The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 34

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Okay, welcome to the Adam Freelance Show podcast.

We've had a hell of a week here at the studio.

We had a technical issue with the DMX controllers and the lights, which held us up two days, and now Nick is debilitatingly sick.

So we're going to do one of those podcast things where we're going to do one hour on the free feed.

And then if you want to switch over, because this shit is going to be cooking, when the cast of the original Adam Friedland Show gets together,

history gets made.

And then we'll switch over to the Patreon side for the second half hour of this intense political conversation.

We have Ian Finance and Mike Racine here today.

Ian

is going to be representing more of a conservative side

and

conservative but

non-racist conservative side.

And then Mike is going to be presenting

more of a

progressive but racist side of things.

I think that that's kind of an interesting divide.

A lot of people want to think of

politics as

polar, and I think that you could actually you could have a

you know a wide diverse array of opinions and you don't put people in one of two boxes.

Ian's told me this plenty of times when it comes to gender issues.

I think that

is that correct?

It's not it's not binary?

Correct.

Correct.

Okay.

So I think for

you know, like just because Mike is a progressive doesn't mean that he can't have some opinions on a couple minority groups

that we don't have to share today.

And just because

you happen to be kind of an alt-right, kind of more of like an intellectual dark.

No, I think logically and fucking normal.

Yes.

That doesn't mean that you don't also engage in

some high-risk

sexual behaviors with if there's one thing about me to know it's that I go there.

Okay.

So returning once again is the original cast of the Adam Friedland Show.

I think this happened right at the end of the old Come Town days.

It was a smash hit.

And then we had one audio episode before we got the camera set up, which was the three of us after we got the studio.

Is that correct?

Yes.

Okay, great.

Great to have you guys here.

I need to start a timer because we have an ad read coming up, but

let's talk.

I want to talk to you about the right before the show started.

Ian had suggested that Michael over here

get a tattoo of his wife's name

as a means of what?

what would the benefit be for for that why not how about you how about you describe why not what tell me why not tell me

one concrete reason why not to not get a tattoo and to go one further and get one with your wife's name the woman you love yeah in old script american traditional that'd be hard as hell deb that's fucking what's american traditional script what is this uh like this style like this it's uh oh that's american

that looks literally like uh like airbrush t-shirt at the mall like a mexican t-shirt yeah there's a reason why you see it everywhere because it's a classic design it's been around for hundreds of years it'll be around for a hundred more classic bright bold beautiful colors yeah they call it the 2020 rule brother you'll see it in 20 years and from 20 feet away come on now either of you guys had family members who have died where yes where there was a t-shirt made for the funeral or is that just i'm not black that's a african that's african-american uh

I don't see why you couldn't do that.

No,

I'm going to interject.

That's not a black thing.

That's a poor thing.

Poor people do that.

Really?

Because I have been to funerals

back in Delaware of like

white trash.

And there were t-shirts.

Drug addicts.

And we all had

makeshift t-shirts airbrushed in memory of, you know.

And do you still...

So it's not like a black thing, or like a race thing, it's a poor people's thing.

It's a poor thing.

So see, Ian, even though he's a member of the intellectual dark web, he happens to not be very intelligent.

What he's making is a materialist analysis.

I don't like it.

That is a Marxist materialist analysis that he's making right now.

What is this?

Every time I get insulted,

you're getting sprayed.

Ian.

Okay.

Also, our friend Ian, if you don't know him,

he's in recovery.

And that is coming up on nine.

I wasn't even.

Let's give it up for eight years.

Thank you.

Let's give it up for eight years.

Let's boom.

Hey, I got eight years.

Really, what I got is just today, brother.

I used to be addicted to this when I was teaching.

I missed uh parent-teacher conferences because I stopped by PC Richards.

Really?

I brought it back in there.

Really blessed.

Where did you teach?

You brought that with you?

No, I on the

I went home.

It was like, I'm just gonna do dust food for a minute.

Yes, we had in the office.

Did you bring that with you?

No, no, I found a bunch of stuff in the office.

Wait, wait, where did you found a butt plug in the office?

Or no, a douche in the office.

No, that is for camera lenses to get dust off.

oh i bet it is queer

is that do they use that in the in the queer community don't from your experience act like you don't know yes you fill it with water you shove it up your ass you give it a spray and it cleans you out

what are we talking about here what

what do you think

where'd you get this It's for cleaning our camera.

We have these vintage camera lenses that we got from

actually they're French lenses, but we got

this in the Ukraine.

What?

This is a douche.

See, we call it in the biz a freedlin.

When you see a douche, you know, I see a piece of equipment for a small business that I'm running.

So, you know, that's it.

Some people's ass is a small business.

That their own only fans.

Certainly true.

Certainly true.

I think last time we did the show together, I made Ian show me his OnlyFans.

Yes.

And it was actually a very nice, like, kind of Kinseyan spectrum.

It was very diverse.

Yeah, because it was like

chicks and then

with the penises and then just fellas jacking off.

Uh-huh.

Shout out Lil Baby Anthony, who got a sex change, and now they are a sissy pussy.

Uh-huh.

I no longer subscribe.

Oh, I was going to ask if you were still.

Yeah.

No.

No.

Wait, they had the bottom surgery?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're not paying for your pussy.

When a transsexual gets

bottom surgery, do men that are attracted to them, do they, are they less attractive?

Like, is it, did they, have they gotten rid of it?

but with yourself personally i have gone on dates with women that have had bottom surgery yeah and

dated women that have had penises yeah

but for your like i like female to male for what gets you trans women whether they have a cock or not i do not like male to female

male to female trans women yeah whether they have a a penis or a vagina i prefer the penis and the boobs.

Yeah.

But

I have not dated or been interested in female to male because I enjoy femininity and

you know when you see an old picture of like Paul Newman at a civil rights rally, that's what you're going to look like in like 40 years.

Yeah, he's classic.

Yeah.

He's a good guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, thank you for the compliment.

You know, he was in the front row of that James Baldwin William Buckley debate.

No.

And

Buckley got pissed.

And he was like, he called him a queer.

He called Baldwin a queer.

And then afterwards, apparently, Paul Newman was like, I'm going to beat this motherfucker's out.

I do that.

Yeah.

Cool guy.

I'll fuck.

What were they debating?

Because it was like the 60s.

The American Negro or something.

You know, I was like, that's kind of what.

What about it?

I suppose it was like what it was, you know, whether it would sucked or was good for black people in America.

Yeah.

What sucked?

Do you want to watch the Baldwin debate right now?

Yes.

Okay, we could do that.

No.

So, I mean, my only question, going back to what I said before, back to the tattoo.

Was like, if a girl gets it removed,

are you less attracted?

Or

has she lost the money maker to some extent?

Tattoo?

No.

No,

the penis.

No, I like women.

Yeah.

Whether they have a penis or not.

Okay.

I will say, if

chicks rule.

Yeah.

Oh, captain by captain.

But if they have a,

if

I prefer

here's the hierarchy.

Vintage, OG women.

Next step.

That's your favorite?

Women gal 2.0.

Woman with the penis.

Down on the list,

super gal,

woman with a man-made vagina, and then men.

So, this is kind of your Stephen A.

Smith, ESPN, power rankings.

Sure.

I used to have a bit where I said woman with a penis, but now when I do that on stage, I'm like, is that not cool to say that?

Because gives a shit.

Say it, make it funny.

I don't think it's worth it.

I mean, that's fine, right?

Woman with a penis.

Yeah, that's fine.

I don't know.

Yeah, kudos.

Say it.

Be funny about it.

Yeah, you're right.

You're not speaking from a place of

I wouldn't say it.

You wouldn't.

Yeah, because it's funny.

No, I just don't know what the rules are.

They change all the time.

It doesn't matter, but rules were meant to be breaking.

Broken.

Breaking?

Yeah.

Breaking the law.

Breaking the law.

Yeah, yeah.

Isn't it funny, Judas Brees?

No one knew he was gay, and he was like,

Here's what we're going to do.

We're all going to wear this

show on nipples.

Everyone's like, this is metal.

Yeah.

Have you seen Heavy Metal Parking Lot, the documentary?

About people that go to metal concerts?

No, they're in the

lot at Meriwether Post Pavilion in Maryland at a priest and Dawkins show.

And then there are girls, and it's all like, of course, mid-Atlantic accents.

Oh, I love it.

If they're like, if I was with Rob Halford, I'd jump his bones.

The guys or the girls?

Girls.

Yeah, they had like no idea.

And then there's a really funny one where it's a guy making out with his girlfriend.

He's like, like, she's 14.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's really good.

It's a really, really good.

It's on YouTube if you guys.

We used to be a proper country.

Yeah.

You know?

Well, I was actually, I was watching the last Christmas video of getting in the Christmas spirit recently.

And it's so funny that like George Michael, they like cast a girlfriend for him.

People are like, oh, look at that.

That's just a, that's just your average pimp.

That's just your average.

Man, look, we look at him and see him act and we know he loves pussy.

How did he die?

What happened there?

Did he have AIDS?

No, I don't think so.

I mean, maybe.

Yeah, you're right.

It's funny when sometimes gay guys will die, but not of AIDS, and it's like surprising.

Yeah.

I felt that way.

The guy that made Brent, the guy that made Rent,

he didn't die of AIDS.

Yeah, but his whole thing was AIDS.

Yeah, his whole thing was AIDS, but he died of AIDS.

It's not that he's gay.

It's that he made the AIDS play.

He made the the AIDS play.

Yeah, yeah, was he gay?

I don't know.

I think he might not have even been gay.

Hmm, he was just

a cool fella.

Yeah, well, that was annoying.

He's the guy with a wife and kids.

Honey, what are you working on upstairs?

That was annoying for me.

Fantasizing.

I mean, right now,

he's working on his musical.

When my mom.

Hey, what's your play about?

He's like, it's about dinosaurs.

He's got a lie to his family.

When my mom passed, it was three months into COVID.

And

I had the thought almost immediately where I'm like, it's annoying that people are going to think it's

that she's a coward,

that she died of the.

This is a fake death.

Yeah, like she was.

Well,

she was copying.

She was doing the popular thing.

No, it was a brave brain cancer.

And then

they had to take the, you know, all the glory.

Yeah.

All these old people.

Did they count it as a COVID death?

No.

Because that happened a lot.

It did.

What are you talking about?

Yeah.

Patted the numbers.

Did they?

Do your research.

Where did you get that?

Where was that from?

Where'd you learn from?

Yeah.

Total.com.

No,

multi-communist.

Volt.com?

Gorgasm.com.

Gorgasm.

Did you ever hear that one?

I got it from E-Fucked.

I got it from E-Fucked.

Dude, Dude, E-Fucked brought so many

ships together.

I remember.

Is that where they had like a...

What's the...

It was like fucked up porn, but the edits were unreal.

Like, do you remember the girl?

Do you remember Rocco when he fucks that girl in the ass and then he makes her

blow him for his shit on his dick?

And he's like, and she's like, no.

And he goes, come on.

He's all needed to smell.

He's crazy.

He truly was a man of passion.

Rocco Ciferetti, the male porn sports.

Yo, you know, there's a documentary on him.

not, I haven't seen it.

What's wrong with you?

Yeah, I don't know.

You're not a man.

You're not like practical.

That's my dad never taught me.

I mean, it was just on I never learned about there's a documentary about him.

Yeah.

And the way he talks about fucking is just like as if like, it's like one of those like chef's table, like Netflix documentaries.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like the passion he has for fucking.

Have you seen in the beginning?

He's in the shower.

It's black and white.

The water's going slow.

And he goes, I knew from an early age I had the devil between my legs.

Yeah.

And he talks about how that old lady,

that old lady sucked his dick when he was a little kid.

That's right.

Yeah.

What is that story?

It went nowhere.

He's like, and then

I was hard.

It was like his grandma or his grandma's friend.

Yeah.

And there was a guy that...

There was a guy that I worked with.

He was like, we were talking one time and he goes, yeah, I got my dick sucked when I was five.

But

his babysitter sucked his dick.

I'm like, you know.

So many of my friends were molested and they pull it off as like

a brag that like, yeah, I got, I fucked when I was 11, the babysitter.

I'm like, Derek, you were molested.

Yeah.

But is it worth it telling them?

No, I don't think so.

Right.

If they think that they were a pimp and they don't live with like the shame.

The shame and like that they have to be in therapy about it.

If they're like, it was awesome.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, but that can lead to very wild behaviors as an adult.

And so like you're seeing how they act it would be nice to connect the dots but if maybe that's why you grab women on the street

and okay so yes but if my in that case then there's some repressed whatever yada yada but let's just say you're just your average Joe and you got your dick sucked at eight yeah by a 17 year old

in the bathroom stall I mean in my in my family there the family legend is my grandfather was very poor yeah and so his family had to take boarders into their home

and rent out rooms.

And

what I was told, I don't know if it's true, but when he was 12, he fucked a 22-year-old secretary.

Okay, well, everyone's like, grandpa's pimp, yeah, cool.

I don't think he was hitting, I don't think he was grabbing

I would have loved to have sex with like my English teacher or you know, the lady that worked at the doctor's office.

I don't think that it would have been thrown it out there, no one was taking it.

I don't think it would have broken me, and that's no, like, I'm not diminishing sex crime, right?

But, like,

yeah,

is it right to tell someone, like, no, you're actually,

you're damaged.

You've been damaged,

you've been damaged ever since then.

I think that that's probably not a nice thing.

Yeah,

but if here's the thing: if they're making fun of you for something

and then yeah, and it's a good comeback to say that they were raped.

Yeah.

Okay, so I don't think it's the, I don't think that's

yeah.

If it's a good snapback, then it's fine.

And by the way.

Yes.

No, I don't think that's very nice.

And, you know,

it's tricky territory speculating on that.

Sure.

But I always thought it was cool.

My grandfather.

Yeah.

Yeah, why not?

What's cool back then can stand alone as cool and be something that like you don't have to condemn, but you can be like, well, we're not going to do that now.

You know.

Yeah, of course,

the society changes and and the rules change.

That's why I wouldn't say a lady with penis because I don't know what the rule is.

Right.

You know?

But also, it's like

if you're coming from a dated place,

then what would you call her?

It feels a little dated to say the lady with a penis.

So what would you call her?

A woman.

A woman.

She's a woman.

If

she wants to be a woman,

you know?

Why do you have to say with a penis?

Because that adds context.

But it does also sound disrespectful.

what's what why is it disrespectful

to be honest about what someone is well you just don't want to hurt someone's feelings certainly never but what's your joke about them then maybe she doesn't want the penis that's the thing it's like what's your joke

what's the joke good question okay guys we're gonna get back to that joke shortly timer going off

adam's little offensive time

we might be in trouble

cold turkey may be great on sandwiches but there's a better way to break bad habits habits.

Ian, you know a lot about breaking bad habits.

Guys, it is the hardest thing in the world to change.

I mean, it really is.

Fume.

It's fume.

It was fucking dicks to us.

No, no, no, no.

You're not going to say that in the middle of a read, okay?

Quit smoking?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not, no, no, it's not that either.

How you can get that?

No, it's not that either.

Okay, listen.

We're not talking about some weird mind voodoo from your crazy neighbor, Ian.

Okay, now you're smoking a cigarette.

Yeah.

Okay, just leave it on me.

Oh, my God.

Fume.

Adam, can you put the air?

Guess what?

I did fume for a minute.

It works.

Okay, Adam, we're going to give them a clean read.

No, we're not.

This is fun.

This is what they want.

Here, argue for fume.

Cut his mic.

Cut his mic.

Cut his mic.

Do me a favor.

Cold turkey may be great on sandwiches.

Cut my mic again.

For the read.

For the read.

Cold turkey may be.

Oh, I did a funny one for

Mike.

Give me the gun.

Let me keep smoking.

I didn't tell you to stop.

Let him do his jokes.

Give me the gun.

Let him do his bit.

Let me suck your dick.

No, let him do his bit, Ian.

Do the bit.

We did that joke on come to us.

Okay.

Oh, sorry, I don't know the canon of come to.

No, just do it.

Do this.

I'll do it to this.

Oh, no, no, no, Adam, your mic.

Your mic.

I'll do it here.

Yeah, do it.

Do it.

All right.

No, shut up.

Okay.

Can we get to a moment of like, let's get a couple of beats before.

Take that, Hamas.

Hey, Hamas.

Hey, Hamas.

Hey, Hamas.

It's funny, right?

It's a Jew at war.

It's an Israeli at war.

Cold turkey may be great on sandwiches, but there's a better way to break your bad habits.

We're not talking about some weird flu.

Okay.

Well, let's do a clean one again from the gun.

From the gun.

Good.

From the gun.

Cold turkey may be great on sandwiches.

Put the cigarette out and use fume, motherfucker.

Okay, cold turkey may be great on sandwiches, but this is better.

You're not smoking or your wife will keep having misconceptions.

This has nothing to do with smoking, okay?

You cannot say that in the read.

Oh.

But that's a reason why you use fume.

You want to dump in your wife and have a kid?

You do not say the word,

okay?

And I need to take that out of the episode, actually, Adam.

All right?

I shouldn't be doing this.

It's bad.

I wish I had a reason to not do this.

Yeah.

Right?

Just give me, just give me 60 seconds, and then we'll get back to the show.

Would there

be a world in which I could one day quit doing this, Adam?

We're not talking about s ⁇ , okay?

We're talking about breaking bad habits, okay?

All right.

Cold turkey may be great on sandwiches, but there are better.

There are.

I don't like cold turkey on sandwiches.

I do.

You ever have a Bobby?

Uh-huh.

You ever have a fucking Bobby from

Capriotis in Delaware?

I love capriotis.

The capistrami.

Oh, dude.

The safety on this doesn't work, that way.

You know what's really gone downhill, those wah-wah hot turkey sandwiches?

They suck now.

They used to be really, really good, and now they're trash.

They've dipped in quality a lot.

Sorry.

It's okay.

So you're doing your ad.

He's doing his hour?

Apologies.

Sorry, sorry.

Cold turkey may be great on sandwiches, but there's a better way to break your bad habits.

We're not talking about some weird mind voodoo from your crazy neighbor, like Kramer from

Seinfeld.

Oh, oh, that's great.

If I was Kramer from Seinfeld, it'd go a little something like this.

50 years ago, we'd have you hanging from a tree!

I don't think the advertisers are like that.

Come on, Adam.

You know, if Kramer had a gun that night, it would have gone down.

How would that have gone?

It would have gone like this.

I'm trying to do my act.

I heard that that was like his act, though.

Like

he would go into the church.

He's trying to do a thing about about like words.

Yeah.

Where are you going?

Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, get the gun.

Get the gun.

You don't need me?

Adam?

You don't need me?

You're not mad at me, though, right?

I was just.

No, I'm not mad at you.

It's Ian's fault.

What the fuck, bro?

What are you lighting on fire?

It's incense.

All right, whatever.

Let's continue.

Why don't you get a tattoo?

I guess I can get one.

I can take you to my guy, R D Tattoo Ridgewood.

You got to go.

Rich Fi, Daniel Strauss, Dave Matthew

Tonsia.

Oh, look who's back.

Back again.

I brought this for us because we're allowed to have it.

Oh, nice.

Dude, get fucking ripped.

That would be so fun.

You go to medieval times with your kids for this.

Christmas.

Okay, guys.

Cold turkey may be great on sandwiches, but there are better ways to break bad habits.

We're not talking about some weird mind voodoo from your crazy neighbor like Kramer from, I was going to say South Park.

I don't know why.

Who wrote this?

Did somebody James Joyce?

James Joyce wrote it.

Okay.

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interestingly enough i don't like man that's ian's oh yeah or come huh

what i can make a woman come uh-huh og 2.0 uh-huh no problem guys guys cannot make them come to save my life you can't make a guy come do you don't believe that bro i swear to god do you know how useless you feel just sucking on a ding-dong and it ain't happening it sucks

you're like this should be the easiest thing in the world why are you not yeah jizzing demariquis

that's his name the first time

The first time I used are you still doing this?

Yes.

All right, we'll finish it up.

We're trying to talk about sucking dick over here.

Yeah, we're getting to the bottom of things.

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Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Go, go.

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It's vapor.

We use the word vapor, not vape,

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Fume flavors would compare to herbal tea.

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How

I love how you're like, you're ruining the ad read, and then you read it like it's a suicide note.

Because I know, because the show, guys.

Here, I'll do it like one of your famous guests.

Can I be really good?

The one that saves it.

Who's that, Steva?

Stevo.

That was not a famous guest.

He hated it.

Here, I'll read it as Norman Finkelstein.

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and we're back to the show.

So, guys, how's it been going?

So, guys,

so we were talking about eating gas, okay?

We were talking about they're not advertising with us again after that.

It's a wrap-up.

Whatever.

You guys are rich.

No, the show is failing, legitimately.

Really?

We're probably going to be out of money in like a couple of months.

Is that why you're not paying us today?

You're not.

Maybe it might.

Well, Mike, come on.

Hey, I'm sending an invoice as soon as I get out of here.

I already sent it.

You did?

Oh, is that bad?

What are you drinking?

She's just calling Nick, like, hey, you want to get lunch?

I'm really hungry.

Fogo de Chal.

I have drinking.

So it's a holiday time, so I have a little bit of Casamigo's tequila.

This is, of course, George Clooney's tequila.

You want some meat?

You better get it.

You want to smell it?

Take it?

No.

So you're like a big, you're a big fan of Clooney, obviously.

He has a house in Italia, in Lake Cuomo.

Yeah.

Like

I've always thought that you kind of had a lot of, in your personal style, like a George Clooney SK.

Take it to the face.

Do people say that to you?

Twist it from the bottle again.

I'll sleep till I'm dead.

What is that?

Warren Zvon.

I thought it was motor oil and bombay gin.

Nah, drink it from the bottle.

From the bottle?

Yes.

Bro,

I don't want to get Adam sick.

Are you sick?

No.

Well, there you go.

I don't want to.

Ian, have you ever Shazammed your own fart and found your favorite U2 song?

That's a good joke.

Yeah, I was just thinking.

So, guys, what else is going on?

So, you have a growing family now.

You have one son.

How old is he now?

He's two and a half.

Have you given any thought to what sports you'll be putting him in?

He seems to like all of them.

All of them.

Yeah.

And

he likes going to medieval times.

But let's be honest here.

Look at your size.

How big are Deb's brothers?

She doesn't have any biological brothers, but she's got a sister.

She's got a sister.

She has a sister.

Yeah.

Who's what?

6'4, 2'8?

She's about 600 pounds.

Yeah, 600 pounds.

Shut up.

Really?

No, no, no.

What about the man in her family?

What kind of stock are we talking about?

Her dad is

old.

Her dad's like 75 years old.

Okay, so his body is old.

Yeah.

So you think Benjamin's going to have an old body?

Yeah, what kind of answer was that?

I don't know.

I should find out.

I don't know.

I have a lot of friends that have young families.

There was a bit of a baby boom around COVID, around the time Ben was born.

And some of my friends are like, yeah, we're going to NBA.

I'm like, we are Jewish.

Like there's no way.

You have to be realistic about what sport you put him in.

And then you have to psychologically manipulate him and destroy him from within.

Yeah.

Kind of like Earl Woods.

Like, yeah, I was talking.

I was talking about this recently with Jamel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is he having a kid?

Does he have a kid?

Tiger?

No, Jamel.

No, no, but I'm saying we were talking about what we want for our sons.

And I'm like, I'm not,

my boy's not going to NFL.

He's not going on Sundays.

You think you're going to have a kid?

Absolutely.

A son.

And he's not going to be trans.

No.

Good luck with that, pal.

That's the best Adam's going to do.

It'll be like, you know, when like kids, you can tell kids are gay.

Tam's kid is trans.

He'll just

start grabbing scissors and just putting it towards his cross.

No, no, no, no.

We got to keep the scissors away from Adam's son.

Stopping their shirt construction paper.

We're saying you're gay.

I'm not gay.

You're saying my son wants to remove his penis.

Have you ever thought about if you're trans?

Have you ever thought about like, I've never had that urge to be like, I'm a woman, but sometimes I think, would my life be easier?

I did.

For your career.

Put on my grandmother's jewelry as a kid.

You did?

Yeah.

And that was fun.

Yeah, my mom had to hand me up like a girl.

Yeah, and that was fun.

Dude, my parents would dress.

My dad would dress as a woman and my mom would dress as a man for Halloween.

Yeah, and I think that's fun.

Done some once a year.

No, but like once a year.

But that's like a kind of a reverse Freud, right?

When I was a little boy and I'd act and I'd be whiny and

my parents would call me Ianetta because I was being a girl.

Really?

And

they dressed you as a girl?

You know, my dad let me play with her.

MacArthur was dressed as a girl until he was like 14.

Why on her?

Because he was very close with mother.

Wait, who?

That's awesome.

Yeah, MacArthur.

Who?

MacArthur's mother dressed him.

Who's MacArthur?

But if you're going to have a kid, who's MacArthur on it?

The manner like a World War II general.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, and the Korean War.

And the Korean War.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, thank you.

I didn't know if he was another one of your little friends.

He was a right-wing kind of cultural icon for a while because he wanted to keep fighting

well into North Korea.

And Eisenhower told him to turn it on.

Anyway, but

going back to the sports thing, like, listen, if you want a champion, like, you have to, I was telling Jamel this recently, but like, Agassiz's father was a degenerate Persian gambler.

Right.

And did he end up doing meth?

And wearing a wig.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But his dad would say, and I know I said this on a recent episode, but his dad would say, he'd make him as an 11-year-old play like an adult man.

And he'd say, like, if you fucking lose, our family loses the house okay you know so we that is and that's how you make a champion yeah i think i'm just not good at sports though so i wouldn't know anything yeah but you can you can like maybe for like podcasting make your kid good don't make him go into podcasting yeah no i know but but sometimes i feel like i could maybe train him to be like the greatest podcaster because i could correct all my mist all the mistakes that i made

what were those let's get it what were they yeah just over the course of you could have a couple months since october 7th, what do you say?

You could have sucked up to Europe.

All right, I'm going to make a time machine, go back to October 7th.

No, no, no.

And just tweet, go, Israel.

Well, first of all,

we have a policy on the show.

It's a wait and see on that war.

Yeah, right.

Whoever wins.

Yeah.

You know,

we have a natural survival.

You know who's going to win.

The people with the will to win.

That's right.

That's right.

And you know where the will

that is from?

You know whose quote that is?

Joe Paterno.

Yeah.

Wait, but he also said, I don't think that's happening.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't think he's more than that.

He also said, I asked someone recently, I was like, how good of a defensive mind was Sandusky?

And they were like, the best.

Really?

Yeah.

They were like, he was incredible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He got Penn State.

Yeah, like Penn State, he put the program on the map.

Wow.

Yeah, Joe Pod.

I feel that way about R.

Kelly, too.

I listen to some of those songs, and I'm like, this is, this guy is such an artist.

I was thinking this the other day and, like,

can you beep the name that I'm about to use?

Yeah.

I was at an event, and I was drunk, and

got really mad at me for saying this.

And I forgot who I was talking to, but I asked,

I was like, do you think there's a path back into society for R.

Kelly?

But I forgot that he.

I forgot that.

He's like, yeah.

He got to let me know what it is.

I forgot that he caught a little flack for that.

He caught a little flack.

But I was like, I just thought that

he liked R.

Kelly.

So I was like, you think because of like, like, because of his first album?

Do you think the MacArthur genius grant could be like,

because of R.

Kelly's tremendous genius, we have to reintegrate him back into society?

And he was like, no.

Right?

Let's bring it the cloak

dude I

was like what the fuck were you just saying to him yeah he got really mad at it that's hilarious I was at the cellar and I hurt my ankle months and months ago I was I was on the cane I hurt my back recently I'm swimming back on it and uh

was like what happened I go oh I was involved in a terrible dick sucking accident you should see the other guy and he didn't laugh not at all that's funny because not at all yeah what I made a joke like that around Hassan Minaj one time.

He didn't laugh.

Oh, dude.

I introduced Hassan Minaj on stage the other night.

I go, ladies and gentlemen, I'm so excited to bring this next comic to the stage.

He was just featured in a great article in the New York Times.

That's funny.

Give it up for Hassan Minaj.

That's funny.

Did he get upset?

No, he probably laughed.

He was non-plus.

He was probably like, no, he didn't like it.

But I do really like that the record or the

starships that

the Hassan Minaj song.

Starships who went to Skynet.

What are you talking about?

Nicki Minaj.

Oh, that's Nicki Minaj.

Wait, so that article in the New York goes around has San Minaj?

Nicki Minaj.

Oh my God.

This changes everything.

I was.

Yeah, my kid got anthrax on his head.

A-N-T-H.

This changes everything.

Yeah, I was at a bar two nights ago, and I was with two friends.

And one of them is, one of them is like...

What event were you at with

Chappelle?

Oh, okay.

I bricked heavy that night.

What called me the next night?

What does that mean?

Like

me, he's like,

every time.

No one cares who you are.

Every time

he's like, your breath stinks.

You're freaking everyone out.

Yeah, I was.

Can you just put up with that?

I mean, he was right.

Every time I talked to someone, they were like, what the fuck is this guy saying?

He's like, you bullied Travis Scott.

What?

Yeah, I bullied Travis Scott.

Why?

Were you like, oh, the buffet is open.

Don't make a stampede for it.

I'll tell this story.

I'll tell this story, okay?

Tell it.

So I went.

Let's kiki.

So I was like, shit did the show.

And then I was like backstage.

I was walking down the hall.

And who walks out of one of the dressing rooms?

None other than Jaleel White, Stephen Urkel, walks out.

Can I do that?

No.

He's dressed

swag as fuck.

And he had four hoes on him.

Good for him.

And I'm like, he's actually Stefan.

I was like, wow.

Urkel.

This is like, this is incredible.

To be honest, like, my stomach dropped.

Like, I've got.

Who's Steve Urkel?

Shut the fuck up.

Was he on, like, a...

You never saw Family Matters?

What kind of show is it?

Carl Winslow, it was like the best.

Dude, TGIF, Friday Night.

Are you kidding me?

ABC, it was Full House, Step by Step, Family Matters.

What was the fourth show?

See, I was allowed to watch Step by Step, but I wasn't allowed to watch whatever was on before.

Because it was a black family and you were.

You were allowed to listen to Eminem too, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wasn't allowed to listen to rap because it made me too hyper because I'd listen to MC Hammer and vanilla ice and just run up and down my stairs the entire time screaming the lyrics.

Really?

Made me too like,

really?

We're covering a lot of trauma today.

I got mad at my mother one time, and I played that limp biscuit song that it's a fucked up world, fucked up place.

And then she took away my stereo.

I got in trouble trying to buy.

But that's still a great, that's a great album.

Limp Biscuit's great Starfish.

You know who that is?

Huh?

It's about an that's a butthole.

Chocolate starfish butthole and the hot dog flavored water.

What's hot dog flavored water?

That's what Ian takes a little.

He has like a little nip.

He has like a champagne flute and it runs out of the he carries around a big thermodynamic

flavored water.

It runs out of his

lover's bum.

And then he's like, he's like, ooh, what has this been to?

One of those big jugs that white women carry around.

Oh, this is.

I'm getting notes of the Bronx.

This is a Bronx 1997.

You're like, I was body from sideways with hot dog water.

Yeah.

For 1997.

I can't do that.

Anyway, so I was telling a boring story.

Go ahead.

Yeah.

Sorry.

I didn't think it was boring.

No, I'm excited.

No, no, no.

He did an obvious bit, and it took you fucking five minutes to understand that he wasn't allowed to watch the black show.

And then he had to keep going.

Yeah.

Of course.

idiot.

A professional comedian.

You're fucking professional.

I thought you weren't allowed to watch it.

This is what I was saying at the bar.

I wasn't not allowed to watch it.

I just.

You didn't know Urkel then.

No, yeah, I knew it.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

He was obviously doing a bit and you couldn't.

Oh, sorry.

I believe my concept of a joke was so foreign to you that, like,

and this is what I was saying at the bar the other night, just to cut away again from the Steve Urkel story.

You're a bad listener.

I said, I said to my friend, as like an obvious bit, right?

Yeah.

The friend I was saying it to is a friend who knows how to riff and make jokes.

And I was like, and then the third friend is one of the biggest idiots we know.

And so I said, I was like, do you ever hear that thing about that movie Memento?

And he's like, what?

And I was like, the whole time is going backwards, right?

And my friend, and then Steven, who used to edit the show, is like, that fucking changes.

everything.

He didn't know me.

No, no, no.

He's like doing a, he's like riffing back.

He's like, that he didn't understand it.

And then our third friend is like,

you work in film, man.

I cannot believe.

And he got so like, it became me trying to do a bit at him and then him, like, clearly the mark was the third person.

And it took forever.

And that's how Ian just acted about the show Family Matters.

Anyway, yeah, but that's like when your friend that doesn't do comedy thinks a joke is lying.

You know that friend?

Where they're like, they're, they like, like, I was with my buddy from like grade school.

We're driving.

He goes, he's showing me around San Francisco and he's showing the different stuff.

No, I'm, here's, here's the thing.

I'm gullible.

And And he goes, he goes,

that's the site of the first Trader Joe's ever.

And I go, really?

And he goes, no, you idiot.

I'm joking.

And I'm like, that's not a joke.

That's a lie.

Yeah.

Like, what's a joke that I trust my life?

That's not what I was doing, though.

No, he was doing a joke that his family allowed him to watch

step by step, but not Family Matches.

I didn't pick up on it.

I was like, I'm not a filthy divorced family.

I didn't pay for a sinning

divorced family.

I didn't pick up on it, and that is my bad.

That's right.

Imagine like

your mom seeing Steve Urkel and being like, I just don't like these jazz men.

Like,

right.

This hip-hop style jazz.

Dude, I dressed up as Steve Urkel.

Me and my best friend wrote a sketch for our talent show in 1992, IHM.

I was Urkel.

He was Carl Winslow.

Blew the roof off.

Really?

Yeah.

Did you do that?

No.

Didn't even cross our mind.

Really?

Swear to God.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yeah.

Nice.

What?

Blackface?

Yeah.

But then in college, me and my friend dressed as Serena and Venus Williams, and we

did.

Cut our penises.

Juice back.

Okay, so I see Urkel and I get.

You got canceled for that.

I get so nervous.

Cut your penises off for Halloween.

So I get really like starstruck and nervous.

The last time I felt that way was when I saw Dice at the stand five years ago.

And I was just like, oh my God, it's him.

You know?

But he's also got like hot chicks with him and I was like wow this is so he is Stefan I was like this is amazing yeah and then I say to my girlfriend I was like I can't I can't believe it's him I said Matt McCusker was there I was like did you see that he's like is that fucking Urkel and like we were like all freaking out and then finally I was like I just shook his hand I was like

Mr.

White,

I almost said Urkel.

I was like,

it is an honor.

Like, I'm a massive fan.

And, like, I took a picture with him, him, and

he's like, doing this.

And so then I keep walking, and I walk into this dressing room, and Travis Scott is there, and I'm still buzzing off of.

Did you tell him you met Urkel?

And then I just walked up to him.

I was like, yeah, and Chappelle's son, I guess, likes the show.

So he's like, you want to meet him?

And I was like, I guess, okay.

And then, so I was like, yeah.

I was like, bro, did you see fucking Urkels here?

You say Chappelle?

No, to Travis Scott.

I shook his hand and I was like, bro, did you see fucking Urklos here?

He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what's up.

That's what's up.

And I was like, I was like, I can't believe it, dude.

And he had girls on him.

I was like, he really is Stefan.

That's great.

And I was like, do you like that show?

He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like,

do you think he ever got pussied off of Laura on that show?

That's

what I said to him.

And he was like, looks at me like this.

You should have been like, when you got all of you, he said pussy nowadays.

No, no, it wasn't that.

No, he's just like, I feel like if you're like just meeting someone and goofing,

that's like normal.

Yeah, that's a fun thing.

You should have said to him, Hey, when you were responsible for all those people dying, you know, you should have said, did I do that?

That would have been funny.

That would have been funny.

Wait, but

yeah, but I bet you wish you had a time machine, buddy.

Yeah, but then Shane.

That would have been perfect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shane walks in and sees it and he sees like Travis Carr like this.

And maybe like, do you think he got pussy off of Urquhall?

And he's like, screaming.

And then he looks at me.

He's like, Adam, what are you doing?

Yeah.

He's like, why are you bullying Travis Carr right now?

That's so funny.

And I I was like, it's a normal question.

It's a normal question.

And he's like, oh, on the show, on the show.

I was like, yeah, that was my fucking question, dude.

Yeah.

I'm going to Colin and Scarlett's Christmas party tonight.

But when I opened for him at the beak and she was there, and I, right before the show, I went to 7-Eleven and got a bunch of snacks.

And I was like, Scarlett, I got some snacks if you want them.

That's nice.

Yeah.

And she was like, oh, yeah, let me get some of that warm cheese that you have.

Did she say that?

Yeah.

She was like making fun of me.

Yes.

That's great.

Off the phone, you're doing a show.

No, no, I had an important text, but it was fun.

Oh, I bet.

It really is.

When are you going to lay pipe with me, Adam?

Who's that?

That was nice.

Adam, I need to get.

Adam.

When are you going to jam me out?

That'd be funny if that's how she actually talked.

Yeah.

Adam, I need to get Adam.

I need you cock.

She's talking to Adam Sandler's mom.

Yeah.

They're all going to laugh at you.

Um,

yeah, so how's that going though?

Good with my girlfriend, yeah.

It's great.

I mean, it's an Italian girl, good oh, it's great,

you know.

She doesn't talk to the feds, yeah.

You know, she's I didn't know she was Italian.

No, she's a quarter Italian, her last name's Italian.

Okay, what is it?

Tell the camera, what fagaduccio, yeah,

flapi pus.

The craps, the craps,

No, it's going very well.

Very nice.

Diaz to charge.

I got her a very nice Christmas gift.

She bet.

Would you get her?

She'll respect me for her.

Oh, speaking of Christmas gifts, why don't you tell Adam what you got, Deb?

What do you mean?

That picture you sent me the other day.

Was it your dick?

Should I?

Would you get her?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, well, I don't think she's going to hear this, but I forget where I was, but I was fucking dying, dude.

Really?

Yeah, it was great.

Well, she told me that for Christmas, she wanted a black waterproof backpack.

So I was at the airport in Des Moines on Sunday, and

I saw the backpack, the exact backpack that she wanted, and I shoplifted it.

It's the airport.

Yeah.

Yeah, you should.

Yeah.

It's not shoplifting.

But why do you tell?

I stole.

I stole it.

You robbed the person.

That's the difference.

Yeah, I stole it.

Shoplifting is taking from a shop, Adam.

Well, no, it was a shop.

It was a shop.

Oh, I thought it was someone's bag because of the airport.

What are you insane?

I am insane.

I thought you saw a bag.

You just took it.

Get out of here.

You thought I took, just dumping out like tampons?

You took a street shot.

Get out of here.

Bag it, bag check.

Oh, that is sexually insulted.

Good for you.

That's good.

Fuck the airport.

Well, yeah.

And then I got to get this.

She put me in charge of stockings.

So now, so yesterday I was going around trying.

I'm like, what's all the small, what's like small bullshit?

Oh, that's nice.

But you're spending like 200 bucks on stockings.

Well, you know what?

Like a loofah, like gum.

Gum?

Yeah, a pair of scissors.

That's nice.

Yeah.

No.

Stockings are for little things.

Yeah, but you got to fill them with stuff and you end up like gunning a lot of little useful things.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

You have to do skincare shit for your wife.

In the stocking?

Yeah.

But that's so expensive.

Yeah, but also at the same time, exactly what's going on.

So much skincare, they need other stuff too.

No, no, no, no, no.

But if it's a little bit of girl, if it's girl

dude wipes.

You got her loofah

to clean her pussy.

Yeah, you can use these too.

They say dude wipes on them.

You can use them on there.

Excuse me, dude.

Come on.

I went around today.

Listen to this.

This is bringing it back to last time.

I went around today and got my yearly candy to give all my little shops in my neighborhood.

And

I'm

dressing as Santa Claus, and I'm going to give them out.

The Chunky Cheese, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because me and Jordan did our Christmas episode.

She was a Grinch.

I was Santa.

So I have the Santa outfit.

So I'm going to get some jingle bells.

I'm going to go around and give them to everyone.

I'm going to my tattoo shop.

I'm going to all little places.

I'm so excited.

Isn't that nice?

I don't know.

Where are you going?

Huh?

Where are you going?

What stores?

Baby Blues, Winson.

You do have some kids in your life that would love a present.

I do.

My best friend has kids.

What are you laughing at?

You met Ben.

Yeah.

Oh.

I am.

All right, so

let's talk Christmas memories, okay?

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I'm new to Christmas, right?

So I've only been doing it for four years and I love

it.

It is the best.

Yeah.

I'm new to Hanukkah.

I'm Jewish.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

I found out from 23andMe, Ashkenazi.

So last year I lit a menorah at my mom's house.

Wait, how much?

Set the kitchen table.

How much Ashkenazi?

Like 12 to 14 percent.

From your mom's side?

And what's what?

Where's your pro you're Jewish?

The north.

Northern Italian Balkan Ashkenazi.

Wait, wait, but what about

where does your mom, what about on your mom's side?

From her mother?

Yes.

And where did it come from on your grandmother's side?

From her mother?

What?

From your grandmother's mother?

From my grandmother's mother.

You're Judaism.

You're literally Jewish.

You know you're Jewish.

It was.

I know.

I'm Jewish.

Yes.

No, it's not about Hanukkah, but you're actually...

No, it's bad.

Oshkenazi.

No, it's bad.

No, it's bad.

No, it's good.

No, Ian, when the Holocaust starts again, you're going to the camps.

Yeah, and

I'll be the fucking bear Jew.

I'm fighting my way out to save you, busy.

Bear Jew?

No, I think more of an honor.

I'm going to do it.

I'll be the twin Jew.

I think you're more of a.

I will suck our way.

I think you're more of a.

I created a nice little alliance with the Arabs, so they're going to let me.

I'm going to be sick.

If it comes down to it, you're going to be aware of it.

You might.

No, they're not winning.

It might go the other way.

No, you got to go shine away.

Wait, so Ian, you're just Jewish.

That's why you suck.

Why I

don't suck.

That's nice.

It actually feels good.

Huff it.

Do a huff.

No, I'm not.

10 seconds.

Don't enable.

This is what sober people do.

They all like enable.

They're like, call the guy, get a bag.

You should, dude, if you guys did Coke right now, it'd be so cool.

No, we're not going to do Coke right now.

We would die.

No, you wouldn't.

It's all got fentanyl in it.

Get it from someone you trust.

Actually, that's a bit.

That's a joke.

Ha ha.

I don't like people doing that around me because I'm scared something's going to happen.

Yeah, it's not fun.

Beyond that, people are just, you act annoying.

Yeah.

You might kiss a girl on the lips.

That's not how people imagine.

I went to a holiday party this weekend.

My friend told me that he that he's, when he gets drugs, he's been getting it from the Chinese.

And he said,

they send texts.

They're like,

sometimes it's a boy, like on literally on a city bike.

Yeah, yeah.

And they said, did you get boy?

Like, find boy.

Like, the texts are all like, take picture of boy.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

They say, boy.

Did we have a little boy delivery coming?

No, no, no.

They have.

Try to get in his ass.

You're going to get it.

They haven't confirmed that he found, but

they haven't confirmed that

they found boy.

Boy?

Yeah, why?

The child that they go to sell the drugs with.

Maybe we take that out too.

I don't know.

No.

We have a lot of cops that listen to this.

We say it.

Guys, do you think it'd be funny if when I die,

let's say I kill myself, right?

No.

And everyone's like, oh, that's what a, what a fucking idiot.

Like, what a life, you know.

Keep yourself.

It's cut short.

But I ensure before I kill myself that I have a will and it's like ironclad, right?

And my family can't see the will until after the funeral.

And I make my lawyer

insure me that there will be a radical Muslim cleric doing the funeral for my entire friends.

Just like one of those guys, no English.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All Arabic, just like, and the, you know, the finger wagging.

He's a finger of death.

He's screaming at my family while they're grieving.

That's pretty funny.

That's very funny.

Let's get a head start on that.

Put a gun in your mouth.

We'll figure it out.

Don't kill yourself.

When's the last time you went to a church?

Funerals?

For a funeral.

But were you confirmed in the Catholic faith?

I was, yeah.

It's terrible, isn't it?

I don't like Catholic masses.

What did you guys have to do for confirmation?

You pick a name.

You pick like a confirmation name.

You don't like it.

You pick Donatello Luigi.

Yeah, yeah.

What was your confirmation name?

Francis, after Francis of Assisi.

Because he was like the coolest saint because he could talk to animals.

Oh, cool.

That's right.

The do a little of saints.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

What would your confirmation be?

My Catholic name?

Yeah, you just pick a different name.

Probably.

I named myself Pius after the pope that

turned

a blind eye to the Holocaust.

Yeah, to the Holocaust.

Yeah.

The one that was like,

nothing in front of me.

Padre Pio.

Padre Pio.

Oh, that guy was cool.

I used to wear a capillar of his.

What is that?

Capuolar is like basically like a relic that you keep on you.

Were you confirmed in the Catholic Church?

What name did you use?

What name did you?

John.

I forget what they make you do.

It's just like.

If you go to classes like CCD where you learn shit.

But they're like,

you got the oil on your head.

Yeah.

It's fucking dumb.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

So it's not like a bar mitzvah.

It's not fun.

It's not fun.

No, a bar mitzvah is like a huge, wonderful party, like an extension somewhere.

We didn't have enough money for a wonderful party.

We had a lunch and my bar mitzvah theme was an argument.

Everyone.

Now, that's a joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My friend David, his bar mitzvah theme was a haggle.

My friend David, his family was involved in the subprime mortgage,

you know, whatever business.

And

he had his parents get him a white tuxedo.

Okay.

And he had it at the Four Seasons.

And then he kicked out all the parents from the dance party an hour in so we could do freak dancing.

What's cool?

We were freaking grinding.

Oh, grind drink.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Those were the tens.

That was a fun time.

Yeah, it was a fun time.

Oh, my God.

That was a good time to be a kid.

Do they still do those?

Probably full sex now.

Yeah.

I mean, with the meat.

A lot of the Gen Z is kind of like prude.

I don't think they're doing it.

I don't think they're.

They don't fuck.

They don't fuck.

And I doubt they're grinding on the business.

Young guys don't eat pussy anymore.

Really?

Really?

Wow.

Like, Uncle June?

Yeah.

Yeah, nice.

No, Uncle June ate pussy and he got

bad for that.

Yeah, they're like, they're more classic men now.

They're like, eating pussy is cringe.

It's giving gay.

It's giving kind of gay.

It's giving weakness.

What are you talking about?

Drink up, man.

I can smell that.

Get it away from me.

I had one and I feel completely drunk from it.

Yeah.

Do you?

Put it over here.

Get loose.

You ever miss drinking, Ian?

You just did it in in conjunction with cocaine, right?

No.

You just you drank first?

Was it mainly cocaine or was it mainly drinking?

Mainly, it was drinking.

Cocaine came later, but it was wake up, drink vodka, crystal palace, $11.99, half gallon.

Cocaine helped you drink more alcohol, probably.

Adderall did.

Adderall did.

Cocaine was just a thing to do.

Really?

Yeah.

It's not that fun of a drug.

I mean, it sucks.

Having it's better than doing it because you feel like, yes, I got it.

And then you do it and you're like, oh, whatever.

I guess I got to get more.

Well, yeah, no, but like having it and the looking forward to it was amazing.

But you're also

coming up with business ideas with your friends that the next day you wake up, you're like, you suck.

Bro.

Yeah.

Now, I don't miss drinking because my life is so abundant today.

And I'm very grateful for that because I think back to the behaviors I had when I was drinking.

It makes me not miss it.

I do not miss the way I behaved when I was drinking.

You did a lot of Michael Richards style behavior?

Like what?

Like walking into Jerry's apartment.

I did the worst things.

I reversed my people.

It was a mess.

You're so earnest and you say the worst things when you're on cocaine.

And like I remember I was I was on a lot of it once and I was.

Were you on it the other night?

Because you said some pretty bad things.

When?

And I didn't see you the other night.

What party you were talking about?

When you went up to Travis Scott and you're like, you think Urkel slammed Laura?

I think that's a pretty normal thing to say to someone, actually.

Yeah, also

Travis Scott to like get

him for not being like

in it to laugh with you.

That's just you say that to another lad.

You meet a lad.

Yeah, you say that.

Exactly.

What am I supposed to be like, oh, I loved your song about what sexual assault or whatever?

Yeah.

Yeah, what even are his songs?

I get these good moments every time.

They come around.

He sucks.

Whatever.

Beyond that,

one time

a trash Gen Z, but it's like, they don't eat pussy.

Their music sucks.

Yeah,

they're all in the fucking.

It sounds like computers going through a breakup and girls like whispering while they make soup on the bus.

Enough of this.

We sound like, oh, what's with us with the hippity hop?

I mean, that's what we sound like.

Now we're allowed to have opinions, and our opinions are correct.

The music coming out today sucks.

Yeah.

Except for there's a lot of really good hardcore bands that are out.

Okay,

so

one time

I'd taken a

and I I went to the delhi by my old apartment when I lived in Bushwick.

It's New York.

We call it a bodino.

A bodain.

Okay.

So I went, and there's this Yemeni guy, and he's there.

Hey, it's New York.

He's there every day.

Undocumented immigrant.

No, no.

I think you've told me this story before.

Yeah, yeah.

He worked like 364 days a year.

I was like, are you here every day?

I was like, how many days

you take off last year?

And he's like, 364.

And I was like, what do you, I was like, you took one day off?

He's like, yeah, I was sick.

And I was like, are you, are you like saving a lot of money?

Like, are you stacking?

And he's like, no, I'm just sending it mostly at Yemen.

And I was like, oh, my God.

Is everything okay?

And he's like, yeah, everything's chill.

I was like, no, there's a U.S.-backed Saudi assault on the Houthis in Yemen right now.

And like, I was like telling him about the geopolitics of his own country.

And then the next day I woke up and I was like,

I was like, Jesus.

So you were on Coke when you were doing that?

Yeah, of course I was on Coke.

Yeah, I do that normally.

Yeah, I get out of your mind trying to tell a guy.

Can I get some stigs?

Can I get some stigs?

Yeah.

There's a U.S.-backed Saudi assault on the Houthis.

And the guy's like, do you want to chop cheese or not?

And he's like, all right, dude.

That's great.

So embarrassing.

Adam, what do we have an hour?

I'm going to use your boner pills.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What?

Take your boner pills and get that.

I'll take it.

Brad, an hour?

Okay, guys.

All right, we're at an hour.

Brad, what hour?

We're going to to save the good stuff over on the Patreon.

We're going to save the good stuff on the Patreon side, guys.

You can switch over to Patreon.

We're going to get another full episode with the original Cass of the Adam Freelanch Show.

Thank you, boys.

And I'll see you guys on Patreon.

Hey, January 14th.

Oh, wait.

Can I plug in?

Yeah, come on.

I'm in Tampa also the 19th and 20th.

I'm at Sydney.

Eanfidance.com, BEM with Jordan.

Patreon.com slash BEM Pod.

And if you live in Minneapolis, I'll be at Sisifus Brewing Company January 26th.

It's a great venue.

Go to SisyphusBrewing.com for tickets and check out my podcast, Out for Smokes, with Sean McCarthy and Scott Chaplin.

That was great.

You didn't have fun?

No, it was great.

Yeah.

I just, I remembered I, one second.

I got to take a pee pee.

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