And I focus on it so much that I'm on the train.

I'm like, god damn it.

I did the Holocaust.

I'm on a train to Auschwitz.

I'm all right.

We're going right back there.

God damn it.

And I get this is I have a job now.

I'm the commandant.

I bought a fucking.

Do you hear any black Israelites in the Holocaust?

Yeah, they

not even one?

Well, they had to keep those places a secret.

Can you imagine you're living in London?

You just hear some loud motherfucker.

You're like, what's that sound coming from the woods?

Yeah.

It sounds like a correct brother.

It sounds like a brother.

He's a loud ass brother.

He just read his damn book out in those woods where the train tracks are going.

Sounds like he's wearing like a Parliament Funkadelic George Clinton style outfit.

Kind of like a space style,

Afro-futurist style.

What about a train full of them?

Oh, come on, dude.

A soldier?

You say in the crazy train?

Do you mean like as guards in the camp?

No, I don't.

Well, I don't.

There was a lot.

The Hawkhouse was very diverse.

Gay people went in there.

I think it was only Jews, pretty much 100%.

Fuck no, dude.

The Croats saw to that.

They were like, yeah, there were gypsies, homosexuals, communists.

It was actually 11 million people only mentioned sex.

What about this kid in India?

So they were like, he's gay because he hasn't fucked the right pussy or something.

That was like what they were figuring out.

So they made him fuck his mom.

Who is they?

And what do you mean?

The village.

The people in the village.

That was the solution.

They were like, you know what?

I don't know.

That sounds kind of hot in the context of like a village.

You know what I mean?

Like if I was like, if I didn't have clothes,

if I lived in like a hut in the middle of the Serengeti and my mom just had just huge African,

you know what I mean?

And I'm being breastfed until I'm like 15, anyways.

Yeah, it's like maybe a little, maybe a little dessert after dinner, if you know what I mean.

How are you supposed to look at your mom's beautiful, just like whoopy-ass just sucking?

15 years old, I'm just getting sweet, hot breast milk after a day learning how to hunt.

And then I look at mom and I say, how about a little dessert?

A little gulab.

I can understand where they're coming from.

Yeah.

And then it doesn't rain for a year.

And they're like, it's because you fucked your mom.

It's because you fucked your mom.

I'm like,

isn't that, that's what all culture is, just explaining bad circumstances and doing a dance about it.

It's mainly the bad weather.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

That's got to be the lamest thing that Native Americans do, is dance at the weather.

That's lamer than casinos?

Casinos are awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They should remake casino.

Of all the woke movies, I'm surprised they haven't remade casino with Native Americans.

Whoa.

That'd be awesome.

Whoa.

I would love that.

Whoa, who would have been there?

So we got this bullshit Killers of the Flower Moon.

Fuck Martin Scorsese for not making Native American cinema.

Native Americans casino.

It's some dumb shit about a fat lady.

I don't want to hear it.

No.

Yeah.

No.

No.

Oil in Oklahoma.

I don't care.

You already made it.

It's your movie.

Make casino, too.

Dude, Cherokee Casino.

Cherokee Casino.

Put Robert De Niro in it.

Hey, how are you?

How's it going?

Hey, yo, are you

who would play?

What's the legendary roast comedian in Casino?

Don Rickles.

Who would be the Don Rickles?

Joe Pesci.

No, Nimash.

You get Nimesh.

You got to do that.

Nimesh would be sick in that.

Yeah, the general manager.

Yeah.

And he's like, yeah, I'm not even the right type of Indian.

You just fill out the cast with

Hindi people?

But sure.

There was an Indian comedian, right?

His name is Joey Lee.

Charlie Joey Medicine hat?

No, no, no.

There's a famous one that Richard Pryor, I think, lets, or somebody lets him.

Well, Richard Pryor's dead.

Somebody lets him

accept an award on his behalf or something.

Oh, no, that was Brando.

That was Marlon Brando who let Sarah Proudfoot.

Yeah.

Right?

And that was.

Yeah, but she was not funny.

No, there was a comedian.

I mean, I don't think he was super famous, but there was.

He Norm did it, too.

There was a guy guy named like Joey Medicine or something who died.

Joey Medicine?

Something like that.

Joey Medicine.

Hey, Firewater.

How you doing?

Joey Medicine hat?

And he crushed?

I mean, he was a comic, and I remember he died.

I remember people talking about that.

Was his act like folk?

I have no idea.

I never saw him do before.

Well.

There's a suspicious lack of Native American culture.

My friend always talks about there's no Native American restaurants.

My wife was.

She was.

Well, yeah, all the stuff that they ate, we killed all of it.

All of it?

There's no, there's still corn.

It doesn't exist.

We didn't kill corn.

Yeah, well, we took the corn.

Yeah.

We got all kinds of.

Actually, we got more Buffalo.

What are they going to do?

Buffalo goulash?

They didn't have Buffalo Wicking.

We got all the Buffalo shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Buffalo fucking.

What's the other thing you guys do?

There's goulash, and then there's Borsch.

Oh, yeah.

Peru.

The other noodle thing.

Oh, stroganoff.

That's more

Czechs and German.

Yeah, yeah.

No, there's another.

There's another thing in the goulash category that I get if I go to like an Eastern European.

The Babadook.

The Babadook, yes.

Yeah.

I wish I could have been

in the room in Australia where they came up with the name the Babadook.

Because that's the one thing they're good at, is dumb words.

They're like, all right, guys, this is the easy pat.

We call them the

hoochie-wally-wally?

We go to bait boogeyman.

And that's a big swing for the American.

It does sound Australian Boogeyman.

He's like, well, I dusted up an old racist textbook.

There was a slur we were calling the Abbos before.

It was Barbara.

They're like, is there another one?

Duke?

Let's do both.

Baba Du Duke.

Let's do both.

It's like Schwarzenegger.

Baba Duke.

Barbaduke?

It's a little redundant, isn't it?

What, Schwarzenegger?

I mean, it's the funniest name of all time.

I wanted to be in the room when they came up with that.

That's what they call Bruce Bruce in Germany.

I think that's that's the show for today.

I don't think we're going to beat that.

Thanks for joining us.

Where can we find you?

Radu Bondar.

I got a special on YouTube called Modern Artism.

Check it out.

Please check it out.

And then the OnlyFans special will be out next week, too.

Let's see that dick.

All right, Nick, anywhere we can find you?

No.

And I will soon be completely gone.

And watch Roast Battle.

Yeah, watch, well, watch Comedy.

What's the other one?

Fight Club.

Comedy Fight Club.

I don't know what that is.

Watch Brian Moses' Roast Battle.

They're not in competition with each other, dude.

They kind of are.

It's like the minor leagues, but it's completely unofficial.

They're not in the Jacks, actually.

Well, they're not kicking up.

That's what I mean.

And it's tragic.

It's tragic.

Can you imagine?

It's like you and your 15 friends, and you have to go just berate each other

in the hopes that you'd get to call Mike Lawrence a fucking retard.

Here's what's crazy.

So you were raped as a kid.

Shows sell out everywhere, all across the country.

People at Comedy Fight Club?

Every version of Roast Battle or everybody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, they don't sell out.

I don't know what Comedy Fight Club is.

Comedy Fight Club is, it's, oh, you don't know.

P-Dancer, sorry.

Yeah, in New York, they had Roast Battle and then, like, you know, people that were up and coming, comics, or, you know, like, I don't want to disparage them by calling them open micers, essentially, but, you know, they're people that are new to the city.

Where was Comedy Fight Club at?

It was like in the Lower East Side at a different venue.

Oh, okay.

They were at like Revision Lounge.

There's two Roast Battles in New York now.

They're both very good.

There's one in New York Comedy Club, one at Grove 34 or whatever, Roasting Room.

Just check those out.

Grove 34.

I think that's a venue in Astoria or something.

I want to see if I can start a regular show at the Dave and Busters in Times Square.

Yeah, they have good.

Start a bringer.

I feel like I have enough cachet that I could.

You should call it hot tub.

Yeah.

Every night I'm here, we do the show, I get a $20 power card.

You should call it Jeffrey Epstein Presents.

Yeah.

I think that's just sort of a dated reference at this point.

Yeah, yeah.

Kids don't know.

Gen Z doesn't know about it.

Gen X doesn't know about it.

They think he was like Gen 2.

What's after Z?

PP.

Gen Alpha doesn't know about it.

It's funny.

There's probably like elite pedophiles since the Jeffrey Epstein thing.

They've been privately complaining about it to each other.

Yeah.

Using the term, they're like, yeah, but it feels like the pendulum swinging the other way.

I love it.

Whenever anybody says that.

It feels like the pendulum.

It's like back to what?

Back to what?

Segregation.

Do you know where the pendulum started?

You know, don't ask, don't tell.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

All right.

Thanks for joining us today.

Another great episode.

Thanks, Roddy.

Bye.

Take care.

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