The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 37

Suffs!

The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home!

Winner, best score!

We the man to be seen!

Winner, best book!

We the man to be quality!

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

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Hello and welcome to the Adam Free London Show podcast.

Masterpiece Theater.

Masterpiece Theater.

Guys, Taylor.

What does that mean in British masterpiece?

Like big dick theater?

Like huge dick?

Yeah.

Well, it's the lord's piece.

Yeah.

It's like the king's piece.

Ah, the master's piece.

Yeah, the masterpiece.

Yes, yeah.

I have to get breakfast ready.

I'll be servicing the master's peace in the bedroom.

Get his bowl of cream and

what are the barley.

His barley and mill.

He's eating peat and mill, and I will be servicing

his peace in the bedroom.

Before I dress the master.

Before I put on his.

My latest film, I'm sure you remember, is we did Master and Commander.

And my next film is called The Master's Peace.

And it's about

a man on a boat who gets his penis sucked.

Is it like in the same universe as Master and Commander, or is it just a...

I'm trying to figure out a Russell Crowd.

I thought that sounded pretty good.

It's a little bit more Australian, I guess, in an interview.

But his tone is good.

His tone is there.

He barely sounds Australian.

I guess I don't really know what he sounds like in the interviews.

I just know that he likes to rock.

He has like a band called like the sharks or something.

They're called the shots.

The shots.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In Australia,

shotting is a sign of respect.

Yeah, when you meet a new person, you cry.

You squirt.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's actually insulting if someone doesn't.

Yeah.

It's nice because there's a smell aspect and an audio aspect to it.

So that's how you know

it's go time.

Guys, it's late night.

It's late night.

I'm going to go to Tampa, Florida in the morning.

It'll be Tampa, Florida all this weekend.

This episode

tonight.

The 19th and the 20th.

19th and 20th.

Tampa, Florida.

Please come and see me.

I'm going to go with Caleb Pitts on Friday, maybe Saturday.

Scumback Vinny will be doing a guest set.

The club was not too enthused about my announcement that Scumback Vinny will be on the show.

I got to find an opener because you and Caleb go out and do stuff and have fun.

Yeah, yeah, we have a good dynamic.

My problem is of a hang.

I'm not, like, yeah, I'm not fun.

Like, I would bring Racine with me, and me and Racine get along, but, like, we're just both retarded people.

Right.

So, like, Racine would be like...

Literally, we would just go to Dick's Sporting Goods or Cabela's.

Yeah.

Well, Caleb, I think a lot of going on the road is going to a mall.

I typically.

Yeah.

I go to malls a lot.

Yeah.

Caleb and I will go to a mall and I should, and I'll be like, should I buy Tim's?

Yeah, should I go to Lid's?

Yeah.

Fucking buy Tim's.

And he'll be like, you got to, girl.

Yeah.

Girl, you have to.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's, you've got to go with a friend, otherwise you want to kill yourself.

Right.

That's the deal.

But the thing is, I'm just not, like, I guess my friends outside of...

Like the guys I'm friends with, we don't do anything.

Yeah.

I mean, you think think of like an activity.

Not really fun.

Like, outside my real life, I'm like, oh, there's a train museum.

Well, you should find another guy like that.

That's what Mike Racine is.

Yeah, but I imagine if you meet another, like, person like you in the wild, maybe you guys hate each other.

Maybe we can go to like the bakery at Wakeman's.

Those are his suggestions.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We'll do stuff like that and then

be like, yeah, these are pretty good.

You have a pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah, these are pretty good.

They're like not like real pralens, but they're good.

Caleb and I will typically go around the city, and then we'll be like, oh, what if, and then we'll look on Zillow and we, and we'd be like, what if we left our girlfriend, his wife now, and then became a gay couple and then moved to Raleigh, North Carolina, or something.

We'll talk a little bit about it.

About like, you know, our day-to-day as the gay couple, like in a cute little house in Raleigh.

You guys will have fun in Tampa.

Tampa's, that club's out out in the middle of nowhere, but...

It's outside the city, right?

Ybor City.

They got wild chickens all over the place.

In the club?

No, just on the street.

There's just fucking roosters all over the place.

Is that real?

Yeah.

And like the way we have pigeons, they have like fucking chickens.

Like Mexico style?

Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

It's all it's Cubans down there.

So I guess they brought the.

I thought Cubans were Miami.

I thought Tampa were good old boys.

No, they also went to Tampa.

Really?

Yeah.

There's a lot of Cubans.

There's a lot lot of Cubans there.

And

big cigar industry.

Oh my God.

That's what he bore, I guess, was initially.

Have you ever enjoyed a cigar?

No, I like pipe tobacco.

I will be in Columbus, Ohio at the Funny Bone

on

February the middle.

Go to mull.dog and then you click on shows.

Mull.dog, that's my website.

Go to shows and that's my schedule.

But Columbus, that's the next one.

That's less than a month away.

Did Funny Mobs managed to stay on stage for 15 minutes?

You had a great set.

It was okay.

I got to figure out, I'm just going to, I'm going to really open up the possibilities wide.

It's like, let's not think about jokes.

Let's think about how to have a good time for 45 minutes.

Yeah, kind of maybe like a multimedia aspect to it.

I'm considering that.

Yeah.

Nick has been pitching me ideas for his new stage act, and it sounds like, folks, I'm not not exaggerating, an extravaganza.

I will say.

I kind of want to do an extravagant.

You should do an extravaganza.

I really hate stand-up comedy, but the idea of being an extravagant.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We limit ourselves.

If I made up, all I have to do is be on stage for an hour.

If I made up a different, maybe I could just create a new medium.

Like a new thing.

An extravaganza.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And what would it

entail?

Well, I would imagine what I was thinking, and I don't don't want to ruin it, but I get the dimensions of the showroom beforehand.

Okay.

And I have a giant tube.

And then I, so there's 300 people in the audience, and I start back left corner audience, and I whisper the first joke into the ear of the woman in the first seat.

Hopefully.

And then

I go to the next person.

And it takes me a full hour, and by the end, I've whispered one

joke.

The same joke into each person's ear.

And then I say, thank you.

Yeah.

That's pretty good.

You got a personal experience.

Yeah.

It's kind of like

you know how like

whores on the internet sell like chatting.

Yeah.

You know, like

like beating off on cam, you mean?

Uh-huh.

Maybe I'll just do stand-up, but with one of those like

those those kind of dildos that vibrate if you send coins

inserted into me.

And then at every at the ta everybody's table, there'll be

you'll have the option of of vibrating yeah right of a dildo and my yeah that jammed into my urethra so you make more money on top of whatever you're making for the from the ticket sales right right

maybe i'll try that yeah that'd be a fun thing you can make hundreds i think it's not a bad idea yeah yeah i uh that's when i think or a gallagher thing but sharding instead of smashing fruit yeah i think the splashing part is what's popular about gallagher

It's not about the watermelon.

It could be poo.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess I don't.

I thought for extravaganza, it sounds a little bit more like, I don't know, like you tell a story and you're like,

there's a piano playing, you know, the introduction to a song.

And you're like, yeah.

Last time I performed this was at the Starlight Lounge in Reno, Nevada.

And, you know.

I met a woman there and she stole all my money.

And then you sing, you know, your song.

It's kind of like that kind of thing.

Like Tony Bennett.

Yeah, kind of a Tony Bennett, yeah.

Yeah, and you can make your songs.

I don't know.

You don't even have to sing your own songs.

You could do an evening of covers.

I think that's kind of a good idea.

I don't know.

I'm spitballing.

I don't know.

There could be another aspect to it where it's

people just get to come up and kick you in the balls.

No, I'll never do something like that.

I'll never humiliate myself in such a regard.

No, but that's like a.

Sharding, though, and the dildo on my ass.

I think I could do the vibrating

and sharding.

That's not a bad idea.

Yeah, that's not a bad idea.

Uh-huh.

Did you have a fun day today?

You know what I could do?

Is I could put, I could do as the show is I could put a dildo on my ass and I try to shit it out without a turd also coming out.

Uh-huh.

And if the turd comes out, I lose and the audience wins.

And what, they get their money back or somebody?

Double their money.

Double.

Yeah.

That's a pretty good idea.

Yeah, yeah.

The club doesn't know this is happening, but yeah.

That's the plan.

There has to be a way to exploit them for even more money, you know?

Beyond their ticket prices.

I don't know.

Maybe like

you could have them like

You know, like when people do live streaming, you have to say something if they like tip more, then you have to like do a shout-out out or something.

So you can just, they can like

how that works?

Live streaming?

When you did Hassan's stream recently.

He makes money for if he does ad breaks and if you pay the $5, you don't have to watch the ad break.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

You pay $5 and you can turn your computer off for five minutes?

No, he hears the talk.

He's talking.

He turns on the ad break, keeps talking.

And

if you want to see him keep talking, I guess

he's always saying secret things during the commercial break.

Yeah, to his secret friends.

And there are 75,000 people watching.

And the chat is like the code in the Matrix.

It's insane.

And he's,

I couldn't really get over what it was that he was doing and that he does every single day of his life.

Yeah.

And I feel like I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I was like, this doesn't seem like a healthy way.

Again, he's very wealthy, but I was like, yeah, he was telling me, I was like, what happens if you have diarrhea or something?

Yeah, and they get mad at him.

Yeah, they time him, going to the bathroom and stuff.

They have spreadsheets of how long it takes him to piss.

Yeah.

It's kind of the Stanford prison experiment, but you get millions of dollars for it.

That's what my show is, the Stanford Prison Experiment.

That's not a bad idea.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We can do that.

I think it's a good idea.

The audience,

there's a button on your table, and if you do it,

if you press it, a toy will, a sex toy will vibrate in my ass, and I'll start

punching this woman violently.

She'll be chained up to a pole in front of me.

And when the door starts going, I just start punching violently.

Is she just a random audience member?

Your assistant?

The club, I imagine, will provide it.

Yeah, yeah.

Samuel Beach.

One of the wait staff.

And so it's not even on me.

Yes.

You know, it's them.

Yeah.

Yeah, the club, it's on the audience, right?

You are but a

vessel.

A vessel.

Yeah.

A vessel of fist.

That was the Stanford prison experiment, wasn't it?

I think it was just they put kids in a class, psychology class.

It's funny because it's been referenced so much because you learn what it is.

I forgot what it is.

I don't remember what it is anymore.

It's just a thing people say.

I think they just, like, say, incarcerated a bunch of kids in a class.

So that in torturing people, right?

They started going nuts.

Yeah.

And then there's a similar

example that happened at Harvard.

And there was a kid who had a nervous breakdown, and it was Ted

Kaczynski.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What were you saying earlier about me?

About the way I look

I don't remember was it good or bad?

It was really nice

oh boy well it's been a big it's been a big week in terms of uh news yeah huge I feel like something happened

Somebody went on a knife rampage and uh let's go let's just look let's go to the let's see what New York Post yeah yeah yeah sure sure

um

yeah let's check the

New York Post.

Let's see.

Teacher beaten unconscious by 270-pound student over Nintendo Switch.

She tells the Post that he spat in her face and called her a whore.

She looks like a bitch.

Yeah, we got good stuff in the New York Post today.

I still feel it, she says.

270-pound, and look, just

alpha blurred.

Oh my god, the alpha blurred.

He went super Saiyan on that.

Yeah,

I grabbed my backpack and my sweatshirt, and I got up to leave the class.

The energy changed in there.

I just wanted to remove myself from

Joan

continue without supporting us.

Wiping the spit from her face, Florida teacher Joan Nadick

senses it was time to

escape her classroom

Yeah, she was beaten unconscious by a student over a Nintendo Switch he was trying to take her Nintendo Switch

17 year old Brandon Deepa standing six foot seven and two hundred and seventy pounds

Pummeled Nadik with more than a dozen kicks and punches

She's beating the fuck out of the bus.

That would be awesome.

Can you imagine being in that class as a teenager, too?

I'd be like.

Like, dude, the blurred lost it.

She tried to touch his switch and the blurred lost it.

He was trying to play Zelda.

Oh my God.

Yeah, it sounds like she got a breath of the wild.

Sounds like the tears of the kingdom rained down on her.

It sounds like

he slapped her with a...

I don't know.

She got the ocharina of time.

I don't fucking know.

Sounds like her face is going to have to be in a Majora's mask until

her ocular bones heal.

That's crazy.

How does a kid get 270 pounds in 6'7?

I feel like I wouldn't want to go to school with some of that big.

Yeah, I mean,

you should legally not be considered a child.

I should get to go to little kids.

I think once you're past 6'2, they should just give you the diploma.

Yeah, you're done.

I mean, because it's like, first of all,

in terms of society, being 6'2 does more for you than a high school diploma.

100%.

Like, you could have a guy with no fucking high school diploma that's 6'2 versus a guy with just a high school diploma that's 5'7 going into a job, they're gonna give the 6'2 guy a job.

100%.

So

once you reach that height, you should be done with school.

That's so funny.

He popped off on that lady.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Now we get seven paragraphs down.

We get to the crucial information.

Let's hear it.

Nadic first encountered Deepa in an autistic teen in January of 2022 in a special needs classroom.

She provided assistance to the primary teacher, ensuring Deepa and his classmates made it to their various destinations throughout the day.

He was special needs?

He was autistic.

When agitated, he would pelter and other staffers with epithets, usually some variant of the term bitch.

Like, what a variant.

Biach.

Oh, the classics.

Biach.

Just to require you biach.

Games, believe that.

I don't want to use the R Slur describing.

Wow.

I hope they let him have his Switch in jail.

Apparently,

they.

Well, how old is he, actually?

Are they going to charge him as an adult?

Wow, this video is crazy.

Of the beat-up?

He's just pummeling her, and there's like five people on him, and they can't stop, and then all of them, the teachers, all have that body.

What's the closest...

Like

what's the closest you ever came to blows with a teacher?

Never.

Never.

Yeah.

They all hated you?

No, teachers actually liked me.

You were a nice guy?

You just didn't do your work.

I just didn't do work.

Yeah, it was like...

Teachers actually hated me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you were like a know-it-all, I guess.

No, I was.

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No, it was you.

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He used it?

Ian, actually,

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And then the teacher says to you, you're not allowed to fume in class.

Well, you're not allowed to smoke in class.

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yeah i mean and if someone were to take that away from me you might snap Yeah, I'm just not, I don't really have the ability to.

Yeah, you just don't have the six foot seven, 200.

Yeah, they would just take things away from me.

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Ian is currently in special education now.

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All right.

What else is in the post?

Let's go through the post.

We're tired.

We've worked all day.

What else is going on?

I'm just reading more of this story.

What else is...

Oh, let's hear more.

Let's get back to the story.

And he looks like...

Did I do that?

Oh, my God.

That poor guy.

He's going to have to go to grown-up prison for a Switch assault.

He'll be fine.

He's 6'7.

Yeah, but they'll manipulate him.

He's not very smart.

No, he's actually...

Guess what the subject matter was of the class that he interrupted by playing Switch?

Cybersecurity.

No way.

Yeah.

In high school?

It was a cyber security class.

He goes to smart high school?

I guess.

It's special education, but then they let him out for computers.

What?

I guess they, I mean, I don't know.

Maybe they have.

We saw Tit.

He's like fucking Rain Man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And now, all right.

Well, that's.

So that bitch was a

all right

onwards.

It's funny too, because it's like the only reason this is in the post is because he's black.

100%.

Yeah, so this is just

right now.

The post is black crime and anti-Semitism news.

Yeah, right.

It's the cities aren't safe, and you wouldn't believe who is being anti-Semitic today.

Yeah, no, because somebody says, I understand that autism plays a big part in this, but it may require educational personnel physically capable of handling a violent person like this.

So the first comment is like, we need to get women out of schools.

Yes.

Like, women can't be.

How many likes do they get?

They're too weak.

434.

The post-comment section is.

I tell you, this wouldn't have happened if we didn't have weak women

in the school.

You need males.

Six, eight males should be all the teachers.

You need kimbo slides.

You need kimbo slides teaching in class.

And then a response here from a guy named Pablo Umu,

who says, what plays a big part is having no father around and being raised by boys.

Oh my God.

By wolves?

Yeah, wolves.

Uncomfortable as it is for many people to acknowledge, due to the proliferation of single-parent households.

That's it.

Let me just do Control-F lead paint.

Dude, it's crazy.

The post.

comment section, I just imagine a 97-year-old,

like Jewish person that's that's lived in New York forever.

Yeah.

Talking about they're outside my house.

I don't feel safe anymore in this city.

Yeah, it's all New York racist.

It's New York racist.

It's a very particular brand of.

You know, someone named Cobra Wing.

We're long past a point where trying to civilize a good number of these people is clearly impossible.

And then for some reason, they put civilizing quotation marks and bolded it.

That means jail?

Yeah, when schools had a real discipline ability, this wasn't so much of a a problem.

Clearly, their woke agenda has backfired badly.

What woke agenda?

Let him have Switch in class?

Is that the woke agenda?

It's the woke agenda.

Yeah, it backfired.

He was inspired by

the trans movement

in his action.

It's crazy.

It's the same comments for any...

article in there.

It's also too, all of these people will turn around and leave another comment on the server and like, step on my lawn, I'm going to shoot you in the fucking face.

I will shoot you in the pussy.

If you touch my mailbox, I'll come out of my house with a machine gun and kill you.

They're like, they're like, what's going to happen when somebody cuts this guy off in traffic?

I mean,

she took his property.

Yes.

100%.

100%.

Yeah.

It's so mean of her.

Yeah, I've seen it from Mark S.

I feel confident someone has written a report explaining, written a report explaining why punishment of any kind would damage this child's hopes of playing in the NBA.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

You got to get that guy on the offensive line, though.

6'7, 280 is perfect.

This is so, yeah.

No wonder it's hard for schools to find good teachers and aides.

Yeah, it's so funny.

They react to things like this, which is in the news because it's an aberration.

Right.

It's remarkable.

They're like,

this isn't.

Yeah, right.

Even

the detail, a 6'7 child.

The headline could be, get a load of this 6'7 mentally disabled boy.

And that's what the news was.

That should have been an article.

That was the news when I was growing up.

If he got an article first about how big he was, maybe he wouldn't have.

Honestly, that could be his career.

He could have been...

Guinness book.

Hold up, Guinness Book of World Records.

I have the world's biggest disabled boy.

Look how big this boy.

Look how big this disabled boy is.

Yeah.

And then you bring him around

the evangelical South.

You could say

this is right out of Leviticus.

That's right.

Look how big somewhere in there.

Look how big that boy.

You've seen the Bible story about the big disabled boy.

We all know it.

We all know it well.

Yeah.

Is he really an autistic teen?

Or is that just a euphemism for mentally disturbed?

Well, I'm pretty sure a teenager is objectively.

That's pretty easy to figure out.

I think he is a teen.

And autism is

a medical diagnosis.

So I don't really know if it's a euphemism.

I'm going to look at the post-a little and see what I see.

See what I can find.

Ding-dong sitch officer warns teens they can get shot and killed if they participate in the TikTok door knock challenge.

See, exactly.

Yeah, right.

The next thing is, yeah,

if one of these teenagers knocked on my door, I'd blow their fucking head off.

Yeah, if you knock on my door, I will shoot you.

Right.

Oh, look at this fucking animal.

Doesn't want a switch taken away.

Is that my doorbell I hear?

Is that the button button outside of my house that's designed for the public to press?

Is someone touching the button I put outside of my house?

The thing that

visitors use.

Yeah.

This is a very dangerous game.

Very dangerous.

I'm afraid a homeowner may think someone is trying to burglarize.

What burglar would use the door that like use the

use the bell

anyway

yeah what do they have to write about anymore

crystal hefner says life with hugh hefner was no fantasy having to sleep with an 80 year old there's a price

what does she say i don't know

who's crystal it was one of the girls next door i'm sure fucking him at that age was probably horrific yeah it's like you know you You know, sometimes you open a box of raisins and they're all stuck together.

It's just one solid mask.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

I imagine fucking him.

That would be like trying to put those raisins back in the box.

Yeah, I guess, I mean,

didn't they find out that he like did he like fucked like

a bunch of people against their will after he died?

Of course.

Yeah, of course he did.

The sex man.

Right.

Imagine that being your life.

Known

for being into sex.

Yeah, and there was a brief period where people were like, oh, he was always a feminist.

Yes, because he let a woman run the company for a year.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that was what it was.

Yeah.

Anyway.

That was always kind of a loser thing, though.

I can't imagine if I lived in the 50s even.

I would have been like, wow, this guy's awesome.

Yeah, Heff is the man.

Yeah.

I'd be like, this guy's...

It's like a 12-year-old's idea of what's cool.

Right.

Yeah, and he wears pajamas all day.

That was the other thing about him

What a fucking loser.

Yeah, Hugh Hefner's out

What's in is six foot seven

Blurred willing to do anything for his Nintendo Switch.

I'm sorry, but there's like a spiritual quality to that that I think is like noble.

There's a virtuosity to it

Yeah, fighting back.

And like I said, this is one of those things.

A guy like that 6,000 years ago would be revered.

That story would be something that...

It'd be like, that is the new chief.

A third of films in literature would be based on the story of the 6'7 Blurred taking his toy back.

Yeah, it's true.

Yeah.

She revealed that she once had a conversation with Heff, and he let me know, once I go, when I'm gone, please only say good things about me.

I kept that promise for the last five years after going through a lot of therapy and healing.

And now here's great.

Here's the comments of people shitting on this lady.

Wait, so his only request was to be kind after he was gone.

She took all the benefits and the money, and after four years to make some more money, broke her promise.

Shouldn't she have to return everything she took from him?

Oh, people are standing up for the blurt.

No, no, no.

This is about Hugh Hafner's ex-wife.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

I'm confused.

Oh,

for being a gold digger.

Yeah.

It says gold digger all over here.

I love it.

Her book should be called Prostitute Memoir.

That's all she was.

I got nothing right now, Nick.

I'm like crashing.

I feel like I'm about to fall asleep.

Well, come on.

We'll go through the post here.

I'm exhausted, dude.

I feel like really embarrassed right now.

Like, I'm doing a terrible job.

Like, I have nothing.

Yeah, but you're wearing a costume.

That's all that matters.

No, but it's just not good.

Play with the gun.

Play with the gun.

You'll feel better, I'm telling you.

That's what I tell my son at home.

A lot of people don't know I have a son.

I also have a firearm.

Anytime he's having a temper tantrum, I just pop the clip out and I hand him the gun.

And when I never let him know, there's a round in the chamber.

Yeah.

So he thinks he's safe.

But he's not.

And then after I take the gun away, I say, I just let you know.

And then I fire it into the...

like you could have killed yourself or me and that's and that's true that's true whether you're holding the gun or not yeah that's something about life that you'll never I don't think the gun will do it

I'm getting congested I think from like touching this thing can I can I can we just do it before my flight tomorrow

no because I gotta there's I have to meet

the contractor to get

what time I'm early and then he's picking me up and and then we're...

And then we've got to come back, and we got all this shit to do.

Could I like splash cold water on my face or something right now?

No, we're fine.

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You have the Super Bowl fever this year, Nick?

Yes.

I can't wait.

I do want to have, I always, you know, I mean, I have a nice apartment.

I always want to have a little like Super Bowl party or something.

I never think to do it.

I always say it all the time.

I'm like, I have, I have cable.

I could do pay-per-view events.

Remember when I did that one time?

We watched that one fight.

Yeah.

And you had the

snack tray was awesome.

Yeah, we had a great time.

And I'm like, why the fuck don't I do this more often?

Yeah.

Well, let's do it this year.

Okay.

But I don't know if we could say Super.

Isn't it like we have to say the big game?

You're not allowed to say Super Bowl?

I thought that was the thing, like on TV.

You had to say, oh,

the big game.

Because it's like a copyrighted term or something.

That's not how copyright works.

I don't know.

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You could bet anything, anytime, anywhere.

You bet on this election because it's probably going to be the last time.

And is this, and this is the country's going to end, right?

Well, how do they end it?

There's going to be a civil war no matter what.

Like between who?

It'll be like January 6th times 9-11.

But like who's going to be like Biden?

Like, yeah, hello.

Who's going to kill for Biden?

Well,

I think

what's going to happen is Trump will win.

Yeah.

And then the thing that the January 6th guys wanted Congress to do, like invalidate the results,

they'll just do that.

They'll do that, but without any kind of, you know, the people will be protesting, but then Congress will do the thing where they're like, oh, yeah, actually, no, we're just going to make Biden president anyways.

Oh.

Oh, you're saying that they're going to take it away from him?

They're going to take it away from him, and then

the January 6th type of guys, then they'll just start blowing things up.

I don't know.

Right?

Doesn't that seem like

it sounds dumb, but it's also like, doesn't that seem like what's going to happen?

It just seems like Trump's going to win.

Yeah.

And then there's not going to be any kind of.

No.

It'll be boring.

You think he's just going to be president?

Yeah.

Oh.

Hopefully, like,

hopefully the stock market just goes like crazy.

Yeah.

Hopefully it's like people are just,

yeah, there's just like uh

that actually would be sweet.

It's like another Trump president, and then we have like a kind of like a roaring 20s, and we do all this like permanent economic damage, yeah.

And like the middle class is just completely wiped out, and we ascend into like

you know, some kind of great Gatsby, yeah, right.

We do great

Atspie, yeah, and uh, we have flappers giving us pussy, and yeah, just women with like very long

pussy, yeah, like like like a uh like goofy ears yeah yeah that's what yeah yeah there's jazz and people are like

yeah it is the 20s yeah it's kind of the 20s it is the 20s we're in the 20s yeah yeah yeah man trump like uh

like a like a warren g harding uh-huh

who the g stood for what gangsta yeah no yeah

yeah what is that I don't know.

What were you going to say about it?

People used to say he was black.

yeah, like he had a little brother written up.

Yeah, wasn't that like a rumor online or something?

Let me look it up.

Look at a pic, also.

Babe Ruth, they said it is uh was Dominican.

There are a couple pictures where he do be looking like that.

Yeah,

yeah.

DNA shows Warren Harding was not America's first black president.

Oh, never mind.

What a bummer.

Who was it?

Trump?

Yeah.

That was like a popular rumor online, I think.

Warren G.

Harding did have a black kid, though.

Ooh.

Why do people think he was black?

I don't know.

I think I saw that various name on the headline.

He doesn't look like black.

I was like, why did anyone check?

Like, the people thought that guy was black?

No, yeah, not at all.

Yeah, oh, definitely.

Yeah, for sure.

And that's, yeah, that's definitely...

This busted piece of shit is

his fucking disgusting wife.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, he was a bad president, right?

He was supposed to be a really bad boy.

Even Hoover.

Look at this fucking loser.

Look how he listened to his music.

Is that the speaker directly in his face?

What an idiot.

Yeah.

What the fuck is he doing?

He did this a lot.

That's his thing?

Yeah, he just didn't know how to listen to music.

Or maybe that's like a microphone.

I don't know.

You just talk into a cone if you're the president.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then Babe Ruth, yeah, was the other one.

They say he was Dominican.

There are like some pictures of it.

I think I saw something where there was like a picture of him like in a fur coat looking like a pimp.

And people are like, yeah, he's definitely,

that's why he was so good at ball.

And his face looked a little Afro-Caribbean, but obviously not.

We all know the first black president was

Abraham Lincoln.

That's why.

That's why he's such a good guy.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Wait, is this real?

Or is this like a

is that real?

I kind of look like him.

Yeah.

Anyways, what were you saying?

Nothing.

Nothing good.

Stop being insecure.

Who cares, dude?

I don't know.

I'm just tired, dude.

We've been shooting all day.

I'm tired.

You can be tired.

That's fine.

Yeah, but I just don't want to do it.

I'm a paramedic.

Look, we'll get it over with and we'll be done.

No, it's not the pot.

It's not entertaining.

It's not.

I've been entertained laughing at the guy who beat up his the teacher.

Yeah, that was the one good thing.

I don't care what the I learned a fun story about a nerd losing like

being sent over the edge and and teacher

teacher fucking around and finding out.

Yeah.

I wish I beat up.

They should auction that Nintendo Switch.

For it what his business.

It should be in a museum.

It should.

In the Smithsonian.

The Civil Rights Museum.

Yeah.

They took this away from him.

Because I tell you, in 50 years, that's...

And Rosa Parks.

Well, this story is going to be about a hero.

Because, I mean, this is true, and a lot of people are going to get mad at me for saying this, but there is a criticism of the education system that they just don't know how to interact with minority children.

Yeah.

That they need a louder environment to learn.

I haven't heard that.

I remember reading that in the early days of

salon.com.

Yeah.

Sounds like that.

It was like an article that was like, Let Black Boys Scream

in the classroom.

Written by

Deborah, Jewish, or whatever.

Yeah, something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Used to be able to just say whatever.

You could just say whatever.

2014 was the best time to be a journalist.

I moved to Brooklyn to be a journalist.

I'm writing writing for Exo Jane.

That's my big feature for Exo Jane.

They paid me $2,000.

They wrote an article called, I walked around with a piece of baby bell cheese in my pussy for a week.

And this is what I've learned about.

And this is what I learned.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And here's why we need to talk about...

Toxic masculinity.

Yeah, exactly.

Because men couldn't stop.

Remember that?

Harassing.

There was women making yogurt in their pussies.

That was like a thing.

Yeah.

I think it's still a thing.

And you could write an article about it.

I think my girlfriend's mom is like one of those moms that's like put yogurt on it.

She's one of those like,

you don't need medicine.

You just put some yogurt on it.

Like in your pussy?

I don't know.

Anything.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, you just need, you need, uh, you need whatever it has in it, the bugs that are in it.

Bacteria.

Yeah.

Like a gut biome.

What Nick said to me earlier today about my new look is that he's never had respect for me and that he saw me like a lot of your obnoxious behavior when you're you have a beard you're being so nice to me right now well it comes off it comes off as just uh like authoritative yeah like it's deliberate i mean it's not it's just i'm i'm just a

i'm just a whack guy yeah which is shit but when you have a beard it's forgivable yeah like oh that

he's trying his best

yeah

I'm going to be sad when I take it off.

Yeah.

You should grow a beard.

I can't.

Well, that's the thing.

It's like, guys, first of all, if you like the show, please support.

We got, I don't know,

there's a lot to shoot.

Yeah.

Scrambling to get.

And we don't want to get your hopes up either because it's not going to be particularly...

No, shut up.

It'll be fine.

No, no, shut up.

The amount of time it's taking, don't put it that way.

Well, whatever.

I don't care either way.

It's very involved at the very least.

Fuck you.

I don't give a shit what you're doing.

All right.

We're having a good time.

I had a great day.

But the show does require support.

We thought maybe we'd get a little,

we thought we'd have a little move on the background, back end with a sponsorship sort of deal, and that we wouldn't have to beg anymore, and that we could just get our bases covered so we could make the show.

But that seems to be not going to happen.

Advertisers are still bracing for a

recession or whatever.

So there's just

no

go to patreon.com slash TAFS if you want to sign up.

And then I guess if we could get you that like the Michael Jackson where they take your fucking pubes and they like laserly insert them into your face so you can grow a beard.

Is it like hair replacement?

It's like hair replacement.

We need a different type of follicle because you can't just like...

So it's pube hair?

I would imagine they use pubic hair, yeah.

Well, if it makes you think I'm a better guy, then yeah, of course.

Honestly,

the beard is doing.

They did do it in Jackass 2, of course.

What?

In the terrorism sketch.

It was very funny.

What did they do?

They just glued pubes.

They glued pubes.

Yeah, I'm saying.

But this is more medical.

You remove the follicles and you have them inserted via laser into your face.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think, I mean...

I'd be willing to try out different looks for sure.

I think if I want to go into acting, if I want to do more stuff like we're doing right now, like

I grew up here, I grew up bearding.

I don't think it makes it really changes the way people perceive me.

I guess you have to have the mustache that covers your mouth.

When I have that, if it's just all hair down here, I feel like I look friendlier.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, people love you.

Not really.

Without it, I'm like a rat guy.

No, you're handsome.

I'm like a rat.

Without it, you look great.

Oh, all right.

Yeah.

You have a great face, great bone structure.

You look awesome.

Dust-up between Biden and New Hampshire Democrats kept him off the primary ballot.

What?

Yeah.

What was the dust-up?

The state is holding its contest earlier than this year's Democratic primary counter allows, and Kenny Spinobella might be eligible to delegate.

I don't know, Budget.

I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck that means.

Yeah.

Oh.

Hot Mike supposedly catches Biden threatening to wage war on Texas with F-15 fighter jets.

Oh, who is he?

I don't know.

This is new.

Do you have his number?

Who?

Hot Mike.

Oh, Hot Mike.

That's very funny.

Chinese mom who live streams her son doing homework gets surprising results.

What are the results?

Mother in China who live streams her nine-year-old son's homework sessions on Du Yin said the results of her child's work ethic have been surprising.

The results, the mother from China's Sichuan Promise, identified as Zhang, said the live stream allows viewers to monitor and encourage her son's studies with over 900 people.

Jesus Christ.

What?

I mean, that sounds like something I'd make up.

Like, it's so much fun.

There's homework on stream?

Yeah, exactly.

Like, what's the biggest TV show in China?

I don't know.

Fucking homework.

Fucking piano lessons.

Yeah, what's their best drive?

How big is the viewership?

Fucking bad drive, shit, shitty driving.

Yeah, it's like too lazy to.

Yeah, what's their version of fucking

50 Shades of Gray?

50 Shades of Fucking Crashing Your Car.

Fucking math.

Fucking math class.

Math class.

Superstar.

Penis.

Yeah.

instead of hamilton what do they got fucking

dog food math

dog

it's too yeah it's too lazy of a yeah of a thing wait so how many people are watching this guy do uh

900 million no way

the entire country watches this kid do homework 900 million people

Wait, just wait, just 900.

So this seems like a non-story.

Why is that in the New York post?

It's in Yahoo.

Oh, Yahoo.

What's the police?

Yahoo news is insane.

Donkey cart loaded with explosives kills a police officer and critically injures four others in Kenya.

And the donkey survived.

He did.

Yeah.

A donkey with injuries is seen after an IED blew up in Mandara County, Kenya.

We should move to Kenya, dude.

It's the Nights, apparently.

Yeah.

Yes, we're settler colonials.

We should join up with the Maasai, the jumping guys.

Oh, what do they do?

Applyometrics, just jumping.

Oh, really?

Those guys, yeah.

Those are Kenyas.

I'm gonna move to Kenya and sell kites.

Do they have kites there?

I don't think so.

You're just gonna like teach them kites.

Well, you don't need to.

They're intuitive.

Well, you can get good at kites.

He's the power of the wind.

Yeah.

I mean, but you can you can like get like really good at that.

What is that like that thing that charity people do?

They go to like Africa to make schools out of mud.

Yeah.

That also seems like

rude.

The guy from uh J Jurassic.

Like if you're gonna go to Africa.

It's always the Jurassic if you're gonna go to Africa to make a school, make a real school.

Don't like make a school out of dirt and be like...

That's insulting.

Look what I did for you.

Make a regular building.

Yeah.

It's their culture.

Mud.

Yeah, I made you a poo-poo school.

That's what they do here.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

I made you.

That is probably not even what they do.

It's just a bunch of jackasses going over there making doo-doo buildings.

And then they're like, yeah, thanks, but can we just have a wooden fucking building?

Yeah, we just get a regular building.

Yeah.

I live in a house.

They're like, well, that one's made out of doo-doo.

I'm like, yeah, Jimmy Carter came over here and just made everything out of doo-doo.

Yeah, it's all Americans that are building these poo-poo houses.

Jimmy Carter's a fucking guy.

Like, he came over here to play with his own shit.

And then he said, actually, it's a school.

Actually, isn't it?

He died, right?

Recently?

His wife died.

And now he's just getting as much pussy as possible for.

How long did he have to wait?

He's like 99.

It's wild that he's still alive.

Imagine if he was just waiting for her to die to get puss.

Three presidents after him are dead.

Yeah, he was the president in the 70s.

Yeah.

That's so long ago.

Yeah.

Yeah.

poor guy it's gonna be crazy if america survives in like 60 years when our president is like uh

you got chocolate i have i was hiding it what this is what i need for the show for the rest of the show i'm wanting just give me a little chocolate no i want it for myself before bed What do you mean before bed?

Like you eat it in bed?

Yeah, I have a little piece of chocolate before I go to sleep.

Okay, you could have a little piece of that and give me a little piece of it.

I like the sound of it opening.

It's like a thing I do.

I tuck myself in.

I have my piece of chocolate.

Okay.

You could.

Which, everybody, I'm very excited to announce I have my painful dental surgery scheduled for the end of January.

Okay, you could open it from the other side when you get into bed and lie to yourself that it's unopened.

I'm kind of scared, honestly.

I hear it's really painful.

Can I just have a piece of chocolate, please?

No, we're almost done.

Where'd you get it from?

We're almost done.

We got two more minutes.

No way.

Yeah.

You're lying.

I'm not lying.

Guess what time?

Look what time it is.

Guys, I'm.

What's the time?

Look at...

You have a watch.

I put it down.

Wow.

How tall is Baron Trump?

Compare his height with other celebrities.

He's like 7'4.

Yeah.

We gotta put him in the NBA.

Whoa.

Do you see?

This is an old picture.

Look how big that boy.

That's insane.

That's a big one.

Yeah.

Trump's got to be so proud.

Yeah.

He's just up there playing Switch.

Ready to kill a teacher.

Yeah.

Baron's going to be the second Switch murderer.

Have you seen DeSantis' shoes?

Yeah, that's his whole thing.

Trump makes fun of him for wearing high heels.

I kind of want to run for president and be like, I'm tiny.

Yeah.

Vote for me because I'm tiny.

Why don't we change it up?

Yeah.

You've had these big boys telling you what to do this whole time.

Why don't we get a little tiny guy and see?

And we'll prove the world wrong because they all think I'm going to be a nightmare.

Wrong, I'm going to do nothing.

Yeah.

Lazy.

I will do fucking nothing.

Lazy, just like the time.

I'm opening a nightclub in Central Park.

Really?

Yeah.

That's a good idea.

Nikki Tease.

For President of the United States to have one club in New York.

Yeah, it's called Nikki Tease, but it's T-E-A-S-E.

Oh.

So you like

pussy.

It's a strip club.

You hit the UK pussy for

the president.

I go in the back and then they start a new song and I come out again.

And that's the whole gimmick that you think you can get pussy for the president but he's just a tease yeah and you're like it's on the name of the building yeah

mr president

it's me me coming out of the birthday that's pretty good uh-huh i think that's pretty good yeah i think that's pretty good uh-huh i don't know if that would work in a 50 i'm doing strategy i'm doing stuff like sending uh 10 billion doll hairs to israel Oh, that's a good bit.

I'm like, oh, you misheard me.

That's a good bit.

You misheard me.

Doll hairs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they're like, thank you.

Yeah, we've been waiting for these.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Actually, we like this more than money.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Goss and children suffocated by doll hairs.

They're just shoving them down there.

That's sad.

The world is sad.

Is it?

Yeah, kind of.

This is fun, though.

I had a fun day today.

Yeah.

And now it's like 10 and I'm exhausted.

I want to get into bed.

I have to go to Tampa in the the morning.

It sucks.

Yeah.

What time is your flight?

I think at

like 10 or 11.

Get up.

Stand up.

Stand up for your rights.

Stand up.

Stand up for your rights.

And don't forget my balls.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We have one more minute.

Okay.

I was wrong.

I thought it was.

I looked at the clock when Ginsburg said we were ready to go.

And then.

Yeah.

And it was another minute.

And he had to use the fume before he brought it to us.

Yeah.

You admit it, Adam.

Sure, I use the fume.

Yeah.

Fucking do it.

Uh-huh.

You do look like

have you ever seen one of those?

No, one of those guys that like somehow like went homeless, but in his suit?

Like he became homeless at dinner with James Bond.

No, he's like, he lost his job.

Yeah.

And then

he had a house to go back to.

He had money in his bank account, but he's like, I guess I'm homeless now.

I've been broken.

Yeah.

I I always thought about those guys.

It's a nice blazer.

Those guys kind of look nice.

They kind of have cool style.

Like in a different context, that would be fashionable clothes.

They'd be like a blazer and a beard guy.

But instead, they're

just lost his job guy.

Yeah.

Jimmy Walker.

That was the guy, the mayor that had a nightclub in Central Park Casino.

Like the character from Good Times.

He had the same name.

What year was that?

1930s.

He had a club in there?

He fucking, yeah, he had a casino.

He had flappers and shit?

He would just hang out with mobsters.

Sounds so sick.

Yeah, I think it was the 30s.

Jimmy Walker.

Was that the early 30s?

I thought that was the guy from

whatever that is.

Yeah.

From whiskey.

Yeah, 26 to 32.

Oh, my God.

That guy was getting flapper ass.

Fucking scumbag.

He's a handsome guy.

Yeah.

He looks good.

He's old Irish, Jimmy.

Uh-huh.

Guys, I have to go to sleep.

I have a flight.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for this.

I'm sorry.

The beard.

You know, get excited what the beard is about.

I guess that's all I'll say.

Nick, thank you for being the wind beneath my wings for this last hour.

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Thanks, guys.

And please go to my website and buy tickets to Columbus, Ohio.

You got a friend in Columbus, tell him to come out.

Good night, Tampa.

Oh, fucking.

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