The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 36

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Hey folks, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

The Adam Friedland Show regular podcast.

The Adam Friedland Show regular podcast, not to be confused with the Adam Friedland Show Premium Podcast, which you can get.

I didn't have my mic on.

Am I good?

The Adam Friedland Show regular podcast.

I said it in a cool way.

I just want to make sure you got picked up.

Oh, I think I check this out.

I can put this on my hair now.

Oh my god, it's pretty cool.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Yeah, you should do that for girls.

I kind of want my dream has always been to be like seven feet tall.

And I have like an earring that's also like an earpiece, like an ear, like security earpiece, but then it's also an earring, and then it goes to my nipple, which is exposed.

And I'm a bouncer, and I stand outside of a club and I have a mascara on.

And I'm like, one second, are we letting any more

people in?

You should get that leg vacation surgery.

Y'all can't come in right now.

Y'all need to be about your piece.

Well, I.

You should get it, but

I'm sorry.

You're not on the list.

You should just get the longest one they've ever done.

You should just look like you have stilts on.

Guys, I want to mention that.

I wouldn't do the leg-breaking surgery, but what I would do, because I already have a pretty long reach.

Uh-huh.

You know, the surgery.

I know it's called.

It's called an ape index.

Yeah, it's your winds, wingspan versus your height.

Yeah.

I already have a pretty long reach.

You have a good one.

I have a pretty long reach, so I'm just going to get my arms broken and extended even longer so I can just walk around on my hands and have my legs.

I'm going to get my leg, I'm going to have my leg bones removed and added to my arms.

There are fitness guys on Instagram that have like, do like Planet of the Apes like running.

Like they like run across fields like this, like in a gallop for fitness.

And apparently, it's good for you.

To run around like that.

Apparently, like getting really good at galloping is good.

Guys, I want to mention next weekend,

I haven't really promoted this enough.

Tampa, Florida, the 19th and 20th at Side Splitters Comedy.

I'll be there.

I think I'm bringing Caleb Pitts.

And I think the audience has spoken out.

I threw it to you on the Patreon episode, which was fucking, it was a really good one this week.

Probably one of the probably the best podcasts ever.

I threw it to the audience.

I said, Do you want to see scumbag Vinny

on that show?

Overwhelmingly, the audience has said yes.

So I'm going to get Vinny there.

I'm going to put

my wallet in the hotel safe, probably.

But we're going to see, it's going to be a fucking big weekend.

So get your tickets the 19th and 20th in Tampa.

Florida at Side Splitters.

And Nick is in Columbus, Ohio next week.

I'll do my unplug when I feel like it.

Thank

I'll plug my

nice thing that I've done.

I'll plug them on when I choose to.

In the episode, you cut me off.

I was in the middle of explaining what I want to do to my body with surgery.

Well, I say that there are guys that do.

Yeah, no, you just changed.

That's about something else.

Now you're talking about Instagram videos.

Anyway, Ginsburg,

what are the slot numbers today?

Just one.

Just numbers, slot number one.

Slot number one.

Okay.

No, I mean, I apologize, especially based on the fact that, you know, you're very careful.

You're such a good listener.

You've never cut me off.

Biting, passive,

passive, aggressive comments.

Well, I mean, I think it's so absurd.

Here's my question.

So you can just,

South Africa can just be like, look, we're taking you to the International Court of Justice.

They can just do that to Israel.

And the State Department is saying this is baseless, that it doesn't have justification.

Is the process one in which

it doesn't matter?

Even if Israel was doing nothing at all, a country like South Africa could just be like, Israel's bad, we're going to court, and then Israel would have to show up and defend them.

How can I do that to you?

How can we get you?

How can I bring a case to the ICC?

To the ICC,

and I'm going to say that Adam is passive-aggressive, a liar.

That's got to break some kind of law.

I think it's like war crimes typically or something like that.

But I would get Alan Dershowitz.

Sex trafficking.

You've done that.

I would get Alan Dershowitz.

You have done sex trafficking.

I would get Alan Dershowitz to defend me.

Oh, okay.

If you're able to pull this off, I will get Professor Dershowitz.

And that's a promise to you.

Well, we covered it on the premium podcast this week, available at patreon.com.

The tunnels.

The tunnels, which I saw some big twitter thread that the guy was like

that explained i had the explanation but the first tweet in the thread is like uh first you have to understand the background of the the chabad movement or whatever it's called yeah is uh is it was all founded by this one guy menachem schneerson yeah no no no even further back well yeah there was a yeshiva in lubav yeah the lubav guy yeah and then the guy in the thread says and like this guy was one of the most fascinating people of all time, like, truly, like, a revolutionary thought leader.

And I was like, probably.

Well, then I said, okay, well, obviously, this guy's lying.

Then, if that's the thread, man.

Yeah,

I'm not going to read the rest of this thread if it starts off with the guy that came out.

A compliment for one Jew.

Well, I've never met you.

A guy never heard of.

A guy that came.

One Jewish guy getting a compliment.

So you're defending it.

I'm just saying that.

You're saying it's good.

You're saying that discredits a thread by hearing that someone says one guy was smart.

A cult leader, yeah.

Who happens to be Jewish?

A cult leader, yeah.

I wouldn't say cult leader.

If the thread started off saying like, look, L.

Ron Hubbard might be one of the greatest geniuses of all time and a like a Phil, then I'd be like, okay, well, then this is discredited as far as I'm concerned.

I think that you're looking at people living in the 1700s and applying a modern lens to it.

They lived in like a shtetl.

They're not running a fucking Jonestown cult.

To me, it is a Jonestown.

All right, fine.

Go ahead.

So, okay, so you didn't read the rest of the the thread or you did?

I did not read the rest of the thread.

But you said that it solves the mystery, then?

It does not solve the mystery.

It's supposed to be some kind of explanation, but we still don't have.

There's still not an answer as to what the tunnels were for.

Maybe you felt like you were getting too close to a logical explanation, and you wanted to live in a fantastical world where anything was possible in those tunnels, right?

It makes it less fun if you.

It seems like you're very much on the side of the cover-up here, and I don't really understand why.

That's not your you don't go to these.

I think it's a tribalistic, you know, I feel like,

you know, I have to defend hardworking Jews.

You know, I live in Brooklyn.

These are my neighbors.

These are my

comrades.

Henry's going to call them Chabad the Builder.

That's pretty good.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

I think, if I'm not mistaken, I think Fivish

I'm 90% sure Fivish is from Chabad.

I'm 90% on that.

Multiple times have been like, what the hell is the deal with these guys?

And then I've had people try to explain to me the nuances of the different types of cartoon characters.

Well, just look at the outfits.

I don't care.

I don't care to understand the difference.

Whatever minority.

That's a pretty simple explanation.

They just wear different outfits.

I don't care.

They wear the same outfits to me.

They all look the same to me.

No, they don't.

There's one with Almonds.

There's one with Blues Brothers.

I'm this close.

There's one with Knickerbockers.

I'm this close to pushing the differences between them and the Amish out of my head.

We're this close to being like now they're all now all of these guys are the same.

You're saying that.

The Amish included.

And if it weren't for the...

What about me?

You think that I'm this?

No, I don't.

You're not wearing dumb clothes.

You're a different kind.

I can understand.

What if underneath?

Huh?

What if underneath I was wearing it?

What do you mean?

Like, I'm Superman.

I have the.

You're not a Superman.

I know I'm not a Superman.

I watched Man of Steel on the plane.

Mad good.

Really good.

I missed out on that one.

Was that from like 2009?

Yeah, Zack Snyder.

Wasn't that a giant bomb?

Huge bomb.

Yeah.

I watched on the plane coming back from LA.

Also, his body, dude.

We got to get that body.

I need that body

for myself, not for,

what's his name?

Cahill?

Let's get back to these tunnels.

Because I feel like you were about to cook.

Huh?

I feel like we were about to cook on these tunnels.

You kept anything I said, you were just disagreeing with me.

It's not disagreeing.

It's a reparte.

It's a witty, it's a tete-a-tete.

Sorry, Ginsburg is telling me something.

What does he say?

Is he talking shit on me?

Anyway.

Yeah, I don't know.

You can tet your own goddamn tet.

What do you mean?

Our whole thing is a tetrahedral.

No, it's not.

I'm saying something, and you interrupt me, and then eventually it's at a point where I'm like, No, you finished a sentence.

You said that this man was being praised, and therefore it devalidated this thread, which supposedly explains the tunnel.

And I said, why

was that the thing that devalidated it?

It was a question.

No, we can run the tape.

Anyways, it doesn't matter.

Let's move on to something else.

No, why not?

What do you think the tunnels are for?

Me?

Yeah.

I mean,

in reality?

Yeah, that sounds funny.

Like a real estate scam, probably.

Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, let's hear that.

They probably didn't have a comedy podcast.

Let's hear the real reason.

I mean, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation.

And people in this day and age want to jump to these fantastical conclusions of

child sex trafficking, pizza restaurant.

You know,

we go to these default modes, but in reality, they were probably,

you know,

it could have been a good thing.

You know?

Like what?

I don't know.

Maybe like a

just a place to chill.

You know?

Away from your wife.

And do what?

Just a man cave kind of situation.

You know?

Your wife is just like some lady.

She's got 87 different kids.

You and your boys all wear the same outfits.

You know?

There's no cell phone service.

You're in the middle.

Underground.

They can just vibe out with their boys.

Kind of a players ball, a pimps and players kind of situation underground.

The city doesn't know about it.

Why in the fucking 1930s were they doing that and everyone says, oh, those guys are cool for doing illegal speakeasies.

But when these guys are doing it, we're saying that they're

sex trafficking

Jewish.

They got a legal, illegal.

Just they vibe.

Yeah, just like a...

kind of yeah man cave situation.

Yeah, dueling pianos and stuff.

Yeah, you know,

put the game on, put the war on, you know?

Vibe out with their boys.

Yeah.

You know?

I just see a bunch of people on Twitter saying, like, can you imagine if, like, Muslims were doing this in a mosque, what the reaction would be?

What would that be?

I would imagine it'd be pretty similar.

Yeah.

Are you fucking children in those tunnels?

I think my reaction personally would be the same.

Here's an idea.

If

just don't don't dig a tunnel.

You know?

Just don't date.

Just don't do that.

Yeah.

There's no reason for

It would be kind of fun.

What?

Like if we were doing it.

And it was our little secret

and the city didn't know about it.

There's a secular way to dig a tunnel.

Like if you have a militia or something, that makes sense.

Because you need it to get around.

Or if it is, I mean, I guess the real estate thing.

That's the one thing that's been crazy about this war is like with all the fucking money and like tech they give Israel.

It's like people are like, oh, you don't understand these this tunnel network in Gaza.

It's like, yeah, but it's still just shit underground, you know what I mean?

But I don't know enough about engineering to know what kind of hole you can dig that you can't just put water in it and it fills up, yeah, right.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, um, my understanding is that the tunnels that just span like Jersey to Manhattan are like engineering feats to keep the ventilation going.

But like you can bomb those fucking things, and these guys are still popping out of holes and killing people.

It's like, well, I guess like,

yeah, you could have your own tunnel system

in America.

Like if I bought a 500 square foot lot, if I just bought a shitty house, like a tiny shitty house, could I just fucking make a mansion underground?

That nobody knows about it would be cool.

And if the police are like, hey, stop doing that, I'm like, no.

And I just close the top.

And then what are they going to do?

Bomb me?

They can't.

I'm in a tunnel.

Right.

They can't shoot me.

They just have to wait until I decide to come out.

Yeah, and they don't know how long.

Well, because everyone goes compound.

Everyone always thinks, like, you know, like

militia guys are always like, we're going to go out in the woods.

And then you just get shot from a helicopter.

Right.

Or you could take over the post office.

Yeah.

If they had a tunnel, like imagine if the Waco guy had a tunnel or Ruby Ridge or who's the guy, who's the post office guy?

Eamon Bundy?

That was the

Oregon guy yeah he took over post office I think so yeah yeah

was that during Obama I think so yeah

and then that guy's like on the news now is he's like a pundit on followers well he said he had some like I remember seeing him like recently and he he had some kind of like a lib take that piss people off it was like Hillary Clinton's awesome you know I don't know like he said or he said like Trump was bad or something and people were like fuck you they should have cops should have shot you apparently richard spencer did that too yeah he said biden's the best president ever or something uh-huh yeah yeah

i always confuse richard spencer and um

richard simmons

yeah that makes sense yeah

you remember when that was like a big diss in elementary school what you need saying someone was like richard simmons saying someone was like richard simmons Yeah, like someone needed Richard Simmons.

Oh, that was another one, too.

You're so fat you need Richard Simmons.

Yeah.

He was kind of an introduction into queer culture for our generation, I think.

Okay, Ginsburg.

You're late now with the...

Ginsburg.

What is this?

Jeffrey read.

My bad.

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Well, no, he wouldn't say that.

You would just follow along here.

Come on.

I'm sorry.

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And they'd say, yeah, sorry, we don't need

fucking trinkets.

Yeah, it doesn't sound very communist.

Trinkets.

You're going to work in the factory.

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That's what, like, all I thought, the only thing I could do was trinkets.

So

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Right?

Why do you keep saying freaking?

Oh, we have a Mormon audience.

All right.

Yeah.

Have drugs gotten more expensive?

Like weed and cocaine and stuff?

Right.

No, I think it's pretty much like still 60 for an eighth.

Yeah, how is that that it's that's not subject to inflation?

I guess it's its own self-contained market, I suppose.

No, it's got to be transported.

It's

you got to bring it to the United States.

You would think that that would affect prices at some point.

But how are they?

They're transporting it on like

dinghies.

Rubber dinghies.

Weed?

Maybe weed's all

domestically now.

That's domestic, and it's legal now.

Yeah, but cocaine?

No, that comes over in fucking shipping containers.

Shipping containers.

There's no way the amount of cocaine in the United States is being brought here in like someone's ass.

It just doesn't make any sense.

It has to be, yeah, like massive.

It's coming through on boats.

There's got to be like the ports are compromised

but that shit's more expensive shipping costs especially now with this thing going on in the red sea like the the the price is going up but you never see it reflected in drive oh because the suz canal is cut off yeah it affects the yeah the suz canal is fucking sick dude yeah they used to have to go around africa oh they do again that sucks they do again so far because of the the yemeni guys you know what i love about them yeah is like all of them have uh like the lens crafters like the the first pair of of glasses you get?

Kind of like the $10 option of lens crafters glasses?

I haven't seen...

Aren't they?

They haven't.

They have that.

Don't disagree with me.

Ski masks typically, no.

They have.

The Yemeni guys have the fucking glasses.

So don't not do that.

Let's not do another thing where you go, no, that's not true.

I didn't say that's not true.

I just said.

No, they wear ski masks.

They very clearly do not wear ski masks.

The videos are sick of them going on the boats with like the devil's.

The guy that talks, whatever his name is, he has the glasses.

Oh, he's just doing like a streaming kind of thing.

He's like in an office.

He's your spokesperson, I guess.

Yeah, yeah.

For the Houthis.

He's like a Hassan kind of.

He might be Huthi.

I guess that's some guy's name.

Houthi?

There's a guy named Houthi that was one of them.

I only want to be my anthro.

Yeah.

Yeah, Houthi and the bullfist.

Huh?

That's pretty funny.

I only want to be with Darius Rucker, I believe.

I'm not one of your guests.

I'm not one of your guests on this show that

you're doing bits at.

And there's also no camera operators here for you to kind of say the joke to and then

laugh in their direction.

I'm trying to stop doing that.

When you bomb towards one of the, when the guest gives you nothing, and then you...

You kind of just deflate deflate in the direction of.

I'm not one of them.

You don't have to be.

I'm supposed to be on board with your Houthi and the Blowfish after I started.

Everything I say.

No.

I just said, why?

I was giving it back to you.

You said that someone praised a rabbi from the 1700s.

I said, that's.

And you immediately started growing people.

Then we moved on.

No,

that's not a no.

I already moved on.

I asked you why.

I already moved on.

I asked you.

I didn't care.

I knew why it was

difficult for you to see a compliment to one guy from 1700.

And the glasses thing?

And the glasses thing, explain that.

I said, I've only seen them in ski masks.

You know goddamn well who I'm talking about, and

you know what I'm talking about.

And now you're fucking, you're pretending like I'm talking about something else.

No.

Just to undermine my observation.

No.

I don't.

You know way more about this stuff.

I don't know anything about it.

Oh, you're on.

There's a video that's.

on the internet all day.

Oh, now it's gonna be like, oh, no, I'm not.

You're really well versed.

I'm just ignorant.

I don't, I thought they wore ski masks.

You know what I'm talking about.

You know the guy with this glasses, and you're doing anything you can to just poke holes.

I don't know what you're on the internet.

You know, you are an expert in Jewish crimes, and you spend a lot of your day reading about various

various Jewish crimes around the world.

This is because of the ICJ thing going on.

I think that's it.

What is ICJ?

The International Court of Criminal Justice, whatever this thing South Africa did.

I'm South African.

Yeah.

Do you think

this is probably a big conflict?

So say there's a

big conflict for you.

So say thank you a lot.

Thank you.

There's an internal conflict for you.

I'm not from Israel.

Huh?

I'm not from Israel.

I'm from Santa Monica, California.

Yeah, but you went, you lived there.

I lived in South Africa.

And you did sex trafficking while you were there.

Yeah.

They called me

the Jeffrey Epstein for grown ass

women.

Yeah.

And it's sex trafficking.

You shut your fucking hole.

Yeah, there you go.

Sex trafficking.

Nick, you just know a lot about what the Jews are up to.

You keep trafficking.

I'm talking about Yemenis.

I don't know.

I saw the viewers.

Do you know that conflict

is related to

a regional conflict?

I obviously don't know because I started off to saying I don't understand.

I'm sorry I didn't know about the glasses.

I don't understand what this, I don't understand who this guy is.

I read an explanation of the tunnels that was giving way too much information on the religious background.

When ultimately the point is it doesn't matter.

There's no...

It doesn't matter the religious.

If you can't tell me in one sentence why you're digging secret tunnels and fighting with the police when they try and fill them in,

then it's like

you have to be lying to me.

Who?

Hamas?

Anybody.

Hamas?

If Hamas says we're digging tunnels so that we can commit, that we can fucking hide our weapons, that makes sense.

They are saying that.

They're straightforward.

It's not like they've discovered secret Hamas tunnels and they're like, listen, you don't understand what these are for.

It's actually, so you got to start 200 years ago, right?

And if somebody, if I had a secret tunnel and I was like, okay, I know, look, there's just, first of all, yes, there's a stroller and a buddy mattress in there.

But first, so, okay, so hold on.

You know, when everything was steam powered?

So basically back then,

there was a guy who it's like it's literally the like oh damn fucking ham

see what happened.

Yeah, no, that's what that was.

That's what the thread is.

So that's how I died.

So what did they find in there?

A bloody mattress.

They found a bloody child.

I've read the words child size.

I don't know if that just means a twin mattress.

It was a twin mattress, I would say.

Yeah, but they also make children's mattresses.

So I don't know if it was.

So it was in a race car?

What's that?

Like a race car bed?

No, I think it was just on the ground.

It would be very weird to have a child sex slave that you gave a race car bed to.

Well,

in terms of being a child sex slave, I think it's one of the best options.

I think you keep them in a kennel.

I don't think they get a race car bed.

I'm just saying.

I'm just saying

for me,

I'm an avowed centrist.

It's a wait and see.

And I'm sure that there's a perfectly logical thing.

But so you can't wait and see because it starts off with seeing.

so it's a see and wait so how about this we live 10 minutes away from there you and i just go check it out for ourselves yeah

i can go in disguise as one of those guys well we should get a pair of nunchucks first because those guys what do they carry on they carry like throwing stars on them or nunchucks those guys yeah no i think that's uh chinese people oh okay yeah um

Those guys, I mean, I'll just get a Blues Brothers suit, get the hat.

I'll go in, say, hey, guys, I'm one of the boys.

What's the dude?

What were we thinking with this?

And then I'll break the story.

It's called Citizen Journalism.

What if this is just like a viral marketing campaign for John Wick Fox?

It might be.

Yeah.

He's a guy that dug stuff.

Well, yeah.

Well, it's just, you know, like the movie starts off.

There is a scene in John Wick, like, 2, I think, where he goes to some Hasidic

bank.

Yeah.

And they're like, oh,

good luck, Mr.

Wick.

You know, he does meet them.

So maybe it has something to do with the John Wick movies.

I started

related to that.

I started a Harry Potter game.

For girls, by the way.

For adults, actually.

Harry Potter game you buy for your girlfriend.

So that she's playing it with my girlfriend.

She can also like the PlayStation, and then she plays it for five minutes.

And you're like, see, you like video games, and then you play Call of Duty for 15 hours straight.

And she can't get mad because, well, I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure I saw your dumbass playing video games also so yeah you're yeah you need to fuck all

we spend different amounts of time playing games but it's because I'm better than you I'm playing it with her and it is infuriating when she has the when she has the

when she has the sticks why

because I just want to play Oh, really?

Yeah, I feel like one of those kids who invites someone over to your house to play a one-player game, and then I'm just like, just give it to me.

Just let me play.

She's like girly playing the game she's doing it in a girl manner she like wants to go to the to try on different outfits

controlling and abusive in relationships is what you're saying

it's a little bit of a

stretch but yeah I mean so you're I'm what explaining play spending time with my girlfriend quality time what you're saying is you see your girlfriend enjoying something and your mind is filled with I need to abuse

I need to take this away and abuse this woman no it's just girl In the way I would

have a child prostitute that I would

play video games in an efficient

logical way.

In your raised car bed.

In your shitty mattress that I shit on.

All right.

They have, I'm not that far into the Harry Potter, but they have presented it.

I'm sure there'll be a twist in the storyline, but the bad guys are the Jewish troll banks

in the Harry Potter game.

What do you mean, the bad guys?

Isn't the bad guy Voldemort?

No, no, no, no.

In this, I think this is a different

era of Hogwarts.

And there's problems with the Jewish trolls.

Yeah.

So I think you might actually

like this game.

We kind of talked about it, but like, you know how the...

The goblins, not trolls.

Yeah.

Yeah, was it like because you see the like people on Twitter talking about like all the expulsions that happened throughout history?

Uh, like

the ethnic clean, like ethnic cleansing you're talking about, yeah.

Yeah, and I never actually looked into any of them.

Uh-huh.

I was never like, why?

Do you know why they happen?

Why people were kicked out of the city?

Well, you kind of just sold on the idea that people were like, oh, well, of course people were racist.

It was 12.

People were racist in the 1950s.

So you want to hear them out.

You want to hear out.

No, I don't don't want to hear them out.

You want to hear out the kicker.

It's just this weasel thing that you're doing where you're trying, you're reading, you're not even letting me explore.

I'm just asking.

Explore an idea.

Who's asking?

With sort of a childlike sort of fascination.

But they may have deserved it.

Okay, then you know what?

Never mind.

We won't even talk about it.

Okay, explore, bro.

I'm not even trying to make the point that they're saying.

No, you said childlike fascination.

That sounds beautiful.

What I'm saying is this, is you know that people were racist in the 1950s, right?

And

you think about it and you're like, all right, that was 50 years ago.

And you're like, okay, well, 100 years before that, they had fucking slaves, you know, and I'm like, that's way worse.

So, but that's like 150 years.

And it's like, okay, the year 1290.

And I'm like,

that had to be the most.

Can you imagine if a black guy accidentally wandered into 1290 England?

Yeah.

I mean...

Were there black guys there at that point?

I guess so.

They had colonies in Africa at that point.

They would have to do a type of racism that I feel like he would just turn into a crystal.

Yeah.

Like whatever feeling they would have to him would alter the structure of his material.

There would be a cauldron and like some sort of satanic rite.

I think it would be beyond that.

I mean, the cauldron and stuff, that's like 1500s, but 1290?

Like, people thought dragons were real back then.

Yeah, it's true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I guess

I do think often, like, my family got on the wrong boat from Lithuania.

literally.

Like, it was like 10 brothers, and they all went to Connecticut, I think.

And then my dipshit ancestor literally just got off the boat in Africa.

And it was like before there were pictures of anything.

Like, what that, that guy must have, like, been, like, thinking he was like, what, like, where, like, it was like seeing Avatar or something.

Seeing black people for the first time.

No, it's not even black people.

It's like being in Africa and seeing animals and stuff.

You wouldn't know what a lion looks like.

Meaning black people.

You wouldn't know what a lion looks like.

You're referring to them as animals.

No, I'm referring to animals as animals actually.

You said it would be like being in animals.

No, I know.

I see you.

I see you.

I'm saying that you wouldn't know what

is

like an elephant looks like.

Because there were no pictures of them.

You lived in a shtetl in fucking shithole Russia.

You must have like, it must have been like seeing Avatar what?

Yeah.

But they didn't have Avatar wasn't.

That doesn't doesn't make any sense.

I'm saying that it must have felt like you were for the first time transcending.

I'm saying seeing black people, if you're

like seeing animals.

No.

In Africa.

You said these Africans,

they're like freak animals from the movie Avatar.

Listen, we all.

That's not the point I was making.

That's not what I'm saying.

Which is about how racist it's.

They took the inverse of what.

What I'm saying is that,

like,

yes,

it was tangential to what you said.

Wow.

Right?

It was not about the racism.

But what I am saying is, like, in the year 1900, that guy must have been like,

is this New York?

How much cum is too much cum to have on your clothes before you have to...

You more have just dandruff.

You're covering the dandruff constantly.

Yeah, but before you change it.

You know, you can go to get a shampoo for it.

I have very bad dandruff, too.

I don't care.

Why?

Because I don't care.

But it's not a good look.

I don't care.

I don't give a shit.

Because I don't care.

There's no why.

You don't make a decision.

You don't need fucking reason.

It has nothing to do with society.

No, because that's how far it would have to be for you.

You're the society guy.

What do you mean?

You don't.

I'm someone just living my life and you're like, fuck that, dude.

Having dead skin covering your shoulders?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, some people just live their lives, and you can't tolerate that.

You say, what do you mean?

I live my life.

Look at all these black animals animals in Africa.

You didn't say that.

Do you say literally five minutes?

I didn't say that.

You're like, can you imagine how we got on the wrong boat?

We could have gone to white America, but instead we ended up in animal African.

No, they probably would have thought it was New York.

And then they see a fucking elephant and they're like, what the fuck is this?

Yeah.

You know that.

No.

I mean, it's funny the way you misread it.

I didn't misread it.

You misread it.

I just feel like I can't.

It's funny the way you misread it.

It's just being associated with you, even.

What do you mean?

That's that's my

this this is fine the dandruff is is your horrifically racist uh

you were claiming that you had cum on your shirt and i said it looks more like you have a tremendous amount a deluge perhaps of dandruff on your shirt and then you took exception with that yeah and then even as you took exception you wiped the dandruff off

which in reality

you were you were confirming what i was saying i was trying to wipe the cum stains there's you can't wipe cum stains it's a a stain.

It might not have been an illogical when you were doing the dandruff.

Well, it's all the way up here.

How'd you bust over there?

I think it's toothpaste, actually.

I was joking when I said cum.

I know.

Yeah.

I know.

It was a tet-tot-tete.

Yeah.

It was a little bit of a...

I've been doing it.

It was a witty reparation.

I've been doing aggressive just oral hygiene because I've had a series of dental appointments.

And I'm trying to like

trick the dentist into thinking that

I'm better at brushing my teeth.

Literally the morning you go to the dentist I go to the dentist I'm like I'm gonna philosophy for the first time in two years right now.

I had a long period where I wouldn't do that.

I didn't want to get in trouble.

That was like that when I was younger and then I hit my mid-20s and it was like, well, I'm paying them to clean my fucking teeth.

So I'm bringing them in there as dirty as shit.

Yeah, you're not even a real fucking doctor, bro.

You're a cleaning lady for mouths.

Yeah.

But now I have problems, so I want them to just address the problem.

So I get the basic stuff out of the way first.

And then I'm like, hey, is this bone?

Is that my bone that I can see?

And what did he say?

And they say, yes.

You need very painful surgery.

They go, great.

Do you think

it's going to change your kind of appearance or the way you speak?

No, I'll probably.

What if you come out of that with just like

the gayest lisp of all time?

They said there's a recovery.

I won't be able to talk for three days, which will will be good.

We'll make sure we schedule it on

right before the podcast.

Well, it would be fun

if we did an episode where you're writhing in pain.

That was funny, that one episode where you had literally no voice and you just sound like a Sopranos character.

You know, that's just like one.

Oh, by the way, today's episode is.

Oh, Adam.

That's just like one guy, I think.

It's like one actor who is in like Goodfellas.

It sounds like that.

And then people

think of,

you know?

Lucy, guys.

Lucy is upping the nicotine pouch game with breakers.

Pouch is packing a little something extra inside.

That sounds a little sexy.

That sounds a little...

Doesn't that sound like...

I'm not like other girls.

Nothing.

What are Lucy breakers?

If you know...

Lucy isn't like...

Lucy, you got some explaining to do.

And the explaining is, what the fuck is...

I know you see this and you're like, what the fuck is Lucy?

Yeah, is that for girls?

It's a girl's name.

No, it's not.

It's gum.

It's gums, breakers, and pouches.

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Those are the breakers pods.

These are just, this is just gum.

That's the gum.

Yeah.

Those have gum.

Gum is simple.

You chew it, although it has instructions on the back here.

You chew it 10 times and then you put it in your cheek.

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All right.

And now we're back.

Mm-hmm.

What were we saying?

I don't know.

We were talking about a dentist or something?

You know, be a good

line of work to be in.

Huh?

Dermatologist.

You know?

Because there's no chance you kill someone, right?

You're not going to leave a watch inside of someone's.

You could probably do it.

You'd probably fuck that.

I'd probably find a way to kill a guy.

Yeah.

And I feel like mostly what they're doing is they're just

so funny.

They're selling Botox.

Whenever you tell me you're like, yeah, I was going to be a lawyer before.

Yeah, it's just so funny to implement.

Really?

Yeah.

You'd be like, you as like, you'd be defending, be like a public defender.

Mm-hmm.

And it'd be like a guy.

A noble profession, by the way.

Thank you.

Be like the bum public defender that somebody gets.

And they've done something.

It's like misdemeanor shoplifting.

And then they'd get the death penalty.

They'd get the death penalty.

And then, yeah, you would be,

you'd also get the death penalty.

And somehow you'd be so bad at fucking presenting their case.

They'd be like, I think we have to kill the lawyer also.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It'd be a new legal precedent.

Yeah.

But yeah, I don't think I would have been very good at being a lawyer.

I'm pretty lazy and sloppy.

But maybe my brain would be different.

I would be like using it more.

I learned at a young age, I was like, I'm going to be an idiot.

I'm going to be a loudmouth idiot

because that seems to be a way you can live your life pretty easily.

You can just be a loud idiot.

It's fucking awesome.

Yeah.

And worst case scenario, you get treated like a loudmouth idiot.

No one has any respect for you.

Oh, well, 50% of the time, you get to be famous

yeah i think so i think those are the numbers it's close to that yeah yeah you're like a guy if you're loud and wrong enough you get uh a radio show as long as the cameras are turned on yeah you're rush if you're if you're loud

If you like speaking and you don't really like thinking about things or looking into them

or being correct.

It doesn't matter.

And if someone wants to to argue with you, you just go,

I don't have time for this.

Fuck you.

Yeah, fuck you.

I don't have time for this.

If you just.

Cut his mic.

Yeah, just get a microphone.

And,

you know, who knows what happens.

Just do it outside.

Just start sending Fox News News Corp on 6th Avenue.

Just go bring, just walk up to these be like, yeah.

Knock on the door.

I made a couple of VHS tapes if you could get these producers, see if they like them.

And it's just you in your room.

And you're like, yeah fuck these fucking illegal immigrants

fuck them yeah fuck them

and then you're like

my name is mark bart i'm available

i'm available for a tv show if you'd like to have me on please yeah i'd like jesse waters slot yeah the mark bart out and i don't i don't want to you know rock the boat too much but i think you might need a replacement for that guy because i think jesse waters might be a homosexual

I think he might be actually be, there's a something.

I think he might be.

There's something about the way he carries himself that I think he might be a homosexual.

That's also my pitch for my show on Fox News.

It's called This Guy Might Be a Homo.

And we pick one.

The homo of the day.

The homo of the day.

It's called Fuck These Fucking People.

And we have a big wheel we spin that it says gays and it says gays and homos.

It's gays, homos,

illegal immigrant alien bastards, and then you know, we don't really say the blacks anymore, so we'll say BLM activists.

You just say, Yeah, you have to just say BLM, yeah, yeah, in their mansions, yeah, right.

BLM mansionites, they all have mansions, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what we call it, and I think they might be homos, yeah, right, yeah, yeah,

the BLM homos, and

you know,

Oh, man.

We really need to pivot to conservative media.

It seems so fun.

We get accused of it all the time.

Yeah, but

we don't even get the benefit of having fun like those guys probably are.

They're all like sexually harassing each other and having fun.

Yeah.

And like us, we're just miserable and getting accused of it.

I'm actually not miserable anymore.

I had some kind of like

office space thing where I just don't fucking care about anything.

Yeah, yeah.

And not in like a nihilistic way.

It's just I just stopped like worrying.

Uh-huh.

What was it?

You like, was it like a moment?

I think it was just like booking doctor's appointments.

I'm like, I can just go to the doctor.

Yeah.

You've been on a brushing your teeth tip.

It's like

if you do the errands, maybe it'll build you up.

It's all the errands, really.

It's like if I just, if I'm worried about something, I can

just go pay out of pocket and go to the doctor.

It's also too, here's a hot tip.

Here's an Adam Friedland show tip, and you can cut this and clip it, Michael.

And this is sort of a public service announcement.

I mentioned it before, but now for New York residents, it is illegal for any medical office or collection agency to refer medical debt to your credit report.

So if you have any, if you live in New York State and you have medical debt, you can now dispute it with the three credit reporting agencies.

You just say, hey, this is illegal.

It's wiped off.

Is that all medical debt?

All medical debt.

Even elective plastic surgeries?

All medical debt.

So if I got a Brazilian butt lift and I didn't pay,

it wouldn't affect my credit?

No.

They can no longer submit it.

It's no longer put it on.

I'm about to be a hoe, guys.

I'm about to hoe out.

Yeah.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

They can still sue you for the money.

You know, and then I'd be like, fuck you.

You'd have to go to court, but they can't put it, you know, they can't put it on your credit report.

So if you you have something like that hanging over your head,

good to know.

Good to know.

Good to know.

Yeah.

Hopefully, that comes to the whole country.

I hope so, too.

And then it'll put, yeah, you know, it's because Norman used to be like a medical bill collector.

That sucks.

And so, like, I would complain to him about that stuff, and he'll like, defend it.

I'll be like, yeah, well, you know, I mean, if you have the money, you should pay your medical bills.

No.

No, you work for a company whose whole business, the whole job is to just

like harangue people that had a a fucking accident.

Correct.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think most people that don't have the money don't have money because they're buried in medical debt in this country.

Yeah.

So,

and so that's the public service announcement from the Adam Freelance show.

Guys, we're all going to get fucking fake tits.

Yeah.

And I'm not paying Dr.

90210.

You could take that to the bank.

What's like the, what are kids doing

now in the beanie babies domain?

Is there like a thing they collect?

Or is it all digital?

Hmm.

Was it NFTs?

No, I don't know.

Because there was always a thing.

I feel like there was always a thing.

Hogs?

No, we're not going anywhere.

Baseball cards.

Beyblades was probably the last thing.

Pokemon cards?

Beyblades was probably the last thing I was aware of.

And that was like, what, six years ago?

That was the thing children were collecting.

What were those?

I don't know.

It was some sort of like automated top thing.

I got like into the YouTube community of adults that collect them.

Really?

Yeah.

Back when...

I guess there's like Funkos, don't they?

Back when I would still go online and try to find freak communities before I became

a freak yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah,

freak on a leash.

You became a fucking freak on a leash.

Yeah.

Is that album good?

No.

No.

No?

No.

Why do you say stuff like that?

Did you know

we could get Jonathan Davis on the show?

Well, I'm just not a big jazz fan.

You think

that qualifies as scatting?

Huh?

Yeah, wasn't it literally?

That's a scat.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

They did infuse jazz influences into the new metal genre.

And I apologize to corn.

I haven't listened in some time.

And I'm sure Corn listens to the show, and I don't want to hurt them.

I don't want to hurt anyone.

Yeah.

It's not worth

being that kind of guy, you know?

A lot of people think that's what we are, just meanies.

We're not.

Who thinks we're mean?

Everyone thinks that we're just meanies.

That we're like, ugh.

We're bitches.

Who thinks that?

I think everyone.

Oh, okay.

We are two men with hearts of gold.

You're the nicest person I've ever met in my entire life.

And me?

Did you with this thing where I just bought a homeless guy a sandwich because he's standing outside of Dunkin' Donuts doing the thing where they like hold the door?

Oh, that thing.

And then you're like, well, now I have to fucking buy you a sandwich.

Which I don't really mind doing.

It's like, can you just ask for a fucking sandwich?

Well, how many sandwiches is that netting him every day?

I don't know.

I think you're it's probably one person.

I just don't like the door holding for me because then it's like

Then you're like and then people see it and then what like oh like this guy thinks he's the mayor oh i didn't know we were in a doorman it's like it's you well it's just like this

it's i don't like the uh

yeah just being like treated like uh like

just ask for a sandwich yeah you know what i mean there's one guy i really don't like and it's mean of me but he's a stutterer in my neighborhood

and he makes you really wait till the end of the spiel and the first time he gets you and you're sitting there and he's like and and and and and and then you're like okay but then the second and third time he stops you to give you the spiel you're like i i

like

i just don't have time i don't have patience for this for your

problem isn't a lack of patience i just you just hate homeless people no i don't hate homeless people i don't like it takes too long i don't like i give him a dollar i don't like the the optics of a homeless person holding the door for me i try to give him the dollar at the beginning of the stuttering spiel, and then he's like, no, let me finish.

And it's just like, just take the fucking dollar.

Yeah.

Right?

Like, it's just like I've heard the.

But you don't have anything important going on.

Yes, I do.

Part of the human connection, I guess, that's part of it, too.

It's like, you know, you give the guy a dollar, let him speak, treat him like a person.

When the homeless guy holds the door for you, he's already like creating some kind of

social rift.

I'm your butler.

Right, exactly.

And you say thank you, Alfred.

No, I try to grab the door before they can.

Oh, so you try to wrestle the door away?

Well, I'll fake them out.

Because they won't do it.

They'll only do it if

they think you're going in.

What you have to do is you have to.

I will start walking past, and right as I get past the door, I'll swing in and get in there.

And then we fight over it.

We fight over the door.

That seems like worthwhile.

Yeah.

Once you get it before they do, guess who's not getting a sandwich?

So the hungry man.

Yeah, right.

The starving man.

Fucking homeless guys.

What I would do.

Nice try, pal.

My fake-out move is that I would then work for him.

I would treat him like my boss.

You know,

wait next to him when the next lady is coming into Dunkin' Donuts and say, like,

pardon me, skip, like, you mind if I get this one?

You know?

What I'm going to start doing is dress up like a homeless person myself

and get a spot across the street from the Dunkin' Donuts and get maybe like a 35-foot sort of hook.

And when I see people coming down the street, like a shepherd, because I can see the whole street where he can only see in front of the door, I see somebody coming down the street.

I know they're going to Dunkin' Donuts before he does.

I open the door before he can.

So they come by

and then there's a little pulley on there.

And there's like a

hook and it says, tip, please.

And then the person comes out, and then they put the tip in there.

That homeless guy's standing next to the door, and I go,

and then I close the door.

So I can just steal his entire business from across the street with my giant hook.

You make like probably $35,000 a year doing that.

Probably.

I remember the local news used to do that.

Yeah, this homeless man makes $200,000.

This homeless man is the richest man in the world.

Yeah, we went to see how much money they actually make.

That is one of the funniest categories of local news stories.

Yeah.

The homeless guy makes too much money.

What about our camera crew to the middle of this intersection to harass a homeless guy?

Yeah, and the guy clearly is just saying he makes that much money, but his underpants are made out of newspaper.

Anti-panhandling laws have got to be like the funniest.

They're like, it's this whole system where you have to make money to pay your rent, all this fucking bullshit nobody wants to do.

And then if someone has the idea of just being like, hey, can you just give me money?

They're like, oh no, no, you can't do that.

No.

That's cheating.

No.

Yeah, you're not allowed to do that.

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can't just ask, you can't do that.

Especially because if you're crazy, you have to live outside.

That's the system in society, is that we make the crazy people go outside.

Right.

Like, take it out, take it out on the streets.

Yeah.

And then once they're outside, then we tell them that

they're not allowed to ask for help from anyone.

Yeah.

It's quite mean.

Which, Which, you know, it's like, I'm sure people are watching saying like, these are

observations you make as a fourth grader.

Maybe even

before younger than that, you understand that society is unjust and unfair.

And so you're an idiot for even pointing it out.

Well, it's true.

It's also, it is true.

And it's half true.

It's true.

It's still true.

And there's not a justification for it.

Yeah.

So we make people go out of the way.

If you don't want me saying, oh, you know what's really fucked up is homeless people are allowed to, they're not even allowed to beg.

If you think, if you don't like me saying that, well, then you need to buy yourself a gun and kill

either the president

or

the prime minister of Israel's son who lives in Florida.

I understand if you're in Florida, you could probably kill him pretty easily.

I don't know.

What would that do for the homeless, though?

Well, you know,

that's how I don't really understand how activism works, but

Kyle Rittenhouse shot all those people.

Now he's a star.

Yeah.

Now he's at UTA now.

Yeah, people like him.

He's booking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think he's going out for Marvel now.

He could probably do comedy clubs.

Is he funny?

Should I email him and see if he'll like open for me just to see if like that helps ticket sales?

Rittenhouse?

Yeah, just have Kyle Rittenhouse just bring his guns out on stage and be like,

this one's an AK-47 with a red die.

You can just describe his guns and answer questions about all of his weapons.

Yeah.

And then I can come out and be like, damn, who remembers that 70s show?

They never said what country Fez was from.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe that could help ticket sales.

I mean, the best I could come up with right now is scumbag Vinny to move tickets for me in Florida.

I think that might be the move.

I think Rittenhouse is probably

a series of

surprise guests.

Yeah, yeah.

Speaking of, I'll be at the Columbus Funnybone

next

in February, next month.

Nick is going to be at the Columbus, Ohio Funnybone.

I have to prepare a new hour of material for this tour, and I have not done it.

So if the last hour of podcasting is any indication of

me thinking on the spot.

No, you're fine.

It should be fine.

It'll be great, guys.

He's one of the finest comedians in the world.

If you haven't checked it out, Your the Dragon is on YouTube

on our channel, which you're probably watching right now.

I always thought that

I think I mentioned this on the other one.

I found out that so the year you're born in, the Chinese one.

Oh, yeah.

No, you said it's in the office.

You didn't say it on the show.

Yeah, the year you're born in.

So if you're like, you're the dog or you're the monkey or something.

It comes around every 12 years.

I was under the impression as a non-Chinese that that's like, oh, that's got to be good luck.

Apparently, it's it's not if it's your birth year it's gonna be a bad year it's a bad very bad luck and you have to this year is you have to wear red underwear this year is dragon yes and you're born in dragon uh born dragon so it's supposed to be a bad year you're gonna die this year i don't know if i'm gonna die but it said uh bad year for health i should be my like uh your investments will do poorly your career will be uh sort of derailed

and you have to like uh i don't know a lot of bad stuff well it's about anyway, it's funny.

I was looking at it because, you know, you people say, uh, oh, libertarianism, that's like astrology for guys.

But no, it's Chinese astrology is astrology for guys.

It goes pretty hard.

It's pretty goth.

It's pretty awesome.

Yeah, medicine.

It's like, you need to move your couch to the other side of the room now, or the fucking the god of dragons is going to slip you.

He's going to cut your penis off.

Yeah, right.

It's very specific, too.

Really?

Yeah, all the bad shit.

Are they polytheistic?

Huh?

The Chinese?

They're polytheistic?

They have different gods?

Well, that's astrology, so it's not like a religion.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Like astrology isn't a religion.

When they say gods, they mean like planets.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Like Jupiter.

And I think regular, like, white girl astrology, Jupiter is bad.

Mm-hmm.

Because they go to get more stupider.

Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

Is that what it is?

Women are from Venus because they don't have a penis and men are from Mars because

some of them are named Lars.

Lars, yeah.

Ulrich.

Drummer from Mi Metallica.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Boys go to Mars.

Get some pussy.

What is it?

Is it get more what is it?

Cars.

Get more cars?

Mm-hmm.

Candy bars?

I don't know.

Anyway, we're gonna figure that out and w we're gonna stick on that that that story.

Is there a word for it, like, you know, sharding obviously but what if you like uh

like you you quisharded like you tried to queef but you accidentally shit yourself does that happen i don't know if anyone tries to queef i think it's the penis going in and making a a slight farting noise the air in the push there's queefing that happens like just throughout don't girls don't say like oh check this out Yeah, they do.

No, they don't.

Oh, yeah.

Which girls are you know?

Yeah, they do.

Some of them, yeah, they can like use yoga moves to suck in air and then fucking push it out like a whoopee cushion.

They sound awesome.

Yeah,

I know the wrong women, I guess.

Yeah,

I guess if I had a pussy, I'd be doing that all day long.

That's probably what they're doing down there in those tunnels.

That's what they're doing.

Yeah.

All right, guys.

We'll be back next week.

Guys, check it out.

Next week, I'll be in Tampa if you're there.

Patreon.com/slash T-A-F-S.

We love you.

See you later, folks.

All right.

What is guys like?

Oh, yeah.

Shaquif on Urban Dictionary.

Shaquif?

Yeah.

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